Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on October 25, 2020, 02:32:40 PM
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The lake house clean out has begun in earnest.
Not everyone happy about it, but we're rolling with momentum.
Brother been working on his farm and this property.....they look enchanted, so beautiful!
Planning a remodel.....think lodge interior...
Pecky Cyprus walls and vaulted ceilings....must deal with 25yo wallpaper and dark green painted ceilings in some areas.....huge job.
We agree on luxury vinyl flooring to look like wood, but not sure how far remodel will go.
Maybe sell as is. Maybe go entirely different direction.
The Phillipinos will be out by Sunday and it's time to make decisions. I think I'm in shock. This day felt like it would never come.
Lighter
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Gosh that is another big project, Lighter, dark green ceilings sounds like a job and a half :) Hope the cleaning out goes well and smoothly, along with everything else that is happening at the moment :) xx
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The Phillipinos, 2 of them, showed up downstairs, peeking in bedrooms, the day before we left. They wanted to borrow a backpack blower and ladder. I was so surprised at their appearance...just....shocked....I need to have a strategy for dealing with them.
You can say they don't know better..their customs aren't ours, but peeking in bedrooms, not calling before coming, and refusing to speak English in mixed company is going to end. I'll call the husband....I get along with him well enough. His wife never liked me and now I don't want to play act we like each other. Just....no contact would suit me fine.
Ok. Update on projects...forgot about this thread for a while.
Wallpaper in 4 rooms down over 2 day span of time.
All but 3 interior rooms painted. A couple others need second coats.
The paint is a fairly light linen gray.....warm, not cool. Fresh and modern, imo. Give me neutrals and let the eyes rest in these rooms, please.
Sis found two sets if used Ashley leather sofa/is sets with 2 French chairs. Big brass tacks help them look a bit more masculine as the wood is light, leather is light and a bit of carving on tops and bottoms almost too fancy, but not, if that makes sense. I guess they looked too fancy sitting in the garage without legs for a few weeks. Once in place, with baby grand piano moved upstairs, the room is balanced and every inch an upscale lodge living room easily accommodating 12. Plenty of space. Nothing crowded. Old ottoman has threadbare map fabric, but right size and looks fine with throw for now.
Lamps....oh such amazing lamps from the Habitat store and Goodwills.....for 3, 5 and 8 dollars. Just perfect.
I curated 2 very large end tables from the Grovepark Inn.....they're to scale and amazing with stone tops.
Drapes from the Biltmoree House, never used, large densely colored floral pattern on neutral background, will go in downstairs bedrooms.....rich greens, reds and Brown's. So beautiful and suited to the asthetic.
My brother wants more blinds, less curtains, but hotels have curtains....he gets that.
We bought and trucked a beautiful kitchen from the restore....,with the bubbled imperfect glass. Will put in another bed and bathroom jack and jill before finalizing downstairs kitchen and bar plan, but will be beautiful. Dark solid wood cabinets with good hardware.
What we don't use of the cabinets will go in the garage, likely. Brother wants 2 more hotel rooms in garage, a laundry center and maybe some games....a fridge/ snack/ ice area. Not sure. Sister wants to tear out ceiling and vault that space....turn it into a hall for tables and dancing.
The area seems to have many very large homes, many for cheap, but none allow parties or large gatherings.
Once we make changes, turn large metal building into a barnlike hall, and build a little chapel, we'd pretty much be the only game in town between Hartwell and Atlanta.
What we have now is a 3 bathroom, 2 half bath home with a funky layout for bedrooms. 3 very large bedrooms, a smaller bedroom off the main master, which means no privacy for that master, so will make new entrance to little bedroom, turn master closet into a bathroom and add a soaker tub, which my niece and I will playfully argue over. Love soaker tubs....we both will book properties bc of tubs.
That's 3 bedrooms with private baths on the main floor after remodel OR a regular bed and bath with a family suite at the other end of the house.
Downstairs is even odder with a huge bedroom holding a king bed and set of bunk beds. A family room, again, with the plan to put a bathroom in that closet also. Mayne build a portion, like in hotel rooms with sofa beds, which I've used a lot. In Normandy, France we booked a family room with bunk beds too.....I took the bunk. It's partial privacy with someone entering the king bed space to get to the bathroom.
One bedroom downstairs, with the huge stone fireplace, would take that shared jack and Jill bathroom, which is very large. I guess that would be the downstairs master br.
We formed another bedroom with large armpits and dressers......this is behind the area where the down kitchen is planned.
If we break through the wall to the utility garage we can put in another bedroom with Jack and Jill bathrown.
The question is.....keep the large living room with huge stone fireplace as common space or build more bedrooms to rent, hotel style.
Sister favors living room staying as it is with Murphy bed installed. Brother wants every inch to earn dollars, so hotel rooms built out.
I'm a slow processor so still mulling it, and my part in it, over.
It helps that moss grows everywhere....the thick upright stuff I can't grow at home.
If all those changes happen, the house would or could be a 8 bedroom/7 bath with 1 half bath for the upstairs living room/kitchen/sunroom/dining room with open floor plan and vaulted ceilings as it was originally built.
The second half bath would absorb the down master closet to make a full bathroom, which makes sense IF that is turned into another bedroom.
It makes me nervous, chopping up all that open space, but I feel better IF it can be a living room game room OR a bedroom.
At this point the mind spins while pondering the logistics of cancelling single room bookings to accommodate larger groups, which feels very bad to me.
A door would be installed at the bottom of the stairs to create 2 homes, essentially, with the option of renting both.
I want to stain the back patio, stone around the bottom of the metal supports and box in upper portion to look like beams. Light it all up. Create outdoor spaces and kitchens and firepits.
We talked about setting up tents for clamping experiences with electricity and real beds, etc.
A petting zoo. Baby goats and bunnies!
Going to fabric store with the gang now. That's my update.
Will try to get pictures in soon.
Lighter
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Oh my God, Lighter, that sounds amazing, you have been busy! Sounds incredible, and you seem to have got a lot done in a relatively short space of time. Amazing. How do your planning laws work there, do you have to get permissions to turn places from homes into businesses or can you do what you want with a place you own? Just curious as to the differences from here to there (not that I know much about those sort of things here, just what I see on the telly lol). It all sounds amazing, and you've done all that with Covid going on. Amazing stuff. Well done you xx
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Hi, Tupp:
Right now there is no zoning in our area. We can do as we like, but hard to say when that might change.
There are rules when dealing with the army corps of engineers regarding the lakefrontage, number of docks and lot size/linear feet of shore per dock, etc.
My sister and I just bought 4 gorgeous, super heavy lamps from a thrift store. They came out the Biltmore House, with electric outlets at the base. They look brand new. This is a bit of fun in the midst of hard heavy work.
We begin the final, I hope, painting phase tomorrow. Will be done in 3 days, likely. We haven't decided when true renovations....moving walls/adding bathrooms would begin.
And you're right! We have done a lot in a short amount of time. It's been a whirlwind of activity.....very satisfying: )
Lighter
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The lamps sound lovely, Lighter, I agree, the 'dressing' is the really fun part after all the cleaning and lugging stuff about. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job and I'd guess it's easier to keep your plans flexible if you don't have to keep satisfying planners with regard to different projects. I'm looking forward to reading the next instalment! Lol xx
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Looking at larger picture now.
Do we change out master one piece kohler toilet and bidet or replace valve's and seat....keep rolling.
Paint shiny brass shower trim, or not.
Paint all muffed up oak trim and cabinets white, or not?
I know I'll find pictures of what I want, and research products and application then decide. 90% research. 10% execution.
The embossed wall paper in master bath is beautiful painted white. I can try brush it with metallic paint to make it look like tin. Still thinking: )
Lighter
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I can't grasp all the project details much since my scale of home improvement is from a mini-planet, but it's happy to pick up on the positive energy these building-developing projects set flowing for you.
Long may that proliferate, as long as it does you good! You are a dynamo. Amazing.
I'm glad you're enjoying it so and hope it'll be a source of pleasure for many years.
hugs
Hops
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Thanks, Hops. We've decided to move ahead with 4 new baths, adding a shower to the down half bath, and 5 new bedrooms.
It feels....like decisions have been made. A relief of sorts.
I'm glad you're feeling better, Hops.
Lighter
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Lighter - is this another AirBnB project, a lodge B&B situation, or large group vacation rental? Or are y'all planning to sell it?
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Amber:
I think it's all three AND will be on the market.
We're waiting on management company to send info. We could go in several directions.
If we can't meet a target income, we sell. Right now there's nothing like this on Hartwell. That could mean there's no demand OR its a rare and lucrative gem waiting to be polished.
Will see.
Lighter
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Ah... that sounds like you've covered all the bases and will come out to the good, one way or another.
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Lots of research to be done, but ready to do whatever renovations we decide on: )
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The powwow with sibs was super productive. I loved my brother's idea to use the old claw foot cast iron tub out of doors. So creative and appeals to me a lot.
We all agreed to redo the smallest guest bathroom, bc the sub floor is damaged from leaks, the layout is odd, the plastic shower is way too small and the vanity needs replacing.
I have a local contractor lined up to remedy bad layout by moving toilet to shower area, then putting in big new tile shower with frameless glass door. Sis and I have perfect vanity.....white with mirrors, so pretty and modern! If we can't or shouldn't reuse mirror we have a spectacular mirrored medicine cabinet. So beautiful, I want to stare and stare at it. Have to find tile. Will replace that bed and bathroom flooring with luxury vinyl, as well as living room carpet. Have to find flooring. Have to find shower faucet.
Putting in downstairs kitchen, 3rd bedroom and door at bottom of stairs is on the list, as well.
I'm excited. We'll make important improvements to enhance renting or selling the property. I want to list it AND put it on rental sites, in tandem.
I'm very pleased with communication between me and sibs. That was the most important thing for me, even though I had a very strong sense of phase 1 projects.
Tiny houses are exciting idea. I have the name of a company I'll share. You guys can chime in; )
Lighter
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The bathroom renovation is ready for plumbing changes. Shower changes places with toilet.
Decided to put a little time seat in, a recess under the showerhead for products so water doesn't bounce in constantly.
White marble looking tile, large subway tiles if I can get them, with black shower floor tiles and grout is the plan right now. Tile goes up 8 feet. Shower door will be frameless.
The vanity is white with mirror panels, so pretty! Med cabinet is all mirrir, super heavy and we'll made.....stunning piece I found at Re Store for 65.00.....such luck.
Bath floor will be LVP running into the bedroom housing it.
Will be my favorite bed and bath in the house. Thinking of naming it after the Egret room, but it's not flowing off the tongue. I found an amazing piece if art for that room....will hang over the bed. I fell in love with it, found a perfect 3.00 frame at Re Store and will re use glass from another picture. Just have to purchase oversized acid free Matt boards and have moss friend put together in her frame shop.
Will likely revise this rant. Please don't copy paste into responses. Too busy to proof right now.
Lighter
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Contractor running plumbing in bathroom today. I'm having a rough time choosing LVP flooring. There's a large curve in floor....it won't be easy to finish that edge.
There's popping in bedroom hall subfloor...sounds oddly like footsteps on roof. Yikes. Not sure when that started.
Shower tile is white marble looking porcelain 4x12 subway tiles. Shower flooring is gray and white marble pattern, very nice.
Lighter
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Cool, so productive.
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I really like the gray & white bathroom color scheme. (Mine has 3 shades of wood also). Lets you change up the feeling in the room with curtains, rugs, art & towels. Easily and economically. And it's soothing & spa-like without committing to this year's shade of turquoise or coral.... which will be old in a few years.
If it's too hot and I'm too lazy today, I might touch up paint on doors and finally paint that god-forsaken toe kick situation in the kitchen !!!!!!!!!!!!!! :Big wide eyes of absurdity:
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I understand the toe kick situation, Amber. When I'm relaxed I SEE details....splashes on cupboard doors, toe kicks, scuffs on stair risers....walls, trim. That you notice these things is a positive, ime.
I picked up meh LVP flooring for LR and bedroom/bath renovation. Have to drive it 2 hours from Atlanta in 5:00 traffic after dd18 appt with nutrition gal. I could never live here again, but I'm not sure where I really do want to live.
Lighter
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Lighting for bath renovation came from a 25.00 box of shiny chrome fixtures carelessly thrown together and purchased from the ReStore.
Two 2 light wall scones and 3 24" Ralph Lauren Picture lights dropped in the garage during the winter storm I had to drive through. I never looked at the lights till yesterday.
They're beautiful, have never been installed and the picture lights retail for $1,099.00 each. I assume they came from whatever lighting store dumped samples going on the Restore as I picked up the kitchen cabinets. I took many lights, but this mangled up box was the buy of the day.
Last night I was on the porch watching the sky crackling and lit up almost constantly with thunder and lightening. DD18 doesn't like storms, so huddled under a blanket inside. When the actual atom finally reached us, a gentle rain hit first, then the wind then big rain turning into hail....I expected frogs to fall next. It was really strange.
DD20 called and asked us to come home. She said she's "tired of eating Ramen." I hope this means she wants to eat better. I think it does, bc normally she won't eat anything I cook...it looks like ODD around food with me.
I'm gonna drop expectation and let DD20 lead. I know she and the pug miss us.
Lighter
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I'm returning most of the LVP, which was for the great room sandwiched between oak hardwoods, brick pavers and huge mostly warm gray stone fireplace. What a puzzle that is. Nothing looks right, so I'm considering going back in with carpet. No one views carpet as ideal, btw.
At 3.25 installed, which includes tear out and carry away of old carpet, it seems like a no brainer.....but it's carpet. Never clean.
::looking at carpet samples in room::
I think I'll need the more expensive, many colored carpet, if carpet is to be the choice.
As I go through the motions of moving the samples around.....I get dog owe wafting into my super sensitive nose, along with enzymatic pet stink cleaner....smelks like pousin to me. And it's upsetting, but I'm no longer reactive around it. That's nice.
Lighter
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Bathroom on final day of tiling. Contractor upped his tiling labor price $500.00 so I added tile around the toilet area walls....about 40" high with bullnose. It's pretty close to my idea of perfection. All that white tile, 8' high in the shower on what's got to be a 10.5 foot high wall. It wraps around the vanity wall on one side and the toilet on the other....ends into door frame.
The med cabinet is beveled mirror, super well made and heavy from The Re-Store...$60.00. Cabinet is white with mirror inset in doors....black granite top.
Final selections will be paint and glass shower door. I wish we could do a stationary panel with open area into shower....sans a door, but I don't think the math works on that.
Any opinions on hinged door vs sliders? I really hate cleaning sliders.
Lighter
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It sounds amazing, Lighter, is there still a lot to do on the whole house or is other stuff done already? Personally I would always go with what's easiest to clean, especially if it might end up being used as a rental xx
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Bathroom painted and grouted today. Looks more like marble...looks more expensive and decadent than it is, for sure. Tile wraps vanity wall and around toilet.
There's a niche for coffee and phone by toilet, new science over toilet with separate switch and outlet for electronics.
We moved a light fixture on other side if wall to solve door swing problem....was easy bc wall was opened on bathroom side.
I feel like that bed with private bath will be super spot on....buttoned up with economy if expense, in best possible way.
Once flooring selected and on site contractor can put in door, vanity and toilet.
Can order shower door now. Woo hoo!
Think Restoration Hardware. So pretty!
Lighter
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Since LVP not yet handled, brother on that, we're going ahead with tear out of all upstairs carpet....3 bedrooms, huge walk in closet and large LR. Contractor hauling our dump trailer to dump, so will fill it with everything waiting to go.
Will be breath of fresh air to have icky carpet, with all its stains, smell and dust removed.
I feel the need for rituals around sealing and putting to rest everything'done seeped into the subfloor. My Southern accent kicks in when I'm around the contractor; )
Pressure switch for well bro,g replaced tomorrow.
I feel like dancing in the sunlight. Again.
Lighter
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We're back at the lake house. DD18 wants to go back home tomorrow and I'd love to accomodate her.
If I can get enough done, we'll go.
The contractor will open up a doorway in the laundry room INTO the master closet, taking out the wall between closet and the office so it becomes it's own bed and bathroom with private entrance.
A wall has to be built in the master bedroom to close off the new toilet room and wetroom with what I hope will be a freestanding tub, shower an small vanity. I hope to put a 72" granite top vanity in the entrance, the old master closet, along with a petite closet for guests. I can do that if I replace the K bed with a Q. That room has a big window with lake view too. I'm trying to move as few doorways and walls possible, but still get a great space. Just when I thinkI have it figure out..... there's something else to figure out. Things come up the whole way through and I enjoy problem solving, truth be told. DD18 hates everythin about it and doesn't want to hear about it.
The large wet bar in the master will come out and we'll put in a 6.5 wide built in closet in that space.
The new bathroom will have a big window and view of the lake where the tub goes. I'm pretty excited about it. Contract signed, everything on GO.
Tomorrow the Contratractor will stop by and change out the ceiling fan in the bedroom we just finished. I can put it all together an move in, so work can begin in the master. Vrey exciting.
Lighter
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OK.
I just finished pushing on a big sturdy doorjamb...... till the top of my head feels like it might dent up.
GRRRRRRRR.....I could leave this post under Mindfulness thread or Lake thread or...... start a no good deed goes unpunished thread.
And it had to GO this way, bc THIS lesson is mine tillI learn it, process it and file it away somewhere deep inside.
The yard guys..... really a handy man who works for a yard guy..... along with his friend. HARD ASS WORKERS, to be sure.....
every step had miscommunications. Disaster of communication.
When workers fail to bring their own water...... it's a red flag.
When they don't have a ballpark price.... red flag.
The entire situation is problematic, has been, but I'm really good at flying above it OR APPEARING to fly above, and sometimes I don't recognize it myself. I DID recognize the red flags.....but so wanted the little guy with gumption to get ahead. I would have liked to....
To BEa part of his getting ahead.
That won't be today and I'm not upset with them. I'm upset with myself, my inability to SEE red flags and act accordingly....... bc....
acceptance.
FFS........ my left nostril is COMPLEtely stopped up or I'd be breathing parasympathetic NS back into life......
::patting shoulders, one at a time, slowly::..
Calmer now. I see where some of the miscommunication happened. They wanted to do so much more than I was bargaining for..... and I said what I meant and meant what I said.
Bee .... what? Ignored everything I said and quoted the entire job as HE envisioned it, including much much more than I asked for. He IS planning a wedding. I'm sure there are money issues he's trying to square away in his head, but it's a problem to ignore what I say, bc I'm apparently pretty sensitive about being ignored BY MEN. Again. Honestly, being ignored by anyone is a problem. It's not men.
And that's a big fatt F issue for me. Right now. Woof.
So, I'm clear with the guys when I ask for ONLY YARD and ROOF to be done, quoted, dealt with... NOTHING ELSE.
I'm ignored.
I go into SHUT IT DOWN NOW mode, without hesitation, which is interesting to me. Once the switch is thrown, I'm all throttle.......
And I must tell you. Part of this is what it takes to plant and grow grass. I just don't understand buying yourself a job requiring so much water and chemicals and equipment spewing fumes, requiring maintenance. I just don't. Georgia is full of breathtakingly beautiful manicured lawns and planting beds. I admire them while wondering out loud WHYsomeone would want to spend what it must take to maintain it.
I don't understand.
My holiday weekend has turned upside down with calls and texts about grass. Bee said he'd cut it. Promised it wouldn't be with a push mower. He shows up with a push mower at 5:55 am yesterday AND one string weed wacker.... WTF? I KNEW..... that's why I asked to make sure he woiuldn't be showing up with a push mower. My instinct was he could't DO IT.
All heart and no equipment, so he asks his boss, the guy who owns the yard company, to bring the mower, then boss man is involved, but BEEand friend already worked SO hard to cut a small portion of grass and I just wanted them to GO AWAY. I feel like I'm cheating them BEFORE the grass is cut. All heart.... no equipment.
How much do I need to pay you to GO AWAY NOW? I meant it when I said it. Again.
I'm a very focused ceature at times. I CAN focus.
I can be overtly caretaking. I so wanted BEE to do well.
Bee quoting a job I never asked him to do, while the boss man was cutting grass I agreed would be cut...... my reptilian brain lost it's shit.
Not a crazy high quote, but a quote I never asked for on a job I SPECIFICALLY said I didn't want to do today, and there's poor BEE, standing out there with nothing to do, scratching chigger bites (bc he's wearing flip flops and shorts) while his friend weed eats around the trees and his boss cuts the grass.... BEE has nothing to do after he manufactured this job out of nothing, and that feels....
really......
upsetting to me.
Pity clouding my judgment and I know better. I do.
This is hurting the right side of my chest now.
It's moved from my head to my chest.
I'm shifting to self care.... will eat and count the hours of mowing. Began at 8:30am. It's a little after 10am. It's gotta be 4 acres of grass? And lots on a hill.
I managed 5 breaths through left nostril by holding it open...... it's not the quote that's the problem. It's not the job or the grass or the frustrating language barrier..... it's that I do this, over and over and I haven't learned the lesson. Yet. It's my part in this that's frustrating me, if I'm honest.
I don't have the bandwidth to figure out how to make use of Bee NOW bc I have other things I'm focused on. I have to let that go.
OK... I just had Bee help move a hugely heavy toilet into the house for the project he is working on. I explained to him what happened, with him quoting a job I didn't ask about..... and he broke my heart again when he said "I'm not right in the head."
He did that right after I asked about his fiance...... what does she do, I asked? He said "nothing." I asked about her work? He said she does nothing again. I said.... does she care for children? Bc thats a job, and he said NO. Lady of liesure? Yes. I'm thinking lady of liesure won't be the person to do anything in this business, so I just stared at him when he asked if I had something for her to do.
Bee is a very simple man with a hard working heart and I can see the field now. Lord, love a duck, the man is holiday weekend peble.
And I see so much potential. I do.
My brother deserves help with the grass. He's taken care of it all these years. This is a truth.
I don't think I'm the person to deal with it, thouogh I'd like to use the zero turn mower. My sister learned how to use one yesterday.
You see my ambivalence there? I see it.
Bee and I agreed we needed to be more careful with communications goiing forward and everything's OK..... I can't do anything about a fiance who doesn't work, but I can feed myself, take my supplements and get on with my stuff.
Bee is very earnest. Like myself. I'm overtly sympathetic. I see that now.
In this moment, I know everything will be OK.
Lighter
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Aw, Lighter. I tend to have a 'it'll be fine, I'll deal with it' attitude to most things. It's an Achilles heel, for sure. I noticed it in myself today. The headphones I bought only work in one ear. That's fine, I thought, I can hear it fine, maybe it's me doing something wrong. And then I thought, no - I'm going to ring the shop tomorrow, ask them if I need to do something to make the other side work and if not, ask them to replace them. I don't know why we're sometimes hard wired to just go 'okay' - and then watch the situation get worse. I'm glad you spoke with him and got some clarity of the situation. And I hope that you're feeling calmer again soon xx
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Thanks, Tupp:
I already feel calmer just watching the yard guys drive off.
None of the grass on the bank was mowed...... they mowed only around the house, which is a lot, BUT...... I thought they'd mow everything. So many disconnects and misunderstandings. I completely understand why I've kept my head down and mostly refrained from having relationships for so long.
I know there are worthwhile relatioships. I wonder what, at this point in my life, I'd consider bottom line worthwhile.
It will be good when you have working headphones, Tupp. I want to hear how they work out; )
Lighter
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(((((Lighter))))
This rang cathedral bells for me:
I'm overtly sympathetic. I see that now.
I remember back when I was trying to figure out why so many different men have fixated on you, causing you intense internal stress, and I speculated that it was because of your overwhelming sexiness. I apologize. (Not that you're NOT sexy!).
I think it's the above, your own insight. It makes so much more sense.
It's not that your empathy is "bad", of course! It might be how you instinctively project a great BIG warmth and concern -- with impact on them you don't anticipate because it's your natural reflex. It's just...big.
Hmmm. I can imagine loads of men, unhappy with themselves or their woman-situations -- being set afire by that alone. It's an old old story.
And that old story has wound up more than once with them responding to you in a raw or even at times aggressive way that has tripped your spidey alarms.
I'm thinking as you continue to heal and soothe yourself, calmly and kindly, you're going to be able to tune into your own energies in encounters. NOT just "fight or flight" but the subtler stuff, which could be just two questions in the moment:
How much tenderness and accomodating and helping vibe am I emitting?
What does it feel like to try holding my goodwill more privately?
Reminds me of riding, how learning to use bit and reins and heels less, ultimately resulted in more -- peaceful cooperation between me and horse.
Ta da! Men are just horses. That helps (me). LOL.
hugs
Hops
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(((((Lighter))))
This rang cathedral bells for me:
I'm overtly sympathetic. I see that now.
I'm thinking as you continue to heal and soothe yourself, calmly and kindly, you're going to be able to tune into your own energies in encounters. NOT just "fight or flight" but the subtler stuff, which could be just two questions in the moment:
How much tenderness and accomodating and helping vibe am I emitting?
What does it feel like to try holding my goodwill more privately?
Reminds me of riding, how learning to use bit and reins and heels less, ultimately resulted in more -- peaceful cooperation between me and horse.
Ta da! Men are just horses. That helps (me). LOL.
hugs
Hops
Thanks for that, Hops. The quoted part of your post really struck home with regard to what I can do, going forward, to change the responses I'd like to limit from men.... people in general, really.
This new contractor expects and looks forward to my input, opinions and sharing of information about health and self care. His wife eats in a prescriptive manner, sees a personal trainer who guides her and so he's already pretty familiar with it.
I will say this..... one day he brought his ss to the job. He seemed a little confused and maybe dissapointed....... I was trying to limit contact, just in case he was the type to lose his mind, but had already chatted him up about things we had in common, etc.
During lunch I ran and grabbed my book PAIN FREE and gave them that copy bc they were talking about their back pain, spine injuries, chiro appointments.
The contractor looked at his ss and happily said.... "See! I TOLD YOU!"
I'm not sure just what he said about me, but I think it was nice.
Lighter
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OK. We're adding a bathroom and it's likely going to be my only chance to add a tub to the main floor.
The bathroom is oddly shaped..... it would be difficult to do this.
It would make more sense to put in a larger shower and tile it, rather than put in a smaller tub shower unit..... 49x32 inches.
The floor of the tub is 19" x 49"x16" soaking depth. I'd try to put in a 54" long tub, but I can't find any worth paying and waiting for.
If I put in the 57"x32" tiled shower, I won't have room in the bathroom for a tub unless I use a freestanding tub enclosed in the shower unit OR use the drop in tub I already mentioned.
I feasibly have anough space in the bedroom to put a tub in front of the window there.... maybe a 55"x28"x15"soaking depth, freestanding tub installed with a minimum of 6" between it and the wall..... anything it's close to.
It's tight. It's precise work. I'M IN NC, not GA where I can SEE the room. I'm frustrated.
Lighter
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A local realtor came to the lake house not long ago. She said a tub is good for families, esp ones with small children. People want at least one tub in a house, generally.
If my brother has his way, there would be big tiled showers only throughout the house..... the bigger the better. They certainly look sleek an modern, IMO.
I'm a tub baby. My niece is a tub baby. My BIL is a tub baby. There has to be at least 1 good soaking tub in the house. Niece and I will be wrestling for it, then end up sharing. We might put a clawfoot tub outside for soaks.
This is making me tired.
To bed.
::sending you good vibes for house hunting::.
Thanks for all your input, CB.
Lighter
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Lighter - Hol had a deep concrete tub built for the hut. I've also seen created tile tubs, too. For a solution, maybe.
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As contractor and I maki g final decision on tub, the Bee cut through a water line....he was supposed to be cutting out sheetrock only....went too deep.
Contractor reminded me....of me. My response to Bee's mistake. The frustration of knowing too much autonomy was handed to Bee. Bee has limitations....requires supervision.....truly, like supervising a child. The fact Bee is so hardworking and earnest means he jumps in without thinking it through.
Contractor speaking with lots of detail now. Exact instructions for Bee to fol
They're talking about it now. Contractor teaching.....huffing hard from running up and down long stairs, but calm and relaxed again.
Bee just turned 48, so it's easy to assume he's comprehending the scope of a task something when he nods and assures he has it in hand.
The water line was right against the stud. Bee didn't make a huge mistake....just a lack of experience.
Lighter
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I love a tub, Lighter :) Lots of houses here don't have them now; showers and wet rooms are increasingly popular, but to my mind only because they keep building small houses and converting properties into tiny flats. Baths are my escape :)
Sorry about the problems with Bee again. Is it difficult/expensive to fix the mistake? It's frustrating when you aren't able to just leave someone to get on with what they need to do, or at least know they'll come and check with you if they're not sure. Keeping fingers crossed that contractor is more on top of him now and things get easier as they continue xx
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Tupp:
The cut water line was fixed quickly. Not expensive. Bee has things he does well. I need to figure it out. Will be things to do here, fir sure. Landscaping, planting, maintenance stuff.
I planned a tub in the the bedroom we're working on. It's smallish....48x32"....drop in with 6" deck all around. I found a great sale on 2 Roman Tub faucets by Kohler at Lowe's last night. Great sale on 2 mirrors.
I bought what looks like honed white marble.... it's 12x24" tile for the new bathroom shower. I took 8 boxes, everything they had....Honda CR-V carried it faithfully. I spent today working out details in bed and bath. Matching up hardware, faucets, mirrors, etc .I feel confident with the new plan. I know I'm happy about the tub.
My brother seems happier, calmer and more positive lately. Jenna and I really enjoyed visiting with him yesterday. He's upbeat and busy. Discussing renovation details respectfully. He's renovating a property down to the studs right now. Something's changed. He's stopped criticizing and being dismissive. I think he's impressed with first bathroom. He now understands my contractor is good, more than reasonably priced AND he doesn't have to worry, save me or anything to do with the lake house. It's ok. I'm on it. He didn't understand sister and I buying really good things at restore Habitat For Humanity and Goodwill stores...paying what builder grade items would cost, but getting high end items we can really use. Vanities with thick marble tops and fancy edges...taller than normal....soft close drawers and hinges. Special. The right sizes for the right spaces. Not pieced together badly, which I believe was part of his concern impacting his attitude.
He's relaxing. I'm very happy we're seeing eye to eye. I enjoy this work. It fits into my life and schedule right now.
When I go back to The Cottage I plan to relax more. Maybe paint the guest cottage interior and upgrade the bathroom. Brother said the caretaker living in guest cottage has improved attitude. If so, he'll be helping with those projects and I won't be doing so much. I know he's more capable than he's been in the past. Some of that might be fallout from crazy contractor. Hard to say, but brother super happy with him now. Put him to work last trip. They share boating information....brother respects his knowledge. Things improving.
Enjoy your lovely bath rituals, Tupp. I found these little plastic cups one suctions over the overflow valve to increase soaking depth. I highly recommend; )
Lighter
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OOOO, Lighter. If it's no trouble I'd love a link to those little overflow-blocking cups for the tub.
Haven't enjoyed a bath in years. Freezing wet boobs sticking above the water's surface.
Brrrr....
hugs
Hops
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Grrrrr.... freezing wet boobs. No bueno.
There are numerous brands, but I ordered Gorilla Grip.
WWW.GORILLAGRIP.COM
Don't flood your bathroom! Maybe set a timer for 4 minutes if you're planning to use it. That's what I do, just in case.
I have a lot of "Oh, so very shiny!" moments of complete distraction, one after the other. Can't be too careful.
::shaking head::
Lighter
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I'm glad it was an easy fix and that your brother seems happier as well, Lighter. I'm very short so all bath tubs are deep enough for me :) Lol. Your tub sounds like it will look lovely. Was it the Island contractor who was the really scary one you had to get the restraining order against? xx
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Thanks, Lighter.
Visited the website but can't find any product that looks like those overflow-blocking cup things.
Tried googling too. Wish I knew the precise name for them. Ahh, well.
hugs
Hops
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Hopsie are these the things?:
https://gorillagrip.com/products/bathtub-overflow-drain-cover
I don't know if all overflows are the same or if you have different ones over there xx
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That's it, Tupp!
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Thank you, (((Tupp)))!
Ordering it today.
You just gave me a SOAK, first in years!!!
Thanks again.
hugs
Hops
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Bee as been at the job every day this week. He washed the CRV yesterday... did a fine job.
I handed him 3 big bags of frozen organic chicken fingers, I thought the darned things were GF, along with the very fair money he asked for and my heart broke. It keeps breaking for him. Just being around him breaks my heart, bc I can tell he's eager to BE normal, wants so badly to be busy and industrious.
THIS is somthign I need to work on. I see that very clearly.
Here's another thing coming up for me.... and I believe it has something to do with why men are drawn to me......
when I was getting my teeth cleaned this last time, the gal cleaning my teeth always takes very good care of me. She's soothing and mindful and I don't dread getting my teeth cleaned since I began seeing her. I wait for an appointment with her if she's busy. That's the way that is for me, NOW.
It occurred to me she might not always be available. I had many emotions go through my mind, but it smacked of how men likely feel about having support, comfort and care from others taken away....... when they were used to it..... getting dependent on it, whether they realized it or not...... I didn't like the way it felt. Not at all.
I really enjoy and appreciate having someone focus ONLY on my needs, my comfort, me..... while in that vulnerable position and there have been techs who don't care if they hurt me. I'm done with that. Same with my ears. Straight to a good ENT with the right equipment. No more horsing around with syringes and spray bottles forcing water through.
Attention and care must feel like the sun, particularly for those who felt it before....which was the first contractor from the island. It's interesting to note, he liked receiving it from my married twin, and she gave more, more freely than I did. At a point, I couldn't force myself to be kind or care an inch bc he was so fixated on forcing. For whatever reason,likely his childhood and unavailable mother of 6, the last 2 children she did not want....he was number 6...... getting it from someone who withheld.... was everything. The golden ring. I don't think it had anything to do with me, in particular. Judging from his arrest record, he's done this with many women. I'm not the only one.
The thing is..... I'm paying attention to how I interact. Looking for the balance, Hops. Looking for the signposts.....THIS IS WHERE IT MIGHT GO SIDEWAYS!
Avoiding it. Turning down other paths.
Here's another thing. Men really enjoy being around women who swing a hammer, carry heavy things, help take down walls of dangrous heavy mirror and hold their own. I don't do that with many men, besides contractors or friends of my brother's while splitting wood or doing projects at the lake.
It confuses me to think about NOTdoing those things in order to avoid attracting unwanted attention/affection I'll never return.
I've noticed there are moments where I'll just blurt out things to men....... really serious bottom line things I can and can't put up with, while managing to never master some balance of speaking normally about these things.
Right before I had the contractor on the island removed, I blurted out....."You will never control me with terrorism or threats." Paraphrasing here,but something similar. He looked me right in the eye and said.... "REAly?" Sort of like I'd issued a challenge instead of a bottom line statement about how things were going to go that day.
And I believe that's his "normal." To claw and cry and threaten and harm like an angry 2 year old.... really sad and terrifying, at once.
So, looking at Bee....... gives me pause. Contact with him.... gives me pause. I don't have any concern about the happily married, God fearing contractor...... haven't at all. His wife is HUGE in his life. He says lovely things about her.... adores her. Never a word that's not respectful.
But Bee....... I can hear contractor getting frustrated with Bee in his moment. Sheetrock problem. Bee gets vry quiet when he's in trouble. Contractor apologized...... for getting a bit heated....not mean... just frustrated and that's the thing. Bee needs the supervision a 5yo child would require while working. Except on things like cleaning a car, so far. The contractor knows this is his fault, not Bees. There are things to trust Bee with and everything else..... I wonder how much Bee can be taught. I can hear Bee speaking now..... always very low when he's feeling anxious.....but he reaches out and apologizes once he calms down.
Oh,my heart.
Lighter
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Wow, Lighter.
You really are paying attention to how you interact with men, and owning it.
Huge BRAVO here!
I like the way you understand men, which has always impressed me. And I see it as GREAT to be strong and do whatever work you feel like doing. Likewise great, to avoid the tender-care-vibes pitfall which I think you've identified so clearly now. Bravoooo.
I think you don't need to be Bee's rescuer, particularly since his boss is decent enough to apologize. Bee's poor-puppy downcastness is genuine but also not yours to fix...and he does have support and love in his world. Think of him as a wounded pug, and yourself as NOT the vet.
That help? Bee sounds like a dear person you understand who'd also be an emotional sinkhole for you. You can hold your compassionate intentions for him in private and still feel good about yourself. He has his learning experiences to face as we all do, and gradually he might learn more about how to progress in his world from the no-nonsense boss.
You know what's best for you, and I think it's avoiding the confidante-tender friend-mommy vibe with men. Any of them.
Should you wind up with a grownup, responsible and self-reflective wonderful partner? One day when he's feeling low, you can pull out all the Lighter stops for him, because you'll be in an intimate relationship.
For the rest of the wounded men we all encounter in our lives? They can learn self-healing just as women have to do.
GOOD on you for all this reflection and consciousness. Wow.
hugs
Hops
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Thanks, Hops for your response. It all made sense. I haven't been spending much time at job site with contractor or Bee so I'm not monitoring myself. Just doing the jobs and recovering from poisoning.
Bathtub lost in transit.
Dropped f bomb on poor customer service rep for giving up in ONE hour. I've been working hard for 3 weeks then get that tub. I did not give up. Why would he give up in an hour? I did not understand. Still don't.
So, THAT conversation let me know adrenaline dumps still almost knock me out. Good info to have, imo.
Yesterday the refund from Amazon went in much to my chagrin, and a third party freight company scheduled delivery this morning for tub delivery on the 3rd. Will see.
I refused to find and order another tub. Didn't know why. Just. No.
This is one reason I like to find, put hands on and transport large items myself.
Lots of busy work at lake.
Lined up hardwoods to replace LR. Will refinish other hardwoods to match LVP. Dark. Covers Oak wood patterns and looks a bit more formal.
Lighter
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Well, the lost tub was delivered today. Contractor says it looks good. I'm glad.
I'm working out the details and trying to stay ahead if contractor before he needs answers. Some things depend on what he finds after demolition. We work well together, bc he likes solving problems and I defer to him on things if it triples his workload to do otherwise. It keeps the budget down and things running smoothly....happily.
My brother has the balance of the LVP ordered. Contractor has $1.00 sf hardwoods lined up.
Tile for next 2 bathrooms and tub surround on site. Toilets on site. Vanities on site.
Ok, here's a decision I haven't made.
Keep the custom 31" high vanity and black Corian countertop in the master, change out
the sink and faucet and paint vanity
OR
Tear out the vanity, have 36" tall cherry wood stain vanity with black granite top, good sink and faucet cut down 4" and installed instead BUT will the mirror surrounding current vanity screw that up?
There's J molding at just the right height for current vanity. I go back and forth.
How important is taller vanity and granite with open hotel shelving underneath important to you guys? It looks updated and high end to me.
All in all, tearing out the short cabinets in master and laundry make the spaces look 100% improved.
Closet planning a work in progress. I can incorporate a coffee bar in 6' wx 40" master closet if I'm clever and think it's a good idea after more thought. Not worried about it.
All coming together.
I have kitchen cabinets to figure out next. Will keep the oak, but maybe distress uppers and paint lowers and island ...black? Distress that too?
I look forward to getting my hands dirty in that job soon. I wish DD18 didn't hate renovation process. It complicated things, ime.
It's difficult to balance the food, travel, social and hands on projects....for me.
Lighter
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CB:
The property will be in a rental program, but also used by our family. I think the shorter vanity does look ok.....but also short. To me.
That's ok, bc the ceiling is lower in that area, I've decided. It solves the mirror question and keeps everything moving along.....but then I'm painting 25 year old oak wood.....or contractor is.
Same with the kitchen.....and it's beautiful warm oak. Tall. Fits the space.....it was done right. Finding a way to freshen and overcome 25 years of use, my scrubbing and a change in hardware, leaving 2 small holes on every door and drawer.....makes me think of distressing in a 100 year old piece of furniture way...not shabby chic.
Painting the lower cabinets won't ever be slick, bc the nature of oak wood grain. A tad bit of distressing....just the corners and edges....might bring it all together. It does in my mind, anyway.
I can set up a spray booth in the garage.
On the other hand, if I'm just straight up painting, I'll likely have contractor do it. He's a cabinet man. I'm not a neat as a pin person. The wood grain would drive me mad. I think the contractor isn't looking forward to it either.
The coffee bar in the closet...... there's plumbing in place we have to remove if not using. I'll think it through 50 ways then decide.
The bathroom sink is wide enough for a coffee maker, so ditching the plumbing doesn't mean no coffee bar in the master.
Thanks for the input, CB. Easier and cheaper would be a good thing. Sometimes I have to let what is.....be enough.
Lighter
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Contractor taking his lovely wife on vacation for a week. I've been away from the job for a week. I'll go while he's gone and try to get out ahead of him again.
Lighter
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Back at the lake house. Tile going up in a bathroom....looks good.
Realtor called sib and made a really high offer on behalf of hot to trot gal investors who had a deal fall through on a property much smaller than this one, bc they couldn't split it up and build. I've met this realtor a couple times, gone to see her lake house....I had a feeling she'd bring us a good buyer/offer. I told her I thought she would.
I just keep working in the renovation. It feels really good....sort of working meditation if this is such a thing.
I could let it all go..... I'm not tied to it. I could build and grow a business....I wonder what my brother will think.
Lighter
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No doubt in my mind you could take on a business Lighter, and do well. What kind of thing do you have in mind?
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Amber:
My brother fell in love with a non profit my niece worked with...... a horse farm for special needs children. She worked with the horses and children.
He's applied for the non profit status... will take about a year. There would be barracks housing, a military kitchen.... petting zoon... a large gathering space..... this house,which is in no way hadicap friendly,btw.
So, both sibs have OK'd the selling price mentioned by the realtor. I textd her last night to go ahead with the contract. She responded this morning she'll let me know what her clients say.
I had a wonderful morning.... very focused on doing things I love... moving through the space, taking measurements to calm and please myself, rather than problem solve in the moment. Just touching, enjoying, noticing little things I usually don't have time or focus to notice.
Letting my inner toddler play, I think.
Contractor putting in a second row of 12x24"tiles.....and he's very proud of it, I realize.
I've been moving through my morning focused on myself. Contractor came into the kitchen sayinghe'd makehimself at home and get a glass of water. I said that was fine, get ice.
He couldn't find a glass,but I think he wanted my attention.I got him a plastic insulated cup. He wanted meto take the lid off. I did,then just got him the water, which I felt was a bit odd.....and he excitedly said "come look!" Like a child.
He explained laying the tile vertically created challenges with regard to imperfections in the edges....... we discussed how it looked a bit commercial.....bounced thelight around the room nicely...... he explained howhe finished edges or will finish them...how the math was worked out.... pros and cons of that math, which is great,bc I learn too and understand the process more fully.
And what I got out of that, besides re connection with contractor, was how cofortable he IS with people with poor and innapropriate boundaries.
Not that I'm a boundary stomper,but I DO comment on food and health issues like PAIN FREE Egoscue method, etc. I bought him a book. I chat with himabout his wife's prescriptive food choices and gains in health to a degree most people wouldn't, IMO.
And that's his comfort zone. No doubt he was raised without boundaries and senses healthy boundaries as something uncomfortable. I sure used to, myself. I didn't understand why I felt it, or what it was exactly, but I was uncomfortable around the most "normal" people........yet yearning to be closer to them. Not understanding how that worked or why I couldn't seem to DO it, be normal........and here I am.....noticing it with the contractor.
I'll feed us both lunch and catch up. He's been on vacation in Florida. He was excited my last text to him was Get your passports, along with the Island cottage website. I'll renovate the guest cottage next,likely make it into a bunkhouse, bc "caretaker" renter isn't keeping the yard as well as I'd like, or feeling responsible enough. My brother paid him for some work and I commented....."Must be nice to be paid to live in the guest house for free." Brother laughed......it's true and it's not going to work for me forever.
I also would like to be able to stay in the guest house when we have guests and I'm on the island. Maybe I'll live there for 3 months out of the year and offer bed and breakfast or cooked meals, childcare....... I just don't know,but the caretaker isn't wearing enough hats for the real estate he takes up. He might have to share and I wonder what that would look like, or if he'd still be in the picture at all.
I'll post more about that on the Island thread.
In the meantime I'll see how contractor and I get through lunch. We get along so well. I don't see that changing,based on my current mental space and happy bouncing along with the renovation.
If the house sells, which I don't think about much, it sells.
If we keep a lot and build or just hold it.... we do that.
I think the entire thing would go, but I have no expectations for that outcome.
I half think another buyer will come along AFTER the entire renovation is done. Not sure why, but I feel that's in the cards. Maybe it;s just my inner toddler holding on to the pleasure of creating new very safe feeling/smelling space to enjoy herself and with family?
Maybe I'm holding on to the GET IT DONE energy, myself?
Lighter
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I'm confused...
Are you selling the lake house to that equine-based nonprofit?
Are you and your brother wanting to start a new nonprofit there of your own?
I just didn't make the segue to what it all means.
Densely,
Hops
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Sorry, Hops. It's confusing.
Brother wants to start a non profit based on what he's learning from someone who has the kind of non profit my brother is interested in.
Since the house isn't being renovated to ADA compliance, I have the feeling this property is destined for something else, but it will be an option my brother is creating possibility for. He can SEE that come to fruition. It appeals to me tremendously too.
Lighter
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OK.... lunch with contractor.
He said out loud he was hungry and could eat anytime. I jumped on getting that ready for us both. I skepped breakfast and had to eat, take supps, etc.
I set the table and put my bags of supplements on the chair between us. We were facing each other that way for the chat we were about to have, which was appropriate and mostly about what he was going to do as he aged and what I would do as I decided what work I'd choose for myself. I will work. it's a matter of finding what that work will be.
The possibility of working together, perhaps building tiny homes on trailers was bantered about. Contractor said this was floated to him by someone else and he'd said no, bc the guy was a greedy, mean, pushy person.
I said...."I'm not, so think about it." I also took away he's not interested in doing every stitch of design/fabrication for an even split.
That was curious, bc thinking about things being fair is how I always frame things. My sense of justice wouldn't have it any other way, which is the pickle I'm struggling with concerning my father's caretaker. I'm not sure what's fair, but I'll figure it out. The turmoil comes from letting other people's idea squeeze on my idea.....and then I get defensive in mindset and all logic is lots for a while.
My idea of whats fair will be mine and it will be different than my sibs, IMO. Trying to come to an accord and agree isn't necessary and it's not likely possible, IMO.
So..... lunch with the contractor was great. I really like his wife, bc he talks about her all the time and in glowing terms.
I feel confident I'll be safe with sturdier and sturdier boundaries. I feel he;ll adjust to them and learn to be comfortable.....understand them, bc we do talk about them. His journey out of addiction and into recovery has informed his life. He's wise in ways I can't fathom. We're both listeners and eager to share ideas. It works really well, IMO. He has 7 grandchildren!!!!! OMG.... he's my age! Trerific sense of humor and his kindness toward Bee......... he's a good person. I know this.
Lighter
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The female investors maybe lost their funding after losing their initial contract feel through.... I think?
They aren't looking at our property, in any case.
I really didn't feel it would go through, truth be told. I never stopped working, but yesterday I felt very connected to house and everything in it, bc it might be gone soon. It's interesting how different it feels when it's not.
The bug guy thanked me for listening to his older album. Thanked me for looking up the one he made in May. Talked a bit about it being "heavier" and I asked "how could it not?"
He looked me in the eye during that exchange and I noticed how relieved I felt. I notice how it felt when he didn't. That's about me. Will tend to that. Maybe while filling those concrete cracks!
Lighter
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OK. The contractor pulled out the zero radius mower we could get started in the out building and showed me how to run it.
I DID run it, while he was looking, then it shut off, rather embarrisingly, when I turned downhill and found myself going too fast for comfort, hit the breaks and it sputtered out....... I'm sure we were both shocked and wide eyed. Contractor terrified watching me o the thing....... offering to cut the property, bc he doesn't want me harmed trying, etc.
So, the great huge thing sat in the yard all yesterday afternoon, evening and overnight, bc every
time
i
tried
to
mow
it shut down.
Over
and
over and
over
again.
And it didn't seem to have any rhyme or reason as to why. I'd done the exact same things to make it GO. Why was it shutting down?
Conractor texted this am to see how mowing went. I joked I couldn't move it an inch..... the girls said it was God sending me a powerful message about mowing. He's an uber Christian and thought that was very funny.
He came by this morning, close by bc working on another job, and started the thing. Ran it around, showing off...... sure it was ME not disengaging the parking break, but was it?
I hopped on and took off, going around the yard then onto the driveway.... I thought I heard the deck scrape the drive and stopped to raise it.... I know how to do that. When I raised the deck the thing sputtered out. Again. Contractor walked over and was puzzled. Again.
He I tried to start the thing, over and over and he had me get up. He sat down and started it right up. Same thing I was doing.
So...... about the time we suspected I didn't have enough weight in the seat to engage the weight switch consistently the thing puttered out on him, for no reason.
At least it's in the garage, safe until I get back from Atlanta. I have my ear protectors, gloves and hat on the seat waiting.
The reason contractor a little terrified for me is bc he knows baby girl pug is in the house.... could be terrible if she got out and under the mower, but also bc there's a lot of slope near the lake and he's unsure how a machine this big will run for anyone, much less a complete novice having trouble going 10 feet in a straight flat line.
OK, that's the yard.
Contractor and I went over kitchen sink improvements and backsplash install. To install over old tile or remove it. Sicne the tile was put in with the really sticky white stuff.... chances are we'd have to replace the sheetrock if we remove it. I have a piece of tile used in the second bathroom tile floor that is thin enough to be perfect installed over old tile. That's the plan there.
The sink, however, is a different matter. I wanted to replace the old triple sink with big dish drying area with a 500.00 double sink that's modern, sleek, deep and has those grates and fancy drains...... just a lovely thing, but the old sink is HUGE. So. Huge. We got up under it and noticed the counter was cut out under the drying area as well, which means it's staying.
That said, we're on septic so I'm having him remove the garbage disposal we were never allowed to use, bc my father would yell from his chair every time someone unfamiliar with the rule turned it on. Why did he put it in if we couldn't USE it? I'll never know, but there's a small centered sink JUST for the garbage disposal and the drain trim says In-Sink-Erator so decision made to remove the gd, the trim and to install a regular drain there.
I got a great deal on an instant hot water dispenser for the sink and it matches the faucet perfectly. Faucet cover will go over the existing 3 holes of current broke down dripping faucet, check.
If I don't put the instant hot water unit at my house, contractor will cut another hole in existing sink and put it there.
It's such a huge sink..... I think it would be cool to have it then we don't have to have a kettle, of any kind, for renters to mess with.
How to bullet proof everythign that can be bullet proofed?
The bedroom we've created out of a closet and office space will have a barn door installed at newly created bathroom entrance.
The one thing I'm not happy about is the placement of the light switch when entering the room in the dark. I'll lable it, perhaps put in a lighted switch, but it's on the other side of the closet on a different wall than the bedroom entrance is located on. It's odd, but I don't want to change it.
I can put a small console table to the side of the entrace door with a lamp. That would resolve that issue in my mind and provide a place to drop purse, wallet, change, etc. Something with drawers would be functional too.
I have lots of furniture and tables and lamps to select from.... beautiful things, tall things, short things, narrow things, large things I picked up at the re store and goodwill for 2 and 5 dollars........ some things are amazing and glorious so I'm excited about the process.
That my brother would rather get the renovation done, sans ANYTHING in the house, THEN make selections at retail stores for exactly what's needed is a difference in our styles. He's busy working while I have more time as I deal with my girls, the renovation and other projects....... I have the time while traveling to stop, find great deals, throw them in my truck and drop these things on the job site as I go back an forth. I have the door to close off down from upstairs waiting at the bottom of the stairs, where it's going to be installed after the upstairs renovation is complete. Once that's in, we can begin renting out the 3 bedroom, 3.5 bath upstairs as an entire house. Hopefully in the fall. I look forward to that. I can SEE it.
Brother said he has plans for the exterior. He's happier with the drive than he was. That will stay. It's the plants and planting really needs attention and I'm not feeling like tackling it. He said he is, but does he have time? I'm not sure about that.
I'd' hate to have the place ready to rent, but the landscaping is still where it is. Torn out, mostly and overgrown with weeds.
Not good photo op moments. Not special.
Once the kitchen sink is handled.....once the 3 pendant lights have been changed out...... the kitchen can be what it is till I get to painting the lower cabinets. I'd like to have a spray shop set up in the garage, which requires more work in that area.
I want to install 2 fans on the covered porch. Add party lights and I'm looking to source those now. SOmething festive but worth the time and expense. The ones on my back porch go out to quickly. Do LED lights last forever?
Lighter
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Brother say I should fill the mower's left tank,w hich is empty, and switch over to that tank.
Right now the right tank is full and the switch is in the correct place for that..... maybe something is wrong in that system to account for the shutting down problem.
Have to get ready to go South now: )
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Contractor came by and mowed today. Astonishing to have someone show up and BE competent without being a threat. I realize I'm not really used to it,but I always always have high expectations.
I saw my brother today....I thought he might be in the hospital...he's been silent, not answering the phone, not texting and I had really important questions to our mission. AC downstairs not working. I can't get the mower to work FOR ME. I needed something from him, needed to drop something to him....... and he was home.... looking pretty OK. A little glassy eyed.... you could tell he's not feeling 100%, but is up, dressed, moving around and working on a truck. Looking forward to going back to work on day 17 of his Covid odyssey. I think that's the plan.
Anyway, he told me I can adjust the tension in the mower's seat to it won't be so sensitive to my reduced weight..... it's set for him and his weight now. That would have been helpful to know before, but he's had Covid.
He also told me how to start the other zero turn mower...... would have been nice to know, but he's had Covid.
And he didn't make fun of my double mask and plastic yard gloves. I just can't get sick right now. I won't. He was very nice and very respectful, same as me to him and I'm very happy about that. I want to get to know him better.
His son is ghosting me, but then my oldest dd ghosts me too..... always had her phone on silent bc of work. She's changing that now. I hope my nephew does too.
I dropped my friend's glass off at her house, along with 6 supplements the NRP said she needed. She looked really good in a new outfit, but was weak as a kitten from a relapse. I don't think she's eating well so that's not going to change any time soon. I feel nothing about that. I hope she figures it out for herself. She's certainly smart enough AND she's excited her oldest ds will be visiting her tomorrow.... bringing his new gf to meet mom.
Since he was ghosting her, in a cruel fashion along with her dd....... she was devastated and crushed and sinking for a while. She looked brighter and better..... I think she's figured out she doesn't need her relationships with her kids to be ANYTHING for her to be OK.
She's still internalizing the lessons. She sees them again and again and they get more familiar. Easier to accept. Easier to put on the shelf.
Lighter
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From 2 check stubs from 2020 I think I figured out how much my father's retired caretaker has been helping herself to over the years and a few years past his death. It's enough to pay the taxes, insurance and a bit of maintenance on the house.
She isn't contacting me about it..... but that's what she's been told to do.
No hard feelings. A bit of confusion about her pushyness with brother..... still.
I considered calling her and decided not to. My sister, the executrix TOLD her what was going to happen. She ignored her. Lied. Stole and lied some more. Failed to provide the check when we asked for it. Kept taking checks. It's over now.
What sister said is still what's going to happen. No need to say it again and shoot myself full of chemicals over it. Again.
That's about over.
I feel like things are coming into focus.... not just THINGS out there, out of focus..... overwhelming and upsetting and impossible to SEE all at once.
::nodding::.
Lighter
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Had an amazingly productive couple of days...... in many ways.
Got the 60" kitchen sink out, cleaned up and remounted. CHECK. It's sitting under 3 boxes of tile, glued into place. The faucet (a big 24" tall industrial looking thing with a separate pot filler) is ready for installation, as are 3 new shiny drains to spiff it up. The garbage disposal was removed from the small center sink, woo hoo! Garbage disosals are gross and I will never have another one again.
The 33 year old downstairs AC unit needed a new compressor? Engine? Whatever it was, it's IN and working and both units are now operating beautifully. The installer is a friend of my brothers and we all went to the same HS. We had 2 really nice chats yesterday and today. I know he had to drive a total of 8 hours to make that happen, so ever so grateful. I hope he goes to the Island with his wife...they have a boat too.
The tile install is complete in bathroom #2. The shower floor is half poured in bathroom #3. I'm not having benches installed in any of them..... more grout to clean. A place to stub my toes.
I think paint will happen by the end of the week in those two bed and bathrooms. Flooring happens next. Have to check on flooring an see about ordering hardwoods to get ahead of that next project in the main part of the house, then move downstairs after changing out the dishwasher up.
Oh.... the AC guy ordered 2 cans of coil protectant oil... spray. He'll send me pics of the stuff so Ican put it on file. It should protect the split AC units on the island..... the salt air just eats metal right up. HUGE problem. Be wonderful to protect them with the right and est product available, woo hoo!
I figured out what appliances I have and what goes where..... we're going to have 2 dbl ovens downstairs,which means I need to purchase a smaller dbl oven for upstairs...... the one in place is failing, the seals need replacing...... very old and more troublethan they're worth.... I think.
My energy levels remain steady. I pick up projects without emotional turmoil or procrastination lately. Just..... picking up and putting down.... in the zone. Living in the moment. I have a smile on my face all the time. I feel like I'm glowing.
THe chats with AC guy were really amazing. Caught up with the contractor... he and his wife are thrilled to have refinanced their home so they can purchase his brother's RV....... he's very excited about it and that makes me happy for them. He was very vexed and worried through the refi process. All better now.
DD19 wants to get some new work clothes today, which is new and amazing. Normally she doesn't want to do anything like that with me, but today....
today.....
she does.
Absolutely glowing, I tell'ya!
Lighter
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Caretaker's dd texted me about picking up the fencing around the Lakehouse garden this morning.
She wasn't clear and never is, but that's OK..... we figured it out and they're picking up fencing today. Glad, bc I wondered if they wanted it at all... it's been so long. Whether she's messing with me is beside the point. I get frustrarted, bc it's always difficult. I wonder why I expect it to be otherwise, truthfully. My expectations require tweaking. Not the situation or other people's actions, etc.
And... if I'm honest..... the DD messes with the image I hold for myself. She blocks me, whether she knows it or not. I think it reminds me of the ILs who refused anything I gave up or offered (regarding visits with the girls) and wanted ONLY what they could take by force, which wasn't good for anyone.
And that, I realize, creates confusion for me. Eveyrone's intentions swirl around, acts of harm happen for reasons I understand, but can't abide, allow or support and I'm.....I'm defending decisions I should never have to defend.
Good boundaries, on my part, would simplify everything and end all the angsty confusion, IMO. It's getting easier to see. oMore familiar. Easier to bounce over and not pick up.
Just..... healthy boundaries up in place, where they belong.... wouldbe good.
Lighter
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Finally walked through bathroom #2 and it's been painted, at least one coat, on ceiling and walls. The pecky cypris walls went white from natural, bc we felt the shower steam would penetrate eventually. I'll get up there and caulk.... I love to caulk. It will look amazing and clean and white and fresh..... so close to being done.
The tile will get light gray grout on the light gray 12"x24" faux stone tiles put in vertically, which means there was a lot of waste, btw. The shower floor is faux marble white pebbles, which means they're very flat and fit together much nicer than real pebbles. These have a bit of gray in them and will receive the same gray grout.
The flooring goes in next, LVP then the 30" vanity, mirror and light.... I brought a better faucet with me. The contractor has a preferece, which is saving him and me from troubles down the road, I know. No medicine cabinet in that room. Straightforward. Huge shower, tub in the bedroom hasn't yet been started, but we've figured it out already... at least the big stuff.
I'm happy to find the little sample paint cans on my desk..... black chalk paint for at least 1, maybe 2 or 3 or 4 fireplace mantles, but for sure the GreatRoom FP will go black. There's robin egg blue for bathroom #3, likely, but will see. The wallpaper in there is the Lincrusta embossed stuff appearing like tin tiles..... it's new white paint...now..... but will be what likely gets color. The cabinet, now water damaged oak, will get painted also. The counter is black speckled corian, which stays. The tile in there will be white marble 2'x4' honed subway tiles.... all three bathrooms will be different. I have to say, the easiest was bathroom #1 with the shiny small subway tiles in faux white marble. I think I'll use up all the gray 2x4' tiles then shift to finishing the balance of bathrooms in bath #1 tiles,but with dark gray shower flooring. I think I bought dark floor tiles for bathroom #3,but will have to check. Maybe I just picked up samples and didn't finish.
I realize I'm a bit manic right now. 3rd cup of coffee, lots to do and some jobs I really enjoy. I need a better way to vaccum large areas..... sheetrock dust upstairs and little centipedes in the basement, but not letting it pull me off track.
Lighter
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I've spent hours researching black and charcoal paints, waxes and lacquers for the kitchen cabinets, island and bar.
The intention is to mix painted cabinets in with very distressed oak (just distressing existing cabinets, adding brown and black layers of wax or glazes, then sealing each with more wax or clear coat till it appears 200 years old) and doing so that it's balanced and overtly amazing to look at and work in.
I'm very excited aout this. DD21 has seen enough photos and walked through the project enough to SEE the vision and trust it will be fantastic, though she has no emotional attachment to the project.
That means youngest dd is obligated to oppose the project, dismiss the idea of it and criticize it without doing any research or understanding it.
I'm pulling back and noticing what they're doing, how I'm responding to it and deciding what I'll do next.
Old patterns would be me bending over backwards to gain their compliance, which they seem unable to give at the same time, for whatever reason. They're not children any longer. I'm not parenting toddlers. I have choices.
I'm not focusing on that right now. Maybe never again in any case.
I'll do an amazing job on the kitchen and I really want to tackle that soon. I WILL tackle it once I finish the research, make the plan, gather the materials, hopefully create a spray booth in the garage when the weather cools down AND the girls are more squared away. Oldest DD21 has a plan to find part time employment to pay her bills WHILE researching careers and schools. She chatted happily with me about it yesterday. The entire day went like that.... really well.
Youngest is struggling at the house to find sand paper and the drummel.... she DID find the drummel, but after much trouble. I pick her up in the next couple days and head to Atlanta early September. Oldest said she'll remain at home while DD1 and I travel, which is good. I want to have some private time with DD19 to see where her head's at. I'm not sure where she is with the Eating Disorder..I know she missed an ED therapy appointment this week. I don't know how she's doing with food. Will figure that out.
In the meantime..... I'm calculating closet build outs and a barn door for the second bathroom and maybe the up Master closet. There's a lightswitch in the way, at the moment, or that would be a no brainer choice, IMO.
I'll head to the big building and see about starting a tractor and lifting out fence posts for the Phillopina, or not... bring the shop vac, with the wide mouth, to get up the centipedes up in the basement. I decided they can stay where they are till I have more to work with than a tiny mouthed wet dry vac, yup yup yup. In my own time. Not letting other people's opinions and ideas of how IT MUST be done get inside my head. If they want it done a certain way....theyr'e welcome to do it.
Everything in the kitchen is everywhere at the moment and I'm OK with it.I can see where I'm heading and there are thousands of decisions to be made about what to put back into the kitchen, for Airbnb renters, what to put in boxes for our use when we're here and what to put in boxes to take OUT of the house....... things for us and the kids to paw through and select things they remember from childhood, the Ohio farm, happy baking in the kitchen...... everyone should take something or decide they want nothing, IMO. I'll deal with the rest or send it to the cousins if they're interested.
What usually happens is my brother says he and his kids want nothing, then his dd decides she wants something and I feel vindicated in keeping everything, bc...... the kids should have what they want from the family stuff handed down to us. It happened at Christmas with my mother's clothes..... there were really great cowboy items my niece was very excited about. I loved that for her. It makes me feel warm and happy just to remember it. So..... ya. I save stuff. I need a better system and to make final decisions, this is also true, but worrying is taking up less head space for me now. I have room to DO the things I NEED to do, IME.
It's like a giant puzzle with thousands of moving pieces..... there will be places for many of the things.. We're in the middle of renovations, so it's a matter of timing. And finishing the 2 bedrooms now under construction so I can move things INTO them while finishing the hardwoods in the main rooms. I'm OK with moving things around, furniture, lighting and art...... family stuff..... until it's time to make final decisions.... I'll make decisions I can and edit as I'm able, but things will be mess for a while. That's just the way it is.
Hardwood will get refinished. Sheet rock dust will fly. The furniture I brought for family Christmas is leather covered in plastic drop clothes.... it can be wiped clean when it's time to uncover and put it in place, bc it's HERE. Now. Worrying and fretting about the big jobs isn't productive. They're counter productive. Do I believe that yet? Why YES...I think I DO! I'm talking myself into and out of habits, me'thinks. It's OK. It will be OK.
I'm a little surprised at my comfort with that amount of chaos, frankly.
My brother has zero tolerance for it and I understand where that intolerance comes from. I don't judge it. I get it.
I do, however, need to distance his discomfort in order to keep my equilibrium inside this project. I'm living it, just as I lived the Cottage renovations..... just.... deeply immersed and moving forward as I could....... trying not to allow others to slow me down or sabotage me too badly.
So...... that's the thing.. What I allow.
How do I change my old patterns? Old reactivity.
How do I limit the chaos and not INVITE it in, better still?
I'm curious how much I invite, how much I allow and how much I grudgingly put up with for the sake of peace and how I'll change those patterns going forward. And what's with putting up with chaos in order to protect and serve to the best of my abilty?
WHY is it MY job to protect and serve? ALWAYS? I'm questioning that, Hops. Questioning this renovation and why I'm jumping in, grabbing horns and wrastlin so hard with them.
And I DO believe I'm changing patterns..... even as I write this. Expanding choice.
I'm setting intention and once I've decided.... once I've found clarity...... nothing will pull me off center, at least not in that arena..... not easily, anyway.
It's all postiive and I've achieved more emotional distance just writing about it here.
I'm going to do the lean, regarding placement of the second Queen bed. NO decision is one I can manage to physically handle on my own, btw. I have to ask for help to move one or the other Q bedframe OR King mattress set up or downstairs. Moving the King bedset UPSTAIRS had it jammed in the stairwell during a snowstorm we were trying to outrun.
I should have done the lean sooner, yup yup yup.
Lighter
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OK. I have to move the King mattress back downstairs and the Queen mattress back upstairs.Drat.
The good news is.... the really heavy wood and leather sleigh bed is already upstairs.
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My brother picked up the balance of the LVP and is delivering it to the lake this weekend. He'll mow if it's necessary. It will be good to hear his input on the projects as they come along. The grout is finished in bathroom #22...I haven't seen it yet. That bathroom has a lot of tile and will have a lot of grout. Will be interesting.
If I didn't say, I decided to put fake beams in bedroom #2 to cover over the place where closet wall was removed. It's a realively small room and the cost isn't crazy to add charm while fixing problems.
I still have paint selections to make and that will be next week.
I'll remember to bring a countertop burner so there's no more cooking oil filling the house,bc the downdraft isn't working. Have to see to that too.
Will begin cleaning cabinets, taking them apart and sanding in the garage soon. Likely not next week, bc I need to move garage stuff to the out building.
I'm pleased brother on same page about putting family things into the out building.
It seems like all sibs working in the same direction for the very first time. I anticipate we can do amazing things together.
Lighter
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I'm traveling to the lake with the Pug this evening.
She's clean and won't be happy, but I have a vet appt scheduled for regular butt drain and nail trim required when keeping a pug. It's too important to leave to the girls and I don't want one second of dealing with resulting mess if they fail. I also really like the all female vet office at the lake. SO clean, it actually smells good, never like fear and dirty animals, which was the case at the vet run by.... hmmm.... lots of judgment coming up there. I'll take a pass.
The girls will travel to the lake later in the week, thus taking that off my plate to do as I need. Will free me up to start large projects and get on with them with less driving across 3 states, willy nilly, which messes up my groove.
My friend, D.... who yelled "She's a f'n bitch" at the nutritioal response office.... will just call her D from now on..... texted today and asked me to find and resend all the informtion I put together for her, which hasn't helped one bit.
I'm just not going to do that for here again and expect a different outcome. Instead, I forwarded easy to find links so she can do the work herself. She's still not gotten the eye glasses fitted as far as I know. I didn't ask her about it.
Releasing expectation is such a helpful habit. I don't feel guilty or wrong when I do it lately. It's like walking into the light and being OK wit it.
What, pray tell, would I find wrong with that? The feeling I'm leaving people, some I love very much, behind.... in the dark. I see that stamped all over my codependent life, frankly. Time to face it and make new decisions.
Everyone gets to decide where they'll walk and how.... well.... most of us in first world countries do. And that's a little shot of stress chem for me. The idea not everyone can choose real safety and feeling safe, but I can and I take myself back to what I can control... just myself and where and how I walk.
It looks like it might storm, so will take the little white car, instead of the big truck. I don't know where it's leaking or how, so will save that trouble for when I have other work done on a for sure dry couple of days and leave it in the garage to dry out with the precautions and solutions for killing mild and removing moisture in place. Must bring ozone machine back with me from the lake. And the steamer too, bc I notice I have uses for them both everywhere I go and it's difficult to remember where they are.
I have to get new keys for vehicles made and placed on all the key chains.
Yup yup yup.
Lighter
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The contractor is back to his old self and done tiling in all 3 bathrooms. He has to finish grouting in two.
I suspect he's super sensitive to criticism. Maybe the unhappy client was triggering. Maybe he has a chemical balance. Maybe I'll SOOPH and stay focused on myself.
I'm thinking about having him build out 2 or more tiny houses for lake rentals. This will help with cost analysis. Definitely will not build on trailers, bc codes are Super strict. Will keep thinking. Any input is welcome.
Lighter
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The feeling I'm leaving people, some I love very much, behind.... in the dark. I see that stamped all over my codependent life, frankly. Time to face it
Just to play, what about trying out reframing it this way:
When I leave people in the dark (when I know a better answer, which is in light) ... what I'm doing is allowing them the human privilege of learning their own strength and capability from finding their OWN way through dark to light.
Thinking of it that way, it looks like active respect, rather than abandonment.
hugs
Hops
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Hops:
Your post felt like exhaling.....like discovering I don't have to hold my breath.
Interesting.
Lighter
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Wonderful.
It's perhaps the biggest mistake I made, so of course I got THAT lesson. Too late but I still received it and understand it to be part of being fully human, and strong. It's even a basic need-to-learn-this-myself in order to thrive.
It is part respect and part faith, to stand by (or better, get busy with your own business) and let another experience disappointment, pain or loss, without trying to take all the injuries for them. That's not sacrificial, it's confusing your self with another person's self. (Happens to the nicest people. Literally.)
Let them fumble and fail or be inefficient or unwise (depending on circumstances of course). Actually, don't "let" them...respect them. "What do you think you'll do?" (I learned waaaay too late) is a much more helpful question than "Do you know how to do this the right way?"
hugs
Hops
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I texted my contractor yesterday. I wanted to know if he could finish the upstairs bed and bathrooms by mid November.
He didn't text back till the evening and his blood pressure is "out of control."
I'm not surprised, bc he had that odd day.
I hope he's ok.
Lighter
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Contractor texted today. Feels better, but not good. Wants to know what I want done before company mid November at lake. Will try to help him, fetch, carry and shield his health.
Lighter
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Contractor's BP is 135/120 as of last ni ght. He texted he wanted to work today, but holy cow......he went to the doc instead, of course. I think he's been in denial about how ill he is.
The doc is changing his meds, which makes me feel crazy. Finding the cause should be the priority, imo THEN treatment plan, but that's not how it's going.
My nutritionist said he should have kidneys checked, heart checked and lungs checked, but that's 3 specialists and didn't seem hopeful the cause would be considered. Only treating symptoms.
My head stings when I think about his BP being that high.
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Sad to think someone has to work that hard and risk that much when he's unwell. I guess an independent contractor doesn't have paid sick leave, unless he works for a big corporation.
Good that he has family and medical care, Lighter. Won't be perfect but he's in the same boat with so many.
How are you doing with boundaries regarding him? (Not criticizing!) I know that's a challenge.
hugs
Hops
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Contractor still trying to get meds and BP under control.
Will be back at the lake this evening.
Lighter
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My sister and I super busy at lake house. Safety issues a priority, sealing hard won clean brick pavers while they're clean, putting up outdoor lights, flame bulbs in chandeliers and exterior lighting, fake flame fires in 4 huge stone fireplaces, making beds, painting subfloors, dusting, de cobwebbing, hanging art/drapes, placing lamps, adding extension cords and generally editing the entire house down, which feels amazing!
Next, we'll move unused lamps/lighting, doors, bulbs etc to out building to finish creating as much uncluttered space as can be managed in a construction zone. Crazy days.
Cable guy came out and fixed router and booster today so it's working in basement now.
The house feels really good for early Thanksgiving with family from Toronto and Florida coming in. Bonfires and traditional TG fare will feel very special in this old house.
Contractor still out. Very worried he's not getting better.
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I'm enjoying FOO and the prettiest weather I've ever seen at the lake.
My contractor is still waiting for heart ultrasound results and suffers a cold he got from Grandbaby. I'll say it and move on. .his doc "said" all his organs were "fine", then monkeyed with his meds ONLY, failed to get BP under control, so now, JUST now, are sending him to specialists to begin process iof determining causes for elevated BP. It reminds me of my Bill's cancer journey.....his doc was dismissive of my fears.... belligerent actually, cost us months and.....I guess that's Western medicine, ime. Once they fail with their cursory guess and see what happens with THIS drug approach..
Fail...
..THEN identifying the (dismissed)cancer or heart or kidney problem becomes "an issue" if there's any time left.
I'm frustrated, but putting it down for now, bc it's not my business or problem to solve.....just like my father's brain surgery. Sure, it directly impacts my life, routines, schedule/plans.....but it's nothing compared to the loss the identified patients suffer, so I do what I can then watch them pay to be lied to, misdiagnosed and ignored till Western medicine wastes the time they had for "functional medicine" to go straight to the cause OR kills/handicaps them outright. Why correct skeletal alignment if one can simply replace shoulders, knees and hips?
Nuff'said there. Just needed to say it
My God what a glorious day it is. I'm on the porch swing, sitting in the wind and sun, about to do some self care.
I'm struggling to hold my own on month long cottage rental fee with very nice wanna be guest. I really hate this dickering, agreeing then seeing 800.00 in Airbnb fees tacked in to argue about. Ugh .....I really do.
Lighter
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My BIL and I put up 5 beautiful exterior lights yesterday. We had to go to HD for mounting brackets, which aren't really sold. BIL figured out how to make it work then set about teaching me. My heart was in my throat the entire time ......noticing when we inadvertently touched wires together we meant NOT to touch.
The power was off at the switch, so not at the box.....it was "safe" but let me know how difficult it would be to do this alone ....without turning off the breaker.....and wrestling all the wiires into the box....oh my, Lord. So nerve wracking, but every light clean and working beautifully. We bought them at the Re-Store...a fifth light missing a ground wire, but they're a triumph compared to little lights we replaced.
We identified some important things in the electric boxes....mainly the Wifi which is huge PITA to reboot. Oldest DD does it with her laptop. New service going in at all the road so will have that installed when available. It helps me picture Airbnb guests in the house, bc right now I can't see walking them through different steps with Dish or internet reboots, which seem way too frequent.
The house feels really good, btw. We put the black futon ish sofa, flattened, where the mdm large ottoman used to sit. It's the size of a twin bed and spans the entire seating area now ...2 sofas and a loveseat. We put leather hides over it, 3, topping the whole thing with a whole cowhide printed with an amazing zebra pattern topping the thing...looks shockingly great, imo.
My niece set up coffee bar behind that area, which includes another loveseat, 2 big matching armchairs, a buffet to hold the coffee bar.....dd21's baby grand sits in that space, as well. It rolls easily with the big casters installed.
We moved the other ottoman to downstairs living room with beautiful tobacco colored leather sofa with tufted arms from ReStore. More hides over that ottoman looks great. I want to add buttons and fix them in place. Maybe Velcro.
We cleaned up around the lake edge.....moved rocks, picked up wood and limbs.
Today we cook big Thanksgiving meal and my brother's kids will show up. There will be apple dumpling and cookie making to bring all the "kids" together in the kitchen. I think we have commitments from my two and sister's DD to take on several recipes themselves.
My Italian BIL will cook his anchovy and breadcrumb pasta for lunch, yum!
Lighter
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After the contractor's GP TOLD him all his organs were working properly.....
after failing to improve his high Blood Pressure problem WITH MEDS ONLY.....
the GP fially sent contracctor to the heart specialist and many weeks later an ultrasound found multiple blocks in C's heart, which have been fingered as the ONLY problems, which is highly unlikely, IMO and I was right about the drugs sans diagnostic tests being wrong so l'm going to assume I'm right about other organs in D's system being involved. I guess the bean counters decide who gets what and drugs seem to always always win out these days, even if they're likely to do more harm than good. It is what it is.
So...... as disgusted as I am I have to just put that down for right now and do the "wait and see what this and that and the other drugs DO" to the contractor while precious weeks go by without more diagnostic testing to inform a functional treatment plan.
Non functional, sick model healthcare is the standard of practice. It's official. Almost makes me nostagic for the "lets just cut into the patient and see how that goes, even though it's obvious tragedy is the ONLY outcome" model I was disgusted by 25 years ago.
Shameful. We're sheep. It is what it is.
In the meantime, a friend in Ill is struggling with a failed back surgery AND uncontrollable bleeding of the female variety the doc she just saw feels can go without care. I guess lettig women bleed out is a "standard practice" we have to live with and do.
On the upside, she's so miserable she's been eating prescriptively, as Amber says. I'm so ovewhelmed by her suffering I can barely think. She can't sleep or stand or think........ I'm looking at flights and plotting driving routes........ right now it feels like I'd be KING F'n KONG on the scene and I'm not sure I wouldn't go to jail. Doctors tend to be touchy, defensive, vengenful creatures when they almost kill people you love and you call them on it, IME. I'm gessing they're worse when they actually kill patients.
Standard of care....... bean counters deciding who gets what. Who dies. Who lives.
Wer'e sheep and we better have an advocate in this sick care system, or else.
Oh dear.....
I am SO MUCH like my father, but I already knew that.
I've had to let the friend in Atlanta go.... release her with love as all efforts to "help" her did not help. She's just had a lumpectomy and they took a lot of her breast. Her oldest son was there and Im hoping she goes to live with him in Ohio since her rat bastard ex husband died recently and can no longer poison her youngest autistic son against her...... this seemed to be the main problem with youngest going to live with oldest son. Rat bastard ex died of Covid, btw. Unvaxed and unapologetic about refusing to mask up.
I really do hope friend and youngeest son DO go as oldest ds eats well, is active and teaches the autistic son SO many things....... about everything, including skills and self care. She needs support and care and an advocate. She truly does.
Had to blather on about that and get it off my chest as it's my COW...... crisis of the week yanking me around in my mindfulness saddle, but not yanking me OFF.
And part of staying seated is accepance of the things I cannot change. Just..... it is what it is.... let it be what it's going to be.
I will say I don't expect my contractor to be back on the job when the doc says he will, bc....... the doc SAID it. I DO expect other problems to be part of the root of his problems...... BP and clogged heart are symptoms, but heart doc sees only heart problems and cares nothing about WHY the heart is clogged. It is what it is. By the time the contractor's health continues declining, despite standard of care sick care pactices, I only hope he's healthy enough to get to 2 or 3 more specialists to discover the true root of the problem and perhaps ask the bean counters IF THEY CAN TREATthe causes and not just prescribe meds for the symptoms, wow this is really making me angry.
The sky is blue, the grass is green.
::breathing::.
Food is medicine.
Eating more whole food is healthy..... dieting is not.
Giving the body what it needs, in the moment is functional medicine. Keeping the body in balance, before disease progresses, is functional medicine.
Waiting till the organs are failing and diseased IS standard practice...... telling patients everything is "fine" when no real tests have been run and it's OBVIOUSLY false is..... standard sick model healthcare. Grr.
The sky is blue, the grass is green.
Lighter
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Right there with ya Lighter. I've been walking beside B, as he tries to navigate this system for almost 6 years now; trying to give him support, hope, letting him blow off steam and then pick a path forward. I feel kinda the same way. Kinda, because I know there are still docs that care about the patient; that care about doing the best they can. They are getting RARE.
Old ways: healers, herbalists, medics, etc are probably going to become more important going forward. Even though they don't have access to any of the old generic drugs even - that were effective way before the fashion in pharma went to the biologic and dna "remodeling" solutions -- which all list death and/or cancer as a side effect.
I'm not sure when it happened, but "do no harm" doesn't seem part of what is taught in medical schools anymore.
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I know you understand, Amber. As does B who remains patient and reasonable beyond all comprehension, imo.
Lighter
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My brother phoned on Christmas day and was just lovely. Upbeat, happy and excited and it the distressed mantels, kitchen island and large cart.... anticipating the bulk of cabinets looking anything close to the cart....just so great and I noticed the backlash of resentful reactivity popping up from past unfair judgments and criticisms he'd leveled at me and my character as a very difficult person.....the very worst person to organize and handle the island renovation. Just....crazy opposite the truth, rendering me speechless and those emojis ruins just wedged in my limbic system....and I'm gonna do something about that so his compliments and praise are lightness and pleasure, only. Not heat and reactivity.
Lighter
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It's such a shame how much extra emotional construction and labor women undertake in this culture so that fragile, entitled males don't need to introspect.
Bravo to you for your own insight, Lighter. But don't feel you have to train yourself not to react to what's unkind. Maybe you don't want to process your reactions in front of or with your brother (my guess is pointless) -- but don't feel you are not allowed to feel anything about it other than Buddha things.
I do hope that self-calming is helpful in the moment, but hope you don't judge yourself for NOT LIKING IT.
I don't like being taken for granted or underemined or casually devalued or shamed by men either. Doesn't happen often but it awakens the fem-dragon. She just has to get out sometimes. No point in stewing in anger either, but a flash of resentment's understandable.
Bear in mind I'm resonating maybe too much, because my brother was epically unfair.
hugs
Hops
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If I had red paint I'd be splashing it all over the recently painted black kitchen island then hitting it with black paint again, then blue or green paint then black then sandpapering away layers to expose the different colors.....more distressing. Why the hell not?:
The kitchen sink was leaking the onto the kitchen floor when I got here. Just a fast drip into a bucket that must have just filled, bc there was no water on the floor when I arrived...... it was there when I woke up the next morning.
The contractor had to go grocery shopping for his In Laws and so put me off, but will be here in the morning..... maybe. I think about going at it myself, but then I think about going at my bathroom at home and just learning on the job...... stripping off whatevr learned helplessness I have going on and I believe there's some.
Tomorrow I get the big ladder, a flat bar and pry off and out the pink and blue lead glass window over the kitchen cabinets. I think I figured out how to get immediate gratification on that. Clear bright sunlinght will flood through the house once that's done. Rigth now it can feel a little dim in the center of the house, bc all the windows are on on the outside walls. THAT window is in the center of the house, way up high. Will be lovely.
Lighter
Lighter
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Wow. I haven't visited this thread in a while.
The upstairs AC unit's board, or something like that, has been fried and has to be replaced. Not sure who will do that. Brother has the connections but it's a ways out and difficult to get people to show up.... hope the guy we went to HS with comes. He's so nice and so informative and patient during service calls.
That said, brother going to provide a big trailor so sis and I can move things OUT of the house and garage INTO the outbuilding. I've done a bit, but there's so much more and I need someone to help me lift and move things..... going to get a lot done and this will be a decision point..... about what to do or not do on the house.
Did I tell you guys the contractor from the lake contacted ME for once? I guess I gave up on him and that's OK... giving up on him is how it had to go. He's no better... BP is very high and not under control. He's on disability.... maybe that part of his life is over. I think I've mourned it and it's OK.
I'm interested in clearing out the garage. It would be nice to park in there... darned squirells really like to eat my engine wiring.... little red gremlins, they are.
List of things that aren't working well or need attention or replacing upstairs before renting can begin.
The 6 burner gas stove top has one eye not working.
One of the double ovens heats slowly..... very slowly.
The dishwasher springs are blown and the door is SUPER DUPER heavy, bc it's a commercial unit. It's also not attached to the counter and sometimes shifts so the door doesn't close all the way and water goes everywhere.... just a big problem, besides the bottom metal cover never fit and is not in place. It looks wrong, slams, and can leak...... not optimal.
The sink was reset BUT there's a leak and the faucet needs to be replaced. I'm the kind of girl who likes TWO fauces on large triple sinks so I'll see about getting that installed and maybe an instant hot water dispenser, bc we have the hole for it AND the electric hook up underneath. I see that as a no brainer.
The front door has very small lites in it and needs to be replaced by a full lite door to let the light in. I'm going to begin looking for a 36" door for that. I see great doors all the time..... reallly love the Re Store in South Carolina for doors. Will be back there soon enough.
I'm, not shopping for large or heavy items in my city any more...not that I have to transport any distance nope nope nope.
I still have to do another sanding on the kitchen cabinets and seal them again. I'm looking forward to that. The cabinet finish pleases me very much to touch and look at. Very soothing and satisfying. I love love love the distresed oak..... like a 1920's gun stock... well used and marked by years served.
A friend is going to have an artist do a poured finish over his corian white kitchen countertops soon. I would consider that...maybe do it myself even. Will see how his turns out.
I don't mind the white corian when it's pristine,. but that's a constant job to keep them clean, IME. Sanding off the stains.... a job I'm good at and don't mind, but time consuming.
What else...... downstairs there's a queen sized wood and leather sleigh bed I need to put together, but I don't think my brother is keen q ueen beds anywhere. That room is long and narrow, now holding a bunk bed that's double and queen bed themselves... so it's a family room, which I find very necessary and helpful. Not everyone agrees. Details.
Lighter
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Super tired from moving much of the furniture out of basement...including kitchen we didn't install for a few reasons. 2 strong and very competent young men, my sister and a 26 foot trailer worked a 14 hour day. My sister wants to jump in and lay the LVP....but I have to sneak up on such things.
I'm expecting guests to check in at cottage so want to work on something I know, which is moving furniture around and completing final sanding on kitchen cabinets before sealing.
The AC is out upstairs and the satellite TV repairman just replaced satellite today....finally. I guess the mower hit it, looks like.
We're blowing cold air up from basement with a commercial fan so it's not hot. Could be worse, bc it's 90 degrees outside.
A buddy might spend the weekend with us and that would be fun.
A late friend's ashes will be spread somewhere around here mid Sept and the house will likely have guests for at least one night. The idea of stripping, washing and making up 7 beds......woo boy. Just moving very slow.
We found a room full of blackout lined drapes mouldering on top of the garage fridge. Condensation must be a factor. What a huge PITA.....just a shame.
One of the guys used the forklift to put 2 old dressers and a palet of mouse poop filled boxes into the dumpster and that felt amazing.
The pug has been sick.....I think she ate a paper towel, poor thing. Will be glad to see her and the kids next week.
Lighter
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We had a nice visit with family at the lake. A huge bonfire ending in rain that evening..... perfectly timed AND there was an amazingly windy sunny next day. Couldn't have asked for better weather.
My BIL, sister and I put down the LVP in the largest bedroom after determining we couldn't put in the toilet or flooring in that bedroom's bathroom.
There's 2 half baths and a full bath on each floor so...... no problem with people getting what they needed there.
As I mentioned on the Mindfulness thread..... boundaries went up regarding impromptu visits from the caretaker's family.
The decks are getting an opaque stain this week. I might drive up and check that out this week. We tried a gray to look like weathered wood and match the brick grout, but it's flat and looks...... not great wtih the warm gray siding.
The decision to go with dark brown, so maybe it looks like dark sttained wood, was made. I think it might end up looking like the gray, in that flat and without wood grain will work against it. Will have to see.
Need a plumber and an electrician.... good ones, for sure.
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I'll bet the brown looks good, Lighter.
I like painted porch floors especially, but stain is amazing how it lasts...
I'm a little confused about your Dad's caregiver and fam.
Did they begin to develop an inappropriate relationship, too familiar, or taking advantage? It sounds like boundaries got crossed.
But to turn up, sounds like they have the misapprehension that they're like his family still? Looking to cozy up to the next generation for some kind of advantage?
One of the scariest things to vulnerable old people is whom to trust. I'm sorry that happened and glad y'all finally got clear with them. Those days are over, and you're no longer welcome as "family" -- if they ever were.
Yuck and good job.
hugs
Hops
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PS My neighbor got so unguarded and cozy with her contractor (because she was lonely) that he ripped her off for tens of thousands, did crappy work and got away with it.
I like to connect with people too, including workers I hire, but more carefully now. No need to go all lady of the manor, but it helps me to regard these as professional and not personal relationships. I remember the chemistry w/landscaper that went weird (real) all of a sudden. We recovered and are still friendLY, but not friends.
It'd be harder to establish with caregivers alone with your parent. It really is an intimate role, but I'll need to remember if I'm someday the one being helped, to keep mentioning our agreement, expectations, clarifying things, etc. Plus, draw it all up as specifically as possible when they first start. Vibes often go south if it's unclear.
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The "caregiver"was a maid who stole 80K dollars from my Grandfather.
This was after my father became disabled.
Once I confonted the caregiver, she got defensive, admitted to the theft, then went to my father where she began tormenting him with leaving him...... and I could see the fear in his eyes. She meant for that fear to be there. I wasn't too happy at her for either of those actions, but Dad wanted her, no matter how much she stole, so I shut up and continued to support the mission, which I did until my father's death.
Father died before caretaker's DD's family arrived, btw, so there was no bond there.
Once they were in Dad's home, they were rude, spoke about us behind our backs an basically made it too awkward to visit the house at all in 3 years. Sometimes I'd go, but basically the house was a filthy mess with cockroaches when they left without cleaning. Oh.... the dog pee carpet..... ::head knocked back:: it wasn't good, but they lived for free, actually made money as the hospital treating their son paid them "rent and utilities" even though they never had to pay it..... so they were in a pretty good position to purchase a home and that became the mission.
Brother's gf was a go gettter realtor and found the house, lined up the loan and somehow got the SonIL to say the right words to the banker to force it through. It wasn't easy, then they planned a picnic on the day WE MOvED THEM into their new home. I'd say it was poor planning, but I think it was how the DD wanted it to go. Whatever, the mission was going forward and we got the job done. It was annoying. Nothing more.
They're in a little brick home, with a basement, fenced in backyard with an extra lot and they're a minutes drive from the center of town..... near schools, work and Bob's your uncle. Done and dusted.
I feel really good about that and it's my intention to keep the good feelings flowing.
My brother considers caretaker to be grandmother to his children. My sister and i don't share those sentiments. Caretaker has back stabbed me to the point she's not safe to be near, even though she can't harm me any longer. She would have and tried. That's over.
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It's been 6 months since this thread was updated. Lots got done over the last 2 weeks.....
the sheetrock repair in the new bedroom was greatly improved, with some work still required.
The closet in that room got primed, painted and light installed.... looks great.
It's been determined the female contractor won't be doing the LVP on that space or the master bathroom, won't be cutting down the vanity and installing it and won't be painting the sun room ceiling, bc self care. I get it.
What's left.... plumbing issue, installing barn door and closet doors. Grouting master bathroom,which is half tile.
On my list.....I distressed the back of the master door and the corner cabinet next to the distressed fire place mantles....looks really good.
Will distress or paint the master bathroom solid oak vanity, which will look amazing...... it's suffered much water damage, so will end up looking more like old barn wood, than not. I've figured out how to do one pass with the black/brown glaze and get just what I want. Will go fast.
Almost allt he walls are taped off upstairs so I can do a quick pass on the trim and oak doors.... to remove the last of the 80's vibe.
For better or worse,we laid down many different rugs in the main LR area upstairs.... they fit pretty well,but there's one long area with a curve I need to have something made to fit, where the brick curves around at kitchen's edge. The rugs are covering oil painted sub flooring.
The kitchen looks amazing...need to update the backsplash...the counters are white corian. My sister spent hours and hours emtying cabinets and paring down items for guests to use. The family stuff got moved to the out building. Mostly.
BTW, any ideas what to do with boxes of Square Dancing records,with calls? Or the Cowboy country music? Of the Polkas? I can feel the joy in them,whenhandling the boxes. Right now, they're in the outbuilding too.
Need bathroom shower doors ordered and installed....will do stationary panels.....if I can. There's enough room to do that IF I have a hole added for reaching through to turn water on in the master bath.
Leaving the downstairs bathrooms alone means this should go pretty quickly. If I didn't say, my contractor with the high BP said his new meds having him feeling very good...... he wants to come back. Betweenhim and the female contractor, surely we can get this thing off the ground?
My brother had the decks sprayed with a brown stain.... it's perfect. I can't say how right he was about that color. I thought the gray would be better,bc of the brick grout and grey siding,but I was way off. Brother wants to paint the brick next....not sure about adding more upkeep. I'm sure it would update the appearance.
The yard is a meadow, full of flowers and grass gone to seed. I plan to put out signs saying we're feeding the bees..... I hope guests see it that way. I don't think regular mowing is in the cards.
As for the Airbnb site.....I have yet to re name the bedrooms. I think local trees.... perhaps some birds. Trees upstairs, birds below?
That's my update.
Lighter
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What a strange weekend..... went to the Lake house and my friend with the foot injury spent the night. The last time I saw her she was trying to walk without a big limp. THIS visit she and I were carrying loads to the dumpster, mounting a very tall ladder, handling tools an moving the project forward.... her SIL and brother put in a heavy barn door... it looks great!
Took a load to Goodwill and gave the SIL 3 "court" dresses I hope to never need again. I'm just sorry the SIL has many court dates in her future regaarding access to a beloved Grandchild she's cut off from. Such hearthbreak and the Courts just threw out her criimal case against a neigbor who beat her, requiring a trip to the ER. When it rains, it pours.
Lighter
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For me, your lake and island posts are like "reading" HGTV, Lighter.
I got nothin' but am happy for how much you enjoy it.
hugs
Hops
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The idea of either property being in HGTV gave me a chuckle, Hops.
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I know, and I didn't mean it literally.
It's just the FUN you're having with so many elements and decisions.
It's fun to see you savoring it.
Excercising all that artistic freedom.
Bravo!
hugs
Hops
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The decision to pull the pinch pleats OUT of the gorgeous draperies we bought from ReStore..... drapes still have tags on them from workroom.... some don't have hems, but they're all over 104" long, but for one panel I have a use for, at about 80 wide. A lovely pattern on top drawer fabric.....the best linings..... came out of a workroom in California..... never hug. At 25.00 a panel, they were a crazy good buy 8 years ago. Kind of crazy they found their place 2 States away.
This means I can cover almost every bedroom wondow with these fantastic black out lined English wood floral and my girls have signed on to help me do that with DD22's fancy sewing machine. Should be straight sewing and finishing edges..... cutting straight... the girsl can do the stright part. Not my forte.
My post op buddy met me at the lake a couple weeks ago and we moved truck loads of stuff to the out building and dumpster.... made a run to Goodwill. Felt amazing. The place is coming together.
I promised my brother I'd take out the big stained glass window over the kitchen cabinets to let more light in and man... tons more light spilling into the center of the house. Seeing the sky, trees and clouds feels good too. Of course, about 50% of those who care HATE the stained glass is gone. About par for the course. Taking the glass out meant we were on a very tall ladder with tools, handling heavy weight while leaning precariously over the cabinets..... went well and both sides of the remaining clear, if sketchy, glass is clean and looks like a hole in the wall, rather than a window. It's kinda grand.
I'll likely fetch the draperies, window measurements and work on the remaining flooring this weekend, which I'm not dreading at this point. Before putting a large room of LVP in with BIL the idea of all that solo measuring and cutting on the saw would have created anxiety. Not so much, I'm noticing.
What else..... I won't have time to work on anything else, but I'm excited about how the fast and dirty distress of doors came out. Takes 4 hours approx to do an entire door, front and back. It would be good to put a bow on the renovations we started over a year ago. Niece and nephew's B Day party is happening, so that means flooring won't even get started, but lots to do.
It's weird to be sitting in a coffee shop window.... by myself. Not sure why, but it is. I think it has more to do with being around people... prolly. I feel like flinging myself back, by miles, emotionally, from people lately..... like proximity is a disease, but I'm working on calming that down.
It's me. I'm "nice" ..... too nice. What i can change, I'm going to change. Firstly, will draw energy back to my body and tighten it up.... keep other people out of my space, emotionally and physically as a habit and see what, if anything, shifts.
Second, I'm going to validate the chaos people in my neighborhood have sprayed all over the place....... if I get splashed.... I'm standing too close. Have to figure how to stay out of the splash zone. THAT is the me part and the only piece I can control. Will be enough.
4 out of 6 houses on my street have had big drama.... the latest ambulance call was out of those neightbor's control.... but still. only 2 of the neighbors are good as gold, never a negative peep lovely people and the single guy shared similar experiences with his dog being pide pipered away by Cowgirl and her sweet treats, and the Retired Nurse ordering him to man the snow throwing machine, even though the snow will be melted in a couple days without breaking our backs.
I'm never blowing snow again. If a neighbor needs to get to the hospital, I'll drive them. All three of my vehicles will drive through the snow. WHY in heaven would we need to blow off every single driveway? I just shovel the tire tracks away so they don't ice over i n my driveway. Heck, an ambulance can get thm there...... single guy and I have the same small cars...... he's in healthcare.... no reason for me to drive most of them anywhere. I'll take a few of them, no worries, but the rest shouldn't have to rely on me for that. Wow...this knd of insecure attachment stuff feels like it's working it's way out of my constitution via my skin sometimes....
ahem....
left armpit.
Amd I'm not upset about any of this. I'm clear..... I have clarity and today was a beautiful day. I enjoyed both my kiddos and the pug. Got more stuff together for the Vets. Going through kitchen stuff and replacing things I don't love with old family farm things... knives and spoons and what looks like hand wrought BBQ forks, etc. Cast iron skillets coming in..... cheap skillets going to vets or the island. I'm in the mood to clean pan bottoms!
Lighter
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I'm standing too close.
I'm feeling analytical, Lighter toss anything that doesn't ring real:
On the one hand you are very closely observant of and involved with so. many. things. about your neighbors. There are many texts and calls and dramas; neighbors seem to be filling your daily needs for connection. You volunteer for responsibilities ahead of time, like snow transportation, as though it's your automatic role as rescuer. How does this feel? Are there other places in the community you might volunteer without unhealthy vigilance? Make new friends outside the cul de sac, for balance?
On the other hand you feel the need to tighten up so people can't encroach on you.
I don't think I'm sketching a problem as much as maybe a situation to ponder.
You deserve peace, not vigilance, not anxiety, in the place you live.
hugs,
Hops
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Lighter, that neighbor situation is why I live so far "out". I have enough going on with myself, that OPPs problems are a distraction to me. With only 3 neighbors (not including Hol & S) in the hollar, we do tend to look out for each other but everyone minds their own gardens. Hol & I have done enough work on ourselves and together, that we know when to allow space.
One day last week, it was midmorning or so, I was typing a post on the porch. I had heard a noise which I figured was one of my pack of tomcats or a deer. It was a shock to look up & see a 3-400 lb black bear strolling thru the front yard just as Hol & her friend were about to join me at the studio for some "girl talk". I gathered my stuff right quick and got inside & told her to hold off a few minutes till Yogi moved on. Of course, that resulted in them arriving in a dust cloud of speed in Helga... LOL... Hol still hasn't seen a bear here.
I texted the closest neighbor, coz she seems the anxious type to me, to let her know. She also has a pair of deaf beagles who occasionally wander our way. To my surprise, she laughed and sent me a pic saying - was it this one?? Seems he'd visited them & took a dip in their pond the day before. B has helped the widow's son, at the end of the road with some mechanical issues already. All 3 of the men on the road, already have a working relationship. LOL.
But other than that, there just isn't a lot of social expectation on anyone. Doesn't mean we don't stop & talk. Chit chat stuff. The only time I encounter drama these days is when Hol feels compelled to empty out her head of all her insecurities and fears and old stuff she's still reliving on a visceral level - even though it's no longer actually happening to her. But that's getting less & less, now that she has 3 big dogs to wrangle. She's worn out! ;)
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Lordy, Hops, thanks for the reminder!
When I'm having trouble releasing a negative situation.... I should check myself for resistance to
accepting
something
I
cannot
change.
Why does the concept come and go?
Ummm...bc it messes with my rice bowl, my ability to enjoy pleasant interactions, but mostly it messes with my attempts to release an imagined grip on people's irrational and nonsensical behaviors... as if.
The LET THEM theory raises it's enlightened head.
Again.
Amber, I'd like to have a friendly understanding with all my neighbors..... as you're enjoying with yours. It was nice of you to make that phone call about the bear. It's nice the guys are helping each other, sans drama.
Operation
Don't Get Distracted by OPP
is in full swing.
Lighter
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I figured out the math to remove pinch pleats in the black out draperies and cover 4 out of 6 bedroom windows. DD20 and I recently spent the night and it was a cozy relaxed time after celebrating my niece and nephew's birthdays with my brother
I have another playdate with post op friend coming up. Not sure if I want to spend it at the lake or in the mountains. We're supposed to have smoke from Canadian forest fires too, Hops, but I don't really smell it. Maybe one time I thought I smelled smoke, but lots of people around here grill. Worrisome.
Lighter
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I lost most of my Lake House photos in my old phone..... not sure what happened,. but my sib is sending me lots of hers. I'm about ready to launch the site and open the calendar for 2 months down the road. I'm sometimes shocked at the level of gambling I'm comfortable with.
I can open it sooner IF I get enough done....will see. I keep bouncing around with the pricing...... there are many properties, but none are Mama Bear properties, like ours. Many Papa and Baby bear properties.... very odd market, IMO.
I have most of the description down and continue tweaking it, here and there. I like this kind of thing. I don't think I'm great at it, mind you. I just don't mind working and working and working at it, till it feels OK.
Lighter
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I'll bet you ARE great at it, Lighter.
You're exactly the kind of detail-oriented landlord B&B visitors dream of!
Hops
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Looks promising on the eletrician front..... trying to meet him at the lake house this week AND bring the gal interested in having her retreat there in the same trip.
This electrician is also a GC so maybe he can do a few more things, like finish up the plumbing too.
Holding space for not knowing and it's better to live without leaning anxiously into the future, for sure.
Lighter
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I relaxed into the electrician not keeping me in the loop with his plans. I wanted to be at the Lake house when he got there, but he called when he was on the porch and I was 2 hours away.
I talked him through the sparking problems and he called when he was on the road to report what he'd found and fixed and what needed replacing.... ice machine.
And he's going back and will change out fixtures and put up exterior fans, whoo hoo!
As a bonus, he's sending his plumber to do work too! AMAZING weekend: )
Lighter
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Exect the electrician this weekend at the lake. I left a couple small jobs out.... I think he has an ailing friend or family member in Atlanta, and the lake is now his resting place between home and Atlanta... as it was for me when my Mom was ill. Feels right.
He let me know the ice machine is on the fritze, fixed 3 outlets and many switches.........I'll leave a couple small jobs for him to get to while he's there and look forward to his plumber calling.
I met with a builder from California who's recovered from a stroke and newly moved a few minutes away from my home. He likes to travel and adventure and so does his wife, so he's lined up to do 50 hours work at the lake this month.... and he can do pretty much everything I need. Will focus on the bathrooms, flooring, railings brought to code and trim work.... then see. He's funny and uses many phrases my family uses.... feels very familiar and right. Will be very good or very bad.... or could be both, come to think of it. I think I'll really like his wife.
Sis and I got to do some fun things the past few days. We worked hard to help my friend and his dd move.... they had SO MUCH STUFF. Sis and I took his pool table, 2 beautiful rugs and assorted other things.... titanium bike for the island.... and we had fun setting up the lake basement with the pool table, an 8 person gaming table, checker/chess table, seating area with huge fireplace..... and a not at all insulated bedroom walled off with antique armoirs, which is beautiful but doesn't block noise or much light when people are in that public area. There are rich thick curtains for privacy, but still... the space above the armoirs is open.... there's foam underneath..... we're calling that the Night Owl Room. There's aslo a Family Room with a Q and bunk bed.... and a second master room witih a big fireplace and K bed.
The upstairs Master will be perfect for bridal parties.... lots of space and mirrors for people to get ready and hang out with seating for 8. I'm looking for a lovely way to hang the wedding dress.... the house seats 20 upstairs for meals indoors. I'm picturing those stand up tables on the decks and porches...... will install the commercial outdoor lights.... won't be polished.... more of a rustic elegance.
Would like to get set up with local restaurants catering services and pig roasting on site BBQ. I'm looking for housekeeping services now........things are moving!
Lighter
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I'm meeting a friend at the Lake this weekend.
She knows how to eat prescriptively (thanks for that phrase, Amber) and I've reigned in my pasta loving 2 yo inner child. 2yo Lighter is mourning the loss of all things sugar, gluten and dairy just now. Not gonna lie..... it's rough.
I'll pick up some black stain and mix another batch of black/brown to do a one and done pass at distressing and aging what's left of the light oak cabinets. It doesn't take much stain at all. It's super fulfilling and I'll be very happy to be done with that messy phase. The 4 fireplace mantles are done...might have said..... and the tall cabinets..... kitchen...... just two bathroom cabinets to do. One is already missing most of it's finish..... it will be amazing.
There's a downed tree on the driveway and I'll chain and drag it to the house for firewood. We're at zero firewood, btw. I'm sort of glad there's no chainsaw at hand..... not sure how that'd go for me. I've been shown how to use one, but never been the number one monkey in charge of using the chainsaw. I love using a log splitter, but that chainsaw..... tough hard learning curve, that.
The wheel chair ramp was very slippery after the rain.... did anyone here experience a lightening storm like WAR OF THE WORLDS last week? I went down pretty hard.... on my knee. I didn't get hurt, beyond sore muscles, but I was aware I needed to be more careful.
Looking forward to editing the lamps..... already pulled lots of art to go to consignment. I wonder where I put it? Oh well.... gonna be busy busy busy again this weekend.
Lighter
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New handyman and wife are scheduled to work at the Lake this weekend. I'm not super sure it's going to work out like I need it to, but I'm refusing to assume in any direction.
I just got off the phone with him and it was a good chat. I feel more confident about starting points and where we're heading.
Lighter
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Getting excited about lake projects!!!
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We're through day 2 of a working weekend with the new contractor..... and he's competently moving through job after job. Yesterday he took out a toilet and fixed the leaking drain pipe in a very tight area..... just DID it. One plumbing job down.
He replaced the kitchen sink faucet and fixed 2 drain leaks. It was a lot. It's odd not to use the bar sink only, now.
Today he put in the upstairs master bath flooring after we grouted the walls. That toilet went in next and it's working woo hoo! Ahhhh I'm so excited to have 3 working toilets on the main floor! Will work on the shower tomorrow... then move to the 4th bathrooms and maybe lay that bedroom bathroom floor... put together a materials list to finish the bathroom plumbing.
Once that's done I need to order 2 shower doors and finish window coverings. Hang art. Bring railings up to code. Replace handrails on wheelchair ramp, a few boards and stain. Firepit. Maybe paint the light-eating green ceiling white. Or panel it.
I'm very happy right now and hoping all is well on the board.
::going to look now::.
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I will be very happy if you've found a competent handy man, Lighter, especially if he becomes one you can trust just to get on with things without having to be checked up on constantly. It sounds like you've got your hands full over there, but in a good way xx
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I hope this journeyman works out too, Tupp. I really do.
His wife runs 3 large Airbnb properties and she's sharp as a tack. I can harldly keep up with her ideas, flowing from one room to the next. Bunk beds in closets and moving the piano AND pool table (we just set up) around. Hmmm... we'll see about that.
I have to say.....
it's got my mind racing with ideas and drawings and researching hours and hours into best scenarios.
The glass door guys just measured for the 2 showers and some mirrors. That was quick. Thanks to brother for that referral.
Things are still moving along and sister arrives next week for a week before we leave for the wedding.
Hugs to you an ds, ((Tupp.))
Lighter
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Well, I tried to ignore it for the last 2 days,. but last night I was pretty miserable..... really itchy post nasal drip bugging the bonkers out of me all night long.
I started the XClear drops and that's helping.... hope I nipped it in the bud, but stomach issues are still hanging in there.
This morning I sat on the porch and had coffee.....
the wind was constant..... up in the trees, it felt like they were having conversations with each other... very excited about something.
The newly filled hummingbird feeder brought 2 buzzing in for a drink, and that felt just right.
My handyman.... with the heart condition.... said he'll be back to do a little work next week and try to arrange his glass guy to do the measure and quite shower doors and mirrors. I'm hopeful, but don't expect much. It sure would be nice if he'd finish the shower edges up. He has his own way of doing things..... unusual, but makes more room in the shower.
The new contractor's wife committed to bringing her mum and sewing machine this weekend... to work on draperies, woo hoo!
I hear the mum likes to decorate so looking forward o more input to consider.
Lighter
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So the contractor and I are moving So fast through projects right now. I'm scoping out tools and parts before he needs them, making sure everything is ready for the next step and he's shaking and moving.
He did have a weird little hiccup with trim this moring. We installed a vanity light and had the vanity pushed into place when I reminded him we should finish the trim..... and it took him a minute to wrap his head around that. I've never been able to do that at all. When I peeked, his work was perfect and caultked so he got over whatever it was.
The mailbox is back up..... we got that done in about 20 minutes before it got hot and I washed and oiled my grandfather's hole digger, shover and weghted jabber thing.
Hummingbirds are having little spats at the feeder and the red fox is back... where I tend to throw kitchen scraps.
Contractor's wife and MIL worked on the drapes yesterday and have a plan.... seems the drapes with black out lining are too thick to go through MIL's machine so we'll be using iron on tape and rasing the draperies rods so we don't have to hem so much length.
These beautiful floral draperies were made for the Biltmore and never put up. Some aren't hemmed.... most are 104" long, so beautiful! Wish we'd bought more but they're so heavy and take up lots of space.
Next week the contractor with the heart condition will be back to do a bit of work hopefully with his glass guy. I'd love for him to do the shower doors and mirrors.... finish up the tile work he started.
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Watching the show Escape To The Chateau is giving me lots of enthusiasm for finishing the Lake Lodge. I loved the dining room lined with little pine trees...... the table set witih little logs and forest items at different levels....lots of fresh pine boughs.
We bought warm gray resin adirondack chairs for around the fire pit and on the dock. CHECK.
The fire pit needs to be built before fall weather and rentals begin in October.... I figure the third week, if all goes well.
We're attempting to dye some of the bedding we have and or order amazing bedding from society6.com. The large prints are amazing..... love them.
We'll drive a lifesize angel back with us.... for the upstairs master room with a bit of a ship's theme. She'll likely go over the bed with some drapes on either side....nothing for sure yet,. but very exciting.
The herringbone LVP should be delivered for in front of the fireplace in the upstairs LR. I'd love to do the entire downstairs in the stuff... it's on sale. It's just gorgeous and so on point. Huge and amazing pattern.
The realtor who had a contract on the lodge (fell through)will touch base when I get back to town. She has amazing taste and I want her input.
This year we do Thanksgiving at the lake..... will chop wood and make more walking sticks... BIL cuts them to exactly match our heights so we know who's is who's, lol. So beatiful.
The contractor's wife said to keep the garage as our owner's space and let the guests have every interior closet. I like that idea very much.
I don';t agree the piano should be moved to the second floor and pool table moved upstairs...nope nope nope. Not happening to me.
I finished staining and distressing the 5.5" crown moulding for the kitchen cabinets... numbered them according to which are most desirable for long runs and which to cut up for the short cuts. Feel good about that and the flooring choice just off the kitchen, whic butts up brick pavers, golden oak hardoods and warm gray and beige stone on the fireplace surrounded by Pecky Cypress walls and ceilings.... golden as well.
Piano will be easier to wheel around on LVP. Feeling really good about it.
I cooked ahead for the contractor, his wife, MIL and friend who's heading to Stroke Camp the contractor runs. Friend can't do stairs. We left every bed clean and made beautifully..... I'll send instructions and photos of the food right before they arrive.
The final plumbing will get done in the third upstairs bathroom September 19, then he can do the crown, the flooring, if it arrives on time, and maybe bring deck rails up to code. Still trying to find a supplier for pipe fittings to add 4 inches to the height.... will add more 2"x2" cedar pickets to match what's already there... have a great source for lumber and trim.
Have to figure out the rest of the baseboards and ceiling trim...... won't be too hard. Just takes time.
Will add trim to the top of the front door and paint it all to match..... make it a statement. Need to change lighting on the front porch and add some beams to dress up exterior.
The landscape needs to be addressed. Not sure how that's going to get solved, but refuse to worry about it. My brother will handle it. I have no doubt.
Lighter
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How do you keep track of all the different projects, Lighter? Have you got notebooks with everything written down or do you just remember it all? Amazing stuff xx
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I have SO MANY NOTEBOOKS, Tupp! And I just found a few I forgot about......in a file.... with measurements on all the kitchen cabinets contractor and I measured in the heat today. I felt like my wheels were coming off for a while there.
I'm not doing a great job keeping up with the different projects at the moment. My sister and I were working 18 hour days pulling one of our brother's properties together for rental....... and it's almost done, but not quite. Had to run back home, pick up a different journeyman and jump back into this lake project.... was messy, bc I didn't have time to prepare. I felt like I was spinning part of the day, but we hammered out some projects to finish, begin and not tackle, then went on a materials run.
I have to tell you..... we brainstormed how to hang a 5' tall Angel over the master bed this evening. As tiring and frantic as this can be... there's creativity and discovery and amazing outcomes too. My brain gets dopamine from this kind of work and I don't see myself putting it down anytime soon.
Brother has another property wer'e pulling together next. Bedding and accessories are falling into place..... almost like magic, which is helpful. We're figuring out our strengths and communicating better. Learning each other's weaknesses too. Being gentle and stepping around rather than judging and lashing out. Brother just said to me... "it took my almost 60 years to grow up." It's a happy time, but frantic with a pretty good journeyman working at brother's properties.... found him at Home Depot last week.
I'm planning a huge Halloween this year..... what do you and DS have planned?
Lighter
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Your brother's comments about taking sixty years to grow up made me smile, Lighter. I think it can take a lifetime to undo all that childhood stuff that sets us on paths that maybe aren't right for us. I get why some people never do it. I've been finding I can be more detached with people, like you say, less judgement, softer acceptance. I realised my codependence/bossy attitude stems from childhood. I tried to protect my siblings from our parents in the same way I protected myself, by being what I knew they wanted and not being myself. I realised I'm still quick to judge my siblings when they do things wrong, in the same way I was when I was a child. It's fear, it comes from that place, and to a certain extent it's still real. My sister just had another ridiculous man in her life, 0 - 60 in three days flat, more or less moved in with her and the kids straight away. Her inability to protect her children is there, I think, it shows in the way she gets so involved with men she barely knows and expects the kids to do so as well. So I think fear and concern is genuine, although also coming from the past. But - she did kick him out the first time he got aggressive which is progress. I've tried really hard to focus on that and not berate her for letting him move in so quickly anyway. Hopefully the next step will be she gets to know them away from the kids rather than trying to create that instant family.
Anyway, I've digressed :) I think there is good stress - like the projects you do, figuring out where to put things, how to get things organised, buying what's needed - and it's a nice healthy way to keep the body and mind popping. Thank goodness for notebooks lol x
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I'm playing hookie for 10 minutes.... this contractor tends to sit down if I'm not working WITH him, which is annoying.
As he's bolting beams in place, to hold the angel art installation in place, I'm wishing you were here to enjoy the process! We went to the out building to look for corbels but found beams looking like they're from a shipwreck. Almost perfect in length for what we're doing....holding the bottom of the angel in place.
We have 2 huge, very old arched window frames butted together to make an almost 6foot tall oval.... it's spendid! Looks very shippy. I'll figure out how to send pics.... I hope.
Good for your sister.... shoving the man out the door the first time he was agressive. That never gets better, IME. She seems to be learning and I pray her children are safe.
Dropping judgment, for me, limits suffering. The other half of that equation is embracing curiosity, bc it leads to understanding, altering habits and stepping around old habits. I feels like I'm entering a new space with enough clean air to breath easy. Fresh and new..... the weight of old thinking and reactivity dropping away, bit by bit.
Lighter
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AC in basement seems to be on the fritze.
On the bright side.... it's been cooler lately and windy.... just beautiful fall weather.,....the basement kitchen cabinets on the wall were hung with the fridge installed today.... all good.
Tomorrow, if things go right, the kitchen island cabinets will go in with a change in plans as the 2 twenty something movers who handled the granite bartop and sink counter stacked them on each other then stepped on them creating 2 crushed breaks..... it's not usable anymore. Going to make an island on one leve, now, and maybe use butcher block countertops from Lowes..... will see. That wasn't a happy thing, but it is what it is. Onward and upward.
In the meantime, the contractor's wife and MIL both apologized for the Contractor's bad mood today. Not sure what it's about, but assuming it's nothign to do with me...... and tomorrow I'll offer him the chance to take off early and come back next week. I miss my kids.... missed oldest DD's birthday today. I want to go home too, believe me.
Nine days straight of work... that;s the excues he gave his MIL. and we work long hard hours. Ummmm....it's been 6 really..... we travelled on the 3rd and didn't do any work... it was about rest bc he'd driven all night and worked for someone else that morning. so he's also exagerating.
::sigh::.
The cool thing is.... I notice when the energy in the room changes and I'm able to catch it and not let it take me with it... down a hole. My nose is off the pebble.
The contractor's demons are his own. Nothing to do with me. We all have issues, but he needs to stop dragging the cabinets around and doing damage to them. Stops tomorrow. You'd think he'd get tired of repairing them, right?
I know my window of tolerance might be opening in one direction, but it's closing in another.
Lighter, signing off for the night.
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The last 2 shower doors were installed and they're gorgeous. Just so beautiful and a good deal.
I think we're paying less than the showers should cost with an insulated door repair and window replacement added in. He also re attached 2 loose mirrors for me.
The original contractor gave me the glass installer's contact info and I got contractor prices.... it was a nice thing.
We skipped almost 4K in mirror charges by cutting and installing an existing mirror in the master bathroom.
Shifting the master bed to the corner meant we didn't have to add to the wall mirrors in that room.
I'm ready to do a hard edit, clean and set the lake house up for guests.... the Airbnb site is almost finished. Waiting on firepit install and whatever happens with the lawn and landscape. Final interior pics will be fun.... very happy with interior.
My brother's cottage got the green light for Airbnb..... ready to get that site up and running. There's a few projects to get it up to speed and I spoke to the journeyman handling that tonight. Brother has him working on another house requiring it be jacked up so support poles can be cut to proper length.... the're too tall and throw the floor out of whack.
Brother's cottage feels really cozy.... we shifted the bunny bedding from the lake house and it's really really good there. Will use bunny bedding on most of the beds in his other Airbnb for continuity..... maybe use the Heron bedding for the master. Will see.
I'm super excited about the work and finalizing so many things.
That's my update.
Lighter
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Sounds like a good boundary with an employee's private issues, Lighter. You're taking care of yourself and not getting drawn in. Good for you.
Also sounds like you're really enjoying your development projects. It must be so wonderful. I keep daydreaming about a kitchen and/or bath update.
hugs
Hops
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I'm doing my bathtrooms in December..... and it makes me nauseous bc I'm without plans for them. My head's in two, 3 and 4 other games right now. I forget what tools and colors and numbers go where..... and it makes my stomach feel lurchy.
I'd also like to DO a lot of the work myself.
And I want them to be fantastik.... really good, but that takes time and research and early shopping to get it right AND come in on a budget.
I think all will be OK, though. I really believe that.
Lighter
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You need a notebook assistant, Lighter, to carry all your ideas around for you! Wouldn't it be nice to have a little helper to be like a bit of extra brain space for you :) Funnily enough that just jogged a memory; someone I was at college with years ago had a holiday job in the family business. Her dad owned a chain of luxury boutique hotels and her job was to go window shopping at high end stores and gather information and samples of furnishings and decorations. Isn't that the best thing? You could do with someone to deal with all the odds and ends so you can get on with the bits you really love, wouldn't that be amazing :) xx
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It's funny how I find notebooks with info I've written up..... when I need them.
Thank God the basement kitchen notes popped up when they did.
I feel like I'm surfing real good, Hops: )
Lighter
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I'm running to the lake for cookie baking supplies, which didn't get used over Thanksgiving, and tying up a few things, as I can before Christmas.
I need to meet with housekeepers for Airbnb situation, finish clearning the haze from master bathroom tile and gather whatever works for bathroom renovation at home. Organizing is always an ongoing concern for me. Not my strong suit, but you guys know that.
I was going to make a run to Atlanta to visit my late father's ex gf of 18 years. She phoned a few months ago to say she had early onset dimentia and wanted to see me. When I texted her yesterday, inviting myself, she texted back I must have heard about her cancer..... I hadn't.
She was excited to see me, then said she has company and wants to visit when it's just us. I don't know what that means, as far as healthcare needs go, but we're set for a visit in January. I think she's not long for this world as her weight has dropped from a size 20 to an 8..... the cancer is consuming all her nutrition at this point.
The last time we spoke, she was focused on my father and his caretaker...... much of the time. THIS time she's focused on her late husband's decision to give his posessions to his daughter, after using my friend as a healthcare provider with his years of kindney failure and dialysis she wasn't allowed to speak about. He chose wisely, bc she used to be a nurse, mingled funds from the sale of her home and didn't see this coming..... was wholly unprepared.
So, our visit, when it takes place, will shake me the entire time.....
the legal battle with her step DD....
her losing battle with mortality......
the awkward moments when her sharp intelligence peeks through her Southern self depricating feminine charm and facade...
and she shows me her true self, which always happens these days. It's difficult to explain, but I suck at small talk and pretending, so.....
I think we both feel very emotionally naked in those moments.
I'm a little worried, not gonna lie, about the upcoming visit.
Lighter
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Sounds like that visit could bang on some deep bruises, Lighter.
If she's not just wanting to say goodbye with love, and instead is
thinking somehow that dragging you into involvement with all of this --
from her health to her legal battles --- etc.
That could be a huge test of your ability to NOT rescue or feel responsible for something you can't control or fix.
I hope it stays sentimental and you'll say No whenever you need to.
And hope it's not overall too hard.
Take care of yourself before, during and after, okay?
hugs
Hops
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Thanks for the advice, Hops. :I plan to get my head straight before the visit. My friend S will spend the rest of her conscious days dealing with the legals..... and that makes me very sad, as does her dh betraying her financially after all those years spent caring for him...more than 20. You get that better than anyone, I know.
I'll bring lots of happy photos and food she loves and maybe a funny movie or two. Any ideas for shows or movies you guys think would be fun? I wonder if she'd like to paint something? I never saw her do anything creative, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy it?
Lighter
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The final housekeeping company did their walk through this afternoon and said the property was too large to take on at this time.
That's 3 companies who can't and 2 relatively new companies, 2 person teams, who say they're up to the task. One showed up on time, did what they said they'd do and seem like a crack operation.
The other was a young mother who put me off 5 times and has a life of PD family situations, poor dear.
I hired the mother/dd team and will keep the young mom and her SIL as a backup team knowing I can't book anything back to back. Just can't.
Lighter
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I think you and S doing light-hearted activities that are just focused in the present is a great idea. Movies tend to evaporate on me so I can't remember what to suggest, but how about Barbie? I haven't yet rented it but heard a lot of women found inspiration and validation in it as well as humor.
Sounds like a good housekeeping team you found. One reason I treasure mine is that she's kind, honest and never shows any contempt at all for the chaos she's found here at times. Also cleans very thoroughly.
hugs
Hops
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I was supposed to finish up the trim and get the Lake House on Airbnb site BUT my contractor had to cancel, bc another job took longer than he thought.
So..... we were scheduled to go back tomorrow.... the day oldest DD heads to Toronto for a pre University start date visit wtih my sister and BIL...... but we're expecting, and I kid you not, possible flash floods and 100% rain all day in the County and State I'm leaving AND in the County and State I'm traveling to, where the building, now housing every tool I own and most of the building supplies, will be buried in a foot of mud.
I've lost boots in that mud, at the edge of the driveway. THIS would be a muck across a 100 feet to access the building and so.... another delay in finishing up the Lake House.
Will see if it gets sunny on Wednesday. There's a bit of drywall work we can manage, but he expected 3 to 4 days and one dry wall patch isn't going to do that. I don't neeeeeed the bunk bed built out now..... was going to put that off for a while, but he's talking about it. I don't want to talk about it now and I think I have to buy more insulation as the bundles I had aren't anywhere to be found.
I felt like throwing myself on the ground today and writhing in loud frutration.... wer'e so so so close to having things ready. but now instead of trudging to the building every time I need a tool or fastener or piece of trim...... I have to stare at mud and wish I could trudge to the building.
Oh well...the journey continues.
I just walked through the dark and cold to gather up Retired Nurse's Christmas tree from the edge of the woods and it was so nice to be outside. In the morning I'm meeting a goat farmer to drop off all the Christmas trees and wreaths I can get my hands on, bc the goats love to eat them.
I'm actually able to laugh about the rain and mud, so will count blessings instead of focus on what I can't do.
Lighter
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January is full of surprises this year, huh?
We got about 5 inches of crunchy iced snow a couple days ago. B mostly slept the whole day. I might as well have; watched a long Maggie Smith movie "The Lady in the Van". It was interesting and she did a great job. B plowed the next day; and we ran a couple little errands the day after. This morning is the fine frozen snow, s'posedly mixing later on with ice/rain before turning to all rain this afternoon.
Then, the weather guessers are saying there will be 5 more "storms" to follow. I don't call it a snow storm until the temps are around zero, you can't see 6 ft in front of you because the snow is coming down thick and blown by 20-30 mph wind. Accumulations of a foot or more. It's yucky weather to be sure! But the intrepid kitty boys are still insisting on going on for their "patrols". Freddy, the wise old "major" has been spending all night inside curled up contentedly on his spot on the back of the couch. Jack went out this morning and "junior" (Stinks) THOUGHT about it (he hates snow)... Jack's been stalking the elusive mice & voles & chipmunks in the snow - and entertaining us with his shenanigans. He'll be running inside shortly though, to warm up his toesies.
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In a warm mountain home, a fire going, people napping, maybe music, baking smells, snow cascading down like cotton....
HEAVEN, Amber!
The way snow forces us into hearing the stillness is so beautiful to me.
hugs
Hops
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Lighter,
I'm happy to hear your satisfaction and excitement about this property project.
Got nuthin' helpful but good on you!
hugs
Hops
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Hops: I'll do backflips when I get this site up and running.... working out bugs for the summer season and hopefully a few 5 star reviews in place. That's the plan. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeees!
DD23 is safely eating Thai in Canada.
DD21 went to the school clinic, run by our GP practice, and received a benadryl and news she has an amoicillin rash.... THIS was necessary bc of a hot tub foot and ear infection (she wasn't the only one experiencing hot tub skin problems) and now she's home sleepy after a chicken,bacon, swiss sammy, having driven through this terrible storm twice. There was lots of ponding in the roads, water burbling up through manhole covers and a couple cars in ditches.... assumed they hydroplaned. It's sunny, just this moment, so I might travel to the Lake house. Can pick up the sheet rock and keep it dry... contractor can't with his pick up. I wonder if they're going to open all the airports... I think Charlotte closed down.
Amber: I'm glad B can nap and take that time without anyone reacting and worrying something's wrong. I know I did. Snow, baking, napping and watching a good mouser do their thing sounds very nice to me.
As for the storm here...not many limbs down, but I walked the property inthe rain and made sure all the drainage was running properly. There was one jammed up spot with leaves in the drainage creek,but it was easy to clear. Yards here run like rivers, as we're at the bottom of the nieghborhood.
I'm very tire...not much sleep the past 2 nights. I might nap, ready for the Lake and leave by 6... if I go. If I can find a good deal on a dryer, I'll pick it up on the way.
Enjoy the snow, Amber.
Snuggle your lucky pooch, Hops: )
Lighter
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I'm late getting on the road for the Lake. Contractor expected me early this morning, but DD21 met me in the kitchen with her amoxicillin rash all over her body and worsening as we looked at it. She couldn't believe I was leaving her today, which startled me. I mean.... I sort of felt it was wrong/a mistake but I didn't think she'd consciously care and voice discontent like that.
I'm packing the truck now, which started with yanking out the Christmas trees and branches for the goats. Eventually, they'll get to eat them and I'll get to pet them. I love the smell of Pine trees.... so much.
I made food, to go with me, while going over symptoms and meds with DD..... cooking for her..... letting her be unhappy and uncomfortable and terribly itchy and hot..... generally "in a mood." Unhappy to be stuck caring for Pug while DD23 and I are gone,but there's too much mud at the Lake, so..... can't be helped.
I'm conflicted about leaving, conflicted about working at the lake in the mud and conflicted about being needed by DD21 and DD23.... Monday they both had Doc appointments and both wanted me to go with them. I committed to DD23 before DD21 asked, so that settled that....but it felt wrong and there was discomfort and I'm trying to notice it.... not judge it.... not get overwhelmed by it. Sometimes I still do, but it has the benefit of making other problems seem very distant and small.
DD21 eye balled me this morning, poined out her sister's anxiety problems and said she (dd21) was 50% sure DD23 would become overwhelmed at University and wash out UNLESS I made Therapy and doc appointments for DD23 and took her to them. I said I would have a talk about putting plans in place to better cope with anxiety, etc for 23yo. DD21 said it was a "bad idea and would fail."
I asked her what she felt I should do and she said she had no answers, which ws almost funny, and we laughed. As I said.... she's in a gernally discontented mood with this rash, but these are genuine concerns and she's concerned.
::Breathing::.
It would be so good to get to the lake before noon.
Lighter
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Last year this time pipes froze at the lake house. I'm here now shoring things up for temps in the teens beginning tonight extending for days.
I don't understand the well pump or how to insulate it better outside.... inside? My brother has me following the220 wire from the interior pump thing y to stop it running IF the exterior pipe breaks? I'm not sure how to go about trying to insulate the exterior but I want to spray that crack filler around the little playhouse over the thing, add insulation and a light bulb under all.....but I honestly don't know if that will fix things.
IF I leave a heater on in the mechanical room..... would that help anything?
::Putting on coat::
I'm going out.
Lighter
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An hour and a half spent insulating the pump house and installing a heating pad around the water pipe..... that sucker's not likely to break now. I feel better.
It's going down to 8degrees at home tonight. DD21 is going to pull her car into the garage and put a heater on low.... it keeps the garage nice and toasty.
Oldest DD23 is spending the night with a friend who lives very close to Univeristy campus. That means a short drive for her first class at 9am.
The pug is very depressed and I miss her very much. When i get back home I'm going to take her for lots of long walks. She has a little sweater that fits her well.
I caulked the new bathroom ceiling and will be ready to paint it in the morning.
I have caulking and some grouting to do..... trying to match grout color on old brick pavers. Will see how mixing paint into sanded grout works out.
Anyone have experiece with that?
Lighter
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To post here or on the Mindfulness thread? Hard to say, realy.
So.... I've been at the lake for 8 days patching sheetrock, figuring out the trim list and how to resolve problems without trim where I can.... like around the stone fireplaces where the LVP leaves a straight gap in the master bedroom and jaggedy gap in the living room.
I mixed an insipid light brick grout color to patch the replaced paver (where Dad's wheelchair rolled over it for 20 years) and to fill the gap between it and new LVP. Wish I could make that decision again, but we march on. All will be well, yup yup yup.
A text from DD21 had me flinging myself around the house like Dianne Wiest trying to leave work bc her kids freaked her out in the movie THE LOST BOYS.... a conversation with DD21 reassured me enough......I leave tomorrow.
That means I'll try to finsih the sheet rock patches, paint them and do the figure on trim and draperies to put us over the finish line. I caulked and painted in the new bed/bathroom, fixed a lamp I didn't know I coudl fix, [aomted the laundry room, made lables for the light switches and fielded questions on Airbnb, which shocked me into dealing with the Lake calendar..... we're almost ready to go live,. but not quite.
The contractor I need is playing coy, so I'm goinjg to figure out how to use a miter saw to cut 6" crown and install it 10' up. Upside down backwards math seemed impossible yesterday.
Today....
I'm thinking....
maybe.
Lighter
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I just booked the first lake airbnb rental for the end of July. 6 older couples going to a craft show.... I think. They seem very nice and have good reviews.
Last night I dreamed someone else was working on finishes at the lake house.... and there was lots and lots of pink furniture in that dream! So funny.
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My preferred contractor, for the jobs left at the lake, answered my call and set up 3 days in February.
His 100lb dog has been suffering and they have to put her down..... it's why he's put me off. She's still hanging in there, but requires lots of hands on attention. My brother just put down his little multi poo.... such a sweet thing, and it's never easy. Always a heart break.
I've let the girls know my travel dates and both will be to care for Baby Girl Pug. That's a blessing.
Lighter
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Today just came together.....
the HVAC guy had a cancellation and headed to the Lake House to address the upstairs unit. He'll service both and I'm hoping it's a faulty 10 year old thermostat that's the problem. Turns out it's the fan when it gets below freezing...goes into second stage gas use... otherwise the unit runs fine in first stage. I don't know what that all means exactly, but he wishes we had an 80% unit and not a 90% unit bc they create more moisture..... just know it's under a $1,000.00 to fix and it's a 2011 unit so I'm fixing it.
The contractor ( I work very well with from out of town) will drive to the house every day and home every afternoon after working 8 hour days. Three days in a row.... that's going to get me very close or TO the place where renting is possible. Tomorrow I'll have him replace the appliances, install the trim I have ready then finish painting and staining trim for the next day's install.
I should make a hard list right now but I'm in the zone and don't want to stop moving.
What an amazingly clear sunny cool day it is!
Hope everyone is enjoying a beautiful day too.
Lighter
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The weather has been teasing us here too! But our night's are still very cold, so no seed starting just yet.
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The weather was spitting at us today, but otherwise breezy, cool and overcast. A wonderful day to do trim with saw set up on covered porch. Yes.
The kitchen crown went up...... it's SO GOOD! Makes the cabinets look like they came out of a London pub 100 years ago. SO GOOD.
The base and quarter round is going down in the Sun and Linving rooms...again... SO GOOD> Brother came up and used the fork lift to get the pallet of extra 40 year old trim down...... AMAZING to have the exact trim we need and it's already stained. SO GOOD!
I have a chicken in the oven... one of my favorite meals... smells divine.
What else..... the contractor's wife is love love lovely.... just adore her. She was raised to be a caretaker and Speaks so softly.... so comforting.... and I really like her.
They have 2 yummy dogs.... a Labridoodle and one of those Great Perinese (spelling?) dogs.... tall and blonde and takes treats so gently!
The chicken was delicious.... such a simple recipe, but great every time. Only had butter this time, so a bit rich, but the house smells like love and care.
We're watching Spirited Away in a bit then hitting the sack.
We finished the trim in the LR, Sunroom and Kitchen... feels so good to put a bow on those things.
Lighter
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You sound so happy about the Lake House accomplishments, Lighter. Kudos to you on what must've been such a massive project. Will you be managing all the AirB&B rentals, or will Bro share that work with you?
Hope it repays you in multiple ways. Soon you'll be back to the island, too.
How are things going with the DDs? And your health and happiness at home? Hope you're content and resting as much as needed and finding positive connections.
Happy V-Day from me and Pooch!
hugs
Hops
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Hi, Hops.
The girls have had patches of bad luck, so I headed back home sooner than expected. Oldest DD had a tree limb take our her back windshield and youngest lost her wallet with keys.
Aside from that, and a few other wobbly bits for them, things are going OK. WIndshield replaced today and thaks to AAA sowing up in a few minutes yesterday, we have the spare key from inside the car with lost key.
I'll be handling the lake house rentals on my own. So far I have 4 bookings.... feeling pretty good about them. Working steadily towards completion of basics. SO much more I'd like to do!
Trying to figure out bathroom remodels at home and let things go.... just stop hanging on to anything I can't use. That's enough for now.
Is Pooch still on the mend? How are you doing?
:Lighter
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I'm feeling very flat and neutral about the Lake house after spending 14 hours researching comprables, their pricing and minimum night stays during the year.... all jumping about, not really in sync.
I assume some of the largest and fanciest properties set very low prices in slow months simply to keep their cleaning crews busy and on board. I understand that. Othersise, they fill their calendars with the people who keep them busy.
We're not apples to apples..... but there are some SUPER expensive places and some appearing to be underpriced with similar number bedrooms and baths, etc..... some have better docks or good walkways to the docks and also ping pong and air hockey and hot tubs and outdoor kitchens and beautiful pools and landscaping, which we don't have. No apples to apples... it's a market I'm not familar with, but am sick to death of studying, kwim?
I'm taking a break and going back to finishing up draperies, the master shower ceiling, downstairs baseboards, bar crown moulding and LVP in the bath and a half. Will make a huge difference.
And the outdoor firepit needs to be dealt with.
And maybe a bed platform under the Upstairs Master King bed..... yup yup yup.
And the dock needs to be pressure washed and electricity restored.
Lights on covered porch need installing.
I can't tell you how good it feels to have the upstairs trim basically done. The laundry room and another 220 outlet needs to be addressed, but that's not crucial..... now. I have the outlet and everything I need to get that done. Contractor coming back soon.
I like to be out ahead of him with materials and I think the girls are pretty solid, so time to go back in finish the big things.
Oh the amazing things I would do IF I just had fun things to do!
Lighter
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It's raining cats and dogs and I just got back in the house from a Vet appt... roads full of water and hydroplaning is real.
I'm so not gonna drive down the mountain in this downpour, esp since there were white patches of hail in the yard when I woke up at 7am.
I will go to Habitat for Humanity, Lowes and Home Depot and hope the weather clears up so I can meet the contractor there.
I really hate cold rain.
Lighter
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My sister is packing in 3 of the large smokeless firepits this month. Stainless.
Our cousin picked them up at a great price....now we just have to get them here from her home, out of State.
It brings me pleasure to plan out firepit sites.
I put a small one at my brother's little cottage and on the covered back porch at the lake.
This is distraction from likely possibility of ditching Airbnb and hiring Evolve for US property and setting up others for Cottage.
Right now I feel I could set up 100 new sites .... I'm so ticked at Airbnb.
I also have the feeling this one necessary step leads to many unexpected places I wouldn't have found, so....managing to stay above the anger....sort of observing it without needing anything to be different than it is....is something I'm noticing. It's new.
We put LVP in the 2 downstairs bathrooms....plucked them right out of the 80s, it did.
I have the drapes completed in 5 of the 6Bedrooms, which feels amazing. Moved a drapery rod to the ceiling last week, rather than hemming panels. 104" long..... glorious floral out of the Biltmore I could roll in and eat with a spoon.
I have 2 dk Brown coats of poly to finish distressed upstairs master bath vanity and one vanity downstairs I've distressed but have to stain.
All trim is completed, but for the laundry room. I want to move the w/d, patch the brick paver floor and add a bunk bed above old w/d space, but that plan might have to wait a while. Some things have to be done sooner.....still thinking about it.
The alarm and cameras are in....maybe the fancy keyless entry doorknobs.
Master shower ceiling and sink replacement are figured out. Just have to put my hands on and make it so.
I think that, pressure washing the dock and hooking up lights will about do it.
::shaking head::.
There's more....always more....outdoor shower, routering the large bar island top and finishing all bar counters and front.
One of the contractors is picking up 5 large furniture items this month, so that's a relief.
There's my lake update. The crown moulding on cabinets looks SO Good!
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In fine art, there's an axiom about "knowing when to stop" before an image gets too busy. Maybe less is more in the house?
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It's a funny thing ....
feeling like I'm vibrating on the edge of a blade I've been walking on, mindlessly, but now SO focused on....
and ready to fall, step off or get yanked to one side or the other.
When.
To.
Stop.
Exactly!
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Pick "step off", because that involves a choice.
How's the balance for you these days, Lighter?
Lighter's life and Lighter's real estate projects.
Feeling okay about it all?
You sound good, but also maybe ... running in place?
hugs
Hops
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The two ceilings left to paint.... got painted. CHECK.
The headboards and room layouts were finalized in bedrooms..... headboards put in place. CHECK.
Ugly closet light removed in middle of bedroom ceiling. CHECK.
New dryer installed. CHECK.
Firepits ready for guests. CHECK.
Bird and wasp nests knocked down on porches. CHECK.
Upstairs closets getting holes repaired/painted in preparation to receive towers so hanging rods can be installed. CHECK.
New alarm installed and working. CHECK.
I think the electrician or the alarm guy cut the power to the upstairs HVAC thermostat. The weather's been amazing so it's not at the top of priority list, however. Not sure who can trace and fix that problem. The dock has no power, so that has to be sorted, as well. Need to carry power washer there and clean off pollen and chairs.
New lights for exterior have to be installed. Will paint existing garage sconces if I can't figure out new ones soon.
Huge mirror needs to be installed in downstairs hallway.
Much larger than huge mirror needs to be secured in down LR. Would like to install a game machine or two in front of it, but that's icing.
I still have to shorten some draperies and fashion a beautiful topper over a bed out of bed rails.... corners need to be mitred and maybe I'll figure that out myself. Maybe the bored musical instrument maker neighbor will help us out with that AND a comfortable ladder/stair on the bunk bed. I plan to visit his wife in Florida soon...... she seems so happy to be ruling over 2 hospitals and putting together her little cottage. I bet it's lovely.
The plan to move the wire shelves OUT of kitchen (served as handy pantry for a while) will move into basement mechanical room to hold extra bedding and Christmas, etc. Will move the rolling kitchen island INTO the space where the wire shelving was, making kitchen seem much larger. Cart can be rolled into or around the kitchen for task work. Soon to be checked off the list!!
Lighter
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Solving little problems like transitions between stone and LVP. Grout, yup yup yup.
It's overwhelming to SEE what must be finished when what I'd like to do superimposes itself all
the
time.
Like a mind boggling filter.
Jammies will be out of the dryer soon. Warm and clean.
I'm finishing a video on using a router....BUT I need to fit a vacuum to it to avoid the dust, which is a bit bonkers, I realize.
I'm learning to use a router, for the first time and it's on the bar edge in downstairs kitchen. It needs to look ok.
Not worried, but not resolved to give up on vacuum yet either.
I have the will and really good tape.
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My moss friend and her dh stayed the night earlier this week. She's a dynamo organizer with impeccable taste, as well as an artist.
He's all around great with landscaping and tools...is currently building a room of bookshelves for his brother.
I appreciated their input, but man...they were instructed to be ruthlessly honest and they were.
They voted to remove the bunk bed from the family room and replace it with the Q bed currently located in the downstairs LR...walls constructed from antique armoire and silk draperies.
Some love that crazy bedroom, so removing it feels like killing one of my darlings. The house would sleep 4 fewer people in beds with 1 fewer bedrooms.
She rearranged fireplace mantle stuff and organized drawers....got rid of half the silverware....live/die choices on bedding, etc.
It was fun to have them and the husband said this was an upscale Airbnb experience many times, which felt good. He also thought all 4 fireplaces had gas fires, when really they're just flicker bulbs. He thinks zero real fires in the house....I was thinking we'd offer real fires in upstairs LR, but he was adamant it's a dangerous mistake, bc people are careless.
She feels all the cowboy trophies and "stuff" need to go. Another darling killed.
We moved the antlers out of the room we designated the hunting room, bc now it has the huge and very fancy bespoke pineapple headboard. She wants bedding in there and family room changed out.
The up master closet draperies should be inside mounted, which is fine with me. The ocean painting to be mounted over the closet. She simplified so many swirling questions for me!
I gave her two empty nests from the porches and she'll add them to her sunroom porch collection.
Lighter
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Busy, busy Lighter! Amazing you get so much done. Have you had people stay there yet? I've lost track. I do agree re no real fires. People are dumb. And drunk. Most I wouldn't even trust with gas lol.
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Ya..... no real fires.
That has to be how it is and it'll be easy in the warm months.
I'm really tired, but have to get a first coat of stain on countertops and barfront now.
Timing is going to be tight... with the move and trip coming up.
DD23 might have to drop the pug at the lake IF I'm not back home before her out of town trip.
Must move dental appointments... I think
Pug needs a vet visit.
Lighter
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It's raining and that's good for driving solar light spik s into the ground. Also good for the fruit trees and grass. Mowing yesterday was a very dusty affair.
The dock has had 3 failed pressure washing attempts made with only the ceiling cleaned. I can put up solar lights now, sans wasp and spiders. I enjoy watching the birds, who's nests remain tucked away, safe and in tact.
I likely can't drive to the out building in the mud today, which is a bummer. Lots to do.
Onward and upward. Guests arrive July 2nd. I work with the maids on the 1st.
Lighter
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One of the things I appreciate about the studio reno is "no deadlines". Takes the pressure off.
We've got some drywall patching to do (from moving plumbing) and the new window trim, then we can finish painting. Hol has suggested painting the base of my 4x8 work table the same color as the walls, to make it disappear. Right now it holds the contents of what will go in my custom cabinets (delayed for how long?)
But the new huge rug is here. The bar has been assembled. The "vision" is coming together. Might be "done" some time this fall.
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It's raining and that's good for driving solar light spik s into the ground. Also good for the fruit trees and grass. Mowing yesterday was a very dusty affair.
The dock has had 3 failed pressure washing attempts made with only the ceiling cleaned. I can put up solar lights now, sans wasp and spiders. I enjoy watching the birds, who's nests remain tucked away, safe and in tact.
I likely can't drive to the out building in the mud today, which is a bummer. Lots to do.
Onward and upward. Guests arrive July 2nd. I work with the maids on the 1st.
I'm glad you're working without deadlines, Amber. Hopefully you used a wet rag on those Sheetrock patches, instead of sandpaper. Sheetrock dust would drive me over my edge right now.
Lighter
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I feel really good about progress for July 2 guests.
Is everything like I want?
Nope.
Is it going to be good enough.
Why, yes.
I believe it is!
Might even have my fancy bird feeders filled and up. The feeders are clean. The birdseed arrived. Just need time and food hanging places. The one hummingbird bird feeder is in service.
Today we seal the dock and cement patio, with it's lovely patina. The dock went from black algae green to pristine!! Lights hung. Big voluptuous hostas planted and moist in the back yard....at the corners of new walkway off patio and ends of same.
Shelving going into owner closets now.
Feels amazing to get out of the heat!! So frickin hot!!
Lighter
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Something nibbled every leaf off the apple and peach trees. Well, there's one bug eaten leaf left. How do I protect them?
There's toad crap around the house. Not happy about that, for sure.
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My sister rinsed the brick and hardwood flooring if sticky Murphy's Oil residue.
Does anyone think laying down soap, without picking it back up, CAN leave anything clean? It can't, IME.
I got the front door painted flat black after cutting out the little decorative window thingy. SO much better. Looks like a brand new door!
My desk didn't get wiped down....
I failed to program the lock box....brain said "NOPE!" Just too fatigued and ran out of time.
We drove away 10 minutes before check in...guests showed almost 30 minutes early, but I'm very pleased, all in all with preparation.
More later. Guests super lovely.
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Currently cleaning the lake house after the first 12 guests check out.
It doesn't look like anyone was here, outside the unmade beds and occasional sticky spot on floors.
They didn't use either Starbucks coffee provided to them.
Didn't use all the towels.
Didn't leave a speck of trash, returned kayaks to patio and pulled the floating island onto the dock resting on chairs.
Dock was spotless.
Interviewed new housekeepers, a couple with a 2 yo cherubic son...angel curls galore.
Twice the cost of current housekeepers, but have been at this for 9 years. Maybe can handle everything once up to speed.
The first mother/DD cleaning team are new and would have to be trained. I don't think they understand the amount of work involved or care to understand.
I'm likely a picky client they'd end up passing on eventually. I'm going to skip the drama, work with them on mirrors and windows today, then try the new team after tomorrow's 16 guests check out.
All the laundry is done. The mother/DD show at noon, bc doing another house today seemed doable to them....it wasn't if they were going to get this house done.
Will interview another gal this afternoon....see about splitting up duties. Laundry is a huge job on it's own.
Lighter
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I'm doing floral arrangements for these guests. They seem really great so far.
Hummingbird buzzed my tower early this morning.
The hawk is hunting down pesky 🐿️ that eat my truck wires.
Plants in the yard look great, even in this heatwave.
Lighter
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They sound like perfect guests, Lighter. Life would be sweet if they're all like that :) It is hard finding people that get on with the job properly, without someone standing over their shoulder the whole time. Hopefully you'll get some good ones :)
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Current guests wanted to check in a day early. My sister and I moved at breakneck pace to have house ready by 7:30pm check in. We passed guests in driveway and texted
happily back and forth for a bit. They were exploring and choosing rooms.....the house looked just right..... everything clean.....6 fireplaces glowing (faux fires) and firepits set up.
I'm having coffee on my brother's porch. It's breezy/cool, his lake is full and geese are grazing on the bank as hawks call back and forth, hunting.
I hope you're enjoying your garden while it's yours, Tupp.
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That sounds lovely, Lighter :) You and your sis seem to make a good team. We've had nothing but rain for weeks now so I mostly look at the garden through the window :) Lol
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Chilly rain....
I really miss it!
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Lake house guests checked out this morning. They watered the plants and would have taken care of trash....just have no plan for it yet.
More than ever, I want to steer clear of Airbnb and into event center waters.
Spoke to a friend in the healing arts. She booked in November.
She's performing a spiritual cleanse on the house and grounds next week.
Lighter
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We're prepping the lake house for a third group this month. This morning garbage problem gets sorted. Lordy, it's not good.
Potential housekeeping team member worked 8 hours yesterday. She's very quiet and I'm very frank with her. Can't read her much past introverted and likes to vacuum, which I despise and..... she's 21yo and needs or wants lots of supervision. She's a visual learner. I can't tell if she wants to try to manage the entire job or just take an hourly piece. I don't think she knows yet.
I feel better about the job, soup to nuts, bc it's getting simpler and more familiar. DD22 is helping clean bathrooms and run the laundry. I climbed the bunk bed. A little easier this time, but thinking they need to go.
I want to jump to events....pig roasts and chandelier arrangements. It's nice to feel creative joy raise her head again.
The 5 yo had a bag of red suckers. I've traced her movement through the house by sticky stick and fallen bits from her mouth. Her grandma made up for it by cleaning all the beach towels, stripping all beds and leaving me a big box of home grown tomatoes I Fantastic Mr. Fixed last night, twice, SO GOOD! Once with chagio....one of my favorite meals. Almost every plant is alive.... lost a second blueberry bush maybe, but found a huge apple on one of the trees!
Azalias and lemon grass all hanging in there. Ferns, creeping Jenny and Crepe Myrtles as well.
Now....to deal with the trash.
Lighter
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I think DD22 and I have spent 4 nights at lake working. DD is sick. I've finished trim and another door painting project plus day of potting into the trip....rainy and overcast.... it's feels like a guilty pleasure. So much joy and it rained and will rain a week!!!
That I'm still doing projects means I still can't gage the scope of the housekeeping job, or how many hours it takes and I have a single young woman on board, introverted and somewhat mysterious about her thoughts on the job.
I think she'd try to handle the entire thing (2 full days and nights to handle it) but she'd need help, at least at first. DD says no one person can do it, and she might be right.
We left the lake with another day's work to do. All the plants are flourishing. The patio looks great. Front door is beautiful. Interior looks "like a dream", so sayeth potential new housekeeper.
We've planned a family lake vacation with the Ohio cousins, their daughters/son and 2 adorable granddaughters.....about 2yo and 5yo. Can't wait to build fairy houses when the them and go fishing with them!!!
Lighter
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12 guests checking in today fir 4 nights. Next group of 12 arrives Aug 1. I have 12 days marked off for family reunion with cousins and siblings....their kiddos and 2 grandchildren.
Will be amazing to have house in such neat and clean order, finally.
I have an AC unit ready for install in garage, in case we need overflow beds. Will think about cleaning/painting/scraping ceilings ng texture and window coverings. Contractor coming to deal with small electric and plumbing details. Will see what he's up for.
All in all, I'm excited to discuss possibilities with sibs and begin setting up events....chapel....fixing up large outbuilding, etc.
It's feeling right.
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Wow. It sounds like an amazing and LARGE project. Exciting to develop.
Chapel? I'd love to know more about that. I'm sure there aren't many vacation rentals with chapels. Are you hoping it could work as a rental retreat space for small religious groups?
hugs
Hops
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Not religious, Hops. We're thinking retreats, weddings and memorial services, generally.
Putting together retreats with a nutritionist, acupuncturist, brain integration practitioner, meditation/yoga to instruction, etc.... and abundant time in nature appeals to me very much.
Guests arrived Thurs and all I've heard is...
"We've arrived."
And...
"You're home is beautiful 😍."
Crickets after that.
We really want to veer off from vacation rentals all the way into events.
My brother talked about adding goats and miniature horses.
Again.
Very sweet, imo. Not sure how that aligns with the evolving mission, as I interpret it, but I'm glad his heart leans towards nurturing creatures.
I really want a proper orchard....I guess my inner child keeps asking for the orchards of our childhood.
We'll likely be planning landscape designs soon. The more natural the better, imo. I still despise mowers throwing dirt at the windows, and sometimes rocks..... expensive to maintain grass, equipment and/or hire mowers when "forest" and native shrubs are an option. I have the mower lined up, should that be necessary. Will see.
I'm looking for a BBQ master to cook whole pigs on site.......need more single bed spaces....thinking sturdy built in bunks when comfortable stairs built out in the garage. The kind with curtained privacy.
I just had a dryer installed in garage and will ponder highest and best use of it he current laundry room stubbed for a sink, 7th toilet and possibly another shower....or extend that bathroom into garage with several toilets and showers/sinks.
I'm just letting possibilities spring into the light. See what makes sense.
Lighterl
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I'm hustling to get house set up for guests arrival Aug 1. It'll happen, just never how I think it will so ... dropping expectations and heading South after minor decisions based mostly on the rain.
Youngest picking up free drawing board from friend who's moving. DD can use a drawing board....hope it's not HUGE.
I have magnificent huge frames (and art, depending on your taste) in my garage. Likely headed to the local consignment shop. That's too bad, bc it's worth thousands and I wish I could use in the out building at some point.
:: releasing outcome::
Consignment opens tomorrow or I'd have dropped all 3 pieces on my way to lake house. I'm not tired. Just done swimming against the current.
That makes SO much sense as I read that back. Just bc I'm swimming doesn't mean I always swim where and how I've always done. I can stop and float or swim with or straight down just to see what happens....holding open possibilities and, as always, curiosity.
Lots of rain! Happy plants and overcast sky means less wilting in the heat. Yes😎
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Events and retreats sounds lovely, Lighter. I went to this amazing wedding once, small and low key but they'd hired a guesthouse by the beach so we all spent the weekend together and the wedding was the bit in the middle. It was so lovely because often at weddings you don't get time to catch up with people properly. It's so busy and you rush about trying to chat so it was nice to get there the day before and have proper catch ups and then say proper goodbyes the day after as well. Lovely times. I bet yours would be an amazing weekend to have a celebration of any kind, or a full weekend of healing or whatever else might be on offer.
Not swimming against the current makes sense. I'm feeling a lot more tuned in to not endlessly pushing for something if it isn't happening. Still feel frustrated when things don't happen easily if I'm honest, but feel more comfortable with doing what I can and then waiting to see what comes of it. Fingers crossed for easy currents though, eh? xx
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Yes to all you said, Tupp.
And....
it's not just stopping fighting the current. It's what happens when we stop. That's a gap, empty....a little scary....all that open space ready to be filled with something new.
Not knowing what, creates discomfort, IME.
We met with the Army Corps of Engineers and have a plan mostly hammered out to plant 100 trees...white oak, maple, Dogwoods and a few others. They want to yank our dock permit for 5 years, but that's not for sure happening.
I'll move the firepit 50' with DD22 and finish cleaning for arrival of guests tomorrow.
I bought 6" insulated attic vent pipe to replace our cheap accordion foil dryer vent, bc it's full of water in low spot again. Will block w up new dryer if guests use it.
The house was in great shape after last guests checked out. There's some kk d of lacquer like substance in sink,bilon floor and a few other spots....but house looks like no one was here, really.
Lighter
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You sound like you're getting really good guests that look after the place well Lighter, that's a good thing and really helps. You hear so many horror stories about people treating places badly, it's nice that you're getting people who have similar standards to yours and aren't destroying all your hard work! I'd bet there will always be something else to tweak, that always seems to be the way, doesn't it? xx
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The hummingbirds have gone. Their feeder looks a bit sad, but I remember they were drinking the extra sweet syrup like mad when I refilled it. It's a comfort to know they were well nourished before their migration.
I forgot the lake house has 3 rentals in November, which is a crazy thing to forget, but there it is. I'm numb regarding cleaning and readying the space.
The place, where the dock used to sit, is just water now. Unbroken shoreline....the eater's way up, so it looks.....good. It looks like 5 hours time I won't have to adjust, troubleshoot and wire solar lights back in place, patch the island or clean anything....adjust the horse stall mat and wood chips at the walkway. That safety issue's been scraped from my plate and I know I can't drag the walkway back on land.... I'd be knee deep in mud and fail, so ...off my plate.
Oldest DD is celebrating her birthday in ATL with my brother, her roommate and DD22 today. She'll travel back to lake for weekend long celebration with friends and bf. It's cool enough for bonfires and I'm enjoying tidying, cleaning sheets and planning meals for them. Mostly I'll stay out of their way.
The dad staying with us has rented a nearby Airbnb for the weekend, bc his gf is flying in and she's.....
she's possibly BPD, based on cursed past behaviors with the roommate and her dad.
Alcohol and everyone aware of her nuts koo koo crazy gives us very good reason to keep a distance. The dad's proper protective, imo. To be honest, my chill mode's been out of order. If it comes back ...it won't be the same and that's a good thing, ime.
I refilled the regular bird feeder with seed, but no takers so far. I hear nearby crows kawing and some general chirping in the trees, but not seeing many birds.
There are huge Golden Silk Orb Weaver spiders in huge webs, however. Almost walked my face into one this morning.
Baby girl pug resting in the sun with me on back porch. Breezy and just about perfect temp. I felt a little dizzy looking towards the dock and not finding it. Guess that'll happen over and over for a while.
Lighter
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Hoping you cancelled the November guests, Light?
Your peace and wellbeing are more important.
You could give them a raincheck credit for spring....
I'm glad your DDs have been together and are distracted
and happy celebrating in the city. Oh to be young!
Are things near your home making you think forward?
The shock waves and changes there must be overwhelming.
Lastly, it's touching you feel responsible for the wildlife
but they'll deal with what nature flings. I like the peace
you and pug are finding in the sun, on your porch.
Sending support and peace...
hugs
Hops
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I'm not worried about the F'ing birds, Hopsy. They're a lovely distraction and now there's wind chimes on this gloriously cool and downright breezy day.
I'm going to shower and clean the glass doors now....maybe with my teeth. My brain wants to ACT.....to be industrious.....to be busy. Laundry, trash runs and Goodwill hunt for shirts without paint marks will fill my afternoon.
Attempting shrimp chow fun recipe for dinner.
I just looked up and things barely moved, so dizzies almost gone.
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Hope, I'm not cancelling this first November rental, bc it a retreat for functional medicine practitioners I'd like to court.
No more Airbnb, for me....
Functional medicine retreats feel like a positive direction. But then, so does selling the place. Sort of.
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I feel for you, Lighter.
You are in the middle of so much, and your psyche must still be stunned to some degree.
I hope all the peace possible, from all your good long-term practices inside and out, will accompany you in whatever direction things need to head.
hugs
Hops
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The first November rental is for sure happening. I'll get some time there tomorrow.
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This morning, while I made coffee, I noticed some drips of sealer used to finish the oak cabinets I'd distressed in the kitchen. I scraped as I noticed, and touched, smooth surfaces, once sharp and full of splinters .....all smoothed now. Sort of amazing. Splendid, even.
Last night I glued the bathroom cabinet door I'd knocked apart while distressing. It was easy.....the repair. Finding the glue required walking past many other things requiring attention.....so retrieving the glue, walking to the bathroom, unplugging it......those things were not so easy, bc ADD and squirrel!
And I wish I'd distressed the kitchen's lower cabinets, instead of the tops, bc the uppers have arches.....not optimal. I could have sat sturdily on the floor, instead of perched on tall ladders, for all that intensive labor too. Missed opportunity, there, but still.... it's amazing and I understand why I did it. The back of the island bar is flat.....less optimal than the uppers for distressing. Choices.
I'm drinking coffee this morning and wondering how wise it is, bc I'm pretty numb today. Maybe I'll stay numb, for a while, if I don't finish this warm and comforting brew
Last night I drove trash to the transfer station, bc today it's not open. There was freezer trash that needed to go. Driving in the pitch black, with only one wiper working in the rain, bc it was important ......seemed important at the time, to put DD's bf to work washing my windshield instead of standing around munching Cheetos with the girls when we fled WNC that Sunday. When the water stopped working.
The truth is.....I never liked him AND he also doesn't know how to check and fill tires. I replaced a missing valve cap and every tire was low, to different degrees. The important part was....DD22 understand how incompetent he is, on top of his other faults, which are apparent and many. Ya, he's cute and ever so male, but Lord, was that ever enough? I guess it was.
Things are ok at the lake. The beds are all clean and will be made today. The showers all pristine and dry, so no growing crud. That's how be bathrooms stay clean, ime. One squeegees and drys tubs and showers....at least the last to use it. Not everyone feels obligated, mind you. Then it's more work to make pristine ....again. If I sound frustrated, I'm hovering at the edge, only. And it's ok, bc it's small stuff......and I know this.
I feel like Suron's eye.....above, looking out for trouble, but also opportunity. I don't want anyone hunting the property, but the very first contractor, who looks in and is helpful. This makes sense to me, plus he doesn't hunt while we're here. I can't say that about "the others." That's another layer of worry, for myself, family and guests, I'm done putting up with..... bc something inside will pop and will I continue allowing others to push till I pop? I don't think so.
I have storm sounds playing loudly. No tv. No news or background movie interference right now. I dread cleaning floors, bc.....making "pristine,"over so many sf is impossible and there's the vertigo, which is better now, but still with me. I screw my face up when it hits.....I have to stop doing that.....it doesn't help.
:: breathing::.
::thinking about filling bird feeder::.
::finishing warm coffee::.
Lighter
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I hope the vertigo improves, Lighter, it's a horrible feeling. You sound very busy, as always. Is there any sign of 'normal' being any closer now, or is everything still so much chaos? x
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Tupp: I'm afraid there's a new normal, and least for a while. The docs say no curing vertigo, but it's "treatable."
I'm adjusting. Moving picture wires on art, opposed to moving nails on a tall ladder....that sort of thing. Thinking about climbing tall ladder instead of climbing it😭
The hardest thing now, isn't the tons of leaves I need to blow or the tree parts I need to move to the street or the lake cleaning.... it's my gurls' mental health and supporting them right now..... without doing everything for them. Just being there.... listening and attuning.....cooking nutritionally balanced foods bc it's been a junkfood fest for a few days, all around.
DD22 and I sang and danced our way through Asian market and Ingles run....forgot water. Again. She found a tick on her shirt then plucked an attached tick from my neck. This is a sign to stay out of the forest where a dead raccoon was reported mid trail and I have to negotiate over and under many fallen trees....the ticks catch us, moving slow.
::putting pug goggles in pug drawer::.
Now I'm itchy, but all the snow pea leaves are clean.
Lighter
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So much to juggle, Lighter, and yes, the mental health balance is always a difficult one. As is a new 'normal', so hard to adjust to, especially as I guess the new normal is not where everyone wants (needs) to be. Healthy meals, yes, so important, and so much harder to do during stressful times than pizza. Personally don't think anything in the world comforts as much as pizza dough and melted cheese, for some reason. Crossing fingers things settle and everything becomes more manageable xx
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Thanks, Tupp. I think DD22 and I will finish cleaning the lake house tomorrow afternoon and Sunday. She's very focused and does a good job working proactively....with a smile on her face most of the time. She's feeling caught up at school, thank God.
DD24 will come by this morning....for food, comfort and support for car maintenance and late tag acquisition.....the hurricane has everything out of whack. It's starting to feel like sea sickness of the soul....at least for me. She's struggling hard with online classes and the material is new. She's used to knowing stuff or how to solve it quickly. This is different.
Ahhh...a neighbor caught me on a walk and ended up at my back deck, in tears, his elderly dog wobbling, in need of expensive care.....deeply in debt with a should injury from tossing tree parts into a truck.....out of work .....his elderly father making jokes about who goes first, the dad or the dog. This gentle neighbor... overwhelmed, current circumstances out of his control.....wearing the worry, pain and imminent loss of his lovely dog and father on his face.....spending hours on unreliable Internet, trying to fill out FEMA relief paperwork, without success, bc his identity was stolen 4 years ago..... it's a lot. All at once. While injured and in pain.
I apparently had to write that out...same with the vertigo. Lots of fellow sufferers....I had no idea how many. Running into people, now, the small talk has gone. We're talking about the losses, losses of others.... insurance companies offering so little for lost homes. People still without power and water, so cold. In need of generators, heaters and so much help they can't find words for what they need.
The street I plan to walk baby girl pug on is the next neighborhood over....where the gentle neighbor lives. I was dreading looking into his eyes again. Now....I feel less reactive, more responsive. He needs hugs and a go-fund page.
Lighter
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I think that's one of the hardest things when such large numbers are affected, Lighter, everyone has a huge weight on their shoulders, no-one has the bandwidth to accommodate it and there's no downtime. Relief's needed in such vast quantities by so many people, everyone becomes overwhelmed. Such a tough situation to deal with. If the neighbour does set up a Go Fund me please let me have the link; I'll put in what I can and hopefully lots of people chipping away at it will get them what they need x
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Lighter, what you could do for him is immeasurable.
Add an ether-squeeze to that hug, please.
hugs to you and all around you,
Hops
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The lake house is ready for guests....looks beautiful. Fire pits set up. I removed main living room faux fire set so she can bring wood for real fires since it's cooled down.
I identified a dead mouse smell in a closet, but not the mouse. That's problematic, but I'm hoping I mitigated with baking soda and vinegar in quantity. Will see.
I'm starving, but really sore and tired from marathon days of readying house. A few times I didn't think I could do it, but got out by 11pm.....so ready to get out.
There's some rinsed dirty dishes in an armour, dirty laundry in an owner's closet and much to dirt before next group of 16 arrive on Thanksgiving.
Oh.... yesterday my handyman showed up and I worked with him, which threw my schedule off 4 hours. I wanted to have dinner with DD22 and bgpug, but that wasn't to be.
DD22 was up and helped me with trash and coolers at 1am arrival. Bgpug happy to have me back.
Guests arrive this afternoon....I have to warn them about a web and glorious spider on the back porch...... couldn't bring myself to bother her and she's well out of the way.
Lighter
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Sounds lovely, Lighter, lots of work but all going well, it seems. Hope all guests have a happy time and Mrs Spider continues to enjoy her lovely surrounds lol
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Still no luck finding a housekeeper or two to take that "between rentals" load off you Lighter? It seems like you don't have any just plain down time anymore, between the island property, the lake house & the girls.
That would make me a freakin' wreck!! And not from the physical work, but from trying to keep it all straight in my head (and on my calendar). I would try to find something I could delegate to someone else so I could have a spa day (or mental health day, aka a "nothing day") for my self.
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The guests are ok with the spider, but unhappy upstairs heat not working. I thought I just paid $1,500.00 to fix that, but alas ...... problem persists and is beyond my complete comprehension just now.
I called my brother and he walked lady guests through reset if thermostat communication......I prefer old tashion thermostats!!!!!! For Pete's sake. No more fancy whistles, bells or electronics for me, please!!!
The island cottage needs 2 new exterior framed doors....looking for solid hardwood. Brother working on it. Always something, but most things seem small at the moment.
FEMA was picking up curbside trees this morning with huge dump trucks and metal claws. Perspective restored, for now.
I did pay DD22's friend 100.00 to vacuum and do some dusting....DD22 pitched in here and there for a few hours the first day of cleaning.
I can pay maids $350 to make the floors sticky and dust, but that adds to my workload and frustrates me.....dust just moved around and floors have to be rinsed. No thanks. I'm spot clean with alcohol and keep moving.
All in all, it's walking meditation when my head's right.
I slept and repaired after. Had a lovely day with DD22 yesterday.....went shopping first r planned healthy meals, cooked, watched Ratatouille in the background....almost perfect, but for the lake furnace phone calls.
December is trip to Island will be working AND relaxation with the girls. I have to calm my firefighter part, look up from paint, bleach and projects to engage joyful activities I never allowed myself to have before. DD22 esp desires downtime and fun activities with me.
I'm noticing my firefighter part pops up particularly when I'm reminded of my imperfect parenting during "the dark years ".
I yearn to go back and fix, but work to accept and be present now....work to allow DD22 to notice her stuff and feel responsible, instead of my feeling it, kwim?
I'm focusing on noticing choices and mindfully choosing instead of doing doing doing, in a nutshell. Again.😶🌫️
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Glad you're getting a change of scenery and fun-time!
I'm right there with ya on electronic stuff, too.
Saw a great video from Yes Theory, on Green Bank, WV. It's the National Radio Quiet Zone because of the large telescope. Microwaves are even illegal there. Ditching all the screens & devices IS therapeutic! When B & I made a short getaway last year about this time, we were close enough to that area and in a steep enough terrain, that we had very little cell service too. It was FUN.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWJBAGrG0ms
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LOVED this story, wonderful video!
Thanks, Amber, I subscribed to YesTheory.
:)
Hops
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Lake must have had a power surge between my leaving and guest arrival 16 hours later bc both TV's refused to power on for guests.
I unplugged a smaller TV w/ fire stick and it powered on for guests, thankfully.
About a break from electronics...... sometimes I go all day without noticing. It feels normal, good, productive, but I check on the Airbnb sites, which has to be done.
I imagine a total intentional break for extended periods would be very scary for some.
Lighter
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OH it is scary inititally, Lighter. Thomas mentions that early in the video. There's fear of missing out (FOMO) and a feeling of being "irresponsible" because one is NOT contactable (my head's litany). Michael couldn't go 24 hrs without having a TV. My little cabin, south of here, had no service either. I had to drive out to the end of the road to make a call or text. Almost sold it to BiL just for that reason... LOL. He worked in IT too.
That is the combined dopamine response and pavlovian "obedience" model at work. But in 24-48 hrs most people can breathe free-er and sense more time/space in their mental existence... and turn toward more active ways to pass the time and connect face to face with more people.
Among all age groups, I'm seeing an intentional adjustment to limit one's exposure online and reflexive behavior to the phone. A new life/tech balance if you will.
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I don't miss noise when working in nature.
I DO miss it while indoors. If I'm moved to put something into the air....music and nature noises/storms/green noise bring energy and/or a calm mind.
We have potable water back, as of today!!!
Lighter
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Water sounds like a step in the right direction! So many things we don't realise the importance of until it's not easy to get them. Baby steps in the right direction xx
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Glad you got water back! But I'd be extra careful and have it tested by an independent lab. I've heard MANY reports about the floods dispersing local toxins around. You don't need any additional complications.
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Be a great time to use a Burkee for household drinking water....
hugs
Hops
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Berkey is the correct spelling. And one must be discerning about which filter one buys. They have both carbon and ceramic. I lean both ways, depending on the water situation - which is why independent testing is so important in my process. I have both filters. Haven't needed to use it even with my heavy iron water.
And it's snowing this morning; windy and COLD. People are knitting hats & mittens for distribution in WNC. But I hear troubling reports (true? one doesn't know these days) that the people building and donating tiny houses are having them condemned/confiscated by local inspectors. Even as the shelters are being closed down. I don't know what I believe. I want to be eyes on, myself, before deciding what is true.
But today's challenge is driving 4 hrs into the mountains & back to retrieve some customized items before prime hunting season next week. The whole state basically shuts down. And barometric pressure is down to hurricane levels here; bringing in a dusting of snow and cold windy weather. Not fun driving in a jeep. But Rudi has learned to tack into the wind... so here we go!
Propane tank is fixed. Cheap, too. Now to get it filled.
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Yesterday the HVAC guy blew soot out of the gas furnace. I want to cry when I contemplate getting those sooty footprints off the tile. It's everywhere in the mechanical room.
That fixed the furnace problem till temps dropped into the 30s. That was an expensive, last, attempt to limp along with that unit.
$4500 later, we were lucky a new furnace could be installed today. I'm cleaning the main wooden louvered slat returns, 3 of them, choked with dust.
The tv problem was easily solved.....checked the electric panel. Several circuits were flipped.
The smell in the family room closet....😭. So so so bad ...dead mouse ...dead.... something. I had the HVAC guy look at the little service area....when I tried the room spun and spun and spun. We all think it's dead animal. My plan is to add an eye hook and zip tie that closet shut.... the smell remains contained, that way. Will put 4 luggage racks. There's a huge dresser and armour for clothes....door hooks for hanging. Will be ok, but had to talk myself out of a tree every time that smell hit me 😭.
So....heat ✔️
Dead animal stench ✔️
Laundry done ✔️
Beds half complete, but must get extra small beds out and made. Considering setting them up in heated garage this time, giving them their own tv. Will see.
Sixteen guests arrive for Thanksgiving week. If I have time I'll put up some pine garland on front door and main fireplace upstairs. No lights. Nails already in place.
I'm feeling really off....my brain feels like it's jiggling in me brain pan, along with increased vertigo activity. Driving is exhausting , bc I have to focus SO HARD.
I'll try the maneuver you sent, Hops. Again. The first time I whacked my head so hard on bedrails, I saw stars. I'll choose bedrails free bed tomorrow and get on with it.
SO windy here.....and cold. Snowed back home.....winter's coming.
Lighter
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Ugh! Can't believe you're still dealing with the vertigo Lighter!
I've had a couple days in a row feeling not connected to my body - which results in similar vertigo systems. I've been observing closely to see what it's all about. It's only some moves which cause the lack of propriception. Which is even ODDER.
Suspected very low barometric pressure for awhile. We have a visual glass for that and it's way extreme. But it's not conclusive. No one's talking about geo-magnetic storms (which have coincided with previous short bouts - Holly too). Not doing anything to body/self that would cause this either. So I relate to how frustrating it is.
Snow calls for hot tea or cocoa, a fire, and a good book!
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Inner ear issue, maybe?
hugs
Hops
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Sorry you're experiencing the V too, Amber. Mine is almost gone, but fir some thoughts and extreme head movements paired with eye movement....when I'm testing for it.
I can move head....all normal, but pair with eye movement up and it's back. Like the cat stretch ..almost a tension thing rather than ear rock/ inner ear thing. Plus, the thought thing....just baffling.
Maybe a combination of things?
Met when the rangers, if I didn't post about it. And the tree guy. All very nice fellas and they got a long swimmingly. Hoping my involvement won't be necessary going forward, but will see.
All laundry done....mostly folded or placed on beds. House is off Airbnb for now. Felt weird to leave it unfinished, but I have things going on at home. Getting ready for Nutcracker performance with DD22 now. Will pick up a Christmas tree and write cards at coffee shop to put in mail this evening.
Cookie baking next!
Lighter
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My version is even less frequent and more sporadic, Lighter.
Not serious enough to address the symptom directly - so I've been gently working on possible underlying (potential) causes: bp, kidney support, etc.
There is a noticeable emotional side to it though - though the emotion itself varies. Sometimes just "not being in my body" (too much in my head or whatever.
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Thanks for sharing your experience, Amber. I know there's an emotional component for me. Likely many underlying issues. Sometimes I wonder if mindful self care is the cure, rather than the vitamin Bs, milk thistle, Heart Saver Plus and Hawthorne, kwim, etc, kwim?
My BP seems to have settled down, btw☃️
Lighter
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Well... the milk thistle is only liver support (detoxing). I doubt that's involved with the vertigo. The B vits are useful after age 50, in general. Perhaps some D3? Not a large dosage... in fact, I've come to the conclusion that less is more these days. Enough to positively impact a symptom, not enough to convince the body to be dependent on it. (Second thought: there are some heavy metals churned up from the Helene flooding... the milk thistle could help move anything you've taken in, out of your system. Green tea and Dandelion Root tea will help too.)
Kidneys can have some indirect impact on proprieception... I use a tincture (occasionally for a few days) called "David Winston's Kidney support compound" from H&A... Herbalist Alchemist. The dosages are just 10 drops in an 8 ounce glass of water, once a day. Seems to effective at that rate without going overboard.
I so far haven't found a pill, tincture or tea that keeps the rest of my "being" on an even keel however... LOL.
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I'm taking D3 K2 Omega 3 MCT oil, as well. Will look into kidney support/cleans, thanks.
I had a dizzy spell while watching a 3 or so to leave the blanket with his year old? Sibling seated in the yard ....the child walked towards the road and I slowed and watched till the world started to spin.
I stopped about 3 doors down and pondered consequences of making sure the unsupervised children stayed safe....
me.... approaching young children....with a cute pug.....
expressing, ever so gently, concern, which might be taken as an attack/criticism from a may be kidnapper enticing children with the cutest pug maybe alive.
And, so I sat there till the vertigo and possible consequences made me change pedals and go on my way.
Definitely an emotional component, yup yup yup.
The
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Damn.
I'm really sorry the vertigo is so persistent, Lighter.
Have inner ear problems been ruled out by an ENT?
Next stop, maybe a neurological check?
Steady on...
hugs
Hops
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I've not made time for the dizzy clinic, Hops. I'll do that, at some point, and not feel bad for waiting.
Lighter
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No feeling bad! I have a whole list (teeth, eyes, ears, skin) of checks I need to get done. Tedious. Especially to find a new dentist. My long-term clinic (university based) had some retirements and short staffing to cope with so I was just assigned a new dentist, and after two meetings I don't want him. Nothing nefarious, he just has zero chairside manners and I confess I need to be greeted like a person, not a mouth. He's in such a rush that I can barely grasp the procedure as he dashes off to the Next Thing. He actually dashes behind the chair the second he comes in without eye contact or a convincing hello. I'm sure he has reasons, just doesn't work w/me.
I asked for a transfer to a more seasonsed dentist in the same practice and the manager (via receptionist) said I'm not allowed. I have to see him or nobody. I didn't like that, so emailed the chairman my polite confusion. I thought 2nd opinions (about a long and expensive rebuild of a bridge, with another tooth sacrifice) were a respected part of medicine? Pfftt. I never really blame staff or doctors though, just the situation.
hugs
Hops
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Lordy, Hops.....trust in a dentist is important!
I go to a practice where the hygienist treats me like a child...... exactly what I look for. Gentle, kind and funny. I guess I take whichever dentist is available....I think I've seen 2 so far. It seems unreasonable to force you into seeing one, of many, dental practitioners, IME.
Good luck finding a better fit. You shouldn't feel forced. Hope the bridge works out soon.
Lighter
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I'm having fun discussing possible wedding event with bride for this summer at the lake.
I love making moss and fern table and chandelier arrangements. I love planning the food, tables, chairs and logistics.....making things special....making them work. This would be an alcohol free event, so more appealing to us.
The lake property is paused on the Airbnb site. Something had to give and we're heading into tree planting time....heavy equipment and lots of noise and mess.
Will go there soon and make big fires in the living room. Plot out tables for 70 and price out rentals vs purchasing.
I hope the tiny thin ferns grow back at the RR ties.
Lighter
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OOO... that does sound like fun Lighter! Spring wedding? June?
Maybe "events" would be the best use of the lake house? Does AirBnb let you choose a category like this?
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Tonight the summer bride is supposed to call and chat about having wedding at lake. I thought I'd be tucked into jammies, researching rental companies, fees and deliveries, but I'm out and about with vet appt, lunch with DD24 and reupping her fitness membership. The snow and ice are a problem on small streets. The first main intersection for us has a huge gas leak with firetrucks and a shut down road flanked by gas stations, so that's been the scariest thing about about sliding out of the neighborhood today.
It's blue skies and sunshine.....enjoying the day☃️
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The summer bride is waiting for pricing for an August wedding. I have nothing concrete to give her, esp as the maid asking for work just flaked.
Tree guy said 61 trees planted yesterday. It's a lot of trees, will say that. Had to stop him from planting on non corps property ...he planted at least 4.
Going to water them now. Hope new hoses were left, not taken
Lighter
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We only caught 2 mice in the garage. It appears one mice pooped in parts of lower up kitchen cabinets....and he did it all by his lonesome. It's been assumed the dead mouse smell, located in the bedroom under said cabinets, is the unlucky fella. I think he scampered in while the handyman was checking on house during cold snaps, at my request.
This is best case scenario, btw.
I'm going to start cleaning windows while sister waters trees after this post.
Later, we'll break down bedroom off downstairs kitchen and put in out building.
That space, instead, will officially become flex space with armoires scooted to walls for tables and chairs/dance floor or scooted back into room, as walls, for blow up bed/s.
The bed we're breaking down is a beautiful carved wood poster bed with matching single armoire and huge dresser with mirror. It was in youngest DD's bedroom in the big house. I still have the Gurls' Martha Stewart bedding, tattered a bit, but lovely and used during our stays...and....I feel almost nothing when I think of it. Maybe obligation.....to make their things available....to guard and keep safe. I'd say that's been a feature, conscious and unconscious. DD said she feels "ambivalent" about the set.....never thought of it "as hers." She's all for putting it in storage, which means she doesn't not care. I know DD24 cares about her piano and bedroom set.
The idea of opening up the down great room/kitchen area feels like cool fresh air blowing through my bones. That is a surprise to me. Heck, will have options for the pool table placement..... everything, really, can be arranged differently, except kitchen island. I wish we had installed vinyl flooring when down bathrooms were done. Just matched it all up. Oh well.
But all those peanut butter traps set in the house, and not one mouse caught. Later, we sanitize and put the mouse panic away.
Lighter
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Might have sister's Canadian friend to the lake ....... she's wonderful at planning and executing wildflower meadows.....which baffles me. Not sure why, but it wobbles my brain.
I have a tree stump/wooden board bench idea brewing for outdoor lakeside seating. Will speak to contractor about it this weekend... provided girls are in a good place.
It's exam time and they're still dealing with tonsil trouble, for oldest, and a cold for youngest. That steroid shot, for oldest, made a huge difference, will say that.
Lighter