Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: WRITE on August 21, 2006, 12:09:10 PM
-
I took my car for a check-up this morning and the lady offered me a ride home, I thought oh good, I can get some housework done. I've eaten breakfast, read and written some correspondence etc and walked the dog, but the housework remains undone.
As it usually does.
It's something which has been bothering me of late, why I can't seem to keep on top of housework. In a way it was easier when ex was here because he'd be annoyed by the clutter and neurotic about what he saw as dirt.
I read up about the mechanics of domesticity and tried to get into better habits, I do turn down my bed and most days wash dishes and throw bleach into the bathrooms. But the clutter and untidiness remains, if I clear it up it comes back.
Am I just lazy?
-
with 4 puppies (2 of which are headed out shortly), and 2 small children living at home most of the time, and not being home enough to clean anything cause I work/go to school/am involved with church, etc...not to mention, running the girls around to scouts, etc, who has time to clean? Besides, I HATE housecleaning...(said, just after I rearranged my daughter's room and am talking myself into mopping it!)
-
Write,
I have learned over the years that balance is the answer. If cleaning becomes such an obsession that it is keeping you from enjoying things you like to do or spending time with children, pets, spouses, etc., then you need to let some of that go. If your home is a disaster area with creatures moving in to clean up the crumbs, then you need to give cleaning more focus.
Sometimes we need to run out the door without putting the dishes in the dishwasher or making the bed. So what?? They'll still be there upon our return and nobody will die in the process. I think that picking up as the day goes on as much as possible (much harder when the kids are little, etc.) keeps the clutter from becoming overwhelming. Creating places for stuff to go rather than letting it accumulate on the kitchen counter, throwing out junk mail before even setting it down, and having a bulletin board for the to-do stuff are ways which have helped me to keep clutter under control.
No, I don't think you are lazy.
B
-
Hi Write,
With me, it did turn into a form of laziness/ lack of motivation. Having been a former perfectionist re: cleaning and housekeeping, I let myself go a bit too far in the opposite direction (for my tastes, anyway) and allowed too much to go undone. Then I was remarried .. to a man who is an absolute messy. He does an excellent job of controlling his messiness inside the house, really, but with no one who truly appreciates the "neat as a pin" look, my motivation definitely slipped. Currently, I'm still in the process of finding just the right balance, but doing a little each day works far better for me than letting it pile up.
I think maybe in your situation it's just the lack of that previous catalyst... your ex... who spurred you on = imo, no loss. What you are doing is wonderful, I think. You're eating, exercising, enjoying your dog and your correspondence... I would much rather be active in those ways than obsessively cleaning my home and forgetting to eat, avoiding the mailbox, neglecting the beauty of life, etc.
It'll all fall into place for you, I am sure.
Love,
Hope
-
You are not lazy at all. I think most people that lead busy lives feel the way you do about cleaning I can identify with "if I clear it up" it comes back... That happens to me all the time! Lazy is such a 'charged' term, meaning it carries such stigma in our culture. Just do what you can do and the balance will come. 8)
-
Hi Doodle,
I'm either lazy or phobic about certain tasks (particularly financial paperwork, get very anxious so put it off until that makes it all overwhelming).
Clutter? Yep. But when I DO ditch things or give them away, it feels wonderful.
Hopalong
-
believe in it?
some days i think i INVENTED it!!!!! ;-)
what's interesting is that my laziness is directly proportional to the amount of abuse i deal with. Bad week at work, not doing much housework. Good week at work, place gets tidied up on the double.
I think this is probably because housework, while essential, is not terribly glam, and if I've already been kicked around enough to reach my quota, i'm not going to be a very happy scullery maid on my own time.
the one exception to this is if the being-kicked-around involves a lot of wheel-spinning and futile attempts to get the 'professionals' in my workplace to do their blasted jobs. if i get too much of that, i'm mopping the floor at midnight, because at least with housework, you get something tangible out of the effort you put in.
-
Dear Write,
Just a note to thank you ... betcha didn't realize that this post would be so inspiring! :)
We got alot cleaned up around here today that had needed to be done for ages. Tomorrow... tackling the bookshelves!
Hope you have a blessed evening,
Love,
Hope
-
oh thank you all! Sometimes I think I am going crazy.
The friend who sent me this yesterday must have tuned in to my secret anxiety:
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want
To delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly......
7. Feel better?
Works for me!
OK, cup of tea then HOUSEWORK DAY OF RECKONING.
I'm going to put on some music and do 2 hours clean then stop and enjoy the rest of the day.
I've just been out in the woods with the dog, beautiful 'season of mist and mellow fruitfulness, clos-bosom friend of the maturing sun...'
We are just coming into Fall here, my favourite time of year.
Hope you have a blessed evening,
everyone- have a blessed day ((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))
-
Sheesh, WRITE, I think you are being way too hard on yourself. Some days I get a lot done and others I just give it all up. It sounds like you do plenty during the course of a day.
Brigid, I think you are right about balance. Any way too far in any direction seems to cause me distress.
WRITE:I'm going to put on some music and do 2 hours clean then stop and enjoy the rest of the day.
This plan sounds so good, I think I will join you in it. Thanks for a great idea and some inspiration!
ANS
-
I was going to write a long reply, about how I think laziness is a wonderful thing, and necessary!
But. I was feeling lazy, so I haven't gotten to it yet. :P
I do believe there's a reason for the expression "Lazy Summer Day" - in these parts, about the only thing one can get really good at, this time of year, is laziness. Typically I go in spurts..just sometimes I've noticed those spurts can last years.
pb
-
Dear Write,
A busy mess is better than idol tidyness. What are your interests? My clutter comes from too much mail, hobbies (sewing, photography, painting, music, food), and plants. As I look around my space which is the kitchen i see seven up and colke from a family gathering I had last week. No one here drinks those things but since I spent money on them there they are. There is paperwork tablature and music lyrics, insurance claim stuff, newspapers, banking stuff and tablets in four different places. I wish I had an office. In the kitchen is leftover lunch dishes, cakes I'm making for a local funeral, rags in 3 places, partly opened drawers, in the living room are drinking glasses because we three are trying to use only one glass a day, ha ha, more newspapers, clothes a few, and cd's that are laying out. Each day builds up. I have been organizing for what seems years but still refuse to put each thing back as I do it. I feel stubborn about this. I think it would be interesting to try something new for one week and compulsively put things away and throw things away. So here goes!! I don't think you are lazy, I think you are busy. There are always interuptions like car appointments, letters to be written, dogs, and it takes a considerable amount of time to stay fed properly. It sounds like you wished yu had a whole day for cleaning. I did try once to have just a mandala. That is one thing that is the center that radiates outward, so I focused just on the kitchen. it did make a positive difference and the rest of my house became more managable. It sounds like you've got a good habit going with your dishes and your bathroom. I hope this helps answer your question.
-
Shanny,
Thank you so much for the detailed description of your surroundings.
It made me feel so much less lonely while I was reading it!
I'm going to start a thread you've inspired.
Hops
-
A busy mess is better than idol tidyness. What are your interests?
my interests? Oh, life, love, the universe, that sort of thing... :)
I have books everywhere- I read constantly.
Music and papers too, at the moment I am picking some music for a Thanksgiving Programme, then yesterday I started composing from the Bible so today I want to get out a really old Bible and compare words, the older versions are often more beautiful ( and more accurate translation )
There are stones and shells and an insect shed from our various nature rambles, a pile of notecards for my daily correspondence, the piano has Turkey in the Straw and Malotte's Lord's Prayer and I pulled out a guitar even though it's a bit dusty because I want to teach myself some chords.
My office I have been reorganising so it's rather cluttered on the floor, but things are gradually climbing onto shelves; my bedroom I prettied up with posters and my favourite fig candles, although the carpet needs shampooing.
The carpet shampooer and various cleaning products are out ready for inspiration...been there for weeks!
There's a pile of paper for recycling in a few minutes on the dog walk, and the leash and a bag of biscuits.
I guess apart from carpet cleaning it's mainly clutter, I'll go pick up some pretty band boxes later and hide what I can't dispose of.
There's definitely something psychological about it all- my childhood home never had the delicious clutter of creativity or busy happiness and my father became a compulsive neurotic about cleaning later after my mother left him.
I think it would be interesting to try something new for one week and compulsively put things away and throw things away. So here goes!!
I'd be terrified of turning into my father...maybe that's it, i subconsciously turn from the behaviours they had which distressed us kids. It did upset me as a child the way we were expected to clean things which weren't dirty, and the way a room looked like no one had ever spent five contented minutes in there...
-
It did upset me as a child the way we were expected to clean things which weren't dirty, and the way a room looked like no one had ever spent five contented minutes in there...
Me, too!
Reading material, handwritten notes, and pet toys do so much for unsterilizing an environment :)
Celebrating the deliciousness of clutter with you, Write!
And Shanny... A busy mess is better than idol tidyness. I think this will become one of my all time favorite Proverbs!
Simply brilliant :)
With love,
Hope
-
Celebrating the deliciousness of clutter with you, Write!
I read this earlier ( it was ina pile of clutter! )
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
I looked up some more AAMilne quotes:
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up
That's what I do all wrong!
-
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
This happens to me frequently when I clean out closets (I don't frequently clean out closets--wouldn't be making discoveries if I did--but often find things in there that I forgot I had). Sometimes I find Christmas gifts or decorations that I purchased in the off-season, but forgot about (usually it is too late to use them, but fun to find anyway :?).
It did upset me as a child the way we were expected to clean things which weren't dirty, and the way a room looked like no one had ever spent five contented minutes in there...
I have always hated going to a home where the rooms look as though they should be roped off as part of a museum. When we would visit my ex-IL's home, they had stark white carpeting in their LR and I always just walked to the edge and looked in--couldn't get myself to actually enter the room. I have always strived to have my homes look lived in and loved. If I was expecting guests, it would be clean, but if you dropped in unannounced, you can be sure there will be some dog hair on the floor, probably some slobber which has been flung onto a kitchen cabinet or wall (I'm still buying the theory that dogs' mouths are cleaner than ours) and "important" papers stacked on the kitchen counter.
A busy mess is better than idol tidyness.
Shanny, those are words to live by.
Brigid
-
oooo Brigid ! Maybe we should all go clean out our old handbags! Imagine the lost treasure just waiting to be rediscovered :)
-
I think it is possible to be lazy and happy. I know that in my FOO laziness was the ultimate curse and insult, and we were working our butts off from dawn until dusk. To this day I cannot stand to see silver because ours had to be polished every week, whether it needed to be or not.
I also know that the inner messages to do everything perfectly paralyze me at times. Or drive me to excess in the other direction.
To sum up, laziness can be a good thing! At least lazy people know how to relax, something I have yet to learn.
Plucky
-
Well....
This is one of my HUGE issues, of course, coming from a dump. As I said in another email, for many years, I was out to prove that I was better than my parents. So I tried to keep my house spotless as an "example" of what a house should look like... hmmm... I guess that's a passive-agressive way to tell the person you are pissed at him, eh???
I am never comfortable with my house no matter how tidy it is. I have a person in once a week who helps me clean... and I try to do some every day and especially any mornings I am home. I never rest in the house. I am always freaked out when someone comes in b/c I think they will find my house less than perfect.
Truthfully, it's not that bad... but I am like the anorexic looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person... I want to enjoy my life, and this is one area where I can't lately.
Thanks for the topic write.
Love, Beth
-
there's a lot of psychology deep-down in this isn't there.
I have been ruminating on it all week, and I know a lot of my issues run deeper than I realised.
My father's controlling and whining; my mother's loathing of her home and family; my husband's projecting of his neurotic parents & refusal to assist with anything.
My son is perfectly normal- gloriously unbothered by clutter or tidiness. Stuff just is. Maybe I can learn from him.
On a practical level I went out and got some very pretty boxes from Hobby Lobby etc and I am starting to at least disguise some of it.
Whilst typing this I had a mental image of a friend coming to help me clean, maybe I can ask one of my friends sometimes and I'll get dinner as a reward! It did make me incredibly sad during my marriage that there was never that partnership and fun about organising for something or doign chores together :(
-
Dear Write,
My son is perfectly normal- gloriously unbothered by clutter or tidiness. Stuff just is. Maybe I can learn from him.
:D mine, too... ain't it wonderful? He does keep his playstation games in fine order, tho... :wink:
Love,
Hope
-
Hi...
My aversion to paperwork has extended (this is humiliating to admit) to paying bills late, which is beyond foolish. There were times in my past when even though I had the money I was so math-phobic and anxious about managing it that I would let things slip through the cracks.
I've been going through another bout of that recently...first in a looooooong time. Tomorrow is the day I have to catch up or risk credit slippage.
Please send me strength and focus for the task.
(I have let it build until it's overwhelming.)
thanks,
Hops
-
Hi Hoppy,
I totally understand. Try this. First make sure you have eaten and if possible be alone. Only take out the bills you absolutely need to pay tomorrow. Then get everything you need together - envelopes, stamps, online passwords, etc. Then get a nice drink of tea or whatever, and put something pleasant on the radio. Then park yourself in your matchy matchy room, or wherever you have a good place for it, and do not get up until it is finished. Then go directly to the post office, if you have to post something. Do not think too hard about it, just do it. No analysis neccessary.
I'll spare you my own tales but it works for me.
Plucky
-
thanks, Plucky.
I have to break it down into smaller steps...you're right.
I may even make a list of the steps. Sounds childish but that may be what I need.
thanks again,
Hops
-
I have a lot to do at my house .The regular household chores and cleaning and getting rid of clutter I do at my own pace.
Lucky for me I have loved ones that do not mind the clutter when it starts to pile up a little. Because of recent surgery and my arm giving me trouble.I am getting extra help and understanding.
The real work is needing some home repairs.Talk about change we are planning to move so there is lots to do before hand.We are all happy and are looking at new homes .This will bring so much happiness for our family.
So it seems we have changes all round my inner world of freedom and our family preparing for a new home.
Write your son sounds mellow .He is about the same age as my little one.My smallest d is so very Sweet and gentle.She has taught me the importance of treating loved ones tenderly.
Moon