Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: seasons on June 13, 2006, 05:36:19 PM

Title: change
Post by: seasons on June 13, 2006, 05:36:19 PM

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Title: Re: change
Post by: pennyplant on June 13, 2006, 05:54:58 PM

Change is hard, seasons, but it will be worth it.  I'm betting you will never want to go back to the way it was before.  Even if your sister decided to bring you into the "fold" again.  You've outgrown all that.  What an accomplishment for you!!!

How she gets away with it..... it seems to me that many people can be easily fooled.  Especially if most people don't spend the amount of time with her that you have.  It takes awhile sometimes to see enough of the lies and inconsistancies and complete selfishness that will make a person realize something is very wrong with the N.  And many people want to believe the best of others.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.  It is hard for regular people to comprehend such heartlessness.

Your husband sounds like a loving and loyal man.  He probably hates seeing her treat you badly.  It's good that you have him in your corner.

Hang in there, (((seasons))), it's going to get better.

Pennyplant

Title: Re: change
Post by: moonlight52 on June 13, 2006, 06:43:16 PM

HI Seasons  , You have taken full control of your life .Bravo I am so happy for you .I as well at this same timing have detached
from the N's in my life.I am wishing you all the freedom and peace of mind that is  yours.
Also as you say Seasons my life as yours has been changed by this website, given back our lives .How to say thank you to so many.
Still we need to hold strong .I am getting unwanted messages left on phone from NS and do not know what to do..........................
Thanks All
Love and Light
Moon

Title: Re: change
Post by: Stormchild on June 13, 2006, 07:30:50 PM

A parade of balloons and some long stemmed roses....!

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

@->-->-->--- @->-->-->--- @->-->-->---

Title: Re: change
Post by: pennyplant on June 13, 2006, 07:52:46 PM

Quote from: moonlight52 on June 13, 2006, 06:43:16 PM

Still we need to hold strong .I am getting unwanted messages left on phone from NS and do not know what to do..........................

Hi Moon,

Probably you have already considered changing your number.  It would be a big deal to do that.  Maybe even kind of confrontational.  I wonder--if you don't want to change your number in order to prevent the messages, would it be possible to use the messages as some kind of lesson?  Or as a way of de-sensitizing yourself with controlled amounts of exposure.  Picking a strong time of day to listen dispassionately.  Or maybe deleting them without listening?  Some machines won't do that, though.  (Mine won't.)   Or would Mr. Moon listen to them for you and let you know if it is important enough for you to hear (illness or something)?

I feel for you about this.  When there are people who hurt me or get under my skin for some reason, just hearing their voice triggers some fight or flight reflexes in me.  So, it does seem like it would be hard to listen to recorded messages from the Ns.  But since it is a recording and not the real N, in person,  in  control, it is just a finite message that was made without taking supply from you, maybe it could be manageable.  There is the message itself.  That is hard to hear.  But, beyond that, there is much less of a threat because they are not there in your face, or you are not there in the office having to be treated badly in person.  With a recording, you actually might have a certain amount of power.

These are just suggestions off the top of my head.  Most of all, I hope you just find a way to deal with these unwanted messages that is your style and works for you.  I do see how it is hurtful for you and a problem to be solved.  These suggestions are really just my way of offering support, Moon.  Not something I think you should do.  No shoulds here.  Just what is best for you and the other Moons.

Love, Pennyplant

Title: Re: change
Post by: moonlight52 on June 13, 2006, 08:23:13 PM

PP   I do not  think we will change our phone number. Moon family has had same phone number since 1975 ,Anyway I do not want to .What I believe will happen is they will just get the message I am sure they
think they can  manipulate me.I just will not be the victim anymore.Gee, I wondered if this was ever going to happen
and what it would feel like .It feels really real just like what Stormy says.

I hope all is well for your boys Penny,
Oh Penny after some darkness then comes the dawn .
Love and Light  :D
Moon

SEASONS I think if I could I would change my phone number .Stay strong Change is a good thread and a good thing .I am so Happy for you .
Love and Light  :D
Moon

Title: Re: change
Post by: Hopalong on June 13, 2006, 09:50:08 PM

Hi Seasons,
I was going to quote the same thing PennyP did, since it's so pivotal; about how hard it is for "normal" people to grasp what you cope with in close relationship to an N. Well, it's worth repeating!

Quote

How she gets away with it..... it seems to me that many people can be easily fooled.  Especially if most people don't spend the amount of time with her that you have.  It takes awhile sometimes to see enough of the lies and inconsistancies and complete selfishness that will make a person realize something is very wrong with the N.  And many people want to believe the best of others.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.  It is hard for regular people to comprehend such heartlessness.

I think that's part of a loneliness and sense of isolation I've often felt--maybe other N-survivors have too. I'd listen to people go, "Oh, my mom's great...we're close...." and it wasn't so much what they SAID, but the happy little relaxed smiles they'd get. They looked...SAFE. I didn't hate my mother but she wasn't about safety. Or, "My big brother..." etc. MY big brother? The monster in my closet come to life

It's like, who can you explain it to, really, except someone who's ready to read about 10 pages of material before they'll really have a glimpse? But...I do find with people I'm fairly close to it's worth persevering. I have a couple friends now who occasionally mention the N word, and it's just a relief to find it's even part of their vocabulary, since in my case this knowledge is part of my being.

Hi there Moon:
Is there some techno-widget that might help? I don't even have Call Waiting, but haven't they invented some little gizmo that will block certain incoming numbers so you don't have to deal with them at all? I'm not sure. But for me, if you can avoid the voices, the messages, you're entitled to protect your precious family space and your precious peace of mind. (It'd be good, too, to practice not fearing them, breathing through the tension until you hear it is "just a voice" that you don't have to let in. I see that point too.) But I think if I had the option, I'd choose to screen them out entirely.

((((Seasons, Moon))))

Hops