Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: vunil on February 21, 2005, 04:46:04 PM
-
Hi,
The idea came up on another thread to start a mostly-humourous thread on the most ridiculously funny narcissistic comments ever.
Please know that narcissism has caused endless pain in my life (both my parents! not pretty) and I am not making light of it. It's just that sometimes it helps to laugh. And in doing so we free ourselves a bit from the pain.
The idea came from someone's mother exclaiming that she had been to
"the best therapist in the country." I thought that was hilarious.
But I think that is tied with the first paragraph in "Conversations with God" when the author says "In the spring of 1992..., an extraordinary phenomenon occurred in my life. God started talking to you. Through me."
This came up in another thread, too. It is one of the funniest things I've ever read.
Ok, so can you beat these two? Give it your best shot :)
-
How about the most narcissistic writing ever?
I recently discovered the below listed writing in a batch of old pennings from one of the N's in my life. I only suspected he might be a N before, but this pretty much confirms it in my opinion. Could I be wrong?
Online Don Juan
by: XXXX (07/23/99; 2310-2318)
-
Drawn by my choice of words
My utterances are near shouts across the room
A cyber room drawn and confined
Uniting people across the world
My silver tongue slicks the discussion
An intellectual poised in readiness
Something burning deep within me
The forum unexpectedly mine
Where I exhibit intellect, romance, compassion
I draw them to me
Sometimes willingly with a wink or stare or smile...
Sometimes not by my words, my voice, my actions...
Yet in this medium I am myself
A poet among listeners
A dreamer among watchers
A lover among admirers
Yet I love it, I yearn for it, I long for it
Somehow incomplete without their stares or words
Painfully inadequate yet I dream
The magnificent hope of being there
A lens to magnify their opinions
A voice to utter beliefs they might hold
An object to find and feel their affections
So in this impersonal medium
I have my comfort, an internet stranger
Half the world away, yet closer online.
-
-
Okay no problem - my mother has to be the worst offender in the history of lying and misrepresentation so here goes. I will structure it as HER QUOTES and then the FACT just to highlite the degree of "sickness"? I don't know what to refer to this stuff as . All I know is that it's these kinds of things that I've been frustrated trying to untangle and defend against my entire life. It frustrates me to even have to type them - my anger comes to the surface. These are the kind of things she says to people, even when one or all of her kids were present (when we were still living under her control and didn't have a voice)
her claim/statement - "the thing I'm most proud of is the job I did raising my kids"
FACT - She has never had a single meaningful exchange with any of her kids (other than abuse)and none of us want anything to do with her.
her claim/statement - "My strongest qualities are truth and honesty"
FACT - She literally has never uttered the truth no matter how big or small the situation.
her claim/statement - "I have a couple of Degrees from this university"
FACT - While driving past the university that my youngest sister now attends (and who she's talking to in the car). She took a night course there 10 years ago that she attended maybe 3 mondays in a row. I've heard this one evolve now to two Degree's.
Actually there are 1,000's of these examples. I wish I could better drescribe the frustration and rage that comes from living my whole life under the control of someone like this (I have a difficult time saying mother)
_________________
jondo
-
How about this:
"It's not fair to ME!!!" ( whiney voice in discussing a child's preferences)
"Your feelings are wrong!" (not my opinion, my feelings)
I have buried most in my psyche....I'll dig a few more up
-
Brilliant thread, vunil. Good fun! How about this one:
"You never cry like that for me," when leaving the theater after seeing The Passion of the Christ.
bludie :roll:
-
These are all hilarious! :lol:
The Don Juan poem is unbelievable.
-
How about this amazing declaration from an N mother who's children stay as far away as possible from her (actually anybody thats ever met her stays as far away as possible because she controls with fear) This came after she was told by me to get the longoverdue help that she needs and with a link to Dr. Grossmans terrific website.
Her response was this.
"I have spoken to the best psychologists and therapists in the country and none of them have seen anything like this. They admire me for the abuse I'm taking from you kids. I'm doing my best to understand "False Childhood Memories" and all I can do is wait for you to get over whatever your problems are"
Can you imagine?!
-
here's another: "I can't even get to you anymore! You're not even human! "(screamed angrily when I calmly repeated "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I disagree")
-
Jondo: that last one: not sure whether to laugh or cry! Gimme a break!
-
ok here are a few off the top
1. I Love you and that's the truth!
2. please forgive me, I was lying and out of line, but Satain was speaking thru me. I'm in pain and you know that's true. :twisted:
3. you know once YOU lie in court, the judge will throw ALL your statements out. (he loves to say this over and over)
4. He Can quote much of the bible, but not able to use in daily life.:?:
onlyrenting
-
I asked her had thought about the letter I wrote to her.
She said she had thought about nothing else.
and then I said" then what do you think"
she said "I don't know what to think"
I asked my father for money he owed me - $10 (already knowing he had withdrawn $500 from the bank the day previously)
He said "I haven't got it"
i said I know for a fact that you have.
he said "well that's got to last me ($10 remember !)
he didn't have any change so eventually after raging for a while making more ridiculous statements
he thrust $20 at me - saying "here. if it's that important to you.
after this I refused to go back in my box and pulled him up on his lying. that was the last I saw of him :)
-
What a hoot! LOL
I have one!
From my significant other to me after we can from a lecture where he was teaching. I was taking exception to some of the things he was stating in class.
His reply
You know that I am always right. Everyone else knows that I am right as well. What is wrong with you?
I can make anyone believe anything I have to say.
Given enough time, I think all of the comments we have come up with could make a wonderful SNL routine. Maybe Warren Beatty, or Ryan O'Neal could play the parts
-
I love this thread. There is a lot of truth in the whole "laugh or you cry" thing!! These are some of the treasure my ex has come out with.
After sending me an email detailing all my faults:
"They weren't meant to make you feel bad, but to help you become a better person"
During a conversation in which I made it clear we didn't have a future together:
"I am the nicest person I know, I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to be with me."
We had a phone call where I begged him to leave me alone. After much shouting etc he agreed. (because he "loved me so much"). Within 20 minutes he was at my house and let himself in. I was shouting at him to leave and he said:
"I haven't come here for me, I have come here for you because I know you need me"
Reading them back I am almost ashmed I put up with it!
-
Ok, I thought of some too (these are really funny so far!):
After my dissertation defense, during which I presented work that my then-boyfriend knew nothing about (in a field he doesn't work), we were walking to dinner. He had been in the audience of the talk. Ok, so we're walking along and he says "I don't know why you couldn't answer some of the questions better. I could have answered all of them. They were really easy." Then he corrected a bunch of things I had said in the talk. Or "corrected" because in truth nothing he said was really relevant at all-- but it was very confidently argued! Remember this was supposed to be a celebratory dinner for my dissertation.
That same guy also one time argued with a friend of mine, a biologist, about a plant she was feeling sad about because it was going extinct. He said "why don't they just grow it in a greenhouse?" And she said that was impossible; it wouldn't grow there. And he said "yes it will! Just figure out the conditions it likes and replicate those. It's obvious." She just sort of stared at him.
[My parents' comments are probably even more hilarious than these, but unfortunately I've repressed them! If they come to mind, I'll post them.]
-
"They weren't meant to make you feel bad, but to help you become a better person"
That one is especially hilarious!
-
Here is a small sample from my brother's repertoire,
(Rubbing his temples) "Everyone around me is crazy", after finishing a ten minute rant.
"He doesn't owe you, you owe him" From my mom who supports him, apparently because she has to protect her defective one. This was after I had made him enough money to retire on while he vacationed around the world every year.
"You're smart, you could make money if you just got out there and hustled" Our busy season was from May through November. Guess who was hustling from May through November and who boarded an overseas flight in May and got back in December for five years in a row.
"We are at war and I learned overseas how to win this kind of war, you do it with a whisper campaign" Told to a friend as he was engaging in a campaign of slander against me.
I was going to post a few more but I need to go take some Tums. Maybe when the heartburn subsides I can put some more up for your reading pleasure.
As Jimmy Durante used to say, I got a million of 'em!
-
I've mentioned this one before, but after a particularly difficult day involving bank accounts and missing money etc:
'It's a good job that didn't happen to me; I would never have been able to cope with that' (from mum) followed by 'Yes, it's a good job it wasn't your mother.' from dad.
Also 'I'm supposed to be your mother!!!' said as an accusation, to which I replied 'Well act like it then!'. To which she took great offence.
During a confrontation I was moving away, and she grabbed my arm and pulled me round to face her. I said 'Don't you touch me!' and she said 'I never touched you!!' I took a deep breath, counted to 10 and then said, 'That is a bare faced lie.'
Also, one from dad. 'Why do you have to think about the bad times, why not just remember the good times?' To which I replied, 'What good times?'
Also, dad discussing his marriage to my mum, 'What if we had never met, where would you be then?' I told him; 'Better off.'
Lol!!!!!!!!!
Oooh, and one from today. My younger brother has bought and sent me a book. The title is:
REINVENTING YOUR LIFE: the Breakthrough Program to end Negative Behaviour and Feel Great Again
What I actually need is one entitled 'I am fine just as I am, thanks; I just need help believing it.', or 'If you think I am bad, you should meet my family.' :D
Last one he sent me was 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.' :lol:
-
My father left when I was 15, and when I told him I was angry he told me I shouldn't be because "You would have left me in a few years for college anyway," and "I'm the same person I was before, just in a different context(ie. married to a woman other than my mother), so why are you having such a hard time?"
When I first started started therapy, and told my mother I was struggling with anxiety, she said "At least I raised you to be counselable."
-
October:
You should send the book "Fear and Loathing in LA", by the fellow who recently committed suicide to your brother. He might get some more "valuable" information from a fellow narc. LOL Patz
-
N statement of all time, said to me in all seriousness:
"I am perfect".
GFN
-
Not sure if this is narcissistic or sexist or both:
After my saying we need to address our marital problems to my ex:
"OKAY, WHO IS HE?"
-
Not sure if this is narcissistic or sexist or both:
After my saying we need to address our marital problems to my ex:
"OKAY, WHO IS HE?"
I think it's Nish.
There are no marital problems. None that could be your ex's fault or anything to do with your ex.
It has to be YOUR problem then!
You MUST be responsible.
You MUST be the one who has wrecked it all!
You MUST be involved with some other "HE".
So ok, WHO IS HE? (heehee)
GFN
-
October:
You should send the book "Fear and Loathing in LA", by the fellow who recently committed suicide to your brother. He might get some more "valuable" information from a fellow narc. LOL Patz
Lol!!! Funny you should say that. When he emailed to say he had sent the book, I replied 'Shall I choose one for you?' But he didn't reply, strangely enough. But of course, he is not the problem. I am. :oops:
-
My N-H gets mad and he knows how I don't get along with my N-Mother,
so he is sure to say things about her and how I'm like her.
1. She had affairs on my Dad, ( I have never and always been faithful)
He will say I'm a Wh##e, like my mother
I'm going to make everything his fault like my mother did to my Dad.
everything I have revealed about the pain she caused my Dad, which hurts me deeply, he points out and will say I'm just like her.
All this is already painful, nothing like adding salt to the wound.
Something about being compared to someone you have no bond with
and dislike what they do. (it's one of my buttons he likes to push)
onlyrenting
-
Onlyrenting, your husband has called you a w-----e? THAT in itself is enough! (I am indignant for you!)
-
Mum,
This kind of comments are not uncommon.,He has had worse. Some are so beyond reason. I have become numb to most of them.
I understand your feeling insulted for me, you gave me a feeling of a caring MUM, I don't have that feeling to often. Actually I have had this caring feeling more from you all here than from most of my own family. amazing.
He's immature and I see him as such. His Insults are not going to ruin my day. it can be a challenge, I try not to go to his level. Tell him to stop not to bring my mother into it, He uses it to push my buttons.
Thanks, I feel comforted right now. you must of hit something deep inside of me, not sure what it was, need to think on this feeling.
olyrenting
-
He will say I'm a Wh##e, like my mother
I'm going to make everything his fault like my mother did to my Dad.
everything I have revealed about the pain she caused my Dad, which hurts me deeply, he points out and will say I'm just like her.
All this is already painful, nothing like adding salt to the wound.
Something about being compared to someone you have no bond with
and dislike what they do. (it's one of my buttons he likes to push)
Jeez Louise, this is your husband? It reminds me of that scene in The Truth about Cats and Dogs when Janine Garofolo says to Uma Thurman, after watching this man yell insults at her-- that's your BOYFRIEND?
Wow. I am so sorry. I don't think these are only narcissisitic comments-- they are cruel and mean comments meant to wound you on purpose. He is so out of line that I'm sitting here completely shocked.
-
V- Thanks for your shock. It's like living near a train at first it's shocking , and before you know it the brain lets you sleep right thru it.
this is on page 1 of this thread. I guess this is his go around.
2. please forgive me, I was lying and out of line, but Satain was speaking thru me. I'm in pain and you know that's true.
Onlyrenting
-
To Only: GET OUTTA THERE, I hate this man. Love you Patz
-
To only renting,
If my N didn't have me in a financial stranglehold I would send you the money right now to leave that creep.
Also I will gladly beat him up for you if you want. : ) I'm pretty big and I it would give me an outlet for my desire to beat the tar out of my own N. Besides you said he was on SSI so how hard could it be right?
Seriously, as a man, I am ashamed for my gender.
St Paul once wrote a line about someone who had done him great harm and he concluded the verse like this..."may God reward him according to his works." Ditto for Mr. Onlyrenting.
Mudpuppy
-
Patz
Have you read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas?
Was HS Thompson a Narc or someone who didn't fit in with society? (Like many artists)
-
Guest:
Yeah, he was very much a "nonconformist" type person. One of his joys was to go out in his bathrobe in the freezing winter and shoot his rifle. He was not a tightly wrapped person ( no pun intended, lol), but other journalist, writers etc. loved him. He thought himself in the pattern of Hemingway I guess. Another artist (painter) was Sydney Pollack. Very talented, but also very troubled. Patz
-
My N-H gets mad and he knows how I don't get along with my N-Mother,
He will say I'm a Wh##e, like my mother
onlyrenting
My ex used to call me a sl*t, and other similar nasty stuff, none of it remotely true. More to do with his fantasies of what women are like, I think. He also said I wanted to k*ll him, which is when I got very concerned and made him leave. Didn't like the sound of that one at all.
(((((((onlyrenting)))))))
-
All of you responding on my behalf is so very touching to me.
Longtire, I do believe looking at it as an adventure is fun. going out of state on my own is scary and I don't want to risk danger so I will be looking for saftey nets before I head off.
Mudpuppy, you sound very kind to offer help to get me out of here.
I'm going to get some tax money back any day and I will be on my way.
..."may God reward him according to his works
We all make choices, Knowing you have done or said something hurtful is not rocket science.
It can be even more hurtful when My-H can quote so much of the bible, but not apply it to his life.
Today I get home from work.
My H is telling me, be sure and not contact him and it's good I will be in another State.
He then tells me he will be demanding a blood test to check me for
Bi-bolar. I have mental problems and not fit to raise a child.
I asked him if he believes I have problems and he does not ? He claims the doctors take his blood all the time and they would have noted it.
I don't believe they check for this unless there is a reason.
He has no Idea I have his Medical report on his Self-absorbed N Diagonosis. I have never told him he is N, only because It would do no good. He would make remarks that I think he has a problem and it would make him more hostile.
He claims he has no problems, maybe selfish, but that's it.
I don't believe he understands his medical report and what it means to those understanding all of the behaviors that play along with being an N.
I was only being on this site here that I even understood.
He told me to take every thing we have, It's not much but just the same as things are moved out I want it clear I expect to take my daughters bed and few things with out conflict.
He is talking about divorce and knowing I want to leave, it sounding odd, how he plans on coming back with ideas of me having to be tested to be able to take care of our daughter.
Lots to think about. one thing on my mind. the boat has left the dock.
onlyrenting
-
Hi Onlyrenting:
He then tells me he will be demanding a blood test to check me for
Bi-bolar. I have mental problems and not fit to raise a child.
Just another last ditch threat to scare you into thinking you could lose your daughter, if you leave him. Another attempt to control you with fear.
Don't buy it. You know you're fit to raise your daughter and he is not.
You're sound calm, which is good. He's trying to razzle you. You are a strong woman and I admire you!
..."may God reward him according to his works."
Oh Mudpuppy! Thankyou for quoting this line! It's so appropriate!
Re feeling ashamed for your gender: It's not your gender's fault. The shame of one sick puppy doesn't belong to you or your gender. Maybe you will consider stopping trying to collect on his works???!!! (heehee :D Just kidding around a bit here).
GFN
-
I asked him if he believes I have problems and he does not ? He claims the doctors take his blood all the time and they would have noted it.
I don't believe they check for this unless there is a reason.
He wants to control you so badly he is making things up! There is no blood test for mental conditions like bipolar.
If it is possible, I would suggest not talking to him about any of this, to the extent that you can avoid it. He seems very willing to pull out all of the stops to try to get you to stay, and in the long run will hurt your feelings with something or other that he says-- why let him? If you can, try to talk to him as if he were someone you work with, someone you are cordial with but not particularly involved with emotionally, someone with whom you have to work out some details but who is otherwise not a part of your life.
When he says all of this mental illness stuff, just say "la la la" in your head and smile. Better yet, agree with him. This is advice someone here gave me, and it works well.
Good luck!
-
onlyrenting,
Being the typical oblivious guy I can't tell whether you feel safe in this move or not. If not I hope you take the precaution of having friends around when it occurs at all times. You are in our prayers. I also hope you will stay in contact after the move.
vunil,
When he says all of this mental illness stuff, just say "la la la" in your head and smile. Better yet, agree with him. This is advice someone here gave me, and it works well.
I think there are only two ways to sever a relationship with an N. Hit them in the nose as hard as you can(figuratively) so they go find a victim less painful to deal with, or do what you said. Feed them and stroke them and lull them to sleep so their guard is down, all the while planning your moves. Anything else is playing their game and we lose that game every time.
GFN
Re feeling ashamed for your gender: It's not your gender's fault. The shame of one sick puppy doesn't belong to you or your gender. Maybe you will consider stopping trying to collect on his works???!!!
I know its not my fault for that kind of behavior, but it's just hard to take somebody saying that to his wife. It kind of boils the hurt these "sick puppies" cause right down to its essence. Onlyrenting sounds like such a sweetie it really ticks me off to read something like that. I couldn't imagine saying that to my wife.
mudpuppy
-
Mudpup,
I'm not a regular traveler and have a better felling now knowing I plan on driving behind another employee transferring to the same area in Dallas.
What lucky break for me. Expect this around the 9th.
I think there are only two ways to sever a relationship with an N. Hit them in the nose as hard as you can(figuratively) so they go find a victim less painful to deal with, or do what you said. Feed them and stroke them and lull them to sleep so their guard is down, all the while planning your moves. Anything else is playing their game and we lose that game every time.
I have a young daughter so keeping peace is vital, keeping his guard down is best for all. I agree with you on your thoughts.
I worry how doing all of this under their nose may not be possible without conflict. the driving away is going to be so painful. I just don't know an easy way to make it all happen without making it feel like I've hit him hard in the nose.
I know its not my fault for that kind of behavior, but it's just hard to take somebody saying that to his wife. It kind of boils the hurt these "sick puppies" cause right down to its essence. Onlyrenting sounds like such a sweetie it really ticks me off to read something like that. I couldn't imagine saying that to my wife.
[/quote]
Thanks for your concern. Being a woman expecting your husband to behave with the basics, to protect and nurture, it used to happen, but with age and health problems, not so much anymore
I used to cry about it but have gone numb. he gets none of my emotion, I have gone stone to the words and have not cried in years.
I will only respond to kindness, but even then from an N it means they want their N-supply to fatten up so they can suck your emotions dry,
I know, now this is what the kindness is about for the N.
Trusting may be difficult in the future, but I will know the differance between an N-kindness and whatever else is a real kindness.
like what I find here on this board, It is always consistant and this is reasurring. Mud- your great for the warm and fuzzy feeling. Thanks.
onlyrenting
-
Dearest Only:
Glad to see that things are proceeding for you. As far as you being bipolar (?) what a hoot! He is projecting. I don't think you can have a blood test for being bipolar! The only thing they can test for is the seretoin levels which represent a certain level of stress. Now that might be off the chart for you right now! The only way they can "test" for being bipolar, schzoid, borderline, paranoid, psychotic etc. is for an intake at a psychiatric facility or ER conducted by professionals who see these things on a 24-7 basis. I should know I use to work on a psych unit.
Also glad to see that you will be following another individual to D. That should provide a certain level of comfort. Will you have a cell phone in case you have an emergency? It might be wise to notify the authorities the date you are going to leave just in case there might be a "melt down" on his part when you pulling away. Since you have notified them of his intent, this might be an added precaution. Just my 2c. Mudpuppy might have some ideas on this. My thoughts are with you and your daughter. Patz
-
Onlyrenting,
I think you understood that my suggestion of friends around is not so much for emotional support, but your and your daughter's physical safety. My N is a physical coward, but not all are. And not all who are historcally non-violent stay that way. I am not trying to scare you or raise your stress level just trying to make sure you protect yourself. the best way to lower stress is to know you have covered all the bases. Ns seldom allow themselves to "meltdown" as patz said with third parties around. If he does melt (brings up visions of the wicked witch doesn't it? if only we could just throw water on them :wink: ) it would probably be after you were gone. Also, if you have any concern about him following you it would not be a bad idea to carelessly leave a map, with your route highlighted, laying around where he could find it. You of course in reality would be taking a completely different route. Everything patz said is smart. A cellphone is vital. I don't know the size of your town or whether Mr. N has a history with the local coppers but it is very smart to let them know what is going on, especially if you have any contacts within the force or DA's office.
Another idea, if you are truly concered, might be getting yourself completely prepared, letting him know you are leaving on such and such a day and then leaving a couple of days earlier, or staying with a friend until the day arrives. They like to stage their theatrics, so if they have a certain date to plan for you can definitely use that to your advantage and catch them off guard. If you are comfortable enough that he is not dangerous then you can play it safe and not be so sneaky. I just have no trust in the stability of anyone who is truy an N. But you know him and I don't.
A lot of people here will be with you in spirit as you prepare for and make this move. And be prepared for some pretty strong emotions not only when you move but after you arrive. Keep in touch. Godspeed.
PS. Maybe your lucky break was divine providence. Maybe.
Mudpuppy
-
Hey, back to the original topic for a minute; I just remembered one from my bro.
"Mom just failed her stress test. Of course that has nothing to do with your despicable behavior."
This was an e-mail from him to me. Our mom has a history of heart disease. I begged them both to keep her out of our conflict but neither listened. Here's the topper. Two days after failing her stress test he has his mommy at a super stressful meeting where he's trying to regain control of a non profit he resigned from. So much for his concern for her health. Lets see... hmmmm, a dead mom in trade for him getting his way. Easy call. Moms are a dime a dozen, my brother is unique. God I hope they broke the mold anyway.
mudpuppy
-
I hope so too Mudpuppy.
Here are some quotes from my ex:
' Yes I have betrayed you again but there's nothing I can do about it.'
'That's the first time you haven't cheered me up;in fact you're making me feel worse.'
One day when he was giving me a monologue on one of his pet topics, and I told him he was repeating himself:
'Who else is going to listen to me if you don't?'
And when my father died, my ex gave me a sympathy card;inside he wrote,
'Dear Lara, I'VE been a wonderful daughter.'
-
On an episode of Coach, Hayden said "I'll be a family all by myself"
-
After spending 30 minutes telling my husband what I thought of him, how he is an empty shell, has no empathy, etc., etc., his response was "So if I just came back to you everything would be fine?" My response was "Are you f_ _ _ _ ing nuts?" (That was a rhetorical question)
A great one from one of the women in my support group was her ex's response to her fear of find a lump in her breast. "You won't have anything wrong with you, nothing bad ever happens to me."
-
These N responses are so hilarious they are sad. Contradictory statements.........just like n's. They really and truly don't know how stupid they sound. It is amazing. Patz
-
Here's a couple.
When I decided that our marriage was finally over and made my ex move out of the family home, he told me that he "would still have me back".
Before we got married, he told me, "Your purpose in life is to help me achieve my goals". (I didn't take him seriously...)
-
Here's a couple beauties:
When giving me some insight as to the type of women he is attracted to:
"I've always been attracted to positive feedback about myself."
When justifying the affairs he had with first wife and subsequent GF:
"I didn't consider it cheating because IN MY HEAD it was over. I knew there was nothing left of the relationship."
[note: the *other* person in the relationship didn't know it was "over" , he hadn't informed her yet]
Hugs,
Terry
-
YOU DON'T DESERVE ME!!!!!
-
When I told my ex I was leaving him, the first thing out of his mouth was "whose gonna pack my lunch and go fishing with me." I also heard the, "I'll take you back", line. I left him and he'll take ME back, good one. Not an option in my book. Then added that I would be punished for leaving him, once I returned. What planet is he from?
-
Without ever acknowledging any harm done, or any wrong, without ever appologizing, even remotely, to anyone that I know, or anyone who looks like anyone I know,
the person says to my daughter:
"Well....is your mother ready to forgive me yet?"
As if......it's all up to me. Everything would be just rosy and dandy and wonderful and lovely.....if...... I would just forgive.
I suppose....I should think of this as a positive thing....the person is offhandedly kinda admitting that there is something to forgive.
Never mind. It's being said to a child, who has nothing to do with it all, who has no way to know the answer to the question, who is being used to communicate these fraudulent messages, and probably....most probably......to make that child...think.....the person has already appologized and now it's alllllllllll uppppppp to meeeeeeeeeeee.....thus....to further put blame on me and make it seeeeeeeeem as if IIIIIIII am the one who needs to fix it all, and who has allllllllllllllll of the power.
Gee.....wiz....I really had to think that one thru. I felt so confused....and stupid. Why did that comment seeeem so very Nish??
Thanks for this thread.
GFN
-
How about this one: phone call, very late, woke me up: "oh, did I wake you?"
"yes".
"oh,.well............(proceeds to go on and on and on, not an emergency of any kind, just spewing 5 stright minutes of negativity...........and then:" well, I can see you're just falling asleep on me so I'll let you go (HUFF)".
To which I simply said goodbye.
Uggggh. My friend. Why a friend? Today I don't know.
-
"After all I've/We've done for you? Keeping a roof over your head, food on the table, etc":roll:
UM- its what you ARE supposed to do as a parent, without telling your children about all the sacrifices you have made for them :x
-
Between a Histrionic/Narcissitic dad and a Narcissistic former spouse of nearly 20 years, there are SO many great ironic statements to choose from, but I'd have to say that my favorite was from a former colleague, who in addition to never having made a mistake in his life, said to a group of us as we were reminiscing about the most interesting people we had ever met when it came to his turn, "That's easy! I'm the most intersting person I've ever met!"
You've got to admire that kind of chutzpah!
-
GFN,
You wrote,
"Well....is your mother ready to forgive me yet?"
I suppose....I should think of this as a positive thing....the person is offhandedly kinda admitting that there is something to forgive.
No he's not. This is solely a critique of your 'unforgiving nature'. If you said "I forgive you" he'd say "what for?" He'd consider it a victory that he tricked you into forgiving him and then saying there was nothing to forgive. You're Charlie Brown, He's Lucy and his "admission" is the football.
Welcome LaBoo,
Between a Histrionic/Narcissitic dad and a Narcissistic former spouse of nearly 20 years, there are SO many great ironic statements to choose from, but I'd have to say that my favorite was from a former colleague, who in addition to never having made a mistake in his life, said to a group of us as we were reminiscing about the most interesting people we had ever met when it came to his turn, "That's easy! I'm the most intersting person I've ever met!"
You've got to admire that kind of chutzpah!
Well, I can respect the audacity of it, but I'm not sure 'admire' is the first word that pops into my head. :)
mudpup
-
This is solely a critique of your 'unforgiving nature'. If you said "I forgive you" he'd say "what for?" He'd consider it a victory that he tricked you into forgiving him and then saying there was nothing to forgive.
You're sooo accurate here, Mudpuppy, I know it! And then there would be a great sarcastic laughter followed by the pointing out of how gullible I am.
And generally.....usually I am a very forgiving person.
So this is indeed another nasty way of defacing me, to my daughter and it's another thing the person has always been jealous of...making snide remarks about and taking advantage of.
And not only that......but now that you mention it......yes!! I remember this happening exactly as you say, in the past. Deja Vu...which is why it felt so confusing and I felt so dumb, when I heard this junk.
It makes my head spin!!! :shock: :?
No word can be taken as real and nothing said by this person is ever sincere. Everything is always so twisted and there are so many, many lies. It boggles my mind......how geniously smooth those statements are made and with such precision.
GFN
-
ingeniously...I mean.
GFN
-
Well, my Nmother has said lots of outrageous things, most of them aren't funny in a ha ha kind of way but more in a jaw-dropping way (which is mostly the kind of things I've read in this thread). Maybe this is kinda funny though: She has a sign on her home-office door that is a quote from "the Wizard of Oz":
"No one gets in to see the Wizard.
Not no one, not no how."
i.e., She is super special!! A brilliant Wizard!! Don't bother her while she is doing her Wizard-y stuff!! (Furthermore, she is well-read and "hip" enough to know about this quote and put it up.)
I just now realized the total irony, which is that the Wizard of Oz was actually a puny, kinda pathetic little guy who was totally afraid of being found out for what he really was!!
Here's another one that I have to put in even though it's not so funny ha ha: When I am considering doing something that she does not approve of, she says, "Well, it's YOUR life." in a tone of voice that connotes "go ahead and ruin your life by being foolish enough to dare doing something that I don't agree with- see if I care." The irony of this is that for an N, it's actually NOT "your life," it's "their life"!! Everything is "their life"!! So, what she's REALLY saying is: "If you're not going to do what I think you should do, then you are not an accurate reflection of ME, and therefore I don't give a rat's a** WHAT you do because I don't really care about YOUR life. If you want me to care, you're going to have to see that it's all about ME and do what I think you should. If you don't provide me with N supply by agreeing with my every thought, then I disown you."
I guess the thing that's funny about it is she's saying "It's YOUR life." and what she means is "Whatever, it's not MY life."
-
From my ex to my daughter (see ex dilemma thread for details of typical ex behaviour)
'I still love your mother.'
-
Myself and the past two women in his relationships (ex-wife being one): "You are losing it, you're need some help". Told both of us this and guess who was the ragedly defensive man anytime we brough up a minor issue that only required a verbal discussion? She even went on anti-psychotics for a few weeks after they split to appease the legal trauma they were about to go through - and he did tell her she was crazy...
-
My exNH asked our grown son recently whether he should send me a 'love letter'. ??????
(Sensible son told him he didn't think it was a good idea...!)
I love this thread.
-
Gwyn: your post was so interesting...such great observations on how things work! So wise....
Could you figure out my ex, please? Actually I had a close friend pin point this today: "it's been about 6 months since your ex got to "fight" with you over anything...he loves it, it keeps you in his emotional life, so he is taking you back to court because he needs his fix of you...he can't let go of you."
Wow..maybe...that and he's a cheap lying bastard.
-
oooh, I just thought of another N comment: "you're seeing someone aren't you, otherwise, why would you want to divorce me?" said the admitted adulterer to his now open eyed and soon to be ex wife.
-
Thanks Mum! Good luck with the big b!
-
Try this one on for size. After destroying my relationship with most of my family over the last few years, with false accusations of various crimes, my evil nature and insanity, he sends me a proposal on how to end our conflict. First I accept his lopsided, unfair proposal on how to split the property and then he says "I will assist your reconciliation with the family."
What a complete and profound ass!
mudpup
-
Picture the scene: Me and my xN lie in bed, his head on my chest. I tell him how earler that night, when we were out, I felt this overwhelming wave of love for him. His reply?
-I can see up your nose.
For the rest of our relationship, 95% of the times that I told him that I loved him he would reply:- I know. (more often than not in a slightly irritated voice.
-
Oooooh, Sleepyhead, I had to laugh/and say Ewww regarding your ex. Now you can do a little dance and laugh too, as EX is a very big little word!
-
Sleepyhead,
-I can see up your nose.
That's the funniest one yet! :lol: :lol: :lol: (I'm sure it wasn't funny to you at the time)
He probably expected you to thank him for this revelation.
How will this thread ever end? Each one of us could fill a book.
mudpup
-
Mud:
I usually go to church on Sunday. Well my n brother normally calls on Sunday. He becomes annoyed if I am not there to talk to him on Sunday mornings. We live long distance on the phone. Well at any rate, he jokingly stated 'Why don't you become a 7th Day Adventist". I told him I would suggest to our Pastor we move Sunday's to Saturday to accomodate him. Patz
-
Patz,
Well after all I'm sure your brother assumes you're all in church worshipping him on Sunday anyway, so WHY NOT do it on Saturday so its more convenient for Him?
mud
-
I'm so sorry Sleepyhead. This one really did make me laugh out loud!
I can see up your nose.
Too funny! I can see through his head!! What a canine jerk!!!
And this.....
I will assist your reconciliation with the family.
Mudpuppy, how??? Put in a good word for you??? Wouldn't that be toooooo generous of him?? I can't stop giggling! :lol: :lol: :lol:
I told him I would suggest to our Pastor we move Sunday's to Saturday to accomodate him. Patz
Wonder what the Pastor would say? (heeheehee) :D
GFN
-
GFN,
Once again you nailed it.
I wrote what my bro said,
Quote:
I will assist your reconciliation with the family.
You wrote,
Mudpuppy, how??? Put in a good word for you??? Wouldn't that be toooooo generous of him?? I can't stop giggling!
Absolutely, if I knuckled under and made my kow tow, he would put in a good word for me. He can turn on a dime. But until you said that I didn't recognize the tacit admission contained in his quote. If I'm such a fiend how could he talk me back into the family unless he talked me out in the first place. Thanks for again seeing what I didn't.
mud
-
From X N during our marriage:
"No man in this neighborhood can compare to me. My career requires so much dedication and responsibility that not one of these guys could handle a day of it." He was a VP for a real estate developer.
Mind you, we didn't live in an area full of dead beats. Our neighbor next door was a fighter pilot (now is a commerical pilot) and many of the other men owned and operated their own businesses but X N was more important and more unique than all of them combined.
Last year during a phone conversation when X N was trying to "charm me" into a reduction of child support N asked me at one point,"When is the last time you complimented me on providing so well for our family?" Hello, Mr. N I guess you can't recall that you destroyed our family and I am now remarried to a wonderful man who provides more for your children than you ever did. To put it mildy, my husband didn't appreciate this comment at all after I told him about it. As a matter of fact we were both livid.
There are so many more examples but like someone else wrote I repressed many of them in order to cope.
-
During our divorce x N told me he decided to attend therapy to address his anger managment issues. I reassured him he was doing the right thing. About three weeks later as he was picking up my daughter for visitation he started making small talk and mentioned that he had "completed his therapy and that it had done a world of good for him." I asked him, "How many sessions? and he responded "Two sessions." I said, "Your therapist must have been a miracle worker." He asked, "What do you mean?"
-
mia,
Sounds like you lost a real catch when Mr. N wriggled off your hook. :roll:
Of course its obvious now, probably comes under the label of one of those things you wished you'd said , but if he was bragging about being such a great provider it seems like he ought to have been charming you to increase the child support not decrease it. Typical N. They're so intent on making themselves look superior they don't even know what they're saying half the time.
mud
-
Some of these examples (which continue to be really funny) remind me of two different boyfriends who told me that they went to therapy once, but the therapist told them nothing was wrong with them, so they stopped.
I have always wondered what really happened. Either they didn't ever go, or totally misinterpreted the therapist, or the therapist realized they were hopeless and didn't try. Just the whole world view that therapy is for people with something "wrong with them" and that perfect people need not go is hilarious. As is this idea of the therapist recognizing and pronouncing this perfection.
-
He says, talking about himself as usual while out w/friends..."Yeah, (DRE) is a pretty smart woman...she MAY even be smarter than me!"
After my sister asks him why he harassess me about losing weight..."I'm trying to HELP her, not HURT her!"
To further "HELP" me, he asks if I need a personal trainer, or if we should see each other less so I have MORE time for the gym.
We were both moderate smokers. After I was sick one weekend, he comes over with Nyquil, Smoking patches (to quit) and "whitening strips" for my teeth. My illness was from "smoking" per him. Better yet he tells me smoking is for losers. This coming from someone who smoked at least a pack a day....and chewed
-
After I posted in this thread about my Nmother's "Wizard of Oz" sign on her home office, I came across a book called "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists." What a hoot!!! :P
-
Of course its obvious now, probably comes under the label of one of those things you wished you'd said , but if he was bragging about being such a great provider it seems like he ought to have been charming you to increase the child support not decrease it. Typical N.
I often will think, "I wish I said this or said that." However, with X N it really doesn't matter what I have to say b/c nothing I say ever sinks in with him. Actually it's not just me.....he rarely if ever listens to anyone's opinion.
Another one of his comments:
This one was said during our marriage (three years into it) before the children were born. We were doing very financially (both working) and he was making $$ hand over fist. About one month before Christmas he came home from work and announced to me that *we* would not be buying Christmas presents for any family (Moms, Dads, brothers, etc). He said, "We are going to have a frugal Christmas, call everyone and let them know." He must have repeated the word, frugal about three times.
Gosh, was I an idiot to even have children with this sad excuse for a man.
I am thankful though that I am no longer under his *control*. My mission these days to limit his influence on the children. It's not their fault...I brought them into this mess and now it's up to me to constantly conduct damage control.
-
Last night spoke to ex and told him that what he did a couple of weeks ago ruined Cs birthday for her, and hurt both her and me, and that he has to apologise to her for that. His reply? 'I didn't do it on purpose.'
-
October:
Your ex N "didn't do it on purpose"? I would hate to see what a "birthday" would look like if he put his "mind" to it? What a jerk. He didn't remember your child crying because her birthday was ruined?
Mia:
Your ex N is to classic for words. I loved the part where he went to the therapist twice and was "cured". He belongs on "Ripley's Believe It or Not". Patz
-
October, just :x to that.
I'm mulling over the latest email I've received which includes:
"You are certainly in a very serious minded phase of your life. I remember when I was there. I don't mean that in a patronising way but now I've moved on to..."
Can I just say here, because I'm not going to say it to her: I am not a carbon copy of you! I am not you! I am a separate individual with my own VERY SERIOUS thoughts, feelings, experiences and perceptions and I will not allow you to belittle me like this! :evil: I scrape it off and throw it away! I have every damn right to be serious, this is about my survival as a person! I count, my thoughts count to me, even if not to you!
Thanks. Do you think I over-react? I do wonder. Also, I have to read the email several times to even understand and react emotionally. On first reading all I feel is confused. Mind you, at the point where she asked me what did I study at college, was it x or x, I did feel a bit sick. She did come to the stupid ceremony etc. Yeuch. I should hit 'delete' I know.
Editing in: it comes down to this: any hint of hearing anything that remotely smells of "I am better than you" (and the 'you' here needn't be me, it could be on behalf of anyone) and I do tend to hit the roof. And the 'better than' could be 'more {anything} than'.
October, your ex saying that, to me translates to: I'm not to blame, it's not my fault, I take no responsibility because the world is wrong and I'm right, therefore I am 'better than'! Sheeeesh. These people. At least the anger subsides quicker these days (lop-sided wry smile)
-
"You are certainly in a very serious minded phase of your life. I remember when I was there. I don't mean that in a patronising way but now I've moved on to..."
Oh, man! The more enlightened-than-thou comment! The new age version of narcissisim. No, you aren't overreacting; that is a really arrogant comment. How does he know he isn't way behind you in the path to (whatever)? He assumes he has "moved on" to the more wonderful "phase".
Reminds me of three months ago when I had my awakening about all of this stuff (or started to) and ordered a bunch of books on N and was reading on-line and in my old psych. books while trying to communicate (to no avail) with my N parents. It was really a heady time, important for me, full of revelations.
Ok, so I told a friend a little of what I was going through. She is younger than I am, and (I realize now, with my blinders off) pretty N. I used to like when she told me how the world was. But this time I am telling her about my parents' reactions to my revelations of abuse, about what I was realizing about my childhood, and she said (ahem):
Isn't it great when you get to that point? And what's really great is when you able to move on from it. I had that exact thing 4 years ago.
(cold wet blanket in face)
I knew her 4 years ago and don't remember anything like this. And anyway people's phases and revelations will be different from each others'-- why does mine have to perfectly mirror hers? In fact, I wish she would have a revelation so we could remain friends :) Now all she does is lecture me and correct me.
-
Thank you, thank you, thank you Vunil and Portia for pointing out the "New Age Narcissism." :!:
That stuff helped keep me voiceless for a looongg time. Going to college in California with what I like to call "fake hippies" I heard that crap all the time, and I believed it. "You're too sensitive." "You're too serious." "Well, if you choose to let that bother you." "Mellow out - go with the flow." BLAH BLAH BLAH!! BULLSH*T!!!!
Unfortunately a lot of so-called "self-help" books have that kind of crap in them too, which really did a number on me for many years. Especially one called "Your Erroneous Zones" by Wayne Dyer. Basically he says that any negative emotions you have are useless, you create them yourself, you can choose to make them go away. I was 12 when I read it and took it to heart - too bad for me!!
-
I'm mulling over the latest email I've received which includes:
"You are certainly in a very serious minded phase of your life. I remember when I was there. I don't mean that in a patronising way but now I've moved on to..."
Suggested response:
'Thank you so much for your email. It brings back fond memories indeed. I too remember when I thought I had moved beyond being serious minded to a higher state of consciousness, and when I thought that being patronising was actually beneficial for those who had to listen to the garbage I spoke, and that I was better than anyone around me, and the centre of the Universe.
And then I began nursery school.'
:D
-
Isn't it great when you get to that point? And what's really great is when you able to move on from it. I had that exact thing 4 years ago.
Possible response: "That's amazing! I too had an experience just like that; 8 years ago I thought my situation exactly paralleled someone else's, and I told them so, but it turns out that in reality it was nothing like it. I was being incredibly selfish in thinking it did, and denying the reality of their situation in order to feel superior to them, and to save having to do anything at all to help."
:D (This is fun!!!)
-
October: Would you like to come and live in my brain, so that I will always have a snappy comeback when people are being a**holes?
Gwyn: "So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive/And I'd like to stay that way"-Jewel. When I first came across these lines a few months ago, they completely blew me away. What, it's okay to be sensitive? It is actually a trait we might want to keep? Like you, I had too often come into contact with the word sensitive with the word too in front of it.
-
Isn't it great when you get to that point? And what's really great is when you able to move on from it. I had that exact thing 4 years ago.
Oh boy. Yeah! I’m shaking my head. Oh Vunil, it’s my mother being the all-knowing one. Note the word PHASE. Like me thinking is ‘just a phase’. Ha, no doubt I’ll grow out of it then? :roll: And become a more amenable little object? Sorry, having a regression today. Grrr...
Gwyn: any sentence that starts “You’re too…” and really, we should just walk away shouldn’t we, and save our blood pressure?
You’re too: serious/silly, mature/immature, quiet/talkative, strange/ordinary, sane/crazy whatever….it’s all the same put-down stuff. Even “chill-out” can annoy me coz it’s usually a command when you’re not even annoyed to start with! :x That’s funny. :D
Yep, a lot of self-help books could be in a new section called self-harm, or “Read this book and do what I tell you so that I make loads of cash” subtitled: “and it’s very dangerous to think for yourself, so don’t do it!”.
Haha! October I just read your replies, you’re toooo coooool, I want you to be the little imp on my shoulder if/when I speak to her. I want you to whisper those things to me so that I just laugh raucously! Ahhhh that’s so much better, thanks :D
-
October: Would you like to come and live in my brain, so that I will always have a snappy comeback when people are being a**holes?
I think it could be a new game. The rules are; you listen to them, laugh inside, and then play the 'I'm a bigger, better N than you are' game.
And you have to agree with everything they say; the more bits you agree with, the more points you get. :lol:
-
Yeah, sleepy head, you're so right! October, I need you in my brain as well. And I love the line from Jewel. I too, (everyone here, perhaps?) has heard the line: you're TOO sensitve...get a thicker skin! From those who love us and hate to see us hurt, and from those who don't who love to see us hurt (from that comment, even!)
Here is another N line: from my (N) friend who is anticipating a bad experience when she has to again work near someone she had a huge falling out with (she has a lot of those): "I don't know what I will do when I see him again! I don't know if I can handle it!" my response: "Perhaps by then you will have found some way to help you deal....you'll be able to do it" (was I being condescending? I didn't think so, I thought I was encouraging)
Her response: 'oh, it's not like you and (exN), this is UNRESOLVED STUFF, way more important than what you and (exN) are dealing with!!!"
And here's where I have a great (very rare for me) October response:
"Your'e absolutely right! You don't have kids with him and he is not preventing you from leaving the state!!!"
-
Oh, and back to Mia: once again, are you sure we weren't married to the same guy??? Lets refrain from calling ourselves stupid for having kids with those guys, though OK? (even though we were).......
We are smart, because we have those wonderful kids to share our lives with and WE will be the ones to show them how to be reslient, self loving and powerful....how's that? (actually you said that)...
Now if I could just get the reduction in child support response memorized....
-
Totally agreed on the new age stuff-- a friend recently went through one of those EST seminars (they call it landmark now I think) and told me that I should stop thinking of my parents as narcssists because narcissism is just a label that I put on them. If I stop putting the label on them, then everything will change. She suggested I call them and explain to them that I had put a label on them, and apologize. And then our relationship would be healed.
Wow! I am powerful! I can cure personality disorders with my mind! So nice to know.
In another thread we talked about all of this stuff a bit, this general idea of being able to change everything with your mind, it's all perception, etc. I really bought into that stuff for years, and it set me WAY back in my development. It led me to blame myself for thinking there was something weird about my upbringing. I kept trying to squint and see everything as ok when in fact it wasn't, and my unconscious mind knew it. And I was affected profoundly by all of the stuff I was ignoring in the name of "having the right thought patterns."
It took me years to unlearn that B.S. and really admit that, outside of my thoughts, there was stuff going on in my childhood that affected me. And it wasn't my fault. It wasn't until I confronted my parents and got the world's oddest response that my poor brain "got it." And then I could really start healing from the real injuries, and start making the effort to actually change myself and my behavior in response.
Sorry, off topic!
-
Not off topic!
She suggested I call them and explain to them that I had put a label on them, and apologize. And then our relationship would be healed.
:shock: :shock: :x I'm gobsmacked! Stunned...
-
Yes, it's worrisome, isn't it.
My friend got a lot out of the workshop, but I had no idea what she was talking about when she described it. There is no truth, etc. I guess if she liked it... They try to get people to sign up for lots more workshops, though, and to recruit their friends. So, it is a little scary.
I think that it's big business (it was est, then lifespring, and now landmark, if I understand correctly).
Ah, well, different strokes for different folks. I am on a quest to figure out where my perceptions didn't see the truth, not to try to change the truth through my perceptions.
My worry about these workshops is that they may prey on people who have been injured by narcissists. The leader is very charismatic and bossy and yells at people sometimes and it's hard to tell what in the heck he is saying. From what I understand, dissent is not allowed (i.e., it's coded as "lack of understanding" or "resistence of the message").
Might be another thread to start...
-
If it feels bad, run away. I agree about the preying on the vulnerable. There's a thread way back here where someone came in and tried that on, did a bit of grooming on one of the members. Didn't work! :D
It's called a CULT and that's what these things are. Dangerous, destructive. Brrrrr...
Popped back to edit in because now I’m worried. Okay: recruiting friends, ‘changing the truth’ (i.e. see it my way or no way), and especially The leader is very charismatic and bossy and yells at people sometimes and it's hard to tell what in the heck he is saying. From what I understand, dissent is not allowed (i.e., it's coded as "lack of understanding" or "resistence of the message").
These are all classic hallmarks of a cult, seriously. Stay well away please V!
-
Stay well away please V!
Oh, absolutely no worries! It doesn't appeal to me at all-- I just hope they don't suck in my friend.
I can't imagine listening to some self-appointed "master" of me go on and on about what I should do and think and how I am broken if I don't follow his wishes. I had a whole childhood like that :)
-
She suggested I call them and explain to them that I had put a label on them, and apologize. And then our relationship would be healed.
:lol: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Rolling on the floor laughing hysterically!!!
I somehow ended up reading something very interesting on the web about this "landmark" thing - I think this one was called "Lifepath." The generic term for these things is "large group awareness training". What I read was a "study" that a sociologist and psychologist had done by participating in/observing one of the Lifepath intro weekends. They described the many ways that people's psychological/social vulnerabilities were used against them to get them to "comply." There were a couple of people who ended up "decompensating" - basically losing touch with reality because all their defense mechanisms had been so badly breached by the experience. They were whisked away with no attempt to "put them back together." Scary stuff.
-
Everything can be scary: Well established organized religion can be just as frightening. I grew up Catholic and a lot of what I heard made me run! At least my parents also cultured the thinking for ourselves side of us as well (and to their dissapointment, very few of us actually belong to any organized religion)! I espouse many "new age" ideas, many "old age" ideas and I am lucky enought to be able to discern and choose for myself what feels right and what doesn't. I am sorry for those who can't do that, unfortunately, predators are in every walk of this life. They have been masquerading as helpers for eternity.
-
Well established organized religion can be just as frightening
Amen to that! :)
Nothing is more N than a television preacher telling us all to send in money because then he will bless us personally.
Seems everything can be corrupted by N ideas, whether new age, old age, or whatever!
Even the most humblest of ideas can be corrupted. I always think it's funny when christianity becomes used for grandiosity and superiority over others-- the center of the religion was born in a stable for heaven's sake. Talk about not getting the point.
One of the most N people I ever met was buddhist, which is especially hilarious-- she was better at being without self and becoming one with the universe than EVERYONE ELSE!
At least narcissism is funny...
:!:
-
Vunil: and N buddhist.....that IS funny, talk about missing the point!!
It made me think of another great N comment:
this made by my ex when I told him I thought it was important that our son learn humility :
"Why would humility be important? I see absolutely no need for him to learn that!"
-
Vunil, sorry I panicked there for a moment. :oops: Your description was too good and brought bad scenes to mind!
she was better at being without self and becoming one with the universe than EVERYONE ELSE
thanks for sharing this breath-taking ‘better than’. :shock: These sort of things leave me kinda winded, in shock I guess, the capacity to be shocked by this behaviour hasn’t left me, I don’t think it will, the sheer inhumanity.
Mum I have a similar reaction to "Why would humility be important? I see absolutely no need for him to learn that!"
there’s just no answer is there? None at all. Might as well talk to a brick wall.
I can't believe I've lived and worked amongst people like this, working hard to gain their approval and 'fit in' and all the while feeling physically ill, thinking it was my fault that I was prone to the odd fit of strange behaviour. Ha. I'm going through shock again. Oh not again! :D Cycle on through... :roll: P
-
Reading these commnets helps me realize while i was listening to HIM and thinking i was losing my mind ((is he kidding,,he cant be for real..little did i know how unreal he was)
One of the ones i heard all the time. ::YOUR lucky i am having sex with you."
and when i told him i would leave the realtionship. "Who will run my errends and cook my meals and give me presents? After all that is what you are good for" Said in the most serious,matter of fact way......
-
My younger brother - the one who sends me self help books to stop me being negative - this morning sent me a link to a genealogy page, about our family, which just has to be written by an N. Only bit I liked is the family motto; if broken, still strong (Si fractus fortis). Normal stuff, came over with William the Bastard et al, etc etc, went back to Charlemagne, of course.
It lost all contact with reality at the point where Mark Anthony was mentioned, but it got worse. Here is the last paragraph, which had me and my daughter falling about on the floor;
By using creative genealogy just a little bit, we can actually trace our ancestry back all the way. I mean all the way!
If Aeneas was indeed an historical character, and did descend from a mortal named Scamander, there may not have been many centuries separating him from the genealogical tables in the book of Genesis. The biblical character that many experts consider to be the ancestor of those who settled on the north-western coast of Anatolia was a man named Ashkenaz (Genesis 10:13), who was the son of Gomer (Gen. 10:2), who was the son of Japheth (Gen. 5:32 and 10:1), who was one of the three sons of Noah. Noah (Gen. 5:28, 29 and Luke 3:36) was the son of Lamech (Gen. 5:25 and Luke 3:36), who was the son of Methuselah (Gen. 5:21 and Luke 3:37), who was the son of Enoch (Gen. 5:18 and Luke 3:37), who was the son of Jared (Gen. 5:15 and Luke 3:37), who was the son of Mahalalel (Gen. 5:12 and Luke 3:37), who was the son of Cainan (Gen. 5:9 and Luke 3:37), who was the son of Enosh (Gen. 5:6 and Luke 3:38), who was the son of Seth (Gen. 5:3 and Luke 3:38), who was the third son of Adam (Gen. 2:7; 5:1-2, and Luke 3:38), who was created directly by God (Genesis 1:1).
-
:lol: :lol: :lol:
October, you are killing me! Or maybe I should be more respectful towards you now that I know that you descend directly from God. And not even in the ususal "all people are created by God" sense either, but in actual bloodlines! Hmmm.... Maybe I should become religious now...What do you think?
-
:lol: :lol: :lol:
October, you are killing me! Or maybe I should be more respectful towards you now that I know that you descend directly from God. And not even in the ususal "all people are created by God" sense either, but in actual bloodlines! Hmmm.... Maybe I should become religious now...What do you think?
I'm sorry, can you trace your descent from Mark Anthony? If not, I am not sure I should be talking to you at all. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Funniest thing is, that this is my dad's family, so Nmum is not included!!! She will be sooooo fed up!!!!!!!
-
Wildrain, welcome, stay with us please!
October, that's IT. :shock: That takes the biscuit, that gets the Golden Gall Award for most incredibly N comments so far. I can't imagine any contenders at that level! Direct pure bloodline to God! Did I gasp when I read it?
*gasp* *cough* *fall off chair* *eyes roll to top of head*....*manic laughter not too far away*.. hahahahahahahahahaha! *sigh*
-
By using creative genealogy just a little bit,
I would love to see their definition of "creative genealogy". This is hysterical. October, I'm sure this would push your N mom off the edge that she is not included. I know I'm not in your league, but I bow down to your greatness. :lol: :lol:
Brigid
-
http://www.users.bigpond.com/i.foster/Foster_Story.htm
Here is the link, in case you all think I made it up. Too good to keep to myself. :lol:
-
Wow, October, only 140506938 steps between you and the Big Guy! Probably your mother will claim to get there, too, but in fewer steps.
As far as I can tell, everyone thinks they are related to "Alfred the Great." Both sides of my family seem to think so. Prolific guy :)
If there is a golden crown of narcissistic comments, I agree that we must award it to that paragraph. Everything about it is priceless, including the bold type and the "evidence" from the bible. I love it.
I guess we've abandoned evolution in our quest for geneological greatness. Tracing yourself all the way back to a field mouse or a salamander just doesn't have the same ring to it.
-
PS wouldn't it be fun to write a parody from an evolutionary perspective?
"Some years back, before we were important kings, our family were the missing link. They were the most attractive tribe of missing links, and the most intelligent. Before that, we were some sort of ape, but not the common kind you see in the zoo, but a royal sort of ape with luxurious fur. Also, we knew how to use tools a lot better than the other apes, evidence suggests.... Skip back a few billion years, and we were fish. But naturally we were especially shiny and colorful fish, and we lived in the most prestigious oceans . Creative geneology shows that we, as fish, swam off the coast of St. Barts, now considered one of the most beautiful resorts in the world.
Physicists also believe that when the world was made, during the big bang, we (who were extremely important atoms at the time) banged the loudest and single-handedly set the universe on a course to create humans of the highest order, as expressed many years later by our family."
-
As far as I can tell, everyone thinks they are related to "Alfred the Great." Both sides of my family seem to think so. Prolific guy :)
If there is a golden crown of narcissistic comments, I agree that we must award it to that paragraph. Everything about it is priceless, including the bold type and the "evidence" from the bible. I love it.
I don't think we should give up yet. I am sure we can do better if we keep looking. :lol:
As for Alfred the Great, well, that is nothing. A mere 1,200 years of history. I really don't know what I am doing here. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Anyone want the truth? We can trace back actually as far as the mid 1800s, to my great, great grandfather, and his family, who came from Ireland. That is it. No further. And on my daughter's side (from her dad) about 100 years further, to probably Heugenot refugees to London.
The rest is pure fantasy. :lol:
-
Physicists also believe that when the world was made, during the big bang, we (who were extremely important atoms at the time) banged the loudest and single-handedly set the universe on a course to create humans of the highest order, as expressed many years later by our family."
Ah yes, but who was it gave God the idea for the Big Bang? One of my ancestors, of course, who was an Archangel ...
Anyone think that Ns might be the missing link?
-
Okay, now I’m scared! :shock: We’ve come full circle to ‘people of the lie’ haven’t we? October do not – repeat – do not - pass this idea onto Scott Peck, who really is promoting the idea that some people need exorcism. Yes, he does want 'possession' in the DSM, it's true...excuse me, have to go and hide behind the sofa at this point. Thanks all for a great conversation today :D P
-
Heugenot refugees
But I hear those were the absolutely best refugees of all.
My family appear to have mostly been farmers with huge families. But of course with extremely royal lineage :) It kept them warm down on the farm.
I love how geneologists always talk about kings and leaders we don't know anything about, because then we don't realize that they weren't that impressive.
On one side of my family I'm related to Mary Queen of Scots. Someone in my family told me that with a great flourish. I thought that was funny-- anyone know about old Mary's fantastic behavior (and especially the behavior of her daughter?).
-
oops, not that it matters, but it's Mary's cousin (bloody Mary) who was the really terrific role model.
Ok, I'll stop with this silliness. But it's fun!
-
WOW you guys have me laughing soo hard!!! This morning's stuff is hilarious...just what I needed.
How's this: I don't even need bloodlines......in a PAST LIFE, I was Cleopatra
(have you ever heard anyone talk about past life stuff? Everyone who is female was Cleopatra or some medieval princess (no peasants!) and the males are all Alexander the great!)
Funny how no one was a cockroach.
This brings the concept of "six degrees of seperation" to a new level. And if you have ever played the 3 degrees to Kevin Bacon game...you know it's all the TRUTH!
-
October:
I'm sorry, can you trace your descent from Mark Anthony? If not, I am not sure I should be talking to you at all.
I don't know... Hangon, I'll go phone my mum and ask! :lol:
-
I don't even need bloodlines......in a PAST LIFE, I was Cleopatra
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
My head job popped off and rolled away....laughing so hard!!!
-
Surely we can't give up on this thread - I have enjoyed it sooo much!!
This morning my uncle visited to bring a belated present for my daughter, and was so nice to us both. He said that he and my aunt were shocked to hear about what happened a fortnight ago, so he couldn't imagine how terrible it must have been for us. I really, really needed to hear those words from someone close. I will treasure them. :)
When he left I rang my aunt, who didn't come as she is not well. I told her how grateful I was to them both for their empathy, and said that, for whatever reason, my parents are not able to say the things that they said.
Her reply? 'I think they love you too much.'
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Denial is a wonderful thing.
-
There's been a lot of press about Enron lately, reminding us all of Ken Lay and company and their extreme hubris. Two gems from him:
1. When asked about his poor workers who lost over a BILLION dollars in retirement funds and pensions (meaning many of them would not be able to retire in their old age), Lay replied that "I have been hit really hard by this thing too. My net worth went from 100 million to 20 million."
2. A couple of days after September 11, Lay said at a press conference that September 11 was really bad, but Enron was experiencing their own version of the tragedy-- the US was attacked by terrorists, and Enron was attacked by investigators.
! That last one is particularly amazing. Keep in mind they actually *did* everything they were accused of, and a lot worse (anyone live in California?). And he made millions from it. Yeah, that's the same thing as a building falling down and killing thousands.
I love how N's are always the victims.
-
You're right, Vunil. They are the ultimate vicitms!
This is not an example of that, however:
When one of my sisters called my ex to basically chew him out after his final affair (the straw that broke our marriage's back), he said to her:
"Yeah, your sister is amazing. Two minutes off the plane and she figured it all out (his deception)."
It was like he had some sick admiration for me finally. yeeeeeschhh!
-
Just a thought - why is no one ever related to a nasty historical perosn?! You never get anyone (N or not) who says, "Well, yes I've been tracing back my family tree and I've found that I am a true descendant of Frank the Stupid. You know that King who lost an empire, f@*cked up the lives of his whole country and then died in an act of auto-erotiscism? That was my great-great-great-great grandpa!!"
Never happens!!
P.S. Obviously I made Frank the Stupid up, but looking at me and my family, if he did exist we have the kind of luck that would have him as a distant relative!!
-
When my sister started therapy to deal with the crappy way our mother had treated her, mother dearest's response was:
"I hope you tell him my side of the story as well."
She sure does get what therapy is about!
-
Sleepyhead, October, Cadbury, Mum, Vunil and all on the pages before the page before last …. this thread ahhhhh… well, we aren’t the crazy ones, okay, maybe I am. Sheeesh the Enron quotes. I don’t whether to laugh or let my stomach do the talking. The world sure is a crazy place. I might resurrect an old topic: what did the crazy people around you do or say on 9/11? It was an old thread.
The way some peoples’ partners/parents responded was quite incredible – bringing the day’s events back to being all about them. Any stories you want to share? My mother just wanted to be there (she’s in the UK), amongst it. Maybe because that’s where the world’s attention was focussed and therefore, she could be part of that attention? Her motivation sure wasn’t to help out. I spent the day in front of a TV, like many here. In shock, trying to reconstruct my ideas about the world. But yeah, odd reactions to 9/11…any out there?
-
But yeah, odd reactions to 9/11…any out there?
oh-- I have one or two of those! I used to live in New York, knew people on one of the airplanes, in both buildings, etc. So it was a personal tragedy for me, as it was for all of us really. I didn't come out of shock for about a year and cried for the first month pretty much nonstop.
Ok, so I had been going to the local liberal church. The minister, who I like even though he is N as can be, had been talking for a couple of years about his favorite political issues-- the US is terrible, everyone else in the world is better than we are, we are responsible for the ills of the world, whatever. He wasn't always completely wrong but his views were so dramatic, extreme, and overstated that he couldn't help but sound a little silly and paranoid.
So Sept. 11 happens on a Tuesday. I am really needing comfort on that Sunday. And Sunday, he just gives his same sermon he has been giving for years, only this time he uses the tragedy as evidence that he was right! Of course, the only explanation for this horrible tragedy was that (insert very long arguments about the US here, including Vietnam, Watergate, slavery, treatment of Native Americans, McDonalds, whatever). The worst part was, he seemed thrilled. All of those people had died so he could make his Big Point (whatever it was exactly), and it was fine with him. More than fine, GREAT. He glowed with excitement.
Later I told him I had been offended by his insensitivity (many people actually walked out of the service) and he told me "I guess some folks just aren't ready to hear the truth."
Uh, thanks.
-
vunil,
Great story about your minister - the old "You can't handle the truth" rationalization. :-) My therapist at the time made a comment about how the U.S. had it coming or some kind of crap. That was the beginning of the end of our therapy relationship. For one thing, I didn't want to hear her political views. For another, it was such drivel that I lost respect for her. She became a crackpot to me from then on.
bunny
-
vunil,
Thanks for that post. Any person who puts their politics, whether left OR right, ahead of human lives and human suffering is just exactly what bunny said " a crackpot."
Blessings to your little one on the way. :)
mudpup
-
Not about 9/11, but the Tsunami. I was in the car on the 28th with my dad, going to visit my cousin for a party. I said how terrible and shocking the events were, and that to date the death toll was 15,000 and rising. I said that C was following the events (as she was) and keeping note of the death tolls for each country, as well as the amounts promised in aid.
Dad replied, 'Yes, but in the battle of the Somme there were 20,000 British soldiers killed in the first day alone. Can you imagine that? 20,000 in one day!'
Very difficult to know what to say after that. However, I persevered, and said, this is a different situation. The Somme was a terrible tragedy, but this time it is mostly children.
He said, it is children, is it? And I said, yes, the charities involved say that up to one third of the dead are children.
He didn't say anything more.
Dad is not N, although he is main supply (and subject of derision) for Nmum. But he couldn't handle the pain of anything less than 90 years old. And no, he was not at the Somme. Nor in WWII. Too young.
-
Bunny
therapist at the time made a comment about how the U.S. had it coming
I guess she didn’t consider herself to be “the U.S.” as such, even by nature of being there? I love that kind of “it’s their fault” or “what will they think of next?” attitude. A certain lack of any responsibility or feeling of connection with other humans perhaps…. :roll:
October, well your Dad, it sounds as though he’s trying to be The Dad who knows more than you and you’re the child who needs to be taught about life, by him. Sad. Some parents will never accept that we’re adults, with our own equally valid views and thoughts. Maybe it’s too threatening? But at least he stopped when you said children were killed. It made him think, pity he couldn’t voice what he thought (I wonder what he was thinking?).
Vunil, exactly the kind of reaction I was imagining. Sick!
-
Brigid mentioned "Love means never having to say you're sorry" To me on another thread. I thought it deserved to be here, together with another greeting card favourite: "Love me most when I deserve it least, because that is when I need it the most" :!: :shock: :x Sounds like the order a lot of us here have been obeying for a long time....
-
Hello All:
As bunny stated it does not matter your political affiliation (almost typed affliction! LOL) or whether you are a liberal or conservative person at church.........the result is the same.......over 3,000 people lost their lives. To revel in those losses in any country at any time, is another inhumanity toward mankind. A fine example of this is the Colorado professor who called those in the Twin Towers "Nazis" deserving of their death. He is a truly sad creature. I am sure there was a seed of "intelligence" there at one time, but he has grown into a full blown N. Conversely not all Muslims are manical indivdiuals bent on destruction and the lives of their children. It just takes a few in the different faiths to bring about tragic results. Jim Jones is another example of Christianity run amok. Or Jeffery Applegate, Jim Baaker etc. Just my 2c. Patz
-
A fine example of this is the Colorado professor who called those in the Twin Towers "Nazis" deserving of their death. He is a truly sad creature.
Yes, poor thing. If you read his comments it's clear he just wants a bunch of attention. He sounds like the unibomber. The whole text is actually worse than some of those horrible quotes.
You are right it doesn't matter what side of the political lines one is-- after September 11 Jerry Fallwell allowed as how this was one more piece of evidence that lesbians, abortionists, and other sinners had better just cut it out!
It is the height of N to think that a tragedy is somehow an expression of your own narrow personal philosophy. Just the simplification that has to happen to push an event into one little cubby like that is typical N. It can't be that Osama is crazy as a loon AND we could have more sensitive public policy sometimes AND the taliban were a pretty weird group to support AND we may have had no choice because they were the only ones fighting the russians, AND the people who died are innocent AND some of the folks in our government (throughout the years and administrations) have not been innocent AND the tragedy might have been preventable AND it might not have been AND AND AND.
I remember telling an N ex that I thought that things were not as black and white as he insisted and he just looked at me completely unable to process what I was saying.
Oh well that's what makes them so funny !
-
Just got a seething e-mail from my distant father, raging about me and my brother's choice to stay the heck away.
'How could any two sons be any worse in their relationship with their father and his family?'
To which my therapist replied 'the Mendez brothers?'
My Dad, being a Narcissist, of course has to have the worst sons in the world. Just mildly bad doesn't cut it. I like how it's 'his' family and not mine. Hmmm, we are related, Dad.
-
Mine's the tsunami again. I was house sitting for someone (very N entrapment, conned me in to thinking it was for a week, in the Caribbean, when it was for 28 days, in Southeast Asia!!! and there were animals involved, so I had to be there twice a day for their sakes)
This clown's tour group was IN THE PART OF ASIA WHERE IT STRUCK, THE DAY IT STRUCK, and the idiot was angry at me for INTERRUPTING HIS FUN to try and find out if they were safe.
I later found out that several people from his group spent the rest of their vacations helping in the areas hit hardest. Not this guy, even though he's a healthcare professional. Gave me the idea for a new non-profit: Doctors Without Consciences.
Then he came back to the States and wanted me to go watch "Hotel Rwanda". Sweet suffering JC on a Moped!!! (sorry mudpup)
-
Stormy,
Sweet suffering JC on a Moped!!! (sorry mudpup)
Why wouldn't JC ride a moped? :?
mud
-
Why wouldn't JC ride a moped?
Mudpup: Although I'm not religious I've always had agreat respect and liking for good ol' JC. I see him as more of a Harley man though... Can't you see it? Long hair and beard flowing in the wind (being who he is, he wouldn't need a helmet), a pair of cool shades, as he rushes to help the next person on his list.... 8)
-
Sleepy:
You mean this guy was in Asia at the time and he was a healthcare professional and didn't help? Stay away from this person. Good Lord! What an N. Patz
-
Why wouldn't JC ride a moped?
Mudpup: Although I'm not religious I've always had agreat respect and liking for good ol' JC. I see him as more of a Harley man though... Can't you see it? Long hair and beard flowing in the wind (being who he is, he wouldn't need a helmet), a pair of cool shades, as he rushes to help the next person on his list.... 8)
Yes yes yes again Sleepy! But I think he would wear a helmet, so that others would follow his example (very bad pun on the helmet of salvation here, mudpup you're contagious, ouch).
Patz wrote: You mean this guy was in Asia at the time and he was a healthcare professional and didn't help? Stay away from this person. Good Lord! What an N. Patz
No worries Patz! I've stayed as far away as I can get, since he came back.
-
Hi guys,
Mudpup: Although I'm not religious I've always had agreat respect and liking for good ol' JC. I see him as more of a Harley man though... Can't you see it?
Actually probably neither a moped nor a Harley. After all when he was walking on the water he wasn't in a Chris Craft or a Sea Ray. :D :D :D
mud
-
But I bet he wore Birkenstocks :D :D
or L.L. Bean Duck Shoes :shock: :P
-
Swinging back a few pages, Cadbury wrote that nobody ever says:
"Well, yes I've been tracing back my family tree and I've found that I am a true descendant of Frank the Stupid. You know that King who lost an empire, f@*cked up the lives of his whole country and then died in an act of auto-erotiscism? That was my great-great-great-great grandpa!!"
What a way to die!!!! :lol: :lol:
Too funny Cadbury!!
Ok.....I'll admit it. I've heard that my great, great, great, ancestors were horse theives who ran away from their homeland to avoid being imprisoned for their theivery!!
For this sole reason I have kept away from horses.
:oops: :oops: :oops:
GFN
-
Does Glencoe count? Ugh. One of my ancestors was apparently one of 'those' Campbells by lineage. :shock: :shock: :oops: :oops:
[Blathering removed on edit - Storm]
-
Something was wrong with my car the other day and I had to call out a motoring organisation, and the car was soon fixed. I told my dad, and said that I had not bothered to tell the mechanic the whole story, just that the car wouldn't start.
Dad replied; 'Well, it is easier for you to pretend ignorance, not being a man.' and 'You can get away with that kind of thing.'
I tried to say that it was not about ignorance, but omitting/ignoring superfluous detail, but he kept saying the same thing, over and over. He sounded rather pleased with it. :?
-
Dad replied; 'Well, it is easier for you to pretend ignorance, not being a man.' and 'You can get away with that kind of thing.'
I tried to say that it was not about ignorance, but omitting/ignoring superfluous detail, but he kept saying the same thing, over and over. He sounded rather pleased with it. :?
October, I am feeling very wicked today.
October's NDad: "It is easier for you to pretend ignorance, not being a man."
October's chorus of supporters on this board: "At least she would be pretending! In your case the ignorance is entirely authentic."
'Scuse the snarkiness on your behalf, ma'am. It's kindly meant.
:wink: :wink: :D
-
Ooooooh, October, my ex used to do that same kind of thing....the repetetive "hey, I said something clever, did you notice, I said something that I'm pleased with, hey, did you hear that witty remark I just made? Huh? huH?, so I'll just say it again in case you didn't hear" thing. And the more mean spirited or sexist or rude it was, the prouder he would be with it. UGGHH on your behalf!!! and "eeeeew" too!
-
I have a bad habit of agreeing (sarcastically) to such comments, and even adding to them. In my case, it might have gone something like:
Him: "It is easier for you to pretend ignorance, not being a man."
Me: "Oh yes! You're absolutely right! Men never pretend ignorance! Woman are the experts at that and very believable!!"
Him: "It's just so much easier for you, not being a man."
Me: "Uh huh. And I like it that way. Do it all the time. Just for laughs!"
Him: "You can pretend ignorance better because you're not a man."
Me: "For sure. And I can pretend all kinds of unmanly things too!!!"
The thing is....a lot of the time.....they seem to take me seriously and believe what I'm saying. All while I'm giggling away inside thinking: "What a dopey doo dad!"
Pun intended.
GFN
-
GFN: Here I thought you only had one functioning brain cell this evening. You're sooo funny. Could I hire you to come up with things for my ex to hear?
-
Well ...let's see Mum:
Seeing as sarcasm is passive aggression....and since I'm not emotionally involved with your x.......
It probably wouldn't been too hard for me to deal with him, depending on certain circumstances (I mean...if I senced a reason to be afraid of him...it might be a different story).
I find it a whole lot easier to come up with what seems like the right thing/s to say when I don't have any real emotional connection to a person. I can think clearer without letting my emotions interfere as much.
Often...when I just don't know what to say....I'll just agree with them and it shuts them up. How can you argue with someone who's agreeing with you? :?
And if I agree in such a way that anyone listening would probably laugh....well then....it works for me. :D
Sometimes though....I am so shocked :shock: or confused by what is being said...that I feel totally at a loss for words.
I was taught: "When in doubt....say nothing".
Or, when you totally do not agree with someone but you don't want to get into a struggle:
"Oh really??" is a good response. Indicate you don't believe a word, when the correct tone is used. They will just keep on talking and talking and you can just keep on saying: "Oh really?". Sometimes, they get the message.
Wellllll...that's the end of my tricks. After that......I haven't got a clue. :roll:
I still love the joke I heard recently......
Look the person straight in the eye and ask: "What sex are you?"
And then laugh like heck, when they answer!!! :D
Get's 'em every time.
GFN
-
By the way, I call my response in those types of conversations:
N-ulating.
GFN
-
By the way, I call my response in those types of conversations:
N-ulating.
GFN
***Snort*** :lol: :lol: :lol:
-
my ex used to do that same kind of thing....the repetetive "hey, I said something clever, did you notice, I said something that I'm pleased with, hey, did you hear that witty remark I just made? Huh? huH?, so I'll just say it again in case you didn't hear" thing.
Hey, that sounds so familiar! I never really thought about it, but a long-term boyfriend I had did that exact same thing. He would make a joke and then be mad if I didn't laugh hard enough. After awhile I realized he wasn't trying to entertain me-- he was just doing a roadshow. I was the audience. His favorite were puns, which sort of sit there, not moving the conversation along, and he would do about 10 in a row. Sothe whole conversation was about his puns. Now I still feel assaulted by puns when I hear them...
Oh, and I remember he used to ask me which of the long line of puns was "best!" I was supposed to grade him.
Wow. You guys help me realize to what extent N encounters have dominated my life :idea:
-
His favorite were puns, which sort of sit there, not moving the conversation along, and he would do about 10 in a row. Sothe whole conversation was about his puns. Now I still feel assaulted by puns when I hear them...
Oh, what a shame that he ruined that for you. Some of the best times I can ever remember, with friends, were when we were punning up a storm, bouncing them back and forth off each other like little nerf balls of words, until we all finally lost it and collapsed howling.
D**n him for depriving you of that. :evil: :evil:
-
Yes, that is a shame. I do like puns, too. It was just that he would start it up in the middle of what I thought was a serious conversation, and off we'd go into pun-land.
I am going to reclaim my affection for puns :) No need to cede them to that memory.
-
Yes, that is a shame. I do like puns, too. It was just that he would start it up in the middle of what I thought was a serious conversation, and off we'd go into pun-land.
Eww, Vunil, how icky. That's a diversionary tactic, and verbally abusive. He was depriving you of a real conversation and real relating, and on top of it, demanding that you admire his performance at depriving you. And trying to ruin a form of wordplay, too. What a toad. :evil: :evil:
I've seen that trick before, too. Ugh. Do you know Patricia Evans' book The Verbally Abusive Relationship? She is actually describing Ns' tactics, and this one is on her list. She figured out about Ns later on, and wrote another book called Controlling People. (Sadly, it's not an operators' manual for how to control Ns, but it isn't a bad Field Guide.) :?
-
Oops, that was me just above
Storm
-
October's NDad: "It is easier for you to pretend ignorance, not being a man."
October's chorus of supporters on this board: "At least she would be pretending! In your case the ignorance is entirely authentic."
FOCL!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
-
"hey, I said something clever, did you notice, I said something that I'm pleased with, hey, did you hear that witty remark I just made? Huh? huH?, so I'll just say it again in case you didn't hear" thing.
Too true. My dad repeats everything he says endlessly. Mind you, with my mum around, I don't blame him, because she never listens. :lol:
I tend to say things once, and then give up. Saves wasting time and energy saying things that are never going to be heard.
-
I tend to say things over and over but in a different way each time......that is the teacher in me.....drives my own kids crazy (but if they responded the first time, I'd shut up...you'd think they'd learn!) And my training as the baby in a big, Catholic family....well, I learned to be loud (even if it didn't help) and then feel bad about it. :lol:
-
People were talking abot N's and greed on the "poopy day" thread, which reminded me of a classic line by my xNbf. In those days I only liked smooth peanut butter (easier to spread), so when he went to the shop I aksed him to get some, stressing that I wanted smooth, not chunky. I reminded him three times. He comes back from the shop with chunky peanut butter. I ask him why he did that, when I had been so clear on what I wanted. His reply:
- Yes, but this was two pence cheaper.
(And this just goes to show his entire attitude, he really was that cheap!)
-
Yes Sleepyhead, my ex was also really cheap.
If we were paying for something in a shop, he would keep a queue of people waiting behind us while he counted out pennies to pay with.I remember an occasion when he counted out 78 pennies and gave them to the cashier.
Also, such a strange comment that at the time I thought it was a joke, soon after he left me for his new girlfriend, he told me that he would have stayed with me if I had had a better car!
Best wishes,
Lara.
-
he would have stayed with me if I had had a better car!
Oh Lara!! I'm so sorry!! I'm laughing out loud and that is just too flippin' halarious!!! (if it wasn't so pathetic!!).
Lucky you and your old jalopy!! Praise be old machinery and the woman who own them!!!
Poooor new gurlie and her fancy mobile! Makes ya wanna leave a note on the windshield, doesn't it??
"Dear New Gurlie:
He's only with you because he likes your car. Once it loses it's novelty, so will you. Just warning you so you can prepare for the ultimate deterioration of both your emotional well-being and that of your vehicle.
Love, From one he considers an owner of an old jalopy but who is really very lucky and thankful that I don't have a better car."
:D
GFN
-
Hi GFN!
I love your message on the windscreen!
What is truly amazing is that
a) he told me that with a perfectly straight face, and
b) I didn't query it with him!
I just don't know where my brain was in those days! I wish I could question him about it now...it would be interesting to know why he thought it was an acceptable and everyday remark to make!
Lots of love,
Lara.
-
Aww Lara!
I bet you were in shock/despair/confusion? :shock: :( :?
Question him now?
Why bother?
He's a dork. Dorks say dorky stuff. They think dorky stuff and do dorky stuff.
I'm just glad you're rid of him!
GFN
-
wow... looking at all those postings of quotes from other N's makes me feel so at home (spit, spit, cough, sputter). The whole thing about repeating the same 'witty' statement until it's drilled into your head really hits home. Anyone experience the constant barrage of "you should do this" or "you don't make enough money" or "why did you do that" crap... ya know where anything and everything you do is never enough or never the right way - the completely unpleasable mate?
-
here's one I just got form the H, Longtire thought it would apply here.
Claims the mini stroke he had affecting his face is MS. The MS affects the brain and he will be able to forget about why he should Divorce me, it's all under the bridge, he only has time for the serious stuff, like his health and being a part of our D's life.
OR
-
"Grandparents who don't live near their grandchildren don't love them."
-
Defending the actions she took against my daughter my ex-wife told a mental health examiner: "I believe that if I bring a child to life then I have the right to go so far as to kill that child if I wish." :shock:
..she is now in jail, my daughter is doing well.
-
I couldn't resist...Here are real Narcissist comments from my ex-girlfriend. I left out alot of them because I did not know what is allowed to be posted. These are real comments!
-i dont want to have to watch what I say around you.
-i told my parents that I would not speak to them any more - if they let my daughter stay with them after I threw her out.
-there you go making yourself a victim again. Do you hear yourself?
-EZPZ I think you have to start tape recording your conversations.
-I have a strong personality and you have serious mental issues
-I dont want to have to stroke you (complement) about doing something which you should no how to do
-what kind of lame ass woman have you been with before me?
-You don't brush your teeth correctly
-I will teach you to become a good lover. What kind of loser women have you been with before me?
-you project your problems on me.
-use your napkin.
-(to my sister) Your Brother EZPZ is a very sick man.
-You are 46 years old growup!
-if all the hangars in the closet are not pointing the same way you are really gonna get me angry.
-Did you have an imaginary friend as a child
-you fold your socks the wrong way
-you should wear a white tee-shirt under your shirt at all times.
-Men should only wear white underwear ( i was wearing colored) You are not a little boy.
-Your shirt should not be tucked in.
-what is the highest position in the company you can reach ( i replied CTO). Ex-GF replies you should get that job then I can retire and I can wait at home waiting to service you each night
-you had as much hair on your body as an irangatang when I met you. I was a little scared. I was never with a man who had as much hair on their body as you did (she took me for a body wax)
-Hello Chemo Boy (whenever I would wear a base ball hat)
-You are like gomer pyle
-You are a psychotic lunatic
-I knew there was something weird about you
-Are you a pedophile?
-my friends thought you were a little off in some way
-i knew that people are the internet were weird
-you are cocoa for coco puffs
-I Am open minded...I thought you were a little nerdy...and I am usually not attracted to bald men...but I thought I would take a chance. You know women are usually attracted to the bad boys
-Jean (her friend) says you are a couple of french fries short of a happy meal
-you look weird
-I wanted to see how it felt to have a one night stand - i was so pissed when he became affectionate the next day and wanted a relationship.
-old boyfriends are coming out of the woodwork
-THEY ARE CLEARING THEIR SCHEDULES for me ( reference to 4 men she dated after our breakup)
-I stayed with (her ex-boyfriend for 10 years) for convenience. I knew I did not want to be with him long-term.
-I use to tell (ex-boyfriend) that I wished him dead.
-Whenever (ex-boyfriend) and I would break up I would say hooray I can date other people..
-i sat (ex-boyfriend) down and I told him that he better get his act together (because he is coming soon "reference to meeting me"
-(ex-boyfriend) bought me a computer
-(ex-boyfriend) gave $1000 for XMAS
-(ex-boyfriend) took me to Las Vegas
-(ex-boyfriend) bought me a GPS
-my (ex-boyfriend) said I needed a yes man
-my (ex-boyfriend) said why dont you date other guys and get off my back
-my (ex-boyfriend) never offered to marry me
--Maybe I should marry a rich guy and date you.
-if it doesnt work with these four maybe I will get 4 more. This is what makes me happy ( four guys she dated right after me)
-Joking...If I fall down your stairs then I own you
-she looks like buffalo wings(reference to my girlfriend from five years ago)
-I had four marriage proposals
-are you sure you want to marry because I am going to be on your ass constantly?
-(reference to her daughter) gets her bad personality from (ex-boyfriend)
-I went with guy who was a drummer, we would get stoned and have great sex
-I can't stand looking at people at a highway rest stop while they eat. It is revolting.
-why do you have pictures of children up on the wall. Is the boy looking under the girls dress?
-Therapists say that I do a better job than they can.
-I should have been born a man.
-I have been told that I can be a motivational speaker.
-i remember when playboy wanted me to pose for them
-I don't like hanging out with a bunch of woman.
-I always buy high end. I still have solid gold door-nobs from when I was married.
-i have a lot of stuff and none of it is junk.
-you can always take out a home equity loan
--Jesus is my home boy
-
Good riddance.
Hops
-
I think you were dating my mother - who I've been avoiding my entire life. Now you know who "these people" are and can successfully do the same. Be careful - they're persitent. Good Luck to you in the future.
-
God started talking to you. Through me."
I did not find this funny, since my spiritual mom happens to be a prophetess and God DOES talk to me through her.
What I do find to be a narcissistic comment is this:
When I was relying on her to help me learn about dressing trendy, "Oh I don't like that style of pants, wouldn't be caught dead in them!...I only bought them for ya because I knew you liked em."
"What you need to hear is this..."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Everyone always comes to Jodi, expecting her to have all the answers!" (said of herself in 3rd person)
"If there was a song for you, Laura, it would have to be "if I only had a brain" haha"
"I never meant to hurt you like this...the only time we laugh is when I'm mocking or making fun of you...that's just not right." (she didn't ask forgiveness at that time...just explained that that was what she was doing)
"You'd never make it with me oversees...you can't even handle a 1 hour hike with my kids, without the heat getting to ya! Tommy has more stamina than you do!"
"You doubled our budget in a matter of 2 weeks! No wonder your husband can't afford to pay for groceries! I can see why he complains about you and why you always complain about being fat!"
"Were you nervous when you sang that at church today, cause it was the WORST I've ever heard you sing!"
-
just had to reply to this one! there are so many!
"you are wrong, im never wrong, i never say anything wrong, if i didnt think it was right i wouldnt say it"
"i never have to appologise, because i am never wrong"
"i never air my dirty laundry in public"
"i know what your intentions were, because you are always attacking me"
"you have a serious problem, you have no reason to feel the way you do"
"you neglect your kids, i was a good mum"
"why do you always try belittling me in public" (from someone who claims they dont care what people think)
"i have a nice house for which i have worked very hard for, ive never been in debt to anyone"
just off the top of my head, but there is more!
-
" I am always right even when I am wrong " :shock:
-
How about when I was telling my mother about my DH and myself doing volunteer work for a charity at Christmas?
ME: "We both wanted to do something for children that needed help and we feel blessed that we were able to do something for someone else."
Her comment (said with intense emotion): "Well, I know a little old lady that needs your help more than any of those people!"
(i.e. her, needing me to do her chores and stupid errands)
I know my jaw hit the floor after that one...yes, she is much more deserving and needy than any disabled child.
-
Comments that come from Nmother:
"I can't decide if (pick a movie star) is attractive or not." She's THE authority. She LOVES to call people who are considered to be attractive "ugly."
"Are you working for the President of the University?" Too excited at the prospect of this one...
This one almost killed me as far as embarrassment goes... An old boyfriend called to say hello because he saw me in town visiting. We both have regrets as to how we treated each other. We are both married and I adore my husband. My mother was so proud that when the ex called the house looking for me she told him my husband was up for a job with a General and a bunch of other crap. My husband is dedicated and smart and wonderful at his job. I was so pissed she felt she needed to elevate that. And then to be PROUD that she said it and think I would be happy???????????????
She posted thin pictures of me on her Internet site, "I thought you'd like that one." Yes, I really want people to think I am so vain that I put a 10-year-old picture up to show me when I was at my thinnest.
When she sees my exBF's MIL around town, she is always saying she is a bitch or some such thing. Hello????? That was 17 years ago or something???????
She imagines that people in town know who she is and envy her for various things. She won't go out without her "jewelry" on... even in jeans and a sweatshirt, because she is sure people notice her gems.
Thanks for the topic, although I feel icky now.
Beth
-
My father speaking of discipline and children he was speaking to my 27 year old daughter while I was standing next to her .comment made 4 weeks ago father is 83 big serious destructive N
He had whipped me regularly with a belt as a child
TO 27 GD:"I know your mother would not touch a hair on your head but believe me any time you do any thing wrong I have given your mother permission to send you over to me I have no problem with sparing the rod"
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
-
So sorry Moon. :(
-
Vunil, do you still read here? Are you still around?
How are you doing?
I hope things are going well for you.
Sela
-
HI Mountainspring, Life has a way of giving back goodness -my little family 2 cats nice hubby 2 darling girls But I do not think will be seeing much of grandpa I wish the best for him and our little family is about love.
:D :D :D :D and two smiley faces for our cats :D :D
Love and Light
Moon
-
So happy for you Moon. :D
-
Hi Moon,
Have you ever thought of standing straight as a soldier and just ROARING at him?
"You beat me, over and over, when I was a helpless child...and you were WRONG. It does not matter what spare-the-rod excuse you think of, you were a terrible, brutal father!"
I just imagined you saying that to his face, in front of your daughter. :shock:
BAM.
Hops
-
Hops , I did that about ten years ago, we were alone and I told N father off good and strong he cried. I cornered him into a wall. He said then " if he knew then what he knows now abuse would not have happened"
That was ten years ago.You see all lies ,he can not be wrong about the abuse .I did tell him off but it would of been the same as yelling at a brick wall.I did confront him .The only one of his children that did.
I am stronger than I have ever been the pain has left me finally and I get to be free for me
and my dearest sweet twin brother who will always be 27.
I am a funny sad happy
Love and Light
Moon
-
You are a lovely warrior Moon.
You are a delight, a comfort and such an inspiration!
(((((Moon)))))
Hops
-
Hi Moon,
Did you feel calmer after you told him off or did it frustrate you more.
-
Hi MS and Hops and All ,Well that was ten years ago but things like that you do not forget .I felt sorry for him I believed every word of his pack of lies .
He made me feel guilty for confronting him and making him cry .The reason I do not try and" figger out "the minds of TRUE
destructive cruel N's is because me thinks I understand them too well ick ick ick .I do forgive AND I am not perfect but I do not live
my life looking for ways to deliberately hurt family members and then laugh about them .Time to hang with my family that are gentle.
I hope the other ones understand there own very confused state of being.Oh HOPS if only I was a Moon warrior well maybe I am just a little.My therapist has had me paint a series of warrior shields to bring out more of the masculine side in me it was done using a lot of silver.............
Moon
-
Moon... so sorry for all you suffered through...glad you hollered at him...
My mother has no understanding (or fondness) for children. When my son was little and used to throw those 2 and three-year-old temper tantrums, she said maybe I should take him to the doctor and see if he was allright. Now that he is older, I stupidly said one time that he was going through a rough phase of talking back or some such thing (you know, something that lasts a few days or a week...). She says "Don't worry, once they turn 8, they turn back into humans again." She has said this for every age my kids have passed... like an authority and as if years of a child's life can be reduced to a stage. I truly want to rage when she says things like this.
-
This thread is some kinda survivor.....like us perhaps?
Here are the most narcissistic comments my ex N dribbled....
"When I was younger and got everything I wanted from a woman I was dating and was through with her, I would be mean so she would hate me and leave me alone"
dear lord....how did I not see he was telling me what his intentions were for me? Or that somehow he was grown up now? I can't fathom being intentionally cruel like that at ANY age.
"I only took advantage of you in the beginning"
lol....he only stopped when he had everything he could get from me
"you brainwashed me into being bad"
"I was putting forth an honest effort to fix the relationship, you only acted like you wanted it, but in reality you just wanted more evidence for the cops and provoked me til I had to hit you again"
This is when I knew I was I was in the twilight zone, that comment followed the 4th time he physically assaulted me (out of 6). He fractured two of my ribs and I sustained a back injury that had me in 24/7 pain for 5 months. Never apologized. It was the first time I told him I had to have an apology.....as if that would help...god I was nutz
and this...
"I am not going back to those classes"(after the 2nd anger managment that his probation officer told him he had to attend) All those men had some real bad anger issues and I can't be around that"
neither could I my love.....talk about projection eh?
-
I have a couple from the last girl I was involved with.
"He's such an asshole; now you see why I can't be with him!"
(her describing her husband who took away a cellphone from her he was paying the bills on; the one she used for 4 months to call me long distance)
"I feel like you wanted to do that more than I wanted you to"
(her response to me after I pointed out that I paid for her plane ticket to come back out here and that dumping me the day she landed without an explanation wasn't very nice)
"If I move with you to Florida, it means I wouldn't have to work, right?"
(a question she asked me when I mentioned the idea of moving back to Florida and eventually taking over my father's business)
"I can't do this! Get the car out of the garage and go valet it!"
(her demand after it rained for 5 minutes and she didn't want to walk 100 feet to a dinner engagement. She said the rain would ruin her hair if it started again)
-
Me:
My good friend (40-ish) got the news today her cancer has spread. It's bad, and there's no treatment.
NMom (95):
That's sad but I don't think mine has spread.
--------------------------
Years ago:
NMom: Your classmate--his wife (22) died. She drowned.
Me: OMG. She's dead? (tearing up, shock, first time I'd lost a peer)
NMom: Well it's for the best. She had a drug problem, you know.
-
Ok...i just *had* to throw this one in -
My mother is very much into metaphysical things, she is a (?!) qualified tarot reader, etc...
Many times, she has explained to me that, seeing as her star sign is capricorn, she will get 'younger', as she gets older...apparently she worried a lot, and took on a lot of adult concerns (in her head only) when she was a young girl....
-
I'm still trying to figure out if my mother is N or just has a lot of N-spots.
Today I was talking to my mother on the phone about her sister who recently had a lumpectomy for breast cancer and then suffered a post-op infection. My aunt is in her seventies.
My mother can't understand why her sister won't arrange for her to come visit. I explained everything I knew about what was going on with her health, but my mother still says, "Well, I guess she doesn't want to see ME too badly." We have had this same conversation about three times now and my mother still thinks she is being snubbed by her sister. I don't think that is the case at all. She just doesn't feel good and, even in the best of times, she is kind of hard to be social with. My mother is making it all about herself, though.
PP
-
Moon, hon:
Wait until you take an assertiveness training course.
You'll still be your sweet self but there will be so much more strength and confidence inside.
Hugs,
Hops
-
Hops I am ready to be strong now. How can I say thank you ?
nite nite
Love Moon
-
You do thank me Moon...all the time, I feel appreciated.But if you want to BiG thank, take that course and tell me how it is for you!
(But only if you really want to do iit for you.
Truly! That would be very meaningfu to me.
love,
Hops
-
k
-
"Mine are the only feelings that matter!"
At my grandmother's funeral, I said "Thank you for coming and being here for me." He said, "I didn't come for you, I came for me."
When he got pissed at me about something, he yelled, "You are not worthy to have anything of your grandmother's. SHE was a good woman."
-
Oh have I got a doozy!
I'll set the scene for you:
We are having an argument in a hotel in Rome, Italy. (Me & N mother)
She had just spent the day humiliating me in front of our tour group.
After I cried (as usual), & asked her why she treated her own flesh & blood this way, she starts crying & says (ready??? WAIT FOR IT...OK, here it comes!!!)
"I have NEVER had a mother who loved me & sat me on her lap & brushed my hair!"
*sniff sniff*.
You know what I said??? I said...calmly (I'm proud of that!)
"Me either, mother!"
You know what she said??? NOTHING!!!!
No empathy, did not use that moment to apologize, not fall into each other's arms with over due regret. NOTHING!!!
Oh, BTW, her brother & sister SWEARS she wanted nothing to do with her parents! Treated them coldly from the time she was little. So, I'm not sure if I believe her story of abuse!
My grandma (who really was a sweet woman), used to cry to ME & ask me "why does your mom hate me so much!" I used to tell her "I don't know grandma, but she hates me, too!"
ARRRRGGGGH!
Bigalspal
-
Oh I forgot another doozy,
She called one day to tell me that her neighbors kids were making too much noise (in their own yard) for her to enjoy her beautiful yard & her wonderful gazebo. These are LITTLE kids, not music blaring teenagers.
So, she marches across the street & starts an argument with the mother. She tells me she says such things like "I pay my property taxes & you look like you are "white trash"!"
"Look at MY beautiful house & look how YOU live!"
You get the idea!
Anyway, the woman tells my N mother, she is doing the best she can, but her husband is in IRAQ & she is sorry!
You know what that no good N monster TOLD her???
"BOO HOO!"
My mother told me herself that she said that! She saw NOTHING wrong in telling that poor woman that! She also said ( as she marched back to her house) "I will call the POLICE on you next time I hear a peep out of those brats!"
Oh, the unmitigated gall!
I, on the other end of the phone, just sat there. What could I say. I've delt with her all my life. It does no good at all to confront her. NONE. So, whatever! My husband says that one day she'll talk like that to the wrong person! I know he's right!
Bigalspal