Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Twoapenny on July 06, 2012, 02:08:26 AM
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Hi all,
I just thought I'd post and keep people up to date with a few things. As some of you know, one of the most unpleasant things my mother did was spend several years making false accusations against me, claiming that my son's health problems were a result of my neglect and emotional abuse of him. It was very difficult to deal with and rather like dealing with an invisible enemy; a lot of the things she did I didn't find out about until years after she did it and slowly lots of confusion regarding my son and the way he's been (mis)treated by the state system made a lot more sense.
I've been going through our old records for the last five years now, getting things corrected and making complaints where necessary. Various bits and pieces over time didn't make sense and, to cut a long story sideways, it seems there may have been some mistakes made during the birth that may have caused a brain injury in my son and there's a weeny possibility that someone knew about this and tried to cover it up. It's all a bit circumstantial at the minute and nothing is definite but I am gathering paperwork together and solicitors are involved. I think my main interest now is the truth, regardless of how good or bad it might be. Stressful but positive at the same time, so I will keep you all posted. Thanks for being there and thanks for listening,
Love Tup xx
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ah, hon... how old is he now?
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(((((((((((((((((((((Tup)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Tupp:
I think having the finding the truth, owning it and making peace with it is part of healing, or can be.
How are things going for you and your son right now?
Still loving your apartment? How's the school?
Lighter
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Not to mention collecting on malpractice, which it may be if a medical facility tried to cover it up.
So glad you are approaching it legally...
Hops
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Oh Tup, I'm so sorry for all of this. I wish there was something I could say right now to make you feel better, but I'm finding myself at a loss for words. Just know that I'm thinking of you, and wishing all the best for both you and your son. Wishing you strength.
Kathy
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Hi all,
Thanks for all your messages; it's so funny how you all understand when some of my friends have said "Oh!" and not really said any more!
Do you know what, we're good. My boy is ten, he's doing so well. He's got the loveliest personality, he's so kind and funny, people like him, he's just very easy to warm to. I teach him at home and his reading and writing are really coming on now, socially he's doing much better and he's really getting into some of his activities, particularly sailing, gymnastics and swimming. I am so proud of him and so HAPPY MY FAMILY DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO F##K HIM UP! We are happy as we are, life is good for us now. We've both been through a lot over the last decade but we've learnt a lot and I've let a lot of stuff go. This feels good. It feels good to have someone professional acting on my (our) behalf. It was very uplifiting to have someone validate our situation. My mental health has been blamed for lots of things. I've never agreed, but it's difficult when you've had mental health problems, some people see it as a weak spot and exploit it. Whatever happens next, I feel like I am getting it right, you know? I'm talking to the right people, dealing with it as it comes up, my son is blissfully unaware which is great - I had the weight of the world on my shoulders when I was his age and I'm really happy that his focus is on being a kid, nothing else. I was a bit tearful when the sol told me some of the stuff that he's concerned about but that's okay, who wouldn't be? See, I'm getting good at talking to myself the right way, lol.
Will keep you all up to date with what is going on (although I'm told it's a very slow process and everything takes months!). Thank you for being there.
Tup xxx
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So glad to read you're homeschooling happily. I keep thinking about going that route, at least for a while, Tupp.
You sound so good..... so on track, and pleased with your progress.
It's nice to recognize better coping strategies, and even nicer to notice yourself employing them!
Hugs to you and your ds.
Lighter
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((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
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Thank you, Bonesie ((((((((((((((((((((((Bonesie))))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks Lighter. Home ed has been a real life changer for us. As he's getting older I'm just happier and happier that I pulled him out and kept him out. I think it's unlikely now that he'll go back - he's just getting on so well and he's so much more sociable and confident than he used to be. It's really lovely.
I got the paperwork from the sol today and it's even worse than I thought! I've only skimmed through it quickly, will read it through properly later, but my God. When did so many people abandon their ethics? If you work with pregnant ladies and tiny babies how can you sleep peacefully at night knowing you f**ked up and not even bother to let the mum know? If I'd realised what a mess they'd made of it I'd have sorted all of this out years ago. They told me he needed a tiny bit of air and he was fine - not true! Good job I've had so much to deal with from my mum over the years - at least it's made me tough enough to deal with stuff like this! Lol :)
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YEA for home schooling! Welcome to the slow lane!
I am happy to hear things are getting straightened out for you. Hope all continues to go well.
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Hi everyone,
Just to give you a bit of an update on the situation re my son and possible legal action against the hospital:
Solicitor has been beavering away and has sent me a load of forms to sign giving my consent for records to be released to him. Over the next few weeks legal documents will be landing on the desks of some quite disgusting people who helped my mum wage her campaign of abuse against me and my boy by failing to follow procedure and in some cases blatantly lying in order to help her do me over. I have worked very hard over the years to get myself to a place where I didn't need revenge or retribution to get on with my life. It was hard but I felt like I had got there; I think sometimes you do just have to accept that someone who did something awful is going to get away with it and that was how I felt. I'd pretty much made my peace with that. So even though I feel I have got past the point where I want or need justice or punishment for those involved, I cannot deny that a rather large smile crossed my face when I thought of certain people being made aware that legal action is in the air and that their involvement is going to be scrutinised. I have to admit I rather like the idea of some of them feeling anxious for a while. I would like to be able to say I have some sort of Zen like quality about me now that means the sort of someone else being uncomfortable gives me no satisfaction but I'm not quite there yet. :) Will keep you posted.
Erin, I'm really sorry I didn't see your post at the end of the thread, thank you and yes, home ed is fab :)
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Tupp:
Those people in positions of authority who sabotaged you and your son should have to worry their egregious actions FINALLY being scrutinized.
It's karma coming home to roost; )
Yes.
Light
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Tupp:
Those people in positions of authority who sabotaged you and your son should have to worry their egregious actions FINALLY being scrutinized.
It's karma coming home to roost; )
Yes.
Light
I've often heard it said that "Karma's a bitch and paybacks are hell!" When Karma gets them, it's a DOOZY!
Bones
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Yep, karma seems to be a good egg :) I'm trying not to feel too smug. We're just beginning, there are no definites, it could all come to nothing. But the thought of some of them experiencing a little bit of anxiety over this is still making me smile. I'm also very glad now I've spent so much time getting copies of records and writing things down, it will be interesting to see if what they send the sol is different to what they've sent me :)
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I'm also very glad now I've spent so much time getting copies of records and writing things down, it will be interesting to see if what they send the sol is different to what they've sent me :)
Ahhhhh yes 8)
The absolute satisfaction of having all the documents in one place, handy and familiar.....
the lovely feeling of knowing you have the goods, and framing mindful questions to get to the truth in front of a Judge, exposing what's been done to you.
It's good.
As for the people who made it possible for you mother to harm you.....
I think of it as a moral imperative to go to their licencing boards, and administrations. I would never gloat, but they need to be stopped from harming other vulnerable people. They're not just victims also when they've overstepped bounds in positions of authority and trust. They're people who can be manipulated into doing harmful things, and they shouldn't be in postitions with any authority, IMO.
Yes.
Lighter
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Yep, karma seems to be a good egg :) I'm trying not to feel too smug. We're just beginning, there are no definites, it could all come to nothing. But the thought of some of them experiencing a little bit of anxiety over this is still making me smile. I'm also very glad now I've spent so much time getting copies of records and writing things down, it will be interesting to see if what they send the sol is different to what they've sent me :)
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Thank you, both. I'm sorry I've not been on here much lately. I'm finding things a bit stressful at the minute, to be honest. But, I am trying to do yoga, go for walks, have fun with my boy and just generally keep myself busy and on top of things. The solicitor seems good, on the ball, knowledgeable and keen to fight on my son's behalf. I know he is getting paid for it but, apart from me, no-one else has ever fought for my boy, although lots of people have fought against him.
More is coming to light. It seems at least one doctor involved in the campaign against me knew about the oxygen deprivation (and therefore knew it couldn't be my fault but was still insisiting it was). That isn't proven yet, it may turn out that isn't accurate, but at the minute that's where things are pointing.
I'm getting abuse flashbacks - this always happens when I get stressed out. It interfers with my sleep - I have to have the light and TV on - I don't know why, but dark and quiet seems to make it worse. It will pass, though - I feel better this morning than I have for a while. There is also quite a big abuse case in the UK at the moment, involving a now dead TV personality. He abused dozens of children, some mentally and physically disabled, it seems lots of people knew and did nothing, lots of children told and were called liars. I read a bit and it is triggering a lot. It's difficult to avoid completely as it's such a big news story, but I'm trying to limit what I see and hear. In a way it gives me strength; I was cuddling my boy back to sleep this morning (early hours) and it was nice. No-one ever touched me in a non-sexual way. I never felt safe. I certainly don't remember falling asleep in anyone's arms! So I feel like I'm loving him and healing little Penny at the same time. It's a funny world.
Will keep you posted!
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Thank you, both. I'm sorry I've not been on here much lately. I'm finding things a bit stressful at the minute, to be honest. But, I am trying to do yoga, go for walks, have fun with my boy and just generally keep myself busy and on top of things. The solicitor seems good, on the ball, knowledgeable and keen to fight on my son's behalf. I know he is getting paid for it but, apart from me, no-one else has ever fought for my boy, although lots of people have fought against him.
More is coming to light. It seems at least one doctor involved in the campaign against me knew about the oxygen deprivation (and therefore knew it couldn't be my fault but was still insisiting it was). That isn't proven yet, it may turn out that isn't accurate, but at the minute that's where things are pointing.
I'm getting abuse flashbacks - this always happens when I get stressed out. It interfers with my sleep - I have to have the light and TV on - I don't know why, but dark and quiet seems to make it worse. It will pass, though - I feel better this morning than I have for a while. There is also quite a big abuse case in the UK at the moment, involving a now dead TV personality. He abused dozens of children, some mentally and physically disabled, it seems lots of people knew and did nothing, lots of children told and were called liars. I read a bit and it is triggering a lot. It's difficult to avoid completely as it's such a big news story, but I'm trying to limit what I see and hear. In a way it gives me strength; I was cuddling my boy back to sleep this morning (early hours) and it was nice. No-one ever touched me in a non-sexual way. I never felt safe. I certainly don't remember falling asleep in anyone's arms! So I feel like I'm loving him and healing little Penny at the same time. It's a funny world.
Will keep you posted!
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I hear you and I can identify and relate!!!!
The news story about the now-dead TV personality who abused children is making the news here on my side of the Pond and has triggered my old feelings as well. I'm glad they took the headstone off his grave and sent it to a landfill!!!!! He deserves to ROT IN HELL for what he did to kids who couldn't defend themselves while the other adults, who KNEW what he was doing, looked the other way!!!! :evil: At least the monster from Penn State is getting sent to the State Pen for 30 to 60 years for his crimes and another Momster got sent to prison for 99 years for nearly killing her two-year-old baby. I claim JUSTICE for all survivors of child abuse!
Bones
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Tupp:
I think it might be good to limit the negative tv coverage for a bit.
You'd be better off surrounding yourself with positive nurturing activities, IMO.
I think too much tv and news input can make anyone and everyone feel overwhelmed.
I'm praying for the best possible outcome for you and your son though this.
Light
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I'm repeating Lighter's advice: take a break from the news. Be an ostrich! A happy ostrich counting her blessings and progress and who refuses to hear a "discouraging word".
You're doing the right things; you'll get through this. It'll be OK Penny. (and maybe way BETTER than OK...)
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Thanks all, I stopped reading about it last week but the headlines are still on front pages so you see it just when you're out and about, it's all over FBook - avoiding as much as possible but, yeah, I think it's hit a nerve. There's just so much corruption and greed, I am going increasingly out of the system as much as possible. It's just a bit of a limbo patch at the minute - can't really move forward so trying to enjoy the present and relax. It will all smooth over. xx
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Not that it's a consolation - but things are worrisome, frightening, and kinda ugly here as well. SIGH... the world goes through these kinds of times every so often, I think. Some things we hear about are real problems - sensationalized. Most people can think of some solutions that would solve it - but often those in a position to do so don't see the sense in those solutions... or are so N, that if they didn't think of it themselves - well, the idea can't have any merit. SIGH. Most of the sensationalizing is probably an acknowledgement of the fact that there are solutions - that no one's serious working on - combined with the old Nielsen ratings... number of views, in the case of websites.
MOST of the things we hear, see, read about that are considered newsworthy -- are speculations that have been sensationalized, and used precisely for their fear-factor. And it even has sort of a gaslighting effect to it -- sowing confusion about what is/isn't true. It's hard some times, to tell the difference between these two kinds of things, for me. And if there's something in my own life pushing the anxiety button anyway... I can go over the edge and freak out a bit. Those flashbacks? Yeah, I still get them too -- but when I catch myself getting emotionally hooked into them -- I give myself sort of a shake and remind myself: that's a real long time ago. I need to focus on NOW. Eventually my unconscious little girl turns it loose... lets it go.
I do make an effort to turn my worries into action, and that helps a good bit. What can I do to help myself weather a storm, if it's headed my way? Break it down into what I can do right now... what do I need to wait/save for and do later. One thing I've done, is buy a new dehydrator. Our grocery stores sell older, less than perfect fruit & veggies at a big discount. Doesn't take long to prep them for the dehydrator - turn it on and forget about it for 8-10-12 hours - then package (in a LOT less space) and store it. This food will keep quite a long time. Then, to use, simply add water to rehydrate -- or add directly to soups, stews, and sauces. I'll probably still can jams, jellies and marmalade - and I'm excited to try a recipe I've got for lemon curd! - but storing the jars and all the washing, prepping etc involved in that process for everything, puts me on my feet too long at one time.
I'm hearing that because of our drought in the "breadbasket" of the country food prices are expected to go up next year. So, I'm considering what I'm buying now and storing - to be a hedge against any price increases in the future. (I ain't THAT rich now, that I don't think about saving money!! Hubs has his coupons - and his sharp comparison shopping in high gear, too.) Even if it's not as bad as some folks are saying - I'll still have plenty put up, to put a dent in our food expenses next year. It just sort of rolls that savings over... from year to year.
What is on your "worry list"?
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Hey Phoenix, I'm doing exactly the same! Storing extra when I can, saving jars/cans etc, collecting wood, picking up cheap next size up clothing in charity shops for my son, keeping petrol use down to a minimum etc, etc. Like you, things are pretty grim here at the minute and it's predicted it will get worse. Maybe it will, maybe it won't - I like to keep busy and it feels good to be using less - better for the environment and all that.
The newspapers are the bane of my life - sensational, headline grabbing and in every shop and petrol station so it's really difficult to avoid the headlines unless I don't leave the house. It's still all over the front pages - they're trotting out new victims every day now and the stories are becoming more grotesque. I just think at this stage he's been outed, now investigate, no doubt cover up and make sure people who should have been fired a long time ago keep their jobs but stop plastering more horror stories everywhere. The truth needs to come out but I don't think it needs to be screamed out every day for weeks. A little girl went missing last week, that story's been lost because of this. She's less important because the man who abducted her didn't work on the telly. Urgh.
The legal case is doing its thing. It's funny to hand over control to someone else. Funny and nice - I've never really done that before. The sol gets on with his thing, contacts me from time to time with an update or to ask for some info. My son has to have some medical tests done over the next few months - if nothing else the tests will be useful for me so I know what to do next from a medical perspective, regardless of what else may happen.
And have given up caffeine and sugar! Banging headache, can't sleep and feel sick. Apparently this is normal and lasts about four days, after which I will be brimming with vitality and vigour! Yay!
When will you be trying out your lemon curd? Will we be having a virtual tasting session? Mmm, lemon curd on hot crumpets - my mouth is watering at the thought :)
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Well... back when MIL was living with us, her brother and some other relatives dropped in on us (with warning). She fixed lunch and I made dessert: a blueberry cake, sliced into layers and lemon curd spread between the layers. It was yummy - without being yucky sweet! I'm getting hooked on berries - something I drooled over as a kid. Ever since, I've - in the back of my mind - thought, you know there's probably lots of other ways to use this that don't show up in the usual recipe sources... and it's expensive here; a gourmet treat. So I was happily surprised to see the recipe to make it in the dehydrator book.
Maybe once the board comes back up -- we should plan an "online" tea party. Schedule it for when we can all be online. And just catch up with the little stuff that's going on in our lives. Maybe this weekend? I'm still anxious to hear all the details of Hops' new house... what tt's been up to... and how Bones is fairing in the big city. We can talk babies, and kids, maybe have a glass of wine instead of tea...
time zone are a problem, but maybe we can work that out! ;)