Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Certain Hope on May 06, 2006, 10:12:16 AM
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Hello to everyone here :) Before work yesterday morning, I was catching up on some reading to see what's new in the world of npd info/forums and encountered this board via a Google search. The concept of being "voiceless" struck me as the ideal way to describe the condition in which I've lived in the past and so I did a bit of reading and then joined. After setting up my profile and signature, I did a bit more reading here and then questioned whether I should even stay, since it's clear there's been considerable discussion here re: ermmm.... religious issues and tolerance. I'm a Christian and to me it's not a hobby, or a lifestyle, or a spiritual outlet.... it's a relationship with a Person, Jesus Christ. Because of that, everything in my life is centered on Him and it'd be impossible for me to relate to people or respond to a situation outside of that framework. Hope I'm not freaking anyone out here :? I'm not religious, really. I was married to a man who is as "npd" as they come and have since dealt with the realization of some strong N traits in my own family of origin. It's been a long road of recovery and healing and no doubt is not complete yet. But I think that my experiences and what I've learned through them may be of some help to others and that through relationships we can each learn alot. In other words, I'm here both to help and to make friends :) Not because I'm bored or don't have enough to do, but because I believe that we are supposed to go out and comfort others as we ourselves have been comforted. I really do look forward to getting to know the folks here and developing a rapport. The honesty that's been expressed in the material I've read here is appealing and refreshing. I hope that you all will find that I can fit into the "mix". Haven't been on a message board in years, so I'm not positive how to proceed beyond this, but I do pledge to be respectful and honest in all of my remarks here. I'm in my 40's, married (not to an N anymore, thank the Lord), mother of 4 /homemaker/ part time "Jack of all trades" :D My experience with a full-blown N nearly destroyed me in every way ~ emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally ~ and left me finding pseudo-relief in alcohol. I've been free from drinking and steadily healing for 2 years now, and still there are voices from the past that threaten to steal my own voice. Recovery is definitely a process. Lest I ramble on indefinitely, I'll close for now and return to the board for some more reading! Thanks to all for "listening" and have a wonderful Saturday 8)
Hope
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Hi
I guess you’ve been reading both Bean’s thread and those of Really Me. Perhaps you’ll be friends with Really Me?
I'm a Christian and to me it's not a hobby, or a lifestyle, or a spiritual outlet.... it's a relationship with a Person, Jesus Christ. Because of that, everything in my life is centered on Him and it'd be impossible for me to relate to people or respond to a situation outside of that framework.
I’m way outside of your framework and I take it you won’t relate to me or my life and experiences, so I’ll say good luck and hope you find others to help and make friends with.
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I’m way outside of your framework and I take it you won’t relate to me or my life and experiences, so I’ll say good luck and hope you find others to help and make friends with.
Hi Portia. Thanks for responding. I've only read portions of those threads you mention, with a goal of getting a fresh start here and interacting with people on the basis of how they respond to me, without forming any prejudices. I think it's premature to judge who can be friends with whom, but I'm glad that we're each free to draw our own boundaries and choose for ourselves with discretion those with whom we'll engage in relationship. What I hear you saying is that you're not interested in receiving anything from someone like me. If I've mis-heard you, please do set me straight :) That's certainly your option, which I respect. Just so you're aware, I've known many people who label themselves Christians with whom I would not want to sit down for a cup of tea, let alone establish a friendship. I only hope that this board's members will not pre-judge me but be willing to engage in open discussion for the purpose of truly getting to know each other better. Thanks again for your reply.
Hope
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Hi again Certain Hope
What I hear you saying is that you're not interested in receiving anything from someone like me. If I've mis-heard you, please do set me straight
No, I didn’t say that and thanks for asking for clarification. I didn’t say anything about receiving anything from you. I may well receive something, I don’t know. Just reading you might help me understand something better. I try to be open-minded about what I read, but not "so open-minded that my brains drop out", if you see what I mean. (That’s using a Richard Dawkins quote.)
What I read was:
it'd be impossible for me to relate to people or respond to a situation outside of that framework.
Like I said, I’m outside that framework, so I take it that it would be impossible for you to relate to me. We are however talking now, but that isn’t necessarily relating is it?
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HI HOPE WELCOME
Did you say it would be impossible for you to relate to anyone that does not share the same spiritual framework or outlook
as you do ?Do I have that right? Also Hope you have not "freaked "me out.
Moonlight
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I'd like to make a small point. If I'm wrong then Certain Hope can correct me.
Because of that, everything in my life is centered on Him and it'd be impossible for me to relate to people or respond to a situation outside of that framework.
That statement does not say or even imply that she cannot relate or respond to others. It says she cannot relate or respond to others outside of the framework of her faith.
She appears to simply be expressing her POV. Don't we all have some type of framework that we relate and respond to others through and is it not usually helpful to know what that framework is?
mud
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Hi Portia,
What I read was:
it'd be impossible for me to relate to people or respond to a situation outside of that framework.
Like I said, I’m outside that framework, so I take it that it would be impossible for you to relate to me. We are however talking now, but that isn’t necessarily relating is it?
Thank you for clarifying! Reading your last post, I had a sense that you were "writing me off" as "just another Christian". I can already see that this is going to be excellent practice of "saying what you mean and meaning what you say". This isn't the first time it's come to my attention that I'm often mistaken in thinking that I've made myself clear when actually a person would have to be a mindreader to get my point ~ lol.
Anyhow, I'll attempt to make my "framework" remark more clear. This framework is not a box into which I mentally place other individuals, for the purpose of deciding whether or not I'm interested in them or can possibly interact with them. My view is that we each share a common bond in simply being human beings. Beyond that, I believe that we are each made in the image of God, which in and of itself gives each person both great value and enormous potential. Please note that I realize you and others may have different views and I'm not trying to present mine as the only right one... just sharing where I'm coming from. Rather, this framework is my own frame of reference... that pool, so to speak, into which I dip my cup whenever I'm thirsty (and dealing with people makes me very thirsty :D) That pool in my life is Jesus, as I've come to know Him as the living water. I used to be very shy and preferred to stay in my shell rather than try to communicate with anyone. There was so much I didn't understand that it seemed I would never be able to feel like anything but an oddball. That's changed alot since my dealings with the narcissists in my life. By the time my ex husband was finished with me, I could barely stumble through a sentence without fading off into oblivion. I'd become so accustomed to having my words twisted and turned that it hardly seemed worthwhile to attempt to express anything. At the end, there was nothing left in me to express, as far as I could tell. He used me up. My certain conviction is that if it weren't for God, I'd be dead. When you're drowning and suddenly a hand reaches out to pull you to safety, it seems natural for that person to become the recipient of your undying gratitude. When that same person puts your feet on solid ground and begins to help you rebuild your life, giving you a new identity, a new security in a world full of uncertainty and pain, well... for me, that's resulted in a deep desire to build a deeper relationship with my Saviour and it's made Him the framework from which I operate. Perhaps I should say Source and drop the "framework", since I can see the clarity slipping away by the minute here. :?
I didn’t say anything about receiving anything from you. I may well receive something, I don’t know. Just reading you might help me understand something better. I try to be open-minded about what I read, but not "so open-minded that my brains drop out", if you see what I mean. (That’s using a Richard Dawkins quote.)
Great quote! Guess I'd better find out who Richard Dawkins is/was :) I dunno either what any of us might receive from each other, but I'm hopeful. And for me it's wonderful to simply be able to have a voice. I'm still in the process of learning how to stop being fearful of people and sliding back into avoidance mode. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express some things here and for taking the time to respond. I think that friendship can begin at that point where people stop talking "at" each other and begin honestly communicating without trying to constantly drive home a point. But what do I know? heh Have a great day 8)
Hope
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Hi Mudpuppy and Moonlight,
I should ask... am I replying to these messages properly or am I supposed to just keep editing my original post rather than hitting "reply"?
Mud, You have read me correctly ... and thanks for understanding! What you said is indeed what I was trying to express; I meant the framework of my faith. But now that I've read it again, I can certainly see how Portia and Moonlight might misunderstand. Sure goes to show you how perspective is everything :) Will try to choose my words more carefully from now on and hope that all will ask for clarification if in doubt. I'll do the same. Just as a side note, for some time I had the mindset that it wasn't worth the trouble to even try to explain myself to people. It seemed too risky and dangerous to reveal anything personal outside of a narrow framework of close relationships. I'm grateful now for even the desire to launch into such communication without paralyzing fear and trepidation. Whew. Transparency is my goal now. Thanks to both of you :)
Hope
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Hope As you have been reading there has been some sensitive discussions on Faith.It is so wonderful to see you say
"we are each made made in the image of GOD".Respecting one another goes a long way when relating to each other.I am so glad we cleared up
that misunderstanding .
Moonlight
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I should ask... am I replying to these messages properly or am I supposed to just keep editing my original post rather than hitting "reply"?
You're doing fine.
mud
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Thanks, Mud :D
And Moonlight, Thank you, also! I did take note of the tone which seems to be prevailing here on the board, but not until I had already read a couple other messages and become interested in being a part of the group. When I saw what seemed to be a deep bitterness and plenty of wounded feelings because of discussions on "faith", I nearly removed my name and chucked the whole idea because of it. But you know... if I did that, then I'd be voiceless once again.
And Bean... wow! I just now noticed that you'd responded as well! Thank you for your kind reply. I will do my best to continue to express myself and my own personal views rather than those of any group. Don't have much choice really, since my views don't fit into any one set group or idealogy, but that's another story altogether. The only label my church has is "interdenominational", for that very reason. Personally, I've learned more since I gave up labels than ever before, and I was raised in a very structured, denominational setting. Through all of those years, a great deal of doctrine was pounded into my feeble brain, but I never knew love or grace till I had a heart transplant. I guess I can thank both N and God for that.
I think I understand what you're saying about rebelling against the "we believe" approach. For ages, I stayed away from church settings because religious creeds seemed more important than incorporating truths into real, life-changing action. My feeling is that religiousity (if that is a word) is death and hypocrisy runs rampant when people latch onto beliefs that never travel from their heads to their hearts. oops... i think i'm almost preaching; sorry. I promise not to get hostile and welcome anyone to tell me immediately if they get the impression I'm trampling on them or stealing their voice. Sharing is my goal and it looks to me from those who've responded so far like that is indeed possible here! Thank you, all.
p.s. I agree that we can't prevent the occasional hostility of others. Offenses might be laid at our feet all day long, but we each have the option whether or not to pick up those offenses, I think.
p.s.s. Mud is fine. Thanks to him/her for contributing to the discussion! and ty for the welcome!!
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Thank you Teartracks and Stormchild for the welcome (and for the hugs, Storm :)) I've sure enjoyed this rainy day's visits here to the board and have gotten several smiles and plenty of encouragement from reading here. I do see the affirmation, tenderness and support here and agree that these are crucial to emotional wellbeing, as are, I believe, accountability and the sort of honesty which speaks the truth In Love. I'm not sure it's possible to avoid dissension in any group, regardless of how hard we try. One Biblical directive that's really important to me is: "as much as it lies within you (or depends on you), live at peace with all people." But then I love Proverbs, as well, and there are plenty of Scriptural admonitions to never argue with foolish people, lest you lose a limb in the process :D I'll work at being selective and try to avoid the nonsense. Thanks for your wise counsel! I am also acutely aware of the fact that contention comes only via pride, so when mine flares up, I'll promise to sit on my hands or pull the plug on the pc rather than reply. Some of the best advice I've ever received is: Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut ;) Of course, I all too often have failed to heed that wisdom :? But I'm learning! This appears to be a great group of sincere folks who desire only to share the best of themselves with others while feeling free to be less than perfect and learn in the process. It's my opinion that anyone who doesn't respect that won't stick around long enough to be much trouble UNLESS the flames are fanned. In other words, some comments and attitudes simply don't deserve a response and will fizzle if not allowed to take root. Ignore never worked with N... he'd blather on regardless, totally oblivious to the fact that nobody was paying attention. So that's kinda become my rule of thumb... if someone continues talking AT me instead of TO me, I simply walk away. That's my 2 cents on the subject :) Thanks for writing! Going to read some more here before supper.
Hope
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Certain Hope Thank you for your wisdom I was always trying to "fix" things as a child of a N Dad maybe that walking away
is good advice. Welcome again
Moonlight
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Dear Moonlight,
I can see that it's not going to be easy to tear myself away from this board and get things done around the house ~ lol. I've had such a great time just sitting here, reading and responding ... Thank you all for being here!
Seems like for most of my life I was queen of the fixers/ people pleasers, always feeling like I was responsible for everyone and everything. Wow, we simply were not designed to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders! When my best efforts were not enough to heal my family, I felt completely useless and empty... like an utter failure. It was hope, walking hand in hand with faith, that brought me back to life and light. It's much easier to look back now without the deep pain and regret, and I think that's what it takes. I couldn't run away from my past, or deny it, or avoid it by throwing myself into busy-work. To be able to learn from my own personal history, I had to break free from all the old expectations that everyone else had placed on me and look back to see things for what they really are, apart from the swirl of emotions. I can't do everything, fix everything, be everything, please everyone, and that is simply a fact. I believe that it's the truth that makes me free, but first I had to walk away from the lies. Sometimes the lies are personified in our lives. Walking away is the beginning of freedom, I think, because I know for myself, I've tended to become like those with whom I'm in fellowship/ association. Trying so hard here not to say "we" and "us" messages that now I feel like I'm using the word "I" too much ~ lol. Must be time to shut up ;) Thanks, Moon. More later.
Hope
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Certain Hope,
Great to have you hear. I'm on the run but wanted to say hello. seasons
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Hi Seasons and thank you for the welcome! Looking forward to "reading" you again soon :)
And hello to you, Sugarre! Sorry, I just noticed your post ~ still getting used to all this, in between laundry and dishes, et all ~ lol. I dunno about brave, but thanks. Mostly I didn't want to run away from what I saw as a challenge to not only my faith but my communication skills. Besides, I do believe that anything worthwhile warrants a sincere investment of time, energy, and effort. This group and especially the people involved in it are most definitely worthwhile. To simply choose not to get involved did not seem like the loving thing to do. So here I am and very glad about it!
Sounds like overall you have benefited from the recent controversies here, although I know that stuff can surely be exhausting. It's kinda like growing pains, I guess. It's good to know that we can learn something from each and every person who crosses our path, regardless of our personal opinion of them. As a Christian, one of the toughest and most humbling lessons I've faced is accepting correction from a person I might consider an "enemy" (or at the least, obnoxious). Ugh. Painful, but necessary, lest I get stuck in a rut of pride (which after all is only a grave with an opening at each end).
By the way, I do believe that there are demons, but they're not N's (despite the similarity :shock:) I did used to wonder, though, whether N's even have a soul. I'd better go read some more now :) Have a wonderful night!
Hope
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Certain Hope,
Welcome. It sounds like you are making progress everyday. Do I understand you correctly? Are you two years without chemicals? If so, good for you. Without self-medicating we really have to work hard on living with our raw emotions. I hope you find some support and an outlet for your feelings, questions, hopes, and desires here.
I do also hope that you will allow yourself the liberty to express yourself without much self-editing, as well. As you eluded to, this is a journey. An emotional journey implies that we will, at times, muddle through some things and make some errors in thinking, communicating, action and deed. My hope for you is that you will feel the freedom to do that here.
ANewSheriff
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Hi Certain Hope,
Welcome. I am very glad that you did decide to post on this board. I have only been posting for a week but i have found it to be a wonderfully warm and supportive place. I am sure you will too
Again...Welcome
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Hi, Petra :) Thanks for the welcome and welcome to you, as well! Just realized in some of my reading here this afternoon that you are a new member, as well. In reading some of the postings, I've found myself feeling helpless to respond with anything that could really make a difference to those who are hurting. Yours was an account with which I could identify, but words failed me when I attemped to reply. Guess I still have some mental (emotional?) blockages to sort through in order to get things flowing in proper order. I plan to return to your post later and attempt to respond from the heart, which is sometimes easier said than done, I'm finding.
Hello, Sheriff and thank you for your words :) At times the progress seems quite slow and halting, but I do think I'm on more of an even keel now. Yes, 2 years without alcohol and I'm happy to say that I rarely think of it anymore, although there are moments when I crave a drink.... usually when confronted with some issue involving conflict. When I was drinking, I thought that it freed me to express my emotions more openly. I would store everything up and stew on it, thinking that I could never express anger or face any sort of conflict without a few drinks under my belt. Which probably explains why reading some of the stuff on this board sparks a faint longing for a drink :P
It's interesting that you picked up on the self-editing bit. I had not even realized it, but maybe that's why I've been unable to respond to many of the posts here on the board... out of fear that someone would take offense or misunderstand. Since I'm new, I'd feel like I was barging into someone else's business to say what I really feel. Trying to hold the position: if you don't have anything "nice" to say, don't say anything at all. It appears that one thing which really tends to shut me down emotionally (and in every other way) is any sort of bullying type behavior. This is sometimes evidenced, I think, by one person who continually speaks (types) above the rest, as though from a position of superiority, always bringing the entire matter back to them as though the they are the center of the universe. That is just downright irritating, especially when there are so many people who are honestly trying to grow up and grow out of the effects of abuse. Perhaps the next time I feel that, I'll recognize what's going on and be able to express it. Thanks to your encouragement, I think that may be possible.
God bless you.
Hope
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Hi Hope,
Welcome. It sounds like you are well on your way to finding a place of peace and comfort. Congratulations on the 2 years of sobriety. We share the life with n husbands and now finding a new life without them. It certainly is sweeter.
I have enjoyed reading your posts and look forward to learning more about you.
Blessings,
Brigid
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Certain Hope, I also have voices from the past running through my head. I think the symptom is called 'racy thoughts'. I have had them for a long time even before I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I felt the thoughts haunt me and sometimes I become obsessed that this is what I am going to live through the rest of my life. I went through some therapy and turned them around. I abandoned the practice and shouldn't have. More therapy is what I need.
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Certain Hope:
Yes, 2 years without alcohol and I'm happy to say that I rarely think of it anymore, although there are moments when I crave a drink.... usually when confronted with some issue involving conflict.
That is just fabulous. I am very proud of you. I just celebrated my 21st year without any substances (errr, if you do not count white, refined sugar and caffeine, that is). I married someone in recovery so we have walked this path together for a very long time. I do not think I would have made it without that support and accountability - heavy emphasis on the accountability. I hope you have a good support system.
Certain Hope:That is just downright irritating, especially when there are so many people who are honestly trying to grow up and grow out of the effects of abuse.
No matter where I am in life, I sometimes have to remind myself to try and hear the message and ignore the messenger. We come to these places with all sorts of baggage and insecurities. My hope is that there is more mercy for our shortcomings than judgment against them. Shortcomings are most repairable, after all. Most of us are searching for growth, education, and enlightenment. We are all just making our ways.
ANewSheriff
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Dear Sheriff,
I definitely do not count white, refined sugar, caffeine, or chocolate, for that matter :D Drinking hazelnut coffee even as I type and contemplating an almond Hershey bar that keeps beckoning to me from the frig. ;) Thanks for your encouraging words and congratulations to you also on your long-term success in beating addictions! What a blessing :) You are absolutely right about accountability, too, and I'm very thankful to have the solid support of my husband and our church family (Our pastor's last name is Sheriff, by the way :D )
I must add here that I've only been remarried for just shy of 2 years, after a horrible go-round with an NPD ex-husband who knew absolutely no limits. I believe that the Lord knew I couldn't climb out of the pit that man dug for me without a special provision. He continued stalking me, even after our divorce (which HE filed for) and even though I had a protective order against him. But in the midst of all that mess, God sent me this wonderful man who is now my husband, with his gentle kindness and tender manner of speaking the truth in love. In my case, it simply struck me one day that I no longer had any reason to drink. I was free.
Not yet free from my own critical spirit or impatience or lack of mercy toward those I find annoying, though. Still plenty of self-centeredness to purge out of my own system without going around judging others for their bad attitudes. You speak the truth and mercy is key. Many thanks for your gentle correction; it's gone a long way toward adjusting my attitude :)
Hi, Changin, I'm sorry if those racy thoughts are still haunting you. It can be very disconcerting, I know, when it seems as though your thoughts are not your own. But these voices of darkness and death cannot tolerate the light of truth... they need to get out of our heads! With me now, it's far less often anymore, and usually the "trigger" seems to be a word or phrase... something an abuser from my past used to say, for instance. Or if I'm in a situation where I've failed, let someone down, for instance... I'll hear in my head the degrading words of someone else, trying to tear me down, even though that person is long gone. I do believe that with practice, we can learn to rebuke those lying thoughts and "voices" and live only in the present. One thing that really sticks with me now is that I refuse to let someone else define me. What snaps me out of the old ruts is getting deeper into the assurance that God accepts me as I am, and HE loves me too much to leave me in the pits. He loves you too, Changin, and I trust that you will overcome this leftover rubbish and live free.
Hello, Brigid, It's my pleasure to "meet" you and thank you for the welcome :) I was only married three years to the NPD husband, but it seemed more like 30 :? Before that ~ 15 years of marriage to a man who practiced various forms of abuse and without whom, I did not think I could survive. Almost didn't survive. Who'd have guessed it was possible to not only survive but to thrive?? :) Freedom from fear is sweet indeed! I thank God daily for rescuing me from that and for saving me from ... myself.
Hope
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hi guys,
welcome newbies :)
I have not had any alcohol in a year and a half and I don't miss it! Not even when I get stressed out. That stuff was so poisonous to me, I only have bad memories of the alcohol induced rages I was spun into with just a little bit of alcohol. I actually don't have much anxiety about Not going there again. My anxiety primarily comes from my family - not being supported, not being understood, having to walk away because it was not healthy.
hugs to Certain Hope, petra and It's a Changin for having the courage to come to this board. Healing past hurts is not easy, I know. It's a process and I often stumble and have fallen on my face a few times. But that's OK, cause I'm human and I'm allowed.
Sometimes I wonder where my courage comes from, do you? Does anyone have any ideas on this?
penelope
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Welcome Certain,
I too am a coffee addict... and an alcoholic of the recovering kind. This board has been very helpful in digging through some issues I need to get a grip on in order to move along my path. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Beth
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Mud,
thank you lots for your explanation. I could have read ten times and still not understood it. Thanks.
Don't we all have some type of framework that we relate and respond to others through and is it not usually helpful to know what that framework is? Yes. Although some days I think about my framework and it’s too much.
Certain Hope,
I’m sorry for responding to you negatively.
I had a sense that you were "writing me off" as "just another Christian". I didn’t understand your words and I felt as though you were rejecting me as a non-Christian. I know different now.
I'm often mistaken in thinking that I've made myself clear when actually a person would have to be a mindreader to get my point
I think that applies to me more than you. I think you were clear; I misread and misinterpreted. I’ll just beat myself up some more about that I think. The more I think, so much less do I understand and it feels like a huge struggle, some days like a paralysis. But it used to be worse! So that’s okay then.
Penelope
Where does courage come from? For me, believing there is no other alternative other than death (so what’s the point in being afraid?); and also believing that I have no intrinsic value (strangely enough), so I may as well do what I feel drawn towards. Being worthless allows for a playful attitude to life somehow? Otherwise I think I would take it too seriously. Being worthless is not necessarily always a bad thing! I mean worthless to mean – “nothing really matters”; i.e. everything is worthless and I am no different to everything. I guess it’s the same as thinking everything is of equal value, I just skewed it a bit, it’s what I decided for myself a long time ago, as a way of coping. I guess that’s my belief framework!
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CH:
Not yet free from my own critical spirit or impatience or lack of mercy toward those I find annoying, though. Still plenty of self-centeredness to purge out of my own system without going around judging others for their bad attitudes.
Do you think that there are times when this might work for you? When you are critical or judgmental because your gut is telling you something is very wrong? I have participated in self-flogging in the past and realized after the fact that in spite of the ugliness that judgmentalness incites, it is sometimes a strong warning sign.
If I am that critical of something, it is either reflective of something I am struggling with myself or it is an indicator that something is way outside my range of "okayness". I must be careful making this distinction, but there are times that this represents boundary issues are being threatened or tromped on and that means it is time for this sheriff to get out of Dodge!
ANewSheriff
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Hi CH, Petra & It's a changin
Welcome to the board... looking forward to reading your posts.
Take care
H&H xx
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Hi certain hope and welcome!!!
I want to comment on the alcohol. I haven't had a drink in, I think 5 years. My dad was an alcoholic and I know that I have an 85% chance of becoming one myself (both brothers are).
It was a hard transistion, b/c I had to switch from my drinking buddies to other buddies that accepted that I didn't drink. Now when people question me as to why I don't drink, I tell them it's b/c I break out...doors, windows etc. Of course ther are many answers, but that's the way I like to address that. They ALWAYS drop it after that.
Movinon
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Hi Hope:
I finally got a chance to read your introductory thread (and since it's been bumped to the top by spam, I noticed it and thought I'd post to you some of my thoughts).
I used to be very shy and preferred to stay in my shell rather than try to communicate with anyone. There was so much I didn't understand that it seemed I would never be able to feel like anything but an oddball. That's changed alot since my dealings with the narcissists in my life.
Glad to hear this positive outcome from what I bet was a not nice journey. That's great that you can see some good from all you've been through and take note of it. Good for you!!
there are plenty of Scriptural admonitions to never argue with foolish people, lest you lose a limb in the process
Yes, I like reading these too sometimes. I do have a hard time though, telling who's foolish? Half the time it's me. :roll:
Some of the best advice I've ever received is: Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut Of course, I all too often have failed to heed that wisdom
We have the same failure in common. :|
When my best efforts were not enough to heal my family, I felt completely useless and empty... like an utter failure. It was hope, walking hand in hand with faith, that brought me back to life and light.
Boy, can I relate to this. Been there and done that too. ((((((((((((Hope)))))))))))) Glad you made it!!
I do believe that anything worthwhile warrants a sincere investment of time, energy, and effort.
I have a similar belief (one a grade school teacher "learned" me):
Nothing worthwhile is easy.
I refuse to let someone else define me.
I don't like it when I feel like someone is trying to so this either. More we have in common eh?
I had not even realized it, but maybe that's why I've been unable to respond to many of the posts here on the board... out of fear that someone would take offense or misunderstand.
And then I misunderstood and took offense. :oops: :oops:
Sorry again, Hope.
Looking forward to less of that and to more pleasurable exchanges.
A warm welcome!
:D Sela
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HI Hope and Sela , When best efforts have not healed FOO .Time to fold tent and turn to my own little family .Nothing I can do to fix them .
I have done every thing to fix rift in FOO. Sometimes stuff can not be fixed and we leave it to heaven .
That some how finally after beating myself up for what was not my fault for years seems to be a OK thing to do now.
I am sick of feeling sorry for myself I am stronger than that now and I am not turning my back on my own love that I can give to myself and to my loved ones.
And that a healing thing. My heart feels Pinker.
Love
Moon