Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: write on March 18, 2006, 07:44:34 PM
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write my meds are great right now. i do not see meds as a big deal .i am in the us. well meds are big deal .i do not fight the idea. they are a tool and the results along with therapy and pals like you are big .yes indeedy
biggy help. i can not believe i told everyone my big bad secret. i have bipolar 1.doesn't seem so shameful now does it ? oh write i do have the problems with sleep sometimes, lucky i like Tolstoy. his novels
go on forever.ha ha but i am a wreck the next day. what can you do.i just thank goodness i do not do rapid cycling thats rough. i have sailed on Saturn's rings but its not worth the down time. ya know
triggers are deliberate cruelty. manipulation, BS but i can not seem to detect it till its over and then i am mad and can not do any thing to have stop it.
moonlight
Yes, I remember when I wouldn't accept the diagnosis- I don't know what I thought would happen if people knew. Basically nothing has changed except it's become easier to explain some aspects of my life and behaviour!
But mental illness still has its taboos.
the devil doesn't belong tormenting people, any more than mental or psychological illness should have the right to hurt them. That goes for N's and bullies...nobody has the right to victimize another person, period. Since I've seen devils...real ones, and I know that they don't belong bothering people, I delight in making them leave them alone in the name of Jesus.
I am currently on Topomax. I'm not getting off the meds at the moment. I was saying that some day I would love to be healed so that I would not have to take meds, because I do not have as much creative ability as I used to without the meds.
~ReallyME
Bipolar is a like so many other things in life a gift as well as a nightmare.
So many of us are energetic and creative.
It must have been hard for people to manage in the days before complete understanding and drugs.
Haven't heard of Topomax, does it have side-effects?
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write what a shock it was those words bipolar .after a life of my n dad calling me every name in the book .crazy being his favorite word.
i still was in shock .my dear hubby said ahhh i knew when i met ya hon.not that he knew that i was bipolar but lets say very artisy. its OK lets just do what we need to do to make things easier for all of us.he likes me and loves me. this is good.mental illness (that is hard to type)still has taboos. yes but we are not burnt at the stake right.we have come a long way from the middle ages in our views and medical know how.
i have known the gifts of bipolar disorder. i have used the energy for my art. i have spent 4 hours painting the wings of an angel on canvas in oils .could not stop .then the nightmare time when i drove my self to the emergency hospital ran in hid under a table cause i thought my dad was going to hurt me .good old dad was not there but the fear was .that was over 20 years ago. nothing that scary ever happen since .knock on wood.
write i take topomax,trileptal,clonazepam for sleep seems to help me i think this is a little like what normal people feel like
but i really can not say lets say i am told by people that really love me i am doing good.
moon
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Moon,
I am very moved by your description.
How could anyone burn a sprite at the stake?
Your H sounds like such a good, loving man.
You are lucky to have him and he is very lucky to have you too.
I salute your bravery and spirit. It must have been hell before you got the right help.
(And you've made angels out of it.)
Hops
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I must read up on Topomax, don't recall it being in my list of treatment options.
Saying that, I didn't get too far with drug therapy when my wonderful psychiatrist gave me the info handouts she had prepared for each drug! An illness we don't know the cause or the immediate pathology, oh and here's some treatments and we don't know how they work either...talk about leap of faith!
Your father sadly was/is a fool.
Have you had some therapy to deal with the aftermath of him?
My father has not been abusive except he was neglectful of us as kids, and treats us as servants if he can get away with it as a dults, but he has never seen the gifts of me or my illness.
lets say i am told by people that really love me i am doing good.
then you're doing good!
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hi write I have been seeing shrinks for years.But just got the diagnosis of Bipolar last year and a half.Dads who he is, I know some where in there it must hurt him.I can not help him.He did everything to stop me from getting help.He came to my house when he found out about my meds and dumped them into the toilet once.My hubby had to put a stop to that .My dad did write weird letters to my shrink.I put a stop to that.I do not feel afraid of him now.
hey Write no side effects from the topomax
there is a balance -the depth of suffering of the soul makes for the heights of the joy the soul experience as well.
thank you
moon
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Topamax is very low in side-effects
Question to moon...why do we call psychiatrists "shrinks?" I always wondered that.
Bipolar is a very crazy, annoying illness, and the quieted mind that comes from taking meds is a good thing, although, as I've said, one day I pray that I will no longer need meds for it.
~ReallyME
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hi reallyme , I call them shrinks because I have been going since I was 23. I am 52 and thats what i called them when i was 23.The doctor I have now I see is a medical doctor as well .PHD from Vienna Austria .
maybe I call them shrinks because I hope they will shrink my problems.I do not feel annoyed by Bipolar .Its just now with the with the meds I do not have the mood
swings,which is great.So I thank goodness for the doctors finding out what was going on with me because the meds are working so well for me. Of course I have done some major life long talk
therapy.Some times I still take offense when none was meant by others that comes from being hurt a lot when i was a kid I think we all can relate and see that about each other here on the board .
WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DO NOT WANT TO STEP ON ANYONES TOES BUT I TRY REAL HARD NOT TO BUT STILL I MAYBE DO.
moonlight
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oh I do this rapid-cycling thing which is how I come to medicate via sleep- sometimes there's nothing I can do but get myself to bed. At it's worst I use clonazepam as well and usually sleep for 24 or 48 hours, just get up for an hour or two.
I have completely adapted my life for it though, to work around it, and to avoid the triggers.
Some of the triggers, like driving and waiting around it took me years to work out why I got so agitated for appointments for example- a long drive followed by waiting around! I'd be pacing up and down. I try to keep appointments close to home now, or get someone to drive me if I'm at all manic to start with, and I have it fixed in my mind if there's waiting a task I take with me, correspondence etc.
What an awful thing for your father to do, throw your meds away, write to your dr.
How controlling is that.
Maybe he has an illness himself?
WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DO NOT WANT TO STEP ON ANYONES TOES BUT I TRY REAL HARD NOT TO BUT STILL I MAYBE DO.
not surprising you feel like that when your father has been so critical and abusive. It will take you a while to feel better about speaking your mind and not worrying what people will do or think.
Now I know it's nothing to fear, and I have the tools and strategies to cope with it I can enjoy being bipolar. It conveys many gifts, and the way my mind works I am never at a loss for creative ideas and abilities.
It's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of now.
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I'll tell ya what I think
I am GRATEFUL for all of you and for this message board and for God who brought us all here to have a free VOICE to be who we ARE! Praise be to HIM! That's what I think :)
~ReallyME
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write My doctor did try alot of other drugs on me before we got the right ones .Some of them made me break out in hives. We stopped
that one right away and another one made me itchy.We stopped that one. But those are the only side effects I can think of right now and i can not remember the names of them .
Also I want to say I have had short periods of times when i have experianced rapid cycles but this is rare for me I do understand the
experiance Write
moonlight
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heeeeeeeeeeeeey Write
Let't see Bipoar is nothing to be ashamed of ,I like that.
I can enjoy being Bipolar (this one seems easier than the one above)
Now I know there is nothing to fear this one is easier than shame
CREATIVE stuff artwork has not been effected
So remove all shame from the moonlight
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it wasn't an easy journey for me to get here- it's been scary a lot and the worst is those times where you just can't keep the world away, a big move or bereavement etc. Then I feel like a rock over a volcano- I know the pressure's building up but not sure if there will be an eruption or a little steam venting!
Does anyone belong to a bipolar support group?
I've never tried one.
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Write There is a local Bipolar group in my city .I looked them up last night .I also found a group though Patty Duke group on the internet.
She is Bipolar and there is a new Bipolar magazine coming out .You can get the information by typing in Patty Duke's name.
Its super to have a magazine on Bipolar sort of takes the fear out of it .There are people featured like Jane Pauley, Carrie Fisher and Patty Duke.So that magazine looks like a super thing to look into.
moonlight
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I'll look that up! thank you.
I have Patty Duke's book, and Kay Redfield Jamison's.
Do you think you'll go to the support group Moonlight?
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Patty Duke's book is GREAT!
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hi everyone I have read Kay Jamison's book very moving .I read it several times .when I could not sleep tee hee.
I did not read Patty Dukes book but I will.
I do plan to go to a Bipolar meeting ,it will be a big thing for me I am a natural hermit.
I will let you know how it goes.
moon
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I have a Q for the bipolar sufferers.
What's the difference between bipolar I and bipolar II? Different symptoms, severity, causes or what?
Reallyme,
I believe "shrink" is short for "head shrinker", an obviously derogatory allusion confusing the practice of psychiatry with witch doctors and real head shrinkers.
mud
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it's a DSM distinction, I can't remember if we had it in the UK.
Bipolar 2 is more depressive episodes, Bipolar 1 more mania or mixed: I do this rapid cycling which means the mood changes over a few hours or days, it's hard to medicate, though I am finding sleep works well. If I sleep a couple of days I usually settle down again.
I have found anti-depressants not useful with Bipolar 1- they tip me over into manic state very quickly.
My illness has got worse over the years and now it's pretty constant and I've had to modify my life and accept ongoing treatment rather than just episodes here and there. I see my excellent psychiatrist ( who has the same disorder ) every few weeks, more often if needed.
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hi everyone ,I have bipolar 1 .I do not have rapid cycles of mood swings . So now because of the medication, I do not go
from one great extreme to the other .When I did ,the periods of time I stayed in highs or lows were long periods of times and
between were times that were "normal".I have found also one's outlook on life can effect Bipolar
as with any disorder.I did have one depression lasted really long.But now with the medication I am seeing results that are very good.
thank you Write why should anyone be ashamed of Bipolar or high blood pressure ?I am asking my self that quetion I should have made that clear I AM WORKING ON NOT BEING ASHAMED OF BIPOLAR.
moonlight
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Write,
WHAT shame in your determination, clarity and honesty? Where? How? Why?
(I mean, I know why...hellllooooo, ignorant culture.)
But damn. You don't--and I'm sure never did for a moment--deserve it.
I feel that one of the most loathsome things a person can do to another is to mock or shame them for something they cannot help.
Your self-management sounds to me like a triumph. I hope you do feel pride in it.
Moonlight,
Good for you for your joyful embrace of happiness and acceptance of what is. You seem full of gratitude and focused on what works. I know having a loving mate is part of it. I am inspired by your attitude nonetheless. Hope it's contagious!
Hops
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HI HOPS I did not make myself clear I am working on not being ashamed of being bipolar.
moon
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Well that's good work, Moon!
(We're all works in progress...I understand, you're not all the way there.)
You sure sound as though you've got yourself pointed in the right direction, though.
(((Moon)))
Hops
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one of the problems for me has been I love it- the energy and creativity side anyway. I didn't want to treat it in case I lost that. I've got a wobbly balance now.
No one should feel ashamed of mental illness, but of course people are judgemental.
I was at coffee with some people the other day, 3 didn't know I have this illness but my friend does; she was talkign about her niece should have an abortion because the baby's father has bipolar. Her face was a picture when she realised what she'd said.
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YeGods, Write. I hope it's not too evil to hope she spilled her coffee.
Well, here's my fantasy response: "Ahem. Speaking as a person who has bipolar illness, thought I'd just mention that I enjoy being alive..." (In my own life, of course, I always think of nice comebacks when I'm three blocks away kicking cans.)
Sheesh. Hope she apologized. What a thoughtless remark!
Speaking of the upsides, I had a T once talking to me as an aside about bipolar illness, and he got this look of yearning on his face (kid at candy store window) and said, Yes, I've always thought how wonderful it would be to have a nice steady case of hypomania...
Good for you for enjoying what you can about it.
Hang in...you'll rebalance again.
You sound very alert and responsible about the signs.
Hops
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HI WRITE I have bipolar .My hubby does not. We have 2 girls one 27 the other 13 (thats another story).
The percent of one of them having bipolar is 15 % to 30%.Remember they have not been raised with abuse
but kindness, this is big help.I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY SIGNS OF BIPOLAR IN THEM.
I am beginning just not to give a hoot what any one sez.I try to be kind to others thats what is important.
Anyway Write I know how the disorder works its ups and downs. Right now I have the middle road.For how long I do not know.
People do not really want to be mean .I guess its hard to understand unless you have been there.
moon
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My friend should be more understanding because her husband has a dementing illness, he's only 50s.
Wonder if he should have been aborted to save some trouble....I guess that's my fantasy response which I'd never say because it's unkind.
I try to be kind to others thats what is important.
Moonlight52
Absolutely.
I truly believe this has been my saving grace in life, for if I have done something awful or out of character, it shows up like that.