Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: write on March 04, 2005, 01:13:40 PM
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I've only skimmed the other thread but I do think getting the right therapist/ psychiatrist is so important. It's an individual thing. That can mean trying several and learning loads about the subjects yourself and feeling able to choose.
It also depends on the access: in Britain on the NHS for example you'd wait months and most likely get one or two appointments with a psychiatrist or psychologist, then counselling from a psychiatric nurse. Here in US the facilities are much more available but at a price- nh's costs $170 45 mins; out of many price ranges.
I regularly refer to the REBT site now I can only afford irregular therapy sessions, especially those times I slip back into a negative frame of mind about everything which happened.
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Write,
Good idea on starting a new thread. The old one became a bit of a shambles. Sorry if I contributed to that.
mudpuppy
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In my experience all therapists are disappointing. I generally have a negative transference to them and don't go through the "idealizing" stage as many people do. With that said, I'm going to stay in therapy as long as my insurance holds out. I need to be in therapy and I'm going to see a therapist. I also need meds. What I ask for is someone who knows about object relations and anti-depressants. And they need to tolerate a negative transference.
bunny
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I have had good and bad therapists. Bad for me was one who immediately told me, verbatim, what my husband told her about the demise of our marriage ("she left me out, I just had to have affairs"). I fired her on the spot, after telling her "my side"....her jaw was open when I left.
What I have noticed about "traditional" phsycotherapist I have had, even my latest, most beloved, is that they do allow a lot of negativity to pour forth (I had a lot) but when it came to real coping, there was never enough time to talk about strategies. This might be because every week was a long update, BECAUSE I was in crisis and there were new attacks and developments all the time. I don't fault her, she is great, but the focus was always on how BAD things are. I would leave her relieved and understood, but no better at handling pain than before, so when it came back up again (sometimes within minutes) I was right back at square one ("MY LIFE SUCKS" etc). She was great at validating that I was in an unjust situation....but hey, anybody who knows my story knows that.
I started working with someone else who definately ACKNOWLEDGES how bad things are, but chooses to focus on moving through that to embrace possibility, not limitations. It has been FAR more work, internally, but I am actually changing inside. I have learned that stepping OUT of my story and life situation has enabled me to CHOOSE how I feel, rather than leaving it up to (horrible) circumstances.
So now, today, I am actively practicing...ex just dumped another doozy on me. But now that I am different, his negative energy is heading back to him....boy is he in for it!!!
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My idea of a good therapist is:
Someone who listens intently, acknowledges thoughts and feelings well, is able to empathize and summarize, who validates and encourages, who helps me to see my choices.....but who doesn't make those choices for me, or insert thier own personal feelings into my situation.
I've been badly taumatized by one therapist, stood up gallantly to one who was wayyyyy out of line, (who like yours...ended up looking like one of those clown faces at an amusement park, with a hole for the mouth ...you know...the hole you have to try to throw the bean bag through??), and I was blessed to find a couple of others, who were really excellent, having the skills listed above and the patience to use them.
If you ask me, they can be immensely helpful, or they can make matters much worse.
GFN
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I generally have a negative transference to them and don't go through the "idealizing" stage as many people do.
Bunny, do you mind me asking....what is negative transference? Does it mean you tend to take on their emotions?
Also....what happens in the "idealizing" stage? I have no idea what that is.
Thanks for explaining, if you feel like it.
GFN
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what is negative transference? Does it mean you tend to take on their emotions?
Also....what happens in the "idealizing" stage? I have no idea what that is.
Negative transference is a fancy term for feeling negatively toward the therapist due to my early interactions -- the therapist is in reality benevolent and not doing anything so terrible. But I find reasons to devalue him, criticize him, and feel disappointed. I tell him all the things I dislike about him. I think he understands this as a negative transference, and the hope is that he understands what my childhood was like, and what my internal harsh parents are like.
Some therapy patients at first idealize their therapist and think the therapist can do no wrong, is incredibly wise, perceptive, the kindest person, the most empathic, etc. This stage inevitably results in disappointment. I just skip right to the disappointment.
bunny
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in Britain on the NHS for example you'd wait months and most likely get one or two appointments with a psychiatrist or psychologist, then counselling from a psychiatric nurse.
At present I have a psychiatrist on the NHS who is mainly there to prescribe stuff, and because I am not interested in taking the stuff he prescribes, he is not too bothered whether he sees me or not. :?
Also, I have a therapist (but not for much longer :cry: ) who is a clinical psychologist, and who is using cognitive behavioural therapy. But this is rare. In my area in terms of mental health provision there is level one, which is crisis care, and level two, which is short term (6 or 12 weeks max) care, but no provision at level three, which is long term care, apart from for eating disorders. I don't have an eating disorder but I have a therapist 'borrowed' from that area to provide for me. As far as I know this is a one off situation. I have had I think about six months therapy, and it is now closing, way before I am ready :cry: . God knows what other people get.
Other counsellors I have had, either on the NHS or privately (before my money ran out!!) have been a very mixed bag, and not much use, on the whole.
One counsellor - not NHS, but church based - confused the relationship and ended up using me as his counsellor. My story resonated with his, to the point where he told me of his childhood abuse, in great detail. Very bad experience. Did me a lot of harm.
One rather better (NHS again) counsellor took what he called a humanist approach, and that was useful in validating who I was, and how I approached life and its problems. Perhaps on the whole that was the most useful of all, to be honest. The CBT is challenging, and if it carries on long enough has the potential to achieve the most long term real change. Trouble is, it probably won't, and a short term course is not enough.
Another approach I have come across is systems theory, and that was terrible. Pushed me towards a nervous breakdown, and did me a lot of harm. Terrible. Never want anything like that again.
Very mixed experiences. In summary, my experience is that if something goes wrong, there is only me to realise it, because the t often won't know what is happening until way after the damage is done. Bad t does a lot of harm. Better no t at all than the bad kind.
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I just skip right to the disappointment.
I don't know if you are like me, Bunny, but I keep my expectations right down there on the floor, to save being let down or disappointed.
And then they still manage to let me down and leave me disappointed. :lol:
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Thanks Bunny:
I guess I did the opposite, in a way. I finally learned to keep my expectations high (once I realized it's ok for me to do that), and when a therapist did not behave professionally, or if I felt like there was some harm happening, I skipped being disappointed and high-tailed it outta there! Or at least...I finally did that, after the first couple of really unsatisfactory therapists.
Therapists are people too and I know I have to understand that they are only human but.......and it's a big but......they are acting in a professional position....they are obligated to act professionally.....they are being paid to do that.....and they are in a great position of power over their clients...so they best do their job reasonably well.....or I'm a gonner!
Because as October says: Better no t at all than the bad kind.
GFN
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GFN,
I don't think you understood what I was saying. A negative transference is about me, not the therapist.
bunny
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Hi Bunny:
I think I understand about the transference. It was this:
Some therapy patients at first idealize their therapist and think the therapist can do no wrong, is incredibly wise, perceptive, the kindest person, the most empathic, etc. This stage inevitably results in disappointment. I just skip right to the disappointment.
re idealization, that I think I was actually thinking about.
Either way....I give you very much praise for continuing to go....regardless of your disappointment. I'm not sure I could do that. I'm too demanding. I require their empathy and their perception, wisdom, etc. I don't expect them to be perfect but I do expect them to be professional and I guess I've just had a couple of poor experiences (but the good ones made up for it!!!).
Gotta go get dinner ready now. Thanks again for the info.
GFN
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I am unbelievably lucky in that my GP (in the UK) recommended me as a 'charity' case to a psychotherapist. His normal charges would have been £80.00 per hour and he took me on at £5.00..... this went on for nine years and three times a year. He was my angel... I don't know if such a system exists in the US?
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I am unbelievably lucky in that my GP (in the UK) recommended me as a 'charity' case to a psychotherapist. His normal charges would have been £80.00 per hour and he took me on at £5.00..... this went on for nine years and three times a year. He was my angel... I don't know if such a system exists in the US?
Should've been three times a week!
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Either way....I give you very much praise for continuing to go....regardless of your disappointment. I'm not sure I could do that. I'm too demanding. I require their empathy and their perception, wisdom, etc. I don't expect them to be perfect but I do expect them to be professional and I guess I've just had a couple of poor experiences (but the good ones made up for it!!!).
I still don't think you understand. My disappointment pre-dates ever meeting the therapist. I am projecting onto the therapist. That's a transference. You may think I'm literally talking about the therapist's actual behavior. I'm not.
anyway, have a nice dinner.
bunny
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Hello again Bunny:
I understand that your disappointment predates ever meeting your therapist, that you are projecting onto the therapist, that that is what transference is and I still say.....you are doing very well to keep going regardless of your disappointment, and of all the transference.
I don't know if I could do that...being disappointed, "thinking" the therapist is not empathetic, preceptive, wise, etc... (but maybe I'm incorrect to think you might be thinking those things but if so....then how can you be disappointed, if not???). I'm too demanding. In my transference, I would be demanding professional stuff.....and thus cooking my own goose! I probably wouldn't go back......thinking the therapist was at fault...or maybe I wouldn't go to begin with, being disappointed before I even went. So good for you for being able to go.....to understand all of this....to be able to explain it.....etc.!!!
This is one of the oddest posts..isn't it? Ok.....then.....
I also understand......that in my state of hunger and my desire to get going and prepare dinner.....that I mixed in my own personal transference.....which stems from the poor experiences I had....due to actual behaviour of the therapists.........
Therefore....yes.....it seems like I misunderstood......but really...it was just my brain needing glucose and whatever else it needs to work properly (or else....I can use that as an excuse for now, until I think of a better one!!! heehee) and due to my inability to express my thoughts properly, especially, but not limited to, times when I am hungry.
And thanks....dinner was good. Hope yours was too. :D
GFN
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I have to keep in touch with the therapist- which means she has to read my emails, be responsive when I'm in urgent need of support, and be quick to catch up if we've not communicated for a while and there's a crisis.
I'm learning to maintain this as any other relationship, and I go back and talk once in a while just so she's effectively in touch with my life for when I need more input.
Interesting-when I first saw her I didn't feel she was empathetic, and I doubted she could help, but she had so many professional credentials and a couple of psychiatrists said I should stick with her. She told me later it was me withdrawing when things got tough- and believe me the first sessions were hard for me. I thought the sky would fall in if I admitted to all the craziness of my life and feelings.
Another point- I also doubted the relationship and being able to trust her, and often commented on she only listened for money, and doesn't really care about clients.
Of course, a few crises later I know she's there for me- as a therapist, but reliable and concerned and willing to help me get what I need.
Last point- in me there was initially a rejection in this: that it wasn't a real relationship, or my fantasy relationship, that it wasn't a friendship or any other relationship I've done before.
But eventually that's become a strength- and I have less preconceptions and expectations than relationships ever, and more willingness to define and trust them for myself.
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Should've been three times a week!
Three times a week for nine years?
That is more than lucky. That is an absolute miracle. :?
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Hi,
I am new to the board and have a question about my current therapist. I have been seeing her for probably ten years and thought and felt that we made great strides in that time. She would not just sit and nod and did guide me towards action plans.
Things fell apart a little when I broke up with what I now believe was a narcisstic bf. During the relationship she told me I was too hung up on things being equal. After we broke up she indicated she thought I had carried too much of the load in the relationship. I am simplifying the situaiton but believe this is an accurate assessment. I felt she encouraged me to give up on what I considered a striving for balance in the relationshp and than chatisezed me for this later. I attemtped to talk to her about it but it never went anywhere in my mind.
In addition I feel she is at times condescending with me. I have brought this up when it happens but she gets defensive and denies it. Most of our sessions have been productive but I am not sure what to do about this underlying problem.
I have tried other therapists in the past and truly believe she is one of the better ones for me. Friends have suggested I talk to her about it which I will probably try next time. It has been some time since the ending of my last relationshp so I dont feel I am transfering that negativity to her. Any thoughts, questions, comments?
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I don't know if I could do that...being disappointed, "thinking" the therapist is not empathetic, preceptive, wise, etc... (but maybe I'm incorrect to think you might be thinking those things but if so....then how can you be disappointed, if not???).
Thanks for your clarification. I was getting a bit frustrated there. Felt misunderstood. On one level, there is this negative transference. On a more sophisticated level, I know that it's mostly projections so I don't take it as the gospel truth about this therapist. I have left therapists when I felt they were the problem. I don't always call my own disappointment a projection. It might be actual disappointment.
My dinner was too good, I ate too much!
bunny
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Things fell apart a little when I broke up with what I now believe was a narcisstic bf. During the relationship she told me I was too hung up on things being equal. After we broke up she indicated she thought I had carried too much of the load in the relationship. I am simplifying the situaiton but believe this is an accurate assessment. I felt she encouraged me to give up on what I considered a striving for balance in the relationshp and than chatisezed me for this later. I attemtped to talk to her about it but it never went anywhere in my mind.
This was rather contradictory, wasn't it?
In addition I feel she is at times condescending with me. I have brought this up when it happens but she gets defensive and denies it. Most of our sessions have been productive but I am not sure what to do about this underlying problem.
The dreaded defensiveness of a therapist. God I hate it when they do that. It seems so difficult for many therapists to admit they're wrong or came across badly. There are two choices as I see it: (1) Tell her that you feel she's condescending and you WISH she would accept your feeling and not argue with you about it, and see where that goes; (2) Dump her ass. If she won't accept and contain your negative feelings about her, then therapy is over. Oh, it may continue for years past this, but no therapy will happen. Sorry...
It doesn't matter how much time has passed since the relationship. But this isn't about a transference. It's about her condescension, contradictions, and inability to accept your criticism of her. She needs to be able to do these things to be a therapist. If she can't, then she is only a good therapist until the impasse occurs. Then it's over.
bunny
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I just want to add, I am not advocating leaving the therapist unless it becomes impossible and she absolutely will not accept any criticism.
I totally advocate talking to her about how frustrated and upset you are. A patient should be able to say very negative things to the therapist, to criticize them, to tell them off, etc., without the therapist acting like a parent and being defensive. The therapist should reflect on what we say, and ask themselves whether there's any truth to it. Not get defensive or argumentative. Once a therapist does that, they break the trust bond and it sucks. I hope she will understand that she is putting the relationship at risk.
bunny
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Great thread Write, very interesting and illuminating. Makes me value my psych support more, given what some here have said about their truly awful experiences. I understand what you mean about thinking the sky might fall in, but it doesn’t and that’s great isn’t it? I’m glad you have a therapist who is reliable, concerned and willing. That reliability - and consistency with clients - is so important for people who find it difficult to trust. Like me, and like you, if I read you correctly. Anyway, thanks for this thread, from the previously critical guest from the other thread.
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Good morning Bunny:
On one level, there is this negative transference.
This was why I was asking, to begin with. Because I thought I knew what transference was, so ....negative transference?? Got me wondering.
one definition of transference, from allpsych.com dictionary:
Transference
Intense feelings directed toward the therapist that many clients experience in the process of therapy.
But I like the yourdictionary.com definition of transference:
2. In psychoanalysis, the process by which emotions and desires originally associated with one person, such as a parent or sibling, are unconsciously shifted to another person, especially to the analyst.
Which was more in line with what you were describing. I took the "negative" infront of transference to possibly mean that...you...were absorbing the therapist's emotions/desires, possibly the person was discussing their parent or sibling experiences with you....in which case......I was all geared up to say:
"Bunny.........this person is not acting professionally, if they are giving you enough information about their emotions and experiences for you to absorb. Their emotions and experiences are not part of your therapy and this is highly improper of the therapist to be inserting into your sessions".
Just shows how one little word can get me all confused. :roll: Glad that's not what's happening with your therapist and you!!
:D
Glad your dinner was good too!! :D
GFN
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Bunny,
Thank you for your advice. In the last therapy session I did tell her I felt she was being condescending. She denied it, I believe, and threw it back at me. I have the tape so I will listen. I will bring this up next time.
I did feel the trust broken when she went from, "you are too hung up on things being equal" to "you carried too much of the load in this relationship." I think she was actually even more humiliating like saying something like "I was pursuing him all over the region", which was totally inaccurate and very shaming, in my book.
Due to his circumstances, I had to do most of the driving to see him. Something I was not comfortable with, but remember the therapist specifcally saying, if I drew a line here it would not accomplish one of my goals, of furthering the relationship. To throw this at me later, I felt was very inappropriate and told her so.
Of course in some ways that is water over the dam, but the issues still need to be addressed.
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GFN,
Thanks for your reply. You got the right definition of transference. My therapist tells me almost nothing about himself. And that's how I like it.
bunny
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In the last therapy session I did tell her I felt she was being condescending. She denied it, I believe, and threw it back at me. I have the tape so I will listen. I will bring this up next time.
Good. It's not easy, I know. But for her to throw it back at you is pretty cringe-worthy. She needs to be called on it.
I did feel the trust broken when she went from, "you are too hung up on things being equal" to "you carried too much of the load in this relationship." I think she was actually even more humiliating like saying something like "I was pursuing him all over the region", which was totally inaccurate and very shaming, in my book.
Wow. For her to say, 'You are too hung up on XYZ' (if those were her words) is terrible. It's flat-out criticism; you might as well be talking to your parents or ex-boyfriend. Then to say you were pursuing him all over the region adds insult to injury. I'm kind of shocked here. Sometimes a therapist acts out in a "countertransference" (i.e. their own transference toward a patient, or, reacting from their own unprocessed personal experience). If that's happening, she's got to get a grip on it.
Due to his circumstances, I had to do most of the driving to see him. Something I was not comfortable with, but remember the therapist specifcally saying, if I drew a line here it would not accomplish one of my goals, of furthering the relationship. To throw this at me later, I felt was very inappropriate and told her so.
I think throwing anything at you later is retaliation, and pretty bad. Nothing should be thrown at someone later. That's not a healthy interaction. I'm sorry she's doing this. :cry:
good luck with this,
bunny
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Bunny,
Thanks again for your help. I will bring this up in the next session and see what happens. It feels good to have my perception of it validated.
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I think there is a positive, helpful way for the therapist to share feelings with you. That is when they reflect back the feelings they "get" empathically with you. For example, if I'm describing my childhood, my therapist may say something like "that sounds lonely" to help me connect with my own feelings about it.
I agree that this is totally different than transference. Done right, empathy reflects the patient's own stuff back to help them connect with their own stuff. If he started telling me something about his life or judgement, that would be over the line and very damaging to a good therapeutic(sp?) relationship.
Of course, there are other times when he pushes me and is challenging when he thinks I need that. But even then, he usually asks questions like "first you said X then you said Y, which do you really believe?" It is usually annoying and frustrating, but as long as he isn't TELLING me about myself, it is ultimately helpful.
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Sorry. Too visible.
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Hi October:
The t then rang a third party, a mutual friend, and told him that I had developed an unhealthy obsession with him, that I was in love with him, and that I was emotionally unstable. He quoted part of the letter in support of his argument.
This is totally and utterly unprofessional (and depending on his liciensure, it may also be illegal).
Any therapist has a moral obligation to maintain client confidentiality.
Most licienses require this as well and can be revoked for not doing so.
Regardless......by disclosing information to a third party from a letter you sent him, he showed a total and utter disregard for his moral obligation to maintain the confidentiality assumed of him, as a professional.
This is outrageous!! And....you could report him to whoever issues his liciense, if he has one, if you choose to, or you could sue him, which I bet is an unrealistic idea at this point.
I'm sorry that you had this awful experience with this jerk!!! :(
GFN
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October & GFN,
If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy. That's what I remember. Correct me if I'm wrong. It was a horrible experience with a sociopath.
bunny
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If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy.
Double shame on him!!! :( :(
Some ministers and pastors would be in big trouble from their superiors, if they behaved like this because:
Any therapist has a moral obligation to maintain client confidentiality.
Especially those of ...the cloth!!! What a double jerk!! :x Those with higher power in his "church" aren't doing their job either if they allow him to behave like this without consequence, which is sad and disgusting too!!
It was a horrible experience with a sociopath.
Again, sorry you had to experience that October. :(
GFN
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October & GFN,
If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy.
bunny
That's right.
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October & GFN,
If I recall, this therapist (of October's) wasn't a licensed therapist but a pastor or minister. And that somehow there was no way to repair this damage within the church hierarchy.
bunny
That's right. I told the Bishop about it, and he said that I had to 'learn to let go' of this person, who was my Vicar, and had by then (a few months later) moved house. It sounded as if the Vicar had told him the same story. He had no interest whatever in the abusive aspects of this experience.
:oops: :oops: :oops:
That minister is still out there, and still perfectly free to continue therapy with other vulnerable people. However, when you come over, we can add him to the list, Bunny ...
Speaking as someone with a Bsc. in Psychology who spent 9 years in therapy with a Freudian analyst - I would beg people to be more careful when picking their therapists. I would certainly ensure they were affilliated to organisations such as the BACP or get a personal recommendation. My sister's life has been destroyed having lashed out in excess of £40,000 to charlatans who believe in mediaeval practices. My other sister and I are in the process of making our second complaint. BE VERY CAREFUL PLEASE.....
Kindest regards
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I would beg people to be more careful when picking their therapists. I would certainly ensure they were affilliated to organisations such as the BACP or get a personal recommendation.
Thanks for that. Email now sent to professional conduct; BACP. Somebody has to have trained and accredited Michael.
In terms of being more careful, well, that is a whole subject in itself. How do we know what to look for when this is all such a new area to us? I now know what to beware of, but I had absolutely no idea then, and my GP did not protect me from any of it, so it seems she was also not clear. :?
However, I am very sorry indeed to hear about your sister. :(
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In terms of being more careful, well, that is a whole subject in itself. How do we know what to look for when this is all such a new area to us? I now know what to beware of, but I had absolutely no idea then, and my GP did not protect me from any of it, so it seems she was also not clear. Confused
This isn't a perfect sign, but if the person has a PhD from a good school (that you have heard of) and/or an MD from a good med school, then I have found that there is a greater chance they'll be good or at least not out-there-wacky. And that they'll know some good stuff. I personally think that the PhD is more of a good sign than an MD, but that may just my prejudice.
OF COURSE this is not foolproof! But it's a start. Also, the better business bureau takes complaints against psychologists, as does the APA, I think. I've never done it, but you guys are realizing that next time I should check for complaints! What nightmare stories you tell. Yikes.
That said, I've had a great therapist who had a masters and no PhD. It's just an imperfect rule. For me it's worked pretty well, though.
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October: in regards to your story regarding that sicko minister/delusional quack: When his superior supported his crap, I thought: (apologies to those very kind and exceptional males we know are in our lives) there is a bit of a male conspiracy that keeps men in "clubs" of opinion, lacking in conscience or consiousness, driven by.....what? Fear of women? Hatred of women? OK, so I may have just read WAY too much into your situation, but my god, not even to question such a claim?
Makes me want to spit. In that direction.
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Makes me want to spit. In that direction.
Me, too!
Grrrrr.
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(apologies to those very kind and exceptional males we know are in our lives) there is a bit of a male conspiracy that keeps men in "clubs" of opinion, lacking in conscience or consiousness, driven by.....what? Fear of women? Hatred of women?
There is an "old boys network" of church leaders protecting each other. Same goes with doctors, psychotherapists, attorneys, etc. They will sacrifice any number of victims to protect their image. Women in organizations will do the same. It's a circling the wagons mentality. With that said, I'm sure the vast majority of church officials are male.
bunny
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Fear of women? Hatred of women? OK, so I may have just read WAY too much into your situation, but my god, not even to question such a claim?
Makes me want to spit. In that direction.
You are right.
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October,
Is this bishop the only person who has any authority here? Obviously he's in collusion with this Michael character and doesn't want to deal with any problems. It was sooo easy to squelch a mere parishioner with no clout. And you may not have been the only one squelched by this comedy team.
bunny
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Hello all,
And what do we see in Patriarchal societies? Unattached women are regarded as dangerous or deviant, and the men need protection from them.
Uh, let me insert a chauvinistic note' here. The most vicious reactions to unattached women that I have seen have been from married women, not church leaders or men. My wife agrees and in fact first pointed it out to me. We have had several single women leave our church because they were seen as too pretty or too attractive or too friendly. And it wasn't the pastor who rode 'em out of town on a rail, it was insecure married women acting on their own.
I think it was mum who said it was the herd mentality at work. In the church most of the herd is men. But anyone who has seen a group of snotty teen cheerleader types ride some poor outcast girl until she's suicidal, knows that herds come in all shapes and sizes.
I must admit I have never been to a therapist, and after reading this thread I probably never will. I think I'll use the money I save to pay my lawyer to drive my brother to therapy. Yeah, thats the ticket.:twisted:
Does that sound mean?
mudpupu
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This has been a very interesting and informative thread to read. I had never been in any kind of therapy prior to my current divorce situation, so I have limited experience. I do believe that connecting with the therapist I have was divine intervention (along with several other things that happened on my behalf) because I could not imagine finding anyone better. He is partners with a friend of mine who recommended him to me. They are an entire practice of therapists who are religiously connected (mine happens to also be an Episcopal priest) and have divinity degrees as well as psychology degrees. I would have to say that he has saved my life and even though I have a long way to go be healed from this trauma, I have come miles from where I was 16 months ago when the two of us watched my H get up and walk out to never come back.
I would disagree that you cannot be friends with your therapist as I feel we have become very good friends and kindred spirits. I look forward to the day when we no longer have a professional relationship and I can meet his wife and we can have a relationship as friends. I most likely will join his church in the future and with any luck, maybe he'll remarry me someday. I know he prays for that for me.
I suppose some people might think there is something unprofessional about this relationship, but it has worked for me and I always feel better when I leave my time with him. He acts more as a guide through the process of discovering where my pain is coming from and what I will have to do to heal it, rather than putting me through psychological exercises.
As someone once told me about choosing a church and I think the same would apply to therapy, you must go where you feel nourished.
Brigid
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mudpup, Good therapy is incredibly relieving and supportive. I look at it the same as hiring a doctor, attorney, or contractor. We have to be careful because there are charlatans and incompetent people out there. Therapists are no exception. A good one is fantastic and a bad one only causes more problems.
Brigid, I don't see anything wrong with your therapy relationship. What matters is the therapist's boundaries and the one you see has good boundaries.
bunny
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Lucky for me my insurance lets you have 3 free sessions (or possibly more) to start you off. I have a feeling I may end up investing a lot of $$$ but hey, If I can end up happy by 30....it's worth it! :D
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I had a really bad therapist who I told that I was abused when she asked me why I was depressed and she said that that didn't matter. I want to slap her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt so ashamed. What an idiot. I say that if a therpaist says child abuse is not important and sends you off to get medication they are a rotten apple in the pile. Stay away!!! And don't blame yourself!!!! You were only telling the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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my psychiatrist has been trying to make me take a few different drugs and doesnt understand why i refuse to take them the twat
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On my old insurance plan, I had to see my PC first for a referral to a therapist. It was as my kid's dad and I were divorcing. My Dr. told me I should go on antidepressants, because it would "even things out". I told him I thought I SHOULD feel how bad this is, so when I feel better, I will know it.
He then suggested I was manic-depressive to WANT to feel these highs and lows! What an idiot!
I became jock instead and went to therapy. I know drugs work for people, and I don't frown on that, but what a shitty thing to suggest to a patient. (the therapist understood completely what I meant, however).