Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Meh on January 24, 2021, 07:31:42 PM

Title: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 24, 2021, 07:31:42 PM
This will be brief. (Never mind it's not brief...)

I've got an instructor who is using the term "projection" to describe what he anticipates some students will do in his class.

This is an "English" class.

The class appears to be using a form of racial profiling which is a Civil Rights violation. I'm not a lawyer but the structure of this class already appears to be highly problematic. The instructor has also made the class highly personalized, highly racialized and he has made a point of "outing" people based on their race.

So I am not trying to make a political statement here although this ends up falling within the realm of politics.

I have many concerns already.

One of my concerns though is an instructor who is using what sounds like psychobabble to describe the "consciousness" of his students.

It's only the first week of class. The only interaction I have had with him so far is that I asked him if he can point me in the direction of any grading rubrics and he has none AND he provided me with quite a snarky answer.

I'm not sure what my point with this post is going to be. I think it's just a question of opinion about how to politely stand up against an authority figure who is using psychobabble.

I find it distressing that the course should not be a group therapy class and it's not a psychology class and he is using terms that sound like pseudo-psychology. Terms being used by someone in a Federally funded academic setting, someone who isn't qualified to do an unsolicited psychological assessment of students.

Often I just need to write things out for my own clarity and that is what I have done above.

I have already reported to the compliance and civil rights office at my institution that I have some concerns about how the class is structured.

It very much seems to me that he is performing some kind of conversion political activism in this class. We shall see how it turns out. In the mean time I'm trying to keep my sanity and dignity. In this class it looks to me like the instructor is grading students based on their psychological disposition according to their race. I find that the structure of the class is heavy handed and domineering.

I'm trying to set aside my opinion about politics etc. and break down the verbiage he is using and the structure/power dynamics.

Any thoughts on authority figures using psychobabble to justify their actions... I would appreciate it.

There is also the concept of free speech which the instructor has versus an instructor abusing their authority...

In the end I may base all of my work in the class on MLK research, the class doesn't even reference MLK at all, so I may rely on the civil rights movement background to generate my content for this class and then I will just see how he grades the civil rights based content....which will be quite odd since he is already violating students rights I think he will have an issue with with MLK ultimately. Sigh the crapola of it all. I have a clear goal and that is for me to graduate and to do it with some kind of dignity and sanity intact. I also do not want to feel voiceless or like this instructor is grading my race or my psychology.

I don't think it's an instructors role to attack a student's identity or sense of self. He doesn't need to do this to teach people concepts or skills.

I may come back to this post to yammer on about this. You may have noticed I have a way of self-talking/writing through issues here. Sometimes when I feel anxious or upset or overwhelmed I do have a difficult time finding the right words and articulating EVERYTHING that is in my thoughts, so I guess to a certain degree I see this as a safe place to try and sort out my own sense of voicelessness. I don't feel voiceless necessarily in this class yet but I do feel inclined to question and even confront his authority and that I am sure he may deem as "inappropriate."

A compulsion wells up in me to upset the power dynamic and point out inside the classroom discussion that an instructor/student setting presents a type of power dynamic that is not a balanced context to start with. I also want to publicly post in the class that if anybody feels they are being racially profiled or coerced into making personal statements or judged in ways they are not comfortable with they should report it to the civil rights office and also the head of the department. Somehow this action seems confrontational. Then again there is nothing written in stone that I must be powerless or voiceless and I am not violating anybody's rights by promoting the use of the campus civil rights office. 

Any thoughts are welcome if you are so inclined to share.



Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 24, 2021, 11:30:57 PM
Apparently the instructor is probably drawing from one or more of these theorists (names mined courtesy of wikipedia):

Paulo Freire, Henry Giroux, Peter McLarenbell hooks, Antonia Darder, Joe Kincheloe, Shirley Steinberg, Paul Willis, Ira Shor

The instructor hasn't explained his curriculum as a theoretical stance though and I think whatever he is doing it is going too far.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Hopalong on January 24, 2021, 11:58:43 PM
Dunno that this will help, Posh, but it clarifies maybe.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection)

That's the psychological term you referenced.

Hope it gets easier for you,
Hops
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Twoapenny on January 25, 2021, 02:08:33 AM
That does sound difficult to manage, Posh.  I struggled with some teaching methods when I was at Uni.  A couple of times I had tutors who appeared to be doing something a bit dodgy, but it turned out to be a sort of 'active' teaching thing, to make us think about things in a certain way (would take forever to explain but it made sense in the end and was a way of teaching, rather than a personal thing).  Another couple were very anti women, with one going so far as to air brush work by women out of his teachings and just refused to acknowledge what had been published.

I don't know if it would help in your situation but when I have to deal with public sector staff and I suspect (or know) they're telling me things that aren't factually accurate or appropriate to the situation, I ask them (politely) if they have any other information about that that I can have a look at.  So for example, when he talks about 'consciousness', to ask him if he has any reading recommendations for you about that.  Given that he's already refused to provide information about grading (which seems very weird; we all used to be given a clear grade scheme at the outset so everyone knew what they were up to).  I've just found with people that, if they are saying something that's well researched and well evidenced they can just say, sure, here's a list to start you off.  And if it's nonsense they don't tend to be able to produce much.

It does seem to be a 'thing' now; there's a huge amount going on over here at the moment about Universities having agendas and only allowing debate if the outcome is guaranteed and things like that.  It used to be about teaching fact, wherever possible, critical theory in other situations and debating skills.

Were the civil rights office much help when you approached them?  I wondered if there's any other kind of student body you could contact, even it just meant being able to knock ideas around a bit? xx
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 06:22:53 AM
I'm pretty darn concerned, it feels creepy.

There is too much talk about feelings when I frankly don't want to, coercive feeling talk feels abusive to me- but it's built into the assignments. Now I am second guessing what I divulged on the assignment. Maybe I should just start lying throughout the whole thing, and treat it as a social experiment. I guess I learned my lesson the time for me to start lying was before I submitted the assignment. This class is 100% not necessary but it's in the curriculum as a requirement, and if they don't kick me out I will probably end up attempting to write a "serious" article about it after the fact. I feel pretty violated to the point that I am now "resisting" by saying obnoxious things in the class discussion about mind control process. I DONT TRUST what they are doing. This is unlike any of the other classes I've had so far.

I know I often sound paranoid but this really does feel like political colonization via psychology. I mean this stuff does happen within universities it's not unheard of. Sigh at least my other three classes are normal.

What is really sick is how since I am a female I can say it feels abusive but if I was a male student I probably wouldn't be allowed to have that kind of thought or feeling about it.

Okay it's a social experiment and if I see everybody else in the class get converted, well whatever maybe that is on them. I won't succumb that that social peer pressure conversion tactics. (I hope)

I'm really starting to sound crazy.

 
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 06:35:35 AM
Yeah I know the term projection Hops (smile) it's just I've never seen any instructor do this weird psychology/feeling methods and then call it a course. It's the jargon used, it's the type of shame-words that are stated.

There is the vibe of "if you speak out of line then you will be accused of projection"  it's sort of a lack of free speech based on a shame principle.

Well I guess I will see how bad it gets.... Grrr

Yay stick a person with mental health issues (me)/depression & anxiety INTO a coercive political conversion unit aka university class run by two mystery people.

The other thing that I also find odd about this class is how the instructor represents himself like quite the expert and he has a co-somebody that will help him grade the final portfolio of god knows what sort of gobbled gop I will put in there. Why are they calling themselves "experts" who does that. Like they are the only sources of the truth about the topic.... doesn't that sound kind of alarming.. yes it does this is F-ed up.

Okay so I will change my tactics (1) lie if I can, I'm not good at it though and (2) I can't remember what I was going to say. Apparently I have no plan at the moment.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 06:37:48 AM
@ Two OMG airbrushing women out! That is wild. Yeah that is so odd.

I haven't checked my email yet to see if the civil rights office whoever they are responded to me. I'm sort of afraid to check and I want to spend some time doing other things before I open whatever yucky thing is in my email hehehehe.

I'm suspecting all of this and I put this verbiage in one of my public postings so they will either think I am crazy or if other people are feeling weird about the class in any way maybe they will clue in... : A process of psychological colonization, a re-framing, controlling and reforming of identity and using strong emotions. Social shaming/ "social proof" methods.

Fact of the matter is I don't know what I am talking about when I say mind control but something is just VERY off about this class. It's wrong. It's psychologically abusive.

I'm already in touch with the head of the department who is quite complacent but I feel like maybe I can squeeze out of her more of their grading criteria... if she refuses to tell me that is bizarre as F.

Okay I will just have to read more about it. I can complain that they aren't actually teaching us ANY theories they are just using theory on us. All of the text they are providing isn't from scholars from what I can tell, I will have to look again, it looks like a bunch of opinion.

Anyhow I'm not writing this for drama purposes. Like I said I just get some value out of writing it through.

I'm going off the deep end but this seems like some kind of intellectual espionage. LOL I wonder what's NOT on the instructor's CV. I've never questioned any of my instructors qualifications so much.

Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Twoapenny on January 25, 2021, 06:55:09 AM
I don't think you should lie, Posh, your instincts are good and universities should be about thinking for yourself and formulating arguments, in my opinion - although over here, at least, it doesn't seem to be that way any more and there seems to be a line that people are expected to follow.  And yes, the thought police approach is very popular over here at the moment - if you don't agree with x, y and z then you're racist/homophobic/transphobic etc.  And of course, some people are those things, but it seems to be now that people don't come back with a counter argument, they just attach a label and shut people down.  How do the other students on your course feel?  You may find some of them feel the same but don't feel confident enough to speak out.  I never said anything about the tutors I experienced; now I'd call them out like a shot but I didn't have the confidence then and they knew so much more than me that I thought I'd got the wrong end of the stick.  But I was right, I could see it with hindsight.  Maybe document some of the specific incidents, even if just for your own sake.  It does sound like a pretty unhealthy environment which is a shame.  I guess without a grade detail you don't even know whether they're marking on content or whether they focus on how well you argue it? xx
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 08:32:33 AM
Thanks for sharing Two, it is kind of good to know what is happening around the world where you are at as well. I'm on the West side of USA.

Well some critics say that Critical Consciousness Theory (there are a few) is a form of McCarthyism basically.

Whatever the case may be I wish I wasn't being indoctrinated into a specific political movement.

Many people will all say racism, sexism, homophobia and all that is essentially bad (most people agree on some basic human dignity maybe) so it's almost a premise that can't be refuted in a liberal setting there is a peer pressure not to question these acceptable premises. However if someone questions the political movement itself they risk looking like a jerk. I'm not articulating this well I don't study political science or psychology it's a bit much I just know this feels kinda of radical and suppressive- because it is.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: sKePTiKal on January 25, 2021, 08:37:32 AM
No, you should not be indoctrinated into any specific political movement or point of view. And the techniques being used ARE psychologically abusive, Mouse. I don't think you're crazy.

I have heard such things before; your experience is the first one I've heard first hand. I really don't think you're crazy. And I think what's going on is wrong, and that's all I feel comfortable saying.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 08:42:25 AM
Thanks Skep.

I will wait it out and focus on my other classes. In the mean time I will gather up critics of the theory. Luckily there are a few main stream news reports that help me put this into context. I've heard people discuss McCarthyism but I haven't experienced anything like it (if that is what this is).
 
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Twoapenny on January 25, 2021, 09:50:26 AM
Thanks for sharing Two, it is kind of good to know what is happening around the world where you are at as well. I'm on the West side of USA.

Well some critics say that Critical Consciousness Theory (there are a few) is a form of McCarthyism basically.

Whatever the case may be I wish I wasn't being indoctrinated into a specific political movement.

Many people will all say racism, sexism, homophobia and all that is essentially bad (most people agree on some basic human dignity maybe) so it's almost a premise that can't be refuted in a liberal setting there is a peer pressure not to question these acceptable premises. However if someone questions the political movement itself they risk looking like a jerk. I'm not articulating this well I don't study political science or psychology it's a bit much I just know this feels kinda of radical and suppressive- because it is.

I don't understand all the theory stuff and terminology either, Posh and yep, inequality in whichever form it takes (which is what causes 'isms', in my opinion), is not something that I think is a great idea.  But there seems to be a big focus over here now (and I guess it's happening there as well) over controlling what people think and that's something I really don't agree with.  And to my mind University should be the place where you can discuss things; it's a safe space where people should be able to share ideas, thoughts and ask questions, without feeling that there's only one answer (I guess in science and maths there are things that only have one answer but most other things are more fluid than that).  I can remember one particularly provocative tutor who really wanted us all to debate and discuss things, so he'd ask questions like whether it was reasonable to ban BNP marches (they were a political group who wanted anyone who wasn't white or wasn't born in England sent home), whether it was women's fault they get raped, whether people should be allowed to strike and so on.  I didn't like him at first but over time I realised that what he really wanted us to do was to think for ourselves and not just say what everyone else did, or not speak up if we didn't agree, and he taught us that you can have discussions about contentious and potentially very upsetting issues without causing a huge row if people are polite and listen to one another.  I didn't realise at first they weren't his views, either, he was just using questions that he knew would evoke strong reactions.

I hope someone with a bit of authority can do something useful for you.  It doesn't sound very nice to have to put up with.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Hopalong on January 25, 2021, 03:37:23 PM
I learned a lot from this woman, years ago.
(Not liking the process, but eventually I realized her purpose.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mcCLm_LwpE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mcCLm_LwpE)

hugs
Hops

PS Stories that move me tremendously are people like Daryl Davis, Christian Picciolini, and others....get across that divide. They give me hope, and their courage blows me away.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 05:12:48 PM
The Civil Rights compliance office sent me an email today. They are going to investigate.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 05:26:16 PM
Yeah Hops,

This isn't an experiment we signed up for. I already have anxiety issues to start with.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Hopalong on January 25, 2021, 06:53:44 PM
I'm sorry it's causing you anxiety, Posh.
I hope they find better ways to get the information across.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 07:30:01 PM
Erosion of sense of self....
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 07:41:49 PM
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/06/informed-consent#:~:text=%E2%80%9CInformed%20Consent%2C%20psychologists%20inform%20participants,withdrawing%3B%20(4)%20reasonably%20foreseeable

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jun/30/facebook-emotion-study-breached-ethical-guidelines-researchers-say

I didn't consent to whatever this is, there is too much psychobabble in my class...  He has not presented himself as a trained psychologist who asked for consent.
Title: Re: Projection psychology
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 10:10:44 PM
This is the language from the instructor copied and pasted: "provide order to the chaos of thought and help you get a better sense of self"

SOUNDS LIKE A CULT    The authority figure is going to provide order out of chaos? And improve our sense of self?

What is wrong with my sense of self and what made the instructor the boss of me.

I think this is WRONG.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on January 25, 2021, 10:24:47 PM
What is the title of the course, and what's the course description, Posh?

Just curious how it is described in the school catalog.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 25, 2021, 10:54:44 PM
Thanks Hops for your interest. Ultimately though I'm set in my mind that no instructor can put me through this, there is NO JUSTIFICATION. I'm just so freaked out that this is happening to other people too. Nobody is the boss of me. No teacher will reform my identity. Fuck him.

Totalitarianism

Title: What the heck is happening in this class
Post by: Meh on January 26, 2021, 02:18:00 AM
I don't understand what is happening in this class.

One of the assignments is called "Hostage Negotiation Work" --- WHY?

Why must I be the victim of someone else's political ideas. This stuff is so crazy.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on January 26, 2021, 08:34:11 AM
I'd also like to know how the course is "advertised" Mouse. Professional curiosity.

I could try to explain some of this "content"; Hops can probably explain more than I can - but I think maybe the best thing for you to do is simply honor your own feelings here - the anxiety, revulsion, and downright fear are there to protect you and dropping the class/adding another will give you immediate relief.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 26, 2021, 08:45:10 AM
it's just one of a handful of rhetoric classes

you are right Skep, you named the emotions pretty well, I wasn't even naming my own emotions but rather feeling freaked, I know it seems like I am going overboard but I practically feel some kind of horror, I hope he isn't some stalker I kind of outed him just a tiny BIG bit, I couldn't help it it's what I do, I was dumb I should have walked away from it, I think there was an intentional attempt at voice suppression too, WHAT they are doing is studied, they are studying abuse

I'm not reacting normally. I mean nothing is normal now but now it's extra extra not normal.

I think I'm just realizing how deeply bad some people are, really mental, really bad and now I'm pretty scared

Yep I need to get the heck out of the class and forget about it

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 26, 2021, 09:52:51 PM
But if an instructor is an abuser and is trying to implement this stuff. This stuff shouldn't be acted out by people who have no background in psychology. This is so freaking mental. I just don't agree with this whole process they were using as the premise for this class. I think this is pretty controversial. I feel traumatized somehow by the way the instructor is trying to do this stuff.

What if I am traumatized by my curriculum... and I already told my advisor I was having mental health issues. Why is this planted into English classes.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5892452/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Character_assassination

I don't think what they are doing is "enlightened" even when I look at all the various research.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on January 27, 2021, 12:36:24 AM
I hear the trauma and anxiety, Posh. I know it's real and I'm so sorry you're going through a bout. I hope you'll be able to substitute a different class.

I wonder if you could talk to yourself as a friend in the meantime, in ways that tell you are safe. You are strong. You do not have to "believe in" a version of teaching that is upsetting to you. You might be extra kind to yourself, and acknowledge that this has made you feel fragile. (I had to learn to talk to myself tenderly.)

I hope you might be able believe that you are stronger than you know, and that probably this man, or this unconventional prof, is not evil. He may just have an academic ego (flip that and it's insecurity) and have had his head stuffed with concepts that don't make sense for you. I don't know if what's been happening in the world plays into it, but he might be "wrong" but sincerely believe he is helping, or doing good. He might desperately want to make things better but be going about it the wrong way. Fear works both ways sometimes.

Meanwhile, you have the right to accept or reject whatever knowledge he's trying to impart. You do NOT have to agree or accept or be changed by it. Likewise, though, you shouldn't have to fight in terror to survive just...words.

I believe you won't find yourself being hypnotized or brainwashed by an odd or even repellent professor. I think you are highly intelligent and can filter what comes in, and eject what you want out. I imagine looking at him with his mouth moving and using a little mantra: Yap, yap, yap. You have no pants on. (When I used to have panic attacks I would use all sorts of inner "tapes" to calm myself.) Some were ridiculous, some were just simple: I am safe, I am okay, I'm going to take deep breaths now and trust that this is only an anxiety or panic symptom. I know what it is, it's not going to kill me, and I know it will pass. Other times, if it got too bad, I would find therapy and have someone kind and wise help me be stronger than I could be at that time on my own.

If filtering feels overwhelming, then you need an ally. Where could you find someone who is professional, who does understand psychology, and might be able to help you sort through this experience so you can leave it behind?

You're entitled to feel what you feel but also to have help, and peace. You deserve it.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 27, 2021, 03:45:55 AM
Thanks for the thoughts Hops. I know you look on the lighter brighter side of things. For myself I depend on skepticism and gloominess and I like me this way because I'm afraid of being in denial of evil. I told a couple friends what was going on at my school, one of them called me, an old coworker, we had a nice boring conversation about her plans for a home remodel. Chit chat about the comforting mundane aspects of life is nice it calms a person down.

In class what I am learning is how to control people's minds, how to control people's voices. I'm learning how to suppress people. I've been obsessing about the methods because the content is based of off premises that are not 100% true. The rhetoric in this class is censoring. Restrictive Rhetoric to create more limited rhetoric to disseminate ideas. It's no surprise the ENGLISH department is super sketchy. Obviously this is power. I know what is going on.

Thoughts are enforced in this class through a process of shaming, framing, name calling, word associations and leadership, selective suppression, and maybe the metadata logic of all the content. It's a full control system, they don't like people to leave their process of thought and there is a specific process of shame for those who do not disseminate and intellectually leave their thought-cult. I know maybe you don't get it but I see all the shame techniques. Isn't that a great system for a dictator and a mental case. All in the name of raising consciousness you know a term borrowed from the hippy yoga culture. Induce a new reality. I'm just proud of myself for resisting it. I did a yoga teacher program long time back but THAT didn't scare the hell out of me.

There is a reason why I feel afraid and controlled. It's because the instructor is forming people who will repeat his political ideas 100%.

The assignments are a type of grooming and punishment through language. There are some resources on how language can punish people, it's quite interesting.

I see evil and I feel the evil. I guess I wanted to be the "witness" in the class, the person who was not part of the collective. But I'm not the leader/instructor LOL

If I read about political radicalization process that is what I see. I don't agree with the politics. The class has 100% one sided content, it's unusual for a long course. One long program all reinforcing the same ideas over and over and over. Group identification, identity-group grievances, a clear enemy and it's all a recipe for how to treat the enemy.

I mean we have group grievance here at this site but we aren't a political movement tasked with infiltrating corporate America.

yada yada yada and so on

Be more chill I tell myself, as if. 






 



Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 27, 2021, 06:11:32 AM
"The process of transformation requires the simultaneous and reciprocating processes of objectifying and acting"

So I am being objectified in this class due to how the instructor has put people into categories, our identities have been simplified. These are the things I see happening in this class. A process of dehumanizing people. The violability is especially bothersome to me. It's very odd that a school would teach a process that dehumanizes people through a process of objectification. In the guise of doing good....

"According to Martha Nussbaum, a person is objectified if one or more of the following properties are applied to them:[2]

Instrumentality – treating the person as a tool for another's purposes

Denial of autonomy – treating the person as lacking in autonomy or self-determination
Inertness – treating the person as lacking in agency or activity
Fungibility – treating the person as interchangeable with (other) objects
Violability – treating the person as lacking in boundary integrity and violable, "as something that it is permissible to break up, smash, break into."
Ownership – treating the person as though they can be owned, bought, or sold
Denial of subjectivity – treating the person as though there is no need for concern for their experiences or feelings
Rae Langton proposed three more properties to be added to Nussbaum's list:[3]

Reduction to body – the treatment of a person as identified with their body, or body parts
Reduction to appearance – the treatment of a person primarily in terms of how they look, or how they appear to the senses
Silencing – the treatment of a person as if they are silent, lacking the capacity to speak"


HOW is this a legitimate teaching process.... Objectification is part of critical consciousness. ??

Basically my instructor and school are abusing me.. under the guise of "GOOD" but ultimately they are creating a political group...

Sorry I know I keep obsessing about it. This is just another oppressive political movement.

There is no reason why I should be used as a tool for someone else's goal while harming me.

THIS is an example of how academics are nuts. I know I feel an increase of don't give a crap about your rights because my rights are being violated etc. HAHAHA

There are humane alternatives to this and that is why I don't believe this is the GOOD it claims to be. It is a victimizing process.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on January 27, 2021, 08:08:13 AM
Well, I think you can skip the class Mouse. You've just completed all the "learning" possible from the material and simply come to a different conclusion than the professors. YOUR conclusion. One based on your previous experiences, the emotions of which were triggered when coming into contact with the same thing dressed up in currently fashionable clothes. Higher Ed is guilty of having a lot of "follow the leader" trends - and not all profs do it well or respect the limitations on their position. And I sure don't have to tell you how some faculty see students, do I? (Certainly not as "people". Admin staff can be treated even worse.)

In this experience, your anxiety and fears did their job - helped you recognize the same old abuse in a different form. I hope the other "rhetoric" classes utilize different theories, but perhaps different profs with different approaches into it will help you study this emotionally difficult material. My familiarity with it, is from the deprogramming side for cults. And it helps to know the ways that people form cults, and the basic motivations that a cult seems to fulfill for people, and the emotional "governance" of same. My interest started when I was pretty young because Charles Manson was all over the news. Then, there was Jim Jones; and some of the various "gurus".

Whether there are political ideas at the root of the intent to form a cult or not - the techniques used are harmful to a person, one way or another. Some people more than others; and in different ways and in different degrees. Deprogramming borrows an awful lot from real therapy.

And while trying to force a person into a chosen belief-system isn't technically illegal - I find it morally wrong, because it requires Person A to believe they have the right to make Persons B, C & D think, feel, believe and behave as they are told to. The example I usually use, is the belief that African Americans are somehow biologically inferior; incapable of intelligence, and that therefore justifies slavery. Many people believe that's morally wrong these days. But so is the reverse. That's what MLK was trying to convey in his quote about judging people on their character, not skin. (As I understood it then and now.)

In any case, one wouldn't begin even an advanced class with this material in this context. You'd go over how basic beliefs are formed, how language supports that via rhetoric, the nuts & bolts of what rhetoric IS and what it's purpose in human interaction is. BEFORE you get to mass population uses - like advertising jingles, etc.

EVERYONE remembers that Oscar Meyer makes B-A-L-O-G-N-A, right? Same techniques, applied for a different intent.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on January 27, 2021, 11:01:11 AM
B-O-L-O-G-N-A

:)

Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 28, 2021, 05:25:54 AM
Thanks Skep and Hops

Thanks guys. I dropped the class---  but it's weak for me to turn my back on it. The whole world turns the other cheek or gets too busy and before you know it more political uprisings. We should really be wondering who is starting all the riots, maybe it's not always the "group" it's attributed to.

Something very weird is happening in our country. People who can't persuade other's through choice and reason... well they must do it this other way.

I think the process they were doing would ultimately cause some people do deny injustices done to oneself. Make people defenseless. All of it is based on a denial of the self.



Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 28, 2021, 08:56:07 AM
- Menticide -

Should have been the title of this class. 


Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on January 28, 2021, 03:58:02 PM
B-O-L-O-G-N-A

:)

Hops


OOPSIE... LOLOLOLOL.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 29, 2021, 05:07:04 PM
The BIG LIE is unfolding again

I am not putting this here to promote Hitler. I am putting it here to make a statement about HOW LIES WORK.

"But it remained for the Jews, with their unqualified capacity for falsehood, and their fighting comrades, the Marxists, to impute responsibility for the downfall precisely to the man who alone had shown a superhuman will and energy in his effort to prevent the catastrophe which he had foreseen and to save the nation from that hour of complete overthrow and shame. By placing responsibility for the loss of the world war on the shoulders of Ludendorff they took away the weapon of moral right from the only adversary dangerous enough to be likely to succeed in bringing the betrayers of the Fatherland to Justice.

All this was inspired by the principle—which is quite true within itself—that in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility; because the broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods.

It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds,they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation.[/b] For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying.

— Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on January 29, 2021, 11:35:15 PM
You have much support from me, dear Posh, as you sort out this crisis you've been weathering.

But just want to say that for me for right now, I'll bow off the thread as I don't think I have much to add that'd be useful, and I'm realizing I need to take care of my inner calm more intentionally at the mo'. The topic's a little triggering for me too, in different ways.

I'm sure you understand, just want you to know that doesn't mean I don't care.

I'll pop back over to a Posh thread soon and be glad to read how you're doing! Many fingers crossed and good thoughts heading your way.

Hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 30, 2021, 12:44:37 AM
It's fine Hops.

I don't think this forum is the best place for political talk because of how much it riles people up.

Thing is I felt so freaked out by what I was witnessing and it's caused me to question what can take hold in education systems.

Okay, I see what you mean. What I am writing is totally freaky.

It all sounds alarmist. I'm sorry if I freaked you out.

I'm not here to promote anything really I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what is going on and why.



Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on January 30, 2021, 01:50:45 AM
I know you are, Posh.
Not mad at you at all.

Just being a little mouse at the mo'.

I'm glad you're working through whatever you need to.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on January 30, 2021, 11:00:41 AM
Well - many forms of abuse replicate the same techniques of the "big lie". Somewhere in the ancient threads of Twiggy's story, I know I brought it up. (My nickname way back when.)

And yes, I completely understand how it bothers you; it bothers me too; and it bothers Hops differently - but still bothers.

As to finding this condoned in an educational setting, I think the best advice is to remove yourself from the source of the triggering, ie, the class and that prof. Which you've already done. And get some calm back into your life before you start thinking about this again. Just to take care of yourSELF first. The issue isn't going anywhere.

That's the main thing Mouse. Just take care of yourself - and if that means completely ignoring the issue; do so until you're feeling better within yourself... before you think about studying this again; IF you ever do. You can be a lovely, well-educated person without going in depth into the dark side of humanity.

Why do you think I'm watching so many period soap operas on tv? LOLOLOLOL. It's a comforting little world, where people mostly know what the rules are and mostly follow them... and the non-comformists are tolerated as "eccentric". We do what we have to, to take care of ourselves.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 30, 2021, 06:31:54 PM
Yeah there is nothing new happening.

A psychopath gets into an institution assumes a type of "moral pollution is inherent in a race" which needs to be sought out and destroyed. It's tantamount to destroying a person of course, the "sin" is assumed.

It's one thing to study Marxism, radical politics, abuse, political science, covert operations... it's quite another thing to be a victim of it.

Thanks Skep but I have no intention of being a lovely or polite person. My tongue feels weaponized with the knowledge of history and the insight of prior experience of "voicelessness."

Do not mind me. I will just yammer on about this out of a personal necessity to have "a voice" somewhere. I have left that male-run class and moved to a female-run class with the same moral cleansing program but new class is presented in a less domineering way. This is some departmental prerogative, I'm getting the sense that the whole program is highly influenced by two guys in the department. Whatever. 

 

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 30, 2021, 06:53:05 PM
https://www.chapman.edu/ESI/wp/Branas-Garza_MoralCleansingandLicences.pdf
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 30, 2021, 09:44:58 PM
The school is mandating that students do these classes and after much reflection I know that the classes are modeled after Psychodynamic psychotherapy. The instructors aren't psychologists though, and it's so very messed up.

"reveal the unconscious content of a client's psyche"

WOW.  These aren't normal classes like I have saying repetitively over and over. This is almost like conversion therapy for gays.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychodynamic_psychotherapy
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on January 31, 2021, 02:18:43 AM
Spencer Schaffner - associate professor of English at University of Illinois

Book: Writing As Punishment In schools, Courts & Everyday Life

"Another set of less thoroughly examined beliefs about writing are encrypted in and reproduced through the use of writing as punishment, and these are the beliefs that writing is a viable tool for disciplining, controlling, brainwashing, shaming, demeaning, subjugating, and humiliating others." p 11-12

"Encrypted in the particularities of these schoolhouse traditions are core beliefs about writing as a potentially dark, magical rhetorical art capable of punishing, controlling, and transforming writers." p 13


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

"DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". It is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers"

It's that gaslighting shit. Excuse my language. Got to call it when I see it. Big stinky fuming cow piles of it.

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 02, 2021, 02:56:46 AM
I'm reading:

JOURNAL ARTICLE
THE SEMANTICS OF THOUGHT REFORM
William F. O'Neill and George D. Demos

This article explains EVERYTHING I have been witnessing. I feel so grateful that this article was written it's from 1977! So nothing new under the sun here.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on February 02, 2021, 06:27:02 PM
Well, then - happy reading! Maybe you'll be able to effect some change, in how "fashionable" these theories are.Best of luck. I've done enough of that in my time. The stuff makes me feel like I need a long shower and brain bleach.

As for language - blush - I'm afraid my normal speech resembles a longshoreman's or a lifelong sailor. LOLOL.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 02, 2021, 09:03:54 PM
a local parent spoke out about "education reform" plans in our county. I'm trying to get in touch with him. I guess I will see if he contacts me. I'm just tired.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Twoapenny on February 03, 2021, 05:36:14 AM
I was reading that some students are setting up 'Free Speech' societies here, to push back against  the rising tide of being told what to think.  I do find it worrying.  We were taught all sorts of different critical theories at Uni but they were just different ways of reading a text.  They weren't instructions on how to think or part of who we were, it just meant you could read a book and then analyse it using Marxist theory, feminist theory, post modernist theory or whatever.  Interestingly I took a course in Dystopian fiction and the common theme in each book was always that you could only achieve 'Utopia' if everyone thought the same, which meant having to use force or brainwashing techniques to ensure that happens.  Seems to be becoming a real thing which is a worry.  I feel it's what happened when I had my set to with the conspiracy theory lady - she's entitled to think/believe what she wants but she doesn't have a right to decide what I think, or that her 'truth' is something that I have to listen to.  She seemed to want me to recant, which feels somewhat medieval.  It's a bizarre head space to be in just now.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on February 03, 2021, 08:25:36 AM
I don't fully understand how much fear seems to be generated by some liberal arts education. When I was in school people were studying everything (in no particular order) from Chomsky to Marx to Ghandi to Abraham Lincoln to MLK Jr to the Tao or Einstein or Gertrude Stein or Jesus/Buddha/Hegel--whatever there was an individual felt like learning something about. What drove curriculae was curiosity, which is what makes people want to learn.

It'd be a shame if intellectual curiosity was replaced by fear of knowledge or suspicion of the theoretical. And if coercive teaching styles are triggering that in some places, that's disappointing. Theories are just how ideas are tried, get their tires kicked. I think it's as true in the humanities as in science. Critical thinking is...critical.

In my own experience higher education was about thinking, not brainwashing. I know about PC language because it's even happened at my church but I also embrace WHY people are using new jargon to explain how systemic racism developed and is sustained, for example. Read a few books and most of the terms  make sense to me even when I don't enjoy using them; I'm pretty confident I still have a brain. (Though lately...LOL.)

At any rate, these days I'm scholared out. My tired old mind long since learned that intuition, sense-knowledge and the planets of emotion are my sources, rather than abstractions or philosophies. I'm just not that good at it. Brains differ and mine is more like a free-associating dreamscape. Maybe that's partly the ADD, who knows. Philosophy literally gave me migraines--it was like math in words and I simply couldn't follow. Once I was released to fiction and poetry I was grounded again.

But I enjoyed having my mind crunched while I was at my intellectual peak. (Which would be the bottom of somebody else's ocean.) Except for the Golden Rule, I don't feel particularly driven by any philosophy, but that one never seems to wear out.

In society, I'm more interested in humanity cooperating in doing what's kind than fighting over why one path to kindness and cooperation is the right one. Not because "proving" isn't important but because I'm not methodical or logical enough to do that. Thank god for the brilliant people who are.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 03, 2021, 06:31:00 PM
Yep, Two, Most classes provide an array of ideas for students to mull over. I have no problem with that at all, I've had some Marxist writings presented to look at. What I've experienced is the opposite, it's one instructor trying to mess with student's identities.

I've recently contacted a group for student freedom and it's located off campus, it's at a different school which makes me feel better. Right now I think organizing is an odd proposition for students because of distance learning there isn't a "free forum" outside the structure of classroom graded conversations. I will have to think about this a bit more.

I'm glad that people ARE STARTING to get STRONG about FREEDOM to be oneself and think for oneself.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 03, 2021, 06:33:40 PM


HOPS:   "It'd be a shame if intellectual curiosity was replaced by fear of knowledge or suspicion of the theoretical."


Hops it's gone far beyond normal. Think Chinese style political education.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 03, 2021, 06:45:01 PM
My University has had grading criteria in the past that was found to be unconstitutional.

Right now I'm going to chill and collect my evidence. I will stew in my indignities for a while until I figure out my best plan of dissident reprisal. Perhaps I will contact a newspaper eventually. At least news reports tend to be searchable for future students.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on February 04, 2021, 01:01:29 PM
May I make one suggestion, if you decide later to publish Mouse?

I would go out of my way to be absolutely clear about not accusing the prof of a blessed thing. Repeat, at least 3 times, that you hold him blameless. And also repeat 3 times, that your issue is with requiring the labeling/identifying students as this, that, or any other idea or thing in the actual content and activity of the class - as a means of decreeing only one definition or point of view, as valid and true.

The 3x repetition is useful to get people to actually hear and pay attention to what you're writing, the logic and sense of it, without having to resort to any emotional manipulation or gamesmanship and without the reader feeling as you're writing a personal attack against them. Once a reader emotionally reacts and rejects your words... you've lost their ability to hear any further and it's not possible to regain that attention or any measure of objectivity. Counterattack is what to expect if someone does just react without giving your article a "fair consideration reading".

Tread carefully, m'dear.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 04, 2021, 11:39:28 PM
Yes, I am somewhat open to ALL advice and comments and ideas and opinions.

I do see what you mean Skep, there is a very fine line about slander. Yes, once people shut down they do not listen. I understand your meaning here.

I very much appreciate what you are saying!

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: sKePTiKal on February 05, 2021, 09:49:57 AM
You're welcome Mouse.

We live in uncertain and "interesting" times; it pays to remember that what is "free speech" today could become a crime tomorrow. I miss my world history prof - Prof. Hayek - who engraved on my brain that you can't legislate morality. He also said that Puritans were people that were upset if there was anyone anywhere who was happy. LOLOL.

In our parlance here, we understand that the Chameleon instinct isn't a good thing. That it's conducive to losing our real self. I've been thinking lately - that for people like me - I'm rather glad I know how to do this. It's a survival instinct in times of "Witch Burnings" or worse. Non-conformist, eccentric, a thinker - even if the thoughts are mostly BS, I am the nail that sticks up that must be hammered down to assuage someone else's fear. Never mind that I'm a "live and let live" believer; or that I find people who believe different things and live differently than I do interesting and likable... without insisting they must believe like I do. Nope; in the fearful person's mind - I'm the threat.

:shakes head:

People have taken leave of their senses, and in a way... it's mostly limited to online (not always of course; and the real world expression of that insanity is much more dangerous). I am very glad I can do the hermit thing without a LOT of negative consequences to myself. Given how long we've been doing this, it's starting to be work for me to maintain my equilibrium, but soon spring will give me plenty of outlets for physical activity & creativity in the landscape again.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: seastorm on February 15, 2021, 03:40:07 AM
This will be brief. (Never mind it's not brief...)

I've got an instructor who is using the term "projection" to describe what he anticipates some students will do in his class.

This is an "English" class.
I am trying to grasp what is going on in the class but find it hard. I took many English courses and they were very much about the text and what the reader brings or projects into the text. No one reads a book and gets the exact  meaning out of it because it is a soft science and very subjective.   I don't know what course you are taking. If it is English 100 and a survey course then it is different than an English course that studies DH Lawrence. English studies incorporated many ideas from psychology ie Freud, Jung , many others. Because it often involves ones personal development and depth of understanding to analyze character, plot, themes in books that deal with god only knows what. I mean Dostoyevsky tackles, patricide, incest, suicide, marital infidelity etc.
You write in a language I barely understand because it seems so analytical and political. If you could give examples of what is so insulting and say it in a simpler and more direct way, it would go a long way in helping me understand your distress.

The class appears to be using a form of racial profiling which is a Civil Rights violation. I'm not a lawyer but the structure of this class already appears to be highly problematic. The instructor has also made the class highly personalized, highly racialized and he has made a point of "outing" people based on their race.
Could you give one example of this$ It is very, very political sounding

So I am not trying to make a political statement here although this ends up falling within the realm of politics.

I have many concerns already.

One of my concerns though is an instructor who is using what sounds like psychobabble to describe the "consciousness" of his students.

It's only the first week of class. The only interaction I have had with him so far is that I asked him if he can point me in the direction of any grading rubrics and he has none AND he provided me with quite a snarky answer.

Ok that was a bit of a snarky request. What on earth is a grading rubric? If this was your first contact with him, he is probably pretty tired of students who care only about grading. English is a soft science and he probably couldn't nail down how he will grade. Did you mean what will get you a high mark? Like class participation, essays, multiple choice? 

I'm not sure what my point with this post is going to be. I think it's just a question of opinion about how to politely stand up against an authority figure who is using psychobabble.


I find it distressing that the course should not be a group therapy class and it's not a psychology class and he is using terms that sound like pseudo-psychology. Terms being used by someone in a Federally funded academic setting, someone who isn't qualified to do an unsolicited psychological assessment of students.
You are very free with condemning him for using psychobabble. I think you are probably in the wrong class. Usually, English majors love to jump into deep waters psychologically and they is plenty of cross information between psychology and English. Quite often one is required to keep a personal journal of their journey through the themes in the course ie. love, anger, jealousy etc. Some people love this. I don' t think this is your cup of tea.
Often I just need to write things out for my own clarity and that is what I have done above.

I have already reported to the compliance and civil rights office at my institution that I have some concerns about how the class is structured.
Wow, you are really demanding something from this course but I don't know what it is you want. You are so consumed with attacking this prof. Ok he is an eccentric nincompook. There are lots of them teaching in universities. You desire to change this prof and get him to conform to your political beliefs is pretty self destructive. You can't change the whole screwed up system. It is patriarchical.

It very much seems to me that he is performing some kind of conversion political activism in this class. We shall see how it turns out. In the mean time I'm trying to keep my sanity and dignity. In this class it looks to me like the instructor is grading students based on their psychological disposition according to their race. I find that the structure of the class is heavy handed and domineering.
Ok that is a very sweeping statement Conversion? Again just how is he trying to accomplish this?

I'm trying to set aside my opinion about politics etc. and break down the verbiage he is using and the structure/power dynamics.
He is definitely using language that appears unusual to you. The political language you are using is nearly incomprehensible to me. I feel uncomfortable with it and feel you are more interested in demonstrating your facility with some kind of jargon, than in showing how you feel and how you were hurt

Any thoughts on authority figures using psychobabble to justify their actions... I would appreciate it.

There is also the concept of free speech which the instructor has versus an instructor abusing their authority...

In the end I may base all of my work in the class on MLK research, the class doesn't even reference MLK at all, so I may rely on the civil rights movement background to generate my content for this class and then I will just see how he grades the civil rights based content....which will be quite odd since he is already violating students rights I think he will have an issue with with MLK ultimately. Sigh the crapola of it all. I have a clear goal and that is for me to graduate and to do it with some kind of dignity and sanity intact. I also do not want to feel voiceless or like this instructor is grading my race or my psychology.

How is he grading your race?? Lecturers are so often autocrats and condescending. If you want all that to change and it bothers you to distraction, you are up against a huge structure that you can throw rocks at but you will suffer for that.

I don't think it's an instructors role to attack a student's identity or sense of self. He doesn't need to do this to teach people concepts or skills.

I may come back to this post to yammer on about this. You may have noticed I have a way of self-talking/writing through issues here. Sometimes when I feel anxious or upset or overwhelmed I do have a difficult time finding the right words and articulating EVERYTHING that is in my thoughts, so I guess to a certain degree I see this as a safe place to try and sort out my own sense of voicelessness. I don't feel voiceless necessarily in this class yet but I do feel inclined to question and even confront his authority and that I am sure he may deem as "inappropriate."

A compulsion wells up in me to upset the power dynamic and point out inside the classroom discussion that an instructor/student setting presents a type of power dynamic that is not a balanced context to start with. I also want to publicly post in the class that if anybody feels they are being racially profiled or coerced into making personal statements or judged in ways they are not comfortable with they should report it to the civil rights office and also the head of the department. Somehow this action seems confrontational. Then again there is nothing written in stone that I must be powerless or voiceless and I am not violating anybody's rights by promoting the use of the campus civil rights office.
I can imagine that makes you very popular with your prof. You are undermining his authority and presenting yourself as very subversive, to the point where you are emailing students to take a stand with you.
I am sure you are extremely intelligent and wanting to be on the side of justice and change. Aggressive tactics may be your strategy of choice but I can't agree with you on that.
I really thought about your situation and realize that you are demanding change and going pretty overboard to get it. There are less radical ways of communicating, many of them developed by the psychobabbles you seem to scorn.  This probably isn't what you want to hear but it could be the beginning of a productive, compassionate, enlightening discussion. Please don't turn me into the brain police for having an opinion that you don't share

Any thoughts are welcome if you are so inclined to share.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Twoapenny on February 15, 2021, 05:28:42 AM
Situation's long since been resolved, Sea.  Psuedo's had a lot on her plate for a long time and has had to keep a lot of different plates spinning (which she's done very well).  May be an idea to update us all on what you've been up to as you've not been on the board for a while.  Hope all is well.

Tupp x
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on February 15, 2021, 12:21:18 PM
Hey Sea,
So good to see your name again.
I too would love a new Sea-thread, to hear all about how you are and how you're doing.

Catch us up? Still doing Japanese stuff sales?
Daughter? Friends? Health? Nature around you?
What's working? What's not?

I'd really love to hear.

Big hugs,
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 18, 2021, 05:31:47 AM
Writing for myself here:

A thought has occurred to me from time to time how this board is not private, anybody can come and look at people's posts, lots of stuff on here ends up being about people's daily lives, relationships, feelings, struggles etc.

I'm definitely considering not being on the board because I'm trying to feel out how I relate to people and who I relate to. I'd much prefer having more close friends in my life. Social media is complicated to say the least.

My psycho instructor had literally written to me that he "wanted to hear my voice." He wrote this while at the same time doing thought reform. It's part of the reason I freaked out so badly about the class, one of many reasons.

Sometimes I barely have time to come here, I now have so much work to keep up with. I deleted my Facebook account a few months ago and I don't miss it one bit. I guess when people keep up with Facebook, Twitter and so forth they are in a way keeping their finger on the pulse of popular opinion.

More now than ever I want real friends, real family and also privacy.

So it's my passing thought for the moment. There is so much internet faux-community and maybe people find themselves participating in it without asking themselves how did I get here, do I want to be here etc. Is there some other outlet that would be better for me.

Right now I don't feel like I have much of a personal outlet. I feel like a brain with blisters on it. A disembodied brain tasked with appearing to be smart or something, in the egotistical academic landscape; a character that doesn't fit me. I'm going to make the best of that if I can.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on February 18, 2021, 12:45:51 PM
That's such a clear, eloquent post, Mouse.
I hope you stick around.

But I understand that from time to time even regulars can feel less motivated to be  here.

Personally, I'd be buried with my laptop on my chest before I bail, but I am a needy person. (Even wrote Doc G instructions of who to check with if I don't appear for a month. He has my okay to contact a close friend IRL for a well-being update so if I've croaked or had become unable to "compute" he could let y'all know.)

LOL but also, ahhhh.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 20, 2021, 06:16:42 AM
So it's 3:00 am.

I am contemplating "stuff" and I have much to say about it but I will probably not put it here.

Next week, I may be making a handful of official complaints about my school that are outside what I would normally do. In fact I've never complained about a school before, I've never wanted to but now it's practically inevitable.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on February 28, 2021, 10:46:58 PM
I forgot what I was doing, something, something, hmmm nope don't remember what it was, so here I am.

An investigation with a state agency is initiated related to my school junk. Not sure where that is going to go. I've also been contemplating getting a lawyer. It's not exactly a route I feel enthusiastic about and yet it feels like the right thing to do somehow.

Never would I have imagined ending up needing to do this. The road in life is an unpredictable one.
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: lighter on February 28, 2021, 10:54:05 PM
You sound as though you're grounded and calm with your decisions.

I wish the best possible outcome for you, Mouse.

Lighter
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on March 25, 2021, 01:48:17 AM
Thanks Lighter.

This week I'm really buckled under stress, maybe foolishness. Sometimes I feel like I can't articulate myself anymore and my words are even revolting against my own mind.

Just one little thing at a time.

Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Hopalong on March 25, 2021, 07:00:37 AM
Wise approach, Posh.
One little thing at a time is kinder when you're stressed or have been anxious.

Be gentle and patient with yourself. Let the agitation calm down. Give your brain a chance to relax. Think about water more.

I look to nature for comfort because nature heals and re-heals and even watching one potted plant slowly get healthier with some simple care is a reminder. We're part of nature too.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: Educator abuse- "a new sense of self"
Post by: Meh on March 26, 2021, 05:11:46 AM
Yep, we are alive, living organisms.