Author Topic: Wail o' the week  (Read 9385 times)

sKePTiKal

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2012, 09:34:38 AM »
Quote
Things that others can take for granted about life and family and relation is Mystery to me.

Me too Starlight.

That can be a real depressing and self-condemning thought for me tho'. So I try to follow that up with:

"at least I'm thinking, reading, trying to learn..."  -- because people who take things for granted usually don't think about those things much. In fact, they probably weren't all that consciously aware of their opinions and habits as they developed them -- they just learned by osmosis... like kids learn their native language. Unexamined - they're going to have as much "negative stuff" in those areas they take for granted... as we might have questions, lack of experience, and yearning for the nirvana that we THINK those experiences are.

Couple years ago, I ran across a "recipe" for well-being - it was the conclusion of some studies by social psychologists, I believe. They were saying everyone NEEDS - Autonomy (boundaries & sense of whole self), Self-Efficacy (belief in one's own competence), and Connection (relationships and feelings of caring; being cared about). Those are the three "main ingredients"... and everything else is the spices & extra cheese or whatever we use to "customize" that well-being. It's like ground beef, onions and garlic... that could be the basics for Italian, Mexican, Cajun, or even 50's midwest potluck dinner casseroles...

hmmm. is it too late to eat breakfast?
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Meh

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2012, 05:02:30 PM »
It's okay guys. Sometimes I just express and my questions are not always literal questions just my expression of where I am at.

Hugs (((HOPS and Phoenix))) You guys really are generous with your kindness. Thanks for listening. 

Meh

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Hops
« Reply #32 on: January 25, 2012, 06:27:33 PM »
Hi Hops, How are ya doin?

Hopalong

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #33 on: January 25, 2012, 11:03:41 PM »
Vewwy wewwy weawy.

D left her little poor starved kitty with me and I'm allergic but he's been through hell and back (the "friend" she left him with for 2 months, with permission, etc. -- literally starved the cat). So he's weak and lonesome and I'm coming home every night to feed and scoop, clean up, and then cuddle with him because I can't bear not to. He's eating more but it was such a shock. Former portly cat looked like he'd been liberated from a Nazi camp. And...I'm allergic to cats, so I am uncomfortable. But I'll deal. I love him too, and it's a way of loving my D.

BTW, my D was SWEET to me while here this time. One brief spat over leaving a kitchen mess, then a few hours later she brought me a lovely hot meal she'd made, and we started talking about the cat.

She's off back to NC for some of her mental health appts., and I am so very glad she's doing this. Was painful to pick up a copy of her hospital receipt from the trash and see "HOMELESS" as her official classification. But she's starting to do more active things and I still have hope. She'll be back in a week.

Nodding off...more later

xo
Hops
« Last Edit: January 26, 2012, 12:23:59 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #34 on: January 26, 2012, 09:27:07 AM »
Hon, it sounds like you need someone to come feed, clean and snuggle YOU!
Hope you get some rest.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #35 on: January 26, 2012, 12:22:07 PM »
Thanks, PR--I do need more rest but I can also see another reason you said that!

I have gone back and edited out the multitoooooodinous typos in my last post.
(Quite surprised me this morning...noticed I'd signed it "Mops". Hmmm...)

I have to NOT post once I've taken an Ambien!
Literally looked like "drunk writing."

Snort. And from an "editor."

Hops
« Last Edit: January 26, 2012, 12:24:22 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sea storm

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #36 on: February 05, 2012, 04:41:44 PM »
Dearest Mops,

So glad you are wining, sniveling and complaining and not being your staunch, brave, survivalistic and brilliantly capable self. Good to hear it. I think deeper, longer and more active complaining is in order. Beats getting cancer or having a heart attack. Serious wailing for shorter duration really helps fluff the clean laundry of the mind. Basically, your mind is full of clean laundry.

Your daughter is on her own path. Trying to help really bugs her. It makes a wreck of you. I wish for you peace and contentment.

Love,
Sea storm

Hopalong

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #37 on: February 05, 2012, 08:26:00 PM »
Thank you, (((((((Sea))))) --
I always, truuuuuly, appreciate encouragement to wail!

Hugs, and thanks...

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sea storm

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #38 on: February 09, 2012, 03:07:39 PM »
Wow! you are actually dating. Good for you. If it is like looking for a job it takes a hundred nos before a yes.
I tried dating and met the most amazing group of eccentrics and pretty crazy people. Example: one guy refused to buy furniture for his house to get even with his ex wife (??????) and the only thing he had was a lawn mower. Another guy had 10 cats. Another guy was a really scarey prison guard.   I came to the conclusion that I could not order up a life mate like i do a pizza.

Well those guys who blew you off did not realize what a precious treasure you are.

Sea

Hopalong

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #39 on: February 14, 2012, 09:20:14 PM »
Well. Well. Another man in my life saga....
my D's blessed sweet cat, who got starved by a "friend" she left him with...down to fur and bone, poor thing. She was desperate, asked if I could take him for a week. (I'm allergic, have asthma, and am showing the house so the realtor says, kiitty's gotta go.) It turned into 2 weeks, 3, then 4. I kept asking when she'd come get him, and she'd say, "later." I felt tricked and trapped. I fattened him up and loved him, cuddlng a couple hours every night. Uncomfortable but endurable. He is so sweet. But his loneliness weighed on me every morning and night...he needs company. That sorrow added stress.
Long story short, I told my D couldn't keep him, told her over and over, and then for a while was angry--not so much the stress and added labor, but feeling like my soft heart for animals was being manipulated. She'd abdicated responsibility but it's still an animal I also love.
Realtor stepped up the pressure and I decided to try to find a foster place for the kitty here in my town. Whole bunch of effort, chuch's FB page a friend posted for me, etc. Finally, one of my closest friends called up and said never mind all that, I want him. Hers will be a perfect safe affectionate home for him.

My D called in a near-rage (your Friend is not keeping my cat--I just don't have a way to get there.) I don't know if it's just gas money or whether something's happened to her car. Anyway, my friend wants to keep the cat, but we agreed on giving my D a deadline of the end of the month to reclaim him, or it'll become a final adoption. Friend was clutching him (triggered old losses of her own) and my D is outraged (and not grateful). So I've offered D two dates before the end of the month when I could bring the cat to meet her at a halfway point. Waiting to see if she'll be able to function well enough to get there.

Other wail o' the week is having thrown myself into a huge project I was assigned (which is very outside my bosses' comfort zone but very important for the company to get to its next stage -- anyway I really poured on the effort and skill, and it was narrative and he speaks spreadsheets only, and didn't really understand its structure or the pupose of the content...so in the little meeting (me, my two new young male colleagues who have basically been respectful--Nboss looks ar the first huge section draft I had produced and says, "When I read this, it made me want to gag." Wow. Quite a putdown. Totally demoralizing but I'll find my personal motivation to continue the effort anyway.

I felt kicked in the gut. Respect has been so hard won there, and to have him speak that way to me in front of them was humiliating and embarrassing and, well, disrespectful. Sad to see that Nboss is still the woman-dissing thing he's always been. Makes me very sad because I keep forgiving and re-forgiving and the cycle is misery-making.

Hops
« Last Edit: February 15, 2012, 12:22:16 AM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

finding peace

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #40 on: February 15, 2012, 01:44:15 AM »
Dearest Hops,

You have been my anchor through many a bad spot.

You have taken care of so many, including those of us on this board.

Just as you had your mother’s best interest at heart, for so many years you subjugated yourself for her.

When does Hops get to live for herself rather than everyone else?  

Maybe just a week to step back and take care of you instead of everyone around you?

You deserve that; more than deserve that.

Can you give yourself a vacation?  

Time where you can say, OK, enough, I am going to give this week to me?

IME, it is worth taking the time to reccharge.

Can't express how much; love you Hopsy,
Peace
« Last Edit: February 15, 2012, 01:46:54 AM by finding peace »
- Life is a journey not a destination

sKePTiKal

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #41 on: February 15, 2012, 07:33:36 AM »
I'm sorry Hops... the way that post started, I was hoping for a little cupid action in your story. I'm truly sorry that it's the SOS from the same old NBoss. Not afraid to say what he thinks, is he? I'll keep my fingers crossed that the two young'ens are part of the new breed I'm seeing who have pretty strong values and detest bullying. They'll have the testosterone to stand up to NBoss, if they are invested in the project... maybe not to their benefit, but because they think it's the right thing to do. Those kids are definitely out there and I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed and secretly smiling about how they'll manage things when we're old & feeble.

I think you've held up your end of the agreement about kitty and even gone above & beyond. Even your solution about fostering the kitty is extremely fair, a really good compromise... and how that finally falls out is completely up to your D. Please don't let thoughts of disappointing her or anticipation of more anger from her stop you. It's the best thing for you - and kitty.

Here's some good news to think about: a friend of my D's was in the drive-thru lane at a fast food place with her son. The car ahead of her, paid for her meal... so she did the same for the car behind her. I think that is a pretty cool Valentine's tradition to keep going.

Peace gave you some good advice - even if you can't get a week to yourself, you really need to carve out some time for self-nurturing, re-creational stuff. Maybe an hour at a time to start?


And here's a big hug to give you permission to take that hour off!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HOPS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #42 on: February 15, 2012, 07:43:06 AM »
Hops:

I guess there comes a point where you might just have to smile and give a little mental finger touche check in the air when the boss throws a zinger your way.

You can give him marks for performance.....

"Wow, pig.... made you want to gag?  Really?  Gag?  A little off your game today.  Could've used more colorful language, like, "made me want to upchuck my red and green moo goo gai pan lunch all over this report," and so on.

He really is predictable, and the more adult/responsible/professional you are, the more petty/misogynist/unprofessional he likely appears.  
You.  Smooth, unruffled, and always professional.  

Him?  Behaving like a toddler in the office.  

Res assured, he's not always sweetness and light with everyone else, all the time, when you aren't around.  

About your d, I haven't seen any updates in a while, so I'm just glad she's back on her  feet, gettin feisty about her cat.

It's a frustrating situation, but it sounds like things have moved in a positive direction, despite kitty's predicament, which seems to be improving as well: )

Thanks for the update.  I've been hoping in your direction.

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #43 on: February 15, 2012, 07:45:26 AM »
Oh, oh oh.....

Good luck selling the house, Hops!

It could happen: )

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Wail o' the week
« Reply #44 on: February 15, 2012, 07:57:30 AM »
Thanks, guys!
I just gave myself a "sick" day.
I guess "not feeling well" is honest enough...I feel fairly sick at the thought of seeing Nboss today, so I'm going to stay home and get some extra rest. Haven't been sleeping well, or exercising. So after lolling the morning away, I'll take a walk in the park too.

Thank you for encouraging me to take care of myself.

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."