Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: cat on May 04, 2005, 12:55:16 PM
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Thought I'd start a new topic. With mother's day coming up - how do you deal with N-mother's on that day?
Call them and just suck it up? Or not call them and deal with the guilt that comes from that?
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I hate Mother's Day. My mom expects very special treatment and gets into a bitter, resentful mood because we haven't appreciated her enough. BLECH. With that said, I kiss up to her on that day out of respect. She tried to be a good mother. She thinks she was. Okay, she wasn't, but she did have good intentions.
bunny
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Hi cat,
I don't have a N mom so I won't pretend to know what you are going through.
Which action/inaction do you predict will inflict the most emotional damage on you? Be sure to look out for your own best interests since you know your Mom won't.
Best wishes.
Mia
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Mia - good advice! Whatever I do will be met with harsh criticism - but the effort was made.
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She tried to be a good mother. She thinks she was. Okay, she wasn't, but she did have good intentions.
bunny
bunny, could you expand on this "she did have good intentions" for me. That confuses me some.
LM
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Not speaking for Bunny - but speaking for myself - good intentions are defined as "I'm only doing this to you (or for you) because I love you and you just don't appreciate it."
Were those the same for you Bunny?
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My mother sincerely had good intentions in raising children. She believed herself to be a good mother. She didn't neglect our physical needs. She wasn't an alcoholic. She didn't beat us. She was just a narcissist control freak who doesn't understand children or teenagers at all. So her mothering was more about control, guilt, etc. Still I give her credit for her intentions and efforts. She did the best she could with her limitations.
bunny
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My mother passed away almost five years ago... and I'm still healing from a lifetime of her abuse, so I suppose that mother's day is everyday for me. The gift that keeps on giving.
When she was alive, and ambulatory, I would take her to her favorite restaurant, but even this became impossible ultimately, as she became more hostile and savage. At the end, about all I could manage was to stop by with takeout, have a cup of coffee with her, and go.
But of course I always sent flowers... weird, something I started in grad school when I left the state and never stopped. She never once sent them to me; but, of course, they never do.
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Well my mom isn't an N, she's just assisting/enmeshed/who knows what with one.
In any event I don't even bother anymore. The last couple of Christmas/ Mother's day cards came back unopened.
I'll spend the money and time on my MIL instead. She's a lot more of a mom than mine is.
mudpup
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If I may be so bold, my first thought was "lucky you" mudpup.
I hate mother's day. I always just order something to be delivered for her. I don't even go near cards anymore. It's hard to find neutral ones.
My N mother can be quite nasty with remarks about gifts she receives. My brothers seem to fare the worst. But we all still get her something, except the N sister who is really quite the extension of the N mother. Ironic that her precious little N self extension is the only one who doesn't get her anything.
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Astrofemme,
You may indeed be so bold.
I was fortunate to have had a mother who, for most of my life, treated me pretty well.
My N mother can be quite nasty with remarks about gifts she receives.
Why don't you send her something like, say...... a road killed toad?
You probably wouldn't hear anything at all. 8) :D
And you would dramatically lower her expectations for next year. :wink: :P
mudpup
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Hey, how about this, astrofemme: send your Nmother a picture of the Nsister who never sends your Nmother anything.
mwa hah hah.
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Oh yeah, Mudpup, I'd hear all about the toad but the toad would be worth it! I like the idea of sending her a picture of the N sister as well. However, I have cut that sister out of my life and I don't have any pics. Shucks.
At the risk of outing myself (I worry that the N mother may be surfing around and might recognize me--sounds crazy but she would do things like that), I have to tell a gift story. The florist substituted a dried floral wreath because they were out of evergreens for the evergreen wreath I ordered for her one year. I heard from my brother that she was very upset because I sent her "dead" flowers. She thought that was really cruel of me.
Is my mommy something or what?
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Oh astrofemme, you are too funny! For awhile my Nmom had access to email. Then somehow she got infected with a computer virus.
Every email she sent out to her friends slamming my sister and myself were somehow duplicated and sent to us. We lurked for awhile, until my sister could no longer handle the lies being told.
Upon confrontation with the Nmom, asking for her to be someone we could trust, she instead decided to toss the computer.
I also HATE to buy cards they just aren't neutral enough.
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Bunny wrote:
My mother sincerely had good intentions in raising children. She believed herself to be a good mother. She didn't neglect our physical needs. She wasn't an alcoholic. She didn't beat us. She was just a narcissist control freak who doesn't understand children or teenagers at all. So her mothering was more about control, guilt, etc. Still I give her credit for her intentions and efforts. She did the best she could with her limitations.
I'm resonating what you are saying cuz this is how my mother was too. To this day, she is still in the dark of the damage she did to her kids. All seven of us.
Butterfly
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Mudpup:
That is very sad. Sending your cards back unopened. What a message for you. This just about says it all with regard to Ns. No matter what you send their way, you will get nothing back.
Give your MIL and wife all the love that you have Mudpup on Mother's Day.
Patz
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I think I read here from others that picking out a MOther's Day card was difficult. I often stand at the card area, reading through the verses trying to pick one that will work for me. In retrospect my childhood may have been similar to Bunny and Butterfly. Mom had no clue how to raise a family or what a family was supposed to be like. She was raised in an orphanage.
I think now her intentions were good, but often it was about control and Dad was no help being gone physically or emoitonally much of the time. Mom wanted that perfect, "Donna Reed" family and she didnt know it was only a fantasy. She often took her frustrations out on us and particularly me through anger, control, the silent treatment etc.
I felt responsible for her feelings as well as everyone else's. WHen I reached puberty it got worse. Then I had my own problems and things got ever more dysfunctional. It took me years to bail my way out and Mom got therapy. Still I cant chose those really mushy cards because the sentiment just doesnt fit. I usually look for the one wishing her happiness that day and always, becuase that is my wish.
In many ways I do feel fortunate because Mom got better. She still lapses sometimes and I can still be a family lightening rod but I feel our relationshp has mended mostly and much improved over my youth. I mailed her card yesterday.
I realize also now, that holdiays are very diffiuclt for her becaues of her upbringing in the orphanage. That must have been terrible watching others enjoy the holidays when you had little family of your own. Her mother was still alive but often absent or off doing her own thing. Mom and her sister were also rejected by their grandmother.They must have felt terribly discarded.
Mom took control of her own life and happiness when she was in her 40's or so. She has carved out a fulfilling life for herself and it has improved relationships with everyone.
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This year I sent my mother a card, but I used a blank one, not a Mother's Day Card. In the past, I've gotten stuck in front of the cards, trying to find one that isn't full of the "you were such a wonderful mother" crap, and in the process making myself feel sick. It's not worth the cost of my emotional energy to find a card I can send in good conscience--I used to open every single one looking for one that just said "Happy Mother's Day"--but this year I realized that a blank card would do just as well and save me the pain of reading the sappy cards. I used to feel like a bad daughter, and I still get a twinge of it with everyone asking where I am taking my mother on Sunday(I'm not taking her anywhere!), but the fact that I send a card at all is more than good enough--it keeps guilt from eating at me--intellectually I know her nparents were even worse than mine. But the card is all I do--I need to take care myself. Sometimes I think I need to start my own card company for people whose parents are narcissicists!
Greta
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Mother's Day - how laughingly ironic......... I also have the card dilemma and it takes forever to pick one that means something TO ME i.e. a 'hidden' but subtle message regarding my thoughts of her as a mother. She is old and feeble now but has not spoken to me since Christmas. I'm not feeling bad or missing her one bit. In fact, I'm glad.
To the poster with the idea about the N Mother's Day card company - try to get 'Hallmark' to start a special day for those abused and trampled upon by those that should have loved, cherished, nourished and adored them.
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Greta,
Sometimes I think I need to start my own card company for people whose parents are narcissicists!
I think you have a great idea for an N card company already. Just make all the cards blank, front and inside and leave them that way.
They're just going to see what they want in any card they get anyway so they can fill in the blanks for themselves.
And if you don't sign it they can even imagine it was from somebody really important and special like them, rather than someone who's such a bother, like their own kid. :evil:
Sorry your mom is such a doofus.
(((((Greta)))))
(((((Guest1)))))too.
mudpup
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i have not sent my mother a mothers day card since i was in grade school.... shes certainly never sent me any cards.. recently she sent me a birthday card, maybe the second one shes sent me since i was a little girl.
shes so in denial and blames me, and i dont feel like celebrating that. i see her as a wimp and a failure who didnt even have good intentions. underneath she could have been a really good mother but she let it all get taken away from her and didnt even stand up for herslef.
im thinking about sending her something this year. but, i wont lie. id rather send nothign than lie. so - im thinking of giving her the gift of the truth :} namely - trying again to tell her how i feel, and what my truth is about how things were for us growing up.
not sure how well that will go over. as long as she is in denial and denying my reality, there really isnt any point for me to celebrate what a great mother she is, since if she cannot honor my reality, she is not being a mother in my eyes. providing food was not enough. a robot could have done that. plus she used to tell me constatnly 'good intentions arent worth shit'. so i gues i will hold her to the same standard.
probly people will think this isnt a great plan. its just a thought though :} id like to send her something this year, but i dont do hypocrisy very well..... it would be the first card ive sent her in 20 something years.
d'smom
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Hi all -
Here's a classic N variation on this thread...in the mail today I got a Mothers Day card from my N-mother! The day I was born fell on Mothers Day those many years ago, but the two dates only correspond on the calendar every 7 years or so (like the plagues of cicadas). This is not one of those years. Yet inside the card, where it refers to Mothers Day, my N-mother has put in parentheses 'your birthday'. The cover of the card waxes on the wonders of a mothers love (yada yada yada), and the card itself is a Catholic mass card...a la, a mothers day mass will be said in your honor, etc, which evokes the overt religiousity common to many N.
Back to the real topic: I was very ambivalent in sending my N-mother a card this year, and would have gone with a basic handwritten message in a blank-note-card-with-nice-picture-on-front had my wife not suggested getting chocolates or something. I ruled that out, but she went with my 2 young daughters and picked out a birthday card and mothers day card (her birthday is also 2nd week in May), and both girls scrawled their greetings to Grandma on both, and my wife and I signed our names. It felt okay, not great, but not resentful either...the kids got a semi-abstract connection to their grandmother, and I didn't have to endure the hypocrisy of the Hallmark sentimentality aisle.
BG
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To the poster with the idea about the N Mother's Day card company - try to get 'Hallmark' to start a special day for those abused and trampled upon by those that should have loved, cherished, nourished and adored them.
Let's start our own. We can call it "Hellmark".
Sample verse:
"To Mother, on your special day:
I'm glad that you are far away;
And just because you're such a pill,
I wish that you were farther still."
Remember - it's the thought that counts :twisted: :twisted:
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Let's start our own. We can call it "Hellmark".
Sample verse:
"To Mother, on your special day:
I'm glad that you are far away;
And just because you're such a pill,
I wish that you were farther still."
Remember - it's the thought that counts :twisted: :twisted:
oh my God you just won the pulitzer in my eyes. im humbly in awe of your brilliance :lol:
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That's pretty funny, Stormy...Bittles
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OK Stormy,
Is that copyrighted or public domain?
I may just send my mom a card after all. :lol: :lol: :lol:
mud
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Hey, it's posted, it's public. Feel free :wink:
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OHMIGOSH! ROFLOL! Stormchild! You are quite the poet! I think you are really on to something with the Hellmark idea, too. I know many people who would shop for their cards from Hellmark.
Mudpuppy, instead of a blank cover, how about one of those little pieces of reflective paper? Inside you could just say something like "here's the gift that keeps on giving" or "it's time you gave to yourself what you've given to others" and as my Nmom likes to say, "Enjoy!"
And BG, that thing about having a mass said and getting the mother's day card for your birthday--that's creepy. Kind of like something my exMIL would do. She would call my ex N on his bday and talk about the agony she was going through on that day so many years ago. She would send the cards with the masses that were going to be said for his birthday when she was mad at him. Kinda why I always felt sorry for the ex N and excused his behavior a lot. I didn't know N's did things like that. I still have a lot to learn.
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Stormy,
:lol:
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Oh. . . . I absolutely detest this Hallmark Holiday. . . Not married - no kids - and I'm getting all these wonderful pious platitudes being sent by well meaning friends to alias's about the wonderfulness of mothers.
Sigh - it's gonna be a looooong weekend.
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Mother's Day...This day used to hit me like a sleeper wave and knock me off my feet with the force of the grief. Right now I feel pretty calm - unless I'm in denial. :?
I will pray for my M, but focus on myself. Now that's a concept for those of us raised by N's :!: I hope to celebrate the victory of surviving those blasted N's and being sane enough to raise children and have a positive impact on their lives.
I am going out for a pedicure (my favorite spluge :wink: ) and spending a quiet bbq with my family. Maybe we'll play some games... I don't even want to do my in-laws that day. I'm sick of being around people that have dead hearts. They aren't N - but they don't feel whole - no talk of emotion or pain allowed. :roll:
I wish everyone a happy M's day.
Chutzbagirl :)
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Mother [The Police]
[From the album Synchronicity (A&M): Words and music by Andy Summers]
Well the telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
Telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming
Won't she leave me alone!!!!
The telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
Well every girl that I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end
Every girl that I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end
Well, I hear my mother calling
But I don't need her as a friend
Oh Oh mother
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
Oh women please have mercy
Let this poor boy be
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
**********************
That about sums it up, I'm afraid. Hugs all -
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ok there -has- to be a positive mothers day note here:
my d. is not allowed to send me mothers day cards :( which sucks for both of us.
but, she gave me my present already! she is taking a big test in school this week, she is usually great at tests and a great student, but living with THEM has shaken her confidence and she told me she needed me to wish her luck.
i told her she was a great test taker and i had faith and knew she was gonna do great (which is true). i told her she was going to do so well there would be smoke coming off the end of her pencil.
i asked her a few days later how she was doing and she said she felt very good about it and felt 'proud of herself' for how she was doing.
then she said proudly: "confidence - the greatest thing you gave me."
ahh! that made this mama very very happy.
i tried to tell her but im not sure she understood how important that was to me. you can never be sure life will be without problems.... but if you give someone confidence.... they can deal with the problems that happen..true self confidence (not fake superiority or whatever else n's do) but real self-confidence - has got to be one of the most important traits a person can have..
its the exact antithesis of what our parents gave us. so that was my mama's day present in a -very- big way :)
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Here's what I have decided about Mother's Day. Since she gets a gift for being my mother, I get an even better gift on Mother's Day for being the daughter who had to mother HER. From here on out, I will always give myself a better gift on Mother's Day. So the gift I ordered for her....well, I ordered the upgrade version for myself. Ha!
New way to pamper myself--new tradition.
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Hey guys,
Just got back from a little shopping.
I found there is a real advantage to having a mother who is a 'pill' as Stormy so memorably put it.
I saved $3.50 by not having to buy a card, and at least five minutes not trying to find one that said the right thing.
And all I had to do to realize these tremendous savings was have my mom believe I am an evil, greedy, insane, criminal hooligan, who she apparently intends never to speak to again.
Quite a deal my thoughtful brother arranged for me. So help me Hannah, I'll have to be sure and thank him appropriately someday.
mudpup
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This is the first year I won't be sending my mother anything for Mother's Day. It does make me sad some even though it is what I have chosen to do. In the past I did not have a problem with Mother's Day. Even now I appreciate my mother for many things. There's things I also have a real problem with, that's why I don't have an ongoing relationship with her. Last time I heard from her was on my birthday in February and I received a short email that said something like: "I couldn't let this day pass by without wishing you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY." My thoughts were that I hoped she got some joy out of it because I didn't. I have made it very clear why I am upset with her and she chooses not to deal with it. Also a number of times in the past she stated she was ending the relationship and last time my father also stated this ... this time I have chosen not to let the relationship continue without resolution of the problems.
And bunny, thanks for your reply.
LM
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Here is something I just noticed about myself when these Mother type holidays, including Mom or Dad's birthday, come up. I want to do something, many times, that will really make that day special but often way stress myself out, doing it.
Often there is not a lot of support from the rest of the family...WHOA...I know that is a big surprise to all of you..hahahaha!! Well this year I really thought about that and the effect it has on me. Like why is it so do or die. Who am I trying to please here? Myself? My Mom?
This year my fantasy was to get the older nieces and nephews to help me clean out the existing river camp so it would be ready for enjoyment when Mom and Dad, went up there. I realized this was a huge longshot as the kids have a lot of other activites and I am sure cleaning is not on their minds.
I tried all week to not stress out about it and just say, hey if nobody comes I will do it myself. Well, surprise of surprise, the two older girls are going. I really feel blessed but still think I need to dissect why I must come up with these great ideas or at least how not to get so stresseed about it.
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Here would be a great backhanded message for a mother's day card a fellow child-of-an-Nmother thought of:
"Here's hoping you have a day that's just as special as you are!"
I just use a blank note and write in real big letters "happy mother's day" so I don't have to write much else.
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Well, I got my thank you for the MDay gift I sent. The response was better than usual as the gift was described as "interesting." I know what that means but it beats the heck out of, "Is this a joke?", "Is that all?" "You idiot, I don't need this" or "You keep it."
There certainly is a market for those plain Happy Mother's Day cards out there.
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Stormchild - loved your M's day card. :lol: Unfortunately I would not be able to suppress my 'sailor' language if I were to create Hellmark cards. :wink: I could get on a roll but I don't want to offend anybody. :shock:
Thank God I don't have to listen to what a wonderful mother my M was anymore! (Detachment does have it's payoffs.) I'd nod in nauseating agreement while remembering the open sores resulting from stress I'd try to hide from my teachers and schoolmates. They just don't make mother's day cards for those kinds of mothers.
Let's toast to the idiocracy of mother's day for those of us raised by N's!
La Chaim! (To Life)
Chutzbagirl :wink:
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Dear All,
Wow. this thread came at the right time. I spent an hour yesterday trying to find a sufficiently bland card. nMom's bday wasn't long ago, so it is back to back pain in my world. and M -day cards are SO painful to read...
Anyways... I found one. And wrote it quickly. but get this - on the b-day card I got the response "i could tell you struggled to write I love you on the card".. well, I guess I better use penmanship with more conviction!
to all you out there with nMoms - Lets take a page from chutzbagirl's book and do something for OURSELVES on mom's day... goodness knows we all deserve it!
--FG
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I love being a mother but have an N Mother. I often wonder having an N mother if I'm missing something important inside I should be doing for my Daughter.
I love my D so much and I know Im not an N so you do the best with what you do have.
I bought a M-Day card, I got lucky it was simple, "have a great day I love you". There are times I almost forget until the last minute to send her a card. I get so busy with my own life and then I stop to remember I still have a mother to send a card to and should feel blessed.
I have spent time looking through cards to find the ones that don't say things like" thank you for all your support", or you always show how much you love me or care about me. I'ts been mailed I sign it with love and nothing more. She has never been intrested in my life.
I will be spending time with my D, and SIL, BIL, and their kids.
not sure what we are doing but sure it will be fun.
OR
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To the poster with the idea about the N Mother's Day card company - try to get 'Hallmark' to start a special day for those abused and trampled upon by those that should have loved, cherished, nourished and adored them.
Let's start our own. We can call it "Hellmark".
Sample verse:
"To Mother, on your special day:
I'm glad that you are far away;
And just because you're such a pill,
I wish that you were farther still."
Remember - it's the thought that counts :twisted: :twisted:
I LOVE IT!!!!!
I live in a different country to my N mother precisely because I don't want much to do with her. I also think it's a great idea for 'survivors' of N parents to treat themselves on Mother's Day.
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I have spent time looking through cards to find the ones that don't say things like" thank you for all your support", or "you always show how much you love me or care about me."
Well, here's another thought... inspired by these quotes from the cards you saw, OR.
We can buy cards with really sappy sentiments in them, and ADD OUR OWN PUNCTUATION.
So:
"Dearest Mother, I will never forget the love and devotion you have shown me."
becomes:
"Dearest? Mother???? I will never forget the "love" and "devotion" you have shown me!!!!!!.
Who sez you can't improve on perfection? :P :P :P :P
"Hellmark - When you don't care at all, but have to send something to the beast."
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Stormy said:
"Hellmark - When you don't care at all, but have to send something to the beast."
:lol: You are the best!
mia
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Stormy,
"Hellmark - When you don't care at all, but have to send something to the beast."
You're killin' me. Please stop. I'm getting a stitch in my side. :lol: :lol: :lol:
I still keep going back to that 'because you're such a pill' post, kicking the tires, looking at it from different angles, wondering; "should I"?
Nah, I can't, but it sure would feel good watching it slide down the mail chute.
Have a good weekend all.
I suggest all the women here make sure they are treated nicely and sweetly this weekend. Even if you have to do it yourself and even if you aren't a mom. :wink:
Longtire, you and me are on our own. :?
mudpup
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That poem is hilarious! I have to read it to my husband - I am sure he will get a kick out of it :D
It has been a while since I have posted and I like to come back every once in a while and catch up. It being Mother's day is a perfect time to remind me how fortunate I am to have my son (16m) and I am also pregnant with #2. Yesterday, I decided to start a new tradition on Mothers Day. I went out and bought him a Bond. I figure that I wouldn't be a mom if it werent for him and I am spending the $$ I would normally spend buying my mom a gift on the real love of my life!
Happy Mothers day to all the good moms out there!!
Angry Girl
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Stormy, and all others inspired to get the HELLMARK cards in print
I wonder how many other's find looking for that special card not always so easy. I think there are lots more out there who would like your Idea to be worth lots of money, that would make the N's really mad. :twisted:
AGirl, I like your idea to buy your 16m old a bond in the name of Mother's Day, it's a nice thought.
OR
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wow, don't read a thread for a few days....
Stormy, you poetry rivals Mud's prose.....absolutely hilarious. Have you seen "bitch wipes" or "wipe away your sins" ....these handiwipe type things exist and are loaded with ironic commentary on the packaging....I think Stormy, you could jump on quite the gravy train here!
I probably shouldn't speak out of turn here, I love my mom, and she did a great job.
But right now, I'm completely unsure as to what to send my mom for mother's day. I could call (and I will) but she doesn't do well with the phone. She is not particularly "with us" very often and frankly, no one expects her to hang in there much longer. She has a million kids, and now mixes us up, and from what I hear, the sheer numbers gets her confused and exhausted (well, that and her terminal condition).
I think I will send a love letter over email anyway, and my sister can read it to her, if she is consious. I know my mom had N tendencies, but luckily for all of us, my dad was her balance...so she was pretty much what all of you must have missed in the mommy department.
I am sorry for all of you who missed out, but it sounds like you are all great people now....so that "bad" influence, is just a nice little lump in your batter....and part of what made you so wonderful, hard as that is to imagine.
Anna: your ability to see what is good in this life amazes me....and it IS what will prevail. Your daughter knows.....she knows......
Keep our heads down, our focus keen, and keep forging ahead and smelling what flowers we can on this hard road.....
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Dear Mother
I would like to thank you for the following:
Most importantly, your 'silent treatment' - I first remember it at age 4 and every juncture in my 41 year old life since then. Thanks for not talking to me when I was a loving, kind, good and needy child. Thanks for removing your communication from me when I was a good adult daughter. Thanks for not talking to me since Christmas because of a 'perceived' slight.
You must be VERY SPECIAL to not talk to a four year old for two weeks.
Thanks for telling me that I had blighted your life, that you wish you had never had me, thanks for telling me every day of my childhood that I was evil, 'twisted' and bad.
Thanks for beating the sh*t out of me when I was nine for talking to my Dad. He'd driven past our house and I missed him.............. He stopped, we talked.
Thanks for the bamboo, the wooden coat hangers, the fists, the open palmed slaps in the face.
God, I could have dealt with the violence EASILY, but not the psychological torture.
Thanks for nullifying me, especially with your guilt trips. Thanks for attempting to set myself and my three sisters against each other - incidentally, it didn't work.
Most of all, Thanks for the illusion that we were the perfect middle-class household. Yes, we were fed, beautifully dressed, sent to piano / dancing / elocution.
Thank you so much and here is a poem I wrote for you:
You hated me the night you conceived me.
You hated me as I lay inside you longing to be born,
To see your face, your smile,
to feel your touch, your love,
and you have hated me ever since.
I loved you, in innocence, while you hated me.
You taught me about your goodness
as you carved the bad on my soul.
My presence pained your being –
my smile, my love, my joy.
You hated me because you hated him.
Time has fed and spread its’ seep.
Oozing, toxic and contagious.
It is all.
Thank you for hating me.
Outcast, outside, empty, bad and dead.
“The wheel has come full circle…”
I dug in the grave of what you’d left
and found an atom of life.
I embraced, nurtured, loved and rejoiced in it
As it grew like a sunny child.
I found my voice in the wilderness of lies,
fought it, feared it yet listened to its’
wistful little whisper.
Then love broke through that small girl with freckles,
And grew with her.
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Serena, your writing is so beautiful. Your ability to communicate your struggle and transformation is truly moving. Thank you.
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Serena, your writing is so beautiful. Your ability to communicate your struggle and transformation is truly moving. Thank you.
Thank you very much, it's called The Wheel and I wrote it about two years ago.
It resonates with me A LOT.
Incidentally, I love this site, I don't post a lot but I read it every single day of my life.
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I wanted to report a Happy Mothers Day event for a non Mother----me. Wonder of wonders, the two older nieces actually went with me to clean up the old river trailer today. They didnt have to be bribed or nagged. I dont know what force of nature got them there but it was great fun and warmed this aunts heart thoroughly.
Maybe I wanted this more for me than Mom. That might be an ah ha!! Maybe it is just the wonder of teenagers. They wont go to the Art Museum with me but will clean out a bug and mouse infested 35 year old trailer. Go figure!!
We started out in the early morning, especially early for teenagers. We drove to the country, stopped at the local truck stop for food and got the job done. They even wanted to look for arrowheads in the field, which they never want to do. I let them practice driving my car in the field, too.
It must be my Mother's Day present and I am very thankful for this happy family experience. Another lesson for me is I tried during the week to let it go and not put pressure on them or their Mom to make this happen.A lessson I could practice more often. I decided I would go by myself, unresentful, if nobody else wanted to.
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Yea Bliz :::::applause:::::
Serena, that is an incredibly moving piece you shared with us. I am glad Serena is your screen name... it speaks of incredibly moving peace, given what you have lived through.
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Yea Bliz :::::applause:::::
Serena, that is an incredibly moving piece you shared with us. I am glad Serena is your screen name... it speaks of incredibly moving peace, given what you have lived through.
Serena is not obviously my name, but the one I choose to post here.
I picked it because I am 'at peace' with myself. This has taken many, many years of therapy to get to the place I am at now.
Thank you for your kindness.
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Thanks Stormchild.
It helps to share a happy experience for a change.
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Bliz and Serena,
Wow bliz, sounds like a great mother's day gift for you.
Its really neat when teens can drop the cool 'attitude' for awhile and just enjoy life, huh? Maybe they're growing out of it?
Hope you can keep growing healthy relationships with them and give them another (one?) good role model in their lives. :wink:
Serena,
You are a real testament to the power of the human spirit, to grow into that little freckle faced girl, with your own mother trying to destroy you. I hope you might choose to post more. You spin a lyrical threnody (think thats the word) and I'll bet you could really comfort some of the poor souls who have been through the same fire as you, if you used your gift.
Hope you make Mother's day your day. :D :D
mudpup
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Serena, Your mother is a monster. I'm glad she was unable to destroy that precious little girl/woman.
Bliz, I hope so much that my niece will still like me when she's a teenager. It's wonderful that you had such a great day with your nieces.
bunny
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I haven't posted in a while, but I came out of lurk mode to say I love this thread! :D
I celebrated an early Mothers Day yesterday with my kids, my husband and my mother-in-law. It was a REALLY nice day. Then I came home to find a card in the mail from my Nmom... no mention of a 'Happy Mothers Day'-- of course! Even though two of her daughters are mothers themselves, she never does anything for us on that day. It's as though she is the only mother in the family that should be celebrated. Absolute narcissism. Bleh.
Ok, enough complaining...I'm off to call my sister and wish her a happy Mothers Day!
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To Bunny,
People here have helped me a lot to understand the nieces as they get older. I think if you stay in touch with them throughout they will still like to hang with you as much as teenagers like to hang with any adults. I blame myself a little as I was not as active when involved with the nbeau as we were traveling alot.
I also realized that I needed to change. they were not kids anymore and I had to find a new ways to relate to them. Not like it is all sewn up and we are riding into the sunset but it sure was great to have them back for a day or two.
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To Serena:
Thanks for posting and letting us know you are there with us though mostly silent. I've thought of you several times since you visited us, and wish you well.
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OR - thanks about the bond :) I have decided that every mother's day I will do this for my children:D
AngryGirl
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Serena - beautiful! You somehow put the exact words I was looking for into your post.
It is so nice to know I'm not the only one.
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To Serena:
Thanks for posting and letting us know you are there with us though mostly silent. I've thought of you several times since you visited us, and wish you well.
Thank you so much for those words Stormchild. Even though I don't post much, I visit every single day and draw strength from you all.
I will post more from now on. I love it here.
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I will post more from now on. I love it here.
It will be great to have you posting more often! Welcome! :D :D :D