Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: October on April 16, 2005, 08:50:26 AM
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Today I am fuming. Really angry. I have a daughter who cannot go to school because of a medical condition. She has a tutor three mornings a week, for a total of 6 hours per week. Hardly what I call an education, but better than nothing.
The school is supposed to support this, but for two months has done nothing, so I wrote to complain about this (again!!) and today received a letter which is basically a pack of lies. And I am trying not to reply and say that they are low down sneaking lying snakes, with no idea of educating children, and only interested in covering their own lying bottoms.
Bit cross, don't you know???
Here is part of LEA letter: "I understand that school do not believe that Year 7 parents have been invited to a consultation meeting since January (Not true; I am getting dates from another pupil - a friend of my daughter). It is also not the school's recollection that a review meeting had been arranged with you. (Also not true; several letters mention this meeting, but they never got round to sorting out a date, in spite of me repeatedly asking for one.)
Not necessarily N people, of course, but certainly N behaviour in terms of ignoring completely the main issue which is one of support and access to education, in favour of scoring points by trying to make me out to be at best stupid and at worst a liar. *&^%$££$%^&&**!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry. I really don't need this.
And then some JWs knocked on the door. Wrong day, guys!!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
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October,
I'm very sorry for your upset. I couldn't quite follow what is going on between you and the school and what they are neglecting to do. Perhaps this is just my ignorance in how your school system works. Here in the states, every child is required to get an education paid for by their local community, whether that is in a school setting or some alternative plan. A tutor 3X per week would not qualify here. Also, there are very few medical conditions that would prohibit a child attending school here as they make some sort of accomodation for most any situation.
Regardless, I'm sorry that they are putting you through this and not helping your daughter. They should fulfill that obligation and work with you to make it happen.
((((((October)))))))
Brigid
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Regardless, I'm sorry that they are putting you through this and not helping your daughter. They should fulfill that obligation and work with you to make it happen.
((((((October)))))))
Brigid
Thanks, Brigid. I am probably not being very coherent. :lol:
C has chronic pain, and although many attempts were made in the early days of the Autumn term to encourage her into school, these always caused her distress, and aggravated her condition. The doctors have been unable to relieve the pain, so until it goes away I have kept her at home, and the doctors are supporting me in this. This may take months still, although we are working towards it.
The legal position is that the LEA is still obliged to provide an education, and they provide the tutor for 6 hours a week, which is the legal minimum. My problem is that the work done with the tutor is not coordinated with that of the school, and there is no interface. The school has taken no interest whatever for 2 months. I don't get parents letters, or information of events. I don't get invited to parents' evenings when other parents do. Even things like world book day, when every child gets a voucher towards a new book; we did not get sent a voucher. These are all very small things, but they act to exclude my daughter, and prevent her from feeling as if she is part of the school community. She is given no perameters by which she can succeed, and therefore she is set up to fail. In these circumstances I can't see any way to encourage her to return to school.
She is supposed to be visiting with her tutor on Monday, to meet her head of year, but we have not been given a time for the visit. Small things like that. Small things which show they really don't give a damn.
I have now (today) joined a group called Education Otherwise, and I am going to investigate teaching her myself. Can't do a worse job, really. :?
Feeling very unsupported and misunderstood. Not here, but in the big bad world. :cry:
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I just noticed you are in the UK however, here are some web sites that have been very useful to me here in the US.
mothersfromhell2.com
wrightslaw.com
Also, I cannot emphasize enough how you must put EVERYTHING in writing. Phone calls don't count. You must make a paper trail of everything you are trying to accomplish. I've been there and done that with two of my children. Usually the educators are thinking only of their budgets, unfortunately. But your child is owed an equal and appropriate education. Keep up the good fight!
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I just noticed you are in the UK however, here are some web sites that have been very useful to me here in the US.
mothersfromhell2.com
wrightslaw.com
Also, I cannot emphasize enough how you must put EVERYTHING in writing. Phone calls don't count. You must make a paper trail of everything you are trying to accomplish. I've been there and done that with two of my children. Usually the educators are thinking only of their budgets, unfortunately. But your child is owed an equal and appropriate education. Keep up the good fight!
Thanks dogbit. Yes, I have a papertrail. It is rather extensive already, and growing, and it helps to be able to quote letters (preferably theirs) in contradiction of current claims. Fantasising wording as; 'concerned for apparent amnesia epidemic among teaching staff, which might be eased by their re-reading copies of their own correspondence to me.' However, will probably settle for something less antagonistic. Shame!! :lol:
I am also copying in my MP on my correspondence with them, which is why the school thinks I am the mother from hell already. They should be grateful it isn't the local papers getting copies!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Thanks for the websites. Will investigate. :)
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October,
Thank you for further clarifying the situation for me. Sometimes I'm just a bit slow, but now I've had 2 cups of coffee and thinking so much more clearly. :shock:
It sounds like you are doing what you need to cover your bases. I feel so badly for your daughter--if I recall she is about 12--that she is not made to feel a part of the school environment. That is such a difficult age anyway, so worried about fitting in and having friends and then to feel ostracized by her own school. Makes me very angry. :x I also feel so badly about her chronic pain. That must be awful for you to have to witness on top of all your own struggles.
The only somewhat positive thing I see in all of this is that by your needing to fight for your daughter's welfare and perhaps also start home schooling her, it might help you to get stronger and more confident. Us good moms will do anything for our kids, no matter what the cost is to us personally.
You are both in my prayers.
Brigid
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October - please PM me, there's some stuff about chronic pain I might be able to point you towards... it may or may not be of any use at all, but i'd like to offer anyway.
Schools, grr. :evil: Institutions, GRR. :evil: :evil:
Self-aggrandizing self-involved self-serving bureaucracies, GRRRRRRRR[/size]
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
Storm
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Draft of reply to school, with planned posting date for Monday - need to sleep on it. Won't send italic bits, though. :lol:
Thank you for your letter of 13 April. I must confess to being somewhat at a loss how to respond. It appears to me that we are sliding down a slope of allegation and denial that, quite frankly, I am not interested in pursing.
In the interests of clarity, the contact with the school has been initiated wholly by Mrs D (tutor), with my full support, and gratitude. The school has welcomed this contact, but not to the extent of providing an actual time for the visit to take place. As of today (Saturday), I am still not informed about what time C is expected there on Monday, to meet Miss J. I do not want to prejudge this, so I will wait and see what happens on the day. Perhaps it will go well. ( :twisted: Perhaps pigs will fly!!)
The second point, about consultation evenings is correct in relation to this term, I have since found out. However, the last consultation meeting took place on 11 November, and I was neither informed about this in advance or invited to attend. I also receive no parents letters whatever from the school. Perhaps the school will tell you that there have been no parents’ letters since January. Perhaps they also did not take part in World Book Day, and perhaps C not receiving the voucher towards a book which all other school children are given was an oversight. Perhaps there is no Year 7 trip to France in June, to which she is not even invited to consider attending (she is unlikely to be well enough, in fact) because we have received no letter about it. C has been promised information about the Gifted and Talented group, which she has been invited to join. Again, we have no information about these meetings.
Perhaps there is no effective exclusion going on, in such tiny, trivial little ways.
As to the review meeting, Mr P mentions it himself in his letter of 28 January; “We look forward to meeting with you again early after the February half-term holiday to review these arrangements and Charlotte’s progress.” But again this issue is sidestepped by saying that no meeting had been agreed with me. The meeting had indeed been agreed; his letter says as much. Only the date remained undetermined.
What advantage is there in going over this kind of detail? None that I can see.
I remain C’s advocate, both in terms of her health and her education. My point to you was that (school) has done nothing for 2 months to support her and me in achieving that education, and that I would like this to change. I am not interested in criticising anyone, only in finding a way forward, with a more child centered approach from the school, in line with their vision statement. I am, sadly, becoming increasingly disillusioned with (school), and the claims that they make about support and education.
If I were interested in causing trouble I would do that via the press and the EOC; that would hardly be difficult for me. Please take the fact that I am not at present going down those routes as an indicator that I want a good working relationship with the school, and one which looks for win:win, rather than taking the current defensive and adversarial stance.
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Hi October, I read your posts yesterday and was wringing my hands. I'm sorry, and I don't have experience of the system but know it stinks. My step-mother was a primary school head for a while; she knows the system stinks and tells me the stories! Lying and keeping the system clean while allowing kids to flounder.
Have you edited now that you've slept on it? The only thought I had was to be clear and factual, remove any sarcasm/joking because 'they' might not 'get it'. Keep it clear and cold.....gosh, what an infuriating and frustrating set-up. I do feel for you and C. Good luck, and don't take it personally! It's not personal, the system likes to protect itself first....sad. Portia
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October, Good letter. My free advice is to leave out the last paragraph unless they have, in writing, said specifically that you "are trying to cause trouble". I say that because they will latch on to that like ferrets at a food feast and the whole emphasis of whatever your next communication will be "you're causing trouble" instead of Charlotte not getting an appropriate education. I say that because in my oldest daughters first IEP's (Individual Education Plan), I started to cry when they told me they would not help her because there was no money in their budget. Well, that became the emphasis of that meeting and time was lost. I was snookered by the ferrets! I never cried again! Just state the facts, the dates, and the law. Your letter I think sounds like you are stating facts and presenting yourself as being willing to work with them. By the way, since I had two kids in need of services, I finally retained an attorney who represented them for ten years! In the US, if I prevailed, the school had to pay my legal expenses. I always prevailed. It was astounding what lengths the school would go to to in order to deny services but oftentimes they do it so as to not set precedents of providing services for one child that other deserving kids might be able to take advantage of. This is probably more than you wanted to hear but it is an issue that is still very near to my heart. Keep up the good fight!
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dogbit you are so right.
october, they'll jump on any excuse they can, to divert attention from the actual issue. watch for that, and nail them every time they try it. then insist on returning to the topic at hand. this way, the topic either becomes the actual issue, or their efforts to avoid dealing with it.
good luck, good luck, i'm praying for you.
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New draft, after a night's sleep, and after reading your suggestions. Thanks, all.
Thank you for your letter of 13 April. I must confess to being somewhat at a loss how to respond. It appears to me that we are sliding down a slope that, quite frankly, I am not interested in following. I can see no point in my demonstrating to you the inconsistencies in the information you have been given and the actual situation; that is between you and (school).
I remain C’s advocate, both in terms of her health and her education. My point to you was that (school) has done nothing for 2 months to support her and me in achieving that education, and that I would like this to change. The initiative to take C to school on Monday was entirely instigated by Mrs D, and is not an initiative from the school, although they were pleased to welcome the proposal once it was made.
I am not interested in criticising anyone, only in finding a way forward, with a more child centered approach from the school, in line with their vision statement. I am, sadly, becoming increasingly disillusioned with (school), and the claims that they make about support and education.
I want a good working relationship with the school, and one which looks for win:win, rather than taking the current defensive and adversarial stance, which I find unnecessarily confrontational, and totally lacking in understanding of my position as Cs parent and advocate.
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It was astounding what lengths the school would go to to in order to deny services but oftentimes they do it so as to not set precedents of providing services for one child that other deserving kids might be able to take advantage of.
Thanks, Dogbit. You are absolutely right. The number of times I questioned their behaviour towards my daughter and heard that it is the same as for every other pupil, therefore it is ok for her. :evil:
Have they never heard of equal opportunities, or disability discrimination??
:shock:
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Excellent draft October. Adult, detached, explicit.
I hope you find an advocate and get an honest hearing. Home schooling has been quite successful in the States, if that's the route you determine needs to be taken. [I saw somewhere on this thread that you were exploring it?]
((((((((((October))))))))))
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Home schooling has been quite successful in the States, if that's the route you determine needs to be taken. [I saw somewhere on this thread that you were exploring it?]
((((((((((October))))))))))
Yes. Am trying to devise a strategy whereby I can homeschool and earn money at the same time. At present not working, but need money to homeschool. Also need to work from home.
Not impossible, because I used to run my own PR company, but daunting, to say the least. However, God is good. (Sometimes!!)
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Am trying to devise a strategy whereby I can homeschool and earn money at the same time. At present not working, but need money to homeschool. Also need to work from home.
Not impossible, because I used to run my own PR company, but daunting, to say the least. However, God is good. (Sometimes!!)
:twisted: :twisted: Hmmm. If you were good at PR, and clearly you were, you'd be a gifted teacher, and I am sure you are. So much of teaching is first getting their interest and then holding it.
Are there... restrictions... on doing tutoring, perhaps? We now have a lot of tutorial shops in the States that run right after school hours... there might be a way to homeschool your daughter on an overlapping schedule... and pick up a few extra pounds tutorially... just a notion, only that.
But oh, what a lovely poke in the snoot for these so called educators who aren't doing squat to help you.... if it could be done, and if it went somewhere... :twisted: :twisted:
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...And then some JWs knocked on the door. Wrong day, guys!!!!!
October, you made me giggle again this morning! I had this picture in my mind of these JW's in black suits, with arms loaded in pamplets, slicked back hair, big smiles, as the door opened to meet......... :D
October.......who was notttttttt in the mooooooooood!!! :shock:
Look out boys!!!!! (heeheehee)
You're doing good October! I'm sure it's not easy for you to deal with these school dumbos and JW's all on the same day!!!! :roll:
If they don't soon smarten up (the school reps).....maybe you should consider dumping the "good working relationship" goal and go for the-- expose them to the media route?? :evil:
I don't know. I know your daughter deserves better than they are giving her. I know you are doing your best to get them to see that and provide what she deserves/needs. I know if something isn't working...something needs to change.
I hope they pay attention and start including you/treating you with more respect. Perhaps you could suggest to them, in person, that things do need to change and that you are hoping it won't be necessary to inform the general public of the deficiencies so far noted in their system, in order for them to take note and make improvements??
I agree that it might be best not to put all that in writing. Just mention it??
In passing. Bye the way...... Rather without much emotion....just a fact.
Good luck October! Hope things go better from now on.
GFN
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October, you may find this site useful, it also mentions flexi-schooling.
http://www.home-education.org.uk/menu1.htm
Our youngest daughter has Insulin dependent Diabetes and was home-schooled for the last 7-8 months of her school years. Due to illness and bullying (over her condition)
If I'd known it was an option years ago I would have home-schooled her from her early years .....
UK Schools are struggling so much now that they seem to forget those outside the gates.... our daughters school eventually 'forgot', despite prior agreement, to even enter her for her exams.
She's now looking at applying for college on a catch-up course.
I wish you the best outcome for your daughter.
As long as you come across as reasonable and level-headed, the LEA's seem to treat people fairly well.
PS It must be the season for JW's they were out in force here the last 2 weekends. :(
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Hi October,
Sorry you have such trouble over there with home schooling. My wife homeschools our daughter here and the schools are pretty helpful. They get paid by the state per student, including home schooled ones, so they make sure they keep track of every one. They pay for all her supplies, unless of course it has the dreaded G(od) word in it.
Hope you can get someone on your side in the system there.
As far as JWs. They have been a special project of mine for some time, trying to get them to see the Light so to speak.
If however its been a long day and you don't want the bother, the one sure way to get them to head for the hills is to step out on the porch and ask them to pray to Jesus Christ with you. To them He isn't God so they hit the ground running, rather than blaspheme. :roll:
Even atheists can succesfully use this method. :shock:
Although praying to JC can be pretty hazardous to an atheist also. :wink:
mudpup
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Well, I will tell you the JW story from the other day, when life was really horrible. There was a young boy, early teens, and a woman, with a posh coat. She was holding the Watchtower, so I knew immediately who they were.
I opened the door, and she said, hello how are you? Through somewhat gritted teeth I said, fine. Standard polite response.
Then she starts into her prepared talk about the magazine, and whether I am aware of x, y, z; the apocalyptic end of the world kind of things. So I interrupted her and said, excuse me, why exactly are you here?
She then told me that they are doing what Jesus did. So I asked her for the Biblical reference that shows that Jesus went round knocking on doors giving away magazines. After a bit of flustering, and her unable to find such verse ( :twisted: ) I said, ok, what about one where he even knocks on a door uninvited? Now here she could have had an answer, but apparently is not familiar with the 'behold I stand' verse (which is of course allegorical rather than literal anyway, so even if she had used it I would not have accepted it as an excuse for knocking on strangers' doors).
Instead she said, 'They didn't have them in those days.' So I said, you are trying to tell me they didn't have doors in Biblical times? That is just plain daft. (She probably meant magazines, but was giving an answer to the previous question, rather than the most recent one, so I pretended not to know that. I am very wicked and will go to - the infernal regions.)
Then I turned to her young companion, looked him in the eyes, and told him, she is telling lies. Then I closed the door.
No doubt they went away and prayed for my wicked unredeemed soul.
My next door neighbour was in the house, but didn't bother to answer the door, although she said they knocked for ages and the lad even went and looked in her living room window. :shock: Perhaps that is a kinder way to deal with them.
I had a friend who was a JW and who died last year, so I am not anti JW as a whole. Just anti misinformation.
Sorry if I have shocked anyone. I don't normally behave with this kind of brutality. :oops:
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October, you may find this site useful, it also mentions flexi-schooling.
http://www.home-education.org.uk/menu1.htm
UK Schools are struggling so much now that they seem to forget those outside the gates.... our daughters school eventually 'forgot', despite prior agreement, to even enter her for her exams.
I'm glad to hear of a successful home schooling for your daughter, although I am sorry you had to go that route becasue of her health.
You are right about the forgetting bit. Having drafted the letter I had no energy to actually send the thing, and probably won't now. But yesterday my daughter did go to the school, and while she was there she was given her report, which I should have received in March. There is a reply slip with it to return by 18 March. :evil:
Also, the report says she has had 76 unauthorised absences since September. I have asked her tutor to investigate this for me, because as far as I am concerned there are no unauthorised absences whatever.
Not strong enough to write any more letters today, and in any case they get me nowhere except labelled a difficult parent. :cry:
(And perhaps I should write to the Times with the first JW spotting of the Spring. :lol: )
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Not shocked here October! Surely you’re doing anyone a favour if you test their faith? Surely faith is mean to be tested? Then it can become stronger maybe.
I talk to JWs these days, quite enjoy it sometimes. They usually say ‘you’re an interesting person’ and leave. I guess they think I’m either mad, bad or wrong, but I really don’t care what they think of me. I’m on a personal crusade to get people to think for themselves.
Someone used to leave Watchtowers in the reception of where I worked. I used to throw ‘em out. I reasoned either you have stuff from all religions, or none at all.
Hope the tutor sorts it out for you. Take care October.
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Not strong enough to write any more letters today, and in any case they get me nowhere except labelled a difficult parent.
Being labelled "A Difficult Parent" is a badge of honour. Wear it proudly. Remember when I said that my "crying" became the issue. Well the school folks love to use terms like "difficult parent" to totally difuse the real issue. If you are indeed difficult, then they are indeed criminal. Sorry...This is still quite an issue for me and I may sound extreme. If this is of any help, my kids are quite proud of the war I waged against bean-counters parading as educators. In fact, one of my kids once said that she felt I could do anything since I took on the entire school district single-handed. Actually, we all did. The kids and myself. When you are feeling overwhelmed, remember that the message you are giving your daughter in invaluable. You consider her important and deserving. What message is the educational beuracracy (I don't know how to spell that!)) giving her??? Sorry, I know I am ranting but I would really like to be just very supportive of the path you are taking. Did you check out:
mothersfromhell2.com
It always gave me a needed laugh and validation. And my kids are all adults now and doing great. I'm taking a few years off to recover and recoup :lol:
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Oops...that's
mothersfromhell2.org
not .com.....
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Guest:
Well sign me up! Believe me I am the Queen of Difficult when it came to meeting with the school with regard to my autistic son. I have been a "difficult parent" for about 18 years now. I wear the badge with distinction.
I know that when I left one particular school district they probably broke out the champagne. No matter. One of their best teachers resigned because she did not want to work for the school system after I left. I really supported her with regard to the bureau rats in the central office. So when I left, their "Teacher of the Year" left as well. Central office knew why their teacher left. I am persona non grata there I can tell you. So wear that badge with honor and don't let them get the best of you. The longer they stonewall, just sit there and stare them down. Patz
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Rewrote letter yesterday, addressed to head of Education at LEA. Posted copies to MP, Chair of Governors at school and head teacher.
Lights blue touchpaper and stands back. :arrow: :arrow: :arrow:
Have now received information from Education Otherwise. Looks like a good stress free option. Have given C truancy card, which she thinks is dead cool. If she is stopped by the police in school hours it tells them to let her go her way unhindered, because she is being educated out of school. 8)
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Patz...Good for you. It's good to be Queen. In my long "career" with our school district, they sent a new Program Director to me to show me "appropriate" placements for my kids. They had not told her my name. When we met and introduced ourselves, she said, you know...I've heard that name before....I just smiled. The way I figured it out, there were two ways to go. Either just go away or fight. Because of some personality quirk, I chose to fight. Mainly becuase I had some notion that no one messes with my kids. And, having two of them, plus a minor nuisance of having one more "normal" kid who needed a life also, I chose to go to battle because we just didn't have enough money to provide an "appropriate" education for two. Maybe one, not two and because of their particular disabilities, home-schooling was not advised or recommended. I feel myself spiraling down the path of ranting....I'll quit for now...Gosh it is still such a trigger for me to become angry again. October....Keep up the good fight.
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October....have a funny story for you after reading about your daughter's get out of truancy free card....
School does something which has been specifically defined as something not to do to my daughter. She's called to Principal's office to explain her defiance in not doing what she is not supposed to do. Daughter says, I don't have to do it and my mother has a lawyer. Principal repeats to me with a glare what my daughter has said after I've been called to the school to deal with this. I asked the principal which part of my daughter's statement is she is having a problem with? It was a real who is going to blink first moment. And I just wanted to bake cookies. Gosh, I am going to quit....
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dogbit and October:
When it comes to your children and meeting their needs, you are the only ones there to be their advocate. Schools strive for the middle ground anything else around that , stretches their capabilites. If you don't stand in the gap for your children, no one else will either. That squeaky wheel gets the grease.
dogbit:
As far as rants are concerned........been there many times over and I know even now 15 post years since my son has been in that situation, it does not take much for me to go off on a tangent. The stories I could tell you!
I remember sitting around a conference table with a whole room full of bureau rats and just me. I just made them sweat and waited them out. Finally got what I wanted. You just have to wait them out like a bunch of rats. Patz