Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: write on June 21, 2005, 11:58:13 PM
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I have absolutely no advice for you.....save this. If you're using sex to find a life partner.....stop! If you find yourself being talked into bed on meating a guy for the first or second time, walk away. Re define your goals and remove 'screw me' from your forehead Sounds harsh, but the more desperate a girl gets, the more obvious and easy to take advantage of her it becomes!
Take up rambling and join a group......doing something completely different to what you normally do......and keep your knees together
I'm quoting from Resolution in another thread, 'cos it got me thinking about this.
Do you think a one night stand is always an unhealthy experience?
I am definitely not up for a big relationship for a while, but sometimes I want to have sex...and I'd choose a brief fling or one-night stand over a half-assed relationship any day!
I think so long as you're not fooling yourself that it's any more than it is ( and it's safe sex ) I don't have a problem with it.
What do other people think?
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Interesting topic, Write.
I have had my share, in my day, and I cannot say that it was healthy in any way for me. Perhaps it fed my ego, to be noticed, powerful in a sexual way....but egos are never satisfied.
Just that I did that, for me, was indicative of the very unhealthy place I was in. I look back on it with sadness and regret...but that's just me. Live and learn, though, it's not like I stress over it now, I just realize what it all meant.
I really don't believe there is such a thing as sex without emotion....and if there is, I don't want to be a part of such sadness. I was married and having sex without love.....and that was damaging enough for me to know.....
mum
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Hi Write, Here is a plan -I am in Australia 'down under' and I have no plans for tonight. You wanna take my testesterone for a test drive ?
Maybe a little cyber sex ? But would you respect me tomorrow ??
John.
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Hi write,
I liked your post. Very earthy. I've a close friend who I was discussing this exact topic with on the weekend. She's a single mum for 8 years and she loves it. She got divorced and loves being free with her kids after loosing herself in 4 years married to an alcoholic gambling addicted-to-prostitutes husband. She tried having boyfriends but it affected her life with her youngish children because she found the men to be a bit demanding and kind of jealous of her relationship with her children. Plus her ex would get hostile and sort of try to interfere and mess things up if she arranged to go out. So now she is having and testing a few (safe-sex) one-night-stands on weekends away from home, and is finding it quite satisfying liberating after being owned for years by a man who totally abused her. Ad that she is also a very 'christian' woman. Honest, caring and kind. She's become self-employed over the years and is quite financially independent. This is all new for her. And she told me she likes it at the moment because she feels in control of her life for the first time in her life. She's happy and doesn't want a permanent relationship because she wants her children to not be worried about having to deal with a step-father at this stage. She has her weekends free becuase they still go their father so she has her one-night-stands on the weekend. Even though I was initially surprised, I found myself encouraging her because she is so happy with her new life. She has her principals and makes sure the one-night-stands are single men and from within her 'girlfriends' network and kind of 'known commodities'. Not strangers, as in dangerous psychos. So I'm thinking about her, "Hey, why not"! She is enjoying the experience. And who are they harming? I can see that, as she said, she's beginning to feel alive and attractive again after being married to man who made he feel so very ugly and unssatisfying. He always justified spending their money on prostitutes. He complained that one woman could never satisfy him. "All men crave variety". Also, he needed prostitutes because he was in the army and he 'had to'.
There you go. That's my input to the discussion.
Guest for today
PS - Jophil - 'R-e-a-l-l-y, YUK! '.
Dear John,
You and your testosterone just wouldn't do it for me. What do you say write? He's all yours. :D :D
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:lol: Actually I thought that I'd receive a 'shit storm' of critisism for writing what I did! Perhaps it would be because I was being a tad too direct it what I wrote, but honest! Anyways, chicken has yet to comment....even in disgust at me :shock:, so I won't speculate further on her issue until she has.
I was somewhat suprised to learn that 'Write' had picked up upon what I wrote and started this thread. As I wrote above, I thought everyone would slam me for it, even if I think it's today's real world. Forget the morals of what our forefathers have brainwashed us into believing....today's reality is far different!
Once upon a time and not so long ago, we men were being castigated for drinking and generally whoring around, bed hopping! We did so because we could. An ever growing band of available girls allowed us to do so. But then was all about the male woolf seeking out the few, but vulnerable sheep (innocient girls with a few too many beers inside them). Today things have become reversed and intertwinned so much, it's hard to see who's driving the situation.
Women are far more liberated and on mass, have adopted what was previously the male domain. It's ironic that having once critisised us so much, they are pratically behaving if the not same, much worse! In saying this, I don't refer to all women, but there is an ever growing segment of female society who are progressing down this road. There used to be a time when men would be excussed on the grounds that they were: 'having a little bit of fun before settling down'.......but this has been not only adopted by both sex's, it has been substantially developed upon.
It was taken for granted a womans virtue would be pretty much intact.....with a few mistakes, before marriage. The guy would probably have knocked around a bit, but he would have been forgiven. Such was the male dominated way of the world then. Now marriage, if at all, happens much later....and multiple. So more often than not, both parties involved have a multitude of sins that they are more or less, keen to hide, and not always with the same sex! It's essentially accepted that neither party will be innocient and both possibly as bad as each other in what they've got up to previously.
So when I read what 'Chicken' wrote, I felt sorry for her on the one hand....and bemussed on the other! She is living in today's world as a single woman whilst bemoaning the passing of yesterdays era. It's very difficult these days for us all to have our 'cake and eat it'! Gone are the days when I would look at my girlfriend comfortable in the knowledge of knowing I'd been the 'only one' and vica-versa. Things have changed soooo much.....and it's a unisex world! About the only thing that would shock me still today would be in knowing that my girlfriend had had sex with an animal......anything else would be a given!
And it's to this end I write. There is not difference anymore between us men and woman! Everything is fair game and equal. Whatever we do as individuals, is available and open to all! And it's against this back ground that 'Chicken' is really trying to drink from what was once a lake, but now a puddle, in a scorched earth desert. She bemoans to lack of availability of what once was and accepted!
Sadly I think, there is a growing acceptance that ones relationship can best be compared to a 'time share' arrangement without an 'end' date agreed in advance. We universally hope for the best, but prepare quitely for the worst.....which in nearly 50 percent of cases.....becomes so! I also feel that the legal boys and girls have added yet another dimension. Not only do we live in the knowledge that there is an even chance that things will fail in our relationships, but that the law tends to be lop-sided against the male in settlements and access!
So about the most honest relationship a man can have with a woman these day's is those mentioned by in earlier replies. Live your life as an individual and financially independent. Provide for your future exclussively on the bases. Interact with women.......but from a friendship point only. It may involve sex, it may involve 'one stands', it may involve you being celebat. But all of the above are honest and equal.....both parties get pretty much the same out of it!
I know this sounds cynical....but it's becoming very much the norm! 'Chicken' is livng in the past.....a past that's no more and stacked against her. Why would I as a person settle for one partner.....with the likelyhood of trouble and strife, pain and financial loss, when I can scoot around on the surface, taking charge of my life and living an equal existence. OK it lacks depth, but with depth comes the 'ownership' and 'control' issues that often lead to sooo much pain! I know it's more shallow....but less financially and emotionally damaging!
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Hi all:
Hot topic!! :D :D
Sadly I think, there is a growing acceptance that ones relationship can best be compared to a 'time share' arrangement without an 'end' date agreed in advance. We universally hope for the best, but prepare quitely for the worst.....which in nearly 50 percent of cases.....becomes so!
It is sad that there is such a high percentage of cases like this (I don't know the numbers but I'll take your word for it). I think what might be going unnoticed here though, is that the other half of the cases are... not doing the time share thingy.
I think it all narrows down to priorities. If one's priority is to seek gratification without committment, that's ok because we do all have the right to choose. For those who will settle only for the opposite of that, I say, that's ok because we do all have the right to choose.
Personally, any sexual relationship, without a deeper emotional connection, that I have experienced, has left me feeling empty and just as longing afterward. It's not the sex I crave so much as the intimacy...the deep emotional connection with another human being. Knowing that person is expressing something more than just physical stuff....feels like the difference between.........
renting something or buying it.
Renting is good for some people because the responsibility for so much belongs to the owner.
Buying costs more but is often more than worth it in the long run but it does carry a lot more responsibility and some people aren't ready for that.
I say...if you're not ready for that.....don't pretend you are and don't feel guilty for it either. Go ahead and rent. However, if you find yourself envious of others who are buying.....then it might be time to consider doing so.
Buyer beware applies!
GFN
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I could find myself getting into choppy waters here over the so called 'Battle of the Sexes' on this one. In the end, if both involved are: open, true, equal and honest.....even if things become weird......then maybe there's a fighting chance. I suppose it's all about accepting, understanding and appreciating the other......inlcuding loving!
However in a great many instances, I really believe that the reasons why a couple are together are because of lies, conflicting and yet hidden agenda's. Whether hormonely driven by oestregen or testosterone, I feel that individuals often offer up a kind of 'Harlequen' style image of what either we'd like to see....or they'd like us to focus upon. Either way, the flip side is often far removed from the other.....and nowhere near so nice or the truthfull!
The more relationships we've entered, the more expert liars we become. 'Chicken' risks not only being a victim of others, but also of herself. 2 plus 2 equals 4.......and not 54. It's amazing how the human mind can miss the obvious and hike after the improbable, so easily and so often!
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I don't think a one-night stand is always wrong or going to mess up one's life. It could be a poignant or healing experience depending on the situation. If one-nighters are the MAIN avenue for getting close to someone, there is a problem. If one-night stands are done to desperately get someone to CARE, that is also a problem. If it's to exploit or use someone who really cares about you, that is wrong. But if two lonely people get together like ships passing in the night, and are nice to each other, then I don't have a problem with it.
And jophil, you sound like a fun guy and I would respect you since I already do. :)
bunny
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P.S. I meant SINGLE people having one-night stands only.
bunny
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Well, we have jumped into some deep waters here. :shock: I was watching the Today show yesterday and they were discussing the whole phenomenon currently going on of "recycling" old relationships. (Although I think it has been going on for some time) Women tend to do it more than men because they feel they are returning to something familiar and somewhat safe. In many cases it is just for sex, but sometimes people are trying to rekindle something that was once there.
I get the sex part, especially if it was particularly good, but I think it rarely goes further than that. They are ex's for a reason, after all. Mum is one of those rare occurances with her fiance.
Sex without emotion is difficult, particularly for women. I will admit to a couple of encounters since my separation, the reason for which is long and complicated, but I make no apologies. Did it destroy me emotionally--no. Because I went into it knowing there would be no lasting attachment. I think I have gotten that out of my system now, however, and any future relationships will need to be meaningful and with thoughts of the future.
I choose to think of the future in terms of once again being in a long-term relationship when the right person comes along. After 2 failed marriages, many people hang it up and say they would never do it again. I guess I think the third times a charm and I would hate to think all this therapy was done for nothing. :? And I know you all would say it is being done for me and I get that, but I also strongly believe that it is being done to allow me to finally find the love of my life. Otherwise, all this love and passion bubbling inside of me would be wasted and frustrated.
Jophil--if I'm ever in Australia, I'll look you up. :D
Brigid
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I was watching the Today show yesterday ...
So tomorrow will you watch today's show?
:D :D :D :D
Just gave me a giggle Brigid! (heehee) Thanks!
GFN
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GFN,
So tomorrow will you watch today's show?
Nothing gets past you does it?? 8) Well, at least you got to it before the Mudman did. :roll:
How does your garden grow? (I though I'd leave out the Mary, Mary part) Mine is beautiful right now, but I'm having to water a lot. Enjoy your day.
Brigid
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Hey Back Brigid:
Nothing gets past you does it??
Quite the opposite, sometimes I miss the point completely. Like...I didn't get a thing outta your post except to notice the mix up about today, yesterday and that got me thinking about tomorrow.....and off I went into never never land....
I didn't get a thing outta your post except to notice the mix up about today, yesterday ...
Not true at all. Just kidding about that. ( :D ) It was a very deep water post!
How does my garden grow? I think by the process of osmosis and photosynthesis or something..iss.
Photosynthesis? Isn't that like taking a picture while synthesizing your weed pulling, dirt turning, water/feeding processes...all at the same time?
Never did get that one down pat. :roll: Oh-oh...there I go again....wandering away again. What was I saying?
Wait!.....back to the original topic! Sorry for the silly highjack!
GFN
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Sorry Bunny, but you express that it would be 'OK for two sad and lonely people' to do the 'one night stand' thing. Bunny, people today don't need some higher powered or moral justification to get their rocks off! It's not some dirty experience that needs to be concealed anymore! People engage in the activity for fun.....recreational reasons, or just for the hell of it! Why not if it's 'safe' and doesn't hurt anyone!
We 'network' people at work and there is a growing wave of people doing the same in their bedrooms.....or wherever for that matter :wink: We don't have to moralise doing so anymore 'less we be struck down' by the Lord God almighty himself! We are human.....and in being so, we make mistakes.....get it wrong......get it right.....live life and learn!
It's only if we mislead or represent ourselves in order to ensnare another into sex that causes problems! Or in having sex behind a lovers back; deceitfully causing emotional damage that is also wrong. Not because it is morally, but because it ain't fair......but then again, who ever said life is fair anyway!!
A 'one night stand' is not a contract for life. It's a mutual experience, hopefully enjoyed equally and practised safely. It is also an opportunity to expand upon a circle of close and like minded people who can support each other to a degree.....but without the crap that goes with the instituation of marriage! Good that it can be......I seldom heard from anyone these days who are having a stress free marriage!
Sex is also a great way of producing ones on seritonin and adrenalin to boot. So when we're at it, we are also self medicating 8) thus saving our respective health services a ton of money in counselling costs! Make love,not war....and don't forget to use a rubber! :wink:
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Weeeeee Resolution ! Got me Spinning!
the crap that goes with the instituation of marriage.
Any chance of rephrasing that?
Are you serious?
Your choice may be to just do it but please consider that not everyone shares your choice and some actually engage in the activity within a caring, sharing, honouring institution of marriage, which they hold dear, not as some moral justification, but as cherrished.
Just because you haven't experienced it....doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You're cutting your chances by labelling it as loaded with crap, imo. Ofcourse, I respect your right to decide that but I feel like cringing to know that you really believe it, if you really believe it. The beauty is....you can always change your mind, if you decide to sometime.
There is hope for a real connection with someone that is more than just a fun night, for lot's of people. Fun nights are ok and lasting connections are also ok, maybe even better, if they're healthy. The trick is not picking someone crappy and not acting crappy, to avoid such crap.
I will keep you in my prayers. :D
GFN
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Resolution,
You are right that it doesn't have to be "sad and lonely people." that is a bit extreme. I just think usually it IS sad and lonely people. I don't think one-night stands as recreation work for women at all.....women don't share their bodies without consequence. I don't think marriage is crappy in the least, but obviously being free to do whatever is a very exciting thought.
bunny
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OK,
First, lets get past this baloney about 'safe sex'. Condoms, when working properly, do not prevent genital warts which cause cervical cancer. They don't prevent genital herpes which is incurable. Even when used properly they have an alarming failure rate. When used improperly, which they usually are, they fail far more. When a condom fails they don't prevent anything at all, including pregnancies.
So there may be 'less dangerous sex', but there is no such thing as 'safe sex'.
Second, this idea that there is some pool of safe, normal people to routinely engage in one night stands with, I find close to idiotic.
How many stories on this board are from people, women especially, who have been married to or otherwise involved with someone for years who seemed perfectly normal, a white knight even, only to find out the guy is a total flaming lunatic?
I would bet there is probably not a person on this board who does not know someone who thought they were going to go have a little innocent one nighter and ended up in the ER or pregnant or raped or somehow used and devastated.
Third, the idea that it is possible to seperate something as intimate as sex from one's deeper emotions I think is self deception. If it is possible for a person to achieve that seperation, then I think they have lost something pretty valuable.
So you get the opportunity for an incurable disease, possibly a fatal one, an unwanted pregnancy and the chance for a good beating or some other violence done to you on top of the possibility of the slow death of your view of others as anything other than a mere object to satisfy your immediate desires.
Sorry, I place a higher value on myself than that.
I'll be out the rest of the day so you can start tossing things at me immediately. :wink:
mudpup
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Third, the idea that it is possible to seperate something as intimate as sex from one's deeper emotions I think is self deception. If it is possible for a person to achieve that seperation, then I think they have lost something pretty valuable.
This sums up my thoughts on the subject very well. Without any judgement on others, I have learned this, exactly, from my experience.
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Resolution,
A 'one night stand' is not a contract for life. It's a mutual experience, hopefully enjoyed equally and practised safely. It is also an opportunity to expand upon a circle of close and like minded people who can support each other to a degree.....but without the crap that goes with the instituation of marriage!
Now I understand how you were able to separate yourself from everyone else and "heal." Sounds like you built a cage around your heart in the process.
Brigid
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:lol: :lol: :lol: As I wrote earlier, me thinks a 'shit storm' will sweep in on this one.....and yup, here it comes :lol:
I went back to the start of the thread at what was initially kicked off by 'Write'. I had no advice for 'Chicken'....other than to say that she should avoid sex otherwise she'd end up on a lot of wham bammers! Yes I've done them and no I don't anymore. Not for because I've seen the light or hated them, moreover I just found unsatisfying.
Marriage works well for the some.....and some not so. The rest of us singletons are either working on getting into one, happily single and having fun, happily celebate......or perhaps like dear 'Chicken' and unhappy! Who am I to say this works and that doesn't, life has many forms. I used the word 'crap' in my last post, but this was written mainly those with unhappily married people in mind.
Not for one moment do I think that we should all be single, quite the contrary. Only a few decades or so earlier, being married was considered the most normal thing to be, over a certain age, and being single raised an eyebrow or two! It's just that now, things have completely turned around and what was once the case....isn't anymore.
To me, it appeared that 'Chicken' had been around the block a few times, gotten runover....and then some......and now found herself deeply confussed and lost. My only advice was to do the exact opposite of that she'd previously done and stick to it. I never for one moment wrote that she should embark upon a bonk fest of bed hopping :( !
It's a completely different story for a person who either doesn't know what they want or has just come out of a heavy relationship and wants to keep things light. We're grown adults and live in the big world that's not too tightly controlled anymore by the religious zealots.....save for our muslim maties :shock: And a girl is equal to a man in every respect....and conducts her affairs accordingly. Big world, big boys and girls.....big play ground to run around in! It's a world 'on demand' and generally at the click of our fingers.......for those who stay loose and mobile :wink:
Treat others as you would a least be expected to be treated. Walk away from all else. :idea:
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Hey Resolution!
I used the word 'crap' in my last post, but this was written mainly those with unhappily married people in mind.
Not for one moment do I think that we should all be single, quite the contrary.
Good rephrasing I think!
....a bonk fest of bed hopping.
Hippity hop. Hoppity hip. A-bonking we will go....hi ho the merry oh...just like Bugs eh?
Made me laugh anyhow! :lol:
Treat others as you would a least be expected to be treated. Walk away from all else.
Good golden rule eh? Lot's here on the same channel. :D
Nothing flying here! Except feathers and fluff!! Can't find my stuffed bunny anywhere!! Just a poor delapitated chicken!
:D :shock: :? :D
GFN
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:lol: Never plucked either GFN.....but met a bunny boiler or two who should have been stuffed like a chicken........I do of course mean the two legged variety....... :lol: God you've got a filthy mind.........what were you thinking :D
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Quite the contrary:
I think God's mind is probably quite clean!
I was thinking of the toy chicken my puppy plays with....the one that ....oops :oops: ...it's a duck. Hard to tell the difference sometimes.
My mistake.
tsk tsk! :D
GFN
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Let's just rename this the Silly thread, shall we?
I think sex is so personal, that each person has to find out what is their solution. Problems arise when people try to decide for others (see definition of shame, posted someplace on the board), even with the best of intentions.
Any problems I have personally had with sex arose from not following my own mind and heart. Sometimes that was my own doing, having been taught not to trust my own thinking and feelings. Other times it was forced on me. The times it was my own fault, I felt like I was raping myself!
I do second that it is tough to find a truly safe place or person in this world. So beeeeee careful.
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I was thinking of the toy chicken my puppy plays with....the one that ....oops ...it's a duck. Hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Pretty hard to tell when the head's been ripped off, no? (thinking of what my pups do to stuffed toys)
I think everyone understands how personal this subject is, but like everything else, if it is brought up, it's obviously something someone (write anyway) would like to think through, with some other people's thoughts.
Any problems I have personally had with sex arose from not following my own mind and heart
Got that right, Plucky G2!!!! I guess the issue is to really become aware of what actuall IS in our minds and hearts!
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Why do I get the feeling that a number of people responding to this post are missing the point. No one, not even 'Write', nor I, are advocating 'one night stands' to the exclussion of all else. 'Write' wrote on a subject following on from an earlier post.....and a number of people appear to feel threatened by this in some form.
It may appear to be a 'silly' post to some, but hasn't 'Write' got a point to post what they have without being haranged for daring to post an honest question. Part-take by all means and make a positive input.....but you don't have to post anything if you have nothing to say other than pour scorn. The forum hasn't got a PG certificate has it......and we are adults....aren't we?
'Write'
Great subject and one that I'd like to read even more on.
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Hi, Resolution: I'm sorry you see something negative on this thread. I must be clueless, because I don't. That must be part of "missing the point" as well... :roll:
It just looks like the usual, people invited to share their thoughts....and so they did.
I haven't seen anything judgemental about anyone in particular, just personal opinions, experiences and stories about a personal subject.
Some light heartedness is normal, in my opinion, when discussing things of a personal nature.
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Hi Resolution:
Did I say anything that you felt was scornful?
As to being silly, yep, I do that.
:D I mean only to put a smile on your face!
Hope I did! You gave me a good laugh, as I already said. :D
GFN
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people being a little silly- it's good to have humour.
The funniest thing about the one-night stands I have had in my life: I've always felt equal to the guy, and respected and certainly never abused.
Which has not been the case in any of my big relationships...
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wow, Write: I never thought of that. But I think that may be the case for me as well. On equal footing and all, at least at the moment. For me, though, I just still felt lost and alone anyway, so it wasn't me at my best.....
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Hello girls and boys - well, this thread has opened up a whole other side of you all. Firstly I would like to ask 'Write' if she has moved any closer to her wish to occasionally have an intimate encounter. Any PM's coming in?
For my part, I would like to report that my 'post' in reply to Write has resulted in 15 PM's, two marriage proposals, three registered mail items and a large parcel wrapped in a plain brown wrapper delivered via messenger . My Voice mail box is over flowing and my email box is being hammered by someone called"Formerly Bruce" . If I do not post for a while you will hopefully understand that I am kind of busy.
John. ( Gee,I love this forum)
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Hi Write
I don't want to be a wet blanket with all the fun & games, but I've been checking this thread off & on today at work - I can't post from there, they'd take my head off, or I certainly would have - and I haven't yet seen anyone mention what I guess I'm going to have to.
Heightened sexual interest can be a harbinger of impending manic episodes.
How are you feeling otherwise? Got both feet on the ground, etc.?
I don't want to ruin semi-innocent funnin' around ;-) -- it's just that somebody needs to make sure this possibility isn't overlooked. So I'm mentioning it.
Carry on, dearies.
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Well, I guess some of us are just more popular than others. Gee John, how'd you get so lucky?? :shock: I guess I need to fine tune my technique.
Brigid
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Dear John:
............................................................................................
...........................................................................................
etc.
GFN
PS: :D
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Hi Girls, the post above from 'Guest' sighed 'John' is mine - I just forgot to logon.
The issue of social sucess and popularity is particularly significant for me as an adult child of N parents. I was painfully introverted as a child and never sought out the 'in'crowd in high school . I was socially withdrawn because my self image was in fragments thanks to my family system which resembled a psychological Auswitz.
I have tried numerous devices and ploys to get 'a big game' but never really succeeded until I took up Ballroom Dance and, more importantly I transformed my pain into a kind of 'wise ass' humor. ( In Australia we call it 'smart ass') . This works great in ways that I do not really understand.
( there have been some failures with dour people). I have no problems having and keeping lady friends (wink). I just have to be careful that I censor my humor a little because sometimes it can get a tad confrontive.
I found that this kind of humor works as some kind of mysterious attractant to both sexes. Don't ask me how or why it works - I don't get it either.
I went through my 'intellectual' period when I used wisdom and intellect as a kind of lady bait. Nah! I ended up dating shy school teachers( even married one). Before that I was in the grip of the juice and all the resuers and 'caretakers' would come by with a bowl of soup.They disappeared when I got sober.
So I got into AA 14 years ago and quit smoking and dumped prescription meds and went on a journey, with my eyes open, without the people who were trying to 'help' me. Still in pain sometimes but it is OK now.
Jophil ( John)
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John,
Hi Girls, the post above from 'Guest' sighed 'John' is mine - I just forgot to logon.
Thanks for clearing that up. The fact that it was signed John was a hint. :wink: Sorry, I can be a bit of a smart ass at times, too.
So what actually was inside the package in the plain brown wrapper?? :D
I need to find a new activity get involved in. For some reason ballroom dance doesn't appeal, but I need to find something that will keep me busy on weekends and meeting new friends. I started curling over the winter and that was great, so now I need a substitute for the warmer months.
Any suggestions out there?
Brigid
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Hey Brigid, I really urge you toss away those fluffy slipper things , put the cat outside and slide on down to Arthur Murray. Dance may not appeal to you right now but why now give it a whirl? That way I get a ready-made dance partner next time I am in your neck of the woods.
( Gee this forum is getting to be like Match.com)
John... ( Gotta go do some waltz practise right now)
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The issue of social success and popularity is particularly significant for me as an adult child of N parents. I was painfully introverted as a child and never sought out the 'in'crowd in high school . I was socially withdrawn because my self image was in fragments thanks to my family system which resembled a psychological Auswitz.
...I transformed my pain into a kind of 'wise ass' humor. ( In Australia we call it 'smart ass') . This works great in ways that I do not really understand.
( there have been some failures with dour people). ...I just have to be careful that I censor my humor a little because sometimes it can get a tad confrontive.
Hi John,
Ditto on the social success as a teen for me. Also on the sense of humor. I think most comedians come from dysfunctional backgrounds. Happy people don't have irony. I also have to watch it because I do not always know the boundaries beyond which you hurt or offend people.
Hi girls
You aussies are too much.
brigid, you're curling? You rule! What are your curling mates doing during (what passes for) summer there?
totally
Plucky
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Forgive me for not reading the whole thread. This may have been mentioned. Fear of disease keeps me from one night stands. Sure it was great in the 70's, pre AIDS. But I am too chicken these days.
Looking back, I would have to say that one night stands were never satisfying in the long run. There are other ways to satisfy your sexual urges that dont involve drinking and swapping DNA with strangers. I think, one night stands, do a number on a female head in general.
Through my own experience, I firmly believe that women are generally hardwired to seek intimacy while men may seek sex. I believe for women, once sex occurrs there is a emotional and mental shift, whether we want it or not. Our shift is toward the nesting/nurturing end which may not be actually possible or even appropriate with a one night stand. Becuase of this, we are often left to pick up the emotional pieces after a one night stand where men may have an easier time of shifting gears from "sex only".
So the short answer is, It's not for me.
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Plucky,
brigid, you're curling? You rule! What are your curling mates doing during (what passes for) summer there?
Oh, it is definitely summer here. The high is suppose to get to 92 degrees today and very humid.
I think a lot of them are golfers and I am too, but golf doesn't have quite the same social element that curling does (after all curling is always followed by drinking) and is always done in daytime hours. Since I just took up curling last year, I haven't developed a strong bond with many of the other members yet, but they are a great group. Our curling club is actually marching in the local 4th of July parade (being held this coming weekend--don't ask) to create more awareness of the sport and club. We're always looking for new members.
John, I've heard that ballroom dance is a very expensive hobby. Am I wrong?
Sorry for the hijack. Back to sex. :D
Brigid
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Through my own experience, I firmly believe that women are generally hardwired to seek intimacy while men may seek sex. I believe for women, once sex occurrs there is a emotional and mental shift, whether we want it or not. Our shift is toward the nesting/nurturing end which may not be actually possible or even appropriate with a one night stand. Becuase of this, we are often left to pick up the emotional pieces after a one night stand where men may have an easier time of shifting gears from "sex only".
Bliz,
I totally agree. Women cannot share their bodies without consequences. I think men are affected as well but they manage to compartmentalize the effects better. Women become bonded instantly and they have to be VERY CAREFUL. My few one night stands (eons ago) managed to avoid doing "it" so I actually have good memories of them. In my case there is a line in the sand after which I bond powerfully and it could be very self-destructive for me.
bunny
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Interesting thread :D
I haven't had sex with another person (or anything else alive :shock: , please....) for er....counts on fingers....4+ years. I haven't exactly missed it. But then I've been concentrating on what have been more important things for me - the stuff in my head. Maybe I'll think about this more now? Maybe I'm really repressing that side of me?
Nevertheless, how about not doing it for a while Write? It isn't a crime to just leave off for a while, even though we might think we're being at odds with the rest of humanity!
If it's sexual tension that irks, we don't require another person to release it........ :!: And if we do, we tend to be using that person as an object and probably vice-versa. If we think it's okay to be an object, and the other person does too, I guess that's okay.
These days women can also pay for it. How does that sound? Serious question! :D
gotta go for now, portia
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I didn't mean I was running around having sex all over the place you know!
But was it Stormchild mentioned the mania thing ( I have bipolar ) I quess if I was there'd be a medical explanation!
Actually, if I was manic it would be quite dangerous- those are times without discernment or concern for personal safety or sexual health or friendships...
No I don't have a lot of sex, but I don't have a problem with the occasional one-night stand either.
I know it's just meeting a need or having some fun.
I DEFINITELY WON'T BE PAYING FOR IT! If I have to pay I'll get a manicure or pedicure or a good massage...something else that makes me feel good, it doesn't feel right to me to pay for sex, too many years of exploitation there....
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It's 5345BC and I'm horny! I meet a female and she's tail high and gagging......we're both gagging.....we fulfill our genetic function with various....ugggggs and aggggggggs...... :lol:
It's June 2005 and I'm sitting in a bar in down town somewhere. A gal next to me....is unwinding from her work stress watching the game. We chat....we laugh a little....we talk of our problems......and next morning, we wake up together.
We both enjoyed the moment........maybe.....we both get on with our civilised lifes. Things have changed a little in 10,000 years, the conversation in the morning is better :lol:
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Ick, no thanks, if that's all the caring and commitment that goes into it, tell the lady to get an "appliance".
It starts out clean, she'll always know where it's been, and it'll never turn surly or vicious afterwards.
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I guess I'm a chicken when it comes to entertaining the thought of having a one night stand. Maybe if someone gives me a million dollars to do it, then, maybe, then I might give it a second thought.
Thinking about all the girls, hmmm, maybe guys that man has had before me just gives me the icky feeling. You never know he could be a lying ass bisexual. Too much distractions to enjoy it. :?
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To Bunny,
It took me years to figure this out. The one night stands were years ago too. I couldnt do that now. I think taking a break from sex any maybe even from dating, is a good idea while we are working through are issues.
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I guess I can be classified as a stick in the mud.
Never had a one night stand...never will.
It would be against what I am all about. Not to mention that it is downright risky and dangerous.
Mia
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I had one nightstand when I was a little kid, because I shared my bedroom with my Nsib and each of us got to use one of the pair.
When I got my own room I got two nightstands and I've always had two, ever since.
:wink: :wink: :roll: :roll: :P :P :oops: :shock:
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Interesting thread :D
I haven't had sex with another person (or anything else alive :shock: , please....) for er....counts on fingers....4+ years.
Ewwwww Portia, you're a necrophile?[/b] :shock: :shock: :shock: :P :P :P :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
I thought it was bad enough that Luco Brazzi sleeps with the fishes...
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I think a one night stand can be kind of icky, from a germ point of view, or from a safety point of view, but it doesn't really have to be that big of a deal. If I have a night with a stranger and it results in some pleasure and nothing bad happens, I don't see why I should be forever damaged due to it. Unless I was bringing that damage or expectation of damage to the situation, and then it would actually be my own feelings and internal dialogue that created the damage.
As girls we got the message that we have to save it, and be pure, and be hard to get, and not enjoy it, and if not we are dirty, and worthless, and low. If that is the tape playing in your head, then of course it will be a traumatizing experience, even if in the moment you went along or even engineered the event.
So if you think deep down that ONS are really bad, obviously it is not for you. Or if you are using sex or attention as a drug. And for people with N parents, maybe there is more chance of that being a damaged area to avoid.
Personally, I have so many issues to address now, sex is the very last thing I want to throw into the mix. So, my opinion is hypothetical.
Plucky
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I had one nightstand when I was a little kid, because I shared my bedroom with my Nsib and each of us got to use one of the pair.
When I got my own room I got two nightstands and I've always had two, ever since.
And the above is the perfect example of why I am glad you are still posting! 8) :lol: :D Bittles
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Hey Brigid, When you first posted that you had been 'curling', I assumed that you meant snuggling up with a glass of vino and a book on the sofa. However,after a few more posts and more mentions of 'curling' , I do believe that there is more to it than I know so, what is 'curling'.Is it better than sex? Maybe it is as good as ballroom dancing!
Johnimo
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I seem to have opened up a er can of worms...
So long as we all know the difference between a relationship and perfunctory sex....
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Stormy,
:lol: :lol:
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Hi John,
Sorry to be hijacking once again, but thought I better do my part to further the knowledge of curling. :)
As much as I enjoy the "sport" of curling up on the couch with a book and glass of wine, there actually is the sport of curling. It was even in the last Olympics and you will see it again in 2006. It involves "throwing" (actually sliding) 34(?) pound granite stones and sweeping with brooms (and men even choose to participate :shock: ) on sheets of ice. It is similar to shuffleboard, but on ice. It originated in Scotland, and is very popular in Canada. We have more curling facilities (it is done indoors) than any other US state. I couldn't tell you if Australia had a team in the last Olympics, but long-time curlers at my club could.
I am actually driving my convertible VW bug in our local parade today with signs supporting our curling club. I have my t-shirt on that says "I'd rather be curling."
Its probably not better than sex (although not everyone would agree), but might be more fun than ballroom dance because curling is always followed by drinking and having fun.
Hope this clears up the confusion. Have a g'day down under. I'd LOVE to visit there some day.
Cheers,
Brigid
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PS The beauty of curling is that you can start doing it at 54 years of age and actually be pretty darn good. (at least they tell me I have a knack for it.)
B.
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As girls we got the message that we have to save it, and be pure, and be hard to get,
That's exactly the message we're teaching our daughter. What's the alternative? Teach her the message to frequently give it away to strangers, be impure and easy?
and not enjoy it, and if not we are dirty, and worthless, and low.
It does not follow that teaching someone, boy or girl, to be virtuous means we have to teach them sex is unenjoyable or dirty. Quite the opposite.
Can anyone here with a child honestly say they have taught that child that one night stands are perfectly fine?
Can anyone here say they hope their child grows up to engage in a series of one night stands with strangers?
If that kind of stuff isn't good enough for our daughters then why do adults settle for it?
Just because sex is lotsa fun doesn't make it a frivolous game without consequences. Go watch the teenagers coming and going at an abortion clinic if it seems just a game. They listened to somebody who told them NOT to save it and not be pure, that its just a little innocent fun, but they don't seem to be smiling. :(
mudpup
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Quote:
As girls we got the message that we have to save it, and be pure, and be hard to get,
That's exactly the message we're teaching our daughter. What's the alternative? Teach her the message to frequently give it away to strangers, be impure and easy?
Quote:
and not enjoy it, and if not we are dirty, and worthless, and low.
It does not follow that teaching someone, boy or girl, to be virtuous means we have to teach them sex is unenjoyable or dirty. Quite the opposite.
I thought we were talking about adults here. If this same message is causing you grief and diffilculty at the age of 45, I say it is time to dump it. I think I'll bow out of this discussion - it's geeting a bit testy.
Plucky
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Realistically, I don't think anyone is going to teach their daughters to pursue casual one-night stands. I was taught NOTHING about sex by my parents one way or the other. It just wasn't mentioned at all, ever. So I learned from my friends, from the movies, novels, and boy was I confused. Fortunately, I always had some vague boundaries preventing me from totally sharing myself with men who were as confused as I was.
Anyway - I think having one-nighters is sad and lonely and that is my judgment on it aside from the disease/danger factor. I don't have friends who practice casual sex because it would depress the hell out of me. But if there are people for whom it is in some way a growth experience (i.e. they are trying to learn about attachment) then I am going to try to understand.
bunny
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The best one night stands ( maybe leading on to other stands with the same person) are the ones we remember. The worst are the ones we don't. If you choose to have intimacy on a casual level, that may be interpreted as having control. So the issue is not one-night-stands....it is the need for control. Is it worth it?
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Oh dear, what a pity......never mind!
'One size' does not fit all.....and I don't mean do say this in a suggestive way. Some people think this, some that....and other's whatever. Some did it and liked it.....some didn't and some never tried it! Jezzzzzzzzzzzz life's about choice and being able to make one or not! It's about being happy and content with those you've made....and perhaps not so about the ones that have proved wrong for you......that's the beauty of life.
Open discussion is about that......being open. It's not a question of being judgemental or opinionated in ways that blinker or blind ones thinking. I've never found myself attracted to another man.....but this doesn't make me homophobic. I don't have any Indian friends....but this doesn't mean that I'm rascist. I'm celebat at this time, but this doesn't mean that I don't fancy a shag (any offers kindly considered):lol:.
I like Indian food...and I also 'do' most other foods. Just because someone eats snales, doesn't mean that they're revolting. The point that I'm making is that so many of us are giving their fixed and strident views on an issue and there's no need. I'm 'open' on this subject, I'm not 'fixed' one way or another. Sometimes it might be right for a person.....and sometimes not! I'm 'in balance' on this and not being judgemental or even premature before the fact. It's a discussion....not an insult.
Relax.
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Resolution,
This isn't at the same level as food preferences at all. It's a pretty emotional subject and people have their feelings about it. They're just airing them. my opin for what it's worth
bunny
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I'm not too sure what there was in my post that was 'testy'.
I just disagreed with someone else's opinion, by stating my own. I didn't intend to make any personal points and didn't mention anyone by name. I only used your quotes, Plucky, because they were illustrative of an opinion expressed by several people here. Nothing personal. You just stated the case most succinctly, so I used your quotes.
I'm not saying adults aren't free to do as they choose. People have been 'shagging' just about anything that moves since time began. And they've been suffering the consequences as well.
Nor is this issue causing me 'grief or difficulty' at my age.
Plucky, you pointed out that what we learn as kids about sex impacts us throughout our adult life. I merely stated we are trying to teach our daughter what we consider a more healthy attitude toward sex now, so she will have a healthy attitude about it when she grows up. So when I talk about teaching our kids about sex I AM talking about adults, because someday soon she's going to be one, and I don't want her to learn about it the way bunny had to. I'm not sure why anyone would take that personally.
I guess I don't understand the discussion. I thought 'write' started this with a serious question.
Apparently if I told a playground joke about sex between strangers it would be acceptable, but if I point out some of the pitfalls of casual sex I'm being judgemental and insulting and should keep my mouth shut.
I simply expressed a different point of view, and I asked a few questions. I notice no one addressed my questions, except for bunny. :? And even then only paranthetically. Instead of getting mad at me for no reason that I can see or ignoring my questions, why doesn't someone answer them.
Perhaps someone could show me I'm wrong. I'm an open minded kind of guy, to the extent that I consider the facts and evidence and a well reasoned argument on a subject. Anybody got any of those?
mudpup
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mud,
I just looked at your questions and the answer to both of them is no. No one wants their daughter to engage in one-night-stands. Adults do a lot of things that they don't want their kid to do, and your daughter will probably do things that you disapprove of (hopefully trivial things). Humans are curious and they also tend to act out their wishes and longings rather than processing them internally.
bunny
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Mud,
NO and NO.
I set the example that I want my daughter to follow.
I talk to her about what it means to be special and what it means to respect the body that God gave you.
I agree 100% with everything you are saying.
My husband's daughter had sex at the age of 14. We were all devestated. She is being raised by her Mom who "ran around" during the marriage and exposed her kids to many of her "dates".
I'm going to do and say everything I can to help both my daughter and son to save themselves for their life partners.
God bless.
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I posted the last one.
Mia
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should children be involved in their parents' love/sex lives! Unless it's a case of remarrying or a v. long-term relationship I personally don't think our children need to meet or know much about our dates etc.
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I haven't read all the posts in their entirety but I think the discussion has been helpful for me at least.
I think there are times when I'll feel like one-night stands are appropriate for me, other times I'll choose to be celibate if I'm not in a relationship.
Opinions like yours are good for balancing that out- and reminding ourselves we don't have to be in a sexual relationship...and we can live without it!
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should children be involved in their parents' love/sex lives! Unless it's a case of remarrying or a v. long-term relationship I personally don't think our children need to meet or know much about our dates etc.
True, in theory, but we all know that the quality of our parents' marriage - related to and / or reflected in the quality of their sex lives - is something we had some level of awareness of, as children, if we were paying any attention to our parents a-tall a-tall.
If they had a sound and warm relationship, we knew it. We saw the occasional 'extra special' hugs, snuggling, eye contact, etc. We saw the twinkle in the eyes when we headed out the door, as preteens and teens, long enough for a little sweet music to be made in our absence.
If they divorced and went in for a spate of bed-hopping, we may have had ringside seats for the breakfast table parade of strangers, at the very least.
And some parents are sick enough not only to cheat on their spouse, but to recruit their children as allies in the deception. Others are sick enough... and Ns are in this group with all flags flying... to resent their growing childrens' physical maturity as 'competition', and try to thwart it with putdowns, insults, or sexual devaluation of the child so that the 'threat' is averted one way or another.
So... we all saw something. We all learned something. Was what we saw modeling healthy human sexuality, and what did we learn from what we saw?
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It's too bad that a discussion about sex cannot stay as benign as other topics, but people have very strong opinions and I guess that will always be so.
I have been involved with health education for many years and have sat on curriculum review committees for human growth and development for our school district. I'm very knowledgeable about STD's and all the down sides of casual sexual activity. I have spoken very openly and honestly with my children about all these issues. I would have liked for them to have remained virgins until marriage, but once they are adults and away from home, you no longer have control over this. I know my son is sexually active with his girlfriend of almost 3 years. They were both virgins and waited until they went away to school. We still talk very openly and honestly about it, but he is an adult and must make his own decisions about this kind of behavior now. My daughter is almost 17 and hasn't even been on a date yet, but she is beautiful and the time will come and I hope she makes good decisions.
How I choose to conduct my sex life as a nearly 55 year old adult has nothing to do with how I want my children to behave. I have never had a one-night stand and don't intend to start now, but cannot condemn other adults for choosing to do so. Until 22 months ago, I never thought I would have to give it any consideration for the rest of my life. Obviously, that has changed and I'm having to figure it out as I go. There wasn't a rule book for being dumped in your 50's to follow, and I don't feel the rules I learned as a teenager (self-imposed, my parents were like Bunny's) apply to me now as an middle-aged adult.
I feel everyone in this situation is entitled to figure it out for themselves. We will make mistakes, hopefully they won't be life-threatening, and we learn and move on. There is no "right" way to work through this imo, but only what is "right" for you.
Brigid
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I have 3 teenage daughters, 2 over the age of 16. None have been brought up baptised, brainwashed by me or strict. I love my kids and they're free. Free to live their lives as they see fit. With guidance from me, but that's all. I've been right as a person.....and I've been wrong. I'm human. But the very last thing I'd like them to do, is to live in the past.....and it's religious half assed shackles. Praise be the Lord.
I've become 'unprogrammed' and in doing so....more relaxed. It would do one or two people on here some good to remove said broom handle from ones arse....less you receive splinters!
Why is it that people refuse to live their lives save for what others have told and preached to them to do? Why is it that some can't stretch beyond the bounds of their intructions? Why must we live our future lives in the past? We evolve....we develop....and as individuals. So for some, do their children lives their lives.....or their parents? Or do they have to lie to their parents less they'd be thought less of?
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Resolution,
Isn't it okay if people are religious, or follow some parental teachings? I am kind of confused about your ideas about the people on this board. They are good people. I don't think anyone wants you to change, they are just voicing their emotions about this topic.
bunny
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Resolution wrote,
It's a discussion....not an insult...... I'm 'open' on this subject, I'm not 'fixed' one way or another.
and
and it's religious half assed shackles......None have been brought up baptised, brainwashed by me or strict........It would do one or two people on here some good to remove said broom handle from ones arse....less you receive splinters!
Kinda hard to reconcile the first two statements with the last three, isn't it?
It seems a little hard to have an open discussion when anyone who expresses an opinion different than yours has a 'broom handle up their arse'.
It also seems a little hard to see how anyone can be 'open' on a subject when they seem to describe a different opinion as 'religious half assed shackles' and 'brainwashing'.
Apparently your idea of an open discussion is everyone agrees with you or you start insulting them and their beliefs.
Why is it that people refuse to live their lives save for what others have told and preached to them to do? Why is it that some can't stretch beyond the bounds of their intructions?
Lots of people can stretch beyond the bounds of their 'religious half assed shackles'. Joe Stalin trained for the seminary. He got way, way beyond those shackles. Jeffrey Dahmer was raised in a 'strict' Christian home. Thank goodness he stretched himself and threw off that 'brainwashing' from his parents.
Now, to prevent any over reactions to my examples of mass murderers, what I did was take an argument to its logical extreme to demonstrate the fallacy of the argument, not to say that one night stands lead to serial killers, only that the 'bounds of our instructions' are usually the good common sense of painful experience speaking.
The most amusing thing about a discussion like this is how so often the people preaching 'tolerance' and 'freedom' and pleading for an 'open discussion' are the ones who resort to insults and calumny the minute someone disagrees.
I made my point, resume the Bacchanalia.
I'll pray for your daughters.
mudpup
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where the discussion is going here?
It's very much a personal decision based upon someone's values and beliefs obviously.
No one is 'right' or 'wrong'; we can only decide for ourselves what is best.
I'm still thinking; maybe it isn't quite the detached behaviour I've been telling myself, or I wouldn't be questionning it now?
Recently I have been trying not to get involved in any relationships including casual sex: it's like I want to reset my relationship guage and I haven't quite figured it all out yet.
I don't feel bad about the times I had casual sex. I do feel bad about most of the relationships in my life.
& I do wonder if there is the kind of equal loving relationship I would ideally like somewhere out there...I've got a good single life but I still feel lonely sometimes and just want to be held...
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Brigit - Here is my last pitch in favor of Ballroom Dance.
It is said that dance is,"The vertical expression of a horizontal desire."
So if any of you need some motivation to avoid one nighters and stay vertical, go dancing!
In respect of 'Curling" - huh!! So you chuck a bloody big rock onto some ice and watch it slide away and clean up after it with a broom?
WHY??
I get the part about the party afterward but why do you need to do the rock thing first?
Excuse me I gotta go fall off my surf board now.
Johnimo
"
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Ooops! Sorry about my spelling of your name with a 'T' at the end -
BrigiD - BrigiD ----- ( he gets a detention and writes it 100 times on whiteboard after school)
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Oh dear, step forward the splintered ass brigade :lol:
Mudpup were you sucking a lemon when writing your last post.....or would that best descibe your personality? Right from the get go, you refered to me as an 'idiot' in one of your earlier opening salvoes and as I've read more of your posts on this subject, I see that you sit on the right of Ghengis Khan in you views. To say that you swing from one extreme to another.....would be a slight understatement.
Reading between the lines of what you wrote, you must have suffered as a person as you a naturally narrow minded with your views on: men, sex, religion....etc. Are you working thru these issues.....and could I perhaps help you a little with them? Is there anything I could do to relieve your pain? It would perhaps do you some good to relax a little and calm down.....take a chill pill.
Praise be The Lord, Alla is great.....and so on to all the other God like contestants.....
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Resolution,
What is going on? Right, mudpup should not refer to you as an idiot. But you've sunk to an even lower level. You aren't doing yourself or anyone a favor by insulting people. I'm sure you'll target me now but I can take it. However I hope you'll reconsider and realize that your views are okay and so are those of others, even Christians or whatever. No one is asking you to believe in anything. I'm Jewish for Christ's sake (joke)
bunny
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Resolution,
For a guy whose original post talked about how at peace you are with your life, you sure do have a short fuse.
I love my kids and they're free. Free to live their lives as they see fit.
When I hear this, I hear a parent who doesn't want to do their job. Teenagers need rules more than anyone and parents are suppose to be the ones to impart and enforce those rules. Take it from someone whose parents didn't care enough to impose rules--you end up making some very stupid mistakes that perhaps wouldn't have been made if my parents had actually bothered to take the time to be aware of my life.
Teens argue against rules, curfews, guidelines or anything that keeps them from doing exactly what they want to do. But later on they figure out that you loved them enough to make those rules to keep them safe and healthy and they will eventually thank you for that. My guess is that your daughters might end up being very different parents than the example that was set for them.
Just my 2 cents.
Brigid
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I'm Jewish for Christ's sake (joke)
very funny, BTW.
Off subject:
Bunny, so this must be why my fiance and you are on the same page so often!! (he's Jewish, too).
Carry on.
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Brigid
How can you take a sentence or two written me and turn it into a parental catastrophe? If someone made a comment about nothing.....would you equally be convinced enough to phone the police because you thought a murder was going to be committed? Tell me brigid, can you see into the future.....? Please enlighten me with you special powers and gifts!
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Hi All,
Resolution wrote,
Right from the get go, you refered to me as an 'idiot' in one of your earlier opening salvoes
This is my 'opening salvo' :? ,
Second, this idea that there is some pool of safe, normal people to routinely engage in one night stands with, I find close to idiotic.
Where do I refer to Resolution, or anyone for that matter, as 'an idiot'? I state that AN IDEA is close to idiotic, not a person. Unlike Resolution's, my post was not personal at all.
At least a half dozen people had posted prior to mine, so why do you assume I'm even referring to your post anyway?
I see that you sit on the right of Ghengis Khan in you views......It would perhaps do you some good to relax a little and calm down.....take a chill pill.
I'll leave it to others to decide who sounds more intolerant and Mongol like here, and who exactly needs to relax.
Are you working thru these issues.....and could I perhaps help you a little with them?
You're in over your head sonny.
Condescension is so charming. Is this how you charm your one night stands? Oh wait a minute you said you're celibate. I wonder if that's by choice. :?
So lets see, you're apparently divorced and celibate, while I'm happily married and have a very enjoyable sex life. Hmmm, I wonder who's approach to this subject seems to be working on a personal level. :?
The title of your first post here was 'Once an Angry Man'. I suggest people go back and read it, with all its universal peace and love incantations, to see if it squares with what you're writing now. You seem to be 'Still an Angry Man'.
Resolution wrote,
Treat others as you would a least be expected to be treated. Walk away from all else.
Too bad you can't follow your own advice, but I will.
Good by, my angry friend.
mudpuppy
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How can you take a sentence or two written me and turn it into a parental catastrophe?
Resolution, do you see similarities of this (above) to what you are doing?
I can see you are very upset. I hope you do find resolution soon.
Take care and best wishes.
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This is sooooooo much fun on a Sunday........way toooo much :lol: :lol: :lol:
Contradiction after contradiction, you tell me what you're not goint to do......then go straight ahead with exactly what you said you wouldn't..... I'm going to leave this one alone as it's become as much use as a broken pencil.....pointless :D
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Hi everyone,
I'm locking this thread because I believe everyone has had their say on the topic.
Richard