Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: seasons on April 13, 2006, 09:07:26 AM
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Seasons,
It is such a strange feeling, once you know about N, then when you interact with these people, you can almost predict what kinds of things they will pull on you. It's like there is a script somewhere that they have all studied. The details vary, but all the tricks and mannerisms come through almost every time. It makes my head spin sometimes, but it is better to know the truth. Then you know you're not at fault here.
For a little while with one of my Ns, I would think and think about how to phrase things so that I would know there would be a response. This is with email. Because normal emails were ignored. Purposely I believe. But come up with something complimentary enough and the response would be immediate and almost gushing. It was fun and I tried it about three times, then it got boring. It was more like pressing a button and hearing the buzzer go off. No real exchange of ideas. No real relationship. Just a mechanical cause and effect.
We all need more than that from the people we care about. You will be happier without your sister. Though it must be a relief that she doesn't have cancer, a healthy sister is still N. And that is unhealthy for you. She will always find sources of supply. It doesn't need to be you anymore. :D
Go for it, seasons! It's your turn to have your life back.
Pennyplant
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(((seasons)))
I'm so glad you are digging your way out from under the guilt that an N can force on you... and that you are able to recognize and separate from how your sister is. It takes so long to make that connection that someone you love only sees you as an object to be used, or an adoring audience to their lives. Believe me, it has taken me years...
You sound upbeat and positive; it sounds like you have made the decision to detatch from her and minimize her influence in your life. Good luck and may you have much peace in your life without the burdens inflicted by your sister(s)!
(and boy, is your sister a true N! I feel for everyone that has to be in contact with her!!)
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Seasons, you ought to write a screenplay! You know all those crazy characters? Well, real life is stranger than fiction. I can just SEE the character of your sister. What a nutball!! Does she have an eating disorder on top of everything else (roast beef after pizza!??)
It's nice to know you see her for what she is....plain as day. Not that it is fun to know this, but it does help us keep our own sanity...and frankly, it's almost entertaining (I say almost, because we aren't watching a movie).
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Kudos, Seasons!
You really have come out of the trance. Bravo.
It's a painful awakening but really worth it...so much MENTAL ENERGY gets sucked up by trying to figure out Ns. Once we have the pattern...then gradually, we can start thinking about something ELSE!
You did magnificently and I'll bet you'll be reverberating with the shock of freedom for a good while.
Enjoy!
Hops
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Seasons:
I didn't feel right, embarrassed I couldn't jump for joy for her on the other end of the phone, because I was filled with confusion and felt duped. Just a gut feeling.
I want to recommend a book that was tremendously helpful to me. It is called "Playing Sick" by Dr. Marc Feldman. This book is all about individuals who have factitious disorders (Munchausens, Mnuchausens by proxy, etc.). You can also visit his website at www.Munchausen.com.
After I found out the narcissistic woman I had had befriended and helped for over a year was lying, I was on a desperate search for answers. I spent hours and hours and hours searching the Internet. Dr. Feldman has a very comprehensive site. I ordered his book immediately.
I will warn you that it is a terribly disturbing read. These individuals are so very sick and cruel. They are opportunists, villains, and evil-doers in every sense. Still, it gave me some insight and clarity.
Seasons:It feels like the end to our relationship that does and never did exist.
This is such a wonderful declaration! It is painful to confess these words, but it is true. These people have no conscience. They have no compassion, no empathy. You are right to abandon this ship. It is going down! Now, swim for your life! :lol:
ANewSheriff