Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Bones on September 01, 2006, 12:25:19 AM
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I just lost my job today and I'm doubting any ability I should have. I don't have faith in myself anymore.
Bones
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I don't know your circumstances or have any practical advice here and now, just wanted to give you a hug
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Bones,
I know the whole thing is frustrating...knowing that you have gifts and talents, yet wondering how to get out there feeling insecure about yourself. I'm sending all my best wishes and prayers that tomorrow will be a brighter day.
teartracks
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Hang on, Bones.
Being fired or laid off is a DEVASTATING feeling---I've been there and had the same response.
Do not take it personally...........
Let the shock pass (it WILL).
In a while, you'll be able to pick yourself up, shake yourself off, and move on....
Come back and tell us more when you're up to it.
(I have survived 4 layoffs and one firing and one not-being-funded which feels the same.)
Life GOES ON. All will be well. You will be OKAY!
Hops
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Right now, it feels that the more I try to prove my family of origin that they're wrong, the more I prove that they were right all along.
Bones
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My guess is your FOO doesn't really know diddly about what you know, what you do like and don't like about work, what the unique peculiarities of this work situation was, and why you, like so many many thousands of other people, are having a pink slip experience.
My other guess is if they're not supportive to you now, it's NOTB.
But you DO deserve caring support and counsel while you get through shock and reorienting yourself part. I swear you'll be feeling a lot better in a week...
Now it's ice cream and favorite movies time for a couple days. Not too long...
Then you need to drag yourself and go find support groups. They're everywhere.
Life is still life and will still be life, and it'll feel good again. I promise.
Hops
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My guess is your FOO doesn't really know diddly about what you know, what you do like and don't like about work, what the unique peculiarities of this work situation was, and why you, like so many many thousands of other people, are having a pink slip experience.
My other guess is if they're not supportive to you now, it's NOTB.
But you DO deserve caring support and counsel while you get through shock and reorienting yourself part. I swear you'll be feeling a lot better in a week...
Now it's ice cream and favorite movies time for a couple days. Not too long...
Then you need to drag yourself and go find support groups. They're everywhere.
Life is still life and will still be life, and it'll feel good again. I promise.
Hops
Right now I feel nauseous and can't even see past my bedroom door.
Bones
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I'm also HATING myself too! I don't see any worth in anything I've done for my entire life. It seems no matter how hard I try, I have NOTHING to offer that's worth anything to anyone else. My boyfriend tells me he believes in me but I don't believe in myself anymore. I feel like I've lived too long.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Five years ago I was in a similar position, except that I walked out on my job. A job I loved, but a N boss and a situation I could no longer bear. So, I threw it all away. And felt like I must be a piece of dirt.
Slowly, slowy little supports came my way from people who hardly knew me. I was devastated and just slogging through my days but those tiny little supports came through anyway. I was judging myself and thought others would too. But they didn't.
Let the people who do care throw you those little supports. Rest now that you have the time. The job I ended up with sort of fell in my lap. The ones I went after, and thought I wanted, thought would be best for me, went to other people. It all worked out in surprising ways that I never could have guessed, never could have made happen.
I believe it will happen for you too. It might be slow. But it will happen. Just rest, be open, let in the support that is out there for you. Soak it up.
Love, Pennyplant
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Dear Bones,
Five years ago I was in a similar position, except that I walked out on my job. A job I loved, but a N boss and a situation I could no longer bear. So, I threw it all away. And felt like I must be a piece of dirt.
Slowly, slowy little supports came my way from people who hardly knew me. I was devastated and just slogging through my days but those tiny little supports came through anyway. I was judging myself and thought others would too. But they didn't.
Let the people who do care throw you those little supports. Rest now that you have the time. The job I ended up with sort of fell in my lap. The ones I went after, and thought I wanted, thought would be best for me, went to other people. It all worked out in surprising ways that I never could have guessed, never could have made happen.
I believe it will happen for you too. It might be slow. But it will happen. Just rest, be open, let in the support that is out there for you. Soak it up.
Love, Pennyplant
Thanks, Pennyplant.
I feel so tired that I just don't want to try anymore.
Bones
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the more I try to prove my family of origin that they're wrong, the more I prove that they were right all along.
stop trying to prove anything to them.
You know, a lot of us here have given up the notion our families will see us as who we are, and that releases us from their expectations and criticism. If not their hurtful behaviour.
I feel so tired that I just don't want to try anymore.
can you take a couple of days to regenerate, start over next week?
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Hiya Bones:
Just wanted to say, sorry about your job loss. That's quite a blow. Hey! Can you think of it as a mini holiday? Use the time to relax and renew your determination to succeed?
I'm also HATING myself too! I don't see any worth in anything I've done for my entire life.
I do this to myself too sometimes. This kind of thinking does no good. You are not perfect and never will be so give yourself a break. You are also worthy and have done stuff that counts but right now, your own brain is against you because you are taking this job loss so personally. Was it really all you?
Even if you did something wrong and are responsibile for the job loss that does not make up your entire being. To borrow Portia's line borrowed from CG (I think?).....
an act is not a person.
Anyhow, Bones, I just wanted to send you a big, large, huge ((((((((((((hug))))))))) and ask you to please not be so hard on yourself.
Tomorrow is another day. Things won't always be this dim. You're going to find another job. And your FOO can think what they like.... you have nothing to proove. They are the dough heads that are missing out on a respectful and reciprocal relationship...... one they could have had with you, had they opened their eyes and seen you for the worthy, valuable, good person you are.
((((((((((Bones))))))))))
Sela
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((((((((Bones))))))))
Wish I could give you a new set of eyes through which to see yourself. You are so lovely and thoughtful and full of promise.
I'm seeing this change in your life as a doorway to a whole new set of opportunities, none of which involve proving to anyone that you have value and worth. Standing naked and alone, with empty hands, you are worth everything to your loving heavenly Father. I believe in you, too.
Love,
Hope
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hi Bones,
When we can't believe in ourselves, others do. It's the miraculous way the world works. I know our dysfunctional FOO doesn't let us believe it, but it is true.
Even if you can't pick yourself up right now, it's OK. Somebody will, I bet. And you deserve the rest. That you can admit you are doubting yourself, shows you are strong.
hugs,
bean
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Bones -
You have just been hit by a mac truck. You are in survival. Do not think about next month, next week, even tomorrow. Just think about one moment at a time.
DO NOT try to figure anything out. DO NOT think about what happened. Put all of you energy into changing your thoughts. Find one thought to over write dealing with your loss: a statement like, "I WILL SURVIVE. I WILL COME BACK. I WILL FLOURISH.
Think about surviving!!. Put your thoughts into survival. EAT. think about eating. think about what to eat. DRESS. Do what ever you have to do to get dressed.
Take a bath or shower. Let the water feel cleansing. Let it wash the darkness away.
Find ways to release the shock and stress from you flesh. Exercise. No matter how difficult it is to get going. Walk, run, workout, Something. or get a massage or accupuncture.
DO NOT think about what has happened or what comes next. That will come. First survive. You are in intensive care unit for your self.
And keep coming here to get as much support as you can.
My husband died without warning 5 years ago, our child was 7 months old. A sole practisioner - his income was lost. My business was closed 18 months later. I know shock and I know survival. My well off family has been absent, on the sidelines all of these years. I dpn't know what hurt the most. But I do know survival and I will gladly walk with you through this tradgedy.
Just say out loud. "I will survive. I WANT to survive. I know I can survive."
I walking with you.
Gaining Strength
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Great points Gaining strength. I also think PP, you have really hit on something!!
Such wisdom here.
I have also survived a tramautic experience of losing my job (except I initiated it). But Gaining, you lost your husband too...I'm sorry. That must have hurt.
One thing that helped me was an easy (beginner) yoga class once a week (it'd have been even better were it Yoga therapy, I bet). I don't know if it was the routine, the quiet/calming experience of it...or what. But going to that class once a week helped me. Even if I couldn't "afford" it.
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Bones -
You have just been hit by a mac truck. You are in survival. Do not think about next month, next week, even tomorrow. Just think about one moment at a time.
DO NOT try to figure anything out. DO NOT think about what happened. Put all of you energy into changing your thoughts. Find one thought to over write dealing with your loss: a statement like, "I WILL SURVIVE. I WILL COME BACK. I WILL FLOURISH.
Think about surviving!!. Put your thoughts into survival. EAT. think about eating. think about what to eat. DRESS. Do what ever you have to do to get dressed.
Take a bath or shower. Let the water feel cleansing. Let it wash the darkness away.
Find ways to release the shock and stress from you flesh. Exercise. No matter how difficult it is to get going. Walk, run, workout, Something. or get a massage or accupuncture.
DO NOT think about what has happened or what comes next. That will come. First survive. You are in intensive care unit for your self.
And keep coming here to get as much support as you can.
My husband died without warning 5 years ago, our child was 7 months old. A sole practisioner - his income was lost. My business was closed 18 months later. I know shock and I know survival. My well off family has been absent, on the sidelines all of these years. I dpn't know what hurt the most. But I do know survival and I will gladly walk with you through this tradgedy.
Just say out loud. "I will survive. I WANT to survive. I know I can survive."
I walking with you.
Gaining Strength
I'm going to try.
Right now, what is left of Hurricane Ernesto is slamming through Maryland and has knocked out the electricity. I have about an hour's worth of battery power on my computer before I'll have tolog off the Internet and shut off the laptop.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Praying that your electricity will be restored in short order. "See" you soon, I hope.
Love,
Hope
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Bones,
Thank you for responding to my thread. I am continually amazed at the amount of support I have received here. I want you to know that i very nearly responded to this thread of yours the other day but was so sure i could say nothing helpful. As a matter of fact i have been almost totally unable to post to anyone else so consumed have i been with my own troubles, and feeling inadequate. I think it is encouraging to see your ability to reach out to others in the midst of your own pain. That is a sure sign of life--all i can say is "hang in" and let these wonderful people here support you as best we can.
I too am waiting for what seems to be a miracle.
Like Bad Company sang: "My rainbow is overdue..."
all we can do is "don't stop believin'..." (Journey)
~dragonsamm~
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the more I try to prove my family of origin that they're wrong, the more I prove that they were right all along.
stop trying to prove anything to them.
You know, a lot of us here have given up the notion our families will see us as who we are, and that releases us from their expectations and criticism. If not their hurtful behaviour.
I feel so tired that I just don't want to try anymore.
can you take a couple of days to regenerate, start over next week?
And I can't shut off the old nasty tapes playing in my head.
Bones
-
Hiya Bones:
Just wanted to say, sorry about your job loss. That's quite a blow. Hey! Can you think of it as a mini holiday? Use the time to relax and renew your determination to succeed?
I'm also HATING myself too! I don't see any worth in anything I've done for my entire life.
I do this to myself too sometimes. This kind of thinking does no good. You are not perfect and never will be so give yourself a break. You are also worthy and have done stuff that counts but right now, your own brain is against you because you are taking this job loss so personally. Was it really all you?
Even if you did something wrong and are responsibile for the job loss that does not make up your entire being. To borrow Portia's line borrowed from CG (I think?).....
an act is not a person.
Anyhow, Bones, I just wanted to send you a big, large, huge ((((((((((((hug))))))))) and ask you to please not be so hard on yourself.
Tomorrow is another day. Things won't always be this dim. You're going to find another job. And your FOO can think what they like.... you have nothing to proove. They are the dough heads that are missing out on a respectful and reciprocal relationship...... one they could have had with you, had they opened their eyes and seen you for the worthy, valuable, good person you are.
((((((((((Bones))))))))))
Sela
Thanks, Sela.
I've also not been able to sleep for two days.
Bones
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((((((((Bones))))))))
Wish I could give you a new set of eyes through which to see yourself. You are so lovely and thoughtful and full of promise.
I'm seeing this change in your life as a doorway to a whole new set of opportunities, none of which involve proving to anyone that you have value and worth. Standing naked and alone, with empty hands, you are worth everything to your loving heavenly Father. I believe in you, too.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
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hi Bones,
When we can't believe in ourselves, others do. It's the miraculous way the world works. I know our dysfunctional FOO doesn't let us believe it, but it is true.
Even if you can't pick yourself up right now, it's OK. Somebody will, I bet. And you deserve the rest. That you can admit you are doubting yourself, shows you are strong.
hugs,
bean
Thanks, Bean.
Bones
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Great points Gaining strength. I also think PP, you have really hit on something!!
Such wisdom here.
I have also survived a tramautic experience of losing my job (except I initiated it). But Gaining, you lost your husband too...I'm sorry. That must have hurt.
One thing that helped me was an easy (beginner) yoga class once a week (it'd have been even better were it Yoga therapy, I bet). I don't know if it was the routine, the quiet/calming experience of it...or what. But going to that class once a week helped me. Even if I couldn't "afford" it.
Right now, I feel so exhausted from being unable to sleep for two days and I feel like I just want to crawl into a hole and hide.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Praying that your electricity will be restored in short order. "See" you soon, I hope.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
Thinking about you and wishing I could say exactly the thing that would light up your life and propel you into that knock 'em dead attitude/action out in that job market. But most often, I have no answers...mostly questions. :( I found the following online. Maybe there is something here that will be helpful.
All of SolutionsonvideoOnly Videos
1: I'm struggling with my career, or lack there of. I know there is a book called, "What Color is Your Parachute" but I feel like my parachute wont even open! Can you help me? (2:38)
Keyword Searches career job occupation work will direction lead succeed test professional
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/GS/townsendA1165.htm 90%
2: My boss is more concerned with results than his employees. It really bothers me. What should I do? (3:49)
Keyword Searches task job work mean tough harsh feedback
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/GS/townsendA1171.htm 90%
3: How can I evaluate my leadership strengths and weaknesses? (2:02)
Demands of Reality (Hardcover) The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality Quick Keyword Searches work administer manage reflect tract skill work better well-rounded
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/LS/townsendA1312.htm 90%
4: How much should an elementary-school aged child be expected to help with housework and yard work? My kids act like I'm asking them to run a small plantation. (1:38)
traits every child needs to develop to become a responsible adult. Quick Keyword Searches work chore help clean make change allow empower learn balance labor team
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/PA/townsendA1376.htm 90%
5: How long should you 'see a counselor? (2:37)
That Heal How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future Quick Keyword Searches help professional therapy appointment shrink health clinical counselor appointments
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/ES/townsendA1273.htm 90%
6: I have a co-worker who flirts with me even though she knows I am married. How can I set the boundaries and keep our relationship strictly professional? (1:20)
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/GS/cloudA1097.htm 90%
7: How do you work with a co-worker, when you know she tried to get you fired? (2:50)
Quick Keyword Searches interfere job career interfere work fired canned disapproval boss tattle
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/GS/cloudA1102.htm 90%
8: I'm in my late twenties and I've been through four jobs already. Why is it so hard to commit to a job? It's obviously in my best interest to stick with something. (2:50)
Quick Keyword Searches job quit leave fire resign boss ladder switch commit transition fear occupation
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/GS/townsendA1229.htm 90%
9: How can I help my wife deal with post-partum depression? (2:17)
submitted questions to answer on video. Boundaries in Marriage Quick Keyword Searches depression burden emotional sad baby pregnant support help
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/MA/cloudA1098.htm 90%
10: Dating for Men: Learning to be yourself. (3:21)
questions to answer on video. How to Get a Date Worth Keeping Quick Keyword Searches unique act behave me am normal self
http://www.solutionsonvideo.com/videos/DA/cloudT1036.htm
teartracks
Thanks, TearTracks
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Bones,
Thank you for responding to my thread. I am continually amazed at the amount of support I have received here. I want you to know that i very nearly responded to this thread of yours the other day but was so sure i could say nothing helpful. As a matter of fact i have been almost totally unable to post to anyone else so consumed have i been with my own troubles, and feeling inadequate. I think it is encouraging to see your ability to reach out to others in the midst of your own pain. That is a sure sign of life--all i can say is "hang in" and let these wonderful people here support you as best we can.
I too am waiting for what seems to be a miracle.
Like Bad Company sang: "My rainbow is overdue..."
all we can do is "don't stop believin'..." (Journey)
~dragonsamm~
Thanks, Dragonsamm
Bones
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Oh dear, Bones.
I'm so sorry all this is happening to you... ((((((((((Bones))))))))))
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And I can't shut off the old nasty tapes playing in my head.
Bones - don't try to shut it off, replace those tapes with something you need. Wayne Dyer says this, "Catch yourself in the moment you are thinking about what's missing. Then shift ...to what I absolutely intend to manifest and attract into my life."
Dr. Daniel Amen calls it ANTs, (automatic negative thoughts.) He says - 1) Realize your thoughts are real and they cause your brain to release chemicals. 2) Notice how thoughts affect your body. 3)Notice how positive thoughts affect your body. [skip 4] 5)Think of bad thoughts as pollution. 6)Understand that your automatic thought don't always tell the truth. 7) Talk back to ANTs. 8) Exterminate the ANTs.
Remember Bones you ave been hit by a Mac truck. You are going to have to learn to walk all over again. It will not happen overnight but don't give up just because it will take time. Exterminating ANTs will take time but we are talking FREEDOM here. True FREEDOM. Your mind has been poisoned and slowly and painstakingly your are going to eradicate that poison.
About not sleeping. That is a crisis!. You must get sleep. Call a doctor and get a presciption or get something from a health food store. Take warm baths - at least waist deep. Warm water on the kidneys helps release something that helps with sleep. Play soothing music!. Drink warm milk - again some specific chemical is eleased in the warm milk that aids sleep. This is so very important that you reclaim your sleep!!
I'm walking with you. You are in my thoughts. When you electricity comes back on let us hear how your area has sustained the strom.
Yours - Gaining Strength.
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hi bones,
how are you doing? What's the hurricane damage like in your area? thinking of you.......
pb
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hi bones,
As I was thinking about you, I realized that even though I've never been let go from a job, I've certainly left many that didn't "feel" right to me. And this may have been just as tramautic as what you are currently experiencing, as it triggered all the same feelings of doubt, lack of self-worth, panic, anxiety, etc. I also realized that I'm stilll holding onto some of that anxiety/anger from a few previous managers/jobs that were especially unpleasent (as I wrote an email to one previous employer who was particularly abusive to me, this morning and even sent it!!! we'll see if he responds)...anyway, I don't suggest actually sending emails/letters at this time, especially if the feelings are new/raw (I worked with this guy over 3 years ago, so the email I sent wasn't too bad, but it did place the old feelings square back onto the guy who initially created/exacerbated them). You can, however, write to yourself. If your computer goes down again, just use pencil and paper. This link had some good suggestions for writing about your despair and why it may help:
http://www.deed.state.mn.us/cjs/cjsbook/transition2.htm
Write a Letter
If you're uncomfortable expressing your feelings, write them down. Write a letter to your former boss, telling her/him exactly how you're feeling. Write down how you're feeling about starting to look for work and the changes it has brought. Don't worry about the content or structure of the letter, because you aren't going to send it. Writing it down may release some anger you might be experiencing. This will help restore the feeling that you're in control of your life. After you've written the letter, read it aloud and then dispose of it. You could rip it up into small pieces and then burn it. You could wad it up into a ball, bat it around outside and throw it in the trash. Just do something to get rid of it. A recent study found that people who write about their anger get another job faster than those who don't.
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Oh dear, Bones.
I'm so sorry all this is happening to you... ((((((((((Bones))))))))))
Thanks, Stormchild.
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And I can't shut off the old nasty tapes playing in my head.
Bones - don't try to shut it off, replace those tapes with something you need. Wayne Dyer says this, "Catch yourself in the moment you are thinking about what's missing. Then shift ...to what I absolutely intend to manifest and attract into my life."
Dr. Daniel Amen calls it ANTs, (automatic negative thoughts.) He says - 1) Realize your thoughts are real and they cause your brain to release chemicals. 2) Notice how thoughts affect your body. 3)Notice how positive thoughts affect your body. [skip 4] 5)Think of bad thoughts as pollution. 6)Understand that your automatic thought don't always tell the truth. 7) Talk back to ANTs. 8) Exterminate the ANTs.
Remember Bones you ave been hit by a Mac truck. You are going to have to learn to walk all over again. It will not happen overnight but don't give up just because it will take time. Exterminating ANTs will take time but we are talking FREEDOM here. True FREEDOM. Your mind has been poisoned and slowly and painstakingly your are going to eradicate that poison.
About not sleeping. That is a crisis!. You must get sleep. Call a doctor and get a presciption or get something from a health food store. Take warm baths - at least waist deep. Warm water on the kidneys helps release something that helps with sleep. Play soothing music!. Drink warm milk - again some specific chemical is eleased in the warm milk that aids sleep. This is so very important that you reclaim your sleep!!
I'm walking with you. You are in my thoughts. When you electricity comes back on let us hear how your area has sustained the strom.
Yours - Gaining Strength.
Thanks, Gaining Strength.
Since I am a recovering addict, I have to be careful what I take to help me sleep. As for the nasty tapes in my head, I do recognize where they originated....my Nmother and Nbrother...who repeated everyday that I was nothing but a worthless, retarded whore who belonged in a mental institution. I was told this since I was only four years old! Intellectually, I know I am not mentally retarded because I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Bachelor's degree and I'm in the process of completing my Master's degree. Yet, emotionally, I still feel like I have to earn and prove that I am a worthy human being and was NEVER a whore!
Bones
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hi bones,
how are you doing? What's the hurricane damage like in your area? thinking of you.......
pb
The electricity has been going NUTS here! Goes off, comes on, goes off, comes on, repeat cycle. I'm tired of that too!
Bones
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hi bones,
As I was thinking about you, I realized that even though I've never been let go from a job, I've certainly left many that didn't "feel" right to me. And this may have been just as tramautic as what you are currently experiencing, as it triggered all the same feelings of doubt, lack of self-worth, panic, anxiety, etc. I also realized that I'm stilll holding onto some of that anxiety/anger from a few previous managers/jobs that were especially unpleasent (as I wrote an email to one previous employer who was particularly abusive to me, this morning and even sent it!!! we'll see if he responds)...anyway, I don't suggest actually sending emails/letters at this time, especially if the feelings are new/raw (I worked with this guy over 3 years ago, so the email I sent wasn't too bad, but it did place the old feelings square back onto the guy who initially created/exacerbated them). You can, however, write to yourself. If your computer goes down again, just use pencil and paper. This link had some good suggestions for writing about your despair and why it may help:
http://www.deed.state.mn.us/cjs/cjsbook/transition2.htm
Write a Letter
If you're uncomfortable expressing your feelings, write them down. Write a letter to your former boss, telling her/him exactly how you're feeling. Write down how you're feeling about starting to look for work and the changes it has brought. Don't worry about the content or structure of the letter, because you aren't going to send it. Writing it down may release some anger you might be experiencing. This will help restore the feeling that you're in control of your life. After you've written the letter, read it aloud and then dispose of it. You could rip it up into small pieces and then burn it. You could wad it up into a ball, bat it around outside and throw it in the trash. Just do something to get rid of it. A recent study found that people who write about their anger get another job faster than those who don't.
Thanks, Penelope!
That's a good suggestion.
Bones
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Bones, those old bones are dead and dried are they?
Shake off the dust, know there is a plan, that plan has you as the star!!!
You have the education that's a big one, you have another job waiting and must move in that direction.
Expect great things to happen, not what is lost. If you believe there is a plan for your life things happen days years and years in advance.
Keep your head high believe something better is around the corner waiting for you to take the "STARS CHAIR"
You will need to be positive and dig deep inside for the energy to keep moving along.
Get rest, go to the gym don't sit and think about any negative things.
Sorry, hang in there OR
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Shake off the dust, know there is a plan, that plan has you as the star!!!
Keep your head high believe something better is around the corner waiting for you to take the "STARS CHAIR"
You will need to be positive and dig deep inside for the energy to keep moving along.
Thanks OR - that is great advice for Bones, me and really for anyone. I love hearing those words and am going to shape them into an affirmation to exterminate my ANTs (automatic negative thoughts.)
-Gaining Strength
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Hi Bones,
Really strong chamomile tea, and lavender essential oil under your pillows and in your bath.
Saint Saens Organ Symphony for perspective.
Hops
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Bones, I wanted to speak to your feelings of desperation and hopelessness. I've felt that way. Many times. I don't know if it will help you, but here is what worked for me: stubbornness, and the realization that if I gave up, the no-goodniks won. I just refused to let the no-goodniks win. Not at my expense, not that way.
Again, I don't know if this will help you at all, but consider... even the simple act of continuing to draw breath is a form of defiance, a gesture at Fate, at a time like this... even the simple act of getting a good night's sleep. Of waking tomorrow and having a cup of coffee [or herbal tea] out on the porch in the sun.
Of holding your boyfriend close.
You've given a lot here. You have a lot that is worthwhile to give, and you deserve to receive a lot of good things too. This setback could be a turning point. But it's too soon to try to make anything be or happen now... be good to yourself, and remember: merely continuing to be - here, as yourself - IS an accomplishment. Nobody else but you can do that. Nobody else but you.
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Dear Bones,
Still in your corner here and the words that come to mind are.... "Arise, shine, for your Light has come..."
More hugs, too.
With love,
Hope
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Ahhh Jac! God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!
Love, Hope
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Jac -
What an astonishing story! At what point did you turn your focus from the horror of what happened to you to look for the opening door? How did you psychologically get from jail and false accusal to the open door?
That is an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.
Gaining Strength
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Bones, those old bones are dead and dried are they?
Shake off the dust, know there is a plan, that plan has you as the star!!!
You have the education that's a big one, you have another job waiting and must move in that direction.
Expect great things to happen, not what is lost. If you believe there is a plan for your life things happen days years and years in advance.
Keep your head high believe something better is around the corner waiting for you to take the "STARS CHAIR"
You will need to be positive and dig deep inside for the energy to keep moving along.
Get rest, go to the gym don't sit and think about any negative things.
Sorry, hang in there OR
Thanks, OR
Bones
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Hi Bones,
Really strong chamomile tea, and lavender essential oil under your pillows and in your bath.
Saint Saens Organ Symphony for perspective.
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Bones
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Bones, I wanted to speak to your feelings of desperation and hopelessness. I've felt that way. Many times. I don't know if it will help you, but here is what worked for me: stubbornness, and the realization that if I gave up, the no-goodniks won. I just refused to let the no-goodniks win. Not at my expense, not that way.
Again, I don't know if this will help you at all, but consider... even the simple act of continuing to draw breath is a form of defiance, a gesture at Fate, at a time like this... even the simple act of getting a good night's sleep. Of waking tomorrow and having a cup of coffee [or herbal tea] out on the porch in the sun.
Of holding your boyfriend close.
You've given a lot here. You have a lot that is worthwhile to give, and you deserve to receive a lot of good things too. This setback could be a turning point. But it's too soon to try to make anything be or happen now... be good to yourself, and remember: merely continuing to be - here, as yourself - IS an accomplishment. Nobody else but you can do that. Nobody else but you.
Thanks, Stormchild.
I have been trying to sleep and keep waking up with nightmares. This morning's nightmare had me dreaming that I had been called back to work only to be confronted, as soon as I walked in the door, with "We've changed our minds and have decided to have you arrested for trespassing." I gave up trying to sleep after that nightmare.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Still in your corner here and the words that come to mind are.... "Arise, shine, for your Light has come..."
More hugs, too.
With love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
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Bones, in one day I lost my "bread and butter" assignment (one that I had for four years) and I was arrested (for something I didn't do - accused by the same person who got me fired) and I wound up in a jail cell for two days!!!
All I will tell you is when God closes one door, he opens another.
I realize at a later time that the job I lost was one I desperately wanted to get out of anyway. It gave me an opportunity to focus on other things I had been neglecting, and I was able to write and publish a book. That year, I made more money than I had in any of the four years I worked at the other job, and i was beginning to heal from my wounds.
The loss and the betrayal and the being falsely accused was actually a replay of my family dynamic. I had recreated the same situation and the players in my play had done the exact same thing to me my FOO did -- but I was able to learn from it and grow.
The experience humbled me and juggled my life up but when the dust settled certain things became clear and my perspective was fine tuned. I could see a lot better what was needed in my life and what was not.
I'm just hoping retelling my own experience will give you some hope,
((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))
Thanks, JacMac.
I can see the same issues happening at this facility where I was accused of vague stuff that I KNOW I did not do....just like my Family of Origin did to me, and watching the same crazy-making, double-bind games being played again.
Bones
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Thanks, Stormchild.
I have been trying to sleep and keep waking up with nightmares. This morning's nightmare had me dreaming that I had been called back to work only to be confronted, as soon as I walked in the door, with "We've changed our minds and have decided to have you arrested for trespassing." I gave up trying to sleep after that nightmare.
This sounds like PTSD. Nothing to be ashamed of, but based on your other posts, this place where you worked sounds more like open source Marat-Sade, than a workplace. [I've been in similar circumstances. I have no trouble believing it.]
You may need desensitization.
I understand the problem with meds. You probably know most anxiolytics are much more habituating than people are commonly told. Have you considered anything like theanine? It's quite effective and doesn't seem to get 'hooks' into people, and green tea with lemon taken several times a day may be an effective starter dose to try. It does induce liver enzymes, mostly UDPGT, but all that is likely to do is increase your ability to handle things like acetaminophen.
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Bones and Stormy,
I had a similar response (nightmares, a nearly continuous state of anxiety and panic) immediately following high-school graduation. I think that's partly what propelled me in a very premature marriage in an attempt to escape the pressure of "not knowing" what the future might hold. This particular parochial school was so academically, college-prep oriented and SO lacking in preparation for life in the "real world" that I truly felt like a fish out of water when that season of my life was completed. I'd forgotten about those dreams... of showing up for class without a major assignment and being reprimanded (after spending hours working on the term paper and then "forgetting" to bring it with me)... of marking in those little dots on the answer sheets of tests, hour after endless hour, only to find out that I'd been off one line and so all of the answers were wrong... whew. None of these things ever happened in actuality, only in my dreams. The pressure was tremendous and thinking back, Bones... I'd suggest writing down a list of all the things you've done RIGHT in your life, big and small, and read through that list regularly, adding to it as new remembrances arise.
In fact, I might just make one of those lists for myself. Sounds healing!
Love,
Hope
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hi hope,
your story reminds me of my sister. She was a very good student in highschool and college (graduated in 4 years with top marks), but panicked after that. She couldn't seem to adjust and decided to get married and have a family in lieu of a career after college. I think in her case, the whole thing had a lot to do with being highly enmeshed with our N Mom & N Dad. Was this true for you?
I feel bad for her. The last time we talked she wanted to seek therapy, and I encourage her, but then I think the pressure of moving to Guam with her husband (not having access to a T there, possibly?) and then my parents upping their normal pressure, and resuming their scapegoating of me (prior it had been her for a few years) may have sidetracked her. Having Ns in your life is so confusing. Particularly when you're enmeshed with them.
hugs,
pb
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Thanks, Stormchild.
I have been trying to sleep and keep waking up with nightmares. This morning's nightmare had me dreaming that I had been called back to work only to be confronted, as soon as I walked in the door, with "We've changed our minds and have decided to have you arrested for trespassing." I gave up trying to sleep after that nightmare.
This sounds like PTSD. Nothing to be ashamed of, but based on your other posts, this place where you worked sounds more like open source Marat-Sade, than a workplace. [I've been in similar circumstances. I have no trouble believing it.]
You may need desensitization.
I understand the problem with meds. You probably know most anxiolytics are much more habituating than people are commonly told. Have you considered anything like theanine? It's quite effective and doesn't seem to get 'hooks' into people, and green tea with lemon taken several times a day may be an effective starter dose to try. It does induce liver enzymes, mostly UDPGT, but all that is likely to do is increase your ability to handle things like acetaminophen.
Thanks, Stormchild.
I'll have to look up theanine to check for any contraindications.
Bones
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Bones and Stormy,
I had a similar response (nightmares, a nearly continuous state of anxiety and panic) immediately following high-school graduation. I think that's partly what propelled me in a very premature marriage in an attempt to escape the pressure of "not knowing" what the future might hold. This particular parochial school was so academically, college-prep oriented and SO lacking in preparation for life in the "real world" that I truly felt like a fish out of water when that season of my life was completed. I'd forgotten about those dreams... of showing up for class without a major assignment and being reprimanded (after spending hours working on the term paper and then "forgetting" to bring it with me)... of marking in those little dots on the answer sheets of tests, hour after endless hour, only to find out that I'd been off one line and so all of the answers were wrong... whew. None of these things ever happened in actuality, only in my dreams. The pressure was tremendous and thinking back, Bones... I'd suggest writing down a list of all the things you've done RIGHT in your life, big and small, and read through that list regularly, adding to it as new remembrances arise.
In fact, I might just make one of those lists for myself. Sounds healing!
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
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GS, Hope,
In the jail cell, court was held three times a day: Morning session from 9:00 to 1:00, afternoon session from 2:00 to 5:00 p.m. and evening from 6:00 to 11:00 p.m.
Well after the afternoon session was called, everyone in the cell started complaining that they were going to have to stay the night in jail again. I just closed my eyes and prayed, "I said Lord, you know I have two children to raise and that I'm a single mother. I need you to let me out of here." I swear in about twenty minutes, my name was called and the officer said they threw out my case. I never even saw a judge.
As for the healing, it came in just feeling the feelings.
I allowed myself to feel the utter injustice of it all, the horrible feeling of loss when you are treated like nothing, like your feelings don't matter at all. I cried like a baby and said over and over again to God, my therapist and anyone who would listen.
I MATTER. I MATTER. MY FEELINGS MATTER. I talked about how much it hurt that they (the people involved) couldn't see that I was in pain and couldn't understand that I had feelings like they did too. I said it would have been nice just to have someone acknowledge me and my hurt and stopped blaming me for their pain. It was then I realized that this is what I wanted from my family when I was a child. And it was then I realized just how incapable they were of giving it to me. And I cried and cried over what I went through then and what I was going through at the time.
I guess it's like cleaning a wound of an infection. The wound began to heal that very day.
I can't say I know for sure that I matter 100% but I know I'm not where I was.
Bones I'm still thinking of you and I hope anything I write here on this thread gives you some inspiration.
jac
Thanks, jac.
I'm starting to recognize the components of grieving for what I never got from my own family of origin and how these latest circumstances are so similar to that. Plus, I've always struggled with PTSD as long as I can remember since growing up in my family was like being trapped in a war zone. I'm still having trouble with nightmares which is why I'm online in the middle of the night.
Bones
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Hi Pb,
About this not being able to adjust post-school ... I think it had just as much to do with my own nature and inclination toward passivity/compliance as anything my parents did. My entire identity during those school days was in being a good student and a "good girl". I received college scholarships and chose a university as far from home as I could get for my first year of college. My parents drove me there, dropped me off, and then.. once again.. I realized that I was living my mother's dream, and not my own. (In fact, I had no dreams of my own and no hope of discovering any under the level of control she exerted within our little family.) She had always told me that her dad would not allow her to go away to school (this was circa 1944), so she'd not pursued higher ed at all, but instead she went to work at the draft board, where she met my dad as he returned from WWII. Anyhow, during that first year of college, I wrote to her my own miniature declaration of independence in which I stated categorically that I could not follow anyone's course but my own. We never discussed that letter, but I pursued my 2nd year of college at the local campus of a major university and although I lived at home, she quite effectively cut me off from any further support. If it was not to be her way, she was finished with me. The next thing I knew, she'd put our family home up for sale and had arranged a 2 bedroom apartment for my dad and her... with the clear understanding that the 2nd bedroom was to be used as her "sewing room". As far as I was concerned, I was thrown out into traffic on the autobahn... a 19 yo with the street sense of a 2 year old. When my mother is done with someone, she is done.
Hope
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Dear (((((((((((((((((((Bones,))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm with you as you melt the heaviness in your life.
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Hope, you didn't have a mother except in the biological sense. And she clearly didn't want a daughter, she wanted a clone. What a price we pay for health.
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Stormy, I think that she's just a person who believes that by marching stoicly through life she is proving her strength. To her, this approach assumes a higher moral ground than the stance of those who engage emotions and empathy. She'd likely never admit it, but I'm quite sure she thinks of me as her daughter in only the biological sense.
When I was 16, I subscribed to Psych Today magazine. Her response when my first issue arrived in the mail: She thought it was just awful, all these people digging back into their pasts and complaining about their parents. heh
Hope
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Hi Hope,
Remember my Maude story? Marching through life stoicly is only part of the story. You are/were chattel. Upon declaring yourself free, you became useless chattel. Nevertheless chattel. Hers! :( Your story could be my own.
teartracks
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jacmac
Thank you for your post about your time in jail. I have had a similar experience but what is so helpful to me is your declaration, "I MATTER!" and your recognition at that need going unmet in childhood. The voice screaming out, "I matter" has catapulted me into rage in the past at both significant and insignificant slights. I am so thankful to have foun release from that rage.
Now I fight a "feeling" that has begun to have some names like "worthless" and "inadequate". Feelings of impending doom which really came from impending (certain) criticism and belittlement over anything or nothing (just existing).
I am sorrow filled that I have brought these feelings with me, long away from my father and brothers. But I am presently thankful that I have begun to develope tactics to identify these feelings as false voices and I am working to replace these with empowering voices and thoughts such as "I MATTER".
Thanks for sharing that painful memory-
Gaining Strength
PS - can someone tell me how to use the "quote" function?
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This I'm happy to pass along as someone did for me.
You open your Reply, and scroll below to the part of someone's post you want to quote. Using click and drag, highlight. [edit] PASTE IT INTO YOUR REPLY, Then go up and hit the quote thingy (it looks like a cartoon "thought bubble"--2nd from the right on the lower row of format icons). That will "purple it" in your post.
Hops
ps--GS, sorry...screwed it up. See addition in caps, above...
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Hi Bones,
You've had an important insight, that grief and shock over your job loss have reverberations that go back to expressing grief not being allowed in your FOO.
Your nightmares are letting it out for you. That's painful, but I believe that's their purpose.
Is there anyone you feel very very safe with, who would let you talk and cry right now?
Hops
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Dear Jac,
Thank you for sharing the "rest of the story" re: God's provision for you. You've certainly inspired me and I know for sure that you matter to Him. I am still trying to come to terms with how much the Lord wants us to delve into our feelings as opposed to setting them aside and simply following Him in obedience. It's a constant struggle, I think, and one for which we're fully equipped as long as we're looking to Him for our strength.
Love,
Hope
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((((((((Teartracks))))))))
I really don't feel that my mother considers me chattel. I think that she simply never learned how to cope with anything that is outside of her realm of control. If she can't obsess or compulse over it in order to gain her desired results, she blocks it from her field of vision in order to relieve her own torment. This is what I think. How does it make me feel? Sorry for her. What's the alternative? To feel sorry for myself? I can't do that. I can't take this personally because I know how miserable this makes her within her own heart. She is not an unfeeling monster. She simply is not equipped and.... there, but for the grace of God, go I. Any good that is within me is nothing about which I can boast or hold as a standard for another, because it's not mine at all... it's all a gift from the Father of lights.
Love, Hope
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))0
How are you doing? You must have felt so terrible when you lost your job. How awful. I don't handle things like that at all well... I always assume it's my fault.
As an outsider, I can see that maybe this happened to pave the way for something else...
Take GS's advice and just put one foot in front of the other and make it one day at a time for now.
Love to you bones.
Beth
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Stormy, I think that she's just a person who believes that by marching stoicly through life she is proving her strength. To her, this approach assumes a higher moral ground than the stance of those who engage emotions and empathy. She'd likely never admit it, but I'm quite sure she thinks of me as her daughter in only the biological sense.
When I was 16, I subscribed to Psych Today magazine. Her response when my first issue arrived in the mail: She thought it was just awful, all these people digging back into their pasts and complaining about their parents. heh
Hope
Yes, that's almost always a dead giveaway. That business about 'not obsessing about the past' comes from people who lack the courage to face their own deeds.
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Stormy,
Can't argue with you there.
Love,
Hope
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BONES!!!!!!!!!!
VITAMIN D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=vitamin+D+depression&btnG=Google+Search
I take 800 IU daily, along with supplemental Ca-Mg-Zn [have just recently added the CaMgZn back in, because the Mg and Zn were triggering my ulcers, but they are improving.
I live at the same latitude you do, I know this because you mentioned the state you live in. I'm 51 and don't get out enough. Literally as well as figuratively :roll:
Please look at these articles, the scholarly ones and the ones by N.D.s - this might help you immensely; I know it has helped me, and I just posted the search link to Hops also.
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Jac,
I'm guessing that my dad feels the same way about a female living away from her parent's home. I think that in general, that's the "very old school" manner of thinking combined, in his case, with a very negative view of the role a woman plays in a man's downfall, beginning with Eve. :P
I understand what you're saying about looking into your heart and uncovering the root of feelings in order to pursue obedience with a willing heart. Thank you for that. I can also completely relate to the brick up side the head. I guess if we didn't have to work it through, we'd only be practicing an empty religion without the true change of heart. If that's the alternative, I'll take the feelings and the brick both.
Love,
Hope
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Dear (((((((((((((((((((Bones,))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm with you as you melt the heaviness in your life.
teartracks
Thanks, TearTracks.
Bones
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Hope, you didn't have a mother except in the biological sense. And she clearly didn't want a daughter, she wanted a clone. What a price we pay for health.
Hope,
Your Nmother sounds like my Nmother. In her mind, only one child existed in her world and that was my brother. She made it clear to me that she wanted to abort me. However, because I survived birth anyway, she tried to exert total, unquestioned control and attempted to force me to be a brainless extension of her or, barring that, throw me away into a mental institution or force me into prostitution. Needless to say, she did not succeed.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
You've had an important insight, that grief and shock over your job loss have reverberations that go back to expressing grief not being allowed in your FOO.
Your nightmares are letting it out for you. That's painful, but I believe that's their purpose.
Is there anyone you feel very very safe with, who would let you talk and cry right now?
Hops
I've been networking with some former colleagues who got "railroaded" similar to me by the same former employer. Now I'm starting to feel angry at the disservice plus a lot of other issues that are too numerous to elaborate on here.
Bones
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((((((((Bones)))))))) Your mother sounds to me like much more than NPD. I am so sorry.
I think perhaps my mother's deal was... she had a 2nd child (me) finally, 10 years after her 1st (my very Nish brother), to please my dad and also perhaps because my brother is not one to be molded into anyone's image. So I was her last ditch effort to recreate herself?
I don't know what she was trying to accomplish but like your mother.... she failed and I am thankful... for both you and me.
Love,
Hope
P.S. on edit... Bones, if you've said, I'm sorry... I don't recall... but do you still have contact with your mother?
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))0
How are you doing? You must have felt so terrible when you lost your job. How awful. I don't handle things like that at all well... I always assume it's my fault.
As an outsider, I can see that maybe this happened to pave the way for something else...
Take GS's advice and just put one foot in front of the other and make it one day at a time for now.
Love to you bones.
Beth
Thanks, Beth.
I've started networking with other former colleagues who experienced the same thing I did from the same employer. They gave me additional information, about how this employer is dysfunctional, that I did not know before (ex. my former supervisor does not even have a degree!! Therefore, he may have found my impending graduation with a masters threatening).
Bones
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BONES!!!!!!!!!!
VITAMIN D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=vitamin+D+depression&btnG=Google+Search
I take 800 IU daily, along with supplemental Ca-Mg-Zn [have just recently added the CaMgZn back in, because the Mg and Zn were triggering my ulcers, but they are improving.
I live at the same latitude you do, I know this because you mentioned the state you live in. I'm 51 and don't get out enough. Literally as well as figuratively :roll:
Please look at these articles, the scholarly ones and the ones by N.D.s - this might help you immensely; I know it has helped me, and I just posted the search link to Hops also.
Thanks, Stormchild.
I've been increasing my vitamins and trying to get outside now that the rain has finally stopped.
Bones
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Yea bones!!!!!!!!! I am glad you are feeling angry, because that means you are starting to heal and look at the situation in a new light!!!!!! Congrats to you!!!!!!!!
Love, Beth
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Hope,
Re: #60
I think what I described applies to my own Mom relationship. But I remember being hurt once when someone seem overly harsh and judgmental about her on the board. Please forgive me.
tt
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GS, I'm happy if anything I share inspires you. ((((((((((((((((((GS)))))))))))))))))
Hope, my own mother cut me off when I did not marry the first man who came sniffing but decided to move out of her home instead. She had emphatically told all of her daughters that no daughter of her's was going to live alone so that they could become the slut of the town (my mother was obsessed with sex and just thought all of her daughters lived and breathe to have it with any and everyone).
Since she warned us all that she would kill us (her daughters) if we dared move out to live on our own, she stopped speaking to me when I defied her and did just that, for like a year or so.
As for delving into feelings as opposed to just being obedient to God, I find that when I can experience my feelings and undertand why I feel the way I do and want to do the things that I do, I can then be obedient to God with a willing heart. I really dislike doing anything that I don't genuinely feel or want to do. If and when I don't want to do something God has commanded me to do, I ask Him to show me why. There has not been a time that I've asked God for understanding that He has not pointed me down the right path. He usually doesn't show me the answers though (although once or twice if I'm being really pigheaded he has, you know, sort of like in the form of a brick across the head :shock:) But most of the time He usually makes me work for it!!!
jac
Oh boy!!!! That sounds like what my Nmother did!!! When I moved out of the house to my first apartment, she told everyone in the family that I was doing nothing but whoring! And when I went to a family gathering, one of the in-laws attempted to make a pass at me based on my Nmother's lies. I never attended another family gathering after that...especially when the rest of the family of origin tried to use me as nothing more than a convenient free taxicab for their friends that were total strangers to me. When I said no to that demand, the other members of the family of origin cut me off.
Bones
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((((((((Bones)))))))) Your mother sounds to me like much more than NPD. I am so sorry.
I think perhaps my mother's deal was... she had a 2nd child (me) finally, 10 years after her 1st (my very Nish brother), to please my dad and also perhaps because my brother is not one to be molded into anyone's image. So I was her last ditch effort to recreate herself?
I don't know what she was trying to accomplish but like your mother.... she failed and I am thankful... for both you and me.
Love,
Hope
P.S. on edit... Bones, if you've said, I'm sorry... I don't recall... but do you still have contact with your mother?
FYI, My biological mother, who was not a mother in any sense of the word, died back in 1997. With the hell she put me through, all I can say about her is "good riddance"!
Bones
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Yea bones!!!!!!!!! I am glad you are feeling angry, because that means you are starting to heal and look at the situation in a new light!!!!!! Congrats to you!!!!!!!!
Love, Beth
Thanks, Beth.
Bones
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(((((((Tt)))))))) It's ok, I understand your meaning. I only want to be cautious not to lapse into hatred for my mother ... or even worse, I think, contempt. I have fought my internal battle against her, for the most part, and so discussions of things she's said and done or new realizations re: what she is don't seem to come attached with great lumps of pain. But you see, I still think of her in terms of "what" she is, and not "who", so I'm not there yet. Please understand that I took no offense at your words or at you, only struggling to maintain my own sense of balance. And Tt, I'm so sorry that your own mom gave you that feeling, as though you were a piece of property. You are a lovely soul.
Bones, thank you for the information re: your biological mother. I hope that you will be able to share more as you're able in order to reach a place of healing.
With much love,
Hope
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my Nmother and Nbrother...who repeated everyday that I was nothing but a worthless, retarded whore who belonged in a mental institution. I was told this since I was only four years old!
I'm so sorry that you had to grow up in such a place with such cruel and untrue words being spit at you like amunition. NO child should have to endure such abuse. I bet it was jealousy that drove their psycho behaviour.
I bet you show extra common sense and intelligence and have a natural ability to carry yourself as if you are worthy of respect. I bet you are attractive and very sane. I bet you have stuff that makes you likable and sweet and the nasty words were intended to destroy your inborn sweetness out of sheer and bitter resentment.
But those traits in you that they are so jealous of can't be destroyed, Bones. Not by vicious, mentally disturbed people or their sick words.
When I moved out of the house to my first apartment, she told everyone in the family that I was doing nothing but whoring! And when I went to a family gathering, one of the in-laws attempted to make a pass at me based on my Nmother's lies.
Same program, 20 or so years later eh? But they were not able to make their words come true! That pathetic attempt to discredit you failed. I'm so glad you have put distance between you and these people who need serious psychological attention.
My biological mother, who was not a mother in any sense of the word, died back in 1997. With the hell she put me through, all I can say about her is "good riddance"!
Your feelings are totally valid and understandable. Wow! 97 .....it'll soon be 10 years! That's a long time to carry those feelings around. I hope you have had other opportunities to express them? I hope so.
In time, Bones, hopefully, you will be able to let whatever feelings you have for your mother and her horendous behaviour.....go. Your feelings are valid and her behaviour was horendous. Still, I think you will probably need to let your feelings toward her (and your brother too) out and away.....totally release them. Only you can decide how long that will take. It's just that your feelings are not hurting her or him/them at all are they? And I guess you'll decide if they're doing you any good or not or if you need them any longer.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sela
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Hi,
Both Jac and Bones mentioned being called epithets like "slut" and "whore." So cruel.
I think many of us internalize those things, and belatedly, it has hit me that the women who are promiscuous, and the women who are prostitutes, are painfully acting out a script of survival. When I think of prostitutes or see documentaries they're in, I always stop and think: 9 times out of 10 (or more), these were sexually abused or beaten young girls who ran away from home out of desperation, and turned to tricking because they had no other thing to sell. What looks lurid and contemptuous of mores, and even the behaviors they've adopted, are the behaviors of abused children, rape survivors, incest survivors, abandonment survivors.
So when someone uses "whore" to insult a woman, I think, those prostitutes have just as much human value as any pious person, and I will not join you in thinking of them as less human.
Same for "slut". I've never known one who wasn't searching for some kind of love she needed and never found.
So defuse dem damn insults! They are our sisters. And little old round-heeled me could've invented a brand-new term for "easy" back a few decades ago.
Slut. Whore. Hmmppphh. These terms come from a lack of empathy, imo.
Chastely,
Hops
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(((((((Tt)))))))) It's ok, I understand your meaning. I only want to be cautious not to lapse into hatred for my mother ... or even worse, I think, contempt. I have fought my internal battle against her, for the most part, and so discussions of things she's said and done or new realizations re: what she is don't seem to come attached with great lumps of pain. But you see, I still think of her in terms of "what" she is, and not "who", so I'm not there yet. Please understand that I took no offense at your words or at you, only struggling to maintain my own sense of balance. And Tt, I'm so sorry that your own mom gave you that feeling, as though you were a piece of property. You are a lovely soul.
Bones, thank you for the information re: your biological mother. I hope that you will be able to share more as you're able in order to reach a place of healing.
With much love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
-
my Nmother and Nbrother...who repeated everyday that I was nothing but a worthless, retarded whore who belonged in a mental institution. I was told this since I was only four years old!
I'm so sorry that you had to grow up in such a place with such cruel and untrue words being spit at you like amunition. NO child should have to endure such abuse. I bet it was jealousy that drove their psycho behaviour.
I bet you show extra common sense and intelligence and have a natural ability to carry yourself as if you are worthy of respect. I bet you are attractive and very sane. I bet you have stuff that makes you likable and sweet and the nasty words were intended to destroy your inborn sweetness out of sheer and bitter resentment.
But those traits in you that they are so jealous of can't be destroyed, Bones. Not by vicious, mentally disturbed people or their sick words.
When I moved out of the house to my first apartment, she told everyone in the family that I was doing nothing but whoring! And when I went to a family gathering, one of the in-laws attempted to make a pass at me based on my Nmother's lies.
Same program, 20 or so years later eh? But they were not able to make their words come true! That pathetic attempt to discredit you failed. I'm so glad you have put distance between you and these people who need serious psychological attention.
My biological mother, who was not a mother in any sense of the word, died back in 1997. With the hell she put me through, all I can say about her is "good riddance"!
Your feelings are totally valid and understandable. Wow! 97 .....it'll soon be 10 years! That's a long time to carry those feelings around. I hope you have had other opportunities to express them? I hope so.
In time, Bones, hopefully, you will be able to let whatever feelings you have for your mother and her horendous behaviour.....go. Your feelings are valid and her behaviour was horendous. Still, I think you will probably need to let your feelings toward her (and your brother too) out and away.....totally release them. Only you can decide how long that will take. It's just that your feelings are not hurting her or him/them at all are they? And I guess you'll decide if they're doing you any good or not or if you need them any longer.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sela
Thanks, Sela.
Bones
-
Hi,
Both Jac and Bones mentioned being called epithets like "slut" and "whore." So cruel.
I think many of us internalize those things, and belatedly, it has hit me that the women who are promiscuous, and the women who are prostitutes, are painfully acting out a script of survival. When I think of prostitutes or see documentaries they're in, I always stop and think: 9 times out of 10 (or more), these were sexually abused or beaten young girls who ran away from home out of desperation, and turned to tricking because they had no other thing to sell. What looks lurid and contemptuous of mores, and even the behaviors they've adopted, are the behaviors of abused children, rape survivors, incest survivors, abandonment survivors.
So when someone uses "whore" to insult a woman, I think, those prostitutes have just as much human value as any pious person, and I will not join you in thinking of them as less human.
Same for "slut". I've never known one who wasn't searching for some kind of love she needed and never found.
So defuse dem damn insults! They are our sisters. And little old round-heeled me could've invented a brand-new term for "easy" back a few decades ago.
Slut. Whore. Hmmppphh. These terms come from a lack of empathy, imo.
Chastely,
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Bones
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Dear ((((((Bones)))))),
In the story of your life, there are many chapters to be written. I'm betting that not to far down the road you will soar and things will level out and you'll write to us about it right here. I'm standing with you believing!
teartracks
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Aw Bones, you're welcome!
I hope things start going better for you from now on. A new more rewarding/enjoyable job, maybe. A boss that appreciates your talents and contributions too! Wouldn't that be lovely?
Sela
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Dear ((((((Bones)))))),
In the story of your life, there are many chapters to be written. I'm betting that not to far down the road you will soar and things will level out and you'll write to us about it right here. I'm standing with you believing!
teartracks
Thanks, TearTracks.
Right now, I'm still exploring what options might be available while analyzing the situation that occurred. One of my former colleagues suggested to me that I write down as many incidents that occurred to the best of my recollection. As I did so, I started realizing that there was a pattern here and that it was so wrong...not just from a personal point of view but ethically and legally as well. I'm trying to address that aspect one step at a time.
Bones
-
Aw Bones, you're welcome!
I hope things start going better for you from now on. A new more rewarding/enjoyable job, maybe. A boss that appreciates your talents and contributions too! Wouldn't that be lovely?
Sela
I'm beginning to realize that I deserve that!
Bones
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How are you sleeping Bones? You are in my thoughts each and every day. Are you beginning to take care of yourself - eating, exercising? Sounds like you are emerging from th shock stage and able to begin to analyze. Keep vigilant over caring for yourself as you begin to get back on you feet.
Yours - Gaining Strength
-
Hi Bones ,
I hope you are doing better today and You deserve all the things your heart desires.
Some days are more of a struggle than others .
So be kind to yourself I am sending you lots of love.
MoonLight
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How are you sleeping Bones? You are in my thoughts each and every day. Are you beginning to take care of yourself - eating, exercising? Sounds like you are emerging from th shock stage and able to begin to analyze. Keep vigilant over caring for yourself as you begin to get back on you feet.
Yours - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
My sleep patterns are still being disruptive. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this morning. I made it a point to go over to the fitness room and use the treadmill and the weight equipment for about half an hour. Then I went to the grocery store to get some fresh fruit and vegetables. To my amazement, while I was gone, my former employer tried to call me and all the negative feelings came rushing back when I saw the number on the Caller ID. I have no desire to talk to them, especially since I already contacted, via e-mail, the state agency that allows the facility to stay open and told them what I had been observing for over a year. The state agency is NOT happy with this facility because they violated many state regulations. I think things might get interesting between the state agency and the facility.
Bones
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Hi Bones ,
I hope you are doing better today and You deserve all the things your heart desires.
Some days are more of a struggle than others .
So be kind to yourself I am sending you lots of love.
MoonLight
Thanks, Moonlight.
Bones
-
I made it a point to go over to the fitness room and use the treadmill and the weight equipment for about half an hour. Then I went to the grocery store to get some fresh fruit and vegetables.
GOOD FOR YOU BONES!!!!! I am sooooo proud of you for taking care of yourself. It is so important and very difficult. The rest will come. You go!
Yours - GS
-
Dear Bones,
I believe that your sleep patterns will settle down as you continue to pursue this healthy eating and exercise... those are such wonderful, positive steps toward sound health! Congratulations and please know that I am always cheering for you, and praying for you, from my corner of the world. It's always good to hear from you.
Love,
Hope
-
I made it a point to go over to the fitness room and use the treadmill and the weight equipment for about half an hour. Then I went to the grocery store to get some fresh fruit and vegetables.
GOOD FOR YOU BONES!!!!! I am sooooo proud of you for taking care of yourself. It is so important and very difficult. The rest will come. You go!
Yours - GS
Thanks GS. I'm still trying to do the next right thing, one day at a time.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I believe that your sleep patterns will settle down as you continue to pursue this healthy eating and exercise... those are such wonderful, positive steps toward sound health! Congratulations and please know that I am always cheering for you, and praying for you, from my corner of the world. It's always good to hear from you.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
-
That's it Bones - one day, one step at a time. Keep your focus on the next step. Don't look back - not yet. No need to reflect yet. Wait until you get your sea legs back. I'm going to try to take my own advice.
Yours - Gaining Strength
-
Hmm Bones,
It seems based on your call pretty clear why you boss is trying to contact you. I think it's great that you did not speak to them and have no desire to - it sounds to me like you're taking good care of yourself. About your sleep patterns - exercise is really great, if only because you'll be so tired sleeping is easier to come by.
((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))
I'm also praying and wishing the best for you as well!
I hope your ex-employers get the wake up call they need!!!
Jac
Thanks, Jac.
I think it will be interesting to see what the licensing Board does next. I just spoke with the certification coordinator a few minutes ago and she told me that my letter has been given to her administrator. The next scheduled meeting, to discuss my letter, will take place on the third Thursday of this month. In the meantime, she advised me to keep doing what I had been doing all along such as focusing on school, etc.
Bones
-
That's it Bones - one day, one step at a time. Keep your focus on the next step. Don't look back - not yet. No need to reflect yet. Wait until you get your sea legs back. I'm going to try to take my own advice.
Yours - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Bones
-
Hmm Bones,
It seems based on your call pretty clear why you boss is trying to contact you. I think it's great that you did not speak to them and have no desire to - it sounds to me like you're taking good care of yourself. About your sleep patterns - exercise is really great, if only because you'll be so tired sleeping is easier to come by.
((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))
I'm also praying and wishing the best for you as well!
I hope your ex-employers get the wake up call they need!!!
Jac
Thanks, Jac.
I think it will be interesting to see what the licensing Board does next. I just spoke with the certification coordinator a few minutes ago and she told me that my letter has been given to her administrator. The next scheduled meeting, to discuss my letter, will take place on the third Thursday of this month. In the meantime, she advised me to keep doing what I had been doing all along such as focusing on school, etc.
Bones
Correction. The meeting will take place the third Friday of the month, which is next week. I'll need to wait to hear back from them. I just don't know what to expect they will do.
Bones
-
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You are so strong!!!!!!! Brava, girl!!!!!
Beth
-
Hey Bones:
I just don't know what to expect they will do.
Such a feeling is actually fear of the unknown eh? When faced with this, I try to think of the best possible thing they might do, and hope for it, plus I consider the worst possible thing they might do, and accept it and plan for it, and it usually ends up somewhere in the middle is what actually happens. Maybe that would be a way to help ease your fear a little?
Sela
-
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You are so strong!!!!!!! Brava, girl!!!!!
Beth
Thanks, Beth.
Bones
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Hey Bones:
I just don't know what to expect they will do.
Such a feeling is actually fear of the unknown eh? When faced with this, I try to think of the best possible thing they might do, and hope for it, plus I consider the worst possible thing they might do, and accept it and plan for it, and it usually ends up somewhere in the middle is what actually happens. Maybe that would be a way to help ease your fear a little?
Sela
My concern is that they may get nothing more than a slap on the wrist, the status quo is maintained, and the clients get the worst end of the stick.
Bones
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Bones - for now keep your focus on healing. That nightmare is out of your hands. Let it go as best you can. It is toxic contamination. Keep cleansing yoursel from that poison. They have already damaged you enough. Now you are free from the daily ingestion of toxins.
I know you are concerned about how they are poisoning those who need help but right now you are not able to efect a change there. Focus on healing so that when you are whole you can contribute fully.
Yours - Gaining Strenth
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Bones - did they fire you because they thought you were blowing the whistle? Because if they did, you may have one heck of a lawsuit against them.
If you blew the whistle about fraud of any kind involving the government - Medicare? Medicaid? you may also have one heck of a lawsuit under qui tam provisions.
http://www.workplacefairness.org/falseclaimsact
http://www.allaboutquitam.org/
http://www.whistleblowerfirm.com/faq.html
http://www.quitam.com/barg2.html
http://www.weitzlux.com/quitamlawsuit/protectionagainstretaliation_339407.html
Here's the money quote - quite literally:
"The False Claims Act stipulates that whistleblowers be rewarded with a percentage of the money that the government recovers as a result of their qui tam lawsuits. This provision helps encourage people to assist the government in stopping Medicare fraud, defense fraud and other kinds of fraud despite the effect whistleblowing might have on their jobs and personal lives.
Under the False Claims Act the government may recover up to three times the amount of money it lost as a result of the defendant's fraud. The relator's share is calculated based upon the amount the government recovers, not the actual losses.
A number of factors determine how much money a whistleblower (or "relator") will receive if the government is able to recover money from the defendant. If the government joins the case, the relator is entitled to at least 15 percent but not more than 25 percent of what the government recovers. If the government declines to join the case and the relator proceeds against the defendant anyway, the relator is entitled to at least 25 percent but not more than 30 percent of the money the government recovers.
In cases that do settle before trial, the settlement is typically less than three times the loss. After all, if the government demands that the defendant pay the maximum possible amount, the defendant might as well take a chance and go to trial. If you have a good case, you should expect that it will settle for something less than triple the amount of the government's losses."
Now, I am not saying you should do this, but I am saying - you may have recourse that you are unaware of, and they may well be on the ropes and not even know it. You might benefit from discussing the situation with a qui tam lawyer; they will often take these cases on contingency, when they're clearcut enough, and you might find that your former employer pays your pension in a way neither of you anticipated.
Edit in -- if nothing else, consider how empowering it may be simply to discover that you are not, in fact, utterly at the mercy of the merciless in this situation!
-
Bones - for now keep your focus on healing. That nightmare is out of your hands. Let it go as best you can. It is toxic contamination. Keep cleansing yoursel from that poison. They have already damaged you enough. Now you are free from the daily ingestion of toxins.
I know you are concerned about how they are poisoning those who need help but right now you are not able to efect a change there. Focus on healing so that when you are whole you can contribute fully.
Yours - Gaining Strenth
Thanks, GS.
Since I was dismissed, I applied for unemployment. I just got a letter regarding a telephone appointment with the Unemployment Insurance people scheduling a conference call with me on Tuesday morning with my former employer where they will challenge my right to apply for unemployment.
Bones
-
Bones - did they fire you because they thought you were blowing the whistle? Because if they did, you may have one heck of a lawsuit against them.
If you blew the whistle about fraud of any kind involving the government - Medicare? Medicaid? you may also have one heck of a lawsuit under qui tam provisions.
http://www.workplacefairness.org/falseclaimsact
http://www.allaboutquitam.org/
http://www.whistleblowerfirm.com/faq.html
http://www.quitam.com/barg2.html
http://www.weitzlux.com/quitamlawsuit/protectionagainstretaliation_339407.html
Here's the money quote - quite literally:
"The False Claims Act stipulates that whistleblowers be rewarded with a percentage of the money that the government recovers as a result of their qui tam lawsuits. This provision helps encourage people to assist the government in stopping Medicare fraud, defense fraud and other kinds of fraud despite the effect whistleblowing might have on their jobs and personal lives.
Under the False Claims Act the government may recover up to three times the amount of money it lost as a result of the defendant's fraud. The relator's share is calculated based upon the amount the government recovers, not the actual losses.
A number of factors determine how much money a whistleblower (or "relator") will receive if the government is able to recover money from the defendant. If the government joins the case, the relator is entitled to at least 15 percent but not more than 25 percent of what the government recovers. If the government declines to join the case and the relator proceeds against the defendant anyway, the relator is entitled to at least 25 percent but not more than 30 percent of the money the government recovers.
In cases that do settle before trial, the settlement is typically less than three times the loss. After all, if the government demands that the defendant pay the maximum possible amount, the defendant might as well take a chance and go to trial. If you have a good case, you should expect that it will settle for something less than triple the amount of the government's losses."
Now, I am not saying you should do this, but I am saying - you may have recourse that you are unaware of, and they may well be on the ropes and not even know it. You might benefit from discussing the situation with a qui tam lawyer; they will often take these cases on contingency, when they're clearcut enough, and you might find that your former employer pays your pension in a way neither of you anticipated.
Edit in -- if nothing else, consider how empowering it may be simply to discover that you are not, in fact, utterly at the mercy of the merciless in this situation!
At the time of my dismissal, I hadn't blown the whistle yet. I contacted the licensing board after my dismissal to ask questions regarding several concerns I have. When I started describing my experiences, as a trainee, the board rep had a fit! She was the one who advised me to write down as much as I could recollect and send it to her, which I have already done. The rest is up to the state I reside in.
Bones
-
Thanks for the clarification, Bones.
Based on what I see you saying, it's quite possible that you asked enough pertinent and probing questions during your training that you were considered a 'bad risk' and were pre-emptively dismissed - because they could tell you WOULD blow the whistle, if you knew enough!
I have seen this happen, in a different professional arena. I've also been hounded out of jobs because I saw things and wouldn't let them lie. It does sound as though you have some standing re qui tam, I do hope you will be kept informed of what the state board decides to do.
Good luck. I also hope you can see that you have done nothing wrong; you were, in all likelihood, punished for wanting to do things RIGHT.
-
Thanks for the clarification, Bones.
Based on what I see you saying, it's quite possible that you asked enough pertinent and probing questions during your training that you were considered a 'bad risk' and were pre-emptively dismissed - because they could tell you WOULD blow the whistle, if you knew enough!
I have seen this happen, in a different professional arena. I've also been hounded out of jobs because I saw things and wouldn't let them lie. It does sound as though you have some standing re qui tam, I do hope you will be kept informed of what the state board decides to do.
Good luck. I also hope you can see that you have done nothing wrong; you were, in all likelihood, punished for wanting to do things RIGHT.
That sounds like an accurate description: being "punished for wanting to do things RIGHT". It's a sad state of affairs. My emotions are still going all over the place.
Bones
-
support services link - may be helpful - I've come close to contacting these people myself:
http://www.soeken.lawsonline.net/
-
support services link - may be helpful - I've come close to contacting these people myself:
http://www.soeken.lawsonline.net/
Thanks, Stormchild.
I just got an e-mail from the Board Certification Coordinator who referred me to the Office of Health Care Quality. I'm not quite sure how I should interpret that type of response. I just hope I'm not going to be simply bounced around by apathetic bureaucrats.
Bones
-
Bones
Take care of yourself while you pursue this. If you contact Office of Health Care Quality, do it because it feels empowering to make the contact.
I just hope I'm not going to be simply bounced around by apathetic bureaucrats.
That seems like a legitimate concern. Take strength in your willingness to act. Don't base your sense of accomplishment on their response.
Take care - Gaining Strength
-
Bones
Take care of yourself while you pursue this. If you contact Office of Health Care Quality, do it because it feels empowering to make the contact.
I just hope I'm not going to be simply bounced around by apathetic bureaucrats.
That seems like a legitimate concern. Take strength in your willingness to act. Don't base your sense of accomplishment on their response.
Take care - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
I called the Office of Health Care Quality earlier this afternoon and got the person's voice-mail. I left a message but I don't know how long it will take for her to get back to me. I'm also trying to figure out how to get a copy of my letter to her so we have a common point of reference to discuss.
At the same time, I still feel physically and emotionally drained while trying to take care of myself.
Bones
-
OHCQ might be their 'cops' branch, Bones. The names they cook up for these governmental things often don't reflect what the different things actually do.
They'd probably be willing to FAX you a copy of your letter back - if you have a Kinkos or a Parcel Plus or a UPS store or a Mailboxes etc. nearby you can receive FAXes there, they do keep them confidential. You pay, but if you don't have a fax at home, it's one solution.
-
OHCQ might be their 'cops' branch, Bones. The names they cook up for these governmental things often don't reflect what the different things actually do.
They'd probably be willing to FAX you a copy of your letter back - if you have a Kinkos or a Parcel Plus or a UPS store or a Mailboxes etc. nearby you can receive FAXes there, they do keep them confidential. You pay, but if you don't have a fax at home, it's one solution.
I still have my letter saved in my computer and I was able to find the e-mail address of the contact person at OHCQ. Therefore, I went ahead and e-mailed her a copy of the letter that I e-mailed to the Board. She still has not responded yet.
The Unemployment people called me this morning and asked me a LOT of questions. They told me to expect an additional call on the afternoon of September 14th. The stress of all of this has caused an abcess to let loose in one of my teeth and I can't afford a root canal at this time. Dentists want a lump sum payment up front before they will submit the procedure to my dental insurance for payment....dental insurance that I'm paying out of my own pocket. Urg!
Bones
-
Back to basics on caring for yourself Bones. Stress can wreak havoc on your health. Exercise, eating well and sleep can boost your immune system which you need to help fight that abcess. You can't completely extricate yourself from the stress you are in but minimalize it where you can. Thinking of you with love and kindness - Gaining Strength
-
Dear Bones,
Big hugs to you. I echo what Gaining Strength has said... and one small suggestion ~ perhaps a family doc would prescribe antibiotics to treat the infection and prevent it from spreading. Keeping you in prayer,
Hope
-
Bones,
It is uplifting to read along here and see how you've started punching your way through all the misery caused from losing your job. Things are sounding better and better aren't they? I know jumping through all the hoops to right what is wrong is no fun, but just for you, I'm sending some cute little scissors to cut through all that red tape! Good show! On your side...
teartracks
PS Yes, go to the doctor and get that antibiotic for the aching tooth.
-
(((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
I know this is a really hard thing to be going through. You really are doing a great job. My hope for you is that along the way some of these people at the agency, or even only one of them, surprises you and shows understanding and validates what you've gone through. I bet they have seen abusive work situations many times and understand that often the person in your position is the wronged one. You never know, they might be biased toward you!
Just one step at a time and keep on taking the best care of yourself possible, just like the others have been saying. I truly believe it will turn out well in the end.
Love, Pennyplant
-
Bones: re that abscess:
1. Dental school. They run clinics.
2. Google amoxicillin metronidazole dental infection - and see if you can get a dentist or your physician to call in a scrip for you. Unfortunately once a tooth is abscessed it normally will need a root canal but you can keep the problem from escalating further with ABs.
There's a guy at U Mich dental school who advocates metronidazole because it kills anaerobes... the amox takes out the aerobes.
Once you're done with the antibiotics, kefir and yogurt can re-establish your intestinal flora if you don't want to spend $ on probiotics.
Been there, done that, got the root canal - and took the metronidazole and amox, and it made a world of difference,
Stormy
-
((((((((((((((((((((((((bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Oh no, not tooth problems on top of everything. I HATE going to the dentist. Would rather have a pap smear every day than go to the dentist once every six moths. Ugh.
As always, stormy has great ideas.
Take care of yourself. What will this all matter in 5 years' time? It will be a memory, perhaps an annoying one. I try to look at some future point "out of the hole" as it were. You are kind of in the part of it where you grab the rock to climb out of the hole and slip back down over and over :) Soon you'll catch the rock and grab on to a higher one.
Love, Beth
-
Gratitude
What will this all matter in 5 years' time? It will be a memory, perhaps an annoying one. I try to look at some future point "out of the hole" as it were.
A great way to put some difficulties in perspective. Thanks for this tool. I will use it often. - yours, GS
-
If I can give you one tool to use, I feel happy. I sure have been borrowing a lot of tools here lately :) And yours have been some good ones, GS.
-
Back to basics on caring for yourself Bones. Stress can wreak havoc on your health. Exercise, eating well and sleep can boost your immune system which you need to help fight that abcess. You can't completely extricate yourself from the stress you are in but minimalize it where you can. Thinking of you with love and kindness - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
I'm trying the best I can in spite of insomnia right now.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
Big hugs to you. I echo what Gaining Strength has said... and one small suggestion ~ perhaps a family doc would prescribe antibiotics to treat the infection and prevent it from spreading. Keeping you in prayer,
Hope
The way the abcess feels now, I think I'm going to have to have the root canal anyway. I decided to contact a dental referral service to see if they could find me a dentist who is willing to work with my financial circumstances. I've been given a referral and I have my first appointment in the morning.
Bones
-
Bones,
It is uplifting to read along here and see how you've started punching your way through all the misery caused from losing your job. Things are sounding better and better aren't they? I know jumping through all the hoops to right what is wrong is no fun, but just for you, I'm sending some cute little scissors to cut through all that red tape! Good show! On your side...
teartracks
PS Yes, go to the doctor and get that antibiotic for the aching tooth.
Thanks, TT, Hope and GS.
I'm working on that even as we speak.
Bones
-
(((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
I know this is a really hard thing to be going through. You really are doing a great job. My hope for you is that along the way some of these people at the agency, or even only one of them, surprises you and shows understanding and validates what you've gone through. I bet they have seen abusive work situations many times and understand that often the person in your position is the wronged one. You never know, they might be biased toward you!
Just one step at a time and keep on taking the best care of yourself possible, just like the others have been saying. I truly believe it will turn out well in the end.
Love, Pennyplant
Thanks, Pennyplant.
Bones
-
Bones: re that abscess:
1. Dental school. They run clinics.
2. Google amoxicillin metronidazole dental infection - and see if you can get a dentist or your physician to call in a scrip for you. Unfortunately once a tooth is abscessed it normally will need a root canal but you can keep the problem from escalating further with ABs.
There's a guy at U Mich dental school who advocates metronidazole because it kills anaerobes... the amox takes out the aerobes.
Once you're done with the antibiotics, kefir and yogurt can re-establish your intestinal flora if you don't want to spend $ on probiotics.
Been there, done that, got the root canal - and took the metronidazole and amox, and it made a world of difference,
Stormy
Thanks, Stormy.
I've taken amox before and for some reason, my body no longer responds to it, even though I've taken it as directed and finished the prescription. I'm wondering if the bacteria have developed a resistance to it? I've had amox given to me several times in the past for a variety of infections and followed directions every time so I'm not quite sure what to think.
Bones
-
((((((((((((((((((((((((bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Oh no, not tooth problems on top of everything. I HATE going to the dentist. Would rather have a pap smear every day than go to the dentist once every six moths. Ugh.
As always, stormy has great ideas.
Take care of yourself. What will this all matter in 5 years' time? It will be a memory, perhaps an annoying one. I try to look at some future point "out of the hole" as it were. You are kind of in the part of it where you grab the rock to climb out of the hole and slip back down over and over :) Soon you'll catch the rock and grab on to a higher one.
Love, Beth
Thanks, Beth.
Bones
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Hello Bones ,
This is such a rough patch.But I know there is light at the end of the tunnel .
What I have been doing is picturing in my mind (like a meditation) just seeing you soon very soon coming though all this hard stuff.
I am sure you will be finding all the stability in your life and all the dentistry care you need.
We are all wanting all that is good and comforting for you.Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bones take deep breaths and hold on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rough stuff will not last forever.You will see................
Have faith and hang in there because we care very much.
love and hugs xoxoxo
moon
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Dear Bones,
Ditto everything that Moon said here ... you are often on my heart. Please let us know how your dental appt. goes.
Love,
Hope
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Maybe your dentist will be cute like my son's :)
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LOL Gratitude!
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Hello Bones ,
This is such a rough patch.But I know there is light at the end of the tunnel .
What I have been doing is picturing in my mind (like a meditation) just seeing you soon very soon coming though all this hard stuff.
I am sure you will be finding all the stability in your life and all the dentistry care you need.
We are all wanting all that is good and comforting for you.Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bones take deep breaths and hold on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rough stuff will not last forever.You will see................
Have faith and hang in there because we care very much.
love and hugs xoxoxo
moon
Thanks, Moon.
I just had my first appointment today with the new dentist and she put me on antibiotics. My root canal is scheduled for next week and I've also been informed that my broken tooth will have to be extracted because it is also developing an infection. I also need to have a lot of other work done to repair the damage in my mouth to the tune of about $5,000!!!! I'm trying to deal with one problem at a time.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Ditto everything that Moon said here ... you are often on my heart. Please let us know how your dental appt. goes.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I just told Moon what happened.
Bones
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Maybe your dentist will be cute like my son's :)
The entire staff that saw me today were all female. The head dentist, who I think is male, was out today.
Bones
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Bones
I don't know how you will get through this dental trouble but I am believing in a miracle for you. It reminds me of someone from New Orleans who came with her extended family to live here last year. She had developed a series of severe dental problems like you are describing. She also had diabetes and so the infections were especially dangerous. No insurance, no contacts, many problems. And amazingly, step by step we found care for her. I do understand that people opened doors for Katrina victims in a very special way but it was still a miracle. I'm hoping for those miracles for you.
Your friend - Gaining Strength
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bones,
I am praying you will get it taken care of a step at a time too! Take care and take it easy and feel better!
((((((((((((bones)))))))))))))
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Dear Bones,
Congratulations on taking another step forward on the road to recovery. I'm with Gaining Strength in believing in miracles. They're all around us, small and great, once we open our eyes to see.
Wishing you the very best.
Hope
-
Bones
I don't know how you will get through this dental trouble but I am believing in a miracle for you. It reminds me of someone from New Orleans who came with her extended family to live here last year. She had developed a series of severe dental problems like you are describing. She also had diabetes and so the infections were especially dangerous. No insurance, no contacts, many problems. And amazingly, step by step we found care for her. I do understand that people opened doors for Katrina victims in a very special way but it was still a miracle. I'm hoping for those miracles for you.
Your friend - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
I'm hoping for something to get me out of this financial hole that is getting deeper.
Bones
-
bones,
I am praying you will get it taken care of a step at a time too! Take care and take it easy and feel better!
((((((((((((bones)))))))))))))
Thanks, Gratitude.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Congratulations on taking another step forward on the road to recovery. I'm with Gaining Strength in believing in miracles. They're all around us, small and great, once we open our eyes to see.
Wishing you the very best.
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I'm having a rough day today.
Bones
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Bones,
I'm right there with you.
I'm hoping for something to get me out of this financial hole that is getting deeper.
I'm in so deep that I so no way out but that is where I simply am having faith that opening my eyes and heart will shine a light on solutions.
I'm having a rough day today.
I'm sorry. I hate that for you. - your friend Gaining Strength
-
Bones,
I'm right there with you.
I'm hoping for something to get me out of this financial hole that is getting deeper.
I'm in so deep that I so no way out but that is where I simply am having faith that opening my eyes and heart will shine a light on solutions.
I'm having a rough day today.
I'm sorry. I hate that for you. - your friend Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Bones
-
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
I hope that today will be much better for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Hope
-
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
I hope that today will be much better for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Hope
I've been resting today and taking my antibiotics. I can't really chew so I haven't eaten anything. I asked my boyfriend if he could bring me some baby food so I can get some nourishment in me but I have to wait and see what he will do. It feels like he's not taking much of this seriously which makes me wonder about him. The rest of the time I have been isolating because all the negative stuff I've heard growing up keeps coming back over and over again. I tried to take this negative stuff to a psychiatrist once and his response was, and I quote, that I "needed a man and that would solve all my problems". That finally convinced me that the psychiatrist was an idiot and I fired him. This same idiot told me, at the beginning of psychotherapy, that he would "control my addiction for me" when he attempted to prescribe benzodiazepines and I told him no because I have a history of addiction to the stuff. (That should have been a red flag right there.) I'm wrestling with the messages I got growing up: "Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel". I still feel like I want to hide.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Simple broth would be good too, maybe.
Re: boyfriend... I'm not sure whether the male of the species ever takes the female's health needs too seriously unless those requirements directly impact him. I would recommend making sure he knows that he will indeed be impacted. :shock:
((((((((Bones))))))))) Please consider taking yourself out of isolation. It's so good to have some positive stuff to counter-effect all that negativity playing on those tapes in your head. Any shrink who thinks a woman just needs to "get some" has been reading too much Freud, imo. Good sense you used in firing the idiot!! Oh, sheesh, Bones, you have had a time of it. I am just praying that this current season of trials is very short and very educational, because it's time to turn the page. You can peek out of your hiding spot whenever you have the energy and strength and find us right here waiting with open arms. I hope you know that.
Much love,
Hope
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I've been resting today and taking my antibiotics. I can't really chew so I haven't eaten anything. I asked my boyfriend if he could bring me some baby food so I can get some nourishment in me but I have to wait and see what he will do. It feels like he's not taking much of this seriously which makes me wonder about him. ...
Bones
Mashed potatoes with butter
Cottage cheese
cream of rice, it's instant, just add boiling water and stir, add milk or cream and let it cool some, especially if you're heat sensitive right now
pudding, and ice cream if you're not cold sensitive.
other instant cereals - oatmeal is especially good for the bones and heart
and don't forget Ensure, there are supermarket and drugstore varieties that are just as good for you and taste better. Rite Aid's vanilla version, in coffee, tastes like Bailey's I swear.
I lived for about six weeks on this stuff mostly, because of the ulcers rather than my own tooth trouble - you can manage if you take vitamins, for several weeks if you need to. Cream of rice has kept old folks in China alive when they have lost all their teeth, generation after generation, for centuries, it's called 'congee' there.
I did gain weight... but that can be controlled and reversed. And if you have lost weight recently, this may be just what you need. The food, not the pain...
I'm very glad they have you on antibiotics. What did they give you, if you don't mind talking about it?
-
Bones -
You have good radar.
I tried to take this negative stuff to a psychiatrist once and his response was, and I quote, that I "needed a man and that would solve all my problems". That finally convinced me that the psychiatrist was an idiot and I fired him.
Put "good radar" on your list of assets. Do make a list of assets. Add to it daily and read it daily. This will really help build your self esteem. Always a good thing when you've been knocked hard.
Your friend - Gaining Strength
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Dear Bones,
Simple broth would be good too, maybe.
Re: boyfriend... I'm not sure whether the male of the species ever takes the female's health needs too seriously unless those requirements directly impact him. I would recommend making sure he knows that he will indeed be impacted. :shock:
((((((((Bones))))))))) Please consider taking yourself out of isolation. It's so good to have some positive stuff to counter-effect all that negativity playing on those tapes in your head. Any shrink who thinks a woman just needs to "get some" has been reading too much Freud, imo. Good sense you used in firing the idiot!! Oh, sheesh, Bones, you have had a time of it. I am just praying that this current season of trials is very short and very educational, because it's time to turn the page. You can peek out of your hiding spot whenever you have the energy and strength and find us right here waiting with open arms. I hope you know that.
Much love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
The boyfriend shows up, after 9:00 p.m., knowing full well that I have not been able to eat or go out anywhere for at least a day and a half due to the infection I am battling. And what does he bring? ONE BANANA and an act of "Ain't I cute and funny?!?!?" Between the pain and the fever I was in no mood for shenanigans and I cranked out at him. As for the male species being a hunter, gatherer, provider...he ain't! I tried explaining that after not being able to eat for about 36-48 hours, one banana doesn't cut it...especially since it's difficult to chew with an infection. He don't get it! All I got was the "deer in the headlights" look with a verbal response of "Huh?"
I'm still not sleeping well. Part of that is the infection and the other part the depression. I had a nightmare wake me up where I dreamt I was being attacked again. This time, in the dream, I fought back with everything....including biting! I'm sure the tooth infection influenced that aspect of it.
Bones
-
I've been resting today and taking my antibiotics. I can't really chew so I haven't eaten anything. I asked my boyfriend if he could bring me some baby food so I can get some nourishment in me but I have to wait and see what he will do. It feels like he's not taking much of this seriously which makes me wonder about him. ...
Bones
Mashed potatoes with butter
Cottage cheese
cream of rice, it's instant, just add boiling water and stir, add milk or cream and let it cool some, especially if you're heat sensitive right now
pudding, and ice cream if you're not cold sensitive.
other instant cereals - oatmeal is especially good for the bones and heart
and don't forget Ensure, there are supermarket and drugstore varieties that are just as good for you and taste better. Rite Aid's vanilla version, in coffee, tastes like Bailey's I swear.
I lived for about six weeks on this stuff mostly, because of the ulcers rather than my own tooth trouble - you can manage if you take vitamins, for several weeks if you need to. Cream of rice has kept old folks in China alive when they have lost all their teeth, generation after generation, for centuries, it's called 'congee' there.
I did gain weight... but that can be controlled and reversed. And if you have lost weight recently, this may be just what you need. The food, not the pain...
I'm very glad they have you on antibiotics. What did they give you, if you don't mind talking about it?
Thanks, Stormchild.
I'm taking one of the 'mycin type of antibiotics....two capsules four times a day. I'm also feeling feverish which may be a sign that my body's defenses is finally kicking in and fighting the infection. Feeling like this makes me not want to go shopping for anything. Boyfriend brings me pistachio ice cream with nuts in it...after telling him that chewing is painful! He don't get it!
Bones
-
Bones -
You have good radar.
I tried to take this negative stuff to a psychiatrist once and his response was, and I quote, that I "needed a man and that would solve all my problems". That finally convinced me that the psychiatrist was an idiot and I fired him.
Put "good radar" on your list of assets. Do make a list of assets. Add to it daily and read it daily. This will really help build your self esteem. Always a good thing when you've been knocked hard.
Your friend - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
Maybe he thinks you can "live on love". The important thing there, I think, is... does he have a teachable spirit? Is he educable?
But on the list of important considerations right now, it's probably far from the top. I've never had anyone take much notice of my needs in that regard. It's sad for me to recall that N was quite good about grocery shopping/ preparing a meal if I was ill, but then he did like to eat! And then, of course, I know that I always expect more from those closest to me and when they let me down (often by failing to notice that I am not invincible, that I reallllllly am not feeling well)... it hurts. I'm sorry that you are hurt, Bones. At the right moment, I hope there will be an opportunity for you and bf can discuss your expectations/needs/desires in this area and clear up some misunderstandings.
Your dream interrupted your sleep, but it seems to also have brought some new strengths of yours to light. You didn't roll over and play possum... you fought back. I take that as a very positive thing. Kinda like your fever... another sign that your body is engaging the infection and trying to hold its ground.
As much as it may not seem like it, Bones, you're doing well.
Be back tomorrow night and hope to visit with you some more.
Love,
Hope
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Dear Bones,
Maybe he thinks you can "live on love". The important thing there, I think, is... does he have a teachable spirit? Is he educable?
But on the list of important considerations right now, it's probably far from the top. I've never had anyone take much notice of my needs in that regard. It's sad for me to recall that N was quite good about grocery shopping/ preparing a meal if I was ill, but then he did like to eat! And then, of course, I know that I always expect more from those closest to me and when they let me down (often by failing to notice that I am not invincible, that I reallllllly am not feeling well)... it hurts. I'm sorry that you are hurt, Bones. At the right moment, I hope there will be an opportunity for you and bf can discuss your expectations/needs/desires in this area and clear up some misunderstandings.
Your dream interrupted your sleep, but it seems to also have brought some new strengths of yours to light. You didn't roll over and play possum... you fought back. I take that as a very positive thing. Kinda like your fever... another sign that your body is engaging the infection and trying to hold its ground.
As much as it may not seem like it, Bones, you're doing well.
Be back tomorrow night and hope to visit with you some more.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I just found out one piece of good news today. I just got my grade for the graduate school course I was taking and I passed it with an "A". Now I have to start preparing for the next course.
Bones
-
I'm taking one of the 'mycin type of antibiotics....two capsules four times a day. I'm also feeling feverish which may be a sign that my body's defenses is finally kicking in and fighting the infection. Feeling like this makes me not want to go shopping for anything. Boyfriend brings me pistachio ice cream with nuts in it...after telling him that chewing is painful! He don't get it!
Bones
Sounds like it might be clindamycin. If it is [check the label] and if you develop GI trouble - loose stools - especially if they're, umm, very frequent and very loose - get and take Pepto-Bismol, liquid is best for this, make sure you notify the doc, and keep taking Pepto until your GI symptoms are alleviated, even if they put you on a different antibiotic. Routine precaution. Don't exceed recommended dosage on the Pepto, salicylates cause your ears to ring. [I'm glad I asked.]
Re your boyfriend: is he the kind who leaves grease on the dishes, or breaks one, when you ask him to help you wash up after you have cooked a meal for the two of you? Or is he the kind that if you don't give him precisely detailed directions, will go off on some tangent of his own and - bring you chunky style ice cream - but if you do give him directions, will have a hissy fit about being talked down to?
That question is for future reference. For now, if you aren't up to shopping, you might try giving him a list with both the brand names and the exact flavor or type of thing specified, and at least one alternate selection. Example:
"Breakstone cottage cheese, plain, small curd, two cup [4 servings - check label for number of servings]. Alternate: Safeway Lucerne brand, small curd, same size."
"Safeway Select vanilla ice cream, or french vanilla, half gallon. Alternate: Breyer's vanilla, same size."
"Quaker Instant Oatmeal, Regular, box of 10 single serving pouches. Alternate: Safeway's instant oatmeal, regular, same size."
He may not like this much, but it beats lacerating your esophagus trying to swallow pistachio chunks whole, or picking them off your tongue. And before he goes, you could tell him that if he can't find what you need on the shelves, he should please go to the Customer Service Counter and ask someone to get it for him out of stock. This is known as 'heading it off at the pass' since Unhelpful Option #2 [after #1, which is to bring you something you can't use] is to come home with nothing, claiming he couldn't find anything you'd be satisfied with.
If this amount of strategy is too much mental trouble in your present state [I mean that, am not mocking you], you can call the local Giants and Safeways - some of them will deliver for a nominal charge, you don't have to use the online ordering service if you're ill and housebound. You will need to give them pretty much the same level of detail that I've provided here, but they will at least have a business incentive to get it right for you.
Do you have any reasonably decent and trustworthy neighbors who would do a grocery run for you and would come right back without deciding to fit in ten of their own errands first? Anyone at church? That is another possibility.
Sorry you have to deal with this. I've been alone and essentially without support system for close to a decade, so I have these things down to instinctive reactions now. I hope this helps and doesn't overwhelm. And do think about how your BF is behaving, because he's not only not getting it, his inability to help you on this basic level when you are in dire need - is troubling.
-
Bones,
I think Stormy is completely right. The goal right now is to get some food, even if you have to send that useless bf of yours to the shop with a note pinned to his front. Second, and later, think about why he is so useless. It almost seems like a passive aggressive way to avoid taking any care of you.
Some stores have online ordering and can speed up the lag time if you say it is an emergency.
Good luck and hugs.
((((((((Bones)))))))))))
Plucky
-
I'm taking one of the 'mycin type of antibiotics....two capsules four times a day. I'm also feeling feverish which may be a sign that my body's defenses is finally kicking in and fighting the infection. Feeling like this makes me not want to go shopping for anything. Boyfriend brings me pistachio ice cream with nuts in it...after telling him that chewing is painful! He don't get it!
Bones
Sounds like it might be clindamycin. If it is [check the label] and if you develop GI trouble - loose stools - especially if they're, umm, very frequent and very loose - get and take Pepto-Bismol, liquid is best for this, make sure you notify the doc, and keep taking Pepto until your GI symptoms are alleviated, even if they put you on a different antibiotic. Routine precaution. Don't exceed recommended dosage on the Pepto, salicylates cause your ears to ring. [I'm glad I asked.]
Re your boyfriend: is he the kind who leaves grease on the dishes, or breaks one, when you ask him to help you wash up after you have cooked a meal for the two of you? Or is he the kind that if you don't give him precisely detailed directions, will go off on some tangent of his own and - bring you chunky style ice cream - but if you do give him directions, will have a hissy fit about being talked down to?
That question is for future reference. For now, if you aren't up to shopping, you might try giving him a list with both the brand names and the exact flavor or type of thing specified, and at least one alternate selection. Example:
"Breakstone cottage cheese, plain, small curd, two cup [4 servings - check label for number of servings]. Alternate: Safeway Lucerne brand, small curd, same size."
"Safeway Select vanilla ice cream, or french vanilla, half gallon. Alternate: Breyer's vanilla, same size."
"Quaker Instant Oatmeal, Regular, box of 10 single serving pouches. Alternate: Safeway's instant oatmeal, regular, same size."
He may not like this much, but it beats lacerating your esophagus trying to swallow pistachio chunks whole, or picking them off your tongue. And before he goes, you could tell him that if he can't find what you need on the shelves, he should please go to the Customer Service Counter and ask someone to get it for him out of stock. This is known as 'heading it off at the pass' since Unhelpful Option #2 [after #1, which is to bring you something you can't use] is to come home with nothing, claiming he couldn't find anything you'd be satisfied with.
If this amount of strategy is too much mental trouble in your present state [I mean that, am not mocking you], you can call the local Giants and Safeways - some of them will deliver for a nominal charge, you don't have to use the online ordering service if you're ill and housebound. You will need to give them pretty much the same level of detail that I've provided here, but they will at least have a business incentive to get it right for you.
Do you have any reasonably decent and trustworthy neighbors who would do a grocery run for you and would come right back without deciding to fit in ten of their own errands first? Anyone at church? That is another possibility.
Sorry you have to deal with this. I've been alone and essentially without support system for close to a decade, so I have these things down to instinctive reactions now. I hope this helps and doesn't overwhelm. And do think about how your BF is behaving, because he's not only not getting it, his inability to help you on this basic level when you are in dire need - is troubling.
Thanks, Stormchild.
One of my other friends brought me some soup and baby food. When my boyfriend saw the items, I think he started understanding. He asked me if I liked blueberry anything and I said "No, because it tastes like medicine to me." I'm waiting to see what he does with this new information. BTW, the antibiotic is clondimycin and it seems to be affecting the infection now that I've been taking it since last Wednesday.
Bones
-
Bones,
I think Stormy is completely right. The goal right now is to get some food, even if you have to send that useless bf of yours to the shop with a note pinned to his front. Second, and later, think about why he is so useless. It almost seems like a passive aggressive way to avoid taking any care of you.
Some stores have online ordering and can speed up the lag time if you say it is an emergency.
Good luck and hugs.
((((((((Bones)))))))))))
Plucky
Thanks, Plucky.
Bones
-
(((((((Bones)))))))) I'm so glad to hear that things are looking up a bit. Praying that medicine continues to knock out the infection!
Also, not that I'm keeping score or anything, but b/f shows some signs of hope, I think, for the beginnings of awareness. Blueberry, huh?? Maybe he likes blueberries? I dunno... tired here. Keep feeling better!
Love,
Hope
P.S. on edit... forgot to say, Congratulations on that A !!! I just tossed a handful of confetti up in the air, so cover your soupbowl. Don't worry, I'll sweep it up :)
-
(((((((Bones)))))))) I'm so glad to hear that things are looking up a bit. Praying that medicine continues to knock out the infection!
Also, not that I'm keeping score or anything, but b/f shows some signs of hope, I think, for the beginnings of awareness. Blueberry, huh?? Maybe he likes blueberries? I dunno... tired here. Keep feeling better!
Love,
Hope
P.S. on edit... forgot to say, Congratulations on that A !!! I just tossed a handful of confetti up in the air, so cover your soupbowl. Don't worry, I'll sweep it up :)
Thanks, Hope!
At least I can celebrate one thing this week while I prepare for the upcoming root canal. B/f remembers I don't like blueberries so there may be some hope for him yet.
Bones
-
:) Bones... I think you are a brave woman indeed and yes, I think there is hope for blueberry-man 8)
When's the root canal scheduled? I imagine they want to wait till the infection is cleared up.... just think, it'll be so good to have that problem gone and then the rest will be a piece of cake! (((((((((Bones))))))))) thinking of you often here.
Love,
Hope
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:) Bones... I think you are a brave woman indeed and yes, I think there is hope for blueberry-man 8)
When's the root canal scheduled? I imagine they want to wait till the infection is cleared up.... just think, it'll be so good to have that problem gone and then the rest will be a piece of cake! (((((((((Bones))))))))) thinking of you often here.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
The root canal is scheduled for this Thursday and sometime next week, they want to scale my gums. Whatever that procedure is. I've never had my gums scaled before.
Bones
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!!!!!!!!!!ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE SKIP THIS POST IF SQUEAMISH!!!!!!!!
Ask them to put a local on you before they start scalilng you, Bones. They can dab on a gel and let it set for a bit.
It's removal of calculus [tartar] from tooth surfaces and especially from the tooth-gum interface. They use sharp probes, go in between the tooth and gum, you will bleed. Stay off the vitamin E, aspirin and other NSAIDs, garlic, ginkgo starting essentially immediately. You want to do that for the root canal anyway.
I had quad scaling done now and then for years. A couple of years ago, after doing some serious reading, I bought some McCormick's Meat tenderizer, the unflavored kind, and started brushing my gums with it, at the gum line, before bed each night until they tingled. I no longer need scaling, because this stuff kills the bacteria that cause calculus to form, and it promotes soft tissue healing as well. [I use regular toothpaste too, still, this is extra. It's basically using an enzyme to scale your gums yourself. If you decide to try this, buy McCormick's, because it's made using bromelain, and that's the enzyme you want. Adolph's uses papain. It's a protease too, but it doesn't have the antibiotic activity of bromelain.]
You should have seen the look on my dentist's face when I came back six months later and he checked my gums. He was flabbergasted... I think this would help just about anyone as long as they aren't on a sodium restricted regimen.
-
!!!!!!!!!!ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE SKIP THIS POST IF SQUEAMISH!!!!!!!!
Ask them to put a local on you before they start scalilng you, Bones. They can dab on a gel and let it set for a bit.
It's removal of calculus [tartar] from tooth surfaces and especially from the tooth-gum interface. They use sharp probes, go in between the tooth and gum, you will bleed. Stay off the vitamin E, aspirin and other NSAIDs, garlic, ginkgo starting essentially immediately. You want to do that for the root canal anyway.
I had quad scaling done now and then for years. A couple of years ago, after doing some serious reading, I bought some McCormick's Meat tenderizer, the unflavored kind, and started brushing my gums with it, at the gum line, before bed each night until they tingled. I no longer need scaling, because this stuff kills the bacteria that cause calculus to form, and it promotes soft tissue healing as well. [I use regular toothpaste too, still, this is extra. It's basically using an enzyme to scale your gums yourself. If you decide to try this, buy McCormick's, because it's made using bromelain, and that's the enzyme you want. Adolph's uses papain. It's a protease too, but it doesn't have the antibiotic activity of bromelain.]
You should have seen the look on my dentist's face when I came back six months later and he checked my gums. He was flabbergasted... I think this would help just about anyone as long as they aren't on a sodium restricted regimen.
Thanks, Stormchild.
I'll check out the meat tenderizer and see what I can find on the supermarket shelf.
Bones
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Ok, Bones... date noted. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as always... and especially now.
And wow, Stormy! ... McCormick's is on my shopping list now! My husband has the most gorgeous, sparkly white teeth... and peridontal disease. He's had this scaling done and is thrilled to hear of a way to avoid that routine again. Thanks from us :)
Love,
Hope
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Stormy?
Know anything for slipped disk pain from sitting in chairs all day even though you stand up and stretch every hour and take twice daily walk breaks? :?
Hops
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Stormy?
Know anything for slipped disk pain from sitting in chairs all day even though you stand up and stretch every hour and take twice daily walk breaks? :?
Hops
Hi, Hops.
Where is the slipped disk located? That could make a difference in the suggestions you are searching for.
Bones
-
It's removal of calculus [tartar] from tooth surfaces and especially from the tooth-gum interface. They use sharp probes, go in between the tooth and gum, you will bleed.
My wife loved doing that when she was a hygeinist. Strange but true.
Know anything for slipped disk pain from sitting in chairs all day even though you stand up and stretch every hour and take twice daily walk breaks?
I find laying on a hard surface with my feet elevated helps or, strangely enough, getting down on my knees and back up a few times.
The other thing I use at home is an inversion table. This is for lumbar disks. As I recall Hops that's where your problems are.
mud
-
Hops - I'll defer to Bones on this one, with a screen name like that I'd be willing to bet she knows!
Hope, Bones - re the meat tenderizer: pour a dime-sized amount into your palm, and wet the toothbrush, then use the wet brush to pick up the powder (mound it up onto the side of the brush). You will need to do this twice. First round basically removes the biofilm from your teeth - second round gets into the gumline. You really do have to brush at the gumline and you must get the brush around behind your back teeth, and on both sides of the jaw.
You will need to spit more often than usual, bromelain is a protease. On the second round of brushing, you should feel a distinct tingle, localized at the gumline. Once you have been scaled, Bones, you will notice that tingle feels VERY familiar. But it WON"T HURT!
There may be a bit of bleeding at first. This will go away after a few weeks. You can follow up with normal toothpaste brushing.
I do recommend also using Listerine mouthwash or ACT fluoride mouthwash, but I've done that for years and it was the meat tenderizer that made the difference.
There should be marked improvement within even a few weeks, with twice daily use.
Sorry about any typos, I have started an optical migraine and am having 'bagel vision' - gonna have to sign off now because I won't be able to read in about five minutes.
Good night, all, and god bless -
-
((((((Stormy))))))) thanks for the tenderizer info. I've copied it all to my darling and he says he'll try it!
((((((((Bones))))))) Still hoping and praying over here.
And Dear Mr. Mud... how is Dear Mrs. Mud doing?
God bless you all.
Love,
Hope
-
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Storm))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Mr Moon has just copied and pasted your information he says hi and thanks although he is better at flossing than me he says we are going to use your method.HE SAYS THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BONES))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I will be thinking of you on Thursday hang in there...................
Much love to you
moonlight
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Does meat tenderizer have MSG?
an interested but squeamish
Plucky
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No, not the McCormick's unflavored. It only has salt and bromelain and I think sodium silicoaluminate. No MSG. On edit: Thank goodness, migraine effect dissipated. No pain...
Um, anyone who has high blood pressure and is on a low sodium diet should not use this stuff, because it is possible to absorb some of the sodium chloride through the mouth membranes while brushing.
I sure hope this works as well for others as it did for me...
-
Hops - I'll defer to Bones on this one, with a screen name like that I'd be willing to bet she knows!
Hope, Bones - re the meat tenderizer: pour a dime-sized amount into your palm, and wet the toothbrush, then use the wet brush to pick up the powder (mound it up onto the side of the brush). You will need to do this twice. First round basically removes the biofilm from your teeth - second round gets into the gumline. You really do have to brush at the gumline and you must get the brush around behind your back teeth, and on both sides of the jaw.
You will need to spit more often than usual, bromelain is a protease. On the second round of brushing, you should feel a distinct tingle, localized at the gumline. Once you have been scaled, Bones, you will notice that tingle feels VERY familiar. But it WON"T HURT!
There may be a bit of bleeding at first. This will go away after a few weeks. You can follow up with normal toothpaste brushing.
I do recommend also using Listerine mouthwash or ACT fluoride mouthwash, but I've done that for years and it was the meat tenderizer that made the difference.
There should be marked improvement within even a few weeks, with twice daily use.
Sorry about any typos, I have started an optical migraine and am having 'bagel vision' - gonna have to sign off now because I won't be able to read in about five minutes.
Good night, all, and god bless -
Thanks, Stormy.
I'm interested in trying that and I hope you feel better soon.
Bones
-
((((((Stormy))))))) thanks for the tenderizer info. I've copied it all to my darling and he says he'll try it!
((((((((Bones))))))) Still hoping and praying over here.
And Dear Mr. Mud... how is Dear Mrs. Mud doing?
God bless you all.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
-
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Storm))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Mr Moon has just copied and pasted your information he says hi and thanks although he is better at flossing than me he says we are going to use your method.HE SAYS THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BONES))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I will be thinking of you on Thursday hang in there...................
Much love to you
moonlight
Thanks, Moonlight.
Bones
-
No, not the McCormick's unflavored. It only has salt and bromelain and I think sodium silicoaluminate. No MSG. On edit: Thank goodness, migraine effect dissipated. No pain...
Um, anyone who has high blood pressure and is on a low sodium diet should not use this stuff, because it is possible to absorb some of the sodium chloride through the mouth membranes while brushing.
I sure hope this works as well for others as it did for me...
Hmmmmm........
High blood pressure runs in my family so I have to watch for that.
Bones
-
I'm going to try it, if I can find it. I'll also google those ingredients I never heard of. If it keeps me away from the denstist (or rather, if it keeps me away and still with healthy teeth) I'll do it, whatever it is.
Plucky
-
Thanks, Mud.
Good reminder that I need to get down on my knees (been thinking of doing some praying that way anyway!)
There certainly is a lot of excellent dental care going on around here....I have a guilty secret. Because I'm addicted to nicotine gum and chew it literally all the time, I get away w/o flossing and never need scaling. (My dentist is funny and said, if you tell anybody I said that I'll have to kill you...). I think I'm going senile and told that anecdote already. Anyway, if anyone's into CONSTANT sugarless gum-chewing, maybe that would do the same, once the gums are back into shape?
Mud, more good thoughts to you and the Mrs......
Hops
-
Thought I'd give y'all an update. I went in to the dentist for the root canal and part way through the procedure, the dentist and I discovered a pocket of infection that the antibiotic didn't get. As a result, when the dentist inserted the probe, my tooth went "ZING!" It felt like an electrical impulse. The dentist put additional medication inside the tooth and rescheduled the root canal, part two, for next Thursday. Oh joy.
Bones
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Oh, Bones. How awful. I am so glad you are getting it taken care of. Did it hurt terribly? I bet it felt great to get out of the office and back home!!! Did they give you more medicine?
Take care of yourself and take it easy, bones...
Love, Beth
-
Oh boy Bones. That is so painful. I am sorry. As if you need any more twists and turns. Hang in there. I'm pulling for you.
your friend - Gaining Strength
-
Oh, Bones. How awful. I am so glad you are getting it taken care of. Did it hurt terribly? I bet it felt great to get out of the office and back home!!! Did they give you more medicine?
Take care of yourself and take it easy, bones...
Love, Beth
Thanks, Beth.
I've had better days. The medication the dentist gave is inside the tooth this time. I'm hoping it does the trick this time.
Bones
-
Oh boy Bones. That is so painful. I am sorry. As if you need any more twists and turns. Hang in there. I'm pulling for you.
your friend - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Bones
-
Dear sweet bones - you are a hero to me because you have not given up. Out in real world "not giving up" is not in itself heroic but in N world it is. Giving up calls us every day but you have resisted against new and emerging odds. Good for you, you brave soul. don't give up. That's what me as a community must do together and for each other - never give up. Good for you Bones - a hero.
your friend - gaining Strength
-
Dear sweet bones - you are a hero to me because you have not given up. Out in real world "not giving up" is not in itself heroic but in N world it is. Giving up calls us every day but you have resisted against new and emerging odds. Good for you, you brave soul. don't give up. That's what me as a community must do together and for each other - never give up. Good for you Bones - a hero.
your friend - gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Today, I accepted the invitation to attend a party and was able to do a little networking, with people in my field, while I was there. Through that I found a possible lead to a job announcement and sent out another resume'. All I can do, for now, is watch, wait, search for potential opportunities and apply again. I still hear the old "tapes" of my Nmother's voice screaming vile names at me and I'm starting to feel like telling her to "F off".
Bones
-
Hey Bones,
That's very cool about the networking and potential leads on jobs! I have a hunch we'll be saying "Congrats" to you regularly from this point on :) I hope the party was enjoyable, too.
Hope
-
Hey Bones,
That's very cool about the networking and potential leads on jobs! I have a hunch we'll be saying "Congrats" to you regularly from this point on :) I hope the party was enjoyable, too.
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I even indulged myself in the moonbounce even though I'm a retiree.
Bones
-
LOL... the moonbounce?? I'm thinking that may be a dance? Like a hepped up version of M Jackson's moonwalk?
Ahhh... the simple pleasures. And you're only a temporary retiree, so bounce away :)
Hope
-
Bones
I still hear the old "tapes" of my Nmother's voice screaming vile names at me and I'm starting to feel like telling her to "F off".
When you first hear the tape starting push the stop button, take the tape out, hand it back to your mother and tell her, "Here's your tape. It got stuck in my machine by mistake. It's not mine, it's yours." Then take out a new tape. Put it in your machine. Press play and listen to "Things are new. I believe in ME. I have may strength such as 1......., 2........, 3......., etc., etc., Those weaknesses my mother talked about aren't mine at all after all. They are hers. She just projected them onto me and for the longest time I believed her. Not any more." Go ahead and tell her to F off if it helps. After a while you may try letting her go because her pitiful actions are not worth your anger.
So glad for you. Look back over this thread. See how quickly you have come from the darkest night into a little sunlight. See how many people have been on this journey with you - how many people care and how many people have been supporting you and encouraging you. Isn't that something? It's just amazing to me. And what remarkable force brought you here just when you needed it? That same force is lifting you up because you have opened your heart to it. That's truly inspiring me to keep believing. Thanks for being such a great inspitation Bones - your friend - Gaining Strength
-
LOL... the moonbounce?? I'm thinking that may be a dance? Like a hepped up version of M Jackson's moonwalk?
Ahhh... the simple pleasures. And you're only a temporary retiree, so bounce away :)
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
The moonbounce is like a trampoline inside an inflatable house. A lot of fun.
Bones
-
Bones
I still hear the old "tapes" of my Nmother's voice screaming vile names at me and I'm starting to feel like telling her to "F off".
When you first hear the tape starting push the stop button, take the tape out, hand it back to your mother and tell her, "Here's your tape. It got stuck in my machine by mistake. It's not mine, it's yours." Then take out a new tape. Put it in your machine. Press play and listen to "Things are new. I believe in ME. I have may strength such as 1......., 2........, 3......., etc., etc., Those weaknesses my mother talked about aren't mine at all after all. They are hers. She just projected them onto me and for the longest time I believed her. Not any more." Go ahead and tell her to F off if it helps. After a while you may try letting her go because her pitiful actions are not worth your anger.
So glad for you. Look back over this thread. See how quickly you have come from the darkest night into a little sunlight. See how many people have been on this journey with you - how many people care and how many people have been supporting you and encouraging you. Isn't that something? It's just amazing to me. And what remarkable force brought you here just when you needed it? That same force is lifting you up because you have opened your heart to it. That's truly inspiring me to keep believing. Thanks for being such a great inspitation Bones - your friend - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
I believe that my Higher Power is in charge and taking care of everything. I went to church today with a friend and then encountered people during the day who felt the need to pray with us. That helped a lot.
Bones
-
Bones -
Sounds like your Higher Power is working miracles. I am glad for you. hang in there - So glad to have seen you make some good progress.
your friend - gaining Strength
-
Bones -
Sounds like your Higher Power is working miracles. I am glad for you. hang in there - So glad to have seen you make some good progress.
your friend - gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
BTW, I had to make two emergency trips to the dentist today. On Sunday evening, my friend took me out to dinner with her and her mother. During the meal, my temporary crown shattered. I went to see the dentist Monday morning and had the temporary crown replaced with another temporary crown. I got back home in the early afternoon, waited 45 minutes for the glue to set and then attempted to eat lunch. The temporary crown shattered again so I had to haul back to the dentist for a THIRD temporary crown. They examined my bite and realized that the upper metallic filling was hitting the temporary crown in such a way that it was breaking it. They adjusted the upper filling and put on the third temporary crown. I'm hoping that this one will tide me over until I finish the root canal on Thursday. I ended up at the dentist all day because they had to find a way to squeeze me in between appointments and other emergencies that came in before me.
Bones
-
Oh, bones, I wish I could hold your hand through it!!! Let's hope that the root canal is the end of dental woes for a LONG time...
Love, Beth
-
Bones
Oh MY!!
BTW, I had to make two emergency trips to the dentist today.
How much you have suffered. Unbelievable. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
How are you hanging in there? How are you feeling?
My heart is with you firend. So sorry you are having such a rough go. - GS
-
Bones, this is like a test of endurance! You are holding up well.
At least your teeth are getting fixed, even though the process is much longer and more complex than anyone would want. Your pain has an end in sight. It must feel nice to know your infection and your tooth problems will not have any lasting effect on your health. Maybe this setback at work will not have any lasting effect on your career.
Plucky
-
Oh ((((((((((Bones))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!
-
Oh, bones, I wish I could hold your hand through it!!! Let's hope that the root canal is the end of dental woes for a LONG time...
Love, Beth
I wish.
After the root canal, then I have to have my gums scaled next.
Bones
-
Bones
Oh MY!!
BTW, I had to make two emergency trips to the dentist today.
How much you have suffered. Unbelievable. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
How are you hanging in there? How are you feeling?
My heart is with you firend. So sorry you are having such a rough go. - GS
Thanks, GS.
I've had better days.
Bones
-
Bones, this is like a test of endurance! You are holding up well.
At least your teeth are getting fixed, even though the process is much longer and more complex than anyone would want. Your pain has an end in sight. It must feel nice to know your infection and your tooth problems will not have any lasting effect on your health. Maybe this setback at work will not have any lasting effect on your career.
Plucky
Thanks, Plucky!
I sure hope so.
Bones
-
(((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))
Thinking of you
with love,
Hope
-
Oh ((((((((((Bones))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!
[/quote
Thanks, Stormchild.
Bones
-
(((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))
Thinking of you
with love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
Bones
-
Hi Bones
One precaution - I sort of thought this went without saying but it may not. Don't swallow the meat tenderizer when you are brushing [the natural impulse is to spit, which is why I didn't say anything] and make sure you rinse after you use it the final time. Bromelain is a protease, and you don't want it working any longer than it takes to brush.
You can buy bromelain in capsules, but I don't recommend it - it's a very strong enzyme. The meat tenderizer approach should work.
-
Hi Bones
One precaution - I sort of thought this went without saying but it may not. Don't swallow the meat tenderizer when you are brushing [the natural impulse is to spit, which is why I didn't say anything] and make sure you rinse after you use it the final time. Bromelain is a protease, and you don't want it working any longer than it takes to brush.
You can buy bromelain in capsules, but I don't recommend it - it's a very strong enzyme. The meat tenderizer approach should work.
Thanks, Stormy.
I'll keep that in mind.
Bones
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I finally got the root canal completed! Now I have to wait for the permanent crown to be made.
Bones
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OH you must be relieved. Hang in there. Did they give you pain meds? Do consider taking them... you will be amazed how long it can take for these things to heal completely.
((((((((((Bones))))))))))
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Yay, Bones!!! :D Wow... I am so tickled for you. Another step closer to better days. ((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
Prayers going up for quick healing and pain-free, restful nights as you get back in the pink!
Love,
Hope
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OH you must be relieved. Hang in there. Did they give you pain meds? Do consider taking them... you will be amazed how long it can take for these things to heal completely.
((((((((((Bones))))))))))
Fortunately, I have not needed pain meds yet. I have a temporary crown right now as we begin the process of making a permanent crown.
Bones
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Yay, Bones!!! :D Wow... I am so tickled for you. Another step closer to better days. ((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
Prayers going up for quick healing and pain-free, restful nights as you get back in the pink!
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I'm taking things one day at a time.
Bones
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Yay, Bones!!! :D Wow... I am so tickled for you. Another step closer to better days. ((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
Prayers going up for quick healing and pain-free, restful nights as you get back in the pink!
Love,
Hope
BTW, the Bible verse from Isiah helps a lot!
Bones
-
Fortunately, I have not needed pain meds yet. I have a temporary crown right now as we begin the process of making a permanent crown.
Bones
Good good good good good good good!
Hang on to the meds anyway.
There's a little anchoring ligament, or ligaments, and it has to heal to 'set' the tooth securely, and that can take awhile.
I am surprised at how much residual soreness I have now, from a root canal that happened and was painless over a month ago. Definitely not infected, just slow healing for some reason.
My dentist tells me this often happens. Some nights, I take half a pain pill because there's just enough discomfort to keep me awake otherwise.
Hopefully this won't happen to you - it's the first time I've experienced it myself. Anyway, what are experiences for, if not to learn from and use to benefit others? :-) Do post a bit more [lengthwise] if you feel up to it, I'd like to know how you are doing.
-
(((((((Bones)))))))) it helps me, too. Thanks for saying so.... I appreciate it. I appreciate you, especially.
Isaiah 54: 4 "Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5 "For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.
Hope
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Certain Hope
This is so amazing! I just discovered Is 54:4 this morning during a prayer session for a couple and I wrote it down for myself. I did not even read verse 5 which is wonderful. I am not a frequent reader of the bible but I do find verses that help me through dark times and this one really stuck out for me. Imagine the encouragement when I logged in and found you had posted it here.
I love this place. I love the way this group of people work together for each other. - your friend - Gaining Strength
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:) (((((((Gaining Strength)))))))) Check out Isaiah 41: 10-13
I love this place. I love the way this group of people work together for each other
Me, too. And I love the way all things work together for good.....
Your friend,
Hope
-
Fortunately, I have not needed pain meds yet. I have a temporary crown right now as we begin the process of making a permanent crown.
Bones
Good good good good good good good!
Hang on to the meds anyway.
There's a little anchoring ligament, or ligaments, and it has to heal to 'set' the tooth securely, and that can take awhile.
I am surprised at how much residual soreness I have now, from a root canal that happened and was painless over a month ago. Definitely not infected, just slow healing for some reason.
My dentist tells me this often happens. Some nights, I take half a pain pill because there's just enough discomfort to keep me awake otherwise.
Hopefully this won't happen to you - it's the first time I've experienced it myself. Anyway, what are experiences for, if not to learn from and use to benefit others? :-) Do post a bit more [lengthwise] if you feel up to it, I'd like to know how you are doing.
Actually, I don't even have any pain meds in the house. I haven't been to the store to get any more aspirin. I've been postponing shopping until I have a list of things that I need to make the trip worth the gas.
Bones
-
(((((((Bones)))))))) it helps me, too. Thanks for saying so.... I appreciate it. I appreciate you, especially.
Isaiah 54: 4 "Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5 "For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
-
I just got a phone call from my dentist's office today. My appointment to have the molding done for my permanent crown had to be rescheduled from tomorrow to next week. She has to go out of town. So far, no pain in the tooth. I still have to be careful about chewing because the temporary keeps catching the inside of my cheek.
Bones
-
I just noticed an interesting phenomenon with my temporary crown today. It looks like the center of it is eroding away. I'm wondering if the chemistry within my mouth is interacting with the temp's material and slowly dissolving it. I'll be keeping an eye on it until my next dental appointment next Thursday.
Bones
-
Still no pain, though? And do you think maybe you grind your teeth at night? Maybe that is the cause of the eroding. It will be so great once this particular situation can be laid to rest. Maybe you'll feel like a new person on some level once you come back to some kind of normal physical health. Like a re-awakening.
Hang in there, Bones.
PP
-
Still no pain, though? And do you think maybe you grind your teeth at night? Maybe that is the cause of the eroding. It will be so great once this particular situation can be laid to rest. Maybe you'll feel like a new person on some level once you come back to some kind of normal physical health. Like a re-awakening.
Hang in there, Bones.
PP
I do tend to grind my teeth in my sleep. I've done that as long as I can remember. So far, no pain. I'm still feeling a bit down today and I'm still trying to hang in there. Thanks, PP.
Bones
-
Dem bones, dem bones, gonna rise again...
dem bones dem bones...
Know the tune? I always loved it.
Hope you rise well and rested, Bones.
And thank you for sharing how you were feeling.
Hops
-
Good morning, Bones 8)
Best wishes for you, to feel perkier today and ... hey, it's Friday!
Hey, is Mr. Blueberry behaving himself these days?
Life here on da ranch is good. We finally dumped our dial-up connection for broadband, so our property is beginning to resemble a military installation with the dishes standing guard on their poles. lol... too many trees to allow for roof mounts. Sure is pretty neat to be able to zoom around the web at lightning speed, though, once we sorted out how to network everything here. If I blink out occasionally, it's cuz I played with too many buttons. :shock:
(((((((((((Bones)))))))))) Keep feeling better!
Hope
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Dem bones, dem bones, gonna rise again...
dem bones dem bones...
Know the tune? I always loved it.
Hope you rise well and rested, Bones.
And thank you for sharing how you were feeling.
Hops
You're welcome, Hops, and thanks!
Bones
-
Good morning, Bones 8)
Best wishes for you, to feel perkier today and ... hey, it's Friday!
Hey, is Mr. Blueberry behaving himself these days?
Life here on da ranch is good. We finally dumped our dial-up connection for broadband, so our property is beginning to resemble a military installation with the dishes standing guard on their poles. lol... too many trees to allow for roof mounts. Sure is pretty neat to be able to zoom around the web at lightning speed, though, once we sorted out how to network everything here. If I blink out occasionally, it's cuz I played with too many buttons. :shock:
(((((((((((Bones)))))))))) Keep feeling better!
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Mr. Blueberry still frustrates me. The toilet broke and he's still mucking about without fixing the dang thing! I've suggested several times that we go to Home Depot to cost out the parts to replace the broken handle and consulting with an expert there about the best way to fix it ourselves. He insists on trying to make it more complicated than it is.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
Men suffer from plumbaphobia, dontchaknow. They cannot be held responsible for their terror of toidy repairs :wink:
Love,
Hope
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Dear Bones,
Men suffer from plumbaphobia, dontchaknow. They cannot be held responsible for their terror of toidy repairs :wink:
Love,
Hope
Hmmm..... I always thought it was because his "Y" chromosome was missing something.
Bones
-
Hee hee, it's the "Y" chromosome that causes plumbaphobia :wink: .
Pennyplant
-
Hee hee, it's the "Y" chromosome that causes plumbaphobia .
Pennyplant
:D .... yup, amongst other things!
I firmly believe that God gave us "feminine wiles" for the purpose of counteracting such Y-deficiencies.
Seriously, I've noticed that often when there's malingering over a repair task, the reluctance is based in fear... of failure, of looking incompetent, of not being able to live up to the image of the handy-dandy-male. Not sure what's wrong with your pot, but I'd recommend describing the problem to your friendly local hardware associate (make sure he's an older guy and knowledgeable). They make kits to fix the most common problems and if Mr. Blueberry sees the ease of the repair, he may not be so intimidated by tackling it. Of course, if all else fails, you may even get a wild hair and fix it yourself :o I have!
Best wishes Missy Bones!
Hope
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Hee hee, it's the "Y" chromosome that causes plumbaphobia .
Pennyplant
:D .... yup, amongst other things!
I firmly believe that God gave us "feminine wiles" for the purpose of counteracting such Y-deficiencies.
Seriously, I've noticed that often when there's malingering over a repair task, the reluctance is based in fear... of failure, of looking incompetent, of not being able to live up to the image of the handy-dandy-male. Not sure what's wrong with your pot, but I'd recommend describing the problem to your friendly local hardware associate (make sure he's an older guy and knowledgeable). They make kits to fix the most common problems and if Mr. Blueberry sees the ease of the repair, he may not be so intimidated by tackling it. Of course, if all else fails, you may even get a wild hair and fix it yourself :o I have!
Best wishes Missy Bones!
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
What happened is that one day when I flushed the toilet, the handle came off in my hand! The plastic piece that connected the handle to the innards had snapped in half. It looks like a fairly simple procedure to me but I don't have the tools and wherewithal to do the job since I am not an experienced plumber. Mr. Blueberry keeps telling me that he will look up the parts on the Internet and then call a plumber. (I told him I don't have the money for a plumber since I am unemployed.) So far, it's been all talk and no action.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
yes, clearly you are not a plumber if you are referring to parts inside the toilet as 'innards'. Well, how about taking the part that broke over to the hardware store and batting your eyes? That ought to work. You could also try batting your eyes at Mr. Blueberry and saying 'you can do it!'. Maybe.
Plucky
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Hi Bones,
yes, clearly you are not a plumber if you are referring to parts inside the toilet as 'innards'. Well, how about taking the part that broke over to the hardware store and batting your eyes? That ought to work. You could also try batting your eyes at Mr. Blueberry and saying 'you can do it!'. Maybe.
Plucky
When I showed Mr. Blueberry the broken toilet handle, I basically got a "deer-in-the-headlights" look.
Bones
-
lol @ toilet innards
awww Bones ... wish I was your neighbor. I'd bring over my favorite tools (some long bobby pins, those giant rubber bands, a roll of duct tape and a giant paper clip... oh yeah, and a wrench) and we'd have a toilet innard repair party. Mr B could serve us hot chocolate and apple cinnamon coffee cake (hey, I can dream).
Just in case that doesn't work out, the bucket method will tide ya over... just half fill the bucket in the tub and pour it down the stool to flush. I know that deer-in-headlights look. But really, our handle broke off too (not to be used as leverage to lift one-self from seat, I discovered). It's a simple repair and the kit is cheap. Be brave!
Love,
Hope
-
Present for you, Bones:
http://www.toiletology.com/handle.shtml
Hops
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lol @ toilet innards
awww Bones ... wish I was your neighbor. I'd bring over my favorite tools (some long bobby pins, those giant rubber bands, a roll of duct tape and a giant paper clip... oh yeah, and a wrench) and we'd have a toilet innard repair party. Mr B could serve us hot chocolate and apple cinnamon coffee cake (hey, I can dream).
Just in case that doesn't work out, the bucket method will tide ya over... just half fill the bucket in the tub and pour it down the stool to flush. I know that deer-in-headlights look. But really, our handle broke off too (not to be used as leverage to lift one-self from seat, I discovered). It's a simple repair and the kit is cheap. Be brave!
Love,
Hope
:) Thanks, Hope.
There's still a plastic piece inside attached to the chain leading to the rubber plug. Ive been lifting the tank lid off and pulling that. What strikes me as ironic that a Ph.D. can't fix a simple toilet problem while a Master's degree can see the simple solution but not have the tools and parts.
Bones
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Present for you, Bones:
http://www.toiletology.com/handle.shtml
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I'm e-mailing the link to Mr. Blueberry.
Bones
-
:D (((((((((((Bones)))))))))) You are a joy and a treasure.
Thinkin of you daily... Mr B, PhD, eh? Maybe he needs a subscription to the Mr. Fix-it for PhDs monthly!
8)
Love,
Hope
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:D (((((((((((Bones)))))))))) You are a joy and a treasure.
Thinkin of you daily... Mr B, PhD, eh? Maybe he needs a subscription to the Mr. Fix-it for PhDs monthly!
8)
Love,
Hope
Or maybe find the library book: "Toilet Fixin's for Dummies".
Bones
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:D (((((((((((Bones)))))))))) You are a joy and a treasure.
Thinkin of you daily... Mr B, PhD, eh? Maybe he needs a subscription to the Mr. Fix-it for PhDs monthly!
8)
Love,
Hope
I just got a phone call this morning scheduling a job interview for this coming Tuesday afternoon. Now I have to start mentally preparing for it.
Bones
Or maybe find the library book: "Toilet Fixin's for Dummies".
Bones
-
For some reason, I can't correct my previous posting.
Anyway, I just got a phone call this morning. I have a job interview coming up on Tuesday afternoon. Now I have to start preparing myself mentally for it and figure out what to wear. It's been a while since I've done a job interview and my weight has changed to the point that my best clothes don't fit the same anymore.
Bones
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Congratulations, Bones! This is good news. I'm glad you have several days, including a weekend, to get prepared. I've got my fingers crossed for you.
PP
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Congratulations, Bones! This is good news. I'm glad you have several days, including a weekend, to get prepared. I've got my fingers crossed for you.
PP
Thanks, PP.
Bones
-
hi bones,
think of all your friends here on the board, cheering you on and knowing you'll be great. Put your best foot forward, and you'll come across as enthusiastic.
hugs,
p bean
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Hi Bones
If time permits, try a GOOD consignment shop... I had same problem, due to ulcer, gained weight because of the things I had to eat to keep the tummy soothed. Shocking change in dimensions. Only takes a couple of inches!
Found a couple nice suits, unworn, great prices, 'previously owned'. Got me through the necessary meetings while I returned to my old self... I am having them dry cleaned and keeping them in reserve, 'in case'. Similar approach might work for you in this situation.
Good luck, good luck, good luck, you'll be an asset to anyplace that has any intelligent and decent people running it at all.
-
Yay, Bones!! I'm praying and trusting that if this is the job for you, it will be yours. If not, there's a better opportunity just around the corner. Hold your head up and smile with confidence! I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday.
With love,
Hope
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hi bones,
think of all your friends here on the board, cheering you on and knowing you'll be great. Put your best foot forward, and you'll come across as enthusiastic.
hugs,
p bean
Thanks, P Bean! I'm going to try my best.
Bones
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Hi Bones
If time permits, try a GOOD consignment shop... I had same problem, due to ulcer, gained weight because of the things I had to eat to keep the tummy soothed. Shocking change in dimensions. Only takes a couple of inches!
Found a couple nice suits, unworn, great prices, 'previously owned'. Got me through the necessary meetings while I returned to my old self... I am having them dry cleaned and keeping them in reserve, 'in case'. Similar approach might work for you in this situation.
Good luck, good luck, good luck, you'll be an asset to anyplace that has any intelligent and decent people running it at all.
Thanks, Stormy.
Bones
-
Yay, Bones!! I'm praying and trusting that if this is the job for you, it will be yours. If not, there's a better opportunity just around the corner. Hold your head up and smile with confidence! I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday.
With love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
Bones
-
I went back to the dentist today and had more work done on that tooth. It felt like root canal part 3. Now I've been told that part of my gum is inflamed and the dentist wants to do surgery on it. Ick!
Bones
-
aww Bones, I know it's gotta seem like a never-ending nightmare, but you know it'll pass. I know you know cuz yer a tough cookie. I'm really sorry that mouth trouble isn't just wrapped up and over with for ya right this minute. Big hugs to you... and high hopes for Tuesday, if that's to be the job for you! Keep smiling :)
Love,
Hope
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Hi Bones,
before getting surgery, can you get a second opinion? I once had a dentist tell me he needed to cut off part of my gums because they had swelled up. I balked at any cutting. Another dentist told me that if the cause of the swelling (and I think inflammation) were to be treated, the swelling would go down. It did. Is surgery normally the treatment for inflammation? I thought it wasn't, unless gangrene had set in.
You can say no, unless it feels right to you.
Plucky
-
PS Bones if you post as a guest, your post is forever! No chance to edit!
Plucky
-
aww Bones, I know it's gotta seem like a never-ending nightmare, but you know it'll pass. I know you know cuz yer a tough cookie. I'm really sorry that mouth trouble isn't just wrapped up and over with for ya right this minute. Big hugs to you... and high hopes for Tuesday, if that's to be the job for you! Keep smiling :)
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
I really appreciate it!
Bones
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Hi Bones,
before getting surgery, can you get a second opinion? I once had a dentist tell me he needed to cut off part of my gums because they had swelled up. I balked at any cutting. Another dentist told me that if the cause of the swelling (and I think inflammation) were to be treated, the swelling would go down. It did. Is surgery normally the treatment for inflammation? I thought it wasn't, unless gangrene had set in.
You can say no, unless it feels right to you.
Plucky
I've had my gums overgrow my teeth before and had to have excess tissue trimmed away. Not fun! I was hoping that I would not have to have it done again. Unfortunately, wishful thinking won't work with this.
Bones
-
PS Bones if you post as a guest, your post is forever! No chance to edit!
Plucky
Thanks, Plucky, for letting me know.
Bones
-
BTW, my next dental appointment is on November 1st.
Bones
-
BTW, my next dental appointment is on November 1st.
Bones
Got it, Bones!! :) Marked on the calendar so's I won't forget, which isn't likely, since you're always in my prayers.
Love,
Hope
P.S. Saved ya a piece of German Chocolate cake... hope you like it!
-
BTW, my next dental appointment is on November 1st.
Bones
Got it, Bones!! :) Marked on the calendar so's I won't forget, which isn't likely, since you're always in my prayers.
Love,
Hope
P.S. Saved ya a piece of German Chocolate cake... hope you like it!
Thanks, Hope!
Bones
-
Missy Bones,
Just stopped in to say... prayin for you this morning for the best outcome with your interview.
With love,
Hope
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Hi Bones,
Those people are so lucky that confident, qualified, intelligent you will be coming to interview for their opening. They have been hoping someone like you would be available. They really want to make a good impression on you so you'll want to work with them. They need your help.
Hops
-
After decompressing from a two-hour drive in pouring rain today, I decided not to take the job. It turned out that they wanted me to work in a prison, with a two-hour round trip drive, for only $27,000 a year. (I earned more than that as a secretary, with or without a Bachelor's degree and I now have a Master's.) Given the volatile cost of gas, the possible danger at a prison, and my current financial obligations, that amount, before taxes, would barely be enough to keep my car running. I have student loans coming due and I need to earn more than that to pay all of my debts (dental bills, too). Oh well.......
Bones
-
Bones, sounds like a wise decision to me... a much better opportunity will arise in due time. In perfect timing, in fact.
Sounds like a rough day and disappointing on the surface, but look at what you accomplished... you showed up! Three cheers for showing up, Bones, and big hugs to you. You're doing very, very well, I think, and still smiling, I hope.
Love,
Hope
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Hey bones,
I agree with you all around. I have found since I got my Master's that I pretty much get any job I apply for... so I am careful what I apply for!!!! It's good that you checked into it (plus it's a great confidence booster to be chosen :) )
I hope you find what fits for you soon!!!!
Love, Beth
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Bones,
I'm sorry it was the wrong fit but I think you've saved yourself a world of stress and misery.
Hang in there, you'll find the right spot.
Hops
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Bones, sounds like a wise decision to me... a much better opportunity will arise in due time. In perfect timing, in fact.
Sounds like a rough day and disappointing on the surface, but look at what you accomplished... you showed up! Three cheers for showing up, Bones, and big hugs to you. You're doing very, very well, I think, and still smiling, I hope.
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope! I feel like I am worth more than $27,000 a year given that I have been working my tail off going to graduate school and they expected me to commute all that distance with the gas prices the way they are. I want to get ahead, not dig myself deeper into a financial hole with a job that won't even cover the cost of the commute.
Bones
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Hey bones,
I agree with you all around. I have found since I got my Master's that I pretty much get any job I apply for... so I am careful what I apply for!!!! It's good that you checked into it (plus it's a great confidence booster to be chosen :) )
I hope you find what fits for you soon!!!!
Love, Beth
Thanks, Beth!
What irritated me during this interview was that they wanted to act as if my graduate school work never existed. I offered to show them my unofficial transcript so they can see that I have completed my Master's plus I had decided to postpone graduation so I can get the additional courses I need for certification. They were not interested in looking at my graduate school work and kept talking as if I was still an undergrad without any Master's level studies. Grrrrrrrr!
Bones
-
Bones,
I'm sorry it was the wrong fit but I think you've saved yourself a world of stress and misery.
Hang in there, you'll find the right spot.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
Bones
-
Bones,
I'm sorry it was the wrong fit but I think you've saved yourself a world of stress and misery.
Hang in there, you'll find the right spot.
Hops
P.S. Plus I would like to find a job in my field that pays a LIVING wage!
Bones
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Just wanted to check in for the day. I had a bit of an adventure when I went to the condo mailboxes in my building. Just as I started to stick the key into the lock, I suddenly realized that there was a two-foot long, LIVE garden snake at my feet! How it got into the building, I'm not sure! After the initial shock, I got my garden gloves on and herded him back outside to the garden where he belongs.
Bones
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Awwwwww.
In the name of Steve Irwin...thank you!
Hops
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Awwwwww.
In the name of Steve Irwin...thank you!
Hops
You're welcome, Hops! When the other women in my building heard about the snake, they freaked out!
Bones
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Thanks, jac.
I'm starting to recognize the components of grieving for what I never got from my own family of origin and how these latest circumstances are so similar to that. Plus, I've always struggled with PTSD as long as I can remember since growing up in my family was like being trapped in a war zone. I'm still having trouble with nightmares which is why I'm online in the middle of the night.
Bones
I'm sorry I have not commented before, but long posts are a bit daunting to read all at once. Anyway, I got this far, and decided to say something.
If you think that you have symptoms of ptsd, and you also have a history of child abuse (what you aptly describe as a war zone childhood) then you are more likely to have complex ptsd. If you want information about this it is found in a book by Dr Judith Herman called Trauma and Recovery. I have cptsd myself, and it is not an easy condition to live with. :D
http://www.jimhopper.com/trauma_and_recovery/
In terms of your job loss, it is very important to keep your eyes on the goal of achieving a new job, without letting the anxiety get out of control. The reason I say this is that my job contract ended in April 2000, and I managed for about three or four months to do the application forms, interviews etc, and then I went to pieces. I have not worked since. (Not true, I work every day. I have not received any money for working since. :)) But I had no support at the time, and no idea what was wrong with me.
I am not saying this will happen to you, because we all have our own paths to follow, but hang onto all those positive thoughts, and believe in yourself.
-
After decompressing from a two-hour drive in pouring rain today, I decided not to take the job. It turned out that they wanted me to work in a prison, with a two-hour round trip drive, for only $27,000 a year. (I earned more than that as a secretary, with or without a Bachelor's degree and I now have a Master's.) Given the volatile cost of gas, the possible danger at a prison, and my current financial obligations, that amount, before taxes, would barely be enough to keep my car running. I have student loans coming due and I need to earn more than that to pay all of my debts (dental bills, too). Oh well.......
Bones
This is a really good thing to read. You still have choices, and you still have the right to look after yourself. Well done for realising that what you want is the right job for you, not just any old job. :D
-
After decompressing from a two-hour drive in pouring rain today, I decided not to take the job. It turned out that they wanted me to work in a prison, with a two-hour round trip drive, for only $27,000 a year. (I earned more than that as a secretary, with or without a Bachelor's degree and I now have a Master's.) Given the volatile cost of gas, the possible danger at a prison, and my current financial obligations, that amount, before taxes, would barely be enough to keep my car running. I have student loans coming due and I need to earn more than that to pay all of my debts (dental bills, too). Oh well.......
Bones
This is a really good thing to read. You still have choices, and you still have the right to look after yourself. Well done for realising that what you want is the right job for you, not just any old job. :D
Thanks, October.
Bones
-
Just wanted to check in for the day. I had a bit of an adventure when I went to the condo mailboxes in my building. Just as I started to stick the key into the lock, I suddenly realized that there was a two-foot long, LIVE garden snake at my feet! How it got into the building, I'm not sure! After the initial shock, I got my garden gloves on and herded him back outside to the garden where he belongs.
Bones
:D Hey Bones, We have done a bit of snake relocation around here, too! Black whip snakes tend to enjoy our yard, particularly when we have newly hatched chicks. They're non-venomous, so no threat to humanity, but pretty deadly when they coil around a baby chicken. So... into a pillowcase they go, for transport to a new location :) Copperheads, on the other hand, receive instant judgment :shock:
Sounds like you're doing pretty well and still smiling :D and that is wonderful! I think of ya often and then I smile, too! Hope you have a great weekend...
Love,
Hope
-
Just wanted to check in for the day. I had a bit of an adventure when I went to the condo mailboxes in my building. Just as I started to stick the key into the lock, I suddenly realized that there was a two-foot long, LIVE garden snake at my feet! How it got into the building, I'm not sure! After the initial shock, I got my garden gloves on and herded him back outside to the garden where he belongs.
Bones
:D Hey Bones, We have done a bit of snake relocation around here, too! Black whip snakes tend to enjoy our yard, particularly when we have newly hatched chicks. They're non-venomous, so no threat to humanity, but pretty deadly when they coil around a baby chicken. So... into a pillowcase they go, for transport to a new location :) Copperheads, on the other hand, receive instant judgment :shock:
Sounds like you're doing pretty well and still smiling :D and that is wonderful! I think of ya often and then I smile, too! Hope you have a great weekend...
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I'm trying to prepare myself for my next job interview in Prince Frederick, Maryland which is about another hour away in the opposite direction from the first interview.
Bones
-
Good luck, Bones. Hang in there...
-
Good luck, Bones. Hang in there...
Thanks, Stormy.
Bones
-
Part of me is apprehensive about this upcoming interview because it will be in front of a panel of people instead of being interviewed by one or two people.
Bones
-
Part of me is apprehensive about this upcoming interview because it will be in front of a panel of people instead of being interviewed by one or two people.
Bones
When is the interview, Bones?
Just envision the entire panel in purple polka dotted robes, fuzzy bunny slippers, and those goofy sleep hats with the poofball at the end of the stocking tube... you'll do fine :D
(((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
Love,
Hope
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Wow Bones,
Do we love you or what??? Your original post has stretched to 20 pages :) They'll love you at the interview too. And don't forget, you are also checking them out :) It's a two-way deal.They will be lucky if they get you!
Love and good wishes,
Betb
-
Part of me is apprehensive about this upcoming interview because it will be in front of a panel of people instead of being interviewed by one or two people.
Bones
When is the interview, Bones?
Just envision the entire panel in purple polka dotted robes, fuzzy bunny slippers, and those goofy sleep hats with the poofball at the end of the stocking tube... you'll do fine :D
(((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
The interview is on Wednesday morning and about an hour's drive away.
Bones
-
Wow Bones,
Do we love you or what??? Your original post has stretched to 20 pages :) They'll love you at the interview too. And don't forget, you are also checking them out :) It's a two-way deal.They will be lucky if they get you!
Love and good wishes,
Betb
Thanks Beth.
I'm trying not to get too anxious. One of the things I'll probably be discussing is being able to focus on school without the job impacting my grades.
Bones
-
I've gotten a phone call from a former colleague. He is very familiar with the facility where my job interview will be tomorrow. He tells me it is a good program and has encouraged me to use his name as one of my references since they also know him.
Bones
-
Oh boy, that is terrific to have positive feedback. And another reference. Also, good.
I was just thinking a minute ago that your interview is tomorrow. All my best to you. I hope for a terrific outcome for you, Bones.
Pennyplant
-
Oh boy, that is terrific to have positive feedback. And another reference. Also, good.
I was just thinking a minute ago that your interview is tomorrow. All my best to you. I hope for a terrific outcome for you, Bones.
Pennyplant
Thanks, Pennyplant!
I've also been checking on the thread about the silly pets. It helps to be able to find something to laugh about in spite of the apprehension.
Bones
-
I left for my interview at 8:00 a.m. this morning and it took nearly two hours to get to the facility. I hadn't planned on road construction taking place along the route. The interview itself seemed to go well. I won't know one way or the other for about a week and a half to two weeks. The panel that interviewed me has to send their recommendations to Baltimore from Calvert County. I just have to let go and let God.
Bones
-
Just in case, I'm planning on attending a Career Fair near my home to see what possibilities might be there.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
If it seems normal to do so, how about sending a little followup note to each member of the panel, saying it was nice meeting you and I thought your questions were brill and I really want the position.....could you?
Plucky
-
Friday turned out to not be a good day for me.
After double-checking the job fair announcement, several times, during the past month to confirm that the job fair was scheduled for Friday, October 27th, I go over there this morning and learned that the announcement had given me the WRONG DATE!!! Instead of the job fair taking place on Friday, October 27th, as it had been announced, it took place the day before....Thursday, October 26th, so I missed it!!! :x
I also got a last minute request, from a friend, to find a Harry Potter-themed costume as she decided to invite me to accompany her to a party. (She is notorious for waiting until literally the LAST MINUTE!) Needless to say, at this late date in October, there was NOTHING available that would fit the theme or fit me. That added to my irritation after the job fair fiasco.
When I got home, I got a letter from the people I interviewed with on Wednesday concerning a job only to be informed that they have decided NOT to hire me!!!!
Bummer Day!!!! :x
Bones
-
Aww, Bones, I'm really sorry.
Glad you came here to share this maddening day.
Hope yuo can work through the disapointment this wknd and keep on trying.
You're going to make it.
Hops
-
Aw, Bones, way too many bad things for one day. How very, very frustrating. So sorry about every one of them
Pennyplant
-
Bones, I just posted this to Samm on another thread.
this is Barbara Ehrenreich's web site. She wrote 'Nickled and Dimed', about how damn impossible it is to make a living anywhere in the US on minimum wage - and she knew, because she tried. She has also written 'Bait and Switch', about what it is like to be unemployed in white collar America today.
You will find her candor refreshing and her perceptions reassuring. Not comforting, necessarily, but reassuring - you're not imagining things, and you didn't cause this to happen to yourself.
You will also find that you are not alone, I hope.
Yes, she has a message board. It's at the link marked Forum.
http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/
-
Well Bones,
If bad things come in threes, you are all set for now. Bummer, bummer, bummer!
Plucky
-
Aww, Bones, I'm really sorry.
Glad you came here to share this maddening day.
Hope yuo can work through the disapointment this wknd and keep on trying.
You're going to make it.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I came home late from the Halloween party feeling more irritated at the friend who gave the last minute invitation. I managed to pull a costume together and was ready to hit the road. Her sister also was ready to head to the party. However, DOOFUS did NOT begin to create her costume, from scratch, until literally the LAST MINUTE!!! We were supposed to head out the door between 6:45 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Because of all her DITHERING and B.S., we didn't head out until 8:15 p.m.!!! (The party started at 8:00 p.m. and the host and hostess prefers to start and end their parties promptly.) The sister had not eaten dinner because she expected to be at the party by 8:00 p.m. so she was hungry! DOOFUS kept blathering mindlessly that "It'll be O.K." (She is notorious for being LATE everywhere she goes, refuses to wear a watch and never bothers to check the time.) To add insult to injury, as the rest of the guests are saying their "Good Nite's and heading out the door, DOOFUS is still running her face. Her sister and I kept trying to get her attention to remind her that it's time to go. Both the host and hostess came over about two or three times, attempting to give her the same hint. She ignored all of us and kept on blathering. (Her sister and I were stuck because DOOFUS was the one who drove.) When the host finally came over for the LAST time, in his stocking feet, saying that it's late, he's tired, and he wants to go to bed.... FINALLY DOOFUS notices that it's after 1:00 p.m in the morning!!!!! Not only was I tired, I was REALLY irritated about her ignoring everything while running her mouth! On the drive home from the party, both her sister and I explained the obvious to her about her rudeness to the host, hostess and us. We both pointed out that (1) she was the guest of a guest and (2) we were the guests of a guest of a guest. Ignoring the host and hostess when they are politely asking us to go home is RUDE! I'm not sure she even got the message! Maybe she has N-traits. I was ready to smack her!!!!
Bones
-
Aw, Bones, way too many bad things for one day. How very, very frustrating. So sorry about every one of them
Pennyplant
Thanks, Pennyplant.
Bones
-
Bones, I just posted this to Samm on another thread.
this is Barbara Ehrenreich's web site. She wrote 'Nickled and Dimed', about how damn impossible it is to make a living anywhere in the US on minimum wage - and she knew, because she tried. She has also written 'Bait and Switch', about what it is like to be unemployed in white collar America today.
You will find her candor refreshing and her perceptions reassuring. Not comforting, necessarily, but reassuring - you're not imagining things, and you didn't cause this to happen to yourself.
You will also find that you are not alone, I hope.
Yes, she has a message board. It's at the link marked Forum.
http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/
Thanks, Stormy.
I read her book when I happened to come across it at the library.
Bones
-
Well Bones,
If bad things come in threes, you are all set for now. Bummer, bummer, bummer!
Plucky
Thanks, Plucky.
Bones
-
I've had a chance to get some sleep and calm down from yesterday's Halloween fiasco. I'm still trying to figure out why in the HECK she is consistently LATE for whatever it is?
Bones
-
Because people put up with it, and come back for more.
Not blaming you, Bones. But as long as she gets away with it and experiences no consequences, of course she'll keep right on doing it.
-
Because people put up with it, and come back for more.
Not blaming you, Bones. But as long as she gets away with it and experiences no consequences, of course she'll keep right on doing it.
I've given her consequences once before, culminating in my not speaking to her for three years. This was before her mother developed Alzheimers. The next time I speak with her, I'm going to remind her that the next time she asks me to accompany her somewhere, and she's not ready when it's time to go, I will simply go back home and let her think about how she impacts other people with this crap! When she ignores the time, I'm getting the impression that she seems to think that no one else's schedule is important.
Bones
-
I've given her consequences once before, culminating in my not speaking to her for three years.
Oh, that is sad. It's disheartening to see them go right back to the same old same old without as much as a pause. After three years. That sets a record of some kind. I'm sorry, Bones.
Could I suggest that if there is a next time for accompanying her somewhere, you arrange to meet her at the destination instead, and start on time with whatever it is whether she is there or not? [Says the person who always drives herself to restaurants to meet her friends, and takes a book. Just because.]
-
I've given her consequences once before, culminating in my not speaking to her for three years.
Oh, that is sad. It's disheartening to see them go right back to the same old same old without as much as a pause. After three years. That sets a record of some kind. I'm sorry, Bones.
Could I suggest that if there is a next time for accompanying her somewhere, you arrange to meet her at the destination instead, and start on time with whatever it is whether she is there or not? [Says the person who always drives herself to restaurants to meet her friends, and takes a book. Just because.]
In the past, that would be feasible. Now we have the added complication of her mother, with Alzheimer's, and she is the primary caretaker. I had been assisting in helping with the mother as her condition is worsening.
Bones
-
BTW, I just another announcement of another job fair coming up on November 8th. I have to check it out further to see which participants are going to be there that may be a good fit for the type of degree I have.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
you are going to be all right. You are plugging away and doing all the right things. Have you considered contacting any of your alumni groups for contacts? You must have an indergraduate diploma and possible contacts in your field, also you just earned your advnaced degree, right? How about the career assistance office at the university? If you have done all this, sorry to be out of date.
Plucky
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Hi Bones,
you are going to be all right. You are plugging away and doing all the right things. Have you considered contacting any of your alumni groups for contacts? You must have an indergraduate diploma and possible contacts in your field, also you just earned your advnaced degree, right? How about the career assistance office at the university? If you have done all this, sorry to be out of date.
Plucky
Thanks, Plucky! Good suggestion. At the same time, now might not be a good time to contact my alma mater where I got my Bachelor's degree. I graduated from Gallaudet University and the place has been in the news off and on since May of this year due to the president-select (who is a HUGE "N") trying to dig in her heels. The BoT FINALLY saw sense and reversed their decision. Now they need to go through the process of searching for a new prez and, this time, make the process transparent, fair, and more diverse. (BTW, I used to work under the "N" and she was a B____! I'm glad she has finally been ousted!)
Bones
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Bones, I saw that story on the news, but didn't hear the details. Did they talk about her personality or narcissism openly?
PP
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I saw that story today too. Just curious, bones, do you have a hearing impairment?
Is she really awful? The story made her sound as if she were fighting back somewhat successfully. Of course, the news we get is so limited here.
How are your teeth, bones? I hope I am bringing up a subject that has been put in the past :)
Love, Beth
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I saw that story today too. Just curious, bones, do you have a hearing impairment?
Is she really awful? The story made her sound as if she were fighting back somewhat successfully. Of course, the news we get is so limited here.
How are your teeth, bones? I hope I am bringing up a subject that has been put in the past :)
Love, Beth
I'm hearing. I worked at, as well as attended, Gallaudet University and yes, she is really awful. She is arrogant, dismissive, and is completely disinterested in anyone else's point of view. She has consistently demonstrated to those of us, who were unfortunate enough to encounter her, that THE ONLY IMPORTANT OPINION is hers and hers alone....her way or the highway. She attempted to convince everyone that she was THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD LEAD Gallaudet. She eliminated many departments and a lot of jobs, including mine. I couldn't help but notice that the departments and people she targeted for layoffs were anybody and everybody who dared to refuse to march in lockstep with her. Her attitude finally created "Instant Karma" for her...."What goes around, comes around".
I had to go back to the dentist today to have the final impressions made so that the lab can commence creating the permanent crown. The dentist had to numb me up again, while she probed around my gums, so everything is back to aching for awhile. Hopefully, the permanent crown will be ready in two weeks.
Bones
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I hope you still have good memories of Galludet, Bones...
I have found what I've read about deaf culture, and that university, really fascinating.
Are you fluent in ASL?
(Just trying to take your mind off your teeth... :?)
Hops
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I hope you still have good memories of Galludet, Bones...
I have found what I've read about deaf culture, and that university, really fascinating.
Are you fluent in ASL?
(Just trying to take your mind off your teeth... :?)
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I'm good at Sign Language. (There's different dialects, mine is more English word order than ASL which has its own syntax.) I just came home from an all day workshop on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (fascinating!). I need to re-read the material before I can share it in depth. As I was learning this, it reminded me of some of the discussions we have on this Board (including Borderline Personality Disorder).
Bones
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In the meantime, I'm still following up with the Board concerning the situation at my last job. I've been advised to revise my letter and make it more specific about the "supervisor" who was supposed to have the responsibility of supervising and training me. I just e-mailed that revised letter to the Board a little while ago.
Bones
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HI YA BONES
I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you and am glad you are here.
I am an artist I use many different media .But I just wanted to say I am legally blind in one eye.
It is amazing how my mind uses my one good eye the only thing I can not see would be if I went to a movie that had 3-d .Oh well
I still paint and sew and all the other stuff.I also have an on-ocular that helps with my long distance and I do not drive at night .
Really I do not drive a lot and have never driven on freeways well at least not with me driving...........
I do wish you well with your job search and hope you will find just the right position soon,
And good luck with the dentist I just got my teeth cleaned and my little d just got a cavity filled .Sure am glad thats over with..........
Much love to you :D
Moonlight
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Dear Bones ,
P.S. I was premature as a infant and that caused the problem................
Hugs ,
MoonLight
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HI YA BONES
I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you and am glad you are here.
I am an artist I use many different media .But I just wanted to say I am legally blind in one eye.
It is amazing how my mind uses my one good eye the only thing I can not see would be if I went to a movie that had 3-d .Oh well
I still paint and sew and all the other stuff.I also have an on-ocular that helps with my long distance and I do not drive at night .
Really I do not drive a lot and have never driven on freeways well at least not with me driving...........
I do wish you well with your job search and hope you will find just the right position soon,
And good luck with the dentist I just got my teeth cleaned and my little d just got a cavity filled .Sure am glad thats over with..........
Much love to you :D
Moonlight
Thanks, Moon!
BTW, I went ahead and got my flu shot today even though I HATE needles! The person giving the shot was good at it. The shot was over before I had the chance to say "Ouch!" That takes talent!
Bones
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Dear Bones ,
P.S. I was premature as a infant and that caused the problem................
Hugs ,
MoonLight
Ah!! Being a premature infant has been known to create a LOT of difficulties! That's something we have in common because I was also a "Preemie"...three months early! I guess I was in a hurry to get here!
Bones
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Hi Bones
My twin brother and I were premature about 3 months well almost 3 months..........
Wow that flu shot has to be done right .I have a girlfriend that works for the blood services and she can give a shot so it does not hurt.
I have had shots given by the best and the not so great.
Hope you are having a good day.
moonlight
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Hi Bones
My twin brother and I were premature about 3 months well almost 3 months..........
Wow that flu shot has to be done right .I have a girlfriend that works for the blood services and she can give a shot so it does not hurt.
I have had shots given by the best and the not so great.
Hope you are having a good day.
moonlight
Thanks, Moon.
I'm having a somewhat quiet day after I came home from having my flu shot. Your right. That flu shot has to be done right. I've also encountered medical personnel who know how to do it right and others who don't care how they jab patients. When I had to get stitches in my head several decades ago, one nurse ignored doctor's orders to wait and jammed a needle into my shin, hitting the bone. My instant reflex wound up with my kicking her in her jaw! Then I heard the doctor yell at her for ignoring him and he threw her out!
Bones
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I recently received a job announcement in the mail. (Job announcement = good :)). However, the place that sent me the announcement is on the other side of the Bay Bridge, almost to the Atlantic Ocean, about a three-four hour drive one way! (Commuting distance = bad :x). I sent it back stating "Thanks, but no thanks."
Bones
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I saw that story today too. Just curious, bones, do you have a hearing impairment?
Is she really awful? The story made her sound as if she were fighting back somewhat successfully. Of course, the news we get is so limited here.
How are your teeth, bones? I hope I am bringing up a subject that has been put in the past :)
Love, Beth
A postscript to the Gallaudet situation...two members of the BoT recently resigned.
Bones
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Bones
About your dufous friend and the Halloween fiasco - do you think she could have some issues that cause her lateness. It always appears to be rude and inconsiderate but perhaps it has more to do with some other issue. Could your friend have ADD or some anxiety or could he/she be struggling with huge issues of lonliness that intervene in perceptions of other's needs? If the lack of consideration is coming from somewhere else you may be able to thwart it with a compassionate conversation defining your needs and boundaries and identifying how they have been crossed in the past and that you don't want to experience another three year hiatus. Just a thought - Gaining Strength
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Bones
About your dufous friend and the Halloween fiasco - do you think she could have some issues that cause her lateness. It always appears to be rude and inconsiderate but perhaps it has more to do with some other issue. Could your friend have ADD or some anxiety or could he/she be struggling with huge issues of lonliness that intervene in perceptions of other's needs? If the lack of consideration is coming from somewhere else you may be able to thwart it with a compassionate conversation defining your needs and boundaries and identifying how they have been crossed in the past and that you don't want to experience another three year hiatus. Just a thought - Gaining Strength
I have STRONG reason to suspect that she has ADD because she is so easily distracted by EVERYTHING! It's also starting to get her in trouble at her work because she gets sidetracked so easily with everything going on around her. She called me last night asking me to help her with her mother because the visiting nurse was not scheduled for today. I made it absolutely clear that I was NOT happy at this last minute routine and that it is getting old! I also pointed out to her that if I accept the assignment, she will need to be back home no later than 12:00 noon because I have to leave for a previously scheduled appointment. I also told her that if she makes me late for my appointment that I will become VERY loud and unpleasant because making others late is RUDE! She got the message and came home to relieve me, ON TIME! Then she started getting distracted with a lot of little trivia while I'm trying to get me and my stuff out the door and I called her on that. It pointed out to me that her attention span doesn't last long when something else comes along to distract her, which results in a lot of things getting started and nothing being finished on time unless someone gets in her face about it.
Bones
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I have another job interview coming up on Monday morning, November 13th. This job would require that I report to work around 4:30 or 5:00 in the MORNING! The more I think about it, the more I'm going to treat this as an informational interview and not take the job. I'm not willing to "just settle" anymore.
Bones
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Bones - definitely take the interview as informational but what do you think about considering the job until you can find a better one? It is often easier to find a job when you have one. Whatever you do keep getting to these interviews that's the best way to find your place.
There have been times that I knew someone looking for an employee and I could recommend someone I had interviewed but not hired, someone who impressed me but who was better suited for a different job than the one I had available. Interviewing can be a good networking source. One thing I might suggest is that after an interview - if you don't get asked back, ask for feed back on what you did well and what you could improve on. You can get some great pointers this way.
I'm rooting for you to find a good position soon. - Gaining Strength
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Bones - definitely take the interview as informational but what do you think about considering the job until you can find a better one? It is often easier to find a job when you have one. Whatever you do keep getting to these interviews that's the best way to find your place.
There have been times that I knew someone looking for an employee and I could recommend someone I had interviewed but not hired, someone who impressed me but who was better suited for a different job than the one I had available. Interviewing can be a good networking source. One thing I might suggest is that after an interview - if you don't get asked back, ask for feed back on what you did well and what you could improve on. You can get some great pointers this way.
I'm rooting for you to find a good position soon. - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Depending on what they are willing to pay may change my mind. If they are willing to pay a "living wage", I'll probably take it. If they offer me less than what I had previously earned in my last job, then I'll decline. The last job didn't pay enough to pay my mortgage and condo fee, let alone additional expenses such as food, utilities, gas, insurance, etc. The subsequent stress outweighed the counseling experience I was trying to obtain. It doesn't make sense to take a job that will put me deeper into a financial "hole".
Bones
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The interview appeared to go o.k. but there were still the two sticking points: (a) turns out that the place opens at 5:30 a.m. and they wanted me there at 4:00 a.m., meaning I would need to be getting out of bed at 3:00 a.m. (I don't function well that way.), (b) the pay scale - the reaction I saw on the interviewer's facial expression told me volumes when I stated what starting salary I was looking for and why....student loans and dental bills. I thanked him for his time and will continue to keep looking.
Bones
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Yeah, Bones, speaking from experience here, if you took a job where you had to get up everyday at 3 am it would completely change your lifestyle and keep you off balance from the rest of the world and their schedule. Everytime you go somewhere at night and then have to leave early, like at 7, to get to bed on time, you will have to explain and explain. People just won't understand. You would miss a lot by being on such a different schedule. And if they don't even want to compensate you well.... Just not the place for you yet. You'll find it. At least you're getting out there and working on this. I bet it will pay off soon!
PP
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Yeah, Bones, speaking from experience here, if you took a job where you had to get up everyday at 3 am it would completely change your lifestyle and keep you off balance from the rest of the world and their schedule. Everytime you go somewhere at night and then have to leave early, like at 7, to get to bed on time, you will have to explain and explain. People just won't understand. You would miss a lot by being on such a different schedule. And if they don't even want to compensate you well.... Just not the place for you yet. You'll find it. At least you're getting out there and working on this. I bet it will pay off soon!
PP
Thanks, PennyPlant!
I was discussing the same issues with one of my friends today and she said virtually the same things. The bottom line was that I would not have had any kind of life at all outside of work and school. That's not the way I want to live my life.
Bones
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I'm still trying and applying. I just got a contact back from a place that I sent my resume' to via Career Builder.com. They are interested in interviewing me and we have a tentative appointment scheduled for this coming Wednesday at 1:00 p.m. I've emphasized to them that I am still a "trainee" working on meeting the state requirements for certification. I'm taking a "wait and see" attitude with this place as it seems to be a type of "staffing organization" that provides personnel to various client-facilities in this geographic area. Researching their website gives me the impression that they have offices all over the country. Has anyone heard of the "Delta-T Group"?
Bones
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BTW, I'm scheduled to have the permanent crown installed on Tuesday.
Bones
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Bones,
How did it go with the interview?
Good for you for seeing through all this dental work.
You can take that bright new smile right into your new job, when the right one comes.
Hops
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Bones,
How did it go with the interview?
Good for you for seeing through all this dental work.
You can take that bright new smile right into your new job, when the right one comes.
Hops
Hi, Hops.
I thought I had posted what had taken place from the interview of November 13th. It turned out that I would have been a poor fit for the job because it would have required me to get up at 3:00 a.m. and report for work by 4:00 a.m. That would have isolated me even further from having any kind of life as all of my friends work regular working hours. By the time they would have gotten home from their jobs I would have to be preparing for bed. I wouldn't be able to see my boyfriend, go to the movies or dinner with him nor see my other friends nor even be able to watch my favorite shows in the evening. That job would have been nothing more than going to work, coming home, fixing dinner, do my graduate school work and go to bed. I don't want that kind of life! I'm already battling depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Messing with my sleep-wake cycle plus social isolation would have made those conditions far worse! No thanks!
Bones
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So sorry, Bones, I got mixed up.
I do remember the insane-commute job...
I hope you get an interview for a better fit soon.
Hops
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So sorry, Bones, I got mixed up.
I do remember the insane-commute job...
I hope you get an interview for a better fit soon.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I have another interview coming up on Wednesday in Columbia, MD.
Bones
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Good going Bones. The way you keep plugging on, you will have a good result. Each time is a learning experience. And good practice. How about getting out and networking? I know in the DC area there are many opportunities to meet and greet. I know you don't feel like it, most people don't. But it can be helpful. All you need is that one contact!
Plucky
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Good going Bones. The way you keep plugging on, you will have a good result. Each time is a learning experience. And good practice. How about getting out and networking? I know in the DC area there are many opportunities to meet and greet. I know you don't feel like it, most people don't. But it can be helpful. All you need is that one contact!
Plucky
I've been doing that as well even though I've not had any luck yet.
Bones
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The permanent crown has now been installed and I'm still mentally preparing for my upcoming interview Wednesday afternoon.
Bones
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You go girl!!!!! I hope the job fits as well as your new crown :)
Lots of love, Beth
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You go girl!!!!! I hope the job fits as well as your new crown :)
Lots of love, Beth
Thanks, Beth.
Even though I got there in time for my 1:00 p.m. appointment there seemed to be some confusion. I had already filled out an application on-line so I was expecting just a job interview before they made the decision to hire me. Instead I was given a whole slew of forms to fill out (i.e. W-9, contract, etc.) even though I was told that they had not decided to accept me yet! My logic dictates that (1) I fill out a job application, (2) if the application passes inspection, then I would get a job interview, (3) if I pass the job interview and get accepted, THEN I get all the various employment forms to fill out. It felt like the cart was being put before the horse! By the time I finished filling out all the forms that they told me was required BEFORE the job interview, there was not enough time for the interview itself before the interviewer had to leave for another appointment. :roll: I found that VERY confusing!!!! Then they decided to do a telephone interview the day after Thanksgiving. That means I have to stay home and stay off-line until after the phone call. The whole experience still has me scratching my head!
Bones
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Bones, I have had interviews where I was given a tour and treated almost as if I already had the job. It seemed strange to me and I have seen it done with others that way as well. I'm wondering now if it is some form of screening to see if the candidate will fit in before even doing an interview and finding out your qualifications. You know, if the person seems interested in their surroundings during the tour or if they seem bored with the place that might tell them something about how well the job will be learned, etc. Of course, I'm just filling in what might make sense to me as a reason for doing that. Personally, I find it misleading to do things before the interview that used to be done as part of orientation once you've been hired. A couple of times I thought I had the job because of that and was quite disappointed when I never got a call back. I felt kind of tricked when that happened.
But possibly you have already passed the first hurdle since they have gone ahead and scheduled a phone interview. I did one of those once and it was a mere formality. They already knew me from a previous interview (when I was not hired) and just wanted to touch base with me before actually giving me the job the second time around.
So, maybe it is actually a good sign to be having the phone interview on Friday. I hope it works out well for you.
Pennyplant
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Bones, I have had interviews where I was given a tour and treated almost as if I already had the job. It seemed strange to me and I have seen it done with others that way as well. I'm wondering now if it is some form of screening to see if the candidate will fit in before even doing an interview and finding out your qualifications. You know, if the person seems interested in their surroundings during the tour or if they seem bored with the place that might tell them something about how well the job will be learned, etc. Of course, I'm just filling in what might make sense to me as a reason for doing that. Personally, I find it misleading to do things before the interview that used to be done as part of orientation once you've been hired. A couple of times I thought I had the job because of that and was quite disappointed when I never got a call back. I felt kind of tricked when that happened.
But possibly you have already passed the first hurdle since they have gone ahead and scheduled a phone interview. I did one of those once and it was a mere formality. They already knew me from a previous interview (when I was not hired) and just wanted to touch base with me before actually giving me the job the second time around.
So, maybe it is actually a good sign to be having the phone interview on Friday. I hope it works out well for you.
Pennyplant
Thanks, Pennyplant!
One of the other hurdles is that they insist on speaking to the person who fired me and not to the references I gave. That does not bode well.
Bones
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Bones - what concerns me is that I view the interview as a two way street. It is as much an opportunity for you to determine if they are right for you as it is the other way around. It seems that in this case they are not cognizant of that. Remember that you are interviewing them too.
Keep those red flags in mind but if every thing else fits you can take the job and still keep looking.
About talking to the person who fired you - let it go. there is nothing you can do about it. Send that person
positive mindwaves and then remember - that person is limited legally in what he or she can say.
Keep positive - remember - you are making a choice here too. With that frame of mind you can feel confident and
let your fears fall back somewhere. - I'm rooting for you Bones - Gaining Strength
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Bones, if you think you are getting bad references, there's an outfit that will doublecheck them for you. It costs, but it may be worth it.
www.badreferences.com
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Bones - what concerns me is that I view the interview as a two way street. It is as much an opportunity for you to determine if they are right for you as it is the other way around. It seems that in this case they are not cognizant of that. Remember that you are interviewing them too.
Keep those red flags in mind but if every thing else fits you can take the job and still keep looking.
About talking to the person who fired you - let it go. there is nothing you can do about it. Send that person
positive mindwaves and then remember - that person is limited legally in what he or she can say.
Keep positive - remember - you are making a choice here too. With that frame of mind you can feel confident and
let your fears fall back somewhere. - I'm rooting for you Bones - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Bones
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Bones, if you think you are getting bad references, there's an outfit that will doublecheck them for you. It costs, but it may be worth it.
www.badreferences.com
Thanks, Stormy.
I'll check it out.
Bones
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BTW, after waiting several hours, today, to be called for the telephone interview and hearing nothing, I called back. The person answering the phone laughed and stated that the individual doesn't work the day after Thanksgiving and she doesn't know when the telephone interview will take place. This was the opposite of what I was told on Wednesday by this same individual. I've got a bad feeling about this, especially given all the forms I was required to fill out before they would interview me!
Bones
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Bones, I have a bad feeling too, but it's more about the clod who laughed at you today. You might want to call again on Monday, and if that same clod answers the phone again, ask to speak to someone else. If, when you speak to that someone else, there's any surprise at all that you didn't get your callback on Friday, I wouldn't hesitate to share what you experienced when you tried to make contact then.
Not that you want to work in a place where lies and gameplaying are happening - if they are - before you're even hired; but if that's true, it may be worth something to someone there to discover that the dysfunction - if that's what this was - has spread so far that games are now being played with interviewees.
I've been a supervisor. I would not have tolerated anyone laughing at an interviewee who was making a follow up contact for any reason. I would also have some pretty sharp words for anyone on my staff who answered the phone and blithely informed you that they couldn't give you any useful information, without making the least effort to put you in touch with someone who could.
Do you see what I mean? I cannot be certain, but based on my own understanding of standards of conduct for workplaces and how to treat job candidates, it sure looks to me as though you were abused.
[PS: if I sound like an old meanie, you'll be surprised to learn that I had waiting lists of people who wanted to transfer in and work for me, every place I was a supervisor. I applied the same standards to myself that I expected my staff to meet: no meanness, no bs, no games, no lies. People found it refreshing to be able to actually do their jobs...]
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Bones, I have a bad feeling too, but it's more about the clod who laughed at you today. You might want to call again on Monday, and if that same clod answers the phone again, ask to speak to someone else. If, when you speak to that someone else, there's any surprise at all that you didn't get your callback on Friday, I wouldn't hesitate to share what you experienced when you tried to make contact then.
Not that you want to work in a place where lies and gameplaying are happening - if they are - before you're even hired; but if that's true, it may be worth something to someone there to discover that the dysfunction - if that's what this was - has spread so far that games are now being played with interviewees.
I've been a supervisor. I would not have tolerated anyone laughing at an interviewee who was making a follow up contact for any reason. I would also have some pretty sharp words for anyone on my staff who answered the phone and blithely informed you that they couldn't give you any useful information, without making the least effort to put you in touch with someone who could.
Do you see what I mean? I cannot be certain, but based on my own understanding of standards of conduct for workplaces and how to treat job candidates, it sure looks to me as though you were abused.
[PS: if I sound like an old meanie, you'll be surprised to learn that I had waiting lists of people who wanted to transfer in and work for me, every place I was a supervisor. I applied the same standards to myself that I expected my staff to meet: no meanness, no bs, no games, no lies. People found it refreshing to be able to actually do their jobs...]
Thanks, Stormy!
I wished there were more supervisors like you in the workplace instead of what I have recently been encountering during the past three to four months!
Bones
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I recently got a thing in the mail from the Unemployment Office where I have to attend a mandatory workshop this week. I'm hoping they can give me some new insights into what else I can do.
Bones
-
Bones,
I smell a rat there too... I would bail on that place...
Yes, I hope the workshop will be a good one and helpful!! You certainly have worked your butt off... time for some good results, dontcha think???
Love, Beth
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Bones,
I smell a rat there too... I would bail on that place...
Yes, I hope the workshop will be a good one and helpful!! You certainly have worked your butt off... time for some good results, dontcha think???
Love, Beth
Thanks, Beth.
I'm just hoping that they don't take advantage of the information I filled out on the W-9 or the job application.
Bones
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I am SO GLAD that this Board is up and running again!
To bring everyone up to date since I was able to log on her last, I have a job interview scheduled for Wednesday, December 6th at 6:00 p.m. that looks very promising and another interview coming up on Saturday, December 9th, that also looks promising as well. Both are part-time work. One is working with the homeless and the other is teaching a four=hour class on Saturday mornings. Both experiences should be good.
Bones
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Bravo, Bones!
So glad things are shaking loose for you.
Hops
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Bravo, Bones!
So glad things are shaking loose for you.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
Bones
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Any news on the new interviews, bones?
Love, Beth
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Any news on the new interviews, bones?
Love, Beth
Hi, Beth.
I had one job interview this evening for the position of Program Monitor for the Hypothermia Program. This program provides overnight shelter for the homeless during the winter months. I've been hired on a part time basis, Friday and Saturday nights from 6:30 p.m. to midnight starting this Friday. I have another job interview on Saturday morning for the position of counselor/facilitator for a court-ordered diversion program where I will be teaching first-time offenders of writing bad checks on how to avoid that problem in the future. That second interview sounds promising as well. If I get that job too, then I will be working Friday nights, 6:30 p.m. to midnight, Saturday morning from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon, then Saturday nights from 6:30 p.m. to midnight. The Hypothermia Program will run from now until March 31, 2007.
Bones
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Any news on the new interviews, bones?
Love, Beth
Hi, Beth.
I had one job interview this evening for the position of Program Monitor for the Hypothermia Program. This program provides overnight shelter for the homeless during the winter months. I've been hired on a part time basis, Friday and Saturday nights from 6:30 p.m. to midnight starting this Friday. I have another job interview on Saturday morning for the position of counselor/facilitator for a court-ordered diversion program where I will be teaching first-time offenders of writing bad checks on how to avoid that problem in the future. That second interview sounds promising as well. If I get that job too, then I will be working Friday nights, 6:30 p.m. to midnight, Saturday morning from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon, then Saturday nights from 6:30 p.m. to midnight. The Hypothermia Program will run from now until March 31, 2007.
Bones
Right now I guess it's normal to feel apprehensive about starting one new part time job and I just got word that I've been hired for the second part time job as well.
Bones
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There was a last minute schedule conflict with the second part-time job so the training for that has been postponed indefinitely.
Bones
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I'm also still looking for full-time work in the addictions field as a counselor-in-training. If anyone living in Maryland knows of such a position, can you please let me know?
Thanks!
Bones
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Bones - things are changing for you. That is exciting. The big one is coming - not as quickly as you would like but it is coming. As much as you are able take comfort in receiving both of the part time jobs. Focus on how well you were received in these two cases and begin to expect that when you find the position you want. Things ARE changing for you. I encourage you to focus on how good it is to be accepted.
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Bones - things are changing for you. That is exciting. The big one is coming - not as quickly as you would like but it is coming. As much as you are able take comfort in receiving both of the part time jobs. Focus on how well you were received in these two cases and begin to expect that when you find the position you want. Things ARE changing for you. I encourage you to focus on how good it is to be accepted.
Thanks, GS.
This past Friday and Saturday were the first two days I worked at the homeless shelter. It reminds me of how much we often take for granted and it also reminds me of what I have read in the Bible.
Bones
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Even though I'm working part time, I find myself still battling a combination of anxiety and depression. I think the combination of the holidays and Season Affective Disorder is doing a number on me.
Bones
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Bones - I am right there with you. Even though I have made good progress on the anxiety this time of year still knocks me for a loop. I start anti-depressants before Thanksgiving because the years I didn't I got laid low before I realized it. This time of year can be difficult for some of us. My heart is with you. - Gaining Strength
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Bones - I am right there with you. Even though I have made good progress on the anxiety this time of year still knocks me for a loop. I start anti-depressants before Thanksgiving because the years I didn't I got laid low before I realized it. This time of year can be difficult for some of us. My heart is with you. - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
Just sitting here with my mug of tea, and my Happylight (SAD light) shining into my face from the side...
It helps me every winter.
How are you faring today? You've had such good developments, job-wise. You start one soon, right? And are working on another?
Hope you find some cheer that's just right for your heart and your inner winter celebration, Christmas or solstice or Hannukah or whatever. (It's so overdone Out There that nobody could possibly match the hysteria, and that's not celebration anyway.)
(((Bones)))
Hops
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Hi Bones,
Just sitting here with my mug of tea, and my Happylight (SAD light) shining into my face from the side...
It helps me every winter.
How are you faring today? You've had such good developments, job-wise. You start one soon, right? And are working on another?
Hope you find some cheer that's just right for your heart and your inner Christmas. (It's so overdone Out There that nobody could possibly match the hysteria, and that's not celebration anyway.)
(((Bones)))
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I've already started the one part-time job last week. The other possibility has been postponed to after the holidays due to schedule conflicts with training. In the meantime, I'm still searching for the type of work that fits me better.
Bones
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I'm still putting one foot in front of the other in spite of battling depression. I've also been talking with my boyfriend about getting couples counseling as I'm sure both of our childhood baggage is getting in the way of EVERYTHING. He seems willing and I've found a therapist near our home. At the same time, he seems to be dragging his feet about making an appointment. I told him that he needs to make a definite decision by the end of this month or I will be forced to make a decision that I know he will NOT be happy with. This depression is also affecting my ability to sleep...waking up with either anxiety attacks or violent nightmares that remind me of what happened to me growing up. My boyfriend is trying to help by bringing me chocolate ice cream. At least he's trying the best way he knows how given that he grew up with a Nfather who treated him like a yo-yo ("I think I'll be a father today, oh wait, go with your aunt, there's another skirt I want to chase!")
Bones
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Yes, Bones, it is very hard when both of you need the same things. My husband is also voiceless like me. There are times when we are at cross-purposes to each other. I suppose it is better than it would have been if each of us had been saddled with an N. But healing is harder when both of you need to do it.
I hope he decides to cooperate with going to the therapist. I'm pretty sure my husband would not want to go. If I ever decide to try therapy, I would probably just go by myself. Maybe tell him some of the things I learn. That's what I do with this place. I don't want him to come here, but I do tell him what I learn here.
My husband grew up with a father who had issues with women. Most of the family considers him to have actually been a misogynist. He did everything in his power to undermine and sabotage whoever his wife was (he married three times). He always tried to make the mom out to be the "bad guy", he would try to make it difficult for her to keep house, he spent many years "remodeling" the house, which really amounted to dismanteling the house. My husband always saw it for what it was as compared to the other kids who often believed their mom was the bad guy. It's a pretty complicated upbringing to have survived. He still has to deal with some of those issues. He keeps it pretty well locked up inside him. I doubt that he will ever want to dig very deep. It's just something I have decided to let lay. I have enough of my own stuff to work on to last a lifetime I'm sure.
Oh, and my husband gives me things too and feeds me. It's his language of caring I guess. Love in action.
There's a lot of layers to it when you're both voiceless.
Pennyplant
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Yes, Bones, it is very hard when both of you need the same things. My husband is also voiceless like me. There are times when we are at cross-purposes to each other. I suppose it is better than it would have been if each of us had been saddled with an N. But healing is harder when both of you need to do it.
I hope he decides to cooperate with going to the therapist. I'm pretty sure my husband would not want to go. If I ever decide to try therapy, I would probably just go by myself. Maybe tell him some of the things I learn. That's what I do with this place. I don't want him to come here, but I do tell him what I learn here.
My husband grew up with a father who had issues with women. Most of the family considers him to have actually been a misogynist. He did everything in his power to undermine and sabotage whoever his wife was (he married three times). He always tried to make the mom out to be the "bad guy", he would try to make it difficult for her to keep house, he spent many years "remodeling" the house, which really amounted to dismanteling the house. My husband always saw it for what it was as compared to the other kids who often believed their mom was the bad guy. It's a pretty complicated upbringing to have survived. He still has to deal with some of those issues. He keeps it pretty well locked up inside him. I doubt that he will ever want to dig very deep. It's just something I have decided to let lay. I have enough of my own stuff to work on to last a lifetime I'm sure.
Oh, and my husband gives me things too and feeds me. It's his language of caring I guess. Love in action.
There's a lot of layers to it when you're both voiceless.
Pennyplant
I see what you mean. At one point, during our conversations, I told him that given that I'm in graduate school studying psychology, that it puts me in the unique position of recognizing issues in BOTH of us and I don't want to be the counselor/psychologist/therapist in this relationship. I told him that I am painfully aware that my childhood baggage is impacting him and vice versa. That's why I feel that we could benefit from couples counseling so we can learn how to heal without unwittingly/unconsciously hurting each other.
Bones
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That is so true. I know for a fact, we have each hurt the other in trying to overcome what is going on inside of us. It is not deliberate. But it has happened many times as something of a side effect of trying to heal.
PP
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(((((((((((((Bones, bf, PP, MrPP)))))))))))))))))))
I am so glad your voices are in my life.
Hops
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(((((((((((((Bones, bf, PP, MrPP)))))))))))))))))))
I am so glad your voices are in my life.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I'm glad this Board, and all of you, are here!
Bones
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I'm also dealing with some emotional triggers too. I was watching the Dr. Keith Ablow show today where a daughter was tearfully recounting being sexually molested by her stepfather between the ages of 7 to 9 and I felt rage as the Nmother coldly told her daughter, in front of Dr. Ablow and the audience to "get over it", then proceeded to talk about herself...totally ignoring her daughter's pain! Dr. Ablow finally invited the daughter to cut ties with her mother for at least three to six months so she could focus on her own healing. I was watching Dr. Ablow's expression and he looked like he was appalled at the Nmother's reactions. Nmom reminded me of my own Nmom under similar circumstances. That is the source of my own rage.
Bones
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I'm appalled too, ((((((Bones)))))))).
Hops
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I'm appalled too, ((((((Bones)))))))).
Hops
Thanks, Hops!!
Bones
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Keep me in your prayers! I got a call from the University of Maryland Medical Center - Division of Integrated Medicine about a possible job interview after the holidays. I've already been asked to submit a writing sample of my work from graduate school and to obtain two references.
Bones
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Bones, that's wonderful.
Just asking...are you comfortable giving so many specifics about where you are, etc., online?
I hope you get the job!!!!
Hops
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Way to GO!!!!! Things are starting to turn. - GS
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Bones, that's wonderful.
Just asking...are you comfortable giving so many specifics about where you are, etc., online?
I hope you get the job!!!!
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I'm hoping I'm making Maryland general enough.
Bones
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Way to GO!!!!! Things are starting to turn. - GS
Thanks, GS!
Bones
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It looks like I'll have to wait until after the Holidays before I can contact anyone for references. I sent an e-mail to one possible reference but he hasn't responded yet. He may be out of town visiting family for Christmas and New Year's.
Bones
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Got a response back from one of my possible references. Now I have to await a response from the interviewer to find out exactly what they are looking for in a reference letter. Turns out the individual I contacted had never written a reference letter from scratch before. He was used to filling out reference forms. New challenge for both of us.
Bones
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I still struggle with doubting myself and those around me. I'm even certain if bf is an N or has N tendencies. One of the things he has a habit of doing is completely ignoring things that he does not consider important to himself until I finally start yelling at him. Then he gets this "deer in the headlights" look on his face.
Bones
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Bones -
One of the things he has a habit of doing is completely ignoring things that he does not consider important to himself until I finally start yelling at him.
Send more info - "ignoring things that he does not consider important to himself" - sounds like he has a bad case of maleness.
"until I finally start yelling at him." - not the best solution as it leads to the dread disease of screaming meemies.
Seriously, something he's not doing is clearly driving you nutso. But is his behavior irritating or over the top in self-centeredness. The screaming solution is one way to get action but I suspect if you thought about it you could get similar results without dragging yourself into the mire. Take it from one who has recently recovered from being angry and raging for years. Life really is better without screaming. In fact if you practise on past experiences and think of clever ways to prod it can become an entertaining challenge but there is also a middle road method to getting the actions you need.
Give a "for instance" - made up or real and lets work it out for practise. - your friend - Gaining strength
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Bones - One of the things he has a habit of doing is completely ignoring things that he does not consider important to himself until I finally start yelling at him.
Send more info - "ignoring things that he does not consider important to himself" - sounds like he has a bad case of maleness.
"until I finally start yelling at him." - not the best solution as it leads to the dread disease of screaming meemies.
Seriously, something he's not doing is clearly driving you nutso. But is his behavior irritating or over the top in self-centeredness. The screaming solution is one way to get action but I suspect if you thought about it you could get similar results without dragging yourself into the mire. Take it from one who has recently recovered from being angry and raging for years. Life really is better without screaming. In fact if you practise on past experiences and think of clever ways to prod it can become an entertaining challenge but there is also a middle road method to getting the actions you need.
Give a "for instance" - made up or real and lets work it out for practise. - your friend - Gaining strength
Thanks, GS.
I've also suggested couples counseling based on the "baggage" we both have. He's still waffling about that.
Bones
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couples counseling
That's a good idea. Wonder why he's waffling? - GS
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couples counseling
That's a good idea. Wonder why he's waffling? - GS
I have a feeling that there are a LOT of issues that he does not want to look at and, at the same time, I think he is becoming aware of how much his "baggage" is affecting me as I am painfully aware of how much my "baggage" is affecting him.
Bones
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That's tough stuff bones.
I think you are in a very important place of understanding. You don't have to make any decisions right now but you are in the midst of growing and beginning to open up your wounds to expose them to the healing air. If he is not able or not willing then you will grow past him. It is dangerous but enticing to find comfort in a relationship that temporarily provides balm for those old wounds but unless you are both able to work to heal them then they fester and worsen often leading to a caustic relationship ratheer than soothing one. But then he may be willing and able to heal and is simply on a different timeline.
Keep moving forward. Try to offer him comfort rather than demands. Give to him the understanding that you need and it will come back to you (though perhaps not from him). Try to move in kindness and all the things you need for healing. When you get the new job you will feel like you are on firmer ground. That will be a better place to begin to make changes from. your friend - Gaining Strength
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I am trying the best I can in being patient for the past six-plus years. I've come to realize that if nothing changes, nothing changes. We have been discussing issues since our first date so it's nothing new for us.
Bones
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Even though I have been working at the part-time temporary job for a little less than a month, I've just discovered a possible problem which is a potential repeat from my last job.
To give a little bit of background: When I was hired at my last job, the executive director told me that my rate of pay would be $11.00 an hour. However, when I received my first paycheck, I discovered that the rate was knocked down to $10.00 an hour. When this was questioned, the response was "We do this to everyone!" Fast forward to the interview for the current part-time temporary job...I was informed that my rate of pay would be $11.00 an hour, which was why I accepted the job in the first place...believing it would be paying more than the last one. Then I got my paystub and, again, the rate was knocked down to $10.00 an hour! :x
I do not want a rerun of my last job ESPECIALLY given that this job has me driving all over the county without being reimbursed for the mileage. No job is worth it if it is going to put me financially deeper in the hole!
Bones
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Bones - did you get the $11/hour offer in writing? Whether you did or not you definitely need to go to the person who offered you $11 and find out what is going on. Approach is assertively and tell them that a mistake has been made in your rate of pay and ask what needs to be done to correct it. Be assertive and nice as though you have discovered a mistake that they will be glad to correct.
About your mileage - definitely keep track for your taxes. You can make up in part for the lack of reimbursement through your taxes. Hang in there. I am so sorry this has happened again. - GS
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Bones - did you get the $11/hour offer in writing? Whether you did or not you definitely need to go to the person who offered you $11 and find out what is going on. Approach is assertively and tell them that a mistake has been made in your rate of pay and ask what needs to be done to correct it. Be assertive and nice as though you have discovered a mistake that they will be glad to correct.
About your mileage - definitely keep track for your taxes. You can make up in part for the lack of reimbursement through your taxes. Hang in there. I am so sorry this has happened again. - GS
Unfortunately, the person who told me that my pay rate would be $11 an hour no longer works there. Apparently, her other job told her that working for pay for this organization presented a conflict of interest so she gave up working for this organization. I've sent an e-mail to the Executive Director and Deputy Director using the approach that a mistake has been made and asking how it can be corrected. At this point, I have not received ANY response.
Bones
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OK. Give them a day and then it is time to follow up with a phone call. People often tend to avoid dealing with a problem if they can get it to "go away". So don't let it go away. One way to help strategize solving a problem like this is to put yourself in the shoes of those you need to help you. If you were the ED or Dpty Dir you would probably hope the problem would go away. If you find the new employee persistent but positive you might find extra incentive to keep her because you need more people when her attitude - persistent but pleasant, assertive but polite.
I am trying the best I can in being patient for the past six-plus years. I've come to realize that if nothing changes, nothing changes. We have been discussing issues since our first date so it's nothing new for us.
I wonder if you are approaching the time to be assertive about your relationship. Are you ready to consider cutting him loose? Do you believe that you deserve someone who will meet your needs and communicate with you? I know it is difficult to make changes when everything else is askew but you are clearly moving in a direction where you are going to demand better things for yourself. you are becoming more assertive and you will be healthier and happier for it.
your friend - gaining strength
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OK. Give them a day and then it is time to follow up with a phone call. People often tend to avoid dealing with a problem if they can get it to "go away". So don't let it go away. One way to help strategize solving a problem like this is to put yourself in the shoes of those you need to help you. If you were the ED or Dpty Dir you would probably hope the problem would go away. If you find the new employee persistent but positive you might find extra incentive to keep her because you need more people when her attitude - persistent but pleasant, assertive but polite.
I am trying the best I can in being patient for the past six-plus years. I've come to realize that if nothing changes, nothing changes. We have been discussing issues since our first date so it's nothing new for us.
I wonder if you are approaching the time to be assertive about your relationship. Are you ready to consider cutting him loose? Do you believe that you deserve someone who will meet your needs and communicate with you? I know it is difficult to make changes when everything else is askew but you are clearly moving in a direction where you are going to demand better things for yourself. you are becoming more assertive and you will be healthier and happier for it.
your friend - gaining strength
Thanks, GS!
I have to admit that he's trying. He may be clumsy, and yet he's trying. He just surprised me with a late Christmas gift of something I've always wanted...a hydroponic countertop garden. He's also being supportive regarding the difficult job situation as he understands how I feel given what he watched the last job do to me.
Bones
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Sounds like you are getting some understanding and validation from him. I'm glad. We all really need that don't we? - your friend - Gaining Strength
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Sounds like you are getting some understanding and validation from him. I'm glad. We all really need that don't we? - your friend - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS! In the meantime, I'm trying to deal with this part-time job situation one day at a time.
Bones
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You have been very patient. It is definitely time you had something open up for you. My hopes are with you. - Gaining Strength
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You have been very patient. It is definitely time you had something open up for you. My hopes are with you. - Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
I'm also still working on obtaining the reference letters for the research position at the medical school. That still looks like a fascinating job to me.
Bones
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My fingers are crossed for you. Remember this time to get your offer in writing. And a good offer it will be too!! - GS
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My fingers are crossed for you. Remember this time to get your offer in writing. And a good offer it will be too!! - GS
I'll double-check the medical school's website as I think it might mention the rate of pay there.
Bones
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Got a nibble from another possible employer. Both this possibility and the other possibility have similar pay rates stated in black and white. The medical school job would be part time, which would help at this moment since I am currently attending graduate school full time. I've asked the other possible employer if they are willing to consider part-time work from a full-time graduate student who is taking the final two courses required by the state. I'll probably hear something from this second possibility by Tuesday.
Bones
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Just checking in.
The second possibility was going to schedule an interview with me this week. Unfortunately, I came down with a contagious stomach virus and that cancelled any and all outings for the time being. It looks like the second possibility is going to have to be a wash.
Bones
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Now wait Bones. Why is it a wash? Was this week the only possibility for an interview? Sorry you caught a virus. That is the pits. - GS
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Now wait Bones. Why is it a wash? Was this week the only possibility for an interview? Sorry you caught a virus. That is the pits. - GS
Unfortunately, this week was the only possibility with this second facility. I'm still working on the medical school research application while I'm waiting to recover.
Bones
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Gosh that seems too bad but maybe it's just right. Hang in there Bones.
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Gosh that seems too bad but maybe it's just right. Hang in there Bones.
Thanks, GS!
I just got an email from the medical school researcher and we are arranging for me to come in for an interview in about two weeks. I told him that I needed some time to get over this virus so I don't pass it on to anyone else...especially at a medical facility.
Bones
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Feel better and I hope this job will be just the one for you bones!!!!
Love, Beth
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Feel better and I hope this job will be just the one for you bones!!!!
Love, Beth
Thanks, Beth!
I'm hoping this job is the one that works out the best for me.
Bones
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It does sound like an interesting position and it has a more stable environment than the non-profits and that is a BIG plus. I'll keep you in my thoughts concerning that job and your recovery. Take care. - GS
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Get well soon, Bones.
Such promising news on your job hunt.
I'm hoping for you!
Hops
PS--I'm off to visit my D, who has 2 cats, 2 turtles and a python.
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It does sound like an interesting position and it has a more stable environment than the non-profits and that is a BIG plus. I'll keep you in my thoughts concerning that job and your recovery. Take care. - GS
Thanks, GS!
Bones
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Get well soon, Bones.
Such promising news on your job hunt.
I'm hoping for you!
Hops
PS--I'm off to visit my D, who has 2 cats, 2 turtles and a python.
Thanks, Hops!
Sounds like you're going to have fun visiting your D! :D
Bones
Bones
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FYI:
The medical school researcher has asked that I meet with him during the coming week so I am attempting to schedule an interview on Wednesday.
Bones
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I just had a job interview today at the medical school, meeting with two researchers. I've been told I should hear something in about a week.
Bones
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YAY, Bones!
Many hopes for you,
Hops
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fingers crossed for you Bones. It's the one you want - I hope its yours for the asking. - GS
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Oh gooooood.......hope hope hope hope pray pray pray pray....
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Thanks,everybody!
One of the unusual things about this job interview was that I was given "homework" to do with the request I send it back by a particular deadline. That has never happened to me before.
Bones
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Bets of luck to you Bones
dazed
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Hey, Bones - I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my job 3 years ago and have not been able to get back into my profession since. To top it off, my attorney is to blame for most of it b/c he did not do the legal work I hired him to do. Now I have to face bringing charges of malpractice against him - and I may not be able to do that either. I have resorted to selling real estate and am about to go broke doing it.
Don't give up! Just let the feelings work their way through you - don't fight them! Know this: all these feelings will pass or fade in intensity. I know you can't see past your pain right now. PLEASE - just let the pain happen, notice it, allow it, and I promise you it will pass.
Towrite
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Bets of luck to you Bones
dazed
Thanks, Dazed!
Bones
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Hey, Bones - I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my job 3 years ago and have not been able to get back into my profession since. To top it off, my attorney is to blame for most of it b/c he did not do the legal work I hired him to do. Now I have to face bringing charges of malpractice against him - and I may not be able to do that either. I have resorted to selling real estate and am about to go broke doing it.
Don't give up! Just let the feelings work their way through you - don't fight them! Know this: all these feelings will pass or fade in intensity. I know you can't see past your pain right now. PLEASE - just let the pain happen, notice it, allow it, and I promise you it will pass.
Towrite
Thanks, Towrite!
I'm trying one day at a time.
Bones
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I've just been informed that my second letter of reference has been sent. Now I need to wait and see when it is received by the medical school and await their decision. I did get feedback on my "homework assignment" and was told that it looks "promising". I understand that they have to be noncommital at this point so that they don't accidentally give me false hope. The waiting part is so hard...trying not to get my hopes up so that I don't get hurt again.
Bones
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Bones,
The "promising" comment sounds good.
I know how you feel about not wanting to get your hopes up. Needles and pins.
Good luck,
dazed
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Bones,
The "promising" comment sounds good.
I know how you feel about not wanting to get your hopes up. Needles and pins.
Good luck,
dazed
Thanks, Dazed!
One of the reasons I am struggling with this is because when I went in for the job interview, I was still battling the aftermath of a viral infection and I was still not feeling well. It's hard to be upbeat, energetic, "selling myself to a prospective employer", putting my best foot forward when I still physically felt as if I wanted to stay in bed and rest. (I felt the timing couldn't have been worse when I got hit with what was suspiciously like the Noro-virus. Nasty!) I'm still trying to rest and recuperate even now.
Bones
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Good luck Bones...
and what ghastly timing for a viral infection. Ugh.
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Good luck Bones...
and what ghastly timing for a viral infection. Ugh.
Thanks, Stormy!
Bones
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I was recently asked to provide a THIRD reference letter and I managed to accomplish that.
Now I have to do the hardest part and wait.
Bones
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Well - the good news is that they are interested. Now I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that the right job works out for you in short order and I am believing for you that this is the right job. - your friend Gaining Strength
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Well - the good news is that they are interested. Now I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that the right job works out for you in short order and I am believing for you that this is the right job. - your friend Gaining Strength
Thanks, GS.
I still have not heard anything new yet.
Bones
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bones,
Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Got news on friday that i did not get a job i applied for, disappointed but will keep trundling on.
good luck
axa
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bones,
Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Got news on friday that i did not get a job i applied for, disappointed but will keep trundling on.
good luck
axa
((((((((((((((((((((((((((axa))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
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Dear Bones:
Losing ones job is such a blow. I worked as an employment counsellor for seven years and I realized that it was standard to have ones self esteem in the toilet if this happens. There may not be a lot written about that but it happens most of the time and there has to be a complete rebuilding of your identity. Oh isnt that just ducky. You lose your job and on top of that feel rotten.
So many good people lose their jobs. There are many really demented bosses. Even unemployment insurance realiizes this. I was surprised when I explained how crazy my boss was. They said that they know that references are not always easy to get if the boss is vengefull etc.
What Color Is Your Parachute is great. It helps people look at their skills,interests and abilities and think outseide the box for places to explore for employment. One of the things it says is that Informational Interveiws are important. This is when you contact a place where you want to work and ask them quiestions about the workplace. Many, many people get jobs this way. It is better than waiting to be chosen. If they don't offer you a job, they can point you in the right direction.
The questions to ask are in the book. They are pretty good. Surprisingly, people love to talk about their jobs and they will give you 15 or 20 minutes which often go on for an hour or more.
Good Luck.
Sea Storm
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Dear Bones:
Losing ones job is such a blow. I worked as an employment counsellor for seven years and I realized that it was standard to have ones self esteem in the toilet if this happens. There may not be a lot written about that but it happens most of the time and there has to be a complete rebuilding of your identity. Oh isnt that just ducky. You lose your job and on top of that feel rotten.
So many good people lose their jobs. There are many really demented bosses. Even unemployment insurance realiizes this. I was surprised when I explained how crazy my boss was. They said that they know that references are not always easy to get if the boss is vengefull etc.
What Color Is Your Parachute is great. It helps people look at their skills,interests and abilities and think outseide the box for places to explore for employment. One of the things it says is that Informational Interveiws are important. This is when you contact a place where you want to work and ask them quiestions about the workplace. Many, many people get jobs this way. It is better than waiting to be chosen. If they don't offer you a job, they can point you in the right direction.
The questions to ask are in the book. They are pretty good. Surprisingly, people love to talk about their jobs and they will give you 15 or 20 minutes which often go on for an hour or more.
Good Luck.
Sea Storm
Thanks, Sea Storm!
When I applied for Unemployment, my former employer tried to claim that I "committed misconduct", thinking they could block my getting it. They weren't counting on the state demanding proof (i.e. documented incidents, letters of reprimand, etc.) Based on what I was told from the Unemployment Insurance people, my ex-employer made a vague reference to some possible "incident" that took place six months before and the state blasted them. I got my unemployment approved. I just wonder why my former employer was so adamant about attempting to deny me unemployment. Was it coming out of their pockets?
Bones
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Yep Bones it does cost them money. But then they should have thought about that before letting you go. - GS
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Yep Bones it does cost them money. But then they should have thought about that before letting you go. - GS
I think they were too busy playing politics to think that far ahead.
Bones
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It's been a week since the medical school notified me that they received the third letter but still no decision yet. Part of me is getting pessimistic now. At the same time, I sent another e-mail thanking them and letting them know that I'm still interested plus that I find the work fascinating. Otherwise, I don't know what else to think. I've done everything they've asked me to:
(1) sent them a writing sample
(2) obtained three letters of reference, the last one last week when they asked me for that one
(3) went in for the face to face interview
(4) did the homework assignment they gave to me and returned it the same day
Now I'm wondering if anything I did was good enough or if that's the old tapes playing again.
Bones
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Still no news.
Bones
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Still no news.
Sorry. hang in there.
Now I'm wondering if anything I did was good enough or if that's the old tapes playing again.
That's the old tapes!!!!
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Oh Bones.
I am such a wounded veteran of job searches, I just want to send you a (((())).
Please remember whatever happens, don't take it personally.
The thing is with employment, if you get the job it's not about you (in the sense that it doesn't prove your worth or value) and if you don't it doesn't INvalidate you either.
Sure makes life damn harder, when you don't get one you want, though.
But I think I wasted a lot of happy heart muscle doing that, in both senses. I have a nice job so that means I'm good, I deserve it! I have a crappy job with mean people so that means I deserve it! I have no job so that means I deserve that!
Yoicks. It helps me to remind myself that a lot of it is effort and persistence and the other part is luck. And they need to line up right at the right time and place and I can't control both parts.
Promise not to give up.
Hops
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Oh Bones.
I am such a wounded veteran of job searches, I just want to send you a (((())).
Please remember whatever happens, don't take it personally.
The thing is with employment, if you get the job it's not about you (in the sense that it doesn't prove your worth or value) and if you don't it doesn't INvalidate you either.
Sure makes life damn harder, when you don't get one you want, though.
But I think I wasted a lot of happy heart muscle doing that, in both senses. I have a nice job so that means I'm good, I deserve it! I have a crappy job with mean people so that means I deserve it! I have no job so that means I deserve that!
Yoicks. It helps me to remind myself that a lot of it is effort and persistence and the other part is luck. And they need to line up right at the right time and place and I can't control both parts.
Promise not to give up.
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Some days it is so hard to keep putting on foot in front of the other and to keep trying.
Bones
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Some days it is so hard to keep putting on foot in front of the other and to keep trying.
Yes it is Bones. I am learning a lesson i wish I had know something about 20 years ago. I am learning to keep my eyes on a goal and take steps towards it. I am not good at this yet but I am learning to develop to habit of seeing what I want before me. On another post I wrote a bout a book called LEFT TO TELL. One of the things this remarkable woman does is set her sights oa job at the UN. She got a page of the UN directory and added her name at the bottom and even made up an extension number for herself. She posted that on her wall and everyyday she imagined herself there and she looked at her directory with her name. And in time she got the call for an interview (out of 1000s of applicants) and she went in and eventually got the job. She just kept seeing herself get it. - I'm thinking of you and cheering for you. - GS
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Some days it is so hard to keep putting on foot in front of the other and to keep trying.
Yes it is Bones. I am learning a lesson i wish I had know something about 20 years ago. I am learning to keep my eyes on a goal and take steps towards it. I am not good at this yet but I am learning to develop to habit of seeing what I want before me. On another post I wrote a bout a book called LEFT TO TELL. One of the things this remarkable woman does is set her sights oa job at the UN. She got a page of the UN directory and added her name at the bottom and even made up an extension number for herself. She posted that on her wall and everyyday she imagined herself there and she looked at her directory with her name. And in time she got the call for an interview (out of 1000s of applicants) and she went in and eventually got the job. She just kept seeing herself get it. - I'm thinking of you and cheering for you. - GS
Thanks, GS! I need it!
Bones
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Some days it is so hard to keep putting on foot in front of the other and to keep trying.
Yes it is Bones. I am learning a lesson i wish I had know something about 20 years ago. I am learning to keep my eyes on a goal and take steps towards it. I am not good at this yet but I am learning to develop to habit of seeing what I want before me. On another post I wrote a bout a book called LEFT TO TELL. One of the things this remarkable woman does is set her sights oa job at the UN. She got a page of the UN directory and added her name at the bottom and even made up an extension number for herself. She posted that on her wall and everyyday she imagined herself there and she looked at her directory with her name. And in time she got the call for an interview (out of 1000s of applicants) and she went in and eventually got the job. She just kept seeing herself get it. - I'm thinking of you and cheering for you. - GS
Thanks GS - I needed that too.
I do know my hearts desire, so I just need to focus on it.
Blessings,
Leah x
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Thanks too GS,
Getting a little clearer here about work also. Am making realistic plans. Need to go out there and network, which I hate doing, but have to get my act togheter.
axa
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At one point, I was required to attend an unemployment workshop. At that point, they also pointed me to a possible state job, which I applied for back in December. Part of that process required me to take a 2 1/2 hour test. I took that test last Friday and I have to wait for a month before I get the results. From what they said before the test, the results would determine if I'm placed on one of the following lists: "Qualified", "Better Qualified" and "Best Qualified". After that, I would receive additional job announcements.
Bones
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It's so slow Bones. Trying the patience of Job. Keep your mind on where you want to go.
I'm trying to do this. I picked up another book to reread and it says the same thing. I know this is true
but it is so hard to do. But I won't give up and you won't either. - GS
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It's so slow Bones. Trying the patience of Job. Keep your mind on where you want to go.
I'm trying to do this. I picked up another book to reread and it says the same thing. I know this is true
but it is so hard to do. But I won't give up and you won't either. - GS
Thanks, GS!
It does try the patience of Job. I also wonder if I'm encountering age-ism too.
Bones
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Bones,
I have that worry to. I have been out of the loop of things since I had chose to stay at home with my littlest who had learning disabilities Actually I like to call it a gift. He is dyslexic. So I focused mainly on helping him cope with it He's fine with it now and does not need my assistance anylonger. He's is also out of the IEP program. I have skills but my skills are so way behind, I would probably be a shoe in with the Flinstones now. It's been about 12 years since I worked as an Office Manager. I am going to go back to school to possibly change my path but I am very concerned about my age and although they cannot discriminate they can always go around that. I'm 50 and re entering the work force.
I'm thinking about accountant. This is something I can do at home, on my time and I won't not hire me cause of my age.
My sisters friend who is an x police officer has done this. He only does taxes and only around tax time and makes mega bucks. He is enjoying his retirement and having a nice income still. This way I am still open to driving my son to sports, games,friends whatever and still have a job. Scared though getting my feet wet again.
Love Deb
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Bones,
I have that worry to. I have been out of the loop of things since I had chose to stay at home with my littlest who had learning disabilities Actually I like to call it a gift. He is dyslexic. So I focused mainly on helping him cope with it He's fine with it now and does not need my assistance anylonger. He's is also out of the IEP program. I have skills but my skills are so way behind, I would probably be a shoe in with the Flinstones now. It's been about 12 years since I worked as an Office Manager. I am going to go back to school to possibly change my path but I am very concerned about my age and although they cannot discriminate they can always go around that. I'm 50 and re entering the work force.
I'm thinking about accountant. This is something I can do at home, on my time and I won't not hire me cause of my age.
My sisters friend who is an x police officer has done this. He only does taxes and only around tax time and makes mega bucks. He is enjoying his retirement and having a nice income still. This way I am still open to driving my son to sports, games,friends whatever and still have a job. Scared though getting my feet wet again.
Love Deb
Thanks, Deb!
Since I am about to graduate with a Masters this year, I'm concerned about being able to use my degree in my field of study and being able to repay my student loans.
Bones
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It's been about a month since I went to the job interview at the medical school.
I've sent e-mails thanking them for seeing me, for considering my applications, etc.
I've also asked about when I might hear a decision.
I have heard absolutely NOTHING, NO response, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA, NOTHING!!!!!!
I give up!
Bones
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Oh (((((((((((Bones)))))))))))) how frustrating.
If they simply won't communicate then I guess it's time to think about another direction.
It is their loss, truly.
Pennyplant
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Oh (((((((((((Bones)))))))))))) how frustrating.
If they simply won't communicate then I guess it's time to think about another direction.
It is their loss, truly.
Pennyplant
Thanks, Pennyplant.
Bones
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I am so sorry Bones. I know how frustrating that is. The heardest thing to do is to keep encouraged in spite of no action. I don't mean just about THAT job but about getting the right job and getting it now. Do whatever you can to stay encouraged. - GS
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I am so sorry Bones. I know how frustrating that is. The heardest thing to do is to keep encouraged in spite of no action. I don't mean just about THAT job but about getting the right job and getting it now. Do whatever you can to stay encouraged. - GS
At this point, I have no idea what to do.
Bones
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Bones, I dont think I've been around long enough to know what you got your Master's degree in. I am still in college, too--working online and struggling to find the time as I know you did too. And I worry about how much effort I should put into education toward a particular job and how much to put toward just job hunting.
What is your degree in? What kind of job prospects did you see when you started out?
This is where I am right now--I have followed the tail end of this thread because I can use as much wisdom as I can get (didnt start at the beginning though--thousands of posts!)
CB
I'm working on finishing up a Master's degree in Addiction Psychology.
Right now, I don't have the energy to talk anymore.
Bones
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If everything goes according to my academic schedule, I'll be applying for graduation in the next week or two.
Bones
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So glad for you Bones. Let's celebrate!!! That is a major achievement. Congratulations.
It is so good to see you. I've missed you. - GS
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Way to go, Bones, you scholar you.
WHAT an accomplishment.
How are you going to celebrate and reward yourself?
Hops
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"Congratulations"
Well done!
Leah xx
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So glad for you Bones. Let's celebrate!!! That is a major achievement. Congratulations.
It is so good to see you. I've missed you. - GS
Thanks, GS.
Bones
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Way to go, Bones, you scholar you.
WHAT an accomplishment.
How are you going to celebrate and reward yourself?
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I don't know yet how I'm going to celebrate and reward myself. I'm still in the process of tying up all the "loose ends" with both of my graduate school courses. I just learned that I got an "A" on both of my final projects and I'm awaiting the final official grade from the university before I start the graduation process.
Bones
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"Congratulations"
Well done!
Leah xx
Thanks, Leah!
Bones
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As some of you may be aware, I am working a part-time job with the homeless and that this job is due to end by April, once the danger of hypothermia has also ended. This job has made me even more aware of the suffering that is experienced by the homeless. Last night was an example.
I received a call from the hotline staff that a new client was being referred to me because he had recently lost his home and the weather was REALLY nasty! When he arrived, he was drenched to the bone and really cold as it had been sleeting outside. He was also limping very badly as he had been walking, nonstop, for three days. The best I could offer him was a dry pair of socks and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As the sandwich was being prepared by a volunteer, the new client took off his shoes and I saw this BOTH of his socks were SOAKED WITH BLOOD! :shock:
I borrowed the First Aid kit from the church we were staying in, put on some surgical gloves and told the client that I needed to look at his feet. He peeled off one sock and I could see that his foot had about two blisters and that both had appeared to be bleeding. I cleaned the blisters as much as possible and put bandaids over them. Then he took off his other bloodied sock and I saw, to my shock and horror, that he had a deep ulcer, approximately one inch in diameter, on his other foot that was BADLY infected! I instinctively knew that this condition was WAY BEYOND my skill level! I called the hotline staff back to inform them that I needed to contact the EMTs and to fill out an Injury Report. The EMTs arrived and they ascertained that he needed to go to the Emergency Room immediately and the new client was transported.
Shortly after the new client was on his way to the hospital, my relief arrived and I started to fill her in on what had just taken place and handed her a copy of the Injury Report. She tossed it aside with an "I Don't Care" attitude, proceeded to blame the victim for his own problems, and prepared to bar him from returning, along with turning off the staff phone, so that the hotline staff couldn't reach her about this client, because she found it all "inconvenient" which annoyed me to no end! (And this person professes to be a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN!!!!) I couldn't help but think of the Bible verses in the New Testament of feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, housing the homeless, etc. along with "entertaining angels unawares". I'm scheduled to go back to work tonight and will be encountering this same apathetic staff member when she relieves me at midnight. I'm ready to ask her the question: "WWJD?"
Sheesh!!!!
Bones
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oh Bones.
I vote that after you ask her WWJD, you raise
Holy Hell
love
Hops
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That's awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but what is a WWJD?
naive Izzy
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Hi Izzy,
WWJD = What Would Jesus Do ?
I would also ask her which Jesus does she follow? Clearly not the Jesus I know - in the Bible !!
Also, I would suggest she swop places for 3 days with the dear man who lost his home and has sores and ulcers on his poor feet, God help him.
Anyone can walk into a church building and call themselves a Christian .........
Jesus said, "by their fruits you shall know them" - and that's good enough for me.
My hope and prayer is that someone helped that dear man in his time of trouble and need, just as Bones did.
Leah xx
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oh Bones.
I vote that after you ask her WWJD, you raise
Holy Hell
love
Hops
Her attitude was different tonight. I don't know what turned her around. She has now expressed concern about this client as he appears to still be in the hospital. It wouldn't surprise me if he needed surgery on that ulcerated foot.
Bones
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Hi Izzy,
WWJD = What Would Jesus Do ?
I would also ask her which Jesus does she follow? Clearly not the Jesus I know - in the Bible !!
Also, I would suggest she swop places for 3 days with the dear man who lost his home and has sores and ulcers on his poor feet, God help him.
Anyone can walk into a church building and call themselves a Christian .........
Jesus said, "by their fruits you shall know them" - and that's good enough for me.
My hope and prayer is that someone helped that dear man in his time of trouble and need, just as Bones did.
Leah xx
Thanks, Leah!
That was the other Bible verse that was rolling through my brain on Friday night. I looked up the other verses that kept repeating themselves:
Hebrews 13:2
and
Matthew 25: 34-40
Bones
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Bones - I am comforted by your deep concern. That you would worry that he had no dry clothes and would sit with him to change his socks is an extraordinary action. And it is only by this action that you were able to discern his need for medical care. You were Christ for this broken soul, you were the balm in Gilead.
I suggest that your co-worker is as wounded as the client - that it is her soul that is wounded and hardened and that she needs a Balm as well. Not that your description of her behavior didn't turn my stomach and really make me angry but very quickly I realized that only one who was callous could do that and callouses grew over soft and tender spots. Give her a balm so that she might heal - that her attitude changed may be a sign that there is room for healing to further awaken compassion in her.
Thank heavens that man met you. You were an angel to him. That is a marvelous reward - you were in the right place and your compassion has touched me deeply. I have also learned my need for compassion for some people in my life who seem hard hearted and who have turned their backs on me while I struggled to survive while trying to provide for a little boy. I wil take this lesson to heart. Thank you. your friend, Gaining Strength
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Bones - I am comforted by your deep concern. That you would worry that he had no dry clothes and would sit with him to change his socks is an extraordinary action. And it is only by this action that you were able to discern his need for medical care. You were Christ for this broken soul, you were the balm in Gilead.
I suggest that your co-worker is as wounded as the client - that it is her soul that is wounded and hardened and that she needs a Balm as well. Not that your description of her behavior didn't turn my stomach and really make me angry but very quickly I realized that only one who was callous could do that and callouses grew over soft and tender spots. Give her a balm so that she might heal - that her attitude changed may be a sign that there is room for healing to further awaken compassion in her.
Thank heavens that man met you. You were an angel to him. That is a marvelous reward - you were in the right place and your compassion has touched me deeply. I have also learned my need for compassion for some people in my life who seem hard hearted and who have turned their backs on me while I struggled to survive while trying to provide for a little boy. I wil take this lesson to heart. Thank you. your friend, Gaining Strength
Thank you, GS.
Bones
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I've still been going to job interviews, and yet, no results.
Bones
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Thanks, Besee.
I've communicated with the university where I got my degree but because they are an online institution, located out of my state, they have not been all that helpful. I think the service you mention charges a fee and I don't have the spare change for that. Today, I've been accepted as a crisis hotline volunteer and have been scheduled to begin training on May 15th. I'm hoping that this volunteer job will help me hone my counseling skills and possibly improve my chances of getting a paying job where I can use my master's degree.
I have two job interviews coming up next week...one in another county and the other up in Baltimore.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
My goodness it's been some time since you worked.
What is your Masters Degree in? (pardon the grammer)
In what is your Master's Degree?
Volunteer work is good, for making contacts. I was volunteering at the Senior's Centre in Basic Computing and met a gal. She was a bit odd but she would always stay long enough to hold a parking place for me. She volunteered in the am classes and I in the pm classes. She was on a Condo council. Their bookkeeper resigned for marriage and as she was writing out a job description she thought of me. I got the job.
In that Condo job I met a guy on the Board who liked my work on their Website. They both resigned the board, as all volunteers do, as he was busy with an organization for Seniors Classes. He recommended me for their website and I got it,. Then the Treasurer resigned, from this new place, and no one wanted the job, so the President asked the Web guy if he thought I would do the books. i did all these jobs, then the Condo one folded just as the Classes one was getting bigger and bigger and that is what I do.
I felt Someone was watching over me, by being in the right place and the right time.
Really! I was handed these on a silver platter! and just when the membership was growing enough to be able to pay someone from the outside (Well that's me, the Outsider!)
Keep on keeping on and find your right place.
Love
Izzy
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i'm so glad all that worked that way for you Izzy
You sure deserved a break
Bones, you are a patient, dogged determined person
and I have complete faith you'll soon be writing us
about your new position
Hops
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Thanks.
In response to Izzy's question, I completed a Master's of Science degree in Addiction Psychology.
I'm hoping to be able to put that degree to work as soon as possible.
Bones
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FYI:
I have two job interviews this week...one on Wednesday and the other on Friday. I still feel apprehensive about them.
Bones
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What is your apprehension Bones? Is it that you are uncertain if either is the right job for you or are you uncertain that you are right for either job or something completely different for either?
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Good Luck Bones,
Do you want some ideas about wardrobe?
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Bones,
I'll be rootin for you. Go rested, relaxed, and knowing you're the ONE!
tt
PS That is if you want the job after the interview...
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What is your apprehension Bones? Is it that you are uncertain if either is the right job for you or are you uncertain that you are right for either job or something completely different for either?
The old tapes keep playing in the background.
I'm getting ready to log off the Internet so I can start getting dressed. I'll probably log back on tonight to give an update.
Bones
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I arrived at the interview, which was a half hour's drive away in another county, only to discover that I should have been screened out BEFORE I got the call inviting me to the interview. The position requires certification, which I don't have yet because I lack the required experiential hours. I wasted my time and my gas for nothing because the individual responsible for screening applicants didn't do her job. :x To make matters worse, this same individual scheduled three different applicants for the same time slot today! She got real flustered to have the three of us staring her in the face at the same time. (I found it ironic that the responsible individual is quitting her job as of today.)
Bones
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(((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))),
How frustrating. One can only hope that the person responsible for the mess up learned something that will help her do it right the next time. Sorry for your disappointment. I hope Friday goes better for you.
tt
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(((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))),
How frustrating. One can only hope that the person responsible for the mess up learned something that will help her do it right the next time. Sorry for your disappointment. I hope Friday goes better for you.
tt
Thanks, TT.
Bones
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I arrived at the interview, which was a half hour's drive away in another county, only to discover that I should have been screened out BEFORE I got the call inviting me to the interview.
That sucks (can I say that in the internet?). But in the long run it is a relatively small price to pay to learn right away that it is not you but them.
(I found it ironic that the responsible individual is quitting her job as of today.) Is it any wonder? based on your experience anyone good would run. I find that rarely is your kind of experience just one bad example. I am sorry that you wasted your time and gas but boy am I glad that you can wipe that place off your slate.
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I arrived at the interview, which was a half hour's drive away in another county, only to discover that I should have been screened out BEFORE I got the call inviting me to the interview.
That sucks (can I say that in the internet?). But in the long run it is a relatively small price to pay to learn right away that it is not you but them.
(I found it ironic that the responsible individual is quitting her job as of today.) Is it any wonder? based on your experience anyone good would run. I find that rarely is your kind of experience just one bad example. I am sorry that you wasted your time and gas but boy am I glad that you can wipe that place off your slate.
Thanks, GS.
Bones
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(((Bones)))
aargh, frustrating, I'm sorry her mistake wasted your energy, time and money.
Good luck on Friday's interview.
best, besee
Thanks, Besee.
Bones
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I'm not sure how well I did with today's interview(s). I met with multiple people and it was so hard to read them. I might have come across as desperate. To add to it, I got lost trying to find my way there and I got lost again going home at the end of it all. During the course of the interview process, I saw other applicants interviewing for the same job, which was a bit unnerving considering that they were all half my age. At one point during the interview, the interviewer suggested that I should apply for a counselor's job instead. (As if I haven't been trying for the past 8 to 9 months. ARGH!) I had such a hard time trying not to let my frustration show.
This past week was rough anyway.
Tuesday, I learn that an interview I had in March resulted in a rejection.
Wednesday, I learn that I wasted my time and gas driving to another county for an interview that should never have been scheduled in the first place.
Thursday, I receive a call telling me that I cannot qualify for the SCSEP Program because my monthly pension is slightly over the cutoff of $13,000 a year. (Who in the heck can live on $13,000 a year with housing, food, utilities, etc.?!? My pension can't stretch far enough as it is!)
Friday was my interview where I met with at least five different people in five different offices and different floors plus a walking tour of the facility.
It's hard not to get discouraged.
Bones
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My Gawd, Bones
This has been going in since last September, Of couses it is discouraging!!!
There Must be an answer!
good luck
Izzy
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Bones,
I am so sorry. It seems like you are having a really hard time. Keeping your spirits up under these circumstances is very difficult. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
axa
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Thanks, Izzy and Axa.
Bones
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I've run out of ideas of where else I can apply for a job where I can use my Masters degree in Addiction Psychology. I'm so tired of trying that I'm ready to give up.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
I wish I had something to offer you as a possible lead to a solution, or something to help you not feel so discouraged. I can imagine how disappointing it must feel right now to have worked your tail of to get your Masters and there seems to be no tangible reward in the form of employment on the horizon yet.
How will you be able to get those experiential hours that you mentioned you needed?
cats paw
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Hi Bones,
I wish I had something to offer you as a possible lead to a solution, or something to help you not feel so discouraged. I can imagine how disappointing it must feel right now to have worked your tail of to get your Masters and there seems to be no tangible reward in the form of employment on the horizon yet.
How will you be able to get those experiential hours that you mentioned you needed?
cats paw
At this point, I'm stymied with a Catch-22 situation.
Bones
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Bones,
You probably have already thought of this, but thought I'd shoot it out anyway...Can you do some volunteer hours that would qualify you for the certification? I would imagine that there are women's shelters that would love to have someone work with them. Or some other worthy group with no money (lots of those out there!) Or could you work in a capacity for which you are, at this point, overqualified?
I know what you mean about being nervous. I was late to my FIRST DAY OF WORK. I thought I was going to absolutely die. I was so mad at myself. I just have lost the skill to organize my time in the morning (I have re-learned it this week!) Those kinds of things, though, can really rattle you so I could just picture you getting lost on the way to the interview and feeling a bit off balance as a result.
One of the things I've done is watch lots of Oprah programs about major turn-arounds in people's lives. Makes me think it's possible even if it looks impossible. All of those stories have a loooooong beginning where it looks like there wont be a happy ending. So far, it looks like you are just at the beginning of your story. Here's hoping for your happy ending to arrive soon.
CB
I've previously attempted to volunteer. However, part of the Catch-22 situation is that I need to be supervised by a Board-approved supervisor. Finding such a supervisor has proven to be another obstacle. I was able to work for a hypothermia shelter. That seasonal job ended as soon as the weather warmed up. Right now I feel like I'm in limbo.
Bones
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I did send a "Thank You" note to the person who invited me to the interview this past Friday. I guess that is about the best I can do.
Bones
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I guess there's no solution for limbo.
Bones
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More frustration today! :x I had been referred to another county agency. I called them yesterday to find out exactly what they can and cannot do so I wouldn't waste my gas making another trip for nothing. The individual who called me back, near their closing time, advised me to come in as they have resources that are accessible ONLY from their office, due to licensing restrictions, and that I did not need an appointment. I drive over there today only to encounter a receptionist who had no idea what I was talking about and told me that he couldn't help me. I ended up wasting my gas for nothing AGAIN! :x DAMN IT!
Bones
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How frustrating Bones. I hope you're able to find something soon.
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How frustrating Bones. I hope you're able to find something soon.
Thanks, MountainSpring.
I've sent e-mails to two county agencies asking for clarification but they have not responded.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
I am so sorry that you are going through all this. How did your dentist situation come out? I have been following it on the 33 pages of posts( can you believe it?) I think that something good will come up in the job arena in a very short time. I truly have an intuitive feeling about this Ami
The root canal took care of the infection. The dentist recently sent me an e-mail regarding a check-up, to which I responded. Their e-mail system responded to my response with a message that they will call me soon to schedule an appointment.
Bones
-
How frustrating Bones. I hope you're able to find something soon.
Thanks, MountainSpring.
I've sent e-mails to two county agencies asking for clarification but they have not responded.
Bones
Update:
The county agency that created the frustration just sent me an e-mail apologizing for what happened and asked that I give them another chance to assist me. I've sent an e-mail back repeating my request that I gave in person and will probably receive a response some time tomorrow.
Bones
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That's really good news, Bones.
I'm so glad they got in touch.
Bodes well for an interview!
And they'll be pleased to see how understanding you are.
Even bureaucrats are human, make mistakes.
Sending good vibes,
Hops
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Hey Bones,
My H is going through the same thing you are right now. He was a big time supervisor for many years until the company went bankrupt. It took him almost 2 years to get an OK job. He's been there now almost three and still looking for something close to what he use to have.
He has been on many of interviews very promising and then no calls. I can see the disgust and disappointment.
I think it is very hard these days. Very frustrating and sometimes knocks your self esteem out of whack.
Love
Deb
-
That's very good news Bones!!!! :D
-
That's really good news, Bones.
I'm so glad they got in touch.
Bodes well for an interview!
And they'll be pleased to see how understanding you are.
Even bureaucrats are human, make mistakes.
Sending good vibes,
Hops
Thanks, Hops. I'm hoping that they are also educating their receptionist.
Bones
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Hey Bones,
My H is going through the same thing you are right now. He was a big time supervisor for many years until the company went bankrupt. It took him almost 2 years to get an OK job. He's been there now almost three and still looking for something close to what he use to have.
He has been on many of interviews very promising and then no calls. I can see the disgust and disappointment.
I think it is very hard these days. Very frustrating and sometimes knocks your self esteem out of whack.
Love
Deb
Thanks, Deb.
It's even harder competing with other applicants half my age. It's frustrating and discouraging.
Bones
-
That's very good news Bones!!!! :D
Thanks, MountainSpring.
Bones
-
Boyfriend didn't help much last night. After I told him what happened with the county agency, he comes out with some lame platitude that wasn't helpful and I finally started yelling and screamng in frustration! After nine straight months of attempting to calmly cope with this, I just couldn't hold it in or push it down any more.
Bones
-
[fter nine straight months of attempting to calmly cope with this, I just couldn't hold it in or push it down any more.]
Dear Bones,
I think that within the next 2 weeks, you will have a good job. It is a feeling that I have. With Warmth and Hope , Amii
Thanks, Ami.
I'm at the stage where I'm starting to yell and scream every day as I don't know what else to do right now.
Bones
-
And I'm feeling like talking to boyfriend is like talking to a "Black Hole". It makes me wonder if he is a Passive-Aggressive N who ignores everything outside of his personal little "bubble".
Bones
-
Hi, Bones,
This is a really hard time for you. I have read that a lot of people go through this when they are first out of school and there is a lag time until the first professional job. And it's nerve wracking after all the time and money you have put into getting a professional degree.
When you say you yell and scream every day, what do you mean? Beating on a pillow and yelling to take out frustration? Yelling at your boyfriend?
I'll be thinking of you today and hoping for an unexpected and amazing phone call about a job.
CB
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Dear Bones,
Join the club. Now that I am getting well, I don't know who the ##### my husband is?????
Ami
It makes me wonder what parts of their brains (your husband and my boyfriend) are missing?????????
Bones
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Hi, Bones,
This is a really hard time for you. I have read that a lot of people go through this when they are first out of school and there is a lag time until the first professional job. And it's nerve wracking after all the time and money you have put into getting a professional degree.
When you say you yell and scream every day, what do you mean? Beating on a pillow and yelling to take out frustration? Yelling at your boyfriend?
I'll be thinking of you today and hoping for an unexpected and amazing phone call about a job.
CB
Thanks, CB.
I've been yelling and screaming at my boyfriend. Part of my frustration is that many of the places I have applied to are not interested in hiring someone who is 50+.
Bones
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I've been yelling and screaming at my boyfriend. Part of my frustration is that many of the places I have applied to are not interested in hiring someone who is 50+]
Dear Bones,
I would have thought that you would be seen as someone who could contribute more""life experience".This surprises me. that age would be such a negative factor.
WHY is that- do you think? Warmly, Ami
I've been doing some research into this and talking with other members of AARP. Apparently, because of the health insurance provided by these employers (i.e. HMOs), employers are skittish about hiring anyone over 40 because they believe we will be more expensive. I have my own health insurance through my civil service retirement so they shouldn't have to worry about providing me insurance. Unfortunately, they won't let me get that far to explain that.
Bones
-
I just got word that the interview that I had on Friday, May 4th, didn't pan out. They have decided not to hire me. I'm back at square one.
Bones
-
Oh, DAMN! Bones, this is just sickening!
-
Bones... a thought.
If you are displaying a date of birth on your resumé, keep doing that, but consider adding another line beneath it:
"Health: excellent; Health Insurance: U.S. Government Retirement Plan"
[or however you would say it]
In other words, take the bull$hi+ by the horns. Who knows? You might actually get someone who can both read and comprehend, scanning your CV.
-
Bones... a thought.
If you are displaying a date of birth on your resumé, keep doing that, but consider adding another line beneath it:
"Health: excellent; Health Insurance: U.S. Government Retirement Plan"
[or however you would say it]
In other words, take the bull$hi+ by the horns. Who knows? You might actually get someone who can both read and comprehend, scanning your CV.
Hi, Stormy.
I'm not displaying my date of birth anywhere. Also, it's illegal for any employer to ask applicants for that information. One response I got from another AARP member suggested that I either babysit or sell handcrafts. (I did that in high school and got badly burned when it came to payment. Nobody wanted to pay. They tried to force me to work for free. Also, in order to earn enough from babysitting, I would need to be licensed and I'm not patient with children anymore. I've never been a mother. I've done eldersitting for a friend of mine whose mother has Alzheimer's. However, she's reaching the stage of the disease where she needs specially trained nurses.) Age discrimination SUCKS!!!!!
Bones
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Sorry, Bones. what a discouraging and disheartening thing when you worked so hard for your degree.
I am still awaiting "good news"on the job front. Love to You Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
I'm still trying to keep my eyes open for possible opportunities. I've even set up job search agents at various websites. I don't know how to avoid getting discouraged.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
I told people in recent interviews, in a light way, "By the way, I bring my own health insurance because I retired early from the state." And I just act glad that this is a burden I can relieve them of.
I think in small concerns, that's an offer that many would find appealing. It's the upside of hiring older employees.
Don't give up! I was just sinking into despair when I got the most pleasant job I've had in many years.
hugs,
Hops
-
Bones.... Ditto what Hops said. I'm really hoping the perfect job comes along for you very soon.
-
Hi Bones,
I told people in recent interviews, in a light way, "By the way, I bring my own health insurance because I retired early from the state." And I just act glad that this is a burden I can relieve them of.
I think in small concerns, that's an offer that many would find appealing. It's the upside of hiring older employees.
Don't give up! I was just sinking into despair when I got the most pleasant job I've had in many years.
hugs,
Hops
That sounds like a good idea! If I get another interview, I'm going to look for a way to work that comment in.
Bones
-
Bones.... Ditto what Hops said. I'm really hoping the perfect job comes along for you very soon.
Thanks, MountainSpring.
Bones
-
I've just sent off another job application and resume' via snail-mail. I'm not certain if I'll get a response to that or not.
Bones
-
One of the other things I am stressing about is attempting to take care of the necessary logistics to attend my commencement ceremony in August. I don't want to attend my graduation alone as I've been there, done that. Not fun when N-relatives blew it off. Today, I asked my boyfriend if he really wants to attend my graduation ceremony and the only response I got was SILENCE! I interpret that to mean he's not interested. It feels like a re-run of dealing with my N-relatives.
Bones
-
And I'm trying to make sense of it all.
Bones
-
Hi Bones.....
I asked my boyfriend if he really wants to attend my graduation ceremony and the only response I got was SILENCE!
Grrrrr..... :(
I was thinking about your job situation and ran across this website that does recruiting by state. It advertises that it's a free service. I wonder if they could help you with your job search. Here's the link.
http://www.headhuntersdirectory.com/
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Hi Bones.....
I asked my boyfriend if he really wants to attend my graduation ceremony and the only response I got was SILENCE!
Grrrrr..... :(
I was thinking about your job situation and ran across this website that does recruiting by state. It advertises that it's a free service. I wonder if they could help you with your job search. Here's the link.
http://www.headhuntersdirectory.com/
Thanks, MountainSpring.
I'll check it out.
Bones
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Hi Bones
about your ceremony in August, if nobody wants to go with you, will you attend? I was wondering if you want to see it as a gift to yourself from yourself. And if you don't go, would you feel regret later? Just pondering here. It's your success, your achievement - perhaps you could enjoy it, this time?
-
Hi Bones
about your ceremony in August, if nobody wants to go with you, will you attend? I was wondering if you want to see it as a gift to yourself from yourself. And if you don't go, would you feel regret later? Just pondering here. It's your success, your achievement - perhaps you could enjoy it, this time?
I want to go because I have worked long and hard for this, along with giving blood, sweat and tears to achieve this goal. I just can't afford to go on my own because of lack of employment. Besides, I've already had one experience of attending my graduation alone and it was NOT fun!
Bones
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Dear Bones,
The way that I look at it is You have the degree. You made it happen.You are a winner.To me, graduation is just a day. You have the long term reward. Love Ami
It's also fun to have a party to go along with it. Right now, nothing is happening at home.
Bones
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Okay, Bones...here's your challenge:
PLAN YOUR OWN PARTY AND TAKE JOY IN IT!
Hops
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Bones,
Aww you should have a party. You worked so hard to get where you are. Hops is right give your own party and have fun!!
Love
Deb
-
I'm trying to figure out how to do that as it's no fun alone.
Bones
-
BTW, I checked out the HeadHunters website and did a search for my specialization (i.e. addiction, psychology, counseling, substance abuse, etc.) only to get zero hits with each search.
Bones
-
I'm sorry Bones... I was hoping it would help.
-
I'm sorry Bones... I was hoping it would help.
I was hoping it would help as well. I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall with every effort I make to search for a job.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
I think you need some time with a puppy.
Can you access a part of you that's willing to create a celebration of your graduation for yourself, even fueling it all on your own, even though your preference would be for your partner to show interest?
I mean, can you psych yourself up to be full of cheer and be happy about this ANYWAY? I dunno, rent the Putt Putt or something, do something silly with a few nice people and tell them you're celebrating your graduation?
I just feel sad at the idea of you denying yourself a celebration because of:
1) the bf
2) the employer who hasn't found you yet
hugs
Hops
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Hi Bones,
I think you need some time with a puppy.
Can you access a part of you that's willing to create a celebration of your graduation for yourself, even fueling it all on your own, even though your preference would be for your partner to show interest?
I mean, can you psych yourself up to be full of cheer and be happy about this ANYWAY? I dunno, rent the Putt Putt or something, do something silly with a few nice people and tell them you're celebrating your graduation?
I just feel sad at the idea of you denying yourself a celebration because of:
1) the bf
2) the employer who hasn't found you yet
hugs
Hops
Right now I don't have much energy to do that kind of planning.
Bones
-
I just received a postcard, yesterday, acknowledging receipt of one of my job applications. I have to wait and see what happens in that corner.
Bones
-
I should probably wait a couple of weeks to see if I hear anything further from them. After that, I guess I'll have to let that one go too.
Bones
-
Any feedback?
Bones
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Hi Bones,
Do you think you're depressed? You sound quite down, sort of flat.
Couldn't blame you... looooooooooong job hunts are the worst.
I was wondering if you're seeing a therapist and/or in a support group.
The other thing was I was wondering if you exercise.
(I slacked off for months and am trying to get myself to start again.)
hang in there...
Hops
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Hi Bones,
Do you think you're depressed? You sound quite down, sort of flat.
Couldn't blame you... looooooooooong job hunts are the worst.
I was wondering if you're seeing a therapist and/or in a support group.
The other thing was I was wondering if you exercise.
(I slacked off for months and am trying to get myself to start again.)
hang in there...
Hops
The pool just opened today so I was able to go for a swim. I'm a bit leery of therapists after I got burned by the last one. I'm not quite certain if there is an ongoing support group around here for unemployed people searching for work. I do plan to go back to the pool tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks!
Bones
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Dear Bones,
I think that you mentioned that you may have had addictions. What about contacts from local AA ,NA or Al-anon groups?
Sorry to hear about your difficulties on the job path. Much Love and Hugs To you Ami
My home group is aware that I'm still job hunting. I don't have the urge to drink or drug at this situation as I know that it will make it worse and make me even more unemployable.
Bones
-
BTW, I know I am also dealing with depression.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
I have an idea. You could give some free workshops or lectures.You might find clients. How about going to business's. Sometimes, they employ people who help with employee's addiction problems?
Thinking of you Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Part of the complication is needing to meet the state's requirement to be certified or licensed, which includes getting experiential hours. That's where the Catch-22 comes in.
Bones
-
The Catch-22 being...in order to work in this field, I must be certified or licensed.
In order to become certified or licensed, I must obtain experiential hours.
In order to obtain these required experiential hours, I must work with
a Board-approved supervisor in a licensed facility.
The licensed facility demands that I be certified BEFORE they will consider
hiring me to get the required experiential hours needed.
ICK!
Bones
-
It's hard to network when you're depressed, but can you start doing that Bones?
Attending any meeting you can get access to for people in your field,
volunteering at any appropriate associations, etc.
These are ways to meet people in the field you want to work in. Ask for any related opportunity, even if it's volunteer, and do your utmost job. Then ask the supervising PhD to take you on.
Or something similar?
Hops
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It's hard to network when you're depressed, but can you start doing that Bones?
Attending any meeting you can get access to for people in your field,
volunteering at any appropriate associations, etc.
These are ways to meet people in the field you want to work in. Ask for any related opportunity, even if it's volunteer, and do your utmost job. Then ask the supervising PhD to take you on.
Or something similar?
Hops
Even volunteering has encountered the same Catch-22 issues and I have been attempting to network as well for about three years straight. My energy is depleted.
Bones
-
Do you have a support group you attend weekly, Bones?
Do you go to therapy weekly?
Hops
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Do you have a support group you attend weekly, Bones?
Do you go to therapy weekly?
Hops
My 12-Step group is aware that I have been job hunting. I'm leery of therapists now since I got burned by the last one.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
How did you get burned by the therapist,if it is not too personal to share? Ami
-
Dear Bones,
How did you get burned by the therapist,if it is not too personal to share? Ami
I have reason to suspect that my last therapist was a Narcissistic Chauvanist. No matter what I needed to discuss, he would ignore it and attempt to force me into his pre-selected "solutions" (i.e. "You're only a woman and you need a man." :P, or "I can CONTROL your addiction FOR you." :P :P) It appeared he was more interested in listening to himself talk than to LISTEN to his clients! I finally got fed up and fired him because I didn't see the point in wasting my money on this jerk.
Bones
-
Sounds like a good choice Bones.
How about seeking out a wise woman counselor who comes well-recommended by good women you know?
Hops
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Sounds like a good choice Bones.
How about seeking out a wise woman counselor who comes well-recommended by good women you know?
Hops
At this point, I'm not sure if any wise women counselors exist in my neck of the woods.
Bones
-
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
?!?!?!?! jeez, how does someone like that stay in business, but they do
Did the hotline volunteering start? If so, how is it going?
hugs, besee
Thanks, Besee.
I'm still going through the hotline training so I'm not ready to answer the phones yet.
Bones
-
Also, I've had a bit of a strange experience this morning.
As some of you may be aware, I tend to read the advice columns such as "Annie's Mailbox" and "Dear Abby". Today's "Annie's Mailbox" has a letter from a fifty-something woman dealing with a dysfunctional family. Her situation feels almost identical to mine where there has been a cut-off for nearly ten years. Oh boy! I can sure IDENTIFY with that!
Bones
-
?!?!?!?! jeez, how does someone like that stay in business, but they do
Dear Besee,
My answer to that is that people don't trust themselves. Ami
-
Hi Bones,
Do you mean you feel there are no good women counselors within driving distance?
No one accessible to you?
Are you in a rural area?
Hops
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Hi Bones,
Do you mean you feel there are no good women counselors within driving distance?
No one accessible to you?
Are you in a rural area?
Hops
It's not the geography, it's the quality. I had a clinical social worker back in the late 1980's who constantly focused on how my health insurance imposed limits. Another female therapist, who was conducting group therapy, abruptly abandoned her clients which I felt did us more harm than good.
Bones
-
I see.
I have seen nearly a dozen therapists over the years and several were duds, one was beyond unhelpful.
On balance, the Ts I have seen have been professional, smart, caring, ethical, and have given me enormous practical and insightful help to get past depressions, romantic heartbreak, and an 8-year period of either unemployment, unhappy employment, or unstable employment.
I don't understand completely why you are reasoning that a couple negative experiences mean that therapy isn't an important key. Maybe that's your depression thinking, not smart logical you...?
I wish you whatever help you will seek and accept, dear Bones, to lift you from depression to new kinds of action and imagination that can help you find satisfying work, and satisfaction in the small joys of daily life.
Hops
-
I see.
I have seen nearly a dozen therapists over the years and several were duds, one was beyond unhelpful.
On balance, the Ts I have seen have been professional, smart, caring, ethical, and have given me enormous practical and insightful help to get past depressions, romantic heartbreak, and an 8-year period of either unemployment, unhappy employment, or unstable employment.
I don't understand completely why you are reasoning that a couple negative experiences mean that therapy isn't an important key. Maybe that's your depression thinking, not smart logical you...?
I wish you whatever help you will seek and accept, dear Bones, to lift you from depression to new kinds of action and imagination that can help you find satisfying work, and satisfaction in the small joys of daily life.
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I know that this depression is impacting a lot of things. Having lived with depression all my life, it's hard to imagine how things can be different.
Bones
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Dear Bones,
I guess the best "defense" you have when chossing the therapist is your intuition. A woman's center may have sliding scale counseling.
Bones, I would be really interested in hearing about the hot line. I am interested in doing something like this.Do you go to the facility or do it from home?
Can you use these hours to get your certification. I have a masters degree but never got certified.
Talk to you soon Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
To answer your question, I go to the facility for the training and the shifts will be worked from there due to safety reasons. The Hotline has a wide variety of callers and not all of them are exactly stable. These callers can and do have a wide variety of issues, including Borderline Personality Disorder, along with the occasional stalker, which could pose a hazard. I'm hoping that this experience will help hone my counseling skills.
Bones
-
A few unexpected surprises during the past couple of weeks that I kept quiet about because I wasn't sure where it was going to go.
I got a phone call asking me to come in for an interview as they had my application from CareerBuilder.com. (I don't recall applying to them recently so it might have been from last Fall.) I went in to the interview on a Thursday and simply laid all the cards on the table, not expecting anything new since I had dealt with these people back in September and it had gone nowhere before.
Then I was asked to come in for a second interview and meet with a different person this past Wednesday. I figured, "Okay. Can't hurt." I go in and answer more questions (i.e. counselor-client scenarios, ethics, Tarisoff, etc.). Again, I'm expecting same-old, same-old as the past nine months while rattling off the answers I knew as I had studied this stuff thoroughly in graduate school.
Then the other shoe dropped............................................................
I start Monday morning, June 4th, even though it is a two hour round-trip commute, three counties away, in a correctional facility as an Addictions Counselor-trainee.
Yes, I am apprehensive.
Bones
-
Bones, I'm really glad for you.
I know it's a long slog of a commute and not exactly what you were hoping for, but keep your eyes peeled - it might lead to more and better; and for now, hopefully, it will pay gas and rent?
(((())))
-
Bones, I'm really glad for you.
I know it's a long slog of a commute and not exactly what you were hoping for, but keep your eyes peeled - it might lead to more and better; and for now, hopefully, it will pay gas and rent?
(((())))
Thanks, Stormy.
I'm also concerned about being able to pay for my student loans as well.
Bones
-
I know, it's sickening, isn't it... round and round we go, running as hard and fast as we can, hoping just to keep our heads above water...
-
I know, it's sickening, isn't it... round and round we go.
Yes.
I'm hoping this time I get the appropriate supervision I should have gotten before so that my experiential hours will help me pass the written certification exam when the time comes. The last "supervisors" (and I use the term loosely) basically phoned in their "supervision", which actually violated state regulations. It's a wonder why that facility was not shut down.
Bones
-
I hope so too, Bones, you've worked so hard for so long. I'd love to see you 'get a break'. God knows you deserve it.
-
I hope so too, Bones, you've worked so hard for so long. I'd love to see you 'get a break'. God knows you deserve it.
Thanks, Stormy.
Bones
-
Congrats and Very Best Luck, Bone
Izzy
-
Dear Bones,
I am wishing you all the best . I hope that it opens doors and new avenues for you . Love Ami
-
Bones,
Here's a toast to you and the new job! I hope you'll tell us all the details.
tt
-
Congrartulations Bones!
I wish you the best of luck and much success.
Love,
Sally
-
Congrats and Very Best Luck, Bones
Izzy
Thanks, Izzy.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I am wishing you all the best . I hope that it opens doors and new avenues for you . Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
YEA BONES!!!
Thanks, Besee.
Bones
-
Bones,
Here's a toast to you and the new job! I hope you'll tell us all the details.
tt
Thanks, TT.
I'll keep y'all posted about what happens.
Bones
-
Congrartulations Bones!
I wish you the best of luck and much success.
Love,
Sally
Thanks, Sally.
Bones
-
Are you going to be doing the hot line, also , Bones? Ami
-
Are you going to be doing the hot line, also , Bones? Ami
I'm planning on doing that as well to hone my counseling skills.
Bones
-
I'm getting ready to hit the road this morning so I don't have time to go into any detail about the new job right now. Suffice to say, it's been rough since Day One!
Bones
-
Bones, I admire you so much. You are "out there" doing it- making it happen!!! Hugs to you Ami
-
Bones, I admire you so much. You are "out there" doing it- making it happen!!! Hugs to you Ami
Thanks, Ami.
It's a bit complicated with this new job because I'm learning a lot of new stuff while attempting to navigate through negative "office politics" that is pre-existing before I got there. From what I've observed, the negative "office politics" has gotten so bad that my new supervisor is about to throw in the towel after being on the job for only four months herself. That does NOT bode well!
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
Here's hoping you can really detach from all the undercurrents, present always a calm and friendly attitude, and then get promoted into the supervisor's slot when she leaves!
Hops
-
Hi Bones,
Here's hoping you can really detach from all the undercurrents, present always a calm and friendly attitude, and then get promoted into the supervisor's slot when she leaves!
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I have to get certified first before I'll be eligible for that type of position. It will be about two years before that is possible.
Bones
-
((((((((((((((((bones))))))))))))))))
Still thinking of you and sending all good wishes for God's grace and peace to envelope you as you navigate the new job, the politics and any other unpleasnatries.
tt
-
Congratulations on your new job Bones!!!
-
((((((((((((((((bones))))))))))))))))
Still thinking of you and sending all good wishes for God's grace and peace to envelope you as you navigate the new job, the politics and any other unpleasnatries.
tt
Thanks, TT!
Bones
-
Congratulations on your new job Bones!!!
Thanks, MountainSpring!
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I admire that you are "out in Life" and swimming upstream. It sounds like you are making your way- even with a little fear and uncertainty. You are still going forward. You are inspiring me, Bones
A Big Hug Ami
-
Dear Bones,
I admire that you are "out in Life" and swimming upstream. It sounds like you are making your way- even with a little fear and uncertainty. You are still going forward. You are inspiring me, Bones
A Big Hug Ami
Thanks, Ami!
Bones
-
For four days, I have to attend state-mandated D.O.C. training. I've already have two of those days under my belt.
Bones
-
I'm trying to deal with this new job one day at a time, and yet, I still have my doubts about how stable this workplace really is.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
I think there are always dramas and dysfunctions in workplaces...(they're just more structured versions of families, alas).
If it's not overwhelmingly toxic, can you hang on?
It was so hard for you to be hunting.
Hops
-
Hi Bones,
I think there are always dramas and dysfunctions in workplaces...(they're just more structured versions of families, alas).
If it's not overwhelmingly toxic, can you hang on?
It was so hard for you to be hunting.
Hops
I'm not sure how viable the program is going to be able to remain if it cannot get administrative/supervisory staff on board.
Bones
-
The reason I'm saying that is because of what I'm hearing my brand-new supervisor saying the very first day I met her. (She's ready to quit!)
Bones
-
I read that.
But Bones, listen. YOU are in this job to create YOUR experience of employment. Not to absorb hers as your own.
You make this, to the best of your ability, YOUR OWN opportunity.
Compared to unemployment and no prospects...you are way way ahead.
Grab this confidently as an important rung on the ladder ... not the top of the ladder.
Work hard and ACT POSITIVE even if things don't look that way or you don't feel that way.
IMHO.
hugs
Hops
-
I read that.
But Bones, listen. YOU are in this job to create YOUR experience of employment. Not to absorb hers as your own.
You make this, to the best of your ability, YOUR OWN opportunity.
Compared to unemployment and no prospects...you are way way ahead.
Grab this confidently as an important rung on the ladder ... not the top of the ladder.
Work hard and ACT POSITIVE even if things don't look that way or you don't feel that way.
IMHO.
hugs
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I hear what you are saying. One of my concerns is based on what happened in another prison system that is now shut down. With the way a prison system is set up, all it takes is for one other staff person to do the wrong thing or the program loses enough people for the prison administrators to decide to shut it all down.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
It's hard to settle in when things are so tentative. I'm hoping it all levels out. In the meantime, all you can do is all you can do. Try not to worry about the thngs you can't change. How is the commute going? I picture you absorbed with a good book to pass the time. Sending my best wishes as you navigate the challenges of the system.
tt
-
Hi Bones,
It's hard to settle in when things are so tentative. I'm hoping it all levels out. In the meantime, all you can do is all you can do. Try not to worry about the thngs you can't change. How is the commute going? I picture you absorbed with a good book to pass the time. Sending my best wishes as you navigate the challenges of the system.
tt
Thanks, TT.
Since I'm the one doing the driving, being absorbed in a good book isn't feasible due to the distraction.
Bones
-
Bones,
I agree that every workplace has its difficult people and situations its about learning to deal with them. I know that I am not too skilled in this area and I have chosen to work for myself as it has felt safer. I am now beginning to think that I feel stronger and could deal with the difficulties of a team in a more dispassionate way. The only thing you have control over is how you respond to what goes on. Breath, breath and post.
-
Bones,
I agree that every workplace has its difficult people and situations its about learning to deal with them. I know that I am not too skilled in this area and I have chosen to work for myself as it has felt safer. I am now beginning to think that I feel stronger and could deal with the difficulties of a team in a more dispassionate way. The only thing you have control over is how you respond to what goes on. Breath, breath and post.
Thanks, Axa.
I just finished DOC training today so I'll be going back to my new office tomorrow and see what awaits there.
Bones
-
Ooops! :oops:
I'm not lucid, but thank goodness you are Bones.
I'm hoping the best for you and the job.
tt
-
Ooops! :oops:
I'm not lucid, but thank goodness you are Bones.
I'm hoping the best for you and the job.
tt
Thanks, TT.
Things were rough at the office today. I need to calm down before I go into the details.
Bones
-
Working in a prison setting is hectic, if not insane, to say the least! The prison administrators seem to have a hard time communicating efficiently with EVERYONE while changing the rules one day, disregarding them the next, then SCREAMING at us for FOLLOWING their directions and DOING what they tell us to do!! It's crazy-making!!!
Bones
-
I've been on this job, at the prison, since June 4th and it is so frustrating that I'm ready to chuck it somewhere!
Bones
-
I wish I could help, Bones.
I'm really sorry.
Some jobs ARE hell.
Hops
-
And I just learned from a reliable source that the prison administrators do NOT want the Addiction Treatment program in their prison and consider us a "waste of space". That may be the motivation behind the various nonsense stuff that the prison administrators keep dumping on us, attempting to make it impossible to do our jobs to the maximum of our abilities. I've experienced having my basic tools taken away from me because "they are not made of clear plastic". I'm trying to take notes on the clients' behaviors and the clients do NOT need to see what I am writing!!!!!!! The prison administrators don't care! Sheesh!!!!!
Bones
-
Bones:
Here are two books you might want to look at, sooner rather than later.
"Flying Blind, Flying Safe" by Mary Schiavo, no relation to Terry, who was the Inspector General at FAA when Valujet went nosefirst into the Everglades...
"Liar's Poker" by Michael Lewis, who spent some time at Salomon Brothers before the investment banking business cratered in the mid 80s.
Why am I suggesting these books?
Because, ma'am, you might very well write one too, and then every bit of what you have endured will be grist for the mill. And looking at these books you can very easily determine what is safe to say and what is not, who can be named, and who cannot.
-
Bones:
Here are two books you might want to look at, sooner rather than later.
"Flying Blind, Flying Safe" by Mary Schiavo, no relation to Terry, who was the Inspector General at FAA when Valujet went nosefirst into the Everglades...
"Liar's Poker" by Michael Lewis, who spent some time at Salomon Brothers before the investment banking business cratered in the mid 80s.
Why am I suggesting these books?
Because, ma'am, you might very well write one too, and then every bit of what you have endured will be grist for the mill. And looking at these books you can very easily determine what is safe to say and what is not, who can be named, and who cannot.
Thanks, Stormy!
I'm hoping I can find them in the library.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
Why did they hire you if they want to do away with the program ? Ami
-
Dear Bones,
Why did they hire you if they want to do away with the program ? Ami
I'll try to explain.
There is a substance abuse treatment organization, that is being paid through a state contract, that was placed in this local prison. The local prison administrators do NOT want the substance abuse treatment program but cannot say "No" to the state. Therefore, the local prison administrators attempt to throw up any roadblocks they can, in front of this substance abuse treatment organization to stop us from doing our work and try to force the substance abuse treatment program, within their local prison, to shut down. It feels like a "tug-o-war' with me caught in the middle of this "power play".
Bones
-
WOW- talk about feeling unwanted. I am sure that it is something that you don't need. Sorry , Bones
Hugs to you
Ami
-
WOW- talk about feeling unwanted. I am sure that it is something that you don't need. Sorry , Bones
Hugs to you
Ami
Thanks, Ami!
I called my new boss yesterday morning and informed her about what happened when I tried to go to work. She told me to bring my tools with me on Monday and she will speak with the Facility Administrator, again.
Bones
-
I just hate the stress!
Bones
-
Life just seems so stressful sometimes,Bones, doesn't it.? You want to say,"It's not fair." I want to say that,too. I guess that it is an immature attitude,on my part.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. It seems so political and unneccesary Love to you Ami
-
Life just seems so stressful sometimes,Bones, doesn't it.? You want to say,"It's not fair." I want to say that,too. I guess that it is an immature attitude,on my part.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. It seems so political and unneccesary Love to you Ami
Thanks, Ami.
I know life is never fair and, at the same time, I have absolutely NO patience for political game-playing and the B.S. that goes with politics.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
I know what it's like to be in your kind on bind. I've worked in government and I'v worked in prisons. I felt that working in a prison was like Jean Paul Sartre's "No Exit": We make our own hell and hell is other people. Dealing with prison staff is horrible. But, working in a prison can be unpleasant and there are bad people behind those bars.
Yes, you cannot bring in "shives", etc, things we take for granted (like the small bottleof aspirin in my purse) are not allowed inside prison. In a prison, the prison staff views all things as potentialweapons which an inmate could use as a weapon. I wouldn't be surprisedif you are body searched each time you go, But, this is prison!! and it is very mind blowing.
I'd like to suggest that you try to detach yourself from those who try to foil your efforts. Remember you are there to help your clients. Of course, the prison thinks your work is molly coddling BS. But, Bones, realize the prison guards have very little education and that prison administration is propobably very pro law & order. So, please realize who your're dealing with.
Think about how hard it's been for you to find a position. Please don't let the jail staff mess up what definintely will be an excellent learning experience. Please keep your client's welfare in the forefront of your mind and detach from the animosity of the jail staff.
Love,
Sally
-
Thanks, Sally.
When I went in to work this morning, I learned that my boss had a stern talk with the C.O. staff to get across that bringing in stationery-related stuff is NOT contraband and to quit hassling her staff. This time, they let me go to work without hassling me.....finally!
Bones
-
:!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
that is a GOOD sign, Bones! You know this but validation always helps :-)
-
Bones,
Remember when you look at the Co's and the administration of the prison staff, don't forget, a lot are N's themselves or at least have many traits.
You guys in the *HELP* rehabilitation dept with substance abuse are the outsiders. It's their domain and you have GOT TO BE THERE!! through the state but would of never really been invited in if it was up to them.
They don't give a damn, I believe. They are there to punish, control and keep them in line ONLY.
I know a lot of police officers and my husband was a firefighter. If you are any less then they are then you are considered an OUTSIDER!!
Sorry you are going through hell and back.
Deb
-
:!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
that is a GOOD sign, Bones! You know this but validation always helps :-)
Thanks, Stormy.
There is a major hurdle that needs to be resolved yesterday, and that is in regards to the Counselor-in-Training paperwork and the required appropriate supervision that all trainees MUST have. Today, I was informed that I was expected to conduct a session of group therapy...ALONE...in this prison setting. Officially, I am still a counselor-in-training and that designation is NOT certified. Trainees are NOT supposed to be conducting group therapy, or individual counseling sessions, without close supervision by a Board-approved supervisor. The Maryland regulations are strict about that and the Licensing Board are sticklers about that for good reason. This protects the clients, the trainees and the substance abuse treatment program. My supervisor, who is a transplant from out of state, doesn't understand the ramifications of that. I asked her to please get clarification on the Maryland COMAR Regs BEFORE we find all of ourselves in a bad mess.
Bones
-
Bones,
Remember when you look at the Co's and the administration of the prison staff, don't forget, a lot are N's themselves or at least have many traits.
You guys in the *HELP* rehabilitation dept with substance abuse are the outsiders. It's their domain and you have GOT TO BE THERE!! through the state but would of never really been invited in if it was up to them.
They don't give a damn, I believe. They are there to punish, control and keep them in line ONLY.
I know a lot of police officers and my husband was a firefighter. If you are any less then they are then you are considered an OUTSIDER!!
Sorry you are going through hell and back.
Deb
Thanks, Deb.
Bones
-
Whew, Bones. What a mess...
-
((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))
tt
-
:!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
that is a GOOD sign, Bones! You know this but validation always helps :-)
Thanks, Stormy.
There is a major hurdle that needs to be resolved yesterday, and that is in regards to the Counselor-in-Training paperwork and the required appropriate supervision that all trainees MUST have. Today, I was informed that I was expected to conduct a session of group therapy...ALONE...in this prison setting. Officially, I am still a counselor-in-training and that designation is NOT certified. Trainees are NOT supposed to be conducting group therapy, or individual counseling sessions, without close supervision by a Board-approved supervisor. The Maryland regulations are strict about that and the Licensing Board are sticklers about that for good reason. This protects the clients, the trainees and the substance abuse treatment program. My supervisor, who is a transplant from out of state, doesn't understand the ramifications of that. I asked her to please get clarification on the Maryland COMAR Regs BEFORE we find all of ourselves in a bad mess.
Bones
BTW,
I've sent an e-mail to the Maryland Board with a list of questions that I have to see if I can get some clarification. I would HATE to find out, 90 days to one year later, that NONE of my work counts toward my licensure because of what the program administrators did or did not do! If my asking these hard questions costs me this job, then I guess that is a sacrifice I will have to make.
Bones
-
Whew, Bones. What a mess...
Thanks, Stormy.
Bones
-
((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))
tt
Thanks, TT.
Bones
-
I still have not heard anything back from the Board yet. If I have not heard anything from them, one way or the other, by the beginning of July, I guess I'll need to find the phone number of the correct contact person and give that person a call.
Bones
-
I've finally received an e-mail from the Board and I'm preparing to respond to the answers they sent me.
I've also have the feeling that one of my clients has NPD as he was acting out in class this morning.
Bones
-
Just need to vent a bit as working in a prison environment can be a pain in the a$$!
Bones
-
Bones,
Must be a very difficult place to work and scary.
Deb
-
Bones,
Must be a very difficult place to work and scary.
Deb
Thanks, Deb!
It is a very difficult place to work because of the prison administrators who do not want us there. Right before my office mates and I left the office for the weekend, we were informed that beginning Monday, NONE of us women will be allowed to come to work wearing any underwire bras. Many of my office mates are large women, one of them pregnant with twins, and they DEPEND on underwires to give them the support they have to have. It was also suggested that we switch to "sports bras" to avoid the underwire. I've yet to see any sports bra, especially maternity style, for the sizes of women in my office!
SHEESH!!!!!
Bones
-
Hello Bones-
Hope you are feeling better. I have a hard time reading the title of this post. My NH has not worked for a long time, and said that he didn't want to work again. He doesn't help at home, and basically said that he doesn't care about me at all, and I asked him to leave. The rage, abandonement, adictions and spending were bringing on a disaster, financially and emotionally. I tried to support him and encourage him, but in the face of his rejection of me as a woman and a person (pornography), and the damage that he continued to do, I gave him an ultimatum. I hope that I wasn't wrong. He said that I was kicking him when he was down. I really did my best, but he refused to help me or to block out any time for me, for us, lied about everything, and sabotaged my efforts to keep us afloat. He has money that we saved , and said that he planned to leave when his lawsuit settled, anyway, and that he despised me. I hope that I wasn't cruel to him.
Please nourish yourself with music and nature. You are more than your job or situation. Your identity is an intangible one, unique and worthy.
Hugs,
Changing
-
Hello Bones-
Hope you are feeling better. I have a hard time reading the title of this post. My NH has not worked for a long time, and said that he didn't want to work again. He doesn't help at home, and basically said that he doesn't care about me at all, and I asked him to leave. The rage, abandonement, adictions and spending were bringing on a disaster, financially and emotionally. I tried to support him and encourage him, but in the face of his rejection of me as a woman and a person (pornography), and the damage that he continued to do, I gave him an ultimatum. I hope that I wasn't wrong. He said that I was kicking him when he was down. I really did my best, but he refused to help me or to block out any time for me, for us, lied about everything, and sabotaged my efforts to keep us afloat. He has money that we saved , and said that he planned to leave when his lawsuit settled, anyway, and that he despised me. I hope that I wasn't cruel to him.
Please nourish yourself with music and nature. You are more than your job or situation. Your identity is an intangible one, unique and worthy.
Hugs,
Changing
Thanks, Changing, and don't let that N-Slimeball beat you down emotionally. It sounds like he despises women, in general, by objectifying us and, at the same time, DEMANDS that we pamper and diaper him! I would prefer to put my foot up where the sun will never shine on him!
Bones
-
My Dear Bones-
You are aptly named! As I read your post, I felt a strange sensation, and voila! I felt my spine returning! And now, my "funny bone"! I had my first real laugh of the day.
Thank you again for finding my missing skeletal parts.
Hugs,
Changing
-
My Dear Bones-
You are aptly named! As I read your post, I felt a strange sensation, and voila! I felt my spine returning! And now, my "funny bone"! I had my first real laugh of the day.
Thank you again for finding my missing skeletal parts.
Hugs,
Changing
:D
You're very welcome!
Bones
I'll be keeping y'all posted about how things go at the "zoo" tomorrow.
Bones
-
This prison job is still stressful because of a variety of stuff going on. I'm also trying to get certification questions resolved so I don't end up being stuck with working a lot of hours that can't be applied toward my certification and/or licensure.
Bones
-
I think I found another Narcissist in the workplace. My supervisor has been out, due to a family emergency, and placed my colleague in charge. However, the administrative assistant does not like the supervisor's decisions and has attempted to overrule said decisions by going over her head and "tattling" about decisions she does NOT agree with. As a result, this administrative assistant is attempting to screw with my paycheck and that has me VERY pissed off!
Bones
-
Yoicks, Bones...
Breaaaaaaathe.
Just calmly tell whoever you need to tell that it's incorrect.
Do you use email at your job? Might help to handle it that way since you're hot under the collar.
I have meant to say that I admire you a lot for working in the prison.
It is such an evil and frightening environment that usually rehabilitates nobody.
I feel very grateful that people like you are there trying to help.
Hops
-
Yoicks, Bones...
Breaaaaaaathe.
Just calmly tell whoever you need to tell that it's incorrect.
Do you use email at your job? Might help to handle it that way since you're hot under the collar.
I have meant to say that I admire you a lot for working in the prison.
It is such an evil and frightening environment that usually rehabilitates nobody.
I feel very grateful that people like you are there trying to help.
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I've already spoken with my colleague, who is temporarily in charge while the supervisor is absent. She called the supervisor and left a voice-mail message for her regarding this issue about the administrative assistant interfering in areas that are out of bounds for her.
Bones
-
The boss called me yesterday morning and informed me that I'm still having my pay docked anyway because I helped a colleague. I started to explain my side of the situation and she started talking over me after I got the second word out of my mouth. Goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished. From now on I'm keeping myself to myself and I'm not helping anyone else in the office if it's going to cost me in my paycheck.
Bones
-
Dear Bones.,
I am so sorry for the pain and unfairness you are experiencing. My prayers are with you. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((( Bones)))))))))))))))))))0
-
Dear Bones.,
I am so sorry for the pain and unfairness you are experiencing. My prayers are with you. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((( Bones))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks, Ami.
Even though I need the money, I'm beginning to hate this job.
Bones
-
The boss called me yesterday morning and informed me that I'm still having my pay docked anyway because I helped a colleague. I started to explain my side of the situation and she started talking over me after I got the second word out of my mouth. Goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished. From now on I'm keeping myself to myself and I'm not helping anyone else in the office if it's going to cost me in my paycheck.
Bones
Oh Bones. What a swamp of abuse. They didn't dock your pay because you helped somebody, they docked it to show you that they could dock it. But of course, punishing you for cooperating with your colleagues goes a long way towards creating a hostile workplace environment, too. For them and for you. Make you feel all warm and welcome.
What a collection of creeps.
Hold your nose, get the straight info on making your hours count towards certification [in writing with signatures if you can do that without antagonizing jerks], think about what kind of book you might be able to write about this experience, and update your resume just to prove that you can...
Inner City Blues [Marvin Gaye]
Rockets, moon shots
Spend it all on have-nots
Money, we make it
'Fore we see it, you take it
Oh, make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Livin? This ain't livin'!
Inflation no chance
To increase finance
Bills pile up sky high
Send that boy off to die
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Livin? This ain't livin'.
Hang ups, let downs
Bad breaks, set backs
Natural fact is
I can't pay my taxes
Oh, make me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
Make me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
Crime is increasing
Trigger happy policing
Panic is spreading
God knows where we're heading
Oh, make me wanna holler
They don't understand
Make me wanna holler
They jus' don't understand...
-
My Dear Bones-
You are an inspiration. Your strength, wisdom, and humor truly helped me this past week. There is so much injustice in your situation, yet you continue undeterred, and prevail.
Hugs,
Changing
-
My Dear Bones-
You are an inspiration. Your strength, wisdom, and humor truly helped me this past week. There is so much injustice in your situation, yet you continue undeterred, and prevail.
Hugs,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
I'm trying to keep my options open.
Bones
-
The boss called me yesterday morning and informed me that I'm still having my pay docked anyway because I helped a colleague. I started to explain my side of the situation and she started talking over me after I got the second word out of my mouth. Goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished. From now on I'm keeping myself to myself and I'm not helping anyone else in the office if it's going to cost me in my paycheck.
Bones
Oh Bones. What a swamp of abuse. They didn't dock your pay because you helped somebody, they docked it to show you that they could dock it. But of course, punishing you for cooperating with your colleagues goes a long way towards creating a hostile workplace environment, too. For them and for you. Make you feel all warm and welcome.
What a collection of creeps.
Hold your nose, get the straight info on making your hours count towards certification [in writing with signatures if you can do that without antagonizing jerks], think about what kind of book you might be able to write about this experience, and update your resume just to prove that you can...
Inner City Blues [Marvin Gaye]
Rockets, moon shots
Spend it all on have-nots
Money, we make it
'Fore we see it, you take it
Oh, make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Livin? This ain't livin'!
Inflation no chance
To increase finance
Bills pile up sky high
Send that boy off to die
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Livin? This ain't livin'.
Hang ups, let downs
Bad breaks, set backs
Natural fact is
I can't pay my taxes
Oh, make me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
Make me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
Crime is increasing
Trigger happy policing
Panic is spreading
God knows where we're heading
Oh, make me wanna holler
They don't understand
Make me wanna holler
They jus' don't understand...
Thanks, Stormy.
One of the other sources of frustration is that it's beginning to appear that NONE of the supervisors are certified/licensed in the state of Maryland. (They live in other states and commute to Maryland.) However, Maryland does NOT have a reciprocity agreement with any other state where certification and licensing is concerned. Therefore, NONE of these supervisors can sign off on anything concerning my Counselor-in-Training status nor for my application for certification or licensure. My immediate supervisor has been working for this company for five months and yet she is just NOW getting the required paperwork from the state of Maryland to take care of her own certification. My concern is that until she gets certified in Maryland, AND completes the separate paperwork to become a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, all of the hours I am working face-to-face with clients will count for NOTHING toward my own certification. To add to the stress, an auditor from the state of Maryland is scheduled to arrive next month to review everyone's credentials. If that auditor determines that the staff certifications do not meet the state requirements, the program could get shut down and I'll be out of a job...again. (I've seen this same agency shut down a nursing home near me because of irregularities that they were doing so it can happen.) If the state shuts down this program in August, I won't be eligible to apply for unemployment again because it will be less than a year since I applied the last time.
This is NOT a good place to be in and I don't feel good about the handwriting I'm seeing on the wall!
Bones
-
are you sure about that year period, Bones? I believe I had 2 periods of unemployment in Va. wi/o that kicking in...
xo
Hops
-
I am so,very sorry Bones ((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))) Love and Hugs Ami
-
are you sure about that year period, Bones? I believe I had 2 periods of unemployment in Va. wi/o that kicking in...
xo
Hops
Thanks, and yes, Hops. I still have the booklet that the state of Maryland sent me and it definitely says that I cannot apply again, for a second time, within less than a year.
Bones
-
I am so,very sorry Bones ((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))) Love and Hugs Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Yep, unemployment is state by state regulated, not federally standardized at all.
It never ceases to amaze me just how many ways 'they' can find to kick people when they are down.
That situation with your certification sucks big time. I am flabbergasted. Is there any way - ugh, I hate even to think of it - that you can do any 'volunteer' hours in another setting and have them, at least, count? As if you weren't doing enough already. Talk about adding insult to injury.
this stinks, Bones.
-
Bones,
I admire you for documenting everything steadily and you know what, you never know...
If you keep your cool and keep pages and pages as clearly and logically as you've just
explained it here, and present it very matter-of-factly EVEN IF your job is wiped out,
perhaps someone in management would say to herself/himself:
Hmmm. This employee has obviously worked very hard in a trying situation, yet has
presented me with a clear, neat summary that has contributed to our assessment of
the situation. This person could be an asset in Program X.
Know what I mean? I think a LOT of the time, being assertive plus helpful (even
when you're gritting your teeth) and communicating very thoroughly, can sometimes
turn into a positive reference, a referral to an even better option, whatever.
So if the worst-case happens, don't give up! Ask yourself, okay, now who can I
write to with my intelligent and very professional summary of various issues I've
observed, and suggest solutions?
See where I'm going with this? With written correspondence that shows both effort,
conscientiousness, and professional, you can create a path for yourself sometimes,
even when one doesn't appear to be open.
This strategy has paid off for me in many jobs. I presented with interest, a supportive
attitude, and displayed my brain.
You have a fine one, Bones. I'd love to see you strategize and network for yourself
in that way.
hugs
Hops
-
Yep, unemployment is state by state regulated, not federally standardized at all.
It never ceases to amaze me just how many ways 'they' can find to kick people when they are down.
That situation with your certification sucks big time. I am flabbergasted. Is there any way - ugh, I hate even to think of it - that you can do any 'volunteer' hours in another setting and have them, at least, count? As if you weren't doing enough already. Talk about adding insult to injury.
this stinks, Bones.
Yes, it does suck...big time.
I just found out this morning that I just got screwed another way.
I had applied for a state job before I was hired by this company. A state representative of the department I applied to attempted to call me at work. However, because the caller refused to divulge the confidential nature of the call to the administrative assistant, I NEVER got the message (the administrative assistant trashed the message instead of giving it to me) and, as a result, I lost the opportunity to interview for a job with the state! Now THAT really pisses me off! (For all the secretary knew, it could have been my doctor, counselor, etc. calling me about any kind of confidential matter which is still NONE of her business! If I want her to know my confidential stuff, I would tell her. She has NO business sticking her nose where it does NOT concern her! And the boss doesn't care what she does!) SH%T!
Bones
-
Bones,
I admire you for documenting everything steadily and you know what, you never know...
If you keep your cool and keep pages and pages as clearly and logically as you've just
explained it here, and present it very matter-of-factly EVEN IF your job is wiped out,
perhaps someone in management would say to herself/himself:
Hmmm. This employee has obviously worked very hard in a trying situation, yet has
presented me with a clear, neat summary that has contributed to our assessment of
the situation. This person could be an asset in Program X.
Know what I mean? I think a LOT of the time, being assertive plus helpful (even
when you're gritting your teeth) and communicating very thoroughly, can sometimes
turn into a positive reference, a referral to an even better option, whatever.
So if the worst-case happens, don't give up! Ask yourself, okay, now who can I
write to with my intelligent and very professional summary of various issues I've
observed, and suggest solutions?
See where I'm going with this? With written correspondence that shows both effort,
conscientiousness, and professional, you can create a path for yourself sometimes,
even when one doesn't appear to be open.
This strategy has paid off for me in many jobs. I presented with interest, a supportive
attitude, and displayed my brain.
You have a fine one, Bones. I'd love to see you strategize and network for yourself
in that way.
hugs
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I'm feeling very angry this morning so it's hard to think straight!
Bones
-
Bones, I wish that. I had something to say that would help. I can just give you a cyberspace hug.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
-
Oh Bones, I don't blame you.
What a wretched development.
Here's an opportunity that can change how you react to everything for the rest of your life. :)
1. You have ONE HOUR.
Either get in the car and drive to an isolated place if accessible and sit there and BELLOW OUT YOUR FURY until youu can't sum up one more squeak.
Or, when you will be alone at home, clear the bedroom, and make up the bed with fresh sheets and make it.
Now go get a firm pillow you can hoist.
Beat on that bed while speaking and narrating and explaing and describing what you're angry about until you cannot think of ONE MORE WORD to say about it.
2. Write a summary letter with your great regret that you missed the opportunity to interview for this position which you were very interested in. Explain that an administrative assistant failed to give you the message and you had no idea they had contacted you. Ask, whether or not there is a position open currently, whether they be willing to allow you to come and talk to them about their needs. You would be very interested in simply learning about what position might be open there at some future time, and would be very grateful for 20 minutes of their time, at their convenience.
And thank them sincerely for their consideration. Offer a new email address and phone number and assure them that any message they send or leave will be replied to promptly.
Make this a Registered MAILED letter, not an email. Enclose your resume.
love
Hops
-
Bones, I wish that. I had something to say that would help. I can just give you a cyberspace hug.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Oh Bones, I don't blame you.
What a wretched development.
Here's an opportunity that can change how you react to everything for the rest of your life. :)
1. You have ONE HOUR.
Either get in the car and drive to an isolated place if accessible and sit there and BELLOW OUT YOUR FURY until youu can't sum up one more squeak.
Or, when you will be alone at home, clear the bedroom, and make up the bed with fresh sheets and make it.
Now go get a firm pillow you can hoist.
Beat on that bed while speaking and narrating and explaing and describing what you're angry about until you cannot think of ONE MORE WORD to say about it.
2. Write a summary letter with your great regret that you missed the opportunity to interview for this position which you were very interested in. Explain that an administrative assistant failed to give you the message and you had no idea they had contacted you. Ask, whether or not there is a position open currently, whether they be willing to allow you to come and talk to them about their needs. You would be very interested in simply learning about what position might be open there at some future time, and would be very grateful for 20 minutes of their time, at their convenience.
And thank them sincerely for their consideration. Offer a new email address and phone number and assure them that any message they send or leave will be replied to promptly.
Make this a Registered MAILED letter, not an email. Enclose your resume.
love
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I'm working on that now.
I also got word from the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene that until at least one of my supervisors becomes Maryland Board-approved to oversee trainees, I am NOT supposed to be working as a trainee nor am I supposed to be working with clients until the supervisors get their status straightened out with Maryland. It appears that until someone, in the company's chain of command, gets themselves straight with the state of Maryland, I'm working illegally. What a mess!
Bones
-
Link is live, I just checked it.
-
Bones, if the state government hires as slowly as the Federal government does, you may not have lost the opportunity yet. I know someone who has been waiting for two months to hear back on a job application he sent to a Federal agency and this is apparently pretty much standard.
The Feds have a website, do you know if the state does? Wait, let me see.
yes yes they do here it is, check the sidebar at the right, the job might still be unfilled! I hope this link works, it's folded up like an accordion in the quick reply panel.
http://www.dbm.maryland.gov/portal/server.pt?space=CommunityPage&cached=true&parentname=MyPage&parentid=0&in_hi_userid=1333&control=SetCommunity&CommunityID=225&PageID=0&portal=dbm
.
.
My God, what a snake pit you work in. ((((((((((Bones))))))))))
.
.
Thanks, Stormy.
That's how I was able to apply for the job in the first place. I was hoping to get an interview until the office snake sabotaged that. :x Now with this new information, from the Maryland Board, about the staffing certification/licensure issues, I'm not sure what to do.
Bones
-
Today, I learn that my supervisor is quitting as of August 3rd.
I also learned that several other staff members are neither certified nor licensed to work as Addiction Counselors.
When I asked the Maryland Board for advice about what I should do or say to my bosses concerning my being in "Trainee Limbo", the response I received from the Board is that the facility will be investigated. It should be interesting to see what happens next, even if it means losing this job as well. I know that I inadvertently opened a "can of worms" when I attempted to resolve my own trainee status. At the same time, it is also a matter of "bite me now or bite me later" because if I didn't address this now, it could seriously hurt my chances of becoming certified or licensed later.
Bones
-
You should be protected, Bones.
Are you a whistleblower?
I wonder if you were to lose your job in future, whether you'd have a grievance claim for retalition?
I'm not sure, but this is starting to sound like:
a) something a good reporter at the Baltimore Sun should be contacted about
b) something you might want to touch base with an attorney about
Hops
-
You should be protected, Bones.
Are you a whistleblower?
I wonder if you were to lose your job in future, whether you'd have a grievance claim for retalition?
I'm not sure, but this is starting to sound like:
a) something a good reporter at the Baltimore Sun should be contacted about
b) something you might want to touch base with an attorney about
Hops
The ironic thing is that I did not originally intend to become a whistleblower. All I did was ask a LOT of tough questions to my soon-to-be-ex supervisor, then ask MORE tough questions to the Maryland Board of Professional Counselors and Therapists based on prior experiences. Who knew that this current place of employment was operating illegally?
Bones
-
it seems like a LOT of things to handle. I know that you do not "need" this on top of everything else.
I am sorry,my friend Love Ami
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))
-
it seems like a LOT of things to handle. I know that you do not "need" this on top of everything else.
I am sorry,my friend Love Ami
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))
Thanks, Ami.
I'm wondering if everything is going to be coming to a head on August 1st. That's the date an auditor had already been scheduled to arrive to inspect clients' files to see if they are compliant with COMAR Regs. The Auditor might be coming from the same office that I have been communicating with regarding my CIT dilemma.
Bones
-
I believe you, Bones.
I think you have been single-minded about wanting to contribute in your field and it was that determination that propelled you into "questioning the system"--
which, after all, is not unpatriotic!
It wasn't personal, and imo it leaves you in a good light. You dot the i's and cross the t's, and you're trying for entry.
I hope they take note of that.
Hops
-
I believe you, Bones.
I think you have been single-minded about wanting to contribute in your field and it was that determination that propelled you into "questioning the system"--
which, after all, is not unpatriotic!
It wasn't personal, and imo it leaves you in a good light. You dot the i's and cross the t's, and you're trying for entry.
I hope they take note of that.
Hops
I hope so too, Hops.
While talking with a colleague about the upcoming audit on August 1st, she commented that she assumed that the Division Director's licensure would cover all of us, making it unnecessary for the staff to become certified or licensed. I had to explain that the Maryland licensing/certification process does not work that way...that the only person protected by the Division Director's license is the Division Director alone, no one else. I shared my experiences from the previous substance abuse treatment facility and I think I shocked my colleague into realizing that where we work could get shut down because of all the Maryland COMAR Regs violations.
HOO-BOY!!!!
Bones
-
In the meantime, I'm going to continue my job search just in case.
Bones
-
Smart move, Bones.
You're being a real grownup.
admiringly,
Hops
-
Well bones, it's been almost a year.
What are you living on? I sure feel badly about someone with no income, like I would like to help, but it could last forever and then the teo of us would be broke in a couple of years!
What will we do? Marry into wealth? Rob a bank? Change Vocations? I'm serious--how are you liviing-?-you post is so long I might have missed something!
Love
Izzy
-
Well bones, it's been almost a year.
What are you living on? I sure feel badly about someone with no income, like I would like to help, but it could last forever and then the teo of us would be broke in a couple of years!
What will we do? Marry into wealth? Rob a bank? Change Vocations? I'm serious--how are you liviing-?-you post is so long I might have missed something!
Love
Izzy
Hello, Izzy.
I've been posting that I have been working at a minimum security prison since June 4th and recently discovered that I may be working illegally because the program administrators at the substance abuse treatment facility have ignored the COMAR Regulations concerning required certifications, licensures and trainee supervision. The auditor from the state is scheduled to arrive on August 1st and I'm concerned that as soon as the auditor ascertains that there is no certified/licensed staff, then the program will be shut down....throwing everyone out of work. I can only wait and see what happens.
Bones
-
oh , wow, Bones
Such a state of facing the unknown..
Hang iin there and Good Luck
Izzy
-
oh , wow, Bones
Such a state of facing the unknown..
Hang iin there and Good Luck
Izzy
Thanks, Izzy.
I keep reminding myself to Let Go and Let God.
Bones
-
I've also been doing a lot of praying as I don't know what else to do at this juncture.
Bones
-
Having Faith, like using the word 'tomorrow' even though we know it never comes--- it becomes TODAY!
Iz
-
Thanks.
Bones
-
Had a chance to talk with my colleagues today. I learned that NO ONE on the counseling staff is certified NOR licensed. Since we do not have a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, we are essentially practicing addiction medicine without a license...which is in violation of the Maryland COMAR Regs. When one of my colleagues realized that her Counselor-in-Training status is now in limbo, like mine, because of the lack of a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, her immediate reaction was: "OH F@#K!" She understands that the staff, and the facility, may be in deep Doo-Doo with the state of Maryland...jeopardizing everyone's jobs.
Bones
-
Had a chance to talk with my colleagues today. I learned that NO ONE on the counseling staff is certified NOR licensed. Since we do not have a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, we are essentially practicing addiction medicine without a license...which is in violation of the Maryland COMAR Regs. When one of my colleagues realized that her Counselor-in-Training status is now in limbo, like mine, because of the lack of a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, her immediate reaction was: "OH F@#K!" She understands that the staff, and the facility, may be in deep Doo-Doo with the state of Maryland...jeopardizing everyone's jobs.
Bones
Bones, I haven't been following along very well, but can you possibly change to a different facility and transfer some amount of credit for the experience you've already gained? What is the duration of this "Counselor-in-Training" period? Thank you for catching me up here... and for your help re: the county jail situation vis granddaughter. You're a peach! Gotta get dogs in line here, but will check back soon...
Love,
Hope
P.S. on edit... Oh boy, Bones - having read back through the past few pages of your posts here, please just ignore my silly questions above and accept sincere hugs (((((((((Bones))))))))) All of this stuff is far, farrrr over my head, but I'm still here praying for you and cheering you on. The unsettle-ment of these times for you is huge, I know, but I've seen alot of doors open in the midst of seeming nothingness, so giving up is definitely not an option!
With love,
Hope
-
Had a chance to talk with my colleagues today. I learned that NO ONE on the counseling staff is certified NOR licensed. Since we do not have a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, we are essentially practicing addiction medicine without a license...which is in violation of the Maryland COMAR Regs. When one of my colleagues realized that her Counselor-in-Training status is now in limbo, like mine, because of the lack of a Maryland Board-approved supervisor, her immediate reaction was: "OH F@#K!" She understands that the staff, and the facility, may be in deep Doo-Doo with the state of Maryland...jeopardizing everyone's jobs.
Bones
Bones, I haven't been following along very well, but can you possibly change to a different facility and transfer some amount of credit for the experience you've already gained? What is the duration of this "Counselor-in-Training" period? Thank you for catching me up here... and for your help re: the county jail situation vis granddaughter. You're a peach! Gotta get dogs in line here, but will check back soon...
Love,
Hope
P.S. on edit... Oh boy, Bones - having read back through the past few pages of your posts here, please just ignore my silly questions above and accept sincere hugs (((((((((Bones))))))))) All of this stuff is far, farrrr over my head, but I'm still here praying for you and cheering you on. The unsettle-ment of these times for you is huge, I know, but I've seen alot of doors open in the midst of seeming nothingness, so giving up is definitely not an option!
With love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
The way things have been going at this job as of tonight has me strongly wanting "O-U-T". Even though I have been there less than 90 days, I'm planning on asking for either a transfer closer to home or just let me out. The two-hour round trip plus the crap going on at work has made me feel that this job is not worth it.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I can surely understand wanting OUT of the confusion and uncertainty. Hoping and praying here for the very best for you... and staying tuned!
With love,
Hope
-
Hey Bones,
How about asking for a transfer...not quitting.
I keep thinking there are those positive recognition + networking effects to come from this, if you can hang in.
You were miserable unemployed, and you've made a difference here.
Don't forget...reach out, write letters, be that professional, positive, determined type of person they'll notice and value!
If you ask for a transfer, present it positively, and always document everything in letters, not emails....
hugs
Hops
-
Dear Bones,
I can surely understand wanting OUT of the confusion and uncertainty. Hoping and praying here for the very best for you... and staying tuned!
With love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
-
Hey Bones,
How about asking for a transfer...not quitting.
I keep thinking there are those positive recognition + networking effects to come from this, if you can hang in.
You were miserable unemployed, and you've made a difference here.
Don't forget...reach out, write letters, be that professional, positive, determined type of person they'll notice and value!
If you ask for a transfer, present it positively, and always document everything in letters, not emails....
hugs
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I've been informed that I am not eligible for a transfer because I have been there less than 90 days. Unless I can find another job soon, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Bones
-
Ah well...90 days.
Now, 90 days in the course of a life, when it might help a long-term goal?
Takes some plants 90 days.
Last time I planted sunflowers I think it was 90 days before we had them blooming.
One month, two, three, and there you are.
Hang in, Bones. Hang in and see what happens.
Would that be new for you?
love
Hops
-
Dear Bones,
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. You spent all the time and energy on a degree. It must be very, very frustrating to keep having one roadblock after another.
I am keeping you in my prayers Love Ami ((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))
-
Ah well...90 days.
Now, 90 days in the course of a life, when it might help a long-term goal?
Takes some plants 90 days.
Last time I planted sunflowers I think it was 90 days before we had them blooming.
One month, two, three, and there you are.
Hang in, Bones. Hang in and see what happens.
Would that be new for you?
love
Hops
I understand. At the same time, I'm looking at the potential harm concerning my ability for future licensure or certification from the Board. Right now, I'm essentially practicing addiction medicine without a license and I'm not comfortable with that.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. You spent all the time and energy on a degree. It must be very, very frustrating to keep having one roadblock after another.
I am keeping you in my prayers Love Ami ((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))
Thanks, Ami!
Bones
-
Makes sense to me, Bones.
How about documenting your concerns carefully in a letter than you send to someone on high? E.g.:
I of course am committed to providing this service to the State of Maryland--and I do need my job. I do not regret bringing this situation to light; however, I need clarification on whether there will be any professional ramifications to my having been a staff member during this period? Etc.
All in favor of CYA-ing... :?
Hops
-
Makes sense to me, Bones.
How about documenting your concerns carefully in a letter than you send to someone on high? E.g.:
I of course am committed to providing this service to the State of Maryland--and I do need my job. I do not regret bringing this situation to light; however, I need clarification on whether there will be any professional ramifications to my having been a staff member during this period? Etc.
All in favor of CYA-ing... :?
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I've already been in communication with the Maryland Board of Professional Counselors and Therapists, (the Head Honcho), via e-mail so she is well aware of what is going on. I can no longer trust anyone on the administrative level at the employer's because they have already been caught in lie after lie. At this point, I need to continue job hunting while awaiting the results of the upcoming audit on August 1st.
Bones
-
You've got a plan, Bones, that's great.
::whispering:: edit all emotion & indignation out of all emails before hitting Send ::
(spoken as a scarred-up old veteran of learning job stuff too late)
I have a good feeling about how things will work out for you, Bones.
xo
Hops
-
You've got a plan, Bones, that's great.
::whispering:: edit all emotion & indignation out of all emails before hitting Send ::
(spoken as a scarred-up old veteran of learning job stuff too late)
I have a good feeling about how things will work out for you, Bones.
xo
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I'm still communicating with the Licensing Board for additional advice given that my colleagues are very confused about what is required and what is not allowed concerning trainee status.
Bones
-
Hello Bones-
Your rapier-sharp wit and toughness are awesome and have really elevated my perspective. I know that you will continue to be a real treasure in your profession, and will find recognition and the appropriate setting for the full blossoming of your professional talents. Your strength and integrity will out! We a rooting for you!
Hugs,
Changing
-
Hello Bones-
Your rapier-sharp wit and toughness are awesome and have really elevated my perspective. I know that you will continue to be a real treasure in your profession, and will find recognition and the appropriate setting for the full blossoming of your professional talents. Your strength and integrity will out! We a rooting for you!
Hugs,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I'm waiting to hear further updates from the Maryland Board of Professional Counselors and Therapists while I keep them informed about what is continuing to develop at work. I'm hoping to get some sort of resolution soon.
Bones
-
I just recently found out that someone at the Board did something incredibly STUPID! Someone, called the office of where I work, informing them that I had contacted the Board about the lack of a clinical supervisor, etc. Instead of doing a discreet investigation, this individual PUT MY NAME OUT THERE! As a result, I got called into the office, grilled about what I communicated with the Board about, written up and threatened with termination. SO MUCH FOR CONFIDENTIALITY!
Bones
-
Oh, the system. I'm so sorry Bones. Every state system, every bureaucracy, seems to have a "mind" that ignores the ethics and protects itself.
Still, I would write a formal letter of protest registering your experience. You had appealed repeatedly for information and clarification from your supervisors, and it was only when they had no answers that you wrote to the Board, which triggered a necessary evaluation.
Also, I'd have a chat with an EEOC lawyer, or whichever kind of lawyer protects whistleblowers. In most state systems there is a grievance procedure you can go through when you have been unfairly disciplined. I did once, and I prevailed.
Hops
-
Oh, the system. I'm so sorry Bones. Every state system, every bureaucracy, seems to have a "mind" that ignores the ethics and protects itself.
Still, I would write a formal letter of protest registering your experience. You had appealed repeatedly for information and clarification from your supervisors, and it was only when they had no answers that you wrote to the Board, which triggered a necessary evaluation.
Also, I'd have a chat with an EEOC lawyer, or whichever kind of lawyer protects whistleblowers. In most state systems there is a grievance procedure you can go through when you have been unfairly disciplined. I did once, and I prevailed.
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
What also pisses me off is that the supervisor I attempted to talk to, SEVERAL times, about my CIT issues NOW DENIES THOSE CONVERSATIONS EVER TOOK PLACE and she insists that I was NEVER CLEAR ENOUGH!!! That is BULLSHIT!!!! I've already relayed to the Board what resulted from their breach of confidentiality and I'm in the process of wrapping up my stint with this employer and GETTING THE HELL OUTTA THERE ASAP!
Bones
-
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))). Sorry for all the pain Love Ami
-
Dear Bones,
I'm sorry you're caught in the warp of all this butt-covering that's goin on.... ((((((((Bones)))))))
you know Who's got your back, right? :)
Love,
Hope
-
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))). Sorry for all the pain Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I'm sorry you're caught in the warp of all this butt-covering that's goin on.... ((((((((Bones)))))))
you know Who's got your back, right? :)
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
Bones
-
I'm still working at this prison job while continuing my search to find a more appropriate, and better, job closer to home. In the meantime, I've had a revelation that one of my colleagues is an N and another colleague is her N-supply. Sheesh!!!!!!!!!
Bones
-
I'm still working at this prison job while continuing my search to find a more appropriate, and better, job closer to home. In the meantime, I've had a revelation that one of my colleagues is an N and another colleague is her N-supply. Sheesh!!!!!!!!!
Bones
Dear Bones,
Counting blessings here... I'm glad you have a regular paycheck to pay the bills!
About N's... I have a hunch we could find at least a pair just about anyplace we looked, to one degree or other.
And if there's a blessing to be counted where they're concerned, at least this one already has her "fix" with supply?
okay, I know that's a stretch.
Glad you're okay, anyhow :)
Love,
Hope
-
Thanks, Hope.
I also got some unexpected vindication today.
The Big Boss came to the facility and called a staff meeting. Turned out we were FINALLY having our very first, legally official, clinical supervision meeting to do case presentations. My immediate supervisor, in front of her boss and the entire staff, FINALLY openly admitted that (1) we have no clinical supervisor yet, (2) she is not legally allowed to act as a clinical supervisor, or even act as a trainee supervisor, because (3) she has out of state certification and is NOT certified in Maryland...(which is EXACTLY what I had been communicating with the licensing Board all along!) Her boss, the Big Boss, did have legal authorization to conduct clinical supervision today. However, the rest of the day, my immediate supervisor was clearly less than friendly with me. (I got the feeling that when I informed the Board about her writing me up for telling the truth, they might have gotten on her case for doing that.)
Bones
-
Hello Bones!
I haven't been about for awhile, so I couldn't offer any support in this latest imbroglio. Your vindication was so sweet! I am so glad that the truth is being recognized and spoken- sometimes the hounds at work can repeat their line of garbage so much that they start to believe it's true, and expect you to as well ! You are a wonder of strength Bones, and there is something better for you coming up, and then you can kiss these turkeys GOODBYE! Until then remember- A dog may bark at a queen, but the queen need not bark back!
Hugs,
Changing
-
Wow Bones,
This thread is almost a year old. I wonder if any other has lasted as long.
Yes. I'm glad you have a pay cheque to keep the wolf from the door as you wait!
Hang in there
xx
Izzy
-
Thanks, Hope.
I also got some unexpected vindication today.
The Big Boss came to the facility and called a staff meeting. Turned out we were FINALLY having our very first, legally official, clinical supervision meeting to do case presentations. My immediate supervisor, in front of her boss and the entire staff, FINALLY openly admitted that (1) we have no clinical supervisor yet, (2) she is not legally allowed to act as a clinical supervisor, or even act as a trainee supervisor, because (3) she has out of state certification and is NOT certified in Maryland...(which is EXACTLY what I had been communicating with the licensing Board all along!) Her boss, the Big Boss, did have legal authorization to conduct clinical supervision today. However, the rest of the day, my immediate supervisor was clearly less than friendly with me. (I got the feeling that when I informed the Board about her writing me up for telling the truth, they might have gotten on her case for doing that.)
Bones
Hurrah and Hurray!! (((((((((Bones))))))))) She may be less than friendly for now... but she may be less than employed if she doesn't straighten up and fly right! I think it's wonderful that you were able to precipitate some positive action there and - hopefully - more improvement will soon follow! Congratulations on a job well done :D
Love,
Hope
-
Hello Bones!
I haven't been about for awhile, so I couldn't offer any support in this latest imbroglio. Your vindication was so sweet! I am so glad that the truth is being recognized and spoken- sometimes the hounds at work can repeat their line of garbage so much that they start to believe it's true, and expect you to as well ! You are a wonder of strength Bones, and there is something better for you coming up, and then you can kiss these turkeys GOODBYE! Until then remember- A dog may bark at a queen, but the queen need not bark back!
Hugs,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I'm hoping and praying to find something better......SOON!
Bones
-
Wow Bones,
This thread is almost a year old. I wonder if any other has lasted as long.
Yes. I'm glad you have a pay cheque to keep the wolf from the door as you wait!
Hang in there
xx
Izzy
Thank you, Izzy.
At the same time, the issue is more than just a pay cheque/check. There are other legal ramifications involved regarding certification and licensure of mental health care providers.
Bones
-
Thanks, Hope.
I also got some unexpected vindication today.
The Big Boss came to the facility and called a staff meeting. Turned out we were FINALLY having our very first, legally official, clinical supervision meeting to do case presentations. My immediate supervisor, in front of her boss and the entire staff, FINALLY openly admitted that (1) we have no clinical supervisor yet, (2) she is not legally allowed to act as a clinical supervisor, or even act as a trainee supervisor, because (3) she has out of state certification and is NOT certified in Maryland...(which is EXACTLY what I had been communicating with the licensing Board all along!) Her boss, the Big Boss, did have legal authorization to conduct clinical supervision today. However, the rest of the day, my immediate supervisor was clearly less than friendly with me. (I got the feeling that when I informed the Board about her writing me up for telling the truth, they might have gotten on her case for doing that.)
Bones
Hurrah and Hurray!! (((((((((Bones))))))))) She may be less than friendly for now... but she may be less than employed if she doesn't straighten up and fly right! I think it's wonderful that you were able to precipitate some positive action there and - hopefully - more improvement will soon follow! Congratulations on a job well done :D
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I'm hoping things improve for the benefit of the clients, even if I leave sooner than I expect.
Bones
-
some people have lost there lifes and least you have a boyfriend hopefully to support you and your not alone and you have many good things in your life that maybe you are taking for granted. cherish what you have and don't ponder on what you don't have or need. take care and i hope things get better, and actually celebrate you lost your job, was it worth keeping or worth it to go to work everyday for little money and work as a slave for what and who, noone good,now stay home and have fun, bake a cake and think of how much freedom you have now to do what you want. no work, CELEBRATE, ITS A BLESSING.take care, bye oh and get rid of the western work ethic, its just a brain washing devise thats serves no one, bye take care, and smile plz, ur worth it and you are the world, and embrase life its yours too. bye
-
Bones,
I'm only your gentle reader, but something in your post makes me think you've made a very good decision.
Along the lines of what Hops said, I'm wondering if the accounts you've shared on the board might come in handy if you do file a grievance. Just a thought.
I'm with you and send my best.
tt
-
Thanks, TT.
I just got back from my commencement ceremony, in Minneapolis, and I'm trying to decompress right now. I had a few new insights about my traveling companion and her lack of respect for my boundaries. I'm going to post about that experience in a new thread.
Bones
-
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR COMMENCEMENT!!!! WOO WOOO!!!!
Also my dear Bones, you will be glad to know that I have hung on to my spine after you returned it to me! Thank you very much!
Now, on to bigger and better things, you fierce, clever Bones!
Love,
Changing
-
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR COMMENCEMENT!!!! WOO WOOO!!!!
Also my dear Bones, you will be glad to know that I have hung on to my spine after you returned it to me! Thank you very much!
Now, on to bigger and better things, you fierce, clever Bones!
Love,
Changing
:D
Thanks, Changing!
Bones
-
I've recently applied for a job closer to home and I just got hired. It is a pay cut and, at the same time, it's a LOT less hassle than where I am now.
Bones
-
Congrats, Bones
I am so happy for you.It sounds like it will be worth it not to have the commute and all the 'prison' hassle Love Ami
-
That's great, Bones! Hopefully the reduced fuel costs and wear-n-tear on your vehicle will help make up for the pay difference. And what a blessing not havin to deal with the longer commute! When will you start?
Hoping you'll like it!
Love,
Hope
-
:::::happy dance::::: [what do these :::: mean anyway, Lighter? I like 'em] accompanied by:
dem bones, dem bones
gonna RISE again
dem bones, dem bones
gonna RISE again
dem bones dem bones
gonna RISE again
earl-y in da mornin'
Hoppppppppppppps
-
Congrats, Bones
I am so happy for you.It sounds like it will be worth it not to have the commute and all the 'prison' hassle Love Ami
Thanks, Ami!
Gotta run now. Time to hit the road for that one hour commute today. :P
Bones
-
Time to change the name of this thread to:
BONES IS ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING SHE SETS HER MIND TO, SO BYE-BYE TURKEYS!!!
or maybe:
PRISON BREAK!!!
Hugs and a salute!
Changing
-
Time to change the name of this thread to:
BONES IS ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING SHE SETS HER MIND TO, SO BYE-BYE TURKEYS!!!
or maybe:
PRISON BREAK!!!
Hugs and a salute!
Changing
:lol: :lol: PRISON BREAK!!!!! :lol: :lol: I LIKE THAT!!!! :lol:
Bones
-
I like it, too :D
Hugs to you both, Bones and Changing... I hope that you both have an absolutely marvelous day outside the walls!
Love,
Hope
-
I like it, too :D
Hugs to you both, Bones and Changing... I hope that you both have an absolutely marvelous day outside the walls!
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
I'm counting down the days until I can ESCAPE THAT ZOO!!!
Bones
-
Still counting down to my PRISON BREAK at the close of business on August 28th!!!! :D
Bones
-
WTG Bones
Happy to hear about your changes.
Keep on keepin' on
LOve
Izzy
-
WTG Bones
Happy to hear about your changes.
Keep on keepin' on
LOve
Izzy
Thanks, Izzy!
Bones
-
It appears that my soon-to-be X-boss is a narcissist after all.
My brand new immediate supervisor was making an observation about how the Division Director seems to just LOVE the sound of his own voice while refusing to listen to anyone. (Before I tendered my resignation, he would say "hello". Now that I am leaving, he acts as if I'm not even in the room with him!) To make matters worse, this N-Division Director also happens to be a psychologist!!! In my opinion Narcissistic Psychologists and Narcissistic Psychiatrists are the WORST!!!!!!
Bones
-
Tomorrow is my LAST day at the old job!!!! (Dancing a jig!)
Bones
-
Tomorrow is my LAST day at the old job!!!! (Dancing a jig!)
Bones
:D :D :D Yay!!!!!!! ((((((((((Bones)))))))))) Free at last! Rejoicin with you over here :)
Love,
Hope
-
Dear Bones,
I am happy for you. When you have a chance ,I would love to hear about the hot line. I have always wanted to volunteer at a hot line Love ami
:P
-
Tomorrow is my LAST day at the old job!!!! (Dancing a jig!)
Bones
:D :D :D Yay!!!!!!! ((((((((((Bones)))))))))) Free at last! Rejoicin with you over here :)
Love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I am happy for you. When you have a chance ,I would love to hear about the hot line. I have always wanted to volunteer at a hot line Love ami
:P
Thanks, Ami!
I'll do that!
Bones
-
I also did something today I probably should not have done. I realized that one of my ex-boyfriends is an N who just LOVES to use people for his own gratification. When I came across his e-mail address, I sent him my graduation picture without any comment. I gave in to the urge to just rub his nose in it since he never bothered to go to college because he wasn't interested. I wanted to thumb my nose at him and tell him that I've moved on and succeeded in achieving my goal in spite of his nonsense towards me.
Bones
-
Bones,
You didn't say how your last day went... yesterday, right?
Mixed feelings?
When do you start the new position? I didn't read back... feeling very bleh-tired today.
(((((((((Bones)))))))) I hope that all is well.
With love,
Hope
-
Bones,
You didn't say how your last day went... yesterday, right?
Mixed feelings?
When do you start the new position? I didn't read back... feeling very bleh-tired today.
(((((((((Bones)))))))) I hope that all is well.
With love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
My last day on the old job was FULL OF SURPRISES AND LAUGHTER!!! My now-former colleagues gave me a very sweet card and wished me luck in my new job. The C.O.'s and the inmates were clowning around to the point that they had me laughing until I was crying. As I was walking across the prison yard for the last time, ALL of the inmates came out of their treatment dorm to yell "Good Bye", "Good Luck", "Don't Go!", "We'll Miss You!", cheering, etc. I wanted to cry!!!!
Bones
-
BTW, I also started my new job that same evening. It's a bit hectic as I'm learning additional skills that I had not done before.
Bones
-
aww (((((((Bones)))))))) what a wonderful (and bittersweet!) sendoff they gave you! I am sure that you will be greatly missed there.
Starting your new job that same day had to be quite the challenge! I hope the hectic part of it eases up soon as you learn these new skills and that the people there are kind and cooperative to you.
You seem to love the learning so much... but I also know how stressful such changes can be. Please take good care of yourself.
With love,
Hope
-
aww (((((((Bones)))))))) what a wonderful (and bittersweet!) sendoff they gave you! I am sure that you will be greatly missed there.
Starting your new job that same day had to be quite the challenge! I hope the hectic part of it eases up soon as you learn these new skills and that the people there are kind and cooperative to you.
You seem to love the learning so much... but I also know how stressful such changes can be. Please take good care of yourself.
With love,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
I'm making a point of taking care of myself today. I gave myself a L-O-N-G overdue session of pampering by having my feet, legs and lower back massaged by a massage therapist. (I had been dealing with painful spasms virtually every day while I was at the prison job. The therapist commented that my body was dealing with stress and toxins and that last job was, indeed, T-O-X-I-C!) By the end of the session, I was FINALLY able to move freely WITHOUT pain!!!! It felt SO GOOD!!!!!!! 8) Tomorrow morning, I'm giving myself my very first ear candling session! I'm looking forward to just laying down and relaxing while the therapist does what she does best! :D (I am so glad that this spa is so close to home!)
Bones
-
BTW, I spoke with one of my former colleagues and learned that one of my former new bosses just quit after he was on the job for only about a week! I'm not surprised! Right before I left, he and I had a good, long talk about my reasons for resigning. I outlined EVERYTHING that I had been dealing with since Day One and he commented that the job was doing to me what his last job did to him. I told him don't let this toxic organization screw him over the same way it did me (i.e. trainee hours, credentials, etc.). Looks like he took my advice and BEAT FEET!!!!!! (Exactly one week before my last day, another brand-new employee worked for only 8 hours then promptly quit the morning of what would have been her second day on the job! That should be SCREAMING VOLUMES to someone on the upper levels of management but N-O-O-O-O!!!!! They keep insisting on doing the same things over and over again expecting different results!) I am S-O-O-O GLAD that I am OUTTA THERE!!!!!!!! :lol:
Bones
-
Wow, Bones... definitely sounds like you got out of that place just in time!
You sure would think they'd get a clue.... sheesh.
I just hope nobody else gets seriously harmed in all that blind stumbling around goin on over there.
Hey, that massage stuff sounds delicious :D I'm so glad to hear you're treating yourself well and enjoying some R & R!
You deserve it!!
Hugs,
Hope
-
Hi Bones,
You sound so much happier now that you broke out of prison! :P I'm happy for your happiness and the new job.
tt
-
Wow, Bones... definitely sounds like you got out of that place just in time!
You sure would think they'd get a clue.... sheesh.
I just hope nobody else gets seriously harmed in all that blind stumbling around goin on over there.
Hey, that massage stuff sounds delicious :D I'm so glad to hear you're treating yourself well and enjoying some R & R!
You deserve it!!
Hugs,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
I'm looking forward to my first experience with ear candling. I can give a report on it later to let you know how it felt.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
You sound so much happier now that you broke out of prison! :P I'm happy for your happiness and the new job.
tt
Thanks, TT! It feels like a TON of !@#$ has been DUMPED OFF of my shoulders and back!
Bones
-
Thanks, Hope!
I'm looking forward to my first experience with ear candling. I can give a report on it later to let you know how it felt.
Bones
I'd like to hear about it, Bones! I'm not even sure what it's about... is the purpose to remove ear wax? :oops: Hey, not afraid to display ignorance here. I do hope it's a pleasant experience and not too drippy :lol: Fill me in, please!
Love,
Hope
-
Thanks, Hope!
I'm looking forward to my first experience with ear candling. I can give a report on it later to let you know how it felt.
Bones
I'd like to hear about it, Bones! I'm not even sure what it's about... is the purpose to remove ear wax? :oops: Hey, not afraid to display ignorance here. I do hope it's a pleasant experience and not too drippy :lol: Fill me in, please!
Love,
Hope
Sure! The therapist uses special candles that are designed for this purpose. It was a very relaxing experience. The process pulled out a lot of gunk and fluid that had been trapped inside my ears. I'm planning on repeating this procedure on a monthly basis as part of my "Mental Health Day".
Bones
-
Sure! The therapist uses special candles that are designed for this purpose. It was a very relaxing experience. The process pulled out a lot of gunk and fluid that had been trapped inside my ears. I'm planning on repeating this procedure on a monthly basis as part of my "Mental Health Day".
Bones
Wow... I guess that does sound refreshing! Thanks, Bones :)
No danger in having it done so regularly, I guess?
Take good care!
Hope
-
Sure! The therapist uses special candles that are designed for this purpose. It was a very relaxing experience. The process pulled out a lot of gunk and fluid that had been trapped inside my ears. I'm planning on repeating this procedure on a monthly basis as part of my "Mental Health Day".
Bones
Wow... I guess that does sound refreshing! Thanks, Bones :)
No danger in having it done so regularly, I guess?
Take good care!
Hope
Thanks, Hope.
I don't perceive any danger in having it done regularly. Also, part of the procedure is having your head slightly massaged. I found that VERY relaxing!
Bones
-
Bonesy!!!
You did it!!! Picturing the inmates calling out to you as you said goodbye was a sad and wonderful image. My clever Bones- instead of getting down and dirty with the wacky work-N's, you told the truth, then flew off to better things- I am so proud of you! Now go back to your healing and pampering!
Love,
Changing
-
Bonesy!!!
You did it!!! Picturing the inmates calling out to you as you said goodbye was a sad and wonderful image. My clever Bones- instead of getting down and dirty with the wacky work-N's, you told the truth, then flew off to better things- I am so proud of you! Now go back to your healing and pampering!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing! :D
I HIGHLY recommend scheduling at least one day a month for a Mental Health Day for pampering! That definitely helps the healing process!
Bones
-
It's been one week since I broke out of prison and it feels GREAT!!!! :D The new job has its ups and downs, which is normal for any job and, at the same time, it feels a LOT LESS oppressive! I'm still learning new responsibilities that I did not have before and I've incorporated journaling at the end of my shift in addition to scheduling monthly mental health days.
Bones
-
It's been one week since I broke out of prison and it feels GREAT!!!! :D The new job has its ups and downs, which is normal for any job and, at the same time, it feels a LOT LESS oppressive! I'm still learning new responsibilities that I did not have before and I've incorporated journaling at the end of my shift in addition to scheduling monthly mental health days.
Bones
"A LOT LESS oppressive" is awesome, Bones :) !! I'm just thrilled for you. Learning, incorporating, and so much energy freed up to tend to pleasantries... ahhh. Big sigh of relief for you here :D Enjoy!!
Hugs,
Hope
-
Yea Bones! I've never worked any place perfect, but there are definitely levels of insanity and dysfunction and some places have been much better than others. I'm so happy for you.
:D besee
Thanks, Besee!!!!
This morning, I was able to attend a basic yoga course, near my home, that started out with a foot massage! I can handle that!!!! :D
Bones
-
It's been one week since I broke out of prison and it feels GREAT!!!! :D The new job has its ups and downs, which is normal for any job and, at the same time, it feels a LOT LESS oppressive! I'm still learning new responsibilities that I did not have before and I've incorporated journaling at the end of my shift in addition to scheduling monthly mental health days.
Bones
"A LOT LESS oppressive" is awesome, Bones :) !! I'm just thrilled for you. Learning, incorporating, and so much energy freed up to tend to pleasantries... ahhh. Big sigh of relief for you here :D Enjoy!!
Hugs,
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
And I just received an invitation to join a Stained Glass Guild, which I accepted. I'm looking forward to being able to resume that hobby.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I am happy for you. You sound really good. Here's to Mental Health Day! Love Ami
-
Dear Bones,
I am happy for you. You sound really good. Here's to Mental Health Day! Love Ami
Thanks, AMi!
I'm continuing to actively look for ways to have regular Mental Health Days and take care of me!
Bones
-
Bonsie-
I am so thrilled and proud of you! What a life you have fashioned for yourself now!
Love to you,
Changing
-
Bonsie-
I am so thrilled and proud of you! What a life you have fashioned for yourself now!
Love to you,
Changing
Thanks, Changing! I keep trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other, just for today.
Bones
-
Thanks, Changing! I keep trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other, just for today.
Bones
That's the way, I think, dear Bones... doing the next thing.
The stained glass guild sounds wonderful! I always linger at the display of "sun-catchers" in the gift shops... the old Amish design with the doves is one of my favorites.
Working with mosaic tiles I always thought would be fun, as well... to make a small table top or birdbath bowl, all inlaid with those colorful bits and pieces.
Enjoy!
Hope
-
Thanks, Changing! I keep trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other, just for today.
Bones
That's the way, I think, dear Bones... doing the next thing.
The stained glass guild sounds wonderful! I always linger at the display of "sun-catchers" in the gift shops... the old Amish design with the doves is one of my favorites.
Working with mosaic tiles I always thought would be fun, as well... to make a small table top or birdbath bowl, all inlaid with those colorful bits and pieces.
Enjoy!
Hope
Thanks, Hope!
I can't wait!
Bones
-
Another thing that I decided to do, after debating with myself for 2 and a half years about it, was donate my hair to Locks of Love. It's going to take me awhile to adjust to the shorter hair length now.
Bones
-
Wow, Bones!
In addition to all your great changes and great comments, I think you must have won some kind of prize for most posts and views here (at last count, 780 posts!!! and more than 14,000 views)
Well, how cool is that? Nothing voiceless about that!
Stay well and best wishes for continued healing.
-
Bonesy-
Just when I think that I could not respect someone more, you do something else- your Locks of Love donation is kind and just the sort of thing that you would think of. You have so much good karma going for you- you truly deserve the wonderful new job and new life...
Love,
Changing
-
Wow, Bones!
In addition to all your great changes and great comments, I think you must have won some kind of prize for most posts and views here (at last count, 780 posts!!! and more than 14,000 views)
Well, how cool is that? Nothing voiceless about that!
Stay well and best wishes for continued healing.
Thanks, Sun Blue!
Bones
-
Bonesy-
Just when I think that I could not respect someone more, you do something else- your Locks of Love donation is kind and just the sort of thing that you would think of. You have so much good karma going for you- you truly deserve the wonderful new job and new life...
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
Even though it's still feels outside of my comfort zone, it's going to take a while to get used to it. I had not cut my hair in over 20 years so it feels VERY strange right now!
Bones
-
Bones, I bet it's beautiful.
What amazing color and consistency of hair is some fortunate person at Locks of Love going to have, because of your kindness?
xo
Hops
-
Bones, I bet it's beautiful.
What amazing color and consistency of hair is some fortunate person at Locks of Love going to have, because of your kindness?
xo
Hops
The texture is baby-fine and the color is dark blonde with a few flecks of silver in it. I hope it is acceptable to Locks of Love.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy-
Whoever receives your Locks will be fortunate indeed. Wonderful! Did you get a classic bob, like Posh Spice, or a gamine-type style? Does it express the new Bonesy?
Love,
Changing
-
Hi Bonesy-
Whoever receives your Locks will be fortunate indeed. Wonderful! Did you get a classic bob, like Posh Spice, or a gamine-type style? Does it express the new Bonesy?
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
My hair length is now just below my shoulders. If I had it cut any shorter it would have been flying everywhere with a mind of its own instead of staying where I need for it to stay.
Bones
-
That is so kind of you, Bones. You sound wonderful and it is always nice to hear from you. I bet your hair will be quite long again soon. How long was it after 20 years of growth???? Are you really Crystal Gale???
Love, Beth
-
That is so kind of you, Bones. You sound wonderful and it is always nice to hear from you. I bet your hair will be quite long again soon. How long was it after 20 years of growth???? Are you really Crystal Gale???
Love, Beth
:lol: Thanks, Beth! My hair was hip length before I cut it. It'll probably get that long again before I know it. Crystal Gale, I'm not. :D
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
The hair. What a wonderful gift. Was it hard on the psyche to cut it? I so appreciate your contribution to the board. I hope all is flowing smoothly for you in your new job.
tt
-
Hi Bones,
The hair. What a wonderful gift. Was it hard on the psyche to cut it? I so appreciate your contribution to the board. I hope all is flowing smoothly for you in your new job.
tt
Thanks, TT!
When the cutting began, I felt a LOT of mixed feelings and reminded myself that this would be for a good cause. I'm still on the learning curve with my new job as there are new things being added in and new stuff being developed.
Bones
-
Bonesy-
I am so proud of you and your brave re-creation of your life. I want to do that too!
Love,
Changing
-
Bonesy-
I am so proud of you and your brave re-creation of your life. I want to do that too!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
At times it feels scary when the "old tapes" try to start up again.
Bones
-
Bonesy-
I know that you have the intestinal fortitude to deal with the scary stuff, I've seen you! It's just so fine to see you now, free from those turkeys and that petty, wacko mindset!!!
Love,
Changing
-
Bonesy-
I know that you have the intestinal fortitude to deal with the scary stuff, I've seen you! It's just so fine to see you now, free from those turkeys and that petty, wacko mindset!!!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I'm trying to deal with the scary stuff one day at a time.
Bones
-
I'm also preparing for the field work when the homeless overnight shelters start up again during the winter months.
Bones
-
Bones-
You are the unsung social glue in our country. A worthy and sometimes lonely calling- I respect and appreciate what you do for us.
Love,
Changing
-
Me too.
Viva Bones!
Thank you for being one brave enough to walk the walk of community.
Hops
-
Bones-
You are the unsung social glue in our country. A worthy and sometimes lonely calling- I respect and appreciate what you do for us.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I wish there were more resources for the homeless because, currently, there is not enough available.
Bones
-
Me too.
Viva Bones!
Thank you for being one brave enough to walk the walk of community.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I feel I need more people who can walk the walk with me.
Bones
-
I agree Bones
You do great things and more people like you are needed.
I thought of you and that the other day when I saw a guy rootiing through our garbage out back: yesterday a guy with a shopping carty going by with all his pitiful belongings in it and tied to it.
None of us really know unless we choose to be in that situation.
God Bless You
Izzy
-
Izzy Bonesy and Hoppy-
You are the kind souls that make life worth living and society a little less cruel for people who have so little in material things. We used to have a weekly program at my church, free clothes, and food bags, packed for families in housing all really great vegetables, proteins, soups, breads, fruits etc, or for the homeless (tuna, peanut butter, bread canned goods,etc) with no refrigerator or cooking facilities, and hot meals for all. I hope this winter none go cold or hungry.
Love,
Changing
-
I agree Bones
You do great things and more people like you are needed.
I thought of you and that the other day when I saw a guy rootiing through our garbage out back: yesterday a guy with a shopping carty going by with all his pitiful belongings in it and tied to it.
None of us really know unless we choose to be in that situation.
God Bless You
Izzy
Thanks, Izzy.
Among the homeless are individuals who suffer from schizophrenia. They also need help as well.
Bones
-
Izzy Bonesy and Hoppy-
You are the kind souls that make life worth living and society a little less cruel for people who have so little in material things. We used to have a weekly program at my church, free clothes, and food bags, packed for families in housing all really great vegetables, proteins, soups, breads, fruits etc, or for the homeless (tuna, peanut butter, bread canned goods,etc) with no refrigerator or cooking facilities, and hot meals for all. I hope this winter none go cold or hungry.
Love,
Changing
Changing,
Your church used to have this program? Why not now?
Bones
-
One of the things I like about this job is that it gives me more opportunities to work in my community, helping to deal with unmet needs.
Bones
-
Hey Bonesy-
My church sponsored the program for years and many came, and many worked to help as well- we even had sweet ladies in their late 80's and early 90's shucking corn, snapping beans, etc, serving. Amazing. ( I am embarrassed to say that I didn't help as much as they did!)Apparently some political brouhaha or other happened- they do provide housing and employment for some unemployed still.
I truly admire your work- I hope to do a small bit of the good that you do as a lawyer (someday- though I am getting a student bar card soon and can then do some legal tasks for an agency)
Love,
Changing
-
Hey Bonesy-
My church sponsored the program for years and many came, and many worked to help as well- we even had sweet ladies in their late 80's and early 90's shucking corn, snapping beans, etc, serving. Amazing. ( I am embarrassed to say that I didn't help as much as they did!)Apparently some political brouhaha or other happened- they do provide housing and employment for some unemployed still.
I truly admire your work- I hope to do a small bit of the good that you do as a lawyer (someday- though I am getting a student bar card soon and can then do some legal tasks for an agency)
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
The more people who get involved, the more we can get done.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
There's a great interfaith program called IMPACT.
Congregations/faiths divide into small groups and have meetings, each group figuring out through structured discussion which social justice issues are top priorities for them, and rank their top ten in order of priority. The all the results of one church's meetings are pooled and that church's top ten are identified by priority order. Then, all the churches send reps who meet together and pool their priorities, and you've got a master list. Wonderful community-building concept.
Thennnn....the top 2 priorities are tackled for 2 years. Committees for research are arranged, to get the latest info and solution ideas from all over, on a particular issue. That is presented to the churches' reps in progressively larger meetings, and it's quickly winnowed into very specific action steps that this community needs and can do. (In our town, where one issue was public transport that responded to the needs of the poor was one of the first issues, we identified extended bus service nights and starting Sunday service, and a new route that poor people had been walking) Next there's a huge rally/meeting with hundreds of people from all the IMPACT churches to which all the civic and political leaders are invited. The solutions have been clearly proposed in very very specific, YES or NO questions, and there are rousing speeches and each politician is invited to the podium one at a time to be asked and answer. Very respectful behavior is outlined at the beginning for the crowd, with humor ("We will not boo you if you say NO, but we will right now hold a moment of silence for you.") And we did it! And it does have an IMPACT on issues.
Have no idea why I'm going on and on except our homeless program came out of the same process.
love
Hops
-
Thanks, Hops!
I'll look and see if there is anything similar in my state.
Bones
-
I think I encountered another N during my telephone shift. Part of what I do is conducting intakes for people who are applying for transitional housing. The one stipulation is that the person applying has to call directly. We do not accept 3rd party calls. This individual called wanting to speak on behalf of his "friend". I explained our policy that his friend will need to call directly and began to give him the appropriate phone number. (As I was in the process of training a new volunteer, I had the speaker on so she could observe how calls were handled. The afternoon supervisor was also listening.) The caller immediately got on his high horse about how DARE I refuse to make a special exception for HIM and demanded how I could DARE to refuse his demands! (EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!?) My supervisor whispered: "Transfer him to me! LET ME AT HIM!!!" It was an interesting experience!
Bones
-
BTW, in my quest to become certified or licensed, I had been sending more questions to the licensing board. In response, they sent me a copy of their list of board-approved supervisors. As I was looking through it, I realized that the list is already seriously out-of-date because one of the individuals on the list quit working in the field for health reasons and another was already in failing health the last time I saw him so I'm not certain if he's still alive let alone working. I've sent another question back to the board to address this issue as well. :roll:
Bones
-
P.S. The board-approved supervisor who quit, she quit in 2006. The other one in failing health, I had not seen since 2005. Given that it is now 2007, that begs the question as to how often the licensing board updates their list?
Bones
-
The licensing board hasn't responded, yet, to my recent questions. I'm going to wait about a week before following up with another phone call to see if I can make some progress somewhere in this department.
Bones
-
I've just realized last night that my new boss is one of us with an Nmother.
For example, his 14-year-old nephew was recently rushed to the hospital after he suffered a life-threatening asthma attack and had been rendered unconscious. The child was in the intensive care unit, still unconscious, for most of the week. (Thank God, he's recovering now.) Needless to say, the child's mother and uncle were worried sick while this child was at death's door. The Ngrandmother's response to this crisis? She's WHINING that NO ONE is paying attention to HER! Plus, she's demanding to know WHY this grandchild is NOT ASKING ABOUT HER!!!! :shock: The child was unconscious and at death's door for God's sake! The Nwoman is a dingbat with her priorities all skewed!!! That child could have DIED and she's whining that it's not about her because no one is paying attention to her?!?!?!?!? Sheesh!!!!!!
Bones
-
BTW, the nephew is still in the hospital, on oxygen, so please keep him in your prayers.
Bones
-
Hello Bones-
Please let us know about the condition of the little boy- he is going on the prayer wall tomorrow.
Love,
Changing
-
I am so new to this board, but you all have embraced me when I needed it most. I just wanted to share with you that I walked out on my job of 16 years in July. This was due to a near breakdown over the N in my life. I was pretty much at the end of my ropes even though I had interviewed quite a bit. Friday, when I was unsure if I could go on, I received a call that I got the job. This whole experience has taught me that God has a plan and I just need to trust, I do know how hard it is at times. I hope and pray that your time comes soon and you realize how wonderful you are.
-
Hello Bones-
Please let us know about the condition of the little boy- he is going on the prayer wall tomorrow.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
He's out of the hospital now.
His uncle, who's a bit of an agnostic described what I consider a miracle, even though the uncle is still puzzled about how it happened. One of the boy's lungs improved but the other lung function was still not what it was supposed to be. The doctor stated that if the lung improved, then the boy could be discharged from the hospital. If the lung did not improve, then they would have to insert a chest tube. (The boy was hearing all of this.) Within the hour, the lung in question did a complete 180! The uncle is still scratching his head about that! :)
Bones
-
I am so new to this board, but you all have embraced me when I needed it most. I just wanted to share with you that I walked out on my job of 16 years in July. This was due to a near breakdown over the N in my life. I was pretty much at the end of my ropes even though I had interviewed quite a bit. Friday, when I was unsure if I could go on, I received a call that I got the job. This whole experience has taught me that God has a plan and I just need to trust, I do know how hard it is at times. I hope and pray that your time comes soon and you realize how wonderful you are.
Thanks, Alone48, and welcome to the Board!
Bones
-
Hello Bones-
Please let us know about the condition of the little boy- he is going on the prayer wall tomorrow.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
He's out of the hospital now.
His uncle, who's a bit of an agnostic described what I consider a miracle, even though the uncle is still puzzled about how it happened. One of the boy's lungs improved but the other lung function was still not what it was supposed to be. The doctor stated that if the lung improved, then the boy could be discharged from the hospital. If the lung did not improve, then they would have to insert a chest tube. (The boy was hearing all of this.) Within the hour, the lung in question did a complete 180! The uncle is still scratching his head about that! :)
Bones
A funny update....the child's back in school and now he's pouting because he has schoolwork to catch up on. He thought the school would feel sorry for him and let him slide. His parents and uncle told him..."Nope! Your grades still have to come up." So he's got his lip out. I think he's well on his way and on the mend! :)
Bones
-
Where I work is also starting to gear up the Winter Homelessness Shelter Program. This is going to be its second year so it will be interesting to see what different things will work.
Bones
-
Oh Bonesy-
What a thrill to hear about the little boy and his recovery- it is so sweet and funny that instead of languishing in a hospital, he is pouting at school!!! Thank you for that update, you angel of the downtrodden- there are going to be some dancing prayer ladies when I bring the news!
Love,
Changing
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Oh Bonesy-
What a thrill to hear about the little boy and his recovery- it is so sweet and funny that instead of languishing in a hospital, he is pouting at school!!! Thank you for that update, you angel of the downtrodden- there are going to be some dancing prayer ladies when I bring the news!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing! :D
Bones
-
I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the certification/licensure issues. I like this job but it cannot provide for the clinical hours I need. I don't want to find myself dealing with another situation similar to the job I left where they play fast and loose with the COMAR Regs and I STILL don't get the clinical hours I need and lose the opportunities at the current job that I like. Plus, I have not been able to find a facility, close to home, that is willing to follow the COMAR Regs where trainees are concerned. :P Feeling stuck about what to do.
Bones
-
Sorry,Bones----- I know that it must be really,really frustrating----- to the max.
(((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
-
Sorry,Bones----- I know that it must be really,really frustrating----- to the max.
(((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
I'm still trying to communicate with the licensing Board regarding meeting the requirements to become licensed or certified. They sent me a list of Board-approved supervisors. However, I soon discovered that the list that was sent to me is outdated. I sent another e-mail to the Board regarding this recent discovery and....no response. I called today, to follow up on the e-mail, and....I get told to call back later. This is getting more and more frustrating trying to meet the state requirements.
Bones
-
Whenever you try to deal with the government ---it is like trying to get a license( frustrating). Sorry,dear Bones, I really am. Ami
((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))
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Whenever you try to deal with the government ---it is like trying to get a license( frustrating). Sorry,dear Bones, I really am. Ami
((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks, Ami.
Dealing with bureaucrats is frustrating when trying to get a straight answer.
Bones
-
Finally spoke with the individual who sent me the outdated list only to be informed that it's my "problem, figure it out yourself". It appears that the barriers to get the required clinical hours is insurmountable when given information that is worthless.
Bones
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Hi Bonesy-
Sorry you are seeming to be running on a hamster wheel! Have you ever read "The Castle" (Kafka)- the story shares a little psychological twist with your situation that makes your dilemna all the more perplexing!!!! I know that there must be another way to approach the answer, rather than trying to force that wacko to provide information as required. Perhaps a high-class medical school or graduate school would know (please forgive my ignorance if I am off-base here)- they sometimes set up externships and such. Perhaps the local medical or psychological association (ditto the prior disclaimer)-Do you know someone who has recently completed the clinical hours?
Ruminate a bit, and you will figure things out, with or without the nutty "individual"!!!
Love,
Changing
-
Hi Bonesy-
Sorry you are seeming to be running on a hamster wheel! Have you ever read "The Castle" (Kafka)- the story shares a little psychological twist with your situation that makes your dilemna all the more perplexing!!!! I know that there must be another way to approach the answer, rather than trying to force that wacko to provide information as required. Perhaps a high-class medical school or graduate school would know (please forgive my ignorance if I am off-base here)- they sometimes set up externships and such. Perhaps the local medical or psychological association (ditto the prior disclaimer)-Do you know someone who has recently completed the clinical hours?
Ruminate a bit, and you will figure things out, with or without the nutty "individual"!!!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
Before I completed graduate school, I had many discussions with them about this issue. Because the graduate school is in another state, they really could not assist with this issue in Maryland. I have not been able to talk to others who are doing their clinicals or recently finished their clinicals. I've also been looking at myself, from a global perspective, and have also been recognzing that I have been struggling with other areas that impact my ability to interact in person, which, in turn, impacts my ability to connect with the right people to achieve the goal of getting licensed or certified. Given that I have been studying psychology, and looking at other factors (i.e. premature birth, history of substance dependence in several generations on both sides of the family, neurological birth defects, etc.), I've been researching the possibility of maybe dealing with undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. (The condition wasn't really known until about 1995 and there are quite a few high-functioning people who have managed to also graduate with Masters degrees and there is an individual, with Asperger's, competing on America's Next Top Model, so if this is another puzzle piece that has been missing, there might be hope.) I also look at what happened to Ms. Bacharach, the daughter of Angie Dickinson and Burt Bacharach. She may have been struggling with similar issues until she just finally gave up. I'm still researching this possible factor. If my gut instinct is correct, that may help me understand the why's of a lot of things.
Can you imagine the combination of a disabled child being raised by an Nparent who hates that child because she is not perfect, especially if the child has been struggling with an undiagnosed neurological issue that the Nparent chose to ignore because she preferred that the child never existed in the first place? UGH!
Bones
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Bonesy-
You are so very wonderful, I really adore you and just want to shake some sense into anybody who makes you feel anything other than loved and admired. How everyone even remotely connected to you isn't proud of you and enamored, just shows the stupidity of the human animal- what they are missing is priceless. It is so sad about the girl you spoke of- she worked so hard to earn her degree (was it architecture?) and to make a life -love, acceptance and integration into society should be a birthright- it is soul murder to force anyone who is different into the shadows- like a Twilight Zone episode. We have to work to change our society and world for the better.
Maybe you can go and hightail it over to a graduate school in the vicinity, or even call there? There will be an externship office or something similar, and someone wil share the information you need. I can be shy, too, but there is a need for you to do the work you have been called for- so don't give up, stride past the shyness, and you will find the key to solving the problem.
Love,
Changing
-
Just thinking of you .Bones, and sending you the best. Love Ami
-
Bonesy-
You are so very wonderful, I really adore you and just want to shake some sense into anybody who makes you feel anything other than loved and admired. How everyone even remotely connected to you isn't proud of you and enamored, just shows the stupidity of the human animal- what they are missing is priceless. It is so sad about the girl you spoke of- she worked so hard to earn her degree (was it architecture?) and to make a life -love, acceptance and integration into society should be a birthright- it is soul murder to force anyone who is different into the shadows- like a Twilight Zone episode. We have to work to change our society and world for the better.
Maybe you can go and hightail it over to a graduate school in the vicinity, or even call there? There will be an externship office or something similar, and someone wil share the information you need. I can be shy, too, but there is a need for you to do the work you have been called for- so don't give up, stride past the shyness, and you will find the key to solving the problem.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
I'm still looking into what options are available around where I live.
Bones
-
Just thinking of you .Bones, and sending you the best. Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
My mood is low today and I feel like I'm struggling.
Bones
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Hi Bonesy-
Hope you feel better and less tangled up with Ns and the vagaries of life. You do so much for others- myabe its time to give yourself a treat and focus on making Bonesy happy! Give things a rest for today- then go back and plunge into the search again- you will get there!
I will be thinking of you and hoping that you have some fun today!!
Love and hugs,
Changing
-
Sending you a big hug, Bones.
I'm glad for you that you have a new explanation for some things that have troubled you.
Mild Asperger's.
Has it helped?
Are there any associations or support groups along those lines?
love to you,
Hops
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Hi Bonesy-
Hope you feel better and less tangled up with Ns and the vagaries of life. You do so much for others- myabe its time to give yourself a treat and focus on making Bonesy happy! Give things a rest for today- then go back and plunge into the search again- you will get there!
I will be thinking of you and hoping that you have some fun today!!
Love and hugs,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
I didn't get this message until Sunday morning so thought you would like to know that I instinctively took your advice yesterday before I read your message. I went to a volunteer activity yesterday and helped with traffic control, then my boyfriend took me out for a dinner-date last night.
Bones
-
Sending you a big hug, Bones.
I'm glad for you that you have a new explanation for some things that have troubled you.
Mild Asperger's.
Has it helped?
Are there any associations or support groups along those lines?
love to you,
Hops
Mild Asperger's seems to be the missing piece of the puzzle that helps explain a lot of things since birth, aside from dealing with an Nmother. I'm looking into what associations or support groups are near me that I can plug into. (BTW, I just read a sad story in PEOPLE magazine regarding a brother searching for his sister, Molly Jo. Their mother sounds like a classic N, throwing a child away into an institution because she wasn't "perfect" and punished the brother for daring to mention the child's name in her presence.)
Bones
-
So far, my research has not turned up any face-to-face support groups in my area for Adults with Aspergers. When I did a computer search, the closest thing that turned up was a support group, for parents of children with mental retardation, in Baltimore. I don't fit the category of parents and I know that I do not have mental retardation given that I've graduated Summa Cum Laude from one university and just recently finished a Masters degree from another university. It appears that there are some organizations that equate Asperger's Syndrome with mental retardation, which is often not the case.
Bones
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Hi Dear-
I am not a profesional, but from what I have read, those with Asperger's are often gifted with an unusually high intelligence- this may even contribute to their sensitivity. Wow Bonesey Summa Cum Laude- ypu are a Bomer Brain like Izzy!!!! I like that!!! (maybe some can rub off on me- I still lose my keys and even have trouble setting up a printer!)
Maybe you can find a T that specializes in Asp[erger's and can get a referral from there ( I'm not smart but I am resourceful sometimes!)
Love to you, and best wishes for you to find what you need professionally and in support- I know you will MASTER BONES!!!! Don't give up!!!
Love,
Changing
-
Hi Dear-
I am not a profesional, but from what I have read, those with Asperger's are often gifted with an unusually high intelligence- this may even contribute to their sensitivity. Wow Bonesey Summa Cum Laude- ypu are a Bomer Brain like Izzy!!!! I like that!!! (maybe some can rub off on me- I still lose my keys and even have trouble setting up a printer!)
Maybe you can find a T that specializes in Asp[erger's and can get a referral from there ( I'm not smart but I am resourceful sometimes!)
Love to you, and best wishes for you to find what you need professionally and in support- I know you will MASTER BONES!!!! Don't give up!!!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I'm not sure what therapist, around my neck of the woods, specializes in Aspergers in adults, especially Baby Boomers who were unable to be recognized as such during childhood.
Bones
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Bones, hope there'll be something helpful here:
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/support.html (http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/support.html)
xo,
Hops
-
Bones, hope there'll be something helpful here:
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/support.html (http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/support.html)
xo,
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
Bones
-
Thanks, again, for the info. I've contacted GRASP and just got a response back. I'm still exploring the resources they have suggested.
Bones
-
I just found a website for an Aspie Quiz (Asperger Syndrome) and took the test. The results were as follows:
Asperger's Syndrome Score = 180 out of 200
Neurotypical Score = 34 out of 200
Result = "You are probably an Aspie".
Bones
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Wow Bones! I just went to a meeting where the mother said her son had a double label-talented and gifted AND Asbergers!
-
Wow Bones! I just went to a meeting where the mother said her son had a double label-talented and gifted AND Asbergers!
I would not doubt the talented and gifted part at all! As I was reading about Asperger's, I read that there are quite a few talented and gifted people who are also adults living with Asperger's....actor, Dan Ackroyd, director Steven Spielberg and there is a hypothesis that Albert Einstein also had Asperger's.
Bones
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Hello Bonesy-
Well, we all know here that our Summa Bones is gifted and talented!!! Hope that you find everything that you need and that you have a fun weekend.
Love,
Changing
-
Hello Bonesy-
Well, we all know here that our Summa Bones is gifted and talented!!! Hope that you find everything that you need and that you have a fun weekend.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
One of the pieces of information I came across about Aspergers is the hypersensitivity to pain. That would explain why needle sticks were so painful to me while they didn't seem to bother anyone else. Because I have to get flu shots every year (because of the population I am working with), along with getting TB tests for the same reason, I've developed a strategy to help get me through it. I make it a point to either sit down or lie down and do Lamaze-type breathing during the needle stick. For some reason, it helps me. I've also put my new-found knowledge to work, and spoke up, when I went for my flu shot today. I explained to the nurse that I have a phobia of needles and need to sit down during the procedure. A couple others started to make their little "comments" about "what's the big deal...doesn't hurt that bad...la-de-da...." Last year, I was silent while they ran their mouths. This time, I spoke up and said "My nervous system is different from yours and my system feels pain more intensely than yours, if you don't mind!" Shut them up.
Bones
-
I've hooked up with two online Asperger groups and discovered that I'm not the only one experiencing certain things. It feels good knowing that I'm not alone with this.
Bones
-
that's wonderful, Bones!
Educate us when you're in the mood.
hugs
Hops
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that's wonderful, Bones!
Educate us when you're in the mood.
hugs
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
Will do!
Bones
-
FYI, here's the beginning of some of the information I found on Aspberger's.
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
Bones
-
Wow.
Reading that blog by the autistic girl, Moggy?, is really moving and interesting...
Hops
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Wow.
Reading that blog by the autistic girl, Moggy?, is really moving and interesting...
Hops
:?: :?: :?:
Bones
-
My colleagues and I are having a bit of a rough patch emotionally. Given that we work at a Hotline, we expect to get a variety of calls from a variety of people with a variety of issues. I think it is inevitable that we would eventually get that one call that none of us could help in spite of our best efforts. That call happened this past week involving an individual who was both homicidal and suicidal. No matter how hard the counselor-on-duty tried to help him, the caller hung up on him, went outside with a gun, had a show down with the local police and lost the battle. Intellectually I know that none of us can save the world and, at the same time, having a caller commit suicide by cop is still painful. (BTW, the counselor was someone else, not me. This situation is new for all of us and we are all still processing it.)
Bones
-
Dear Bonesey-
I am so sorry about the tragic suicide- I know that you are committed to helping others and the shock and trauma must be devastating for you. You do so much good in the world, it is sad that in the process you sometimes get wounded as well, like a Red Cross medical person on a battlefield. Please don't blame yourselves at the Crisis Center, and please be gentle with my friend Bonesey.
((((Bonesey)))) and ((((Crisis Center staff)))) and (((( Poor Soul who could not see a way out))))
Changing
-
Thanks, Changing!
I'm being as supportive to my colleague as much as possible. The administrators have been strongly advising him to get benefit of the same kind of counseling that police officers go through after something like this. I've also concurred with the administrators because an incident such as this can contribute to Compassion Fatigue.
Bones
-
Just a bit of an update. The staff are still informally processing what happened last week. One of my colleagues, who is studying for her degree in social work, asked me a lot of questions last night about how something like this could happen. I was able to answer most of her questions to the best of my ability. However, there is still those questions that no one else can answer because we can never be inside that person's head at the moment he pointed his gun at the police.
Bones
-
I am so sorry bones. It must be a tremendous shock. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))
-
I am so sorry bones. It must be a tremendous shock. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))
It was a tremendous shock to all of us. It will probably take a while to adequately deal with this.
Bones
-
The winter homeless shelter is about to begin and, it appears, one of the host churches has changed their schedule so I don't know what schedule I'll be working that first week. I was hoping to know my new schedule by now so I can figure out what to do about Thanksgiving.
Bones
-
Just got an update that helped calm me down. I have a "Plan B" since the original hosting church, for the first week, rescheduled. I'll continue working the Hotline and the winter shelter program will begin on November 25th instead. Whew!
Bones
-
Also just finished taking an interesting seminar on incorporating yoga and mindfulness into the mental health field. I'm still reading through the material I got.
Bones
-
My Dear Bonesy-
I am glad that you figured out the schedule fluctuations at your new job- that can be a brain teaser! Hope you have a fun Thanksgiving. I love the idea of yoga uniting with Western mental health techniques. It seems so logical.
Love,
Changing
-
Me too, Bones.
It's really an interesting concept and I'd love to hear about how it's done.
I hope you're feeling peaceful.
How are things with BF?
hugs
Hops
-
I hear you on this one! But........if you live in the city drive to the country to a lake
or a beautiful setting and enjoy creation.
Go and gather your thoughts and look through the paper.
I started my own wallpaper hanging business when I was
29 because my old boyfriend put me down.
I was very successful and I was very good at it.
It just takes practicing and watching a video.
It wasn't a lot of money but it was mine!
My company and my business.
I made from $600.00-1,000.00 a week and
that was in 1984.
There is a really cool company on the internet
where you can be a travel agent for $400.00 &
$20.00 a month for your website.
I just joined and I am giving business cards to everyone.
I want to encourage you to get out there and go for it.
Sometimes a door closes and a new window opens for the job of your
dreams.
I am so glad my boyfriend put me down.
I became my own boss and have had 4 of my own businesses
by the time I reached 53.
I got tired of the wallpaper, started an iced tea business
and I did very well.
The sky is the limit and if you look around in the papers
you may get an idea that is something you have always wanted
to do.
I only had $90.00 dollars when I started my iced tea business
and I made $200.00 the next day.
I sold tea to construction workers in the Texas heat
and it was very good.
I only had $50.00 when I started my wall paper hanging business.
Once I was pretty good at it I made fliers and went to builder
to builder's houses being built and found the super.
Anyway, that is my story and never give up.
There is always something around the corner.
One man I know was ready to end it and I met him
and my husband was looking for someone to help him
build commerical buildings. He called my husband
and his life changed.
Let everyone know you are looking for a new
career.....................I am praying you will be very successful
and that surprise doors open for you as you go forward.
God Bless,
-
My Dear Bonesy-
I am glad that you figured out the schedule fluctuations at your new job- that can be a brain teaser! Hope you have a fun Thanksgiving. I love the idea of yoga uniting with Western mental health techniques. It seems so logical.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I've got the one week figured out. The churches and department of social services are still juggling their parts so we have to wait until they get settled so we can do our part.
Bones
-
Me too, Bones.
It's really an interesting concept and I'd love to hear about how it's done.
I hope you're feeling peaceful.
How are things with BF?
hugs
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
There's a lot of material to go through. BF is being supportive and I'm trying to get him to take some time so I can show some of the material and concepts to him. I want to practice what I've learned and he would make a nice guinea pig! :wink:
Bones
-
Hi Bonesey-
Sounds fun! Breathing, asanas, headstands, lotus posture- would be great if all psychologists hadtheir patients use yoga postures as a part of their treatment!!!
Love,
Chnaging
-
Hi Bonesey-
Sounds fun! Breathing, asanas, headstands, lotus posture- would be great if all psychologists hadtheir patients use yoga postures as a part of their treatment!!!
Love,
Chnaging
The seminar also talked about the eight limbs of yoga of which the postures are one of the limbs.
Bones
-
Well, the first night of the homeless winter shelter begins tomorrow night and I'm a little nervous because, this year, I'll be wearing three "hats" including supervising social work students and teaching them how to write case notes. Part of me knows I can do it and the "old tapes" are trying to start up again.
Bones
-
Bonesy -
You are emminently qualified academically, MS Bones, and your life experience, jobs, etc, make you overqualified for the position!!! It is your compassion, wanting to make things as perfect as possible for the people who rely upon you for basic needs, that may be causing the jitters- but this is your purpose, you are prepared and skilled, and will fulfill your mission beautifully!!!Please let us know about the first night when you have a chance!
Love,
Changing
-
Bonesy -
You are emminently qualified academically, MS Bones, and your life experience, jobs, etc, make you overqualified for the position!!! It is your compassion, wanting to make things as perfect as possible for the people who rely upon you for basic needs, that may be causing the jitters- but this is your purpose, you are prepared and skilled, and will fulfill your mission beautifully!!!Please let us kno about the first night when you have a chance!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
I'll do that at the first opportunity!
Bones
-
I'll be heading out in about three and a half hours. Wish me luck on the first night of this program.
Bones
-
Hi Bones-
I have been thinking about you and I am excited to har about tonight!
Love and Best Wishes,
Changing
-
Hi Bones-
I have been thinking about you and I am excited to har about tonight!
Love and Best Wishes,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
Last night went better than I expected as I had my boss and other colleagues help me in getting the beds set up and got some of the intakes done. The only glitch that happened was that no interns showed up. I think my boss will be checking into that to find out why. I'm heading back tonight to pick up where I left off last night.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy !!!!
Congratulations- what a change from the original post on this thread!!!! It is a wonderful thing for you and for the people that you help as well!!! (((((Bonsey MS)))))
Well Done!!!!! You succeeded even without the promised interns- very impressive!
Love,
Changing
-
Hi Bonesy !!!!
Congratulations- what a change from the original post on this thread!!!! It is a wonderful thing for you and for the people that you help as well!!! (((((Bonsey MS)))))
Well Done!!!!! You succeeded even without the promised interns- very impressive!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
Day Two was VERY HECTIC and still managed to survive.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy-
It must be hectic given the time of year, the cold, etc. Luckily for them, they have a Superstar on task! Have a great time, and whip everyone into shape, Bonesy!!!!
Love,
Changing
-
Hi Bonesy-
It must be hectic given the time of year, the cold, etc. Luckily for them, they have a Superstar on task! Have a great time, and whip everyone into shape, Bonesy!!!!
Love,
Changing
Ironically, last night the temperature went up to 62 degrees so it wasn't that cold. I'm hoping tonight will be less hectic.
Bones
-
Just completed my first week of the homeless program. The first church had a lot of nice people who mean well but don't really understand why we have the rules we do. I found myself dealing with headaches because part of my job is to enforce the program's rules and the church members thought I was being too "hard-nosed" and attempted to make "special exceptions". By last night, the church members started to regret making those "special exceptions" and I think they finally began to "get it" why we have the rules that we do. On Sunday, we move to a new church which will be a longer drive for me toward the southern "toe" of the county. I'll have to wait and see what happens then.
Bones
-
I had an EXHAUSTING session on the Hotline last night! My last caller of my shift contacted the Hotline shortly before midnight. The more she talked, the more I realized that she was being victimized by an Nhusband who was determined to drive her to suicide and both her adult children were also behaving like Ns as well. (I heard one of the adult children in the background.) This individual no longer had any hope and she had already made preparations to kill herself. I asked her how she planned to do it and, at first, she attempted to refuse to tell me because she knew I would try to save her. I managed to get out of her that she had several different types of medications (all of which can be fatal if taken in overdosages and/or in combination). I also tried to get her to contract with me for safety and she refused. All the alarm bells and red flags in my gut were going off BIG TIME and had my colleague assist me. I was able to get rescue services to her and when she realized she was going to the hospital, she finally let down her guard and started to sob. She begged me to call off the rescue services by promising to give all her medications to them and promising that she would not kill herself now. I told her that they are there to help her and not hurt her. Also spoke with the rescue services to apprise them of what had led up to my decision to send help. They concurred, took over the case and transported her to the hospital. This entire case lasted an hour and by the end of it all, I felt worn out and exhausted. WHEW!!!!!!!!
Bones
-
Good job, Bones.
I am glad she was in your care...
I hope she gets compassion from the hospital like she got from you, and like she never got at home.
Very sad story.
Hops
-
Bonesy You Are A True Angel Of Mercy-
How fortuitous that that poor woman connected with a person of heart, brain and experience-she needed a way of escape from those killing Ns. I pray that she stays away from them and goes NC, and returns to the land of the living. Thank you for what you do.
Love,
Changing
-
Good job, Bones.
I am glad she was in your care...
I hope she gets compassion from the hospital like she got from you, and like she never got at home.
Very sad story.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
Bones
-
Bonesy You Are A True Angel Of Mercy-
How fortuitous that that poor woman connected with a person of heart, brain and experience-she needed a way of escape from those killing Ns. I pray that she stays away from them and goes NC, and returns to the land of the living. Thank you for what you do.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
From what I could ascertain from her description of her husband, he sounds like another bagworm who is even more vicious than anyone can imagine!
Bones
-
Bonesy-
I am so proud of you, staying on and giving that lady an opportunity to get away, literally a life-saving chance. Hope all is well with you, and that she contacts you again and lets you know that she is OK. Hope the new assignment continues going well!
Love,
Changing
-
I had an EXHAUSTING session on the Hotline last night! My last caller of my shift contacted the Hotline shortly before midnight. The more she talked, the more I realized that she was being victimized by an Nhusband who was determined to drive her to suicide and both her adult children were also behaving like Ns as well. (I heard one of the adult children in the background.) This individual no longer had any hope and she had already made preparations to kill herself. I asked her how she planned to do it and, at first, she attempted to refuse to tell me because she knew I would try to save her. I managed to get out of her that she had several different types of medications (all of which can be fatal if taken in overdosages and/or in combination). I also tried to get her to contract with me for safety and she refused. All the alarm bells and red flags in my gut were going off BIG TIME and had my colleague assist me. I was able to get rescue services to her and when she realized she was going to the hospital, she finally let down her guard and started to sob. She begged me to call off the rescue services by promising to give all her medications to them and promising that she would not kill herself now. I told her that they are there to help her and not hurt her. Also spoke with the rescue services to apprise them of what had led up to my decision to send help. They concurred, took over the case and transported her to the hospital. This entire case lasted an hour and by the end of it all, I felt worn out and exhausted. WHEW!!!!!!!!
Bones
((( Bones ))))
I have taken a break, but, the worst case I had to tend to was a woman badly beaten by her husband, who had had her son put the boot in afterwards accompanied by verbal abuse to the effect that she deserved what she got because she was so stupid! Honestly.
The son's behaviour shocked me to the core.
Managed to get her into a 'safe refuge' and in the end, she lost everything, home and personal possessions.
Do you have a process of 'emotional uplift' after your shift has ended, or dealt with a particularly emotionally draining call ?
Love, Leah
-
Bonesy-
I am so proud of you, staying on and giving that lady an opportunity to get away, literally a life-saving chance. Hope all is well with you, and that she contacts you again and lets you know that she is OK. Hope the new assignment continues going well!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
If she ever calls back and feels like she is in a better place to hear me, I can probably let her know that there is a support group available to her (here). At the same time, I have to be careful that she doesn't recognize her story or me here as that can create additional problems.
Bones
-
I had an EXHAUSTING session on the Hotline last night! My last caller of my shift contacted the Hotline shortly before midnight. The more she talked, the more I realized that she was being victimized by an Nhusband who was determined to drive her to suicide and both her adult children were also behaving like Ns as well. (I heard one of the adult children in the background.) This individual no longer had any hope and she had already made preparations to kill herself. I asked her how she planned to do it and, at first, she attempted to refuse to tell me because she knew I would try to save her. I managed to get out of her that she had several different types of medications (all of which can be fatal if taken in overdosages and/or in combination). I also tried to get her to contract with me for safety and she refused. All the alarm bells and red flags in my gut were going off BIG TIME and had my colleague assist me. I was able to get rescue services to her and when she realized she was going to the hospital, she finally let down her guard and started to sob. She begged me to call off the rescue services by promising to give all her medications to them and promising that she would not kill herself now. I told her that they are there to help her and not hurt her. Also spoke with the rescue services to apprise them of what had led up to my decision to send help. They concurred, took over the case and transported her to the hospital. This entire case lasted an hour and by the end of it all, I felt worn out and exhausted. WHEW!!!!!!!!
Bones
((( Bones ))))
I have taken a break, but, the worst case I had to tend to was a woman badly beaten by her husband, who had had her son put the boot in afterwards accompanied by verbal abuse to the effect that she deserved what she got because she was so stupid! Honestly.
The son's behaviour shocked me to the core.
Managed to get her into a 'safe refuge' and in the end, she lost everything, home and personal possessions.
Do you have a process of 'emotional uplift' after your shift has ended, or dealt with a particularly emotionally draining call ?
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah!
I had the opportunity to debrief with my colleague, (who was ironically the same staff member who had the unfortunate suicide-by-cop call on Halloween), to process my thoughts and feelings about what I did during this call. Right now, I can only hope and pray for the best outcome for her.
Bones
-
Thanks, Leah!
I had the opportunity to debrief with my colleague, (who was ironically the same staff member who had the unfortunate suicide-by-cop call on Halloween), to process my thoughts and feelings about what I did during this call. Right now, I can only hope and pray for the best outcome for her.
Bones
Dear Bones,
That's all one can do at times like this, is pray, and hope for the best outcome, for the life of the person.
No further contact being standard procedure, sometimes, rarely, through offical sources, one may hear some small element of feedback, as is my experience, most often, nothing.
So glad that you have 'debriefing' afterwards, thought you would, think that's most likely a universal standard procedure also.
Keep up the good work!
Love, Leah
-
Thanks, Leah!
I had the opportunity to debrief with my colleague, (who was ironically the same staff member who had the unfortunate suicide-by-cop call on Halloween), to process my thoughts and feelings about what I did during this call. Right now, I can only hope and pray for the best outcome for her.
Bones
Dear Bones,
That's all one can do at times like this, is pray, and hope for the best outcome, for the life of the person.
No further contact being standard procedure, sometimes, rarely, through offical sources, one may hear some small element of feedback, as is my experience, most often, nothing.
So glad that you have 'debriefing' afterwards, thought you would, think that's most likely a universal standard procedure also.
Keep up the good work!
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah!
Now I'm preparing to return to the homeless Winter Shelter to work again on Sunday through Wednesday nights. I'll probably have more clients then and, hopefully, the interns will show up so I can teach them what they need to do.
Bones
-
Last night was VERY hectic as I had to be late getting to work.
As I was driving down the Beltway heading to the new church, I came across a very bad accident that had occurred SECONDS before I arrived. Another witness was just standing there and I recognized him as a former member of the local football team from two decades ago. I asked him who was hurt and his response was: "My wife has already called 9-1-1" and he climbed back inside his SUV, leaving the injured victim alone in her smashed up vehicle!!!! Since I have First Aid training, I parked my car and went over to the victim to assess her condition. She was in shock, hysterical, and was climbing out of her car towards Beltway traffic that was flying by! I steered her away from the traffic and got her to the side of the road, reassuring her that she was going to be all right. At no time did the football player get out of his nice, comfy, warm SUV to help! I was thinking to myself: "You may be a famous football player and I do NOT want to know you, twit!" I stayed with the victim until the EMTs and the police arrived and rendered assistance until the scene was under control. Then, and only then, I got in my vehicle and went on to work. The football player left before I did after he gave some statements to the police. I'm hoping the victim will be OK.
Bones
-
I'm glad you were there for her, Bones...what a gift.
Sounds like he had no idea how to offer simple comfort (what to say after someone's been tackled? :shock:)...
Yikes. I'm not a fan of what some sports do to the psyche...
Hops
-
I'm glad you were there for her, Bones...what a gift.
Sounds like he had no idea how to offer simple comfort (what to say after someone's been tackled? :shock:)...
Yikes. I'm not a fan of what some sports do to the psyche...
Hops
He seemed to be more interested in his own comfort than helping the victim, no compassion whatsoever. At one point, when I walked past his SUV, he just sat there stone-faced and acted like no one else was there.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
Wish I could work at the homelessness outreach that I otherwise support, but, it is hundreds of miles away.
Always truly grateful to be here tucked up cozy on such a night as this one, it's raining non-stop and gale force winds, here tonight.
Remembering how harded you worked last year at the Shelter with gentle compassion and care in action.
Thinking of you.
Love, Leah
-
Dear Bones,
Wish I could work at the homelessness outreach that I otherwise support, but, it is hundreds of miles away.
Always truly grateful to be here tucked up cozy on such a night as this one, it's raining non-stop and gale force winds, here tonight.
Remembering how harded you worked last year at the Shelter with gentle compassion and care in action.
Thinking of you.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah!
Last night we had our first Winter storm so we're dealing with a combination of snow and ice today.
Bones
-
BTW, the winter shelter is getting ready to move to a new church, which will be a longer drive for me. And the next church after that will be an even LONGER drive.
Bones
-
Hello Bonesy
I have to admire you that you can keep such a long thread and it about your work.
Maybe we would have fewer threads if everyone had just oner, but it appears the rest of us are crazy and jump all over the place. I have to have my pogo stick oiled every week.
Kudos to you
Love Izzy
-
BTW, the winter shelter is getting ready to move to a new church, which will be a longer drive for me. And the next church after that will be an even LONGER drive.
Bones
Hello Bones,
Will the move mean greater facilities and resources available?
How many miles will the first round trip be?
Take care.
Love, Leah
-
Hello Bonesy
I have to admire you that you can keep such a long thread and it about your work.
Maybe we would have fewer threads if everyone had just oner, but it appears the rest of us are crazy and jump all over the place. I have to have my pogo stick oiled every week.
Kudos to you
Love Izzy
Thanks, Izzy!
Bones
-
BTW, the winter shelter is getting ready to move to a new church, which will be a longer drive for me. And the next church after that will be an even LONGER drive.
Bones
Hello Bones,
Will the move mean greater facilities and resources available?
How many miles will the first round trip be?
Take care.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah!
The way the program works, our equipment is moved from church to church every Sunday. Each church that has volunteered to participate hosts the homeless for only one week. I haven't calculated the miles yet. I have to look at the printout to see what the estimated distance is for one-way.
Bones
-
The way the program works, our equipment is moved from church to church every Sunday. Each church that has volunteered to participate hosts the homeless for only one week. I haven't calculated the miles yet. I have to look at the printout to see what the estimated distance is for one-way.
Dear Bones,
Thanks ever so much for explaining how it works.
Wow! Honestly, I really am most impressed with the program, it sounds straightforward and so workable.
As far as I am aware, we don't have anything like that here.
Such a pleasure to witness you working with such an effective outreach.
Do take care of you too!
Love, Leah
-
The way the program works, our equipment is moved from church to church every Sunday. Each church that has volunteered to participate hosts the homeless for only one week. I haven't calculated the miles yet. I have to look at the printout to see what the estimated distance is for one-way.
Dear Bones,
Thanks ever so much for explaining how it works.
Wow! Honestly, I really am most impressed with the program, it sounds straightforward and so workable.
As far as I am aware, we don't have anything like that here.
Such a pleasure to witness you working with such an effective outreach.
Do take care of you too!
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
Maybe a similar program can get started in your area.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy Dear-
I am so glad that things are going so well- I knew that you were the right person for the job! I was thinking about your work and wondering-how do the people that you serve get to the different churches, especially during the inclement periods? I hope that you are taking care of your health and not driving yourself too hard! Wish I could bring you some hot tea and yummy food!
Love,
Changing
-
Hi Bonesy Dear-
I am so glad that things are going so well- I knew that you were the right person for the job! I was thinking about your work and wondering-how do the people that you serve get to the different churches, especially during the inclement periods? I hope that you are taking care of your health and not driving yourself too hard! Wish I could bring you some hot tea and yummy food!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing!
The county provides us with a van to transport clients to and from the churches. My boss is subbing for me tonight as I'm battling a "bug". I wish my boyfriend can bring me some homemade matzo ball soup since he is aware that I've been feeling sick since Friday night.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy-
Sorry about the bug, I got one as well! Wish I could share my tea and soup with you. It really does make one feel better to have homemade soup! Keep warm and cozy . drink lots of fluids, and I hope you get the soup you crave!
Love,
Changing
-
((((Changing and Bones))))
::sending little prayer that you feel better soon::
-
Hi Bonesy-
Sorry about the bug, I got one as well! Wish I could share my tea and soup with you. It really does make one feel better to have homemade soup! Keep warm and cozy . drink lots of fluids, and I hope you get the soup you crave!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
On top of that, my old microwave oven died (had it for nearly 30 years), and I don't have the energy to stand over the stove.
Bones
-
Recipe for Bones' Boyfriend to Make for Her
GARLIC CURE-EVERYTHING PUT-HAIR-ON-YOUR-CHEST SOUP
splash olive oil
chopped onion and green pepper -- lots
chopped fresh garlic -- LOTS, multiple bulbs (8, go crazy!)
can tomato soup
can tomato puree (optional)
skim milk
Sautee onion and peppers in olive oil until just beginning to go translucent. Add garlic and sautee until all's translucent. Add tomato soup and skim milk. Low-simmer a minute. Blend, pour in mugs, drink, break a sweat, notice yourself feeling astoundingly better.
xo
Hops
-
chopped fresh garlic -- LOTS, multiple bulbs (8, go crazy!)
:lol: and it also prevents unwanted people from peering over your shoulder at work :lol:
Have made a note of the recipe Hops.
Love, Leah
-
Recipe for Bones' Boyfriend to Make for Her
GARLIC CURE-EVERYTHING PUT-HAIR-ON-YOUR-CHEST SOUP
splash olive oil
chopped onion and green pepper -- lots
chopped fresh garlic -- LOTS, multiple bulbs (8, go crazy!)
can tomato soup
can tomato puree (optional)
skim milk
Sautee onion and peppers in olive oil until just beginning to go translucent. Add garlic and sautee until all's translucent. Add tomato soup and skim milk. Low-simmer a minute. Blend, pour in mugs, drink, break a sweat, notice yourself feeling astoundingly better.
xo
Hops
Sounds good to me!
Thanks, Hops!
Bones
-
chopped fresh garlic -- LOTS, multiple bulbs (8, go crazy!)
:lol: and it also prevents unwanted people from peering over your shoulder at work :lol:
Have made a note of the recipe Hops.
Love, Leah
That'll work!
Bones
-
Looks like BF forgot about the soup.
Bones
-
Losing a job is very disturbing. I makes us question our abilities and worth. If you sit down and think about the reasons, you will be able to come up with what happened and how or if you can fix it in the future. If you don't view this loss as a commentary about your whole "being," you will simply add it to the list of accomplishments and failure which we all have. Best Elle.
-
Hi Elle,
Welcome.
Hope you'll start a thread and share a little, if you'd like.
Those are compassionate words you shared with Bones.
Thought I'd alert you that this thread began over a year ago.
Bones has been through the job mill but now is employed again!
best,
Hopalong
-
Losing a job is very disturbing. I makes us question our abilities and worth. If you sit down and think about the reasons, you will be able to come up with what happened and how or if you can fix it in the future. If you don't view this loss as a commentary about your whole "being," you will simply add it to the list of accomplishments and failure which we all have. Best Elle.
Thanks, Elle, and welcome to the Board.
Bones
-
Hi Elle,
Welcome.
Hope you'll start a thread and share a little, if you'd like.
Those are compassionate words you shared with Bones.
Thought I'd alert you that this thread began over a year ago.
Bones has been through the job mill but now is employed again!
best,
Hopalong
Thanks, Hops!
Bones
-
BF brought a couple of cans of soup.
Bones
-
Better than an old shoe, Bones. He was trying.
Aha. Is the soup-mug half-empty or half-full?
Hope you added garlic to it and snorked down lots!
love
Hops
-
Better than an old shoe, Bones. He was trying.
Aha. Is the soup-mug half-empty or half-full?
Hope you added garlic to it and snorked down lots!
love
Hops
The soup has been completely consumed.
This cold seems to have traveled from my head to my chest and my voice is gone. I can't work if I can't answer the phone.
Bones
-
Oh Lord Bonesy- I know it is so rotten to try to function with a cold/flu. I wonder if we can dispatch a couple of St. Bernards with a warming drink in one dog's flask, and a cup of homemade chicken soup with the the other one? Or maybe your boyfriend will be back by! Hope you get better fast!
Love,
Changing
-
((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
-
tons of water
hot water w/lemon & honey
more and more
just fill your cells with water til they're all plump and have to pee
fill 'em again, etc.
fill a big mixing bowl with hot water and do a tent towel and breathe in the steam
rub VapoRub on your chest
sleep with beautiful music on softly
ask BF for a footrub with nice lotion
go to sleeeeeeeeeeep
continue as needed
(brw, don't whisper--that's harder on your laryngitis than speaking softly is; just write notes)
xo
Hops
-
Oh Lord Bonesy- I know it is so rotten to try to function with a cold/flu. I wonder if we can dispatch a couple of St. Bernards with a warming drink in one dog's flask, and a cup of homemade chicken soup with the the other one? Or maybe your boyfriend will be back by! Hope you get better fast!
Love,
Changing
My boyfriend called the doctor as I feel worse and feverish.
Bones
-
tons of water
hot water w/lemon & honey
more and more
just fill your cells with water til they're all plump and have to pee
fill 'em again, etc.
fill a big mixing bowl with hot water and do a tent towel and breathe in the steam
rub VapoRub on your chest
sleep with beautiful music on softly
ask BF for a footrub with nice lotion
go to sleeeeeeeeeeep
continue as needed
(brw, don't whisper--that's harder on your laryngitis than speaking softly is; just write notes)
xo
Hops
The doctor advised that I take acetaminophen for the fever, not talk at all, and breathe steam. He also advised that I make an appointment to come in to the doctor's office. This is definitely feeling like more than a cold. (And I had a flu shot already.)
Bones
-
:(
So sorry Bones.
Take good care, listen to the doc.
Be gentle with you.
love and steamy hugs,
Hops
-
:(
So sorry Bones.
Take good care, listen to the doc.
Be gentle with you.
love and steamy hugs,
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Will let y'all know what the doctor says after I see him today.
Bones
-
I've heard of two people who had icky reactions to the flu shot.
One was a pregnant lady who vomited for 3 days after receiving it.
I don't take it any more and my kids don't get it.
Hope you feel better... I can't add anything that hasn't already been suggested: /
-
Because of the population that I'm working with during the winter, who have compromised immune systems from a variety of reasons, my job requires that I get a flu shot.
BTW, the doctor tells me that I have both bronchitis and laryngitis. I need to stay home, and not speak, until Thursday.
Bones
-
The only drawback with being home sick with bronchitis is that I don't get sick leave.
Bones
-
Bones,
Hoping you get better soon. Merry Christmas to you, and to all those you have dedicated yourself to helping.
cats paw
-
Bones,
Hoping you get better soon. Merry Christmas to you, and to all those you have dedicated yourself to helping.
cats paw
Thanks, Cats Paw.
Bones
-
I had to send another e-mail to my boss letting him know that I still can't talk and I'm still fighting the bronchitis. It feels like the fever is finally starting to break.
Bones
-
I've lost so much time from this job due to bronchitis that my paycheck is going to be non-existant.
Bones
-
I had to ask my boss to find coverage for tonight as I'm still not feeling well. I try to do a little bit of housework and had to sit down frequently from feeling lightheaded.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I so hope you're feeling better. I wish I could bring you a nice bowl of your favorite soup or anything to lift your spirits and make you feel better. I'll have you in my prayers.
I hope in spite of your illness that Christmas will be decent.
You are special.
tt
-
Don't push it Bones. It takes time to get over things. It is very frustrating,I know,Bones. I am sorry that you are feeling so badly, friend.Cyberspace tea with lemon and honey, is on it's way.
Love Ami
((((((((((((Bones))))))))
-
Dear Bones,
I so hope you're feeling better. I wish I could bring you a nice bowl of your favorite soup or anything to lift your spirits and make you feel better. I'll have you in my prayers.
I hope in spite of your illness that Christmas will be decent.
You are special.
tt
Thanks, TT.
I'll be glad to get this "bug" put pf my system once and for all.
Bones
-
Don't push it Bones. It takes time to get over things. It is very frustrating,I know,Bones. I am sorry that you are feeling so badly, friend.Cyberspace tea with lemon and honey, is on it's way.
Love Ami
((((((((((((Bones))))))))
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Daer Bones,
How are you doing, today? Better,I hope. It takes time to get over things.I remember HOW frustrating it was getting over the flu. You feel so exhausted and discouraged. You wonder if you will ever feel better. I am telling you that you WILL, but it might take a little time. Love Ami
(((((((((Bones)))))))
-
Daer Bones,
How are you doing, today? Better,I hope. It takes time to get over things.I remember HOW frustrating it was getting over the flu. You feel so exhausted and discouraged. You wonder if you will ever feel better. I am telling you that you WILL, but it might take a little time. Love Ami
(((((((((Bones)))))))
Thanks, Ami.
I'm finally starting to feel half-way human today.
Bones
-
(((((((( Bones )))))))))
Take good care of you dear.
Love, Leah
-
(((((((( Bones )))))))))
Take good care of you dear.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
I'm trying.
Bones
-
You must be a little weak and wobbly, Bones,
but if you drink lots of fluids and ease back into things,
you'll rally.
Sorry about the $$ loss. Is there any silver lining?
Sometimes I use illness as a chance to rest and think.
(Not that I'd enjoy bronchitis! Aacck.)
Hope you've felt nurtured and esp. self-nurtured.
xo
Hops
-
You must be a little weak and wobbly, Bones,
but if you drink lots of fluids and ease back into things,
you'll rally.
Sorry about the $$ loss. Is there any silver lining?
Sometimes I use illness as a chance to rest and think.
(Not that I'd enjoy bronchitis! Aacck.)
Hope you've felt nurtured and esp. self-nurtured.
xo
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I do still feel weak and wobbly. I spoke with my boss the other day and he could still hear me coughing and wheezing. He told me to take off Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to try and recuperate some more.
Bones
-
I'm planning on going back to work tonight even though I'm still coughing.
Bones
-
See if you doctor goes along with this- I have found gargling with warm salt water a good way to kill nasty bugs. Keep a nice Thermos of tea with you, and drink as much as possible, wear a scarf, etc. Do you have a humidifier? Vicks makes these little breathing things that you can carry with you and use periodically.
Hope you have a good night and the cough goes away, Bonesy.
Love,
Changing
-
See if you doctor goes along with this- I have found gargling with warm salt water a good way to kill nasty bugs. Keep a nice Thermos of tea with you, and drink as much as possible, wear a scarf, etc. Do you have a humidifier? Vicks makes these little breathing things that you can carry with you and use periodically.
Hope you have a good night and the cough goes away, Bonesy.
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
I'm doing the best I can.
Bones
-
My energy is still low.
Bones
-
Take your time, let your body heal, Bones...
hope you soon feel better...
I know you have to get back to the paycheck,
but hope you can control the pace when you do.
hugs
Hops
-
Hello My Friend-
I hope you are better, poor thing. The symptoms seem to linger...I am finally over this "thing" and it makes tremendous difference! (((((Bonesy))))) Best to you for a healthy weekend and a Happy New Year!
Love,
Changing
-
((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
-
Take your time, let your body heal, Bones...
hope you soon feel better...
I know you have to get back to the paycheck,
but hope you can control the pace when you do.
hugs
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I'm trying to pace myself while I'm at work and it's not easy.
Bones
-
Hello My Friend-
I hope you are better, poor thing. The symptoms seem to linger...I am finally over this "thing" and it makes tremendous difference! (((((Bonesy))))) Best to you for a healthy weekend and a Happy New Year!
Love,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
This has been going on for nearly a month and I'm tired of feeling sick all the time.
Bones
-
((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))) Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Bones,
Hope you are feeling better with the new year approaching....take care.
-
Bones,
Hope you are feeling better with the new year approaching....take care.
Thanks. I'm still dealing with this lingering cough.
Bones
-
Are you sure it hasn't turned into something you need medical help with? My BIL get's pneumonia about once a year. A friend get's bronchitis. They always hold out then go to the doctor when they're really sick.
Hope you feel better soon..... a month's a long time to be sick: /
-
Are you sure it hasn't turned into something you need medical help with? My BIL get's pneumonia about once a year. A friend get's bronchitis. They always hold out then go to the doctor when they're really sick.
Hope you feel better soon..... a month's a long time to be sick: /
Thanks, Lighter.
I've already been to the doctor and recently finished up my antibiotics.
Bones
-
Sorry I missed it, Bones.
What did he say you have.... and how can you be sure it's gone?
-
Sorry I missed it, Bones.
What did he say you have.... and how can you be sure it's gone?
I have my voice back. I'm trying to give this cough a little while longer to clear up.
Bones
-
I went back to work at the homeless shelter this past Sunday and encountered a bit of frustration.
Our policies are quite clear about what we are allowed to do and not allowed to do. One example is that I do not clean up messes that clients make. They are adults and are responsible to clean up their own messes. On New Year's Day one client arrived at the shelter, so intoxicated, that she made a mess in the bathroom. I was in the middle of conducting an intake interview with another client when one of the volunteers approached me and attempted to tell me to stop doing the interview and clean up this other client. I politely declined. (I spoke with my supervisor and she backed me up. My boss was appalled that a volunteer would attempt to do that to me.) Then, on Wednesday evening a client, who had the ENTIRE day to fill her prescription, wanted someone else to take care of it for her, which staff cannot do. The same volunteer who attempted to order me to clean up another client attempted to order me to take the client to the pharmacy. I explained that policy forbids that. The volunteer demanded that one of our drivers transport the client. Again, I explained that policy forbids that. Then, the volunteer announced that she would arrange for one of the group of volunteers to transport the client in one of their personal vehicles. I told her that policy does not allow that because of liability issues. (That volunteer was NOT happy with me because I DARED to say the word "NO" to her!) She called my boss Thursday morning to register a complaint about me because I was "uncooperative". Sheesh!!!!!
Bones
-
Sounds very frustrating.
Consider the source of the complaint and try to stay focused on the important things, if you can.
-
Sounds very frustrating.
Consider the source of the complaint and try to stay focused on the important things, if you can.
The situation made me wonder if the complainer is an N because she viewed me as "difficult" for refusing her orders. She was also giving other colleagues of mine the "evil eye" because they also refused to obey her orders. (She doesn't get it that she does not sign our paychecks and it is NOT her place to order us around. She is supposed to work with her group of volunteers while the paid staff do our jobs.)
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I am sorry for your struggles at work. I hope that they work themselves out in a good way,Bones. I am thinking of you, friend.
How is b/f , BTW? Love Ami
-
Dear Bones,
I am sorry for your struggles at work. I hope that they work themselves out in a good way,Bones. I am thinking of you, friend.
How is b/f , BTW? Love Ami
My supervisor backed me up regarding this difficult volunteer. The group is moving to a new church on Sunday so I'll be dealing with a new group of volunteers this coming week.
B/F is still around. He's trying to help me deal with a mess when my upstairs neighbor's pipes ruptured. I told B/F I need a wet-vac to get the water out of my wall-to-wall carpeting. His response? He shows up with multiple rolls of paper towels. He doesn't get it!
Bones
-
I have to go back to work tonight even though I'm still trying to clean up the mess around here.
I need to be cloned!
Bones
-
I'm still trying to clean up the mess while dealing with work at the same time. It feels frustrating.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I am sorry for your struggles at work. I hope that they work themselves out in a good way,Bones. I am thinking of you, friend.
How is b/f , BTW? Love Ami
My supervisor backed me up regarding this difficult volunteer. The group is moving to a new church on Sunday so I'll be dealing with a new group of volunteers this coming week.
B/F is still around. He's trying to help me deal with a mess when my upstairs neighbor's pipes ruptured. I told B/F I need a wet-vac to get the water out of my wall-to-wall carpeting. His response? He shows up with multiple rolls of paper towels. He doesn't get it!
Bones
I talked with one of my bosses about the aftermath of the situation with the two difficult volunteers. I was concerned that this church could pull out next year from participating in the shelter program. My boss told me that there had been a meeting where the volunteers were informed that I had to follow policy. The volunteers may not like that but that is a reality. I'll have to wait and see what happens by the end of the program.
Bones
-
I've been asked to sub on an overnight shift, which I've never really done before given my age. I'm concerned about being able to stay awake and functioning the way I need to do the job.
Bones
-
Hey Bones
Keeping 2 threads running that are so old?
Lost my Job and Doubting Myself/ is that still true?
Is it Always N behaviour....?/ and only you post
Do you ever respond to others?
Izzy
-
hi tt,
You are entitled to think your own way, and there is some merit in keeping herself to herself.
I had something to say, said it, and now it's over.
Bones is entitled, too, to doing what she feels is best for her.
Respectfully to both of you
Izzy
-
Iz,
Love you with all your opinions, your humor, your honesty...
tt
-
Hey Bones
Keeping 2 threads running that are so old?
Lost my Job and Doubting Myself/ is that still true?
Is it Always N behaviour....?/ and only you post
Do you ever respond to others?
Izzy
Yes, I have been responding.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
I like the way you run your threads.
Iz, Bones has from the start brought her threads to the fore on the weekend. At least that is what I've observed. She only bumps them to the top once weekly. Her way of running the business of her two threads is not offensive to me. I don't always post to them for the same reason I don't post to various other threads. I just don't have anything begging to be posted.
In having two threads, I think Bones wanted to differientiate between her lost job/job search thread and the one about violating boundaries.
Love,
tt
PS Bones, correct me if I'm wrong (I didn't do a search), but Iz, I think Bones only communicates on the threads she creates. I don't find that offensive.
Thanks, TT.
I'm also getting ready to post about what happened when I was working my first overnight shift.
Bones
-
hi tt,
You are entitled to think your own way, and there is some merit in keeping herself to herself.
I had something to say, said it, and now it's over.
Bones is entitled, too, to doing what she feels is best for her.
Respectfully to both of you
Izzy
Thanks, Iz.
Bones
-
I had my hands full when I was working the overnight shift Saturday night to Sunday morning. One individual REALLY PLUCKED EVERYONE'S LAST NERVE with her N-Behaviors!
When I arrived to relieve the evening staff person, he informed me of an incident that took place earlier Saturday evening. The host church was showing a movie and this N-individual decided that SHE didn't like the movie and, therefore, NO ONE SHOULD BE PERMITTED TO WATCH IT! She started throwing a screaming tantrum and the church volunteers put her in a "time out" away from everyone else. At 1:00 AM, she enters the room where the other clients are sleeping and demands to eat. First, there is no food out for anyone. Second, everyone has to get up at 5:00 AM which leaves her only four hours to sleep. Based on these facts, I advised that she get some sleep as soon as possible. She started screaming: "I CAN DO AS I PLEASE! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" The church volunteer took her back to "time out" so she wouldn't wake up the other clients. At 5:00 AM she comes back in, while the other clients are up and getting ready to leave, starts picking fights while screaming that everyone is picking on her. I told her that she needed to stop to which she replied: "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU B#$%H!" At that point, I told her to get out. This time, the church volunteer made her leave the building. Sheesh!!!!
Bones
-
Post deleted.
Yamen, Shy, Watcher, Observer—and various other names. I have asked you to post under one name. You are one person with one view of the world. I, and many others, would appreciate hearing that view. Your pretending to be many people all of whom share the same view, however, is not allowed on this board. E-mail me.
Richard
-
Dear Watcher
I had something to say, said it, and now it's over.
Thanks for pointing that out!
Love
Izzy
-
Izzy...
I'd miss you if you weren't you :)
Bones...
I'd miss your threads if you stopped posting to them. They've (and YOU've) become a part of the tapestry here, in this our home away from home.
You are both very much loved and appreciated.
Carolyn
-
Glad to be different ~ Glad to be free
Glad that you are you ~ bet you're Glad not to be me! :)
Love to ALL here homeboard.
Leah xx
-
Izzy...
I'd miss you if you weren't you :)
Bones...
I'd miss your threads if you stopped posting to them. They've (and YOU've) become a part of the tapestry here, in this our home away from home.
You are both very much loved and appreciated.
Carolyn
Thanks, Carolyn!
Bones
-
Glad to be different ~ Glad to be free
Glad that you are you ~ bet you're Glad not to be me! :)
Love to ALL here homeboard.
Leah xx
Thanks, Leah!
Bones
-
I had my hands full when I was working the overnight shift Saturday night to Sunday morning. One individual REALLY PLUCKED EVERYONE'S LAST NERVE with her N-Behaviors!
When I arrived to relieve the evening staff person, he informed me of an incident that took place earlier Saturday evening. The host church was showing a movie and this N-individual decided that SHE didn't like the movie and, therefore, NO ONE SHOULD BE PERMITTED TO WATCH IT! She started throwing a screaming tantrum and the church volunteers put her in a "time out" away from everyone else. At 1:00 AM, she enters the room where the other clients are sleeping and demands to eat. First, there is no food out for anyone. Second, everyone has to get up at 5:00 AM which leaves her only four hours to sleep. Based on these facts, I advised that she get some sleep as soon as possible. She started screaming: "I CAN DO AS I PLEASE! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" The church volunteer took her back to "time out" so she wouldn't wake up the other clients. At 5:00 AM she comes back in, while the other clients are up and getting ready to leave, starts picking fights while screaming that everyone is picking on her. I told her that she needed to stop to which she replied: "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU B#$%H!" At that point, I told her to get out. This time, the church volunteer made her leave the building. Sheesh!!!!
Bones
BTW, I notified my bosses and submitted a written report about what happened in the event any administrators question what took place.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I have a coworker I'd like to put into a time out, but I don't think she'd go quietly, either :mrgreen:
Oy. So glad you made it through that overnight shift in one piece... and filing a written report sounds very wise to me. Good job.
Love,
Carolyn
-
Dear Bones,
I have a coworker I'd like to put into a time out, but I don't think she'd go quietly, either :mrgreen:
Oy. So glad you made it through that overnight shift in one piece... and filing a written report sounds very wise to me. Good job.
Love,
Carolyn
Thanks, Carolyn.
I wanted to make sure the incident was documented because as I was repeatedly taught in graduate school: "If it isn't documented, it didn't happen!"
Bones
-
Thanks, Carolyn.
I wanted to make sure the incident was documented because as I was repeatedly taught in graduate school: "If it isn't documented, it didn't happen!"
Bones
Thanks, Bones... sounds like wise counsel to anyone who's working (or living) in an environment where conflict abounds. Document, document, document.
Not sure whether or not you're working this weekend, but I hope you'll find some rest and relaxation in the midst of whatever you do.
Carolyn
-
Thanks, Carolyn.
I wanted to make sure the incident was documented because as I was repeatedly taught in graduate school: "If it isn't documented, it didn't happen!"
Bones
Thanks, Bones... sounds like wise counsel to anyone who's working (or living) in an environment where conflict abounds. Document, document, document.
Not sure whether or not you're working this weekend, but I hope you'll find some rest and relaxation in the midst of whatever you do.
Carolyn
Thanks, Carolyn. I go back to work on Sunday as we are moving to a new church and I have to make sure that I have the supplies I need.
Bones
-
The hypothermia season is about to wind up and it has been quite a bumptious ride!
Bones
-
Just touching base.
Bones
-
Hi Bones!!! Just wanted to say "Hello" and send you warm wishes. Ami
-
Hi Bones!!! Just wanted to say "Hello" and send you warm wishes. Ami
Thanks, Ami!
With the winter program being wrapped up for the season, we're still in the process of tying up loose ends.
Bones
-
[[/quote]
I wanted to make sure the incident was documented because as I was repeatedly taught in graduate school: "If it isn't documented, it didn't happen!"
Bones
[/quote]
Truer words were never spoken: /
::waving to Bones::
Lighter
-
For the past month, I have not been feeling well and it has been affecting my current employment. I went to the doctor today and the EKG shows that there might be a blockage. Now I have to get a stress test to pinpoint the problem.
Bones
-
I've been out of work since October 2008, due to medical reasons, have been attempting to deal with bureaucrats at voc. rehab. and feel like I'm beating my head on a brick wall. Also, things finally came to a head with bf and it is essentially over with him. I'm so tired.
Bones
-
Hi,
You have been through a lot in a short period of time. I'm tired for you.
I'm sure their will be a break for you soon. Keep the faith, get your rest and do something extra special just for you! Best wishes.... seasons ox
-
Hi,
You have been through a lot in a short period of time. I'm tired for you.
I'm sure their will be a break for you soon. Keep the faith, get your rest and do something extra special just for you! Best wishes.... seasons ox
Thanks, Seasons.
I have an appointment with voc. rehab. next week. What frustrates me is that they have NO clue regarding Aspergers!
Bones
-
Is there any way that you can find out ahead of time what the name of the person at Voc Rehab is that you will have your appt. with?
Then print out a bunch of basic, well written summary articles on Aspergers and DELIVER or OVERNIGHT MAIL them to this person, with a note saying:
Please, read this material before you meet with me.
Eh?
xo
Hops
-
Is there any way that you can find out ahead of time what the name of the person at Voc Rehab is that you will have your appt. with?
Then print out a bunch of basic, well written summary articles on Aspergers and DELIVER or OVERNIGHT MAIL them to this person, with a note saying:
Please, read this material before you meet with me.
Eh?
xo
Hops
I've been meeting with her previously and given her material about Asperger's. She still doesn't get it. Her attitude is that if I'm not "officially diagnosed" before walking in her door, it doesn't matter and they do not do that type of assessment/diagnosing. I've been attempting to obtain an official diagnosis and have encountered a Catch-22.
Asperger's was not included in the DSM-IV until about 1994. By then, I was already middle-aged. Many professionals don't want to be bothered with Spectrum people over a certain age. Their mindset seems to be that only children have it and they never grow up to become adults. The few professionals who are willing to conduct assessments on middle-aged, or older, Aspies charge an arm and a leg and do NOT accept ANY health insurance. Given my current financial situation, I can't afford to pay for the official diagnosis out of my own pocket.
Bones
-
That STINKS.
That money should prevent you from getting the diagnosis you need to help your life become workable.
I wonder if Doc G could refer you to a therapist in the Baltimore area who'd do a diagnostic workup pro bono?
I hope so.
That's just WRONG.
You've been through enough with the emotional abuse and the physical issues. Money should NOT
be in the way of you getting a break.
You are not cruising the system, you're trying to get help you legitimately need.
I'm sorry I don't have money to share. I would if I did.
love
Hops
-
That STINKS.
That money should prevent you from getting the diagnosis you need to help your life become workable.
I wonder if Doc G could refer you to a therapist in the Baltimore area who'd do a diagnostic workup pro bono?
I hope so.
That's just WRONG.
You've been through enough with the emotional abuse and the physical issues. Money should NOT
be in the way of you getting a break.
You are not cruising the system, you're trying to get help you legitimately need.
I'm sorry I don't have money to share. I would if I did.
love
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
I hope Dr. G. knows of a resource or referral in the DC Metro area, near the University of Maryland-College Park. Otherwise, I am at a loss.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
I'm sorry to say that I'm can't be of much help here. I don't know anyone or any place in your area to send you to.
Sadly,
Richard
-
Hi Bones,
Sometimes one way to get proper treatment is to enroll in a clinical trial. You might write to some of these researchers:
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/results?term=Aspergers
Don't know much about how it works but perhaps it's worth a try?
Hops
-
Hi Bones,
I'm sorry to say that I'm can't be of much help here. I don't know anyone or any place in your area to send you to.
Sadly,
Richard
Thanks, Dr. G.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
Sometimes one way to get proper treatment is to enroll in a clinical trial. You might write to some of these researchers:
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/results?term=Aspergers
Don't know much about how it works but perhaps it's worth a try?
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
I've already contacted them. However, they informed me that they are not doing any Aspergers studies that would include my age cohort. The current Autism Spectrum study has a cut-off age of 20 and I'm a bit older than that.
Bones
-
I am thinking of you, Bones.
Sending thoughts of peace. Ami
-
I am thinking of you, Bones.
Sending thoughts of peace. Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
So sorry Bones. This is outrageous and so frustrating to hear all your going through.
Sending positive vibes, keep knocking down doors till someone gives you the help you deserve!!!
Keep us posted. seasons ox
-
So sorry Bones. This is outrageous and so frustrating to hear all your going through.
Sending positive vibes, keep knocking down doors till someone gives you the help you deserve!!!
Keep us posted. seasons ox
Thanks, Seasons. I'll do that.
Bones
-
I also question myself alot!
Am I being Narcissistic?
Am I being too needy?
Am I talking too much?
Am I not talking enough?
Am I doing "small talk" appropriately?
Am I boring people around me?
Am I irritating people?
Am I just being a nuisance?
Should I avoid people so I won't be a burden?
All these questions and more keep flying around inside my head. Are these the scars of a Survivor of an N?
Bones
-
Dear Bones
Those are such good questions and so honest of you to ask them in a public setting. I know I question myself terribly. I think it is the aftermath of an NM.
I have found that my best bet is to find a person or persons I can really be real with and then ask these kind of questions. I remember when I was younger my group of friends would have "bull sessions" where we could tell each other truths.
I can see you on the Board. I do not think you are an N. An N would never ask those questions. I think you have N damage and it probably manifests itself in either Little Voice ways or N ways(probably both) I think we all have these imbalances when raised as we were.
For me, I am trying to honor myself .I am trying to see myself as I am, good and bad. It is really hard to face the bad b/c I was so shamed for "normal" primal feelings such as selfishness.
The thing I was most shamed for was wanting an identity. I feel REALLY guilty about wanting to feel whole and take care of myself. That is my hardest hurdle to overcome.
I am so glad you asked those questions. I feel my answer is inadaquete but perhaps I can come back later and add something more. Asking those questions is an important step to beginning to really love and accept yourself IMO. Ami
-
Thanks, Ami.
I'm sure more questions will come.
Bones
-
I'm also questioning my employability, especially given the current economic situation and my physical health issues. I just don't know what to do.
Bones
-
Bones,
What do the disability bureaucrats say?
Do they turn you down flat, or turn you away "until you have a diagnosis?"
Meanwhile...have you checked with every agency possible?
I'm so sorry. You sound desperate and I hurt to hear it.
If it would help to brainstorm, I'll try to help.
I wish I knew more about the system.
You are cared for and you MATTER, even though it may not feel that way day to day...
love,
Hops
-
Bones,
What do the disability bureaucrats say?
Do they turn you down flat, or turn you away "until you have a diagnosis?"
Meanwhile...have you checked with every agency possible?
I'm so sorry. You sound desperate and I hurt to hear it.
If it would help to brainstorm, I'll try to help.
I wish I knew more about the system.
You are cared for and you MATTER, even though it may not feel that way day to day...
love,
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
The appointment I was supposed to have last week was canceled, at the last minute, by them. I was informed that the counselor will be unavailable until further notice. I have no idea what is going on with them. I've applied for SSI and SSDI only to be informed that I cannot qualify because I have not worked long enough under the Social Security System before becoming disabled. I'm too young to apply for regular Social Security. I've checked into Medicare and Medicaid only to learn that I cannot qualify for Medicare because I'm too young and cannot qualify for Medicaid because I am not completely destitute and homeless. (I remember the hassle I had to go through while NWomb-Donor was in a nursing home and my having to deal with Medicare and Medicaid to pay for her care. There was NO way I could afford to pay for the nursing home out of my own pocket.)
After setting up job search agents, plus sending out resumes and filling out job applications, I've run out of ideas.
Bones
-
What about Legal Aid?
If you are being denied any rights you're due, could a Legal Aid attorney review the situation and advise you?
Hops
-
What about Legal Aid?
If you are being denied any rights you're due, could a Legal Aid attorney review the situation and advise you?
Hops
I've also done that as well. The lawyer told me that these policies are set in stone and no exceptions can be made.
Bones
-
((((((Bones)))))))) I am so sorry you are going through this ! Ami
-
((((((Bones)))))))) I am so sorry you are going through this ! Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
I recently had another appointment with Voc. Rehab. where I was required to attend a workshop. Turns out I was the OLDEST person in the room! :roll: There were only two other clients with me so it was a very small workshop regarding employment. However, this workshop covered only the basics, which I was already doing...i.e. networking, what to write in your resume', what NOT to write in your resume', how to write a cover letter, etc. (I wish the workshop included stuff I didn't know. Sigh!)
At the end of the workshop, I spoke privately with the voc. rehab. employee, gave him a brief overview of my situation, and asked for any brainstorming ideas. He basically confirmed what I already knew.....age discrimination happens, but I can't prove it. On top of that, because I have a Master's degree but lost my last job due to health related issues, the combination of (1) being over a certain age, (b) having chronic health issues, and (c) being "over-educated" makes me unemployable, especially in this economy. Whatever jobs are currently available....I'm overqualified for. He referred me back to my voc. rehab. counselor to explore the possibility of self-employment. As soon as I got home, I sent her an e-mail because she had already left the office by the time the workshop ended. I haven't heard any response from her yet.
Bones
-
(((((( Bones))))) I wish I could say s/thing helpful I have no words. I am sorry you are going through this. Ami
-
Thanks.
I still have not heard anything yet from Voc. Rehab. If there is still no word by Wednesday, I plan to send the counselor another e-mail.
Bones
-
I'm sending hopes and wishes and parachutes, Bones.
It's devastating to run into those realities.
love to you,
Hops
-
Thanks, Hops.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
Thought this mite be of interest to you. Maybe now, more people will understand. I hope so.
xoxo,
ann
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/04/health/04aspe.html?em
August 4, 2009
Asperger’s Syndrome, on Screen and in Life
By NEIL AMDUR
The three new movies would seem to have little in common: a romantic comedy about Upper West Side singles, a biopic about a noted animal science professor, and an animated film about an extended pen-pal relationship.
But all three revolve around Asperger’s syndrome, the complex and mysterious neurological disorder linked to autism. Their nearly simultaneous appearance — two open this summer, and the third is planned for next year — underscores how much Asperger’s and high-functioning autism have expanded in the public consciousness since Dustin Hoffman’s portrayal of an autistic savant in “Rain Man” 21 years ago
* * * * *
Ms. Simone, 45, who lives in upstate New York, was dating someone with Asperger’s several years ago when she learned that she, too, had the disorder. In an interview, she said she had just completed a second book, “Working With Asperger’s,” which she said she hoped would help people with the syndrome in the workplace. And she has begun researching a third about Asperger’s and females, a subject that she says is underreported and misunderstood. While four times as many boys as girls get the diagnosis, she said, “I’m absolutely certain that’s incorrect.”
Mr. Kaufman, of DisabilityWorks, said people were becoming more tolerant of Asperger’s “because it is front and center.”
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Thanks, Ann3!!
Bones
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BTW, I'm still waiting to hear back from Voc. Rehab. after I contacted them again.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
Can you keep contacting them, and keep a notebook where you record the date and time of each contact and who you spoke to?
After a while, seems to me that if you've documented it all, you might have a case for some Legal Aid help.
xo
Hops
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Thanks, Hops!
I have my contacts via e-mail and have been keeping a file of them.
Bones
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Hey Bones, in response to your latest post on Members Stories:
There's gotta be. Near Hopkins, U. of Md.? Does Shephard Pratt do anything outpatient? THOSE folks are good. I had a friend in there many years ago and found it a wonderful place.
What about putting a notice in all of the campus newspapers for all of those places saying what you just said:
In search of a therapist with solid experience dealing with the traumatized adult children of narcissistic rageaholic mothers.
Throw a little ad out there everywhere you can, even at women's shelters, because a cheap or even free domestic abuse support group would have all SORTS of wisdom on PTSD and all that you've been through. Find a spot for your healing, hunt it down and find it and occupy it because you deserve to.
((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))) big tender hug,
Hps
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Thanks, Hops.
Hopkins is in Baltimore and nowhere NEAR where I live. I've contacted the University of Maryland previously but that didn't pan out. Shepard Pratt is also in Baltimore and nowhere near where I am. I'll keep looking.
Bones
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What also complicates things is fighting the "old tapes" in my head!
I remember, years ago, when I lost a job. The responses I got from NWomb-Donor was: (1) TOTAL blame, (2) Name-calling, i.e. "retard", "stupid", "mentally ill", and (3) ANNOUNCING that the only thing I was qualified for was to become a WHORE! (Sarcastically) Thanks for being SO-O-O-O supportive! :P
Bones
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What also complicates things is fighting the "old tapes" in my head!
I remember, years ago, when I lost a job. The responses I got from NWomb-Donor was: (1) TOTAL blame, (2) Name-calling, i.e. "retard", "stupid", "mentally ill", and (3) ANNOUNCING that the only thing I was qualified for was to become a WHORE! (Sarcastically) Thanks for being SO-O-O-O supportive! :P
Bones
Did she really say that Bones? Ami
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What also complicates things is fighting the "old tapes" in my head!
I remember, years ago, when I lost a job. The responses I got from NWomb-Donor was: (1) TOTAL blame, (2) Name-calling, i.e. "retard", "stupid", "mentally ill", and (3) ANNOUNCING that the only thing I was qualified for was to become a WHORE! (Sarcastically) Thanks for being SO-O-O-O supportive! :P
Bones
Did she really say that Bones? Ami
YES! She even has the remaining NFOO still convinced that I'm the Family Whore. One NCousin recently called me to proposition me and I set him straight QUICK!!!!
Bones
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What also complicates things is fighting the "old tapes" in my head!
I remember, years ago, when I lost a job. The responses I got from NWomb-Donor was: (1) TOTAL blame, (2) Name-calling, i.e. "retard", "stupid", "mentally ill", and (3) ANNOUNCING that the only thing I was qualified for was to become a WHORE! (Sarcastically) Thanks for being SO-O-O-O supportive! :P
Bones
Did she really say that Bones? Ami
YES! She even has the remaining NFOO still convinced that I'm the Family Whore. One NCousin recently called me to proposition me and I set him straight QUICK!!!!
Bones
OH God, Bones! There are very few people I could say are WORSE than my M but yours take the cake. You win!! Ami
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What also complicates things is fighting the "old tapes" in my head!
I remember, years ago, when I lost a job. The responses I got from NWomb-Donor was: (1) TOTAL blame, (2) Name-calling, i.e. "retard", "stupid", "mentally ill", and (3) ANNOUNCING that the only thing I was qualified for was to become a WHORE! (Sarcastically) Thanks for being SO-O-O-O supportive! :P
Bones
Did she really say that Bones? Ami
YES! She even has the remaining NFOO still convinced that I'm the Family Whore. One NCousin recently called me to proposition me and I set him straight QUICK!!!!
Bones
OH God, Bones! There are very few people I could say are WORSE than my M but yours take the cake. You win!! Ami
NWomb-Donor was a LUNATIC SICKO!!!!!!
Bones
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You seem very sane having come from that. I think you get a lot of credit and kudos for that! Ami
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Thanks, Ami.
Bones
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I'm still waiting to hear from the other program that Voc. Rehab referred me to.
Bones
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Grrrrr.
Waiting with you.
Hops
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Thanks, Hops!
Bones
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Just wanted to give a brief update. I haven't heard back, yet, from the self-employment program that I've been referred to. The reason might be is because they don't have any workshops scheduled yet due to the summer months.
I'll give it a couple more weeks, then e-mail again. In the meantime, I've been borrowing books from the library about self-employment and what ground-work needs to be done to prepare.
Bones
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I'm fighting the cranky old tapes that seem to start up as soon as I need to make an adult decision!! (Can anyone relate?)
I went ahead and contacted my bank to inquire about the "Keeping Home Affordable" program. Intellectually, I know I have a right to do this as many others are dealing with similar situations. I'm also exploring the possibility of self-employment, given that my age, education, disabilities, and health issues are barriers to traditional employment.
The anxiety levels are going up and the old tapes of NWomb-Donor start playing their sick old tunes!!!! I'm sure others have heard similar SICK messages from the NWomb-Donors in their lives! "What's WRONG with YOU!?!? Why can't you get a REAL job?!? I always KNEW you are TOO RETARDED to be worth the space you're in! You should have been ABORTED! The ONLY thing you're good for is to become a WHORE!!!!" and on and on, ad nauseum!! I WISH I could have been able to punch that sick NWomb-Donor in the mouth and STOP her vicious venom!!! :P
I know I'm struggling with PTSD and it's a BEAR and a B*TCH!!!! UGH!!!!!! :P
Bones
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I think you could contact them EVERY week...but maybe email is less direct than calling.
Or perhaps going in, once a week, to patiently ask for help and sit there for an hour (even in the waiting room). Eventually (drip, drip), someone should try to move you along because your presence would be a reminder that there's a service needed, and here's the person...
As to NWombdonor -- she is GONE. Out of your life.
Let's let her walk out of your head now.
Take her old ghostly mean ranting off to some cornfield where she can't intimidate anyone.
Who do you think you are?
You think you're someone in need of respectful treatment and simple public services (for which you've been paying taxes all your life).
It's quite all right. It does not touch your human dignity, Bones.
Love,
Hops
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Thanks, Hops.
A LOT of deeply-buried pain is finally coming to the surface and I'm struggling to work through it. A LOT of it is wordless!
Bones
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I'm fighting the cranky old tapes that seem to start up as soon as I need to make an adult decision!! (Can anyone relate?)
I went ahead and contacted my bank to inquire about the "Keeping Home Affordable" program. Intellectually, I know I have a right to do this as many others are dealing with similar situations. I'm also exploring the possibility of self-employment, given that my age, education, disabilities, and health issues are barriers to traditional employment.
The anxiety levels are going up and the old tapes of NWomb-Donor start playing their sick old tunes!!!! I'm sure others have heard similar SICK messages from the NWomb-Donors in their lives! "What's WRONG with YOU!?!? Why can't you get a REAL job?!? I always KNEW you are TOO RETARDED to be worth the space you're in! You should have been ABORTED! The ONLY thing you're good for is to become a WHORE!!!!" and on and on, ad nauseum!! I WISH I could have been able to punch that sick NWomb-Donor in the mouth and STOP her vicious venom!!! :P
I know I'm struggling with PTSD and it's a BEAR and a B*TCH!!!! UGH!!!!!! :P
Bones
The messages are horrible((((Bones))) I have them , too. "WHO do you think YOUOOOO are?""What are you so big about?" "You are not sick until you are hanging over the toilet bowl."
I understand. It really, really HURTS! Ami
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Thanks, Ami.
I HATE N's!!!!!!! :x
Bones
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How are you doing, Bones? Ami
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How are you doing, Bones? Ami
Trying to deal with everything, one day at a time.
Bones
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Getting ready to check my e-mail to see if anything new has come in that might be helpful in some way.
Bones
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I'm also working on drafting a business plan for the idea I have. Somehow, the process feels similar to writing my research papers for graduate school....even a lot of the sections of the business plan format are similar!
Bones
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The more I research the process of writing a business plan, the more complicated it feels.
Bones
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They write every possibility ever, into those template plans, Bones...
I hope you can cut out the stuff you don't need, keep it simpler.
I bet you'd be an outstanding researcher.
Hops
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They write every possibility ever, into those template plans, Bones...
I hope you can cut out the stuff you don't need, keep it simpler.
I bet you'd be an outstanding researcher.
Hops
Thanks, Hops!
The process of researching the business plan, jotting down notes, etc. feels EXACTLY like what I did for my graduate school research papers. That experience is coming in handy for this! I've also been writing down brainstorming ideas as I read.
Bones
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I've also been going to the library and checking out books on small businesses, self-employment, sole proprietorships, etc.
Bones
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Dear Bones
I see so many interesting e bay businesses. It seems you have to have a niche you can fill, a specialty in some field.I don't have it but wish I did.
Ami
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Dear Bones
I see so many interesting e bay businesses. It seems you have to have a niche you can fill, a specialty in some field.I don't have it but wish I did.
Ami
Thanks, Ami.
I'm not really interested in retail sales. That has never been my "niche". I'm looking into becoming a genealogical document look-up provider as I do LOVE to search in repositories and solve mysteries!!!!!
Bones
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When people can do what they love, it is a joy to them and others.I can hear your passion for geneology. Keep us posted with any more 'bad" ancestors. :P Ami
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When people can do what they love, it is a joy to them and others.I can hear your passion for geneology. Keep us posted with any more 'bad" ancestors. :P Ami
I'm sure we all have some "skeletons" rattling around in various closets!!!! :D
When I was talking with one of my cousins, she was describing the behaviors of her great-grandfather. The more I learned about his behaviors, the more he sounded like a HUGE, FLAMING N!!!!!!! He was OBNOXIOUS!!!!!! WHEW!!!!! I might have mentioned his behaviors in another thread.
Bones
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When I first started on the genealogy, I hadn't realized that my family roots went back as far as the Colonial period. I'm still stuck trying to knock down the "brick wall" as to which European country my ancestor sailed from to the New World. It appears that consistent record-keeping wasn't very standard back in the Colonial days!
Bones
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Can you find out which country they came from , Bones? Ami
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HI Bones,
Let's hope like the saying goes, when one door closes another one opens........
All my best in finding that next open door.
Also I am so happy to see you here, thanks for all your support from other forum too.
Hugs,
Bettyanne
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Bones, you are NOT weak. Your family of origin is not NOW or has NEVER BEEN "right" about you. You are a strong woman, look how far you've come in life DESPITE all the things you've been through. Losing your job is huge. It makes our already fragile self esteem seem more fragile, doesn't it? But I promise you, things are going to feel better than they do right now. I always tell myself, sometimes when a door shuts, a new and better one opens and you know what? It is true! Baby yourself a little right now. Be the mother we WISH we had. Be extra kind and gentle with yourself. Don't give your family the satisfaction of giving up. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THEY GIVE YOU CREDIT. This will pass and you will be even stronger! :D
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Can you find out which country they came from , Bones? Ami
I know that part of NWomb-Donor's line came from Germany. (I see ALOT of implications with THAT regarding behaviors, e.g. World War II-style behaviors, dictatorship, and so forth!) On my father's side, I was able to trace his paternal line to a slavery plantation shortly after the Revolutionary War. (My paternal great-great grandmother was a former slave.) On my father's maternal line, the "brick wall" is encountered before an ancestor arrived in the British colonies during the 1600's. (Keep in mind that some European records were lost during the World War II bombings.) That's where I'm at, for now, at this juncture.
Bones
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You sure have a diverse family, Bones :) Ami
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HI Bones,
Let's hope like the saying goes, when one door closes another one opens........
All my best in finding that next open door.
Also I am so happy to see you here, thanks for all your support from other forum too.
Hugs,
Bettyanne
Hi, (((((((((((((((((((Bettyanne))))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!
Glad to see you here!!!!!!! :D
Bones
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Bones, you are NOT weak. Your family of origin is not NOW or has NEVER BEEN "right" about you. You are a strong woman, look how far you've come in life DESPITE all the things you've been through. Losing your job is huge. It makes our already fragile self esteem seem more fragile, doesn't it? But I promise you, things are going to feel better than they do right now. I always tell myself, sometimes when a door shuts, a new and better one opens and you know what? It is true! Baby yourself a little right now. Be the mother we WISH we had. Be extra kind and gentle with yourself. Don't give your family the satisfaction of giving up. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THEY GIVE YOU CREDIT. This will pass and you will be even stronger! :D
Thanks! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((NewFoundChildhood))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Glad to see you here!!!!!! :D
Bones
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You sure have a diverse family, Bones :) Ami
Sure do!!!! English, Irish, Scottish, German, and African!! (As soon as I get enough moolah, I plan to get a DNA test to see if I can find out WHICH part of Africa my ancestors came from! Who knows? I may be a descendant of a chieftain or a queen! :D)
Bones
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Which do you feel the most affinity for, Bones? Ami
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Which do you feel the most affinity for, Bones? Ami
I dunno! I'm still mixed up! :)
Bones
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Yeah,a wild little mix of this little mix of that :lol: Ami
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Bones
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You have a good sense of humor,Bones! :P Ami
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You have a good sense of humor,Bones! :P Ami
Thanks, Ami.
It can be wicked sometimes! :wink:
Bones
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I just got an e-mail response from voc. rehab. The self-employment program, that I was referred to, STILL has not scheduled any workshops yet. Apparently, this is a program that is separate from voc. rehab.
Bones
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Hi Bones,
I don't know where you are in finding a new vocation, but this is what I recommend that my students use when deciding on a career. It tells you what is hot and what it takes to do it in terms of education and training.
http://www.bls.gov/OCO/
You can look up any job you can think of.
S
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Hi Bones,
I don't know where you are in finding a new vocation, but this is what I recommend that my students use when deciding on a career. It tells you what is hot and what it takes to do it in terms of education and training.
http://www.bls.gov/OCO/
You can look up any job you can think of.
S
Thanks, Sealynx.
One of the many challenges I have is age-ism. To quote one of the voc. rehab. counselors: "Age discrimination happens...but you can't prove it!"
Bones
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I think you have a lot of spirit ,((( Bones))).Your M did not take away your feisty attitude ! :) Ami
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I think you have a lot of spirit ,((( Bones))).Your M did not take away your feisty attitude ! :) Ami
Thanks, Ami!
NWomb-Donor found that out the hard way when I cussed her out in the end!
Bones
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Oh Bones,
Was on other board. I think you have such tremendous spirit!
Not good at giving voice, so, from your example:
((((((((((Bones))))))))))
You have all my wishes & support & anything else you need. I think you are an amazing person!
KatG
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Oh Bones,
Was on other board. I think you have such tremendous spirit!
Not good at giving voice, so, from your example:
((((((((((Bones))))))))))
You have all my wishes & support & anything else you need. I think you are an amazing person!
KatG
Thanks, KatG!!!
Welcome to the Voicelessness Board! I'm glad you're here!
Bones
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Thank you ((((((((((Bones))))))))))!!!!
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((KatG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
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I'm still finding books on self-employment while awaiting information from the self-employment program in my state.
Bones
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One of the books I borrowed from the library has an exercise titled: "If You Could Do Anything". Then I read on another thread where Hopes and Dreams were considered "Taboo".....
Since we have a VOICE here, we CAN GIVE OURSELVES PERMISSION TO HOPE AND DREAM! I'M GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION TO HOPE AND DREAM!
I'm still working on the "If You Could Do Anything" exercise.
Bones
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Bones, from reading your posts, I believe you can do anything! You have my hopes and dreams for you!
KatG
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Bones, from reading your posts, I believe you can do anything! You have my hopes and dreams for you!
KatG
Thanks, KatG!
Bones
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Re: Hope/dreams
How about this...
Hope can be dangerous if, when living with an N, hoping they'll get better, hope they'll hear & understand you, give to you....
Hope can be dangerous if one thinks they can do something that defies laws of physics (I know, bad example)
etc, etc,...
But for your future - first you hope and dream, then you write them down and set goals. Then you can work backwards, and say, if I want to be "at this place, at this time" then I need to do these ... steps to get there. First I do this.....
Therefore, there's hope you for you Bones!
Let me know if I'm totally off my rocker, or offended you, been a long day and I know from my experience, looking back at myself sometimes my epiphanies can get wacky.
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Re: Hope/dreams
How about this...
Hope can be dangerous if, when living with an N, hoping they'll get better, hope they'll hear & understand you, give to you....
Hope can be dangerous if one thinks they can do something that defies laws of physics (I know, bad example)
etc, etc,...
But for your future - first you hope and dream, then you write them down and set goals. Then you can work backwards, and say, if I want to be "at this place, at this time" then I need to do these ... steps to get there. First I do this.....
Therefore, there's hope you for you Bones!
Let me know if I'm totally off my rocker, or offended you, been a long day and I know from my experience, looking back at myself sometimes my epiphanies can get wacky.
Hey, KatG!
It makes perfect sense!
When one is a child, that child has child-like hope that the NWomb-Donor can change into a loving mother. It is a painful transition to finally realize that the NWomb-Donor will NEVER change and to continue doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, is Einstein's definition of insanity!
So, instead of wasting hope on the NWomb-Donor, take the hope back FROM the NWomb-Donor and focus on oneself.
(It's getting late at night here, too, and I'm feeling sleepy so I'm just writing what is bubbling to the surface like I did in graduate school. I think there's a name for this kind of writing...)
Bones
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(((Bones)))) I hear your beautiful self expression even more lately! Rock on, Girl :D Ami
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(((Bones)))) I hear your beautiful self expression even more lately! Rock on, Girl :D Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
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Still reading through the library books and jotting down notes.
Bones