Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on June 21, 2019, 12:41:45 PM
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I'm overwhelmed, predictably, but moving forward. At least I feel that today, despite worker with truck blowing me off. The yard look s like a bit of a dump just now, and needs a day's worth of attention, or more. Pines need cut down. I have access to lovely palm trees through local botanist and conservationist artist historian I reconnected with. He gave me and my girls and Auntie P a walking tour about 14 years ago. Since then he's written books, and built an oden to the ocean and it's creatures in cement and found treasures. I love his museum/home. He has a garden he shares and gifts his knowledge. Implanted oregano plants yesterday after digging good soil from interior of island. The pine needles make the soil acidic and that's a bad thing for planting.
The cottage is in pretty good shape, and I have someone I believe can handle the Airbnb business as boots on the ground. She has a good reference I trust, so fingers crossed.
The yard and trees are vexing me....so so hot. So buggy when wind dies down.
I really liked the new T. She's stripped all the thinking my way out of this box away, and addressed the problem amygdala from my lower brain.
I've felt like the devil's chasing me for 15 years. Just bc it got a bit better I felt like I could handle it, get over it, be strong enough to beat it back. I really notice the thrum of distress in the background, running like a record in my nervous system. I think this T is a piece of the puzzle. I really connected with her.
The journey continues.
Lighter
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Oh Lighter, being chased by the devil is a feeling I understand! Are you back at the beach house now or is it home you're talking about? I hope the yard gets cleared, wherever it is, and I'm glad it seems that you have found an AirBnB person to sort things out for you xx
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Lighter, that is such good news about the new T.
I'm sorry you still have to worry about the island cottage. Hope the B&B is soon up and running and will prove worth it. Is the cottage still up for sale, and the B&B just a placeholder plan?
Fingers crossed,
Hops
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It's the island yard, Tupp. Much better now, but whew boy.....a roller coaster of emotions, and many surprises.
Will update when I have my feet back home. So many good and unexpected negative things to unpack.
Hops, I've been breathing into my blue dots, and pushing on walls, which is super helpful when feeling the urge to DO Do DO!
I'm profoundly grateful to have the new T's help. She's really nice, and usually I talk and the Ts cry. Not the case with this one. She seemed to have answers, where most want to help, but feel helpless...... that's my take anyway.
Lighter
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I just couldn't deal with property that far away from "home" Lighter. It would give me whiplash, feeling like I was always at and working on the wrong place - and that the other one needed me. I don't know how you do it.
I guess there's some strong "meaning" or memories to the island?
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No strong meaning or memories, Amber.
Just a financial investment I'm going to preserve for my children, and hopefully enjoy with them, and the rest of our family. It's possible my siblings will build and improve the property, and we'll share it.... build a compound of sorts. The South island is being improved, and there are indications things are getting better. Of course, there are things, like the partially burnt down electrical station, that say otherwise, but I'm doing my best.
Right now it's all work. Has always been all work for me. Other people play though. Other people have enjoyed it, so I know it can be done. I bought patch kits for the big raft with motor. I've never been able to motor around the water while there. This will be a gamechanger, and my brother is working on ways to get the raft to the water from the sea can, without damage. The last time they took it out, with 2 people carrying the great large thing, they tore a hole in it on sharp coral rocks.
There's water and ice machines at the end of my drive now, more or less. I used to have to walk, take cabs, and 2 ferry rides to get water..... now ICE AND WATER CHEAP HERE! WHoo hoo!
Lighter
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Wow LIghter, it sounds like a sort of Robinson Crusoe escape island home! It's amazing how we can all take things like water for granted, and amazing how you can be somewhere surrounded by water but not have any to drink! Maybe you can end up running it as a sort of recovery retreat for people who want somewhere quiet to knit themselves back together (is it quiet there? I've always assumed it's quite because it sounds quite out of the way). It will be lovely once it's all done, I'm sure, can you see an end in sight now? Or do you think it will be one of those constantly ongoing projects that always has something else to do? xx
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Oooooohhhh Tupp. Yes, owning property is an ongoing struggle against mother nature's natural bent to take over. Whether mountains or oceanside. The trick is knowing when the effort is "good enough for now" and you can actually take that time to just enjoy the place and it's magic, and the results of your efforts. Sharing it with others is also a benefit of the efforts.
Lighter and I are kinda working on the same kinds of projects, just in different settings. Maybe when she tires of hers, and me of mine, we can trade for a bit! Maybe we should schedule some Amazon gathering on the island or here? (Dulles Int'l Airport handles British Airways flights, Tupp. That's a couple hours from me.)
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Would absolutely welcome company, or a trip.... the Island NEEDS people staying at the cottage. A trip, if possible with this gang, would be SO WELCOME!
I know I'd love to see your farm, Amber: ) All those projects, and plans... very exciting.
Right now I'm feeling OK about the island, bc new gal handling stuff seems to be on the job. She sent pictures, and the kitchen is back in order, the outdoor kitchen area was installed, and the sofa taken apart, nad put back together, if I didn't update that yet. This means she's showing up, letting workers in, and closing up.... tidying, organizing, cleaning. Honestly, writing that sentense about reduces me to tears. It could have gone so bad in so many ways.
The awnings need to go up, and pine trees need to come down. That's the big stuff left to do, I think.
I'd be honored to host or attend an Amazon gathering: )
Lighter
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Would absolutely welcome company, or a trip.... the Island NEEDS people staying at the cottage. A trip, if possible with this gang, would be SO WELCOME!
I know I'd love to see your farm, Amber: ) All those projects, and plans... very exciting.
Right now I'm feeling OK about the island, bc new gal handling stuff seems to be on the job. She sent pictures, and the kitchen is back in order, the outdoor kitchen area was installed, and the sofa taken apart, nad put back together, if I didn't update that yet. This means she's showing up, letting workers in, and closing up.... tidying, organizing, cleaning. Honestly, writing that sentense about reduces me to tears. It could have gone so bad in so many ways.
The awnings need to go up, and pine trees need to come down. That's the big stuff left to do, I think.
I'd be honored to host or attend an Amazon gathering: )
Lighter
She sounds great, Lighter, it's such a help when you have someone who can just get on with things and not need to be told what to do or hand held through every process. I hope she carries on getting things done; it would be nice for you to get this to a point where it isn't a huge amount of work for you.
Yes, imagine a Voiceless retreat! Would probably have to call it "No-one ever stops Talking" instead, lol, can you imagine! Gosh what a lovely idea to hang on to. I hope the work goes smoothly now (or as smoothly as it can; it does sound as if getting things done easily is difficult just because of where it is and getting supplies and so on). But I hope it goes as smoothly as it can now.
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So, the flight attendant on Toronto leg saw pics of island and commented. Turns out she's from town where I was born AND she wants to go to island on vacation with work mates.
I told her I'll give her a deal BUT she has to gently point out problems, then give me a good review. She's way on board, and ready to refer tons of travelers asking her where she goes!
Seemed like fate.
Now I have to finish website, and get this airbnb show on the road.
Lighter
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Handyman finished putting up kitchen ceiling fan, re building sectional sofa, and installing sun shade awnings over back patio, and space between cottage and guest house. I sent money yesterday, sans 200.00 to weed eat yard twice a month.
The "renter" asked for the keys to the sea can so he can weed eat the yard. The thing is, he never takes care of the yard, but has access to all tools, which he sometimes keeps in his house, which I have no keys to.
THIS IS A PROBLEM, and I don't trust him to do the yard work. Renters are about to begin arriving, and the yard needs to be kept up.
This means I
1. Reassure renter I trust him, but find he's not been reliable enough to keep keys. His sister will be that person going forward, and that will have to be that.
2. If he wants to continue staying at the guest house he needs to keep the beach clean of pine needles, the drive clear of garbage, and for goodness sake THE SPACE AROUND THE HOUSE clean of garbage. Sometimes it looks like HE's the one littering around his space. It's cultural, not just him, so that means the road is littered... disgusting. The beach always has stuff washing up, sometimes cool stuff, but mostly water bottles, and flip flop sort of stuff. It's not beautiful. It robs the beach of it's pristine glory. It's a problem.
So, that means I'm 200.00 in the hole, along with the high electricity bill, and he's not paying rent, which honestly, he should be doing.
I don't want him to get his feelings hurt to the point of doing something stupid. He USED to have all the keys, and access to tools, and that's changing. I have to figure out how much of a change. I mean, he used to pay rent too, but fell behind, and seems to never have money, sometimes not enough to have minutes on his phone, or to help with his mother's health bills, etc.
This is worrisome bc it costs him nothing to live.
I have to figure this out, today, and phone him.
The good news is I met a flight attendant on the way to Toronto who's from my little town in Ohio. We clicked, and she loves the cottage... is planning to go in September with friends, give me a good reveiw, and a list of things that need improvement as she sees them.
I'll give her a deal, and she'll send folks she meets on flights... they ask her where she goes, and where they should go. She thinks she'll send me tons of people, and I'm hopeful. If she goes in the fall the bugs will be better, and it won't be so darned hot. All seems lined up as well as it can be, IMO.
Once the electric grid is back up consistently, S (housekeeper), will be offering homecooked meals, and cocktails to guests as an option. I think she's great, and I love her majestic stature... she's a true Amazon, with lots of experience, and I don't think anyone's going to mess with her. A woman who commands respect, and gets the job done is a glorious thing to behold.
She also lives just up the street, and passes by the cottage at least twice daily. Will be close by in bad weather, which is important. I feel pretty good about this.
Now, to deal with her little brother.
Lighter
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The flight attendant and housekeeper sound great, Lighter, the brother, not so much! I hope you are able to find a way to deal with him. Has his sister got any nuggets of wisdom where he's concerned or does he perplex her in the same way? Great to hear that you've got so much done there and that the end is on the horizon xx
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Sister seems to be the kind who jumps in, and does things herself... to MAKE them OK.
I haven't discussed her brother, beyond NOT giving him keys to the cottage again. I told her "just you" have keys to the cottage now, and she looked perplexed about that.
I'm not sure about honest discussions around her brother's short comings. I can 100 ways for that to go badly.
I'm more interested in problem solving, and going forward with solutions.
Like..... telling her little brother needs to do A, B and C every week, and particularly before guests arrive, so the Airbnb is successful for us all. He can't keep up with trash and beach cleaning if he lets it slide for weeks. It just gets too big a job, and he does other jobs as a priority.
If his sister tells him, weekly, and holds his feet to the fire... maybe things will be OK.
I have anxiety around this, and will do some work around it before making decisions.
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Lighter, would a little web cam or two help you feel more on top of how well he's performing the job?
Likewise, can you make clear that pay comes after such inspection of results, not automaticallly?
Hops
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Ugh. This sounds to me like more trouble brewing Lighter. Too easy for misunderstandings to happen. But it's worthwhile to you, so....
A simple written agreement, that brother will do X, Y & Z... on this schedule. With additional tasks, as needed would make sense. Make it like a jobs list for a kid that gets posted on fridge. Very simple and straightforward. The sister holding the keys is wise, but not foolproof. I think you know that already.
I just don't have the patience or forbearance to take on something like that. More power to ya, Lighter. For me, it was better to consolidate in one spot - and even then, there is a LOT to do that I'm not physically able to manage in the heat, myself. We're making a good bit of progress around here, but that feels like pulling teeth sometimes.
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What did your SIL do with it? Did she sell it? I wonder if it's better managed, has stable electrical grid, and more popular bc of the Vacation Resorts.
Sometimes I think I'll put a little boat shed on the property next to mine.... which has no registered owner, and absorb it. Sometimes I think I'll put it on the market, and just get out. Sometimes I think I can make it earn enough to pay for itself, hopefully go up in value, and be a place where the kids go to unplug, fish, and dive in nature, with little distraction.
My brother's apparently getting a boat... maybe 65 feet long, and thinking of ways to turn a profit with it. If he does, that will do two things. 1. Make it easier to get things to the island. 2. Provide chances to drown in the Atlantic.
Lighter
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OK, the cone will miss our island, for sure. I'm so relieved, I can't relay the relief. So much relief.
Other Bahamian islands look like they'll get pounded. I'm hoping people get out, and stay safe.
The Carolinas, and some counties in Georgia are lining up to take a hit.
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I'm very glad it looks like you're going to miss the storm, Lighter. And did laugh about your brother's boat giving people chances to drown :) Lol, let's hope everyone can swim :) xx
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Dorian's now a Category 5 and "pounding the NW Bahamas" -- which I so hope is out of reach of your cottage, Lighter....
I'm really glad you came back to your US home. Safety matters most.
Hops
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Glad you didn't get stuck in the storm while obliviously fixing a roof. I would hope that cell phones in the area get some kind of alert like equivalent to an Amber alert. For some people it's totally possible to avoid any news for days and days. Anywho. Really seems like there have just been tons of hurricanes past few years.
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G, people who unplug for days (completely) start to tune in the subtle cues of their environment... so one would notice the absolutely gorgeous, low humidity, clear sky, high barometer pressure of the type of day that precedes the approach of one of these storms.
Then, the growing overcast, shift in wind direction, sinus pressure... etc. So you'd still be able to read the weather signs and have a "heads up".
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My leaning, broken seawall was displaced a bit more, but the cottage is safe and dry.
Everyone on the East coast stay safe and dry!
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My leaning, broken seawall was displaced a bit more, but the cottage is safe and dry.
Everyone on the East coast stay safe and dry!
That's a relief, Lighter, I'm glad it's still standing even if the wall will need a bit of work now :) xx
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Whew! This is incredibly good news.
And what incredible luck, given the devastation elsewhere.
Wow. And whew again.
Hops
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The entire subject, cottage, location, dead and injured people, devastated other islands that missed by the skin of my teeth.... just dumb luck really, this time... is exhausting.
And the sea wall getting knocked about is a reminder that the water's coming for the shoreline at some point. If I don't get that seawall in, and pretty quick, I'm gambling with fate.
And, even if I do put up that sea wall... who's to say the roof wouldn't have come off in that hurricane, for surely it would have. I have need of tactical breathing when I think about it.
Another good, if small, piece of news is the bar at the end of the drive is open, and operational. It's just a small place, with light wood U shaped bar, but it's a PLACE you don't have to taxi to, boat to, or walk a mile in the heat to.
This means there's a simple restaurant, store, water, ice, marina, ferry boat, and bar within walking distance of the cottage, and the housekeeper's got a car. I didn't know she had a car. That's great... she has a car! carrying 5 gallon bottles of water up and down the drive wasn't a very pleasing job.
Lighter
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That's good news Lighter - that your island missed the worst!
The eye shifted to the soundside of OBX at Hatteras - Ocracoke was under so much water they were airlifting supplies in and some people out - and then the storm scoured all the way up the sounds, finally heading out to sea just north of where I used to live. This was the 3rd storm in about as many years to follow the same path.
Avalon Pier on the beach, lost about a third of it's pier in this storm; one of only a few wooden piers left in OBX. Heard there are about 200 trees down in my old neighborhood again... and of course debris/damage to soundside back yards and docks.
So, about like Irene again. Fortunately the storm's forward motion was picking up speed that far north and it didn't hang around long. Buck had about 18 hrs of storm and I'm still waiting to hear how bad the damage is at the shop; tree down on the office and water came up a little bit.
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What's the shop?
I used to go to Avon...was it that pier? One of my favorite places, out at the end of it. So sad.
I love the OBX and was thinking of you when I saw the news of damage there.
Climate change is here and people on the coast are going to go through this hurt again and again.
I kept thinking how fortunate it is that you and Mike enjoyed it while you did and you got it sold when you did. The hurricanes are getting worse. I'm sad for the OBX but glad you're out of there.
Hops
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Let us know how the "shop" is, Amber.
Lighter
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The shop is where Buck works; I'm guessing that it wasn't all that bad - I've not really heard anymore about it. He's a mechanic and builds/works on motocycles. For now.
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Buck.... who works on motorcycles. It just seems right, Amber, lol.
My sib is going to the island this week, and I'm scrambling to get things together for the trip. I really wanted to send silicon gel packs, but that doesn't look possible at this point.
I did get the beach towels, and wash clothes packed to go.... and the one coverlet I left in the dryer for the King bed. They're taking the ferry, yuck, but it's a good way to carry stuff. Planes are super expensive, and super limiting.
I'll likely pick up a generator from the local hardware store when the next boat comes in. Or sib will pick it up, along with a full length mirror. I've been asking for one for weeks now. Maybe on this boat. I can't see how a relatively inexpensive portable generator would be helpful, bc A) It would have to be fastened somehow, and locked in place, and 2) It would require gas, someone to start it, and stop it daily when renters are on the property. I don't have anyone available willy nilly when the power comes and goes. It's a PITA, but I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to puzzle out how to make this thing work. I'm grateful I still have a puzzle to puzzle over, honest.
Lighter
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Well, it's a serious investment - but I swear by propane fueled, whole house generators. Now, the amount of electricity needed for everything has to be calculated so that you're not wasting money on anything too big; or undersizing it so that you can't keep the fridge going at the same time you're cooking... and you need to able to anchor/bury the propane tank.
In your situation, I know there are larger portables. It would make sense to have it adapted to run either gas, diesel or propane. You may not have much in Kw needs there. Add some solar panels and batteries to the "backup" system... and you might be alright. But yes, as you pointed out, you do need someone on-site to maintain it.
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I have a card for the island generator supplier. Will see how things work there.
Sub ready to build smaller cottages and build business. It makes me feel vulnerable, and anxious.
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I would feel that way too in your shoes Lighter.
Do those feelings invite you to reconsider your effort and investment there, or does it still feel like a good direction for your time and energy?
I have confidence you'll consult your inner self and come to the right answer, whatever it is, which is yours to claim.
Support and calm...
Hops
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I'm inviting my feelings on this topic, Hops.
I have to make peace with the fact there's no good answers, IMO.
I feel like a cat with a piece of ham on it's face. I can't find a way around the problem just now.
Lighter
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You will, Lighter.
I love that you're respecting your intuition.
The answer will come.
Hugs
Hops
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I've never been to the island in the winter. I think it feels like sunny fall weather. Easy to work in.
I'll consider cleaning out the shed, and shewing out the crabs to make a rustic sleeping quarter for 2 or 3 since the cottage will be full up. I don't know if it's sturdy enough to hang hammocks, of which there are three. Seems very pirate esque to write that out. Youngest DD is not down with sleeping out of (cottage) doors... she wants a hammock in the King room, or livingroom. I'm thinking oldest dd and I will be in the shack together.
If that goes well, I can have plumbing, a bathroom and electric arranged. We can air-condition the space, put a little loft in for sleeping, and tiny kitchen.... maybe. I might love sleeping out like that... with the Atlantic providing white noise. I honestly don't know if I'll love it or not. I know I have everything I need to give it a try.
I think the new beams between kitchen and dining rook are perfect for 2 hammocks, leaving one space to walk between rooms. If it's easy to set up, with fasteners left in place, anyone can pop them up when needed. I think.
Lighter
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I've never been to the island in the winter. I think it feels like sunny fall weather. Easy to work in.
I'll consider cleaning out the shed, and shewing out the crabs to make a rustic sleeping quarter for 2 or 3 since the cottage will be full up. I don't know if it's sturdy enough to hang hammocks, of which there are three. Seems very pirate esque to write that out. Youngest DD is not down with sleeping out of (cottage) doors... she wants a hammock in the King room, or livingroom. I'm thinking oldest dd and I will be in the shack together.
If that goes well, I can have plumbing, a bathroom and electric arranged. We can air-condition the space, put a little loft in for sleeping, and tiny kitchen.... maybe. I might love sleeping out like that... with the Atlantic providing white noise. I honestly don't know if I'll love it or not. I know I have everything I need to give it a try.
I think the new beams between kitchen and dining rook are perfect for 2 hammocks, leaving one space to walk between rooms. If it's easy to set up, with fasteners left in place, anyone can pop them up when needed. I think.
Lighter
Wow, an outdoor pirate cabin sounds amazing, Lighter! Would be a great option for families with older kids, who could bunk outside together in their own den away from the grown ups :) It sounds lovely :) Is all the difficult and endless work with the cottage done now or are you still having to sort a lot out with that? xx
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Hi, Tupp.
It feeeeels like the slog work is over, but then I've never really had a chance to work AND play, so.... it's going to feel great no matter how much work has to be done.
If I can grind all the rust off the roof, clean it and seal it this trip....
if I can get the shed ready as a sleeping quarter (and sleep in it.....)
if I can fish, swim with the dolphins, sharks, and rays....
if I can finally visit the shark lab.....
if I can stretch on the beach, look for sea glass and large conch shells....
if I can find the materials list for finishing the shack I'll be laugh'in: )
I notice I didn't think about all the work of feeding 10 people, cleaning up after them, or keeping them happy. We need to be adults, clean up after ourselves, find things to do on our own, and share cooking duties, which is how it should always be.
I sure hope I like sleeping like a pirate.
::nod::.
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We have our first booking at the cottage, and it feels pretty good. I'm still figuring out how to pay the manager, and get things done from here. The Cable's out, for instance, and I can't get a straight answer by phone (or understand a word, rather) so I said YES twice on the phone, then was hung up on. Sometimes they say one thing, and it's not at all true, which used to make me very anxious and feel incompetent. Now it's just another little problem, and I don't internalize blame around it: ) It's just how things go on the Island. Sometimes they go very well.. I have to remind myself.
The caretaker will go to the phone company and ask about it tomorrow. He's out of cable too, so he's motivated.
Need to bring a better grill... the one there still has that Dawn Of The Dead look we're trying to get rid of. I think the renter found it washed up on the beach.
Other than that, I'm looking forward to packing this trip. Will pare down items in the cottage, streamline the information packet, and labels.... I think things are already pretty good.
So, ya.
Renters.
::nodding::.
Lighter
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We're leaving in the morning, heading into 22mh winds in a little seaplane. Hmmm.
The internet service is out. No one knows why at the phone company. The crews don't work on rainy days... it's raining today. It was raining on Friday. They don't work on weekends. They don't work on holidays. Hmmm.
My "renter" knew the internet was out for weeks... but didn't report it. To me or the phone company. He waited until my brother was there. He waited till my brother asked about it. Renter uses the cottage internet so he knew when it went out. Hmmm.
I might not check in much over the next week.
I hope everyone has a nice holiday: )
Lighter
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Oh Lighter, it's frustrating when people don't do simple things like just let someone know something isn't working. I hope someone gets something fixed at some point and that the first guests enjoy themselves :) You've done well to get all of that done. Hope you have a great holiday :) xx
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Water went out just after fish dinner clean up. Still no water this morning. Turned out someone dropped a big rock on our side of the government connection. We had everything but the glue, but resolved within the hour.
Everyone went out on boat yesterday afternoon....it was a chilly ride on way to resort then oddly warm on return. I was dreading that return ride.
Brother asked man to snap our family photo and we struck up conversation. He'd come in the night before on 10 foot seas and was still in shock, bc it beat the he'll out of him, his galley table ripped out, everything on the boat was thrown around and everyone but him puked.
He and brother compared crossing notes.... Brother was in open boat with 5 people and tiny dog....no one there up, or went over.
The man pointed to his yacht and said he had one gal puking over the rail he sent downstairs bc he didn't want her going overboard and dying....she just vomited on the cabin floor. The guy was really angry at his captain and had good comedic timing. Sounds lie he's going to need it, and maybe a new captain. Maybe the waves were closer together or something.
Lighter
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Wow Lighter those sound like scary seas! I'm not good on water, I'd be refusing to go in a boat ever again after that! Not least because I find the sea so unpredictable and it can change so fast. I hope everyone's alright today and the sea is a bit calmer when they all go out again. Hope you get the water back on fairly quickly. Did you sleep in the hammocks in the outside building or is that bit not finished yet? xx
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No, Tupp. I didn't sleep in the shed, but a Frenchman is staying in the cottage down the beach without power. He has a hammock with a bug net, which is what I would of had. My brother checked into a condo where he's keeping his boat just down the beach. There's room to breath.
I've enjoyed fishing a mile or less offshore. I always lean toward land no matter what water I'm on. Fishing is great, but I have lots to do.
Brother brought 4 bikes, and I got a lesson in aging today when my thighs decided they were done after a ride into town. I was so happy to reach the phone company I got off the bike.....tried to run with it and park....the left leg just crumpled. I rolled, landing flat on my back. I could see people shuffling to help and had to decide how to handle it. I was completely unharmed so I popped up and, raised my arms and celebrated as intended with a happy "I did it!" Meaning biked to the phone and bread companies. It does suck to get old, we all agreed.
Martial Arts teaches you to roll and displace energy when falling. I'm better at that than riding a darned bike.
I have so much to do, and a whirlwind day of activity, meeting with people, finishing projects, catching the 2 hour fast ferry, a 9 hour stay at hotel before flight, then home again where house looks like a whirlwind hit it.
Packing for the island is always difficult. You pack. Repack then seriously edit a few hours before the flight. I was still 66 pounds over for the second flight, but was ok, bc almost empty. Only allowed 30 lbs each on a full flight. Looking forward to zero baggage going home, but not looking forward to the ferry ride. People get seasick. Boarding sucks. Getting off sucks.
I really should have brought more of those do not eat packets to keep drawers dry.
Very tired now. I hope you're doing ok.
Lighter
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I got the flu somewhere on the trip. Fever. Chills. Aches in my bones, muscles, teeth, skin.... sometimes it feels like someone is hammering a big nail into my brain.
Yesterday I was sleeping or wishing for the relief of sleep. Today I started feeling better after my second dose of Dayquil... around 2pm. Sometimes I feel like I have a filter over my vision. just very out of it, and miserable... with a cough.
I'm sure I'm a walking petri dish. Youngest dd is freaking out, and asking for a flu shot bc so many people are dying from the flu this year.
I look forward to catching up on the board soon.
Lighter
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I got the flu somewhere on the trip. Fever. Chills. Aches in my bones, muscles, teeth, skin.... sometimes it feels like someone is hammering a big nail into my brain.
Yesterday I was sleeping or wishing for the relief of sleep. Today I started feeling better after my second dose of Dayquil... around 2pm. Sometimes I feel like I have a filter over my vision. just very out of it, and miserable... with a cough.
I'm sure I'm a walking petri dish. Youngest dd is freaking out, and asking for a flu shot bc so many people are dying from the flu this year.
I look forward to catching up on the board soon.
Lighter
Aw, Lighter, I hope you feel better soon, I hate feeling that unwell. It's very all consuming. I hope it starts to ease off soon and you feel better quickly xx
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Thanks, Tupp:
I felt well enough to keep a dental appointment.... needed to replace a broken-down filling.
Oy..... it was very tough at first.
New female dentist with tiny fingers. Aside from feeling hit by electricity during the Novocain shot, everything went better than expected.
I'm definitely on the mend, and youngest dd got her flu shot.
The sign went up at the end of the drive at the cottage. The new ext light works. Brother cleaning out sheds and cleaning up the landscape.
A single gal renter booked the cottage and said she kept going back to it again and again bc there's nothing like it on the island. She loved the artist's retreat vibe, and I'm excited to get that kind of feedback, bc it's what I was going for.
OMG I made the mistake of turning on the news for the first time in 2 weeks. I'm deeply sorry I did.
Lighter
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Yeah, I know Lighter. About the news. The bit with the most immediate impact for me, is a few inches of snow this afternoon. So, for everything ELSE, it probably doesn't affect me personally - and so I'm not going to fuss over it.
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Thanks, Tupp:
I felt well enough to keep a dental appointment.... needed to replace a broken-down filling.
Oy..... it was very tough at first.
New female dentist with tiny fingers. Aside from feeling hit by electricity during the Novocain shot, everything went better than expected.
I'm definitely on the mend, and youngest dd got her flu shot.
The sign went up at the end of the drive at the cottage. The new ext light works. Brother cleaning out sheds and cleaning up the landscape.
A single gal renter booked the cottage and said she kept going back to it again and again bc there's nothing like it on the island. She loved the artist's retreat vibe, and I'm excited to get that kind of feedback, bc it's what I was going for.
OMG I made the mistake of turning on the news for the first time in 2 weeks. I'm deeply sorry I did.
Lighter
I hope you carry on feeling better, Lighter, and well done for attending the dentist. Very difficult when we already feel ill to put ourselves through more! Glad it was bearable and I hope no more for you to deal with coming up. The cottage sounds lovely, I'm glad the renter likes it so much and that you're getting so much done to it again.
Yes - I am in blinkers on, avoid the news mode. Too many people causing too many problems xx
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OK. Upcoming trip to the island, this time traveling by 33' boat with brother.
I feel good about it. I feel like I'll put many projects to bed AND have time to stretch in the sun and sleep on the sofa with the wind blowing the drapes around.
Paint Lincrusta wallwaper... looks like old fashioned tin ceiling tiles.... distress it, add layers of paint and hang on bathroom ceiling damaged by water leaks. That would be so nice to not see cheap wood bubbled up. Some caulk and repairs on wallboards damaged by water.... it was like the walls were crying 2 trips ago. Or was it 3?
Finish caulking corner area in bunk room, then paint. THAT's where the interesting pee smell was coming from. I think it was wet insulation from a different leak. All leaks were fixed, but new guys working on roof after I left. They might have done more damage than good, but i wasn't there to check, so.... will hope for the best.
Clean dining room chair upholstery.... I've been wanting to DO that for so many trips now. They've been through a lot. They'll go through lots more when I get my hands on them. If all else fails, I'll paint them.
The seawall has to be moved forward. We'll decide whether or not to send a small machine in on freighter to sell to Marina or send back. I want to do a cement wall. Will see. Will contact owners on either side to see if they want to share costs and do their property too. Would all save money AND our shorelines.
Golf cart will be brought in on boat OR we'll buy one on island to skip the tax. Will see. Whatever happens there has to be copius amounts of grease applied consistently to keep it from rusting into the dirt.
There are decisions around employees, and contracts to be signed or not signed.
We have kayaks and bikes to offer guests now.... maybe the raft with electric motor can be as well. It had a rip,but was fixed last trip. Fishing rods to offer or not, but will have them to use... very happy about that, particularly taking raft out to spot where we troll for Queen Trigger fish just off the beach... not far from cottage. I don't mind baiting hooks with squid. Having these things is a game changer for us and potential renters. Huge to be able to get around by land and water when you want to go and not stand around waiting and looking for rides, IME. HUGE.
Will replace broken glass shelf in fridge.
Seal some of the knots bleading through paint in bedrooms, and maybe seal and paint kitchen ceiling and island... lots and lots of Zinser 1 2 3 needed for that. I won't seal and paint front room, which is all pine paneling. Pretty.
There's logistics to figure out, and rust repairs on container. Gutters to be removed, paint then flashing goes up and gets painted I guess. Flashing gets painted right? Install two magnetic screens over exterior doors. I hope they're work the trouble. Flies are a huge PITA... and I have new fly swatters to bring.
Eventually there's major repairs and insulation to be thought out and tackled in the tow vaulted rooms, but that has to be down the road. Maybe put D on finishing shed for human occupancy.... a set of bunks, yet still house the bikes/kayaks and certain necessary other items I can't remember now.
I'm very tired so going to bed. My lungs start producing crud when I get tired.
Nite.
Lighter
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Wow, Lighter, it's such a long list! I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can and that you get some time to relax and enjoy yourself while you're there as well xx
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I'm looking forward to this trip, Tupp.
Not too hot. No distractions, but the work and hammering out business strategies and logistics.
I hope I get some time on the beach too: )
Lighter
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Well the first hour of the boat ride was a bladder hammering till I had cold sweats experience.....the winds were NE so we hammered into the waves....or they hammered us. We stopped, bc a hatch broke and I crawled off the back to pee....OMG....such a relief.
I chugged a beer, curled up sideways on my beanbag and napped.....no pounding....almost smooth sailing the rest of the way.
The Frenchman is living Next door still in the house falling into the ocean, no electric or water. We had him over last night for Queen Trigger fish, broccoli w onions, and rice. It was fresh and really nice. We'll take him fishing soon.
The Australian had dinner with us the first night and tonight. The big event was a 120 foot yacht stranded on a sandbar 50 feet from my seawall. My brother yelled "I'll help you" and dashed for his boat.
Long story short brother managed to free the massive thing only to watch the guy drive it onto shore. This time brother brought a pilot on board before dragging him fee and all was well. Very exciting.
There's another boat ruined on the reef further out....right in front of the cottage...wrecked about a week ago. Not sure about the story but there's no insurance. I think the guy caring for it took it out partying and came home drunk. Odd a local would drive into the reef. It looks like it's anchored, not wrecked.
Tomorrow we tell the renter he must go. Met with another maid today and I wasn't ok....not going into that bc I've calmed down. Today was rough on team radical acceptance.
I finally asserted myself, kind of in every direction, then had a chat about it with brother. I wasn't feeling heard and that's not ok. We drove around on the golf cart to outrun the bugs and share our views, then he went fishing while I had the cottage to myself and painted zinser shellac over knotholes bleeding through paint...very satisfying work,btw.
When brother came back, he had the Aussie with him, and a baracuda already cleaned and ready to cook with 10 lobster tails. Aussie is very..... adverse to authority. Lives on his cruiser....calls Thailand home, likes to laugh and tell naughty jokes and has been banned by the wife on the sailboat docked next to him. He likes Apple bourbon and pineapple juice....it wasn't too bad. He was about to mess up the wife's neatly coiled docking lines when we saw the yacht. They, the wife and husband on the sailboat, have a dog, so disaster averted....he would have been caught, for sure.
I had to scrap several projects I cared about. Not my choice and part of golf cart discussion. I'm making peace with it but wasn't easy.
Brother super sweet to me when he got back from fishing, btw. Tomorrow I paint 2 ceilings, organize a bit, let new maid do her thing....then we troll for Wahoo.
Oh....Im not cut out for boating.....dont care a bit about it come to find, but brother adores and is amazing at it.
Super sleepy....back aching from fishing and work. I had 2 monsters on my pole the first day, but they got away.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Lighter💖
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Wow, Lighter, boats/sailing/waves/oceans - they all make me run as far inland as I can get. You are incredibly intrepid to prepare yourself the way you do and then just get on with it. I'm glad the journey settled after the initial start and I hope the journey back (are you sailing back or catching a plane now?) is a smooth one, whichever method you use!
Is the Frenchman no electric or water because he likes 'back to nature' or is there another reason? V nice for him to be invited for such a yummy dinner! Sounds delicious. I did chuckle about the guy driving the yacht into shore after being rescued by your brother :)
Is the renter the one you've had a few problems with? I hope the maid situation gets resolved. Good to keep it to one side until it doesn't affect your quiet so much. But hope it isn't too difficult to sort. And I'm glad you felt able to speak up about things you weren't happy about. Did you feel heard by the time you'd finished? Good luck with getting all the other jobs done today. I hope it all goes smoothly xx
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Oh now you're making me drool to stay in the cottage Lighter! Especially the boat ride!!!
I absolutely love boats and the challenge they pose. I'm definitely not a party barge girl. There are some tall ship sailing cruises to Bahamas I've been looking at. Passengers are encouraged to help crew. And they seem to end pretty close to your island. I was daydreaming again, last night about spending a month or so on that adventure.
Oh, forgot though - Buck can't even eat some saltwater fish with his allergy.
And now, Cinderella, needs to start removing as much of the construction demo dust in this house as possible!
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Hi, Tupp. I felt heard. I'm speaking up and feeling better. Not sure everyone else feels better, but things going ok. I guess you'd say I'm
Just caught a fish. Weather overcast. Frenchman telling stories on boat. Relaxed. Leaning into lazy fish catching no planning projects food planning breath.
Amber. Bring that man to the island and do some healing.
Lighter
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Hi, Tupp. I felt heard. I'm speaking up and feeling better. Not sure everyone else feels better, but things going ok. I guess you'd say I'm
Just caught a fish. Weather overcast. Frenchman telling stories on boat. Relaxed. Leaning into lazy fish catching no planning projects food planning breath.
Amber. Bring that man to the island and do some healing.
Lighter
Well, Lighter, I think the fact that you were able to speak up AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHETHER EVERYONE ELSE FEELS BETTER is huge - so huge it needed capitals :) Amazing. I'm glad you found your voice and finding ears that are receptive to it :) Enjoy the fishing and the relaxing. Yep, you guys can all go sailing and I'll get the lunch ready and wave at you from the beach :) Lol xx
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YES....not worrying about managing everyone's emotions is new. And I'm doing more noticing, like you, with less effort. It comes and goes.
I do feel good about being aware of my thoughts. Yesterday I got keys and tools from renter.....no problem or worries. Very proud of myself for zero people pleasing with that.
We're trolling for Wahoo and switching all poles to purple and white lures after one big hit.
Everyone happy today. We've adjusted and are better for having our say. No harm, no foul.
The Frenchman is playful which gives insight into future dating.....Im pretty no nonsense right now. Did I forget how to play?
I might work on that with T next week.
In the meantime I have plumber and lovely worker lined up to put hot water in outdoor shower, put in outlets and such for washer dryer, door we can lock on last outbuildings now housing paint, plumbing and electrical supplies......all bikes, floats, kayaks and raft in large shed, with container set up for golf cart, fishing gear and tools.....my brother worked so hard.
I painted out knot holes with shellac product from Zinzer....BIN I think it's called. The walls and ceilings lookfresh and clean....will never have to paint again. Usually do it every visit but had right product this time.
Brother changed out seals in interior short valves....no more leaking rust down wall woo hoo!
Fly screens installed. Rust on metal doors ground down and painted....it swells doors so you can't close them....constant maintenance.
We're super busy. Going golf cart shopping later, which means buying used from rental company.
Cooking fresh fish daily, so beautiful.
Lighter
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Update:
Yesterday was tough. Not gonna lie, but huge relief when it ended so looking at positives. Lots done....built door for little shed, very strong. Made out of old deck boards. David, a local who always shows up, worked here all day and is here now putting in new drip edge on guest cottage.
I finished painting in bathroom and King rooms. Sealed knot holes officially with BIN then painted again. BIN is the stuff. It's 44.00 a gallon, very thin, lacquer based and you can paint with acrylic water based paint or oils. I'm going to find a paint that stabilizes rust next. The metal doors are always in need of grinding and painting. Lots a things are.
Yesterday I had 5 ( forced) hours to sit and think, manage emotions and cope with stress. All in all I'm steadier, harder to shake up and am remembering to push on walls and breathe automatically. There was an alarm bell I literally couldn't breathe through at one point. I was so relieved when it stopped.
I've been speaking up without feeling anxiety. I didn't speak up to Frenchman when I should have.....trying to figure that one out. I think I didn't want to make things more awkward, but they are. Less awkward than I thought, but still awkward. I'm told I should say I'm dating someone to shut these things down, but lies always feel like a mistake to me. I shift into future and picture all kinds of more awkward situations. Getting caught in a lie would feel like a mark on my soul....and....why does that matter so much? I care what people think, despise chaos and really don't want to be the engineer of more confusion than I deal with regularly. And....the kind cut is the stinkiest cut, IME. No simply means No. That should be enough.
So, I wish I'd responded with "It's no and we're not going to talk about that again." Fini!
I can do that. I ended up rocked back on my heals ( fig.) defending my NO, which felt horrible. I know better than to let a guy try to change my answer. I feel better having a response ready.....am getting better at "I don't want to talk about that." Huge relief.
I realize I haven't been to the massage therapist in a long time. I'm managing with the exercises in the book PAIN FREE, by Pete Egoscue. Can't say enough goid things about it. Stretching to align joints and relieve pain.....then stretching daily to keep things aligned. Makes sense and treats causes. All for that!
My brother wants me to stop working outside and let the men be men. He doesn't understand me working alongside. I learn and save money....is that a bad thing. Someone else suggested I be just a "homemaker"....not even sure what that means so I wasn't moved to comment.
So,renter must start paying rent. Brother might have security job lined up for him at nearby Marina. That would be good, I think.
I'm holding my ground with renter....not perfectly. I had to fight the urge to feed him....I let him take an hour of my evening and I was exhausted to begin with. Later I set a boundary easily and without thinking, so things coming along.
The stars are magnificent bc no city lights. You can see the glow of Miami on the horizon.....interesting. The dark is very dark here.
Back to it.
Lighter
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What is the Frenchman doing, Lighter, is he cracking on to you and not taking your no for an answer? Do I need to come over there and kick his arse?! You should not, in my opinion, have to lie about dating someone in order to put someone else off. You've told him no and that's as much as he needs. Anything wrong with that is his problem, not yours, and you shouldn't have to lie because he's conceited and arrogant enough to think the fact that your female is enough for you to be interested in him. When you said you didn't speak up to Frenchman my mind pinged back to that dodgy contractor you had to get a restraining order against? That was a horrible experience and I wouldn't be surprised if you saying 'no' to someone triggers that at the back of your mind somewhere. It is very scary when you are with or around men that don't take 'no' easily so if there is something popping up there it would be very understandable, in my opinion.
Mmm, brother wanting you to 'let men be men'? Someone else suggesting you be a home maker? Am I wrong in thinking that you've rebuilt this blooming beach house on your own? Ferried back and forth for many months, ordering and arranging supplies, contractors, new contractors when the previous ones don't turn up, undertaken goodness only knows how many aspects of the building projects yourself, flew home through a hurricane at one point, if I remember rightly? All while looking after Ds, doing your own therapy/body work/day to day stuff, and the small matter of the deranged relatives getting in touch again not too long ago? Well my blood is boiling on your behalf, Lighter, I would politely suggest that you do what you can to get rid of these men who can only be men if the women bake cakes and paint their toenails. WTF? Forgive me if I've misread the situation but as I'm reading it I'd like to come over there and deliver multiple arse kickings, cook my friend Lighter a nice meal and then go dancing on the beach! I'm glad you got the painting finished, though, and the shed door sounds great. I hope all these people wind their necks in a bit tomorrow so that you can get on with what you need to do without dealing with all this childish crap. You are absolutely right not to lie, not to have to keep explaining yourself and to work alongside people to learn from them. I've been doing it for years and can cope with all sorts of DIY jobs now that many people have to pay someone else to do.
Enjoy the stars. Maybe visualise building a big catapult on the beach, loading it up with annoying men and then catapulting them into space :) Lol xx
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What is the Frenchman doing, Lighter, is he cracking on to you and not taking your no for an answer? Frenchman asked if I thought we would date. Like that.
I'd been doing my own thing more.....listening to him less in other words, so maybe....he.....was.....cracking on me in a small space while we were trying to focus on dinner prep. I had no where to go after answering him. He was in my house....I wasn't going to leave, but the incident meant he did dishes by himself. Do I need to come over there and kick his arse?! LOL....you prolly could.
He showed up this morning....he was supposed to come if I texted him. I had David working and was super focused on project with brother. Frenchman a verbal processor.....talks so much. Brother could see my eyes glazing over so stepped in to direct F. The man requires constant direction or.....not sure. He'll be back at 10am. I need to figure out how to be proactive there. You should not, in my opinion, have to lie about dating someone in order to put someone else off. So agree!You've told him no and that's as much as he needs. Anything wrong with that is his problem, not yours, and you shouldn't have to lie because he's conceited and arrogant enough to think the fact that your female is enough for you to be interested in him. My mother used to say I wasn't an apple men could pick off a tree. Anyhow, I'm more annoyed by his chattering than the other night in the kitchen. Brother says he has skills....impressed he sanded the wood used to secure the magnetic bug screen more securely. He's certainly an earnest worker.When you said you didn't speak up to Frenchman my mind pinged back to that dodgy contractor you had to get a restraining order against? That was a horrible experience and I wouldn't be surprised if you saying 'no' to someone triggers that at the back of your mind somewhere. It is very scary when you are with or around men that don't take 'no' easily so if there is something popping up there it would be very understandable, in my opinion. I suspect there's a part of me expecting another shoe to fall.
I'm trying to breath myself over any real or imagined rabbit holes. No time or space in my life for them. Brother thinks Frenchman might be good caretaker at some point. Very keen on the idea.
Mmm, brother wanting you to 'let men be men'? Someone else suggesting you be a home maker? Am I wrong in thinking that you've rebuilt this blooming beach house on your own? Ferried back and forth for many months, ordering and arranging supplies, contractors, new contractors when the previous ones don't turn up, undertaken goodness only knows how many aspects of the building projects yourself, flew home through a hurricane at one point, if I remember rightly? I don't think brother understands what this renovation/ retrofit entailed. He sees dollars spent, not what had to happen, get measured, ordered, arranged, shipped, received, palletized, shipped, received, carted to property, unpacked, sorted, found, applied to projects and stored. We didnt build new, which is much cheaper. We tore out, closed off, replaced and protected.
He just now understands we closed off 7 windows and 1 exterior door so I didn't have to buy those windows and corresponding hurricane shutters....so I could butt in up and cool two buildings more efficiently.
He wasn't here. He doesn't know. All while looking after Ds, doing your own therapy/body work/day to day stuff, and the small matter of the deranged relatives getting in touch again not too long ago? Well my blood is boiling on your behalf, Lighter, I would politely suggest that you do what you can to get rid of these men who can only be men if the women bake cakes and paint their toenails. WTF? I think brother's fear is speaking.
He wants me to have a competent man in my life, taking care of me. At the same time we were all outside working today and brother saw the value in my being there too. I'm gently letting him get on with sharing his opinions....even if he's not sure who I am, really. We're getting closer through this island trial by fire. Being a people pleaser.....I notice people tend to plow on even after I speak up now. Will take time to really connect. Will take speaking a little louder....reminding....compassionately explaining. Forgive me if I've misread the situation but as I'm reading it I'd like to come over there and deliver multiple arse kickings, cook my friend Lighter a nice meal and then go dancing on the beach! That put a smile on my face.
I think dancing on the beach is a moral imperative at this point. I want to play, but on my terms. Dancing with the Amazon's, by bonfire light, would be true joy. I'm glad you got the painting finished, though, and the shed door sounds great. I hope all these people wind their necks in a bit tomorrow so that you can get on with what you need to do without dealing with all this childish crap. Sometimes it feels like brother says to me what he'd like to say to someone else in his life, IMO.
You are absolutely right not to lie, not to have to keep explaining yourself and to work alongside people to learn from them. I've been doing it for years and can cope with all sorts of DIY jobs now that many people have to pay someone else to do. I know, right.
Enjoy the stars. It stormed today and this evening. I opened the windows and let cool wind blow through the cottage. I really love that. Thanks for the support, Tupp.
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Lighter, I don't like this scene.
You're sounding like a deer in the headlights, frozen, hoping that your brother will read your scared glances and protect you from a boundary-bashing Frenchman. You have talked about other men bashing boundaries...the old contractor, other workers, a man in your hometown friend group. Even your brother, nonstop pushing his advice...same pattern.
Can you work on practicing verbal assertiveness with the T? Take an assertiveness workshop? Self-defense isn't only physical. It's verbal.
Not positive I'm onto anything, but just suddenly thought this. I understand you've done a lot to become physically empowered. But I'm thinking when you talk about your verbal communication, you talk about indirect, gentle, compassionate, hopeful attempts to steer or influence people. Very indirect and optimistically strategic, but not clear. Not helping you to maintain healthy boundaries.
It's not direct. It's not clear.
These guys need to back off.
You need to learn how to stop emitting "trespass here, it's part of who I am" vibes.
This is bluntly put but I think I might have had an intuition. I was suddenly concerned that something could go wrong for you if the vibes toward men continue to be murky and unclear. Hope it helps, and please ignore if it doesn't.
hugs
Hops
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LOL... it seems to me we all have our own ways of interacting with men. Some of it's subconcious, some it is personality, some of it learned or intentional. Any or all of those have their usefulness, given a specific situation.
But what's bugging me is how (with the exception of Tupp's stated approach) we seem to second-guess and judge ourselves; or sometimes even question if we have the right to say what we want to say - feel what we feel (or don't). And then not act on it, because we're unsure.
(Maybe this is just me, too.)
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Well, lovely Lighter, to be very blunt I don't think your brother's input at this very late stage in the process is welcome or necessary. There seems to be a lot more stress attached to this trip with him there (and all of the trips have seemed stressful, in one way or another!). He doesn't seem to have been terribly involved up until this point and if you hadn't done all this work the beach house would still be a shack on a beach needing a lot of work so I think he needs to be doing what you tell him and no more, to be honest :) And you don't need a man to take care of you, ye gods, has he met you??!! The most competent and self reliant woman on the planet - and she needs a man to look after her. I am feeling a bit vomity :) Lol xx
And Frenchman needs chucking back in the sea - talks too much, doesn't respect boundaries and makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home. No, door bolted, get rid. Brother thinks he's a good worker because he can sand wood? My cat can sand wood, Lighter, it's really not a difficult job, as I'm sure you know! I don't think you need to worry about whether your rabbit holes are real or imagined, or breath through them. You are an incredibly accomplished, hard working, endlessly honest human being who has rebuilt that beach house very painstakingly and I'm feeling very angry on your behalf that these men are undermining all of that.
I'm glad the wind is blowing through the beach house, Lighter, and I hope it's blowing these annoying men away with it. Don't let them make you second guess yourself and do you know what, I say stop worrying about saying things gently, kindly, sweetly. Say what needs to be said for you, not for anyone else. I can send you a list of my best British swear words if you want :) Lol xx xx xx
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I bumped in front of Frenchmen today if that helps you understand how I'm carrying on in his space lately. Super blunt. Always leaving. Always busy. My mood is set to SHUT DOWN whatever bugs me and it feels marvelous!
Not being trapped with F on 33 foot boat is very helpful. He was tending to me....I had no work to do.....it got weird.
I'm feeling much better now☺
I attached a milk crate to the pretty sky blue girl bike then went to hardware store and grocers. It's leftover Wahoo fish tacos tonight. Ended up behind a funeral celebration....think New Orleans with a band and parade. Made the hardware store with 2 minutes to spare. All in all a good day. Getting tons done.
I'm listening to you, Amazon's.
Lighter
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LOL... oh CB, DO TELL...
I'd love to know what you're thinking.
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I hope it's helpful. The more confident I sound, the more likely I've missed loads of context. But fwiw, sometimes I benefit from reviewing weird situations and asking myself whether I spoke. Did I Speak My Wants/Needs? I'll often find, looking back, that I was counting on mind-reading, guessing, body language, and vibes. As though I had no voice. No boundaries.
Just as an exercise, I looked again at your post for hints of physical and verbal. Just a hunch but I'm thinking you enact things physically a lot, rather than speaking them aloud straightforwardly. Assertiveness (esp. with pushy men) specifically includes repetition--not loudness, aggression or fear. It can just help to use the same exact words over again, repeating as needed: "I don't want company right now. I don't want company right now. I don't want company right now." If the tone is calm but patient, it can get through without arousing hostility, most times. MOST men back off after one clear repetition as the message comes through. If a male is someone you wouldn't dare to assert yourself with verbally and truthfully, without fear, this is a male not to have in your life.
I bumped in front of Frenchmen
Physical.
Super blunt.
Verbal.
Always leaving. Always busy.
Physical.
He was tending to me....I had no work to do.....
Physical, passive, unclear. Might need: "I'll fetch what I need."
It got weird.
Nonverbal, missing boundary? Might need: "I want to relax alone, merci."
Anyway, this probably makes you feel like a bug under a microscope. I ain't no scientist, but if I were, I'd be a benevolent one!
Happy days,
Hops
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Lots to think about there, Hops, Amber, CB and Tupp.
I'm percolating: )
Lighter
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Glad you're back, Lighter, and I hope the percolating is productive :) xx
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OK.
I've percolated on the Frenchman/boundaries/co-dependence/nurturing/attachment involvement...... thing and here's what I'm finding.
I DO get something out of nurturing others. I'm in the kitchen. I cook and feed people, but I noticed I'm not doing it exclusively or needing to do it exclusively. I want to share the duties. I want to let others pick it up and hand it off fairly. IF I DO too much, bc others fail to step up, I'm certainly aware and have CHOSEN to step up or not step up. I'm aware I could suggest someone else step up then go back to what I'm doing. I'm aware there will be discomfort in this, bc I've trained people to expect me to fix, fill in, make things go smoothly, but that's no longer the case for me.
I SHOULD have done what my gut tells me is true and good and right.... stated a boundary and moved past it. IF the Frenchman felt butthurt over being rebuffed he just has to deal with it or go
away.
I'm coo with that and I can't control the guy if he's going to stalk or whine or cry.... and I don't want to control that.
I think men with mommy issues are attracted to me for a number of reasons. One, I'm nurturing. Two. I'm distanced and typically unattainable, bc I'm often not dating or looking for male companionship truly not up for giving any time or attention to a man..... I'm actively dressing like a worker bee and going about my business. That part seems irresistible to a certain type of man and I don't even want to visit that type..... just avoid. My mother used to say that men are attracted to women who're doing SOMETHING... anything... as long as they're busy and engaged. I forgot that until just this moment. I truly believe that's part of this and I'm so IN MY OWN HEAD I miss or outright ignore the signs I need nip something in the bud.
I do have difficulty with men LYING about how they feel, coming back and starting more drama over being rebuffed.... trying to convince me, but that's just more of the initial boundary transgression and has to be nipped and dealt with, sans drama.
I'm
NO
MORE
DRAMA
or men whining in my direction. I really am hypersensitive to whining men I THINK bc women have been cast as whiny, needy, weak, and judged on it generally, which now that I SEE it, bothers me less.
No more being held hostage by the feelings of others though.
No more allowing people to talk AT ME and me just standing there, waiting for a chance to escape.
I know how to DO this. I don't know how to sidestep all the chaos people whip up and present as reason for me to stand there and listen, consider, blah blah. It all seems so simple now.
It doesn't matter if anyone else understands the situation as long as I understand.
I'm the only one who's opinion counts..... I'm willing to consider listening to rational opinions, from people who honor boundaries, but only those honoring boundaries.
Seems simple now.
People presenting reasons for overstepping my boundaries don't get to talk, at least not to me.
People tell themselves stories. They tend to live from places of fear when they tell those stories.
They project.
OK.
I don't have figure all that out and I certainly have more peace if I accept they're confused and struggling and let them have their opinions.
I can state my POV and not require they understand or agree. I state my opinions IF I feel there's something to gain. IF I care about the other person, as in sib...someone my sib cares about. It's lovely to accept what others feel without letting it affect me. Interesting to not have to fix or help anyone understand, grow or learn , unless it's about my boundaries and consequences of overstepping. That takes a lot of energy out of deciding when I interact and what I interact over with those I don't vibe with.
I think stating my POV, in a calm, compassionate manner is super important for me to feel authentic and fine in my own skin.
Waiting till I've lost all patience doesn't work. Never worked.
And people won't understand my level request or demand to have a voice at the table, but I'll be consistent and they'll learn.
And that's OK too.
I'm curious how this will go.... actually looking forward to it.
No dread.
Lighter
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Good percolating, Lighter! I think the reason it seems simple now is because your home, in your own space, without all those silly people taking up your time, energy, head space. So you've been able to think and settle, instead of spinning and firefighting. I would guess that when you go to the island you just need to get on - Job 1, Job 2, Job 3 - whilst making mental lists for things to do next time, supplies to order, items to check, plus at back of mind, are DDs okay, and so on. No time and no headspace for people who just aren't on your level - emotionally. Not as well developed, thoughtful, considerate. You need that and deserve that.
Nurturing and mothering are great qualities, in my opinion - it is just the boundaries that need to be honed and perfected. It's all practise and you are right on the path! I'm glad that it's all settled in your head and it will be great if the next visit is a bit smoother and more settled :) xx
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OK, so brother and I got a lot done on the island. He tends to focus on organizing in BIG sweeps.... clearing out, throwing away.
I tend to organize minutely, bag things together then have trouble finding things. Brother wants that to end, and is fairly insistent. It see the value. I do. He knows that.
He also focuses on creating an estate on the property.... grading and mowing with ease.... everything neat. Nothing to mow around and slow him down. I can see the value in that and once he explained it.... it made lots of sense.
He sees the value in having things when you need them... not spending hours traveling to the other island to make an expensive purchase of something we SHOULD have on hand. Think water bottle pumps and fasteners..... sheet rock, stucco and stucco wire. TONS of things. He wants clear clean space. I want to put my hands on cement when I need it. 2.5 inch deck screws. Old pressure treated wood from the deck we tore down so it matches the other decks when we make repairs. LOTS of wood. Plumbing supplies. Electrical.
It's a dance of compromise and brother said he saw the difficulty in organizing and editing for me. Hard work. Difficult with such limited space and I agreed with much of what he said, but not all. I DO want meds on the island I can't get otherwise. Brother said trips should be cancelled if you need a med you can't get on the island. I disagreed. That's OK. We can disagree.
The important thing is..... we got a lot done. TONS done. Not enough, but we're getting there. I was thinking of going for youngest dd's spring break and maybe taking a friend. Maybe many friends... not sure, and I normally wouldn't think about doing that.
This is new. There's more room to enjoy the cottage and less work to do. I know that. More toys and things to play with kayak, bikes and huge big island and dd will graduate soon. Might as well take joy by the lapels and dance with it.
Lighter
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OK, so brother and I got a lot done on the island. He tends to focus on organizing in BIG sweeps.... clearing out, throwing away.
I tend to organize minutely, bag things together then have trouble finding things. Brother wants that to end, and is fairly insistent. It see the value. I do. He knows that.
He also focuses on creating an estate on the property.... grading and mowing with ease.... everything neat. Nothing to mow around and slow him down. I can see the value in that and once he explained it.... it made lots of sense.
He sees the value in having things when you need them... not spending hours traveling to the other island to make an expensive purchase of something we SHOULD have on hand. Think water bottle pumps and fasteners..... sheet rock, stucco and stucco wire. TONS of things. He wants clear clean space. I want to put my hands on cement when I need it. 2.5 inch deck screws. Old pressure treated wood from the deck we tore down so it matches the other decks when we make repairs. LOTS of wood. Plumbing supplies. Electrical.
It's a dance of compromise and brother said he saw the difficulty in organizing and editing for me. Hard work. Difficult with such limited space and I agreed with much of what he said, but not all. I DO want meds on the island I can't get otherwise. Brother said trips should be cancelled if you need a med you can't get on the island. I disagreed. That's OK. We can disagree.
The important thing is..... we got a lot done. TONS done. Not enough, but we're getting there. I was thinking of going for youngest dd's spring break and maybe taking a friend. Maybe many friends... not sure, and I normally wouldn't think about doing that.
This is new. There's more room to enjoy the cottage and less work to do. I know that. More toys and things to play with kayak, bikes and huge big island and dd will graduate soon. Might as well take joy by the lapels and dance with it.
Lighter
I'm really looking forward to a time when you can go to the island and mostly have fun, Lighter. I imagine there will always be a few bits and pieces that need dealing with, but it will be great if those are minor things (or scheduled regular maintenance) and they can be dealt with quickly and then the fun can begin :)
Yep. does make sense to have supplies and materials close to hand and easy to find. Meds - I prefer to have too much than too little. You don't know what you might go down with when you're there - makes it difficult to bring what you need with you. I'm glad the dust seems to have settled a bit and hope it all gets a little easier for you from here on in :) xx
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Lighter,
As the virus heats up here, I'm torn between envy that you have an island retreat you could grab your family and go hide on for a few months, and worry that if you do and it reaches there, you'd be in worse shape than here. Aaaaarrrggghhh.
But who the hell knows. I've stocked up on sanitizer gel (a gallon of the base--60% alcohol as required, plus bags of cotton squares and snack-sized "sandwich" bags). I'm going to make a bunch of little "kits" of these to have on hand and to give to folks. Just ordered plastic pump-tops for the gallons. Also got some dehydrated and a bit of bulk food, extra echinacea and elderberry syrup.
Do you have a plan to stay home or go to the island if the pandemic gets worse?
Hugs
Hops
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Hops: I can't imagine going to the island....
::stopping to think about it.... visions of every zombie apocalypse boat escape comes to mind::
Nope. I want nothing to do with a 12 hour car drive, pulling the boat out of dry dock in Miama, with all the international travelers they have.... then boating with enough supplies.... nope. Not even on my radar, Hops.
The girls had a pow wow about stocking up, just in case. They decided on rice and beans... and toilet paper. I added butter, lunch meats, and more red curry in the cans so I'm pretty sure we're staying put, worst case scenario. ::knocking wood::.
I'm glad you seem calm, supplied and comfortable where you are.
Lighter
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Ok, the first real airbnb guests were scheduled to arrive this afternoon at the Cottage. I felt good about it. They felt great about it. Super fit, healthy couple, sans children. I see them overcoming any problems, and pointing some out without difficulty.
The thing is.... there's a mandatory COVID 19 test they're waiting on results for.... they were promised results by Tues. Wednesday at the latest. They missed their Ferry and are trying to get results so they may re-book, and go.
It's frustrating, bc cases are rising and the labs prioritize the hospitalized people who are ill, understandably. We aren't angry they're unable to LOOK ahead and put systems in place.... but we are frustrated. Not enough labs, STILL? Really?
Just.... gobsmacked, and I don't see things getting better anytime soon.
I've asked them to bring a few life preserves with them, and maybe bicycle tubes. I'll take it out of their fees, and they plan to stay an extra 4 days anyways, so it's shaping up, IMO.
Will see.
In the meantime, I have video and pictures of the cottage inside and out. Things look really great. The beach sand is back... no exposed rocks at all, which is good, bc they're so slippering and not comfortable to walk on.
My "renter" is employed, which is good. He's also got the outside garbage free, and trimmed up... which isn't something he's ever followed through on before.
Since he's supposed to cough up 400.00 a month, so I can pay someone to do the exterior maintenance, and hasn't been able to, bc.... COVID and lack of work in general..... he's months behind in rent, and things must have come together in his brain... he NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING if he can't pay rent. If he hired someone, or did it himself... it appears to be done.
I'm pretty relieved, and breathing easy about things.
There's coffee, and water and cooking oil in place.
Please, dear God, let this first rental go well.
Lighter
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I'll keep my fingers crossed it all goes well, Lighter! I imagine there are always a few little bits and pieces to iron out with initial renters but you've done so much and prepared so well I can't imagine that anything catastrophic will occur.
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Guest's test results still not back.
The husband is getting very upset... apparently he has limited time for a vacation. I think he works in his father's business and mistakenly believed his father would allow a longer span of time, with the setback, but alas... nope.
I notice how nervous it makes me, and it's about paperwork.
Again.
The upside is these are super nice people. They will (or were going to) bring some things with them... life preservers and bike tube kits.... would have been so helpful.
::trying to relax into whatever outcome arrives::
In the meantime... the flight attendance, from Ohio, lovely person, has booked the cottage with her husband for October. I'm over the moon about that, bc she'll tell everyone she works with and flies with who asks about where she goes on vacation. I can also have her pay the maid, if necessary, bc the bank closed down their money gram bit.
My brother said my renter didn't clean up the yard. His paid guy did it. I'm not sure, but if it wasn't my renter... he's going to have to go. Also, it seems my brother GOT the renter a job, so there shouldn't be many hurt feelings. We've been nothing but amazingly generous and patient with "renter's" refusal to participate in "work."
It is what it is. Still need a seawall. That has to be next and it's going to be very close to the cottage by the time it happens.
Lighter
Lighter
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The Guests have arrived at the Cottage!
They say it's.....
"BREATHTAKING!"
Breathtaking.
::nodding::
SO relieved.
Lighter
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A call from renter F yesterday to say the water had been out for over an hour and a half.
That's a bit unusual, or so the "caretaker" said. Maybe the water company was doing repairs. It was reported, by CT the water was back on, at some point. Electricity only going out once of twice a week, he said.
Guest F said he'll unclog the AC unit in the bunk room, which flooded that space back in April. I'd be very grateful, but have already had a local work on it, to no avail. Guest is a mechanic, with HUGE energy, so will remain hopeful. He will also replace any bike tires that need it. Revelation.... most of the time getting anything done is like pulling teeth.
Guest also has a sense of humor. Yesterday he said....
"I hate to tell you this....
but.....
this place IS friggin AWSOME."
I needed a shower SO BAD by the end of what seemed like a 48 hour day. I think my body utilizes the girl's 8.00 charcoal deoderant as fuel. It's been difficult to find my straight-up salt deoderant, with the green top. Youngest dd went OUT OF HER WAY to find a half-empty bottle for me, dear child.
SO
MUCH
STRESS
By 11pm I considered it safe to sleep. The guests didn't check back in after trekking off to the restaurant at the end of the drive. I hope it was open, that they had cracked conch, and very crisp fry frys.
They ended up knowing their cab driver, from Florida, and the shop keeper at the end of my drive... the one SQUATTING on property at the end of my drive. I should be squatting there... I'm the reason anyone KNOWS it's squattable property.
The best laid plans.
Lighter
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I'm glad the rental's going well, Lighter. I was wondering if the guy your brother pays (that you mentioned in one of the other posts) could deal with anything that comes up so that you don't sit by the phone? Or are you just doing it because it's the first one? I'm glad they're enjoying it out there. It's nice to get people who appreciate that things might not be the same as at home and will cope without some of the home comforts for a few hours if need be. I found myself wondering if your nice nice guest might be up for a 'doing repairs instead of paying rental' visit every now and again to do routine maintenance and redecorate and so on? He sounds like he might be good at that? xx
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Oh, guest is a mechanic and fixing the clogged up AC in the bunk room.. he offered. He's also doing some other stuff... fixing the door locks that aren't perfectly lined up... BUT....
the electricity went out last night, right when their lobster and steak was ready to go.
And it went out for hours... at least 3... which is not normal, or so I'm told by housekeeper and "caretaker."
IT was hot enough guest began whining a bit about it getting very hot inside, which I completely GET. They ended up at the Casino, so likely went out for dinner, rather than use the grill, which is another debacle... I think my "caretaker" pretended it was his, and he was going to "save them" from my lack of preparation, which is SO unfair. It was a fight to GET that grill, and dry charcoal and lighter fluid TO the island, and stored so it could be easily found, and....
::going to pick up car getting unexpected repairs::
I'm a tad stressed, but I have to tell you.... I understand this is small stuff.
::picturing guests on a POS boat, sweltering and sunburning without shade... miles offshore with engine failure::
That hasn't happened, that I know of, but the "caretaker" set them up with a 700.00 fishing trip, that should have cost them 1200.00 and I'm picturing some pretty terrible scenarios. I didn't want to be responsible for that kind of stuff, and now my "caretaker" is recommending people who likely give him kickbacks and I KNOW how hard it is for the islanders to keep their boats in working order, and....
::sigh::.
Employing DO ALL I CAN, then put the story on the shelf coping strategy.
::nodding::
Maybe zero utilities will go out on this, their 3rd, day at the cottage.
If it's not OK... it's still OK.
Lighter
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Island guests appear very happy today. They just got it together and gambled at the casino till 10pm... long after AC at cottage came back on. Not sure if they cooked on the grill or ate in town, but.... they can bob and weave. I assumed they could, frankly.
They don't go fishing with a captained boat till tomorrow... they think.
That means they're officially on island time. Nothing happens when it's planned.
NOTHING.
They plan to stay longer than the original week, which is great. I'll have them pay the housekeeper ahead, and hopefully cover the costs of things they brought over for me. Tire tubes, life preservers..... I think that was it.
I'm not going to jinx this. I will say I'm super happy right now... slept SO LONG, which I needed, and we've got happy music on. Quite the scene on the highway... 3 gals dancing like there's no tomorrow..... in the car. And I have to say.... dancing is a super shortcut to joy. It's contagious too!
Lighter
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Guests seemed to have a grewat vacation at the cottage.
I didn't realize they couldn't find the paddles to the kayaks. They never mentioned that. I'm having trouble understanding WHY people can't KEEP UP WITH things like PADDLES.
::smoothing blouse::
The husband seemed to hit it off with the "renter" but I don't know how much of that could be the guest's people pleasing tendencies, and what's honest to goodness happy connection.
Guests swam with renter's dog... remarked on all the ticks..... I knew guests would have a problem with a dog NOT receiving good care. This is a 3rd world island and people don't have the money or access veterinary care.
Renter is working, bc my brother got him a good job, but he's not paying rent. Yet. This is an interesting puzzle to piece together. Trying to run a business so far away.
Lighter
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I'm glad that first rental went well, Lighter - fingers crossed it's the start of many more good times for people there :) xx
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They shut down flights and fast ferry from US....again.
The guest left a good review.
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So....the story is....
and I only have it from my " renter"....
The resort people were clearing sand from the canal at the government dock.
That' s a confusing statement bc the city water pipe TO our side of the island was damaged THEN the electric pipe was damaged while repairs to water line were under way.....
So no power or water on South AND I have no idea how anything will get resolved.
Lighter
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The power and water came back on. My brother arrived there yesterday after discovering his truck was broken into, laptop and very large set of keys to the cottage(only 1 of 3) were taken.
Keys were hidden at the cottage, for everything, but brother was about out of patience when the hunt for that first key began.
He found it, but....it wasn't pretty. I have no idea if he found the larger set. He hasn't updated me. No news is good news.
Things should be in good shape....I hope the electrical is ok in the house.
I plan to take my clothes dryer next trip. There's a small washer there, and large wooden drying rack, Amish, like Hopsie's. On humid days, we need a dryer. There's an outside box built to hold w/d. Might put it back in there. Might put it in the bunk room where most of the power is.
I'm still torn on oven stovetop appliance. It would require electrician and...
::sigh::
Maybe put in full size washer too.
I just wanted it to be simple.
And done.
Lighter
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Sorry about the break in, Lighter, I hope not to much damage done and things can be replaced/repaired as necessary. Good to hear that the water and power is back on, though, and hopefully that will continue now xx
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(((Tupp)))
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With just 1 successful booking, during Covid, we finally have bookings in the pipeline again.
One of the confirmed bookings is a couple scouting properties to purchase.
::wiggling eyebrows::.
Wouldn't it be amazing if they booked the property they wanted to buy.
:: nodding::.
I remain hopeful and upbeat.
Lighter
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I hope the booking goes well, Lighter, purchase included or not! It would be good if they just snapped it up without you having to do too much to bring that about :) I'll keep my fingers crossed :) xx
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And I'll cross my toes!
Really hope that comes about, Lighter, it would be such an anvil off your shoulder.
hugs
Hops
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So, one bike is in good enough condition for renters....2 are not. Will know if tools and tubes are still in shed to make repairs.
The shed lock and key are back under our control, which is good. The big raft is in shed, but not up in rafters where it was stored when I left.
I have a few bookings, but no expectation they'll go through with current testing requirements. It's almost impossible to get a 72 hour test result in time to travel.
Hopefully the vaccine gets things back to normal in all ways.
I'm told one if the islands near ours has new Covid cases.
Lighter
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Dang.
I hope the people you were hoping were going to go might decide it's their dream getaway place and just whip out a fat checkbook.
hugs
Hops
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Those folks are booked, but who knows if they'll make the trip, Hops?
Best case scenario, they fall in love, but it and beg us to go as often as we want.
Releasing expectation, fixing the leak under the sink and wishing for the best possible outcomes.
Lighter
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ILighterI have a renter set for mid April. My brother is going tomorrow with a crew. I NEED the AC unit in the bunk room to get serviced so it stops flooding that room! Likely it's done, bc I asked my go-to worker to handle it when I had him check on the guy living in the shed...,such a mess. I can't believe I have to write that out, much less deal with it.
The "caretaker" has the shed lock and key back. The bike stuff I painstakingly GOT to the island us gone, so I struggle to send more. Renters, who continue booking and Covid cancelling, live the fact bikes are available. It's important to get that figured out....stay on top if it. It's how I get gocerues from the other island without paying for a cab or asking for a rude,which makes me super uncomfortable. Usually there's a mortifying story attached to favors I'm ready to be done with.
I'm so ready to use the bike I fitted with baskets....regularly. And find it well maintained. Not missing a chain, tube or tire. Grrrrrr.
Trying to locate paperwork on cottage and lust it with a heavy hitter agent.
Lighter
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The new Miami dock renter seems to be great. I feel like that piece is finally under control and in place.
Lighter
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Brother heading to the island now....just pulling boat out. He's been stuck in Miami waiting for the weather to break.
Airbnb renters are booked the week after he's scheduled to leave. I doubt they'll go once they realize how difficult it is now. Must get travel Visa, a test before leaving and test before entrance to US allowed.
Gerr.....I want to write
Idiots are in charge! but, sigh, will resign myself to fact Airbnb on island was doomed by Covid. I have many bookings I assume will fall through, in fact. I'm shocked we had guests willing to work so hard to find tests and results back in time ONCE.
Hopefully, brother has a good visit. We cancelled plans to go next month for niece's graduation.
Lighter
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I'm so sorry Covid nixed the Air B&B dream for the island cottage, Lighter.
Was happy to hear you mention listing it and relieving yourself of the monitoring, booking, maintenance, weather challenges, all of it.
I do hope a near-future guest booking may lead to sale, but hope you've found a capable realtor to move it forward for you.
And I hope happy Caribbean rentals of your own will offset the feelings of loss.
hugs
Hops
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Lighter - maybe a ray of sunshine -
Hol's friends have been travelling and putting up with the covid requirements; a group flew to Mexico a couple months ago and are planning to go to Iceland in the fall, to celebrate several 40th birthdays together. I asked about maybe B & I tagging along in the fall (my passport expired years ago tho) and M said so many are planning to go that additional housing is already being searched for. I wasn't serious; it was a brief fantasy.
They HAVE to do something fun to relieve the ongoing tedium of work, with additional covid req's; ongoing quarantine rules (by choice); and the atmosphere of terminal ennui & malaise that seems to be in the very air. Just having that trip to look forward to, is helping.
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Brother said ACs fixed.
I thought only 1 was in need of service?
And....out of order sign still on the unit that leaked. What dies that mean? I can't get anyone to explain!
Rhetorical questions, of course.
Housekeeper's husband is a boat captain who runs passengers to private island and island Honemoon Cove....where tourists swim with searays and sometimes sharks. Really amazing!
I'm happy to offer his services, if that works out.
Lighter
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Frustrating, Lighter, I hope someone gets to the bottom of it all for you before too much longer! Good to hear about the boat trips, it's nice when you can give visitors suggestions for things to do and places to go and visit xx
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Brother reported leaking AC in bunk room fixed. I hope so, bc it floods everything under lower bunk, which is all my clothes and everyone else's.....personal stuff, etc.
I hope it dried properly from first flooding when Niece was there.
I'm answering lots of Airbnb questions and people are booking.
And cancelling as bookings come up.
It's just too hard to get there with changing Covid requirements, but it's practice for me.
I have a realtor lined up. He has buyers interested.
Lighter
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Realtor is waiting for paperwork from me. He'll take his boat to the island, maybe on the 14th and check the cottage out.
I have 7 renters lined up...... back to back. With the weather, I wonder how this will work out, but I'm not worrying about it.
I've been trying to pay the water and phone bill for 2 weeks. Nothin is easy on the island.
Lighter
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Current guests having a reportedly good time.
I feel....out of control. I want more control.
Lighter
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The last 4 guests have had same day check in check outs....that gives amazing housekeeper only 4 hours to pull off housekeeping....with all that sand and wash and beds to make. Only one bathroom to clean. She keeps pulling it off, this time adding a fridge stocking service for family with young children. Man, that would have been amazing when I was traveling there with little ones.
Very tired. The guests leaving didn't return the key. I suspect "caretaker" asked for it, bc he wants things to go back to him loving in the cottage with his sister acting as his maid. Ummm..
.no.
Only 1 of the 3 bikes in working order ...grrr.
Going 2 p.
Lighter
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Key missing. Guests say they left it on counter. I think "caretaker" took it.
Here we go.
Lighter
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Oh Lighter. I hope you can get that sorted. Key safe? I know air bnbs use them here - little box by the door that you open with a pin number, which you get when you book up. Would that keep the caretaker's mitts off it? I hope you can get something sorted out. Another stress you don't need xx
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Not sorted. Yet.
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I've been so very careful with the island keys.
So careful.
So much work color coding, making copies, taking pictures to document old and new locks.
This is the first cottage key I can't put my hands on.
An entire set, one of only 3, was stolen in Miami, but mailed back, whew.
So just this one key. And it's not just a key. The person who booked the property paid a $50.00 lost key fee that's supposed to discourage loss.
It's the door opening up to plausible deniability creating this tightness in my chest. The finger pointing possibilities weren't there before.
I trust the housekeeper completely. Never a bobble from her. I make sure she's taken care of.
So.....nothing left but acceptance and an improved check in method.
Lighter
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I'm on top of key return now.
I'll eventually replace entry lock with a lock with code.
Renters all seem happy.
Housekeeper doing stellar job. Guests finding their way without problems....even at night, in the rain.
It's rainy season....weather reports are always wet. I worry, but the sun and clouds always take turns ime. I can't control the weather, in any case.
Lighter
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I'm glad you got it all sorted out, Lighter. Very difficult when you aren't actually there to sort things (especially as 'island time' seems to be different!). I'm glad you found a way to make it easier next time xx
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Guest checking out this morning was perfect guest. Left big tip for amazing housekeeper. Cottage very tidy and clean. Key on counter, with text showing where.
One problem...a new roof leak. And maybe a hurricane.
Lighter
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The last guest rescheduled for September.
Tomorrow's guest is on schedule to arrive by plane.
I have 4 good reviews. The guy I gave a free night, bc of water on the runway, to gave me 4 stars. Hmmmm, no good deed.
There's a new leak in the roof. It's the wet season. My go-to-guy, who fixes things, is off island till Sunday. I try remaining calm. I think about replacing my "caretaker" who struggles to keep the bikes greased and in any state if repair. At least he seems to be on top of yard work....finally. I'll take the win and choose gratitude.
:: Breathing deeply::.
I want to go in the winter....bring solar tiki torches. New bedding. More towels. Better tv....the one I bought at the little cinder block grocery store has speakers not up to the challenge of crashing waves.
Roof and seawall....replacing rafters....next hills to climbed.
Lighter
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The cottage has 5 really good, informative reviews now....soon to be 6, likely as current guest gives happy updates.
Lighter
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That's great news, Lighter. I hope the roof leak is easy enough to sort out xx
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Will see about the leak soon enough. My brother going to the cottage this week.
The one renter this month cancelled, then another booked. It's very up and down. I'm trying to stay level and not get tossed around emotionally over it.
Lighter
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I notice I feel less at the mercy of the island, the customs agents, the termites, the waves the weather, etc.
My window of tolerance has widened.
Lighter
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So, contractor and his wife are looking into getting passports and traveling to the island in January, which is when I planned to go too.
I have to renew my passport too.
I'm leaning towards creating a bunk room, thanks for that idea Amber.
My "caretaker/renter" isn't wearing enough hats.... or paying the 400.000 rent he promised to pay. He IS working at the nicest hotel and marina on North, thanks to my brother gettting him a job at the marina on our side of the island.I guess he did a good job and that got him hired at the snootier place. Good for him, but what about the rent? Nothing? Nothing and he doesn't mention it, even if he does do a bit more at the cottage, but not what I strictly askhim to do. It helps my brother asks him to do things, IMO.
Bikes getting fiured out. Four have returned at this point and brother has the guy who made them all go away.... back working at the cottage, bc he owes brother money. Not living there again, mind you. Just doing some work. Cleaning pineneedle off the roof, etc.
Brother paid him moneyfor beer... I think....and the beer never showed up...neither did the money, so...... the guy is a good worker,but not consistent or to be trusted to do the right thing all the time when he has a choice.
My brother allows this to color his feelings about paying any workers ahead on the island,which I've done with the regimented, trustworthy always housekeeper who always comes through and does her work as well as some other people's. She's an Amazon of the first order...... I trust her completely. It feels like brother beginning to trust me and my choices more and more. At one point he was talking ahead about having his guy deal with the roof, as he's done before even as I told him I had someone to work on the roof I preferred,bc it's hard to get roofing stuff to the cottage.... it needs to be used wisely and to best advatage.
THIS time I heard him stop himself...... take a moment....then say..... "You've got that covered." So my guy, who stopped roof leaks as a hurricane barreled down on the island and I was jumping on the last plane out...... is on the job again.
He's also ground down rusting seaside metal roof edges and coated them. Brother brought white coatingthis time, which will look better and be cooler. The 3entire roof needs to be redone.
A new seawall needs to go up.
I'd love to save the old seawall but everyone says it can't be done. Poor thing listing badly forward, falling into sections now.
Realtor waiting for more information. His buyers have visited the cottage, so he said. Very interested in making an offer,but that feels far off too. Partially bc there's movement and sales on my beath.... the cottage falling into the sea was bought....they tore down the cottage and appear to have listed it for 1.3.
I have no expectations. I feel OK about moving ahead or not.
Lighter
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About the guest cottage renovation.
There are 2 entrances..... only1 bathroom.
I'd like to make a bedroom out of the loft over the existing bathroom. Caretaker could have that space and a wall would separate it from the main living area with it's own entrance with an addition to include another bathroom and kitchen area.
This is a new thought. Wont work, but security gaurd isn;t going to have all the privacy he enjoys with sole use of the guest guest house much longer.
Cottage roof getting repairs today.
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The guest checking in at the end of this month cancelled her reservation after holding it for many many months.
That's one thing about this property....... the travel arrangments can be overwhelming, sometimes impossible, IME.
Someone texted me in the middle of the night if they could drive their car to the cottage. I know I spent time explaining something they wouldn't need..... logistics of getting to the island. I really should have set responses. Will figure that out soon.
The guy making roof repairs sends pictures without my asking. He said we bought another couple years on the roof with this repair. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't there.
The idea of building onto the guest cottage has occurred to me. Maybe a living area and second bathroom, but putting 6'7" security guy (presently called the caretaker/renter) in that tiny space, really it would be a bathroom, small hallway and ladder leading to a sleeping nook he wouldn't fit into very well. That space could have the wall of shelving, I guess. Could think about cutting the bathroom in two, and putting in second toilet, taking out shower. An outdoor shower would be easy enough to install..... I think.
Lets see...... Could have an entrance to the bathroom from main room AND entrance hall for the sleeping loft. Could leave the sink with the toilet and put in a toilet and sink in shower area.
I really want my contractor to go with his wife....... to think this through with me. Pull open walls and interpret, like a medicine man. What is ailment and what is cure? What's the material list? Logistics of getting materials to the island is my end, and seem to be improved since brother has boat. Not sure how that really works, bc brother not keen on carrying stuff there... it's a PITA, I understand that. I certainly do.
Lighter
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There is NOTHING going on at the cottage right now. No rentals. At all. There's a curfew,bc COVID. THat likely explains it.
I dropped the price back down and someone just asked me to rent to them for a stupid low price....... basically pay them to let them use the cottage.
I'm shaking my head, putting it on the shelf and going back to what I can control.
Lighter
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We have guests set to arrive the first week of October.
This is a guest who was problematic in pretty much every way a guest can be.... which is somthing, considering I strive to problem solve and am pretty good at it, esp as it has to do with the difficult travel arrangements lining up flights and ferries.
This guest booked the minimum nights during a holiday weekend, but wanted to book it for fewer. I could have booked the entire week, but she got to it first. She'd have to take the minimum nights and then the day of travel arrived and she called from the Fast Ferry.... her dd didn't have a valid passport.
It seemed obvious to me.... she booked another Ferry ride with me on the phone to book the cottage for another date..... easy peasy. No one loses anything.
So, I say all this bc I touched base with her about a week ago. Her response was a list of 10 or so things she needs in place..... bikes, kayaks, coffee type, just lots of questions about beach towels...... and I noticed a knee jerk reaction to seeing her name, even before I got to her message.
Answering her questions required I text the "caretaker" and the housekeeper at the cottage, which I did. They responded quickly and I responded and the guest who is happy. No one feels put out. We've worked the bugs out, I think.
I noticed I stepped around feeling irrittation over the questions, finding the answers and avoiding my tendency to over answer.
As far as I can tell.... I need to go this fall or in the winter to do some maintenance, but we have an Airbnb up and running, people!
Woo hoo!
I'm sure there will be stuff and COWs and problems, but the general running of things has been battoned down.
An article just popped up about a tourist attraction nearby.... feeding the rays. I was so happy to find it and will figure out how to attach it to the site.
Whew.... feels so good: )
Lighter
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I plan to hitch a ride to the island this month to replace exterior doors, at least one, replace the sofa hopefully and refresh the paint, etc. Change the locks. Update the contact info and things to do list for guests.
I'll fish a little, but plan on working to get the place back in order for a visit with my sibs and BIL in March. Hopefully my girls will go and we'll see if my brother's kids go as well.
I have to tell you guys.....I am going to channel my assertive Goddess highest self.
Lighter
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Or you could channel a bit o' sea witch energy, Lighter. ;)
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What sounds do sea witches make.....
do'ya think?
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Siren songs.... sea chanty's... try Maddy Prior & June Tabor: The Grey Line.
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YES!
I have to say, Ginny Di's THE WAVE-SOAKED MAIDEN seems a better choice....
if we're talking Sirens; )
I really like Hoist the Colours sung by MALINDA, Bobby Bass, Lauren Paley and Colm McGuinness.
Right now I'm trying to figure out what sofa to get, if any, where to make the buy and how to get it to where it's going in Florida.... onto a boat at a dry dock facility..... and..... I'd rather not have to drive, but it might come down to that as renting a truck in Florida to move a sofa PLUS taking a hotel room during the shopping time, if I can swing it at all satisfactorialy..... it's a puzzle.
New exterior doors more important... and new locks. I'm SO ready to have limited keys out there and clamp down on the guests so they always return the keys. I think they hand them off to the "caretaker" then he's using the cottage and his sister has to do housekeeping for him, which means she'll quit eventually and I have no Airbnb business without her.
OK... opinion.... the sofa is an L shaped unit, faux suede, ivory in OK shape as far as the fabric goes. Pretty comfy. Sleeps 2 and that;s the most popular sleeping area in the cottage, bc it's got windows on 3 sides facing the Atlantic. One piece is fine, while the other has been patched up inside but it's whonky...... feels like you either slide off it or INTO it..... rebuilt the frame bc termites destroyed it..... fluffed up the coils crushed down by the 6'6" "caretaker's" weight over the years.
I was thinking a faux leather black or saddle colored modern sofa or 2 sofas, easy to clean. You've seen the pictures, what do you think?
Lighter
IF I replace it.... was thinking something sleeker and
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FWIW, my taste is running to lighter scaled, sleeker sofas these days - BUT, they absolutely don't look to offer comfort, to me. I don't know that they're uncomfortable; they just don't look welcoming. I have an L-sectional (not sleeper) that weighs a ton; has been slept on a lot it's so comfortable and except for the leather surface - it's survived a big dog, two babies to toddlers and 3 cats without any major incident. Still, I'm looking to replace it with similar quality but slightly smaller, trimmer looking.
A sleep sofa makes sense in a rental cottage but perhaps you'd prefer to limit how many people cram into the cottage to eat/sleep/shelter from weather? I guess, I'd look for something with basic lines to it, that's well-made and not overly large. More floor space gives a sense of airyness and allows for yoga, meditation, etc.
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The trip is approaching and I'm just starting to pull together luggage and things to transport from 3 different locations.
I have trouble asking for help, so it always brings up discomfort I'm noticing...... a thread of distress I'd like to put to bed.
I'm a tad worried about the food..... I plan to bring lots of fresh greens.... I SO crave them on the island,where there's pretty much romain and iceburg lettuce available SOMETIMES and often not in great shape. I think my brother's friend does most of the cooking for their group, so I'll just let him do that. It's pretty easy to feed myself gf/df/sf and keep to it. It's more difficult if I'm cooking regular food for a large group, esp if I'm doing all the work myself..... harder to stick to gf/sg/df for sure.
Oh......brother bought a pizza oven to cart to the island. His buddy is working on good dough recipes and ingredients. It appears to be a double oven, the countertop/stainless steel kind. I'm not sure how this fits into the rental program, if it does. It could be an asset. It WILL be something else to clean and care for..... corrode in the Ocean air, but a local restaurant there makes WONDERFUL pizzas when their dough maker shows up and when they have servers and cooks, which is hit or miss. Did I post about my brother and his friend manning the pizza oven and fry station at that restaurant one evening bc the cooks didn't show? I think that's how this pizza oven idea was born and I'm just happy my brother is excited about it. It's nice when men cook and make nummy things. My Italian BIL is a terrific cook...... he loves feeding the group lovely food. It's connection and sharing that warms my heart.
I happen to have 5 balls of gf pizza dough in the freezer, so will bring what I think I'll eat....I like pizza too! Usually I drink quite a bit of gf beer in the island heat with all the trudging between islands and work, but I haven't been drinking ANYTHING for a while now. A sip of beer will have me tipsy and maybe that's what I'll do, here and there. My muscles ache to stretch in the sunshine. I love Tai Chi on the beach. Tipsy on a gulp of gf beer isn't a bad thing; )
If I didn't write about the acrylic glasses I got on a closeout sale at Belks....... they're SO AMAZING and perfectly suited to the cottage.... looks like sea urchins! So special and can't be broken on the tile and concrete flooring at the cottage. Those little things, like bedding that's soft, light weight for warm weather and easily dried and able to hide imperfections of the rusty water washings...... really make me happy.
I need to find 2 very lightweight twin comforters. I might have some, come to think of it.
And the packing begins.
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I tried to set up a poll about what's important in a rental when traveling.
What do you guys HAVE to have in a rental property when you travel?
Lighter
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Internet.
A mattress that doesn't sag.
Quiet.
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Covered outdoor living space
Clean kitchen & bathrooms; fully equipped
Laundry
Off street parking
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The trip to the island wasn't easy getting there.... 24 hours of hard work, struggle, driving through the morning, boating to the island at night with wind and water slapping us for 3 hours till we arrived right at 24 hours after we loaded and got on the road.
At one point, after I was bleary from driving from 1am t0 6am... brother and I discussed some political topics head on. Usually I remain stoic and silent while he tells me what I believe and what I think, which isn't very productive. THIS time I just spoke up without expectation, only curiosity to truly understand what and why he believes what he does. It was marvelous and we remained level and respectful and be broke off discussions without upset. His gf is chatty and had been uncharacteristically silent during this exchange.... decided to jump in with her voice raised, which my Nervous System couldn't tolerate. I assume my speaking up felt like an explosion to them, bc I usually say nothing... admittedly, I dropped the F bomb, I cannot lie. GF lowered her voice, apologized and we continued a civil discussion which seemed productive, but I had no expectations. Good as gold, with no more political discussion on our journey.... the trip went very well.
The weather was wonderful. I fished at least 3 days..... which meant I felt like I had little time to figure out what was what at the cottage. My ADD made focusing difficult, but I had the cottage to myself a couple days to go through my rituals of settling myself and finding focus, so that worked out.
The local who works on the roof was available so we determined the weakest points in the roof and did some repairs. He ground down the AC brackets and main electrical panel and sealed them again. The brackets and AC units will likely require replacement soon... same with the roof and certainly the sea wall. I noticed the little wooden bridge he constructed in a broken walkway part of the seawall was still in tact and strong as the day he built it. The door he built on the tiny shed was still strong and in place as well. The exterior doors are a lost cause and we didn't spend a minute on those this trip, outside determining measurements to order replacement hurricane grade doors we can install at the end of the month, hopefully.
My brother is less careful than I am about security, which is likley a by product of my history as a woman dealing with threats from many directions and his being a tall white man with no natural enemies... he's lost the same set of keys twice...once to a vehicle break in in Miami. A kind person found and sent them back to him. This time he likely put them down in the sea can or in a golf cart and lost track.... I hope they show back up, but I don't feel it really matters as we're replacing those doors and locks..... I'll add another heavy duty lock to the sea can to stop theft.... there are 4 heavy duty locks now, with a copy of those keys out in the world.
The simple fact I can speak to my brother without emotion on the subject of security and agreeing who gets what access and how that works is now possible. Brother doesn't argue or disagree reactively..... he states his issues and makes compromises where i can't..... for example, my "caretaker" isn't to have the keys to the sea can under any circumstances, bc he takes tools and loans them out and won't make them available when I need them and once said he didn't know where something was.... right before my brother told him he needed to pay rent. THEN the tool appeared magically and I took all the keys and explained to the caretaker WHY he no longer had access to the sea can, which now holds all the tools and expensive fishing equipment. Brother has been working hard to organize the out buildings while I've been away and when I was last at the cottage.
OK....another really unexpected pleasure was the sea captain friend of my brother....... I'll call him J and his gf, I'll call R. Both were calm, practical, hard working, jumped in whenever something required attention, were polite and soft spoken and never brought up anything innapropriate...... it really felt like a dream, esp when I was around my brother and J....... they happily discussed wind, and chop and sizes of other vessels and direction and mechanics and motors and fishing and bait and reels and depths and things my brother's boat can can't do.... J has 3 of the same boat for his deep sea fishing business employing another captain, keeping one boat in reserve for mechanical problems in the other two. J does all his own maintenance,which is astonishing to me....... that's how brother met J... J did some work on brother's boat.
So, J bought a ton of food.... GOOD food, so many things I brought HE brought. His gf R cleaned the way I cleaned.... I had to pinch myself when she said she cleaned her floors by hand, like I do.....and she was all over the white tile floors keeping them clean and mark free during the entire trip.... amazing! She jumped rigth in and helped determine which curtains needed cleaning and hand washed stains like a lady boss.... she's in cyber security so she made the call to the phone company to report poor wifi signal, which was corrected at the pole.... the wires looked fine, but fell apart when touched, so said AJ the tech. Wifi restored to EXCELLENT signa strength and I can't say enough about how lovely the company and activities were.
Brother has ADD as does our sister and her dd and my girls..... my youngest dd suffers more. It's a thing and I'm amazed we get done what we get done..... strengths and weaknesses somehow balance out.
I'm going to put this here..... there was a board vote at the condo association where my dock is. Apparently the President is the guy with the dock next to me who finds my renters..... he asked me to sign my proxy early and send it in voting for him, of course, which I did. The next week I began getting phone calls from Miami and answered them to find other candidates asking for my vote. These guys told stories about irregularities by the previoous board and an FBI investigation with someone from the management company being fired and it wasn't the story I got at all. I secretly hoped a new board would be voted in and TOLD the guys they needed to call everyone and make sure to keep calling till the vote happened. I didn't say the President had contacted me and procured my vote, bc he's helpful and it's in my best interest to keep him happy, but I do believe there's some criminal activity involved and that upset me.... DIM thinking, self interest on my part was something I wrestled with. What if everyone makes choices based on self interest?
I just learned the old President lost and his response to my text was quite petulent...... his ego quite bruised...... but he's not mad at me. As he's the only one helpful in renting the dock and will represent me if and when I sell the cottage..... having him as a cabinet member is a good thing. Him losing is likely a good thing. Managing both without upsetting any apple carts was a win win, iMO.
We're flying to Miami towards the end of this month, picking up supplies there and my brother and I will boat to the island together. I want to learn how to do everything, maybe captain the boat on my own..... not sure about that as i don't have the ability to fix mechanical problems on the water. Will see. Youngest dd will fly, as will my sister and BIL. Oldest DDL won't be able to get time away from work, which is a shame... same with my sister's dd..... can't get away from her new job. I hope my brother's son and dd can go.
I've updated prices and details on the Airbnb site for the Cottage. I have more to do since pics of new sofas and TV haven't been added The bikes are no longer listed as available, which is kind of true. The "caretaker" hasn't been caring for them and they're in bad shape.... the 2 out of 4 left, anyway. The kayaks are still there, with paddles and flotation devices so they're still on the site... even if they make me nervous. I don't even recognize the bikes. Not sure if they're the ones we brought with us.
Prices are going up so the guest experience needs to be consistent and elevated as I can manage. That's a conversation for the "caretaker" and housekeeper next trip. Cameras will be installed, small appliances edited and replaced as necessary...... more lables on switches and such...... and guest information written out and left for them to find without calling me for it.
Updated lists of tours and restaurants and their hours,which is different. Figuring out access to the Marina pools for the guests..... maybe housekeeper's dh will be available for ray and shark adventures and tours. I heard his boat requires minor repairs at this time, so...... it might not work out. It's a gamble to make any referrals, frankly, but people ask for them all the time.
The raft boat has a hole in it and needs repairs. I could motor around myself if I can figure that out. I think the patch stuff is THERE if I can find it. Sometimes the heat kills things like that and brining new is a good idea. There's rafting companies at home with those items. Will see about that. Will have to check a bag on the plane,but that's OK.
There's tons of sheets and tableclothes and knapkins in drawers....will edit them and bring bathroom towels, which number fewer than I remember. We need those. I brought new comforters for the Twin beds, so that's done. The twin room now has a chest freezer and will hold a commercial ice maker at some point which brings me to arranging that room so guests have somewhere to put their things and luggage. It used to be the cottage kitchen so has the electrical outlets for big appliances.... that's a good thing.
Brother talks about adding another bedroom and bathroom to take the pressure off the ONE shared bathroom. I think about finishing the larger shed and moving the "caretaker" ito it so we have the guest house and that bathroom to rent and use again. Brother likes that idea too.
Building another little cottage would bring some privacy to the situation, IMO.
The realtor guy, who has the dock next to mine and isn't the president of the condo assoc any longer, has sent potential buyers to the cottage and made it known he'd like to purchase the entire property or vacant lot..... not sure what that's about, but he has a boat and spends time on the island. Maybe he's serious. Maybe not.
When I go back, the local contractor will have me scheduled in. I'm bringing roofing materials and epoxy and sealants with. I always bring safety gear for him. Hopefully I'll have the exterior doos to install too.
That's the update.
Lighter
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I'm steadier bc I don't stuff my feelings anymore.... much. I'm less reactive around SO many things and people....but my kids are still a sticking poing. Sometimes reactivity pops up.... I get thrown but recognize I'lll be better off asking for help.
With that said, I head back to the island this weekend and I have zero anxiety. Once I stopped stuffing feelings and biting back my truth..... life got easier....there was flow and ease and ability to BE and remain in the present, which is a joyful thing.
I'm experiencing a few hiccups with regard to youngest dd and what I've modeled for her......the patterns she's formed........ stuffing feelings and letting things build. It's caustic.
My anxiety went trough the roof as she's talking about her feelings.... and I think she can, bc I'm stronger now..... I don't think she saw me as strong enoough to carry what I carried AND her stuff too. So, I was reactive then my T helped me calm myself and SEE what was really there and things continue getting more productive and less reactive for me, but more raw and difficult for J. I can be the compassionate witness, validate her experience, share my own similar experiences and give her permission to HAVE them, to honor herself as a priority....which is something she can't quite put into focus yet,but understsands.... just too diffucult to SEE all the moving pieces at once and make sense of them, IME. It will come.
Yesterday we had a very productive conversation, sort of around the island, and she said I'd let her down regarding a very paiful situation and it felt "twice as painful" to her bc I was the one who she trusted to protect her and keep her safe....and she felt I had victim blamed.
::Knife to the heart::., but she needs to know she is the one who will keep herself safe. She needs to trust herself to DO that. I COULD never keep her safe once the courts decided her father and his side of the family had rights to prey at will, or until I could prove harm, which came to pass.... just as I said it would. I really get tired of being right. J says that SAME exact thing... a lot.
We're riding the ripples of the harm done during the girl's childhoods..... L had Wilderness Camp and Therapeutic Boarding school to work hers out. I remember J saying.... "Aren't you glad I'm not a problem, Mom? Aren't you glad?" The really stoic people take longer to reach their breaking points, IME. J is so so strong,but once she gets it....things will roll along for her.
DDJ will learn to feel safe being vulberable.... she's not 20 yet. She can still learn.
As I said before, I dont' think her T is very proactive with regard to implementing tools and tricks to calm her brain and biochemisstry down. I present the information over and over, as it was presented to me when I was learning and figuring out my own distress and chill...... implementing measures to STOP the old patterns, create new ones and build on them, choice by choice.
DDJ is so smart. So capable, but that biochemical hijack is a force to be reckoned with. She's SEES everything, but there are so many pieces and they're moving and shifting and going in and out of focus for her.
I'm just glad wer'e having the discussion and it's getting calmer and more productive as we go.]]
Lighter
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Wonderful trip to island with sibs and niece and nephew and lovely BIL.
I'll update cottage website soon. I have guests in cottage now at the updated rate. They arrived this morning to a power outage and seemed perfectly happy about it, the cottage and early check in process. The power plant does ebb and flow, like the water plant. It's a different, very slow way of life. Rolling with the flow isn't for everyone, but cottage guests seem very good at it so far.
Will go back at end of month to finish painting buildings. Things look so good!
Lighter
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I remember how thrilled I was to discover any trick or tool for better communication. In therapy and other settings, I practiced "active listening" or "mirroring" or "empathic listening." All the same, and it was revolutionary to me.
Anyway, when my D was about 10 I began demonstrating and presenting the information...and one day she blew up and said, "Don't use your skills on me!"
In my case, presenting information "over and over and over" backfired into her rejecting a lot of things (tools and tricks) that could have helped her so much as she went through her painful passages. I over-taught her out of anxiety. I wasn't a "helicopter" parent so much as a highly highly anxious one. Not helpful.
Good for you for loving them so steadily and holding hope for them, Lighter. They've come a long way and may do most of their maturing after they're on their own.
hugs
Hops
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... and may do most of their maturing after they're on their own.
Yep; most of us do. There are some, that for various reasons, simply don't mature. Or engage in the constant battle of trying to have their cake & eat it too... being self-reliant, but not being responsible or able to manage emotions or set themselves on a life path of their own choosing.
The in-between stages - between being actively parented and maturing - is where people's life stories come from, I think.
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Ahhh, Hops....it seems I have presented information to me girls out if anxiety and it's IN their heads, but not always what they choose...a reflexive shunning on youngest DD's part happens.
The only message I've repeated with my niece and nephew is I'll love them no matter what and it's ok. It will always be safe and love will always be unconditional with me.
Maybe less is more.
Amber:
You provide new perspective on the importance of stepping back and allowing children to adult. At once, there's comfort and some small anxiety in that.
Thanks Hops and Amber for your lessons and wisdom.
We may not travel to the island this month....is up in the air. We bought 2 fantastic beach cruisers, one black/ one lavender for the cottage. I can't wait to zip tie milk crates or better to them for hauling groceries.
Last night the gay, Irish event planner booked a long weekend for himself and his dog next week. I was at once drawn to him and repelled by his energy, colorful language and vigor for engaging life ....meaning he stymied the locals who fed him rum till he should have fallen down, but didn't ( a favorite local past time on the island.). He also attended " house parties" on the Southside and spoke of feeling at home with the trash in the streets and everyone trying to make a buck. Hmmmm. He knew both Southside bars well.....walked both N and S with his HUGE dog said to look like a Pitty with Doberman legs. Everyone was lovely to him but for one native who screamed the dog needed to be leashed on the beach, which is desolate in front of the cottage all the way to the marina and beyond. I think it was a mental health issue, not a property owner issue,and J,other guest, is fond of yelling F+ck you and Fock off,vwhich makes me squeamish, but I admire his indomitable pluck.
So, J rented cottage last Christmas and left halfway through, bf's mother felt ill, so I gave J a deal he was happy with, bc he paid for entire stay. That's where I leave that.
Lighter
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Oh, the Irishman!
I think I'd feel two things:
He'd embarrass me.
I'd like him.
Very funny.
I'm going to re-watch NANETTE, Hannah Gadsby's Netflix special, with a dear friend who's never seen it. Maybe a second will join us. Can't wait. Gadsby blows my mind and brings me joy. Only comedy special I've ever watched that also made me weep.
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Love Nanette! Such a smart comedian.
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Brilliant to the point of astonishing, imo. More and more layers in more interviews. I really think Hannah Gadsby is a culturally transformative genius.
Can you tell I'm a fan? :)
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Current guest having trouble with Wi-Fi, the AC unit in main living area, the power going off tonight at bedtime and likely a little fright when handyman showed up to help with AC and sturdy up boardwalk with new screws....and these 2 guests are like 20 yo sweet very quiet young women.
I'm frustrated by " caretaker's" dropping the ball on AC repair while prior guest was there asking for help.....it was promised but never came. " Caretaker" didn't care to check if repair made it if repairman showed....like a child, he doesn't think or care.
Grrrrr.
I'm feeling better now. I've talked myself out if 2 trees.
I hear lightening. A storm is coming.
Lighter
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Housekeeper is on top of AC repair, if it can be made at all. The wifi was spotty or out on the entire island, it wasn't anything to do with my billing.... or the wires at the road. It could still be the wires into the house, but my "caretaker" continus to ghost me when I ask him to check on that.
Housekeeper said AC will be checked before the next guest arrives, and if it doesn't, we already have a secondary AC unit set up and working... just have empty the bottle as it fills with condensation. Details.
I'm contemplating going for a couple months or at least one month, particularly if my go to handy man is available to help me renovate the guest house bathroom. I can handle painting and detailing...... but not sure what I'll do to replace the walls... it;'s that melamine stuff and it's falling down and apart... just awful.
I think about tearing out both showers and doing them all at once bc getting a plumber out is like scheduling major surgery on the island. Maybe running hot water to the outdoor shower, which would be SO LOVELY, but then I might be providing hot water for everyone on the island who cares to shower on our patio and electricity is SO expensive.
IF I'm getting the plumber out, why not put in another bathroom or at least a half bath? Or a half bath and a full bath?
The journey continues.
Lighter
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Plumbers and new bathrooms!
I don't have much to offer but am glad this happy pursuit continues for you.
hugs
Hops
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My "caretaker" took some guest items after they left them behind..... it's maddening to be responsible in a situation where I'm not on site, can't ask someone living FOR FREE on my property to simply be helpful and not undermine me..... maddening, I tell'ya.
I sent many texts givng "caretaker" a way out asking him to put the items back "if he put the items in the boat shed", bc they're clothing items for boating. JUST the hat showed back up, which puzzled the housekeeper, who I don't want to spook with any suggestion things were taken, bc she's OUT if her brother "caretaker" is taking things. She doesn't want any part of the situation if there's big trouble.
Speaking of trouble... today she texted that the last guests had pooped into the bathroom trash can...... and left it for her to find. Not sure what that means. I don't know if it's children or an elderly person or a drunk..... just..... the trashcan and it's contents, along with the guest review I've begun but not been able to finish. This really is the first time something like this has happened.
Would you guys contact the guest or leave a less than steller review? This guest also immediately went into the "owners" pantry and asked to eat things out of it, which is fine, but it's just odd and I don't understand when guests contact me to say they have to wear their shoes inside the cottage, which isn't supposed to happen or go ino the pantry, which isn't supposed to happen BUT HOW WOULD i know if they didn't tell on themselves? I wouldn't, but poop in trashcans is problematic. I'm just not sure in what way.
I suppose it's possible the wifi went out enough that pooping in the trashcan seemed like a ligical way to express discontent over the circumstances..... that guest wrote her review already, so will see when I submit my review.
The largest split AC unit officially died and needs to be replaced. My brother is going and will pay housekeeper and handyman and AC installation guy. His lovely gf said she'd bring the cleaning items the housekeeper asked for.
That's the update on the island.
Lighter
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Got no good advice on B&B reviews.
All I know is that task, of being in charge of something so far away that is an ongoingly needy and discomfiting property, would not be on my list of joys.
But different strokes! You love to have property to be responsible for and I am contemplating my wee issues here. Avoiding as much "subcontracting" as I can.
Hope it all gets sorted soon, with no more tightrope moments. Sounds so stressful.
hugs
Hops
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I have 14 five star reviews and one 4 star review, which was odd, bc that guest was SO very happy with the cottage and everything about it. I think maybe there was some garbage on the beach bringing the score down. The "caretaker" is supposed to pick up trash but I think he sometimes leaves more trash tan he picks up..... SO frustrating.
About having the cottage.... it wasn't my dream, but there came a time when I had to decide whether to let the cottage fall into the Atlantic or save it. It's not an ideal paradise, but it is paradise.
Here comes hurricane season again.
Lighter
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Forgot the paradise part!
So glad you have a door to it, Lighter.
Hugs,
Hops
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So, as I continue hosting guests at the Cottage, long distance, I'm getting more efficient.
Particularly with responses I can have on hand to send. THOSE are amazing. How to get to the cottage from either side of the island is automatically sent by Airbnb, so I haven't had to think about it.
More automatic responses have to be written and sent by me.... and I've started writing those out, but it's been hit or miss and there will always be specific questions guests have. I am hoping I can send the information and proactively answer most of the questions or help the guests hone down their questions quickly and more specifically.
My brother was just at the Cottage and replaced the down AC split AC unit himself, which saved 250.00.
At the same time, he purchased 2 $1500.00 units, at cost, which took my breath away. I'd paid 500.00 for units on the island and they've lasted 4 years......
and.....
it appears the unit that stopped working wasn't put out of service by the corrosion or bc of proximity to the ocean, which I assumed.
My brother said the unit had been wired improperly, which makes sense. Votage and amperage and all the things needed to properly select and install units are out of my control, unless I actually bring a certified electrician or someone I trust to KNOW what to do.
My brother isn't an electrician, but he explained what he found in the wiring... 3 wires going into the pipe leading to 2 wires and how that likely burned up the compressor..... I tthnk he said, which means I trust and go limp and am grateful but frustrated and don't know how to escape more problems like that since the "good electrician specializing in AC" did one repair and one attempted repair on that unit without discovering the WRONG wiring, and so....what does that mean for repairs going forward on really expensive units that will likely die bc of incompetence rather than proximity to the ocean? It's overwhelming for me and....
Burning up one leg of the electrip panel, bc we put too much load on the panel or destroying the entire panel is a reality that COULD happen,bc we aren't aware of just how much load the panel can take is the larger piece in that equation. I think brother bought smaller units which is comforting to me. I at first thought we were replacing the dead unit with a larger unit, but I don't think that's the case.
The second unit he brought to the island is for replacing the roll around AC unit vented out a window and sitting on a bulky wooden stand my BIL built for it and takes up important floor space in a relatilvey small bedroom space. Also, it covers up some of a window on the ocean side of the cottage. It's a solution that's not optimal. THere's a second unit like this in the bunk room, taking up precious floor space and vented out a hole in the wall. Again, imperfect but solves the problem of cooling a cement building with a metal roof with ZERO insulation in half or more of the cottage roof. I guess the orginal part of the house has an attic and we added insulation in recent years.
The heat is what you'd expect in Miami.... it's extreme in the summer and the current AC units barely keep up with it. Sometimes there's the feeling of cold clammy humidity I find distressing..... even when in front of a unit..... I'm too cold, yet feel too hot, bc of the humidity and that means the unit isn't able to dry out the air and cool the cottage well eough for my comfort. Oh well. I don't plan to ever go in the summer again, if I can help it.
There's relief and serenity in the winter months and winds, even if the Atlantic is tool rough to boat, which isn't the case for my brother who is intensely committed to striking out in very iffy to bad weater and getting to the island when he's scheduled a trip.
I've been miserable and not half as miserable as some of his boat passengers have been. Grown men puking and peeing in their pants bc it's too dangerous to pee over the side of the boat and all I've had to deal with is having my guts pounded while I'm freezing cold.
I learned not to drink anything before we go..... I don't want to stop and pee if I don't have to and sometimes my brother WON'T stop, and I get that too. I will, however, advocate for people who have to pee and that just seems fair..... though I try to tell them not to drink before the trip..... I'll stand by and guard them at the public dock if they want to pee in the little bit of forest..... but I want to avoid that and the risk.... there's always trash from people who live in that area or pass through and I don't ask people to guard me. I just hope I don't have to defend myself with my pants down.
About BEING ON THE BOAT..... once you're on it, it's almost impossible to dock anywhere in Florida to go to the bathroom or order food or just TIE UP legally, before hitting big water where one CAN pee over the side. It's about $100.00 to tie up to a dock with a hal opened store and use their bathroom... not easy to find,not sure how my brother finds it, but he likely can, again.
That said...... I'm trying to never ever ever go onto that boat without my Frog Toggs poncho so I don't have to shiver in WET cold misery. I prefer my misery dry, thank you very much, but it even with proper rain gear.....it's not always manageable.
I have to say..... I'm not sure I could ever talk my kids ONTO a boat ride of that length and under miserable conditions. My brother's now grown and approx same age children are tough dang stuff and they have grateful very tough SOs who just get on that boat and go baby go. They've been on boat rides that ripped tables out of 100 f0ot yachts and my brother does this without having much experience or knowing exactly what will happen,but he KNOWS he will get there and everyone will be safe. He also knows he would have survived the sinking of the Titanic and if anyone around him wanted to survive they should listen and follow him....then he pretends to stake himself to an iceburg while nodding with assurances HE WOULD SURVIVE and I belive him. Bravery, research and faith..... btw my brother made the crossing in half the time the yacht did with it;s fancy high paid captain. I'm consistently astonished at my brother's abilities and I'm talking about everything to plumbing to working on trucks on the side of a busy highway in a thundrstorm to dealing with medical emergencies and electrical repairs and building boat engines and playing ping pong and operating and working on heavy equipment and trusting himself and his abilities. Just.... amazing stuff, that.
And so....that's the island update for now and where I'm at with it.
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Freestanding dehumidifiers?
Tinkle Belles for all! Females. Water bottles for man-pee.
Hilarious vision of your brother managing the sinking of the Titanic. I believe it!
hugs
Hops
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Ahhhhh boat life. I'm absolutely awake, aware & full of energy on a boat. I don't get seasick and can usually be found in the bow seeking as much spray as available that day. But I think that's coz I absolutely abhor and am terrified of going in the water. Hahahahahahahahaha. Unless it's a pool. I have to be able to see the bottom.
I don't mess with electricity either Lighter. B DOES but he doesn't like it either. But the humidity issue might be improved with at least SOME insulation in the roof - even the 2" foam with reflective boards would help some. MAYBE. I have spent enough time a mile from the ocean or less, to know that when the humidity is high - there just isn't any relief from it.
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Ya, I LOVE to ride on the front of fast moving boat with big rolling waves underneath us. It's exhilerating, and I don't mind swimming with sharks and rays and trying to pet the passing sea turtle, but the hours long, teeth chattering slog in the cold, at night, with the waves coming over the side and drenching whoever didn't prepare..... honestly, I'd wear garbage bags if I couldn't find my togs, it's
that
dang
miserable.
Amber, what insulation do you think would be BEST, if you remember or ever knew, for a seaside roof. I was thinking foam boad bc my BIL mentioned it back in the day. The things is.... I have beautiful rafters I don't want to cover up, so going in between them with the foam boards seeeeeems like it could work, but then.....I'll do 15 hours of research then set my mind to it when it's time.
Hops:
That Tinker Belle device..... it's an idea, fo sho.
I don't have a lot of trouble getting my arse over the back of the boat, next to the engine, and using passing waves to dunk as a rinse, but most gals just pee on the swim platform which.... is easier, but..... I just can't. It's a sort of dangerous hang when things are really rough..... and the Tinker Belle would resolve ALL THAT. Brilliant.
Lighter
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TINKLE Belle! So exciting. So much fun. Dehumidifier/s?
I got to cross the Atlantic four times on biiiiiig liners when I was young. Seven days each way. On one trip I fell in love with all the Scandiavian elevator boys, gorgeous in gold-button uniforms. But mostly I loved being at the prow (crossing over) and the stern (coming back, reluctantly). I would stand out there for hours until my made me come back to the cabin. I'd be the only person on deck sometimes. The ocean changed me forever.
My other best boat trip was on a huge wooden sailing yacht from St. Cast, France (industrialist family whose son I met at a party) to Jersey Island and back. We fished for mackerel all night (w/buncha his brothers and gfs) and I got to translate at the island harbor for an English couple whose boat motor had quit. One of our guys was a genius mechanic -- my proudest interpreting moment. I had no idea what doohickeys he was talking about but after endless discussion I could really describe what they did; the people connected, it worked! They puttered off happy.
Such nostalgia started with y'all's sea adventures. Thanks for sharing them.
hugs
Hops
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Yes Lighter, I think the foam board can be cut to fit between beams and then covered with the final surface, which could be painted, or varnished wood or something. It wouldn't be a LOT of insulation, mind you. But would be better than nothing.
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Double-layered foam board plus reflectix?
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I think double layered foam on the interior but something on the exterior roof as well. Maybe JUST under the shingles....not sure. I have lots of research to to. As always. And maybe my BIL will just KNOW and tell me. I'm going for something that's better than nothing..... the entire roof will come off, dry rotted rafters need replacing and it's complicated because they run into the old part of the house..... it's always complicated, isn't it? Yup yup yup.
Hops.... I love the idea of you traveling happily across the seas, crushing on beautiful Scandi boys and standing alone on the deck, just you and the sea and the ship. That was how I spent my time on the ONE unhappy cruise, a divorce cruise. The time alone, in the wind with the waves and the sturdy ship under my feet.... just sublime moments away from people and the little spaces inside the ship. Lord, our cabin floor was tilted quite drastically..... I hardly spent a moment in it, except to sleep. I can't remember my stbx being INSIDE the cabin with me, not once.
You so deserve interesting friends and travel and more of what you love...... you're interesting, good company and what happened to the gal you clicked with at the beach?
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Aww, thanks, Lighter.
I really appreciate you entering that memory with me.
I'm sorry your Mama Ocean experience was a sad divorce cruise.
I've never been on a cruise but you deserve a lovely, mellow one. And we share
that memory of the ocean's acceptance. SO extraordinary.
We went through the tail end of a hurricane on the way back in '64. Wow. Huge ship was on Tilt-A-Whirl. I loved it. My poor mother was clutching everything in sight.
I'm not sure which beach gal you're referring to...oh maybe I do remember,
the one who referred me to Patio Guy, maybe. Haven't seen her much. Very nice
person but not a big friend-click. I'll need to be patient and keep meeting more
people, to find some friend with brains like I've found here!
I do have a date upcoming. A retired railroad engineer with a huge smile in his pix.
I got excited because he listed himself as "Agnostic" (another unicorn!) and stated that nobody from the ...other party... should "apply." My Dad was a train nut so we'll surely have enough in common to enjoy a yak meet. All it is, at this point.
But since I'm a week away from my personal deadline to cancel the website before another payment gets sucked out of my account, good timing for a new experiment. No worries if it clicks or clacks, it's just more practice about being open to connection.
hugs
Hops
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I love to read your descriptive posts, Hops.
Tilt-A-Whirl experience sounds fun IF no vomiting involved!
Guest checking into cottage today. The wife just learned to ride a bike for this trip, God protect her.
Lighter
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It's official.
The Wi Fi on the island is substandard, bc the telephone company won't or can't update their capacity to serve their customers so everyone still pays full price for service that might be 4 out of 7 days a week when added up. That the service comes and goes, sometimes goes for several days is a huge PITA.
We're changing out the older router and modem, but I don't think it will change anything.... but just in case.
The last guests were retired.... she's a T author writing her story about discovering her father wasn't her bio father and her h is a retired police officer turned painter.... and his oversized canvases make my heart SO HAPPY! There's one of a lab that's joyful.
It was interesting to get reports on the missing beach chair mystery..... the h followed the drag marks and retreived the chair..... his inner cop simply refused to allow that on his watch. The wife said he mumbled to himself the entire time he was dragging the chair.
Both h and w dealt with divorce and alienated children...... the wife was very chatty.
::nodding::.
Time to read her review.
Lighter
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Review was great. Guest checking out this morning was silent their entire trip, so happy they checked in last night with plans to return. Some guests are so easy.
My Super Host status just renewed. Not sure how that works. It's a good reason not to book return guests through Airbnb, which I haven't been doing.
No complaints about Wi-Fi, electricity or water outages this rental, so.....that's good.
Lighter
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Expecting high winds at the cottage.
The Florida dick has been rented daily as shelter from the storm....a new renter has been lining up but hasn't been approved yet.
I had a sketchy guy offer a year's rent up front....assume he's trouble. Will let dock neighbor realtor handle it.
Lighter
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The dock has a new renter filling out paperwork now. I asked the last renter for an increase in rental fee, and it was fair... more than fair, but his boat is in repairs for the next 6 months, so I don't blame him for pulling out.
Update on the cotrage is all good. Utilities seem to be holding steady. No power outages last visit, the water and water pressurere cosistent, the wifi is working consistently...... so that's all good.
The housekeeper continues to be on point and the only reason Airbnb works on the island for me......along with the handyman D. He's keeping the wooden boarwalk on the broken seawall in good repair and making sure the roof is good and metal doors don't turn to lace.
I'm feeling a pull to sell the place.
Lighter
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Hmmm. I've thought for awhile that selling the island property might be advantageous to you Lighter. You have the Lake House property, are still highly engaged with the girls -- and it sounds like, sometimes, it's a bit overwhelming. If you think that it's in about as good a shape as you can make it, maybe explore the possibility with a realtor who specializes in that kind of property. (Now is decidedly a bad time to try to sell. in general though. See: higher loan interest rates, shaky economy, and inflation.)
That said, I kinda miss the little cabin I sold south of here. Yes, I have all the privacy I could want on the farm. Enough land to be able to go out on the porch nekkid to world (if I so desire) and just scream - without anyone hearing me. The ability to go park my butt SOMEWHERE ELSE, for a weekend/week - for solitude, meditation, decisions, or just change of scenry seems to be something I need, from time to time. As much as I hear about other people's lives - it's not just me, either. But, there were so many downsides to keeping that property - even though I'm only a couple hours away.
Driveway maintenance, landscaping, critters, house upkeep (or winterizing), the usual chores/upkeep that one does at "home" is doubled if one owns a rental or vacation property. I wanted a slower, less burdened lifestyle. It feels free-er; fewer obligations & responsibilities. Maybe that's what's starting to bubble up for you?
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It's funny.... I think the property would sell pretty quick IF I got the paperwork and surveys together. The realtor with the boat slip next to mine in Miami has been sending buyers to view it and asking to buy it himself, or half of it, for a while. I think deciding to do it will be the difficult part. Will see. I'm not worried. Maybe I have too many options. My DD22 said she wants to go to the Cottage for New Years...... seems very happy to go to the warmth. Youngest DD20 seems to be OK with it. Just when I think neither wants anything to do with it anymore, they want to go.
Everyone once in a while I think about running a little retreat out of it in the winter months.
I'm shocked the island remains such a poverty stricken...... place in the stream. Not everyone is suited to making the trip or enjoying it, will tell you that. It's not for the faint of heart or mind.
And I'm not sure I want a slower life. I think I'll want to be busy for a while.... years. Just not sure what I want to be busy at.
Whatever's coming for me..... I should really get serious about what it is, don'tcha think?
I hope you guys are enjoying this cool weather...... the last couple of days have been wicked warm. Bet it's been warm where you are too.
Lighter
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Just booked flights for the island. Seems the family, at least most of it, is heading there after Christmas. Oldest DD is bringing one of her friends. Not sure if my brother's kids are coming, but the Deep Sea Captain is bringing the second boat so I know he'll be there, likely with his lovely gf and maybe one of her children.... I think she has two.
I'm going to be very mindful about vay k shion ing. Hmm.... vacationing.
I think I'd like to learn how to find the best diving and fishing spots I can reach with the raft.... must remember to pack a patch... I think. It would be a complete game changer is I could motor around on my own and take food at will. Maybe will order a new wrist sling and extra spears.... never handled one, btw. Know nothing about it except must be close and not ruin the tips with rocks.
I'm actually looking forward to this trip.
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Sounds like fun Lighter, even tho the diving part isn't my cup o' tea... there are things in that water that can eat me. (so there's my achilles heel... no, the bears & lions & eagles don't bother me, go figure)
I'm trying to play kitchen wench baking again, but it's going really slow - with a lot of interruptions and today I'm outta sorts coz of the ice storm moving in. EEK... it won't be horrible and B is here till the weekend. He'll be back in 3 weeks, this time. And he keeps reminding me, "going back" isn't "going home". Home is here, now. Warts & all.
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"going back" isn't "going home". Home is here, now.
Awww, bless 'im.
I like that B!
hugs
Hops
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About fear and the ocean. I'm fascinated and exhilarated by it. Maybe terrified by its depth, but the beautiful blue shallows invite me.
I've been fearful of sharks....snorkeling happily on the island. I have a nervous laugh so it sounded like some awful demon laughing through the snorkel in my ears as I looked off in the distance for an approaching shark that never appeared. I don't do that to myself anymore. Bad idea.
I've wished sharks would get me during my first marriage. Divorce put an end to that.
Now, I'm just assuming I'll be fine in crystal clear water.. Humans aren't on the list of preferred shark foods.....I try to remember that. Murky water isn't for me.
There are times I'm forced to question myself....like when French boy and I were on the HUGE raft, gently floating over the reef with the tide on our bellies, dive masked faces in the water looking at the different fish families. 2 locals appeared very concerned about our faces being torn off. And I will tell you.....my carefully cultivated chill wavered a bit. I was surprised at their level of concern. Obviously, they've seen and experienced things elevating their caution. I noted their concern.
The housekeeper thinks swimming on the reef is a sharky idea she doesn't at all care for. That's concerning, imo.
Local divers talk about encounters with hammerhead sharks, "beeeg" sharks and that ruffles my chill in January, Feb and March. I admit that.
The thing is, fishing boats go past the cottage in the afternoons and the sharks know the fish cleaning stations are going to be busy. The sharks swim by the Cottage going in and out of the harbor. Sometimes we through a fishing line out and reel in a fish only to it bitten in half by a passing shark and THAT reminds me of the movie JAWS. I'm not going swimming at night in the Atlantic, for sure.
Now, that said, I've seen sharks attracted to a appeared lobster and I intend to take lobsters. Maybe spear some fish, if I'm lucky. THAT, for me, means I'll drop any speared fish or lobster if sharks show up....like the locals do. Getting back into the raft, with an interested shark circling, seems like a good idea too. I'm guessing there will be some squealing and rushing, but all will be well.
I know "the boy" used to gather fish and lobster on our beach with a wrist sling all day long when on the island....the boy was my niece's Tarzan like boyfriend. I've seen little 2 man John boats with men diving into the water for lobster and conch near the Cottage.
I can do that.
I think; )
Lighter
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Fear-stirring.
Same thing I do in other areas of life.
In recent years since I only wind up at the ocean some Octobers I haven't been swimming in the waves for ages. For me, the ocean has become something to look at and listen to, gift enough. I don't fish there but should own what I eat. Can't do lobstah.
Lighter, I see your excitement over being at the cottage, while also imagining your relief when you're pondering selling. However you decide, it is/has been/will be/was a menaingful place in your life.
hugs
Hops
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It's an interesting to focus....or shift focus to the best memories of a place, person or thing as I'm attempting with the Cottage, Hops.
"The boy" had me running through a ground pounding thunder storm during a stay in my home. I was terrified I'd be electrocuted, but at the same time exhilarated and moving with purpose as I ran to make our phones dry then ran back to the raging creek we were work/playing in.....garthering beautiful rocks and crawfish/salamanders...just tromping through it in the rain, like children...was amazing. Overcoming that fear felt amazing.
It's the same with the Ocean.... the ocean, a storm, lightening, the wind could destroy me without noticing my presence. That can be terrifying and shut me down or it can be scary while I embrace, invite, join and overcome my fear.
Right now I'm feeling like buying a fish cleaning glove and embracing everything, though I'm still not one for crowds.
About owning our food....ya. There's something primal in fishing/gathering, cleaning and preparing wild food. I want to learn more about the plants and have some fresh tomatoes and peppers growing too, but for now.....the fish cleaning glove and 10 gallons of paint is on my list this trip.
Anyone know anything about marine paint?
Lighter
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We tried to leave Friday but big waves knocked out navigation about 12 miles out.....Ft.Lauderdale is 45 miles....had to turn back.
We're readying to leave by 9:30. The extra time meant bunk room AC drain fixed, washer leak fixed, paint touch up done, threw out all moldy things and it feels so good in cottage today!!!!
Will write about the trip in a day or so. 9 people in the cottage, the 7....... I feel....surprisingly calm and centered🌞
Lighter
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I hope conditions are better today Lighter! It's helpful to picture a warm tropical spot about now, from my very chilly (but not wintry) mountain.
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We left around noon...some of 9ur adult children partied very hard till 5am at the bar down the driveway. Getting tourists drunk is a favorite island pastime. Doesn't appeal to me at all.
Boat ride was dry, warm and pretty darn calm. I drive 11 hours back after landing....just jumped in the car and went. Home and asleep by 2:30 am. Youngest DD is a wonderful co pilot and we talked a lot both ways.
Have the cottage booked out the last week in February for sibs. Will likely go with them.
Lighter
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Truth be told, I don't want or need to hear about every fluctuation in water pressure....or that 2 guys were sitting in the patio lounge chairs "waiting for fruends" or the water heater is putting out "tepid" water only or the Wi-Fi is still out and could I "stay on the water and phone companies" bc the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
I so very clearly told the guest about the Wi-Fi being out on our entire side if the Island.
She can see work on the water main is ongoing as city water extension continues South. Guest took pictures of the work. She knows.
This guest has gone to the phone company, both times she's been a guest, to enquire about my service THEN asked I contact them, bc they refused to talk to her, bc she's not the account holder.
She's a can-do bear. I appreciate her tenacity....admire it in a way, but I'm going to remind her what's worth her time worrying and what's not.
I'm writing about this bc I want her to have an amazing vacation....I notice a tendency to worry and do mindlessly, but catch it quick lately.
I have very little or zero control over the things vexing her. I would control them if I could.
I can't so I go back to being present in the moment. Baby girl Pug getting teeth cleaned today, bum and paws too. She woke up at 1pm.....doing fine, but needs 3.5 hours recovery before pick up. I bet she's all...what the hell...my bum, my paws my choppers I'm sleepy feed me!!
Love that pug!!
The cottage is in great shape. Better than last year during her stay. All the "suggestions" she made have been tended to and I'm gonna enjoy a meal with oldest DD then collect the pug: )
Lighter
Water, power, weather and Wi-Fi are beyond my control.
That's island life on an island
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I am absolutely a fan of acknowledging and then letting go fussing over the things we can't control, Lighter. It's still an acquired skill for me too; B & I are taking turns reminding each other of this.
Have you thought more about maybe selling the cottage in the future?
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Glad you can enjoy landlord worries, Lighter.
And I know you enjoy your own respites there.
I know I crave having less to do and less to be responsible for these days, but you're younger....
hugs
Hops
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I'm 50/50 decided to go to island with my sibs, BIL and niece.
Youngest DD still navigating college and recovering from a virus, but getting her parking pass today. If I thought she'd be fine, I'd go.
My sister had a high blood pressure reading and is waiting to see heart doc as I write this.
I should go to the island.
Lighter
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Glad it's going happily, Lighter.
The island place must be a wonderful retreat.
But guests who aren't smart enough to put sandals out of reach of a puppy...I think they're the ones who should be anxious. In a different country you're supposed to control a PUPPY? Whose expectation about that is in your head?
I guess I mean, whose voice is it? Does somebody in your head enjoy bringing you fear or alarm? (I have one. She's my mother; anxiety incorporated.)
hugs
Hops
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Ya.... they should have put their shoes out of the way, man you are right about that. but I did't know there was a puppy, so they didn't know and shoes were chewed before they had a chance to process. Airbnb asks for that kind of information, up front, before people book, so they're aware. Not sure how to put away exposed skin and relax on a beach with an excited puppy either. Those guests didn't leave a review, thank God.
IN a couple weeks guests are bringing their Pomeranian.... tiny little, fragile thing is almost 2 yo. Still a puppy. Can you imagine what it's hopping about, barking will look like to a baby pitty? I imagine it will appear as an exciting little chew toy.
I don't know about your expectations for a pitty puppy on premises, but I hear the theme music from Jaws. Sure, there's a cute spotted white pitty puppy frolicking happily in slow motion, but the theme still plays.
Lighter
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Ahhh.
Well I guess you just tell the potential guests about the baby pitty, and let them make their own decision?
Who needs a gratitous overlay of extra responsibility when it's so easily yielded to those who should decide for themselves?
hugs
Hops
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Ahhh.
Well I guess you just tell the potential guests about the baby pitty, and let them make their own decision?
Who needs a gratitous overlay of extra responsibility when it's so easily yielded to those who should decide for themselves?
hugs
Hops
And what words, exactly, would you use to relay this informatoin to guests, Hops?
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FYI, the hurricane watchers are already looking at 2 storms in the eastern Atlantic. The first one is now at a 90% chance of developing; on the standard storm track too. There will be a lot of hyperventilating weather reports about it the end of the week. ;)
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I guess because adorable sweet "pitties" are all over the internet now, I think the general breed has lost some of its fearsomeness, imo. The label's confusing.
Wording?
So glad you're bringing your pup. Be aware there's an enthusiastic mutt-pit-mix puppy there too who's been known to eat sandals, so best store those out of reach. Far as I know it doesn't eat poms, though, and two puppies is more fun than one. You might want to supervise their first playtime just to see how they do. HAVE FUN.
How's that?
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That was a lovely chipper way to put it, Hops.
::hearing Jaws theme song in the background::.
Unknowns are something I struggle with, particularly as I know a lot about Pom puppies....they're FRAGILE!!
I know almost nothing about this little beauty pitty pup, except she's adorable and likes to play and chew and be a puppy.
Lighter
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This would be a breathe and let it go moment, maybe?
Fragile or not, THEY are on the island and THEY are in charge of their own puppy, fragile or not, right? Surely they've been in charge of protecting it from bouncier dogs before...
Not to belabor it but even unknown, it seems like responsibility over-reach and anxiety-creating. Be lovely if you didn't do that to yourself in lotsa situations.
You deserve not to be anxiety-ridden.
hugs
Hops
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Everything that potentially COULD happen, won't, Lighter.
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Lighter -- do you seek out scary movies, ever? Or watch them with friends?
Seeking out fear is a fun thing to some and hide-under-bed misery to others. Your mentions of "Jaws" music reminded me of how much audience laughter erupted alongside their shrieks during the movie.
Plenty of very nice, very sane people enjoy movies I don't even want to think about. And maybe that's another way of finding out who we are.
I can't watch horror movies, EVER, but do enjoy and seek out thrillers of the Jason Bourne variety (and a few worse.)
For me it's partly whether my present life has enough stimulation. Jaws themes or gory poms -- are these flashes signs of stress? Hmmmm. MIGHT want to take up ... dunno ... bungie jumping? Or I know, memoir writing! I swear it'll give you very satisfying, on the edge, adrenalin rushes....
I wonder how somatic it all is, and how complex the variability among all of us and how amazing our unique and individeal wiring is. Sensation-seeking. Some seek a scrap of velvet, others free climb up a rock face. (My friend Gennulman did that for years, amazing photos of him like a ladybug on a wall very high in the Rockies, nothing but balance and finger strength keeping him safe. I can barely look at the pix.)
A current favorite of mine that is, ironically, very comforting -- surprising me every time. 24 Hours in A&E (BBC documentary about a trauma center hospital in the U.K. -- won a load of awards, it's brilliantly done). Completely unscripted. They put about 300 cameras in emergency depts but spend as much time on the ordinary people being brave and loving and lots of small human moments/interactions as they do the drama of injuries/illnesses. It's the attitude and the compassion and the remarkable goodness of so many people -- plus extraordinary editing, that make it so compelling to me. It's like a bedtime story. Not as weird as it sounds, if you watch a few ... you'll see what I mean.
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About the Pom.....
when we had a family gathering at a step sister's home, she kept her little bitty Pom dog...grown by ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
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I'm too old to deal with a second pit bull at the Cottage.
It's not something I want to deal with.
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Oh. Well that sounds legit.
I didn't realize this was a new/second resdient dog at your property.
So, logically, don't landlord rights include this kind of choice?
Who owns it?
Can't you tell them they must find a home for this pup?
If you can, are you required to justify your decision?
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Sometimes the "caretaker's" cousins bring their pit bulls around the cottage.... all the pitties are related. I've made hard eye contact with several adult dogs while theyr'e left to roam as cousins hung out in the guest house.... found myself gaging the distance to the cottage door and how quickly I could manage it. Mainly, bc of stories I heard locals tell at the ferry about being chased onto car hoods and garbage can lids.....not sure if they were the same EXACT dogs, but they're all from the same place.
I'm happy to report the dogs had very little interest in me and those visits seem to have slowed. I think it's bc there's more going on at the Cottage. People on islands treat property different when it's sitting empty for long stretches, IME.
The housekepper said she'll make sure the puppy is secure during Pom Mom's visit and that's good enough for me. I trust housekeeper completely and I let her know that guest will have cash for her UNLESS something happens to mess up the arrangement.
It's ironic "caretaker's" main job is security on the premises.
BTW, the Pom Mom said they're celebrating the Pom's 2nd birthday at the Cottage, complete with a cake. I think it's going to be a bigger celebration than the 4th of July for them! Pom Mom sent pics..... the thing looks like a little pointy nosed lion....blonde with a huge mane. Adorable.
Lighter
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Hol rescued Knuckles off the Baltimore streets as a puppy. He was never destructive - here. He did try to eat a couch at her place in B'more. He was alone alot there. He's not full pit; a mix. And she raised a full one before and had Ghengis for 16 years. He was one big baby.
IMO, the psychology of these dogs is just a bit different than most people understand. It requires a completely shift in point of view on training too. All the regular things like consistency & kindness still apply, but pits' number 1 "need" is to feel secure and know their position in their "pack" - their family. She's done well with Knuckles, altho' the food aggressiveness is still there. They cope with it and accomodate that. He's stepping into his "big brother" role with the new puppy Kiri (who is bigger than he is at 6 months) very well and they're play buddies. He's set his boundaries with Kiri clearly and firmly - and she's not a reactive dog like he is. Always yields.
But she feels like a mom with 3 pre-schoolers at home right now! LOLOL. Kiri's starting to get integrated throughout the house, off lead, with the other 2 boys so Hol is being a bit hypervigilant to avoid any big confrontations.
Too many people these days, don't understand that dogs need a "job"; have self-esteem issues too - and want to please their people. They aren't some robot cute "accessory" - and even the tiniest dogs can be aggressive if they feel threatened.
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Funny you mention pitties.... the cowgirl was walking her unleashed pitty lab mix one street over from ours recently. Actually, that dog looks much more lab than pitty, but you can see the brindle coat in the sun. Cowgirl had her arm in a sling and I stopped to pat the dog and ask about the arm. She'd tripped on tree roots and cracked her dominant arm near the shoulder socket. Very unfortunate, but she has bone density problems too. The neighbor-fellow was blowing off his curb with a loud blower,which he turned on the dog while yelling....."that dog should be on a leash!" Things got very tense, bc the dog began growling, at that point.
Cowgirl should have had a leash, of course.
Cowgirl walked home. I scooped the dog into my backseat and dropped her in her yard.... she's unwilling to walk far with the Pug and me when we take her with us. She yearns to be near her home.... super devoted, animal. If I was ever going to have another large dog, that would be the only one I'd take. Really a sweet heart and it's difficult not to love animals who love us back with such open hearts. I noticed the pointy growths in her ears have come back, poor thing.
You sure know a lot about Pitties, Amber! I wasn't built to train dogs. ANY dogs, lol. Lately, I whisper to the Pug and she listens better than she ever has. I think I used to chatter chatter chatter, but now we walk in silence. All communication is meaningful and has purpose. I wish I'd known that years ago.
Lighter
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Funny you mention whispering. Hol uses a "command voice" with her dogs. But when I would keep Knuckles, I'd talk softly to him - and he listened quite well for me. Seldom have to raise my voice with him. And he learned to play gently with me too; we still tussle sometimes when he's feeling "full of it", but he's 5-6 years old now and isn't the handful he was when he was a pup.
I think it's acceptance & safety that earns respect and with a reactive dog, sometimes you CAN get their attention better by being "still" and calm, rather than dominating. Not always of course.
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Dogs are smart.
When playing with Pug, DD 22 always makes sure to let the Pug get her hand or toy, eventually.... frustration and rougher play are averted. I remember thinking "that makes such sense!"
Taking the noise levels down, in every way, is helpful for everyone, me'thinks.
Except with music. Lovely, happy music playing...... singing and dancing...... that's another story: )
Lighter
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I got mad at Pooch yesterday and raised my voice, which has occurred two or three times in a decade. (She really overdoes the front-door protection roaring so the poor delivery guy can't hear himself ask me a question. I've seen them nearly sprint away.)
She's still giving me side-eye and I still feel guilty.
It's going to take some extra treats and bellyrubs. She forgave me for foster rescue eventually, so I imagine we'll reconcile. Sigh.
hugs and woofs,
Hops
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Fully forgiven today.
Whew!
:)
Hops
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Not the side eye, Hops!
The pug has the saddest little side eye with those permanent little worried forehead wrinkles.
If she's holding grudge, she gets in her bed and turns her back on us. THat's how we know she's not ready to forgive us for pointing the squirt bottle at her..... she really hates being wet.... we don't squirt her in the face.
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The Pom had surgery 2 days ago but Pom Mom wants her to heal on the island.
So....tiny little bones, tiny little sutures and a tiny little lion's mane...... they arrive a day early, very early in the morning.
Here we go.
Lighter
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The Pom was fine, thank God.
The rest of this post is a bit of a rant.... just working my way through...... getting a grip on what 's to come and there's always somethig on the island.
The Pom Mom let me know the citt water us experiencing lowered water pressure. I guess on the entire island during the increased holiday's tourist season, but she didn't know that. This is new and complicated by the indoor shower's drain blockage due to rust, bc galvanized pipes. Housekeeper said there was no change or problems when she set up cottage during the week so this is new and unfolding trouble with high tourist season. Things seemed normal last week.
It used to be we had great water pressure and everyone South had very little, or zero..... the people at the far South side have their water trucked in. They have limited pressure and have to be very careful to conserve esp to keep from running the tank dry, which will ruin the pump.... as I understand it.
I'm just saying..... everyone with city water now has trouble.... I think.... on our side, perhaps..... and I'm not sure if that's all the time or just during high tourist season.
I don't know if the North island has pressure or is it just our side being impacted. I don't know who knows or if anyone knows, bc that's how things seem to go. Cometence and leadership don't seem to be something the utility companies require, leaning more towards less exensive employees without experience and I get that, but..... half the power plant burned down bc of that firing and hig habit. I doubt it's paying off in the long run.
I don't know if the line will be run further South..... which seems really nuts, since the system can't handle what it has now. Water service is $90.00 a month and that's if you're using zero gallons, btw. There's a set number of gallons, we never reach, then more charges for overage.
This is the first tourist season since they installed the water lines South.
I don't know if these guests understand the entire island was involved, not just the Cottage, bc 2 days with a blocked shower drain was upsetting, understandably, and when folks are upset, they don't resason very well, IME. There's an outdoor shower and I actually prefer using that one, so I didn't see a crisis situation for them, then the daughter reported a "bad smell" coming from the standing water in the shower, which I interpreted as sewer water smell,. but was just the smell of standing water, turns out. It's funny how people miss the fact..... they're no longer in a First World Country when on the island. There's ONE plumber.... just ONE and I depend on the relationship my housekeeper has with him to get any attention at all...... and if pushed, the plumber just stops answering the phone and decides not to come at all. Guests research plumbers and go about asking locals for a plumber's name and send photos of the standing water to the nice appliance repairman they grabbed onto as a possible solution then text and text and text all day Monday till the plumber shows and NO ONE tells me he showed or that he fixed the problem temporarily or if the fix is substantial. I still don't know anything except it seems time to redo the bathroom without my go-to guy.
Trying to figure out what the EXACT problems were, to troubleshoot them, was vastly complicated by the changing water pressure problems..... and it remains an unknown..... I have to accept I can't know right now.
I'd like to have the housekeeper and "caretaker" clue me in.... let me know the entire island is experiencing a change in water pressure, yet..... it was the plumber, who slipped us into his very full Monday schedule, who said he could do nothing about the pressure, which wasn't JUSt the shower pressure, but the entire Cottage, but maybe not before the weekend began. I had to piece this together through many questions...... I guess people who live on the island are very flat about it and not interested in talking about it, bc they just don't.
The idea, perhaps necessity, of hooking up the under cottage cisterns again is driving me to distraction. Maybe it's fair that occupants further South finally get to pay $90.00 a month and get some pressure while those of us who've had good pressure go back to cisterns to retain decent pressure. That means adding a big pump, dealing with chlorine again and routing the gutters back into the cisterns....
and i think my handy man is gone. Poof. Another surprise, but I can't find his number or any chats in this new phone. Every else's chats are there, but not him.
Houekeeper going on vacation and I might go and spend some time there, go to Nassau to deal with paperwork and figure out how to go forward. DD20 is driving with more confidence to school now that she's looking both ways before proceeding through a green light..... there seem to be so many people blowing through red lights around here..... maybe it was yellow when they decided to speed up and blow the red,but they're running super red lights in this area. Is that happening where you guys live too?
We joke about people running red lights now, which seems wrong, but there it is. I'll resist blaming the Snow Birds from Florida, but it seems like tourist season is having an impact on many things right now. What is it about people in Florida cutting off other drivers when using their turn signals? It's a thing, and I've the same thing from friends living there. We have super short entrance ramps on our highways... I mean, dangerously short and tourist season is making that more dangerous too.
Maybe the water company will figure this out and not just charge a bunch more people for the same really crap water pressure? Maybe this is a temporary hiccup?
::thinking about how to spin this in the Airbnb description of the Cottage::.
Glamping....
with outdoor bathing in the Atlantic?
Cleaning dishes was always a PITA, but it's really hard without running water, IME. I have to say..... I bring a stack of paper plates when I go, bc I really hate washing dishes, esp LOTS of dishes for a group in a small kitchen. The island only sells those styrophoam plates, which I refuse to purchase or use.....
::doing the math in my head
How many paper plates does $90.00 buy AND could I just punch a hole through the bathroom wall to run the hose connected to the cistern and already on a pump? Could I put an on off valve at the end of that hose to control the flow? These are the ramblings of a person who doesn't undstand plumbing enough to resolve her current issues, yup yup yup.
The jouorney continues.
Lighter
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Oooof. What a kettle of fish to manage from a country away.
Are you concerned about climate crisis impact on your island property?
I thought of you reading this story today. (Once lived on the Eastern Shore of Md.)
https://wapo.st/3r7n3PC (https://wapo.st/3r7n3PC)
But I'm a worrier.
hugs
Hops
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Lighter - on the water/plumbing issues:
check out the off-grid water systems used in some tiny homes/homesteads. Usually involves a rainwater collection into a plastic tank or IBC container, a pump, a pressure tank (to give that water a boost)... and then drains into septic tank system (which are usually more complex). Note that septic systems are frowned upon, in hurricane zones due to flooding/erosion. And plastic usually needs to be opaque, to prevent algae etc from growing in hot climates.
Youtube is full of videos with how-tos and explanations of how they work. These kinds of systems do require more maintenance & "watching"... but water is the most critical human "need". And you're dependent on mother nature to provide the rain. Aussies & Portugese homesteaders seem to use these water systems a lot more than we do in the US.
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OK, Hops..... my girls feel differently about selling the cottage. One says NOW NOW NOW. The other says.... Nope, please don't.
And so..... hurricanes scare the crap out of me..... climate change is super problematic when perched on the Atlantic's edge... I mean... just sitting there, all alone..... unprotected. Takes months, perhaps years off my life during hurricane season.
Amber.... the Cottage and Guest Cottage were both on cistern systems when we bought the place. I scalded my MIL with too much chlorine in the guest cottage tank.... I had no idea what I was doing. Our tank was much larger and I did fine. That water is crystal clear, btw..... I don't think it was so clear when we were using it.
I think I'll put in a new pump when the plumber rebuilds the shower and changes out the old rusty pipes. I'm going to Zelle plumber money right this second....the first change I have since receiving the invoice.
This morning I had the Cottage housekeeper go to the cottage and turn on the water, which was painful and took her to the road where the water company is working on the water main. Seems the ebbing water pressure is now a drip drip drip from every faucet. Last week the only fauce not working was the indoor shower.
The workers said the water main is broken and the part they need will be on a freighter the 17th, and maybe they'll get it fixed soon after that. Hard to say. That's all I needed to hear before I freaked out and cancelled guests for the 11th and 14th.... really really painful to lose that business, but it's done now and I feel better.
the Indian gentleman assisting me from AirBnb was very polite,. but he had a way of saying things with 2 times the words necessary an freaked me out over and over again, then wouldn't let me off the phone... not even sure why. He just kept repeating stuff and saying it differently and I'm guessing extrovert.
The Pom Mom wrote a scathing review.... I mean..... I can tell she did her research, read the other reviews and my website then dug in and made it personal. I mean.... really personal. It's too bad I only have 495 characters to respond bc I'm a pro by now. I did copy ONE key text in my response then apologized for not realizing she'd never been to the island before..... her DIL used the "we" to explain they liked the condos, but they "didn't take puppers" so she was doing her best to save their vacation and was grateful to find our amazing property...... but "we" didn't include the MIL who expected a traditional vacation NOT on a little fishing village island with ebbing water pressure, tropical bugs and it's my job to weed out the people who aren't a good fit for the property. We both paid the price. Pom Mom surprised me by not talking about the clogged shower drain, which I had the plumber out to fix the next day with acid and digging up the yard.... she never mentioned THAT. She complained about the island wide problem.... the poor water flow every single property with city water was experiencing. Certainly the condos they were booked into before the dog problem, had worse problems bc they're a quarter mile farther down the water line than I am, so.......lesson learned. I'm ready to sell it.
Lighter
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Given climate events it may take longer than expected, Lighter, but my guess is it will be an enormous relief if you do sell.
Fingers crossed for you -- sometimes attachments to place bind our feet.
hugs
Hops
PS I just saw my family home online for sale and had a good time looking for the first time at the extensive renovations the people I sold it to did, including a new screened in porch, almost every finish, a new suite, etc. Looked amazing. So one day you can do the same I hope.
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The water main is still down with plans to begin repairs tomorrow....... but the boat traffic has hindered efforts. The water main break is under the Atlantic.....and the last time that happened it took months to repair AND they cut the electric line doing it.
Will see how this goes. I just hope this is figured out by the time my renter on the 11th arrives.
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The guest set for arrival on the 11th decided he was up for a more rustic experience at the Cottage.... he was trying to recreate his childhood experience with his father and I'm thinking he's getting the rustic experience he wanted.
The water main is still down, the power company is struggling with tech problems AND higher numbers of tourists in high season, so the power's been out at least once during their stay along with zero water during evening hours, but very low pressure in the day.... and the wifi is out...... no surprises there.
In the meantime, my go to handyman shot me a text.... and it's weird bc he comes up under another name in my contacts. I thought he he dropped off the face of the island, but he's checking on the cottage and looking into installing a new pump to the cisterns for back up water, just in case.
He checked the roof and boardwalk too. All seems pretty stable right now.
Housekeeper is having back problems..... herniated disk.....she needs more time to clean the cottage now.
The "caretaker" stopped answering my texts during this guest's stay, which is frustrating. He was answering texts regularly for a day, then.... poof.... nothing.
The water main is supposed to be fixed by Monday. I'll hope for the best and see how it goes before cancelling the next booking.
I'm not sure how to list WIFI on the Airbnb site. I keep it so guests can talk and text, but it's not been strong enough to support streaming on tv for a while. I say that on the site, but it might be wifi isn't working at all. It's difficult to get answers and I suspect everything is on and off, up and down, etc.
I'm just gonna accept and try to get on with what I can do.
Lighter
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After struggling at length to set up online payment methods with the housekeeper, I finally got her caught up this morning and that's going to work from now on, thank God. I think the housekeeper saw it was possible to figure out after I got the plumber paid on Zelle. They must have family members in the States.....but it's a PITA. Has anyone heard of the Remitly app? A realtor told me she uses it for all her Int'l payments and it's easy and trustworthy.
The recent guest texted his gratitude for the vacation experience he had with his father..... the wifi never came up at all and I have no idea how the water situation worked or didn't work out. "caretaker" said the water was OFF in the evenings and trickled during the day. There were 2 buckets at the Cottage and I assume the Cottage and Guest Cottage each got one. That's the kind of stuff I worry about and WANT to ask about, but generally don't get answers about when i do.
The guest said he got to slow down and disconnect, which is what our guests generally look for. Expectations are everything, IME.
I only charged him 1/3 the summer rate and the cleaning fee, so he had incentive to be patient and find his joy.
The cottage shower needs to be redone and I have my favorite handyman checking on installing another cistern pump, as backup. It'll prolly be up and running after the water line is repaired, but we do what we can do.
Lghter
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Things are moving quickly on the island.
My brother is shipping an army field bathroom..... it seems to be a 20' container with sink, shower, toilet and other stuff I didn't quite catch. Brother says it will take the pressure off the cottage bathroom and he's got that right if all this happens.
He's also shipping another container and newer golf cart/s. He's tired of doing non stop maintenance on the two limping carts in the container bursting with them and all the tools.
I assume the third 20'er will hold carts and fishing gear... I'm sure he has a plan. I'll try to remember to send one of those lock protectors, so the locks are cut off.
He's also sending a machine to start the seawall, which would be HUGE.
I have the new journeyman/handyman scheduled in to work on the cottage shower in November. All the rusted pipes need to be replaced,but brother thinks they can be rotor rooted out with a cutting snake to buy more time. The guest cottage bathrooms has to be over 20 years old and needs some care, as well.
Thinking about this makes me very hungry.
Lighter
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"caretaker" reports repairs are going well and should be done a few days before next guest's arrival.
Since these newly weds will already be on island, with a dive group, I feel less strain to figure this out. They can jus find another Airbnb if the water doesn't get fixed.
PLEASE send some competent energy todard the Bahamas today..... to help the water works guys.
Lighter
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The first full pay guest since....what? The end of June? Is checking in tomorrow.
From what I can tell.... the water pressure is still shite,but less so.... it's working,but reliably POORLY if I ready "caretaker's" message right. I wasn't sure all the problems would be solved, so I'm not dissapointed.
The wifi is OUT at the Cottage and no one told me till I asked yesterday which had me phoning the one repairman on the island and setting him up to meet caretaker today. Then I called the phone company and reported the entire line to the street might need replacing as the service has been terrible or non existent for a couple years.
I sure hope it's at least limping along for tomorrow's guests.
I wonder if the pitty puppy has grown much since I last saw pics of her.
Lighter
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Hope it all went well, Lighter, it does sound like there's always another problem after solving the last one! I'd hope visitors get that things are different there to how they'd be at home. You'd like to think that with beautiful beaches and so much to see and do they wouldn't miss wifi but I know what people are like about being online these days. Hope it didn't turn into a headache for you, anyway xx
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The guest....
1) had a worry getting to the other side of the island bc the ferries stopped running bc a storm blew in THEN they got to the Cottage,not sure how.
2) The wife was down and no one told me till I ASKED the day before the guest showed up. By some miracle, I accidentally called the tech guy on the island who said he go by that day THEN the wrong ferry was running and he didn't have 3 dollars to ride on the ferry that does't let the Phone company eimployees ride for free BUT my housekeeper drove up to the ferry as I was beginning to panic and paid his way so he could figure out the problem. He texted "fixed" then ignored my question about what the problem was.
3)the guest texted very happy the first day of their stay and I wasn't worrying about them at all. They'd stayed on the island for a week before landing at the Cottage.
4) Guest left a 5 star review BUT ended with "we bathed in the ocean 2 steps from the cottage."
Ummmm.... IS THERE STILL NO WATER? I was told the water company fixed the problem but it'snot full pressure. WHY bathe in the ocean?
I can't go back and ask them.....can't bring myself to,but the "caretaker" said pessure is about back to normal, so I asked him what that meant EXACTLY.
Apparently it completely out about 5 hours in the early morning hours and still goes out and isn't as strong as it was, quite.
I don't know if the shower has enough pressure to work STILL!!! How do I not know this?
There's always going to be something to work on, replace or accept on the island, Hops. That's the nature of these things.
Lighter
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I've come to realize that's why you love this project, Lighter.
Responsbility, detail and pressure are good adrenaline for you.
I just had been mentally translating those into stress and anxiety (my own weakness) instead of seeing: you thrive on complexity and challenge. And do it well! I think I was confused because I thought you'd decided to sell.
(I got nothin' to say on real estate threads but am glad you enjoy them.)
Here's to water pressure and balmy breezes!
hugs
Hops
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Oh... selling on a third world island isn't like selling stocks.
It's going to take awhile, Hops. In the meantime, I try to rent the place and have it functioning..... selling will be easier and qucker if it doesn't return to zombie land.
Lighter
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Contractor going to redo the Cottage bathroom in November. At least the shower. I can go with him and be back in time for Thanksgiving..... that would be best, bc it's not an easy place to work.
The guest housebathroom is SO dated and needs help too. Truth be told, it's difficult for me to gain access, as the "caretaker" changed the lock and has made it difficult to get into the unit at all. I say I'm going to pain and he says he'll do it, but never does.
This time I want to take out the cheap wall boards in the bathrooms and maybe update the tile in that shower..... if it's not draining properly like the other shower.
Will see.
Lighter
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Renting while preparing to sell makes perfect sense.
Why I'm not a RE or any other kinda magnate. Note to self: DUH!
hugs
Hops
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The month long guests arrived several days late at the cottage due to weather problems.. They finally shared a private plane with another stranded couple and got to the island. She said she was going to eat ouf of the pantry and it always makes me curious why guests mention it at all, bc no one will notice or care if they avail themselves. I know she'll leave more than she borrows anway.
The electricity is out in the Living Room, likely bc of corroded wires... that room is right on the ocean. Nothing appears to be rripped in either electric panel.
Running electrical cords solved the tv problem and I haven't heard from them in a few days.
Roof repairs, bathroom door repair, toilet leak repair happened right before they arrived.
The exterior doors need replacing with wood... that's what was there when we bought the place. Wood hardens in salt water....like metal. Intereting, right?
Lighter
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Family stayed at the cottage recently and had a really good time. Brother had his boat and they fished and went to feed and pet the sharks and rays, which is THE BEST FUN EVER, IME.
One of the guests got inside a shark cage and fed the Bull Sharks at a marina on the other side of the island, which I didn't know exhisted... the shark cage and people feeding the BS. I think that was exciting for everyone to watch..... maybe $80 to do it. Never heard about that in all these years, but there it is. I've always been aware sharks swim past the Cottage daily when fishermen are cleaning their catch. Regular feeding times for Bull Sharks is another thing bringing them by the Cottage...in and out of the bay.
I'm told Bull Sharks are hanging out at the marina down the beach from the cottage now..... which is new. Exciting, but a woman was throwin into the water recently when her drunk ex military bf had a PTSD meltdown over fireworks, busted out all the windows on their sailboat, shot flairs at the condos and flung her overboard, not sure why. I wasn't there. She didn't get eaten is all that matters. The Bull Sharks, BIG ones, have always been in the canals, but not in the marina close to us.
The coil inside the instant hot water heater is too small.... I think... and needs replacing. I'm trying to have 2 sent to the next guest to bring with. Not sure who would replace it, but I've asked the handyman to take a look. What could go wrong?
My sister and niece and her bf planted and moved many palms and coconut palm trees, which is super nice. The weather was lovely and they didn't need AC, which is great. Windows open all the time, bugs way down and sometimes not around at all... no mosquitos, just some no'see ems when the wind died.
THe shower surround got blown away and will remain down. I think most people like to see the ocean when using it. Not me,but that's OK...... no worries.
What else? Roof not currently leaking. Still needs a seawall.... I have to apply for a permit first. I understand it would be a nightmare... can't imagine what they'd want, cash wise, to get that rolling.
Not worrying about it... just breathing and working on the water heater coils: )
Lighter
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Grrrr... paying the electric bill is a huge PITA. Not as difficult as it used to be, but a PITA just the same.
I'm waiting for heater elements for the water heater at the cottage to arrive. I can mail them to a guest before she goes on the 8th. She'll also pay the handyman 600.00 for me, which is super helpful.
Washed the pug and am stealing myself to run around in the rain.
Grrrr.
Lighter
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Around here, we try to time our errands for rainy days. Can't do any outside work, tired of being inside, so we might as well knock those items off the list! (And Jeep's are famous for the amount of heat they throw out!)
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I might be done with Airbnb platform. Grrrr.
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Maybe look at VRBO? I'm not familiar with their terms/arrangements but the cabin we rented in Dec was a VRBO.
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Yup. That's my only choice, me'thinks, Amber.
I also have my list of past renters to mine.
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Out of all the B&B narratives, I am most excited about the bull sharks.
But I am a simpleton.
hugs
Hops
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Seems like Airbnb is willing to step up and do the right thing. Will likely know today.
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Hope that happens, Lighter.
Overall, you sound so happy about the business.
hugs
Hops
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Well, the service rep took the complaint in hand and found no evidence to support it. It's been dismissed and the rep didn't have to go that extra mile.
Faith restored in Airbnb.
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Whew!
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Yup
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Two 5 star review rentals after the "incident" and things seem fine. Lord, give me strength.
I might go in the fall to build a garden. Hanging out for 5 or 6 weeks might be just the thing. Will see.
Lighter
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Ordering Lesco N-Rich fertilizer for the palm trees at the Cottage. All the older palm trees died...not sure if it was a particular storm or lack of care. I wasn't there to witness their demise.
I was told to use this particular fertilizer by someone with huge palm trees on a canal with a huge house he built with his lech friend. Is that too much in a sentence?
He's helpful, but always brutally honest and cynical to the point I rarely contact him. I do want the new little palm trees at the Cottage to survive though.
Lighter