Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Hopalong on June 18, 2006, 09:07:45 PM
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I thought it might be nice for people to share stories of moments or experiences where they really experienced a rush of power and strength. Maybe reading about empowering experiences, or telling our own, will call up some strength. I'll tell one from my childhood, then add another thought.
Early childhood: My brother terrorized and bullied me for years. My parents were uber-religious and extremely proper, so I never heard any cursing whatsoever. Not a single word! The religious thing was so iintense in my childhood, the ideas of damnation, not taking the Lord's name in vain, the evil potential in some words and ideas...all made a very big impression on me. One summer evening when I was about six, my brother and I were playing out in the back yard. He was twisting my arm, sticking his face into mine, glaring, intimidating me with his stare, muttering threats, etc. For some reason, I felt fed up. I remember looking down the slope and seeing my mother at the kitchen sink, in a yellow pool of light, but feeling completely cut off from safety. I usually cowered, looked away, and just tried to persuade him to stop hurting me. This time, unexpectedly, I looked straight in his eyes and said, "Go to hell." (Understand, back in '56, and in my family and my own life, this was a shocking thing to do.) What happened next stunned me. My brother's face fell in shock, he went flying into the house, and I saw him by the sink, heard him bleating to my mother, furious and indignant, "My sister just told me to GO TO!" (That was little kids' euphemism for saying go-to-hell, so they could imply it without speaking the wicked H-word). Anyway, I will never forget how I felt, standing there looking down at the house. I remember my exact thought: I am not afraid of words! And he is. Took many years to be free of him, but that moment that showed me a part of myself that was stronger, braver...planted an important seed. In work, in many other situations, I have been put down and sort of "driven over"...often not allowed to make full use of my abilities, while watching a man get promoted or respected. Or abusive in one way or another. But in that one area, writing, I am not intimidated...and I am grateful. Maybe it all started that night?
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The other thought:
Some women I know have invited me to take a self-defense class for women. I fear my slipped disk could get injured so may not be able to, but I was inspired by how my friend described it:
It was partly about physical techniques, but what struck me most was she talked about how the instructor guided all the students to learn to take a threatening physical stance and bellow NO! from the absolute depths of their being (and diaphragm). She is a graceful, small, softspoken woman. She stood up and showed us, and he, the powerful shout, the depth of her voice sounding like it came from someone else, really awed me.
Just made me realize that even if one doesn't feel threatened by anyone, a women's self-defense class would not only be practical, but as she said, enormously empowering, emotonally. She has felt different ever since. (Nothing to do with anger at men, either...she just now feels like a STRONG woman.)
I thought I'd share that idea...there might be people on this board who haven't thought of taking a class like that, but might find it helpful?
Hops
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Believe it or not, a few years ago, I was a letter carrier. Little ol' me. One day everything was late. The dispatch truck was waiting to take the day's mail to the plant and we still didn't have the collection mail from the street and one of our biggest customers called late and begged us to pick up a truckload of their mail because their truck was broken down.
So, I was sent over to the customer's business and pulled up right behind the guy, K, who had been picking up their mail. Big, tall, quiet guy. The others from the business were also guys. I jumped out of the truck I was in and said to K, "You go do the collection, right now, just go, do it!" Then I turned to the other guys and said, "Just hand me the mail, we've only got a few minutes." The way I said it, everybody's eyes got like this :shock: and everybody just jumped and did what I said instantly. It felt so good. Usually NOBODY does anything I say. It was different from any feeling I have ever had. I often remember the instant reaction I got from the guys. They just did what I told them to do. I wasn't the boss, I wasn't another guy, a couple of them had probably never even seen me before. It did feel powerful.
The closest feeling I have ever had to this was the two times I sang karaoke. Got up and sang in public. That feeling was actually even better because I also felt happy as well as powerful and it lasted about three days each time.
I think I'm still pretty far from tapping into this on a regular basis. But I would like to feel that good more often.
Pennyplant
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After my mother passed away ( I have said she showed me Love).There was an important item left over she had not said who it should be given to.Now I have a mean N father ( twin that had passed by then).
So there we were the 3 sisters ,
me being the youngest (no one paid any mind too me except mom had) .My oldest sis and I had been given special things but I must say my dearest Mama had made an over site.It was our grandma rose's sewing machine with the floor petal from the late 1930's.Well my oldest sis says mama said her daughter should have it .In my heart I knew mama had given me special things and big sis special things but nothing to our middle sis.My middle sis had not been given any big special gift.
Why I do not know.My sisters are 10 and 8 years older than me and they do not like each other and do not talk of what went on in those years between them.Anyway I did know enough that the most special times my middle sis had with mom was when mom was sewing with her and my middle sis sews very well too.So there we were big sis was going too take the sewing machine for her daughter.It was the first time in the family I stepped up and said mama wants middle sis to have the sewing machine.And my big sis is strong willed she is used to getting her way.Big sis backed down.They all turned to me and did as I said.Maybe because I look so much like mom maybe because they knew it was right maybe both.
Moon
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Oh, wow, these are good...I'm getting empowered just picturing y'all standing up for yourselves. I don't know why, Pennyplant, but I especially like the picture of you handing out marching orders. 8)
One thread I see in our stories? Empowerment came for us at a moment when we least expected it...
About 15 years ago, the last time I saw my F. (NPD, BPD or both?) was to testify in court at my parents' divorce trial. He had forced a trial through sheer unreasonability and trying to make the divorce cost my Mom as much money as possible. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in two years by that point.
During the divorce process, he had called me one Friday at work to tell me he was going to liquidate all the assets he could, illegally, and leave the country forever so he wouldn't have to pay Mom her share. This would be the one and only time he told me he loved me. He said he was just calling to say goodbye. I started crying and begged him not to do it. Once I finally calmed down I had to notify my Mom's attorney about my F.'s plan, which felt like a huge act of betrayal for me.
Anyway, my Mom's attorney asked me to recount the whole story in court, and I looked around when the judge swore me in, thinking that our whole life with my F. had a been a trip to that moment, having to recall things so personal and wounding in a courtroom filled with strangers. (I'd been petrified for two days in the court's waiting room, waiting to be called). And suddenly my nervousness fell away and I realized he was the one who should be ashamed, not me. So I stared right at him the whole time I was telling that story, and how he hadn't called me for a month after he threatened to flee. His attorney only asked me one question on cross-examination: "Do you have any evidence that your F. worked so hard and earned all that money for anything besides to help your family's welfare?"
I know it's mean, but I remember thinking it was the dumbest question anyone had ever asked me. This time I didn't look at my F., but straight at the judge, and said,"My father controlled every penny he ever made, so you'd have to ask him about that. But I don't think the days and nights he never came home and all the money he spent on his girlfriends helped my family's welfare much."
My Mom's lawyer (who was worried I might cry on the stand) had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Their divorce took 6 years, but she's the only person I know who was given more in the settlement than her lawyer had asked for. I left that courtroom feeling like someone who'd fallen to grace.
And, gosh, was my Mom's divorce party a doozy!
:D
LoH
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Okay, I told my ex off today, in protective mother bear mode! He had nothing to say, and even if he did...doesn't matter.
How DARE he disrespect my daughter!
The biggest empowering experiences I have really had, have indeed involved my exN.....simply because I chose him to be one of my greatest life's teachers (funny how I had to marry an A** to figure that out....couldn't I just take a class?)
When I told him I would not stay married to his cheating arse anymore was probably one of the greatest moments of empowerment for me, ever. Took me another 10 years to finally get away from him (and he's still crying about it, for Pete's sake!), so another great empowering moment was when I told him, this spring that I WAS MOVING. PERIOD.
And in both those instance, I was scared to death. Just frightened out of my gourd....but as the saying goes: courage doesnt' mean you are not afraid, it's being afraid and doing it anyway".
So those are my "power moments", I think, When I am scared out of my wits....but just do it because it's the right thing to do.
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PP, you should probably run a big organization. I know you could!
Moon, your love motivated you to stand up to your sister and do the right thing. As usual.
LoH, I can't conceive of the courage that took, and the liberation it brought you. Kudos. And thanks for the phrase "fallen to grace." Sometimes it works that way.
Mum, mother bear, bravoooooo. Yes you ARE moving and he can cry into his wallet.
Empowering stories are contagious. Any more out there?
(((((((())))))))
Hops
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Yes, they are contagious, Hops, wise sewer of this thread:
For some reason, I felt fed up. I remember looking down the slope and seeing my mother at the kitchen sink, in a yellow pool of light, but feeling completely cut off from safety. I usually cowered, looked away, and just tried to persuade him to stop hurting me. This time, unexpectedly, I looked straight in his eyes and said, "Go to hell."
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And that sure took courage, young as you were, with the taboo of swearing in your FOO. Delicious to turn fear into self-power, isn't it?
((((Hops))))
PS - Mamabear Mum, Couldn't I just take a class? :lol:
what a gift it is to have all these stories and strong folks to call on...
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Thanks for this thread Hops… it is lovely to hear so many empowering stories….
I guess mine is when I was 17, the day I went to get my stuff from Mum’s. We’d had a screaming row (well, more screaming on her part), because I wanted to wear jeans and I’d sneaked them out of the house. A friend had come over so we’d gone to the park. After that row, I spoke with my friend and then rung bio dad and caught the bus to his house. I had £4.15 on me and the clothes I was wearing.
So I had to go back to get my stuff. Mum pleading with me not to go, it would be different from now on (this was the second time she’d promised this!), and then resistance… well, if you’re going we’re not going to make this easy for you and they stuff over me in my old room, arms folder, glaring eyes while I packed my clothes and things.
And I didn’t give in…. I still went…. Ok, things didn’t work out with bio dad either, but if it weren’t for that moment, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
H&H xx
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H&H,
Thank god for your GUTS!
And you've still got them.
:)
Hops