Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: penelope on July 29, 2006, 01:33:56 PM
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reallyme & jac,
Is this the thing we most fear, becoming or acting like our Ns?
Could be, for me anyway. Which is why, if you really want to get my goat, to elevate my blood pressure, get my feathers all ruffled... call me an N on this board or say Well, isn't that something we've all heard from our Ns? in response to something I've stated. I've finally identified the feelings I was having, and yes, I think I was annoyed.
Thing is this: N's use the same words and language we do. In fact, you can't tell from a person's words whether they're N or not. The only test (and it can only be done by a qualified professional), for NPD has to do with empathy. Whether the person truly has the ability and capacity to empathize is the only thing that distinguishes whether they're N or not. So just because I say "Yeppers" or "No need to make a grand production out of it" or any other term that reminds you of Your N, does not mean I'm a N (hey, I don't have telepathy, how would I know this about you? Also, maybe it's just coincidental?). Also, were I an N, why would I be wasting all this time self-examining? Ns don't do that.
For these reasons above, and knowing all this about me, if you choose to use any of the following expressions in response to things I've posted, know that I'll BE HURT, cause I'm going to assume you meant something about ME:
you sound like my N
Well, isn't that what our N's used to say?
I am aware that Certain People on this board are N because their parents are N..but won't mention any names (you post this right after I say something you disagree with)
When you say these things it hurts me. Know that you've just dug that knife a little deeper. Am I trying to guilt you by posting this? maybe. Am I also trying for better understanding and to set a boundary with you? yes, I think so.
Now, if you do it to me, you'll know how I'll likely feel about it. So you've been warned. I cannot control your behavior, but I can say what I do and don't prefer. So if it happens again, know I'm going to ask: why did you do that?
Now, if you'd like to discuss things that I do to you that hurt you, such as ignore your posts, please do so in a mature manner if you feel like it. I'm open to your feedback.
Thanks to all others for all your understanding and support.
bean
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bump
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Pb, Ask and ye shall receive..... :P (Hope you don't mind my rather peculiar sense of humor :|)
I was just gonna say that I think it's a valid fear... or maybe awareness is a better word... not wanting to become like our "N's", I mean. Long before I had any idea what "N" meant, I knew that I did not want to become like my mother, or my brother, or... well anyhow, that's certainly not a new development.
Pb, I haven't seen anyone, including RM or Jac, label you as N either directly or indirectly. It's entirely possible that I've missed something, but I truly haven't seen any such references.
I think that we are all likely to recognize some N behaviors in everyone we meet. For one thing, we're all sensitized to it. For another, every personality has some degree of "healthy" narcissism as one of its components (hopefully not THE overriding component). I really don't think it's healthy, tho, to be seeing N behind every bush and shrub. That's an out of balance view, imo. Pathological narcissism is not something to be diagnosed lightly, for sure.
That said, I also think that this is a wonderful, healthy thing you've done here, letting your voice be heard in such a direct way on this thread, directed specifically toward those individuals from whom you've received some signals, whether those signals were perceived correctly or not. I see this as an invitation to further exploration and that's a good thing. I'm wondering though.... what if they don't respond? Will you be ok with that? They do have the choice, right? If someone feels it would be a violation of his own boundaries to respond to a direct question, does he have the option to stand mute?
And finally, the last thought I had when I read this was.... I just finished stating someplace else on the board that I would be making it a practice of staying on my own side of the double-line, not inserting myself into others' (potential) conflicts. I'm rethinking that now in light of all this... if I read someone label another member on this board of being N, I'd really have to take a closer look at whether or not I should respond if to say nothing else than... that is not your call to make.
Pb, thank you for all of the opportunities to take a closer look at things that oiften just slide by unobserved. Awareness is a big part of the battle for me, I think.
With love,
Hope
P.S. on edit ~ lol Hops :lol: I need to type faster!
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hi hope -
OK, on the off chance that I may be correct in thinking reallyme has been implying I'm N for awhile here...
and on the off chance I may be correct in thinking jac said something I said sounded like what her N's have said to her...
let's let these two reply.
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Here's what was said, in case you forgot, jac:
Penelope: "No need to make a grand production of it. I think you're taking things a bit too seriously that's all."
Jac: *smile* - now how many of us have been told this by the Ns (or abusers) in our lives?
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Well Bean, since you said "let's let these two reply" and since I'm having a rather cruddy moment at this time...I think I will oblige you.
The only N'istic behavior I noticed was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy back when, when I addressed something with you, and you confronted me and I STOPPED WRITING. Then, in the midst of my SILENCE, you came on and told everyone I was attacking you (which never happened). That was where I saw that sort of behavior, and that was eons ago, but as of late, I can see that your therapy has really helped you a lot. I pray for Jodi to one day be able to get some help, because you are living proof that it can be very successful in teaching people to identify issues and learn to set boundaries.
I commend you for the very noticeable progress I've seen you making :)
Blessya
Laura
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And reallyme...gosh, there's just so many to pick from, but here's one:
can't read anything posted in bold??? oh brother...this reminds me of the people who can't handle red typing on another forum I was on. I wonder where to draw the line between walking on eggshells and seeing things as a bit petty or at least "iffy" When DOES someone finally get past the childhood issues and begin to see through adult eyes? I'm about ready to just head on out of here because I see very little change or growth and that is what I'm all about when it comes to these message boards for the abused. I have nothing more to offer, when I see this sort of thing, other than to roll my eyes. NOw, that probably makes me sound uncaring and narcissistic...so, maybe when it comes to this stuff, I am a bit? I dunno, I just see some things as ridiculous and things that should have been dealt with long ago, especially if someone has been in therapy.
MY opinion.
~RM
What exactly did you mean by this whole statement reallyme, and what was your purpose in posting it to me? Please, I'd really like to know, just to make sure I'm not misinterpreting anything here.
pb
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gee thanks, I guess.
I mean in between the really crappy things you manage to say nice things once in awhile reallyme. Does this mean I should trust you from here on out? What would you do if you were me?
Should I listen to the many who've PM'd me - and said "I do not engage reallyme, sorry about what's happening to you bean" or... do I, like Hope and hops, and Portia and others, turn that blind eye of denial?
Or, do I listen to you with my heart and gut, which says: I don't like this behavior reallyme - it hurts. I'm sorry you're hurting, but taking it out on me is cruel. You are wounding me with your words, over and over. Please stop.
pb
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reallyme,
Here's another lovely slam by you to me:
Penelope Bean, you are on Effexor? well, I'm not sure when you got on it, but I have seen a definite change in you for a while now, so I am proud of you for taking that step with the meds. They sure do help some people and give you a chance to experience thinking one or two thoughts at a time too, without being stuck in "rehash" mode even. Some very close friends of mine are on antidepressant meds with GREAT results! There is nothing to be ashamed of in taking meds...the brain is a complicated thing that often benefits from adjustment of its chemicals. Blessya, Penelope
now, if you'd been paying attention, I've been on Effexor XR (75 mg) for the past two years. I've only been posting here for less than a year. So, I've been on meds all along. What's the point of saying the above? Please do tell. We can have a whole thread about why reallyme feels the need to bash bean, just so you can get it thoroughly out of your system, K?
No, I'm not implying I'm the only one, I've seen you do it to many others, too. But I am saying I don't like what you're doing to me. I recognize it as a subtle form of abuse and I don't like it!
pb
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maybe this has to do with your deep seated feelings of inadequacies, reallyme, I don't know. I'm searching for a reason why you'd post the above, but I can't come up with any positive ones. Can you? If so, please share.
Here's what I think: I think these sort of backhanded comments by you to me can only be taken one way.
Is there another way I should have interpreted this? Cause I interpreted it to mean: reallyme, you didn't approve of my behavior before, and now you see a definite change in me of which you do approve. This is subtly abusive as it implies you get to judge my behavior and tell me whether it's right or wrong. You don't. That's my job, not yours. I don't like this. I'd prefer it if you didn't comment to me in this manner. I don't know if you're capable of this, though, as even when asked by Dr G to do so, you couldn't stop (for long).
That's my side of the story. So do you want to clear it up or not? It's up to you. If you don't want to clear this up, I'll accept that too, but know that everytime you post something to or about me that I feel is inappropriate, I'm going to reply with my patented response.
This isn't true communication, which is why it's bothering me. I wan't to communicate, but I have to set boundaries here. Sometimes the only appropriate boundary is a wall.
Everyone else- Thanks for listening to my feelings in this.
pb
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p.s. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy, would you care to talk about it here?
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Now this is funny cause I was referring to jack (Tough Love = guys, hello?) and the two people who thought I was speaking of them were: reallyme and jac. So, are you two obsessed with what I'm posting? Maybe.
*sigh*
I would like you and reallyme to get off my butt. Find something else to do, K? Not your job to take care of me or my behavior, it's mine.
go away jac - find someone else to pester I'm in a great mood and don't feel like discussing anything with you. Yesterday, I had a migraine and asked you to tone down your post (the green and red bold Hurt), I see you didn't. I won't comment further what I think about your behavior, as it's not my place to do so. Live and let live jac.
Penelope, so nice of you to acknowledge my existence after sooooooooo long. As usual I see you are thoughtfully projecting onto me or is it blameshifting, because I said I felt color-changes are petty in my viewpoint, and I will stand on that. There does come a time when we decide to stop going with the familiar in our life, and to get past things and move ahead. I know in therapy that is what you are doing and I commend you and don't hold anything against you for your comments toward me. I am a strong person who basically loves people in general, to the extent that I even talk to the 2 N's in my life now. You are allowed to own your stuff as I own mine.
Blessya
~Laura- ReallyME
What the hel-l does this mean? It's a whole lot of babbling - pointless, if you ask me. Please, enlighten me reallyme. What are you trying to say? What's the point?
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Hi Pb,
No blind eye of denial here. I've seen the examples you cite here, just didn't think of them as "calling people N".
I respect your choice to confront directly when peoples' remarks have disturbed you. They'd disturb me too, if they were directed at me, but I think each individual has to draw her own line in the sand which, when crossed, will bring about a response.
Personally, when I observe a pattern of a person who's generally insulting and thoughtless in her remarks to numerous board members seemingly at whim and at random, without any thought of the effect of her words on others and without evidencing any willingness to understand how she could change her style, I think to myself... why would anything I could say be any different than what 20 other people have already said? Sometimes I'll give it a try anyway (which I have, in fact, in the case of RM, although that didn't relate to her comments to you), but what else can I do?
When I saw the flip remark re: postings in bold and I did speak up, because I have personal experience with difficulty with red fonts. My stomach also turned when I saw the "effexor" comment, because I thought, my goodness, how patronizing does that sound? But man, how many things can 1 person react/respond to at one time?
Pb, since I've been here, I've only done the personal message thing on a couple of occasions. I don't like the idea of talking about someone behind her back. That's just my personal view, nothing against those who do use it. I think those people who did contact you in that way were only trying to show their support and say hey, don't worry about it. Wouldn't have done much good for me to do the same, would it? It'd still be bothering you, because there's something very dissatisfying about leaving issues unaddressed when they're really eating at you. So I'm glad you're doing this and I wish you the best in finding resolution and setting healthy boundaries. If there's any way I can help, I hope you'll let me know.
With love,
Hope
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I think sometimes what appears to thoughtlessness could be something wired in that it's hard to perceive without ftf contact. That's what I've come to believe, that in some folks dismissiveness or what appears to be goading or obliviousness might actually be an actual limitation in grasping nuance that is something an individual may not be able to help. So an attempt to reach out and communicate something friendly actually comes across a little askew, perhaps condescending or grating, when the person does not think they're emitting that at all or isn't doing it intentionally. Thus there's much bewilderment at why often comments are met with frustration or some other negative response.
With time and observing I have come to think it is not intentional, which makes it easier to let it roll by.
I don't know if this line of thought applies and I know I'm being opaque but hope it's understood.
Hops
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hops - with all due respect, I disagree. This does not appear to be thoughtlessness, it appears to be more than that. I base this on the way it makes me feel to read her comments to me.
I think that reallyme is really abusive. I've told her how it feels to treat me the way she has, if she responds thoughtfully, then I'll know her intentions are good. But so far, I have not seen how one can take the above as anything but slams.
I didn't read them at the time they were posted, btw, but I did want to come back to them as I do believe people can change and so I occasionally do go back and check - and in this case, the comments Turned my Stomach.
That's how it felt Hops. I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach, literally, by that Effexor comment. What other way is there to interpret that hops? Can you think of any positive thing that might have meant? Reallyme, what were you thinking/feeling about me when you wrote that? I'm curious.
Now that my stomach is feeling better, I'd like to know. I know I'm opening myself up for more pain here, but I'd also like to see the end of this nonsense, if that is possible.
pb
Hope: reallyme was asked to delete a post where she said I was an N once (by Dr G). So that's why I may have this hyperawareness to her nuances. But you're right, perhaps they're not implying I'm N. But nonetheless, they're not exactly flattering either. And thank you for you offer of help. Simply posting to my thread in the manner that you did shows you care. I do appreciate that. :)
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Hops, I think that you're quite likely right on the money there.
Pb, I had forgotten that piece of history... happened shortly after I arrived here. I'm sorry you were feeling sick, glad you've recovered as much as you have, and still hope you'll get the answers you need.
Love,
Hope
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I disagree hope. Hops has backpeddled on this one before, and I will likely get a PM from her later apologizing (happened the last time). So Hops, stay out of this. It's not your place to decide what reallyme is doing or not, and whether it's appropriate. You're not "the Mom." I am taking care of my feelings here, and sticking up for what I believe. It's not appropriate to treat me this way on the board. I don't like it.
I said what she was doing and how it made me feel - let her respond if she can.
btw reallyme, I have Never posted to you until now since you called me an N and were harrassing me. But I feel that your behavior has escalated now and is perhaps causing me more damage. Why are you posting to me again when I initially asked that you not do this and I've not posted to you since?
thanks,
pb
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Ok bean,
As I said, I have seen growth in you, which was A COMPLIMENT. I understand that some people have a real hard time when others notice somethng positive and comment on it, but that's what I was doing there.
Is there another way I should have interpreted this? Cause I interpreted it to mean: reallyme, you didn't approve of my behavior before, and now you see a definite change in me of which you do approve.
That is EXACTLY what I was saying...except not that I approve, but that I ADMIRE. Yes, I'm actually singling you out to CONGRATULATE YOU AND APPLAUD YOU. I do not feel that is a wrong thing of me to do.
Now, I'm going to violate one of my own rules here, since you seem to have this thing of wanting to intimidate people even when they are merely voicing their own feelings and responding to a PUBLIC message board which is for VOICELESS people.
THIS WAS POSTED IN PRIVATE TO ME, EVEN AFTER ALL HER INVITATIONS FOR ME TO RESPOND ON THIS THREAD. I will let you all decide what the issue really is here and with whom:
From PB in my private messages, after having invited me and even gently urging me to respond to her in front of all you: If you don't have anything nice to say, I don't wish for you to keep responding to my posts reallyme. Can you understand that? I don't like reading your posts to me when they're mean - which they typically are. Do you have a compulsion to hate? Why have you picked me? I have left you alone here, please give me the same courtesy so we can both coexist here in peace. Thank you.
Now, I ask you all, which do I believe? Is it ok to respond to this person or do I believe her private message and remain voiceless here.
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I believe PB. And, by the way, PB, I admire you for what you've said. I understand your perceptions of reallyme and totally agree.
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seeker, how do I know you are NOT PB herself? She has come on in private names here before...at any rate, it doesn't matter
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reallyme,
I know I'm not seeker. I also know I've received many PM's from people who've told me they want to leave the board because of you. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm letting you know your words do have an affect on people.
I've tried to tell you exactly what affect, and I think I was brave in discussing my feelings, and getting to the point. I know it's difficult for you to hear this. But Live and Let Live reallyme.
You don't have to answer any of my questions, but please think about what you're doing to me. It hurts. It truly does. I hope you can sleep at night knowing this, cause I personally could not if I had intentionally hurt someone, and when they said OUCH I Kept on doing it.
bean
p.s. (and unless I have two IP addresses, how is it that both seeker and I can be logged on at the same time?) p.p.s. I think I know who seeker might be, but again, it's not my place to stick up for others here. But I will stick up for myself.
Also, since the initial paranoia I had, I've been feeling calmer about reallyme not being a cyber stalker. :shock: Weird, and abusive maybe...but not a stalker. It's too hard to stalk me on the internet anyway. :P
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Thank you for clarifying that I don't have to answer your questions. If I don't respond to you then you won't feel hurt by my words. That works for me.
As far as people leaving the board due to me, that would be their choice. I have done nothing different than many on this board...gave my views on things, made myself have a VOICE. That's what it's all about I think.
I'm glad you know I'm not a stalker. I'm a mother of 4 daughters, a wife of a husband for 20 years, and a worshiper in my church, where I sing. I play keyboard and guitar and I own a restaurant, which sometimes I feel guilty about, because I have to leave my children home for a while without me. I am a college student, majoring in Child Development...why am I telling you all this? Well, I guess I just chose to.
I'm an opinionated person, but I have morals and values that I will not be moved off of, like many of the others on this board too. I realize this, so thank you for giving me the boundary of not needing to answer your questions, because I will most definitely answer them with my view and opinion and belief, which you find offensive on and off.
BLessya,
Laura
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BTW,
Thanks for reminding me that I said something totally sane and logical to you in that PM.
I said:
If you don't have anything nice to say, I don't wish for you to keep responding to my posts reallyme. Can you understand that? I don't like reading your posts to me when they're mean - which they typically are. Do you have a compulsion to hate? Why have you picked me? I have left you alone here, please give me the same courtesy so we can both coexist here in peace. Thank you.
That sounds like something I would and I'm sure I did say (although I've not gone back and looked). So, is there a problem with heeding that advice at this time? Is this something you can't quite answer now, cause before I said don't reply? Who do I remind you of? This is nuts, reallyme. If someone in your past stated you should talk, then scolded you for talking, I must be triggering that, but none of those feelings are intended by me. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this and get what I want out of the conversation. Which is truly to ultimately get some rest!
Now that i've talked through all this (to myself it seems) I guess I'll give it a rest now. 8)
Hope - that rib idea is a great one. We are having ribs tongiht and I'm gonna forget all about this ugly little episode. Blah!
pb
p.s. I don't find your views offensive, I find you to be hateful. I don't even respond to you!
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PB:
That sounds like something I would and I'm sure I did say (although I've not gone back and looked). So, is there a problem with heeding that advice at this time? Is this something you can't quite answer now, cause before I said don't reply? Who do I remind you of? This is nuts, reallyme. If someone in your past stated you should talk, then scolded you for talking, I must be triggering that, but none of those feelings are intended by me. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this and get what I want out of the conversation. Which is truly to ultimately get some rest!
"heeding" that advice? um, I didn't realize you were my authority whom I needed to heed the advice of, but I sure have considered it, yes. (Is this something I can't quite answer now, cause before you said don't reply?...) Well, are you letting me know that you feel you have every right to constantly change your boundaries and expect me to know what it is you really want? First you tell me to respond, almost challenging me, then you tell me not to...um, if I did that to you, what would you be thinking right about now?
Who do you remind me of? Actually noone that I can think of at this time. You are just bean to me. A person who is trying to work out her own issues, but still has some steadfastness in boundaries that you struggle with yet don't appreciate me pointing out.
If you realize that someone in my past stated that I should talk, then scolded me for talking, and you aren't intending to trigger me, then WHY would you do the exact same thing I experienced in my past? (and I won't say if I was triggered or not yet, till you attempt to see my point of view in asking this)
You want to get some rest? I had no idea that my posting on a message board to you, that you can easily ignore or click out of, was causing you unrest. I must have more power than I realized. (Jesus is the only power I have if I have any, and I don't aim to use His authority to hurt others...that is not my heart)
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I guess you don't know, reallyme. I wasn't using this board when the afore mentioned "battle" was going on, but I can go back and read things, I guess. All I know is what I have observed of your general behavior through your posting. I posted once regarding you and was asked by Portia to ask myself why I had a problem with you (rather, your postings). At that time, I didn't engage. I knew, why your postings really got to me, but I just couldn't go into my reasons at the time. The few responses to others from you I read brought back horrendous memories of my oldest sister, who is 15 years older than I. She tried for more years than I care to remember to make my life miserable. She did this to my other sister, who is two years her junior; however, she was able to escape her when she married and moved to the midwest. Even after I was married and living away from my home state, she managed to affect my life via her obsession with controlling our mother and keeping her to herself. She thought that mother should only love her, and she undermined my sister and myself continually. When I was young, she psychologically abused me in particular, probably because I was so "available" (being so young and still at home). I never told my parents of her tormenting me, because my daddy was dying with cancer from the time I was 12 years old until I was 18. He was a wonderful man, my best friend; and my mother was a very good mother, but he was so ill for so long, I didn't want to add to their concerns by telling them what she was doing. When I would cry about him, she said I was crying crocodile tears; when I would pray for him, she would denounce God. She lied on me, she projected what she thought and did onto me. (I figured this out much later in life) I realize now that many things she did were actually psychotic, i.e., I was walking home from school one day (I was about 13) and from her front door she called me to come into her house. She seemed very upset. She said someone had come in the basement door and was coming up the stairs to the kitchen. She had a gun. She opened up the basement door and shot down the stairs. I was so upset I began crying and screaming. She began laughing. The gun contained blanks. She thought scaring me was funny. There are too many examples to write, but she was clearly unstable. She knew that her husband tried to seduce me when I was 16 (I told), but she let him come back and then tried to put the blame on me. (I found out years later that he ran around on my sister with many women, and even tried to "seduce" his own teenage daughter---my niece told me herself). Then, my sister "got religion", along with her husband. They became religious zealots and called for everyone, including myself, to "repent-repent-repent." (for what??? I never knew) Her husband reminded me of Elmer Gantry. They were both so "religiously correct" to the public, but their hearts and minds were very dark indeed! She continued her quest for mother's sole attention and love. My mother developed Alzheimer's, and eventually succumbed to sister's will. She always tried to hurt me and she succeeded, until at approximately 39, I instituted my own "no contact" rule. That was 20 years ago. It necessitated that I also have no contact with my mother, but I realized in her condition, she was not the mother that I had known and loved for so many years anyway. I had to protect myself and my family from any more torment from the sister. Mother passed away four years ago at age 90, and I know that at least when whe was of sound mind, she knew how much I loved her. So, now my sister and her husband are 74 years old, and alone with each other, and their obsessions. I apologize for the lengthy background, but the memory of my sister, especially post "being born again", is triggered by your almost flamboyant style of writing and with turning people's words around. You emphasize so many words with large type, you aggrandize yourself by stating what you are doing academically, you try to impress people with your "knowledge" and by saying you are a therapist, etc. Perhaps I am being too cynical, but in my opinion, you appear to preach with what I perceive to be a forked tongue. You act as though you know everyone's particular hang up and the cure for it. You speak of God. and how you are one with Him; however, I am suspicious of your intentions. You engage people in a negative manner when you think you are not being paid enough attention, and you make certain you tell everyone on here anything which you think makes you seem above others, or at least on par with them. I realize that I have opened myself up to all kinds of negative responses, so I will say this for now.........I don't wish to get into a spraying contest. I wish you well, as I do everyone on here. I've come to the conclusion that I don't belong on this board, or at least I shouldn't post. I do want you to realize one thing, if you don't get anything else out of my post............I am not anyone but myself. I am not PM, I am not Jodi or anyone else you have accused me of being. There is no conspiracy, just my own opinions.
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seeker:
you make certain you tell everyone on here anything which you think makes you seem above others, or at least on par with them.
I think I have a right to be "on par" with others. What makes you think I do not have a right to this? Are we not all created equal according to the Constitution?
Sorry that my comments are what you choose to use as a reason to stop posting here. That makes no sense to me at all. I'm not you, you're not me. You have as much right to post here as I do, so why run? Your opinions matter too.
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Seeker, Just wanted to say I am so sorry about what your sister put you through. I hope you'll stay with us and contribute when you can.
Hope
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oh seeker - I am so sorry about your situation all those years with your sister, and it truly makes me sad that you don't have a place here too.
I am sad that this board isn't big enough for everyone. I am sad that things don't always work out and have a happy ending and that people leave, but mostly I am sad that our Ns left such a lasting legacy on us.
hugs ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((seeker)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(you could always reconsider and come back with another name ya know? I will welcome you here).
pb
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really -
I am letting you know that I feel completely exasperated by these conversations. I'm going to let this rest now and go back to my regularly scheduled program.
Sorry I let your comments about me get me all ruffled. Maybe it was something storm said, but I suppose I was feeling brave and thought I might approach you once again.
But it aint gonna happen this day sister - reallyme and bean are Not communicating. It's OK by me, I got other things to do.
I just put some bitchin speakers in my car today!! (it is a classic car by the way, really cool).
So that's what I do in my free time reallyme. Try to remember that I'm not whoever it is you've got it stuck in your head I may be. And I'll try to remember you're not My sisters! :roll:
pb
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as they say in fencing, touchet (tooshay), bean
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Penelope (I only today realised you are bean. hi there), I only wonder why you try to engage with RM. I don't think anything good can be gotten from it. In your place, I'd not put it on the back burner... I'd pitch it into the bin.
As for others, if you have conflict with someone here and you feel you are right.....why leave if you can still get something from or give something to the board? Let the other person leave, if anything. Let's stay together as a useful community, not flee and leave it to be dominated by those who tend to be unproductive. Fleeing is not usually a good way to deal with anything, anyway, unless it is a mountain lion about to eat you. I know this from extensive experience.
Plucky
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hiya plucky,
on edit: oh never mind, you said "as for others"...
who me? I've never thought about leaving this place. No one could run me outa here except maybe my own conscious (for neglecting some of my other duties :roll:).
I've chosen to engage with reallyme in an attempt to let her know how it feels when she addresses me obliquely in the way she does. I think it's a hobby or entertainment or something for her..it's very unpleasant for me to have to read things about me sometimes daily..that I'd rather not read. I just wanted her to know how that felt.
So I was thinking about maybe just saying one of these the next time instead:
THAT HURT
or
BODY SLAM - OUCH
or
ow
or
Yow!
or something to that affect...what do you think? how ya doing plucky?
but that's a great question you've asked. I probably won't be doing it again for a long while!!!
pb
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pluck-
can you expound on your extensive experience? :)
And I agree, let the unproductive ones flee. Seeker, we can ignore RM. come one, let's do it.
bean
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Hi Penelope,
my experience consists of fleeing relationships and friendships when conflict reared its head, as it always does. If you had several lifetimes I could catalogue it for you. Relatively lately I have learned how to stop and reframe, which is a new word I think you taught me on another thread, and work things through. I've been tempted to leave this board a few times, over what I now see as very minor stuff, and only the fact that I have nowhere else to go forced me to rethink the situation. I also look back at many good relationships of different types, which I left for flimsy reasons and now regret it.
I did sort of leave the board for a while, but that was solely due to the fact that I did not have time to be up here as much as I am. It's kind of addictive.
Relating is like skiing. When you get onto something steeper than what you're accustomed to, all your bad habits come out. After that, you have either learned, or you go back to the bunny slope.
(If you meant experience with the mountain lions.....it's all theoretical.)
Plucky
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:)
reframing...reframing...heck, I gotta go back to my old threads!
you're funny plucky, I'm glad you're back (but not if it's an addiction, yuck!)
pb