Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: adrift on June 23, 2006, 12:07:35 AM
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I have realized of late that much of my life I've life in a fantasy world where I spent time inside my brain creating scenarios that I enjoyed. When I was a kid, a particular "what if" would come to my mind, such as "what if I made the cheerleading team" or whatever, and then I'd save that thought for night time and then develop all kinds of fantasies about how popular I would be or whatever. I relished those fantasy times. I kept doing that well into adulthood. I guess it's an escape mechanism. I have to keep myself from doing it now so that I can live in the real world.
Adrift
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adrift,
I think your fantasies are equal to my escapisms... formerly drinking... now gambling. I am trying not to play slots and that, because I know I use it to get away from things. That is my "cross addiction." As a kid I definitely had a huge fantasy world and I believed in magic and all kinds of other thigs. I think it is a way for us to try to control what we can't control.
Do you think some of your fantasy stuff now isn't just plain old daydreaming? Are you concerned about it?
Beth
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I too lived in a fantasy world most of my life, esp my younger days.
I was just discussing this yesterday with a fellow minister...mpd people live in fantasy. They need inner healing/psych help, because their "alters' are actually nothing more than fantasy images made up in their minds in order to survive some terrible traumas.
For a long time, people believed that "alters" were like devils that could be "cast out" of mpd people. Sadly, many mpd people were wounded and dismayed by this, when prayer would be given and they didn't get free. The ISSUES are what need to be dealt with and healed before the person can become whole or "integrated." An imagination or created reality is not something that can be cast out.
I am helping to explain this to people under the fallacy of "demonizing" the mentally ill.
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Hi Adrift. I used to daydream/fantasise about being recognised, acknowledged (to compensate for being ignored I guess). It still creeps in: I might catch myself thinking: what if I did this and that and won a prize for x? I do shake my head now but I think fantasy like this keeps us sane. Temporary escape from the real world is healthy, shows an active imagination.
Really Me/Laura
They need inner healing/psych help, because their "alters' are actually nothing more than fantasy images made up in their minds in order to survive some terrible traumas.
Yes at the extreme end, when their ability to function collapses. Multiple personality disorder?
Do you think like this: that if someone functions reasonably well (and does not abuse others), that whether they have a mental illness (from mild depression through to schizophrenia) doesn’t matter, so long as they can live with it and think that they are content with it?
I.e - whether or not they get treatment depends on (1) are they a serious problem to society and (2) are they disturbed by their illness, or do they accept it and live with it?
I think this kind of fits with fantasy, what society accepts as normal and what is deemed an illness? I guess novelists and actors live in fantasy all the time!
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adrift,
When I was grade school age, I was a big fan of Bonanza (TV western which told the story of a family of a father and 3 young adult sons--mom had died--who lived on their very large ranch in some western state, for those of you too young or from out of the US). I used to fantasize about being the younger sister of those 3 boys and riding horses with them and having them adore me as their little sister. I always wished I had an older brother who I imagined would want to protect and defend me.
I'm sure there's a ton of psychological stuff mixed in there, but mainly I just always wanted to be part of some big happy family.
Brigid
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As a kid I definitely had a huge fantasy world and I believed in magic and all kinds of other thigs. I think it is a way for us to try to control what we can't control.
The biggest lie I ever believed (no, this is not the quote about the devil from "Usual Suspects") is that believing in "magic" and in what I could imagine was a childish mistake.
When I woke up and set upon this path to be happy, I realize that squelching my active imagination and belief in the power of my mind "because that's what adults do" was totally and completely wrong. I am happy to say, the kid in braids with the big imagination was right all along. I have found her again and I'm so happy she's me.
I think fantasy like this keeps us sane. Temporary escape from the real world is healthy, shows an active imagination.
Yes, yes, yes. It's also where everything, I mean everything that ever was created by us begins.....
I used to sit in class looking out the window imagining I was NOT in that boring school, but riding by on a big horse. Everybody would admire and wish they were me. That did keep me sane....as insane as it sounds. And I did end up riding horses later in life, and although I don't actively seek admiration, I think I touch the people in my life in a positive way, so they feel good about themselves. I guess a more mature version of the fantasy?
My parents were very happily married. I always imagined that would be true. Then I allowed my first (and second) husbands to convince me otherwise....like that was my lot in life, and my parent's happy marriage was a fantasy.
Luckily, that little kid in braids won out....and I found my true love again....and although he doesn't wear braids (or much hair anymore at all!!!), he IS still his little kid with the overactive imagination....and our little kid souls are soooo happy together.
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Growing up my main fantasies were:
Being rescued (by a boy I had a crush on)
Being a character in the biographies I loved to read (I could always picture myself in the role of the main character, like Florence Nightengale, or Annie Sullivan, or even Helen Keller)
Being a gymnast or downhill skier in the Olympics
Being a beautiful woman all dressed up for business and walking down a busy city street
Being president of something
Being a professional dancer on Broadway and wearing spectacular costumes with feather headdresses
Dating constantly
Having a baby brother to take care of or having an older brother to protect me
Nowadays my main fantasy is to have an affair with a particular person. That's the one I go to sleep at night with. I'm currently working on not letting that one take over all my thoughts. Trying to manage it without wrecking it for myself (because it is a nice escape for me). And I'm not particularly addictive in other ways. So, I let myself have this particular vice.
I also like to picture myself writing a book.
The vast majority of my fantasies, therefore, seem to involve receiving attention or making some kind of connection. Definitely didn't get enough of either one when I was growing up.
Pennyplant
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My life IS fantasy.
That's good for poetry or fiction,
but not so good for dealing with
reality. That's been an endless struggle,
battling the need to ignore my imaginative
life and hack and parse for money.
But oh yes.
I love daydreaming, lolling about and
letting my mind go where it will.
The last several years, that's been a drawback.
But one day....
I'll find that amazing job where they pay me
to write my novel and eat bonbons. (Oops.
Back to fantasy!) :?
Hops
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I'll find that amazing job where they pay me
to write my novel and eat bonbons.
And WHY NOT??? Create it, Hops!!! It happens. Others do it....why not you? (unless you hate bon bons).
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Being rescued (by a boy I had a crush on)
Being a character in the biographies I loved to read (I could always picture myself in the role of the main character, like Florence Nightengale, or Annie Sullivan, or even Helen Keller)
Being a gymnast or downhill skier in the Olympics
Being a beautiful woman all dressed up for business and walking down a busy city street
Being president of something
Being a professional dancer on Broadway and wearing spectacular costumes with feather headdresses
Dating constantly
Having a baby brother to take care of or having an older brother to protect me
Gosh, almost verbatim my childhood ones, minus the baby brother (had a baby sister) but boy did I want a big brother.
I practiced obsessively gymnastics, wanted to move to Romania (Nadia days) and win the Olympics.
The rescuing man, beautiful woman, mythic life worthy of biography stuff took longer to fade into reality (like 39 yrs -I'm 40)
I've yet to be discovered :)
Right now, in this current reality of my truth, I'm wary of my "fantasy life". I don't want to date anyone, for my sake and theirs. I need to ground again as I head to the finish line of this divorce in July/August finalization.
I also don't want to kill my dreams, I think dreams are really important.
So to fill in the lost fantasy time, I have allowances for "reality based fantasy" diversions:
I go on Match.com and peruse profiles of local over 40's but don't put myself out there. I do it to remind myself that some of them look ok and possibly even functional and kind. The world has some choices that will open up to me someday - this is a safe way to voyeur..is fantasy time. I think it's nice when they talk about their kids with kindness and have decent realistic goals for a partner.
I dream about what I am going to do when I finally (oy) finish my degree and how I want to turn all this life stuff into something helpful, how I can take all this need to offer and do it constructively.
I dream about how good it's going to feel when I turn the corner on this chapter of my life, just like it did when I gave up drinking years ago. Right now, that feels like a fantasy, but a reality that a bit of time and hard work I know will give me.
I dream about getting old and finding someone as curious about travelling as I am, who is interested in history and people and different cultures. That is a rather far off distance dream..more exotic, but it is what I want to find.
I can enjoy these, I'm a bit shell shocked from any "perfect love" thing.
Pavelle
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Thank you, ((((((((Mum))))))))).
Good to know you believe in me!!
(I've decided to take next week off from work to contemplate my bellybutton...and retreat into fantasy a bit.) :)
Hugs,
Hops
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Brigid,
If I weren't married, I'd be happy to be Michael Landon's (sadly deceased) wife, let alone his little sister! That guy was wonderful!
~Laura
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Laura,
I was always a bigger fan of Pernell Roberts (Adam)--maybe because he was older and I probably thought he was more handsome at the time. Little Joe was awfully cute back then, however.
It's interesting how many of us wish we had an older brother. I was actually an only child for over 9 years and always wanted a sibling. Every time I made a wish as a child--be it a birthday cake, blowing seeds off a dandelion, or wishing on a star--it was always for a baby brother or sister. When my brother finally did come along, I absolutely adored him and was his second mother. Unfortunately, he became someone to whom I could not relate once he was a teenager, and he never wanted me as a part of his life.
Brigid
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Brigid, I had a crush on Adam, too :oops: :wink: Little Joe was cute, but Adam was... well... never mind :)
I have only one brother, as well, but he's 10 years my senior. I always heard (via my parents, I guess) that he'd prayed, wished, hoped for a little sister throughout that period before I arrived on the scene. Strange, I never got the feeling from him that he cared much one way or another, although he did make quite a show of gift giving to my children for a time, when they came along. He has always been the "star", the "entrepeneur", the loudest voice in the midst of a family gathering... well, you get the picture. My most vivid memory of him in our family home is when he pitched a fit (I mean, down on the floor, kicking and screaming) when he had a sunburn once. He must have been at least 14-15 at the time? Much later, when I was in my 30's, Dad told me about how "hurt" he was cuz Dad had a few photos on a little shelf near his workroom... including one of my mother, at her high school graduation, my grad. picture, and one with me and my kids. The deal with the grad pictures was because you could see such a strong resemblance between the two of us. Anyway, my big brother (who by this time was in his 40s) was deeply wounded that Dad had no pic of him on that little shelf. (There are photos of him, as a child, I think, elsewhere in their home. He never had any children of his own, so there are no family portraits, like there were of me and my family.) Dad's response? He removed the photo of me and put up one of my bro. heh. To this day, in his 80's, Dad still goes over to my bro's summer house/cottage and mows the lawn, does repairs. He's referred to as the caretaker by my bro, who firmly believes that any part of the world which doesn't revolve around him is to be demolished or, failing that, ignored. We haven't spoken in several years. ouch. I need to pray for him. Thanks for the reminder.
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Hope,
I think my brother is your brother's long-lost twin.
I have yearned, for all my life, to NOT have a brother.
:(
But...what I really wanted, was a GOOD brother. The archtypal protective kind.
The gift in the problem is that when I have made male friends, I have cherished them. And with a few of them I have had the realization that I value them so much because they ARE my "good brothers."
Speaking of whom....where's Mud???
Hops
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Hey, Hops, you know that famous author fatasy you have? It's not a fantasy, it's a premonition (see my response on Pavelle's thread).
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mum)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You really encourage me.
I mean it.
I am so grateful.
love,
Hops
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Speaking of whom....where's Mud???
I was out of town looking at property. Going to my BIL's birthday party today.
Nice to be missed, even if its only for my wunnerful jokes.
mud
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Hi all:
I wanted to marry John Boy, from the Walton's, live in the country and have a big, happy, loving family just like his and used to fantasize about it, when I was much younger. :D :D
That didn't happen, although, there are some similarities in my life now (it's just that I had to live through a couple houses of horror first :shock: :twisted:).
I use fantasy as a kind of tool, ( 8) ) for lack of a better word.
It's great to relax and focus on what I want for the future or pretend in my head what good stuff could yet be. This helps keep my hope alive, I think, and even sometimes helps me to set goals and go for them. Also, I have some pretty nasty fantasies sometimes. When I'm really upset, I can imagine myself "dealing" with those who I feel wronged by (but they aren't gory or exceptionally cruel thoughts, I guess, just the good old "duct tape treatment", most of the time, which could be argued as exceptionally cruel, when I think about it twice :|). It does help to release/diffuse some of my most powerful feelings when I fantasize.
I enjoy it when it's positive and find it useful, even when it's on the negative side of things because it's safe for me and doesn't hurt anyone else.
:D Sela
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I enjoy fantasy I recapture the life I had as a child in nature where I knew every blade of grass .(thx Hops)
The fairies flew the magic was real the silly grown ups not knowing what was real in the magic of the universe .
You could try and tell but they were busy doing stupid things.
The magic of Gods creation did not need words or to be examined just lived.
The observer and the observed.
No words.
Moon
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What a beautiful thought, Moonlight!
I think about that childlike joy a lot, now that I am finally moving back to the environment of my childhood. My new backyard has lots of grass and trees...stuff of my childhood fantasies...I can't wait.
I used to dream about having animals communicate with me, and in a way, I think they do/did. I guess my fantasies were somewhat real...no wonder I was an oddball!
When I was in gradeschool, my mother and my sister (who walked with me and was not as fond of animals as I) were very concerned that lots of dogs in the town knew me, and would follow me to school, and follow me home, too. We had no leash laws, then, (I'm dating myself) but I knew them and they knew me. The fact that I had my own dog probably kept them from hanging out with me otherwise....but it was so innocent, and so natural. Nowadays, I doubt anyone would allow their kids to walk to school followed by a gang of loose animals....
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Moon,
((((()))) to you from the grass that so appreciates a good haircut!
Mum,
SO exciting for you. I remember once sitting very quietly out on our terrace in a chaisey thing...just looking up in the trees, feeling so peaceful, and a bird came and landed on my head! I stayed still and he was there about a minute and then I got the distinct sudden thought that he suddenly thought, yikes, this is not a branch!...and took off!
I know people who have tamed squirrels, frogs, possums, bunnies, skunks (they're sweet), turtles, all sorts of great creatures in their backyards. I used to have a big ol' possum come finish the cat food. Wonderful that you will have this joy! Over here (are you here? can't remember which side of the pond you're on) there's some organization that will even certify your backyard as a wildlife habitat (any size) once you plant certain things. In my future-garden fantasies I want a pond, a fountain, frogs, habitat for butterflies, frogs and birds...
Ahhhh. One day.
My first day of this sudden vacation and I have relaxed 500%. It feels amazing.
Hops
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Here is some dork-o-mundo fantasy stuff...
Remember Fantasy Island? I would totally get warped into that show and wished I could go to one of those magic places and have a wish answered (ooh, and it had to be something a little scary too).
I used to think that I would develop ESP or telekinesis!!!! I worked really hard at it. Hee hee.
Fun stuff.
Now my fantasy is to have a whole hour to myself :)
Thanks for the fun read!
Beth