Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Sallying Forth on July 30, 2005, 05:12:10 AM
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Sorry for the short title but it says it all. Grieving and feeling very blue. This color really says how I feel.
Seeing the message on the board about Stormchild and her Sophie brings more up for me.
Another pet lost on my cancer support list was another trigger to my pain. My Behr died on May 20 after a one and a half year battle with cancer.
I woke up yesterday morning, laid in bed for a while. Normally I bounce out of bed but not yesterday. I just lay there. Suddenly I was overcome with intense sadness over the loss of my beloved dog, Behr. :cry:
I miss him so much. I don't know if I ever want another dog like him, the same breed. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. It just keeps coming. I poured so much of my time and life into training Behr. He was my companion when my marriage was awful and lonely. And now he's gone. I feel so alone without my companion by my side. Behr was always in the same room with me. Always by my side. Always.
Behr was so special because of his enormous size (bigger than usual for the breed). He didn't know how big he was, nearly 200 pounds! As most dogs in his breed, he loved to lay lengthwise on me, pin me down and proceed to lick my face until I laughed. Then he promptly released me. If he wanted to get fed and I didn't think he should be fed he'd let me know. All 196 pounds would let me know. He would lie down across me then paw and woof me until I said, "you want nummies?" His paws were the size of my hands, over 5 inches across! Then he'd let me up.
I was as much owned by Behr as I owned him.
I miss the sound of Behr's heavy paws walking down the hallway to my office. I miss training him everyday. Behr lived to train. It wasn't just the treats, it was the interaction. It was praising Behr and teaching him and watching him figure things out. We'd play hide and seek with treats and I would hide them all over the house. I would also hide and tell Behr to find me. When he did there was a reward and praises.
And the last day it Behr's favorite treats. One he couldn't have because of his restricted diet. We finally gave Behr his own soft serve ice cream cone from his favorite ice cream parlor. And his other favorite treat for the final six months of his life, frozen grapes.
:cry: I miss him so much ... :cry:
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Hiya Itex:
Very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved doggie. :( :( He sounds like a wonderful guy and like you were very attached to him, so no wonder you have to grieve for awhile over his passing on.
Pets are like family members, almost like children, to me. My oldest dog is a big german sheppard mutt and I am so attached to her that I was afraid I would really lose it, when she goes. She is 9 so won't live for too many more years. I decided to get a pup, last winter, and that way, when my big girl goes, I will still have my little girl (she's a mix of blue healer, german sheppard and border collie....what a cute little busy body she is!!!). I think she will extend the life of my older dog by keeping her more active. They really seem to love eachother (they greet eachother every morning and when they have been separated/away from eachother..... with a kiss!!).
Over the years I have had several dogs, some pure breds and others mixed breeds. All of them had thier own personalities and were a joy to raise. Once, a dog who I think I was more attached to than any other I have had before or since, was hit by a car and killed very suddenly. I was pregnant at the time and had already lost my first child, so I was very upset about losing my pet and extremely concerned that the emotional upheaval would cause me to lose another child.
I went out, the very night my dog was killed, and got a new pup. I figgered a pup would not replace my sweet lost dog but that I would have to pay attention to a pup, that a pup would keep me busy and give some breaks between my grieving over my other dog (because puppies are so darn cute and busy that you just have to smile, some of the time when you're around them :D).
Anyhow, it worked. I was kept busy with my new puppy and although I did grieve a lot over my dear dog that died, I carried my baby to term and was blessed with a beautiful daughter. The new pup was 6 months old when my baby was born and I was very worried that, being a purebred german sheppard, she might be severely jealous of the new addition to our family. She was too....for about 5 minutes. After that, she became the greatest protector, play mate, adoring companion to my child that might ever have been imagined. She was not the same as my poor dog that passed away, different personality, not a mixed breed, etc but....she was a most loving and loyal friend, as any that could be wished for....and especially had an instinct it seemed to keep my child safe (maybe she sensed my intense worry of losing another child....my fear being very real??). All I can say is I would not want to be the one to hurt that child while within sight of that dog....it would have been suicide!!!
I guess the point of my little story here is that you will know when it's time to get another dog and even if that doesn't seem ok to do right now, keep it in the back of your mind, as a hope for the future. You sound like a wonderful pet owner....giving so much of yourself to your pet and appreciating and respecting what your pet gives back. People like you are the best pet owners and are so admirable. You put some pretty lousy pet owners to shame!! It's so hard to lose our very much loved animals but for me....I can now look back and just be thankful that I was blessed with such wonderful, truly unique and loving friends and with the chance to enjoy them and share with them, in my life. You will get there too, ITex, and hopefully, be busy training a sweet, new, adorable, busy, completely different personalitywise pup, who you will love and enjoy just as much as your old pal Behr. And he will always live in your heart, for ever and ever, no matter how much time passes.
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Sela
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You're right Sela. When the time is right I'll get another puppy. I never thought I would miss this big, overgrown puppy so much. :(
Here's his picture:
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I am so sorry to hear of your grief. I, too, love my little girl (her name is Lady, she's a yorkie). She's 11 and I am thankful, everyday, that she is still the same as she ever was. But, I know how much I'll hurt when she goes.
My heart goes out to you.
Smiles,
Danielle
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Hi! My heart goes out to you . I relate to and tend to love animals more than people. Pets are so much more reliable and loving- unconditionally. I've had pets since I was a little kid and when I've lost them I've grieved more than for some of my close family. sounds weird unless you are a pet mother/father!!! Thanks for sharing and for the great pic of your beloved friend. You know, I cry eveytime I read posts from folks who've lost their furry friends. someone said that your pooch was so lucky to have picked you( I think animals do pick us as much as we like to think we did the picking!) for a mom and companion. I agree 100%. Thinking of you. a big hug. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
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So sorry to hear of the sadness and pain you are feeling at missing your beautiful friend Behr. He looks like a wonderful dog. Animals seem to reach straight into our hearts in a way that is very pure and innocent and childlike and I don't know how I shall feel when my dog's time comes. She is so full of life and beauty and grace that its hard to imagine that one day her muzzle will grey and her days will end. I hope you can bring yourself to get another dog soon - he/she'll never replace your Behr, but perhaps might help to gradually fade the pain of loss while your love and affection grows for a new friend.
Take care of yourself,
Sarah
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Oh, I am so sorry. Letting these feelings air like this is so important. What a lucky dog Behr was. To have a human love them with such devotion is what every pet should feel. I have had four dogs die in my lifetime. It is a certainty that we will outlive them. So why do we do this, when we know the pain of losing them?
You know the answer, and so does everyone who loved an animal they way you have done. Thank you for sharing your feelings here. It made me cry all over again for my past dogs....and for the inevitable with my current "hairy children".
You will, when you are ready, make a wonderful human love for some other lucky dog.
I have a teacher who believes that pets come to us to learn what it is to be human. If that's true, what a wonderful job you have done with Behr! You have shown him the best of humanity.
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What a beautiful soul. You can see it so clearly in his picture.
So sorry for your grief.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
After the loss of my dog it took me months to be able to see a person walking a dog without crying. I slowly healed with each passing day.
((sallying))
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we make a special relationship with each pet- their personality, and our stage in life...of course you will grieve.
It's a loss, a space now unfilled in your life.
Give yourself time then go looking for another pup.
Not to replace Behr.
But to be a new part of your life, to get to know a new unique animal and to give ( and receive ) the special love only a pet can give.
I cannot imagine life without my beautiful dog, the first I ever owned, age 38, but more than that- I know I will always be a dog-owner forever now, my home wouldn't be home any more without a special pet.
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Hi! My heart goes out to you . I relate to and tend to love animals more than people. Pets are so much more reliable and loving- unconditionally. I've had pets since I was a little kid and when I've lost them I've grieved more than for some of my close family. sounds weird unless you are a pet mother/father!!! Thanks for sharing and for the great pic of your beloved friend. You know, I cry eveytime I read posts from folks who've lost their furry friends. someone said that your pooch was so lucky to have picked you( I think animals do pick us as much as we like to think we did the picking!) for a mom and companion. I agree 100%. Thinking of you. a big hug. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
He definitely picked our family. The first time we saw him, 3 weeks old, we knew he was the one. We came back at 6 weeks and the little guy would sit at our feet and look into our eyes. Then he go to sleep at our feet. :)
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I have a teacher who believes that pets come to us to learn what it is to be human. If that's true, what a wonderful job you have done with Behr! You have shown him the best of humanity.
I learned what it is to be human from my Behr. He taught me to love and play and have fun. I miss him so much because I miss being so full of life, and love and fun when he was in my life. :(
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Thank you everyone for your kind words.
Still crying and missing my Behr. :cry:
And I know when the time is right I will get another one, the same breed. I know that dog will be a unique, individual and nothing like my overgrown puppy. They just don't come in that size (150 lbs max). He was big and larger than life in my life.
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Really sorry to hear about your dog passing away...
There is something about dogs that is unique, they are ALL good. 100% beautiful creatures. Your loyal, reliable, lovable friend who is always happy to see you and who loves you unconditionally. No complications just pure love. I know what you are going through and it's very sad. You will be fine after some time. Behr was so lucky to have you, some one to grieve for him, some one to care about whether or not he passed away. The truth for many dogs out there is that they come and go from this world unnoticed and uncared for. Behr was one of the lucky ones! Hope this warms your heart, because you gave that fella such a good life, give yourself a pat on the back!
from Chicken, the passionate dog-lover
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Purple was his color -
TO BEHR: 20 MAY 2005
Always by my side, forever. Loyal, lovable, protective, playful, loved to train, funny & forever in my heart!
I miss you so much My Pumpkin Puppy, My Little Guy (nearly 200 pounds), My Big Guy, My Little Puppy.
Love, Mom
I will never forget you & the love you gave me. :cry:
And blue is how I feel.
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did.
How so true is that about you Behr. You are legend. My hero. The first unconditional love I have ever allowed myself to feel.
The pain I feel in my heart today is so painful. It really hurts to grieve this loss. It hurts because you were my first experience of true love. For the first time in my life I allowed another being to come into my life and love me. And you did, love me unconditionally and completely. :cry:
This is the first day I have really grieved deeply over this loss. There’s been weeping but not wailing and crying out loud. Today I did. I need another box of Kleenex. :cry:
At the same time I am realizing how empty my marriage has been. How void of love and compassion it has been. And how much more I know I cannot continue to be married. There is nothing. No love. No nurturing. No warmth. No empathy. No humaneness. It is void of life and love. :cry:
I am doing dual grieving. Grieving the recognition of my void marriage. Grieving the loss of my best friend. It really is true that a dog is man’s best friend. :cry:
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Another wave of grief. I am so sorry, Sally, but you are so brave.
I am thinking that you deserve unconditional accepting nurturing supportive love, and that the most important source of it, other than your faith, is YOU.
I keep getting this image, even in other threads, that I think so much of our pain might ease if we imagine that we're holding a floodlight, we can sweep it in every direction. But rather than a studio light, it is actually a beam of compassion. The real thing. The felt-in-our-bodies thing, not the idea thing.
And that if we'd turn that warm beam around in our hands and aim it into our own chests we'd know something new. Something good and strengthening.
Worth a try.
I add my flashlight to the chorus of compassion for you in your grieving.
You are a remarkable woman, SF, and I believe you have happiness ahead.
Thanks for telling so eloquently how you are feeling...
imagine all these beams here, shining over you.
Hopalong
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I am so sorry for both your losses. My Labrador died from cancer in January 2003 and I was devastated. In time the pain lessens and you realize that despite the fact that you miss them the joy they gave you in life far outweighs any sorrow you may feel now. I promise it will get better.
Perhaps you are also mourning the loss of a source of unconditional love that your pet provided that does not exist in your marriage. Everyone deserves to be loved. First and foremost you need to love yourself. It sounds like you are going thru a hard time, just know that you are not alone and others have been in similiar situations and moved on. Keep reading, educating yourself, posting messages, and dreaming about the great future you are in the process of creating. Because you deserve nothing less than a healthy, happy life.
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oh SF I am so sorry you are suffering. Behr's death has opened up a great wound for you.
Is there no way you can get another pet when you're ready? Not to replace Behr, but just to know that feeling of total unconditional love which we so often don't find in our human relationships.
http://www.petloss.com/ has a global candle lighting ceremony every monday evening.
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