Print Page - DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Hopalong on November 24, 2006, 08:48:32 PM

Title: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on November 24, 2006, 08:48:32 PM

I think anxiety, depression and OCD (and probably other things) can all be expressed in a disorganized and messy personal environment. I've posted on this elsewhere, as have others, and I thought it would be nice to have a thread where people could vent, share, etc., about the issue of STUFF or DISORGANIZED STUFF. It's a big handicap in life sometimes. Here's a starter link (which I discovered while wasting time on Google, but I did stop to put half my laundry away...) :?:

http://www.creatrope.com/blog/2006/06/17/top-decluttering-tips/

Hops

Title: Re: Overcoming Procrastinaion/Disorganizatio: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on December 07, 2006, 07:54:00 AM

Hi all,
I've copied below an email newsletter I get (it is an ad). I actually believe wholeheartedly in the power of using tapes, etc., because that's esssentially self-hypnosis, which saved me from cigarettes lo' these many years. Anyway, this one sounded so helpful that I'm thinking of ordering it and I wondered if it might help you too, GS, and anyone else who struggles with clutter/disorganization/financial chaos.

If anyone has already used these tapes (Mike Brescia's) I'd love to know what you thought.
thanks,
Hops
----------------------
Today's story highlights the sad truth about us humans...
namely that we can be educated, we can know WHAT we should do,
we can know HOW to do it, we can know 100 reasons WHY we should
do it...

And we still won't do it.

Take being organized, for example. The whole concept is pretty
simple and there are hundreds of life-altering benefits to being
a well-organized person, but when compared to what most people
are capable of, hardly anyone even comes close.

Consider:

An organized person can excel in sports: They have more time to
practice, train, etc.

An organized person can earn a whole lot more dough: Gets
things done faster and with fewer mistakes/delays; Researches
good investments opportunities, etc.

An organized person can have more and closer friends: Has more
time to work and play with them.

An organized person can be in better health: Takes time to eat
healthier food and exercise/play sports; worries less about
things that aren't done/less negative stress, frustration and
anger.

An organized person is a more effective parent and
spouse/significant other: Isn't rushing around with no time to
spend with their loved ones.

An organized person can get more promotions/raises at work:
Employers reward those who get the job done.

I can't tell you how many people email telling us that they've
read every book written on being organized and they STILL are
not with it.

This reminds me of a saying I heard years ago...

"To know is to do. Not to do is not to know."

======

In today's mailbag, April Davis from Callie writes about how
she became more organized.

Dear Mike,

I am a great organizer. I have a talent. I can take anything
and make it work...everywhere but in my home.

I have also thrived on the philosophy that I can do it
tomorrow. I have always excused my mess with sound reasons, "I
have 4 kids, we only have 1100 sq. feet, it'll only get messy
again, etc" When I would clean my house, and get close to
getting it organized, I would panic. I turned into the super
beast. I got so uptight from having a clean house, that I would
literally shut myself down and sabotage the place, it wound up
looking worse that it did before I started. I have tried
everything from FLYlady (which I love) to Sidetracked home
executives, etc, but I was fighting it from the inside.

I had been doing research for a while, looking for something,
anything that could help me. My husband, although not good at
helping keep it that way, is a neat freak. He hates life when
everything is not in its place, and makes it very loudly known.

So about 4 months ago, I bought Think Right Now for Windows
- http://www.thinkrightnow.com/trnwindows.htm
- End Procrastination Now!
- http://www.thinkrightnow.com/audios/procrastination.htm and
I am Organized
- http://www.thinkrightnow.com/audios/audioorganized.htm

I cannot tell you what a difference they have made.

I began by putting the CDs on my MP3 player so that I could
play them continually at night. I listened to one or the other
disk in the car every chance I got. I entered the sayings from
the two audios into the windows software, since I do medical
transcription, I am at my computer a lot.

Within 1 1/2 weeks of beginning the program, I had found that
everyday I was finishing something else. I got through filing
that had been piling up for 5 or 6 years. All of the bags of
clothes were gone through, the left-overs given to charity. I
textured my wall in my family room, painted it, and finished
that room. It had been a work in progress for literally 2 years.
I laid the tile in my kitchen which had been a gaping hole of
concrete for almost a year. I found every closet, cupboard and
drawer in my house clean and organized, My desk is clean almost
every night, usually before I even get up to go do something
else. My dishes are done, and my family room has not been a
mess since the day I finished it. I have found that I have a
peace that I can't explain.

I can no longer walk past something without picking it up. I
feel a peace from having a clean house that I NEVER imagined
would be possible. There are still a few projects that remain
to be done, but the major ones are done. My husband is happier,
I am happier, my children are happier, and the stress has left
my home.

My best friend and I have been friends for over 20 years, she
told me one day, April, never quit using that program. I have
always loved you, but I love talking to you now. You are so
positive and upbeat now. Anything that makes that change in a
person has got to be good! My mother is constantly telling me
now how proud she is of me (this is huge as I didn't receive
that praise when I was growing up). But, more important than
that, I am proud of ME. It really doesn't matter what they
think. I have found a sense of who I am.

We are now expecting baby #5, and for the first time ever, I am
not stressing over all the projects I can't do due to my high-
risk pregnancies. There is a calm assurance that all is well.
Your programs are the answer to my prayers. I tell everyone I
know about your programs, I have bought several others and lent
them to friends. Thank you for waking up one day and deciding
to follow your dreams. I am working on becoming that person. I
still have a ways to go, but I know I can do it!!

April Davis

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Gaining Strength on December 07, 2006, 10:04:24 AM

WOW Hops. :shock:Sounds too good to be true. I am interested.

I still want to hear about your new job! - love to you - Gaining Strength

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: insomniac on December 07, 2006, 01:14:24 PM

I've been really struggling with this lately, but I do have a wonderful site that I haven't been using but should have. It has helped a lot of others, though:

www.flylady.net

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: October on December 07, 2006, 01:49:56 PM

I think this issue of clutter has to do with emotional connection.

My Nmum has a real problem throwing anything away. She is a compulsive collector of any old tat she can find, whether silver spoons, stamps, thimbles, dolls houses, books, miniature houses; you name it, she collects it somewhere. She does this for herself, and does not share her hobby as you might expect; she buys stuff and hides it away in cupboards.

As a counter to this, my ob went the opposite way. He always wanted to throw everything away. When I was fourteen or so he 'encouraged' me to throw away a series of diaries that I had kept for about seven years, together with a book I wrote at school and won a prize for. He always wanted me to justify anything I wanted to keep, and unless it was being used currently, he wanted it gone. So I threw that stuff away, and lost part of myself when I did it.

Because of this, I think, I do not find it hard to throw anything out. Nothing is mine, or feels connected with me. I find it very easy to give anything to anyone. As an example of this, I had a rosary which I loved; my favourite one. I took it to an uncle's funeral this year and used it to help me stay grounded, and prayed with it. So it is very important to me. But a good friend was at my house, and admired my rosary collection, and I said, I have lots and lots, you can choose which one you want. She chose that one. And I felt a tug, but thought, she is more important than the rosary, so she can have it. Part of me mourns for the prayers that went into that rosary, but mostly I think it has gone to a good home, and was only here in passing. And I still have lots more left.

This is not to say I have a minimalist house, but I noticed that when my ex left, my d became very clingy, and found it very difficult indeed to disconnect from any of her toys from babyhood and childhood. I thought it was best to allow this to follow its natural course, which has meant the house becoming rather more cluttered than I would really choose it to be, but I can't just clear out things which mean so much to her, when she has already lost so much. So it is a compromise at present.

Every now and then I go through my stuff, though, and aim to clear out about a third of everything I have. As long as I know it is going to a good home (ie the charity shop mostly) then I don't mind moving out the less needed stuff, to make more room for d's stuff to gradually take over every room. :lol:

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Gaining Strength on December 07, 2006, 06:17:09 PM

I love flylady!! Though I haven't looked there in a couple of years.

October, I absolutely agree about the emotional connection.
I have been interested in this odd healing process based on accupuncture pressure points
called EFT. I read an article by an EFT practitioner who is a member of a national organizers
organization and she clearly saw emotional issues prominent in her clients.

Gaining Strength

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 07, 2006, 07:14:56 PM

OCTOBER...
It was exactly the same in my house. My mother hoarded, my dad forced us to throw out everything. I still remember one move when he was so mean I just gave up and threw away things that meant something to me (granted, it was probably junk... but you know how kids are attached to some things for various reasons). For years I lived totally minimally. Not a single knick knack. No animals. No mess, no personal anything. It is only in the past three years that I have gained clutter. Now I fight with it... on one hand, it is the projects my kids and I do... on the other hand, I am dreadfully embarrassed to have any clutter. I am cleaning through all closets and drawers now... one or two a weekend. I think I am mostly balanced. Our house is small now, though, and I can never get everything quite right enough to feel secure. Things are better, though, lately, as I have been able to paint some, which means I am not too stressed out by it.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Thanks for the topic.
Love, Beth

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: SilverLining on December 07, 2006, 10:26:06 PM

I must be schizoid, because I like collecting things, but I also like getting rid of them. It's fun to search, shop, compare, decide, learn about new things. But then having them around seems to quickly become more of an annoyance than a pleasure. So every so often I sift through and unload, which is just as much fun as acquiring in the first place. I don't have much of an attachment to the stuff. It's rare I ever miss anything I have gotten rid of.

This is in contrast to many others I know who seem to just keep loading up junk until the attic floor collapses. Many of my immediate relatives are the pack rat type. Every object is assigned special significance and so they have a reason to never let go of anything.

I like to believe I am following the middle way. :D Breath in, breath out. And I think about what JC said concerning attachment to worldly goods.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: October on December 08, 2006, 09:56:28 AM

Quote from: gratitude28 on December 07, 2006, 07:14:56 PM

Now I fight with it... on one hand, it is the projects my kids and I do... on the other hand, I am dreadfully embarrassed to have any clutter. I am cleaning through all closets and drawers now... one or two a weekend. I think I am mostly balanced.
Love, Beth

Do you think that this balance is just a balance between mom and dad in your head, or is it actually you being happy with who you are, and the space you are in?

I am not meaning to create insecurity in you, but I think a lot of the time when I am cleaning my house, I am doing it because I think that the dad part in me will be happy because of it. And of course, he never is, because it is never clean enough to get a well done. Just as my brother was never satisfied with what I threw away before, because there were always things left.

One thing he insisted on throwing out was his old carrycot from when he was a baby. He made mum and dad throw it away, because he hates anything that reminds him of the past; his own past. The carrrycot was worth nothing, and would not meet safety standards today, so could not be used. But I still wish he had not thrown it away.

Some things are worth keeping. But if you keep everything, then you have nothing of value.

In terms of my Nmum, she knows the price of everything and the value of nothing, so she hoardes indiscriminately. This devalues everything. She has embroidery worked by my grandmother, long departed. And yet she will buy embroidered tablecloths at car boot sales, and store them together, so that nobody but her knows which are the heirlooms, and which are the tat. The only end result of this will be that ultimately all will be discarded together.

I think this is partly why the reaction against hoarders is to disconnect from every possession, and throw everything away. You cannot allow anything to have power over you, as possessions do over some people, and to prevent it you clean out too much. Maybe it is the equivalent of the alcoholic's spouse going teetotal, because it is the only thing left for them to do.

Title: Re: De Cluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: October on December 08, 2006, 11:25:46 AM

Quote from: moonlight on December 08, 2006, 10:34:43 AM

But what do you do when you and your hubby can not throw anything out..................????????

I would try a 'pending' box. Put stuff in it, and anything you think of during the year, take out and use. Anything still there 12 months later, throw away. Or if 12 months is too short, then try 2 years, or three. Anything that works. :D Same with the wardrobe. If you haven't worn it in five years, throw it out. (Wedding dress excepted, of course!)

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: SilverLining on December 08, 2006, 01:42:05 PM

Quote from: October on December 07, 2006, 01:49:56 PM

I find it very easy to give anything to anyone. As an example of this, I had a rosary which I loved; my favourite one. I took it to an uncle's funeral this year and used it to help me stay grounded, and prayed with it. So it is very important to me. But a good friend was at my house, and admired my rosary collection, and I said, I have lots and lots, you can choose which one you want. She chose that one. And I felt a tug, but thought, she is more important than the rosary, so she can have it. Part of me mourns for the prayers that went into that rosary, but mostly I think it has gone to a good home, and was only here in passing. And I still have lots more left.

Last night I read a story which reminded me of your comment.

A wise woman was traveling in the mountains when she came upon a beautiful clear stream. Thirsty she cupped her hand, reached in, and brought the water to her mouth. After she had drank, she noticed a precious stone in the palm of her hand. She held it high and it glittered in the sun. Delighted, she tucked the treasure into her bag. The next day the wise woman met a hungry fellow traveler, and without hesitation she opened her bag to share what food she had. Immediately, the traveler caught sight of the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without the slightest hesitation.

The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. This stone was surely worth enough money to provide a lifetime of security. But only a few days later, he came back, his brow furrowed, and returned the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said. "I know how valuable this stone must surely be, but I've brought it back to trade for something even more precious. Please give me what you have within you that enabled you to freely give me the stone".

This was in a new book called the "Trance of Scarcity"

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: October on December 08, 2006, 03:14:19 PM

Quote from: tjr100 on December 08, 2006, 01:42:05 PM

"I've been thinking," he said. "I know how valuable this stone must surely be, but I've brought it back to trade for something even more precious. Please give me what you have within you that enabled you to freely give me the stone".

This was in a new book called the "Trance of Scarcity"

That is a beautiful story. Thank you, tjr. I will print that one out to think about. ((((((((hugs)))))))

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 10, 2006, 07:33:36 PM

October,
You brought out so many ideas I don't even know where to start...
But as to whether I clean in some sort of homage to my father - yes, I think you are totally right. It is some way, I think, also, of saying I am on 'his side,' if that makes any sense. It seems to me there was a ton of 'taking sides' in my house and that was one of them. I never have really thought this through...
Also, you are so right about the price of everything and value of nothing. My mother is truly that way. When I was reading about children I realized that too much clutter keeps them from being able to enjoy the things that are special and from which they might truly learn. I have also made myself absolutely stick to the rule of "If you bring something into the house, something has to go." And I get rid of stuff (for the most part) that hasn't been worn in a year. Honestly, I am amazed I didn't get rid of my wedding dress. I probably will. I hold very little value in things and always have. And I can't believe that my mother doesn't have a spiritual bone in her body... that there is nothing that holds any true value for her. She just DOES NOT see things that way (and I don't think she ever will).
Thanks, October, for the food for thought. And thank you everyone else for the great additions to the topic here. To me this is very important and something I really appreciate input on.
Love, Beth

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on December 10, 2006, 08:23:31 PM

All of these posts make so much sense to me.

I think what's going on with me isn't about stuff.
It's about not wanting to be responsible for myself.
It's about wishing my dad were back (he took meticulous care of paperwork and finances.)
I don't spend. I don't consume. I don't collect. I don't spend.

I JUST DON'T PICK UP MY STUFF AND TAKE CARE OF THE PAPERWORK BUSINESS OF LIFE.

Yoicks. Sorry for the caps but I am embarrassed to say it at all so I said it loud to get it out.

It's very odd that I'm so focused and responsible at work, I accomplish a lot, and I'm the same way in taking daily care of my mother.

But when it comes to taking care of my own space, my own paperwork/mail/all that...

I escape. And it ain't good. :oops:

Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 10, 2006, 08:30:05 PM

But hopsy,
You have identified the problem... so WHY are you still doing it???? Do you want someone to save you????? What is the result you are fishing for (dig deep... you know it's in there).
Love, Beth

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on December 10, 2006, 09:01:08 PM

Uggghh. Painful question, Beth. (But thank you for asking it. Mwah!)

I do need to dig there but boy, I don't want to.

Will try it again later....

Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 10, 2006, 09:02:15 PM

(((((((((((((((((((((((hops)))))))))))))))))))))

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: October on December 12, 2006, 03:29:47 PM

Quote from: Hopalong on December 10, 2006, 08:23:31 PM

It's very odd that I'm so focused and responsible at work, I accomplish a lot, and I'm the same way in taking daily care of my mother.

But when it comes to taking care of my own space, my own paperwork/mail/all that...

I escape. And it ain't good. :oops:

Hops

Sounds like avoidance, which is born out of fear. This may all be totally wrong, so take or leave, as you wish.

At work there is a role to play, and you do it very well. At home there is a huge great void, where your father used to stand and guard over you, and now there is just a huge heap of paperwork, and no-one to help. Which might trigger your feelings of bereavement and grief again, which would in turn bring feelings of abandonment, and of being a lost child. And lost children cannot do paperwork, no matter how much they might want to. They want to be found, and loved. That would all be very understandable. If you are anything like me, then when you look at that heap, you will go cold and freeze, and then head for the displacement activities.

Maybe it would help if you did some relaxation and meditation, and picture your dad with you, and beside you all the way, maybe for a few minutes a day for a while before starting sorting things out. Maybe put his photograph nearby. When you feel ready to start, break it into small tasks, rather than having to do it all at once. Maybe schedule one day for opening letters and putting them in order. The next day for writing cheques. The next day for balancing accounts. That kind of thing. Maybe write a plan, with the heading, 'What Dad would tell me to do, and how he will help me to do it'. Then maybe when you write his advice down, you will find he hasn't gone away at all, but is right there with you, every moment of the day.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: October on December 12, 2006, 03:37:53 PM

Quote from: gratitude28 on December 10, 2006, 07:33:36 PM

Honestly, I am amazed I didn't get rid of my wedding dress. I probably will.

If you feel that you have to do this, then why not offer it to your local museum? I know this sounds crazy, but half the stuff in there was new once, and many museums keep samples of costumes and dresses etc. That way the dress goes to a good home, and you don't think you have discarded it, but rather given it to the future.

You can offer it on permanent loan, if you don't want it to be sold or thrown away without your family knowing.

I was married in 1987, and one day, if I know my d doesn't want it, I intend to do this with my wedding dress, shoes etc. And my mother's, for that matter. But in her case, I would find a museum in the town where she married.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 12, 2006, 07:31:16 PM

Storm,
What an astute and lovely answer.
Love,
Beth

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: mountainspring on December 12, 2006, 09:01:10 PM

What a great thread. I can relate to fear of paperwork… in my case bills. I hate them. I hate to pay them and I’m afraid of them but don’t know why. It’s so silly because we have the money, but fear just overtakes me. Sometimes it’s no big deal, and other times they send me into such a panic I can’t open the mail. Recently I found a solution that is working well. I scheduled them to be paid every other week automatically from the bank account. This way if I’m not feeling like I can deal with them they are taken care of. Going to the site to check into the think right now CD’s. Thanks for the topic Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 12, 2006, 09:19:29 PM

You know, my problem is just the opposite I just realized... I overpay everything. To the point I have no money left and have to scramble to find a few bucks (and we are not hurting for money...). For some reason I get such pleasure out of paying things off that I will deprive myself of my last nickel to have that feeling. It also goes along with the pleasure of throwing things out, I think.
Hmmm... I'll have to ponder this one...

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on December 13, 2006, 05:59:06 PM

October, this is a great line, thank you!

Quote

And lost children cannot do paperwork, no matter how much they might want to.

I posted a long happy explosion about how I had RECEIVED y'alls support...maybe on a GS thread...but either I can't find it or it vanished or I hit the wrong button, but the fact is, shortly after writing all this I did snap out of it. A few days' more to do but I made a big push and got the pile sorted and a bunch done.

THANKS ALL -- your vibes arrived!!

BTW, interesting thing to add, would love your thoughts Oct., is that my Dad was also OCD-ish about paperwork--about a lot of things. So while he was a protector and did all that so well, it was a tense thing to try to do (as well as he). Hmmm! Maybe it's THAT. Not so much wanting rescue, as fearing doing it imperfectly so much that I often don't do it at all.

AHA.

Whew. Oy. Dang. It's so stooooooooooooooopid.

love,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Gaining Strength on December 13, 2006, 07:06:22 PM

Quote

fearing doing it imperfectly so much that I often don't do it at all

This has great validity for my situation. But knowing ths is just the beginning for me.
Great thread Hops. - Gaining Strength

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: gratitude28 on December 13, 2006, 07:22:11 PM

Fear of imperfection is what holds me back from working out and eating right. It is so silly, but I always feel everyone is looking at me and judging what and how I eat and how much or how well I work out. I feel if I am not doing it to Arnold's level, it's not enough...

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: SilverLining on December 14, 2006, 04:24:49 PM

My suggestion is to try tossing the books anyway Moon. With practice it might even get to be more satisfying than keeping the stuff around. In the internet age, it's easy to re-obtain books or information if necessary.

I say this as a reformed book hoarder. I used to have a roomful. Then I gradually worked my way out of the habit. And I have only rarely ever regretted getting rid of a book. These days, I would rather just borrow things from the library, and then give them back when I am done. And I find giving them back is nearly as satisfying as taking them out in the first place. I have saved around $12,000 dollars by letting go of this buying habit.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: SilverLining on December 15, 2006, 01:34:04 PM

Quote from: moonlight on December 14, 2006, 04:59:17 PM

HI ya tjr100

So we got the book thing in common hey....what I did not tell you that makes it even harder is some of my books were given to me by my sweet mom and she would
read a book about art history or a bio of a writer in the 1920's etc but she would know she was going to give it to me and in the margins are her hand written comments to me ...........

Hi moon. One of the things I have done in this kind of situation is keep nothing but the notes. All of this stuff fits nicely in a small box. I probably will never look at these again either, but that's just me.

It's an ongoing challenge. I still have a couple of shelves of books I think of as "reference" even though I haven't opened them in years. Then there's that old quilt made by my grandmother that's been sitting in a bag for the last 20 years..... :)

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 23, 2010, 02:46:34 PM

Read about an online resource for OCD issues including hoarding.

I don't qualify as a hoarder, I don't collect...but I am ADD, still disorganized, let things slide, get overwhelmed.

On deadline right now, so functioning like crazy. But feel stressed and overwhelmed on the domestic side.

Thought maybe this resource would be interesting for clutterbugs, and wanted to revive this thread regardless.

http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/ (http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/)

love,
Cluttered messy Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on May 24, 2010, 09:36:57 AM

I reckon it's a function of aging! The stuff just accumulates...

however: I have lots of stuff - duck tape, WD40, set of screwdrivers, big hammer, old blankets, tin trays that are probably over 50 years old - that I use and are useful. To throw them and then do the things i do with those things would mean spending money on new stuff -what's the point?

We buy foodstuffs now that are packed in containers that our grandparents would have paid good money for. And we chuck the containers out as worthless- but then go and buy new plastic water spray bottles for example. Insane. We buy cheap tat paintbushes and rollers and throw them away after one use instead of cleaning them (ok not all of us do that). If it's old and it works, it doesn't need replacing. You don't chuck out a cooker just because it's old! But people do, all the time, because they want clean new built-in stuff. Because they're told that's what they want.

I think I could easily chuck out all my work paperwork - all those agencies I went to see (who I never got a job through) ,all those applications and notes of interviews, all that gumph from training courses. Maybe it's time for a couple of my once-sharp work suits to go too...although i can still fit into them. Maybe not. After all, a classic jacket used to be almost forever.How times have changed!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: BonesMS on May 24, 2010, 11:55:37 AM

I'm painfully aware that, due to my ongoing struggle with Depression and other physical ailments, my home is BADLY cluttered and I have been trying to get rid of stuff that I no longer need, which is currently complicated by the medical issues going on now. The biggest part is that many papers have to be shredded because of the personal information they contain. (I don't want to risk identity theft from dumpster divers.) The Community Shred only happens once every six months and I need to shred more frequently than that. My little shredders that I have are not powerful enough to handle the amount and stop frequently...forcing me to wait several hours for them to cool down before I can resume. To add to the frustration, Mr. Birdbrain LOVES to re-clutter whatever space I manage to clear out and thinks he's being so cute and funny about it! GRRRRRRR!!!!!! :P

Bones

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on May 24, 2010, 12:37:49 PM

Bones, I've refused to buy a wee shredder several times because ...it would be...just more...CLUTTER! I use a 'personal digital shredder' and mix things like scraps of credit card numbers with stuff like chicken fat which all goes (c/o the recycling people) into an anaerobic digestion unit.

But on hoarding, I do know someone who keeps things like packaging 'just in case' and keeps what a normie may consider to be 'too many' of said items. A family member did this too. When I've seen 20+ of the same item (say, a foil tart tray) stacked high....I must admit to thinking "this is indicating a real problem". I leave 'em to it though. It's a tough one to deal with and it ain't my job, unless it's my space!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: BonesMS on May 25, 2010, 08:24:40 AM

Quote from: Portia on May 24, 2010, 12:37:49 PM

Bones, I've refused to buy a wee shredder several times because ...it would be...just more...CLUTTER! I use a 'personal digital shredder' and mix things like scraps of credit card numbers with stuff like chicken fat which all goes (c/o the recycling people) into an anaerobic digestion unit.

But on hoarding, I do know someone who keeps things like packaging 'just in case' and keeps what a normie may consider to be 'too many' of said items. A family member did this too. When I've seen 20+ of the same item (say, a foil tart tray) stacked high....I must admit to thinking "this is indicating a real problem". I leave 'em to it though. It's a tough one to deal with and it ain't my job, unless it's my space!

I understand, Portia. At the same time, I also understand how "resourceful" crooks can be in getting your credit card numbers and they don't care how GROSS the garbage is! (That's how greedy they are....they are also N's, IMHO, with this attitude of: "You have what I want so I'll just TAKE IT!) I also get it with the 20+ of the same item. A few years ago, a friend's home got flooded and EVERYTHING in her basement had to get tossed because of flood contamination. I lost count of how many items I found that were duplicates, NEVER used, still in their packages. Even though the owner has Alzheimer's, she threw a FIT because we were throwing out HER STUFF! She couldn't understand that since all this stuff had been contaminated with raw sewage, it had become a bio and health hazard! It was NOT a comfortable scenario!

Bones

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on May 25, 2010, 08:44:03 AM

Not good Bones, you doing the helpful thing and havng to deal with someone's lack of understanding in a situation like that. Well you know you were a hero right? Many people might be more reticent!

We had a spate of people raiding bins in our town - and they got away with a fine amount of credit card theft. They targeted some expensive new 'commuter' flats (they come with a communal gym and pool i think). And I thought of the 'victims': so you're living in a quite a posh development and yet you chucked out papers containing personal details and made it fairly easy for someone to nick your money.

It's fish in the sea - swim on the outside and don't look out for predators and you get eaten. Stay in the middle norm, don't make yourself stand out and take reasonable precautions with your stuff and you stand a better chance of not being ripped off. But also see the threat realistically. If you have a real problem with people going through your bins, maybe there's a case for burning stuff. Do you know of anyone in your area who's suffered from this type of theft?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: BonesMS on May 26, 2010, 03:53:21 PM

Quote from: Portia on May 25, 2010, 08:44:03 AM

Not good Bones, you doing the helpful thing and havng to deal with someone's lack of understanding in a situation like that. Well you know you were a hero right? Many people might be more reticent!

We had a spate of people raiding bins in our town - and they got away with a fine amount of credit card theft. They targeted some expensive new 'commuter' flats (they come with a communal gym and pool i think). And I thought of the 'victims': so you're living in a quite a posh development and yet you chucked out papers containing personal details and made it fairly easy for someone to nick your money.

It's fish in the sea - swim on the outside and don't look out for predators and you get eaten. Stay in the middle norm, don't make yourself stand out and take reasonable precautions with your stuff and you stand a better chance of not being ripped off. But also see the threat realistically. If you have a real problem with people going through your bins, maybe there's a case for burning stuff. Do you know of anyone in your area who's suffered from this type of theft?

There's been this type of theft in my area as a result of dumpster-diving. That's why my community has a Community Shred Day twice a year as one of the ways to fight crime. I just wish they had it monthly instead of only twice a year but I guess whoever sponsors it doesn't have that kind of budget to pay a commercial shredder to come every month.

Thanks for the compliment regarding the flood situation. Wading into that muck, wearing a bio-suit, wasn't my idea of fun and, at the same time, it had to get taken care of ASAP.

Bones

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on May 28, 2010, 07:04:16 PM

I threw away some art papers, books that are just sitting on a shelf, paperwork that I don't need. I threw away less then favorite paintings. I feel ok about it I think, I don't miss the stuff. I think part of the problem is simply that on a daily basis, Little by little stuff migrates in. Rather then things migrating out regularly.

It's really a relief to let go of old stuff. I have ideas that go along with it, so when I throw out the old stuff I'm throwing away ideas in a way. Even throwing out "hopes".

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 28, 2010, 10:35:58 PM

Thanks for sharing that glimpse Helen.

I like the notion of papers returning to pulp...

I wonder if it would help me to ritualize decluttering a little.

Make it like toothbrushing.

xo
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: BonesMS on May 29, 2010, 11:07:48 AM

It feels like the faster I shred the junk mail, the faster it pours into my mailbox! :shock:

Bones

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: teartracks on May 30, 2010, 12:35:54 AM

I know one clutterbug. This person collects good quality decorative objects. On entering this person's home, you get the sense that there are at least a thousand unfinished projects, most built on a theme of some kind like say chalk figurines or blue pottery. Therefore, the beauty of the collected objects gets lost in their having become plain old clutter. In talking with this person, I get a very strong sense of resistance to acknowledging the seriousness of the situlation. Also, a clear attitude from the person which says don't visit my home if you don't like what you see. I happened to have known the great aunt (in her late life), who was not known to the person I'm talking about here. The great aunt's home was so full of clutter that there were only 'rat trails' from room to room. Based on this observation, I'm inclined to believe that there is a genetic bent present in the clutter thing. Also, observation tells me that ADHD and/or OC may be a layer of the cluttering behavioral onion. In the situation I'm talking about, the person also has several cats. The house seems to belong to the cats more than the person. Don't know how this all plays together. I'm jsut thinking out loud.

tt

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 30, 2010, 10:31:36 AM

TT...defnitely genetic predisposition.

Bones...this will help:

https://www.dmachoice.org/dma/static/privacy_policy.jsp (https://www.dmachoice.org/dma/static/privacy_policy.jsp)

xo
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on May 30, 2010, 10:58:47 AM

TT, Hops

genetic? In that case my home should be an absolute pigsty - but it's not. 8)

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 30, 2010, 11:30:25 AM

Hey Portia, this may be interesting:

http://assets0.pubget.com/pdf/18297419.pdf (http://assets0.pubget.com/pdf/18297419.pdf)

(I don't understand the technical parts but scan the article for English...there's a lot I can grasp about the environmental triggers for OCD, hoarding, other anxiety issues...)

compulsively,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on May 30, 2010, 02:14:33 PM

Thanks Hops. Interesting a possible link between 'the strep' and onset OCD.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: BonesMS on May 30, 2010, 04:30:11 PM

Quote from: Hopalong on May 30, 2010, 10:31:36 AM

TT...defnitely genetic predisposition.

Bones...this will help:

https://www.dmachoice.org/dma/static/privacy_policy.jsp (https://www.dmachoice.org/dma/static/privacy_policy.jsp)

xo
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

Bones

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on May 31, 2010, 09:45:44 AM

Hey all... I WONDER:

how much "objectifying" has to do, with a predisposition to collect clutter??

and might it involve a passive-aggressive attempt to "control" or be top dog in an emotional power struggle????? Perhaps even an inner one? Or a way to "force" acceptance of self on others - "love me, love my clutter" - in a living situation????

I wonder.

As far as I can tell - everyone has clutter. Somewhere - either visible or hidden. Once, when looking at this house, I did notice that the previous owner had organized so completely, that there was a labelled shoebox for "open snacks" in the cupboard. That's a bit extreme in the OTHER direction, methinks...

Garden variety clutter happens when things aren't "put away" where they belong. Maybe they don't have place where they belong; maybe life & fun or work & kids or friends or exercise or a thousand other possible things distracted one long enough that one "forgot" to put things away. Or it a was a project: and materials & tools were left out because life called one away to something else. Or one just doesn't find filing a stimulating way to spend time! It's not shameful; it doesn't need a self-help book; there's nothing wrong with the person who has this kind of "clutter" in their lives, you know?

Yes, I know there are extremes - and I sometimes feel I've been fighting my whole life against those! But don't you think, that just like societal pressure to be thin, fit, and barbie-doll attractive... we're being programmed to "expect" our living spaces to be so clean, attractive & neat that it looks as if no one lives there???? I wonder.

I also wonder how much our "stuff" enables - in a passive-aggressive way - one to claim space; express oneself; allow oneself to dream or anticipate or force acceptance of oneself - "just as one is" - on others; or to substitute sentimentality in objects for real relationships; real life. As if "stuff" is some cosmic by-product of being who we are.... and some of us take more or less responsibility for the impact of our stuff on others... and some are simply oblivious to it.

My own quirk that way, is having "stuff" - just in case: what if the power goes out? I have a propane camp stove/oven... just in case I get the urge to bake something (????????) I have a shelf full of herbs/spices for ethnic food that I only cook occasionally. I have several boxes full of first aid "stuff" - tho' I haven't yet bought the back country suture kit!! :D And I will only say that for 20 years I have dedicated storage space to art & sewing "stuff" - some of it still unwrapped - that I "might" use.... someday. And I've even put together baskets/jars of "stuff" in my guest rooms.... in case someone forgets toothpaste, needs an aspirin, etc.

I have been so primed and groomed to be self-sufficient, it's rediculous, in it's own way... Walmart is a mile from my house.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on May 31, 2010, 11:01:33 AM

Laughing out loud :D Amber. Very funny!

a labelled shoebox for "open snacks" in the cupboard - nooooo! No! Did you take a picture? Can we see it please?! Maybe I shouldn't laugh. :? <laughs anyway>

Practical stuff (candles) logical stuff (my recycling habits) stuff to fire imagination (art products, visual books) memories (my half sovereign from WW1) is all good stuff. However I opened a box last night and saw something that I intend to junk because it has none of those values.

to substitute sentimentality in objects for real relationships - well yes, especially by those who treat everything as an object....hmmmm...how do they know the difference between something alive and something inanimate? Oh yes,the alive thing moves about....

I live a mile from my 'walmart' but I'm prepared for when they run out of food! (except I haven't learned self-defence yet).

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 31, 2010, 12:19:21 PM

I really do feel unhappy about my clutter.
I'm not talking about creativity debris or evidence of activity.

My clutter is more evidence of INactivity, not grasping my life, not taking care of self or space.

But I understand that it is affecting me this way because I'm me...and the same level of disorder might be a cheerful dynamic setting for someone else.

For me, it's not a happy thing. I have too much in my head, and paperwork in particular -- unsorted and undealt with -- feels like a hazard. It actually is.

I know the tricks and techniques and logics behind organization. I think NOT doing it, is my problem.
Part ADD, part overwhelment, working too hard, and partly...just checking out of my life instead of taking care of it.

Working too much, too much stress with D, etc, etc.

Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on May 31, 2010, 10:50:42 PM

Quote from: Hopalong on May 31, 2010, 12:19:21 PM

I really do feel unhappy about my clutter.
I'm not talking about creativity debris or evidence of activity.

My clutter is more evidence of INactivity, not grasping my life, not taking care of self or space.

But I understand that it is affecting me this way because I'm me...and the same level of disorder might be a cheerful dynamic setting for someone else.

For me, it's not a happy thing. I have too much in my head, and paperwork in particular -- unsorted and undealt with -- feels like a hazard. It actually is.

I know the tricks and techniques and logics behind organization. I think NOT doing it, is my problem.
Part ADD, part overwhelment, working too hard, and partly...just checking out of my life instead of taking care of it.

Working too much, too much stress with D, etc, etc.

Hops

Hey, Hops,

Just look around and pick out one thing right now that does not enhance your life or isn't a vital record. Then throw it away.

I had an antique lamp that my mother gave me, a bolt of electricity came out of it and shocked me, a piece of the metal on the lamp exploded.
After I was shocked I thought: This is some piece of historical significance, how can I throw it away?

I struggled with throwing away an antique gift.

Then I took it out back with a written caution sign on it and it dissapeared.

I don't miss it.

I have six+ boxes of paper work that I'm working on. SLOWLY but I'm gonna get there!

I think I have thrown away 3 paper bags full of paper work and there is still more? It doesn't look like a dent but I know that eventually it will be improved.

The other thing is maybe it would help to go out to a lookout-vantage point of some beautiful view before doing some decluttering, this helps me!
The more time I spend with my clutter the harder it is for me to take action, my perspective becomes the same size as my apartment.

If I do something that changes my perspective, figuratively or literally- well that helps me a little at least!!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on June 01, 2010, 08:44:45 AM

Oh HOPS.... I know, I agonized about how my post might bounce off of you! (and wrote it 3 times)

I do know that feeling of the walls (and piles) crushing in on me - it's like I can't even breathe - and then I get angry (ok, it's not even that official; more like petty bitchy...) and then I kick myself for letting hubby distract me (again) by going out and having a bit of fun instead of creating "order" out of chaos.... I can't even blame him (tho' god knows, I try) deep down; it's all my fault, you know?

... it's almost like hearing my Nmom in my head, telling me: NO.... you can't go out and play - go to your room and don't come out until it's CLEAN and only I know when it's CLEAN... or then, because I did "sneak" out to play - adding more jobs to my "LIST TO DO"... as a punishment... or being tasked with picking up after my brother who "wouldn't do a good job" (injustice!! how's he going to learn??? and then the whining..................................it's not FAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRR!)

And I so hate filing. We've tried everything - baskets of old bills to be entered into software and then "to be filed". A basket for shredding. House & furniture & recipes baskets of magazines & catalogs - ideas. M's magazines & papers that proliferate throughout the house on any flat surface - that he's looked at for 5 seconds and is saving for "someday"..... sigh. And his other "excuse" is that he prints out or saves things to share with me (bigger SIGH and how pass-aggress is that?!)... so I said, OK - put all that stuff you want me to look at HERE (which is right above where we recycle paper).

And NO.... there's not enough time. It comes in faster than I can get rid of it. So, I keep looking for compromises.... flat surfaces seem like territory I can claim or make "off limits" for stacks. Finding a place to put important things so that when I can finally address that stack - or unexpectedly "need it" - I can find it. And I'm slowly realizing that M simply doesn't have the ability to sort or group "likes" together.... to him, the cereal box cars are just as important and "neat" as his more valuable tiny trains... especially, when he adds in the pressure of a limited time-frame - the inner "ticking clock" causes some neural process to fall apart & cease to be able to cope with the task at hand.... and then he reaches out for something else to turn his attention to.... and that's usually me. And the expressed reason is that he's "lonely". He doesn't have anyone to talk to - he's more concerned with what I want; how I want a space to be organized or my help in sorting... he says he's afraid of "doing it wrong".

When I point out that I've never criticized "how" he's done something (which is one of my inner "buttons") - that it's someone else he's still fearing... it goes nowhere. It doesn't connect to anything... we're still working on it and making slow progress. The ironic (semi-serious??) joke is that he's afraid I'll divorce him because of all his "junk"... right. I have always told him that there are worse things that his "junk" - and I know what they are; he ISN'T that! (again - the false "stuff" = "me" equation).

And yet - on the flip side of that - when MIL was showing me her lovingly handmade baby clothes, wedding dress, quilt - it was pretty smack-upside-the head clear to me that this "stuff" WAS a part of her. But in a good way, you know? That's the best I can describe that paradox... how DO "THINGS" assume value? Does having the experience of serious loss in one's life affect that? Is there any value in preserving and passing on "things"??? (she asks, sitting on a handmade oak chair that came via boat to the US from Switzerland in the late 1800s.....).

Maybe if we can see this whole clutter issue more objectively - less personally, in my case - we'll pick up some more clues about how this paradox works and where facing it & taking action and time to address it can make an impact and generate momentum..... I am pretty sure that there is some emotional core "nut" to crack about this, after being on a lot of different sides of this "problem". I have my own clutter; my own "stuff" that only means something to me and has no inherent value; other people's "stuff" totally gets on my nerves - I truly do feel as if it's some kind of boundary violation, suffocating me, at it's worst; and I've taken on my Nmom's 3 floors of floor to ceiling stuffed hoarded stuff... been the unasked for recipient of boxes of her "stuff" that she thinks I want...and have gleefully taken it right to the curb immediately... I swear there's some power trip hidden in all our different perspectives of "stuff", you know?????

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Portia on June 01, 2010, 11:46:37 AM

I found this article gave some perspective about what clutter means:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/apr/17/diana-athill-move-old-peoples-home

and i find that considering death and impermanence can help.

As for other people's stuff, if I don't like where it is, I say so, then move it, but I have very little to 'put up with' in that sense. I guess my saving factor is that I know what all the 'stuff' is and it can stay where it is - it doesn't impact my day to day life. And as for the important day to day stuff - I don't put it 'away for later' - I deal with it.

I try not to touch any incoming post more than once. It's a good habit to get into I found.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on June 01, 2010, 02:57:00 PM

Last night, I laid on the dusty wooden floor, let out a bone tired moan, looked up at the ceiling and gazed at the bald light bulb way up there thinking about the stars on the other side, the expansive feeling. With all six of my boxes surrounding sprawled-out-me on the floor, I laughed a crazy one in the middle of the night, didn't sleep, stayed up through dawn. DUSTY boxes, with HORIZONTAL layers of employee benefits that are no longer available to me, yet they all have my personal info on them so the INDIVIDUAL sheets one-by-one require scrutiny. Tax documents sandwiched between furniture manuals, bags of receipts containing odd shaped screws. Unrequited travel plans meticulously scrawled out on yellow sheets that I want to hold to my heart.
Names of "pals" I wish I would accidentally run into but dare not contact so many years later. It's an excavation. Two year old "new age" advice that apparently hasn't permeated that delineation between thought and actualization. Lists of prescriptions I should remember to fill but haven't since I don't have the money and I seem to be surviving without them, the damage is done. I emerged with one half sack of non-confidential throwaway stuff from my boxes then I grabbed drawings and color experiments folded them neatly japanese-like to fill the rest of the sack.

'Art Supplies - Fart Supplies"

I evaluate each sheet by some undefined rules EACH and EVERY SHEET EVALUATED as if it actually matters..but possibly it doesn't matter. Then I clarify in my mind the rules of paper disposal, I wonder if my new rules are too harsh. I eye a gift cook book, sitting on a shelf across the room with a grudge. My papers tell me I can be captain of my own ship if only I concentrated my intention as if the intention is a wind in the corporeal world that will blow the sails. A vague and windy world. Strategic action plans made 2 and 4 years ago, no matter how I splice the words it wasn't the fate.

I see a spider on that guys hoodie, I think about telling him, I think about throwing paper wads at him but no the spider is not a spider.

I still have 5.5 boxes to audit. I am the assessor. I will find all documentation deficiencies in all critical areas. I will dominate these boxes, I will dominate these stratifications of hardcopy memory. I will ruthlessly update my records.

If my paperworks could speak they would say "I was going to say something important but I can't remember what it was."

PS: Hops, Guess what? I found a $20 bill folded up in some filed receipts! There's some motivation for you! There could be money in that paper pile!!!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on June 01, 2010, 11:01:26 PM

Oh, y'all.

There ain't no clutter on this BOARD, I'll tell you that!

Thank you. Totally hugful thank you.

Want to hear a funny...ahh, coincidence?
After reading your wonderful replies in mid-day and kind of rushing off to another topic thread, hmmm, just didn't want to really take this one in, let'sgoreadaboutsomebodyelseHops...I go home and BLAST through all the current pile, get them suckers written, stamped, recorded and paid and driven DIreckly to the P.O. this a.m....and short on sleep or not, I felt GREAT.

Ehh? See what you do??????????

love love love and thank you for
CB, boxes
PR, loving your hoardyhubby
Portia, the gifts of death and impermanence
TT, warning re. the Global Cat Domination
Helen, your dazzling, dazzling writing

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooo
A tired but less cluttered
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on June 02, 2010, 09:45:08 AM

more humor:

after writing all that yesterday, I was so "fired up" I launched it all on hubby! I felt like I was "going where no man has gone before" and was going to unlock the deep dark secrets of "stuff"....

well - after adjusting his totally blown back hair (remember the old audio ads??) - he played along for a little while and while it really didn't go anywhere, it did completely change our ability to talk - and laugh - about the "stuff". Turns out the secret is:

it's just stuff!

This whole retirement thing - with him being around 24/7 - LORD, there's a lot of learning going on from both sides....

Hops - you're welcome - anytime! I think maybe I'm finding a funny bone I didn't know I had and it might just be useful.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on June 03, 2010, 08:01:13 AM

CB, I wanted to thank you too, for hearing the feelings I was having.
Just letting "I hear you" sink in for a moment...then visualizing you setting a place to honor the sunset...that freed a bit of calm to float in me too. I was sharing your peace. Thank you.

PR...blown-back hair? And still makes you laugh?
That's a keeper.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on June 03, 2010, 08:04:53 AM

And...new interim minister (just one person, this time, a woman who appears very nice from her site) is coming to look at my little rental wing next week. Today, I have a hired (!!!) cleaning lady coming to attack the first floor and hopefully give a great (if somewhat false) impression...

I really hope the minster takes it. Only issue is whether she'd be happy sharing a kitchen. I hope so! Otherwise I'll be renting to a stranger which is a bit more complicated, since I can't issue a formal lease....estate being in limbo and all that, it really has to be a "housemates' understanding."

But this is the clutter thread. I'm feeling a bit better about it but want to keep the awareness going.

I have been getting organized, and have a big deadline coming, so it will help to have the desk clear for the writing, and maybe the assignment won't be as stressful this time, if I don't feel as though my paperwork is going to fall around my head.

I'm also going to try to get exercise, even a little, every morning, and go to bed earlier. Really focus on being in balance for a while.

Head clutter, heart clutter.

love
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on June 04, 2010, 09:30:17 AM

Ya know... I think there's something to the idea of "order (and peace, calm) out of chaos" that's really appealing (and maybe sometimes seems unattainable) - to me, anyway - when you grow up in a FOO that thrives on drama, chaos, violence or just plain "gotcha" mentality.

It's absurd, when I look at how easy it is to become programmed (conditioned via environment) to expect every single thing that happens - whether it's dust, ideas, statements by people in power, or even just typical life accidents - to be fraught with really high levels of anxiety, dread, out & out fear, or sysisphean burden and immobilization. Some of us succumb to this belief in "that the way it is" and some of us are like the little Dutch boy - constantly trying to hold back a flood of chaos. When I can convince myself that this isn't worth it... I find out that "flood" is really just a trickle and the chaos never really comes. For me, anyway.

Not for my FOO - but that's another thread.

Here's something to add to your peace & calm picture Hops... hubby's daughter and a friend are visiting and they brought their little ones. M has a grandson and the other babe is a sweet flirty little girl. They're both around 2 - and neither are "terrible". Just sitting around relaxing and playing, her mom was teaching her the word "happy"... are you happy, A? And she'd repeat, "happy"....

It struck me that something this simple could've made a profound difference, if it was a game I'd played as a tot, you know? Shouldn't we have commercials and media and music that simply offer the question: are you happy? and then point us in the direction to be, feel that along with everything else?? As a balm; as order out of chaos?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on June 04, 2010, 09:38:25 AM

No kiddin', PR...

HAPPY to hear that story! I love thinking of those little puds, content to use their voices...

Just being taught--early--lots of words to describe our emotions...like in a big box of Crayons--so many shades.

Yes yes. That's what kids need to be taught!

* absorbed
* abusive
* accepting
* accommodating
* accomplished
* adaptable
* adversarial
* aggressive
* agreeable
* alert
* altruistic
* analytical
* angry
* annoyed
* antagonistic
* anxious
* approved of
* arrogant
* ashamed
* authentic
* balanced
* beautiful
* belligerent
* bereft
* bitter
* bored
* brave
* broken down
* bullied
* calm
* chaotic
* cheerful
* cold
* commanding
* compassionate
* competitive
* complaining
* conceited
* condemned
* confident
* conflicted
* confused
* conservative
* content
* controlled
* controlling
* cooperative
* courageous
* cowardly
* creative
* critical
* cruel
* curious
* defeated
* deluded
* demanding
* dependent
* depressed
* desperate
* destitute
* destructive
* detached
* dignified
* disconnected
* discouraged
* disgusted
* dominated
* dominating
* eccentric
* ecstatic
* egocentric

* egotistical
* empathic
* empowered
* envious
* erratic
* excited
* expressive
* extroverted
* fair
* faithful
* fearful
* frightened
* frustrated
* glad
* good
* grateful
* greedy
* grieving
* guilty
* happy
* harmonizing
* hatred
* helpful
* helpless
* hesitant
* hopeless
* idealistic
* ignorant
* impatient
* important
* impoverished
* impulsive
* indifferent
* individualistic
* inert
* insecure
* insensitive
* inspired
* in service
* interested
* intolerant
* introspective
* invulnerable
* irresponsible
* irritated
* isolated
* jealous
* joyful
* judged
* judgmental
* lazy
* likable
* lively
* lonely
* lost
* loved
* loving
* mad
* manipulated
* manipulative
* mediating
* miserable
* mistrusting
* moody
* moral
* negative
* noble
* obsessed
* open
* panicked
* paranoid

* passionate
* passive
* peaceful
* perfectionist
* pitiful
* pleased
* poor
* possessive
* powerful
* practical
* preoccupied
* procrastinating
* proud
* punished
* punishing
* purposeful
* rage
* reactionary
* reclusive
* rejected
* rejoicing
* repressed
* resentful
* resigned
* resistant
* responsible
* ridiculous
* righteous
* ruthless
* sad
* sadistic
* secretive
* selfish
* self-accepting
* self-condemning
* self-defeating
* self-destructive
* self-hatred
* self-obsessed
* self-pity
* self-sabotaging
* sensitive
* serene
* shamed
* shut-down
* shy
* sorry
* stable
* stimulated
* stricken
* strung-out
* stubborn
* superior
* tantrums
* timid
* tolerant
* unconcerned
* understanding
* unforgiving
* unhappy
* unresponsive
* untrusting
* vain
* vengeance
* vicious
* victimized
* violent
* visionary
* well-meaning
* wise
* withdrawn
* worthy

love,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on June 04, 2010, 09:57:45 AM

HA! Love your list...

for me - it's more than just the words to describe the emotions: it's the permission to feel and practice feeling and expressing and belief in - the emotions themselves. For most people, all those words are all there! For me, the "nice" ones simply weren't - and it was dangerous, except in certain prescribed dances of doom with the N, to even point out that they were real.

A favorite prof used to say that "Puritanism = the fear that somebody, somewhere might be happy"... and I think many N's or PD's believe the same thing.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on June 04, 2010, 07:24:50 PM

Back to clutter topic...

I am readying myself for an intense weekend, with really only one free day (required dadblasted company picnic will eat Sunday)...

I need to:
continue paper control
complete budget spreadsheet (makes my brain hurt)
filefilefile

And then write like a demon on my freelance thing, as if I don't get in a solid day of it, the panic will build again just like it did before the last deadline.

So that's my decluttering goal for this w/e--continue paper control. Don't get distracted. Stay on task.

love,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on June 06, 2010, 05:54:09 PM

Bravo, Nikko! Throw that clutter HERE!

When you write down a description of what it is, it seems so...well, whatever it was was just an object, wasn't it. Does it help to see how you wrote, "a teapot"? A teapot is gone from your space. And you are richer by the amount of space it once took up.

Throw away on, donate on, declutter on.

It's helped me too, to be noting both the struggle and the progress here. That's what this thread is for, for anybody.

House is infinitely better after a day and a half of expensive help that was worth more to me than groceries (not that I'm short of those). It feels lighter, the floor isn't gritty under my feet. Things kind of glow. Don't know how I'll maintain it, but the woman I found was amazing, wonderful, incredibly meticulous, and brought me fresh eggs from her chickens.

I cannot possibly live the heading-toward-upper-middle-class life my mother did, with "hired help" all the time. But now and then, for these things I just couldn't do while working a job and a half...it has been worth it. I had to calculate how I would earn triple what I'd spend per hour by doing this freelancing, and then just figured for things I could not avoid (like mold remediation, foundation repair, lawn cutting which my back won't do, and this emergency, pre-new-tenant cleaning) -- it has been worth it. (Also a BIG reminder of how complex running a house would be if I did own it and have no help, as opposed to a little townhouse for example. So that's good to put in my pipe and smoke too...when the time comes to reconsider the question, that data will be in my mind...) I'll recoup some of the repairs outlay though, whenever it's settled.

So I feel less cluttered and I have finished one article today despite the stupid company picnic, and am about to start cranking the next.

Onward, before I ADD myself off the task again...

xo,

Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on April 30, 2011, 02:29:56 PM

YARD SALE IS OVER.

Aaaaaggghh. Dunno if I made much, haven't added it all up. But it's done and a whole lot of junk is GONE! Sold about half of it, and all the rest was just enough to fill the back of my van. Straight to Goodwill with that, and celebrated with pizza with my paid helper-friend (who was an hour late).

Really difficult and unpleasant --the anticipation much worse than the doing, of course--and I wish I had included a whole lot of things I thought about afterward. But it wasn't nothing. It got done. Whew and whew and whew.

(It really kind of amazes people what people will buy. An old pressure cooker missing the jiggy-lid thing. Cracked terracotta pots.)

Also amazed me some of what I let go of. A painting my great-aunt did. Large, a treacly subject matter, but well executed. Let it go for $10. Huge set of qood-quality steel patio furniture (kept one small curved bench for the future tiny deck or whatever). All the antique silver plate at about 50 cents per piece. (One man came up and muttered, "those people are dealers" about the couple who bought it. Heck, I don't care who they were.)

The details don't matter but it is a big relief. I still have a lot of things to sort through and more to let go of. But I realize I've accomplished something.

Clutter and stuff, clutter and stuff. Organizing, letting go.

Still a big struggle and still layered with all kinds of anxiety and resistance. It's not the letting go as much as the sorting-preparing-gathering-organizing-deciding-pricing that I found the hardest.

Got some insights on how I yearned for a companion to do it with. How sometimes "not cleaning up my room" is because I'm waiting for the fairy sister I always yearned for to be in my room with me and yak and laugh while we go through junk.

Anybody want to talk about clutter some more?

xxoo
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on April 30, 2011, 06:26:30 PM

ooooooh. WELL DONE Hops.

I still piles to go through... and distribute.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: teartracks on April 30, 2011, 09:51:37 PM

Hops,

Whew! :lol:

tt

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Twoapenny on May 01, 2011, 02:22:34 AM

Hops I am so happy to read that you did this and it is finally OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!!

I know you say there is more to do but you must be feeling relieved that this big obstacle is finally shifting! I know when we've done house moves before the sheer amount of work that needs doing - by a certain date and time - is just so overwhelming. Like you, I always wanted someone else to come help me - not necessarily because I couldn't do it by myself but just because it's nice to feel like someone gives a s**t, you know? Everything is quicker if someone comes and helps, and it's really nice to stop and have a cup of tea with someone when you take a break instead of standing there on your own.

I'm glad you've got rid of some of that stuff and hope that the rest of it is easier to clear out now. Still wish I were a neighbour of yours who could have come and given you a hand xx

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 01, 2011, 11:54:33 AM

Tupp, thank you. I wish you'd been here too.

I don't know if it's directly related to de-cluttering but a large part of the pain of it was the loneliness I feel in dealing with the debris of a former home and former family, doing that alone. It's the feeling of being a kid in the middle of a rubbish heap with a teaspoon and a sense of dire consequences hovering.

When my D was here she was very focused on the stuff, but at that time I had a major freelance job on top of my FT job and absolutely couldn't attend to it, which frustrated her. It was at the top of her agenda but I had two choices: go through boxes with my D or earn extra money I desperately needed (in part to support her).

So it wasn't until now, 9 months after she left, that I was able to get any of it underway. There really is much, much more to do before a sale and move, and most days/weeks, I just get to work and home to collapse. I am not handling it all.

The stuff itself is the dismantling of a comfort zone, too. Like a tapestry that used to keep me warm. At the same time I am much more comfortable with the notion of having to create a new space, and also the future pleasures of doing that...

Yet I am horrified at the idea I may have to do that alone, too. I literally can't. I am fairly crushed about the lack of help from friends. That has triggered some worse feelings, concerns that I am deluded about my PHamily. (In individual instances that's certainly not the case, but with one key friend, I think some fog cleared from my eyes. I love her but think she really is about PHair weather.)

I will get back to general anxieties on another thread because I do want this one to be talking about clutter, stuff, simplicity, clearing out issues.

The more I get rid of, the better my fantasies of a new space feel. (And the smaller.)

Anybody else get the sense that knick-knacks or unused but familiar objects become like favorite sweats?

(Kind of shabby and certainly not aesthetically pleasant but in a sleep way, feel good?)

xo
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on May 01, 2011, 04:58:54 PM

Hops - maybe this will help. I've not quite thought of this - this way - in it's distilled form, before today:

I matter more to me, than I how I "don't matter" to MomBro. So, Hops should matter more to Hops... and provide for the needs you have... than worrying about, adding up, how much is still left to do. It'll happen. Just not today. That's perfectly OK. It's a process... that you're going through; not a simple task that can be broken down into steps... and just like there's no "right" way to do it... you're not going to get it "perfect" at the first pass, either. THAT'S OK, too.

I agree that something's missing in today's definition of community. That's one of the really striking things about being here - where "old" traditions are maintained - I'm able to connect to those from time to time and it just blows me away that total strangers are so kind, caring, and generous. I really, really want to be this way, too.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on May 01, 2011, 11:31:10 PM

As long as you have the main items that you utilize or that really add to your enjoyment in life then the rest is superfluous. So good job!

Plus, for better or worse clutter will spring up in a few months again anyways, just in case you are worried about getting rid of too much or the wrong items, stuff is guaranteed to amass just like that big raft of floating plastic refuse in the middle of the ocean.

Quote from: Hopalong on May 01, 2011, 11:54:33 AM

I don't know if it's directly related to cluttering but a large part of the pain of it was the loneliness I feel in dealing with the debris of a former home and former family, doing that alone. It's the feeling of being a kid in the middle of a rubbish heap with a teaspoon and a sense of dire consequences hovering.

Emotional ties and overwhelm.

I think there is also a fear of the future tied up in stuff from the past.

Once you get rid of the old stuff it really does mean you have to 100% go into (be) in a new stage of life.
It's like different stages have their grieving. And to let go of the stuff is part of the grieving process.

Or maybe getting rid of stuff is like emotional surgery, you know it's going to be painful but it's for your own good?
Maybe you can't wait for it to not be painful, maybe it's painful and you still do it anyways BECAUSE you will be reaching a greater GOAL.
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Out, Out, Out it goes?

Maybe you can give some of your stuff to a church instead of the Goodwill, maybe that would feel more personal?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Twoapenny on May 02, 2011, 04:03:42 AM

Hops, I completely understand what you say about the loneliness of dealing with things. I still feel that very keenly. There is no-one else intimately involved in my life. I have friends, I have neighbours, I have acquantainces - but there is no-one that I regularly spend time with, who would drop everything and come running if I needed them to. I've lost count of the times I've sat crying on my own, physically aching for someone to hold me.

I've often wondered how much of it is some part of me wanting to have a mummy who would have done anything for me? Who'd have fought my corner, stood up for me, whipped anyone who tried to hurt me. I often wonder whether my expectations of other people are realistic; I have to ask myself if I'm asking for a reasonable amount of help from a friend or looking for a mummy figure. It still takes me a while to work it out each time. Which, by the way, isn't meant to imply that you were asking too much of your friends; I think your request was a tiny one and it's pretty crap that none of them helped and that your paid helper turned up late??!! It's hard to pick yourself up from something like that (I've been there numerous times and I've taken, I suppose, the easy way out, I tend to pay people rather than asking for favours any more. I just find it easier, emotionally; someone saying no to a paid task doesn't offend or upset me the way that someone saying no to a request for help does).

I've also found the opposite; I know people who are always happy and eager to help, but they are equally incredibly intrusive and bossy and I don't feel comfortable involving them in stuff. It's hard finding the 'normal' ones in the middle, especially when you have things that need to be done by a certain time and you can't just leave them till whenever.

I feel less lonely now than I have at other times but I think that's because I'm dealing with less now. If we had to do something massive - like moving house, for example - I'd find that a really lonely and difficult place to be in again.

But I'm glad that you've got some of it out the way and I'm sorry there isn't a time machine yet that could have whisked me over there to help you out with it all xx

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on May 02, 2011, 10:54:27 PM

CB, you are my mental Martha Stewart (except a spiritual version and without the smugness...). Naaah. That's not good enough. I'll mentally make it up to you for the terrible comparison -- if I were a woman of means I'd buy a ticket when you were ready to tackle that garage and come and help you sort, load (all the lightweight stuff anyway) and plow through it and lighten your burden. Just...OWNING it is such a hassle. (Comes a point when one just wants to say SCREW all this decision-making! ENOUGH with the endless responsibility!)

I know you will be as lightened by that as I am by your inspiring and gentle stories of making serenity and beauty in the cozy scale of your new digs. Thank you. It is a comfort and joy every time I read your vision of making sanctuary. Your voice, and your vision of this way of being, and your repeated reminders (don't stop!) that I will feel a new freedom when I move one day...are incredibly supportive. Thank you.

TT, likewise to you, for that heap remaining in your mother's kitchen. Wow. You describe that paralysis so well--it really has hit you hard there. I'd like to come with you too and just keep a kind and comforting patter going so you simply CAN'T feel fear about letting go of the dead stuff...it's just what you, and everyone, have done for me here. It's that sisterly patter I fantasize about, like an ongoing be-here-now and you're-not-alone-with-this kind of friendly dialogue. In the delight of having support and company, I would NOT stay stuck. (So I'm going to just work on taking that feeling from here into 3-D.) And kudos, by the way, on getting it neatly corralled into just one room of her house.

That's huge. And when you're ready to take the three famous boxes in there (Store, Discard, Donate) -- it'll be easier going. I believe that for you.

Boat, you are utterly right:

Quote

Once you get rid of the old stuff it really does mean you have to 100% go into (be) in a new stage of life.

You are exactly right. It IS fear. That's all it is. And everything it is. I busy myself being afraid of the future and that does mean I'm not living well in the present. Thanks for putting it so clearly and precisely. That really helps and I'm going to sit with what you said.

PR, yes...it is about community. I have thought a lot about my asking for help and my response to it not coming as I'd wished. One thing that really struck me, was that in different ways, each friend somehow conveyed to me that I really do matter to them (even without becoming my fantasy sister). Except for one, and in thinking about my relationship to her, which I have even overvalued, I think...I realized we've bonded over each having an Nmother, and in ways I don't like to contemplate (but have contemplated in the last week) -- we each have Ntraits ourselves. Hers, I see, is what lets her be really okay with doing just what she wants and nothing more. No matter what; regardless of anybody's pain. (And she hates yard sales.) I reflected a lot on my pattern of doing most of the reaching out, and all that...really got some awareness about how maybe some old tapes about my mother may be involved in my yearning for her empathy to be more evident. Wow, how the old tapes muddy the new. (Doesn't make me care for her less but it has adjusted my expectations which, overall, I think is a very good thing.)

Tupp...again, bam! You nailed it:

Quote

I have to ask myself if I'm asking for a reasonable amount of help from a friend or looking for a mummy figure. It still takes me a while to work it out each time.

I think any individual need of mine might have been reasonable, but you've spotted a question I am wrestling with about why those feelings can get so primal for me, regarding waves of neediness I feel now and then with female friends. (A male friend lets me down? I may feel exasperated, but usually not abandoned -- unless it was a romantic loss...but that's been a while.) That really helped, thank you. That you spot it so openly, helps me look at it more sharply too.

Hope I didn't miss anybody...and please keep posting here any time about clutter and stuff and related overwhelment!

It's really pretty remarkable how much insight into what's running in deeper currents inside, what unfinished business there is...really, what opportunities for growth there are, inside these issues about STUFF.

That's the gift inside the problem, and with all your help, I've excavated more of it than I expected to. Almost as good as the hundred bucks (after paying my pal and subtracting the wasted newspaper ads from getting rained out twice) from the sale!

thank you again, for all these amazing insights and especially, especially, for the empathy.

I know this will come up again (and again) -- the stuff and organization issue is a theme of my life, and maybe working it through here will be a spark for a whole lot of positives. And of course when the sale and necessary move do happen, it'll be happening on a much bigger scale. (How this is also a gift in that a small yard sale is like practice...for that bigger transition.)

love and thanks,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on July 20, 2011, 01:07:11 PM

I don't know if I should start a separate thread on paperwork, versus THINGS clutter. But I think in my life it's all related. The paperwork has a MUST-do urgency that getting rid of objects doesn't have (because of financial consequences to unmanaged paperwork).

But thinking of what Tupp said above, and what CB said about community...wanted to share this.

I have an MSW friend (professional hospice SW) to whom I described the agony of ADD and how wonderful it is to now know, and have an Rx, but how still hard it is to undo 60 years of bad habits and fear and low self-esteem around it, in order to DEAL WITH the budget, math-stuff of finances, ongoing orderly behavior that's necessary to have things begin to work or feel hopeful.

She has the same problem (not financial, she's had an inheritance and is okay) -- but with FILING. A huge mental block. Has piles of things that have gone unfiled for years (though the rest of her place is pretty orderly). Anyway, she said to me exactly what you said, Tupp...and we have made a time-barter. Just pure company. Not even "help" -- just offering each other presence.

So, a few days ago, she plopped on the floor of my office with some cushions and read her book for two hours, and just having a caring friend THERE...I plowed through 2/3 of it. The starting, and enough company for a little momentum, was a miracle. Not done by a long shot (and avoiding now) -- but this is so concrete. COMPANY is part of the help I need.

So next weekend, I'm going to take some lap-work, and go spend 2 hours supporting her while she tackles her filing mountain. And so forth.

It's wonderful. I have proposed this sort of organizing-help-barter several times to others, but she's the first one to get it, and to take me up on it. I'm really delighted.

And I will not quit asking for help, bartering for help, doing whatever I have to do to get the help I need to get these ADD-barnacled problems dealt with, for the rest of my life.

love,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: lighter on July 23, 2011, 09:04:10 PM

I wish I lived close enough to time barter with you, Hops.

In the yard.

The filing and general editing of household items.

I have no problem staying focused on other people's projects.......

it's what I did all day today, hanging art, editing, furniture placement, etc. for a friend who just moved.

I wish I could focus like that for myself.

Lighter

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on July 24, 2011, 07:15:32 AM

Hopsy,

"the community of women"... the mere presence of another is the actual gesture of caring about what you want to accomplish... is enough to release you to do it. Maybe the Shakers were on to something?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on August 11, 2011, 02:26:59 PM

I enjoyed this article today....
Commenters helped, too.

http://unclutterer.com/2011/07/29/ask-unclutterer-how-do-you-move-past-a-fear-of-regret-when-purging-clutter/ (http://unclutterer.com/2011/07/29/ask-unclutterer-how-do-you-move-past-a-fear-of-regret-when-purging-clutter/)

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on August 12, 2011, 12:41:34 AM

Decluttering I think one must do it regularly because I swear it multiplies like gremlins.

Plus the more poor I am the more I want to hoard because I don't know where the next one is going to come from if ever.

I don't really have a hoarding problem I just notice a change in my behavior/ thinking that I must utilize whatever resource or collect anything that is available to me in CASE I MIGHT need it in the future....when it is no longer available.

I like being organized though it removes some stress. Like when an important piece of paper is needed. How nice it is when it's not sandwiched in a book in a bag inside another bag under the bed.

If I get really stressed out or depressed I can visually see a difference in my environment. Maybe it's because my brain goes temporarily haywire and I can't organize or too much anxiety makes it so I don't concentrate or who knows.

There is a whole mind body spirit aspect to the clutter effect.

I wonder how to you feel about your space/habitation dwelling place in general do you like it?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on August 12, 2011, 08:54:52 AM

Hops... bingo!

I didn't read the article, just the title in the link... and all of a sudden "I got it". The struggle hubs has, with letting go his "collections" or stacks of magazines... perhaps some of my mom's issues (though I find myself second-guessing that, on the next breath).... all summed up in the word "regret".

This is a word, whose meaning is almost all emotional and really hard to define, as a consequence. The words that make up the meaning don't do it justice... don't evoke the emotional flavor; the smell and taste of the feeling. A very, very human word, huh? I like to think I don't have any regrets... but that's really just a brave front I put on in the face of some things I lived through, did, was... and can't change now.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on August 12, 2011, 09:39:57 AM

Thanks, Boat and PR...glad this thread can come alive now and then as the issue comes up for folks.

Boat, my dear. Poverty is terrifying and there is nothing at all strange about difficulty letting go of things when you have a realistic apprehension you'll never have the choice again in future to have a useful object. I think when you have barely anything, each thing has more attachment power.

And I get annoyed by "abundance" teaching sometimes, because...it ain't necessarily so. That said, in your shoes I hope you'll keep what delights you. And let it go, and find anew.

One thing I'm very aware of about you is how profoundly you resonate to beauty. So, my belief is that when you do have a space of your own, however modest...it will be lovely. And "beauty visitors" will always flow in and out of your life. You have learned to, or have been forced to, hold them lightly, let them visit rather than anchor. the functional pieces will be sometimes frustratingly absent, but I know you will always have beauty.

PR, absolutely. I believe regret is real and a lovely evocative and useful word. It's emotional honesty, to use it. I think people confuse regret and shame, in this culture. It's like -- oh we're so into driving forward and doing positive thinking, if we admit feeling regret that means at some point we made an ERROR. Or experienced an unfair or unnecessary LOSS of something we loved.

Well, jeez.
Grief is real, but it's not the same as regret.

I think regret is about mistakes, lost possibility...and perhaps about unfairness too, which is a loss of innocence.

We can go all Frank Sinatra and think our regrets are "too few to mention" -- but, sometimes that might be true (I should be paid as well as he, and be a "lounge poet"). More likely, I think recognizing regret is healing...kind of liberates you, after you've accepted the feeling...to let it go and move into the future.

Wordy to not much purpose, but clutter and stuff, letting them go is like letting go of regret.

(Her article was about not being able to let go of stuff because of the FEAR of feeling regret in the first place. Maybe she has shame or deep unprocessed grief attached to the stuff. Regret is not as painful as those two.)

Either way, feeling it, is what releases it. Avoidance (my major) don't help.

BTW, my friend and I are still swapping moral-support time. What a magnificent discovery. I am so grateful for finding someone with the same need... when I was at her place last weekend, she found her will. I was a little startled to recognize she's even more disorganized about paperwork than I am. (I think because she has money, it's less panic-producing for her...but it still makes her unhappy. So I'm excited I can help her back.)

Tomorrow, two Amazons from my church come to pick up some furniture from my house, to haul it off to the big church yard sale. I am excited about that too!

Boat -- want to describe a thing or two, that have come into your life, and that you want to release? (No worries if not.)

PR -- you're the decluttered one with the functioning aesthetic, and Hubby is the packrat. That's hard. Any "thing" that's weighing on you?

love,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on August 12, 2011, 08:20:18 PM

Quote from: Hopalong on August 12, 2011, 09:39:57 AM

Boat -- want to describe a thing or two, that have come into your life, and that you want to release? (No worries if not.)

love,
Hops

Well, I feel disorganized and out of control of everything even my things. I guess I was just writing above for the sake of writing not so much because I have a huge clutter problem only that I have noticed how even when I can't afford things like going to the dentist or shoes there is still an abundance of stuff and "junk" in America. We have a lot of stuff.

For me personally I look at the things I have um, couple of freebee cookbooks, tin cookie container, a batik shirt, foodbank foodstuff that I hoard. Nothing particularly important but I know that since my living situations are so volatile I can not predictably even maintain a modest amount of stuff. I got a free old grandma sweatshirt at a church closet event (give out free used clothes) and I didn't even like it when I got it because it's for an old fudy duddy person but I feel like oh no I must maintain this because what if I need it and I had to go through all the trouble and time of going to the church and having that experience of needing to utilize that service and sorting through piles of unwashed clothes to find something useful. And I did use it.

Things are both necessities that enhance the quality of our lives and also burdens. But pretty much anything that I can't load up into a single backpack is a burden.

The two cookbooks I have thumbed through and I want to make the recipes in them, want to be in that lifestyle where I can do that sort of thing that doesn't really seem so impossibly far away because I'm surrounded by it but still I'm not there. So I guess even reading the recipes represent some sort of possibility of creativity (I like to make stuff with my hands). Oh and the easel I have managed to have for a few months but not use and I don't really want to use it now, I just like the idea that it's possible (an old dead dream).

I guess if clutter is defined by stuff that takes up space but is not used, that would mainly be it, easel and couple of cookbooks. That sounds insane I know. So it's not really so much the fact that they are clutter is more what they represent to me I guess.

Other thing I think is the feeling that if something was given to me (foodbank) food then it doesnt really belong to me even though I had to take the time and effort to get it. I've actually had to explain this to people who are too lazy to go get their own items. Which is more related to me valuing my time. And I'm experiencing some sense that others don't think my time and life is valuable somehow.

I don't know there is also some experience of how easy it is lose one's grasp and lose things and lose a sense of permanence where the effort to maintain a grasp is a lot of work, a struggle.

At the core of it I think some people just take if for granted that they have more right to belong and more right to have then others.
So I think is someways having stuff is also related to the concept of having the right to belong/exist.

Anyways I'm tired after writing that for whatever reason.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on August 12, 2011, 08:53:37 PM

Thank you, Boat.

Thank you.

I so wish your writing had a wider audience.

Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on August 14, 2011, 10:25:25 AM

Hi Hops...

if there IS a "thing" that needs to be purged right now... it's something in me. Something that has outlived it's usefulness and that I cling to only because it's been part of "me" so long. Humourously, I tend to express that outwardly by purging my closet, filing, re-organizing.... as if that will effect the inner junk pile.

That's not working so well, you know?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: teartracks on August 14, 2011, 08:47:50 PM

Quote

Thank you, Boat.

Thank you.

I so wish your writing had a wider audience.

Hops

Boat,

I agree with Hops. Love your writing style.

tt

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on September 25, 2011, 03:40:02 PM

Just a "bump" -- an okay article, but as usual, from someone who sounds not in jeopardy.

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/09/12/storage_space_mistake/index.html (http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/09/12/storage_space_mistake/index.html)

Clutter and stuff -- just keeping the question alive.

Mine's feeling better. Lot more to do but maybe I'm recognizing a lot really has gotten done.

I was given a free, nearly new, washer and dryer. Existing ones were 20+ years old. I was/am thrilled.
Turned into a saga:
Habitat store wouldn't take them, too old.
Friend who gave them got the new ones as far as the patio, couldn't get them downstairs though.
Salvation Army would take the elec. washer but not gas dryer.
Realized the dryer was electric, called them back, they said okay.
Bribed the Sal Army guys $20 each to take the new ones down when they brought the old up. They were nice and it was very very hard work. Tight fit up outside stairs, almost impossible, but they did it.
New dryer had a 4-prong plug, old socket it 3-prong.
Another friend rewired the dryer to be 3- prong.
He left, I was limp with joy, started laundry and the new washer blew the circuit breaker each time. (Old house, inadequate wiring).
Finally figured out it would all run if I turned off the dehumidifier.
Basement's getting damp since I forget to turn it on again.

But the basement's emptier since so much junk went away to the church yard sale.
There's hope.

Right at this moment I'm avoiding paperwork, which is why I bumped this thread in the first place.

Check back later, xo,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: teartracks on October 09, 2011, 09:14:53 PM

I'm aggressively sorting and getting rid of about 1/4 of my clothing today. I feel crummy, but not about getting rid of things. Don't want to engage with anyone about anything. Just want to be quiet and schlep. I can't figure how the getting rid of clothing fits the rest of my mood. It's as if two separate parts of my brain are working but not in harmony. Ugh.

I got a chill about ten days ago. That always means I'm getting something and I did. Spent two days in bed out of what I thought was a ten day virus or something. Now I'm trying to figure out whether the crummy mood today is tied into all the other. Do ya'll have crummy moods where you just don't want to deal with anything or anyone? I guess I need to know if I'm normal. :? Oh yes, there were three days of the ten where I was quietly emotional. In a recent surgery, as an adjunct, the doctor removed my ovaries. Now I'm having hot flashes again. No. I'm definitely not normal! :lol:

tt

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on October 10, 2011, 11:08:25 AM

It's wonderful you're channeling those feelings, even negative ones,
into purging 1/4 of your clothes.

I look forward to hearing how you feel this evening...

good for you, TT!

(I've been reading an unforgettable slavewoman's narrative online...)

xo
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on October 11, 2011, 06:46:18 AM

oh yes, tt... when I'm really sick - not just exhausted - the tears simply roll for no reason... like my hormones go all wonky, like when I was pregnant, you know? And I so know what you mean, about the two halves of the brain going in different directions sometimes!! (and I don't have to be sick to suffer from that...) Which reminds me, have you seen the new Kia car ad on tv? He talks abouts the reasons he bought the car... for left brain, for right brain... then he tells 'em both to shut up and let him drive!

I thought it was a good idea.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on October 11, 2011, 08:24:19 AM

How did it goes with the clothes purge, TT?
Did you link it up with loss?

Are you enjoying the spaciousness you created?

Hope so!

love,
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on October 11, 2011, 10:19:59 PM

Hanging in with you while you wait for its passage...

(((((TT))))

Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: teartracks on October 12, 2011, 02:57:56 AM

Thanks, Hops.

Dr. issued a script for hormone replacement today. We'll see if that helps. I'm racking my brain trying to figure what the heck is going on. Unusual symptoms in a concentrated time frame.

tt

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on October 12, 2011, 08:32:09 AM

Quote

Could be, could be, could be...

I can relate to this, tt - the physical crap that was/is still going on with me (new phase thread) started with a tooth that needed root canal. That's the same time all my funky dreams started, too. I can't tease out "the" one explanation that makes sense or fits. Might've been photosensitivity to antibiotics; might've been a tick bite; maybe I AM allergic to latex... that kind of thing. Maketh me crazy... so I've been ignoring it, while treating symptoms, as best I can. It's exhausting emotionally, and my patience too is fading fast after a month or two of this. It would help, if I didn't simultaneously have these dreams taking up energy while I'm sleeping, too. Double whammy.

I hope the HRT works for you. I don't DARE and it wouldn't address my itchies or sore ankle, anyway. Unless the wiring in my brain is THAT far off! LOL...

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: teartracks on October 14, 2011, 07:44:19 PM

I've had the blahs. Felt like I'd had a shot of Novacane to the brain. Whatever it is seems to be wearing off. I woke up today feeling better, ready to continue working on my project of clearing useless (to me) items from my closet.

I'm encouraged.

tt

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: BonesMS on October 15, 2011, 04:56:54 AM

Quote from: teartracks on October 14, 2011, 07:44:19 PM

I've had the blahs. Felt like I'd had a shot of Novacane to the brain. Whatever it is seems to be wearing off. I woke up today feeling better, ready to continue working on my project of clearing useless (to me) items from my closet.

I'm encouraged.

tt

You go, Girl! It's a work in progress!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on July 27, 2020, 11:23:06 AM

The artwork in this article really got me thinking.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/photography/2020/07/27/these-imaginary-scenes-depict-womens-struggle-with-domestic-perfection/?tid=hybrid_collaborative_3_na (https://www.washingtonpost.com/photography/2020/07/27/these-imaginary-scenes-depict-womens-struggle-with-domestic-perfection/?tid=hybrid_collaborative_3_na)

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on July 27, 2020, 12:45:50 PM

An extraordinary series of art photographs that show women more or less imprisoned by clutter (or also by their compulsion to create perfection).

Suggestion: Try opening a private window in your browser and see if you might get through!

Last resort: A digital subscription is really cheap, and I think for this piece from the magazine, worth doing even for one month. It's my primary news source, plus I also love reading wise, compassionate Carolyn Hax.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on August 02, 2020, 10:34:11 PM

A friend of mine was more or less a hoarder, she was so ashamed of her room/closet/storage/garage etc. she wouldn't even send me a photo of it, she said there was stuff covering the entire floor. Well that was probably 8-12 months ago. Something changed and she got motivated, she chipped away at it and it's mostly cleaned and organized except for one corner of her closet. She has a lot of useless trinkets and silly stuff in my opinion but it's her stuff and her life. Anyhow she radically did clean it up. It's possible to go from being uninspired to inspired. Changes do happen in people.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on August 03, 2020, 03:19:39 PM

Thanks for that heartening story, G!
I feel so good for your friend.

Inspiration taken!

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on September 07, 2020, 01:16:41 PM

I was just pondering the epiphany with Simple Progress as a mantra that hit me yesterday.

It occurred to me that I have been unconsciously associating decluttering with perfection, presentation and polish. My mother's anxiety over appearances. Not with a happier, more peaceful, more contented life. I believe one can have beauty without the HGTV set design.

So if I'm making a decision about something, I want to be asking myself very friendly questions like:

--will it feel good to take care of, arrange, clean or store this item? (Some things, Yes.)
--will it feel good to donate this item? (Many things, Yes.)
--will it feel okay to discard this item? (Painful for green reasons, but sometimes needed.)

Asking myself in a very friendly way what my OWN preference is...not an organizer person's, or Marie Kondo's.

Small shifts in awareness but I'm glad. Simple progress. Very friendly questions. Being my own guest.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on December 20, 2023, 12:52:20 PM

So, can't remember if I shared that I made a big decision to spend some $$ on a professional organizer. I think I did.

Anyway, she came yesterday and in two hours, bedroom is 90% cleared and tidied, I can see the gleaming wood that's been obscured for months -- antique cedar chest, maple dresser, side "boudoir" chair, more. She took away a huge bag of donations, a box of books and a radio/speakers set. And she's a lovely person and nice to chat with, too. We'll have appointments a couple times a month until the whole house is purged, edited, and back to the peaceful, cheerful and very happy-looking place it was before the pandemic sucked out my will.

I think my broken brain is slowly coming back online!

hugs
Hops

I'm really really happy about this.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: lighter on December 20, 2023, 02:20:38 PM

I'm on board with asking for help with decluttering spaces, Hops. YAY for you! It's easy for organized souls to walk, sans any personal attachment to our stuff, take things out of our hands, make piles and carry them off. I find they move so quickly, it overrides almost all the angsty pain of making decisions and letting go. The clean clear spaces left behind feel like sunshine after years of winter, IME.

It's interesting to relax into being very kind to self and ask what's behind it, but..... I don't really need to know why my brain is broken in this way, truth be told. It just is.

The problem then become..... how to notice when the patterns creep back in, wrestle them to the ground and banish them with systems......
paper flow baskets one keeps up with, something comes in, something must go out, etc. That kind of thing.

I'm so happty to read you're finding joy in clear clean bedrooms spaces this holiday, ((Hops.))

Lighter

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on December 21, 2023, 12:43:29 PM

Thanks, ((((Lighter)))). It's a really big happy deal to commit to this process all the way.

Maintenance. YES. I noticed with her boss who came to evaluate and also with her (though she understood it more quickly) that they're both excited about new containers, closet systems, etc.

I explained that my #1 goal is DEEP PURGING. If we do that first, we can then organize or systematize what's left. But also that it might turn out that I'll be using cut-down cardboard boxes and similar DIYs for organization, rather than new lovely baskets. That's just about $$. Pretty containers in view but simpler solutions whenever possible.

Figured out that if I save up for a stacking washer/dryer set, I'd have half a big closet to use for shelves. As opposed to having gardening junk sitting by the door.

Yippee.

hugs
Hops

There's an old song...."I'm so excited, I just can't hide it...."

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: lighter on December 22, 2023, 06:25:15 PM

Good on'ya for committing, Hops. I hope you end up finding space to organize your garden pile and every other pile, but know..... I'm comforted by my garden piles and containers. It's easier to garden when I see and can find my gardening tools. Same with food and cooking items.... and clothing.

So, figuring out how to shift into putting everything in it's place (out of sight) creates anxiety for me. Out of sight, out of mind, in my case. That might be something you're dealing with, as well.

As my mind shifts to the truly organized spirits in my life...... I come back to the importance of balance, again and again.

It's OK to need things at hand, but maybe brackets on walls and movable baskets that always find their way back to their home.

I haven't mastered it, so let me know what it looks like if you get there first.

Looks like you will!!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: sKePTiKal on December 23, 2023, 09:05:06 AM

Hopsie, I suspect your kitchen isn't any bigger than mine. Right now, mine feels like an overflowing dumpster of clutter!! (Not for long... I'm tyrranical about having space to work!!)

My secret is clearing all the flat surfaces. Yes, I do organize tightly sealed glass jars & boxes of tea around the wall side of the counter top and above the overhead cabinets. Everything has a "home" that has proven to work with how I cook and the limited space I have. Cooking utensils in a drawer; baking utensils & odds and ends in another flanking the stove. Silverware next to the sink (makes it fast to put it away) just below the dishes in an overhead cabinet.

Every once in awhile; and I'd say rarely; I realize it would be easier to keep things in different places. And I have permission to shift some things like the past few weeks - temporarily - while I'm baking.

The real monkeywrench in my usually organized space is living with another person who is still trying to find space for all his "odd bits" of gear, tools, snacks, etc. And even with established "this is your space" places... he still can't find things and fills up every available open flat surface I make.... harrumph! (Secret: that's how I KNOW he's home!)

It's helped that he understands how the clutter makes me anxious - and that the threshold can vary. But we've been so busy lately I am cutting both of us some slack because in the scheme of the world right now, it's JUST NOT that important.

Hope you & Pooch have a Merry Christmas!

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: lighter on December 25, 2023, 10:33:23 AM

My brother keeps all his flat spaces clutter free...... they're "for tasks" and not for storage.

I have to admit.... clean clear space to work and live feels amazing.... feels better than having everything at hand, taking up flat spaces.

Balance..... it's a thing: )

Happy Holidays to the board!

Lighter

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on April 14, 2024, 01:27:06 AM

I went to an estate sale today of someone who I think became elderly and her family had to move her or something to a different location. There were over-priced tresures of hers. Things I should like. Lots of yarn for knitting etc. It's really just the trinkets she amassed.

The estate sale happened to randomly be ON THE WAY to a storage unit I was going to check out. Online the mini-unit said it was $30 a month. When I got there the staff person at the desk told me there was a fee for starting it and an insurance fee etc. and it would be $100 a month in reality. Bleh.

Basically, if you have the PLACE and SPACE for stuff you are using then I guess keep it and use it before you're too old to use it anymore.

I'm just shaking my head. I don't want to de-clutter. Like I just don't want to sort through my stuff one more time and not NOW.

Do I need this? I might.
Next thing. Do I need this? I might.

Okay do I want to pay $100 to store this thing for one month. No, not really. Will I? Ugh. will I though?

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on April 15, 2024, 11:49:30 AM

I share the UGH, Meh. It hurts to pay for stuff storage.

Something that really really stuck with me from one simple-living book I read is that if you keep something because you MIGHT, in a low-percentage circumstance, be able to find a use for it in an undefined future, means it costs you twice:

--thinking about it is a brain drain
--not really having a clear purpose or regular use for it is a brain drain
--just owning more than you can fit in an easy footprint is a STRESS
--add cost to it? Ugh.

Extra unimportant stuff is like a phantom appliance that just sucks down bits of your energy, even unconsciously. Extra stuff = stress, is what it boiled down to.

I'm still fighting it but completely believe that. I want peace more than convenience.

hang in there
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on April 21, 2024, 03:50:27 AM

Went to another yard sale today out of boredom, stress, procrastination, curiosity.

She had lots and lots of tablecloths. LOTS of them. She sewed so she collected all this vintage fabric.

Again I bought nothing.

Looking at all the "treasures" other people have hoarded that they CAN'T!!! possibly use. It does inspire me a bit.

Perhaps she sewed some great things. I bet she probably did. Still TONS and TONS of tablecloths.

Looking at stuff and thinking yeah that is some great vintage stuff and I don't need it perhaps helps me to know even more that NOTHING I own matters that much. It's a matter of purpose and use and that is it.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on April 21, 2024, 08:09:19 AM

That is a liberating leap of faith, imo, Meh.

For me, it's like reminding myself that I WILL BE OKAY (without thing X). Subliminally, anyway. Thing X, Y, Z doesn't cushion me from anything that'll happen anyway, and meanwhile it makes my life simpler and gentler not to add them into my living space.

Woo hoo. Spring helps me, too. With windows open and fresh scents insisting on spring no matter where I am, easier to shed stuff.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on April 22, 2024, 01:44:36 AM

I think when a person is staring at the stuff it makes it harder. If you were to go on vacation for 1-2 months would you even miss your stuff? I don't because I guess I all I have is junk, plastic speakers, some stinky shoes. Some too expensive text books that are worthless in reality and a bother to resell.

As long as a person has food, can get warm, can get clean and bathed, can sleep and get rest then these things are the basics. Mostly what I do at home is cook, sleep, wash my hair, turn my computer on.

To each his own.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on April 22, 2024, 02:02:26 PM

Not one bit. Most of my clutter comes from disorganization and ADHD -- getting excited about some idea and taking out everything I'll need (bye bye clear surface, whatever it is) and then the hummingbird in my head goes Wee, new frower! and nothing gets properly put away for ages, and then the next idea I think of produces more stuff out, and then eventually....I look around objectively and feel overwhelmed. Decision making. Too many decisions. Then a bunch of health stuff kicked in, mostly better now. Chronic back pain plus an occasional injury.

One dumb thing is that my $15 solid maple dresser that I love is the reason I often don't put clean laundry away for ages. It finally hit me -- it's so heavy that opening and closing the drawers (bending over and over, worst back position) hurts. THAT's why. So I don't know if non-modern drawers could be fitted with glides, but I could find out.

After some help, the job is now down to the scariest part: literally a couple of years of paperwork and mail that has to be gone through piece by piece. (Much less the pre-move family and legal stuff.) I actually have a rationally organized filing system in my "office." The problem has mostly been decisions, again, and putting things in to follow through on a task, not space.

I know the philosophy of dealing with mail immediately and if doing something paperworky, always having a plan for its completion or in-process filing. I have a system but you can break a system. Last year, it was so chaotic that for the first time ever, I just skipped filing taxes. Lost two essential forms. Made a City clerk laugh when I told her I was expecting a SWAT team. But this year I did get them done, at the verrrrrrrry last, turn-into-a-pumpkin moment.

Paperwork, for me, is much harder to deal with than objects or clothing or other possessions. I enjoy getting rid of or donating those. Paperwork always feels consequential and triggers more decisions or wandering worrypaths. Focusfocus.

I'm encouraged anyway, because with some help, many spaces breathe now that couldn't for a long time.

And I am an extremely lucky human, housed and in a quiet neighborhood near town. Two friendbors are icing on the cake. Pooch has been making me whole for a decade. I'm wobbly but still well enough to enjoy life and a few friends. Once I stop whining and start working at the problem, I always feel much better.

Spring don't hurt. I have crow friends, cardinals, and a neighboring rooster that crows at 3pm every day and makes me laugh. And writing friends. And UU friends. Not vast numbers but I don't need those. A few of each and life feels pretty good. One of the biggest changes for me in recent years has been finding that volunteer slot that actually fulfills me, mostly. I find a lot of meaning in it. And good people.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on April 23, 2024, 12:25:46 AM

I lived with someone who scanned all their paperwork. I'm not that futuristic. I have two boxes of paperwork. I see one right now. I haven't opened it up in a couple years and even if I did I probably would not find anything useful. I actually need to start a 2024 folder of sorts.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on April 26, 2024, 03:04:14 PM

I've got five boxes of clothing all jumbled together. I do not want to go through it but since I plan to put at least three of those boxes into storage TODAY well I have have to.

I'm going to take a shower and then just do this sorting of clothing as fast as possible. I think maybe the key to doing a task you don't want to do is to do it quickly? IDK. Or to NOT think about it too much. I think I should have one box casual stuff. One box dress-up stuff and the rest in storage for the time being because I just can't think about it. Thinking is ultimately often more like ruminating. Deep sigh. Fecking hell my life is stupid haha 😂.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Hopalong on April 26, 2024, 07:26:18 PM

Heck, throw out a third of each box.

EASY for me to say....

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: Meh on April 28, 2024, 01:40:29 AM

Yeah, Hops,

In the past I used to buy a couple of new items and throw out three or four old items but they were getting replaced with new shirts or whatever. Currently nothing is getting replaced with anything new which makes it harder.

We have real seasons here. Snow, rain, wind, sunshine, 80 degrees and below freezing so there are always things that are not being used at some point in the year because they aren't seasonal. But yeah. I just don't have time now to mess with it too much.

I could START OVER. I do think about it but shopping also takes up time and I don't enjoy it really. None of it is important to me it's just a matter of functionality I guess.

It is easier to encourage others than do get it done oneself. Though being that I've been down-in-the-dumps for a long long while even peeking at it and moving it DOES feel like the START of getting over inertia.

Title: Re: DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips
Post by: lighter on April 28, 2024, 10:13:13 PM

OK..... I picked up a Pottery Barn twin bed for DD21 and she chose to use the bed and headboard only, leaving the tower units and overhead shelving in the garage...in the way.... heavy as heck. My sib and I loaded those 3 pieces up and drove to the Lake for install in the 6' and 7' closets as towers. They're really nice and just perfect for the 6', bc the ceiling is pretty low in there.

That means both sides of the garage are about to be open enough to park 2 cars, which is what we're down to since DD23 moved out with her childhood friend.... very mature and responsible J. They come by every Sunday for homecooked Mommy food, which they appreciate so much now. Very refreshing. Sometimes they do laundry then we play cards. Last week DD23 did school work in my room while the rest of us played cards. Tonight 3 of us played.

I keep veering off topic. OK. I've been storing extra appliances, pots, pans and assorted household items in shelving and using them up. Once DD23 has her new apartment rental, they'll need many of those things. The current rental has everything in the kitchen provided. I keep pairing down stuff in my kitchen and at the lake. It feels good and I don't miss that many things, truthfully.

What will it mean to have the garage clear enough to house an huge Yukon and a little CrV? I think it'll feel like Christmas! Esp since since the limb broke a back window in the other CrV sitting in the driveway. I love large old trees, but they have their dangers.

Today I was walking in the forest with the Pug and the wind kicked up, prompting me to look up at the very high sway tree tops. I thought.... alive, not dead trees.... not too dangerous and felt pretty good about my chances of getting out of the wood unscathed. Something plopped onto the earth about 3 feet from me, as if to say......don't make assumptions.

::sigh::

I have to admit, I'm a little overwhelmed with watching where I walk (huge tree roots all along the paths) watching for trail poop, so the pug doesn't scarf or sniff and also voiding the really scary dead trees on windy days, requiring I look up, forward and down perpetually, if I'm being careful.

Lighter