Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: rosencrantz on February 23, 2004, 05:26:56 PM
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I had a conversation with my mother two nights ago - it lasted two long hours (pretty normal) and I reminded her, told her for the first time (and it sounds as tho it should be ridiculous coming from a 50 year old woman but it needed to be said) - let's get this straight : YOU ARE THE ADULT and I am/was the child, YOU ARE THE MOTHER and I am the daughter.
It's the first time since this concept of narcissism started to be revealed to me about six months ago that I've spoken to her. At that time, I was stunned to realise what my mother did, how she was, how that had impacted me, but I've only now had the courage and the strength to go back in to beard the lion(ess) in her den.
It was so amazing still to realise that it is always about her and never about me - but I have no qualms, no doubts - she really does 'suffer' with the full NPD. It didn't matter what I said - there was no 'me'. She constantly wanted to know why I am such a terrible daughter - well, now I was able to explain that I am 'terrible' because I withdraw from her and I withdraw from her because I can't cope with the things she does (I have always been so strong FOR her up til now!!!), I explained that my home environment was too 'unhealthy' for me to stay in (when I was 19), she wants more so I explain that I would have committed suicide or ended up in and out of mental hospitals (llike too many of the family) if I'd stayed around.
There is no shock at these words, no reaction - except somehow, some satisfaction, and I feel aggrieved that I had to abase myself, admit to vulnerability just to satisfy her (like she said when I was a chld 'if only you'd cry, I'd know I'd got through to you). I resent it even tho it's the truth - she is stronger than I am - tougher, sharper and maybe even more intelligent - but then, why shouldn't I resent it - she wants the knowledge to gain power over me, not to love me or support me in my weakness.
And yet, I also see that 'I' JUST DO NOT EXIST for her! It's too amazing for words. I write the words and yet it is beyond comprehension, beyond common understanding. Who amongst the people I know would find it possible to recognise even the vaguest possibility that we don't exist in the eyes of another, let alone a parent?!?
But the difference NOW is that I've been through the terror. I know the truth. And that gives me a greater strenght.
I stood and she did the usual lambasting and manipulation and 'changing of the goalposts' and guilt trips (she became three different people as the two hours progressed - sad and lonely, manipulative and hysterical and, finally, decisive!) but I STOOD STRONG! I shook! My legs felt weak and wobbled! I 'hung on' literally' to whatever was around me! But, emotionally and mentally, I did more than survive. I STOOD STRONG!!!
Sounds dramatic - it IS dramatic!!! :lol: I am healthy. I am smiling. I am fifty and FREE!
It's not over yet - there are boundaries to be set - but I give thanks - for this forum, to the special people on it, to the friends I've made on it, to my energy healer, (I'll accept the BAFTA in a minute LOL), to my e-friend CT, to my husband and child, to my father who seems to have guided me in death to the knowledge and strength that I needed when he couldn't do it in life (Thanks, Dad!).
'N's, keep out! This is a precious time. Daughter's Day is here!!!!!
(Thanks for the inspiration, Portia! I share this to show that it truly is possible to move 'beyond'!!)
R
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“Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. ln those transparent moments we know other people's joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own.” Fritz Williams
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R,
Not going to post an elaborate response but did not want your accomplishment to go unnoticed. It is truly uplifting when we are able to excercise our strength. "ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND" comes to mind.
Congratulations on your bravery. It will get easier the next time.
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Hi CC - Thanks for your usual empathy and consideration! :)
Hi Portia - I don't think they're subnormal so much as under-developed. They never managed to work through the developmental levels that we go through as children. I hold that in my head but I find it hard to find a way of responding emotionally to that in my own mother.
I've worked so hard to get to this place of relative strength, I thought I'd get a few brownie points but was devastated when I phoned the elderly mental health/social services people last week to discover that the only conversation they were prepared to have was one in which they informed me they've decided to 'close the case' on my mother. :shock: The support I thought we would both have has folded and I have wobbled big time.
Ultimately, the wobble hasn't been as bad as I anticipated and in fact the crying I did immediately afterwards (you know, the sort that leaves you exhausted) seems to have 'cleared the air' for me and I've been getting on with things which have been 'pending' for a long time.
I guess the idea of a buffer and my father was all entangled in their expectation of me that my mother "could do with my input" and it felt like I'd lost him all over again. :? :cry:
The anniversary of the start of his illness is creeping ever near and although I hardly want to go through the past year again, I do rather wish it was a year ago and I could still see him again. Still, it's safer to experience the feelings of loss now that I can 'handle' my mother better and know I'm strong enough again that she can't 'suck me in'. I hope.
R
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I popped into this thread because I wanted to share the fact that my 'hooks' are continuing to disappear.
I was in a shop yesterday with an incredibly unhelpful shop assistant when I was trying to buy some football shoes for my son. She clearly didn't want to get involved in helping him get the shoes on or to see if they fitted or to find an alternative pair and her attitude was 'who do you think I am, a shop assistant'!! :wink: (How British!!)
I left the shop really quite amused. My husband seemed (unusually) to be more 'twitched' by the experience than I was. I was tittering to myself about the situation again this morning and suddenly realised the vast difference between 'now' and 'then'. 'Then' I would have been insensed, enraged by the whole incident. I might have 'slammed down the barriers' between us and might have made comments designed to put further barriers in the way. (Really mature, hey?!)
I mentioned this to my husband this morning and he said that he'd felt 'twitched' because he thought I'd probably be reacting to it inside! So, with any luck, my 'unhooking' will help him have a more peaceful life, too!!!!!
I really do recommend Energy Field Therapy.
Is that another way of saying she doesn’t love me?
Hi Portia - I missed that question the first time round. I don't think it is! I am sure our mothers 'love us' they just don't 'know us'. I suppose you could argue they don't love 'us' (the actual 'who we are') if they don't know us. But, yes, I think they love us.
Of course, how do you define love??!!! I 'love' my son in the sense that I want him to be happy in life, I want him to be truly himself and have enough self-esteem to fulfil his potential (whatever that may be).
I am sure that my mother would wish to echo those words but, in practice, she just can't hack it. Her own needs are just too overwhelming for her and therefore come first. She isn't able to tell herself that a child is not there to meet her emotional needs. I guess that's where all abuse starts.
R
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Rosencrantz, You are so brave!!!! It is wonderful, what you are describing. I cannot even imagine talking like that to my mother. My late father would have been the one to go through all the abusive moods/personalities (so to speak). But Mother just "can't take it in."
Daddy took it in!! He took it way, way WAY in!!!! He got hurt really easily, even though he was, at the same time, in denial. It was extremely confusing and hurtful to all.
Mother is so cardboardish. She is more cool and distant, like what one of you (who? sorry I tried to find that part again....please accept my apology for being tired and not able to do a thorough search/id!) described, and like maybe she doesn't even love me. I think she was just so damaged by the coldness of her own father; the sudden death of her mother (auto accident victim) when she was only 17; and then decades of verbal and emotional abuse by my father, that her natural exuberance has finally dried up completely.
Anyway, I read all your posts in this thread with great appreciation and love. Thank you all.'
Flo
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Another call.
OK, so I was manipulated into making the call.
But I had made a positive choice to return her call - so, although she had intended to manipulate me, I don't feel manipulated. I understood that she was not well, that she was in pain, that she felt abandoned by her support network, that she was frightened, that she was alone. I had interpreted her words correctly and made a choice about how I wished to respond.
I misjudged her true state of health tho' - I thought it was potentially worse than it really was. But it's amazing how strong she became during the call when she wanted to hold me by the scruff of the neck and start beating me again!!!!!!!
Do they ALL get their strength from beating and hurting others?????
How????????
I'd spent the day reading 'When you and your mother can't be friends' and, together with this HUGE new recognition of how others 'define' us, I've found new ground.
She's 'just' a person now, rather than my mother!! This has taken her to a distance where I can see her rather than experience her. She seems much smaller.
The biggest 'wow' came when she said :
"I did 'this' for you as a child and I provided 'that' experience (long list repeated ad infinitum over the years)...I did all that to give you confidence, that was MY confidence and when you went away you took it with you." She practically said I stole it!!
:shock:
I'm still falling over - clunk! - at this statement. I mean, she meant it!!!! She really meant it!!!!!
No wonder I end every conversation feeling completely depleted. She's 'in' me, grabbing it all back!!!!! Except it's not hers! It's mine!!!!
And when my barriers are up to prevent her from doing that, she says I'm hard, that I'm strict, that I don't understand. Well, it was those words that led me to let down my barriers a year ago - and see the damage she did!!! No wonder, when father was ill, even tho he was dying, I was desperate to return to my own home in fear that, if I stayed any longer, I'd not have the confidence and energy to drive all the way back. :x
Perhaps the answer to the question I posed earlier in this post is that if they do things to us that creates in us fear and pain, they 'think' they've acquired our power, our energy, our strength, our courage!!!!!???
This is the thing that frightened me most about the 'N' style - the way they put their feelings inside you and manipulate them ('projective identification') - not knowing how they did it, how to be alert to it and stop it when I only ever knew 'after the event'. (And it not being something in everyday language to even begin to discuss with someone else)
The energy healing has helped protect me, but I've been worried that this would make me too 'different', 'closed down', no longer able to reach out to others and understand them. But I'd had a mega session the previous day in anticipation of a challenging event and I'm now much more confident it can help in a positive way - I understood her even better and was better protected.
My H was also a rock and very proud of the way I handled it.
She asked for all her jewllery back. An ancient sweet watch she gave me on my wedding day, a pretty little faux pearl pendant, and something she gave me as a birthday present. Of course, I said (enabling and generous to a 'T').
Actually it's not 'her jewellery', they were gifts to me from her which had belonged to her and I treasured them! And deep inside I feel very, very hurt. Interesting to reflect that they were not in perfect condition - the watch didn't work, there was a pearl missing from the pendant - a very 'N' kind of gift, I guess!!! And clearly, the object was never 'given' as, in her perception, it still belonged to her!!!
The positive side is that she wants them for going to the Day Centre - which implies that she's committed to getting out and about and mingling. It's also symbolic of her getting her confidence back (if she can't get inside me to take mine, then she'll have it back some other way) and that's fine by me. (But let me know if you think I've missed something I should be alert to!!!!!)
R
PS Of course, she *could* have called to say 'thank you' for the CD player I sent her for Mother's Day (yes, it was a gift she wanted - I guess you could say she hinted at it). She only knows to get what she wants by being manipulative. It's a constant downward spiral and I feel such pain for the constant rejection she gets from the world as a result.
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Dear Rosencrantz,
Your posts and the work you are doing are quite amazing. Bravo for you!!! :)
My perspective is that our mothers do *not* love us. I do not believe they are capable of love since they do not know how to love themselves. I'm guessing the "deep, deep hurt" you described regarding her wanting the jewelry back is probably because of what the jewelry symbolized and not the jewelry itself. We ache for any indication of love, for any hope that we just missed something that's been there all along.
Likewise "I feel such pain for the constant rejection she gets from the world as a result" is very telling--we still get drawn into their pain, their problems, and their brokenness. I'm stumbling here myself. I'm still working on "who is more important to me---she or I?" "It's not my job to fix or protect her" is part of my new mantra.
I'd write more but my own inner clarity just got a bit fuzzy. :|
Take good care and keep up the excellent work!
Christy
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“I did all that to give you confidence, that was MY confidence and when you went away you took it with you."
She actually came out and said that?? :shock: :shock: Amazing. Your name isn’t “Storage Vessel” is it? :wink: “Here, you keep my emotions (and jewelry) until I need them, so that I don’t have to carry them around all by my self because then I wouldn’t have the strength to beat up people.” :roll:
It’s kind of a chicken-egg thing to figure out why/how they become more obvious over time. If you learn to shut them out, the wriggle like crazy and become more obvious (for example, being the three different people in a very short time, as you mentioned in an earlier post above). As you grow stronger and find yourself, it’s easier to understand how irrational they are. And I think, to some extent, the older they get, the harder it is for them to ‘keep up appearances’ and they go straight for the kill without any attempt to veil their attacks. That’s what I’ve witnessed in my grandmother, in any case.
The energy healing has helped protect me, but I've been worried that this would make me too 'different', 'closed down', no longer able to reach out to others and understand them. But I'd had a mega session the previous day in anticipation of a challenging event and I'm now much more confident it can help in a positive way - I understood her even better and was better protected.
You had such a rough experience with therapy, so I think it’s great that you’ve been able to find help elsewhere. We all have different ways of dealing with and understanding the world, so I wouldn’t worry about closing yourself off or being too different by using a method that helps you find yourself (and therefore be more in the world). :)
Congratulations on being able to ‘see through’ this latest tough phone call!! :D :D :D
Wildflower
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Thanks Christy and thanks Wildflower
She actually came out and said that?? Amazing. Your name isn’t “Storage Vessel” is it? “Here, you keep my emotions (and jewelry) until I need them, so that I don’t have to carry them around all by my self because then I wouldn’t have the strength to beat up people.”
Oh God - I laughed so much. Thanks for that. Sort of slightly hysterical laughter but laughter nevertheless!!!!!
Actually I feel cheerful!! I think I'm a cheerful kind of person but I haven't felt so for a long time. Gee - what a horrible year.
Actually most of the stuff my mother did to 'give me confidence' was confidence-shattering. I have this huge 'confidence' that masks sheer terror and total humiliation - cos that's what she demanded of me, putting me into situations that were far beyond my ability to handle (even if I 'should' have been able to). And I have continued to bluff my way in the world, constantly in situations I never dreamed of which were mostly the stuff of nightmares!!! (But some of it was fun!!!)
Anyway, I'm fed up of talking about her...what about me for a change :wink: :wink:
Thanks for that tip, Christy!!! Very, very useful.
Oh Wildflower - I think the reality is that she had no boundaries - I WAS her and she sent me out in the world to BE her on her behalf. Trouble is, I slipped the leash. That wasn't on her planned list at all - but my 'good psychiatrist' intervened and I was away and she never forgave us (that's how she sees it, anyway - was it that simple, I wonder??).
Incidentally she also sent me off to find the resources to find out what was wrong with her and to make her into the Prime Minister. (You'd think she'd make it a BIT easier!!) All deeply unconscious, of course. And most of my life I have (deeply unconsciouly, too) strived to achieve these things for her. Ah, the unconscious is a wonderful thing, when tamed!!! :wink:
R
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Dear Rosencrantz,
You touched upon one of my classics: The Imposter Syndrome.
On another forum a person made a connection between the imposter syndrome, feeling invisible, and caretaking our parents which I found to be super helpful. She said she believed it ties back to being expected to do things as children we were never taught to do. In her case at age 8 she had to cook for her four siblings (she had to stand on a step stool to reach the top of the stove). Meanwhile her mother would be zonked out on the couch. Her mother never taught her how to cook but she got in big trouble if she messed up the cooking.
No one taught us how to deal with these ill parents, either.
Naturally if we are doing things beyond our age and training, we are more likely to fail. Plus we also begin to believe we are "supposed" to be that advanced and impressive. Attempting the impossible such as fixing our ill parents just sets us up for failure, too.
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No one taught us how to deal with these ill parents, either
Very useful observation! What's worse, most people cover up when we try to get help. 'There's nothing wrong' 'Don't upset the applecart' 'Just learn to be a good little girl'. And who's going to believe the kids anyway. 'Such an imagination'!
And the worst fear is that the parent will be taken away, don't you think??? We depend on them and need them so there's a great big risk in whistle-blowing.
At what point do we start looking after our parents, tho? Serious question. Traditionally, the young look after the old. Now I'm understanding my mother better, I'm beginning to feel more compassion for her.
I think, nevertheless, I need to remind myself that SHE is the parent and I am the child - it doesn't sound quite right, tho, does it. But every time I feel warm and responsive and expansive and responsible, I'd better remember that I'm the frog and she's the scorpion. Very sad.
And I notice that, although it appears that my mother is starting to recognise reality in some measure, the insight is still self-serving, self-centred : 'You took away my confidence.' She doesn't take responsibility for herself : 'I lost my confidence'. I need to be alert to the fact that she will probably never change. It's all still about blame - all the bad is 'out there' not 'in here'.
Plus, I'll always listen to someone 'dealing with their issues' and I think she's sussed how to get my attention!! Not nice to be so suspicious but it's probably something to be aware of.
Nearly slipped into the quagmire there - just caught myself in time!!!
Actually I managed to get through a whole day's meeting yesterday NOT taking responsibility! It was a challeng to keep my backside firmly on my seat!! But there were other people who WERE responsible so I left it to them - and they were responsible - just not quite as quick off the mark as I would have been! :wink: I wonder how much my mother's interfering was simply her attempts to be inadequately and inappropriately 'responsible'??? Mind you, there's a difference between 'fussing' and 'being responsible'!!!
Oh for goodness sake - I'm talking all about her again!!! Enough!!!
R
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And the worst fear is that the parent will be taken away, don't you think??? We depend on them and need them so there's a great big risk in whistle-blowing.
Indeed. Plus she was the best mother we had, right? Better an inadequate one than none at all.
At what point do we start looking after our parents, tho?
Hmm, in vitro?? I got blamed for things that happened then, anyway. ;)
I think, nevertheless, I need to remind myself that SHE is the parent and I am the child.
I wonder if they can ever become the "parent". They have parentified us to such a degree and still remain so unconscious! I wonder if I need to make it "I'm an adult and she may never be". I do not think she will ever become a parent and I doubt we'll ever have a reciprocal "adult" relationship.
Actually I managed to get through a whole day's meeting yesterday NOT taking responsibility!.
Don't you love these signs of progress? It makes me want to start a "freedom" log of my own small victories. I tend to dwell on the stuck places a tad much.
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Hi Rosencrantz,
But I had made a positive choice to return her call - so, although she had intended to manipulate me, I don't feel manipulated. I understood that she was not well, that she was in pain, that she felt abandoned by her support network, that she was frightened, that she was alone. I had interpreted her words correctly and made a choice about how I wished to respond.
She's 'just' a person now, rather than my mother!! This has taken her to a distance where I can see her rather than experience her. She seems much smaller.
This struck me as being on the same page as what I’ve been trying to do when talking with my parents on the phone. When I know I’ve got a stressful conversation coming up, I ‘rehearse’ it in my head as if I were talking to one of my (thankfully) sane friends. I try to imagine what they would say/do if they were in my parent’s shoes. I'm hoping this will help me come up with reactions/answers that bypass the noise, stay out of their heads, and help me forget how to speak this crazy language. :roll: Of course, they don’t respond the way my friends would, but my hope is that at least I can start to ‘hear’ the difference between sane and manipulative talk.
Actually I feel cheerful!! I think I'm a cheerful kind of person but I haven't felt so for a long time. Gee - what a horrible year.
Anyway, I'm fed up of talking about her...what about me for a change
That’s so great, R! :D You talked about a sunshine book in another post, but I wonder what would fill a Rosencrantz book? 1) Cheerful kind of person :D :D :D 2)....
Incidentally she also sent me off to find the resources to find out what was wrong with her and to make her into the Prime Minister.
That’s hilarious. :lol: :lol: Seriously, though. When does she start? :wink:
Wildflower
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LOL - It was 'just' a slip of the tongue (some might say there is never 'just' a slip of the tongue!!) but one day when she was nagging me about all I 'could' have been and failed to be (I was only about 20 BTW and still at Uni!!), she included 'the Prime Minister's daughter' in her list!
I ended up training women who wanted to enter public life!! And, yes, one of them is now a Member of Parliament!!! :lol: The day I realised what I was doing and why....!!! Gotta laugh but it's scary where our unconscious leads us sometimes...(as well as fascinating).
Knowing what I now know about grandiosity and all that, I'm sure she 'meant' it at her own deep sub/unconscious level - although what she intended to tell me was that I could have achieved the highest status in the land 'if only' I didn't have such a filthy life to hide away. (Moi? A student who didn't even drink coffee!!!) (I guess she was projecting again).
Tee hee - my parents even 'decided' (after the event) that the 'good psychiatrist' I'd been seeing was a famous sex therapist! Oh God, give me somewhere to keel over. Actually I'm surprised I survived all that. Actually no wonder I felt a mess inside all the time at Uni, insecure, constantly walking on a tightrope. I saw a counsellor for a while, all I ever did was sit there and cry and have no idea why!!! Everybody assumes that students are having difficulty settling in to their new environment and so did I.
Interesting : she hates Shirley Bassey and Princess Diana - what did they ever do to her???!!! Well, one flaunts her sexuality and one flaunts her goodness. EVerything's nasty underneath. I can't remember what she thought about Maggie!!!
Even while I'm laughing here, I acknowledge her pain, her fears, her self-loathing. What happened in her childhood to scar her so? I don't know. 'God forgives' and rightly so. But I have to look after my survival. Sad that is has to be mutually exclusive.
R
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Excuse me Wildflower, Christy et al for butting in but this:
she was nagging me about all I 'could' have been and failed to be (I was only about 20 BTW and still at Uni!!), she included 'the Prime Minister's daughter' in her list!
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
WTF?
Could she have been PM if - if what?
Could your Dad have been PM if (supply whatever 'ifs' you can)?
Or is it that she could have married the PM if only things had gone her way? Did she always think she married beneath her? And she blames you for that....what a spiteful, nasty, crazy person.
Probably never change? Delete probably. She doesn't deserve you even thinking about her. Ditto mine, but it's much easier to say about yours!! :wink: P
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Hi Portia - LOL - She wasn't 'blaming me', she just wanted the 'best' for me!! She both 'gave' me confidence and undermined me totally all at the same time. She meant well (!) but was guided by projections and transferences that weren't me. And I wasn't strong enough, smart enough, wise enough to resist.
I no longer despise myself for not being stronger. How could I have been? I had no yardstick to judge it against. I often knew things weren't right - but I only had her and my father to confirm it for me. She couldn't/wouldn't and he wouldn't/couldn't.
I'm sure I'd have been an even bigger mess wtih siblings around. :wink:
Christy - start a "freedom" log of my own small victories
That's such a good idea. I wonder if they can ever become the "parent
No, but that mantra (she's the parent; I'm the child) just helps me remember that I'm NOT the parent; she has responsibility for herself and a responsibility towards me. She may never take it up - but it's still not 'my' job to be the parent in this game.
I'm not responsible for picking up her pieces - even now, even at her 'advanced' age. I've given her plenty of good information, she's had plenty of people willing to help, and she has to do the rest. She chooses to reject, manipulate and lambast and people turn away. She chooses - as much as she has a 'choice' in her state of mind (that's the difficult bit that scuppers my intention again).
How do we teach people like this that they can risk making new choices and the world won't fall apart (for all I know, hers might!! :shock: ).
In vitro, yes - I always had the fantasy that I must have arrived in this world with guilt that I'd damaged my mother during childbirth by getting born and that the guilt had just followed me throughout my life. (After all, becoming independent is 'being born' of a kind, isn't it!) I didn't realise that I had good reason to feel guilty.
It just never occurred to me that my 'nice' mother actually wanted me to feel guilty with the intention for me to stay and keep her strong and be her 'front' - "Look at this nice little girl, this is me, isn't she nice; go on dear, perform for the visitors" Knowing deep down I could never get anything right and would never be perfect enough but also knowing she would insist on constantly exposing me....Aaaauuugh!
R
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Edited..busy being a dork and loving it!
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Ah, I don't think she was talking about her failings - she was talking about her aspirations. Unrealistic, of course. It was 'just' a Freudian slip. But my unconscious connected with her unconscious and dutifully went off into the world to make something happen to make her PM so I could dutifully be the PM's daughter (it got translated into training other women to become MPs - not a bad first attempt!!!)
I mean, it's really funny!!! The day the connection clicked, I had my destiny back in my own hands (more or less) and I was happy to laugh at myself!! She wouldn't find it funny of course. She'd say I was being mean to her.
Of course, there was never any question but that I do whatever was required irrespective of what I felt, just 'leap' to the pinnacle please - you're not supposed to actually do it step by step or have fear!! (My son is like that - that puzzles/worries me; he wouldn't walk or talk until he could do it completely - no 'attemtps'!!! Did I do that to him in some way or is it really a 'gene' thing??!)
What makes it even more difficult to 'claim' to be abused is that this concept of the smotherer sounds cushy compared to some experiences of neglect.
But, believe me, you don't want a parent who monitors absolutely everything that enters and leaves your body...HER shrine!!! :wink: And I was constantly ashamed of the molly coddling and of being held out as 'special' when I was 'just' her daughter. No idea of my own true worth.
All the things you say are true, except...there is a part of her which truly breaks down. Either she is strong or I am strong. It appears that we each represent a black hole for the other. Her truth vs my truth - ?
R
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Thanks for that, Wildflower.
I quite like this Rosencrantz character. She seems to have a fairly positive impact on people. I wonder if I'm anything like her????? Maybe I should change my name by deed poll and see if she rubs off on me!!!!!
:wink:
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Just realised that I've been dealing with some paperwork for my mother and I haven't felt the usual feeling of 'impending doom'!! I've even had a couple of conversations with her in my head in which sanity prevails! There is hope yet!!!
And, Wildflower, thanks for the suggestion of the R book above - I bought one yesterday in one of my rare jaunts to the nearest town. Gorgeous dark purple suede-like cover and lots of purple flowers (hmmm - rather like wildflowers!!!!!) on all the pages. My H said that the dark purple seems a very R kind of colour! So I will fill it with 'me' and start off with your suggestion...'cheerful kind of person'!!! And I bought a purple 'suede' binder, too, to keep my latest quotes and useful information in. Very smart, very sensuous, very ultra-cool!!! 8)
R
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:D :D What a fabulous luxurious fantastic way to pamper your thoughts!! :D :D
(hug)
CG
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I can’t tell you how tickled I am hearing about your H’s involvement in all the work you’re doing. I loved reading about how he smiled a big smile back at you when you told him about the elitism thing, and now he’s getting into the journal? That’s awesome! :D
I have to tell you (because I’m feeling a little mushy and happy and embarrassed :oops: so I thought I’d give it back to you :D ), that I was in the pet store today and I saw this really amazing aquarium that has a plastic NY skyline – lights and all. It’s been a while since I've had fish, and it would be like getting a TV for my poor stimulation-deprived indoor cat. So I think I’m gonna go back and get it, and then I’m gonna start naming my fish after you and everyone else here who has done so much to help me get through these past few weeks. :D :D
Wildflower
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I think that's wunnerful! :D Your very own support team 'on tap'!!! :-) I'll be the one with the swishy tail (just to remind you of the extravert and the T Rex!). R is honoured BTW.
BTW Thinking about another thread I just started (the post really belonged here, didn't it - I didn't think of that) - did you know that you're a Wonderful Daughter, too??? Think about it!!!!!
Cheers (hah - I'm blowing bubbles again...as a FISH!!!) :lol:
TTFN
R
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R is honored. That's what I could have said but squirmed and couldn't find the words. I was deeply honored that you got the journal and shared the bit about the purple and the flowers. That means a lot to me. :D
I'm glad I squirmed and told you about the aquarium, though :D. I'm excited! Bubbles...great connection!! :D
And thanks for the "wonderful daughter" vote of confidence. Today, for the first time...well...ever, I actually believe that I have been a good daugher to her. :D :shock: :D Crazy. What is this world coming to??
Wildflower
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It's coming to a healthy conclusion, that's what it's coming to. :lol:
R
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I feel aggrieved that I had to abase myself, admit to vulnerability just to satisfy her
I can so relate to this! It's a catch 22 situation on your emotions. If you get upset, then she's gotten to you and she feels satisfied. If you bite your tongue then she gets away with upsetting you and you end up repressing it. It is a no win situation with these people and that is what makes us crazy.