Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: miaxo on March 03, 2005, 08:29:52 PM
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This is the second time in the past 10 days that my daughter has returned from a dinner date with X N and came through the front door in tears. Each time she said that Dad tells her (7) and her brother (4) that they have *problems*. Tonight he apparently yelled and screamed at them both during the entire visit and told my daughter that she has *issues*.
She told me that she hates Daddy and doesn't want to go there anymore.
Outside of documenting this and taking the children to therapy (next Tues) I feel helpless. I feel like I am idly sitting back as my chidlren are being emotionally abused by their Dad.
In the past when I have confronted X N about inappropriate and abusive comments made to the children he ends up using the info as a weapon against the children next time he gets them. X N is court ordered to participate in the children's therapy but when I met with the therapist last week he had yet to contact her and if he doesn't do so by tomorrow he will be in contempt of the order.
This B@stard won't stop. I just want to scream!!!!!!
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mia,
What a tough spot with kids that young. I don't really have any advice for you, as I've never been in that position. You do have all my sympathy though and you are welcome to scream in my direction if it helps. Sorry for what he is doing to you and your kids.
If he does show up for therapy and it doesn't go well can the therapist recommend supervised visits? Or is there any other way to force somebody in there during visitation so he can't abuse them, maybe with your documentation?
Anyway, chin up, and instead of visualizing world peace how about if we all visualize a world without Ns. Oh wait a minute, that's the same thing huh? :wink:
mudpup
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Tonight he apparently yelled and screamed at them both during the entire visit and told my daughter that she has *issues*.
How lovely.
Outside of documenting this and taking the children to therapy (next Tues) I feel helpless. I feel like I am idly sitting back as my chidlren are being emotionally abused by their Dad.
You aren't idly sitting by. This is out of your control other than what you're doing. It is very worthwhile for you to be emotionally available for the kids, and help them get coping mechanisms. That's what child therapists do. They can't change the parents. They know the kids will be living with those parents. So they give the kids coping strategies.
Confronting him won't work. Just operate behind his back to minimize his contact with the children. Let it be a surprise to him.
Hopefully he will be in contempt tomorrow.
Remember, one day your children won't be small anymore. He will be yelling at four walls because they won't be a captive audience.
bunny
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Mia, so very sorry to hear this...I will scream right along with you! My children came over to pick up clothing for visitation nights this week...heads hanging, wishing they could be "home" instead.
It's not a small thing that your kids have you to talk to and be honest with. It is incredibly important for them to have that, even though you can't be thier "voice" in court , and never will be with their dad (hey, I know, he won't even listen to his own children....like I said, we divorced the same guy!) That they know they can come home to you, cry and tell you how they feel is huge. You are doing what you can. You are acting within what you can influence.
Please don't despair. It's friggin unbelievable how these guys behave toward their own flesh and blood, I know. But kids only need ONE good parent. You are it.
He just lost something to you in court, no? So he is on a downward spiral...no doubt he will crash soon. Hope he's in contempt...he needs a judge to slam him one.
Keep loving those kids....they have you. They will be ok. So will you.
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Mia,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is so incredibly unfair that the children have to be burdened with adult issues that are out of their control. It is still so mind boggling to me that someone would choose to damage their own children.
Continue to be their strength and their light. You'll all get through it and they will always love you for it. Look forward to the day when they are old enough to make their own choices and he will be left in the dark. You will have a lifetime with them and he will have nothing, but that is exactly what he deserves.
You and your children have my prayers.
Brigid
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Dear Mia:
I feel frustrated, disgusted, and I'm seething inside just reading about this situation that you are dealing with. I can deeply relate. :evil:
Document. Document. Document (as you are doing). Keep it so organized by date, hour and flippin' minute that it will be almost impossible to question. Send copies of everything to your lawyer and to the therapist.
I hope he's in contempt! I hope he's in contempt! I really, really hope he's in contempt!! :x :x :x
His behaviour is wretched (thankyou, Mudpuppy for the post that lead me to look up that word and really embrace it's meaning!). :twisted:
Mia, you are not sitting by doing nothing. You are suffering as you watch what is happening to your children and feeling unable to stop it. That's not nothing. You are fighting this in court. You are there for your kids to talk with and you are absorbing their pain. That's not nothing either. You are doing everything you possibly can to help them through this and to stop it. That's not nothing at all.
((((((((((Mia)))))))))
I seem to be giving out an awful lot of hugs lately but I really think they are deserved and I hope they are being taken seriously because I really mean them.
You will make it through this crap, Mia, and so will your kids. My hopes and prayers will be that the court will see fit to put a stop to this abuse that your children are being submitted to!! :x :x
Do please come here and vent all you like. I'm so sorry that you have to be witness to this happening. It won't last forever.
GFN
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mudpuppy
I am hoping that as therapy moves forward that the children will confide in the therapist and that they will be able to give specific examples to her. My goal has been and reamains that eventually he will have supervised visits and that I will get sole custody. If he keeps up this behavior then I think supervised visits won't be far fetched.
bunny
thanks. I can't wait for the day when they are no longer his captive audience.
Mum
yes, he did lose in court to me and you are right he has been on a downward spiral ever since. His emails are getting worse regarding blatant contradictions from one sentence to the next. How can't he see that what he writes makes absolutely no sense.
I hope he crashes and burns but not when he has the kids with him.
My kids will be leaving tonight for their weekend visitation with the screwball and they are not looking forward to it....especially my daughter.
I know how X is when he starts into his raging and if he hasn't deescalated since last night he is capable of raging through an entire weekend. Believe me I know.
I will keep your children in my thoughts and prayers.
Brigid,
Thanks for your support.
GFN,
I soooo hope he is going to be in contempt too!!! I am fantasizing about it.
Your hugs are taken seriously and are much appreicated.
Thanks a million.
mia
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mia:
As the saying goes: "This is the beginning of the end". My girlfriend had a similar situation with her n x. He was cited for contempt of court and had to have court appointed supervision with the children. The children are now adults and have nothing to do with him. Such will be your x ns deserved fate.
My sincere hope and desire is that he is in contempt. Then you can proceed to protect your children from this deranged person. His behaviour is outrageous toward small children.
I was watching Oprah yesterday and the half-sister of Scott Peterson was on. She is now writing a book about the inside experiences of it all. They also had a forensic psychiatrist on as well. He was stating about sociopaths and narcs: (paraphrasing here)
"Scott had such a "golden boy" image that when Lacy became pregnant
that his idea of who he was, well and baby did not fit into his "batchelor" image. Whenever sociopaths have anything that intereferes with who they are, it has to go. They are unable to internalize any outside interferences and intergate that.
The psychiatrist also related how he thought the mother was the one who instilled in him this "golden boy" image. He was not allowed as a child to be other than "perfect". This psychiatrist related how the child in Scott was killed off by Jackie a little at a time. So when it came time to "own" what Scott did, she was not able to do it even in the face of reality. Jackie was a narc par excellance' . What is more scary is that they now think sociopaths and narcs occur in a ratio of 1:25 people. That is a lot of narcs and sociopaths folks.
Your husband is such a narc, his children are but pawns for his own desires to get back at you. They are just extensions of himself. He could care less about the harm he is causing them, just so long as he gets the desired results. What he wants, when he wants, how he wants. My thoughts are with you as you go to court to try to get even more limited visitations with this person. Patz
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mia,
Can your children call you from their dad's? Can they phone you if he starts raging? Because then you can call the police. Just an idea.
bunny
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patz
My daughter is very mature for a 7 year old and even looks older than her age (very tall) so I hope that will work towards her benefit when speaking with the therapist and one day with the Judge. I am hoping that her desires will be taken more seriously since she does appear older and more mature than her stated age.
I know that my X is a hardcore N. It was when I became pregnant with our second child that he really "lost it". From the time I was four weeks pregnant to 3 months he was nonstop with the raging. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I decided I wasn't going to allow my daugher to witness this any longer. I confronted him and asked him "Why in God's name are you treating your family this way?". This startled him as I usually never said a word during his rants. Surprisingly, he calmed down and went on to tell me that he wasn't meant to be married and didn't want to deal with "family life" b/c it was too stressful for him. He stated that daughter and I were too distracting to his career and that he couldn't deal with another one on the way. This was all said in a very matter of fact monotone voice....no emotion, no feeling. I felt like a robot was standing in front of me. He went on to say, "Well, the cat is out of the bag" and that he would stay in the house for a while to get the finances in order. Of course he wasn't willing to look into any sort of counseling etc. He was very business like. I was in shock. I kept this to myself and didn't tell anyone for about two weeks. Meanwhile he was still in the house. Finally I broke down to my Mom. My family was very supportive and told me to get him out of the house. I told him to leave especially since he had no plans of getting help/working things out. He wouldn't. I went to a lawyer who suspected that N was already taking $$ out of our accounts and messing with other assests (stocks, etc). Lawyer called the bank while I was in his office and N had already withdrawn 30,000 out of one account. In order to freeze the accounts I had to file for divorce. He still wasn't leaving the house. After about a week and notes from my doctors I was able to get him out of the house....changed locks, installed an alarm.
His Mom called me (this woman's picture is next to the word frigid in the dictionary) about a week later. This was a surprise since X MIL never involved herself in anything and I probably heard from her 1X yearly during the marriage. She expressed concerns regarding her son and told me that nothing he is saying makes sense about why he is leaving his family. She told me that he will live to regret it, etc, etc. She was looking to me to give her a reason as to why he would leave a pregnant wife and 2 yo. Now I know that Mom is the reason why N is a N. The only memories of N's childhood that he ever told me about were:
1. He was severely beaten as a 3 yo for accidentally spilling milk in the refrig.
2. Neither parent ever went to any of his games as a child and that he had to rely on other parents to drive him.
Looking back, X N never voiced one fond memory of his childhood or ever showed fondness towards his parents. His parents divorced when he was 12 and X N moved out on his own when he was 17.
He has no connection to either parent.
X MIL has narcissistic tendencies but I don't think she is a full fledged N. One characteristic that stands out was that she was notorious for giving the most atrosious gifts. She actually gave me a beat-up used comforter at my bridal shower. My entire family was in disbelief. She continued this with everyone for every holiday,birthday, etc. To this day she gives my daughter items that are sun damaged, water damaged, etc as birthday presents. She does this with her other grandchildren as well. Keep in mind that this lady is probably worth over a million dollars. I used to just think "what a frugal old miser". Recently, when I came to the realization that X was a N and as I was reading about N's I came across the description of their gift giving ways.
The rare times that I was in X MIL's presence she would *compliment* me by telling me that whatever I was doing was good for her son since she sees that his temper is not as bad as it used to be.
These complients were paid to me during the first 4 years of our marriage (prekids). X N had his *outbursts* and fits of rage behind closed doors with me; however, he could contain himself to a certain extent. He was very destructive to our home and would destroy something at least once a month. After our first child was born he became increasingly more unstable and his fuse became shorter and shorter.
During my divorce my brothers told me how "strange" they always found him to be during social situations. My older brother had said, "it's almost like he doesn't know how to act like a normal guy and trys too hard to fit it". He went on to say that it's like he is "overacting" and everyone found him to be overbearing. Both brothers witnessed mini rages during shared vacations etc. One time he "went off" on a car rental clerk for not giving him preferential treatment and began yelling, " I am a successful business man and will not be treated like this." Another time he ranted and yelled at a parking lot attendent for not properly directing him into the lot. My brothers were embarrased to be around him and couldn't believe he would treat others like this. Basically, they thought that their sister was married to a real Jerk. Towards the end of our marriage N no longer wanted to be around my brothers b/c he knew that he had *blown his cover* with them. X N also felt uncomfortable around my brothers b/c he felt they were more successful than him and was very jealous of their accomplishments.
I didn't mean for this to turn into this long rambling post. Thanks if you hung in this far.
As I sat 3 months pregnant with a 2 yo in my lawyer's office filing for divorce....I was devestated. My attorney said to me, "Mia, I know you won't believe me when I say this but in one year's time you will have your life back." Boy, what a difference a year makes. He was right. I did.
I thank God every day that X N left when he did. At the risk of sounding like a drama queen, I truly believe in my heart that had he stayed he would have turned his fury on to me physically. Although he had never done so in the past he was gradually leading up to it and came close to striking but pulled back and opted to substitute hitting me with destroying property. I know the pregnacy triggered him to further spiral out of control. During those last three months during the marriage there was an occasion that he hissed in my ear, "They can't charge me with murder if they can't find the body." I have told my family if I ever turn up murdered that X N did it. Is he capable? I think he is b/c he views me as his enemy and I don't think he has a conscience.
Well, thanks for letting me get some of my story out. There is so much more...but that's the case for all of us here.
Mia
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bunny
My daughter tells me that when she asks to phone me that he puts her off and tells her she can call "later". She is now asking that my husband and I buy her a cell phone so she can call us. I intend on bringing this up in therapy and have already addressed it with X N. Of course when I tell him to do something he won't. I should tell him...."it's good that you don't let them call me" and then he would let them call.
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Mia:
Thank God you are out of that situation. After reading your post and seeing the Oprah show yesterday on Peterson, I also believe if you had stayed you also would be a statistic.
As this forensic psychiatrist was saying on Oprah that sociopaths and narcs cannot tolerate any "outside" events that interupt their "perceived" notion of who they are. That whatever is the "interruption" has to go, be it a child, a wife whatever. I think you x N reacted in a similar way that Peterson reacted to Lacy.
Now he wants to fight you on his "rights" with the children? Gimme a break! Narcs hate any injury to a "perceived" notion of who they are. I mean, reality must suck for them!
I think you mentioned the narc gift giving and the attributes? I have never heard of this. Could you or anyone posting elaborate on this? Thanks, Patz
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patz
I can't recall where I read about the gift-giving...but it was about three months ago. I'll try to dig it up. I may have even printed it out. I'll check into it.
It would be interesting to hear from others who may have experineced this with a N.
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Hi Mia:
I would be very, very sure to make this telephone business clear to the judge.
Your children must be allowed to call which ever parent they wish, when they need to.
Any loving, responsible parent will be glad their child calls, no matter what time. Open communication!!! That's for safety reasons too.
This guy is limiting and stopping communication between your children and you. That's a no no!!
And it makes me want to hurl!!!! :evil:
Buy the cell phone yourself, if you can possibly afford it, and tell them to call whenever they need to. And point this out in your court case too. Maybe the judge will see the necessity and make him reimburse you!!
Good luck Mia and best wishes!!
GFN
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mia,
I didn't mean for this to turn into this long rambling post. Thanks if you hung in this far.
I like long rambling posts, maybe because I post them too. :)
Your's let me understand you better because your decription of your brother's reaction to your x could have come right out of my wife's mouth.
Her first question to me upon meeting him was "Why does he wear his dark glasses(prescription) inside?" I couldn't really tell her.
Her second comment was, "He's weird." I didn't disagree.
This was fifteen years ago. Her current comments are considerably fruitier.
My older brother had said, "it's almost like he doesn't know how to act like a normal guy and trys too hard to fit it". He went on to say that it's like he is "overacting" and everyone found him to be overbearing. Both brothers witnessed mini rages during shared vacations etc.
bingo
x N also felt uncomfortable around my brothers b/c he felt they were more successful than him and was very jealous of their accomplishments.
double bingo
I'll just repeat what others have said: XN= :evil: :evil: :evil:
Lets keep our fingers crossed for contempt of court and supervised visits.
mudpup
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Right now I am battling X N via email regarding a Girl Scout Event this evening for daughter. He is writing that it is a mother/daughter event...trying to infer that I am interfering with his parenting time by scheduling activities (I'm the troop leader). Of course, he doesn't understand that it is for his daughter and not for me. I guess he can't think any differently b/c everything he does is about him.
GFN
My husband was ready to get the cell phone last week but I didn't think it would make a difference. Knowing X N as well as I do he wouldn't let her have it and would confiscate it until the end of the visit. He's very paranoid and I'm sure he checks through the overnight bag as soon as he picks them up for "bugs". Honestly, I have thought about planting one but he would find it and lash out on the kids. He has already told my daughter to "stop talking behind his back". That's standard for him. Ever since I have known him he always thinks others are trying to screw him over.
I'll probably get the cell phone anyway and if he doesn't let her use it then he will have to explain to the therapist.
Mudpup
I'm going to wait until I take the kids on tues to their therapy appt to find out if X N ever contacted her. If he hasn't then I will contact my attorney. I guess I could phone the therapist today and ask but I don't want it to backfire and for me to come off as a vindictive b*tch. I figure if he hasn't called by today then he isn't calling anyway. I'll keep everyone posted.
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I'll probably get the cell phone anyway and if he doesn't let her use it then he will have to explain to the therapist.
YES. GET THE PHONE!!
I guess I could phone the therapist today and ask but I don't want it to backfire and for me to come off as a vindictive b*tch. I figure if he hasn't called by today then he isn't calling anyway. I'll keep everyone posted.
The therapist will not consider you a vindictive b*tch. That just wouldn't happen. If you want to call her, call.
And thanks for sharing your story, it wasn't rambling at all. Your ex-husband is seriously disturbed.
bunny
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Re: giving old, decrepit, broken, damaged gifts.
That is how the gift-giver feels inside. Damaged and broken. They are probably hoping for someone to repair the damage but they'd attack anyone who tried.
bunny
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This is what I read about gift giving:
Some narcissists spend extravagantly in order to impress people, keep up grandiose pretentions, or buy favorable treatment, and some narcissists overspend, bankrupt themselves, and lose everything. My personal experience is that narcissists are stingy, mean, frugal, niggardly to the point of eccentricity. This is a person who won't spend $1.50 on a greeting card but will instead send you an advertising flyer that came with the newspaper. This is a person who will be very conscious of her appearance but will dress herself and her children in used clothes and other people's cast-offs. [Note: Thrift is not in itself a narcissistic trait; neither is a fondness for old clothes. The important element here is that the narcissist buys clothes that other people she admires and wishes to emulate have already picked out, since she has no individual tastes or preferences.] These are people who need labels or trademarks (or other signs of authority) to distinguish between the real thing and a cheap knock-off or imitation, and so will substitute something easy and cheap for something precious and dear and expect nobody else to know the difference, since they can't. These are people who can tell you how many miles but not how many smiles.
Narcissists are not only selfish and ungiving -- they seem to have to make a point of not giving what they know someone else wants. Thus, for instance, in a "romantic" relationship, they will want you to do what they want because they want it and not because you want it -- and, in fact, if you actually want to do what they want, then that's too much like sharing and you wreck their fun and they don't want it anymore. They want to get what they want from you without giving you what you want from them. Period. If you should happen to want to give what they want to get, then they'll lose interest in you. ^
mia
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Mia:
Thanks for the info. That really explains some of the strange things I have/have not received from my brothers. I remember one Christmas, my middle brother wanted to know what my son wanted. I told him a lava lamp, some CDs, maybe some computer software. Well he tells me he has sent it via UPS. Well it never showed. He called to ask if it got to my house. I told him no, and he began to go on an on about how his secretary got it to UPS on time etc......and he would check on it. Well, I did not get concerned, after all it was the thought that counted. Well he calls me back two weeks later and was all concerned about how the UPS people had screwed up etc........Well, I finally checked unknown to him, with UPS, I had a friend who worked for them. They followed the trail all the way back to the orgination point.........he had not sent it at all. He had me believing that he had sent this nice gift, had me expecting and watching for UPS knowing all the time he had not sent it. He then called say about three weeks later and wanted to know if it had shown up and I told him no. He said, "Well, that is to bad because it also had a diamond braclet in it." I replied "Well, YOU DO have a problem don't you if you spent that kind of money and prehaps YOU should call UPS and find out what happened. It is really not my concern is it?" Never heard anything else about it. This is my loving family. BTW.....my son is disabled and he did this to him. Why?
I had the gall to call my younger brother, who he is arguing and fighting with over business problems. He saw that as my taking sides and this is how he got back at me. You what I have done to solve this "little" problem. I simply told both of my brothers I no longer wanted to exchange gifts with any of my narc family and I was going to spend the money I would have spent on them, on my son who is the most deserving of all. I repeat, I have SUCH a loving family. As someone has said, it makes me want to hurl. Patz
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Patz,
BTW.....my son is disabled and he did this to him. Why?
Thats the $64 question. No matter how much I read on this condition there will always be inexplicable, completely alien aspects to them. I don't think it is possible to get all the way inside their heads. I can predict what my brother will do like clockwork but some of it is just WHY,WHY, WHY! What the hell is going on in there(pardon my French).
I mean we can know why, in the factual sense of their response to the world. But to contemplate that type of behavior ourselves or understand the motivation at an emotional or spiritual level; we might as well be talking to a Martian.
Mia, I and others said this before and I am unaware if it helps but, XN= :evil: :evil: :evil:
Congratulations on being your daughter's Scout leader too. Good mommy. :)
mudpuppy
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Mia: When do they stop??? Never. Just got a call from my attorney....heads up, exN is going for a reduction in child support. I has begun, he will unravel his house of cards and I'm looking forward to it.
(Now if I could just get on Oprah or something and raise the funds to fight him again.....) I think a forensic accountant will be needed (that trip to Switzerland is not just coincidental).
My daughter begged for a cell phone for the longest time....primarily to call friends, etc...but she admitted to me once, that her secret agenda was to call me when she needed to, without him controlling it.
My custody agreement has phone access as a point, yours probably does too, but as we know the slimeballs justify everything (um, "didn't hear it", um,"why are you calling your mother again??") Both my kids have found the cell phones a great advantage in calling me when they want, however, getting away from raging dad is something the phone call cannot do for them. YOUR ex sounds much more dangerous, however, and since your children are young, moving to get them away from him is your best bet.
As far as gifts go: my ex, in a grand display of "generosity" in front of the mediator last year, announced he would be giving my son, for his birthday LAST year, the funds to go to an extensive $5000. music program the Following summer. Oooooh, Aahhh. (that is for this summer coming up).
NOW he made my son sign a contract that if my son's grades don't improve, he will be severely restricted at his home AND he won't get that program paid for by dad (NOT GO, in other words).
NICE birthday present, huh?
When we were married, exN would buy himself ONLY the best of everything....labels were big for him....but he would pitch a fit if I bought my son a new backpack for $15 for instance ("he has a perfectly good bugs bunny back pack, why can't he use that for 4th grade??) I could safely bet (and I saw reciepts as well) that his numerous adulterous affairs siphoned some much needed family money as well.
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Mudpup
My husband and I are perfecting the skill of predicting how X N will react to a given situation but you are right....We still find ourselves asking WHY?
Even my Mom will start asking, "What would make him act that way?" which is followed by her own answer "He's not a human being".
I can so relate to the "alien" concept. I vaguely remember a movie where aliens were here on Earth and would slip into their "pods". I often think of X N as one of these aliens who is trying to imitate what the humans are doing but just can't seem to get it right. X N is trying to program himself but the program keeps running amuck.
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mia,
I vaguely remember a movie where aliens were here on Earth and would slip into their "pods".
It was Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Funny you should say that. I wasn't even thinking of that when I wrote you. But awhile back, on some other thread, I remember saying Ns were just like the pod people.
I have learned to use my brothers predictable reactions to my advantage. Obviously there is only so much you can do, and I don't enjoy manipulating anyone, but it is possible to somewhat direct their behavior by using there preprogrammed reactions.
By the way there seem to be more Ns all the time. Has anyone noticed a field of unusually large seed pods in their neck of the woods. :wink:
mudpuppy
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It was Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Maybe I will rent this over the weekend for a good laugh.
I better go check my yard for any pods. :?
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Guest,
Maybe I will rent this over the weekend for a good laugh.
I prefer the original black and white. However it might give you the creeps rather than a laugh. The aliens are emotionless copies of real humans who try to fit in by imitating us. Sound eerily familiar?
mudpuppy
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Mud
However it might give you the creeps rather than a laugh.
I do remember that it was a creepy movie but now I would be watching it from a different perspective. I think I would find it to be comical now. I know, I'm a sick pup.
Mum
My X N was stingy all around. He doesn't like to part with a penny for anything. In the end it worked to my benefit b/c he did save everything and I did get half of it all.
He had no clue what it cost to raise a child b/c while married to him my parents bought sooo much for my daughter. I can remember buying her a pair of shoes for $18 and he went bonkers over it! I think I mentioned in a previous post that he had me on a strict allowance and I think I exceeded it two or three times before I adhered strictly. Otherwise I used to catch hell from him. It wasn't worth it. It was better to do without.
Now I can't believe that I put up with it for as long as I did but divorce wasn't an option for me. I felt I married for better or worse and that I was stuck with him forever. Some days I was so hopeless.
Hope things improve for you and your children.
Mia
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Hello All:
Thanks for this thread. It has helped to zero in on my N brothers' behavior. I just could not understand some of it and now it comes into sharp focus.
I will also check under the house for any pods! The black/white version was really creepy. They were automotans just like narcs. Patz
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Hello All:
Thanks for this thread. It has helped to zero in on my N brothers' behavior. I just could not understand some of it and now it comes into sharp focus.
I will also check under the house for any pods! The black/white version was really creepy. They were automotans just like narcs. Patz
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Patz,
Was that second post by your pod person double? :shock: :shock:
That is you, right Patz?
mudpup
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This man is ABUSING your children..... Make any therapist aware of the fact, get them to give documented interviews and engage in the process of him not being permitted to see them unsupervised.
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Mudpup: :lol:
My ahem, mirror image? prehaps? sorry for the body double!
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serena
I already gave the therapist a lot of background info on N and his behavior with the kids. She seems to be aware that he's a *problem* since I had to have therapy court ordered and especially since he intentionally sabotaged the therapeutic relationship between my daughter and her last therapist.
I'm sure N will try to charm his way around this woman but he usually can only hold that persona for short periods of time. Once she starts in on him with recommendations and suggestions he will resist. He does not like to be told what to do especially when it comes from a female.
My daughter is telling me that she really is looking forward to meeting with the therapist this week and wants "to talk to her about Daddy". She asked me, "What can I talk about Mom?" I told her anything she wants. I said , "You can talk about your feelings or anything else you want to." She responded, "Can I talk about my friends?" I said, "Sure, honey." Now my daughter seems very upbeat.
The kids are at their Dad's house this weekend and will be back today at 5. Apparently, he was planning on taking them to a musical with his Mom so that will force him to be his fake self which will make it easier on the kids. It's unusual that his Mom is spending any time around the kids but I won't complain b/c I think it is helpful to my children.
Thanks for your concern.
Mia