Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Stormchild on August 16, 2006, 08:25:31 PM
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Something very sweet and unusual happened to me today.
I decided to take a few hours off in the morning, emailed my supervisors late yesterday to inform them.
It was a beautiful day. Low humidity, temps in the upper 70s, Oregon summer weather on the East Coast!
I found a used book online that I've been searching for, and it was still available, and I ordered it :-)
I had a slight scare regarding some financial stuff, and went to the bank to check up on things, and everything is fine :-)
I've started eating yogurt again, and cottage cheese, and had a midnight snack last night and my stomach felt GOOD this morning... :-D :-D
So I went looking for a little deli to have breakfast. Felt like exploring. Thought I knew where one might be... and it was! So in I went with my newspaper, had a nice chat with the waitress while placing my order. Caught the eye of a gent sitting in another booth with a friend, and we smiled at each other. Then I got into the paper and breakfast came.
About the time I was starting on the toast [saved for last, like dessert] they were ready to leave; he said something to his friend, got up, came over, introduced himself, gave me his business card, and talked with me for about ten minutes... it was clear to me that he was (a) interested and (b) nervous... based on our chat, he's also a scientist by training and, like me, not working directly in his graduate field of study any more.
And wonder of wonders he looks as though he's my age.
I was nice... didn't get flustered, didn't 'perform', didn't try to tell him all about myself in five minutes or less. Have to say I admired his courage; I wasn't unwelcoming at all, but I know it was daunting nonetheless. I was calm, kind-spoken, and encouraging, but I didn't jump all over, I was just... nice.
Anyway... he expressed an interest in getting together, if I'd like to, sometime, and I said I'd email him. Tonight I did, using one of my 'backup' email accounts, and suggested coffee and a snack at a local coffeehouse, offered to meet him there.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. But do you know, I was much more detached at work than usual, and I do mean detached: I saw all kinds of dynamics very clearly without the usual emotional response to them.
And I printed out the brochure for the writers' workshop I've signed up for... and am going to, no matter what!
Anyway. This was a nice day. And I enjoyed it. Just as it was.
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Oh no Stormy!!!! It sounds like when I met my huband :) I was through playing games and we met in a nice way.
What a sweet day!!!!!!!!
I am grinning like a fool!!!!!
Thanks so much for the post!!!!!
Love, Beth
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Thanks for this, Stormy.
So glad for your calm weather.
Hops
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8) 8) 8)
mud
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ps - 70 degrees is way too cold :)
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that is a sweet story storm
((((((((((((storm)))))))))))))))
who knows, maybe he'll be a catch. :)
pb
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Hey, thanks all!
The best part of all of this is that it feels complete right now. If nothing more comes of it, that's fine too. And that's even more of a blessing.
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Because you are such a centered individual :)
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It sounds like a perfect day Stormy. Very happy for you. :D
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How lovely Stormy. Thank you for sharing this with us. Who knows, maybe we'll have to come up with a new name for you one of these days?? 8)
Hugs,
Brig
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((((((((Stormy))))))))) Sweetly complete, indeed ! :)
Love,
Hope
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We had coffee this afternoon... I'm perplexed.
He's a very very bright guy, and seems knowledgeable in a LOT of areas [we talked cars, travel, ecology, musical instruments, metallurgy, clinical toxicology, psychology, theology, and he knew his stuff, and I wasn't quizzing him, the conversation just went naturally to all those places. He didn't seem put off by my knowing my stuff, which is a BIG plus].
But he seems a little... overly interested... given the brief acquaintance... and strangely young, in some ways, given his breadth of experience and lifespan.
Now I'm shaking my head a little and laughing, because that strangely young thing describes me too, now that I think of it. Never married, no kids is a large part of it.
Anyway: overall impression: nice guy, wide range of talents and interests, seems to have been professionally undervalued, rather like me again [this he did not tell me, in fact he never came near even hinting at it, I could infer it from the job history when we talked work]. Likely to get a bit too serious a bit too quickly, not sure how this dating thing works. May not be able to handle taking it slow.
I'm taking it very, very, very, very, very, very slow. But that's because I've been out of circulation for what? A decade? Long enough, anyway, that I am no longer terribly worried about whether or not I ever circulate again, at least, not in this metropolitan area. T'isn't a nice place, and nice people are a rarity.
Yes, he seems like one, but that's no reason to rush. Que sera, sera.
To be continued? ¿Quièn sabe?
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Oh bravo slow.
And curious as to what the "strangely young: will turn out to be about.
To me, "too fast" = red flag. Not necessarily disaster but definitely a reinforcement for keeping your foot firmly on the brake.
This would be SUCH a good time for you to read A Fine Romance by Judith Sills.
Apologies to anyone who's fed up with hearing me blatt about that book...but it was so intelligent.
(I'm really happy Write read it, for one. I'm going to re-read it if I ever come out of my room again. :))
So glad you're enjoying but being self-protective, Stormy.
BRAVO.
Hops
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Hops, you are so right. I think I will call my local Borders literally right now, and find out if they have it in stock.
PS, I do the same thing with The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker. So no apologies needed.
Strangely young is just that - we're the same age and yet we were both talking about things we did in our 20s and 30s. I was being unfair there, since we both did it, actually; that's why I ended up shaking my head and laughing.
On further reflection, it's not just the never-married-no-kids thing, either. I don't make small talk with new acquaintances about the events of my 40s, because that is the decade of death for me - my family died, my original three animals died, and so did my career. Not something to shplorp on to a casual acquaintance's head; something to share with trusted friends, therapist, people who knew me during the horrors, recovery group co-sufferers.
[Shplorp: onomatopoeia, mine, as in 'Shplorp! went the rice pudding, as it slipped from the spoon and landed in my lap.']
Based on what we talked about I think he spent the last ten years dealing with one layoff after another - a fate I only escaped by choosing a huge, stable employer and being lucky that I got it right. A different kind of decade of death. So it stands to reason that we would talk about the happy years on a coffee-shop first date.
We'll table that question, and see. If anything else happens, I'll have a chance to revisit it.
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Stormy,
To do list:
#1) Meet his mother (assuming she's still living, of course :|
#2) Meet his children (if any)
#3) View copies of his diplomas/tax returns/police record/military discharge/divorce papers/any other vital records which might apply
#4) Never ever ignore that sense of perplexity
#5) My tongue is only partially out of cheek here... ex N could discuss any topic with gusto and intelligence... could we add another "V E R Y" to the list before "slow"? :oops:
Love you,
Hope
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Thank you Hope.
Addition to that list: I already have a PI. Yes, that's a private investigator; I used him to check on some very rowdy rude neighbors, about a year ago. I will be calling him again, if things progress in any way.
Sad, isn't it, the things that we have to do as adults that were never even on the horizon when we were young.
Note to Hops: Called Borders, ordered book.
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:D Wish I'd had my own P.I. !!! You go, Stormy!
Hugs,
Hope
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Oh... the sense of perplexity is because he was nervous. Bless his soul, he did hang in there, but he was definitely nervous.
Ns, at least the ones I've known, and abusers, at least the ones I've known, generally haven't been nervous. Au contraire, they playas, they be smooth and cool as ice. And it has all too often fooled me.
So I'm as perplexed at myself, in this instance, as at him. Because I, oddly, wasn't nervous at all, and always in the past, I have been.
Edit in: Note to self: consider changing sig line to "too soon old, too late smart."
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Hi Storm,
I'm glad the first meeting was pleasurable, even tho the gentleman was a little nervous, but it's good that you were cool as a cucumber.
One other tip if you are not already aware (or maybe your state doesn't allow for it), but here we can access the circuit court website for the entire state and find out if the person has been involved in any legal situations which have involved the court system. It helps to track divorce proceedings as well. I found it difficult to find by searching and eventually just called a lawyer friend for the web address. I have used it quite often.
I hope you can have some fun. You deserve it.
Hugs,
Brigid