I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of the things I received were food items and they were so big there was no way I'd get through them so I gave them away. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't know whether to just ignore it or if I should say something? Two friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day. I don't know how to raise something like that with someone (it's very nice that you're buying my son a gift but can you make sure it's delivered before Christmas? Feels rude to me?). Another thing I'd planned to go out with him before Christmas and get it when we got the tree, it's something he's wanted for ages and I'd kind of got a little event planned, a friend has bought it and sent it today. Saying no thanks feels really rude but I feel a bit disappointed that we can't go out and do our little thing now. Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing?
Hi Two,QuoteTwo friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day.
Would you feel comfortable purchasing the gifts you'd intended to give him as backups in case the ones they want to give him don't arrive on time. In either case, you should be able to return one of the sets?Quote
I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
This site has some pretty good pointers on what to do. I'm glad you brought up the question for I find myself in similar situations sometimes.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070118155530AA44uFK
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I feel uncomfortable about presents that I feel are over the top. I don't mean to sound or be ungrateful but something small - a pot plant or box of choccies - feels lovely. But I've received a couple of really expensive things in the last couple of weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of the things I received were food items and they were so big there was no way I'd get through them so I gave them away. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't know whether to just ignore it or if I should say something? Two friends want to buy things for my son that I had planned to get him. I don't mind at all someone else buying it, but one thing he's desperate for and we probably won't see them until after Christmas and I don't want him to be upset on the day. I don't know how to raise something like that with someone (it's very nice that you're buying my son a gift but can you make sure it's delivered before Christmas? Feels rude to me?). Another thing I'd planned to go out with him before Christmas and get it when we got the tree, it's something he's wanted for ages and I'd kind of got a little event planned, a friend has bought it and sent it today. Saying no thanks feels really rude but I feel a bit disappointed that we can't go out and do our little thing now. Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing?
I think it's because it's done with the best/right intentions that I find it hard to do anything other than just feel uncomfortable and keep quiet! I suppose one thing that goes through my mind is that none of my friends spend any time with my son and that would mean more than an expensive gift? I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft about the whole thing.
Hi, Tupp.
From my limited perspective, it would have been nice if these friends had coordinated with you, FIRST, given that you are the mother and all instead of making decisions FOR you. I can see why it would be awkward. They meant well but it still created problems.
Tupp, sounds like feeling lonely and neglected,
and that gets focused on the interpretation about gifts.
You're right and Boat is right.
I hope you can get out and bellow in some choir somewhere soon.
I woke today feeling so blue (do not love the season, it can be
agony for the lonely). A friend did call with an offer to meet and
I was about to NOT do it because of weather, but I made it out
and it was fun. Met two new people I would never have had a
great convo with if I had allowed my depressive thoughts to
win the day.
If she hadn't called though, I'm pretty sure I would not have tried
to arrange anything myself, and would've spent the day feeling
pretty pitiful.
So now it's gray and icy out, my belly's full, my pooch is waiting for
me to put down the damn laptop so she can be my laptop, which
is her Proper Place...and we'll get through.
Hope you do too, this is a hard season for those who are missing
the sustaining relationships they need. (Which you WILL find one day.)
love to you and Boat, you too you elf you (you have the spirit I
'm missing and I am going to try to follow your mood!)
Bah humho,
Hops
Sorry you're feeling invisible, Tupp....
I'm afraid I can identify in many ways.
To tell you the truth, I don't think self involved folks with no time for anything besides themselves are ever really going to become something different for us, kwim?
There are those who show up, and those who send expensive gifts instead, kwim?
We can compassionately tell them what we're feeling, and perhaps ask for something more, but.....
maybe it's up to us to find new friends, while filing the self involved ones away under SELF INVOLVED/CAN NEVER DO MORE?
That way, we're not destroying old connections, while making new/better/reciprocal/more fulfilling ones.
In any case, the discomfort you're feeling is a message that it's time to find and add new friends to your family in a mindful way, IMO.
Celebrate on the positive aspects of your current friendships, without assigning unrealistic expectations, and maybe they'll seem brighter.
Love to your and your son,
Lighter
Bleh, I am also not feeling super Christmas-y right now. Got all excited about the idea of looking at lights and stuff but as it turns out I am not really doing anything at all for Christmas. I want it to be a religious Holiday and since I am not really a strong believer in the whole baby jesus story it is a little hard to get excited about it full throttle.
There is always just so much freaking pressure for it to be GRAND. Super grand and then after it's over the next day always feels bleh again.