Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
update - NC broken but will be maintained
Ales2:
NMom went to get advice on the business venture. She comes back with some suggestions that were irrelevant to me and when I told her she was undermining me, she tried to invalidate my feelings. (Basically, she wanted to arrange something where she would OWN everything and I would RENT from her, how crazy Nist is that?) She attempts to control and undermine at every opportunity. When I propose something that would help my independence (invest in a small business), she's completely opposed to it, without seeming to realize that shes fostering dependence. She can't let me go and uses the financial nonsense to control and manipulate.
I called my T and asked him to meet with her. Its being set up - I dont think he can really help and he's aware that I have low expectations, but she needs to go in. She's probably only interested in that because I told her that our relationship is OVER several times and I'm beginning to think she knows I mean it.
Anyway, as I said before, I need to find another job to finance myself and this business venture entirely on my own and KICK this N to the curb once and for all. I'm working hard at that but have not yet seen results.
To be continued.......
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Ales2 on May 31, 2012, 02:08:13 AM ---NMom went to get advice on the business venture. She comes back with some suggestions that were irrelevant to me and when I told her she was undermining me, she tried to invalidate my feelings. (Basically, she wanted to arrange something where she would OWN everything and I would RENT from her, how crazy Nist is that?) She attempts to control and undermine at every opportunity. When I propose something that would help my independence (invest in a small business), she's completely opposed to it, without seeming to realize that shes fostering dependence. She can't let me go and uses the financial nonsense to control and manipulate.
I called my T and asked him to meet with her. Its being set up - I dont think he can really help and he's aware that I have low expectations, but she needs to go in. She's probably only interested in that because I told her that our relationship is OVER several times and I'm beginning to think she knows I mean it.
Anyway, as I said before, I need to find another job to finance myself and this business venture entirely on my own and KICK this N to the curb once and for all. I'm working hard at that but have not yet seen results.
To be continued.......
--- End quote ---
((((((((((((((((((((((Ales2))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
Ales2:
Thanks Bones.
Okay, here is the prescription I have set for myself:
Respect myself/Remain NC - both verbal and financial
Get a sufficient job - deal with my finances - finish my writing projects - buy a home
renew my faith (just the common kind that believes life WILL get better)
forgiveness (believing that my feelings can change, so I wont remain bitter for my losses)
have a resource list to seek support as needed (this board and 3 other sources)
manage my depression/anxiety/pms/insomnia stick with workout program and lose weight
renew my connections, hope to meet someone and have more fun, plan a vacation
I can read countless more books, learn more things, but none of those lessons end up being the right "prescription" for me. I'm posting this to be accountable and hope to see results soon.
Thanks to all.
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Ales2 on May 31, 2012, 09:11:28 PM ---Thanks Bones.
Okay, here is the prescription I have set for myself:
Respect myself/Remain NC - both verbal and financial
Get a sufficient job - deal with my finances - finish my writing projects - buy a home
renew my faith (just the common kind that believes life WILL get better)
forgiveness (believing that my feelings can change, so I wont remain bitter for my losses)
have a resource list to seek support as needed (this board and 3 other sources)
manage my depression/anxiety/pms/insomnia stick with workout program and lose weight
renew my connections, hope to meet someone and have more fun, plan a vacation
I can read countless more books, learn more things, but none of those lessons end up being the right "prescription" for me. I'm posting this to be accountable and hope to see results soon.
Thanks to all.
--- End quote ---
I like your prescription!
Bones
Ales2:
I'm blasting rule no#1 - remain NC. I booked an appointment for my NMom to meet my T. Despite what I complain about with him he is a good guy and smart - I dont have big expectations, I just need him to see her and maybe get more an idea of what I deal with and how I should handle her better. That said, I'm pretty sure he knows my intentions are to remain NC with her, not to reconcile in any way. Any work done might be for her to just get that idea, since I doubt she wont ever understand it, she will just have to accept it. I have no idea what he will tell her but maybe hearing something from him would be helpful.
Anyway, not sure if this was a good idea, I'm afraid it might backfire or stir up more trouble.
One thing I am noticing - being assertive is great and all that but there are some people who are prejudiced or stubborn to the extent that attempts at conlfict resolution cause more trouble and should just be avoided. Not sure that is the case here.
We shall see.
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