Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Bloopsy on October 25, 2005, 09:36:46 AM
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Anyway I finally got my diagnosis of DID, which is sort of relieving becuase I knew it anyway but no ne ever believed me or took it seriously, but at the same time I feel really scared. I don't feel like telling my friends or family because I feel like they either won't believe it or won't care or go into a big story about why they think they have it too and expect me to be all sympathetic but toatally forget that I need support too and it is not ALL ABOUT THEM those fuckheads. In other words I feel very alone and just am writing here to tell you guys and maybe get some support from my friends here or something because I feel sort of scared hopeless and alone while also being relieved that finally someone believes me and it is not my fault.
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I believe you, Bloopsy. I don't know what DID is, but I'm going to go read about it so I can understand.
Knowing about it or not, I can tell how brave you are.
Hopalong
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I think that my response is almost exactly what hopalong wrote so I have replaced it all with :
DITTO
Hugs to you Bloopsy :)
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I believe you, Bloopsy. I don't know what DID is, but I'm going to go read about it so I can understand.
Knowing about it or not, I can tell how brave you are.
Hopalong
I have to say ditto too..... I shall be back when I've read up on it xx
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you guys are the best!!!!!!!!!! It means the world to me that you would go and read about DID to understand. Thank you
((((((Cadbury)))))))(((NPD Dad))))))))(((((((((Hopalong))))))))))
xoxoxo bloopsyrose
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(((((((Bloopsy)))))))
Well done on achieving the diagnosis you needed. You are such a strong person; you are an example to us all!!
If you find yourself a little up and down over this; happy one minute, crying the next, don't be surprised. You may have to grieve over this, as well as knowing that it will help.
I have dissociative symptoms too, so I know how distressing they can be. As far as I know I don't have DID, but who knows? But I am on the same spectrum as your good self. :)
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Hiya hon ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Here is the info I read up on it http://www.sidran.org/didbr.html
It is a very real disorder, often diagnosed wrongly so I really do hope that now it's been diagnosed correctly, you can get the right kind of help. The best thing I read is that it can be treated which, from reading about a lot of personality disorders, I was really glad to read this.
I feel that this is the time for you, regardless of what your family think or their reactions. It's understandable feeling scared hon and I feel anyone would feel the same in your situation, however I do feel this is the start of something very positive for you in the long run.
Take care. xx
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I read a different site, but was glad to understand it a little more. I think you are so brave Bloopsy to be working through this. I agree with the fact that you should be a little selfish right now and worry about yourself. Don't be concerned about what others will say or do... you are important here.
Take care and you are doing so well ! (((((((Bloopsy)))))))
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I read the link NPDDad sent and could not agree more with her "time for you" message. You are BBD, Bloospy.
Brave Beautiful Determined.
You will get there, and not alone, either.
Hopalong
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I am among the third category of people, whose prognosis is the least good, ie those with substance abuse problems who are still enmeshed with thier abusers however I am recovering in AA and trying to get away from my family so soon I will make it into another group or something. Anyway, thank you for being so nice and kind that means a lot. i am so upset when I told my twin sister she just sort of didn't even give me a hug and then 2 minutes later she wlked awsay and was like I am tired. I was so hurt but ended up comforting her whatev. I know it is because she has her own problems but so do I and when she told me she had BDD I was nice and read about it and talked to her. Whatev. I don't need to be treated like it doesn't matter that I have a horribl,e problem , like it is all a matter of whatev with everything.
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Chosen family.
Support groups.
So very very often our blood relatives just can't meet us where we need to be met.
But you are still loved...and I am so sorry for the pain you're in.
Hopalong
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Hi Bloopsy,
How did you get your diagnosis? Do you have a new T?
I have come to be a firm believer in self-diagnosis, because there is so much negligence out there in the world, that if you got the diagnosis which resonates with you, it has to be the right one. As for your sister, it seems like folks around you do take you for granted. I don't know much about your sister. Does she live with you and your mom? Is she close to the mom? Is she nice to you overall? It DOES matter that you have problem. Dont let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Love, Marta
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Hi Bloopsy,
I am happy you got something that represents progress, though I am clueless as to what it means and about to click on the website to alleviate that. You are extraordinary, resilient, and wonderful.
Remember that you do not need the approval or understanding of others to do what you want or be who you are. So if you sense they will not be understanding, there is no reason to tell them or to seek their understanding or approval. You don't need it. They can only be harmful to you if they are going to deny the truth or try to turn the spotlight to themselves. So bypass the urge to reveal your happy news to everyone.
My very best wishes.
Plucky
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oh my it is so nice to read you guys' notes. I feel like I am very lucky to have all this support--- that makes it hard to feel sorry for myself---thank god!!!!! LOL!!! I feel like I have to take the time to read the notes over becuase I am sort of speedy right now or something. I don't have to try to go to my famioly anymore because it hurts me and probably them too not that that is actually my problem---- but still it is not a good thing to have going on anyway, I don't like it---- even though I don't think I am thatmean or anything, but so much water under the bridge!!!!!!!xoxo Bloopsyrose
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Hi Bloopsy,
I believe you! Your diagnosis will help you understand so many things about your life both past and present. And you will heal. Be patient it will take time. Therapy for DID is longer because it is more complex. And you will heal -- that bears repeating. :)
I diagnosed myself with this disorder when it was called MPD or Multiple Personality Disorder back in the 1980s and 1990s before any therapist did. I read a book called When Rabbit Howls and had a revelation. I knew that book was about me and I had even more parts than the author (she had 92). A woman from my Adult Child of Dysfunctional Family support group told me about the book. Anyway I had a lot of behaviors, which were typical indicators of this disorder, from a very early age.
It wasn't until 5 years later that I started to get the help I truly needed in order to heal. The previous therapists knew very little about MPD/DID so they were more of a hindrance than a help. Some were even down right dangerous in their handling of my alters. I didn't realize this until years later.
For me, it was difficult to stay in therapy at times because of my parts wanting to leave. They didn't want to address the issues at hand and felt leaving was their only option. However I stayed in therapy inspite of those reluctant, wayward parts. Thirteen years with the same therapist is unusual for MPD/DID clients but I am still here and nearing the end of my therapeutic journey. Then a new journey will begin.
I wanted to add that DID is a creative, intelligent and protective strategy which helped you survive an abusive and traumatic childhood. Congratulate yourself on your ability to survive what happened to you as a child. Give yourself a big hug, you deserve it.
Hugs to you, (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bloopsy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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I am among the third category of people, whose prognosis is the least good, ie those with substance abuse problems who are still enmeshed with thier abusers however I am recovering in AA and trying to get away from my family so soon I will make it into another group or something. Anyway, thank you for being so nice and kind that means a lot. i am so upset when I told my twin sister she just sort of didn't even give me a hug and then 2 minutes later she wlked awsay and was like I am tired. I was so hurt but ended up comforting her whatev. I know it is because she has her own problems but so do I and when she told me she had BDD I was nice and read about it and talked to her. Whatev. I don't need to be treated like it doesn't matter that I have a horribl,e problem , like it is all a matter of whatev with everything.
I'm so sorry to hear about your twin sister treating you like this.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bloopsy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I haven't told anyone in my family and I've known about my diagnosis for 17 years. I've done this out of self-protection because no matter what my Nparents and Nbrother would say, "Yep, always thought she was a little crazy."
More like I lived in a crazy, f*$#ed up family!
It took me until I was in my early 30s to gain some physical and emtional distance from my abusive family. You are fortunate to see what's going on at an earlier time in your life. I didn't get a diagnosis until I was 36 and even then no real help until I was 39. That's because back in the late 1980s MPD was considered very rare and then only those with "typical" MPD were diagnosed (3, 4 or 5 alters).
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Sallying, I used to have a b/f with 4 or 5 alters. In a way, it seemed to work for him. Do you think it's always a bad thing? I mean, obviously no, because it was a coping mechanism that worked for him (being one of his only siblings not to totally self-destruct).
I have read that DID is controversial in some corners in that some feel it might be an all right coping mechanism that does not need to be healed. And I'm just wondering what your thoughts and feelings are about this. (My ex-DID b/f was a tyrant in his first marriage and a victim of an intimidator N in his second marriage and still has not totally recovered from that abuse.)
What I'm wondering is whether his dissociative disorder really helps him or hurts him. Well, I know it hurts him to some extent because what finally broke us up was a sort of last straw for me when he went into the personality that is arrogant and doesn't care about anyone.
But he has one alter that is really loving and wise. (Each alter has an animal name -- such as a types of birds, etc.) I'm just wondering -- is it really the point to get rid of the different personalities, or just to start spending most of one's time in the healthiest one you've got?
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Bloopsy,
You ARE very brave. I know, because I was there. I was abused from 1 to 26. I desparately hung on to my sanity, even as I was hiding under layers upon layers of mental and physical protection. The only things that helped me during that time was prayer and church (from a young age I held on to the firm notion of RIGHT and WRONG, and that what my dad was doing to us was ABSOLUTELY WRONG, no matter what the reasons where) and the fact that me and my brother and sister talked about the abuse behind closed door, analyzing our father as if we were litte dectectives/therapists). I had a pychotic break when I was 26 (by that time I had a emotional breakdown in high school when I was 17 but didn't know it). I was in bed for 3 months. I SURVIVED 10 years, with my real self hiding deep within me, who was VERY, VERY angry. I was diagnosed DID, PSTD, and Reactive Attachment Disorder, and have slowly come out of it. I am now 32, have cut off all contact with my dad. Emotionally and developmentally, I jump between 2, 10, 15, 17. The way I talk and my perceptions of reality can change in an instant. A few years ago I really knew inside I was 19, but sometimes it fluctuates because of the way I was abused. i guess that's 'normal'. Imagine you as your developmental stages, from 0 - present, and they are all trying to grow to maturity, and connect to the next developmental stage, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I was telling my supportive friends, you've 20 odd years to grow up, I'm doing it in 5! If I could, may I suggest some therapies:
EMDR
Crainial-Sacral Therapy
and Emoto-Somatic Release.
The last two are extrememly powerful, as they heal the mind-body connection, which was broken by our survival tactics, but should by done by EXPERIENCED professionals, perferrably psychologists, IMO. EMDR was very good as well but having a one session of CST or ESR leaving me lying on the bed unable to get up for the next hour and a half. If you need a recommendation don't hesitate to ask me.
Healing is very painful; but it is worth it. In my experience my bed was my best friend for the last 5 years. Good luck and God Bless.
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Wil, you are awesome -- BRAVO....!!!!!!!!!