Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on March 04, 2016, 05:56:32 PM
-
Ok.....
I think I have the flying squirrels in the attic, and the mice in the crawlspace situations handled. The flyers won't be harmed, but I can't say the same for the mice.
Poor mice.
The clothes washer was fixed with a new drain pipe, thank God. The Sub Z fridge requires "vacuuming, blowing, and lubrication." It's a whole thing... I had no idea. I'll have another circuit put in the garage for a second stove/oven. The one in the kitchen has a grill, and 2 burners only, but I have the downdraft situation figured out.... only one way it could be solved. I think that's all the mechanical/animal stuff right now.
The staircase looks very much like a clockwork shabby chic ship's stairway. I think I love it. The treads are distressed oak, stained dark, with white risers painted white to match the trim, and tongue and groove on either side. I put tongue and groove on one wall in the LR but ran it horizontally there... it's vertical in stairway. Black Roman numerals XII installed on risers. All that's left to do now is install handrail.... looking for industrial feel to that piece. I'll know it when I see it.
Youngest dd13 has second season of Ultimate Frisbee coming up. Last month she got invisiline braces.... doing very well with it, thank goodness. She picked up a ukulele, took a few months of lessons, and is learning songs on her own now. She sings, and partakes in open mike nights at school. She plays in the car, and in the house. It's lovely. Look up the Ukulele Anthem on Youtube.... she plays it like a pro. Such a joy.
Oldest dd15 was struggling with school, and social anxiety. More than capable of doing the work, but overwhelmed easily, and finding it hard to cope with difficult situations. She'd freeze up. She stopped piano lessons and asked for tutor and therapist, which lead to 4 specialists, including brain integration specialist. Current plan has DD flourishing.
We were lucky that her school is willing to let her do Homebound program for a month or two. DD will re join her class before end of year..... we're blessed.
A good thing for me, youngest dd wants to do martial arts classes in the house.... it's been a goal for both dds. Hopefully oldest dd will join when we stop asking her to. Seems to be the way things go there.
I also purchased shade plants to, hostas, ferns, and assorted other bulbs for spring planting. I don't feel like it, but I know digging in the dirt will be good for my head. I have maybe 15 Hemlock trees.... gorgeous... in my yard that require treatment for Wooly Adelgid bug that's wiping out Hemlocks at alarming rate.
What else got done in the house.... backsplash behind stove. It matches the white granite counter. Simple. I like it. Contractor finished a wooden countertop at bar behind stove into dining room out of old barnwood I stained dark, and sealed. Very nice.
The front porch gets widened next week. Right now the old carpeted interior steps are tacked on to porch walkway where I tore the end rail off.... it's not pretty, I'll tell you. I have to take out 4 or 5 bushes to widen that area, but it will be huge improvement. Contractor wants to put deck across front of house, but it would cover up the lovely stone work, and I'm not sure about that yet.
I'm going to research extending the garage toward the street so I can add a fourth bedroom and bath in that space. I can install a third bathroom without improving the septic tank, but adding the fourth permitted bedroom requires adding another septic drain line. Will see.
That leaves bath renovations, and outdoor shower deck..... decision to screen in back porch or turn into four season room.
That's my update.
I have a grounded sleeping pad, supplements in place, and amalgam filling removal
Lighter
-
So lovely to read your news, Lighter, and what a busy bee you have been. There's a lovely feeling to working hard on something that is yours, your own, your place. Somewhere beautiful for you and your girls. A lovely read to start the day, thank you :) x
-
Oh my...
I had no idea you were into a reno project. Sounds like you've been merging what works for you & the girls with what the house wants to be. That's always a fun, rewarding thing to spend time on. It's the kind of thing that gives back.
You'll have to tell me more about what a brain integration specialist does. First I never knew there was such a thing; and secondly I think my brain could use some help "integrating" itself. Things work better than they once did, but all the hinges are stiff and squeeky, and lord it's a loud noise and quite the production to get things flowing again. LOL.
All in all, that sounds like a contented update. Makes me smile.
-
I'm interested in hearing more about the brain integration specialist too. My 15 year old struggles with similar issues. Homework is excruciatingly difficult - not the material itself but the ability to sit and execute.
-
ADD?
Oh sounds like my brain...
love
Hops
-
http://www.learningimprovementcenter.com/ is a link to get some information about brain integration.
DD5 is on board, and has confidence in program. We'll complete treatment next week.
CurrentTherapist very helpful, and reporting amazing results in her opinion with dd15.
One of our missions is to get dd caught up at school, and that seems to be going very well.
Another mission is to keep her hooked into her social network while she's homeschooling. This weekend was a huge success with two of her bff's. We parked downtown, had a terrific dinner, walked the 15 minutes to our reservation for one of those themed escape room experiences.... SO much fun. We failed, but honestly we were short a flashlight, and there were too many people in our room since part of our group showed up on the wrong day and no one caught it.
Oh well... we're going back! DD15 was a superstar puzzle solving math genius of the group. It was a wonderful confidence builder for her. She took over leadership at one point, and solved the puzzle some of the adults failed to figure out for way too long. Everyone was giddy with enjoyment, and there was a cool steam punk bar with sofa section to sit and replay everyone's POV. If anyone decides to try it.... remember to bring reading glasses. You don't want to be blind AND stumbling around in the dark unable to read the clues.
We played card games at home afterwards. The next morning we prepared a beautiful brunch and enjoyed hot tea in our girl-y mix and match tea cups... the entire morning felt magical. More card games, some gluten free baking, and now it's just me and my girls again. TOTAL win if I hadn't had to walk funny all night to compensate for a wounded toe. I ripped a nail out before we left yesterday, and had a gash that just would not stop bleeding. Even so, I would have hopped on one leg only to make sure everything went the way it did.
Everyone agreed we're going to have regular sleepovers. I think one of dd's buddies expected the house to look like it did before we renovated. It was lovely to see her face light up as she went from room to room, amazed, and happy to find everything clean, bright, and new. No dusty old carpet, just clean wood floors with a clean pug puppy to roll around with. All the laughter, and fellowship..... it felt like we're on the right path.
I'm grateful, and will give updates as the brain integration treatment progresses: )
I have my younger dd going in for evaluation tomorrow bc she has trouble with spelling. The T got into this work bc her child didn't spell well, and she said she can 100% help.
::crossing fingers::
Lighter
-
Lighter, it just came to me how appropriate your name 'lighter' is. Your words, your deeds, your projects, your compassion, exude light and lift spirits.
-
Thanks for the link... I'll check it out and maybe dig deeper. That sounds like a fabulous weekend. I think I'm just a little jealous at all the girly giggly fun... but then, I really don't do well in groups and have my "solitude" steel doors pretty much frozen in place these days. My choice; so I dare not complain. 8)
-
Amber:
I'm reading BREAKING THE LEARNING BARRIER Eradicating ADD, ADHD and Dyslexia by Susan McCrossin, A.P.
She's the Neuroscientist who developed the Crossinonlogy Brain Integration Technique (BIT) 1988.
Today we had youngest dd's evaluation done. So interesting to have someone tell you what your child did in school to get past learning difficulties.... and be RIGHT!
She explained what parts of the brain are hooked in properly, which parts are switched, and what has to happen to make things run smoothly again. NOT the way she said it, but the way I understood it. She said dd would eventually be dx'd with dyslexia, though it's more like ADD, but is actually neither...... it's the brain, and we can fix the pathways.
The conversation made me very sad for the kids out there not getting services, getting dx's that aren't correct, and getting crushed under the weight of teachers and parents telling them they aren't trying hard enough when they just can't make the connections no matter what they do.
DD has lots of vision stuff going on as well.
I have both kiddos scheduled in for treatment plans. Getting it done as quickly as possible.
I'm hopeful.
Thanks tt for the kind words. I feel like my girls and I are heading in a good direction.
Amber..... I spend a lot of time on my own. I think that's what makes these moments of group activity easy happy experiences. Too much sends me into solitary stints that last a while.
Lighter
-
http://www.learningimprovementcenter.com/ is a link to get some information about brain integration.
DD5 is on board, and has confidence in program. We'll complete treatment next week.
CurrentTherapist very helpful, and reporting amazing results in her opinion with dd15.
One of our missions is to get dd caught up at school, and that seems to be going very well.
Another mission is to keep her hooked into her social network while she's homeschooling. This weekend was a huge success with two of her bff's. We parked downtown, had a terrific dinner, walked the 15 minutes to our reservation for one of those themed escape room experiences.... SO much fun. We failed, but honestly we were short a flashlight, and there were too many people in our room since part of our group showed up on the wrong day and no one caught it.
Oh well... we're going back! DD15 was a superstar puzzle solving math genius of the group. It was a wonderful confidence builder for her. She took over leadership at one point, and solved the puzzle some of the adults failed to figure out for way too long. Everyone was giddy with enjoyment, and there was a cool steam punk bar with sofa section to sit and replay everyone's POV. If anyone decides to try it.... remember to bring reading glasses. You don't want to be blind AND stumbling around in the dark unable to read the clues.
We played card games at home afterwards. The next morning we prepared a beautiful brunch and enjoyed hot tea in our girl-y mix and match tea cups... the entire morning felt magical. More card games, some gluten free baking, and now it's just me and my girls again. TOTAL win if I hadn't had to walk funny all night to compensate for a wounded toe. I ripped a nail out before we left yesterday, and had a gash that just would not stop bleeding. Even so, I would have hopped on one leg only to make sure everything went the way it did.
Everyone agreed we're going to have regular sleepovers. I think one of dd's buddies expected the house to look like it did before we renovated. It was lovely to see her face light up as she went from room to room, amazed, and happy to find everything clean, bright, and new. No dusty old carpet, just clean wood floors with a clean pug puppy to roll around with. All the laughter, and fellowship..... it felt like we're on the right path.
I'm grateful, and will give updates as the brain integration treatment progresses: )
I have my younger dd going in for evaluation tomorrow bc she has trouble with spelling. The T got into this work bc her child didn't spell well, and she said she can 100% help.
::crossing fingers::
Lighter
Oh Lighter that just sounds idyllic, and a pug puppy as well??!! Can life get any better than that? What a lovely description, you deserve this so very, very much xx
-
Well, Tupp.... you and I are going to get more out of life, just you wait and see.
I'm ordering a book called The Japanese Art of Decluttering, and I'm thinking everyone on this board would get something from it.
It's a fairly short read, and maybe we could have a mini book club session if enough of us participate. I have an order for Amazon going in. How do we do that so the board gets rewards?
About the brain integration. I think I hit the jackpot with new healthcare providers, and replacing the ones we lost when we moved.
dd15 had a great first session. It's not taxing, and we talked through the entire thing so it was like picking a professionals brain for 4 hours, while receiving services. Everything she had to say made sense.
YES. :)
Lighter
-
Lighter, you're going to KONDO? I am awed.
I have watched her on Youtube and read articles about her book, but haven't taken the leap to ordering the book yet.
I think it's a wonderful thing that so many people are inspired by her.
We (Americans, and only in general) own too much, shop too much, focus too much...on stuff.
And I'm thrilled for your Ds having dx, early intervention.
I can't under-emphasize what impact undiagnosed ADD had on my life.
Grateful for having found out at age 60, but oh the goals unaccomplished....
Thanks for sharing,
Hops
-
Hi Hops:
I don't have the book yet, but i did read an article on the top 8 things in the book..... sounds completely do able. I'm sure the book has a very detailed process, and I feel ready. Esp since whatever flu took control of my skeleton last Thurs, and made me feel like it was trying to give birth to aliens, has finally let me feel human again. It was so weird. Usually there's snot, misery, but this time it was aches, dry coughing and misery. Just odd. Glad that's over, whew.
Youngest dd had something that was not at all similar.... she had high fever, and was weak as a kitten. She's back at school, and I'm happily doing laundry, and cleaning floors today.
OldestDD continues to do well. She's making progress in every direction.
I'm sorry you never had help overcoming your ADD. You're right, it would have made such a tremendous difference. It's not fair, but you're an amazing human being, and you've put tools in place, and managed to overcome.... even if you still struggle.
Lighter
-
Oh thank you, Lighter.
What a kind thing to say.
There's still a lot of shame attached to my executive function (and "willpower") failure.
Glad you're enjoying all the transformations, and how positive your attitude is.
Again, really appreciate it.
Hugs,
Hops
-
You know Lighter... it's such a comfort to see that you're able to find a way to assertively live a joyful life. You've earned it, of course. Still working on mine. (His birthday was monday... and I'm on a countdown to Sat's party... still much to do.)
-
Well the Kondo book arrived yesterday, and just reading over the chapter titles is exciting.
The main message is..... there's a way to DO tidying, and not backslide. There's a way to DO it that transforms our entire lives, it's something we have to be taught. No one every learns how to properly DO it. Of course, we're going to struggle if we lack the skills, knowledge, and systems to make lasting change.
Kondo also writes that most of her clients are women over 50 who have been in charge of households for over 30 years. That's certainly, and I'm ready to live in the clean sunny spaces she keeps talking about.
I'm ready to dive in, but there's also procrastination. My yard has SO many branches, twigs, and sticks in it with recent winds, and all the large trees constantly dropping things. I had bushes removed when the front porch was replaced.... the bushes are still there. My yard is not as tidy as the neighbor's yards..... it bugs me.
I have bulbs to plant, and ferns waiting for permanent homes. It's beautiful outside! I feel like I should be out there, but book beckons. I think I'll chunk, do some more reading, then spend a couple hours outside, then a couple inside. The thing is...... tidying according to Kondo should be a marathon.
I don't have it figured out, but I have energy for it, and look forward to teaching my girls as I go. What an amazing thing to learn as a teenager. I wish I'd have been given these tools when I was their age.
About the Brain Integration Therapy..... I live 10 minutes from a practitioner. If anyone wants more information feel free to ask. Friday and Sat appts are saved for out of town clients, and she sees a lot of people from out of State, etc.
both dd15 and I could feel things getting moved around as the practitioner worked. My face felt like it wanted to spasm off my skull at one point yesterday.... little jabs in the brain as she worked, don't-cha know. I'm just so hopeful. The main goal for me is to correct all the vision involvement, and unswitch how information enters the wrong side of my brain..... I lose 50% then 50% of the information as my brain has to transfer the information to the correct side, then back again. I have to read and re read things to really understand information, and now I understand why.
BIT can also correct/balance allergies, and difficult emotions, etc. I know that as I spoke about things she would stop what she was working on and work on what came up..... emotional stuff. She's going to teach me basic skills of muscle testing..... I feel so blessed, and ready to happily move into a better place.
It's different than feeling I SHOULD. Last night I was very focused on cleaning and slicing beets very thin for roasting. Then the chicken, and broccoli I prepared for dinner. I didn't feel like I should be doing anything else.... and I really enjoyed being present in those moments, although it was just a tad difficult not to stop and put lights up on the deck. SO pretty outside. It feels like it's time for major change... and it's deja vu. I've been here before, but there was always somethng pressing, or crisis taking my focus. Also, I just didn't have the ability to identify strategies or facilitators...... it's happening.
Right now that's what everything's about, and I've also accepted that my childrens' journeys are their own. I'm stepping back, and letting them feel out driving their own boats...... I'm not the driver any more, which frees me up to concentrate on me and my stuff.
My stuff needs some work, ::nodding:.... quite a bit o fit.
It's time.
Amber..... you're going to have a wonderful celebration of Mike's life.
Lighter
-
This all sounds so amazing, Lighter, you sound so peaceful and at ease and so you should be, this is a lovely time for you and your girls and a lovely place for you all to be :)
-
Thanks, Tupp.
I got a ton of work done in the yard today....... my back's not happy, but it's just fatigue. Sitting in moss, clearing sticks out of moss..... planning to thicken up the moss in spare areas.... did I tell you I love moss?
I spent an hour in the kitchen putting it in order, though I know there's a huge reckoning on the way.... today was not that day. I did 4 loads of laundry, and put it all away.
I spent a sunny hour on the new front porch reading Kondo's book, having dragged my big lovely rocking chairs up so they can be enjoyed.
I think there's magic in those pages. It's a way of changing the way we view our things, and our thoughts about them.
I left the bulbs out so I have to deal with them this week. I'm looking forward to it actually.
I wanted to put up the fairy lights on the back porch, but that didn't happen. When I get to that I'll take covers off the benches, and (shame shame) drag the Christmas tree to the burn pile next to the Amazon Fire Pit. I really love the smell of Christmas tree when I walk by. I'm guessing this practice would give Kondo the vapors. Last year I do it, I promise KONDO!
The mailbox had a lovely note from someone asking if I'm interested in selling my house..... they want to buy it. It is a special lot, though I hadn't realized I lost a tree at the forest's edge. What a mess. Someone did a lot of work on the run off ditch/stream bed when it rains, which was great BUT it had to be my elderly neighbor....
::feeling guilt:: I'll get better at it as I become less overwhelmed with things like renovating, moving, entertaining family, and girl's school.
I'm thinking of going back to school actually.
::nodding::
I'm going to get clean, and settle in for FACE OFF feeling pretty darned good.
I have another appt with BIT gal tomorrow, so it won't be till afternoon till I get to plant anything.
What a glorious day.... breezy, sunny, and cool.
Lighter
-
I had a bit of extra time this morning, and it was exciting to spend time working on tidying up in preparation of marathon clean outs. Clean outs have always been difficult for me, mainly bc I'm the one who's charged with hanging on to family "stuff."
When my brother married, his wife cleaned out his much larger house, and dropped off all the family things being stored there to my much smaller home. I have things my children have laid claim to....... it's a problem. My SIl doesn't have a problem with clutter, but I've also been hanging on to things her children could want. My father's home is filled with things that belong to me, my sibs and our ancestors. I have to deal with it, but that's far down, and last frankly, on the list. We aren't to touch photos or keepsakes or heirlooms until we've learned to discern. Discernment mostly includes handling each item in a category, from a large pile on the floor, and asking it if it brings us joy. If not, it goes. We're to honor our belongings.... talk to them. Edit. Find permanent homes for them. Choose another category. Edit. Find p homes for them, and so on.
The one thing that's such a relief from the Kondo book is..... she makes it possible to deal with THINGS, and let them go without guilt/angst. It appears to get easier as we go, and so she's laid out a very stringent order to which we tackle our entire house. Dealing with our things means we're dealing with all the emotions surrounding them. We finish things, entirely, and then we clean out, release, and give up things that hold that emotional charge. It's really makes sense, and I could never have done this without a new world view on stuff, IMO.
I accepted I have to hire people to take things out of my hands when I organize and edit THINGS. Buying this book is the same thing, but it teaches me to take things out of my hands, and that's sea change for me.
Onward.
Lighter
-
Massive day for BIT. It really hit home how much work is happening when I was tracking a pen right to left, then left to right, and my left eye shot off on it's own. A few minutes later, and it got better.... a few minutes more, and both eyes were tracking smoothly.... felt like they were on ballbearings BIG difference. I was looking for concrete changes like that to validate this decision.
I mean.... I'm on the table for 5 hours, so I have a lot of time to think about a lot of things...... What if this is all in my mind... etc.
There were times my face felt like it wanted to tweak off my skull. Times I could feel things going on inside my brain.... pulsing, heat, etc. Face tingling right now.
There were times I lost my balance, and times I felt fuzzy, and a bit sick to my stomach..... the sick happened later in the day after leaving her office.
All in all I felt like a ton was accomplished, and she taught me 3 quick easy kinesiology techniques..... she's eager to share her knowledge, which I love.
I go back for last session tomorrow.
So far, so good.
Lighter
-
This all sounds so amazing, Lighter. It's funny how it's a very human response to wonder if we're imagining things or making more of them than we should, despite the fact we can quite clearly tell they are happening to us and making life difficult at times. It seems to be something that most people do. I'm really glad that this is helping so much, it sounds like an amazing experience and I am definitely going to read up on this sort of thing some more once the house move is out of the way.
By funny coincidence, I've been having a big clear out here so your post about the de-cluttering really rang a bell. I have a lot of stuff in my home that I've acquired over the years during times of high stress. My typical defence reaction when being accused of something to do with my son was always to go into supermum drive and 'prove' my worth with elaborate craft projects with him and endless boxes of 'proof' of the work we were doing together at home. How do you prove you love someone and have their best interests at heart, in a practical sense, to someone who has already decided that you are doing something wrong? I've wasted so much time having to prove myself to other people.
So I have been dumping a lot of this stuff. Old memories, bad memories; although the things we made were nice, we made them for the wrong reasons, and everytime I look at them I'm reminded of that particular bad period. I've even dumped them in the bin; usually I go to great lengths to recycle or pass on things, but I felt the need to destroy and so I have. I am feeling lighter, funnily enough :) May have to pinch your username :)
-
Lighter, I hope you'll post and post about your Kondo experience...thank you for this glimpse of such sanity!
Tupp, it boggles my mind that on top of the fears and stresses of raising an autistic child as a single parent, you got loaded up with extra stress in the form of intrusion, accusation, judgement and isolation.
If anybody deserves a joyful-gypsy experience for a while, it is YOU. I hope it all leads to rewarding relationships and rewarding work, too.
hugs
Hops
-
Tupp:
I bet it feels so good to bin all those reminders of stress, fear, and wrongful accusations. Just pitching... and pitching.... done with.
::nodding::
I uncovered the benches and table on back porch. dd13 dragged Christmas tree and wreath to burn pile.... made me smile to see her smell the tree and smell it..... she said.... "But it smells so good," in a dreamy way. She reminds me of me.
I picked up sticks, and acorns and leaves in the back yard. Blew off the back porch.
After my last my last 6 hours on the table with BIT gal, I really feel this is the best money I've spent in years. I did puzzles, and was amazed at how easy it was. Usually it's a struggle. I could repeat up to 7 numbers without a problem..... she figured out the 5s tripped me up every time, and fixed it.
She also cleared heavy metals.... I've been taking Ziolites in water.... it's volcanic ash that attaches to the toxins so they can leave the body. She also finished all the emotional work, and it was amazing. I figured out I don't hold that many negative grudge type feelings, but the ones I do..... they was powerful. Interesting. We were clearing like mad in the last hour.... which was one hour over the time we set. I felt like we did a lot. Next week it's youngest dd13, and she's looking forward to it, thank goodness.
The BIT gal asked if I passed out last night, and I had to admit I had. Actually I woke up at 1:40am in the bathtub. :shock: I haven't napped in the tub since before I had children, and it was so hard hard hard to wake up. Interesting. I'm beginning to drag right now...... must get dinner, then thing about going right to bed.
Hops: I might clean out my closet this weekend.... that's the first step, which includes taking out every article of clothing, and putting it in the middle of the floor. Anything I miss automatically gets binned, so nothing must be left out. Once that happens, I touch everything one at a time, and ask myself if it gives me joy. Only those things I say YES to may stay. Once I go through every single item I can begin putting things away.
I'm toying with the idea of a garage sa of mostly furniture.
I can get busy painting all the things I've meant to shabby chic...... a bed with matching side table, many chairs, a biergarten table and benches. I'm also going to put the second closet in my master back in order as an office. It's designated as another place to sleep, with tv and narrow bench, but it's just not very useful most of the time.
Lots to do, Hops. You should get the book, and peruse yourself; )
Lighter
-
I finished the Kondo book this morning, and very naturally walked into my bedroom, and started taking things out of my closet. I threw them on the floor, and felt perfectly OK with it.
Had I started before finishing the book I wouldn't have understood what needed to happen, internally, to let go of certain emotionally charged things items I wasn't sure I'd ever let go of.
Kondo tells us to begin with clothing bc she assumes it's less emotionally charged.... she wants us to practice our skills of discernment, but....... there were many ghosts living in my closet. Maybe every woman's closet has ghosts? I'm not sure, but I actually let go of the big fabulous wool sweater my friend used to wear.... she loved it. I loved it on her. I wanted to love it on me, but..... wool. I'm allergic to wool.
Maybe my kids would wear it?
They'll never wear it.
It's scratchy, and has to be dry cleaned..... the kiss of death in this family.
So today I picked up that very special sweater... thanked it for all the years of service it had given my friend, then I remembered all the years of service our friendship had gifted us both. I remembered the best and worst times we shared. How we comforted each other when our lives were shattered... how we laughed the hardest we've ever laughed. She was the last person who knew how special Bill and I were together.... what it was when I lost him. She testified at the trial that saved my life, and she was one of the last people who knew who I really am. She knew how strong I was, and how hard I could hit. She knew Bill loved me, and that I lost the love of my life when I lost him.
THAT is dealing with unfinished business. It means I can send that sweater into the world, and tend to myself in this moment. I'll never have that friendship again, or Bill, or a multitude of things I've lost.... my Mother, the life I thought I had when I married, and had children. What I can do is go on and have other wonderful things, and chances increase as I make space in my life for them.
It's misleading to assume this book is about organization.
It's not.
Honestly, I feel like I could tackle the photos and keepsakes at this point, and not get so mired I couldn't finish.
That's huge progress for someone who's been charged as the family keeper of heirloom china, clothing, photos, and kitchen items from the old farmhouse. And I have to do this when my sister's not here, bc she'd feel obligated to box everything up and take up the post of family keeper. I won't let that happen.
Now..... one of the more difficult items will be the fish plates and a Platter from my Mother in my favorite colors. My Aunt and Uncle told me they thought I should get rid of it, not put it up in my kitchen where I planned..... they think they're ugly. I love the lovely spring greens, and subtle grays in the pattern. I have the mounting discs ready to go, but I've resisted putting them up. Is it bc I don't trust myself? Do I trust my Aunt and Uncle more?
The journey continues.
Lighter
-
Light,
No you don't trust your Aunt and Uncle more of what "you like" I say "Hang Those Plates"!! And enjoy them. I for one probably have a mixture of things in my home. Don't care if some one else "doesn't like it" I do. I have a piece of "every one" in my house. I like old and new. Some how I'm able to make it work. And I love it.
Hang them!!
Deb
-
Deb:
It makes me feel happy to think about mounting those plates and platter..... and I will. : )
As of now, my brain is throbbing from BIT, left side mostly on top, and all day today the top of my brain.
DD13 had her first BIT session today, and was quite dizzy and sleepy during and afterwards. BC she slept through much of it things went very quickly. They completed lymbic system, and started work on vision, which they'll finish next week.
I've hit a snag in my bedroom organization...... it's confusing to have two closets the size of small bathrooms, each housing mixed items including clothing, medications, paints and wood finishing supplies, file cabinets, and a tv...... I'm sure there's more, but I moved the bench/bed and headboard out, so that's done, but..... so many moving pieces.
So, I have all this space, and all this stuff. Emptying, editing....... I can't take ONE thing and finish it which is what book says has to happen, lest we get lost. I'm a bit lost. I can't just DO clothes, bc I have all this stuff where the clothing might go.... not sure what I'll put where, and have to know what I have left to know how much space will be needed. ::Brain throbbing::
I think trying to do this work NOW is part of what makes me brain throb, frankly. BIT lady said that it takes 6 weeks for brain to calm down. Do I move the meds into the other closet? Into the hall closet? The bathroom? Do I need the cool white medicine cabinet at my dad's? Where would I put it? ::throb throb::
On a positive note, dd15 started to melt down last night over not getting her way. Melting down is her default response. I watched her in the reaview mirror as she stopped, looked puzzled, then asked out loud why she was reacting that way. Then she chose another reaction.... being polite, and engaging me in a mature discussion that lead to her getting a compromise that pleased us both.
I asked her if that was the first time she noticed that reaction, and she said it was the second time. JOY JOY JOY JOY!!!!!!!!
This is the first time she identified that behavior, had control enough to stop it, and figure out a better way to react.
THIS IS HUGE!
The BIT gal said she got shivers hearing this, and it's what makes her job so fulfilling. She hears these stories all the time, and I'm just so thrilled!
I'm working on master bath design,trying to figure out what furniture to keep, what to paint and sell, and what to put where, policing up house in not so KONDO fashion, keeping kids on track with school stuff which is a challenge bc of recent sickness, and oldest dd's situation which is improving (she has till April 15 to complete entire 3rd quarter work, which she can do easily) but I'm concerned, and she responds better if i don't speak to her about her schedule, etc. It's so hard to step back, and let them take ownership, but that's what I have to do.
We have appt with career/University choice guidance counselor next week, and I'm hoping that gives both kiddos focus and food for thought..... really want dd15 to find some passion for career path, not that she has to stick with it, but..... she'd really enjoy researching a career and what has to happen to make it so IF she can identify a passion out side of something in" computer science." The process includes exploring several careers, with successful mentors giving input and guidance from those fields.
::crossing fingers::
I forgot, I also have to get to Step fathers to pick up big piece of furniture, and some things of my Mother's. It'll be fun to figure out where to put it..... it's a piece with maybe..... 40 small drawers in it. Not sure what I'll use it for, but I'll be working on it: )
Lighter
-
This may comfort you some, Lighter...
Don't give up on the Kondo bits that speak to you but don't make it a perfectionist thing either.
That might be HER problem!
http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/03/marie-kondo-and-the-privilege-of-clutter/475266/#article-comments (http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/03/marie-kondo-and-the-privilege-of-clutter/475266/#article-comments)
love,
Hops
-
Thanks for that, Hops.
I had an epiphany when I read the word "perfection."
I think I have to have everything lined up just right.... multi tasking spaces, maximizing storage.
You know what? My clothing doesn't take up 1/4 of my closet.... the one closet. I was viewing everything, every foot of height and width as space I had to fill up, perfectly organize, and have ready for usefulness.
What a choking bad mistake that was.....
::shaking it off::
I don't have to fill up my closets. I don't have to live by some potential for each square foot in my head.... it can just be open clear clean space, right?
I think I'll work on paperwork tonight, then address the stuff when I'm fresh in the morning.
Thanks, Hops.
Lighter
-
Thanks for that, Hops.
I had an epiphany when I read the word "perfection."
I think I have to have everything lined up just right.... multi tasking spaces, maximizing storage.
You know what? My clothing doesn't take up 1/4 of my closet.... the one closet. I was viewing everything, every foot of height and width as space I had to fill up, perfectly organize, and have ready for usefulness.
What a choking bad mistake that was.....
::shaking it off::
I don't have to fill up my closets. I don't have to live by some potential for each square foot in my head.... it can just be open clear clean space, right?
I think I'll work on paperwork tonight, then address the stuff when I'm fresh in the morning.
Thanks, Hops.
Lighter
Lighter, I am currently in love with 'space', I am really enjoying emptying rooms as I pack. I'm clearing away loads of stuff, stuff we don't need, projects I started but never finished, books I've never read but kept because friends gave them to me. Clothes - I don't have many so I can't clear too much away there, but I've split them into clothes I love and then all the others and I'm trying to wear something I love every day, even if it's just a pair of earrings. But I'm feeling like space in my home means space in my head as well, and maybe space in my heart as well? Space to welcome, rather than being clogged up with being afraid? Either way, space is feeling lovely at the moment, maybe you'll find you enjoy it, too? xx
-
Tupp..... when I walk into my bedroom it feels TWICe AS LARGE with all the editing, and moving things about. TWICE AS LARGE.... that's incredible to me. And it feels really really good.
The habit to have stuff, organize stuff, have it just in case is something I'm identifying, and struggling with daily, but mindfully, and with hope.
It makes me happy to see you're choosing something to wear daily that brings you joy. I think about that, then go about my busy business not actually following through.... but at least choosing something that brings me comfort, with the goal being JOY at some point.
It does make me happy to look into my closet and see only things that bring me joy and comfort, opposed to so many things I can't see anything clearly.
Oh, and I did find another darned black and white sweater from my friend who passed away.
::shaking head::
It's still in my closet.....but..... It's not wool. Sure, it's too short, but it could be layered... and on and on my circular arguments go with myself.
I think I was doing much better when all I had to think about was that big pile of clothing on the floor. Kondo is pretty wise, actually.
::accepting the black and white sweater needs to go into the give away pile::
Kond said everything we forget to put in the pile gets automatically binned.
::nodding and putting disc 22 of Rutherfurd's PARIS book on CD into computer as background noise while I work::
I feel better.
((((Tupp))))
Editing our stuff is a good thing, but we'll stick with it, and see how that works out for us: )
Lighter
-
Ligher, what you said on Tupp's feeling input thread started up a bell chorus here. Boy do I relate to what you said. There is a lot there that helps too.
As for the cleaning out, I find I have to give myself breaks at each perimeter - a closet a room, etc. Choose something I want - even if it's just tv/movie time. But now, I'm moving on to getting out some more, and practicing some skills that I had started learning. It means talking, being myself (without my schmoozy hubs) and re-gaining my joy of discipline & training.
-
OK.... no pain in my brain today. More like I have sinuses in my brain that are a little tweaky, if that makes sense. What a beautiful day. My dd15 worked hard on her school work, and had a two hour meeting with a career/life/university coach. DD very interested in working with her, and they set up a schedule with DD taking the lead.
sKeP: I have to take breaks from organizing the house too. I can't imagine not taking time away from that kind of work.
Lighter
-
I played in the dirt yesterday. It was marvelous!
I figured out where the larger Hosta plants will be planted. The root ferns will be added around them today. Such beautiful weather. The back yard's looking so serene, and I have a napping nest of comfy pillows and blankets on a wide heavy bench on the covered porch. I'm just sure I'll nap there one day.
The Hosta garden around my shed is in the planning.
Happiness hit when I was digging little hosta plants, where they'd crept into the mossy yard. They're popping up everywhere.... must be over 100. They're part of the Hosta garden plan. So happy not to have to pay for everything, though I did buy roots of particular Hosta I love and will mix in. Time flew by.... I forgot how much I love to work with shade plantings. Walking meditation, it is.
Our pug puppy girl nibbled Hosta shoots as I worked. This is her first Spring, and watching her explore the yard, and all the new growing things, was nice.
The house..... I'm attacking in typical Lighter fashion. Working on more than one thing at a time, with nothing finished. I actually think my clothes are done EXCEPT I know I'll move all the things, besides clothing, around.... paint, medicines/first aid stuff, etc. I already moved my desk back into the other closet, and took out the headboard and sleeping bench. That room has ventilation, most excellent dual lighting.... very bright and wall mounted reading light that's very easy on the eyes... outlets. I could move copier in there I guess. Would be very handy. There's a small flat screen tv. I was thining of moving it to the master bathroom, which is next on renovation list.
::sigh::
It's looking like that needs to be all office, and my clothes will be housed with paints. ::shaking head:: That's bothering me.
I guess I'll pull out all the drugs/first aid and figure out another plan for those, then use the large book case for paint supplies..... it would be better for clothes though. See.... the closets are too large for just my clothes or just a desk.... I have to pare this down, and FINISH. Ahhhh the first aid/pharm is so easy to FIND stuff on that bookcase. I do love large roomy bookcases.... so tall, and handy. I wish I had the match down here, but dd13 loves it in her room.
Did you know they sell disco ball type light bulbs now? That's going in DD13's room. Her room's eclectic.... cool antiques... old post office cubby piece from 1920's, lots of shelves, and cool things all over the walls with vaulted ceiling. THere's a blowup mattress under her day bed, and her large hallway like closet running behind her entire bedroom has a twin bed made up for company in it, very cool too for teen guests.
I just moved one of the large desks out of her room to dd15's room. They have very different styles....one is shabby chic, clear blue sky blue walls, with distressed white shabby chic painted antique bedroom suit featuring antique rabbit heads mounted on front of the chest of drawers and small armoir. The inside of drawers are painted pale pink... Very serene, and bright... and girly.
The other room's focal point is a HUGE carved wood/painted carnival sign, mixed with antiques, posters, and interesting lighting..... there's a huge Tiffany style light hanging in one corner, multi colored lights around the window, a very tall easle covered with multi colored lights topped with a fez, and under counter lights inside the large book case in the entrance..... it houses all her anime fan stuff. An old birdhouse turned into a light.... the room is awesome.
We're readying to make armor out of foam for upcoming anime event costumes. DD13 is over the top thrilled about upcoming anime event in July... it's just 10 minutes away from us, and she's going all out.
That's my update.
Lighter
-
The descriptions of your girls' bedrooms made me smile! I had a friend when I was very young - eight or nine - and she lived in a huge house that was three or four hundred years old. It had secret passages and a wood panel library, just like you see on films, and a hidey hole in the stair case (I think they called them Priest Holes). It was just the most amazing place and her room was incredible; her mum was an artist so she just had all this really cool, amazing stuff - no buying out the catalogue and paying weekly for her! A four poster bed and curtains that were made out of all sorts of bits of fabric; pillows with feathers and sequins on them, loads of book shelves and toy boxes. I used to love going there. Reading about your girls' rooms took me right back :) And the puppy! I do love puppies :)
-
And the puppy! I do love puppies :)
::nodding::
Gotta love puppies; )
-
I just realized I've spent the last 15 years raising children as a priority in my life.
I've been tremendously fulfilled, and committed to the task, but......
As the kids get older, I'm adjusting and shifting into "what next?" mode.
I can actually see the space that will be left when they're off to University, and I'm looking forward to filling it.
Figuring out how to go back to school, sooner than later, while keeping them on track looks tricky to me. I'll figure it out if it can be figured out.
My DD15 is going back to regular school next week after taking off approx 2 months time to catch up school work at home with support of T, and Brain Integration. She's having mostly good days, but I'm alarmed when she's having days that seem less than positive, even if I'm not sure. I want to unhook the wires to the ALARM.
I have to breath deep, take a step back, and gently handle her without judgement or insistence she open up, bc I remember how much I really disliked my mother and sister's tones of crisis/insistence I drop everything and handle them/their needs/emotions NOW. My niece said I have that tone, to a lesser extent, as well last summer..... I don't want to live with that playing in my background.
Food for thought.
Lighter
-
GOOD for you, Lighter.
For hearing and respecting your neice's observation.
Oh, that bodes well.
Bravo,
Hops
-
Thanks, Hops: )
BTW, dd15 today decided she needsmore support than her current school can provide, which IMO has been amazing.
She's asking for it, so.....
I'm researching the closest Wilderness Program, and did you know...
1. The kids are typically in program for 3 or so months? We're thinking dd will be there about 4 mo. The statistics show that kids who go through wilderness camp tend to do much better in the next phase, whatever that turns out to be, than counterparts who didn't attend.
2. The kiddos go into the great outdoors with backpacks, and water filtration systems bc they're going to be drawing water from a stream, and filtering it, presumably while sitting or standing next to the tents they'll be living in for 2 weeks at a time. :shock:
3. There's a new base camp where the kids can shower in between 2 week hikes. :shock:
4. The food is mostly beans and rice, or hummus and pita bread, that sort of thing. PB&J and envelopes of tuna, etc. I can't send g/s/d free foods. I can't send any foods. :shock:
5. I'm trying to figure out how to present dd with this same level of challenge and natural consequences without all the sweating with bugs. Any ideas? She needs to grow up, embrace personal responsibility, and receive proper guidance/therapy through the process, IMO.
She;s a really good kid.... no drugs, or boy craziness, or defiance.... loves gardening with me, and she plays piano and lets me sing while she gently hum/carries me through the high notes. Its more a very gentle and honest refusal to rise, and she's asking me to help her figure this out. Her grades are excellent, and school is pretty much a breeze.... it's motivation she lacks.
The T didn't identify depression, bc you think of that up front, right? Just a lack of will to rise, along with avoidant coping strategies. The goal is to relieve those strategies, and teach healthier ones. Build confidence, and self reliance..... personal responsibility.
::shaking head::
I wish there was some kitty cat role playing story time camp that offered the same challenges... but with ac, and more food options.
Honestly..... dd is a nerd with a very bright mind. I'm told she'd be mixed in with a "soft" group of kids her age dealing mostly with bonding issues, and some trauma, so no detoxing, ODD 17yo's in her group.
She's going to have to rise.... likely starting next week.
Lighter
-
I decided on a Camp.
It was such a relief to feeeeeel it's going to address the maturity, responsibility aspects of dd's journey, and not have any reservations about it.
I feel really positive/less anxious, bc the program is geared to kids dealing with the same issues as dd15.
Whew. What a roller coaster.
Lighter
-
You keep saying "rise".
What's that mean in this context?
Like a trout after a grasshopper? Might help her out on a wilderness hike but seemingly not of a lot of value otherwise.
I'm guessing not like a trout.
mud
-
Lighter. It looks like you have found your answer. Last year I used a consultant to help us find the right school for my, then 14 year Los who has issues similar to your daughters. It was a great help. She knew the wilderness and therapeutic schools and traveled to the regularly.
-
GS:
How did the wilderness program work out? Specifically?
I'd really like to hear your opinion on the pros and cons.
Hi'ya Brother Mud.
"Rise" means dd will meet the challenges she's been avoiding.
Lighter
-
Gotcha.
mud
-
Update is positive.
DD researching programs, and has latched onto program we would have chosen for her.
I don't want to jinx this, so will leave it at that for now.
Lighter
-
Hmmm. 17....
every option and possibility and choice and emotion in life all settled in around you, staring... arms crossed... demanding that you decide, RIGHT NOW, what the rest of your life is going to be like. When you realize (if you have any self-awareness at all) that you're not even 100% sure you know who your SELF is right now. Hoo boy Howdy. That's a scary place. What if you pick "wrong"? Can you change your mind? Hell, can you - your self - change? Where do you find the answers to those questions????? And who's to say those people know?????
All because you're at a specific age and society expects choices to be made right that moment -- and if you don't make the decision, well... something must be "wrong" with you. If you make a wrong decision (that you want but maybe doesn't make other people happy) will you be shunned? Lose your support system?
It's not that different from being "almost" 60 and finding oneself alone and with all the freedom and choices in the world, too. Give her a big hug from me and tell her you'll always love her -- NO MATTER WHAT.
Some kids are raring to go and know what they want early on. Others change their majors 6 or 7 times in college. This "arbitrary age" and the size and permanence (and expense) of the commitment isn't the right fit for all kids. Some need to get out into the "real world" -- with a lot of support at home -- easing into it. Some are just fine in the college environment. But once again, there is this wacky idea that "one size fits all" and that all students at 17 should be able to make choices like this. And perhaps, when children were beginning to participate in the general chores and economic welfare of the family at much younger ages, that was an appropriate age. But society frowns on that style of parenting these days -- and keeps kids in this over-protective bubble where they don't have the building-block experiences to meet the expectations, which haven't changed over the years. They truly don't have the internalized skills. (This is in general, Lighter... I know you've been working on this with her for a long time. Not a critique of parenting here.)
Any trauma in that kids' childhood just makes things more complicated... and they usually have problems with the idea that they are allowed to have dreams, wishes, wants... and to matter enough to themselves -- to be responsible and determined enough to work for what they want. They may even feel - deep down and hidden somewhere - that IF they allow themselves to matter... bad things will happen. (You know I speak from my own experience, right? May not apply in your D's case; but there could be something else like that bubbling up at this point in her life.)
And I think the wilderness experience is an excellent choice. It should help boost her confidence in what she can do. That "self-efficacy" part of the emotional "nutrition" triad I used to write. Autonomy, self-efficacy and connection. Self-motivation... well, that's always different for everyone; how one arrives at that. Perhaps she'll find it for herself on this trip.
-
sKeP:
Thanks for your post. I dropped dd15 off at camp yesterday, and it wasn't sad, or scary.
It felt like l was handing her to trusted tribe members who'll guide her through a necessary rite of passage.
Update this afternoon is positive.... DD is engaged, slept well, and meets her group today.
So far, two thumbs up.
Project FIND AUTHENTIC SELF's a go.
Lighter
-
DD15 is doing well at camp.
My favorite quote of the week from her is.... "This place simultaneously sucks more and less than I thought it would."
She's working her way through their Search and Rescue program, which she'd like to wizz through quickly, but can't.
I sent requested photos to dd today. In one her little pug puppy girl is sleeping in the car sitting straight up, facing the seat, chin and paws up like she's about to be searched. She isn't the happiest traveler on the road.
I'm going outside to dig and plant a bit.
lighter
'
-
Update:
DD15 was reserved and shy first week of camp. This week the Therapist said she's like an entirely new person. Outgoing, dimples and smiles, very soft and open... insightful, and talkative. Her field instructor reports she's bonded with her group, and isn't the new girl any more, as another girl arrived.... they laugh and share easily, so HUGE relief for me. DD15 actually wrote to me about how she's getting used to the hiking and food, and bugs and allergies and need for breathing meds aren't an issue. Woo hoo!
They're doing lots of work with DD observing her habits and patterns, then they'll move on to identifying how they effect her, and how they can replace and improve coping strategies. Just an amazing program. I feel so blessed that she's asking for help to figure these things out at this age. Such a wise, mature thing to recognize, embrace, and not turn away from. I wasn't that brave at 15yo.
She writes that search and rescue training is still moving more slowly than she'd like. Her comprehension skills are uber high.... it probably just feels slow to her, but then there's another lesson in patience, isn't there? Yup yup yup.
All in all, I'm just very relieved, and noticing I've started doing some very deep processing around this too.
I have a sleepy pug tucked into the small of my back, my yard is bursting with lovely spring greens and my youngest dd is finally over her icky snot virus.
I'm just very grateful: )
::nodding::
Lighter
-
No update on DD15 till Thursday. I expect it to be positive.
I was eating what I consider "stupid" for the last 2 months.... lots of of crackers, and tortilla chips..... caramel popcorn... :shock: SO GOOD!
Oh well. My body was protesting, and Monday I went back to making better choices. Right now that means I'm limiting myself to one gluten free grain selection a week.
Man, that's the hard part. No crunch.
I can put stevia on my coffee, and I get the sweet, but......
I'm really missing that crunching, munching mindless enjoyment of an entire box of crackers, or bag of sweet and salty pop corn.... I gave myself total permission to embrace the crunch, and so I did.
Today was much easier than Monday or Tues. I'm remembering how this works... how to avoid feeling deprived, and hungry. The cravings lessen as the sugar leaves my system.
A buddy is joining in, and suffering much harder than I.
I noticed I have more energy today..... enjoyed a brighter outlook, with more clarity. The last two days were brutal in comparison. All I could think about was food food food.
That's my update.
Lighter
-
Oh, gosh, Lighter...me too.
carbs
carbs
carbs
I can't be left alone with them.
Likewise cheese.
Sigh and thanks for the inspiration...again.
xo
Hops
-
Hops:
I've been doing OK over past 3 days..... parenting seminar had very healthy lunch spread so it was easy to make good choices. I have to say they also had tons of cinnamon buns, candy bars, sodas, gluten breads and cheeses. The salad choices, fresh tomatoes, local organic cucumbers, and lots of ham and turkey, along with a pot of lentils and beans (food our kids prepare and eat every day) made lunch a pleasure.
The seminar was entertaining, and enlightening, but also gut wrenching/scary, bc every parent had to tell their story. Some of the stories were so upsetting I wanted to put my hands over my ears and rock.
What I did instead was listen intently, then fight off teeth chattering, body shaking shock.....
but that was the first morning. Everything uphill from there. Our coach was an amazing teacher, and all the parents were well spoken, lovely people who wanted to please the coach, so it was all positive interactions. I have to say our first physical challenge.... called the Rising Stick, didn't go perfectly, and the type As stood out, as you can imagine, and we learned a lot we put into practice later on. Very cool.
Coach was also skilled at mimicking teenagers. I was particularly impressed with his 14yo teen girl impression.
Dead.
On.
He really was excellent at his job, and everyone wanted to take him home with them.... you could tell. Every parent left that seminar with new skills and lots more hope, which is priceless, IMO.
I have contractors putting in outside shower deck now, which is exciting. I've really missed taking showers out of doors.
Lighter
ps Coach said it's not uncommon for him to boot parents OUT of the seminars for being high, pointing fingers/arguing, etc. I think I was blessed to be in this particular group... very lovely people. Coach said 20% of the parents don't attend this mandatory seminar, FYI. Assuming the kiss my ass I already know everything PD parents reside somewhere in this group. I can imagine not much would get done in those seminars if they were allowed to stay.
Also, most of these kids were hooked into sports at high levels, A students, very bright, etc with their troubles kind of coming out of left field all the sudden around 13yo 14yo. I didn't hear the stories I thought I might.... though I'm not sure what I thought I'd hear.
The level of parenting, and care was super high (lacking balance/too permissive but worked with older children just fine in many cases.) The children, in our group, were all reported to be very easy, happy, loving children up to approx age 13 of 14. Coach said that's the general profile of the kids in this program.
OK.... I still have 3 plants and a handful of bulbs to plant. I'm going out to play in the dirt!
-
DD didn't write a letter to me last week. The Therapist thinks she was hyper focused on making dead fall traps, also neglecting home work in journal, and other things, which is her habit.... to resist doing things she doesn't prefer.
I won't send more photos if she doesn't write her letters.... it's hard work, and there has to be a consequence to not holding her up end of letter writing, IMO.
DD13 and I enjoyed visit with friends this week. I've moved onto smoother ground with eating habits.... cooking for someone with same eating plan helped drive old lessons home, so I'm hitting my stride with less struggle.
I have beautiful sauteed greens cooked ahead in fridge to grab, and throw on and in dishes, like lentils, and meats topped with poached eggs...... very yummy, and I can change up flavor profiles to keep things interesting.
Figuring out different menus and cooking every night is a huge PITA.... same with breakfast, IMO. This will help a lot.... at least for a while.
I have a new yard service, and I'm very happy with their work, so that's done.
DD13 and I are planning Haunted Halloween Trail this year, with Amazon fire pit, liquid refreshments for thirsty parents...... plenty of thrills for tricker treaters. Very exciting! I'm always a Witch. Lots of happy fun decisions to make with my girls. I may have posted about that, but now I have for sure help coming in from out of State, and a couple other parents and teens on board. I'd like this to be an annual event that grows every year now that the kids are too old to Trick of Treat.
Oh..... MCT oil is sort of a lovely replacement for butter, and dairy in coffee. I just tried it this morning, and it's tasteless/odorless..... no problem to use.
I'm going out into this beautiful day to pull weeds and remove suckers on trees..... still have a few things to get into the ground..... I think this is what happy looks like right now.
I have class in Co in October, will be a very busy month.
Paris in June..... I'm past anxiety now that all reservations are made. Using Airbnb was a little nerve wracking... you have to send your picture in, and wait to see if you're approved, at least that was the case with my first choice, and of course I waited till I was a month out to finalize it. Anyone been to Normandy? I don't want to miss anything, and I've given myself 2 days to see it.
I can relax into planning visits with friends between return to States and drive back home bc kiddos will be otherwise engaged.
Staying out of other people's heads (SOOOPH) has been a mindful revelation as of late. Assertive communication doesn't feel comfortable, but I've noticed I'm practicing anyway, and it's a very good thing.
ZERO DRAMA is the order of the day. Cutting off those who bring drama is the second.
That's my update; )
Lighter
-
What I love about this board is that you can read someone's post and say something soothing/comforting or maybe helpful if they're going through a rough patch and you can log on and read that someone's in a really good spot and it makes me smile :) So much good news in there, Lighter, Paris in June?! That sounds like a movie script, what an amazing experience that will be. I can very much identify with staying out of other people's heads; I have noticed only recently how much I get into everyone else's mind and how responsible I feel for other people. I am trying to go along the line that if I am polite and respectful then how or what other people do is up to them, not down to me. Feels a bit like new shoes, not really comfy with it yet but it feels like the right way to go so I understand where you are coming from there and yes to no drama and cutting out those who bring it is also so important.
Food, yes, I have fallen off the wagon again, I find breakfast and grabbing quick snacks are my downfall, we've a couple of quiet days at home so I'm going to focus on getting some good food prepared and ready so that I don't fall into the biscuit trap. Glad to read you are getting back on track with yours :)
Halloween sounds fabulous, Lighter, what beautiful memories you'll be making for those kids, they're the things you look back on and smile, aren't they? We're not into Halloween in such a big way in the UK (although it's getting bigger) but my son has a real thing about dressing up as a werewolf so that is usually our theme :)
DD sounds like she is having a fabulous time, I am finding the separation and change from dependent child to independent adult interesting but trying as well. There are times my son is like a proper grown up and other times he's like a five year old again; there's no warning which one is present at the time and I am finding having to judge how to be and respond hard work! But we've been having lots of belly laughs recently, we have the same warped sense of humour which is nice and he has my love of reading. He's been writing his own stories recently and I love the creativity in them and the way his mind spirals in lots of different directions.
Fabulous update Lighter I am so happy that you are in this happy place right now :) x
-
Staying out of other people's heads.... boundaries..... all good works for us, IMO.
Last night I resisted the urge to stay up hours to comfort buddy going through recent break up. He needs to sink into the sadness, and feel it. I've been a distraction to keep from doing that, and I told him this morning I can't do that any more. He understood without any weirdness, and that kind of assertiveness is new, but right, and good for me, IMO.
Same with out of State friend I visited for 2 days/2 nights to help move her out of paralysis within her home... she paints furniture, which I love too, and we share that, but she had her house so chucked full of furniture she couldn't turn around.... I mean FULL. All her paints and supplies were scattered throughout the rooms, under and between furniture items in different stages of work. She'd been buying more, bc she couldn't find anything, which just make things worse.
I spent all my time there gathering her supplies, moving furniture ready to sell into a consignment situation, and beginning process to determine best flow to move furniture in, get it done, and store till ready for pick up.
To end chaos we determined she needs to limit her business to custom orders, raise her prices, and extend delivery dates by many weeks, but still SOOOO much left undone.
These decisions were BIG, but she needs so much more help.... I just had to do what I could then step out. I'm learning.... seems you're learning similar lessons right now, Tupp: )
Paris will be wonderful, and I'm looking forward to it. We both have interesting new journeys ahead of us.
As I was writing this I received E mail from attorney which spiked adrenaline dump, as per usual response. I really hate that, but it appears we're sneaking up on final courtroom drama. COULD this be IT? I don't know,but I'm ready to end this now. I'm already beyond it in my head, and it's one of the major shifts for me, I think.
Tupp, if you haven't listened to the Love and Logic parent series on DVD it's a really good tool for dealing with our teens, IMO. Not sure if I mentioned it, but it's helpful, IME.
Lighter
-
It's time to finish dealing with the Trustee as the final legal case.... hopefully the final one.
I've done the research, and now I have to make copies, and scan everything into the computer and send to attorney so he can understand what evidence we have before we discuss final options.
It was a pretty big adrenaline dump, which I'm used to, but I noticed I'm recovering more quickly, which is good.
I'm also feeling beyond, and outside of the struggle this time. It's not IN my head, with me, if that makes sense. I know what I have to do... I've done it many times before, and the results are always in my favor, so I'm going to prepare for a trial without the usual fear....
I just don't believe this Judge has been bought off or manipulated. I don't. That would be the largest fear, and it's not in my head, so I'll leave it sit without giving it any attention.
This is growth, IMO.
-
Lighter is this another battle with the in-laws? That they have instigated? I really feel for you and understand what you are saying about the adrenaline dump. I still want to see if I can take legal action (or to be more precise, if my son can, although it would have to be me that got the ball rolling on his behalf) with regard to all the false allegations of abuse and the subsequent damage that did to him (ie his disability was missed for a long time because his symptoms were being put down to abuse and neglect) but I know that diving back into that nightmare is going to play havoc with me and my word, it is so tiring. Whatever the situation is with this next courtroom scenario I hope it is resolved as quickly and easily as possible, my word, you deserve that. I will look up that DVD you suggested, thanks for the recommendation :) xx
-
Tupp:
ILs instigated, but I let them this time. I KNEW better than to trust the attorneys, or anyone involved, and yet I let them talk me into believing that THIS time it would be over IF ONLY I SIGNED THIS DOCUMENT, and of course course course things went EXACTLY az I said they would.
SO SO SO SO SO sick of being right over nad over and over failing to honor my gut. My gut knows things, is wise, and should be trusted.
When will I learn?
Oh, my brain seems to be working better so the organization is going more smoothly. I'm seeing ahead before I get to the place in the road where I'd normally see where a document would fit, or a new rabbit hole needs to be added.
Yay me; )
Lighter
-
Tupp:
ILs instigated, but I let them this time. I KNEW better than to trust the attorneys, or anyone involved, and yet I let them talk me into believing that THIS time it would be over IF ONLY I SIGNED THIS DOCUMENT, and of course course course things went EXACTLY az I said they would.
SO SO SO SO SO sick of being right over nad over and over failing to honor my gut. My gut knows things, is wise, and should be trusted.
When will I learn?
Oh, my brain seems to be working better so the organization is going more smoothly. I'm seeing ahead before I get to the place in the road where I'd normally see where a document would fit, or a new rabbit hole needs to be added.
Yay me; )
Lighter
Oh, Lighter, I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this all over again. The attorney that deceived you - argh! I have come up against so many people like that over the years and it makes me want to claw my own stomach out. The problem, I find, is that I tend to assume that most people are reasonably honest and truthful. Then, of course, you discover a lot of people aren't (and in my experience I've had far more problems with well off 'professionals' than I ever have with people who are a bit down on their luck and might have a reason to need to nick a few quid) but if you aren't willing or able to assume most people are honest then that leaves you suspicious and cynical of everyone and I think that's even worse. It's a real kicker.
I'm glad you are able to sort out the documents and other things more easily this time but sorry that you are having to deal with it all over again. Your inlaws! I wish they could find something better to do with their time. I'm sorry you're going through this again. Well I am thinking of you and sending love and good wishes to you and your girls (and a cyber slap to that lying attorney and 'go and start a stamp collection' thoughts to your inlaws who clearly have far too much time and money on their hands).
((((((((((((((((((Lighter and girls)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx
-
Tupp:
There are many attorneys involved with different intentions and motives. Some are just misguided and ignorant, manipulated and honestly believe they're doing GOD's work, likely.
Some are ready to clean their plates of these issues and would do anything to accomplish that, IME. They want to believe the actors , and other attorneys "wouldn't DO" the things they've done..... I can't say it's evil, but certainly human nature to be lazy, dismissive, emotionally jerked around.
::uncrossing eyes::
As one of the teachers directing traffic at our school said.....
"People are stupid." Critical thinking skills don't SEEM to be highly valued in this culture, but that's just my experience.
The good news is it's behind me, even if it's not. I FEEL like it's done, and my life has moved beyond it. About darned time, really.
Today I noticed I'm keen on personal responsibility, opposed to avoiding social interaction. I usually just avoid avoid avoid awkward, or uncomfortable ness, but I'm really set on assertive communication for myself. I have lots of practice lately, which leads to more insight, and doors opening...... more joy, and feeling empowered. This is huge for me.
I don't know who wrote it lately, but I took notice..... "Observe, don't absorb." That's a theme for me right now, and makes it easy to focus on communication when I'm not focusing on how other people feeeel. I can focus very clearly on my own needs, feelings, and wants. I can change my mind, and I'm entitled to put myself first. I don't know where this sea change came from, but it's really nice, bc I'm still me, and nice, and want the best for everyone around me.
MAYBE it's something to do with the BIT? Not sure, but I will say this.....
the Trustee is someone I didn't do any work around with regard to the BIT stuff, and I noticed over the past few days I had an emotional response to him that I'm not having in regard to any other difficult people in my life (I did BIT work round.)
::sigh::
The journey continues ((((Tupp)))).
Lighter
-
Wow, my last update was very.... judgy, huh?
Anyway, ongoing emphasis on organization, and keeping the house smelling like peppermint and eucalyptus, which requires I fill the little electric smell making machines with oil daily. I'm to the point where I remember belatedly, but remember..... am working towards doing it without thinking daily, so it's a habit that brings pleasure. I really enjoy being in an environment that smells lovely.
I have much energy right now. Have been eating g/s/d and am into second month with it. I'm active, and anticipating all the walking with upcoming trip happily. I'm taking my supplements without trouble, and drinking lots of green juices, mostly celery, kale, spinach, and spirulina blends with the Zeolites. The far infrared sauna was lovely yesterday, and I'm going to try to make regular appointments for that since I'm not struggling with other things at the moment. Will see. I had an iron IV yesterday, and that gave me a chance to go over the Eat for your blood type stuff. Lentils are bad for B's, and that's such a shame bc I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Pork bad. Love. The cool thing is I adore rabbit and have the freezer stocked up right now.... Rabbit is beneficial for Bs so that's a good thing.
I feel like I just broke out of a thick heavy cloud, and can see for miles around.... now. I look around and my to do list is getting done without much struggle, if any.
I try not to wait for the other shoe to fall with upcoming legals, and seem to be managing it. The more I think about it, the more I see with clarity how wrong the Trustee is, and how bad his story will sound in a courtroom. I've felt this way before, with attorneys assuring me I'm wrong, but..... I was pretty much dead on, so am keeping an open mind with this.
A friend is struggling with his stuff, which really helps me drive home lessons I'm trying to solidify for myself.... all good. Another friend is flourishing and we're enjoying that together. I'm putting everything in place so I have child care covered for October classes I want to attend out of State. Very excited about that.
::sigh::
Oldest really started to do some BIG work at camp in week 5. The T said she looks like she really belongs in the woods for the first time, and she's not suffering/struggling with lack of comfort at this time. She's maturing, and growing, and not in a big hurry to get out is what I'm hearing.
I'm pretty happy right now, all in all.
Lighter
-
It just keeps getting better.
DD15's lead T was over the top with superlatives today regarding dd....
"DD15 looks amazing, IS AMAZING, so relaxed, so chill, so bright, so terrific, so AMAZING... she turned a corner last week."
Whoo hoo. That phone call gave me wings today..... and one step better....
they've started addressing the deep early trauma issues that dd hasn't been able to focus on, and she's ready to move into and through it. Yay.
We have a timeline for graduation, and plans for next phase...... Oh, I just couldn't feel better about today's conference.
Lighter: )
-
::sighing and reflecting::
I was reflecting on my increased energy, and lightness of being......
Recently I had an iron IV treatment that seems to have done amazing things for my energy after years of borderline anemia.
If anyone's struggling with this, I recommend it highly.
A lot of people report dizziness and a couple days of feeling off, but I haven't had one bobble or lightheaded moment.
Lighter
-
Well the Louvre opened again at some point so that will be today. Later we go to scatter Friend's ashes at a lovely grotto like park. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Doesn't matter....her DIL is making decision. I can always go my own way if it really bothers me but will likely be numb and shock y through it.
The park is one my friend frequented as a student at the Sorbonne. Picture a young Doris Day and you'll have it about right. She had lots of friends she kept from high school and college....lucky in that way, though not in love.
I have two important conferences today.....along with this somber occasion. It's not going to be an easy breezy day in Paris, I'm afraid. It's chilly overcast gray..... I've been up since very early and will be longing for quiet space too quickly I know.
Must figure out subway.....by the time it's easy will be time to change cities.
Life is easier on the extroverted.
So.
Chilly.
Lighter
-
Great news about your D, Lighter, and sending you courage and warmth to get through today. It's grey and cold here, too, I'm only a couple of hours from the south coast of England so not a million miles from Paris! Avoid the footballers, they're fighting and causing chaos, apparently. Hold a quiet space in your mind when you need to retreat, I find hustle and bustle wears me out, too xx
-
I hope you have a chance to go sit in Notre Dame.
Just sit there, 30 minutes alone.
Despite agnosticism it affects me powerfully.
The Louvre does too.
Hope the sun comes out soon.
A bientot,
Hops
-
The Louvre? Notre Dame? [Go Irish!]
The 24 hours of Le Mans is right now. Don't tell me you're in France in June and not going.
mud
-
Well.... I've been inside Notre Dame many times, and the lines were uber long this time..... I just couldn't make myself stand in them. I stared at them twice. Instead I sat and prayed at the cathedral in Bayeux, so beautiful, and at Mont St Michel which still houses Monks. I wish they would have chanted... or... something, but it was very peaceful, and prayer filled experience that left me feeling very light and happy.
That's one thing you can count on in Europe, beautiful cathedral after beautiful cathedral.
About the foot ballers.... we landed in Paris the afternoon of opening games, and France was playing. Judging from the noises in our apartment building, France won; )
I didn't see any cars set ablaze, or hooliganism, so I count myself lucky there. I will say I went out of my way to avoid the cafes with singing, jersey wearing patrons, but I enjoyed walking past them, and feeling their energy.
We scattered my friend's ashes at her favorite park...... Fountain De Marie De Medicis, and honestly there couldn't have been a more lovely choice.
My favorite restaurants were still there, still wonderful, and very much a comfort. I only missed one, and that was my fault, bc I didn't want to leave Pigal, where I was staying. I walked and explored, and avoided public transport ending up in a local place with only French speaking patrons. My waiter didn't like me much, but the bartender did, so my meal was outstanding.
I can say that I had one dreadful meal, my fault again for allowing friends to choose without an actual destination, outside a particular metro station in the latin quarter. It's difficult to get a bad meal in Paris, IME, but OK bc my friends had a wonderful night, and i wouldn't have blemished it for the world. Who pairs vinegar and cinnamon with Foi Gras? I ask you... in all the world? Who? I think my waiter was in the back giggling as he doctored my food, but then he had to watch me let it sit, almost untouched all night. I asked for white wine, he brought red. He then brought white perfectly cold wine, and included a little bucket of ice (an insult in his opinion) and I just kept smiling.... he couldn't throw me.
I wouldn't have changed anything, honestly. Everyone got what they needed, including me. I'd say it was another very good trip, and I'm glad to be home.
Lighter
-
DD15 thriving in leadership position at camp, and getting ready to graduate soon.
I can't wait to see her.
Love love love and miss her.
Lighter
-
Lovely to read your news, Lighter, I'm glad the trip went well and you got to say goodbye to your friend and leave her where she loved to be. Good to read DD is doing so well :) xx
-
Tup!
Did you see me wave to you across the Channel?
I'm curious when you're going to be able to make you move, my dear?
Do you have an approx date set yet?
Light
-
Tup!
Did you see me wave to you across the Channel?
I'm curious when you're going to be able to make you move, my dear?
Do you have an approx date set yet?
Light
Ah, Lighter, I waved in your general direction and sent smiley thoughts but it has rained here so much the last couple of weeks I could barely see past the end of the road :) Lol
Moving plans are shifting and changing. Van is reasonably travel friendly again now so we are going to go away in it for a fortnight in September and go on a touring holiday visiting friends and looking at colleges for my son. Around the same sort of time we should get the results of his scan and tests (if the neurologist thinks he needs them) so I should have a better idea of his health care needs as well. All being well I'll give in my notice when we get home (as we'll have chosen a college and will know where best to move to) and hopefully will move October/November time. It's still a bit up in the air as it does rely on getting the test results back and finding a college. There are five that I think sound good so hopefully one of them will be right for him. So hopefully this Christmas will be in our new home, a good couple of hundred miles away from our current awful situation, away from people I don't like and bad memories and with a future ahead that has choices and possibilities. And hopefully some fun! I do miss fun.
I bet it's nice to be home, Lighter, are you experiencing jet lag at all? x
-
I'm recreating the Kondo posts, readying to dive in and do a huge nuther clean out.
Self care....as a minimum today....has me eating protein, greens, acv and avocado oil, then coconut soup with eggs and a little chicken.....lots of mushrooms. Taking supplements. Sleeping 8+ hours a night.
But, Kondo.
And editing.
And finding places to put/give things, once choices are made.....and....
DD24 walked the house with m last night. We'll keep her bedroom as guest room, and make lift into art studio. Duh!!!
DD22 and I had it backwards and upside down!!
Our brains work differently. DD24 has impeccable executive function skills and I expect her to loan them my way!
DD24 said she'll do her best during upcoming changes.
Whew boy! That's a huge relief... everything easier this way!!!
Lighter