I am not getting into this debate (or whatever it is). People know what I think if they need to. However, I would say that Portia would say whatever she wanted without using another name. Could be just my opinion, but that is how I have seen Portia to be.
That doesn't mean I am on any particular side in this discussion/debate/general slanging match :)
I like this board, I like people on both (all??) sides of this argument. I just think Portia would say anything she wanted straight out!
Portia
Hero Member
Posts: 1334
Re: Are We Okay?
« Reply #50 on: February 08, 2006, 05:31:57 AM »
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Marta
While we are discussing this matter of what is said on the board, there is one more thing I've been wanting to say for a long time. It is about how we communicate with people who come up here who are suicidal, as it so happens every now and then. I often hear them told that come here, post often, it is a great community, etc. etc. What usually happens is that very soon after that, they hear something that triggers them and makes them feel attacked, discounted, you name it, by some very innocuous remarks. And they leave, with one more bruise on their heart.
How do you know all this for a fact?
Ours is a support board, not a suicide intervention hot line or a therapy board.
Are you deciding what ‘our’ board is Marta? I believe the board belongs to Dr Grossman. Yes we make it what it is, but it is not ‘ours’. And it is not within your power to decide what goes on here. If you want to change it or make rules about what happens here, I suggest you contact Dr Grossman.
I see our job with suicidal folks to present ourselves with as much kindness and support as we can, without trying to adminster therapy, BUT also encourage them to find a therapist or support as soon as possible. My two cents.
Fine. I shall do differently and I would encourage everyone here to do as they wish on this board. If we cross a line, I count on Dr Grossman to tell us. It’s his board.
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herewegoagain
Guest
Re: Are We Okay?
« Reply #51 on: February 08, 2006, 05:55:39 AM »
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a nice cut and past job, Portia.
And very sympathetic. Of course why should your posts be sympathetic right? You can say what you want, can't you?
Fine. I shall do differently and I would encourage everyone here to do as they wish on this board
Can you see my point?
You're also giving what seems to be a caring post about things that do happen on the board from time to time an 'edge' when that is not necesary at all. Simila to a few other threads at the moment.
On Sep 5, 2005, Stormchild (guest) wrote:
Hey, whoa. I've seen more than enough of this now. Marta, it looks to me as though you are bullying people here. I have refrained from commenting on most of the occasions when I have seen it, but I'm going to comment now, because I'm really getting concerned about it.
On the Narcissism and Shame-Dumping thread, a comment was posted which shamed one of the other contributors to the thread - for something entirely gratuitous - and also shamed the thread for even existing because you had no interest in it. Because you removed this comment, I won't go into further details. I'd like to think you realized it was inappropriate and understood why, and most of us have posted first and edited later at some time or other.
On the Hurricane Katrina Apathy thread, when I inquired into the motives behind your post praising a single poster in terms that were quite critical of all the other posters and of the thread topic itself, your response to me was that you "meant applause for [that poster], not insult for [myself]."
This statement may actually have been meant as an apology on some level. However, it reframes the issue as being about one individual's hurt feelings, rather than addressing the real issue: that individual objecting to a social solecism committed towards an entire group of people having a conversation. SF's thread is not a competitive event, and the participants do not need their responses 'graded' by anyone. It was perfectly possible to applaud one poster without putting down all of the others and the topic itself.
Reframing the issue as being about somebody else's feelings, rather than your own actions, (a) puts down the person whose 'hurt feelings' are being substituted for the real issue, and (b) by doing so invalidates both them and the real issue. It goes beyond 'blame the victim'. It's 'invent a victim, then blame them'.
To have read that, and then see such umbrage being taken at Tiffany's explanation and apology, was the last straw. It's past time for this to stop.
Stop bullying people. Obviously it is something you can refrain from. You have posted supportively on many occasions. I am certain that you can continue providing support to one person while refraining from 'ricochet' putdowns and invalidations of others. This is the ideal place to learn how to do that. Nobody here is in competition with you for anything, and everyone here is more than happy to help one another grow.
I wish you well.
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Stormchild,
You are entitled to your opinions, you are entitled to read what you like in my posts, you are not entitled to call me names. I hope that it will not happen again.
Marta
Stormchild
Guest
Re: media narcissism
« Reply #21 on: September 05, 2005, 06:09:54 PM »
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Marta, labeling a person's behavior is not the same thing as calling the person names.
Whenever I see what looks to me like bullying or rudeness, I have the right to describe what I am seeing, explain why I interpret it a certain way, and ask the person doing it to stop. Everyone here has that same right. It's called "setting boundaries".
Consider your nephew. How did you respond when he protested your teasing? Not like this, based on what you posted about it to us in mid August.
I hope this helps clarify the issue for you.
HEALING, rather than rehashing the same old same old, without the pressure of being overly careful about interpersonal issues.
It will be an unlisted, private group where only invited members can sign on, post and read.Get over yourself.
Running away from problems is a defense mechanism many people engage in. However, to take it from being a personal defense mechanism and in effect begin a coupe on this board, an us vs them environment, so that you can create a safe environment to which you can run to so that you do not have to deal with your triggers is slightly, well, narcissistic.
It is offensive to this board. It is not done in the spirit of supporting a support group community or family!
"Guest, what a lovely post! Please become a member of our family, don't remain a guest...."Welcome aboardRe: N Mom back......... Feeling trapped and helpless by Marta
Posted on January 01, 2006, 08:32:58 AM
"It is silly to pretend that we are a family, whatever, which is what I hear often on the board. We are not a family, but we are a community, and a very fine one at that."
Re: Are We Okay?[/b]
« Reply #48 on: February 07, 2006, 11:59:02 PM
Tiffany. During Hurricane Caterina discussion, there were many fallouts between parties other than me and you, and several people left the board, of which you were not one. At the time, I objected to your portrayal of third world countries. the worst I told you was that I will not speak with you. This put both of us and the entire community through some trauma. At the end of it, I sent you a PM apologizing for what I had put us through, and stating that I should have conducted this discussion through PMs. This is exactly what I have personally done, and it is exactly what I am proposing as the preferred mode of communication for interpersonal issues on the board today.
I did not say that we will not need to sort out interpersonal issues. I do question the genuineness of the desire to actually sort them out by airing them in a very public way and balming others. It feels more like bashing than a genuine desire to communicate.
Several weeks ago, you asked me a question on message board and I tried to answer to the best of my ability. Then you sent me a PM calling me names. I informed the administration about this and expressed my desire to have no further contact with you. I was asked by the administration to make it clear to you that I did not wish to speak with you and put you on my ignore list, and I told to notify the administration if you ever try to contact me again on board or ever made defaming comments about me, so that they could ntervene. So that is exactly what I did, put you on my ignore list and told you that I wished no further contact with you. It is clear that we are not communicating, so why not leave each other alone instead of expressing hatred at each other?
I also ask you to think about another thing. The only labels, if any, I have used are in classifying how people deal with conflict. However, there are far worse labels used on this board, where people are called Ns, evil, you name it.