Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Stormchild on July 10, 2006, 07:57:48 AM
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People tend to appear and disappear here and we almost never really know what's going on at the time. I tend to worry about folks who vanish, and I'd like to think that others do too.
Just to let you know, I'm going to be around a bit less. Over the weekend I realized that there may be an emotional component to my ulcer developing, having to do with how trapped and isolated I am - and have been for a long time - and how horrendously frustrated I feel by this, and how much I've been suppressing that! - out in realspace.
I do have strong avoidant tendencies, I love solitude and silence, so this has really snuck up on me. But when I sit and look closely at it, I'm in an extremely unhealthy situation, it's been getting exponentially worse recently, and I've been frustrated about it for a long time.
I'm beginning to suspect that if I don't do something concrete about this, my body is going to do something serious about it for me. Except that bodies don't always know when to stop, and mine is apparently so fed up with what I've been tolerating that it's ready to put me in the hospital if I don't pay attention.
I'm going to have to take some of the time I've been spending here and invest it in efforts to escape the trap I'm in and reduce the isolation I'm experiencing. I'll still be checking in, but if I really commit myself to this effort, it means that I won't be here anywhere near as much, and quite possibly not at all on weekends.
Please wish me luck. I'll check in as often as I reasonably can.
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Stormy, you sound as though you're really taking charge.
Every good wish for your deep and rapid healing, and
thanks for the courtesy...
Will send "healthy tummy" vibes to you until you
report back!
Hops
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Stormy,
I think it is wonderful that you have come to the realization that the isolation is hurting you physically as well as mentally. Connecting with other people--be it girlfriends or boyfriends--can be so healing to the spirit.
Good luck kiddo. Drop by and give us an update now and then. I wish you all the best.
Hugs,
Brigid
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Hi Storm,
it's a difficult one this balance between engulfment and intimacy.
It really does feel like an all or nothing thing, but really it's okay to come here when you're not busy and to wander off and seek companions and activities when they arise. You don't have to choose between loyalties, much as we love and would miss you here; come when it feels right. And look for friends who will let you be the same-
Because solitude and silence are fine, when life is balanced. It really is up to you how you live, and however you feel most comfortable there are other people out there who prefer and deeply respect that too.
When I have been lonely I sometimes ran out to meet people who were so different from me, and it was unsatisfying and difficult, now I try to be more patient and look around, try different things and I've found people are coming into my life who are happy with me and I can relax and enjoy being with rather than having to be 'switched on' or on my guard all the time.
Sorry your ulcer isn't getting better, I forgot what treatment you already had, did they use a camera. I had some problems a couple of years ago and it revealed not an ulcer but acid reflux which nexium cured.
Take care, and I hope you find some good real-life soulmates, you deserve them.
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Hey Stormy
Getting out of isolation is such a good idea .
My art classes are helping me.
I hope tummy trouble is gone soon.
The weight of the world is not yours .
Love ,
Moon
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Hiya Stormy,
Thank you for your thoughtfulness in telling us your where and why of taking a break.
I think it takes a lot of strength to self-assess and take a stand for yourself despite the frustration and isolation. Not to flinch and look away, or bury the truth in something else. I wish you all the luck in the world, and results to match your heart and will, with only as much solitude and silence as feels healthy.
imho, you're right about a body's warnings. More prayers for your healing, in every cell. Hope you guide yourself to a real blossoming, whatever it takes; all the good feelings in good company you'd ever want.
wishing you well in every way, Stormy,
LoH
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Hi Stormy,
Sometimes we don't think we are ourselves worth the wonderful care we give to others. I have a big problem with that myself. So if it helps at all, think about all your friends up on the board and how we are looking forward to your healing and coming back, if that is what you will want then.
Take care, good care of yourself. I do have a website for you. I have found it useful on other health topics and hope you can too.
Plucky
http://www.yourownhealthandfitness.org/
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Dear Storm, I will miss you and will keep you in my prayers for true freedom and peace.
With love,
Hope
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Dear Storm ,
I feel the same as tt you have such a generous light .
Yes, you have given so very much.Thank you.
As tt once said to me no one deserves healing more than you.
Love,
MoonLight
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Write,
What a courageous thing for you to do! You are right. It is easy for us to get complacent. I feel this way sometimes. We get comfortable and feel safe in our routines, but those routines are not always promoting growth and they are surely not always what is best for our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. It takes courage and a lot of will to break out!
You can do it! I am glad you will check in from time to time to update. I think you are right on the money with the idea that the majority of your energy needs to be committed to your realspace, though. What guts! What insight! What heart! Go get 'em!!!
ANewSheriff
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((((Stormie!))))
I was just reading your prayer thread and was happy to "see" you here, and also very concerned about your tum tum. (Also got hungry for potatoes. mash with grated cheddar=major comfort food in this house :) ) Good to know you are taking extra special care and getting on top of this thing.
How ironic that I'm flying back in as you are heading back out. Maybe we can pretend we are like hummingbirds flitting in and out of cyberspace/realspace? I'm glad it is only a break and not goodbye. I'm glad I can say hello before ya go.
Hugs, Miss Piggy
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Hi Stormy,
Just wanted to add my good wishes to all the others. It is a brave thing to do--deciding to put yourself out there. But it sounds like you have had an A-ha moment about this. It sounds like it is the next step in the process. I'll be very curious to hear what you end up doing out there in realspace. Hope you'll want to tell some stories around our little campfire here :) .
All my best to you,
Pennyplant
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Pennyplant was right, it is brave to get out there. I should know, because I too do a good job of avoiding getting out. But usually once I've made myself get out amongst other folks, I feel better for some reason---I guess positive socializing triggers something good somewhere in our brains. Sorry about your tummy. I do hope getting out will help you feel better. Keep us posted.
Adrift
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hi stormy,
thanks for your words, as usual, they have helped me tremendously to verbalize feelings I'm often unsure I really have. When someone else here verbalizes them, and I realize they are close to what I am or have felt, I am so thankful for that. Humans are interesting and our thoughts/feelings even more so, eh?
It's difficult to turn feeling into concrete thoughts, formulate a plan of action and then finally make a decision about what action to take. You're doing great and are brave to take those steps. Thanks for sharing a deep part of yourself with me.
hugs,
pb
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Hiya Storm:
I've been away on holiday (and didn't post that I was going either :oops: :oops:). Hope you get out there and find something fun to do with people you truly enjoy and feel a connection with. Also that your ulcer will smarten up and get lost! All stress and no fun and all alone doesn't sound like a good thing so I'm glad to hear that you are going for change which I bet will lead to much happiness and better days ahead.
:D Sela
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Good luck and lots of hugs at this time. I truly hope your ulcer is sorted as soon as possible, and wishing you a very speedy recovery. xx
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:oops: oh my.... :oops:
I didn't mean that I was leaving... just that I was going to be here a lot less often :oops:
You're all very kind and I'm awfully touched but it's a little embarrassing too... sort of like waking up in the middle of my own funeral... :oops: :oops: [Snort. I just had a very monty pythonish mental image of myself sitting up, looking around, going 'oops, sorry' smacking myself in the head with a cast iron skillet & falling back - that'd be a little too polite!]
What's going on is that I realized I've been here mornings and evenings for many many days in a row - and I have to put some of that time to other uses, or I'll spend the rest of my life housebound and isolated in realspace.
The problem is, this is such an incredible group of people that it's really hard to tear myself away. And I'd be a total idiot or worse to deny that having to articulate issues, face situations, and deal with various things I've dealt with here has been a tremendous stimulus to growth and healing for me.
Not to mention that it seems as though I actually do some good here, from time to time, and that's the central thing for me. To completely leave the only place in the entire world where I am actually managing to make a contribution [as opposed to being used and taken advantage of] [which is, I think, a major contributor to the ulcer] [although, God knows, I try like heck to contribute elsewhere too] [which means I need to find some other elsewheres] would be worse than folly.
So I'll probably be here a couple of times a week - but twice per week for maybe 2 hours total as opposed to twenty or more times for ten or fifteen hours total is a big change.
And I'm going to try to be much more scarce on weekends, I have some projects in mind that I need to start working on, and that's the only time I can do it since I work a 40 hour week...
Thanks everyone for the kind wishes :cry: :cry: :cry: ((((((((((Everybody))))))))))
PS I think the ulcer is actually beginning to heal.
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PS I think the ulcer is actually beginning to heal.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Very good news!!!