Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on April 27, 2025, 03:57:02 PM
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It was the prettiest spring afternoon one could hope for. I arrived a tad late....bf's band already on the quaint little outdoor stage, playing jazz....a gig. We were supposed to all meet there, under similar circumstances, but the hurricane happened. We talked about the fear. Talked about gratitude.....finally meeting, months later. They were shocked at the devastation. Weren't quite prepared for it.
Dogs relaxed at nearby tables....cows roamed 50 feet away in a green pasture. This happened at the fancy farm, where I picked up 300 airline blankets for hurricane relief. I bet there were 5000 or more blankets waiting for distribution.....just a big fancy estate with cottages, restaurant and lots of land. Really special.
The mama wrapped me in a big bear hug, like I knew she would. The dad stuck his hand out for a handshake.
My DD24 was quiet, listening, watching our interaction. I don't think she spoke much, if at all, while I was there. The dad was very talkative, but I guess he'd been chattering with DD, which warmed him up. He's more introverted, while the mama "never met a single stranger." The mama is very high energy, driven in business, would move heaven and earth for her son and daughter. DD recently married her HS sweetheart at age 25yo, btw.
I wasn't shocked, but it was pretty plain how the Mama's thinking, when she put all her wedding rings on DD's fingers and was all giddy about it.
The men were silent.....me too.....all stock still and motionless. I have the feeling mama gets her way, most of the time. In this case, I believe a promise ring, at the very least, will be presented very soon. Ring sizes were discussed. It seems imminent, though DD assured me they're thinking wedding in 6 years...after she graduates.
I have to say......the bf said he was sure DD is the girl for him on one of their first dates. Something about that was so touching....I almost wept...but sucked it up. I think it was lovely to feel DD is cherished and so loved.....and she's so obviously delighted with her bf, and his big, friendly family, including a set of Grandparents and cousins with little children.
I've been invited, to join family gatherings, by the mama. As I said .... she's running that show. It's understood. I can't imagine she's not challenged often. The bf is considered a "mama wrangler," in that he's logical, rational and good at validating her feelings, and calming her down, when necessary. I think he has a kind heart, for certain.
I will say.....the mama feels her children do as they please, despite her feelings... mainly to do with where they live and went to school....her DD lives 10 hours away, driving. Son lives 2 hours away, and she wanted him to pick her up, on mother's Day, then drive another 2 hours to Grandma's house, but bf wasn't going for it. He'll meet everyone at Grandma's house, which seemed reasonable to me. I'm glad he can stand up to her. Glad he loves and honors her, also. He's keen on my acceptance, as well.
And so...... we agreed we've raised nerd children. Their dd is in tech/editing.
The dad is quite trim, like the DD, whose 22 mo older than bf. The mama isn't on the trim side..... bf isn't either....and mother/son are more outgoing than the father/DD are.
My girls are 22mo apart.
The mama is in heavy equipment business, as is my brother and the dad built their home....he installs fireplace mantles, is a woodworker, by trade.....the men in my family are very competent/capable too. It feels very comfortable and somewhat familiar. The mama reminds me of my sister. A great good lot.
As we're all, as parents, fixed (not fixated,) on happy adult children.....and at least open to honoring their choices, based on stories and the discussion.... things feel pretty darn good.🙏
Lighter
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Glad it went so well, Lighter!
Sounds like an interesting, functional family.
Love the multigenerational mess.
And it's lovely that DD is so happy with him.
hugs
Hops
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Thanks, Hops.
The dad is no contact with his FOO...mother, father, brother. Very dysfunctional, and he just blurts out how it was. Very comfortable leaving it behind...... embracing his wife's family, as his own.
Lighter
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Life happens. No matter what else we're up to or involved with.
I'm glad your meeting was pleasant and didn't set off alarm bells. Your DD sounds pretty well grounded, if a little over-cautious for that age. At the same time, she appears to have a plan for herself. Very different from Holly at that age. But Hol is closing in on 50 y.o. now.
She SEEMS to be settling in with C, full speed ahead. He has been here this week helping with the last major reno in the studio, in between his business work. She's been helping him rebuild/rescue his old house. I'm glad of the help - it's one more thing that B can scratch off his list; helps him focus. I'm taking a giant step back; observing without being "involved"... and I'll catch up with Hol's perspective as we have a chance.
It really has been a gorgeous spring, hasn't it?
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It's breathtaking here.
Just got in from a long lunch with three other poets at a little cafe out in the mountains. Yummy food and wine, a shady porch, a happy puppy (they brought him several meats).
More poetry in a bit with the main (online) workshop. I'm ready!
hugs
Hops
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I agree....loveliest Spring ever.
I feel like Snow White, on the back porch. Chipmunks, squirrels, birds of all types singing, feeding and perching all around.
I've been in front yard twice, weeding. If I work 7am ish ....... it's peaceful and I enjoy being in that part of the yard.
If I wait till later..... there's too many visitors and drive by chats.
Serenity is in the cool of the morning....working out front. Fewer bugs too.
Yesterday, it was sprinkling, and the moss and stones.....other plants, seemed to ask for attention. I enjoyed hours of mindful attentiveness. I can limit interruptions if I get a routine in place.
Lighter