Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: ANewSheriff on April 19, 2006, 08:54:21 AM
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Hello:
This Thursday Dr. Phil is devoting his show to narcissim. I know I will be watching. Wanted to send a heads-up.
ANewSheriff
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Thanks ANS! If I'm in the gym I'll watch.
I absolutely loathe 'the good doctor', his over-simplications and sound-byte diagnostics and cutie-pie family solutions make me want to puke.
( ~Am I allowed to say that here?!
I know it goes against the grain of most of America... )
But maybe he'll tackle Nism in one fell swoop by stating he is one, and he's off to therapy?
Just a thought....
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Hi Sheriff and Write! Thanks for the heads up on the " good"!!! doc's upcoming show tomorrow. I'll definitely take a Gravol( I totally agree with you, Write, about Dr. P's amazing and consistent ability to make my gorge rise- love that expression! Hee hee!!!) and check it out!!!! I also concur wholeheartedly that old Phil is a N of the first degree!!! I must say, Sheriff, I'm enjoying your postings thoroughly- you are very insightful and an excellent communicator! And Write! How goes it with you? I've been off the forum for a month or two and am now back. Drop me a line and let me know how you're doing with your health etc. I'm plugging along- off work now with PTSD, am being stalked by my ex N and numerous other major stressors. But life keeps perking along and so far the universe- although "A" for effort!!!- hasn't thrown me any curve balls I haven't been able to grit my fangs and walk through albeit with great pain and fear!!! Hugs, Moira
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Write:
I absolutely loathe 'the good doctor', his over-simplications and sound-byte diagnostics and cutie-pie family solutions make me want to puke.
(Chuckle) You are funny! I kind of like old Phil, myself. Of course, I am from the old school of the "hot seat" so his no-nonsense direction makes sense to me.
Moira: I must say, Sheriff, I'm enjoying your postings thoroughly- you are very insightful and an excellent communicator!
Moira, thank you for the welcome. This is still all new to me, but this is such a fun and insightful group. I hope it is okay to take my shoes off and stay awhile. I cannot believe how much more peace I have felt in my life since writing my first post here. I am hopeful to learn more of your story as we go along. It sounds like you have quite a story to share.
Write: I counsel people almost exactly like he does, and I have a temperament very much like his.
I generally agree with Dr. Phil. He is pretty direct and to the point. I think we can waste a lot of time and energy in therapy hanging around and waiting for epiphanies. My own recovery really began when some brave individuals bravely got in my face and told me the truth as they saw it. It brought me to my knees, but they were all there with outstretched hands when I owned my problem and was ready to get back up.
ANewSheriff
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the 'telling it like it is' school...well I live in TX so I meet plenty of people who believe they know what is best for everyone. But often they're pretty small-minded in their outlook and insecure: they want regimentation and security and instant resolution.
Makes for a tight cohesive community- very fixed ideas about law and order for example. But often what something seems on the surface isn't what's underneath, for example 'hidden' crime like abuse or drunk driving or corruption.
For the individual? I believe people have to work out their own therapy using the T as a reflecting tool to strengthen communication skills and reframe past experiences and emotions.
If I want spiritual guidance I'll go to a priest; if I want a lecture I'll call my Dad!
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Thanks ANS! If I'm in the gym I'll watch.
I absolutely loathe 'the good doctor', his over-simplications and sound-byte diagnostics and cutie-pie family solutions make me want to puke.
( ~Am I allowed to say that here?!
I know it goes against the grain of most of America... )
But maybe he'll tackle Nism in one fell swoop by stating he is one, and he's off to therapy?
Just a thought....
PUKE. GAG. Throwing up. Doing allllll the things I always ever wanted to do.
Do watcha ike. As you as you don't......... :twisted:
Care for a dance?
I was so laden with all teh antibiotics, that I was in a tizzy all day esterday. I was SO fed up that I just came here to delete my account. Then I opened my eyes and what did I see....lo and behold.....the map of the United States of America!!!!!!!! The GREATEAST country the in wholllllle world! A gift from the Universe, really...
It's my party, I'll cry if I wanna.......... :P
I think I may have some free frequent flyer miles to visit certain cancerous "relatives." Well, at least folks in UK wear the right color of shirt; not that anyone has seen me around here in a shirt for a long time.... :P.
SHIt. SHit. Shit. hsit. ssshit.
THat felt gooood.
God bless America. I am a New Yoooooorrrrrrker. Sometimes I reallllllly feel like, yes yes yes!, I am god's greatest gift to mankind too. :P :P :P
I am PROUD to be an AMerican and love every single bloody American.
I solemnly promise I will never burn the flag and won't binge again for a hile...
I solemnly bow to Minerva aka det sup. Your wits are next only to Rudy Giuliani's.
"I discovered, though, that once having given a pig an enema there is no turning back, no chance of resuming one of life's more stereotyped roles."
-- EB White
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are you ok Marta?
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Write,
No, I'm not Ok. :(
I am going through some terribly hard times emotionally right now. I am really mourning the loss of my family. I mean the family I was born into 40+ years ago. I really miss my sisters (especially one I have not spoken to in years.) I thought I had left it all behind so long ago; but I guess now I have come a full circle where I have to deal with it from a new vantage point.
Thanks for asking and take care.
Marta
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Thanks for the INFO. I'll be sure to watch it. And record it and show to all my family. LoL. I'm trying to educate people that my sister-in-law and mother-in-law are Narcs.
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Marta I hope you will be feeling better soon.After 14 years I got a letter from my oldest sister .She just could not have anything to do with any of her"original family".I understood why.I wrote to her down thur the years any way.Had my letters come back I would have stopped writing to her out of respect.Having parents that are destructive are bound to cause problems for the siblings.I miss the way it could have been so different.
Moonlight
Marta Things will be looking better very soon I hope for you
LOVE and LIGHT
moon
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sorry you're going through bad stuff Marta ((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hope you feel better soon ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hugs (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Marta,
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now. I hope things improve soon.
(((((((((Marta))))))))))
As far as the Dr. Phil show goes--what a waste of time. I knew there was a reason I stopped watching that show. The girl manipulated him the same way she has manipulated everyone else in her life. I have to say that I felt sorry for the parents and sister who were trying to get help and ended up getting blamed for her bad behavior. You could just see the smirk on her face that she was once again getting away with it.
Brigid
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Hi Marta,
Please don't delete your account here. We need you!!! We all need each other here and that is why this works so well in helping us all through our pain. Please let us know what you are feeling when you get a chance!
Love, Beth
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Marta, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I just found this board, but it sounds like this board has some great people on it that can help you. Since we're all dealing with N's and we all know what we're dealing with we have a lot of offer each other. Because it seems like most people prefer to live in ignorance. You sound highly stressed right now if you're religious maybe you could try praying and if you're not religious you could try meditating. Try to give yourself time to collect your thoughts before making any big decisions. You sound like a very kind person and I hope to see you more on the board. Please take care of yourself.
And BTW.. I'm not sure what to make of the Dr.Phil show. Did he/we really get enough information to tell if this girl was a skilled manipulater or just a hormonal emotional teen? I really couldn't tell.. I was back and forth.
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Bean ,I did not see Dr Phil my hubby has a business Trip and I was helping him pack.So I can not comment about the show.
Family story I have 1 sister 10 years older 1 sister 8 years older 1 twin brother (he passed away)mom passed away 20 years ago.
1 really destructive mean n father 82 still living. my oldest sister that was close to me also close to our mom about 14 years ago big sis realized n dad was a n dad (I did not)big sis had to get out. So she left moved out with her husband and 1 daughter out of state and said goodbye to original family.
Now she was not mad at me she just could not have anything to do with anyone that even spoke with n-dad.Big sis leaving was her choice.
I have written her over the years never getting a letter in return but they were never sent back either.So I knew big sis was enjoying my letters,Then I REALIZED DAD IS A N-DAD I sent big sister whom I love dearly a letter a few weeks ago, I say I think dad is a n dad and I DO NOT WANT to have anything to do with him,
After 14 years I get a letter from big sis .I sat there with my letter and just held it for 15 minutes before I OPENED IT I cried for joy.Well she loves me I knew that all along ,she sez maybe it seemed unkind for her not to write but she had to do what she had to do etc.What am I THINKING
I bet she feels as good as me sending the love letter as me getting it.OH by the way my big sis would hold my hand when I was 8 and she was 18 at evening time by the beach as we would sing "blue moon"together I was always her little Moon.MY BIG SIS NICKNAMED ME MOON
WELL we are just too big for such nonsense .I JUST GOT MY LETTER A FEW weeks ago. but I always knew she loved me she just did what she had to do I cant wait to see her. Now ya know where the moonlight came from love from my big sis
others in my family did the scapegoat thing to my big Sis not me I knew she loved me even without the letter.
But I love that were talking now.
Moon
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Moonlight, something you said made me cry. I think it was the part where you realized that your big sister "still loved you". Oh that's so sad. I mean it's happy but sad at the same time. All that time you didn't know. I don't usually cry while sitting at the computer reading on message boards. But your story... I guess I could just picture it all in my head. I could just imagine the emotions of my children going thru this. And then you talking about your big sis and you singing at the beach just tugged at my heartstrings. Being a mother makes me this way I suppose. It reminds me of when my 2 boys came into my room one day. My oldest son ran in first (he's 7) and he said "Mama, Amos (the neighbor's dog) scratched Dalton on the face!" And my younger son came in (he's 4). The dog is large and was probably playing but he did scratch him on the face. Cody then said "But I ran him off!" And then I said "Well, that's a good big brother!" And then Dalton walked over to his brother and hugged him. And Cody hugged him back. And then with their arms around each other's waists they walked out the room together. I could have cried then, it was sooo sweet. These two brothers that sometimes fight tooth and nail do really underneath it all love each other no matter what. And this applies to you and your sister. And I'm glad for you that you finally got your sister back after all this time. Good for you!
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Hi MarisaML That just goes to show what a great Mom you are and what great kids you have .But be cause of my grammar skills I am am artist
good with paint brushes bad with paragraphs.I did know all along my big sis loved me even when she didn't write me back.It really was not not that hard to know who she did not get along with same one everyone else didn't, mean N-FATHER .The N-father messed our family up ,thats for sure.WHAT HAPPENED WAS I DISCOVERED 14 YEARS AFTER MY BIG SIS THAT OUR DAD WAS A N-DAD BIG SIS KNEW 14 YEARS EARIER. But I always knew my big sis loved me even if she could not call or write .Somehow I just knew .Some people on the board are too young to know the song "blue moon " famous in the 1950's I have been moonlight a long time
and the letter from big Sis its a good thing!
moon
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Moonlight, there is nothing wrong with your writing skills. You did write that in the first post and I didn't remember. I'm very scatter-brained right now. And I can relate to what you say about being more of an artist than a writer. Drawing and painting has always been something I can do better than writing. Although I talk a lot. I have to admit that I'm not so skilled with my words and sometimes I get them jumbled up and say things in a backwards sort of way. But anyways. Your story still makes me cry. And even though I wasn't around in the 50's I know that "blue moon" is a beautiful song. Yes, the letter from big sis was a very good thing. If it sounded like I said it wasn't then that's the fault of my bad writing skills. So have you got to see your sister yet?
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Hiya no not yet shes in the middle of redoing her house and our little 13 year old is still in school but SUMMER TIME I am thinking.
She lives very near beaches .I live in the dessert .So we will see we have connected .Our n- father will not speak her name .
Sounds like a list I want to be on.She was wounded ,I was wounded who would understand better than I ? She knew that.ALWAYS
We will see each other and won't that be a dear sweetness.
Hugs
Moonlight
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Hello all,
I've never seen Dr. Phil, although I do know that television can be edited to show just about anything. This is just a shout out to Marta. It sounds as if you are going through a lot of pain. I am sorry this is part of the process but I imagine the process is a good thing.
Lots of people up on the board care about you and want to offer support, and I am one of them. Withdrawing may at some times seem like an action that will reduce hurt, but it reduces avenues to receive support, work things out, and heal. Wishing you strength.
Plucky
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write, thank you for listening. I owe you a big one.
Everyone, thanks for your support. I was not feeling well for several reasons and just threw up all over the place. I am really sorry about that. Better now and breathing fresh air.
Plucky, it is so lovely to have you back.
Marta
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Hi Marta and Plucky
Good to see you both. Hang in there Marta, hope you feel much better soon.
Plucky, hope your situation is getting better with time.
I don’t get Dr Phil over here so don’t have anything to say about the show. Sounds interesting though.
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reallyme,
No way, Brig...I totally disagree on this! The whole FAMILY needs therapy, not just that girl.
I don't disagree, but I'm guessing that they have been through that for years with this girl. They had the diagnosis of a therapist that this girl was n and Dr. Phil did not agree, even though I'm sure he hadn't spent all that much time with her and we know how skilled n's can be at manipulation. According to the father, the birth mother was convinced her daughter needed serious intervention before she died, so this had been going on for a long time.
I have a family member who finally had to send her son to that same school in Mexico and believe me, it is not an easy decision to make. Everything the parents said on the show was true about the rules of the program. You must prove you have tried every means possible to help the child and family prior to them accepting the child to the program. Also, the child cannot have a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. It costs a fortune to send a child there, so it is not a decision made lightly. I heard them say that the school is now closed, but my cousin researched it very carefully before sending her son there, and they had a history of helping many troubled teens, but you must follow their rules.
Brigid
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Portia,
I wish no further contact with you. I ask that you don't respond to my posts and refrain from participating in my threads.
Thanks, Marta
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No worries Marta, I’ll do as you ask. I won’t speak to you directly.
However, if I want to talk to anyone else – on any thread, including yours if you start one – I will. I want to retain the right to talk to anyone here, anywhere.
If you don’t wish to hear from me, fair enough, that’s okay with me. I’ll respect that. You can let me know if you change your mind.
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I saw the show and my view might be a bit weird.
For one thing....I do believe some people are born with genetic difficulties that cause them to behave "badly" regardless of their environment. Just because it hasn't been proved yet......doesn't do a thing for me. It only makes sense that we can be born with deformities, diseases, disorders of all other parts...why not the brain? For some reason.....it's something a lot of people seem to have a tough time with. It's just easier to blame parents for everything. I don't buy that. I don't discount that environment has an effect and that parents can help make things better or worse.....but the bottom line is......if it's broke.....it might or might not be able to be fixed. Who knows?
I liked the show because I thought Dr. Phil did a good job of trying to discard the labels and point out the facts. He said, clearly, a number of times that the teen's behaviour was unacceptable. He noted events that might have contributed to her inner turmoil and added to her behavioural response. He took account of how the parents putting her in that school and not having any contact with her for a year........how they lied to her and told her she was going on vacation........how all of that might be seen from her point of view (and he did say that he couldn't abide by such rules that would not allow him to see his own child for a year)......he gave them credit for their effort/or at least expressed understanding that they were doing the best they could (the parents). He blamed no one and pointed out that the only way to harmony is to work out the difficulties between the teen and her father, first, then bring the sibling in and finally the step-parent.
He did offer them hope and offered them therapy.
The teen may or may not be an N. She has demonstrated difficult behaviour since she was a small child. Events in her life made things worse. He tried to encourage the parents to admit that some things they did might have contributed to her behaviour, which they seemed to have a tough time doing. He tried to stop the family from scapegoating the teen and see things from her side a little bit too. It seemed like he tried to present all sides.
I think by bringing the topic to the screen and trying to offer some hope.......he did a good thing. If it helps others to see that they are not alone, that's a good thing.
I don't think that school in Mexico fixed her behaviour. Maybe nothing will help. Maybe by connecting better with her dad.........things will get better. The father seemed to indicate that this was their last hope. After that........if this doesn't work.......I get the feeling the whole family will all disown the teen.
I guess I do feel sorry for her, even if she is manipulative and disruptive. I like that Dr. Phil kept asking:
"Why?"
There may not be an answer but I think it's important to explore all avenues. Is there a neurological problem? Is it all emotional? Why does she behave the way she does? What contributes? What will help?
All of that is stuff that people dealing with children with behaviour difficulties might ask after seeing the show and possibly......that will lead to attempts to find answers and get help.
Sela
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I've always believed that if there's something wrong with my child's behaviour as a parent the first thing is- go to the mirror, take a long hard look at my behaviour and work out my issues first. That's been so helpful in our family.
Even so, it's easy to disregard your own impact on your child's development. My friend said a couple of years ago 'so you have outbursts, your husband has outbursts...your son has outbursts'; end of family outbursts ( well, give or take a transitional few! )
It would have been easy at one point to diagnose my son as bipolar, but he was just modelling his behaviour- and setting his behaviour 'in tune'- with mine & his father's. Until we changed, he wasn't likely to.
It's not about blame, it's about honesty.
Even if there are developmental problems or mental illness, maybe especially so, people can learn to manage behaviours and greatly improve family life and relationships.
By the time families reach Dr Phil- and frankly, what kind of family would take their problems public to entertain the nation is another issue-but by the time they get to this point everyone's problems are all meshed up and they're all acting out together. That takes some sorting out I'd guess. But the first thing is get everyone to see their own part in what's happening.
That was my biggest growth curve with my ex too- once I realised why I'd been with this man and his acting out all these years, me playing the saint, him driving me nuts...well you've heard most of that story before. But it was the turning point of my life- realising that I was in the relationship too, when I realised that enough of it was about me that I would go pick another dysfunctional or abusive relationship ( and did ) until I ended the pattern...lightbulb moment.
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Hi Marta,
I did not see the Dr Phil show .Was this part of what caused your distress The Dr. Phil Show ? I hope not.I believe we have had our relationships messed up from having N parents then we as adult children are left with the
aftermath.We all just do the best we can .I have spent years hiding from my problems .I like being alone and reading a lot.But thats no way to spend ones life hiding in books.
Marta I am hoping you feel better today ..............
Moonlight
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Brig,
Thanks so much for your response to me. I was not happy that Dr Phil discounted that the girl was narcissistic. She looked exactly like other N's that I know, and one of whom happens to be my own daughter. She had the same emotionless look on her face...flat affect, they call it, the same explosive temper when approached, and the same tendency to project. I agree with all of what you said regarding Dr Phil's way of misreading Shannon.
As far as the school in Mexico, I believe you. I"m sure it was not cheap and I also understand the family feeling like they would not miss her if she died. People who have not been controlled by an N, had their identities stripped and lived with such a SADIST, would not "get it" that people wish these creatures did not exist. I understand it all too well.
Today my best friend addressed 2 such N people. The 1 main ringleader informed her that she was "Dorothy" from Oz and she was taking her other two friends with her to pursue the VISION and Destiny, and that if my friend decided not to join them, too bad, she was not coming back for her. THIS IS A SO-CALLED MINISTER OF THE BIBLE! MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT and REVOLT at the same time, because it makes other followers of Christ look nutty, to those who just us by her.
Marta, what gives?
~ReallyME
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No worries Marta, I’ll do as you ask. I won’t speak to you directly.
However, if I want to talk to anyone else – on any thread, including yours if you start one – I will. I want to retain the right to talk to anyone here, anywhere.
If you don’t wish to hear from me, fair enough, that’s okay with me. I’ll respect that. You can let me know if you change your mind.
Portia, You made an excellent point. You also made it confidently, elegantly, gracefully, and succinctly. I am really glad that you made it. However, I don't owe you a check just because it is spring time and just because. I am just slowly beginning to cleanse my system of old toxins; I suppose you have no idea what I am talking about; you still keep talking about it too. By the way, recovering from a serious variety of diseases may entail either hospitalization or blood transfusion. From a first rate professional specialist no less; I mean the kind you will find in your health system directory not on this board. I've told you everything I need to tell you, nothing left to add. Au revoir and have a good life.
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Marta, honey, are you OK? Maybe I missed something, but you're not making a lot of sense to me. Are you seeing a T these days? Are you on meds? What's up?
((((((((Marta))))))))))
Brigid
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bean,
My daughter is 16, loves the Lord and just recently got a job. She currently lives with her sister in an apt. I did all I could to help her heal from the neglected years that I wasn't there for her. At this point, she will not go to therapy, does not really take good care of her body (she might have endometriosis), and there is little I can do other than keep urging her to go to the hospital. It's out of my hands, other than to pray and try to talk gently so she will not "pooh pooh" me.
Marta,
What on EARTH? I don't understand a word of what you said here, so I hope Portia does. I'm asking the same thing...are you on meds, off meds or what? Not sure where you were going with what you were saying, or if maybe your post was meant to be private between you and Portia. You don't have to answer me, but I think most of us are a bit baffled with whatever you were trying to get across in general. So, just letting you know how I think it was perceived here. BLessya
~ReallyME
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thought I'd pop in here.....hello
hey it's Saturday. It's sunny and I'm here. What the heck is wrong with me? Why aren't I sitting in the garden?
Marta, sorry nope, I don't get it. Am i supposed to get it? Well I don't. That's the truth. Are you scared of me or just hate my guts? I can't tell and frankly, what you feel and think is up to you. You can stay here or go or do whatever you wish, it's nothing to do with me.
All: Marta and myself, we had a spat a while back and kind of don't get along, perhaps. Hope that explains it. I'm outta here :arrow:
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Hi Everyone I had a thingy happen 14 years ago with a girl friend I was pregnant and said something snooty to her she said some thing first really, but I made every attempt possible to make up.It was of course over some thing silly.She would not make up .All of a sudden out of the blue two weeks ago (I thought IT was over with long ago) she came over to me and said "its officially over Moon" I said "Thank you Jan I am so glad"you see it had been so over 14 years ago for me ,why on Gods green Earth anyone would waste their time being mad at me is beyond belief to me.Like I said Jan had every right to have her feelings for as long as she felt them.That is something no one else can tell another how to feel .
" Lets play a game my hubby said one day (this was over 20 years ago)what animal would YOU be if you were an animal"?"I say I would be a cute little deer "Nope sez my hubby you would be a tree sloth because they hang upside down from a tree and do not move and eat all day"
Now you would just have to get he sez this in the most loving way and he is very funny .Then he sez Tree sloths are too lazy too hold grudges .So the bad thing he thinks I am lazy maybe but he likes it I do not hold grudges .There a moral of the
story in there somewhere .Hey what kind of animal would you be if you were an animal? I guess I am stuck with this tree sloth thing I have been for years I can not shake it .Go see Ice age the meltdown movie at least tree sloths are getting some respect now .TREE SLOTHS OF THE WORLD UNITE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hugs
Moon
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bean- Do you two ever talk about how you wanted to kill (I think you said before) some of your children?
I think you are talking about my discussion when I was oppressed spiritually. I had thoughts of killing everyone and myself included. When that devil was cast out, those thoughts ended.
I have not TOLD my children that. I don't believe in speaking things like that to children and when I even hear a person say "so and so will KILL me" it makes me just CRINGE.
As far as my daughter...I have apologized to her many times for neglecting her and putting other people before her, but she lived so long without me, raising herself and her sisters, her attitude is "I did it so long on my own, what do I need YOU for? You think you are just gonna waltz into my life now, after I did all the hard work, and try and be "mom?" You got another think comin.
So that's where it's at. She actually is doing very well living with her sister, and it is her sister who used to tell her "don't talk to Mom that way." She would be so nasty to me, holding such a grudge against me. One day when I called the police cause she took my telephone and refused to give it back, he told her "now look, I know your mother made some mistakes and you are upset with her, but it sounds like your mom has really been trying to do better by you. So you have a choice...you can either stay here and mind your mother or I can take you down to the station and you can sign off as an emancipated minor and do things on your own." My daughter stayed with me till she moved out and in with her sister. I see her every sunday at church and during the week once in a while too.
~ReallyME
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bean
So your (1 now adult? and 1 still teenage) daughters do not know you had demon(s) cast out of you? Do they know about your bipolar?
Um ok, first of all, Bean, I think you have misunderstood most of what I said.
My daughters were very much aware that I had demons cast out of me. It was back in 1997, when they were younger, but we all went to the same church.
They also are well aware of the misdiagnosed (I believe) bipolar disorder. My daughters were the ones who had a fit that I was on meds to begin with for it. They are both "faith believers" and see meds as a sign of weak faith. My eldest daughter works at a mental health center.
My 16 yr old has always been very clear about what she was mad at me about and her older sister told her "let it go. get over it and stop trying to keep punishing mom forever"
See, back in 2001-2003, I was counseling a lady, which, due to my then obsessive nature, became a full-time job, and resulted in me resenting my family and neglecting and ignoring my children for those years. During that time, I got pregnant again, was so sick that I could barely lift my head from my pillow, and my eldest child got into promiscuousness. I wasn't there for her like I should have been, due to the counseling of the lady as well as the extreme problems during the pregnancy. My 16 year old is holding a grudge about that even to this day.
She has become narcissistic and has a "prima donna" attitude. Everyone sees it, not just me, but everyone doesn't realize that she was pretty much that way to begin with, yet the neglect compounded the problem. So, I've done what I could to be a healthier mother to her, but, of course her attitude is "you weren't there when I needed you, so don't think you will pop back into my life and be "mom" to me now.
I hope this clarifies things for you, Bean. My children are not sheltered in any way, shape or form from things like childbirth, spiritual matters, feelings, confrontations, etc.
~ReallyME
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Brigid,
Speaking for myself. I don't have a problem with mental illness whatsover. It runs in my family. However, with "schizophrenia", it is not the illness itself that I shy away from. It is the juggling act from physically going from one pole to another, if you know what I mean. It seems unfair and quite exhausting. I don't think its so good for the penguins or polar bears either. Especially when showing up on the North Pole is impossible, and conditions are so hazardous; but it seems to be a nice place; at least from the pics. Anyway, I know so little about these things.
Marta
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There's nothing wicked about mental illness, though people with or without it can be cruel or make bad decisions.
I think if you have a mental illness there's a 'duty' to those around you to try and manage or treat it though: it can be very wearing on family and friends. Accepting that is a big part of managing life with bipolar I think, realising how it's impacting people around you. It's easy to lose friends and relationships over it, and to feel like no one understands or cares when really they're just worn out or you upset or frightened them.
I have days I stay home, take meds and sleep. They used to be bad days before I adopted that strategy, now they're just days I have to take off.
It took me a long time to accept I needed to fit my life with my illness, since stress is a big trigger I have had to reduce high-demand activities considerably, which in my more grandiose moments I don't want to do of course!
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Having Bipolar is only some thing I am ashamed of because society sez it is something to feel ashamed of really.When I did not know I was Bipolar.I would get panic attacks.I was afraid of small places.I would get afraid for no reason.
I do not have a big temper but when my twin brother died ,then my Mom who was loving died 5 years later I was sad a long time.When I was 17 and my brother was alive I WAS VERY HAPPY and I was bipolar and had mood swings .When I was young everything in the world was beautiful to me.When I met my husband I was 17,he was 19 .My moods were from seeing the world as total beauty to sadness ,back and forth.My husband fell in love with me the odd one and believe me even in the hippie days I was odd .But it was a good cover.And now we know I am Bipolar. My hubby sez I always knew there was something different about you I always liked .When I was 17 I was sent to live with older sis at her apt away from n-father.At that time I met my husband.
I spoke of faeries,the magic of the moon and planets.My Bipolar is part of the reason my husband loves me because it is apart of who I am.If he and my darling daughters have no shame of my bipolar why should I ?There has been loss in my life but I look around my girls and my hubby accept Bipolar as if it were some kind of allergy I have, then I have a lot to be grateful for.
My children 27 and 13 are old enough to kid me in the most loving way "have you taken your pills today"?
I joke back they do not have a pill for what is wrong with you !ha ha I am a mad creature and am well loved for it.
Moonlight
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Marta It is Bipolar where we chase the bears from pole to pole Schizophrenia is some thing quite different.
I like to find humor in all .Thanks to my meds I am quite rested now and I find myself chasing
almost no polar bears at all.
Moon
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HI Surgarre I am glad to be loved warts and all .My girls and hubby are not saints either .We are just us.A good team.
Love and Light
Moon
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I used to be embarrassed about being an alcoholic, but now I feel blessed. It is my illness, and if I ever let it take over again, there is no doubt I will die from it. I will also make everyone around me miserable. I work hard now to live life on life's terms (and for me that includes taking medication for depression, so that I can enjoy my children, my husband, my ugly dog and everything that is thrown my way :lol:). I have ups and downs, but far less of them now that I am starting to understand myself and help myself be honest and real. To me that means not being emabarrassed that I have a disease!
You are all good and kind people to be here sharing and trying to improve your own lives and the lives of others. We can all help one another and make our lives stronger!
Thank you for helping me with your posts!!!
Love, Beth
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bean: Now I realize you'll likely say "OH, don't be concerned about ME...I'm fine."
Actually no, not at all. I appreciate your concern and actually found your post very nicely put.
As for you learning not to hang with black/white thinkers, I understand that. I sometimes tend to lean toward that, because of my beliefs God-wise. His way or the highway. I sometimes can be very black/white but over the years, I've been learning more about considering the "gray" parts too.
Thanks again so much for your caring and your input, bean. It means a lot to me.
Blessya
L
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The discussion may have gotten a little off-track here. My discussion was NOT about anyone's personal preferences (to bring that up on a board for speculation would be a cheap thrill at best and really a CRIME, because so many have suffered from abuse of all kinds, including sexual abuse) but about an "ailment" of a far more general nature. Cheap covert innuendos are not only out of place here, they discount legitimate suffering of many who may have suffered sexual abuse and may keep them from opening up their hurts and horrific abuse they may have suffered in childhood, memories of which may just have started surfacing in their minds. Revictimizing the victim, if you will.
Marta
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Marta,
I completely missed any "cheap covert innuendos" or "cheap thrills" or "revictimizing the victim". Sorry to hear such accusations again.
It's our discussion. Doesn't matter who starts a thread, the board belongs equally to all (and has no director).
No need to try to control the board, direct and correct. It's a good place, a self-correcting place. The "community voice" is honest, open and brave. Rancor is rare here.
Hops