Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: gratitude28 on August 13, 2006, 10:27:21 PM
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Hi guys,
Been thinking about what the purpose is of going over our past and present situations... and here is why I think we need to do it:
When you first realize that you have a problem, it is necessary to describe your situation to see if others understand/relate. When I first found these sites, I told lots of past stories and found out that many others Understood and had experienced the same things!!! It amazed me. I also wrote a diary and poured out all of the hurtful memories. When I realized how many of them there were, I realized that there was something OUTSIDE OF ME that was wrong.
Later, you need to bring up situations/stories to kind of check with others... am I reacting normally? What would you do or say in this situation? This is a learning time. Once you are past the initial fear/amazement/anger you need to start learning how to piece your life together as a sane individual.
Much later, you can use snippets of your stories to share with others to show them they are not alone and help them see how to deal with it and go on.
Of course, being that we deal with insane people, there are always those moments when you just have to say (ask), "What the ****?"
So I guess what I am saying here is that if you are progressing with getting well, the stories and memories lose their power over you. Does anyone else feel that they have loosened their hold on you?????
Love, Beth
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Definitely.
When I first started posting here, I was still horrendously raw from several experiences... yet recently, I was able to describe one of the worst [hemorrhaging post-op and being deliberately ignored and taunted by the hospital personnel, who were willing to let me die in order to prove I couldn't tell them what to do] - in a single paragraph.
Now I can describe it in 30 words.
A year after it happened, I had an 'anniversary reaction' so severe that for several nights I could not sleep if I lay down flat. I'd saved my own life at the time by curling up into the tightest ball I could manage, and sitting up throughout the night like that until the docs came in around 8 a.m. and I could tell them what had been happening to me. Lying down, I would have bled to death. So a year later, this terror of lying down to sleep came out of nowhere, and even when I understood what it was, it didn't go away for about four days - which is about as long as it took me to get 'out of the woods' when the hemorrhage occurred.
Now, I just think, oh, this is the day I had the surgery. How many years ago was that? Thank God it's well behind me now.
So desensitization definitely happens. And it happens a lot faster in a supportive environment.
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((((((((((((((STORMY)))))))))))))))))))) Why did they not help you? I think this must have been so scary.
M
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Yes, Storm, why didn't they help you?
Congrats on being a stronger person... I've always seen you as strong and wise.
Love, Beth
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Beth, what a good question. My stories re-surface when a crisis occurs with any of the N influences in my family or myself. (For some reason I had two awful dreams about my niece...the one who's been "sent away" for her delinquency. I dreamed she'd been shot. In another, I dreamed that my D and I were set to a task of cleaning and recleaning a white basement room that would fill with water every day, and then we'd clean it again. There was happiness in it though, and a nice man who appeared later. Odd.
Storm, what a horror. How very, very wise of you to be attuned to an anniversary reaction and to let it pass with your conscious patience. Wow. You do know how healing works.
Hops
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Beth: When I realized how many of them there were, I realized that there was something OUTSIDE OF ME that was wrong.
This was really EXCELLENT, Beth! It is the entire seed of healing that sets the victims of N'ism back onto the right path again!
Realizing it's NOT ME, IT IS THEM WHO HAS THE SICKNESS, helps you gain back your OBJECTIVITY that you lost when the enmeshment originally occurred.
~RM