Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Sallying Forth on July 13, 2005, 11:20:25 PM
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I've started a list of genetic differences so that I can see the truth: my Nfather is NOT my biological father. It's one thing to know in your knower but the other part of that equation is fact.
What's been probably the most interesting part of all this discovery about what happened to me, is that I finally have physical proof. In my whole journey to remember what happened to me I never had physical, factual proof. There was never validation from my Nparents. Of course not. I finally understand why now since finding this forum and the voicelessness.com web site. They were never admit to the truth.
However now I have physical proof, within my own body physical makeup that verifies what I've always known. There is one very omnious reminder. Omnious to me that is. I don't eat my food like anyone in my family. I eat like I'm left handed but I right handed. This has always bothered me but I never really noticed it until I became an adult. That's when I watched how other people eat. I eat food from the top of my bowl or plate never from the bottom. My hand is literally bent backwards when I eat like someone would do if they were left handed only I'm right handed. :? My intuition says I used to be left handed and was forced, at some point, to switch. Although I don't have any memory of the actual events I know something traumatic happened. My gut feeling is that will be revealed the deeper I go into these memories of my original annihilation. :x
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Hey Confused ? Lefty! I too am left handed- the only one on both sides of family for at least the 6-7 generations we know about through family research. I was forced by the evil penguins- my term for nuns!( apologize to any practicing Catholics)- to attempt to be right handed. I was beaten, strapped and had my left hand tied. Guess what? It didn't work!All it accomplished was my never learning to write with either hand, but, boy, I can print up a storm with both! Anyway, result now is I'm left handed for most things but do many other things right handed. This is obviously not that unusual for lefties in a right handed world. but many righties also do things with their left hands as the preferred hand. For example, a right handed person may catch a ball with their left hand or swing a golf club in leftie manner etc. also there is research that any number of pregnancy and birth complications- esp. those affecting the old O2 to the noggin- are suspected of causing left handedness. Curious- are you also dyslexic or have any learning disabilities? A large percent of us lefties also have learning disabilities. Did you know- likely you do!- that lefties have a shorter life span than righties- forget the exact number of years, but it's something like 6-7 years! I believe, as do others, it's because lefties are clumsier and have more accidents than righties- toll of living in rightie world!
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I'm left handed and thankfully no one tried to "switch" me. I just got a lot of comments from my mom about how inconvenient and sad it was that I was left-handed. Even then, I thought she was an idiot for saying it.
bunny
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Hi Bunny! Interesing how the Latin word for left is "sinister"!!! No wonder we're considered odd and maybe deviant by narrow minded righties! And what " inconvenient" things are " causes for concern" for a right handed mom??? I wouldn't choose to be right handed- we lefties are truly the only ones in our right minds- brainwise!! A dark comment- if you'd slapped her she wouldn't have seen it coming as that's one distinct advantage to being left handed!!!
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Hello Moira,
The only trace of my left handedness is the manner in which I eat. As far as I know I've never broken my arm or hand on my right so that would not account for the strange manner in which I hold a fork or spoon.
I am ambidextrous when I draw. I can use both hands equally. It actually feels strange to NOT draw with both hands.
As far as I know I don't have any learning disabilities.
Did you know that lefties are NOT more clumsy as some studies have shown? Rather it is that the world in which they live is not supporitve of lefties. A lefty living in a righty world makes them more prone to accidents.
Besides this oddity, the manner in which I hold my fork/spoon I've found 10 actual genetic impossibilities. One significant one is my ear lobe is not attached to my face. Both of my parents earlobes are. According to the web site where I visited my results indicate I was adopted. Or the other possibility, my father is NOT my father. :shock:
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One significant one is my ear lobe is not attached to my face. Both of my parents earlobes are. According to the web site where I visited my results indicate I was adopted. Or the other possibility, my father is NOT my father.
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You're absolutely right! I can't remember where I learned this but if your earlobes are different from your parents, it may be a genetic marker that your father is not your biological father. I believe attached earlobes are dominant and have to be from both parents????
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I've heard that all lefties are geniuses.
Hahahahahaha!!! :D :D
Maybe not. I'm left handed but ....it's one of the nicer ideas about the trait.
I play piano which helped develop the use of both hands and often I have a hard time deciding which hand I want to use for what? :shock:
I must have felt some kind of social pressure because I tried to do most things the way right handed people do them (I don't recall negative comments but I may have repressed them?).
Too bad both my parents are gone. I wouldn't have minded checking their earlobes. :shock:
Sela
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One significant one is my ear lobe is not attached to my face. Both of my parents earlobes are. According to the web site where I visited my results indicate I was adopted. Or the other possibility, my father is NOT my father.
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You're absolutely right! I can't remember where I learned this but if your earlobes are different from your parents, it may be a genetic marker that your father is not your biological father. I believe attached earlobes are dominant and have to be from both parents????
Unattached is the dominant. Here some more genetic markers.
Just a few of my genetic markers:
1. Low Resting Heart Rate which is likely passed on down by the father since they have lower HRs than females. This also goes with a Mesomorph build as these are found in natural born athletes. My Nfather doesn't have it.
2. Born with skin tag under tongue, called tongue-tie, which went to the tip of my tongue. It is actually a birth defect and the gene is linked to cleft lip. It's a gene passed by the father. My Nfather doesn't have it nor do people in his family.
3. My body build is unique. No one else in my family looks like me. I'm a combination of body build that no one else has, referred to as Ecto-Mesomorph. I easily build muscles. I noticed this as a young adult that I could build muscles by swimming. I've got an hour glass shape YET [here is the clincher] small boned. My Nmother and Nfather are large boned.
4. Another is attached ear lobe. My parents are both attached. My mother constantly made me hide my ears with my hair. Mine, unattached ear lobes, is the dominant, hers and my dad the recessive.
5. Eyes. My mother has blue eyes. My father has brown. I have hazel, an impossibility! Brown is dominant and therefore I should have brown eyes. All three of my brothers have brown eyes.
6. I look like my mother, face wise; lips, facial structure yes. However not body, not build, not hair, not eyes and skin. I am more fair than her. My father tans easily. All three brothers tan easily. My hair is fine and straight. My mother has medium and with body. My father wavy/curly and coarse. All my brothers have medium to coarse wavy to curly hair.
7. My father and brothers all have a genetic disorder and I don't. My doctor said the likelihood that this would happen would be rare. I had a test done and the doctor had it repeated because he thought it was wrong.
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Too bad both my parents are gone. I wouldn't have minded checking their earlobes. :shock:
Sela
Got any pictures? A magnifying glass? :)
Left handed genuises? Never heard of that. :)
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Got any pictures? A magnifying glass?
Hey! That's a great idea! I've got their wedding picture......somewhere. I'll have to dig it up. Those lobes should be fairly fresh in that shot.
Left handed genuises? Never heard of that.
Oh. It's absolutely true......in most cases. 8) (give or take a few).
:D Sela
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Hi everybody,
I didn't realize I've been eating weird all these years. :lol:
I know a lot of lefties really cock their hands strangely while writing (I don't) but I have never noticed any that do so while eating. I'll have to take a look next time I see one of my fellow weirdos chowing down.
I was never pressured to change, I've always felt kind of proud being a little different.
But I sure had a lot of blisters on the top of my thumb over the years from those right handed scissors and hand tools. :(
Don't even ask about chainsaws. :?
mudpup
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Hey all! A coupla comments on the lefty thing. There is a correlation between genious and left handedness. Einstein and Leonardo Da Vinci were not only left handed but dyslexic as well. Many other examples as well.Correlations between left handedness and high creativity given the right brain thing. That's why I said we lefties are the only ones in our right mind! Regarding the ear lobe thing- everyone has their own unique ear lobes same as fingerprints and also feet No one has the same ears or feet( in terms of weight bearing and the imprints left), as anyone else in the world- Same as fingerprints are completely unique to every individual.. Forensics have used earlobe prints as positive matches for criminals for a long time and the FBI also has discovered that everyone's footprints are also unique to every individual. They also have been used as evidence to convict. I worked many years in forensics and also with a famous Vancouver police criminal profiler, Kim Rosmo who is now a profiler with the FBI in Quantico. Check out CSI sometime- a wealth of accurate forensic info, amazingly enoughfor TV!!. I absolutely meant re: my comment on lefties having a shorter life span and more accidents because of clumsiness meaning exactly that we have to live in a rightie world! Low resting heart rate may have some genetic components but is typically related to other physiological conditions, lifestyle etc. My father had high blood pressure and cholesterol all his life despite being physically active, athletic and non smoker. I have had low blood pressure- in fact on the too low side causing fainting all my life. Body build- my father was a tall muscular build with big bones. My mother is short and small boned. Two of us kids have combos of those body types, one is similar to my father and I'm exactly like my mother. everyone in my family has thick curly hair and I have fine straight hair- like my maternal grandmother and most of my cousins.Everyone is fair with red or blonde hair- I tan and have black hair- like my father's Cree mother.Now the other genetic markers and conditions mentioned are puzzling however did the doctor repeat the test because results were consistent with both parents genetics? If the test results were consistent with both parents and you thought they were different, it's possible for rarity. Genetics are very complicated- have you done research- pardon me if you said you did, but for almost anything genetic you check out, you will find something that goes against popular research. Is the doctor who did your testing a specialist in genetics? If not, if peace of mind or discovery is important to you- sounds like it is- have you thought about seeing genetics specialist? And a final thought- is your quest soley to find out if you are adopted, or one of your parents had an affair or a marriage that's been kept secret, or someone else in either family gave birth to you and your parents raised you? I get the fact that if you are indeed not your parent's child, it might be important to find out asbout your parents if for nothing else to find out medical history. Interesting topics!
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NOT SHOUTING, JUST EASIER. I HAVE TWO LEFT FEET! :lol:
Regarding the ear lobe thing- everyone has their own unique ear lobes same as fingerprints and also feet
SCIENTIFICALLY GENETICS BLOWS A HOLE IN THAT THEORY. THERE ARE TWO BASIC TYPES OF EAR LOBES - ATTACHED AND UNATTACHED. PERIOD.
SURE YOUR EAR LOBE CAN BE A UNIQUE SHAPE BUT THAT IS A HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR.:lol: CLEARLY THE PERSON IS NOT REFERRING TO THE UNIQUE SHAPE OF THEIR EAR LOBE AS YOU ARE. THEIR EXPLICIT DESCRIPTION OF THEIR GENETIC DIFFERENCE IS UNATTACHED EAR LOBES!
Low resting heart rate may have some genetic components but is typically related to other physiological conditions, lifestyle etc.
YOU NEED TO DO MORE RESEARCH! YOUR THEORY DOES NOT HAVE A CLEAR PHYSIOLOGICAL BASIS!
AND YOU CONTRADICT YOURSELF IN THE NEXT QUOTE.
YOU ASSUME LRHR IS DUE TO OTHER PHYSIOLOGICAL CONDITIONS OR LIFESTYLE OR ? AND ASSUME THE PERSON HAS NOT RESEARCHED THESE OTHER EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES BEFORE COMING TO THEIR CONCLUSION.
My father had high blood pressure and cholesterol all his life despite being physically active, athletic and non smoker.
GENETICS BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HE DID TO IMPROVE HIS HEALTH, IT DID NOT CORRECT HIS HBP AND HCHOL. THE REASON: GENETICALLY PREDISPOSED TO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND HIGH CHOLESTEROL.
I have had low blood pressure- in fact on the too low side causing fainting all my life.
GENETICS, UNLESS OF COURSE YOU HAVE DONE YOUR RESEARCH AND THERE ARE UNDERLYING PHYSICAL CAUSES TO YOUR CONDITION. LBP, LRHR, HBP, HRHR AND HCHOL ARE ALL GENETIC WHEN NO OTHER CAUSES CAN BE FOUND AND THE PERSON IN QUESTION HAS DONE ALL THEY CAN FOR THEIR CONDITION [WITHOUT TAKING PHARMACEUTICALS].
LIKE I SAID ABOVE YOU HAVE MADE MANY ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT THE PERSON WHO POSTED THESE GENETIC FINDINGS. THEY MIGHT HAVE DONE THE RESEARCH AND HAD THE PHYSICAL EXAMINATIONS WHICH PROVE THERE ARE NO UNDERLYING CONDITIONS TO CAUSE THEIR LRHR. THE PERSON SOUNDS FAIRLY INTELLIGENT AND LOOKS LIKE THEY HAVE DONE THEIR RESEARCH.
Body build- my father was a tall muscular build with big bones. My mother is short and small boned. Two of us kids have combos of those body types, one is similar to my father and I'm exactly like my mother.
AGAIN GENETICS AT PLAY OR PLAYING WITH YOU! :)
everyone in my family has thick curly hair and I have fine straight hair- like my maternal grandmother and most of my cousins.Everyone is fair with red or blonde hair- I tan and have black hair- like my father's Cree mother.
AHHH! THERE IS THAT GENETICS AGAIN KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR! AND ONLY ONE PERSON ON YOUR FATHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY HAS IT. NOT BOTH PARENTS? OH NO!!! :)
Now the other genetic markers and conditions mentioned are puzzling however did the doctor repeat the test because results were consistent with both parents genetics? If the test results were consistent with both parents and you thought they were different, it's possible for rarity.
SOUNDS LIKE THIS PERSON IS RIGHT ON TO ME. GENETIC CHARACTERISTICS OR TRAITS COME FROM EITHER BOTH PARENTS OR ONE PARENT. MANY TIMES ONLY ONE PARENT CARRIES THE GENE - LIKE YOUR BLACK HAIR! ARE YOU ASSUMING BOTH PARENTS HAVE TO CARRY WHATEVER GENE THE PERSON IS REFERRING TO? YOUR CONCLUSION IS TOO VAGUE.
GENES DETERMINE SIZE, COLOR, BLOOD TYPE, WEIGHT, BODY BUILD, COLOR OF EYES, COLOR BLINDNESS AND VARIOUS DISEASES AND DISORDERS -- LIKE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND HIGH CHOLESTEROL. :)
AND ONE MORE THING -- TELEVISIONS SHOWS DO NOT ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH. YOU CANNOT RELY ON THE PRODUCERS OF CSI TO GIVE 100% ACCURATE INFORMATION. IT IS FICTION AFTER ALL, NOT REALITY. THINK ABOUT THE POPULAR SHOW ER. HOW MANY EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT DOCTORS AND NURSES SPEAK TO EACH OTHER LIKE THEY DO ON THAT SHOW? ZERO.
RECENTLY I READ AN EDITOR'S INTERVIEW ABOUT A NEW WRITER WHO THOUGHT THE INFORMATION ON TELEVISION SHOWS WAS ACCURATE. APPARENTLY THE WRITER BASED THEIR ENTIRE BOOK ON A CERTAIN DETECTIVE SERIES. THE EDITOR HAD A GOOD LAUGH. :lol:
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Dear Any....I guess I am dumb but what is the point of your post?
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THE FIRST POINT: MOIRA DID NOT READ WHAT ITEXPERIMENT WROTE. THE FIRST THING SAID WAS VERY PLAIN- ATTACHED AND UNATTACHED EAR LOBES ARE GENETIC. ITEXPERIMENT'S EAR LOBES ARE UNATTACHED, DOMINANT AND THEIR PARENTS ARE ATTACHED, RECESSIVE. ITEXPERIMENT'S CONCLUSIONS ARE CORRECT - THE FATHER IS NOT THEIR FATHER.
THE SECOND POINT: MOIRA ASSUMED THAT ITEXPERIMENT DID NOT RESEARCH THEIR INFORMATION. NO ONE KNOWS THAT EXCEPT ITEXPERIMENT. WHEN YOU ASSUME ...
THE THIRD POINT: RELYING ON A FICTION TELEVISION SERIES FOR THE TRUTH IS LIKE BELIEVING A LIE.
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Any,
Moira has not "assumed that ITexperiment did not research their information". In fact she said,
"have you done research- pardon me if you said you did,"
Maybe you should read a little more carefully yourself...
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Wow! This genetics stuff sure became a flaming hot topic! :) Not my intention at all. Just stating the facts of my extensive research - something I love to do, research that is. :)
I found something interesting on a site, somewhere, on one of my many hunts for information of all kinds. It fit me perfectly. It was a test for which kind of work suits you best. My result was Research and Design. I don't like the limelight. Rather I prefer being in the background doing research and design. I love both. The particular web site was comparing body types and personalities. Very interesting. And the web site talked about how the man who discovered body types. He could spot a body type on anyone, any time and had 100% accuracy.
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Hello Any...now I'm wondering if you considered why these posts were written. Again, I guess I am clueless but it sounds like you are teacher grading a paper. Your information would be great if it weren't so disparaging of the post that generated your reply. Take care.
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Hi Any- Whoa Nelly!!!! I guess I get a detention and will return with a note from my parents!!! I am confused as to your hostility. I'm expressing my opinions which is, I thought- one of the points of this site as well as to offer support, tips etc. It would never occur to me to slam someone for theirs even if they run against the grain and I thought they were unhinged!!!! As for assumptions- yeah, we all make em, I like to think I know when I'm on that slippery slope. I won't bother commenting on any of your assumptions. I didn't just fall off a turnip truck and wasn't writing from my sofa glued to CSI!!! I don't feel any need to reiterate or justify anything from my post.You took obvoius offense- that's your problem, not mine and not any other readers. I have no problem with challenges but I remain confused as to why you feel the need to make personal attacks? Lucky for me I have a thick skin and healthy self esteem! I have no intention of engaging in a psissing match with anyone so if you feel the need to address this again with me, I will not respond. Sign me- Columbo scratching my head perplexed in my trench coat. Hee hee!!
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The only comment I would like to make on this fascinating thread - and it does read like a detective novel (Don't mean that to sound negative - I love reading stuff like that, as long as it isn't too nasty) - is that in my case I have no doubt whatever that the man I call dad is actually my dad. He and I are too similar in looks to leave any room for doubt. We both have blue eyes, and both have unattached earlobes, and we both have relatively small build. We have the same colour hair and similar shape faces. Put us side by side, and you would immediately say, father daughter. Just as put me beside my older brother and it would be clear we are brother and sister. Younger brother is a little different, favouring mum's side instead, with darker hair, but similar enough to older brother to show the family resemblance.
But all of that is rather beside the point, to me. In terms of emotional closeness, or what you might call appropriate parent:child bonding and relationship, dad in particular might as well be an alien from the Planet Zog. He has no idea of who I am. He wouldn't be able to tell you what I like or don't like, or what I read, or what tv I like watching. He would probably only say that I am arrogant, and think myself superior to him, and that I am a snob. He would also say that he thinks the world of me and would do anything for me (one of his pet phrases) but this is part of his fantasy world, I am sorry to say.
I commend your search for the truth, but even if in the end you are not able to reach any conclusive findings - or if you do - it doesn't really change the essential fact that you were not parented, any more than I was, or anyone else here was, in the way that we needed and deserved. I used to fantasise about having been adopted, and thought that one day my 'real' parents would turn up and take me home. But then I realised the terrible truth; that adopted children are wanted and chosen by their parents, and I was neither. I had to belong, because I was not wanted. :?
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Sorry, but the besserwisser in me could not help but respond to this.
5. Eyes. My mother has blue eyes. My father has brown. I have hazel, an impossibility! Brown is dominant and therefore I should have brown eyes. All three of my brothers have brown eyes.
You seem to have gotten this backwards. When it comes to genes we get one from each parent at birth. A dominant gene means that if you have two different genes, the dominant one will show. So if you have one blue-eyed gene from your mother and one brown-eyed gene from your father, yes, your eyes will be brown. But having brown eyes also means that you may have a blue or hazel gene as well, so your father might have one gene for brown and one for hazel, and if you inherited the hazel one, you could well turn out to have hazel eyes. Two browneyed people can have blue-eyed children, but two blue-eyed people can not have a browneyed child, since the gene is recessive they have two have both genes blue for them two have blue eyes, so there are no "hidden" genes for their children to inherit. I hope i don't come across as lecturing, that is not my intention, but I find this subject interesting. I am the blond, blue-eyed children of two dark-haired, browneyed parents, and although I got it from my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather, stuff like this can be hidden much further back. Have you heard about those families in the US where a white couple might have a black child or vice versa, because of genes that have been hidden for generations and that nobody knew about? Imagine trying to explain that to your man!
Having said all that, I don't know anything about the other stuff you brought up, and I don't mean to say that you are wrong about your father being your father. I agree with October that it doesn't really matter, but I still think it would be great to find a parent you didn't know you had, and who might actually be sane and want to be around you! I'm guessing this is what drives you, and I wish you luck in your research, and hope you keep us posted!
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Sorry, but the besserwisser in me could not help but respond to this.
5. Eyes. My mother has blue eyes. My father has brown. I have hazel, an impossibility! Brown is dominant and therefore I should have brown eyes. All three of my brothers have brown eyes.
You seem to have gotten this backwards. When it comes to genes we get one from each parent at birth. A dominant gene means that if you have two different genes, the dominant one will show. So if you have one blue-eyed gene from your mother and one brown-eyed gene from your father, yes, your eyes will be brown. But having brown eyes also means that you may have a blue or hazel gene as well, so your father might have one gene for brown and one for hazel, and if you inherited the hazel one, you could well turn out to have hazel eyes. Two browneyed people can have blue-eyed children, but two blue-eyed people can not have a browneyed child, since the gene is recessive they have two have both genes blue for them two have blue eyes, so there are no "hidden" genes for their children to inherit. I hope i don't come across as lecturing, that is not my intention, but I find this subject interesting. I am the blond, blue-eyed children of two dark-haired, browneyed parents, and although I got it from my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather, stuff like this can be hidden much further back.
Brown eyes are dominant and the father carries the genes. So everyone of the kids would have brown eyes.
My Nmother's side has blue eyes. My Nfather's side has brown eyes. Blue + brown does NOT = hazel eyes.
Blue eyes are considered the absence of color and therefore would not produce hazel eyes.
According to everything I have read, my eyes should be brown. In fact they look very much like my mother's eyes with a little bit of hazel coloring.
I trust my gut feeling which I have had since I was quite young. I always sensed my father was not my father. I never felt I was adopted but always knew something was amiss. As my sig says, the truth is in me and the "the truth shall set me free." I'm only going to find freedom from my past through trusting myself and my gut feelings.
I remember some very strange conversations with my Nmother noticing things about me and then quickly changing the subject.
One incident in particular happened when I was a freshman in junior high. Being a girl I wanted to try lipstick, earrings, perfume, etc. I went into my parents' room to try out these items. My Nm came in and caught me in the act. Unusual for her, she decided to help me try things out. Normally she would have attacked my curiousity. She found some earings she didn't like because "they hung down too close to her face" and tried them out on my earlobes. My Nm said, "you have such nice earlobes. Not like mine I can't wear this type of earring." She started to put them on me and then her tone changed. Suddenly it was, "you need to hide your ears. They don't look nice. Your hair needs to be covering your ears." She pulled the earrings off my earlobes and brought my hair down to cover my ears. Then quickly got me interested in some lipstick. It was like a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde switch.
Another time my Nm had roughly grabbed my wrist because she was angry about something. Suddenly in mid action she started to feel my wrist and then she compared that with her own. She said, "unlike me, you've got very small bones." My Nm then showed me the difference -- hers were large. And again as per usual the subject suddenly changed to something completely different.
There were many more incidents of sudden recognition that I was different than her or my father. And my Nm was the one who pointed out those differences. Then there was the quick coverup and subject change.
The covering of my ears with my hair by my Nm became a ritual after that. I would place my hair behind my ears and my mother would change my hair. I'd wear my hair straight and she would suggest curling it so it would cover my ears better. Her obsession with needing my ears covered continued well into my adult life.
In fact no one in my immediate and extended family has ears like mine.
Years ago while doing collages to work through memories I found a picture of someone I recognized. My therapist says face recognition is very common with memories where there may not be a corresponding memory of a name or even actual memory. I've saved that picture for years because the man looks familiar. I looked at it a couple of days ago and guess what type of earlobes this man has? Unattached. His eye color is hazel. Not only that I look like a cross between him and my Nmother.
Looking back I thought my Nm was dissociative because of these abrupt switches. However after thoroughly reading several books in the last couple of days, I've realized this is the typical N response for coverup or denyng feelings of their own or mine.
There are many more clues too numerous to list.
Have you heard about those families in the US where a white couple might have a black child or vice versa, because of genes that have been hidden for generations and that nobody knew about? Imagine trying to explain that to your man!
You mean like the Strom Thurmond black daughter?
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Hi Itex:
It is certainly interesting....all the differences you have noticed that don't quite fit with your "father".
Have you ever outright asked either of them about it/pointed out these differences?
I don't suppose the truth would be part of the equation. It must be/have been tempting to ask though.
Do you find it..kind of a nice thing to fantasize about.....having a different father? 8)
I think I would. Also I might feel a longing to find him and know him.
((((((ITex))))))
Sela
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Hi ITexperiment!
I get the impression that my post upset you, and I'm truly sorry if it did. That was not my intention at all.This medium can be so difficult sometimes. :( I in no way meant that you are wrong about your "father" not being your father. I don't doubt your experiences, and hey, who would know better than you? Well, maybe your parents, or at least your mother, but certainly not me, I've never even met anyone from your family (or not that I know of anyway...) I guess what I'm trying to say is that I validate you, and i do believe you. Even if you had no physical proof (but I'm not saying that you don't, that earlobe thing sounds pretty conclusive to me, and fascinating, especially the way your mother wanted them covered up...), I am a firm believer in so called "gut instinct". A professor once told me that instinct is not some anti-logical, out-there emotional response, but that it is knowledge that we are not aware of having... (Like noticing the earlobe-thing before you knew what it meant.) But I'm getting off track... I was just interested in a theorethical discussion of the eye-colour genetics. That a gene is dominant doesn't mean that you are more likely to inherit it (that is pretty random), but that that is the gene that will "show" in the physical person. Even if everyone in a family has brown eyes several generations back, they may also carry genes for blue, green or hazel eyes, but since the brown genes are dominant, they might not know! But one day, two brown-eyed people who both carry a recessive or "hidden" gene for another eye-colour might meet, and by chance their child inherits both of these genes and so will not have brown eyes. An example from real life: In my fiancé's family, both the mother and the father have brown eyes, one of the daughters has blue eyes, the other green eyes, and my f's eyes are sometimes hazel, sometimes green (depending on the light, but it would be cool if they changed colour depending on his mood... :)). Also, both my parents have brown eyes, but both my sister and me have blue eyes, and there is absolutely no doubt of them being my real parents, however much I wish they weren't... (my mother is N, and there is something very wrong with my dad too, although I don't know him well enough to say if he's N or not... Don't know wether to laugh or cry about that, maybe I should just thank my lucky star.... :?)
Anyhow, sorry we seemed to get off on the wrong foot, I've been gone for a while, but I think I remember you from when I was more active and you seem like a cool person. Take care and good luck in your research! :)
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Hi Itex:
It is certainly interesting....all the differences you have noticed that don't quite fit with your "father".
Have you ever outright asked either of them about it/pointed out these differences?
I don't suppose the truth would be part of the equation. It must be/have been tempting to ask though.
Do you find it..kind of a nice thing to fantasize about.....having a different father? 8)
I think I would. Also I might feel a longing to find him and know him.
((((((ITex))))))
Sela
Hello Sela,
Yes, I have outright asked numerous times both as a child and an adult, why I look different than anyone else. Of course my Nm's reply is always, "well you look like me." Then she does the famous N tactic - quickly changes the subject. Then again she has already noted the differences between she and I.
I've always felt I've been missing something in my life. This goes beyond all the N stuff. I always knew from an early age something was different about me, that I didn't fit.
The sad part is he was part of the abuse equation. :( A long story there which is too disgusting to even talk about. :x :( So I don't long to meet him rather I long to find this man and "see" him for the first time as an adult. Not necessarily in person either. I don't know if that is possible. He may not even be alive.
Three of my books clearly describe him. I know his hair color, eye color, his body build, his likes and dislikes, what he did for a living, for hobbies and interests, his personality, etc. I know almost everything about him. It's creepy. Yes, very creepy.
In order to publish my books I'll have to change his name though. I have his first name, which two of my brothers have so cleverly repeated in their children's name. Imagine having two brothers name their children the same name. I believe it is a reminder, an echo. My therapist sees it a different way. That it is very likely that these two brothers also had contact with my biological father.
Thank you for the hugs.
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The only comment I would like to make on this fascinating thread - and it does read like a detective novel (Don't mean that to sound negative - I love reading stuff like that, as long as it isn't too nasty) - is that in my case I have no doubt whatever that the man I call dad is actually my dad. He and I are too similar in looks to leave any room for doubt. We both have blue eyes, and both have unattached earlobes, and we both have relatively small build. We have the same colour hair and similar shape faces. Put us side by side, and you would immediately say, father daughter. Just as put me beside my older brother and it would be clear we are brother and sister. Younger brother is a little different, favouring mum's side instead, with darker hair, but similar enough to older brother to show the family resemblance.
I show no family resemblance to anyone but my Nmother and then not totally like my my Nmother.
I found a web site for hair genetics and it was definite. It said when there is one person with curly hair and one with straight all children would have wavy hair. Everyone does except me.
I commend your search for the truth, but even if in the end you are not able to reach any conclusive findings - or if you do - it doesn't really change the essential fact that you were not parented, any more than I was, or anyone else here was, in the way that we needed and deserved. I used to fantasise about having been adopted, and thought that one day my 'real' parents would turn up and take me home. But then I realised the terrible truth; that adopted children are wanted and chosen by their parents, and I was neither. I had to belong, because I was not wanted. :?
I totally agree October. I was not parented.
I never fantasized about being adopted. I know that is because of my abuse which involved staged kidnappings. Yet I always intuitively knew I looked different than the rest of my family. My Nmother validated that many times with her need to hide my traits which were different than hers, my Nfather's and my brothers.
There was also the odd (and I do mean odd) conversation between my Nmother, my Nfather and me where they would try to determine who I looked like on either side of their families. The conclusion was I looked like my Nmother but not much like anyone else.
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Hi ITexperiment!
I get the impression that my post upset you, and I'm truly sorry if it did.
Anyhow, sorry we seemed to get off on the wrong foot, I've been gone for a while, but I think I remember you from when I was more active and you seem like a cool person. Take care and good luck in your research! :)
Hello Sleepyhead,
It kind of did. And I accept your apologies.
My intuitive feelings have remained strong throughout all my years growing up and as an adult. Yet I never thought that anything could be genetic even though I saw actual differences with my brothers, father and mother.
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Hi ITex:
Imagine having two brothers name their children the same name.
That is weird/strange/odd eh? What a reminder!! :x :x
I suppose you could decide that they are just names and not let it have an effect on you???
Do you see your sibblings often or have you cut contact with them??
I'm so sorry that all this disgusting stuff happened to you, ITex and I'm glad you're writing your books. (((((((ITex)))))).
Sela
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My parents' eyes are brown and blue. They have five children: two brown, two hazel, and one blue. Who/what is dominant? just out of curiosity.
bunny
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My son is left-handed. Doesn't do anything with his right hand but work the computer mouse. Both his father and I are right-handed, but have lefties on both sides. My son is very bright, has ADHD, has been a singer and played piano for years and performed in all the musicals in high school, but is a pre-med in college and very strong in math and science. His father has brown eyes, I have hazel which turn green, and my son has gray eyes like my xmil.
Interesting stuff.
Brigid
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I think october explained some of this really well on an earlier post. When it comes to genetics, the only way recessive genes win out, is if they are both recessive. One dominant, out of the 2, and the dominant wins.
Sunshine
Not me. :shock: It was Sleepyhead Guesting.
I am a real dodo when it comes to the science bits. :lol: :lol:
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My father had very blue eyes, my mother very brown. 2 of us had blue, 1 had brown, 5 had hazel, and mine hazel turning brilliant green at times. My x had one blue eye, one green eye-my children, one has very brown, the other hazel. My son's very brown had to be because I had a very brown gene within me that I inhereited from my mother and passed on.
Eyes are the most complicated gene according to all the web sites I've researched. If it wasn't for a multitude of factors (low resting heart rate, body build, bent pinky, earlobes, hair color and type, eyes, tongue-tie, left-handedness, freckles) I would have never suspected a different father.
You have two genes for every trait. You get one from your mother and one from your father. Certain genes are dominant, and you only need one of the pair to give you its trait. If you don’t have a dominant gene, then you are recessive for that trait.
On being a lefty. Both my parents were right handed. However, my mother said she was a lefty and they used to make you be a right handed person years ago. I have 2 left handed siblings, 6 right handed, and I am both-no one forced me. My x was left handed. Our children are 1 right, 1 left, the lefty, like me, also does things with the other hand-like I do, batting, golfing. And, by the way, he does do that left hand eating thing from the top of the bowl as you, IT, explained.
I got to watch two lefties in a restaurant yesterday eat exactly the way I eat with my right hand. However I noticed that not one person at the way I do with my right hand. That was a confirmation for me even though I always knew I ate different by watching my brothers, mother and father eat.
I read about being a lefty or a righty on line. It was actual research where they discovered you are born ambidextrous and then at some point begin to favor one hand over the other.
I've always had a problem with analog clocks and telling time on them. I was very glad when I could purchase a digital clock and even more happy when they were based on military time.
In my observation, and from what I have read, left handed people are more creative. My left handed son is a natural actor, musician, artist. Have any of you noticed how many actors are left handed? IT, I can see where your natural ability in design comes to play if you are to be a lefty. I, too, have a natural ability in design-but being right handed also, well maybe I have the upper hand in all things :lol: Someone mentioned learning disabilities in lefties, my son did struggle in school, and I had difficulty comprehending in reading. I think it was because our "creative" minds were always somwhere else. :lol: However, we have very high IQs-which is possibly genetic too??
Sunshine
I am creative: write, draw, play an instrument, write music, act and design. I didn't do well in school unless it was writing, drawing, designing or playing music. I had a difficult time with reading. However I now love to read. I haven't been able to excell in all areas the way I would have liked to and might still do some of those things. Overall though I like designing, writing, drawing, and playing music, in that order.
Remember, August 13th is International Lefthanders Day! :lol:
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Hi ITex:
Imagine having two brothers name their children the same name.
That is weird/strange/odd eh? What a reminder!! :x :x
I suppose you could decide that they are just names and not let it have an effect on you???
Do you see your sibblings often or have you cut contact with them??
I'm so sorry that all this disgusting stuff happened to you, ITex and I'm glad you're writing your books. (((((((ITex)))))).
Sela
Hello Sela,
Yes it is a weird/strange/odd reminder.
I think I've gotten to the point where the names are a reminder and that is it. The revelation and then acceptance has happened over the last 17 days. Strangely my own birthday was the catalyst for the change. On that day my therapist asked me if I thought my father was not my biological father. I think he suspected it because how I was singled out in my family. This was only after I shared my gut feelings. The two times I tried to answer him with the affirmative I got heart palpitations and a lump in my throat. I did finally say yes.
Since that day my heart palpitations, which I've had on and off for the last one and one half years, are for the most part gone. In my subconscious there was this truth I didn't want to speak. When I did gave the truth a voice that turned into freedom and the ability to let go.
I haven't seen my Nbro [his first, adopted, son is named Daniel], my youngest bro [his first or last, son is named Daniel] and my middle bro in 7 years. I have contact with the middle bro by email and sometimes phone. He and I have always been close because we're both middle children, introverts and musicians. My middle bro was not abused but has suffered the effects from my abuse because we were close. He has always maintained that I was abused even in the face of possible rejection from my entire family. I suspect my youngest bro may be N too.
In my family all the extroverts are N and the introverts are not.
My books have been my sanity. The place I can speak the truth. And of course my catharsis.
Thanks for the hugs again. :D