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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: gratitude28 on September 11, 2006, 10:11:35 PM

Title: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 11, 2006, 10:11:35 PM

Here's a simple task... list your fears. No discussion, just get 'em out in black and white in front of you:

Death
Being alone
Inability to control habits
Falling into depression again
Never getting into shape or feeling good about myself
My husband dying in Iraq
My dog dying or getting stolen
Finding out I really suck at painting
Having people see me the way my mother does

Love, Beth

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Gaining Strength on September 11, 2006, 10:24:50 PM

never having any money
living in a dilapidated house forever
having no family and no friends for five more years
not being able to give my son some of the experiences I so valued growing up

GS

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 11, 2006, 10:48:43 PM

Here's one I forgot (and a huge one for me):

What I will do with myself when my children are gone
That my children won't love me at some point

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: pennyplant on September 12, 2006, 03:44:56 AM

The life I have right now, I'm afraid this is it:

struggling with our budget
little time or inclination for fun
always on everybody else's "b-list"
rarely if ever get to do what I want to do, even basic things like have a regular day off work, things like that

Some basic fears:

trusting people
being humiliated
serious illness
getting caught making mistakes, slacking off, being made an example of
making a fool of myself
getting old (looking)
environmental and/or economic disasters (living in a Mad-Max kind of world)

No wonder I prefer to escape into fantasy!

PP

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 12, 2006, 04:31:28 AM

basic fears

my children's safety
my h safety
my safety
serious illness for loved ones
Having bipolar meltdown

I do not fear death
moon

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 12, 2006, 09:12:46 PM

Looking old is one more for me. Ugh... I hate the thought of myself period...

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Stormchild on September 12, 2006, 10:18:55 PM

Becoming helpless [since I live alone]
unemployment [since I have no family]
homelessness [see above]
passing away before my animals do - and there not being anyone to care for them
not being with my animals when they pass away
never having a life that is any better than the one I have now
never having a job where I am appreciated and able to use my talents and skills to the fullest
losing my life's savings

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 12, 2006, 10:36:56 PM

well.....listing my fears is in itself frightening for me! Getting it all out in the open, making it even more real, making myself more vulnerable....
and the other is, inflicting an unhealthy childhood on my children.
Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 12, 2006, 11:15:30 PM

Plucky ditto 8)

Stormy,

I had a cat named Katie for 23 years I miss her .
When we took her home my oldest child was five years old they grew up together.
I can not tell you how much we all miss Katie girl

oops I can hardly talk about her .lump in throat She was so smart oh how she loved us and we loved her.
All the time I was expecting our second child I had bed rest and Katie girl was so wonderful.

We have lots of photo's of her.The first year we had her she got hit by a car her pelvis was hurt we took her to the doctor
and she was perfectly healed and every day she was at the hospital we came to visit and the way she looked like "I want to come home guys"

She was Katie girl such a huge part of our family.
Now we have two CATS added to our family
Ebe and Iris

moon

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Portia on September 13, 2006, 06:46:04 AM

Hi again :) and thanks Beth. I really had to think hard about what I deeply fear.

I don't fear death (what is there to fear except the unknown?),
nor lack of money (i can sell my house and live for a good few years on that for example)
I'm not sure I fear illness any more (I don't like pain...but do I fear it? Not exactly..)
what do I fear, really? Not much.

I fear being controlled. I fear being brainwashed. I fear losing my rights to be free and to think as i wish. I fear war. I fear all women being forced by men to do things. I fear being tortured, being used, losing my freedom.

Books like The Handmaid's Tale and films like Brazil make an impact on me. I fear what human beings have the capacity to do to others.

This even affects me applying for jobs. I don't like the idea of having to be in a place, a building, wearing certain clothes, having my time controlled (this is fear of other people, i could happily be in an empty building alone).....I get anxious over it. Even though I know I'm in control, I choose to go there or not, i choose to work wherever. It's the thinking about it that's awkward: doing it is relatively easy! I don't like having to conform. I fear conformity. I guess i watched too much WW2 and Vietnam visuals as a kid, maybe.

Maybe I should work the desensitizing thing. Go out somewhere, work it through. Now that's a scary thought!

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Stormchild on September 13, 2006, 07:29:00 AM

Hi Portia, long time no see.

Thinking about conformity.

I've never been much of a conformist myself - I tend to do what I think is right regardless of what others think. This is one reason for my enduring popularity in large bureaucratic organizations [not]. It's certainly why I've been bullied in various workplaces.

Bullying is, basically, a primitive way of enforcing or demanding conformity. Someone stands out? Knock them down. Crude, but often effective.

It occurs to me that I'm no longer afraid of being bullied - I've learned how to stand up for myself and not back down, and I've learned how to keep getting up when I'm being knocked down, even if I'm ganged up on by more than one bully at a time.

Now I'm working on learning which battles to pick - you can't fight them all, but sometimes what you ignore escalates; so it's important to figure out when that's most and least likely to happen.

-Bullies and abusers run these little 'tests' to see what you'll put up with. When you out them in the first round, they often go elsewhere to get their jollies.

-I also think that when there is a general awareness that a bully is operating, then it's not necessary for one person to stand up every time; others will stand up too. But as long as people aren't aware, then it's important to stand up, partly to maintain your own boundaries, but also so that the pattern of bullying becomes obvious to others over time.

What else have I learned not to fear? I would like to say death, and that's true, but I'm still afraid of dying, and there's a big difference.

I'm far more afraid, these days, of being trapped in the company of bores, bigots, or bullies, than I am of being alone. This is not a literal fear; more of an 'oh no, life's too short and I'm too old to put up with any more of this' reaction. So I tend to be quite blunt, these days, in dealing with it.

I'm not afraid of pain, in general; I've experienced a great deal of it, physically and emotionally; it ends. But I dread dental pain.

Coming from my FOO and watching what my parents' marriage was, and what my sibling became, I've also made my peace with being forever single and childless.

So I guess there's progress of a sort ;-)

Anybody else got any they've overcome?

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 13, 2006, 12:21:25 PM

I used to fear evil, which to me is personified by those who would deny that there is an absolute truth and twist the spirit of the law to include anything that makes their individual boats float.

Teartracks, your list to me represents the natural consequences of the afore mentioned evil-doers being allowed to claim their rights as sacrosanct, and in the process enslave those who still deny the relativity of truth.

Stormy, your post helped me to recognize that a great deal of my former avoidant tendancies were activated by a tremendous fear of bullies. I've never been much of a conformist either, in that I wasn't interested in following trends or fads, but often questioned the whys and wherefores behind the customs. But in an odd way, my fear of bullies had caused me to be a follower of sorts. Of course, I would leave it to those whom I perceived as being stronger than myself to confront the bullies and then I could feel safe in following those strong ones. This is what I believe now I've left behind, because I see clearly that a bully has only as much strength to overpower me as I allow him/her to possess.

Per Webster:
A bully is ~
1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. Archaic. a man hired to do violence.
3. Obsolete. a pimp; procurer.

Do I ever see how all three of these definitions suit. One bully alone is not nearly so intimidating as two in tandem or worse yet, a gang. Whatever their formation, they indeed do violence to anyone who stands out as different. In the process, I see how they act as pimps and procurers, recruiting others to their league under the guise of standing for truth, justice, and liberty. To me, anarchists are the consummate bullies who play off of the fears of others in an effort to accomplish nothing but the possession of absolute power and control, with no thought for the welfare of others.

At one time, the fear that such a bully could inspire in me was so overwhelming that I could not respond, could not confront directly, could only hide behind one braver than myself and be a mere echo. I've overcome that fear by challenging it, thereby realizing that it's all smoke and mirrors, nothing but a load of empty rationalizations and ear-tickling, often accompanied by ferocious bluster, but void of substance. You have helped me in this overcoming, Stormy, and I owe you a great debt of gratitude. I've seen the truth reflected in you enough times to know that it's worth standing up and fighting for. And yes, choosing battles wisely. I also have learned the value of a strong defense, which to me requires repeatedly speaking the truth in love without letting offenses build and stew, addressing each critical issue as it arises and not storing up offenses to the breaking point. This is great progress, I think, and I share your joy in having faced some of the same issues and been found .... still standing.

Love,
Hope

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: teartracks on September 14, 2006, 02:01:14 PM

Dear Moon,

He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing

And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 14, 2006, 02:47:14 PM

TT I do hear HIS sweet melody and I am grateful indeed :D

Love Always
MoonLight :D

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 14, 2006, 04:23:28 PM

:D

((((((((((())))))))))))

Love,
Hope

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: mum on September 14, 2006, 04:52:11 PM

I try really hard to NOT fear anything. It is my life's purpose. Why? Because, IMO, fear is the opposite of love, the opposite of God, or the one spirit we all share. I believe it is important for me to stay connected to this source, this love, as I have seen that the times I had the least connection to spirit, are the times I have been most afraid and most in pain.

If I try to emotionally react for a second, I can conjure up a list that mostly consists of people or animals I love and am supposed to protect (my kids, dogs, etc) suffering in any way.
But it is my quest to become mindful in this life, and in charge of my emotions, not the other way around.

What I have seen fear to do me is a downward spiral....and believe me, I see it with regularity (which is why my husband won't discuss anything of importance with me late at night when I am tired.....thank you very much).

When I have let fear have it's way with me (before I acknowledged I was making that choice) I have been: angry, negative, unhappy, and of course, scared to death.....and as a result, I brought MORE of the same my way. I know, now, that nothing POSTITIVE can be created out of that negativity. It's just impossible.

So acknowledging my fears with the regularity that they come, and accepting them and then moving through them, has helped me soooo much to not let them have control....

What does that look like? I will take the very toughest of all: death. No, wait, death is not tough, really. The VERY worst, is my children suffering. I can feel that, so accutely, as any parent can, because we see it all around us on the planet and collectively, we feel that pain. How do I move through it?

First of all, I realize that it is an imagined fear, not a present occurance in the NOW. Seeing as NOW is all we have, I could just dismiss it at that. But feeling the imagined pain (for me, real for those whose children are suffering) helps me to stay connected to the spirit, and I can work with that through meditation (tunglen is perfect for this), or other type of prayer, etc. I accept that the planet is in such a place right now where these things are real for so many. I can only heal this, though, if I heal my own feelings about it...how else can I move forward toward love again? Stay feeling bad? Not particularly productive!!
And then, because the love, the spirit, God, is NOT fear, I can (and I deserve to!) reconnect with this positive, good vibe (sorry, jr. hippie talking) through my INTENTION.
HEY, it's all in my mind....so I can take it wherever I go.
I can move this into larger action by behaving in certain ways personally and by supporting political causes, etc. that speak to healing that collective wound as well.

I have a sister whose daughter really and truly was in a position of great psychological and physical suffering. And all my sister could do was heal herself and through that, show her daughter a healthy mom. (that girl is currently celebrating 7 mos. of sobriety and counts her mom's dealing with her as her model for healing herself...full circle stuff).

I am also doing what I can to teach my children how to envision themselves as creators and not victims. Unfortunately, it's the polar opposite of the programming their N dad has been working on them, so life is interesting....so far, they are creating some amazingly positive things for themselves as they work out that negativity.

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 14, 2006, 09:41:59 PM

MUM RESLENDENT :D :D :D

M

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 14, 2006, 10:44:56 PM

Dear Mum,

Wow. And AMEN! This is my goal, as well: Acknowledge, Accept, then Move Through the fears. There is no shortage of opportunities to practice, that's for sure. Thank you for this, ((((((((Mum)))))))))

Dear Mrs. Moon,

I read this tonight and thought of you... an article I think you would like re: Courage and Freedom.

http://selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/growth/courage.html (http://selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/growth/courage.html)

With Much Love,
Hope

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 14, 2006, 10:47:28 PM

((((((((((((((((((((((mum))))))))))))))))))

I am also trying to teach my kids to never be afraid to ask for help. I would always dig myself a hole and fear being shamed or spited if I needed help out of it. I never want that for my kids.
Love, Beth

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 14, 2006, 10:59:00 PM

HOPE I wish I HAD A GIFT FOR YOU oH WHAT COULD I GIVE TO EVERYONE THAT HAS HELPED ME

BUT A VERY THANKFUL SOUL.oh HOPE WHAT A DEAR HEART YOU ARE AND I

HAVE FOUGHT A HARD BATTLE WE ALL ARE FINDING OUR WAY

thank YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING 8) 8) 8)

AND 20 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD i STILL WILL BE GRATEFUL THERE WAS ONCE A TIME WHEN I NEEDED HELP
AND HELP WAS THERE

MoonLight

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Gaining Strength on September 14, 2006, 11:02:56 PM

Mum

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are speaking language that I have come to embrace over the past three months. I am making progress but I wish it were faster. How long have you been following this philosophy and how has it changed your life?

Gaining Strength by letting go of fear and shame.

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 14, 2006, 11:05:39 PM

Dear Moon,

You have already gifted me greatly. You see, it is you who have set me a wonderful example and given me a desire to be gentle.

Love always,
Hope

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 14, 2006, 11:10:54 PM

HOPE THANK YOU THATS COOL( It's very hard to take a compliment I am sure that means something)

But HOPE I trust you !

So thx
m

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: ANewSheriff on September 14, 2006, 11:25:32 PM

moon:

Quote

AND 20 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD i STILL WILL BE GRATEFUL THERE WAS ONCE A TIME WHEN I NEEDED HELP
AND HELP WAS THERE

I have a friend who signs all her e-mails: "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it." God knew it was not good for us to be alone. Leaning on one another is a good, good thing.

GS:

Quote

I am making progress but I wish it were faster.

I share this impatience with you. But, through all the trials and the agony they have entailed, I can look back and see very precise timings. Sometimes so perfectly orchestrated that I wondered if my choices and actions had any impact on the situations at all.

What I mean is that I am not a detail person - "Just give me the facts, Ma'am." But in all my haste, I often know the answer, but not how to get there. Therefore, if I were given a test over the material covered I would fail miserably because I would not be able to "show my work". I see how God allows me to suffer through some of these scenarios in my life because I have not made the proper emotional and spiritual connections. I run up to the front of the class and say, "Look! Here is my test! It's all finished. Can I go to recess now?" He says, "Not so fast, ANS. You have not completed all your work. You will be staying after school for some one on one tutoring." Sheesh, I hate that. But, that is always where my growth is. Just me and God - one on one - slowly and methodically going over all the details.

The time spent is well worth it. Hang in there. You are doing just fine.

ANS

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Gaining Strength on September 14, 2006, 11:32:40 PM

Thanks ANewSheriff

I'm going to keep working and counting on progress.

Quote

Can I go to recess now?" He says, "Not so fast, ANS. You have not completed all your work.

I'm reading into this that if I get it right then I get to go to recess? I really want to go to recess. Have you gotten there yet?

Gaining Strength - but not fast enough!!

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 14, 2006, 11:35:37 PM

(((((((((Moon)))))))) Thank you for accepting and trusting.

Tt, Then I remember that Is what my prayer list is about. Holding back the hand of the strong man. Hope this makes sense.

Makes sense to me. That's what my prayer list is about, too, and that strong man is going down.

ANS, that is always where my growth is. Just me and God - one on one - slowly and methodically going over all the details.

Amen. Every time.

This is wonderful stuff. Thank you all for the inspiration.

Love,
Hope

P.S. No recess... but some awesome mountain tops and always an oasis, just in time (((((((GS)))))))))

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: ANewSheriff on September 14, 2006, 11:43:30 PM

Quote

I'm reading into this that if I get it right then I get to go to recess? I really want to go to recess. Have you gotten there yet?

Oh, I have all the faith in the world you will get there soon. Me? I have a detention chair that has my name engraved on it. Sort of a slow learner. :lol:

ANS

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 15, 2006, 08:58:13 AM

Day to day I live with the fear of never again feeling connected to a family unit. Other than my children, I have not another living soul to whom I am related that I could call.

I am currently living through the fear of how I would deal with my empty nest. The answer is--not very well. The pain and lonliness is so much worse than I had imagined and I can barely go into my childrens' rooms these days; or if I do, I lay on their beds just to smell their essence which has been left behind.

My great fear of abandonment is certainly connected to the above. My children haven't abandoned me, but I do feel left behind and mostly irrelevant.

I fear never figuring out what I will do when I grow up. Never finding another passion in life now that my greatest passions of being a wife is over, and mother, is mostly finished.

I fear that my current love will not become a forever love and I will have to start over again, and keep wondering if any current love will become a forever love and I will grow old alone.

I fear being stuck in this spiral forever.

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 15, 2006, 09:34:17 AM

((((((((((Brigid))))))))))

All I know is that if anyone has what it takes to give and receive absolute fulfillment in this life, it's you.
You deserve the best.

Love,
Hope

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 15, 2006, 10:11:51 AM

Hope,

Thank you. It is a tough time for me now. Thankfully, my daughter seems to be doing well and is enjoying school, making new friends and learning how to live on her own. If she was having a hard time, it would be so much worse for me. "A mother is only as happy as her least unhappy child," (a Dr. Phil quote, I think, and so true).

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Love,
Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Portia on September 15, 2006, 10:13:59 AM

Hi, okay, I know Beth you said no discussion but....was that a hard and fast rule? :D No I guess not!

If i may.

TT

The next day I fretted about whether my post was PC.

You mean politically correct? I don't think I understand. How could it not be PC?....I was a bit overwhelmed by your post; by the bleak imagery (me a strong visualist), by the fears, some of which dovetail with my fears. I was afraid - wary, unsure - at the turn of the century. Nobody really knew what might happen with computer systems. i found that not knowing quite scary. I also knew there was zero I could do about it. If chaos comes (and I fear chaos most, lack of control) then chaos comes to us all and we'll all be in the same situation. Some would die, some would live. I could be either. It's all chance. We can learn to live with ambiguity, with chance. Chance makes good things possible! I found your post thoughtful and thought-provoking, and there's nothing un-PC about that. Thinking is free and necessary in a complicated world. Especially critical thinking. (Sometimes PC-ness in its ignorance likes to stamp on critical thinking. It can be quite non-PC itself.)

Wishing I could hold back the hand of the strong man.

Who is the strong man TT?

and is it your responsibilty to hold back his hand? Maybe others are doing exactly that, right now. Others who are younger and fitter and better equipped than you or I. It's not all your responsibility.

Hope this makes sense.
Absolutely, as ever, you make good sense to me TT. At least in the way I interpret what you say! Hey, we're all human.

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Gaining Strength on September 15, 2006, 12:13:16 PM

Thanks for this line -

This is so important to me!! I am standing on the threshhold right between you Brigid

Quote

Day to day I live with the fear of never again feeling connected to a family unit. My great fear of abandonment is certainly connected to the above. I fear never figuring out what I will do when I grow up.

I fear not getting out of my paralysis, of not becoming functioning, of not becoming able to generate an income, of not being able to deal with the financial mess created in these years of paralysis, and of being so, so alone, no friends, no family.

between you Brigid and you Mum

you who will not give in to fear. I know that you have described an important truth. I am trying to step out of fear and shame and into receiving that overpowering love. I see it as changing my negative thoughts, shackled by fear and shame and inadequacy. Changing the deeply embedded habit of these thoughts to positive thoughts of love, gratitude and abundance, (abundance in friends, family, connection, creativity). This is a difficult step.

The validation that I have received here - validation that what I experienced growing up under NPD father really DID have these outrageously wretched effects on me - this validation was undeniably necessary in order for me to move forward. I am moving so painfully slowly. I am progressing, but slowly, in changing my thought patterns from fear to love. I can tell by my dreams that I am making progress. In my dreams I am part of something, I am working with people on projects, and oddly I am buying new, beautiful clothes. Until this week, my dreams were always of being shut out, left out, ignored, shamed. So I see progress in the shift in my dreams. But I still wake many times in the night in fear, having to over and over repeat, "Let the love of Christ overcome this fear." "I choose the power of love over fear." "I reject fear in the name of Christ. I open my heart to love which conquers all fear." I know that in time the new message will overwrite the old. I so look forward to being able to wake in joy rather than consciously forcing myself to overcome fear step by step.

Mum - have you any words of encouragement. Have you been through this process? Your earlier post has already renewed my determination.

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: teartracks on September 15, 2006, 02:35:43 PM

Beth,

Ooops, I missed the mark and started discussing or maybe I was just explaining. Thanks for the prompt to face our fears.

tt

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: teartracks on September 15, 2006, 05:37:33 PM

((((((Portia)))))

Glad you're back!

Thanks for talking me through what I said. Yes, I was concerned about whether what I said was politically correct.

More later,

teartracks

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: portia late on September 15, 2006, 05:48:56 PM

Glad to be back TT :D thanks...(((((TT)))))

whenever is fine with me. Time means less some-times. But I feel i belong here
P

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: ANewSheriff on September 15, 2006, 09:21:43 PM

Brigid:

Quote

I fear being stuck in this spiral forever.

((((((((((((((((((Brigid)))))))))))))))))))

Don't give up.

ANS

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 15, 2006, 09:33:51 PM

Dear Brigid,

Thank you. Wish I could give you a bouquet here of iris and daisies, but you'll have to use your imagination.

It's wonderful that your daughter is doing so well. For you, this is no downward spiral, just a dip in the road... it's all so new and fresh yet. Please be patient with yourself and take good care.

Love,
Hope

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Stormchild on September 15, 2006, 09:40:11 PM

((((((((((Brigid))))))))))

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: teartracks on September 15, 2006, 09:58:21 PM

Portia,

You sooooooooo belong here!

tt

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 15, 2006, 11:10:55 PM

Dear Stormy, Hope and ANS,
Thank you for the hugs. I really seem to need them these days. Hope, I do appreciate the cyber flowers as well. My garden still blooms, but I'm not getting the same joy from it that I usually do.

Quote

Please be patient with yourself and take good care.

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to crawl out of your skin because you can't get comfortable with the way things are? Everyone--my children, my friends and my b/f--keeps telling me to be patient, relax, take my time, it will get better, don't rush into anything. I want to scream that my patience has run out. I can't keep living with so much of my life in limbo. My heart won't stop pounding and I haven't had a decent night's sleep since Labor Day--despite taking sleep meds every night. I'm afraid of what will happen if I commit to something and afraid of what will happen if I don't.

GS,

Quote

I fear not getting out of my paralysis,

Me too. I have always had to be so strong and self-sufficient. Now I feel weak and needy and dependent--and I hate it. But also, no one really understands it and they still expect me to be as strong as ever. I feel as though I'm not allowed to show weakness, because that would be a character flaw, so I hide it behind a mask of everything being fine. Maybe the real fear is of others knowing how afraid I really am.

I'm glad to hear that your dreams are becoming more positive. That is a good sign of strength within you starting to build. I hope it continues for you.

Hugs to you all,

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Gaining Strength on September 15, 2006, 11:35:58 PM

Brigid

Quote

I'm afraid of what will happen if I commit to something and afraid of what will happen if I don't.

I pray for a break through for you and I pray for it quickly, not for patience for a break!! This will be my fervent prayer for you - a real break through. I will pray it day and night, until it materializes.

Holding your hand through this rough spot - Seeing you through it - Gaining Strength

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 15, 2006, 11:47:00 PM

GS,
Thank you for your prayers. It means a great deal. I pray for it too, along with the strength and patience to get me there. I guess if it were easy, I wouldn't appreciate it as much when (you'll notice I did not say if) it comes. I have to assume it is all part of the plan--I just wish I could read the final chapter and know if there's a happy ending.

(((((((Gaining Strength))))))))))

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 15, 2006, 11:50:36 PM

Hi Brigid,
why is your life in limbo? I am asking as someone who has not been through the so-called empty nest phase and trying to understand. Is it that you feel you need to be available in some fashion for your children, except that day-to-day they don't need you the same way they did before, and you're not sure how exactly you will be still called on to be mom? So you don't know what you have left to actually commit to other things?

Is it that you now have a chunk of free time and don't feel comfortable having that free time? Do you feel guilty, as if you are a slacker? I think I would feel that way. As if I didn't deserve freedom, in a way. I have to be productive, to justify my existence.

Perhaps you have covered this already someplace. If so please excuse my asking again.

Are the things you are thinking of doing very big commitments? Are deadlines coming up? Are they things where you cannot get out easily? Have you sat down and listed your ideas in writing? I try to do this when I am tormented by different choices which are very important choices. Make a T on a sheet of paper and write positives on one side and negatives on the other side.

How about thinking back to old hobbies and interests? Going to the library and just loitering and reading whatever you find? Going back to a sport you used to do? Reaching out to old friends?

Is there an older women's group you could join or visit? I mean women older than you. Maybe you need a role model, a woman who is living life out loud without all the stereotypical reasons to be happy and fulfilled. Because honestly, loads of women who are young, healthy, beautiful, married, and with their children at home, are unhappy in lots of different ways. Read stories of people who changed direction very late in life. It can be inspiring.

Can you decide on a certain time period as your 'vacation', and just do little things you have wanted to do if you found the time? Perhaps decide that for one month you are on vacation. After that time you will buckle down. But for one month, no worries.

I am not sure if this helps at all. If not, all I can offer is a hug.
((((((((Brigid)))))))))))

Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 16, 2006, 12:39:02 AM

Plucky,

Quote

why is your life in limbo?

That is a bit complicated, but I'll try to be as brief as possible. I have talked about it in bits and pieces, but probably not all condensed in one thread.

- I moved to where I am now 25 years ago when I married my xh. I have no family here at all (well, actually no family anywhere), my kids are both in school elsewhere and really don't want to come back to this area to live unless they have to for employment reasons, and my closest friends are all married and spending a lot of their time in warmer climates or travelling. I gave up my career 21 years ago to be a full-time mom and despite having had a few part-time jobs over the years, I haven't worked outside the home for a number of years.

- I spent much of the last 21 years being heavily involved in volunteer activities within my childrens' schools and the community. When my son graduated from high school 3 years ago(my daughter had just finished her freshman year of HS), I decided it was time to give myself a break and spend some time on me. I got more involved in golf and some other leisure activities, was really starting to enjoy a little freedom from kid responsibilities, got my son off to college, and the next weekend my xh announced he wanted out of the marriage. All leisure activities came to a halt and I went into survival mode for the next 2 years to get myself and the kids through the divorce.

- During the last 3 1/2 years, my grandmother has died, my son left for college, my husband left me, I had to sell my home, my mother died, and now my daughter has left home to start school. The only things which have remained constant are my pets and my girlfriends.

- I am now faced with living in this house all by myself, with a bunch of empty rooms. It is much more than I need, and I'm guessing my daughter will probably only come home for one more summer. If I plan to stay here, there are changes I would like to make, but I don't know if it makes sense for me to stay.

- The real dilemma I face is, the only good reason I have to even stay in this area is because of my b/f. I love him dearly and would love to make a life with him, but I don't know if that is going to happen and I'm not sure how long I can wait to find out. I think I have about 6 months of waiting time left in me at this point. Otherwise, I would probably choose to move to a completely different part of the country and start all over.

So that is why I am in limbo and fearful of making any serious commitments--to a job, to this house, to this community. I'm sure part of it is to be protective of my heart and soul, so as not to suffer another devastating loss.

I appreciate all your suggestions and will take them to heart, as I have so many other words of encouragement. I have offered my services to our local humane society to give me something to do in the short term as I try to figure out the long term. I also will start the curling season at the end of October and that will keep me busy for the winter months. I know things will get better as I become more accustomed to this new empty nest, but believe me, it is not easy when you are all alone.

Thank you for the support. (((((((((((Plucky)))))))))))

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: teartracks on September 16, 2006, 12:55:59 AM

Brigid, lots of hugs!

I think you should give yourself minimally a year. Or a year from the day you became an empty nester. That is what my instincts are saying.

However things develop, I wish you the very best.

teartracks

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Certain Hope on September 16, 2006, 01:01:18 AM

Dear Brigid,

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to crawl out of your skin because you can't get comfortable with the way things are?

Yes. Do you know what makes me feel that way?

Feeling like my entire future hinges on what a man I love may choose to do, my life in his hands.

This has got to be about you, and although that may seem like the scariest thing of all, it's the best and greatest ...opportunity....
to choose ... for whom are you going to live?

You can do this, Brigid.

Love,
Hope

P.S. Tt is right.

3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 16, 2006, 10:35:04 AM

Dear Hope,

Quote

Feeling like my entire future hinges on what a man I love may choose to do, my life in his hands.

This has got to be about you, and although that may seem like the scariest thing of all, it's the best and greatest ...opportunity....
to choose ... for whom are you going to live?

Oh, trust me, I pragmatically know this. I know I have turned over way too much power to him and how he wishes to proceed. We have talked about it several times. I have also made it very clear that I will not hang around indefinitely and have given him 6 months to figure it out. I'm not sure if he really believes that I will pick up and move away, but he does get a little panicky when I talk about it. So I am trying to maintain some control, while also trying to be sensitive to his need to get comfortable with giving up his independence, which he has had for the last 7 years.

I do have the advantage of receiving my monthly maintenance no matter where I am and it is plenty for me to live on, so I could move anywhere and take my time finding a job, home, etc. Somehow starting over in a whole new place is not scary to me. It seems like a chance to find and discover so many new things.

TT,
Realistically, it will probably be at least a year before I could make any major changes since I would have to sell the house, figure out where I might want to go, etc.; and my daughter will be living with me next summer, I'm sure.

Many thanks for all the support and advice. It can be a lot easier to talk about this here than in real life.

Hugs,

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: teartracks on September 16, 2006, 08:39:52 PM

Portia,

:)

Quote

Who is the strong man?

Quote

Anarchy Definition

Absence of any form of political authority.
Political disorder and confusion.
Absence of any cohesive principle, such as a common standard or purpose.

Where arnachy reigns, generically speaking, the person who has the most power that day, hour, minute is the strong man.

I pray against the devil who strong arms God's people.

teartracks

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: ANewSheriff on September 16, 2006, 09:59:50 PM

Brigid:

Quote

I feel as though I'm not allowed to show weakness, because that would be a character flaw, so I hide it behind a mask of everything being fine. Maybe the real fear is of others knowing how afraid I really am.

I so relate to this. Really, I do. I got so flattened this past couple of years. I had no clue where to turn because I have always been the cheerleader and sounding board. I was just so distraught I finally had to turn to the people I have always cheerleaded for. They were all wide-eyed and visibly shaken by this new, very vulnerable, and directionless me. Very simply, they did not know how to respond or what to say or do and they all said that. I kept hearing, "I have never seen you like this."

Do you know what? I apologized to these people. I apologized for not being more honest about my fears and hurts and for not allowing them the reciprocal nature of a true friendship/relationship. And, you know what? Most of them were there for me - it wasn't pretty and neat and perfect, but they were there - a card in the mail here, a phone call there, an ear if I called to check in. It wasn't perfect because I was sort of "new" and these (many very long-term) individuals had muck through an unexpected role reversal.

Brigid, I do not know the specifics of your relationships, but I can almost feel your pain right now. Can I ask you? What do you think would happen if you took off this mask you speak of? What if you gave voice to your fear? What would happen if you let someone else carry you for awhile? If somebody showed up, would you let this happen? I hope so. You need the rest.

(((((((((((Brigid)))))))))))

ANewSheriff

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 16, 2006, 11:56:30 PM

Hi Brigid,
thanks for that explanation. It made the whole thing seem less threatening and amorphous to me (easy for me to say!). You have been through several loss experiences, and I can see how that would make you gun-shy about losing anything else or making any mistakes about your next commitment.

You have a number of really nice things going for you. You don't have to worry about money, you have a good year before really needing to decide on the rest of your life, you have friends, you play golf, your daughter is coming next summer, and you can move anywhere in the world and do anything you want!

What would you do if the bf were not around? I think it is key to figure this out. That way, whatever you decide, you will know exactly what you are choosing between if you give up something to be with him. Think wide! Other countries, desert islands, law school, filmmaking, hand modeling, whatever! Just go hog wild! It's only ideas at this point! Brainstorm!

Maybe the feeling of not being able to choose freely is making you feel bad? So allow yourself to choose freely, without the constrraint of the relationship. Then your choice wil be that much more informed.

There is nothing wrong with giving up things for a relationship, as long as you know what you are giving up and the choice is made freely. It almost sounds like he needs to make the decision, and you need to wait for him to make it. That would bother anyone, I think. Try to take that back and put yourself in the driver's seat, at least for your own life. Let him decide for him, you decide for you. Otherwise, you have one brain thinking for two people.

I was going to suggest that you volunteer somewhere. Helping others is always a good thing for onesself. But you already have that going too!

Having blathered on, maybe I am all off base. I have not been in your position, except for having been in the role of letting the other person decide about the relationship while I sit there like an overripe tomato waiting to be picked off the vine. Anyway, if I am all wring, forgive me and ignore me.
Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 17, 2006, 10:26:46 AM

ANS,

Quote

What do you think would happen if you took off this mask you speak of? What if you gave voice to your fear? What would happen if you let someone else carry you for awhile? If somebody showed up, would you let this happen?

These are very good questions and I don't know the answers. I certainly lost the mask 3 years ago when my xh left and I went into a serious state of depression; and while my friends rallied around and supported me, what I mostly heard was "you are a strong woman and you will get through this." I did get through that very difficult period and started life over with many changes in place.

The pain I have now is very different from then. I think much of it is that I don't like being completely alone. I can't remember the last time that was the case, but I know I've never dealt well with that situation. Maybe it goes back to my childhood when I was an only child for ten years and felt very isolated and wished for a sibling all those years. Many of my friends are already empty-nesters, so they do understand the pain of that, but they all had spouses left at home to provide support, or at the very least, another warm body in the house at night, so it is not quite the same.

Maybe this is just an adjustment period and as time goes on and I get involved in new things, I will eventually lose this feeling of coming apart inside. I just really don't know.

Plucky,

Quote

You have a number of really nice things going for you. You don't have to worry about money, you have a good year before really needing to decide on the rest of your life, you have friends, you play golf, your daughter is coming next summer, and you can move anywhere in the world and do anything you want!

You are so right and I feel stupid for complaining because I do have so many luxuries that others do not. Maybe part of the problem is having so many options, and finding making a decision totally overwhelming.

Quote

Maybe the feeling of not being able to choose freely is making you feel bad? So allow yourself to choose freely, without the constrraint of the relationship. Then your choice wil be that much more informed.

I think this is certainly a big part of the problem. I feel that the choice is out of my control. My reaction to things being out of control is to make a change so they are back within my control. What I struggle with is that the relationship is so special to me, we are so good for one another and happy together. I know I can't control the choices he makes regarding our relationship. I can only control how I will react to the situation. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have given him 6 months to decide which is more important--me or his independence. At our age, if you can't decide in nearly 2 years time if someone is right for you, you never will. So, I think it is fair for both of us to work within that time frame.

I really appreciate being able to talk about this here. I am already feeling somewhat more peaceful by just getting it all out and have others put it in perspective. Thank you for your responses and advice. As I said before, this is a major adjustment period and I need to be patient with letting things unfold and not panic about making changes in the short term. Patience is a virtue that I do not have a large store of, so this is an opportunity for me to develop that within myself.

Blessings,

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: mum on September 17, 2006, 11:25:56 AM

I just checked in...and I feel akin to everyone in flux, as that is what my whole life is now. So many unanswered questions, so hard to even identify what we want, never mind create it for ourselves, huh? My tendency is to know exactly what I DON'T want and it's harder to find out what I DO want. (but I know the only way to create it is to know what it is!)

I always thought I would write a book and call it: "How Not Giving a S*** Saved My Life"

Its sounds crass, but there have been so many times when I thought: "wait a minute. What if I didn't care about XYZ?" And I could conjure up a feeling of being totally ok with things. It's like a moment of detachment. Now that I know about how "attachment equals suffering" (think about it...it does)....I can contemplate moments of not being attached and find a little tiny second of emotional freedom for myself. I work hard at expanding that sense of relief everyday....

The trick is: How to keep a goal in mind and work toward it....and also NOT care if you get it and just have faith that if you do, it's for the best and if you don't, it's going to be ok too because something else wonderful (not horrible) will happen on this really cool adventure?

Still working on said trick, but I swear the answer is in there somewhere......(faith?)

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 17, 2006, 04:47:11 PM

Hi Brigid,
I am SO sorry for causing you to feel guilty about your so-called complaining. You are not complaining, you are trying to address some very uncomfortable feelings you have. That is a very good thing,and the last thinkg on earth I or anyone else wants is to shut you down. I just was trying to point out good things to focus on, to reduce your worries. I suppose that was not the best way to go about it. Anyway, you know this, right?

(Disclaimer) Also, I am not a relationship expert. (Unsolicited advice) I would just like to point out that having the sole responsibility of deciding on the outcome of the relationship is probably not a good thing for your bf to have, for him or for you. He might feel that your future rides on his answer. How about putting together an exciting future you can have with or without him?

Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 17, 2006, 05:26:55 PM

Plucky,

Quote

I am SO sorry for causing you to feel guilty about your so-called complaining.

No worries. I guess I was feeling more silly than guilty, but everything you said is true and I more than recognize that. It certainly makes more sense and is healthier to concentrate on what is good about my life as opposed to wallowing in the negatives, but once in awhile the wave comes over you and you need to get it out. I know you recognize that and have dealt with it too. We all have, and that is why we come here to find support.

Quote

Also, I am not a relationship expert.

Me neither, but I've been known to play one on TV. :wink:

Quote

I would just like to point out that having the sole responsibility of deciding on the outcome of the relationship is probably not a good thing for your bf to have, for him or for you.

I would agree, but I don't know that it is all that unusual. The two people in many dating relationships do not reach the point of wanting to commit at the same time. I think generally women get to that point sooner than men, but it can certainly go the other way as well. How long one party is willing to wait for the other party to catch up is really more the issue.

Quote

How about putting together an exciting future you can have with or without him?

I think at some level I am doing that. In my case, though, the alternate scenario is pretty drastically different from the one where the two of us ride into the sunset, so it will require a lot of planning and determination on my part. In my heart of hearts, I do believe that when push comes to shove, he will "choose me, pick me," to quote Meredith from Grey's Anatomy, because our relationship is so good. But if not, it will be his loss and I will go in search of greener pastures (and a new Harley driver).

Thank you for talking this through with me. It really does help.

Hugs,

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 17, 2006, 08:00:08 PM

I'm thrilled this became a discussion... I was just trying to get it started simply!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((all))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So much here... need some time to read it all again.

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Hopalong on September 18, 2006, 01:28:59 AM

Thank you for this brave thread.
I am not brave enough to read it all or post my fears.

I am anxiety prone and know that if I list them, I will rouse them.
I've had a little while without anxiety now...and need to stay there....

But I am awed by this brave thread.

Hops

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: ANewSheriff on September 22, 2006, 05:39:31 PM

Brigid:

Quote

Maybe it goes back to my childhood when I was an only child for ten years and felt very isolated and wished for a sibling all those years.

This hit me, Brigid. This could be big. Not sure, but am glad you are willing to explore it.

I just really feel for you. It is the most maddening thing to be so hopelessly limited in how I can respond. I wish I could bring over my Deluxe Scrabble game and distract you for an evening. Hey! How about some movie therapy? When is the last time you went out and saw a good comedy? This change is going to be tough - no doubt - maybe to survive this you will just have to occasionally escape the silence of home.

(((((((((((((((Brigid)))))))))))))))))))

mum:

Quote

I always thought I would write a book and call it: "How Not Giving a S*** Saved My Life"

You crack me up! Honestly, that is hilarious. And, I so relate. I have been considering for some time that perhaps one of my greatest problems in this life has been giving too much of a s***. Now, that I am just so completely spent, I really could care less. I am finding some freedom in that. Kind of sad, but I feel lighter. I am sure more will be revealed.

Hops:

Quote

But I am awed by this brave thread.

Absolutely! I agree.

ANS

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 22, 2006, 05:47:36 PM

Quote

Quote
How about putting together an exciting future you can have with or without him?

I think at some level I am doing that. In my case, though, the alternate scenario is pretty drastically different from the one where the two of us ride into the sunset, so it will require a lot of planning and determination on my part.

Hi Brigid,
I think there is something to mull over in this. If he says yes, you will have to give up a very different dream. How come the lives you want with and without him are so different?

Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Hopalong on September 23, 2006, 01:11:50 AM

Quote

I want to scream that my patience has run out.

Brigid, hon,
This may sound a bit odd (well, we know I am)...but I think that's an excellent idea. Your inner self is screaming for something. I think proper perfect marathon-responsible Brigid is ready for Brigid's Excellent Adventure. And I think it's not a scream building up, but a roar.

There are some screams, you know, that aren't from tortured beings. Sometimes a person can just need to let out a nice scream or roar (a scroar?) into the ocean or woods or a pillow and let loose some frustration. It's like a blockage, that frustration. But beneath it is a GOOD force building up ... the streams of you that haven't had space to flow, new currents coming up.

I know it's hard, (I should talk), but try not to be afraid of unaccustomed feelings and fears. You will not die from them. Scream when you need to! That's not a crime. (Think how many you must have suppressed during PTA meetings? :?)

I love love love Plucky's suggestion of a women's group that includes vibrant older women. I have been in these...and I can't even verbalize how enormously encouraging and helpful they were.

(((((((((Brigid))))))), it will get better and what's more, it will get interesting!

love and courage to you,
Hops

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 23, 2006, 01:16:05 PM

Plucky, ANS, & Hoppy,

I just came back here and saw that I am still being supported and guided through this situation. That is so awesome and very kind.

Quote

I wish I could bring over my Deluxe Scrabble game and distract you for an evening.

ANS - That is very sweet. It will start to get better soon as my favorite sport of curling will be starting up and keeping me busy most evenings when I'm not with my b/f.

Quote

How come the lives you want with and without him are so different?

If we end up together, I will stay in this city as he has a business here which he has had for over 30 years. We would probably sell or rent his house and live in mine as it is larger and closer to his business. He also wants me to work with him, which I am unwilling to do unless there is a long-term commitment.

If we don't end up together, I most likely will move to a completely different part of the country and start life over. There is just no other good reason to remain here beyond next summer. I don't know that this would be a dream of mine, just an alternative and a way to get beyond another failed relationship (which would be the case if this alternative were realized).

Quote

I know it's hard, (I should talk), but try not to be afraid of unaccustomed feelings and fears. You will not die from them. Scream when you need to!

I am trying to not be afraid. It gets a little easier each day as I grow more accustomed to my changed environment. I spent a good part of yesterday making up my resume and it gave me some confidence to actually write down all that I have accomplished over the last 10-20 years (including that PTA leadership, which did often require a good deal of patience).

I really am feeling better by the day and as my daughter continues to be happy in her new environment, it certainly makes it easier for me to adjust. Finding new routines, activities, job potentials, and support all make this time of life doable. I need to regain some confidence that life is going to improve and provide me with opportunties which previously would not have been possible when dealing with children on a day in and day out basis.

I hope you all are having a lovely weekend.

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 24, 2006, 09:51:22 PM

Quote

I don't know that this would be a dream of mine, just an alternative and a way to get beyond another failed relationship (which would be the case if this alternative were realized).

Hi Brigid,
I would like to suggest that you reframe this idea. Is the relationship good right now? Has it been healthy and joyful? Has it supported you after the awful divorce? Then why is the whole thing a failure unless it results in marriage or living together? Isd it binary like that? Either totally wonderful or totally a waste of time? I think you are having a successful relationship, period.
Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 24, 2006, 11:10:36 PM

Brigid,
I think you are wonderful for making up your mind and planning out the best life FOR YOU. It shows that you have inner strength and respect for yourself. I feel bad for your boyfriend if he doesn't know what he's got. But if he doesn't, you are way better moving on and into the life that will fit you!

PS Who in the world watches curling????? That's like meeting someone from North Dakota...

Hee hee

Love, Beth

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Plucky on September 24, 2006, 11:58:42 PM

Brigid doesn't watch curling. She DOES it.
Plucky

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 25, 2006, 12:14:03 AM

As in hair?

Or the thing where you chase someone with a kitchen broom???

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Hopalong on September 25, 2006, 12:38:58 AM

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

thanks for that, Beth! :lol:

Brigid don't mean to :lol: laugh at you though, I am just having ridiculous images of you and broom and spaniels, is that okay?

lordy I needed a laugh.

I think it's very cool though. Really. I watched it at the Olympics. 8)

((((B&B))))

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 25, 2006, 09:10:58 AM

OK, you guys can laugh all you want, but don't knock it until you've tried it. :P

Honestly, I took up the sport of curling--yes, it does involve brooms and stones, but all that can be quite arobic--2 years ago as a way to get involved in something new. It is a sport which is easy to learn and we have members who are young kids (they play in a junior league), and active players who are in their 80's. In a short time, I have gotten quite good at it. Curlers are very social and like to have fun. It is a very civilized sport and everyone always shakes hands before and after a game--then we go and have drinks together (the winners buy).

During the Olympics, my son, who was 21 at the time and living in his fraternity house, said that his whole house was glued to the curling (especially the women, who they thought were pretty hot for the most part), claiming that it was the most boring sport that you couldn't stop watching.

Beth,

Quote

Who in the world watches curling????? That's like meeting someone from North Dakota...

Actually, I am from Wisconsin and we have more curling clubs than any other state in the union. The club I belong to is the oldest, continuously operating club in the US.

I actually lived in Bismarck, ND many years ago for a short time--but no one ever talked about curling up there (you also couldn't pay me enough to ever live there again).

Plucky,
You are right--I could not consider what we have as a failed relationship, no matter what happens, as it has brought me so much joy and made me realize what the possibilities are.

Hugs and good curling to you all,

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 25, 2006, 09:14:21 PM

I've actually known about curling for quite a long time... grew up in VT and received telecasts from Canada. It does look like fun and want a great conversation trinket!!! Wow, and you lived in ND!!!! And you love dogs... you are one interesting woman, my dear!!!!
Love, Beth

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Hopalong on September 26, 2006, 06:44:27 PM

No kiddin', you're interesting, B!

:)

Wow. Curling, spaniels AND Fargo-land.

You have my humblest admiration, Ms. B.

(And we not even TAWKIN 'bout the Harley).

Brigid, please let me down gently...but ... but... could it be you don't wear a string of pearls and sensible shoes??

:shock: (((((((Brigid)))))

Hops

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 27, 2006, 12:19:16 AM

Compared to most of you girls, I'm pretty boring, really. I have never written poetry or music, painted, gotten my phd, or discovered the cure for cancer. My only real claim to fame is raising two great kids, but I'm quite proud of that.

Actually, the dog stuff was setters (English), but I stupidly bought an English Cocker nearly 10 years ago (remember, she's the one who humps my leg :|). I love my setters, bred and showed them for 20 years and still have one now.

Quote

Brigid, please let me down gently...but ... but... could it be you don't wear a string of pearls and sensible shoes??

Hops, you are very funny :lol: :lol:. I wouldn't be caught dead in pearls and rarely wear sensible shoes anymore (unless I'm picking up dog poop in my back yard). Give me a great pair of 3" stilettos any day. Nowadays, I'm more often in Harley leathers than crew neck sweaters and turtlenecks. It's really great to be in your 50's and not give a crap anymore. :wink:

Love to you all,
B.

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: gratitude28 on September 27, 2006, 12:27:18 AM

Oooohhhh....

this topic has gone from fear to curling and stiletto heels. We are making progress! :lol:

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 27, 2006, 02:47:16 AM

Hey Now

If you wear those pearls just right It can be a blast.......................... 8)

Mr moon likes explosives HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM :roll:

SEX AND ROCKETS :shock:

THIS IS GETTING SILLY :oops:

MOONLIGHT

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 27, 2006, 09:15:57 AM

Quote

this topic has gone from fear to curling and stiletto heels. We are making progress!

I would say so!! :D :D

Moon,

Quote

If you wear those pearls just right It can be a blast...

Well, this is a side of you I've never seen before. You and your pearls just go girl. :wink: 8) (would that be opera length or a choker? :lol:)

No wonder you and Mr. Moon are so happy.

Brigid

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: moonlight52 on September 27, 2006, 02:30:11 PM

Brigid ,

Being a wonderful mom is so important.You should be proud.I am sure they are great kids. :D

Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that would be opera length pearls.
Brigid you and your fella sound too cool on your Harley.
Mr m had a cool cycle when we first met and we went everywhere nothin like it.

Now he has his go fast cars he can take them apart and put them back together and has done so many times his Mustang is real go fast.

Much Love to you Brigid

moonlight

My youngest just turned 14 on Monday Just a few more years and she will be off on her own............................

Title: Re: Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)
Post by: Brigid on September 27, 2006, 04:10:27 PM

Moonlight,
I will have to dig out those opera length pearls buried in my top drawer somewhere and see what creative things I can come up with. :D

I have to say that the Harley is exciting from many standpoints. Unfortunately, it won't be long and we'll have to put it away for the winter.

Mr. Moon with his fast cars and fast woman. What a great combination. :wink:

Enjoy every minute of these last years with your younger D. It will be gone in a flash. :( But the good news is that you and Mr. Moon will have that whole house to yourselves. That can be something to look forward to. (maybe you'll have to get an extra set of those pearls. :shock:)

Love,

Brigid