Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => What Helps? => Topic started by: prettyflower on April 06, 2006, 02:53:05 AM
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Hello If your mom has not been to a doctor can you know for sure ?
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Welcome, Prettyflower.
Most doctors and many fine therapists don't know unless there's been tremendous time spent.
Just read...everything you can here, and elsewhere online. Enter "narcissistic personality disorder DSM-IV" into a search engine such as Google.
Remember it is a continuum. Some people are "narcissistic" to varying degrees; some have full-tilt Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Sayng "N" here, from what I pick up, is in the context of that individual's story and experience of a unique Nperson.
I usually take N here to mean "narcissistic"--NPD would mean the much more extreme cases. (But now that I think of it, many people might be thinking about true NPDers when they say "my N".) I guess that is another reason to pay close attention to individual stories and judgements.
Especially your own. What do you see in your mother that says N to you?
Hopalong
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Prettyflower,
I commend you on asking this very astute question. I have been researching this disorder continuously in the past weeks because, although I have declared that my mother is narcissistic in past years, I did not really understand the depth of my statements until the past weeks. When I realized that what myself and my family had been dealing with all these years was a bonafied psychiatic disorder, it was like a train without a whistle hit me broadside.
Information is empowerment. Of couse, we do not want to slap labels on people just because we do not understand them or because we have disagreements or even strong dislikes for them. But, there does come a time when all the pieces before you begin to form a very clear picture.
For me, it was the years and years and years of dysfunction. As time goes on it seems to get worse. My siblings and other family members who were formerly tolerant of my mother's behaviors began to speak up, which amazed me but also validated that I was not the only one who took notice that something was very wrong.
A firm diagnosis would be most desirable. I have no hopes for this in my situation, however. For now, I will live with the knowledge that I have, at least, some answers and some support as I trudge back into more recovery and healing.
ANewSheriff
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Maybe another way to think about this is...a firm diagnosis just means you have a name for the overarching pattern.
Without that name, the diagnosis...what can you do? Plenty.
You can focus on the healthy things you need to do ANYWAY, in ANY relationship with ANY
toxic or destructive person. You can learn to listen to your own voice, and study up on:
assertiveness
healthy boundaries
intimacy vs. codependency
depression/anxiety
Etc. Whatever the relationship with this mother, N-iagnosed or not, has done to you is what you can now do something about. Just look at the results and focus on YOUR OWN HEALING.
If you/we do that, take the focus off the "N" and put our energies and attention squarely on building our own emotional health....then we can create new and happier lives for ourselves.
Hopefully,
Hops