Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: write on May 02, 2006, 11:23:54 PM
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since the psychiatrist appt which failled me, I have been unable to get a grip on what I need.
I went there to be prescribed mood stabiliser and haven't been able to formulate a back-up plan yet.
Then this story-
PLEASE DO NOT READ INDESCRIMINATELY,EXTREMELY VIOLENT & EVIL
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/3833490.html
has just really upset me; not just the perp.s, but the people who ignored the assault, and left the victim to die overnight.
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I feel so sad that people can do these things.
How can people be so cruel?
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(((((((((Write)))))))))))
Times like this, I put down all news media and plug in a copy of the only movie I ever purchased, my one and all-time favorite, BABE.
I do comfort myself now and then with children's literature. (My mother was a children's librarian for a while so we took it very seriously. I developed a big love for great writing for children and find that at 56, it still talks to me.)
Would you consider treating yourself with great tenderness, and read yourself a loving, uplifting bedtime story? (Forgive me if that strikes a silly note...I really mean it as sweet comfort.)
Charlotte's Web, The Secret Garden, Stuart Little, Old Yeller, My Friend Flicka...maybe other people would know some that just put that hopeful glow in your chest. Sometimes we all need more good stories and less reality.
Anyway, here's a cup of cocoa, a gentle cuddle and a good night to you, Write.
(Don't hurt yourself with the newspapers when you're already feeling bruised...the world will be there when you're up to tracking it again.)
Hugs,
Hops
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OH WRITE This is what I ask over and over to my friends when I see something like this I will never understand this cruelty ever ever never never .
Are you ok Write are you sleeping any manic stuff I have had 3 nites of not sleeping I have not told family they think I have been sleeping I do not want to worry them But you know Write the Sleep game
I hope your OK I will never understand this kind of thing
Moonlight
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I agree, write. After I had my son, I was on a serious emotional rollercoaster and I think I had a bit of post-partum depression. I adored him and loved him so much that all I could think about was all the babies who were abandoned/abused etc. I had to NOT READ any of that type story for a long time, because it was too hard to bear. It's not putting your head in the sand. Bad things do happen. But so do good things. There are times when I just need to surround myself with good...
Take care of yourself.
Love, Beth
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((((((((((((((((((((Write)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I haven't read the article, because I don't think I could read it without crying, and as I'm sat at my desk in an open plan office, that may not be wise.
Please look after yourself honey.... you're too important not too.
love H&H xx
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oh write,
I certainly know what falling apart feels like. But if you're like me, this is just all too familiar. You've gotten past these moments before. You know what's going on; you know what to do right? It's not pleasant, but you recognize it. write, if I could read you one of hop's bedtime stories and hug you, assuage your fears and tell you It's Alright little write, and kiss your forehead.. and tuck you in, that's what I'd do. You are a wonderful person and kind. it's going to be OK. It's all OK.
bean
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hi moon,
you do not sleep, that's because you're moonlight. You are up watching the stars and that's OK too because someone has to. Someone needs to watch over that big ol night sky and see that the stars are out, and notice the moon's beauty and you've just had that job for 3 nights, that's all. The dark blue sky is beautiful, nothing to be afraid of. All the little animals come out at night that are too scared in the day. Little baby rabbits munch on the grass, owls in the trees, coyotes walking the back fence. Nighttime is just your time with the little animals you're welcome there and you feel safe.
bean
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I can't read the article either. I would probably cry too! Write, I'm thinking that maybe you should try to shield yourself from these things for now anyway. If you're in a fragile way than you really don't need the added worry and pain of reading stories like this. When I learned to do this for myself it allowed me to heal better. Honestly I don't feel reading/watching these types of things are helpful to anyone really. Anyone who has a heart would feel something.
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Hi Write, I read it. I understand why people do these things.
Hope you’re staying away from sensationalist news media. It’s not necessary to expose yourself to it. Take care of yourself.
Hi Bean, how you doing, did you read it? Don’t want to encourage you if you didn’t.
This kind of reporting makes me sick!
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Hi Write I hope you are doing better now Take care
Hi Bean I live in the desert. So I see the coyotes .Last night I got a good nights sleep. Thanks for caring. Bean you will never know how much it means to me.
I got to drive my little 13 year old to school now ..I am off................
BIG HUGS
Moonlight
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((((((((write))))))))) wishing you the best! seasons
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Hi Write:
Sorry you're feeling so upset. This kind of thing is extemely upsetting, I think, for lot's of people. Me included. I don't understand such behaviour and it's hard to even want to understand it. On the other hand, maybe that's the only way to find a way to stop it or treat it or somehow......end it??? I don't know. I'm glad I don't have to do that kind of studying for a living. I'm lucky there.
Reading this story brings many feelings to the surface. I feel immense pain for the poor victim...what he must have suffered. For the family and the struggles they must now face and the feelings they must have to contend with. I feel complete horror for the parents of the perps and I think:
"Those boys are !7. !8. They're just kids. How can their brains be so messed up? What happened to cause that? How does one behave like that and ever get another nights sleep?? :shock: :shock:"
But those are my thoughts. My guess at people's feelings. My reaction to their behaviour. My confusion and frustration grow. It is upsetting (((((((((Write)))))))))). The violence. The evilness. This stuff really happens.
And as others have suggested here, I think it's important to take a deep breath, smell the roses, wipe the tears away and remember that there is a ton, a million times, a zillion times more good that goes on in the world......every single day. People give money to charity when they really don't have much for themselves. People work an extra shift because someone else can't make it in. People hold the door open for little old ladies. People return other people's lost wallets. People stop at accident scenes, make phone calls, do first aid, hold onto a stranger's hand. People even risk their lives for those they don't know.....and sometimes.....save others from danger....even death.
It's not always sensational. It's not even really spectacular. It's just simple, plain, small good works, or people doing their jobs, or making sacrifices in reaction to seeing need and all of those acts add up in my head........to a much bigger, more powerful package, than anything a couple of really screwed up kids can ever do. Not saying what they did is not awful or unimportant or in any way small.......just that I guess I refuse to allow such behaviour to distress me to a point where I forget to think of all the good stuff that goes on in this world too and be thankful and glad for it.
And so what helps me is to hold tight onto those good examples......and to really look for them, when I forget, or when some horror seems overwhelming. It is ovewhelming, what those boys did. It is horrible. It is upsetting and so very hard to understand.
And there are many, many more who are not like them at all. That is what helps me believe that somehow, understanding will eventually come about and maybe.......a way to scoop up kids like this......before they get to such of point of acting like monsters. But until that time, I'm with you Write. It's real. It happens to nice people. And it's so very sick to hear of, see portrayed in the media, and know about.
I can only pray for their poor souls. All involved. But I won't forget to pray for those whose good works help.
They deserve my prayers too, I think.
Hope you're feeling a little better Write.
Sela
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thanks everyone. My neighbour came and got me and I ate with them late last night, all the kids were so loving. My ex took me son with him just before that. So I took a big dose of seroquel and slept for about 11 hours. My eyes look all puffy but I feel better.
You are all right, I can't read stuff indescriminately. It affects my whole sense of wellbeing.
Then lat night I don't know if it made the national news but a plane lost its tyre at take off and was circling around and aroung Houston, I was worrying about that. But they landed safely.
Moonlight~
you need to sleep. 3 nights of no sleep is bad for bipolar. If I stayed up just last night I would be really sick. You need to take care of yourself. I medicate sleep if necessary, the drug I use is a mild anti-anxiety called hydroxizine but there are plenty others. Even antihistamines some people use.
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HI WRITE I know I have just been wandering around the house but mostly reading my books .I have not been this bad for a while .WRITE I have a appointment with shrink in 3 days .I will tell her every thing about sleep .I did sleep last night,so that is good.It just seems every 6 months I get a thing and I stay up for a couple of nights .OH WRITE it was a lot worse before the meds .I went and saw my regular doctor and he gave me something until I see my shrink .So I am OK .Thanks Write ,you will never know what it means to have this darn sleep thing understood by you.It just is no fun. But I am OK. I will check out the medicine you have written and see what my shrink says .
But I am OK now
I sure am glad we both are OK huh!
LOVE
MOON :D :D :D
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((moonlight)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Write,
SO glad you got some sleep and help.
You too, Moon.
You are both extremely brave and open.
I admire you very much.
Hops
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write,
Thanks for updating me on the plane. I heard about it on the news in the morning, but then couldn't find anything abou tit later in the day. I am glad to hear it landed safely.
Beth
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well it's almost 3 am & I'm wide awake! Hope you're asleep Moonlight...
Going to go take a pill.
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Write, It is almost one in the morning here. I like yourself am wide awake and I am going to take a pill .Thanks for
hoping anyway .Write that is all I need really the understanding I AM EVER SO GRATEFUL. I wish we did not have to deal with this stuff. But it is a comfort to know you understand.
I hope my silly pill will start to help me close me eyes . I do wish both of us more sleep.
nite nite
Write ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Moonlight My appointment with shrink is soon
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well, I barely slept last night, but it's given me some perspective: need a new psychiatrist.
Forget the other one. Her problems are her business.
Cool!
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I can cope I think if I stay home and quiet, my son probably disagrees though, it means he has to be mindful.
Maybe that's a goodthing some ways.
Ex is struggling to cope.
Strange how everything still leans on me...I want them to go away and just take care of themselves and business. Give me a break! Never happens like that though.
Never...
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Ex has a top job, can work whenever he pleases, no one ever questions his coming or going.
He's considered one of the top people in his field.
Yet there's never any benefits to us as a family, he insists on workign like a junior and any attempts by me to get him to quit overworking are futile.
I'm beginning to see how he does so much stressing me even now.
Last night there were flash floods here with storms, he was calling me.
Earlier I went on a fool's errand to the bank, he asked me to.
We are too much involved; he is already clutching his fevered brow because I am sick again....
I know I'm rambling but I am so tired of being there for him and he thinks he's there for me and he's not wholly.
Two sentences later and it's always about him.
But he's as good as it gets? That's been my experience, and who is going to want me now, all these issues and problems?
Some big triggers this month: the new friendship, the psychiatrist weird behaviour, too much work, ex acting out...
maybe too much thinking, not enough medication...
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Aww, Write, you're having a rough go.
That's a lot of stress, needing to change shrinks. What a strong decision.
Sounds to me like you're handling this bout as best you can, and that your ex is doing two sentences worth of a great job... Almost a relief to hear you mention his limits, you're so kind about him all the time.
I was just thinking how much energy must be coursing through you. What does it feel like? Being mentally cranked up but physically exhausted, is the best I can guess. Maybe times two.
Wishing you less stress and more rest,
Hops
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Hi, I'm an insomniac too! Have any of you tried melatonin.. it works pretty well. It usually makes me want to sleep within 30 minutes and it's a natural hormone. No side-effects and no addictions. Okay I better go ..I'm sounding too much like a commercial. :)
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Write ,I like what Hops says " Less stress and more Rest" Thank you Hops for what you suggested about watching children's films . Even my 13 year old will be up on a Saturday morning watching "Babe" or some Disney film. My hubby
serious Mr.Science loves to watch Disney with us Saturday mornings.One time my hubby and our 2 girls were watching
"Land before Time" a cartoon film.Well in it the mom dinosaur died and we looked over at hubby (dad) and he had his eyes
all watered up and was all sad,(TEARS ROLLING DOWN HIS CHEEKS) the cartoon mom dinosaur died .It was so sweet .Our great big strong hero, crying over the cartoon mom dinosaur.
He is CUTE .Moral of the story cartoons can bring the best out of people.
WRITE I am wishing for more rest for you !
Hugs
moon
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yes, loads of energy, finished tons of correspondence; looked over it too, sometimes it can be a bit disjointed.
I did fall asleep about 7 but my neighbour woke me at 9...wanted to use my printer.
Yes ex has limits! I spent a lot of time a couple of years ago ranting about them.
He means well, he's considering going back into therapy. Hope he does, I don't have much spare energy yet and he doesn't realise when he's leaning on me.
The thing with the psychiatrist is so like every other relationship :o
I'm stunned she would act out with me, but I've decided I don't have the inclination to get into it with her.
I don't trust her as my doctor, end of story.
If I start talking to her about it or complain the outcome is still the same except I've wasted more energy on something which shouldn't have happened.
It shouldn't should it? It was her responsibility to behave professionally.
But that's a problem with my life, people seldom seem to behave themselves!
My parets, my exes...now the doctor!
The previous dr I couldn't take to, she had a lot of n-traits, interrupting, domineering; I felt brow-beaten.
I'd really like to do build up a trust relationship with a doctor; pity so many are so 'N-like' that's a problem!
Haven't tried melatonin there's some downstairs; my ex uses it sometimes for jetlag.
I remember Land Before Time. Cartoons can be really sad, especially when they remind you of children now grown up!
Ok, time for a shower and a walk; I'll try and keep my routine the same sleep or no sleep.
What does it feel like? Being mentally cranked up but physically exhausted,
it's having tons of energy but no organisation, starting 10 things and not finishing, talking fast, everyone else is too slow, impatience.
The exhaustion comes a day or two or sometimes longer...probably not too much this week because I have had sleep here and there.
Sometimes if I can focus it's really good, I can get something out of the way that's needed doing.
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Hi Write. Sorry your sleep is soooo trashed. shitty space to be in. I totally relate, as you know. I' haven't been taking my Seroquel for weeks now and I keep saying it's because my memory is so impaired that I forget. Or is it? I seem to be able to take my other meds o.k., although even there, I'm no longer right on track. It's that time of year for me when winter ends, the old mood starts lifting and I know I deliberately,( laced liberally with denial!! Hee hee!!!) "forget" to be diligent with sleep meds etc. Although cocaine was one of the few drugs that weren't my thing!!!- I feel in that mode. totally revved up, speedy, flying too high, starting to spin outta control, concentration impaired, memory fried, not taking care of myself. Up all night for a few days or only getting 2-3 hrs. sleep and feeling fanfuckingtastic- pardon my Latin!...at first! Doesn't take long, does it, for that " feeling tooo great" to start going for a shit pretty quick, eh?! I'm in a really disorganized stage right now- just had a friend do my taxes and here i was thinking- delusional!- I was on top of things, getting loads of coin back...and then...ya guessed it! Seems my ciphering and record keeping was a tad off track and I owe money....lots of it!!!!!! No memory of funds i cashed in over last year to support me and my then N boyfriend- who I allowed to drain my bank account and who I supported financially under the guise of his " depression"( read...N and sex addict). Waves of anger and frustration right now with and at myself for being sucked in and choosing to suppport a sick person over myself and my best interests!!! A true measure of how sick I was last year- relapse of addcition, mentally ill, barely coping- but not asking for help or even acknowledging I had a problem---or a hundred! Even though I'm not glued together at the moment, I'm much better than last year. Not totally isolating, have supportive Friends and healthy ones!!! Almost slept last night- Almost!!!! Had just taken a pill and suddenly saw a gigantic spider running across the Floor. And I mean...Gigantic!!!! I am terrified of spiders and this one was one of those huge, black, wolf spiders- you know the kind- larger than a small dog, meat eaters, move furniture etc!!!! Hee hee!!! I have been known to call people in the middle of the night in hystercis- and i don't mean, laughing!- to ask them- in no uncertain terms!- to please come over and remove large spiders!!!!! No takers last night though!!!! How ridiculous for a grown woman to be so terrified of an insect!!! I have three large felines and one of them loves eating spiders, bees, hornets etc. He chased this Frankenspider for a few minutes, got bored, curled up and went to sleep!!!! Damn him!!!! I, once I had my coronary sorta under control!!- ran into my bedroom, stuffed towels along the door, turned on all my lights, sat up in my bed with my head swivelling 360 degrees pretending to " read" for severalhours almost till dawn. Hmmmm!!!!! If ONE of you is SO gargantuan, WHERE are your friends????? Gyawd!!!!!! Sooo...after about an hour of sleep, I got up and opened the door cautiously, I ran around my living room and kitchen poking everything- piles of papers, shoes etc- with a yardstick looking for you know who!!! I've been out all day dealing with taxes and applying for unemployment insurance on line- another cerebral Herculean delite!!!!! NOT!!!!- so I picture my nemesis in my place, watching T.V.- perhaps a Natrue show on...insects...you know...delicious, soft, squishy ones!!!- perhaps fortifying itself on my cats' crunchies every now and then, maybe even using my credit cards to order out!!!!! I wax idiotic!!! Hee hee!!!! I have to admit I'm still able to enjoy the giddy ridiculous thinking!!!!!!! enough of my ranting!!!! Hope you get some sleep, Write and all other insomniacs!!!!! I'm going over to my boyfriend's tonight- i think the spider and my cats need some quality alone time!!!! Hee hee!!! Hugs, Moira
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oh Moira hope your b/f provides a safe haven for tonight; I'm sure the cats will take care of the spider.
I use 'Raid Max' along the skirting boards and in every corner, seems to keep creepy things at bay.
My taxes are all sound- thanks to ex h; so I guess I can forgive him a lot :)
Seroquel is excellent for bipolar mania, but I've found at higher doses I'm very sleepy. Sometimes that's a good thing of course...
I never 'forget' to take it but sometimes when I'm manic I choose not to....
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Take care.