Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Twoapenny on May 19, 2015, 12:57:32 PM
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I'm very aware that I don't get on to the board much anymore as I am trying very hard to live my life in the real world and connect with people (and experiences). Generally things are going okay, although I do struggle with it all sometimes. I am trying to eat well, do a little yoga every day and try to make my home environment more comfortable and inviting. I did reconnect with a few people that I used to know and quite quickly realised why I'd not seen them for a while! So I have let those people slide again. I've been quite good at keeping my boundaries up, although my loneliness does mean that slips sometimes and I reach out to people who aren't the best for me but quite infrequently and it serves as a reminder of what I've tried to change in my life.
I am still hoping to move at some point and I can't remember if I've already mentioned this but we've been very lucky and the neurological team at one of the best children's hospitals in the country have agreed to assess my son so I am really hoping we can get some good information from them and some advice and support for the future. I am still working on myself and have been seeing a spiritual healer. She's a very nice lady, very warm and funny, the sort of person that you feel at home with very quickly. I hadn't realised how much feeling afraid was part of my life and as that's reducing it sometimes feels quite odd that there's a space there that can be filled with good things. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't need to be afraid now and I can let that go and welcome better things into my life. But generally speaking things are moving in a good direction for us
I hope everyone is doing okay and that things are moving in a good direction :)
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Hi Tup!
::waving::
So glad to hear you're doing well, and looking forward to son's assessment. It sounds promising, and we do what we can, as we can. You're such a good mommy.
You've been missed, but it's great to hear you're connecting in the 3D word.
Did you put some distance between you, and your old neighborhood?
Lighter
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Hi Tup!
::waving::
So glad to hear you're doing well, and looking forward to son's assessment. It sounds promising, and we do what we can, as we can. You're such a good mommy.
You've been missed, but it's great to hear you're connecting in the 3D word.
Did you put some distance between you, and your old neighborhood?
Lighter
Hi Lighter :)
I miss the board but have been sort of consciously avoiding it (and other online things) as I didn't/don't want to slip back into using it as a substitute for real life (which I think I have done a lot in the past). It's a bit like eating one biscuit instead of the whole packet :)
We've not moved yet, still in the same place but still wanting to move. Things are difficult financially in the UK, renting is very expensive and care/support for children with disabilities varies enormously from place to place, so I'm going to wait until he's had his assessments and see what's best to do then. But I don't really see too many people around here, when we got out we don't stay local so that has helped and when we're in I can just concentrate on what we're doing and not focus on it all too much. But will be really nice to get away. Am giving serious thought to moving abroad once he's older, there are some countries where the cost of living is low enough that I can teach English (which is what I used to do) and earn enough to keep us both and pay someone to look after him while I'm at work so that is an option to look at at some point in the future. But yes, things are moving in the right direction, slowly but surely, and I'm getting/staying stronger. Things are good.
How are things with you and your girls now? xx
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Hi Tupp,
This is really positive...both for you and for your son.
Kudos on disciplining yourself about online rabbitholes.
I get it (worst offender, here). Even positive places can
become negatives if usage gets out of balance.
I do know that when I am in crisis, this is such a blessing,
to know I can post here.
But it's wonderful to hear people's happy news too and
especially about their dreams and new plans.
Don't want to feed the posting-demon for you, but next
time you're in the mood, I'd love to know about those
countries. Such an exciting idea.
hugs
Hops
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Tupp:
I want to hear about the other Countries too. It sounds like you have your eye on the future, and all doors are open. YES!
As for me..... I'm closing on a home soon. I found a lovely Amazon bonfire grotto, on the edge of a primordial forest.... and there happens to be a lovely little storage laden house I'm planning to turn into sacred space for me and my children. I don't know how it happened, but once the stars aligned..... it happened fast, and I can't wait to see what every day brings. I wish, stand back, then POOF!.....it happens.
::reminding self ..... be careful what one wishes for::..
I'm happily thinking about what I'll do when the kiddos are older..... something I'm passionate about, just not sure which passion to choose. Probably the most uplifting one, but it's going to be a hard choice.
It's all good here, Tupp. Hug your little man for me. Everything is going to be OK: )
Lighter
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**Hi two penny. disregard the asterisks my keyboard is broken.
*I've also not been on the board much though *I think its good to come here and just write stuff out, it helps me personally to keep things into some sort of perspective.
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Hi Tupp,
This is really positive...both for you and for your son.
Kudos on disciplining yourself about online rabbitholes.
I get it (worst offender, here). Even positive places can
become negatives if usage gets out of balance.
I do know that when I am in crisis, this is such a blessing,
to know I can post here.
But it's wonderful to hear people's happy news too and
especially about their dreams and new plans.
Don't want to feed the posting-demon for you, but next
time you're in the mood, I'd love to know about those
countries. Such an exciting idea.
hugs
Hops
Hi Hops, yes, it's exactly that, online has saved me so many times in so many situations but there is a line, isn't there, between being a help and a hindrance. And I do feel I'd got to the point where my online world had made me comfy enough not to seek out real life situations; online is easier to control, you can think about what you say before you say it, avoid reading things that might upset you and so on. It's great in some situations but I got to the point where I realised I couldn't remember the last time someone had touched me, you know, a proper, big bear hug. And that's where online doesn't really do it so I felt I needed to try and get back to that again. It's not without its perils, though, there are some proper idiots out there! But it's going okay :)
Will def keep you updated on countries! Current contenders are Denmark, Sweden and Portugal, primarily because I already know people living there so have (a) a point of contact and (b) already know a bit about them and how they are for foreigners invading their shores! But obviously lots of research needed, no rush, just taking things slowly and what's nice as he's getting older is that the grip my mum has had (with her child protection allegations) is loosening because he'll soon be at the point where she can't ring anyone to report me for things I haven't done! So obviously that's helping as well :)
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Tupp:
I want to hear about the other Countries too. It sounds like you have your eye on the future, and all doors are open. YES!
As for me..... I'm closing on a home soon. I found a lovely Amazon bonfire grotto, on the edge of a primordial forest.... and there happens to be a lovely little storage laden house I'm planning to turn into sacred space for me and my children. I don't know how it happened, but once the stars aligned..... it happened fast, and I can't wait to see what every day brings. I wish, stand back, then POOF!.....it happens.
::reminding self ..... be careful what one wishes for::..
I'm happily thinking about what I'll do when the kiddos are older..... something I'm passionate about, just not sure which passion to choose. Probably the most uplifting one, but it's going to be a hard choice.
It's all good here, Tupp. Hug your little man for me. Everything is going to be OK: )
Lighter
Wow, Lighter, that soon to be home sounds incredible, what an amazing place for you and your girls, I think you can appreciate something like that so much more after everything you've been through and all the tough times. Sounds incredible and I look forward to hearing more about it :)
Doors do feel open. I feel like there are possibilities and I haven't felt like that for a long time. I think the dealing with everything - my son with just his day to day needs and all the health problems, my mum - a saga in her own right! - all the emotional stuff that I buried for years and then pulled out to sift through, plus just figuring out who I am and what I want/need and so on - it's all taken up so much energy that there hasn't really been a lot of space for 'what if'. But that is changing now, things are easier and yes, being able to look to the future and think about what I want rather than just getting through the day is amazing and I am trying my best to enjoy things as they come up and to find the balance between sensible planning and needing to be in control :) All these tightropes we have to master and get the hang of. But getting there, things are better than they've been for a long time. I just don't feel like I'm fighting constantly any more.
Anyway, keep us updated on your new place and how it's all going. Would love to hear more :)
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**Hi two penny. disregard the asterisks my keyboard is broken.
*I've also not been on the board much though *I think its good to come here and just write stuff out, it helps me personally to keep things into some sort of perspective.
Hi G, yep, it's definitely a good place to get things out of your head. I find I'm sometimes overly influenced by other's opinions (instead of taking time to figure out how I feel about something rather than what I think) and I do tend to use other people's problems or situations as a distraction from my own. So it's all about balance, as everything is, so much balancing to do all the time, I think we should all be in the circus :) The Voiceless and Emotional Circus is in town!
There is a group I'm reading with on Facebook at the moment who have an idea about a Travelling Village, similar to a circus in the sense that they move from town to tow, but instead of a performance it's more like a travelling workshop, teaching people how to make their own pots, plates, soap etc, storytelling, selling plants and so on. It's a lovely idea and one that really appeals to me so I'm enjoying reading up on things and having another 'what if' in my dream collection at the minute :)
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This moved me and helped me Tupp!
online is easier to control, you can think about what you say before you say it, avoid reading things that might upset you and so on. It's great in some situations but I got to the point where I realised I couldn't remember the last time someone had touched me, you know, a proper, big bear hug.
Thank you. (You just never know, how one person's insights just jump into another person's life!)
Big hugs,
Hops
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This moved me and helped me Tupp!
online is easier to control, you can think about what you say before you say it, avoid reading things that might upset you and so on. It's great in some situations but I got to the point where I realised I couldn't remember the last time someone had touched me, you know, a proper, big bear hug.
Thank you. (You just never know, how one person's insights just jump into another person's life!)
Big hugs,
Hops
Hey Hops, it always makes me really happy when one of my rambling thoughts actually makes sense to someone else so thank you :) I've still not had a proper hug(!) but I feel like I'm getting closer to the opportunity being there, if you know what I mean? We went to a festival a couple of years ago and one of the stewards had 'Free Hugs Here' on his hi viz vest; I was too shy to go and get one! But I loved the idea of it. So hugging is on my mind.
((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))) Cyber hugs are pretty good, too! :)
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Tupp..... I think possibilities open up when we have space in our lives to believe in them. I don't really know.... it was like flipping a switch for me, and I didn't feel ready, but I trusted and leaned into it...... and POOF.... a house with a great yard, and a new baby Pug on the way to boot. Whoo hoo, chabby chic safety, and comfort, here we come.
I got some quotes for repairs today.... want to know what for? I have flying squirrels and honey bees! I love honeybees and flying squirrels. I wish I could keep them, but alas, they must be relocated away from the house, but flying squirrels, and honey bees! And a yard full of green silky moss..... I just love shade plantings! And there's an out building with electric hooked up, and it's new, and clean, and lovely sitting in the trees, ready for me to make it useful again.
I've been purchasing large yummy furniture pieces out of the local Habitat For Humanity store, and a wonderful special hotel donates regularly very special items. I have 5 pieces from the hotel so far, and keep hoping for some old leather smoking chairs. Will have to see. I purchased a new model kitchen, and so far it's lining up to fit the kitchen area I'm opening up.... almost doubling existing kitchen space, and I'm so pleased. I'll
I'm thinking about fencing..... there's woods for the dogs to run and play in without tearing up the moss....... how can things get any better?
Hidy holes.
Hidy holes? With so much closet space.... I'm talking hallways of closets half the length of the house, how can I resist? And then there's going to be the secret trap doors, for doggies and people. I'm just so pleased. The question is.... do I have secret trap doors INSIDE furniture, like I always wanted when I was a twenty something? I think maybe I do. I just love the creative side of renovations. It's walking meditation for me; )
The journey continues.
Lighter
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Update on bees.... I'm happy to find a bee keeper interested in feral hives. He's going to vacuum up the bees, and transfer to one of his twenty something hives. He says the wild bees have better resistance, and his other feral hives are way ahead of the rest. Now.... to get everyone orchestrated with removal of siding, capture, and house back together before the heavens open again. (He also takes the honey, comb and whatever else is in the wall, which is great as the honey goes sour when the bees are removed.) I can't wait to see how much honey is there.... up to 50 lbs is what I've read.
The squirrels will be outed once the babies are for sure grown. The pest company installs tubes with exit doors only, and that usually does the trick.
The lady next door has been running a mower through half my yard, which knocks the lovely mossy tops off the mole tunnels. I love the moss, not the blank dirt patches. The thing is, the mole tunnels leave deep squishy spots, and it's disconcerting. I have to make peace with the squishy, or figure something else out since squishy doesn't lend itself to activities in the yard.
I have a garden planned in a sunny spot..... not technically on my land, but the neighbor said it's find there, and good to go. She said there's a neighborhood gathering every fall around the fire pit with food, and festivities... can't wait. The immediate neighbors are mostly elderly, and lovely, btw. Just like the neighborhood where I bought my first home. I see children playing on nearby streets, so that's good too. This new house feels like going home: )
Lighter
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Happy to hear of your happy landing, Lighter, bees and all!
Hope you and kids and dogs enjoy it.
I sorta loved renovating too, but $$$ worries took the edge off the pleasure.
Still very happy in my little (2 BR 1 bath) but crazy-spacious layout nonetheless, 1995 "atomic house"!
It's on a double lot so I have a huge long green yard lined with mulberry trees. A climbing rose is twined up through one of them and it's amazing to sit on my stone back corner ... err, patio or more likely ... odd eccentric sitting spot ... and look into the branches way above my head where pink roses strangely bloom.
hugs and hope your bees are happy in their new home (my neighbor's feeding two fallen baby jays, bossy beautiful things)
Hops
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Hi Hops:
I'm glad you posted about your new house a bit. I didn't get to hear much when you made that move. Lots of space, and a huge yard sounds lovely.
What did you do with renovations?
I'm thinking about making all my ceilings smooth, but good grief.... so EXPENSIVE! Not sure about that, and if it doesn't happen now it won't happen at all. Will see.
For sure I'll take up all the carpet, and redo kitchen in phase I.
The septic needs a bit of work, so I'll add another drain line making it possible to permit a 4th bedroom, and third bath, which is planned but no hurry.
I already purchased the kitchen, and many things I'll need.... such a deal at Habitat For Humanity Store semi annual sale. Everything is coming together like it was meant to be.
Honestly, I can't wait to get into the yard, pull weeds, and plant this fall: )
Lighter
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Habitat stores are the best! I got two great standing lamps from a hotel there...
My wee house was a neglected rental. Broken windows, racoon poop in crawl,
leaky roof, no gutters, etc etc. But I had two contractors plus and architect pal
go through it and they said, basically--this house is sound. Everyone wrong with
it you can fix. And with the location (it's a little over a mile from historic area
with shops, cafes, and old everything...)--go for it. So I did!
I did new roof, new windows, cork floors in kitchen and wing (hardwoods were
actually in great shape), lots of paint (love doing color) and gutters and underground
drainage system (to fix basement damp)--and resealed basement. Some electrical.
Kitchen's still dated and probably will stay that way, but it's sweet, with a simple
white porcelain sink and blue Mexican tile counters. (Folks who owned it had a
tile store, so the bathroom's nice.)
That's it. It took 3 months because I had an ADD carpenter and had to do a
load of separate mini-contracts with him--a pay-as-it-went thing. Thank heaven
I did that because it was that leverage that kept him going.
Enjoy your efforts--have to admit I'm glad mine are done. Had a stone patio
put in last year that's added a lot of happy space, for sitting with friends. And
a new fence, so pooch can join us out there and I won't worry about her
running into the street.
Gotta crash, on a business trip out west.... Drive drive and DRY.
Hops
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Hops:
Wow, you did a lot of work before you could relax on your little stone patio.
I have to change the septic D box, so adding the extra line seems wise.... already bringing in equipment, and tearing up lovely moss yard so biting bullet now. Will permit house for fourth bedroom in second phase.
The carpet's being replaced with floating mdm dark walnut floor. Underlayment likely to be cork.
I'm still flip flopping on ceiling decision..... must come up with less expensive plan. I guess I can wait on kitchen a bit, but kitchen is sitting in garage waiting so compelled to get that project out oif the way.
::nodding::
Did you get a garden planted this year? Just a wee one?
Lighter
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Hi, Tup. So glad to hear you are filling your life with good things.
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No garden, Lighter.
Beds are ready if I'm willing to push and plant fall things.
Dunno, just dunno.
It's weird, but that priority hasn't held. (Work, 45 hrs/wk and depression lethargy, have interfered.)
Hops
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Hops:
You used to love to garden: /
Here's wishing you and I both enjoy playing in the dirt soon. You used to enjoy your little square foot garden as I recall.
I prepared a planting bed, and put a few things in with my oldest daughter, which was the nicest part. My heart isn't into the garden though, truth be told, Hops.
All the doors in my new house are out... ordered a new sliding back door today... the other doors will be here Monday.
The popcorn ceilings are flat, and freshly painted on the upper floor.... closets painted white... they look great.
Almost all the drywall changes and patches are done.
The carpet's out, staples and nails all pulled, and ready for new flooring (stacked in garage)....... new baseboard primed, and ready for paint before we put it in.
We're way ahead of schedule! My team is amazing.... very funny, and everyone works so hard. I've never seen anything like it. Things are moving nicely, though kind of a blurr things going so fast.
I work side by side with my amazing contractor... whatever I want, he drops what he's doing and makes it so. I keep reminding myself..... careful what you ask for little girl.
I have to make some big decisions coming up.... build in a china hutch made of reclaimed wood.... 10 feet high, at the front stairs (I'd use the back as a coat rack) where I ripped out a knee wall, or wrap the steps, and leave it open. To tell the truth, I really love it open, and it opens more space for the piano.... the cabinet can go somewhere else.
Do I run gas to the kitchen, or stick with electric?
::shrug::
All uplifting decisions I'll enjoy making.
I feel challenged/happy to be doing this right now. It was time.
The journey continues.
Lighter
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Sounds like a lot of fun, Ligther.
If I had the bucks, I'd be a flipper!
:)
Hops
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Hops:
We finish the upstairs renovation tomorrow..... 10 days in. Whoo hoo... Mr. Toad's wild ride.
I've never seen a man work like this contractor works....... Refreshing really; )
Electrician comes tomorrow to discuss kitchen renovation.
It's all good.
Lighter
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Hops and Lighter, I've been reading all your housey stuff and it sounds amazing :) Isn't it funny how we sort of deal with ourselves and then, once all that 'stuff' is out the way, we can start to build nests and make ourselves comfy in them. Looking forward to hearing more as it happens.
The real world is doing alright by me at the moment. I have realised that I have simply outgrown a lot of people that I know. I want to spend as much of my time as possible either with people who make me feel really good, for whatever reason, or by myself (I don't mean people that make me feel good in a sycophantic way but people who are interesting, or kind, or funny, or just have that nice easy air about them). I am getting better and better at saying no thanks to people who drain and make me feel tired or on edge. And interestingly I think I am developing a bit of a Teflon coating; I find myself more and more thinking that what people say and do is about them, not me, and that's a big difference.
We are still looking to move this year; we'll be staying in the UK for the time being but still hoping/planning for overseas in the long term. I think one thing that I've learnt over the last forty years of dealing with my mum is that I'm not going to spend the next forty years doing things because I ought to. I want to live my life, and love as much of it as I can. I endured it for so long that I really want to grab it with both hands now. So things are definitely moving in the right direction, slowly but surely. I have even been trying online dating again - it's not going well, to be honest, but I do feel at least that I'm taking a step in the right direction there as well (we'll see!).
I met up with someone tonight (female) who I was incredibly close to about twenty years ago. We came from similar (abusive) families and were both very into drugs/men/wild times and so on. We went on different paths; I tried to sort myself out and make something of my life and my friend got deeper and deeper into drugs, bad relationships, abusive boyfriends and so on. I haven't seen her for about ten years as I felt she was stopping me from sorting myself out - I don't mean in a deliberate way but she really used to trigger my desire to rescue people and look after them and I knew I needed to get out of that. But our paths crossed again recently and we spent some time together tonight. I came away feeling so sad. She's a shadow of her former self, the drugs have obviously done a lot of damage over the years and she has very little to look forward to in life at the moment (hopefully that can change for her). But it made me so thankful that I made those, at times, very painful choices to deal with 'stuff' and do the counselling and the crying and the journalling and the sitting at home on my own rather than putting up with relationships that weren't good for me, or falling into the bottom of a bottle. Such a funny world that some people have the strength to push through it and some just can't manage it. She looks fragile and so very tired. So a sad evening in a way but I'm glad we've reconnected and been able to spend some time together again. Things going full circle, perhaps.
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Hi, Tup. So glad to hear you are filling your life with good things.
Hi Butterfly! :) It's nice to be able to say that I'm filling my life with good things! It's nice that there are good things to fill it with :) How are things with you? xx