Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Bettyanne on September 18, 2019, 09:53:11 PM
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Hi friends...
I'm dealing with my husband having prostate cancer that spread and now a sarcoma cancer formed in his leg.
If your husband or spouse was dying of cancer would you dump their meds and fill with sugar?
That is what my NM did to my dad many years ago.....When I ask this question of a so called friend the answer I got was that is what people did at the time.
OMG who could do that to anyone who is in so much pain and dying? The friend who answered me and said that is what people did....I think is another Narcissistic/Borderline?
What do you think of the question and this friend?
Another friend said to me did she dislike him that much? I remember my mother said a week after my dad died she was happy he died....
My dad was sweet and kind man.....but what kind of person would do this to someone in that much pain???
Thanks, Bettyanne
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Hi friends...
I'm dealing with my husband having prostate cancer that spread and now a sarcoma cancer formed in his leg.
If your husband or spouse was dying of cancer would you dump their meds and fill with sugar?
Closing mouth after it hung open so long my tongue dried off::.
That is what my NM did to my dad many years ago.....When I ask this question of a so called friend the answer I got was that is what people did at the time.
OMG who could do that to anyone who is in so much pain and dying? The friend who answered me and said that is what people did....I think is another Narcissistic/Borderline? Ummm.... your mom dumped pain meds necessary to keep your father comfortable while he died of cancer? That is super F'd up, and I can see no positive reason for doing that.
What do you think of the question and this friend? Maybe that's what sociopaths do with their spouse's pain meds, but it's not what compassionate people do with them, IME.
Another friend said to me did she dislike him that much? I remember my mother said a week after my dad died she was happy he died....
My dad was sweet and kind man.....but what kind of person would do this to someone in that much pain??? I realize I'm judging here, and I wish I could change that in a day, but I can't. The kind of person who would do that is someone who lacks empathy for others, is controlling, and feels the rules don't apply to them. Super PD, IME. Super not OK. I wonder what happened to your mother that made her that way. Surely, there's some trauma in her early years.
So sorry to read that, Bettyanne. I'm sure you're a wonderful mate and caregiver for your husband. I'm sorry the situation is bringing up your father's situation, but maybe working through it is a good thing. Maybe it's time to deal with all that information, and make sense of it, so you can finish and put it away for good?
Take care,
Lighter
Thanks, Bettyanne
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Oh BettyAnne, it's so hard to be in a situation like yours anyway, and then to have it evoke or trigger earlier experiences is even harder. I do feel for you.
I am in agreement with Lighter. Yes, there is a lot of stuff that people 'did back then' that was either legal, socially acceptable or just something people turned a blind eye to. But that doesn't stop the action itself being cruel and unnecessary, it doesn't lessen the impact on the people it affected and clearly enough people didn't do it to bring about change - otherwise we'd all still be doing it, I would have thought.
I think there are people who kind of lack depth. To me, someone mentioning the situation you did might want to talk - either about the past or the current situation. As a friend, I would listen. "It's what people did back then" is, to me, a shut down comment - the conversation is over. I'd try to protect yourself, BettyAnne, and try to keep in contact with people who are being supportive (or at least not causing more angst) and try to limit or avoid contact with people who aren't really opening doors for you at the minute. Do post on here as often as you want/need, we all love to hear from you and many of us have been through similarish things so can at least understand even if we're not able to help in a practical way. Lots of love to you both xx xx xx
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OMG... yes, I've heard of this. My Dad's mom did something similar to one of her 7 husbands. I knew enough of how she was, to feel sorry for my Dad living with that too... and she was one of only a handful of people I've ever met that were so messed up I could actually consider them evil. I was cheeky enough and PO'd enough when I was younger to tell her so - and curse her to boot.
That person who says this could be OK - isn't someone I'd want to be friends with.
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Noooooooooo, BettyAnne.
That's horrible.
I hope when you can do things for yourself,
you'll take this story to a therapist. It would
be good to heal about this, so it stops haunting
you.
I'm so sorry your husband's cancer has spread.
This is a hard time, but I hope you'll remind him
and yourself every day of memories that bring
you happiness.
Comfort,
Hops
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Hi Lighter.....
Thank you for your reply ....it made me feel better....I had so much dysfunction through my childhood right into my adult years with a wacko mother. My Therapist said she was never a mother other then giving birth to me. That makes sense too.
I have had this friend or say now former friend who is a nurse too by the way. If I say anything I get corrected which sure reminds me of my NM. If I repeat something I get told were not going there....I feel awful like I am being treated by NM again.....just different subject. If someone repeats something to me I never say anything because maybe that story needs repeating for sympathy or compassion like you said. I realize I am dealing with another Borderline/Narcisstic person again in a different body, omg. I am done and will end this now.
I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 17 we have been together 59 years.....Its so hard to see him going through all of this.....his family was similar to mine that we both came from dysfunctional families. Which was good in a way because we understood and supported each other...but we never had normal family support....which I am sure all of us can relate too!!
Thank you so so much....Love, Bettyanne
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Hi Twoapenny,
Oh now nice and all you said....I sure appreciate your words and thoughts.
I remember my mother dumping my dads pain meds and putting sugar in them.....and he would say to her something is wrong they are not working.....he was only 51 years old and dying of melanoma cancer it was everywhere in his body. His legs were swollen and he couldn't walk or do much of anything but lay in bed. When he got so bad he was sent to the hospital to die. I was 20 at the time and Bill drove us to hospital as my dad went in ambulance. She never went into his room and Bill and I were with him as he said his last words.....She was no where to be found.....how sad for my dad and for me to see what she did. When she died at 100 a few years ago, the doctor called me to go to hospital to see her as she had just died and I couldn't go. I didn't want to see her........
I just want to say my therapist diagnosed my NM as Borderline/with Narcisstic traits.....it sure fits..
I just want to say to you thank you for your reply and your kindness to me in other posts on here.
Life isn't easy but having these type of parents leads you find an answer of what was wrong?? Thankfully I have had therapy and a month stay in a mental hospital another mother story, but I am seeing .....seperating from these people is the answer....I learned it too late.....but I did learn.
Thank you again and again....Love, Bettyanne
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Tampering with medication sounds illegal and culpable.
"It's what they did at the time"... this statement I have no idea. I wasn't alive at that time. Definitely things do culturally change over the years. My uncle pulled his own teeth out and my father doesn't discuss health problems even if they might be genetic so it's useful info to discuss.
Probably this is a rhetorical question though about how callus the friend's statement actually is. It's an unfeeling thing to say.
Some people have rough personalities, I'm not sure if this is the case with your friend. Some people really do approach life with a rambo method.
Either way probably not the best friend to talk to right now. Grief support is probably a more knowledgeable source.
Friend doesn't sound very nice at all really.
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Hi Garbanzo,
Yes I guess when you don't know the answer of the time....maybe its easy to say OH that's what they did back then......NO it isn't ....How can anyone think a cruel mean thing to do to someone in pain is replace with SUGAR....
It doesn't matter the year or time......It's a control freak who doesn't know how to deal with anything can make sense of being cruel to a man who is dying......but she did this with many situation its what I grew up with....
A good, honest person would do anything to help a dying person.....especially one you Love....but maybe that's questionable with a Borderline with N traits??
Its like being friends on this forum......we care for each other....I am so impressed with the response I have had to my question? from you and other friends on here......we care about each other...Thank you, Bettyanne
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Hi Bettyanne,
That event in your past, seeing your mother do that...was a TRAUMA for you. A terrible, haunting one. I can't imagine the shock of it, settling in.
My question is (and I don't know the answer, wish I did!) -- how do you get from ruminating over and reliving that to being in the precious present moment, with yourself and with your husband?
Can your therapist help you release this memory? Or at least get it to not take up so much real estate in your mind? What has worked best in the past for you to stop getting triggered and re-triggered by it?
I'm sure what your husband is going through is bringing all that back. Makes perfect sense and is very poignant. I'm just sorry to hear you re- and re- and re-experiencing that awful memory. You and your husband both deserve the sweetness of being in present moments together, not in the past. You deserve to enjoy little moments and comforts and expressions of love and simply being alive together in the now, in this hour, in this day, and then another, for as long as possible. You will be so glad to have positive memories of this time, not just the tragic ones.
I hope that for you. You are such a sweet person and have accomplished so much in loving in your life. I don't want you to cheat yourself in this sweet, late chapter! You deserve the now.
Hugs
Hops
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Hi Hopalong,
Well your close in what you are saying.....my therapist said when my husband came into my life I was 16 years old....I have always had his love and caring for me......something I didn't have as a kid or an adult from my so called mother. She said she thinks I am thinking what will I do without him??
I am sure to some extent this is very true....we have had a good lifetime together. We've been through many times of how to we handle this and that.....because he had a similar situation growing up as well. My therapist said how lucky I was to have a good man in my life....so so true and my mother hated him and his mother felt the same about me.....it was almost like we don't belong in the families we were born too!
Up until 7 years ago I was abused by my mother not the same as childhood....but expecting me to do things for her that she never ever did for me .....I realize of course I was never told to separate myself from her from any therapist up to that time. I sure have learned about N's and Borderline but that doesn't take the pain away.....of such crazy immature adults who I was raised by....this includes my dad and my grandmother my mother's mother.....my brother being a complete invalid who couldn't walk or talk or feed himself.....He should of been hospitalized but my mother left him to her elderly mother who was not capable of doing that job....my mother worked up to age 100...another thing my T said she never heard of....so much dysfunction..maybe I am just letting off some steam...omg Thank you friend....Love,Bettyanne
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I'm so glad you have a good and insightful therapist, Bettyanne. Solid gold.
What she's said to you makes so much sense. An upcoming loss, all the unresolved grief from your mother, and the tragedy of your brother's entrapment as well....
I too am so glad you've had a loving husband whom you love in return. I can imagine how devastating it is to contemplate a future without him. I hope you'll find that in unexpected ways, you will always carry his love within you. Even when he goes, he won't really leave you, as long as you cherish his memory.
I think you're probably strong in ways you don't credit yourself for, and that you will discover over time.
You still have the richest chapter in life ahead, and learning never, ever stops. I hope this isn't inappropriate to say given the painful situation, but it can be exciting, too.
A future where you do release those horrible memories (after you've steamed about them enough) will have light and hope in it that maybe you've never even imagined before.
You deserve that kind of contentment and peace as much as anyone else. I believe you can find it.
Hugs
Hops
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I just came home from Oncologist doctors who gives my husband 2 to 3 months....I am beside myself.....
No sugar coating.....I have to deal with this and do my best to comfort him.....not a easy day today..omg......
Thanks friends.....for any replies.....I know I will do my best if I don't fall apart.....
Bettyanne xoxo
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I'm so sorry. What a heartache.
How is he taking it?
I hope you'll talk to Hospice ASAP...they will give you both beautiful support.
You don't have to fall apart. Just be sure to go out on the porch for a good hard cry when you need one. You're allowed to feel however you feel.
Much comfort,
Hops
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Thanks Hops.....and friends
Doctor wants my husband to try radiology on the sarcoma in his leg and also some small ones in his lungs.......I don't know if were just buying time.....but anything is worth trying to help him.
I met a lady in the waiting room while they took Bill to figure out placement for the next few weeks of radiation. When I said something about Narcissistic M......she said everyone has baggage....to a certain extent that's true.....Im not in denial but Narcisstic behavior which I know myself and lot of you have experience is truly very dysfunctional and not a easy one to explain. These N's have gotten away with so much when they can change their personalities on a dime.
I just agreed and moved on from her.....in waiting room.....her daughter is a therapist of some type so she has all the answers....seemed like a another N to me.....haha sometimes I just gotta laugh because no one understands unless you have lived with it....
Bill starts radiation on Monday and will go for several weeks.....all that matters here is dealing with this and it is so hard because he has been the person who has loved me all these years....For that I am so grateful.......I sure didn't get it from my dysfunctional family but I did get a lot of love from this wonderful man.....
Love, Bettyanne
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Maybe it does buy time, and maybe there's nothing wrong with that? As long as his pain is controlled.
I hope you'll find yourself just filling up with your love for Bill, and his for you, and let those get so big and beautiful in all these moments that you find you are just not willing to give the narcissists in your past one minute more of this precious time.
If you can, Bettyanne, give this irreplaceable time to yourself and to your sweet husband. Not them.
You'll be so glad for all of the love you've felt, focused on, and expressed. It'll last you forever.
Hugs
Hops
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Your right Hopalong......
It's time to stop chasing ghosts.....and bad family relationships....
Bill has always been the sunshine of my life.....along with our kids....
When I finally see this.....and the gift I received in all our years together....55 this years married plus 4 before we were married....
WE worked on healing for years now and trying to understand the dysfunction of our parents.....is when you get to see the light....
I am so so lucky to be able to say that.....
Thank you,
Bettyanne xoxo
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I'm so sorry, BettyAnne, that the news about Bill isn't better and more positive for you. I do find in myself that when I'm in a bad place, emotionally, mentally, financially, whatever it might be, that dysfunction and unpleasant people and difficulty seems to be all around me. I kind of wonder if, when we're in that raw state, we notice things that we might not have paid attention to if we'd been out having a lovely time - and sometimes it's just the physical place that we're in. Being in a hospital or doctor's waiting room means you're likely to be around other people who are ill - it's why they're there. And for me, that's always harder, because I end up focusing more on the things I don't really want to focus on at that time. It's very hard. I feel for you so much.
Many years ago, I was having a rant on Facebook about the fact that my step-dad had, once again, not even been questioned about abusing me. I'd been blamed, again, the police had taken action against me rather than them, the walls had come back up and he was once again safe and protected and I'd been thrown to the wolves. A friend from childhood, who I hadn't seen for many years, emailed me and said to me, "Do you know what, Tupp? The best revenge is a life well lived. Yes, it's shitty, yes, it's wrong, yes, it means other children aren't safe. But you've done what you can about this and now you go out there and live your life and work on being happy". And it is hard. Those aspects of our past do shape us and they hold on to us, I think. For a long time I thought I couldn't let go, but now I feel more like they won't let go of me. I do still struggle, every day, and when something unfair or unpleasant happens I do find that a lot of other stuff falls in on me. But I muddle through and I do tell myself, every day, the best revenge is a life well lived.
So I echo what Hops has said - live the very best life you can with this wonderful man who's given you so many happy years and shown you that there are lovely people out there in the world, even when most of the people around you have been arseholes. Yes, move away from anyone who sets of your antennae - don't put your energy into wondering whether they are one thing or another, if they're not making you feel safe or comfortable or listened to then pick your book up and read that instead. Don't give them another minute. Give Bill a big cuddle from all of us. And a big cuddle for you, too. And do keep posting and letting us know how you're getting on xx xx xx
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Thanks.....Twoapenny,
How nice of you to write a nice response. Yes it is difficult mentally dealing with Bill being so sick from the cancer and treatments.....for sure anything that was modeled at home as a kid was so dysfunctional.....do you find yourself trying at times to figure out what is normal?? I was never showed normal....to the point no one could relate to me...but most of the time as a kid I kept my mouth shut. Anything that was going on in my home forsure was not going on in any friends homes or neighbors it was that bad.
So I have spent my life trying to figure out normal reactions.....so this is now one of the most diffiuclt times....makes alcoholism my husband had and his family look like a walk in the park!!! He has 33 years sober this year which is wonderful...do you think Love is the answer....I do...because what I felt as a kid was not love....it was how can I get you into something school and activities or being left alone with a grandmother who was out of her head and a brother who could not walk or talk as not to deal with me....yuck.
Saying all of the
above I am grateful I came to see the light of dysfunction...not a happy situation but one since my NM is dead I don't have to get one of her phone calls ......acting so phony.....My NM diagnosed with Borderline with N traits....
I will do my best right now.....no matter how hard it is on me......because I do love my husband
Life isn't perfect and I guess as we learn and see what is important is where we should be.......but so hard when you have been hurt to your core.....like you with your step dad.......so so sorry, he should have been put in jail....I know years ago kids where blamed.
I just want to share with you my NM was born on Friday the 13th of October 1911.....I have always felt it was unlucky...I feel that that was so creepy....omg.....friends she was the pitts
I will do my best not so much to stay strong as people will say....but to just be human and normal....even if I have to cry or be upset that the person who loved me and was always there for me.....has cancer and that stinks friends....
Thanks Twoapenny and friends.....Love, Bettyanne
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Thanks.....Twoapenny,
How nice of you to write a nice response. Yes it is difficult mentally dealing with Bill being so sick from the cancer and treatments.....for sure anything that was modeled at home as a kid was so dysfunctional.....do you find yourself trying at times to figure out what is normal?? I was never showed normal....to the point no one could relate to me...but most of the time as a kid I kept my mouth shut. Anything that was going on in my home forsure was not going on in any friends homes or neighbors it was that bad.
So I have spent my life trying to figure out normal reactions.....so this is now one of the most diffiuclt times....makes alcoholism my husband had and his family look like a walk in the park!!! He has 33 years sober this year which is wonderful...do you think Love is the answer....I do...because what I felt as a kid was not love....it was how can I get you into something school and activities or being left alone with a grandmother who was out of her head and a brother who could not walk or talk as not to deal with me....yuck.
Saying all of the
above I am grateful I came to see the light of dysfunction...not a happy situation but one since my NM is dead I don't have to get one of her phone calls ......acting so phony.....My NM diagnosed with Borderline with N traits....
I will do my best right now.....no matter how hard it is on me......because I do love my husband
Life isn't perfect and I guess as we learn and see what is important is where we should be.......but so hard when you have been hurt to your core.....like you with your step dad.......so so sorry, he should have been put in jail....I know years ago kids where blamed.
I just want to share with you my NM was born on Friday the 13th of October 1911.....I have always felt it was unlucky...I feel that that was so creepy....omg.....friends she was the pitts
I will do my best not so much to stay strong as people will say....but to just be human and normal....even if I have to cry or be upset that the person who loved me and was always there for me.....has cancer and that stinks friends....
Thanks Twoapenny and friends.....Love, Bettyanne
Bettyanne, I think being normal and human, in whichever way that is for us, is that bit that takes the strength, you know? Personally I find it takes less of me to pretend to be someone I'm not. Being 'real', especially during a tough time and saying that I'm not in a good place is the stuff that requires real strength from me - you just do what you feel like doing at the time and if anyone else doesn't like it, well, they can go suck a toffee or something :)
Yes, normal is an odd concept when you grow up in a home with odd boundaries. I was very lucky; I had two very good therapists in the early days who kind of re-parented me and taught me what constituted normal behaviour (and by that, they kind of focused on behaviour that doesn't have an adverse effect on anyone else). They taught me about boundaries and to listen to my feelings and my inner voice (which I'd always had to suppress) and that I had a right to think and feel the way I did and that it wasn't wrong to expect other people to treat me politely and be mindful of my feelings and just show some consideration. That was very novel for me and is still something I have to work on. So yes, normal, it's such a loaded word! And very hard to find our own definition of what that is. You are very obviously Bill's ''normal', and he yours. You're in such a tough situation right now and I don't think there is a 'right' way to deal with it - you muddle along as best you can. Have you got anyone else around you now who is in a good place themselves and can be supportive in a practical way? xx
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Oh, Bettyanne, I'm so sorry. It's like losing a piece of your heart, and there's no pain killers for the ones sharing the journey, though I think we're entitled to them sometimes.
I echo Hops' about contacting Hospice. They offer help with pain medications, and emotional support in comforting unexpected ways, IME.
My Bill had oxycontin pills that worked for 10 hours, so I didn't have to wake him up every 4 hours, then Hospice brought patches. My mom received her pain meds and hydration intravenously, which was a huge relief. She felt so much better, and we felt better having someone there to explain and comfort us.
You and Bill shared a life, and brought comfort to each other. That comfort doesn't have to end now. It should go on in celebration of what you've shared, and still have together. No one knows when that ends.... particularly not Western doctors, who should never give days left to live, like that, IME.
In any case, we all have the choice to live every day we have left, or die a bit every day in fear.
We have choices to make. All of us, and no one knows when we're going to die. Hit by a bus tomorrow..... tomorrow is promised to no man. Choices.
Celebrate what was, and still is. This culture fears and dreads death, but it's just a natural part of living. No one gets out alive. Acceptance can be a beautiful thing, and free us up to embrace, and create what comes next, IME.
My Bill died a little every day of his final 5 months. I attuned to his mood, and the house was dark, and serious, and without joy. There was fear, and dread, and he clung to me like a child to his mother, speaking about what he wanted for me when he died.
We didn't celebrate the amazing years we had together, which would have been joyful, IMO. He didn't recount happy stories with his friends, or tell his children what he thought the first time he saw them, held them, sent them to their first day at school.
You can open the curtains, and windows, light candles, make sure the house is fragrant with essential oils that bring you joy... fall breezes.... the little things.... flowers, and the people Bill loves, and enjoys seeing, the things he loves doing... don't shut down, and miss opportunities for more joy, Bettyanne. The music Bill loves. Warm light, instead of harsh cool lighting.
Your Bill is still here: )
Celebrate that with him every moment, and help loved ones do the same.
There are stories to share with family, memories to whisper privately, and blessings to count.
Sometimes I dream about my Bill, and there's so much I want to say. It always ends before I can get it out. You have time to say all those things, Bettyanne. In the ways you need to say them, whatever that is, hopefully without fear, bc you do have choices.
((((Bettyanne, and family))))
This too shall pass, and it's going to be OK. You're going to be OK.
Lighter
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Lighter, how lovely. Truly.
I hope I remember this in case I am in BettyAnne's situation one day, to help me keep in mind that this is one choice...a way to approach inevitable loss.
BettyAnne, I hope you will take strength from the present with all your might. You and Bill both deserve this time.
It's not for the painful, cruel people in your past.
The present moments are for you NOW. And Bill. And you and Bill.
Comfort and strength,
Hops
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Hi Hops....
My youngest daughter came to help me out for the past week.....so nice of her being a therapist talking on the phone here with clients while she is here helping out......
She took her dad to oncologist last Tuesday.....they are giving him an immunology type of meds.....to see if it will kill off some of the cancer that has spread.....He is feeling very tired and all in since getting it....but it does have side effects.
I am so glad she took him.....I am worn out mentally lately.....so we will see what will happen with this drug???
Anything is worth trying.....at this point.
I will let you know how this all goes....
So grateful for your kind replies....and kindness.
Love, Bettyanne
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I need to say thank you for all replies......and I am very grateful
Love you.....all and trying to keep my head on straight lately with all that is going on with my husband Bill....
All we can do at this point is continue trying.....When life gives you .....we have no choice.....
I am hoping for the best at this point and so is Bill....
Bill is a great husband has always been there for me......
he has 33 years sober coming from a family of drunks....
I have been in therapy since I was 24 with his full support....
We don't have a choice who we are born to....but we have a choice when we figure it out how we will go forth in life.....
So we giving it our all right now...
Thanks friends for all your great replies they mean a lot to me...
Love, Bettyanne
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Hang in there Bettyanne! Take care of yourSELF too. A day off from the doctor appt running around is such a gift. I used to make a big deal out of the hour or so I had to run out and do errands (I had a night nurse). I'd crank up my favorite radio station and drive like an invincible teenager... just to have a moment free of what I couldn't change. Later on that changed; and I could hardly listen to certain songs 'coz they made me sob.
I absolutely agree with Lighter's take on things. My late hubby only lived 3 months from the diagnosis. And he completely withdrew from the relationship and me for probably a year before that. A little at a time. I don't fault him for it, even though it DID make things harder for me. My doc friend said that he was probably trying to protect me; and I think about my kitties - how they'd go hide somewhere unusual for them, to let this life go. I think he was kind of like the kitties. It wasn't anything he could talk about and he didn't want to share it with me. I do understand that now.
And now I have a new fella, with different problems that I can't help much. YET. But we have agreed that whatever time we ARE allowed, we're going to laugh, love and dance through the days that we DO HAVE. I had pretty much stopped hoping I would find someone else - even though I hadn't ruled it out. (Hubby is for sure chasing blonde playboy bunnies in heaven with Hugh Hefner. I used to tease him about that all the time. We did talk about it before he got sick.) And this just happened after getting to know him, gradually, over years online and phone calls.
But it's different for everyone. Both before and after. Now that you've done so much work healing from the past, you can notice things about this experience that will connect you to the spiritual side of things. And maybe you'll discover too, that love is an energy that doesn't have to be created - just shared - to exist. When things get rocky, let us know and we'll have an Amazon bonfire for ya. Generating and sending you love, long distance.
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((Bettyanne:))
I do hope you've contacted hospice.
They have all kinds of information, and stories that dispell fear, and confusion, IME.
I wish we'd had them involved much sooner.
Lighter
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Sad update on Bill.....
Due to the chemo and other drugs used........
It really messed up him body.....thyroid for one.....blood pressure etc etc
He lost his memory and didn't know what he was doing....
two of my sons got him to hospital and he is now in ICU
He now has come out of the damage done and knows who he is.....thank God for that
But he hasn't been able to eat normally yet ..
get out of bed etc etc
So who knows??
These doctors are telling me and my kids stuff the oncologist didn't
At this point Like the prostate cancer is in his lungs...omg
I don't think there much hope for any recovery the Oncologist was saying
makes me so mad or upset etc etc
Yes they are talking hospice and will be making other decisions now..
Thank you friends for your love and support
Bettyanne
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Oh (((((((Bettyanne))))))).
Here we are.
I'm so sorry, but also so full of confidence in you.
This is a very hard chapter but you've been such a champion
of love for Bill, and for yourself and Bill...
Hold on to THAT, even when you can't hold on to him.
I hope you always, always, know how worthy you have been
of all the love you've known with him.
I'm glad Hospice is in the loop now. I hope you'll find as I
did (my Dad died of metastasized prostate cancer) how gentle,
caring, and truly supportive they will be.
Oncologists are technicians and can't predict much past a
certain point; I'm sorry Bill's doesn't communicate with you better,
but I trust he gave Bill the best care he knew how to.
Sending strength...
Comfort and peace,
Hops
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I'm sorry BettyAnne. I've got no useful words or advice for you. I hope they can keep him comfortable and give you enough information for you to feel you know enough. Give him a big cuddle from us, and a cyber cuddle for you (((((((((((((BettyAnne)))))))))) xx
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I'm sorry, ((Bettyanne.))
Don't be afraid to call Hospice. It's not giving up. It's receiving necessary help in a time of need, and it's OK to ask for help. Sometimes they see miracles, and they'll share their stories with you. It helps, IME.
The simple act of sharing information with us, proactively.... compassionately, is a blessing.
As Hops said...Doctors are technicians. They often aren't timely with information or blurt it out, which always hit me like a punch to the gut.
Hospice nurses are angels, and you deserve to have angels walking beside you on this journey.
Lighter