Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: astrofemme on May 07, 2005, 12:22:22 AM
-
I'm pondering what I can do to get rid of the empty feeling. Is there any one thing that really started the ball rolling for anyone? The thought of therapy actually depresses me. It gives me flashbacks and bad feelings because I went to therapy with the N for awhile before it was all over and just the thought of it makes me shudder.
I'm thinking maybe volunteer work could do it. I think I need to do something to shake myself up. Somedays it seems like it'd be too easy to just slide into oblivion.
The worst thing about the narcissist for me was how easy it was for him to make me feel like I was of no consequence, like I was a nonentity. He could do it without effort. He was a master at that. It was actually better during the times he would rage. At least I was worth a rage. Does this make sense?
Goodness. I just realized that in the short run he seemed much better than my Nmother but in the long run, he was probably worse--more damaging. When she was a raving lunatic, I could see that she was...well a lunatic. I knew something was wrong with her. He was more subdued and sneakier and everybody loved him. He was harder on my self esteem because he gave me self doubt and I was treated like I wasn't even there a lot. When you get raged at, you're there. I never really thought about this before.
-
I'm pondering what I can do to get rid of the empty feeling. Is there any one thing that really started the ball rolling for anyone?
volunteering somewhere was definitely the first thing that came to my mind. i volunteer every week, and i always feel better afterwards.
i help at my daughters old preschool... the teacher there is very overworked, she works 12 hour days, she does everything herself, she is in her 60's, and i go by friday afternoons to do dishes, clean up, vacuum, and help with the kids in different ways. i dont kill myself or get stressed, just put a little extra energy toward taking some things off her hands. when i can do those dishes or take some menial task off her hands and she is able to do something extra fun with the kids, that feels really good.
recently i helped her catch up on 4 years of back taxes! that was a very big job and i felt very proud when we finished it. it let me prove to myself i can stick with a long, difficult job and complete it, which the n's in my life would never ever let me believe. but i did it, so screw them.
one thing i learned from the classes i took to work with the kids, is that children learn 'mastery' by attempting and completing tasks. you try something, you do it, your confidence increases. thats how people learn. many of us were denied that as children, we dont feel 'mastery' in our lives, but you can still cultivate it by attempting things, completing them, and your confidence will increase, even as an adult.
also my particular 'issue' is that my daughter was taken away..(-by- the n's in my life) and i was accused of being a 'bad mother' which isnt true but its still very painful and VERY empty....... so i can show myself every week in a real way that im perfectly competent with children, that the kids love me, that the teacher trusts me, and im very competent and normal and capable. so its healing on lots of levels. its nice to find something to do that addresses the issue that you have, whatever it is.
i think your right about the sneaky n's being worse.. -much- worse.
i also like taking care of my animals. i rescue animals that are injured and i like doing that. (just small animals, nothing excessive) i also do political and advocacy work for abused women.... women call me and talk to me about how things are awful for them, and i can be helpful to them instead of feeling like crap. so being involved in all that stuff is very healing for me in terms of addressing the 'emptiness' thing. i dont stress over any of that though - i only do it to the extent my health allows. if it stresses me at all, i cut back.
those are some feelings from me about it.
take care,
Anna
-
I'm sorry you are feeling so empty. Depression and grief are hard to navigate. :(
The good news is you survived and are currently N free - am I correct? Therefore, you have a wonderful opportunity to heal and move on to a fulfilling life. I have found the pain and emptiness during the healing process to be overwhelming at times. But, I know I'm worth it. I want to give to those I love - I can't give what I don't have. So, I am in therapy and Al Anon. I am grateful for all the resources and knowledge available to us.
I wish you the very best and hope you will take good care of yourself. The feelings are tough, but they won't hurt you; they just let you know how much you've been hurt in the past. The truth sets us free - but first it can really tick us off!
Best wishes,
Chutzbagirl
-
astrofemme,
I have to strongly agree about the sneaky vs. outwardly abusive N. My N father and first N husband (I definitely married my father that time) were easily identified controlling a$$holes. When I married my second H I thought I had married the opposite of my father and first H. But after 22 years I found out that he was worse than the other two combined, but he just hid it behind a mask of charm. There is no preparation for finding out that you were living a lie and nothing was as it seemed.
I appreciate your discomfort with going into therapy, but I cannot emphasize enough how much you could ultimately gain from it (if you have a good one). As much as all the activities like volunteering, being creative, being involved with your children, becoming more involved with your church, or whatever, can have a healing affect and make you feel more peaceful, it will not provide the lifelong healing and awareness that good therapy can IMO. I am learning that it is hard work, very sad, and one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, but I believe necessary to get to the root of my deeply buried pain.
That feeling of emptiness is pretty common to anyone who's endured the kind of loss that you have. It is a grieving process that you must see through from start to finish. Give yourself time to go through the steps (advice I could well benefit from myself) and know that it does get better with the passage of time. There are always bumps in the road and you occasionally drop into the potholes that you thought were repaired for good. But the road becomes smoother and smoother as you go and the goal is to not get stuck in the pothole and continue to spin your wheels, but power up and get back to the smooth road once again.
I'll keep you in my prayers that the days will get brighter.
((((((((astrofemme))))))))
Brigid
-
Hi astrofemme,
The thought of therapy depresses most people. It's not difficult to find reasons to put it off. But it can help a great deal to have a supportive therapist. Especially to get gentle, kind reality checks about one's true worth and value. It helps to diminish the N's brainwashing.
It's not uncommon for someone to feel valued when their partner abuses them; look at the powerful feelings the abuser expresses. Obviously they must care a great deal or they wouldn't get so enraged. They might even be extremely dependent to be so controlling!
My suggestion for what it's worth is to have a schedule of things to do in the evening, even if it's laundry, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, watching TV shows. It helps to have a structure. The empty feeling is partially about old habits that are gone. So if you start some new habits it will help imo.
bunny
-
I just don't know what the heck is the matter with me. Maybe it is something physical.
Anna, I am so sorry for you in your situation with your daughter. Sometimes I feel ashamed for feeling so rotten when others have endured so much worse.
Chutzpahgirl, I am N-free, well, ex-husband N free. I still have the N mother who is a drain.
Brigid, the thought of marrying a 2nd N husband scares the heck out of me. I thought when I married mine he was the opposite of my mother and father as well. He was simply stealthy. I do feel very much that I was living a lie for 30 years. 30 years. It seems incredible. I'm not sure I know who I am or what I enjoy anymore.
Bunny, you're suggestion about a schedule makes a lot of sense to me. I think I need to implement one.
I just need to force myself to take action, kick myself in the butt and get it in gear again. I'm hoping the summer will get me jumpstarted. Thanks for your kind responses.
-
Astrofemme, I just wanted to say thanks. With all you are feeling, and dealing with, you took time to post messages of care and support to me regarding my kittycat. She is grateful, and so am I. Very much.
hugs and purrs
Stormy and Sophie [and Sandy, who wants to be in on everything]
-
astrofemme,
I agree that the covert N's can be more damaging, both because it is harder for you to spot, as harder to get support from others. I strongly agree with others that therapy for YOU is a good thing. Definitely see someone different than you saw with the N. No need to re-traumatize yourself by seeing the same person.
You talk about feeling empty. What would you like to be feeling? What does full (non-empty feel like for you? My suggestion is to feel that empty feeling until you accept it. Sometimes distraction through volunteering, keeping busy can be helpful. With me, it can turn into just another way to avoid my feelings, so I have to make sure that I have time to just sit and feel my feelings, no matter how unpleasant. Welcome those feelings in if you can. When you are able to accept them, then you'll begin to understand what they mean and where they come from in your life. If you are not at a place in your life where you are not ready to do that, then that's OK too.
-
Stormchild, thank YOU for thinking of me with all you are going through.
Longtire, it's the darnedest thing. A lot of days I can't figure out what I'd like to be feeling or what I enjoy anymore and I'm not sure just what I am feeling. It seems like nothing although feeling nothing starts to make me feel miserable--if that makes any kind of sense. I feel like I should be moving forward and I'm stuck. I'm spinning my wheels.
I think I need to force myself to get busy. I've always felt like being busy keeps you from thinking and feeling what you need to but maybe there is a time for busyness. If I volunteer for something maybe I will feel purposeful.
I am more and more thinking of scheduling an appointment. I liked the therapist, she has all the history and she has two offices. Maybe I'll go to the other office to avoid those trauma feelings.
-
Thanks for posting re Sophie, astrofemme... it helps.
Quick thought: take care of yourself first.
It is very easy to find yourself being taken advantage of in a volunteer situation. Ns train us to be caregivers and to 'volunteer' to supply them.
Be careful about committing more time, energy, resources than you can comfortably give, and if you find yourself being pressured and guilt-tripped into overextending yourself, get out ASAP.
Most importantly, do something you really want to do.
Gonna go back to the bedroom now, I've been poking food and water under the bed to Sophie all day. The good news is, she's eating and drinking. The bad news is, she hasn't come out yet.
-
I just don't know what the heck is the matter with me. Maybe it is something physical.
Anna, I am so sorry for you in your situation with your daughter. Sometimes I feel ashamed for feeling so rotten when others have endured so much worse.
eek, that wasnt the point! thanks for saying that though.. but, you feeling worse at all definitely wasnt the point! > also, maybe it -is- something physical.. maybe you are hovering on the edge of a depression. it can happen. if you feel it might help, im glad you are thinking of looking in to therapy also...
Longtire, it's the darnedest thing. A lot of days I can't figure out what I'd like to be feeling or what I enjoy anymore and I'm not sure just what I am feeling. It seems like nothing although feeling nothing starts to make me feel miserable--if that makes any kind of sense. I feel like I should be moving forward and I'm stuck. I'm spinning my wheels.
I think I need to force myself to get busy. I've always felt like being busy keeps you from thinking and feeling what you need to but maybe there is a time for busyness. If I volunteer for something maybe I will feel purposeful.
I am more and more thinking of scheduling an appointment. I liked the therapist, she has all the history and she has two offices. Maybe I'll go to the other office to avoid those trauma feelings.
i think i should clarify what i wrote before: if you have issues of a certain depth, you may have to go to therapy to really address them.... if you liked her, and you can go to another office, maybe it would be a healthy thing to do. or maybe, she can suggest someone different. with certain problems - definitely nothing will replace some good therapy. (objective viewpoint, etc) it took me several years of therapy -before- it was suggested to me to start volunteering, which i did as -part- of my therapy.
also, volunteering is NOT about distracting oneself from negative feelings. its about creating something in your life that -gives- you postive feelings. theres a difference. before those years of therapy, and meds, and all that, i couldnt have thought about doing volunteering, i was myelf too damaged/wounded for it to have done any good. after a certain amount of therapy, something like volunteering was suggested as an adjunct to my therapy, becuase i tend to isolate and be agoraphobic and they wanted me to get out of the house and get involved in life.
i do -not- volunteer to distract myself. (i dont have the energy, believe me) i do it to create positive feelings in my life and get out of the house.
in other words - if i sit home all day being depressed, by evening im depressed. if i go somewhere and be useful and have fun, i drive home feeling satisfied, fulfilled, and happy. feelings are -real- and change your biochemistry, and creating them for yourself can change your mood and your reality in a very real way.
but, you have to be healthy enough to benefit from it first.
ok, thats what i meant!!!! astromfemme you are very kind; hope things get better soon.
A.
-
Astrofemme,
I have to agree with Longtire to a degree that, as much as volunteering is a wonderful thing and can bring great joy and satisfaction to your life, at the point you are it may be more of a distraction to healing than a companion to healing.
I have been the consumate volunteer for the last 20+ years. Chairing large committees, president of the PTA, starting very large fundraising projects, etc., etc. I did it when I thought my life was full and complete and I was in a position emotionally to give back whatever I could to my kid's schools and my community. I have purposely pulled back from doing anything but some simple, limited tasks since the divorce started because I knew that it would only be a distraction to my grief process and keep me from dealing with my issues. That is not to say that I haven't found other things to distract me from dealing with the reality of the situation, but I am trying hard to focus on getting myself healthy so I can once again be available for all the right reasons.
As I said in an earlier post, therapy is your best option right now. Work on healing you on the inside so the outside can project a positive healthy image. Try as I might, there is no getting around facing the grief, pain, rejection, loss of love, loss of family, lonliness, and emptiness that I feel and you are now feeling. You need to walk that long, dark tunnel with faith that you will come out into the light on the other end.
I was never a religious person, but I have learned through this experience, that faith and God's love can be a powerful healer. There are no atheists in foxholes and we are surviving the war of our lives. I have faith that you will get through this, but try to take the time to deal with your pain rather than filling your time to avoid it. Just my 2 cents.
Blessings,
Brigid
-
Hi astrofemme,
Sometimes it helps to make a list of things you like/don't like. Basic things like foods, colors, movies, clothes, TV shows, anything. This helps you get your identity back. Another fun thing is to make a collage with any magazine pictures that appeal to you. Don't think too much, just cut out pictures and glue-stick them on paper. The collage will give you a message about yourself.
bunny
-
Goodness. I just realized that in the short run he seemed much better than my Nmother but in the long run, he was probably worse--more damaging. When she was a raving lunatic, I could see that she was...well a lunatic. I knew something was wrong with her. He was more subdued and sneakier and everybody loved him. He was harder on my self esteem because he gave me self doubt and I was treated like I wasn't even there a lot. When you get raged at, you're there. I never really thought about this before.
It sounds like you had some light bulbs turn on as you wrote about your feelings. I have found writing to be incredibly healing. When I experience any strong feelings, regardless of the time of day, I rush to write them exactly as they occur. Most often, I am usually surprised at the direction and depth of my thoughts and feelings. I learn more about myself than thinking allows. I find the actual exercise of writing opens my unconscious thoughts for my conscious awareness and consideration, at that time.
It is critically important to write honestly, openly, and from the depths of your heart...with care only given to your truth. Write for yourself as if no one else will ever read it. When I write like this, I go back and re-read my notes the next day, often with a "wow--how did that go there, or did I write that, or I didn't realize that, or that's interesting?" I almost always feel some sort of release and comfort from "revelations on paper". Remember, write exactly your truth and let yourself be open-minded and gentle, or not. By the way, I find it helpful to consider a positive spin, or lesson, as I close my thoughts. It helps redirect me...even when it's hard.
Your post sounded as though writing maybe could help ...at the very least, it may help you to learn more about yourself.
And by the way, I love the idea of volunteering...as long as you have passion about your cause.
I hope you might consider writing and see how you feel. It takes a little time to become really comfortable but it continues to get better. It could soon become a great friend to you. Best to you,
BJ
-
I'm pondering what I can do to get rid of the empty feeling. Is there any one thing that really started the ball rolling for anyone? The thought of therapy actually depresses me. It gives me flashbacks and bad feelings because I went to therapy with the N for awhile before it was all over and just the thought of it makes me shudder.
I'm thinking maybe volunteer work could do it. I think I need to do something to shake myself up. Somedays it seems like it'd be too easy to just slide into oblivion.
The worst thing about the narcissist for me was how easy it was for him to make me feel like I was of no consequence, like I was a nonentity. He could do it without effort. He was a master at that. It was actually better during the times he would rage. At least I was worth a rage. Does this make sense?
Goodness. I just realized that in the short run he seemed much better than my Nmother but in the long run, he was probably worse--more damaging. When she was a raving lunatic, I could see that she was...well a lunatic. I knew something was wrong with her. He was more subdued and sneakier and everybody loved him. He was harder on my self esteem because he gave me self doubt and I was treated like I wasn't even there a lot. When you get raged at, you're there. I never really thought about this before.
-
Hi astrofemme,
This is a very interesting thread, thank you for starting it.
Re therapy - it sounds like you already have a good therapist available, so that could be a worthwhile route for you. Bad therapists, obviously, are mich worse than nothing, and there are plenty of them out there. But, therapy is going to churn up a lot of very painful feelings. I wonder if you're feeling up to that at the moment?
Volunteering can be great (I've done plenty) but I so agree with the comments about taking care of yourself if you go down that route, to avoid being exploited.
I'm wondering if just 'taking care of yourself' is the key thing here right now? You sound low and exhausted, and no wonder. Maybe just lots of sleep, sunshine, books you love if you feel like reading, music you like, fun TV or films, good food, vitamins? You deserve to take care of yourself and recover from the trauma. A routine, and getting out of the house to meet people in some context, could all be part of looking after yourself.
However you choose, I wish you peace and happiness.
-
Oh my gosh, I'm thrilled with all this good feedback! And just at the right time as well. I'm not sure where to begin.
To everyone who gave me feedback about volunteering, you all gave some really good advice. I was thinking volunteer work could make me feel useful because right now I'm thinking, what's the point? I do have a program I'm very interested in (had plans to sign up before the divorce) but have been having some anxiety that I would not be able to put into the program what I need to put in right now, and I absolutely could not let anyone down. Perhaps it would be best to wait awhile longer.
D's Mom, I didn't mean to make you feel the way you did. I have always, always compared my situation to what others are going through as a coping mechanism. I really frustrated the therapist by comparing everything I've gone through to the holocaust. I always figured if other people were suffering worse, I could get through what was happening with me. That's probably something I still need to work on. :) Actually, it makes me laugh a little because everytime she tried to point something out, I'd say "but it's not like the holocaust" and I could just see and hear the frustration. Intellectually I guess I know better but I can't seem to kick the programming. I tend to isolate as well. I know I could end up a hermit and I will have to force myself out.
BJ, writing does help but you've helped me to realize, it seems to be more constructive when I do it here. I have pages and pages I've written when I'm feeling bad but it's mostly #@*@&# blankety blankety so n so N Ex husband! I have to be more coherent for this site and that led me into some good realizations. Now, how do I do this without boring people on numerous web sites? Perhaps pretend I'm writing to you all in my journal.
Bunny, I like the list idea. I will try it. Maybe the original me will come out from under.
Brigid and Nightsong, you are right. Getting healthy and taking care of myself is the first place to start. I need to regain energy before I can even put any plans into action. Vitamins do help and I need to make sure I take them every day--I've been a slacker. Sunshine and exercise help as well.
Thank you all for your feedback. I've certainly got much more help here than from family and friends but then you all know how it is.
(And Stormchild, eating is the best news of all! Even if she's still under the bed.)
-
((((((((((Astrofemme feeding the kitty in the corner behind the chair, back then))))))))))
((((((((((Astrofemme feeling lonely and sad, right now))))))))))
-
Astrofemme...
I read your post and completely sympathized both with your writing and the wisdom of our peers here....
i felt like adding my 2 cents. It is just my own experience - so do with it what you like...
I started volunteering recently at a local animal shelter. I never volunteered before (and indeed, can see the pitfalls that were described by others in this thread)... Since you seem to be an animal lover, like me... I thought I would mention this avenue. I cannot have a pet at this time, but going and hugging some doggies and kitties once a week for a few hours brings me great joy. its a low-overhead commitment, since there's no homework. and, I feel a tremendous sense of joy, hugging those lovely creatures and helping to place them with good homes.
I guess my point is that there are a few ways to volunteer and really not have to commit much emotional effort - but rather just recieve back affection from G-ds furry friends. After my visits, I always feel so happy (and muddy, and covered in paw prints)...
Just a thought....
--FG
-
FG, I have thought about this one. I do love animals. I'm thinking many of us children of narcissists do as it may have been the only place we could find love.
It would have to be a no-kill shelter. It would absolutely crush me to volunteer at the other kind.
-
I was thinking volunteer work could make me feel useful because right now I'm thinking, what's the point? I do have a program I'm very interested in (had plans to sign up before the divorce) but have been having some anxiety that I would not be able to put into the program what I need to put in right now, and I absolutely could not let anyone down. Perhaps it would be best to wait awhile longer.
hey, you are smart to recognise that. this would really actually be for 'you' at this point........ its really actually therapeutic for -you- right now......... so, taking on more than you can say to 'no' to, could easily be counterproductive...
I have always, always compared my situation to what others are going through as a coping mechanism. I really frustrated the therapist by comparing everything I've gone through to the holocaust. I always figured if other people were suffering worse, I could get through what was happening with me.
hmmm.... you know, i do that too..... never mentioned it to any therapist though..:} the thing being, if people have survived worse, then i know that i have it within me somewhere, to survive 'this' whatever it is... i think a lot about the holocaust actually, and also people who survived slavery. humans have survived much worse... so that means we have it within us, to do it, if we need to. i actually think thats a pretty useful way to look at things..
but the thing is.. you cant use it as an excuse to minimise what you are going thru.. i think thats where it gets to be un-useful....
i dont like to see people minimising their pain... if something hurts.... it hurts!!!!
I have pages and pages I've written when I'm feeling bad but it's mostly #@*@&# blankety blankety so n so N Ex husband! I have to be more coherent for this site and that led me into some good realizations. Now, how do I do this without boring people on numerous web sites? Perhaps pretend I'm writing to you all in my journal.
you know this has also been a problem for me.! i have so many journals written to myself but eventually you want to COMMUNICATE. with other humans. also, i have never yet been bored by anything ive read here, although people often accuse themselves of rambling or self pity or all different things. i have frequently thought these people were much more critical of themselves than i was of them. ..... i dont like to see people be hard on themselves or impatient with themselves, we get enough of that in real life!.
Bunny, I like the list idea. I will try it. Maybe the original me will come out from under.
Brigid and Nightsong, you are right. Getting healthy and taking care of myself is the first place to start. I need to regain energy before I can even put any plans into action. Vitamins do help and I need to make sure I take them every day--I've been a slacker. Sunshine and exercise help as well.
hope you find things to perk you up and feel healthier :} ..
take care
anna (d's mom)
-
Astrofemme,
I certainly understand. The idea of working at a kill shelter was completely horrid to me. however, I have started working for the ASPCA shelter in my city (the ones associated with Animal Cops - the cruelty cops). That shelter, by definition, has to put down the violent animals that have been treated so badly that they can no longer be trusted in the presence of people. Its tragic - but in order to save those that can have a better life, they have to accept all pets.
It does have a policy, however, to never put down animals that are adoptable. They have had cats there for years. They will send pets to more high-demand locations (big cities tend to have more demand for small dogs, and big dogs find better homes in the country) - but they will not put down any adoptable pet.
Anyways - just to share my newfound experience. And yes, Astrofemme - it is amazing how these beautiful creatures bestow upon you that affection ... I crave it. (and there's a precious pitbull who is so generous with it! I hope he finds a home!) It may well be the highlight of my week!
--FlowerGirl
-
With my great love and connection to animals I have always been told that I should volunteer at the local shelter. However, I have always been very afraid to do that for fear of seeing and hearing the stories of abused and neglected animals. I have such a high sensitivity to animal abuse that I totally avoid coming in contact with it, even in books or movies, as it will eat away at me for days or weeks. I've never been able to explain this sensitivity. I love children just as much as animals, but I can hear and process stories of abuse, feel great sadness, but not absorb them into my gut where they sit for some time. Does that make any sense?
Astrofemme,
I hope things are getting better and you're finding some peace from the emptiness, or at least beginning to see a way to get there.
Brigid
-
I wonder if this is something a lot of us have in common and has to do with growing up in a love-impoverished environment? I am very sensitive to those animal abuse stories as well. I tell people that I don't want to hear about them.
The stories about people being abused are terribly upsetting but the animal ones bother me even more as well. I think it has something to do with their complete innocence and trust and the fact that they are a different species but yet they still love and trust us. It amazes me!
For me it also has to do with my N mother caring not one bit for the life of my pets. My mother once turned her back on a kitten out alone at night in a park in a blizzard with no one nearby. How could anyone do that? That's how cold she is. Even the ex-N wouldn't do that.
This also brings up another thing that happened to me that I can't hardly stand to ever mention. During the worst of the problems with the ex-N, I hit a deer early one morning driving into work. It was very traumatizing for me and the ex-N yelled at me for being upset about it.
Sad animal stories really, really trouble me. This makes me sad.
-
Hi Astrofemme:
I think the sad, sad feelings re. animals suffering/abused etc, that you experience....show how big your heart is. It opens very wide to the most helpless/innocent creatures in the world. Don't kid yourself......if there were a child who you saw in such a situation.....you would do all you could to help, I'm sure. You have a big heart !!! :D
It's also, as you say, probably related to your own childhood traumas involving pets/animals/parents attitude toward. This was something you could easily do differently than them, maybe? Have a deep appreciation and empathy for poor, distressed animals? It certainly shows how different you are from that parent, who would leave a wee kitty out in the cold, night, alone to suffer. :x You are kind, not cruel...selfless..not selfish....like them.
And hitting the deer!! Oh I'm so sorry Astrofemme! Ofcourse it was an accident! You would never do such a thing on purpose! How dare your ex-N yell at you for being upset!! What a totally oblivious, inconsiderate, hurtful, cruel, nasty, rotten thing to do to you!! :twisted: :twisted:
((((((((((((Astrofemme))))))))))))
I'm so glad he's your ex.......N. Sending you warm wishes and hoping things will get better for you real quick. Look after you, as has been suggested....is best for now. May this cloud lift so you will see nothing but clear, blue sky!! I will keep you in my prayers..
GFN
-
Hi Animal-loving friends...
I have to say, my father loved animals, but my nMom and sis can't stand them. I think I might actually be addicted to animals. It sounds silly, but I do so love hugging a nice happy dog. There's something so positive about it - i genuinely feel like they want to see me!
i also feel like it takes so little to please them. A pat on the head. some Peanut butter. they just love these little things. After working so hard all my life to please my nMom and never achieving it, getting a playful kiss from a puppy in excange for rub on the tummy is SO gratifying!
My nMom used to say horrible things about my love of animals. Things that come back to me whenever I spend time with them. She'd say that petting a cat (we had one at the time) was basically like masterbation (which was obviously evil). I remember thinking - huh? I must have been 10.
Still, I absolutely love animals. To all you out there (especially stormy) with lovely furry friends at home, send them my warmest hugs. I dont get to see any until saturday (but I can't wait!)
--FlowerGirl