Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: October on February 26, 2005, 06:38:17 AM
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My ex is visiting because it is my daughter's birthday tomorrow (she will be 12; a very mature, sensible 12.) He is staying over in the spare room. Last time he slept on the couch downstairs, but the rule today is, in the spare room or in your car. (He does territorial stuff like a puppy peeing everywhere. When he leaves I have to clean everything. I don't want to be too gross, but he leaves the bathroom in a shocking state.) :oops:
Anyway, after he had taken her into town - against my better judgement because I didn't want her in the car with him - I went through his bag, as I always do. I check for drink because he is an alcoholic. A couple of visits ago I found some (white cider), but I never told him.
This time I found one of those plastic loop things, that holds cans together, so I know he has had a drink, probably last night at his parents' house, during the night. (He borrows their car to come here.) In fact, I knew it earlier, when he walked in, because I could smell it, and I could see it on him. But he denied it, and although I know that he lies, somehow I let him get away with it (!!!!) and drive our daughter into town. So now I am full of guilt. I have phoned and told her what I found, and that if she is worried I will come and get her, but she says she is fine, and that they will be back soon.
I am very tempted to ring the police on him and report him for drink driving. If he drank even a few days ago he will still have lots of alcohol in his blood, because his liver is shot. Actually, most of him is shot. He is a very, very sorry sight.
I asked him when he last had a drink and he said a few weeks ago, he had a glass of wine with his parents with Sunday lunch. I said, so your parents gave you a glass of wine to drink? He said yes. So I said to my daugther, I want you to remember that your Dad's parents give him wine to drink, and she promised she would.
So, very confused. Not sure whether to carry on with my own plans for the day, to visit a friend, or to stay here. Not sure whether to ruin my daughter's birthday by kicking him out, or close my eyes to all this for the sake of a happy memory for her in the future.
Resolution: After this weekend that B****** is not visiting ever again.
My boundaries are all in tatters, my house stinks of alcohol, and my daughter is out with a drunk. :cry:
On a more positive note, :lol: I bought him a present. A will form kit, so he can write a will. I have already told him I am going to make him fill it in, then get a neighbour to witness it while he is here. I said he has to leave me £15 to pay for buying the thing. We have talked in the past about how important this is, and of course he has done nothing. So I am going to make him. He has no sense of responsibility whatever, and his parents have none either, not for his daughter, only for him. And whether he knows it or not, and whether his parents dare acknowlege it or not, he is killing himself with drink, and he is going to die. Maybe not this year or next. But soon.
Huge emotional turmoil. Soon be over. Keep swimming. :(
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October,
Your daughter will have many more birthdays. I think your home is sacred and if the boundaries have been trashed by a pathetic alcoholic, then your daughter will learn that mom has boundaries and they will be enforced. Your ex is disrespectful to his daughter by coming to see her intoxicated! She will later APPRECIATE that you protected your home from this moron.
Your ex lies about how much he drinks. Do call the police. He could kill someone.
As for the will, do you know whether his assets would automatically go to his closest relation, i.e., his daughter? Because I can't see him writing a will.
{{{{ Take care of yourself }}}}
bunny
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Hi October. Did you decide what to do?
Me, I think I'd at least call her, find out where they are and go and join them. Say I changed my mind about visiting the friend and wanted to join them instead. Then make sure daughter travels with me.
At the most, yeah, let the police know he's drunk driving, but then again, I'd be there to take daughter home too. What a mess. He's a real liability. Sorry October...Portia
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October:
Portia said it best. A real liability. I think her suggestion is pretty good. The most you would lose is a bad afternoon with the narc, but also supervision for your daughter in case things "got out of hand". Just my 2c. Also him peeing all over the house is a classic example of passive aggressive behavior. He is clearly an out of control individual. Much luck, Patz
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Update. Probably the worst weekend ever. This will sound emotionally disconnected because that is how I am left.
I went to see my friend, but rang home several times, each time my daughter told me all was well. I drove home in the early evening, and my daughter and I went to bed. Ex stayed downstairs.
I kept all my clothes on, as I always do when he stays over.
At 1am I heard a terrible noise from downstairs; crashing kind of noise. I didn't know if it was inside or outside. Then very, very loud snoring noises, very strange. Scarey. I went downstairs and found my ex on the dining room floor, unconscious, making very loud noises, not like breathing. There was blood on the carpet near his face, and he had wet himself.
I rang for an ambulance. Then I rang a friend, but he was out. :cry: I left a message. Then I rang my next door neighbour, and he came a few minutes later, when the ambulance arrived, and took my daughter into his house, and away. By this time she had woken and was sobbing. It was one hour into her birthday.
Ex left in the ambulance. I stayed to sort some clothes for him, and to try to pull myself together. I followed about half an hour later. It was very dark and very icy. I went in to where he was, in casualty. He was lying on a trolley. I sat with him for a while. He was not comfortable. We were waiting for a doctor, and waited ages. Then he had a fit. I went to get help, and just as someone was coming with me the buzzers went off where he was, from the monitors.
A porter got me a cup of tea, while lots of people went to where Ex was and worked to bring him round.
God this is taking too long. By this time I was in real zombie mode. Couldn't talk. Couldn't do anything much.
Afterwards I was sitting there, with him, and a woman I have not seen for at least 10 years said my name. I looked at her. She came in and started talking, and I couldn't understand what she was doing there. I asked if she worked there, and she said no. Then she offered to pray for me and ex, and I wanted her to p*** off and leave us alone because it was none of her f****** business but I couldn't say anything - I just looked at her - I was in real shock - horrible shock (still am, to be honest). Anyway she said what she wanted to make herself feel better and then left, giving me her phone number on a piece of paper which I later threw away. (Apologies to anyone who I have offended by that, but her presumption was appalling.) I then sat there saying kyrie eleison (Lord have mercy) to myself over and over and over, to stop from having to think.
Cut it short. I went home after 2 hours. Next morning I went to visit, and found ex unable to stand, dress himself, eat (he had 8 stitches in his mouth). They wanted me to take him home but I refused. I said his dad would come for him. His dad came at about 2pm, and by about 3pm he had ex on his way home. Daughter saw him just briefly before he left and she was very upset by the sight. I honestly thought he was dying. His face and body and eyes were yellow from liver disease.
Ex is now banned from driving on medical orders because he could have another fit at any time. He has been told he has 5 years to live if he doesn't stop drinking. (I am amazed it is put that high. I would have said much less, but I am not a doctor.) Spoke to ex FIL tonight, and ex is apparently a lot better, now he is on a detox programme of medication from the hospital. I am pleased about that; I didn't want him to die (Mostly because of the impact that would have on our daughter, and the connections with her birthday it would leave behind.) His father said that next time ex comes to visit he can come by coach or train.
But ... there is no way I am letting that man in my house again. I spent the early hours of my daughter's 12th birthday cleaning blood and urine out of my carpet so that she would not see it when she woke up. I feel completely emotionally battered and bruised. Daughter has slept badly since, and has had very bad stomach pains and diorrea since yesterday afternoon, and is feeling very unwell. Her birthday was completely wrecked, and we are planning a trip to the zoo for next Saturday instead, as a replacement birthday.
I need to take a few days to think things through and then I need to get an injunction preventing any further contact for at least 2 years. (May be less if daughter objects, but I seriously need some boundaries here. :cry: )
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{{{ October }}}
bunny
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Sorry to hear about that horrible experience, October.
You reacted very well though. I would have been tempted to stay home and not visit the hospital at all, not phone fil, not give a hoot, be with my daughter and f....... him, let the hospital deal with him and his family. You were very generous to bother to sit with him etc. You are a great example for your daughter.
The good thing is.....he won't be driving any more, so it should be safer for all.
Is this rock bottom for him? Maybe the time has finally come? Maybe the detox meds will help him at least stay dry? That's the best to be hoped for probably?
Take care of you October. Whatever it takes. You will be best able to care for your daughter that way. It's a horrible disease he has. But even in his sick state he manages to show up for her birthday, although he did wreck it. Do you think he meant to do that? Or is he just sick?
I'm asking for your daughter's sake....because I would feel angry and and disgusted and hurt and want to strangle him....but I know he's her father and she cares about him and my expressed feeling/behaviour would hurt her.
GFN
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I think you handled this tragic event very well! Good for you!
I am concerned that you had some intuitive sense that something could go very wrong and yet you gave your XH the benefit of the doubt, and quashed your own feelings.
The worst part of my life with N was ALWAYS telling myself that my own gut reaction, my intuitive sense of things, was wrong. It's not that I believed him, and believed in him, that haunts me still- it's how much I disbelieved in me!
I allow my NXH visitation even tho he has screwed up royally in the past. I know this decision isn't right for everyone and maybe isn't right for you. I can really relate to what a tough place it is when your XH is such a screwed up parent!
When we were first separated, My X called me to say he'd been in surgery for 8 hrs after a chain saw had kicked back and hit him in the face. He'd sent my (then 3 yr old) daughter to call an ambulance. She rode with him to the hospital. All I could think about was this poor little kid wandering around a hospital for 8 HOURS!!! Who fed her, talked to her, looked after her??? I wanted to take a chain saw to other parts of him just thinking about it!
I allowed continued visitation because I was in so much denial as to what caused him to be so careless. I think you are brave for realistically looking at what he's doing, for making informed choices, for ackowleging your own sense of propriety.
Delphine
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October:
This may sound really really callous..........he probably has chirrous (spelling) of the liver. He will die a horrible death. Thank God you are no longer around this man. Patz
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I am concerned that you had some intuitive sense that something could go very wrong and yet you gave your XH the benefit of the doubt, and quashed your own feelings.
The worst part of my life with N was ALWAYS telling myself that my own gut reaction, my intuitive sense of things, was wrong. It's not that I believed him, and believed in him, that haunts me still- it's how much I disbelieved in me!
Delphine
I think the point you make is a very good one, Delphine. My intuitions were right from the very start, and I should have trusted them, and acted accordingly. I must investigate how to learn to trust myself more. Thank you for your insight.
I am very sorry to hear what happened to your little daughter. The pattern is the same here; the children are there to meet the parents needs, whatever they might be. No concept of the rights of the child.
Thanks.
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Is this rock bottom for him? Maybe the time has finally come? Maybe the detox meds will help him at least stay dry? That's the best to be hoped for probably?
Take care of you October. Whatever it takes. You will be best able to care for your daughter that way. It's a horrible disease he has. But even in his sick state he manages to show up for her birthday, although he did wreck it. Do you think he meant to do that? Or is he just sick?
GFN
Thanks GFN. I didn't think about not going to try to help, to be honest. It was only at the point where they said I could take him home that I said no, that is not going to happen.
You are right that it is a good move to ban my ex from driving - I have been worried about that for a while now, and it is good to have it resolved. Also, it is something he loves to do, so perhaps he will stop and think now. On the other hand, as my daughter said to me last night, he will not stop drinking. He never will. Her intuition on this is pretty good, I think.
I don't think he meant to destroy her birthday, but I think the emotional impact of visiting on that day, which is the day of all days when he knows what he has lost in losing her and me, was probably too much for him to bear. Having said that, he still had no right to behave as he did. I honestly and truly wanted to kill him over the weekend. Late at night, the night it happened, when I couldn't sleep, I wanted to do that. But then I had a couple of hours sleep, and the impulse went, fortunately for him. :lol: I told my t yesterday, and she said in the circumstances it was a natural thing to think, as long as it went later. Which it did.
What is starting to make me mad now is that neither he nor his dad seem to realise what impact this is likely to have had on me or my daughter. They are still only wrapped up in ex and his needs. Totally oblivious to us. Oblivious to a 12 year old, seeing and hearing what she did on her birthday. Not even an apology, or an acknowledgement. Probably they would say something like; 'these things happen.' And of course it is up to me to ensure that they do not happen again.
He did something similar but different last time he came for Christmas, several years ago now, and it was terrible. Seems he can't handle the pain of high days and holidays.
However, that is his problem. (Trying to rebuild defences here.) My problem is to try to reestablish safety and security for my daughter. Fortunately, she starts counselling in three weeks or so, and I am hoping that will help her a lot.
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October:
This may sound really really callous..........he probably has chirrous (spelling) of the liver. He will die a horrible death. Thank God you are no longer around this man. Patz
You are right. It sounds callous, but it is true, and we have to be able to face what is true, rather than swallowing the lies.
He has cirrhosis of the liver in 1993, the year our daughter was born, when a liver biopsy was done. He carried on drinking despite my best efforts to help until 1997 when I made him leave. That same year is when I first became ill with ptsd, after he left. And here we are, 12 years later, and he is still drinking.
Doesn't take a fortune teller, does it?
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{{{ October }}}
bunny
Thanks Bunny. Not crying yet, but one of these days I really need to find a safe place where I can. <inside :cry: >
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Hello October:
...as my daughter said to me last night, he will not stop drinking. He never will.
This is a very sad realization for her. She is so young to be facing such a demon disease in her family. Her intuition is telling her that her father is hopelessly addicted and will never stop drinking. Deep down inside, I wonder if she thinks: "He won't stop. Not even for his own child". Does she understand that he is a sick, sick man?
...he knows what he has lost in losing her and me
The underlying emotion, supposedly, that alcoholics battle is guilt.
Have you ever been to Alanon? It is an organization, similar to AA, for the friends, family, and loved ones of alcoholics. There is also one called: Alateen (for teens...not sure what age it starts--but I think 12??).
These are a very helpful organizations. Alcoholism is such a hard thing to explain to kids and to even understand ourselves. All of the emotions involved in dealing with the addicted person become mingled and confusing, especially for children. The support of these groups is enormous. I wonder if you and/or your daughter might consider going? It helps.
I honestly and truly wanted to kill him over the weekend. Late at night, the night it happened, when I couldn't sleep, I wanted to do that. But then I had a couple of hours sleep, and the impulse went,...
I can relate. You're not the only person who has ever had nasty thoughts. I'm glad those passed, after a bit of sleep. The anger and frustration is totally understandable and needs to come out. I'm glad you have a T to speak with.
What is starting to make me mad now is that neither he nor his dad seem to realise what impact this is likely to have had on me or my daughter. They are still only wrapped up in ex and his needs. Totally oblivious to us. Oblivious to a 12 year old, seeing and hearing what she did on her birthday. Not even an apology, or an acknowledgement. Probably they would say something like; 'these things happen.' And of course it is up to me to ensure that they do not happen again.
The biggest, most common barrier to recovery from alcoholism......denial. There is no problem. Cirrohsis isn't enough to snap the light on. Fil doesn't speak about it. Your exh tries to hide evidence of drinking and lie about his consumption. Deny the reality of addiction and there is no stopping it. There will be no apology because there is no problem to acknowledge. There is no impact on you or your daughter because there is nothing to cause an impact, no problem. It's not nice or easy for you or your daughter. They are oblivious.
However, that is his problem.
It is definately his problem but it is effecting you and your daughter, right?
You are doing the right thing by setting new limits/boundaries (he won't be visiting your home again...I think you said?). For safety and security...I think you are right. How about some supervised visiting.....possibly.....at some time in the future? Would that be something to consider?
I hope the cousellor will help your daughter. You are a great mom for making sure she has some one objective to speak with.
Take care of you too, October. You have a lot on your plate.
GFN
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Many years ago I tried and tried to get supervised access, and nobody would help us. The local alcohol centre said that children were not allowed in the building - although both my daughter and I had been there many times before. Social services refused supervised access because she was not on the at risk register, and when I asked for her to be put on the register they said they couldn't do that because her dad did not live with us any longer. :cry:
My family refuse to have anything whatever to do with my ex, and so I am left as the only buffer for my daughter, the only check against his being fit or unfit to see her, in a world full of denial of my pain. This has left me feeling very alone and unsupported. Nobody wants to know. Nobody wants to help.
I saw my t yesterday and told her all of this. She was sympathetic, but she also said that it is time for me to stop seeing her, and that we are going to spend a few sessions closing down.
At this point I run out of words. <:cry: inside>
Daughter remains very unwell. I need to take her to a doctor tomorrow.
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Does your husband have any legal rights here? If not, isn't it just his hard luck at this point. You certainly don't have to let him into your home. Maybe he can talk to her only on the phone. I'm sorry but he has burned his bridges at your house, don't you think?
I'm really sorry about the therapy sessions. Very crappy system for the patient.
bunny
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Does your husband have any legal rights here? If not, isn't it just his hard luck at this point. You certainly don't have to let him into your home. Maybe he can talk to her only on the phone. I'm sorry but he has burned his bridges at your house, don't you think?
I'm really sorry about the therapy sessions. Very crappy system for the patient.
bunny
Yes. He is not coming here again. I am certain of that. I am never having another weekend like the last one. Never ever ever.
He has no formal legal rights, because it is all done by agreement so far. He often threatens to take me to court, and I just say, if you think that will get you anywhere then go ahead. Then he doesn't bother.
Bad timing by therapist. I am going to ask her to change this. I can't stop being helped now, when I am not well enough to cope on my own. I know I am unwell. I can feel myself on the edge of the abyss. Not safe.
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Yes I think this was absolutely bad timing on the part of your therapist. Are you happy with your therapist otherwise?
LM
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October:
I hope my post did not make you sad or offend you. You are handling this situation as best as possible. My cousin has this same liver disease. His was from using dirty needles as a drug addict. He is in a very bad way.
I am not surprise he has not quit drinking. He has a true death wish and it is coming true at the expense of your daughter. I am very sorry for this. Every daughter deserves a father and every son a mother. You are doing a great job. Taking your daugher and yourself to a therapist and Alanon will help. I can see why you are suffering from ptsd.
My mother died from heart disease at age 57 which is very young. She had a very bad tobacco habit. Smoked 3 packs a day. You would go in the house and the walls would be yellow with nicotine. After she was diagnosed with heart failure, she did not quit smoking either. She was very addicted to nictotine. No amount of begging or pleading, seeking help etc. would convince her that she had to do something. My younger brother had a major heart attack by the time he was 43 from the same thing. He would not stop smoking either. He tells everyone he has quit but people who know him, and see him in public, see him smoking. I suspect he will die an early death as well. If narcs would only realize the collateral damage they cause........it is very tragic. Patz
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Hiya October:
Social services refused supervised access because she was not on the at risk register, and when I asked for her to be put on the register they said they couldn't do that because her dad did not live with us any longer.
Stupid, stupid, flippin' system!!! :x Oh well. OK. When you feel strong enough, and it suits you, you can supervise visits yourself. You can take her to the mall and he can buy her a milkshake there. You can all go to a movie. You can visit in the park, on a nice day and you can bring a good book to read, while he connects with his daughter, if he chooses to do that. He has no business in your home, you have been overly generous, and he has ruined that opportunity. Now...opportunities will have to come from other sources and he will decide whether or not to embrace them, or not. The telephone is always there, as suggested, ready to ring and I'm sure your daughter would be glad to hear from him. He can decide which new avenue he wishes to take in keeping in touch with his daughter, as long as you are there to see that he doesn't get pissed and fall down again, during a visit. He did that and you have a right and an obligation to prevent him from having an opportunity to do that again. This needs to be made clear.
He has no formal legal rights.
Good!! Then you can decide when and where he will see his daughter, if at all.
My vent for you. :!: :!:
This has left me feeling very alone and unsupported. Nobody wants to know. Nobody wants to help.
This is a very sad fact about the world. It is such a hectic world, isn't it? And people rush around, do their own thing, barely notice those who are not in sink with all of that because they are too busy. We've all done it.
The "system" is just as bad or worse than the rest of society in this respect. I'm sorry it has failed you, October. It's not right or fair. :(
Alanon is interested in supporting you and helping you to feel not so alone. :D There is no fee to join or cost to go. You might even meet a new friend or two there. It's an hour or so away from the hum drum and a time to focus on helping you. Maybe you will decide to check it out? What's to lose? :?:
Bad timing by therapist. I am going to ask her to change this. I can't stop being helped now, when I am not well enough to cope on my own. I know I am unwell. I can feel myself on the edge of the abyss. Not safe.
Yes......and good for you for asking her to change it! Maybe she will be able to!! If not........you must seek help for yourself and for your daughter's sake. Go to your doc. Call the distress centre and see if there are any other means of therapy. If all fails......find a clergy member to speak with. You don't have to be a church member to speak with a minister or priest and they will....want to help you....not want you to feel so alone.....and want to understand, help and support you. I don't like to think of a mom who is so upset and feeling so unwell. You must do your best to get better so that you can be the best you can be for your daughter.
Nag. Nag. Nag. :D
Have you heard of the John Howard Society? They have locations all over the world. They offer free counselling (often for those being released from prison) and other services. They often offer counselling to the people in an area, for very low cost or free of charge.....depending on the needs of the community. Look them up and see if they are anywhere nearby. They will help you, if you ask.
October......life sucks sometimes. We all know it. Please don't despair. As hard as that is and as tempting. It's not easy where you are but your daughter needs you to be strong. You can do it too! Forget the stupid system and take the reigns yourself. Find what you need, it's gotta be out there.
I'm sorry that this is so tough. I wish I could offer more to help you feel a little bit better. Much is up to you......to reach out and grab onto whatever line becomes available. I'm so glad that you are posting here for support and I hope you will continue to do so.
((((((((October)))))))
GFN
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Yes I think this was absolutely bad timing on the part of your therapist. Are you happy with your therapist otherwise?
LM
Yes. I thought I was making really good progress and learning a lot. I think it is too soon to stop this, because I am not competent at the skills she is teaching me, and I need longer to consolidate.
I don't want her around forever, but I want her for as long as it takes. If it stops now, I know I cannot sustain what I have learned, and I will regress seriously. Especially with retraumatisation happening like this.
I must try to communicate this to her. If she is good, then she will listen.
<crosses fingers>
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October:
I hope my post did not make you sad or offend you. Patz
Not at all, Patz. I appreciate very much the support I have been given here - it is helping me a lot, at a time when I have no real 3D support.
There are friends, but they are some distance away. :(
I am sorry about your cousin, and your mother, and brother. It is devastating to watch someone we love destroy themself.
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Hiya October:
Good!! Then you can decide when and where he will see his daughter, if at all.
The "system" is just as bad or worse than the rest of society in this respect. I'm sorry it has failed you, October. It's not right or fair. :(
GFN
Thanks for your very kind post, GFN. It is all very helpful, and in particular I think the Alanon idea is a good one, and will help both me and my daughter. I will investigate the John Howard Society too.
It helps to have new options to try. I know that if I am discharged by my current t with nowhere to go, that will feel so very unsafe. I am not sure I can cope with that. If I have new ideas, new options to try, that will be easier.
I have a friend who is a minister. I rang him at 1am on Sunday morning, just after ringing the ambulance, but he didn't answer the phone. He was collecting someone from a railway station. I rang him the following afternoon, at around 5, and said, did you get my message, and he said no. Not his fault, but he wasn't there. :cry: That seems to be my problem. At the worst moments, the really terrible times, I am left alone to cope. And I do cope, but I am left afterwards in pain, and still feeling alone in the whole world. Like there is nobody else who cares enough to see, and to come to me and give me a hug.
Sorry, feeling rather sorry for myself. Took daughter to the doctors today, and I am doing all the right things, and she seems a little better today, so that is good. Also, I have discussed access with her. I have said that her dad needs to understand that his actions were his choice, and that there will be results of those choices.
One result I am considering is no contact for either one or two years, and proof of alcoholic rehabilitation of some kind at the end of that time, before he sees her again. She has agreed that this sounds like a very good idea, but we are both going to think about it for 2 weeks, and then discuss it again before making any decisions. She is pleased that I am taking the initiative and deciding what should happen next. She says she does not ever want to see her dad again as she saw him on Sunday.
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That seems to be my problem. At the worst moments, the really terrible times, I am left alone to cope. And I do cope, but I am left afterwards in pain, and still feeling alone in the whole world. Like there is nobody else who cares enough to see, and to come to me and give me a hug.
I hope your therapist can still see you, to help you develop a bigger "bag of tricks" in case no one is there when you call them. That seems to lead to a feeling of endless loneliness and hopelessness (I assume from childhood). I guess the problem is NHS and you only have X number of sessions? (I'm in the US so this is a total guess on my part.)
One result I am considering is no contact for either one or two years, and proof of alcoholic rehabilitation of some kind at the end of that time, before he sees her again.
Why one or two years? Just wondering. He may not live that long. Maybe that's a good thing.
bunny
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I hope your therapist can still see you, to help you develop a bigger "bag of tricks" in case no one is there when you call them. That seems to lead to a feeling of endless loneliness and hopelessness (I assume from childhood). I guess the problem is NHS and you only have X number of sessions? (I'm in the US so this is a total guess on my part.)
Yes. Emotional abuse and neglect. Still don't know how to achieve emotional support at times of crisis. Tend to turn into a zombie and just keep on going for as long as it takes.
The NHS is supposed to be giving me as many sessions as I need. The problem comes with defining what is enough. I think I have had about 24 with my current t, which is a lot by NHS standards, but not a lot to deal with 44 years of abuse of one kind or another, leading to 10 years of ptsd at the end of it.
Why one or two years? Just wondering. He may not live that long. Maybe that's a good thing.
No idea really. I suppose because one or two years is a very long time to a 12 year old. Long enough for her to be able to recover, but not so long that she cannot see beyond it. And yes, he may die in the meantime. But if he does that without her being enmeshed in the dying process, then good.
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Hi again October:
You are very welcome for my post. I am glad you found my suggestions helpful. That's what we're here to do.....support eachother and offer any helpful ideas we can think of, right?
Maybe even ...challenge eachother's ideas a little sometimes???
That seems to be my problem. At the worst moments, the really terrible times, I am left alone to cope. And I do cope, but I am left afterwards in pain, and still feeling alone in the whole world. Like there is nobody else who cares enough to see, and to come to me and give me a hug.
Sorry to keep quoting this part of your post but it just jumps out at me screaming.....help!!!!
At the worst moments in life, the really terrible times, I have been left alone to cope too, so in a way, I think I might understand somewhat how you might feel.
I've had those sort of feeling sorry for myself thoughts too......"I'm all alone in the world"...."I am left in pain"....."There is nobody else who cares"......etc...
Coping with crisis and/or trauma is hard stuff and takes a lot out of us, doesn't it? For me......I feel like a plant that's been without water for too long afterward. All droopy and wobbly and pale and weak and dried up.
There is no doctor or person on earth that can guarantee us that they will be there to give you or I a hug, the next time calamity hits. No one can do that because circumstances happen......people might be unavailable....timing is really off......all of that.
So........the good thing is......you do survive those times...you might feel like a zombie but you acted appropriately (in this last crisis you did....calling ambulance, getting daughter to safe place, going to hospital, calling fil, etc...). So....really.....you can get through the crisis and what you think you really need.....you can do without....because you've done it before and therefore...you can do it again. Right?
What I need after such a time.....is a big, cool, drink of water for my droopy plant. I have an idea that maybe you might need the same thing.
Support from others is like a nice drink of water to a plant, isn't it? Maybe it would be nice to have someone to stand with us throughout every difficult time in our lives, and I agree I would love it...if that could happen and if I could get lot's of hugs all through that period....but my thinking is......it isn't a realistic thing to want, it isn't going to happen. No one can always be there. That's just the way it is.
Afterward though.....I can get out there and get a good drink of water. So can you, October. Getting support from your friends, the minister you know, posting here, joining a new support group like Alanon, --to talk about what happened and your feelings etc......all of those things plus ..have a nice bubble bath, light a candle, put on some of your favorite music, go to the library and find a good book ...and whatever else it takes to help yourself replenish your plant......is available. But you and I must actively go get that drink of fresh, clean, cool water. We must hug ourselves.
In the end, we are not alone. There are people in the world who are interested and willing and do care to help us. We are in pain but there are things we can do to help ourselves out of that pain. It's just that we have to actively seek those things and it's hard when we're feeling so depleted.
So October....take sips, ok. Little sips, one day at a time and before you know it....you won't feel so dehydrated, if that's how it feels to you. I can only imagine because I'm not you. That's how I feel after such events and taking charge of my own rehydration is what helps me most. It's like hugging myself.
I hope you are having a better day already and things go much better for you from now on. Please remember to hug yourself too because you can always count on you being there when the going gets rough.
But here's another one from me to you anyway....((((((October))))))
GFN
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I hope you are having a better day already and things go much better for you from now on. Please remember to hug yourself too because you can always count on you being there when the going gets rough.
But here's another one from me to you anyway....((((((October))))))
GFN
Thank you. My minister friend is too busy to talk to me. I have phoned a few times, the last time asking to speak to him about my counsellor, and he said he would call back. He hasn't found the time yet.
I arranged with another friend for her to come and see me tomorrow. She has cancelled because she has broken her toe. Another friend helped with bringing me some diaralyte for my daughter this morning, but could only stay a minute, so that was better than nothing, but not what I need. My family has not been near, nor phoned, nor emails. Nothing. I am visiting a cousin on Monday, assuming my daughter is better, so maybe that will help.
I am trying to get that drink of water, but it is not easy. :?
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Hi October,
Gee, I'm sorry the minister hasn't called you back. I hope he will do it very soon. Can you call the counselor herself?
This may be lame, but I find that watching TV makes me feel less alone when I feel abandoned. Or going to the grocery store or a place where people are. I feel less wierd, abnormal, and isolated.
And we're here!
bunny
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October: Do you have a dog? I know they are a lot of work, but I can sob in front of my dogs, not my children. Dogs are great therapy, kids never should be. Honestly, my dogs live for my attention and give so much unconditional affection and amusement, it makes the vet bills totally worth it.
They force me to live in the moment, just as they do.
Maybe not a practical idea for you, just a thought.
And although you can't get a physical shoulder to cry on here, you've still got lots of them. Hang in there.
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Hi October,
Gee, I'm sorry the minister hasn't called you back. I hope he will do it very soon. Can you call the counselor herself?
He will get round to it eventually. This may sound strange, but he is gay, and women are rather invisible to him. If I was one of his gay friends he would have called already. It is nothing personal. :(
I don't have a number for my counsellor. I tried writing a letter, but I can't find the right words. I don't see her until a week on Monday. Normally it is every week, but she is away next week.
This may be lame, but I find that watching TV makes me feel less alone when I feel abandoned. Or going to the grocery store or a place where people are. I feel less wierd, abnormal, and isolated.
Telly helps, yes. Also, looking after my daughter and doing the routine stuff. Changed the beds today and did lots of washing, which means ironing tomorrow. Also, I need to hoover everywhere. But I am still very weird, and not finding a way out yet. Can't go where people are because of the agoraphobia. Will tend to be worse when I feel this way.
Thanks for being there. It really helps a lot.
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October: Do you have a dog? I know they are a lot of work, but I can sob in front of my dogs, not my children. Dogs are great therapy, kids never should be.
Nope. Perhaps I should try the budgie ... :lol:
We used to have a dog at home, and I know what you mean. Ben was always very tuned into my moods, and could understand and be there when I needed him. Lovely dog.
My daughter is not therapy in the way you mean, of course, but she is good at taking me out of myself and into looking after her. Forces me to keep going.
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October; see? you do have an ability to still count your blessings.... a healthy thing, I think! Never ceases to amaze me that our most precious things can come from such dysfunction.
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October; see? you do have an ability to still count your blessings.... a healthy thing, I think! Never ceases to amaze me that our most precious things can come from such dysfunction.
You're absolutely right, mum. And sometimes I even have to use my other hand!!!! :lol:
xxxxxxxxxxx
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yes! And then when we get to our toes, we're really having a great day!
Wishing toe counting for you today!!
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Hi October, Mum:
Now you two got me giggling...picturing people counting fingers and toes. :lol: Mine are too busy typing right now. Later. For sure!!
Hey! Mum! I agree totally about the dog. My dog is my real therapist!! :oops: And now I have a 12 week old puppy to keep me hopping about! Boy! Did I forget how much work a pup is or what??? Still......as you say....they are such great companions....and no matter what happens.....they are always there, waiting for you, ready to be your friend. The love they give you is truly unconditional.
Budgie's are cool too! I've had them in the past. I loved the canary I had one time. He used to sing and sing.....early in the morning. He had such a beautiful voice! (only the males sing). He could really take my mind off my troubles. He was such a miracle, the little guy. But very, very frightened of people. After much time and patience of trying, he would finally sit on my finger, inside his cage. But that was it. Never could convince him that I wasn't going to eat him and he wouldn't let me pat him. No way.
Just thinking, October. Do you play cards with your daughter? Do you like to read together? What do you do for fun?
My kids used to love those things. Baking too. And we used to make home made play dough. I have a recipe that is simple and doesn't require anything fancy. Even when they were a bit older, we used to say that play dough and Leggo were not made just for kids! Big kids and adults could have fun too! I had just as much fun as them. We had stacks of Leggo and built huge contraptions. Sometimes we baked our play dough creations and painted them. Made Christmas tree ornaments, Easter, etc. We made some really killer card houses too! We still do a crafts together.
All of these things are distractions but what the heck? If you can possibly find a way to have a bit of fun together....go for it!
I am trying to get that drink of water...
Good for you October!!! Soon we will all be in awe of your fresh, healthy look!! :D Skin that shines and feels so soft! Hey! Maybe you and your daughter can give yourselves home-facials! We had a riot doing that!!
GFN
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GFN wrote,
Now you two got me giggling...picturing people counting fingers and toes. Mine are too busy typing right now.
Your fingers or your toes? :)
mudpup
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He will get round to it eventually. This may sound strange, but he is gay, and women are rather invisible to him. If I was one of his gay friends he would have called already. It is nothing personal.
This doesn't sound strange, it sounds really narcissistic! He's a minister and only calls gay men because that's who interests him??! Okay, I'm seriously annoyed by him.
And your counselor didn't give you her phone number??!? What kind of counselor does that? That is outrageous. What if you were suicidal or having a panic attack (which is what it sounds like btw)?? I'm really pissed off at this counselor.
Well, we're still here!
bunny
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Hi October,
You're absolutely right, mum. And sometimes I even have to use my other hand!!!!
My daughter is not therapy in the way you mean, of course, but she is good at taking me out of myself and into looking after her. Forces me to keep going.
I have a twelve year old daughter too, so I know from experience you have about fifty blessings right there. You're already out of fingers and toes on her alone. :)
And you have a lot of friends here who are all pulling for you and your daughter. Maybe your blessings are going to start piling up. You're certainly due.
mudpuppy
PS. If bunny had a ticket to the U.K. I think she could straighten out your minister friend and counsellor pretty quick!
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Again, mudpup, very funny. My daughter is also 12 (going on 28)...and I am lucky enough to have an older son as well. No matter what, I am blessed to get to share this life with them.... and some of my worst times have gotten better because I needed to be a good mom...blessings again.
On another subject: we all need a Bunny!
Bunny: I think you could take on all our ex N's and line 'em right up! I think "Bunny-like" when I respond to my ex and I feel stronger. Thanks for your wisdom and no-frills approach, it's inspiring.
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Ok, someone less Luddite like needs to tell me how a little face got on my last post....what did I hit? When I want to use those guys they don't show up (ok, I don't know how) and then they show up all on their own?
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My therapist told me that Nism is quite prevalent in the gay community and not unusual with ministers. I would say to find a new minister to lean on if you can. Even if he does become available, it doesn't sound like he will offer much comfort.
I hope you can find someone who can stick with you through this painful time. It is difficult to have to keep reexplaining your situation and going back to the starting point. A lot of wasted therapy time.
Lots of great ideas of things to do with your daughter. Mine is 16 now, but at 12 she really loved to do art projects and still loves to play games of all kinds. Whenever I feel really down, I call my son at college to get a fix of what is going on in his life so I can be reminded of the one true blessing my husband left me with (well, actually two, but you know what I mean).
You sound like you are making the best of a very difficult situation and you can be proud of your efforts. You will never regret it.
God bless.
Brigid
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Thanks guys. I would take on these fools. They're weak enough for me. :)
bunny
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mum,
Ok, someone less Luddite like needs to tell me how a little face got on my last post....what did I hit?
I thought you did that on purpose because your daughter is twenty and cool. That sounds better than your explanation anyway, so lets just say you meant to do it.
mudpup
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Hi:
Mum wrote: Again, mudpup, very funny.
I fully agree! :lol:
and: Ok, someone less Luddite like needs to tell me how a little face got on my last post....what did I hit?
Maybe you hit him with your toe, like I keep doing?? :shock: :?
and Bunny: Thanks guys. I would take on these fools. They're weak enough for me.
I'm sending mine right over!! Thanks a bunch!! :D :wink:
Mudpuppy: I thought you did that on purpose because your daughter is twenty and cool.
So did I! Maybe it wasn't your toe, Mum?? :?
(place curser where you want the smiley, click on the chosen smiley, and....voila!! 8) )
And finally, per Brigid to October: You sound like you are making the best of a very difficult situation and you can be proud of your efforts. You will never regret it.
God bless
That deserves repeating. Keep sipping that water! As a matter of fact, I'm serious. Sipping water is supposed to help us in stressful situations by helping to keep our brains hydrated and working in the best possible order, considering the circumstances. :D Never mind our lovely complexions!!
GFN
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Hi guys,
somebody wrote,
Again, mudpup, very funny
.
I hope no one thinks I'm being flippant or making light of what we have all been through. Its just that sometmes the ridiculousness of the human condition can't be faced with anything but a big horse laugh. I think its a defense mechanism. I hope I haven't hurt anyones feelings, especially October's. Anyway I don't want to forget how or why October started this thread or what she is going through. I hope all of us who pray will say a prayer for her tonight and those of us who don't will do whatever it is we do to give hope to others. God bless you October, and here's to some better days. Now go play with your daughter.
Mudpuppy
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Mudpup> obviously I can't speak for October, but I gathered from your post, October, that you do have a sense of humor and perhaps you would appreciate levity at this juncture.
I, too, hope you know we are still hanging with you and your situation and lending support of a more serious nature as well.... And honestly, methinks Mudpup would be more entertaining (and less messy) than a real pup anyway. :lol: :lol: (hey, I just tried that face thingy and all I got was "lol". see? I give up.
October, your daughter is lucky, very lucky (as I just told Mia: kids only need ONE good parent to make it!...two would be wonderful, but one decent one will do!) You are good.
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ok, the face thingy worked. I get it now.
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Mudpup> obviously I can't speak for October, but I gathered from your post, October, that you do have a sense of humor and perhaps you would appreciate levity at this juncture.
Yes, humour is good. And laughing at the really bad bits is the funniest of all, strange to say, as long as it is not cruel laughter but 'God, this world is so bizarre' laughter. :lol:
And don't worry about the thread wandering. It is like we are all sitting round a table in a cafe. We might be here because I need not to be alone, but I would be very uncomfortable if we couldn't talk about everyone in the process, and take an interest in one another's lives. So chat away, everyone, and welcome. Another coffee?? Doughnuts??
Thanks for saying my daughter is lucky. I often think she has a bad deal, until I look around for a better mum for her than I am. There is nobody that I can see who would do it better. :D
(Anyone think that sounds like an N speaking? :shock: Not the best parent for her because I am perfect; just the best for her because I listen, and I try to learn who she is. Not sure anyone else could do that as well, because nobody else could love her as much as I do. :D )
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Wishing toe counting for you today!!
Hmm, for toe counting I might have to cheat a bit. :wink:
Ok, one; darling daughter
two: darling daughter
three; darling daughter
four ...
:lol:
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This doesn't sound strange, it sounds really narcissistic!
And your counselor didn't give you her phone number??!? What kind of counselor does that? That is outrageous. What if you were suicidal or having a panic attack (which is what it sounds like btw)?? I'm really pissed off at this counselor.
Well, we're still here!
bunny
(((((bunny)))))) Thanks. I really appreciate the company.
Yes, he is Nish, and admits it. But he is capable of empathy, so he is not as N as some others in my life. Having got free from my Nex and Nmum and Nsupply dad, I am still enmeshed with my Nminister friend. Nobody is perfect. :cry: And of course, he is familiar. Like a brother. (Nbrothers too, :lol: ) Epidemic in my family. And a lot of my close friends are the same. I seem not to do normal. :?
I sat on my hands to stop myself ringing him again and eventually he rang last night, and was concerned about me. I may go visit one day soon. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it is not good. And I called another friend who was lovely and very concerned, and it did me good to talk to her. At the end she said that she loves me. :cry:
As for the counsellor, she cancelled one session because she was ill, and I asked what happens then if I have a crisis. Who covers? Who is there for me? The answer is, there is no cover and there is nobody there. Best they can offer is A&E.
So home phone numbers are not anywhere near the picture, I am sorry to say. I did have one counsellor once who gave my his phone number, and I never abused that. I rang him maybe three times in six months or so, always at about 7pm, and never for very long. But nobody else has trusted me enough. :(
Suicidal, yes. But I am used to that, so nothing is going to happen, God willing. Panic attacks I am not sure about, so I probably wouldn't recognise one if it happened. :lol:
Daughter has spent the morning tidying her room - Ha ha!!! - she wanted to rearrange things. Every other week I come upstairs and find she has moved the furtniture or changed the bookcases round or something. Today she is making her desk into a dressing table and getting out lots of nice girly stuff for herself.
Yes, it is official. I have the most wonderful daughter in the whole world. :D
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I have a twelve year old daughter too, so I know from experience you have about fifty blessings right there. You're already out of fingers and toes on her alone. :)
mudpuppy
PS. If bunny had a ticket to the U.K. I think she could straighten out your minister friend and counsellor pretty quick!
Forget them. If Bunny had a ticket here, we would go for some sightseeing, retail therapy and girly chat together!!!!!
And yes, Charlie is a real blessing to me. I know that. She is very special. And sometimes she makes me cups of tea now, which is the start of the grown up part of the relationship; I mean the side where she learns that it is good to do things for me too. But I still do most. :) Not about to turn her into a child carer!!!!!!
((((Mudpuppy))))
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ok, the face thingy worked. I get it now.
The face thingy comes out as code on the draft, but shows as a face on the post. Or you can write your own, like in email; : )
If you hold the cursor on the piccy and wait a second or two it will tell you what the face is showing. :D
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Good morning: 8)
It is like we are all sitting round a table in a cafe.....Another coffee?? Doughnuts??
Thanks ......I'm trying for green tea and I'm not having a doughnut because I'm really trying to lose weight and get fit. I joined "Curves" before Christmas and it's helped me some but it's not enough. So last night, I joined "TOPS" too. Hopefully the two will compliment eachother and I will benefit. At least I feel like I have more of a handle now than I did before. :wink:
Hey October: If Bunny had a ticket here, we would go for some sightseeing, retail therapy and girly chat together!!!!!
So is it easier for you to go out into public places if you are with another person? Sorry, I don't know much about agoraphobia. :oops:
And I called another friend who was lovely and very concerned, and it did me good to talk to her. At the end she said that she loves me.
I'm so glad you have this friend! That is so nice! Can you stay in touch more often with her?
Hope things are better today, October. Maybe I'll look for a good joke to post here. Whaddya'll think? :D
GFN
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Hi October,
And yes, Charlie is a real blessing to me. I know that. She is very special. And sometimes she makes me cups of tea now, which is the start of the grown up part of the relationship; I mean the side where she learns that it is good to do things for me too. But I still do most. Not about to turn her into a child carer!!!!!!
Good for you. You sound like my wife and our daughter. Best buddies, but she still knows she better respect her momma.
Thank you very much for the (((( )))). Ditto to you.
mud
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So is it easier for you to go out into public places if you are with another person? Sorry, I don't know much about agoraphobia. :oops:
It is social phobia rather than agoraphobia really, but the effect is the same. Company can help, yes, and going somewhere familiar. New places on my own are not possible. And big crowds are not easy. And wanting really really to do something helps too. I can do anything I want to really, but it is sometimes just not worth the cost (flashbacks mainly). If that makes any sense. However, I am so deeply immersed in dissociation at present that I think I could go anywhere without feeling it. Need to find grounding somehow, but not found it yet.
Supposed to be taking C to the zoo (Whipsnade) tomorrow, to make up for her disasterous birthday last week. If the weather is not too bad, that is. I am going to get us both an annual ticket, so we can go back whenever we like. Every week, maybe.
Hope things are better today, October. Maybe I'll look for a good joke to post here. Whaddya'll think? :D
Good idea. Might be fun. :)
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October,
I haven't met anyone on this board who is not lovable, with the exception of a chump or two over on Write's thread about therapists.
But there are a few people here who's situation is so immediate and difficult that I, and plenty of others, just wish we could be with you in person to hold you up. You are one. When my mouth falls open or a tear hits the keyboard reading what someone is going through, I stop caring about my problems and realize what real damage from an N is.
I hope you don't mind if I say a little prayer for you in the mornings, and I hope it is OK if I say one for your X too. It is hard to hate someone as far gone and self destructive as that. But my prayers are saved for you and your D, that you will get through this, and come out stronger than before. That your daughter will know her father's problems had nothing to do with her, and that you will be freed from this stress and pain.
When we're in these things they seem endless, like a hurricane that never stops blowing; there is nowhere to escape it. But there will be an end someday, and the sun will shine, and this will just be a bad memory.
I'm also looking forward to GFN's joke. Is she feeling the pressure? :)
(((((October and D)))))
mudpuppy
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But there will be an end someday, and the sun will shine, and this will just be a bad memory.
I'm also looking forward to GFN's joke. Is she feeling the pressure? :)
(((((October and D)))))
mudpuppy
Thanks mudpup. I really appreciate you caring, even if I don't quite believe in happy ever afters. Just more of the same. :?
However, about that joke ... <taps foot impatiently>
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October,
I really appreciate you caring, even if I don't quite believe in happy ever afters. Just more of the same.
I don't believe in happy ever afters either, not on this earth anyway. After all when the suns out we still get sunburns and mosquitoes and that funny red crease in the side of our nose from our sunglasses. But its a darn sight better than leaning into a driving sleet storm. Someday things will be relatively better, maybe a lot better than now. Don't lose hope.
However, about that joke ... <taps foot impatiently>
:lol:
mud
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Ok! Ok! The pressure's toooooo much!!!! :shock:
Bubba and Jimmy Joe
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his
buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a
new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.
We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods.
She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want'.
"So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man!.
Them clothes woulda never fit you!"
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Or a true joke:
Donkey
A farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realised what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down into the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The bite got infected, and the farmer died from septic shock.
MORAL: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you!
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Here's a few more and then I'm off to cook din din.
Enjoy your evening all!!
JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
##############
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
###############
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
##############
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
##############
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
##############
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
##############
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
#############
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
###########
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
PS:(in my family case.....this is fairly accurate!!!)
GFN
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GFN,
Unlike your therapists you exceeded my expectations. :lol: :lol: :lol:
mudpuppy
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GFN,
Unlike your therapists you exceeded my expectations
Sorry, that sounded pretty stupid. I didn't mean your therapists didn't meet my expectations. I meant your therapists disappointed you but your jokes exceeded my expectatons. I think I got it right that time. I'm just talking to myself anyway so never mind. Been cooped up all day, getting punchy. :roll:
mud
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Mudpuppy:
I got it the first time. :lol:
Hey......did you end up selling the bulldozer to the Amish? :shock:
I have my own mini excavator. And I ain't sellin' it to nobody!!! 8) Dug myself 9 gardens last year and holes for 47 trees. The thing is better than a crew of grave diggers! (which I won't need....now that I have my own mini excavator).
My H has an R2 and a couple of D2's (anitques), not restored....yet.
What will you do without your bulldozer?
Off to laze infront of the tv for awhile. Enough of this for my fingers and toes!
Sweet dreams all.
GFN
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I love those stories and jokes!!! Thanks everso
((((((big hugs to everyone)))))))
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Ok October....so ...to keep the momentum going a little longer....this had me going pretty good:
Dear Diary,
For my 50th birthday, my husband, the dear, purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep this diary to chart my progress...
Monday: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth the effort when I arrived at the health club and found Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God! with blonde hair, dancing blue eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!
Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me!!!
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or to stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other useless sh** too!
Thursday: Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes! Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He sent Lars in to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine, which I promptly sank!
Friday: I hate that son-of-a b**** Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader wanna-be! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it! Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!!! And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me the %&$#&%&# barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich! (which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude!)
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach of the choir director?
Saturday: Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrill voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *&$%^$& weather channel!!!
Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun---- like a root canal or hysterectomy.
:D GFN
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How ya doin' these days, October?
Things going ok?
Thinking of you and hoping you are feeling a bit better.
GFN
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How ya doin' these days, October?
Things going ok?
Thinking of you and hoping you are feeling a bit better.
GFN
Still alive. :lol:
Recovering bit by bit, but became too visible here so had to hide for a while. Deleted some posts too. Always a sign that I am not comfortable.
Thanks for being there. And thanks for the jokes - I think we need a new jokes thread, just for fun. :)
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Hi October, about being too visible and hiding. Want to talk about what you are afraid of? Is your fear realistic, or a phobia, unrealistic anxiety?
You are anonymous here. I don't know who you are.
The likelihood of your being 'tracked' over the internet is tiny.
Unless you're talking about illegal activities, it's highly unlikely that anyone would want to identify you. So - want to talk about it? What's the problem?
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GFN:
I can only sort of chuckle at your "personal trainer" experiences. I work part time for a gym.......and I am by no means in shape........however just seeing all those folks sweating and grunting makes me so very tired. LOL
I view a treadmill as a torture device. However that is the only way I can keep my metabolism up. Your metabolism really takes a dive after fifty. I think I can eat a bowel of cereal and gain 5 lbs. :( Patz
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Hiya October:
Recovering bit by bit...
I'm so glad. I was just hoping to hear that. I have a saying.......I like it when life is boring because that means nothing bad is happening.
Now I can add....and it gives me time to...recover...bit by bit. :D
Ya. That's one of the things I like about being a guest. I can't delete my posts. Once I write it.....that's it......it's there to stay. Makes me feel more like it is in real life because that's the way it works in the real world. I do understand that there might be stuff a person might decide to delete, for a number of reasons, and so it's a good thing to be able to do that. I guess there are benefits to both being a guest or a board member eh?
Yes....a joke thread. That's a good idea! Do you want to start it? I'll contribute.....when possible. Someone put it....laughing is a similar release (and equally effective) as crying (I'm sure those are not the words the person used...but that's the idea). That makes a lot of sense to me. And so does a joke thread...which could give us all a good laugh, once in awhile. Hey.....it could be called: "Therapeautic Jokes". :D :shock: :D
Or something.......
Anyhow.....I'm glad to hear from you and am here any time you wanna yack (heehee---some words just make me giggle :D ).
So long as you're not there feeling all alone and that no one gives a hoot......because that's far from the truth!
((((((((((October)))))))))))
GFN
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GFN,
Hey......did you end up selling the bulldozer to the Amish?
I have my own mini excavator. And I ain't sellin' it to nobody!!! Dug myself 9 gardens last year and holes for 47 trees. The thing is better than a crew of grave diggers! (which I won't need....now that I have my own mini excavator).
My H has an R2 and a couple of D2's (anitques), not restored....yet.
What will you do without your bulldozer?
I am in the process of trying to arrange transportation back to Ohio for the Cat. It weighs a little over twenty tons, so I have to get two different trucks to move it.
I have a friend who will let me use his bulldozer. The next job I have is pretty rocky so I am planning on buying a piece of equipment called a skidder, which is essentially a rubber tired bulldozer. Steep ground, big rocks and metal tracks are not a recipe for good health, if you know what I mean.
You run your own equipment? You sound like a real Renaissance woman. :)
Thanks for the :lol: :lol: :lol:
October,
Recovering bit by bit, but became too visible here so had to hide for a while. Deleted some posts too. Always a sign that I am not comfortable.
I hope nothing any of us said, especially big dumb me, made you feel uncomfortable. And just to let you know, if you hide you are missed. I think we're all recovering bit by bit. Let's keep doing it together.
God bless.
mudpuppy
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Hi October, about being too visible and hiding. Want to talk about what you are afraid of? Is your fear realistic, or a phobia, unrealistic anxiety?
You are anonymous here. I don't know who you are.
The likelihood of your being 'tracked' over the internet is tiny.
Unless you're talking about illegal activities, it's highly unlikely that anyone would want to identify you. So - want to talk about it? What's the problem?
Nobody is tracking me. I have social phobia - fear of people. And specifically, fear of anger directed towards me. So when I get too visible I hide, so nobody can find me and take their anger out on me. No prizes for guessing when that one started!! :lol:
This is only a realistic fear if you take into account what I have to lose, and the amount of anger I have had to take over the years, and which I still seem to end up absorbing. My family is not good at managing anger. It simmers away until it explodes, and generally whoever is in the way gets it. Sometimes me. Sometimes others (The children. My nephews in particular.)
Tonight, passive aggression from ex fil. Rang to see how ex is doing. Very cold response. Back to the denial, and the blaming me for everything. Trying hard to see this is their problem, and nothing to do with me. However, I was very depressed before then - lots of things seem rather overwhelming at present - so it is not their fault. Just one more thing.
Went to see my cousin yesterday to talk, and we were doing fine until we mentioned my mum. Although this cousin is very sensible in many ways, and even has a degree in psychology, she could not admit that my Nmum does not love me; that was a step too far for her to go, and she backed away from the thought. So I did too, for her sake. But if that is love, it is a very strange kind of love. It is bizarre to see how everyone around my mother has to twist reality in some way, rather than admit the appalling, terrible, unspeakable truth.
However, we (daughter and I) are still here. There has to be a way through all of this to wherever we are going.
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Hiya October:
So long as you're not there feeling all alone and that no one gives a hoot......because that's far from the truth!
((((((((((October)))))))))))
GFN
Just realised why I am feeling so bad tonight. The dissociation is wearing off, and is leaving depression behind it. Very bad stuff.
So as long as I know that, I can ride it out. Or if it gets too bad I can see the GP. But it would have to be very bad for that - I hate doctors!! :lol:
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I hope nothing any of us said, especially big dumb me, made you feel uncomfortable. And just to let you know, if you hide you are missed. I think we're all recovering bit by bit. Let's keep doing it together.
God bless.
mudpuppy
No, darling. None of you said anything wrong. You are all part of the solution, not part of the problem. :D
I just have to recognise that I am not the problem, when it feels as if I am. :oops: I too am the solution. :cry: