Hope,
I know alot of people who seem to think that they have what's often referred to in Christianity as the "gift of exhortation". Unfortunately, that gift often seems to get confused with a total lack of consideration and tact. I was one of these zealots and no doubt this characteristic was only compounded in me by the fact that I'd been so voiceless as a child
Early on, I had a Christian teacher who said, that one of the first warning signs that pride was at work rather than the true gift of exhortation was if you were chomping at the bit or were burning rubber hurrying to the person you thought you were called to exhorted. She was a wonderful teacher.
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Storm,
Serendipity: finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.
Serendiipity: I've not experienced it often, at least not consciously, but when I have It had been devine. It didn't happen to me, but I witnessed it happen to someone else recently. I love serendipity!
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Talking about it cannot fix it. The only thing that can resolve real conflict is change or growth of one or both of the parties in the conflict." We all sat for a moment, letting it sink in, and then began to come up with examples. From literature, from life.
I came home dazed. The whole day had been fantastically instructive and encouraging, but the most valuable gift of all was this insight. It rang absolutely true. It was something my gut had known for decades, but my mind had never been able to put into words.
Conflict, real conflict, isn't about two people arguing over a parking space. It's about the extent to which one of them will go to get that space away from the other one... and about how the other one reacts to that knowledge. It's about recognizing what lies beneath... seeing the Shadow in daily life. And making decisions based on that knowledge.
Change. Growth. Without them, no resolution. Without them, do we replay the same basic conflicts over and over, simply changing partners? And do others invite us into their endlessly revolving dance as well?
Is this one of the sources of the repetition compulsion? Is it, possibly, the fundamental source?
Your observation is a keen one Storm, I'm wondering if simply talking about it (the conflict) doesn't actually reinforce the it? Is there something rather Skinnerish about this?
I loved the example you used of the parking space. Remember that scene in Fried Green Tomatoes when the hot young things wheeled their VW into a parking space that the menopausal, plump, getting through the day, frustrated woman had her eye on? When they took her parking place she rammed her Cadillac into their VW and let them know that she had more money and better insurance. Anyway. back to your point. Yes, yes, yes. When we drive a parking lot hundreds of times over a lifetime with one thing on our mind, getting that juicy parking space before someone else, that reinforces that kind of thinking and behavior. As we do it, we are reinforcing, feeding a part of us that feels entitled to the best parking space, not every now and then, but every time.
Moving on to an active, ongoing conflict becomes more complicated. .By now, the conflict has legs, a life running on parallel paths. Well, you've figured it out. No need for me to go on.
Good show!
teartracks