Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: OR on October 23, 2006, 07:58:55 PM
Title: Im Free!!
Post by: OR on October 23, 2006, 07:58:55 PM
Update, my divorce from N-ex was mailed to me today, effective 10/19/06.
I can legally move on now after leaving CA on 3/4/05, I'm done with this chapter in my life. Thanks to all of you and you know who you are.
N-EX was being a total punk to the end after I signed the final papers in June, he still had not sent them to the court as instructed by the Judge. I kept waiting and asking him then he tells me 2 weeks ago, he would not be sending the papers until I agreed to send him alimony.
I made myself copies in June, I re-signed the copy so the court would have an org. signature and explained ex was not going to be sending them, so please accept the resigned version and they did.
He may already have his copy like mine and is reading his org agreement, we both walk away as is, the court says we are DONE! I doubt he will try to move forward with another court hearing.
Thanks again OR!! I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Gaining Strength on October 23, 2006, 08:32:32 PM
Congratulations OR. What wonderful news. What a glorious relief and release. Sleep easy tonight and from now on. - Gaining Strength
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: moonlight52 on October 23, 2006, 09:31:47 PM
OR ,YEAH SWEET FREEDOM
LOVE TO YOU
MOONLIGHT
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: WRITE on October 23, 2006, 10:16:40 PM
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: penelope on October 23, 2006, 10:26:16 PM
hi OR,
That is such wonderful news!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!
hugs!
bean
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Brigid on October 23, 2006, 11:15:47 PM
OR,
Congratulations :D That is such great news for you and your D.
I hope all continues to go well for you in TX.
Blessings and hugs,
Brigid
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Hopalong on October 23, 2006, 11:48:12 PM
OR it must feel so good to just breathe!!!!!!1
Joy for you, Hops
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: mudpuppy on October 25, 2006, 12:12:54 PM
Hi OR,
Congratulations. :D :D :D
I envy your freedom. I'm looking forward to the day I can make a similar post.
For those who don't know, OR had a particularly nasty and threatening ex husband, and on her own pulled up stakes and left the poor sap to sink on his own rather than letting him pull OR and her daughter down with him. She's a real testament to how these people can be beaten and that there is life after they are beaten; a good life.
mud
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Overcomer on October 25, 2006, 09:39:25 PM
Or: but when things settle down, my advice is to replace all the negative stuff you have been feeling for so long with positives!!!! A gym membership. A massage. Journaling. Re-decorate. Because when the dust settles, you may feel kind of bored. Or depressed. Or really happy!!! Maybe you will experience a rollar coaster. I felt extremely lonely because I was single and had three little girls. No dating. No nothing. It was before my life was full of driving kids around. Lots of laying in bed and watching TV AFTER baths, bedtime stories, etc.
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: 5 years of confusion on October 26, 2006, 03:24:13 PM
I agree with Kelly Dckm....
I have always had someone in my life although I once lived alone for about 2 months, at age 20, and moved a b/f and sister into my life ASAP..I was scared and lonely. I am now 46 and facing the prospect of living on my own, really on my own for the first time in my life. How does one fill the time..I'm thinking 2 jobs, maybe a little dog. It's a very appealing thought, to live on one's own. I am perched on the edge of the nest and my wings are flapping, albeit a little wet..lol I want to fly, I want to soar, I want to be the master of my own domain. I'm ready...Can someone give me a push? :shock:
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Hopalong on October 26, 2006, 08:50:30 PM
5yrs:
You bet! Consider yourself shoved and soaring!
Hopalong
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: OR on October 27, 2006, 12:07:40 AM
Thank you all so much for helping me get through a difficult time in my life. Mud thank you for being there, you were so instrumental to give me the courage to leave the craziness. Keeping me encouraged to believe in myself and a brighter future for myself and D.
I have grown so much into a very confident person, showing D, she too is so amazing. Today is her 14th B-Day, we just returned from a pizza dinner with a large table of her friends. She appears to be very happy, she is doing great in school and becoming a beautiful girl inside and out.
Sometimes, I see glimpse's of her pain from what she suppresses about her dad. She will tell me, I remember when dad said this or that and how much it hurt her or how much fun he could be. I try not to say much about him and our relationship, as that was painful for me and no need to go there. So I will try an listen when she does express a time with her dad good or bad then will assure her the feelings she has are valid. How much I wished things would have not turned out, was not my first choice. She was so confidant with her friends, if I took her away from the N in our life's, to give her the confidence I lacked then I am richly rewarded. The freedom to express ourselfs, without the fear of rejection, life is good for us both.
I can not think of a time in the last 18mos. when D and I had a need to raise our voices or get the littlest bit upset with each other. After living with N, hurt feelings, walking on egg shells, not wanting to be honest with the N-ex, about doing daily activities in fear of the jealous reactions and being accused of so many unwarranted mind blowing things. Over the 27 years of trying to ignore the signs as damaging to myself, living one more day believing the man I married was the nice guy not the Mr Hide. OMG, so glad to be here and living a life free from the Ns in my life.
I have been keeping very busy, I did join the gym, I have new friends, and keep busy, even have a little jack Russel dog named Roxy she loves to go for long walks.
I have lost 10 lbs, I even had a very cute 25 yr old model doing a photo shoot at the local Dave and Busters, try and get my phone number, my D thought he was cute, just too young for me. We hung out with him for a little while, he told me I was HOT !! introduced me to his friends, I felt old but flattered and had fun. Anyway I don't get out much. I spend so much time working and going to Ds sports. You know what I mean. She comes first, I'm not looking to jump into any relationships for now.
Thanks again, I appreciate all the great support. OR
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Gaining Strength on October 28, 2006, 07:05:02 PM
OR How I admire the way you are handling your d's need to talk about her father. I was 30 when my N father left my mother and that was over 15 years ago and she still cannot talk about him except in terms of how SHE was hurt. She can't quite comprehend that my brothers and I were hurt as children and still feel sorrow that he has not been and cannot be there for us. What you are offering your daughter is a place of nurturing and a place of solace. That is an indescribably marvelous gift - perhaps the greatest gift.
I admire you for that and feel very strongly that that will help your daughter grow strong inspite of the hole left by having an N father. I can't tell you enough how important and wonderful that is. Be proud of your mothering. I do so admire you.
Gaining Strength
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: mudpuppy on October 29, 2006, 04:03:10 PM
Quote
Mud thank you for being there, you were so instrumental to give me the courage to leave the craziness.
You're welcome OR, but I think it was God working through you that gave you the strength.
mud
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: OR on October 31, 2006, 07:21:26 PM
GS, thank you for the words of encouragement for myself and D.
I'm sorry that your P's, divorced, the disconnection is painful no matter what the age. I hope D is being nurtured by me, that would be a wonderful gift for any mother. I say this knowing my own mother was not nurturing to me, or maybe your own mother the same. I wonder how I learned to be any kind of "good mother"when my own had little to do with me.
Ds, little heart does have a hole filled with sadness.I alone can never fill that sorrow on my own, I look for her to heal the best she can. I want her to heal not add salt to her wounds. I would only dig the hole deeper by adding my own thoughts of the dissapointments with the ex. Ex-N, would gladly fill D's, head with all the negatives he could find about me, never caring how it hurts to hear.
I love D so much, and never, never wanted her to have a broken heart, I look for any way to mend her sadness maybe out of guilt for making a bad choice for her father.
Mudd, have you ever NOT taken a helping hand or a piece of advise , then wished you had. There were building blocks of advise from you and other that I listened to, the Lord opened my eyes and mind to hold out my hand to reach for help.
When you feel alone in the world your mother and sisters and other family members you expect to get emotional help from, never come Thur for you. then a total strangers come out of no where for you. Mud,You have such healing words, the good Lord gave me the ability to hear them to save myself and D.
Thank you for taking my hand when I reached out for help.
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Hopalong on October 31, 2006, 08:16:49 PM
((((((((((((((((((OR)))))))))))))))))))
I understand the anguish. We can love so much and so diligently, but can't spare them all of it. I don't know of anything that hurts more. Who was it said, "I am as happy as my least unhappy child." ?
Your D is very lucky to have you. You are a good mother.
((((((((((((Mud))))))))))))), just on principle.
Hops
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: gratitude28 on October 31, 2006, 09:52:23 PM
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: mudpuppy on November 01, 2006, 03:22:55 PM
Quote
Thank you for taking my hand when I reached out for help.
It was my pleasure OR. You were so obviously trying to do the right thing for yourself and your D that it was a pleasure to take your hand and help you out of the quicksand he was trying to pull you back into. And I wasn't the only one. There were many here who took your hand.
Quote
((((((((((((Mud))))))))))))), just on principle.
Thanks for the principled hug, Hoppy.
OT but I don't want to start a new thread or dig up an old one. Hope you don't mind OR. Wife started Taxol yesterday. Gastrointestinal discomfort today. I hope it will wear off quickly as she has to do Taxol once a week for twelve weeks. Her tumor marker has gone from over 400 to 169 after three treatments. Should have her latest results after her fourth round in a couple of days. She's still anemic from the chemo so Doc wants to do a transfusion. She felt well enough to go to church for the first time in over three months Sunday. Most of her bone pain is resolved and she has put on about eight pounds so we're hopeful it can be held in check for a good long time. We'll see; the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike.
mud
mud
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Brigid on November 01, 2006, 03:27:44 PM
Hey Mud Brother, So glad to hear of Mrs. Mud's vast improvement. That is truly wonderful news. I keep you both in my prayers always.
Love and hugs,
Brigid
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: moonlight52 on November 01, 2006, 05:34:08 PM
MR Mud ,
I would like to say I am heartened at your sweet Mrs improvement .
You are a fine man .Thank you for an example of kindness and strength.
moonlight
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Hopalong on November 01, 2006, 06:04:33 PM
Mud, I'm grateful for the update too...you and Mrs. Mud are often in my thoughts.
If anything could ever show one how to be fully alive in the present...small victories, the celebration of church together, the absence of bad pain, a fall afternoon...
I don't know where you get your strength, but it's clearly real. I hope the good days are many many many more.
Blessings on both your heads, hairy or not.
Hops
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: OR on November 03, 2006, 07:31:43 AM
Mud, thank you for sharing your updates, so glad you have some relief surrounding your Mrs. you and your family are in my prayers.
I have a twin brother, we were born Halloween. He has had melanoma tumors on his back for several years. He was giving up having them removed over and over, I begged him to go see the doctor, he did and is currently undergoing radiation treatment. He just had his first gandchild last week, and able to celebrate another b-day with me. I was so worried about him and didn't want to lose him wondering how to keep him motivated to take care of himself. He didn't want to be bothered, he needed to work and no time to take treatment. Other family members asked him to go and he just kept putting off. They gave up on him, I was happy he finally listen to someone.
Keep your spirits up, I will pray for your strength to keep Mrs. Mud motivated when she get too tired to care.
Take Care OR
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: Hopalong on November 03, 2006, 09:14:41 AM
OR, That must be anguishing, worrying about your twin. I hope he gets care and gets to caring about himself.
You've done your best and he has to take it from here. Must be very very hard to see him take those risks.
((((((OR))))))
Hops
Title: Re: Im Free!!
Post by: seastorm on November 03, 2006, 03:20:57 PM
Your story sounds so real and heartbreaking. What a wonderful mom you are and how lucky your daughter is to have your empathy and support. That is what heals and helps. Facing up to these bullying Ns is monumental and I applaud you for your courage. Asking for help and really listening and being open is a state of grace I think. There really is a spirit of giving in your story and in the help and love your received. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to have the courage to keep going on my journey out of this hell of distrust and humiliation.