Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Twoapenny on November 04, 2013, 01:30:19 PM
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Saw a new therapist today. She practices Gestalt therapy, which is all to do with how the mind and emotions can affect the physical body. I am hoping she can help me deal with feeling like an eighty year old woman when I'm half that age.
I got a good feeling from her. She's very direct, her meeting room is very informal and comfortable. I didn't feel like I was being analysed or assessed (which is good as I don't like that feeling). Today was a preliminary, just to see if we felt we could do some work together.
She picked up on a few things very quickly. I told her a bit of background and she said that my body language was suggesting I didn't get a lot of support and she wondered if that was the case. That was pretty spot on. She said my posture - sitting forward on the chair, not leaning into it in any way, holding myself up rigid - suggested someone who wasn't used to getting support and my body showed that by not softening and letting the chair take some of the pressure. She had me rearrange myself and sit back with cushions. She said she noticed I smile a lot and she wondered if I was used to putting on a brave face. Again, very much so. She asked where I feel the need to smile in my body and I don't, I plaster it on to make other people feel comfortable. She asked me if I was filtering what I said to her - of course I was! It's such a habit. She said to try and tell her how a question makes me feel rather than answering the question straight away. I have come home feeling terrible, which always happens when I start talking about any of this stuff. But I liked the way she worked and felt glad I'd bitten the bullet and gone over. So work will now be underway!
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Wow.
A SMART therapist is just as important as a KIND one.
And she is clearly both!
What a great find, Tupp.
I am very glad for you.
And...http://www.salon.com/2013/11/05/my_unconventional_therapist_saved_my_life/ (http://www.salon.com/2013/11/05/my_unconventional_therapist_saved_my_life/)
hugs
Hops
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Good Luck Two!!!!
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Wow.
A SMART therapist is just as important as a KIND one.
And she is clearly both!
What a great find, Tupp.
I am very glad for you.
And...http://www.salon.com/2013/11/05/my_unconventional_therapist_saved_my_life/ (http://www.salon.com/2013/11/05/my_unconventional_therapist_saved_my_life/)
hugs
Hops
Thank you, Hops. I like that article, too, what an awful trauma that lady has been through losing her son like that, heart breaking. I must form a new habit of not reading comments after an article, though, there are some really mean spirited, narrow minded people in the world. I only want the open minded, kind ones!
Thank you xx
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Good Luck Two!!!!
Thank you, Green. I hope your situation starts to improve soon, too xx
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I LIKE the way that therapist is intuitive!!!!! I wish there were more like her on my side of the Pond!
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I got a good feeling from her. She's very direct, her meeting room is very informal and comfortable. I didn't feel like I was being analysed or assessed (which is good as I don't like that feeling). Today was a preliminary, just to see if we felt we could do some work together. Tupp..... I really hear and appreciate that you're listening to your first instincts in this situation. It might be good to journal hard through this experience, and perhaps note how you're feeling at the top of each entry... unfiltered,and without much thought.
.... I liked the way she worked and felt glad I'd bitten the bullet and gone over. So work will now be underway! I'm hoping you can gain much self awareness and reflection on how trushworthy your instincts are.... at least when you aren't filtering them and changing them to suit pd people around you. Lighter
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Thank you, Bones and Lighter :)
Second session yesterday. I like this lady a lot. Very relaxed and informal. Greeted at the door by her lovely dog. She dresses quite casually, I feel like I am popping to a friend's for tea rather than going to counselling. We chit chatted about this and that. Nothing heavy, nothing terribly deep, it felt like two friends having a chat rather than a counselling session. She asked me to keep a note of where and when I feel pain or discomfort and to see if I could find any triggers. I left feeling a little bit like it might not be the right thing for me; I wondered if we were doing enough. It's quite expensive and I don't want to pay to chat to someone. Within ten minutes I found myself thinking about something that happened a few years ago. Almost instantly I developed a very strong headache. Through the evening and over night the pain travelled across my neck and shoulders, down my arm, into my knee and finally into my foot. I got up this morning thinking about something truly awful and had a horrible thought that my mum turned a blind eye to the abuse because she wanted me to have a baby that she could take (I'll explain that more later, at the minute it's so disgusting I can't think about it too much). But I noticed I felt incredibly sick, very panicky, and then I got very, very angry. I've journalled, stomped around the house, had an imaginary go at my mum and I feel clear headed and stronger.
So I'm now wondering/feeling like she picked up on all of this and what seemed like a little chat to me actually got some really strong stuff moving. It's very different to the sort of counselling I had before but I feel more in control of it all. I'm also wondering if those thoughts have always been there but I haven't noticed them before. It feels very powerful.
She's also offered me some free sessions doing something else that she's training in, which is more to do with physical movement freeing up the body. As it's training for her she won't charge for it. I might give that a go as well.
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Thank you, Bones and Lighter :)
Second session yesterday. I like this lady a lot. Very relaxed and informal. Greeted at the door by her lovely dog. She dresses quite casually, I feel like I am popping to a friend's for tea rather than going to counselling. We chit chatted about this and that. Nothing heavy, nothing terribly deep, it felt like two friends having a chat rather than a counselling session. She asked me to keep a note of where and when I feel pain or discomfort and to see if I could find any triggers. I left feeling a little bit like it might not be the right thing for me; I wondered if we were doing enough. It's quite expensive and I don't want to pay to chat to someone. Within ten minutes I found myself thinking about something that happened a few years ago. Almost instantly I developed a very strong headache. Through the evening and over night the pain travelled across my neck and shoulders, down my arm, into my knee and finally into my foot. I got up this morning thinking about something truly awful and had a horrible thought that my mum turned a blind eye to the abuse because she wanted me to have a baby that she could take (I'll explain that more later, at the minute it's so disgusting I can't think about it too much). But I noticed I felt incredibly sick, very panicky, and then I got very, very angry. I've journalled, stomped around the house, had an imaginary go at my mum and I feel clear headed and stronger.
So I'm now wondering/feeling like she picked up on all of this and what seemed like a little chat to me actually got some really strong stuff moving. It's very different to the sort of counselling I had before but I feel more in control of it all. I'm also wondering if those thoughts have always been there but I haven't noticed them before. It feels very powerful.
She's also offered me some free sessions doing something else that she's training in, which is more to do with physical movement freeing up the body. As it's training for her she won't charge for it. I might give that a go as well.
Wow! That is progress!!!
I wish I could talk to her too!
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How amazing, Tupp.
That is wonderful, when the subtle shifts in thinking that begin in a therapy session begin to manifest something different afterward...
And the no-cost physical modality sounds interesting, too.
I think you have something subtly powerful going on here, and hope it continues to bring you growth. Your own observations are very keen too, and that intelligence will help you make the most of whatever you learn.
Hops
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Thank you, Hops and Bonesie.
I think she is right for now. In the past, I may have found her approach too direct and shied away from it. I've also been taking some homeopathic remedies for a couple of months. I explained to the homeopath (he is a very kind man who I have been seeing for a long time now so he knows my history and family problems) that I find it virtually physically impossible to talk about the sexual abuse - my voice literally goes and I can't get the words out. I also find it hard to switch from busy, juggling all the balls mum to sitting talking about myself for an hour. So he gave me something to try and help with that and I do feel that I can speak more openly and honestly with this lady than I could have done before. Although we haven't talked about the sexual abuse yet so we will see what happens with that.
It does feel like a shift in the right direction, what I am noticing now is such a deep sense of loss and sadness. I feel utterly bereft and alone. I am trying to just sit with it and look after myself nicely but I do find it hard! But I took my son to the cinema yesterday, a silly kids film which was just what I needed! We had cake and hot chocolate and then a mini adventure when the door to the carpark was locked and I thought we wouldn't be able to get the car out. But a nice man directed us to a different entrance so all was well. We're going on a day trip tomorrow and we'll have lunch out as a little treat. I find it easier to treat myself if I do it through him - silly, isn't it?
Bones, I wish you could talk to her too! I feel quite safe around her, which is nice.
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Thank you, Hops and Bonesie.
I think she is right for now. In the past, I may have found her approach too direct and shied away from it. I've also been taking some homeopathic remedies for a couple of months. I explained to the homeopath (he is a very kind man who I have been seeing for a long time now so he knows my history and family problems) that I find it virtually physically impossible to talk about the sexual abuse - my voice literally goes and I can't get the words out. I also find it hard to switch from busy, juggling all the balls mum to sitting talking about myself for an hour. So he gave me something to try and help with that and I do feel that I can speak more openly and honestly with this lady than I could have done before. Although we haven't talked about the sexual abuse yet so we will see what happens with that.
It does feel like a shift in the right direction, what I am noticing now is such a deep sense of loss and sadness. I feel utterly bereft and alone. I am trying to just sit with it and look after myself nicely but I do find it hard! But I took my son to the cinema yesterday, a silly kids film which was just what I needed! We had cake and hot chocolate and then a mini adventure when the door to the carpark was locked and I thought we wouldn't be able to get the car out. But a nice man directed us to a different entrance so all was well. We're going on a day trip tomorrow and we'll have lunch out as a little treat. I find it easier to treat myself if I do it through him - silly, isn't it?
Bones, I wish you could talk to her too! I feel quite safe around her, which is nice.
(((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))
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Thank you, Hops and Bonesie.
I think she is right for now. In the past, I may have found her approach too direct and shied away from it. I've also been taking some homeopathic remedies for a couple of months. I explained to the homeopath (he is a very kind man who I have been seeing for a long time now so he knows my history and family problems) that I find it virtually physically impossible to talk about the sexual abuse - my voice literally goes and I can't get the words out. I also find it hard to switch from busy, juggling all the balls mum to sitting talking about myself for an hour. So he gave me something to try and help with that and I do feel that I can speak more openly and honestly with this lady than I could have done before. Although we haven't talked about the sexual abuse yet so we will see what happens with that.
It does feel like a shift in the right direction, what I am noticing now is such a deep sense of loss and sadness. I feel utterly bereft and alone. I am trying to just sit with it and look after myself nicely but I do find it hard! But I took my son to the cinema yesterday, a silly kids film which was just what I needed! We had cake and hot chocolate and then a mini adventure when the door to the carpark was locked and I thought we wouldn't be able to get the car out. But a nice man directed us to a different entrance so all was well. We're going on a day trip tomorrow and we'll have lunch out as a little treat. I find it easier to treat myself if I do it through him - silly, isn't it?
Bones, I wish you could talk to her too! I feel quite safe around her, which is nice.
(((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks, Bonesie (((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm not sure if this lady is shifting things quicker or if I am just in a more ready place to do things and change things, but my attitudes and expectations with friends are changing rapidly.
I think I mentioned on another thread how many people reach out to me for help or support and how few people I have that I can reach out to. I made a sort of mental list in my mind of people who genuinely don't have anyone else and those who do, along with people who are currently experiencing truly terrible problems (my friend with cancer, for example) and those who are having difficult times but who perhaps could do more about those themselves or who could reduce/limit contact with the difficult people who cause those situations (most of the others). I decided to return the calls/texts/emails of the latter of each group only after I have done everything I want to do along with all the necessary day to day jobs that just keep life a little more ordered. I have so much to do each day that it is usually exercise or having a nice bath that gets dropped whilst I spend time on other people's problems. So I am trying to stop doing that.
The situation has occurred twice in the last two days - situations involving friends that I would usually leap into but, as they have other support and the situations aren't life threatening, I decided to leave it and will get back to them in a few days. I've been amazed at how intense the physical reactions have been to this - physically shaking, tightly clenched fists, feeling sick, foggy headed, anxious, tearful. I can only think it links back to being little and displeasing my mum. It's quite shocking but I'm going to keep trying to do it - I'm thinking reactions that strong can't be a good thing and I need to break those habits? I will keep you posted. Thank you so much for your support here, everybody xx
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Am going from feeling euphoric at the revelations that I can change to feeling really low and scared at the reality of it. The house is utterly silent, my son is still asleep, I feel restless, the phone just looks at me as if it's shouting "No-one likes you! That's why no-one rings". And now I'm changing things again even fewer people will ring. But I think perhaps I've got to a point where I've felt any contact is better than no contact but I really want so much more than that now. :?
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My co-dependency issues really smacked me in the face yesterday. I felt so wretched because I haven't done what I know would please these two particular friends that the urge to ring them and make it all right was overwhelming. I felt so small and alone and had a real ball of fear in my stomach. I can only think back to being little and my mum ignoring me for days because I did something wrong, and it was always something small that I should have 'known' but didn't. Then I'd try so hard to be nice to her and make her talk to me again; eventually she would and only then would I feel okay. The relief was huge.
We went out in the afternoon and there was a lady who I 'know'; she has mental health and learning difficulties and lives in sheltered accommodation near us and spends most of her time wandering round the shopping centre. She's very sweet but very confused and has the mind of a child. She was upset about something - I'm not really sure what - but I focused on her and all those bad feelings went away. Then I spent the afternoon eating and they stayed away.
So I really saw it for the first time yesterday; it's quite clear to me now why I go to such lengths to avoid upsetting or annoying people and why I spend so much time faffing around on things that help other people rather than me. I would always help out someone like the lady with learning difficulties but it quite shocked me how doing that made all those bad feelings vanish instantly and it made it very clear why I have focused so much on doing things for others.
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:)
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Third session with T. We were talking about a couple of situations involving friends over the last week. My problems with people I don't really enjoy seeing anymore, my difficulties in being assertive, my feelings of not being heard and having to keep explaining myself over and over again (esp re my son's disability).
Her responses (paraphrasing here) "If you don't want to spend time with someone just tell them you're busy. There doesn't have to be a dramatic event or a reason or any justification on your part - simply say, I'm sorry, we're really busy and I don't have any free time at the moment and leave it at that". Simple but for some reason this has never seemed to me to be a reasonable thing to do. She's told me to practise!
Being assertive - there was a situation in the week where I was a little bit more assertive than usual but because the response was negative I didn't know what to do next and it ended rather badly. It involved a friend selling something on my behalf and the recipient being difficult about paying. T pointed out that instead of using the friend as a go between I could have asked for the number of recipient and dealt with it myself. Again, very simple but it hadn't occurred to me. She pointed out that friend was trying to help (genuinely) and as so few people do that for me I should focus on those who do! All made sense but again, out of my range of 'normal' reactions. Have apologised to friend and thanked her for her help, she's apologised for being short with me and the money has been sorted out so win win situation.
Not being heard - she's said to focus on people who do hear and not to invest too much time on those who won't. Not to keep explaining or repeating myself. I've done that before in openly abusive situations (family , for example) but the situations I'm in now are more subtle and I just hadn't seen it in the same way.
So helpful things, ways of dealing with the here and now, getting myself out of situaitons without being angry or causing a big rumpus. Help with moving healthy relationships forward and getting over obstacles. I am a happy Tupp :)
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WOW.
Those are massive insights, Tupp.
Even the pain and fear...you have spotted such a direct and obvious connection, that it's worth riding those tough feelings out. This is how you get to RELEASE them...let them rise up and pass through, maybe quite a few times...and those damn reactions just get bored.
You're not "feeding" them any more. You are rising up YOURSELF, your deeper yearning-for-wholeness self is rising up, and refusing to be cowed into "obeying" those old-child feelings, and insisting on holding in your very functional mind...the bigger goal.
Keep your eyes on the prize, that true change is settling in! Be patient with yourself. Be very kind to yourself. Practice your assertiveness behaviors even if they feel weird. Practice means, you can make them become a natural part of you. It's just repetition. That's all it is...and it works!
So delighted for you,
Hops
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Thank you, Bones, and Hops :)
I'm finding I'm feeling quite low again now. That seems to be the pattern that's coming with this - feeling good, then it sinks in and all falls and settles a bit, then it levels off. The good thing is I've been coping with highs and lows for years so I know how to manage it and I know it will pass in time.
Re the item that I was selling; I ended up getting less money than I thought I was so I wasn't entirely happy about the situation and felt cheated. I thought about it a lot and decided to let it go; it wasn't worth the emotional input on my part, one person involved would get upset (and it isn't her fault either) and the third is an arsehole. It's a relatively small amount of money so although I felt very angry and put out I've decided to put it down to experience and not to involve third parties in future financial things!
I have noticed I tend to ask people to ask people for me; I realised I'm quite scared of calling people directly when I know someone who knows them. I really don't know why this is but it's something I'd never noticed before so I'm going to stop doing that.
I also think I need to work on my feelings of being ignored. My reactions to that are very, very strong so there is something there that I need to think about and deal with.
Hops, I'm relieved to hear that the emotions come up and eventually stop doing so. I do find it quite tiring, I can see why reverting back to the old behaviour is easier (and why I've done it so much). It feels a bit like moving house, you know when you have to explore a new area and find out where the shops are, where your nearest bank is, that sort of thing. It's a bit like that only with people and feelings rather than places. I hope you're both doing okay xx
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Hi Tupp,
I'm weary from a business trip (driving across NJ/NY could've turned my hair whiter) but loved seeing the new World Trade Center from the Veranzano Bridge). Also enjoyed my first visit to the Hamptons, where I felt like a poky Martian, strolling where The Very Rich shop. But the weather was bright and crisp and it was fun to be away from the home office. My flight home got in late.
Fetched my pooch from the boarding place this a.m. and she's worn out but seems happy--she was in "day care" with other dogs during the day, which was great socialization for her. She follows me from room to room to be sure I'm sticking around.
Nap's next, then a business meal (ugh) tonight...next two days my most-loathed work experience, a "strategic retreat" which Nboss always begins by forcing everyone to listen to his "guided meditation" during which he does full-guru thought control (love meeeee, love the company, my passsssssssion for this company, ick--in a soft, hypnotic voice). Horribly invasive to me.
But I found out two years ago that foam earplugs are easy to hide under my hair and I no longer hear a damn note of his mantra crap!
Growllll,
Hops
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Hi Tupp,
I'm weary from a business trip (driving across NJ/NY could've turned my hair whiter) but loved seeing the new World Trade Center from the Veranzano Bridge). Also enjoyed my first visit to the Hamptons, where I felt like a poky Martian, strolling where The Very Rich shop. But the weather was bright and crisp and it was fun to be away from the home office. My flight home got in late.
Fetched my pooch from the boarding place this a.m. and she's worn out but seems happy--she was in "day care" with other dogs during the day, which was great socialization for her. She follows me from room to room to be sure I'm sticking around.
Nap's next, then a business meal (ugh) tonight...next two days my most-loathed work experience, a "strategic retreat" which Nboss always begins by forcing everyone to listen to his "guided meditation" during which he does full-guru thought control (love meeeee, love the company, my passsssssssion for this company, ick--in a soft, hypnotic voice). Horribly invasive to me.
But I found out two years ago that foam earplugs are easy to hide under my hair and I no longer hear a damn note of his mantra crap!
Growllll,
Hops
Oh Hopsie, hooray for ear plugs and long hair! What a brilliant idea, your boss sounds like a nightmare. I used to work at a place where the boss organised 'team building' events and weekends away, which generally involved doing something he was really good at and him getting really drunk and being obnoxious to people. I'm very glad I was able to escape!
I'm glad your lovely pooch has settled so well and enjoyed her little holiday away from home. It's a good sign of how well she's settled with you that she coped with that and still seemed happy. She must be leading a happy dog life now :)
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Had another session last night, feel terrible today. Realised I feel like I need someone else's permission to talk about certain things, it made me realise that I need to take the bull by the horns and start talking about my step-dad. I know it's something I really need to deal with but I just find it so hard, even thinking about him makes me feel sick. But it needs to be done so that's my mission for the next session.
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I feel like I don't want to go back. I don't feel safe enough to talk about him. I feel like I'll be opening the door up and she won't be able to protect me from him. Something has changed since the last session. There were a couple of points in it when I didn't feel that she was hearing what I was saying. I think that's what made me feel unsafe. I'm not sure that she is the right person to be talking to about this now. I'm thinking about trying someone else. It's taken such a long time to get to a point where I really need to talk about him that I don't want to spill to the wrong person. Something about the whole set up doesn't feel right at the minute. It's not that I don't want to talk at all, I just don't want to talk about it to her.
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Tupp, I'll go out on a limb here, just first intuition w/o much analyzing:
What if your sudden recoil from this insightful, intuitive, smart therapist--and looking at her with fear--
isn't about who SHE is, but about your fear of the hard feelings/hard work risk you'll be taking if you
talk about him?
I just got a flash-thought that perhaps you go a little microscopic looking for what's wrong in people
and in relationships...because that keeps you safe.
If you can find something fatally wrong with her as a therapist, then you're justified in giving up,
moving on...and not risking going deeper.
Deeper. (Where the real healing is.)
If you can, based on all I know from reading this thread....my loving advice would be: ride through
this. Risk trusting her.
See what happens.
(The worst that can happen---a la Victor Frankl--is that you'll be disappointed, and feel vulnerability.
You already know what disappointment feels like, and you have experienced surviving vulnerability.)
What do you think? I'm sorry you're feeling triggered.
love
Hops
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Tupp, I'll go out on a limb here, just first intuition w/o much analyzing:
What if your sudden recoil from this insightful, intuitive, smart therapist--and looking at her with fear--
isn't about who SHE is, but about your fear of the hard feelings/hard work risk you'll be taking if you
talk about him?
I just got a flash-thought that perhaps you go a little microscopic looking for what's wrong in people
and in relationships...because that keeps you safe.
If you can find something fatally wrong with her as a therapist, then you're justified in giving up,
moving on...and not risking going deeper.
Deeper. (Where the real healing is.)
If you can, based on all I know from reading this thread....my loving advice would be: ride through
this. Risk trusting her.
See what happens.
(The worst that can happen---a la Victor Frankl--is that you'll be disappointed, and feel vulnerability.
You already know what disappointment feels like, and you have experienced surviving vulnerability.)
What do you think? I'm sorry you're feeling triggered.
love
Hops
It might be that, I had thought about it myself. But she said a couple of things that made me feel like she didn't believe me and I can't cope with that. I'm not going to stop altogether, just find someone else. I contacted one who was too expensive and have found another that's affordable so I'm just waiting for them to call me back and hopefully I can set up an appointment with them quite soon.
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(((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))
This may sound like a crazy question.....when she acted as if she didn't believe you, did you challenge or confront her? I know that is risky. Just a thought or two.
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(((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))
This may sound like a crazy question.....when she acted as if she didn't believe you, did you challenge or confront her? I know that is risky. Just a thought or two.
Yep. I was telling her about the police and social services investigations and the people involved (professionals) who lied, either to me or about me. I was going through some examples and she said (of the police woman) "I think she was naïve, I don't think she was lying". I gave her a couple more examples and she still said the same thing. I've got written proof. I've got records that were altered, reports that were changed as they were handed around different people, discrepancies in statements made by professionals - I've got proof that professionals involved lied. My complaints were upheld, there were agencies that admitted that their records weren't factually accurate, one social worker admitted to me on the phone that she'd made something up. I felt like I was talking to my mum, she was refusing to see what was in front of her. I didn't have the actual paperwork with me but I feel like I shouldn't need to prove to a therapist that I'm telling the truth. I've never lied about this stuff. I wouldn't say someone was lying without proof, the reasons the hassles against me stopped were because I proved how many people involved had lied. It's left me feeling so ill and uneasy.
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(((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))
This may sound like a crazy question.....when she acted as if she didn't believe you, did you challenge or confront her? I know that is risky. Just a thought or two.
Yep. I was telling her about the police and social services investigations and the people involved (professionals) who lied, either to me or about me. I was going through some examples and she said (of the police woman) "I think she was naïve, I don't think she was lying". I gave her a couple more examples and she still said the same thing. I've got written proof. I've got records that were altered, reports that were changed as they were handed around different people, discrepancies in statements made by professionals - I've got proof that professionals involved lied. My complaints were upheld, there were agencies that admitted that their records weren't factually accurate, one social worker admitted to me on the phone that she'd made something up. I felt like I was talking to my mum, she was refusing to see what was in front of her. I didn't have the actual paperwork with me but I feel like I shouldn't need to prove to a therapist that I'm telling the truth. I've never lied about this stuff. I wouldn't say someone was lying without proof, the reasons the hassles against me stopped were because I proved how many people involved had lied. It's left me feeling so ill and uneasy.
I see what you mean. I've also encountered therapists, on my side of the Pond, that simply cannot wrap their brains around the fact that this kind of stuff actually happens.
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(((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))
This may sound like a crazy question.....when she acted as if she didn't believe you, did you challenge or confront her? I know that is risky. Just a thought or two.
Yep. I was telling her about the police and social services investigations and the people involved (professionals) who lied, either to me or about me. I was going through some examples and she said (of the police woman) "I think she was naïve, I don't think she was lying". I gave her a couple more examples and she still said the same thing. I've got written proof. I've got records that were altered, reports that were changed as they were handed around different people, discrepancies in statements made by professionals - I've got proof that professionals involved lied. My complaints were upheld, there were agencies that admitted that their records weren't factually accurate, one social worker admitted to me on the phone that she'd made something up. I felt like I was talking to my mum, she was refusing to see what was in front of her. I didn't have the actual paperwork with me but I feel like I shouldn't need to prove to a therapist that I'm telling the truth. I've never lied about this stuff. I wouldn't say someone was lying without proof, the reasons the hassles against me stopped were because I proved how many people involved had lied. It's left me feeling so ill and uneasy.
I see what you mean. I've also encountered therapists, on my side of the Pond, that simply cannot wrap their brains around the fact that this kind of stuff actually happens.
I am aware I might be over reacting - I am incredibly sensitive about it, and I know that I'm jangling at the minute and even tiny things are setting me off. And I know that dealing with 'it' is always tough, whichever way you go about it. But I don't know, everything in me was screaming "don't go there with this one". And I've ignored my instincts in the past and regretted it. I've contacted a Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre and they have counsellors so I'm just waiting for someone to get back to me with an appointment - perhaps I need to go with someone who just deals with sexual abuse and only talk about that. My mum still seems to sneak into everything else. So I'll try that and see how it goes.
But thank you, Bones and Hops, for your thoughts. I appreciate the fact that you care enough to say what I need to hear but might not want to. Thank you xx
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(((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))
This may sound like a crazy question.....when she acted as if she didn't believe you, did you challenge or confront her? I know that is risky. Just a thought or two.
Yep. I was telling her about the police and social services investigations and the people involved (professionals) who lied, either to me or about me. I was going through some examples and she said (of the police woman) "I think she was naïve, I don't think she was lying". I gave her a couple more examples and she still said the same thing. I've got written proof. I've got records that were altered, reports that were changed as they were handed around different people, discrepancies in statements made by professionals - I've got proof that professionals involved lied. My complaints were upheld, there were agencies that admitted that their records weren't factually accurate, one social worker admitted to me on the phone that she'd made something up. I felt like I was talking to my mum, she was refusing to see what was in front of her. I didn't have the actual paperwork with me but I feel like I shouldn't need to prove to a therapist that I'm telling the truth. I've never lied about this stuff. I wouldn't say someone was lying without proof, the reasons the hassles against me stopped were because I proved how many people involved had lied. It's left me feeling so ill and uneasy.
I see what you mean. I've also encountered therapists, on my side of the Pond, that simply cannot wrap their brains around the fact that this kind of stuff actually happens.
I am aware I might be over reacting - I am incredibly sensitive about it, and I know that I'm jangling at the minute and even tiny things are setting me off. And I know that dealing with 'it' is always tough, whichever way you go about it. But I don't know, everything in me was screaming "don't go there with this one". And I've ignored my instincts in the past and regretted it. I've contacted a Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre and they have counsellors so I'm just waiting for someone to get back to me with an appointment - perhaps I need to go with someone who just deals with sexual abuse and only talk about that. My mum still seems to sneak into everything else. So I'll try that and see how it goes.
But thank you, Bones and Hops, for your thoughts. I appreciate the fact that you care enough to say what I need to hear but might not want to. Thank you xx
(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Thanks, Bonesie ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I've made contact with a counsellor at the Rape Crisis centre. Very nice lady, we've had a bit of a chat and she's going to put me on their waiting list. There's a six month wait but once you're in it's indefinite (ie you can keep going for as long as you need to) and they ask for donations rather than charging a fixed fee so it's much easier for me financially. I'd also contacted another local psychologist who I didn't see because her fees were too much for me to afford, but she's said she can negotiate them down if necessary so there's that as a back up.
A six month delay might be a good thing, I'm hoping to move house and am still wading through this blessed paperwork so with a bit of luck all of that will be done by then and out of the way (finally!). We'll see what happens.
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Thanks, Bonesie ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I've made contact with a counsellor at the Rape Crisis centre. Very nice lady, we've had a bit of a chat and she's going to put me on their waiting list. There's a six month wait but once you're in it's indefinite (ie you can keep going for as long as you need to) and they ask for donations rather than charging a fixed fee so it's much easier for me financially. I'd also contacted another local psychologist who I didn't see because her fees were too much for me to afford, but she's said she can negotiate them down if necessary so there's that as a back up.
A six month delay might be a good thing, I'm hoping to move house and am still wading through this blessed paperwork so with a bit of luck all of that will be done by then and out of the way (finally!). We'll see what happens.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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((((Tupp)))
Could there possibly be any benefit to having one last appt. with the T and telling her
exactly what you said here--that her not affirming you when you said the
bureaucrat lied was so triggering to you want to leave therapy with her? And
that not being believed was what happened to you in the first place?
I just wonder if it could be a beneficial session, even if it's your last one....
I'm guessing she doesn't realize the impact of her comments about the civil
servants involved in your life, nor how those comments made you feel about
risking other, even more traumatic, information with her.
??? While you wait for those other appts?
xxoo
Hops
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((((Tupp)))
Could there possibly be any benefit to having one last appt. with the T and telling her
exactly what you said here--that her not affirming you when you said the
bureaucrat lied was so triggering to you want to leave therapy with her? And
that not being believed was what happened to you in the first place?
I just wonder if it could be a beneficial session, even if it's your last one....
I'm guessing she doesn't realize the impact of her comments about the civil
servants involved in your life, nor how those comments made you feel about
risking other, even more traumatic, information with her.
??? While you wait for those other appts?
xxoo
Hops
I don't feel like it's something I want to do, Hopsie. It's quite a lot of money and two hours of my time. There's no way I can talk to her now about what he did. I'm happy to wait for the new appointments xx
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Well it's good that you know what is right and wrong for you,
and that's important.
Good for you for knowing that, and for having a healthy boundary
(even here).
love,
Hops
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Well it's good that you know what is right and wrong for you,
and that's important.
Good for you for knowing that, and for having a healthy boundary
(even here).
love,
Hops
Thank you for caring (((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))