Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: gratitude28 on June 22, 2006, 08:21:48 PM
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Hi all,
I was thinking about this yesterday... wanted to start a good thread...
One of my new qualities, and the one I like best in myself is that I have learned to "Live and Let Live." I used to be so awfully superior and judgmental. I had a negative tape that ran through my head constantly. I am so happy to be able to meet a new person... or see someone AI knew before, and accept them wholly for whatever they are and however they are. Their decisions are theirs to make!!! I don't control anyone's life but my own!
This to me is my best quality. I have worked hard to create it and live it.
Your turn!!! What's your best????
Love, Beth
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I think my best quality is that I am understanding. People can tell me all kinds of things and I'm not going to get all shocked and judgmental on them. They don't have to feel embarrassed with me if they have shared something personal.
PP
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Is that a challenge, pp? :oops: :P
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It's an offer! :lol:
PP
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I think I am generous. With my time, energy, money, love. It comes from my prosperity mentality, I think, that there is always enough.....so share!! No surprise to me that the more I give of all of those things....the more those things come back to me.
It's that flow thing....
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:D to you, Beth; imho, you started a great thread.
I see much evidence of your best qualities, Beth, Pennyplant, Mum, here on VESMB, which is a kinder place for it and your words. :D
I think my best quality is empathy. My H. has said that he loves to watch me across the room while someone's telling me a story or something eye-opening because I wear my heart on my sleeve, expression-wise. Thought he was just being sweet, love goggles and all, but Wed. a deaf woman in my swim class said the same thing, that she likes to stand near me to watch the empathy run on my face.
The realtor who helped us buy our house correctly guessed I'm the world's worst poker player... :shock: :P :D
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I am devoted to people I love, even though sometimes they might not deserve it while they are getting themselves together. Unconditional Love is pretty much what I practice in my life.
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Great thought-provoking thread Beth and everyone’s answers are so interesting!
Me: Curiosity
It’s what keeps me going. At the end of my life I shall still be curious about what happens!
Edit
I just thought, is your answer based on how others might relate to you, or how you relate to yourself? (yes, internal focus v. external again). Mine’s internal, pretty obviously. It’s what I value in me, not what might be valuable to others. Interesting?
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Portia,
I definitely meant internal focus... what we each like in ourselves. But I was also thinking about external input this weekend. I am worried I will leave someone out here... if I do... I will go back and add you later :)
Anansi: Willing to recognize a weakness in himself and strive towards changing it. Able to reach out to others, even when it might be frightening.
pbean: Displaying so much strength in dealing directly with her boss. Able to calmly judge herself and decide if something needs to be changed.
Portia: Helps others in order to grow herself. Takes an interest in people that is insightful, caring and helpful.
Mud: Calls things as he sees them. Is fun and sweet and caring and offsets these sensitive characteristics with great humor.
Laura: Caring mom to 4 daughters. Has steadfast beiliefs, yet tries to learn more about others and the world around her.
Hops: Caring, gentle and sweet. I feel like you are motherly.
Moon: Poetic and charming. Maybe a bit like Emily Dickinson. Kind and caring. Has a sweet family.
LoH: Let's play poker :) Kind and insightful. Interested in other people. Able to find kind words to soothe another person's anguish.
Mum: A wonderful mom!!!! (American word :) ) Calm in the middle of a storm.
Penny: Sees the world artistically. Finds beauty everywhere.
ANS: Strong and kind. Also motherly and nurturing. I miss you!
write: Creative. Insightful. Likes to thoroughly work through problems. Analytical.
Let me go back and see if I missed anyone.
This is how I see you all. Thought it might be fun to get an outside perspective.
Love, Beth
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you pegged me, Beth! So nice to see that someone notices who I am :)
~Laura
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Here are some more thoughts...
Stormy: Willing to go an extra mile to help someone. Ananlytical, yet thoughtful when helping others.
adrift: A bit cautious? Fitting together pieces of the puzzle and helping others by sharing.
tt: Dreamy and optimistic. Shows tons of compassion and love.
mountainspring: Loving, grounded in nature. Sees herself and others are part of a larger picture.
Certain Hope: Positive outlook. Firm in belief. Caring and helpful, but a bit reserved???
daylily: Sharp and quick. Able to stand firm if necessary, yet also loving and gentle.
Sela: Artisitc and sweet. Likes people around her to be happy.
jac: Strong. Confrontational at times, but where she feels necessary. Protective parent.
What do you think? Did I overstep my boundaries in writing about you all? I hope you know it's because I care about you all tons. I will be away starting this weekend and will have spotty contact at best until late summer. I will miss you all lots.
Love, Beth
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You pegged me too! :D I love sitting by the streams in the middle of a mountain. So much peace there. I hope you have a great summer and will post when you're able.
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Beth,
What a generous thing to do.
I am very touched by your thoughtfulness in giving us all this parting gift of your attention and affection before you go away. Thank you.
Have an incredible summer.
It will be great to hear from you when you can.
love,
Hops
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Hi Beth,
I guess I can say mine:
Attitude of gratitude
Hops
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Hi Beth What a kind heart warming Thread just the sort of gift we should give ourselves .How sweet of you Beth to think of it.Blessings to you .Hope to hear from you soon.
Love and Light
Moon
:D :D :D
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Hi Beth,
What Hops said: thank you, this was an awfully sweet going away gift.
Hope we'll still be hearing from you, and life is good good good on your journey.
To your best quality of Live and let Live, I'd add: strong, giving & eager to learn...forward-focused and glad of it. :D
((((Beth))))
Happy summer to you,
LoH
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Dear Beth,
Thank you. To me, you have the most gentle heart and sweet spirit, with eyes to see the best and a hope that can't be stifled. Blessings on all you do! Come back and visit when you can.
With love,
Hope
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Thanks for thinking of me and for your lovely gift of warm words.
Beth: Thoughtful, considerate, kind and generous.
Have a fantastic summer!!
:D Sela
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:oops: :oops: thank you Beth :oops: :oops:
wishing you a beautiful summer and a joyous reunion with your husband - may he come safely through his tour and return to you with even more wisdom and love than he already has - blessings on you and everyone you love.
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Beth,
This is a cool thread because it forces people to make a positive tape. Maybe that positive tape will be louder and more persistant than the negative tape. The one in my head that I'm working on erasing. Or taping over.
Thank you for seeing something in me that I like to think is there and which maybe got a little covered up over the years. I'm working on taking off the layers and letting that part of me become what it should become. The best part of me. So, it's not my imagination, is it? No, it's not.
All the best to you this summer and while your husband is gone. I hope that time goes by fast. Well, not too fast. It's not good to wish away the months and years. I just hope it all goes well.
Love, Pennyplant
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Hi PP,
I think you are right. I am trying to replace those ugly words that used to pop out of nowhere with kinder words... beat them to the punch as it were :) I really think it does work. I think that you can think your way into a more positive frame of mind. (Boy, am I using enough cliches here or what???)
Sunday we took my husband to the airport. We both kind of ran in opposit directions when it came down to sending him off to the gate. I am honestly glad that it is underway now... that way we know it's on the countdown until he comes home. Although, like you said, penny, I don't like to wish away time. We have soe nice things planned for while he is gone. We are also super-fortunate in that he will have personal Internet connection while there. The kids asked a million questions (How long is it really? Is it longer than when we moved here? Why does dad have to go?) and so on. But we talked and they seem OK with things.
I am feeling super lazy at work this week. I am ready for a break too I think.
Thanks to you all here, I feel that I will be strong for this trip and able to take everything pretty well. I am a bit worried about making a "case study" of my mother. I feel like I will be looking at her with different eyes. It's kind of hard to see a bug under a microscope as your own mom. Of course, I know I will have strange emotions and confusion too. Oh, who even knows what I am babbling about?????
Take care everyone.
Love, Beth
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Beth,
It will help so much that your husband has internet access. About three years ago, my husband had to go to Sicily with his Navy reserve unit. It lasted for four months and happened to come at a time when we were having a big problem because of some of my personal issues. I was really worried about the timing and how long he would be gone and whether he would be safe. The internet saved us. We emailed several times a day when possible and told each other everything we were thinking. Things we might not have been brave enough to talk about in person.
I don't think that is happening with you--what I'm saying is, email is so immediate and personal. Not like the phone, of course, but certainly better than letters. We were so relieved and happy to have that option. It will keep each of you up to the minute with each other's lives. If it could get us through such a difficult time as we were having, it will be a great bonus to you and your family, I promise you :D .
Just wanted to reassure you, Beth, as I have some experience with these kinds of separations. This is one great use of technology to have email at times like these.
Pennyplant
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Beth
What a generous and courageous thing you did. Thank you!
Portia: Helps others in order to grow herself. Takes an interest in people that is insightful, caring and helpful. I guess I would like to help people, children like I was, but what stops me in this thinking is the idea that I don’t have the answer, and I think there are others – more normal, healthy others – who can do it better. I just know that at the deep end chance plays such a huge part and it’s difficult to remain optimistic in the face of certain given circumstances. And the part we can play is so small. But small steps make a big difference I guess!
I am a bit worried about making a "case study" of my mother. I feel like I will be looking at her with different eyes. It's kind of hard to see a bug under a microscope as your own mom. Of course, I know I will have strange emotions and confusion too.
It’s a bit scary, the thought of seeing your mother differently, like you’re going against the rules? There are no rules really; just trying to see people and situations more clearly, maybe trying to understand why people, like your mom, are the way they are and not blaming them for it. Blame the behaviour! Not the person.
My mother’s been the bug under my microscope and it’s been shocking: but she hasn’t been aware of it and it hasn’t hurt her. In fact it may have helped. If I hadn’t have looked closely, I might instead have voiced my thoughts to her and that wouldn’t have helped, not in her case.
Strange emotions and confusion – maybe. Shock, anger…etc, all normal reactions.
I hope it goes as well as it can. There’ll be ears hear* to listen whenever you need – or want – them! Best wishes to you on your trip Beth. (* here / hear / my language skills are slipping wildly)
PS Wanted to add one for -
H&H: a huge kindness and a trust in people and their best intentions; someone who has survived and thrived without a trace of bitterness or resentment. H&H amazes me :D
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Im glad I found this website. You guys are amazing, really. I feel selfish after seeing the stuff you guys do for each other.
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What's your best quality, Jon?
imho, every step you take toward seeing what's good and wonderful and unique in you will help unwind what Pennyplant called the negative tape in your head. You're amazing too, Jon. Coming here is a step toward discovering or remembering exactly how amazing.
:)
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Gosh, did I forget H&H... That's why I was a little afraid to do this. I didn't want to leave anyone out!!! H&H to me you are wise and calm. You seem like the eye in the storm to me. Also, I missed Sugarre, I know... Forthright. Likes to cut to the chase and take action with recovery. Jon... you are new to the group... but I see you as a caring and kind person. You remind me of a longtime friend I have named John, too. I think you are deciding how far you really want to delve into things.
Portia, I think you are right, It won't affect my mother one way or another how I look at her, but it WILL protect me. Honestly, for all my "I understand this now" posting, I still have this tiny wisp of a belief that I am wrong and she is not like that. It doesn't help that she fits the pattern so well... that she is completely inconsistent and alternates the meanness and hate with likeable childishness and occasional kind behavior.
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Ow, Beth...
she is completely inconsistent and alternates the meanness and hate with likeable childishness and occasional kind behavior
This reminds me of the old "intermitten reinforcement" experiments where rats or monkeys were rewarded sometimes and given electric shocks sometimes, and sometimes the cycle seemed almost predictable, so they'd try to anticipate, but then the pattern would twist on them again and eventually they'd just give up on the food and sit there, paralysed. And obviously depressed.
Hmm. :(
Hops
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Wow Hops,
My first instinct was to laugh when you said that, but then the seriousness of it sunk in. You are right! Truly you amaze me with your insights! It is rather sick, isn't it???? Push, pull, tug, toss...
Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband, second family, you all here and my kids and dog. God has been kind to me. (Still a ahrd thing for me to say... I have been agnostic for a long time. Working on the Higher Power thing :)).
Love, Beth
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This reminds me of the old "intermitten reinforcement" experiments where rats or monkeys were rewarded sometimes and given electric shocks sometimes, and sometimes the cycle seemed almost predictable, so they'd try to anticipate, but then the pattern would twist on them again and eventually they'd just give up on the food and sit there, paralysed. And obviously depressed.
Oh Hops, I know the experiments proved things and I’m for that, but I don’t like suffering, even animals in experiments…..it’s cruel isn’t it?
What does it say about the scientists …
at least (I imagine) Beth, your mother doesn’t intend to do this to you, even if this is the effect of her actions…the intention is different. Scientists are doing it for ‘science’ but even so, the suffering is kind of intended! I hate the monkey tests. They’re so close to humans (ahh, as is the fruit fly…I know… :?)
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I accept the necessity of perhaps some animal testing but can't stand the ones that seem designed to "prove common sense." As with intermitten reinforcement:
who wouldn't guess that this would create depression and insecurity, when they really look at it? And cosmetics? Deodorants? Why should animals sit in cages for that? Sorry, always a soapbox.
I'm very grateful for the benefits of science, but now and then, I'd like to read a description that says:
25 scientists were put in small cages with electrodes....
25 scientiests were put in small cages without electrodes...
Neither group knew whether they were assigned to the experimental, control, or placebo condition... :evil:...and then a free chimpanzee who'd had the loveliest little veggie curry for lunch with a smart Merlot went around randomly flipping the switches...
((((((((Beth)))))))) & ((((((((Portia, who has sacrificed her emoticons and space bar, maybe it's like getting a new haircut------------------------do YOU like it, is all I wanna know............))))))))))))))))
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My best quality? Maybe empathy, I try to be open minded and put myself in other people's shoes.
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Hops..... i did say 'curiosity' was my best quality....it can also be my worst!! i thought: shall I ask, shan't I?
Go for it :D i thought:
who has sacrificed her emoticons and space bar
Whoooo meee? :? sacrificed them? :o on a stone altar, Mayan style :shock: nope, haven't done it 8) honestly! :D
andwhatsthisyouresayingaboutthespacebar? ohh t h a t :D
I do admit I tend to use fewer emoticons when I'm being very serious; don't want to use one that maybe someone else doesn't like. i don't like a couple of those fellas very much so I try and tone them down sometimes...but they're always there in spirit :mrgreen:
Won't be around for the next week so please :arrow: keep :arrow: the emoticons :arrow: going!
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This has been interesting............my best quality, which I had almost forgotten is that I am really good fun to be with......... I can make people and myself laugh out love, love that bit of me.
axa
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Axa ,
This is so important to remember about yourself .How you bring joy to others.
It helps to remove those tapes that go over and over in your head.
HAPPY FOURTH TO YOU AND ALL ON THE BOARD
LOVE,
MoonLight :D