Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Hollow-cost Survivor on March 20, 2005, 12:36:39 PM
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If our life is greatly affected by our history, what happens if the effects of the N in our life is only "his-story"---and we don't make it "our" story? Sure it's in our history and it has a huge effect on who we have become as a result,
but can we choose to move forward with our own positive healing knowledge and story? Can this new awareness help us to re-invent ourselves as we were meant to be? Let's consider the missed-story (mystery) in the his-story. Can we then begin to be free to be you and me?
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Hollow-cost survivor,
If I am following your thread correctly, I would say we must consider his story as part of our story to come to the point of healing. I have found that comments made recently by 2 cents regarding the development of the n personality and how that plays out in their lives and ultimately in ours, to be very useful toward letting go of some of the anger and beginning to move toward compassion. I may not ever totally forgive my N H's behavior, lies, abandonment, etc., but I'm starting to see my role in allowing it to go on for as long as it did and see him as the pitiful creature he is.
I don't if this is even in the ballpark of what you were asking, but its what I "heard."
Brigid
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Hi,
Your user name always catches my attention because my Mom's N came to be as a result of her Mom , my Grandmother, being a Holocaust Survivor. My Grandmother had my Mom shortly after being liberated from Bergen-Belsen, a concentration camp during WW II.
I believe my Mom became an N because her Mom was suffering from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was unable to attatch to or effectively parent my Mother. (My Uncle is an N as well.) It's a very sad story.
So, from my experience, the N was bred not born. I'm sure there are lots of explanations for the various varieties of N out there.
Take care,
Chutzbagirl
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Bred mostly, genetic slightly. I think we all have missed stories. I grieve my missed stories, parallel lives. But I doubt that we are meant to be anything in particular, we decide what we are at any time and it’s our choices that define us. What do you think Hollow-cost?
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Brigid,
Thank you for simplifying my post with your response. I appreciate and relate to your anger and work towards compassion. I find my emotions to be more sad and disappointed...with a mix of some anger--that's the suffering. Does this mean I am in an earlier stage of potential recovery, or am I feeling bad for myself? I mourn the time lost by ignorance and compliance. It's really tough to move through these discoveries to acheive a sense of self. I long for the day when I can be at ease with....
Chutzbagirl,
I appreciated your post and it made me think. If I read you correctly, and since you are a girl with chutzpa, one might assume you to be a healthier daughter of an affected N mother/affected grandmother. I'm so sorry for the pain of our past generations. It seems that your understanding of family history (and possibly your mother's understanding, as well) has found the compassion amongst the chaos. Have you always been like this, and what part did your mother's awareness play in you breaking the pain chain? Maybe it's helpful to know specific causes of the the trauma, intead of just being present in the aftermath.
Portia,
I often enjoy your input. Thank you. I most definitely believe our own choices determine who we are and what path our life takes as a result of those choices. Having said that, I also feel the struggle to determine
how to effectively deal with a heart that is sometimes saddened by my brain and its history. I catch my character flaws when dealing with those extremely difficult people in my life. I know this is an opportunity to thank them for the chance for me to grow in character but if I find it too difficult to accept and don't like myself in this process, it seems my only choice is to walk away---this too seems a failure to me....is this survival or does it serve all?
Hollow-cost Survivor
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Hollow-cost about this:
I know this is an opportunity to thank them for the chance for me to grow in character but if I find it too difficult to accept and don't like myself in this process, it seems my only choice is to walk away---this too seems a failure to me....is this survival or does it serve all?
I wouldn’t thank anyone for harmful actions if those actions weren't done specifically to help me. E.g a therapist might 'hurt' me to shock me into some discovery - but the intention there is helpful, not harmful. If the intention wasn't to help, then no thanks required.
Thanking an abuser is worthless, unless the abuser is genuinely apologising and asking for understanding and forgiveness. If not, the thanking falls on stony ground, it is wasted. Icky, false.
Walking away can be survival. Walking away can feel like failure and it can feel like success. That’s the choice – your attitude towards the walking away.
If you don’t accept the reason for walking away, then it could be failure.
If you do see the reason, are able to accept the reality of a situation, then it could be success. But that doesn’t make success less painful and difficult to deal with.
Why does the walking away seem like failure?
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Hi Hollow-Cost,
I've become more aware of the reality of my family's illness and its origins over the course of the past nine years. I always knew something was wrong but unconsciously blamed myself for my Mother's unhappiness and thought it was my job to be the "perfect" overacheiver to help make my Grandmother happy. I think my "self" was submerged before I was verbal.
I have had to completely detatch from my N Mom. I always told myself that if her illness ever directly affected my kids she was out. Well, a year ago January she made it clear that I needed to turn away. I know, although it doesn't always feel like it, that I'm making the right decision for myself and my family. When I become afraid that I'm too unloving or unforgiving my sponsor, husband, friends, and counselor remind me that she would chew me up and spit me out. I have forgiven my Mom. I pray for her and want the best for her. However, protecting my sanity and getting healthy is the best gift I can give to my children. (Some days, when I'm dealing with anger I do write her nasty letters I'll never send and call her horrible names. :shock: )
I still love my Mom and grieve her illness. I believe she lives in an emotional hell. My Grandmother died about 5 years ago. Fortunately, she was able to attatch to me when I was born and became my "Mom". Even though she was still frozen in grief, at least I felt loved by her. Good thing for me or I would be sick past hope as well.
I have always felt compelled to seek truth and seek God. I believe this has saved me. I will go for truth at any cost because I have lived the insanity of my Mom's N lies.
I hope this gives you a better understanding of where I come from.
My family and I are off for a little road trip. I'll check in when we get back.
Best Wishes,
Chutzbagirl
p.s. I know I've misspelled Chutzba. I did it on purpose because I like to break rules now and then - my Mom always corrected my spelling. :?
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Hi portia,
Thanking an abuser is worthless, unless the abuser is genuinely apologising and asking for understanding and forgiveness. If not, the thanking falls on stony ground, it is wasted. Icky, false
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You don't have to thank them for their intention, only for the result. If you can stand another biblical reference; one of the proverbs says, If your enemy thirsts give him a drink of water, in doing so you pour hot coals on his head. Thanking a difficult person for the growth they cause is not so much for them as it is for ourselves. To me its a recognition what they meant for evil has been used for good. And its a way to shame them; whether they are capable of shame is another question.
This does not apply to someone in a situation where only harm is being done, of course. When someone is vulnerable and defenseless and only pain and damage come from the abuse it is not a time for thankfulness. But at some point when we have recovered and when we can appreciate 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger' as that old knothead Nietsche(sp?) said, I think thankfulness can be a very good response to evil. Its kind of like spitting in its face and defanging it at the same time.
Thats the way I look at it anyway.
mudpup
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Hi Mudpup, I don’t mind biblical references, no worries, I’m not a – er- Bible-basher? Not in the sense that it irks me, it doesn’t. It’s a book. It’s the interpretations and actions that are based on belief only, and not based upon independent thinking. ‘Blind faith’ irks me I guess because God/the Gods/fate/chance/nature/take-your-pick gave us brains to think with and it seems daft not to use them, not just daft, perverse. Anyway, thanks for talking to me, hope we can talk more now I’ve said that? But I don’t believe in ‘evil’. I think people do evil acts but I don’t think people are inherently evil, I don’t believe any child is born evil and to believe that I think is very harmful. If we view people as evil, that seems like a label which is absolute - and which prevents us being interested in learning more. If we don’t learn about what makes people do evil things, how can we progress.
About thanking and shaming: I was relating only to Hollow-cost’s words. I know this is an opportunity to thank them for the chance for me to grow in character but if I find it too difficult to accept and don't like myself in this process,
If Hollow-cost for some reason feels it is ‘correct’ to thank his/her abuser(s) but he/she doesn’t want to thank them, can’t accept it, well I say don’t do it. I get the feeling Hollow-cost means genuinely thanking them and I would advise against that if he/she doesn’t want to. If it feels bad to you, don’t do it. Don’t do anything because you think you ‘should’, do it because you want to.
About shaming people with NPD: their psyches are drenched in shame. What appears as shamelessness is the opposite. If you shame someone with NPD, you’ll get narcissistic rage in response and a barrage of defences which are designed to shore up their incredibly weak and shame-sensitive egos. Yuk.
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Hi Portia,
Blind faith is indeed blind. God says to Isaiah "come let us reason together." So He expects us to use our brain as well.
I don't think any child is born more inherently evil than another. But I do believe we all are born with the capacity for evil AND for good. And I think we ALL dip into some of each during our lives.
I get the feeling Hollow-cost means genuinely thanking them and I would advise against that if he/she doesn’t want to.
I agree. I didn't mean she should walk up and say "Thank you for sticking your thumb in my eye, could you please do it again?" More like "Thank you so much for being such an immortal horse's ass that I have learned to avoid people like you for ever." :wink:
NPD and shame. I absolutely agree with you. However some people apparently believe Ns are so screwed up they don't know they're screwed up. I am not one of those people. I have seen their self knowledge.
Anyway, thanks for talking to me, hope we can talk more now I’ve said that?
Portia, of course we can talk. I love your point of view and your posts. It takes a pretty small person to stop talking the first time someone says they disagree. I'll just keep talking until you do agree. :wink: Just kidding.
mudpup
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Thanks mudpup.
I have seen their self knowledge.
I know these people are mean and cruel and dangerous, but we can afford to be compassionate about their illness/disorder – preferably from a vast distance and only when we’re healthy and strong enough (this is theoretical for me.)
When you’re up close, protect you and yours, I want the healthy to survive because that’s our only hope! When we have a safe distance, then we can pity?
I'll just keep talking until you do agree.
I like it, thanks for the smile on my face :D 8)
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I catch my character flaws when dealing with those extremely difficult people in my life. I know this is an opportunity to thank them for the chance for me to grow in character but if I find it too difficult to accept and don't like myself in this process,
Hollow-cost Survivor
Mudpup and Portia:
I guess I was not clear in my post and I'd like to add to your comments about "thanks to abusers". The thankfulness, although genuine, is not directly TO them, but rather, FROM them to me. They have given me an opportunity to grow and see something I might otherwise not have seen. The difficult experiences in our lives are always opportunities to grow, if we choose to see the lessons for ourselves.
What I find difficult to accept and don't like about myself is NOT about thanking these people, but rather, the character flaws I notice in myself when dealing with these difficult people. I often find myself acting and re-acting in ways less than dignified, with upset and fear and hope for strength. Usually, I become very fragile and lose pieces of myself again...until I search for myself again. I get real tired of doing this and I need to find my strength solely by depending on my trust and faith in myself and my own character and abilities. It is very important to me to maintain the character traits that I find respectful and honorable. This is the way in which I cannot afford to disappoint myself. If I cannot maintain my composure in a dignified manner, regardless of their behavior or comments, this is when I must walk away. My failure, it would seem to me, is my lack of ability to maintain this respectable composure, therfore finding my only other option to be to walk away. Maybe I'll learn more about compure and discipline"when I grow up"...I'm only a teenager at 51.
Thanks so much for your thoughts,
Hollow-cost Survivor
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Hi Hollow,
I think we're all on the same page. I wasn't actually advocating you tell all the horse's asses they are horse's asses. More of a metaphorical thing as you say. I believe even the biblical reference I made was mostly metaphorical. It simply means, don't hate your enemies, I believe.
As for keeping our composure. I think I pointed out in another thread Ns are professionals on their turf, we're just amateurs. Walking away gets us off of their field of play and back onto our home field. Its pretty tough to ever play them on their home ground and not lose some of yourself.
mudpup
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Hi,
For what it's worth, I think the expectation to always behave appropriately when dealing with an N is unrealistic. Unfortunately, the person I tend to act the most innapropriately with is myself. I have expected myself to take the lies, lack of love, unbelievable selfishness, bizarre behavior, etc...and give love in return.
One time, while watching the "Passion of Christ" I got down on myself for having to turn away from my family while Christ was able to love his enemies to the end. Then I got a very clear message - of course I can't love my enemies "perfectly", I'm not God. I'm just a broken little person that needs a lot of healing. I certainly can not become whole while allowing N's the freedom to continually tear me down. That's what they do - tear people down while building themselves up. (Although they are not really building themselves up in a healthy way.)
Chutzbagirl
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Besides, you are responsible for taking care of Chutzbagirl, no one else! If being around N's is bad for her then you can't let her do that. :)
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Right on Longtire! :D
I am done with N's. Today it feels so good to say I am done with N's!!! 37 long years of dealing with them is enough wouldn't you say? We should get medals of honor or trophies made of pure gold. N's are living nightmares that we don't wake up from - we can only walk away from them.
Chutz
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Chutzbagirl,
37 long years of dealing with them is enough wouldn't you say?
37 seconds is a lifetime's worth.
N's are living nightmares that we don't wake up from - we can only walk away from them.
Aint that the ever lovin' truth? Sometimes though, it feels good to step on them as we're walking away. :twisted:
In the category of hitting the road after 37 long miserable years, the gold goes to Chutz. (Standing ovation and wild cheering in the background) :D
mudpup
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Hey Mudpup,
I think you are funny. :lol:
This site is good. I've found that in general, people don't get N's. They don't get how sick they are or how difficult they are to be in relationship with. (That's not really even possible.)
All I ever really knew growing up was that my Mom was a lot sicker than the other adults I had contact with. However, I wasn't able to put my finger on it. The frustrating thing was that she could appear so "cool" and put together.
It's a beautiful thing to have contact with others that have been stung by N's. Perhaps, after the children are safely tucked in bed I shall have a little bonfire tonight and incinerate the last letters I wrote to a couple of N's on my Mom's b-day. :twisted: (That's my version of stepping on them.) 8)
Chow for now,
Chutz
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They don't get how sick they are or how difficult they are to be in relationship with.
Agreed. That's what's so frustrating. Nobody believes anybody would act that crazy. What motivation would they have to be such friggin' nuts?
Good idea about the bonfire Chutz.
As I recall though, you're out here in CA with me. Is it dry enough for a bonfire where you are? In my neck of the woods the frogs are heading for high ground. :roll:
mud
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My silly little version of a bonfire is placing the letters in a weber and incinerating them with a creme brulee' torch. It's actually a lot of fun. :wink:
The last time my husband and I did this ritual was with a card my N Mom sent me after the big detachment. The card was total b.s. and deserved to be burned.
But to answer your question, your memory does serve you right and the frogs in my neck of the woods are heading back to lower ground. :) It's spring break and all the kids need to go out and play!
Chutz
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I don't feel any need to step on the N's in my life-- I just feel an incredible desire to save myself...however I can. It's the hardest thing for me to walk away from someone who is suppose to be in my life--that I would like in my life, in theory. Maybe they even should have taken care of me, instead of hurt me. My insanity is to keep thinking maybe this will someday change. Ya know, I don't even mind any more that I have been ingnored, but why the deliberate destruction? That's the trauma! What really gets me is the attempts to destroy me and then they can think I have a persecution complex...if I do, I earned it! Now I have to free myself by emotional and physical separation and drudge through the sadness and emptiness. The great thing is that I know myself a little better and it doesn't have to include thier opinion.
I endure deep sadness in "giving-up" on trying. How will the world ever change if we continue to walk away? We can make great changes in the world one little step at a time. Don't think I misunderstand, and, think about this for a minute-- are we feeding the N frenzy by only saving ourselves? HELP! I know what we need to do and that's save what we can and know when to walk, but it troubles me that this problem seems like poison ivy running rampid. I know it's not our problem... but who's problem is it? How can healing for the greater whole begin? Why do you suppose that teenage boy in Minnasota went on his rampage?
Nobody was watching close enough, I suppose.
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I catch my character flaws when dealing with those extremely difficult people in my life. I know this is an opportunity to thank them for the chance for me to grow in character but if I find it too difficult to accept and don't like myself in this process, it seems my only choice is to walk away---this too seems a failure to me....is this survival or does it serve all?
Hi Hollow-cost survivor,
Narcissists (and other disordered people) are so difficult to interact with, are projecting so massively all the time, and acting out so much, that they provoke stuff in nearly everyone. In fact their unconscious agenda is to provoke others into acting out, and to induce bad feelings in others. Even the most seasoned psychiatrists and psychoanalysts are provoked by these people. It's not a weakness but just the way we're hard-wired to react.
There is a continuum of strategies, from total submission at one end, to complete avoidance at the other end. Sometimes walking away is the optimal action. In between are some alternatives for dealing with these individuals. I don't know what your family is doing, so I can't give any examples. I cut off my parents for years but now I can deal with them. At that point in time, I couldn't. But it turned out that there were strategies, I just had to learn them. But sometimes the best strategy is to get away from them because they are so destructive.
bunny
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Denial, denial, denial.... that's why it's so hard to talk to most people about Ns. They can't see it because there is so much denial about it.
Heck, as a society we're taught to ADMIRE people like this. They're 'go-getters', they 'take no prisoners', they're not afraid of competition, and so on.
I've been thinking about this and realizing...
For centuries! it was considered OK for a man to beat his wife. And for parents to beat their children. I mean beat. Bruises and broken skin. Did you know? in ancient Rome, a father could have any of his children put to death, at any time, for any reason. Or no reason.
Most of us don't think like that now, thank God.
We recognize alcoholism as an addiction now, and co-dependence (and cod-dependence too, Longtire! :lol: :lol:), and we know that addictions are a disease.
AA didn't even exist until ~60 years ago.
Restaurants and bus stations and so forth were overtly racially segregated in parts of this country even 40 years ago.
20 years ago, none of us knew what verbal abuse was. Not to call it by a name. We 'knew' something was wrong, but without the words to describe it, how could we make progress against it?
Social progress moves, but slowly... unfortunately, an individual human spirit needs to escape from these things faster than the human race as a whole seems to be able to face them and deal with them.
The thing is, once you escape, it's a lot easier to show others the way out. Think of it as The Underground Railroad. Once you get out, you can be a safe house for others.
Come to think of it, this is a safe house, isn't it?
Free at last, free at last
I thank God I'm free at last
Free at last, free at last
I thank God I'm free at last!
Storm
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I endure deep sadness in "giving-up" on trying. How will the world ever change if we continue to walk away? We can make great changes in the world one little step at a time. Don't think I misunderstand, and, think about this for a minute-- are we feeding the N frenzy by only saving ourselves? HELP! I know what we need to do and that's save what we can and know when to walk, but it troubles me that this problem seems like poison ivy running rampid. I know it's not our problem... but who's problem is it? How can healing for the greater whole begin? Why do you suppose that teenage boy in Minnasota went on his rampage? Nobody was watching close enough, I suppose.
Your walking away and saving yourself isn't a crime to humanity. It's permitted to do that. You aren't contributing to the problems of the world. In fact you're setting a boundary which is a helpful thing to society. You are allowed to save yourself.
As for the boy in Minnesota, his father had committed suicide and his mother is in a mental hospital. And I'm sure that was only part of his problems.
bunny
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Hi Hollow-cost,
I'm sorry that your are struggling with grief. N is a very sad condition - it is heart breaking to watch people self-destruct. I have spent many late nights in tears over my N family members - praying for them, wishing things could be different. I'm sure I'll have more teary late nights in the future.
However, sometimes during my grief process it just feels good to call a spade a spade. The N's in my life have been amazingly hurtful. Anger is a natural part of grief, that's what the "stepping on" is all about. It is a wonderful release to be a little "mean" and do some saucy name-calling with my close friends every now and then. Laughing is a stress releasing therapy for me. Sometimes irreverant humor is just what the Dr. ordered.
If there was ANYTHING I could do to help my family members get healthier I would do it in a minute. But, the sad fact is I am completely powerless over them, their illness and their inability to treat me with a basic level of respect. The N's in my life are severe - unless there is supernatual intervention there is no hope for growth or change.
My focus is on my family of procreation. Thankfully, my husband and I are both committed to growth and parenting. Our marriage has improved since I've detatched - probably because I'm not chronically reeling from the N's behavior and I'm learning how to ask for what I need. (Lots of reasons for the growth.) I am committed to loving the people God brings my way and praying for the courage to let go of the people that would harm me. (My codependence = a compulsion to attatch to people that are unable to meet my needs for love, value, affirmation, etc...)
I wish you the best in this detachment process. It is gut-wrenchingly difficult at times. :(
Chutz
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Hollow-cost,
About the “deliberate destruction”. It’s not personal. It’s not that they set out to destroy you although it feels like that. In appearing to want to destroy you, they are trying to defend themselves. It’s about them and their mental structures, not about you. You don’t exist as ‘you’ to them I guess. ‘You’ are simply a repository for their crap. When they try to destroy you, they are lashing out against their own demons. It’s a dangerous place to stay around, so you don’t.
Be sad. You will always be sad about what you never had, the love that some children receive. You will always mourn that loss. I will. It was just bad luck that you were born to family that couldn’t love you and accept you for the wonderful unique person you are, deserving of love and respect simply because you exist. You have to give that love to yourself. That’s so difficult. I find it incredibly difficult.
I feel the same as you about the way of the world. It seems impossible. But it’s not your individual responsibility, nor mine. We can only do our small bits. Humans aren’t the greatest thing. Maybe we’ll die out and the planet can continue without us, maybe that would be a ‘good’ thing. Maybe the increase in what I sometimes see as rampant narcissism is nature’s way of ensuring that a bad mistake will kill itself off. Would it matter? Not really.
Only we care: the universe doesn’t care, the universe (choose your own words for ‘everything that isn’t us’ here) is probably neutral. It exists because it exists, it’s neither good nor bad. The way through for me is to be like that: I exist because I exist. I can do my tiny bits to be helpful and not harmful, as I see those things.
If we are helpful and take care not to be harmful, we’re doing our best.
I’m a teenager too at 43, still full of dreams and aches. I refuse to become deadened, denying, fearing the release of death, which is what being ‘adult’ looks like most of the time. Life isn’t perfect and won’t be, accepting imperfection and uncertainty might help us. Please don’t grow up (((Hollow-cost))). I like you as you are :D
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You are allowed to save yourself.
This is such a wise statement (hey, Bunny, please write a book!).
I have struggled with my guilt over wanting to save myself really my whole life. I have a friend now who is struggling with it, too. It is insane that we don't think we have permission to do what we truly need to do! But I finally finally "got" that the reason I felt guilty about something utterly within morality and sanity for me to do was that....(drum roll) ... they taught me to feel this way.
Light bulb! They sure as hell do whatever they want to do, with no regard for my feelings. I on the other hand thought of their feelings first (and sort of just stopped there). Once I realized I am allowed to (required to!) put my own feelings first, because I am the only advocate for the poor guys, then it became easier to start to pull away.
I haven't pulled all the way away but it sure feels nice knowing I gave myself permission to if I want to.
Hollow-cost, are you feeling anything like what I felt? That guilt over what you need and want because you've been taught to denigrate yourself in service to others?
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I, too, grew up never asking for what I needed. As a result, I learned to do without, and learned to depend on myself…no one else. Being independent can be both good and bad…everything in moderation is OK.
Of course, this is not the case emotionally. I try to be emotionally independent but I have since learned that needing someone in this way is wonderful for both concerned.
It was just bad luck that you were born to family that couldn’t love you and accept you for the wonderful unique person you are, deserving of love and respect simply because you exist. You have to give that love to yourself. That’s so difficult. I find it incredibly difficult.---
Please don’t grow up (((Hollow-cost))). I like you as you are :D
Well, you made me cry Portia. I haven't really internalized this thought before of someone liking me only because I exist....especially because you don't know me...but somehow, I feel your words. Thank you. Wow, how simple.
Portia, regarding, "You have to give that love to yourself. That's so difficult. I find it incredibly difficult." I also find this really hard. Do you think not liking ourselves, regardless of the reason, is a N trait? Well, at least we are more aware...is this part of the difference? It IS wonderful to share this devestation and resurrection of our personalities and life with all of you. It's nice to know we're not alone, yet I'm always hurt by how much of this sadness is around us. Why isn't the world taught to be parents BEFORE we have children? Everything seems so backwards sometimes.
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Vunil,
I feel almost exactly like you. I could have written your post. Thanks for asking and thanks for putting out there.
Hollow-cost
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Do you think not liking ourselves, regardless of the reason, is a N trait? Well, at least we are more aware...is this part of the difference?
NPDs can’t ever admit to not liking themselves (genuinely, they might fake it), there’s too much shame underneath and they can’t be self-aware. To be vulnerable and feel things as you’ve expressed, that’s healthy. To be aware that something is wrong and you want to get better – to me that seems the biggest leap of success of all! :D
Why isn't the world taught to be parents BEFORE we have children? Everything seems so backwards sometimes.
I hear and coincidently I agree. I don’t know why. It just is like it is. (((Hollow-cost)))
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I agree with what everyone has asid here, we have to save ourselves first, otherwise we're in no state to help others. We have to choose our battles and help those who want to be helped, and that can be helped. If we spend all our lives trying to help an N, we might miss our chance to actually make a difference in the world.
I liked Stormchild's way of putting things in perspective, it gave me real hope for the future. I would like to add a small thing to her long list: Think of how lately therapy has been socially acceptable. Not long ago it was completely unthinkable for someone to go to therapy, that would be the same as admitting you were insane. Now it's becoming more and more common. This is great news for the future. Also, think of how children growing up today are surrounded by psychology and the idea of improving yourself! :)
Yes, I'm having a good day, I hope all of you have one as well! :D