Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on October 21, 2014, 11:33:38 PM
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The court of appeals upheld the trial court judge's order in the custidy suit. We win
Again.
Now we wait for the request for reconsideration to play out then collect the judgment for my attorney fees.
One step at a time.
Lighter
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Great news. Does it feel relieving yet?
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Great news, lighter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup, one step at a time and how long is the next step? And is it the last step?
Save up all your sighs to heave for the ending!
Love
Izzy
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WHEW.
Congratulations and relief!
Hops
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thanks everybody.
I do feel some relief, but now we wait for the next sneaky underhanded documents to be filed by opposing counsel, when asking for reconsideration. maybe he bought off a judge....maybe not. at this point I document it all with an eye to the suits and complaints I might file.....somehow it makes it easier to wait and see.
This is another step towards the exit door.
Lighter; )
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Lighter I'm so glad you've won (again) but so frustrated on your behalf as well, to have all of this hanging over you for no reason other than other people's belligerence is crazy making. You are dealing with it all with such good grace and humility. A true testament to your character and an amazing example to your kids.
I hope that the next step(s) pass quickly and with as little fuss as possible. Thinking of you and your kids xx
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Do the grandparents have any visitation, Lighter?
I wasn't sure how that shook out.
If they do, do you manage the feelings okay?
hugs
Hops
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Thanks, Tupp, and no, Hops. The GP don't have any visitation.
In fact, there was a protective order in place during the custody hearing, and they were denied any visitation during the Grandparent Visitation Trial, with expert testimony speaking to the facts.......
it's detrimental to the children to have unsupervised visitation with the GP.
I've offered supervised visitation for years, but it's become apparent to everyone, esp the Judge in the Custody Trial, these GP don't want anything to do with my children if they can't drag them under the stairs, in private, without any supervision.
It's not the visitation they want.
It's having the children behind closed doors.
Sad, and the children weren't really aware of it until the Custody Trial. At that time so much information had to be shared with them, bc of their entire summer was spent in psych exams answering questions asshat strangers were throwing at them.....
there was little I could do to protect them from the reality.....
their GP have abandoned them, and are dead set on harming me through them.
At the time of the custody trial I withdrew the offer of supervised visitation. I couldn't pretend the GP might calm down, and focus on the chldren's best interest after all they pulled in the custody trial. They really upset our lives, and the childrens' routines, and most traumatic to us all, they made it impossible for me to shelter the kids any longer from the truth of what the GP were doing.
I think the children will have to grieve the loss of the paternal side of the family at every major landmark of their lives, and that grieving process will likely never end. They handle it well, but it's a very sad situation I have zero control over. You can't force someone to be appropriate around children.
Lighter
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Thanks, Tupp, and no, Hops. The GP don't have any visitation.
In fact, there was a protective order in place during the custody hearing, and they were denied any visitation during the Grandparent Visitation Trial, with expert testimony speaking to the facts.......
it's detrimental to the children to have unsupervised visitation with the GP.
I've offered supervised visitation for years, but it's become apparent to everyone, esp the Judge in the Custody Trial, these GP don't want anything to do with my children if they can't drag them under the stairs, in private, without any supervision.
It's not the visitation they want.
It's having the children behind closed doors.
Sad, and the children weren't really aware of it until the Custody Trial. At that time so much information had to be shared with them, bc of their entire summer was spent in psych exams answering questions asshat strangers were throwing at them.....
there was little I could do to protect them from the reality.....
their GP have abandoned them, and are dead set on harming me through them.
At the time of the custody trial I withdrew the offer of supervised visitation. I couldn't pretend the GP might calm down, and focus on the chldren's best interest after all they pulled in the custody trial. They really upset our lives, and the childrens' routines, and most traumatic to us all, they made it impossible for me to shelter the kids any longer from the truth of what the GP were doing.
I think the children will have to grieve the loss of the paternal side of the family at every major landmark of their lives, and that grieving process will likely never end. They handle it well, but it's a very sad situation I have zero control over. You can't force someone to be appropriate around children.
Lighter
Gosh, Lighter, I can identify with so much of that! Both my mum and my son's dad wanted to see him but only on their terms and without me being around. I offered supervised visits to his dad, who didn't want to know if he couldn't just turn up when he felt like it and do what he wanted. Similarly, the last contact I had with my mum was about eight years ago now (at this point I didn't know about any of the false accusations she'd been making) and I offered her two days a month with my son and gave her first dibs on the days she picked (keeping in mind he was in school so it would generally have to be a weekend). The last text I ever sent her said let me know which two days you want as I have other things I need to arrange around it and that was the last I ever heard. If she couldn't be in complete control she didn't want to know.
It's so hard having to explain the bad things to them (and hard for them to understand) but the alternative is having to deal with the effect that being around them would have, which would be so much worse. I'm glad you're over this hurdle and hope things start to settle down for you all now xx
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Lighter,
Hold on tight to the things you know are right. This and all the misery that has lead up to where you are right now has been a tough row. One I probably would have not been able to navigate. One day when all is calm regarding the matter with the court, the grandparents and the children, you'll be able to look back with a huge sigh of relief and knowing you did your best. If I were your child, I'd be grateful that I had a mom like you.
tt
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I'm so sorry you feel they have malignant intentions toward the children.
It's heartbreaking all around.
:(
Hops
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Just wanted to say I'm sorry to read about your difficult struggle. I hate it for you and the children.
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Gosh, Lighter, I can identify with so much of that! Both my mum and my son's dad wanted to see him but only on their terms and without me being around. I offered supervised visits to his dad, who didn't want to know if he couldn't just turn up when he felt like it and do what he wanted. Similarly, the last contact I had with my mum was about eight years ago now (at this point I didn't know about any of the false accusations she'd been making) and I offered her two days a month with my son and gave her first dibs on the days she picked (keeping in mind he was in school so it would generally have to be a weekend). The last text I ever sent her said let me know which two days you want as I have other things I need to arrange around it and that was the last I ever heard. If she couldn't be in complete control she didn't want to know.
It's so hard having to explain the bad things to them (and hard for them to understand) but the alternative is having to deal with the effect that being around them would have, which would be so much worse. I'm glad you're over this hurdle and hope things start to settle down for you all now xx
Tupp:
We wanted our children to have relationships with GPs, and their fathers.
It's a terrible thing when zero contact is less harmful.
BTW, did all the false complaints against you get sorted out, and are you able to get all the services you need for your son?
Lighter
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TT, GS, and Hops.....
thanks for the support and kind words.
It's all going to be OK, even if it's not OK, all will be well.
Hops, you aren't saying you're sorry "I feel" there are "malignant intentions," right?
Lighter
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BTW, did all the false complaints against you get sorted out, and are you able to get all the services you need for your son?
Lighter
[/quote]
No, and no :) As we all know, you have to keep a balance in your life - dealing with the day to day, looking after your own health, just being 'normal' - and then there's dealing with 'stuff'. I contacted a lot of agencies regarding my mum but there's not really anyway of stopping her making harmful accusations - anyone can make an anonymous call reporting suspected child abuse so it just isn't possible to find a way to stop her from doing that. Services for my son - everything for disabled people has been cut back to the bone here in the UK, they're making the most vulnerable pay for the greed of the bankers who gambled billions in dodgy investments and the large corporates who avoid paying taxes. So even getting him a decent medical assessment is difficult at the minute and there's little chance of getting much else for him.
So I did as much as I could - every agency we're in contact with is made aware of the situation, I've corrected every set of old records I've been able to. Some is with solicitors, they're doing their thing and I just wait to see what they come back with. I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy and making my boy as happy as I can (he told me yesterday that being at home is 'awesome' and that's good enough for me - I spent my whole childhood scared of my own shadow and wishing I was home alone). You pick your battles, right? Things are calm, stable, I feel better than I have done for a long time. I still feel angry when I think about all the damage that's been done but I think only time can really heal that feeling. I protected him, then and now, and as a mum I think that's as much as you can do? You can't always keep them safe (as you know!), other people can wreak havoc, but I think as long as I do/have done my best to fight for him then I've done the best I can. He's fab :)
So I hope you get to a point where they can't make you have to stand your ground anymore. That's what's hard, I think, times when you've no choice but to stand and fight, and those times when you can walk away and leave them to fester in their own juices. Hopefully they're running out of options now and there will come a time when there's no more legal wrangling they can come up with. You and your girls deserve that peace :) xx
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Hmm. I hadn't consciously parsed what I meant ...
but I guess I am thinking they have malignant intentions
toward YOU, which they have expresssed or would express in how
they relate to the children?
Meaning--I was figuring they do love their grandchildren.
That make sense?
Forgive my over-interpreting if I'm off base.
Hops
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Tupp:
I'm sad to hear there aren't any programs available for your son right now, but glad to read he's thriving at home with you. You're such a devoted mother, Tupp. He's a lucky little man.
Hops: I knew what you meant, and your thoughts make more sense than the facts involved. Do the IL's want to do trauma to my children, as a priority? I'm sure they don't...... do they see the children as extensions of me?
I have no idea, and nothing to gain if it could be discerned.
Trauma to children is trauma, whether it's an unintended consequence, or their master plan.
Lighter
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I think you're right. I get it.
The trauma of being stirred up or manipulated by them not managing their toxic feelings would negate the gift of their loving-grandparent feelings.
It's all mixed together.
I hear you, mama tiger.
love
Hops
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Hi Hops:
They aren't really the loving grandparent sort.
It was more a matter of giving up hope they would be, rather than giving up the loving relationship we wished my children had with them.
Lighter
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Tupp:
I'm sad to hear there aren't any programs available for your son right now, but glad to read he's thriving at home with you. You're such a devoted mother, Tupp. He's a lucky little man.
There's very little in the UK that you don't have to pay for yourself; if you've got plenty of money then there's loads to do! I am cherry picking the bits we need the most, paying for what I can, doing my best on the other stuff and trying to focus on today and not keep worrying endlessly into the future. I find that hard; I've had to protect both of us for so long that it feels like a natural thing to keep building defences but I really want to change my mind set so that my default mode is that most people are okay and not too many are bad. It's a big shift but I'm working on it.
I hope things are levelling out now for all of you and that you get some peace now, it's amazing how different life is when you're not fighting fires :)
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Well Tupp......
you're aware, and building new skills with a clear vision of what you want for yourself.
It's going to be a better year, I just know it; )
Riht now I'm pulling up my sleeves, and getting ready to dive back into legal docs.
Again.
It's me filing the suits at this point, so I'm looking forward to righting our lives in a way that removes the pd's from our lives.... finally.
Yes.
Here's to clarity, serenity, and finding our passions, Tupp.
More joy, please; )
Love, Lighter
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Such courage and determination. Keep going and don't give up.
It will end.
Blessings to you
Sea
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Such courage and determination. Keep going and don't give up.
It will end.
Blessings to you
Sea
Thank you, Sea: )
Lighter