Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: October on December 17, 2006, 06:38:02 AM
-
I hate Christmas because
My dad used to get drunk every Christmas eve, come home and have a fight with mum
Mum had everything to do and got exhausted, and was ready for a fight
Things used to get broken
It was scarey and we didn't know what was happening
Ob and I hid upstairs. Later yb too.
Next day nobody said anything about it.
Mum used to hide the presents behind the sofa in the front room (which was never used), where we could find them too easily
Later, ex got drunk one Christmas eve (1997), and I found him sprawled on the carpet, surrounded by cans, when returning from a crib service with 4 year old d. Had to get him into bed before she saw him. Later he threatened to o/d.
Next day he acted as if nothing was wrong. D knew nothing, and my heart was dead, like a stone.
There are too many things we do at Christmas because we have always done them, and to keep other people happy, which result in nobody being happy
It is easy to resent having to buy presents and send cards, rather than taking pleasure in it
I love Christmas because
Now it is different. I have my Christmas, with my d.
I can set aside the commercial side, and remember the true value of the Christmas story.
I have learned to stop sending meaningless cards and presents
I can create some magic for d
There are no rows at Christmas in my house
There is no drunkenness in my house at Christmas (or any other time)
If anything gets broken, it is an accident and d and I do not play the blame game; nothing is more important than our relationship
It is no longer my concern to keep other people happy. My concern is to keep myself happy, and to create magical memories for d.
My family are those who love me, not those who are genetically related to me.
-
October, I am so glad that you have been able to find your real Christmas. You have made it special and made it what it should be. I want to find a way to do that also. It will take me some more time. If you could do it, then I believe I can also someday.
Pennyplant
-
It reduced a lot of stress for me when I decided, gifts for first-degree blood relatives only.
And this year I bought everyone socks. Cool socks, but socks nonetheless.
One stressful year it was gift cards.
I like deciding what will be THE present this year...simplifies things!
Hops
-
i dont have any hapy thoughts for christmas, wish i did.. i dont even bother decorating.. its not that im an Ebenezia Scroogess, its just theres too much pain for me... i try to avoid the holidays, becasue im always alone, .. either alone, and hating it, or with a couple people i hate being with even mor ethan being alone.. so... i dont like chritsmas... im not into it.. cant say why.. but it probably has its roots in living in an N home...anyhow.. hope all yur christmases are happy
-
It is no longer my concern to keep other people happy. My concern is to keep myself happy, and to create magical memories for d.
My family are those who love me, not those who are genetically related to me.
((October))
You have changed your future to beauty and love. What a victory for you and your loved daughter..... a pricless gift.
season...............Merry Christmas with love
-
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays with love to you
season...............Merry Christmas with love
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
Hey La Paloma,
I understand exactly how you feel about Christmas and I know that it is a lonely time for many of us but i think it is because we have lost site of the real meaning of Christmas.
just this morning i was thinking about Christmas and thinking that I wish it was over, i got so depressed that it sent me to my knees in prayer, i don't know if you are a Christian but i would like to share with you what God brought to my mind while i was talking with him this morning. my thoughts went to Mary, the mother of Jesus. one of my favorite passages from the Christmas story is Luke 1:45 blessed is she who believed" sometimes in a joking manner my friends will tease me because when they ask me how i am doing i often reply i am blessed.
Blessed is she who believes and we are. especially during the Christmas season as we celebrate the miracle birth of our savior. not only do we celebrate his birth in a borrowed stable but even more important we can celebrate his being born into our hearts , yours and mine. Mary celebrated a miracle in her life. can you imagine what it must have been like for her? seeing an angel in person is one thing but having him tell you that you are going to have a baby when you have never been with a man. the angel told Mary that she would be pregnant with a miracle. she would give birth to the son of god.
I love Mary's example here. she did not understand it but she accepted it. though her future was unsure she chose to believe. the angel reminded her that with god nothing is impossible. she gave birth to a son and they called him Emmanuel which means god with us'
maybe all of us are in need of a Christmas miracle. to be pregnant with the hope of the impossible. to have relationships restored. dreams renewed. hurts healed. to see "God with us" in a very real way to sense his presence and his peace. remember Jesus is the reason for the season and He is with us.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
-
Sorry I haven't been around. Difficult times. Many thanks for the kind replies, and happy Christmas to everyone here.
Wishing you all peace and joy
O
xx
-
october,
I can relate to your hating of Christmas. Also I was interested to see you use the phrase the "front room". I am also from Europe.
I would like it all to go away and then I thought about it. It is a day like any other. I can choose to make it good or I can choose to be sad and remember the bad times...... there were many. Well I will be in this Christmas this Christmas. I will not bring the past to these days. I will be joyful. I will buy my tree today and make some simple decorations. I do not intend buying presents except for my son and three friends. I do not want any presents, if I get something ok if not ok. I think this Christmas I am giving me the best present - detachment, awareness and being present.
Axa
-
edit
-
I wish everyone the best of the season.
I think the message of Christmas is hope. I'm not sure how dedicated a Christian I am--I'm somewhere in the medium-lapsed Catholic range--but I do take some inspiration from the story. Love endures, and even God believes in second chances.
I love the very old Christmas carol which says:
Adam lay ybounden,
Bounden in a bond,
Four thousand winter
thought he not too long.
All for an apple,
an apple that he tooke,
as clerkes finden
written in theyre booke.
Ne had the apple take been,
the apple take been,
ne had never Our Lady
a-been Heavene Queene.
Blessed be the time
that apple take was,
Therefore we moun singen
Deo Gratias!
Maybe I'm just a sucker for a happy ending, but I like the idea that even the Fall of Man has its upside. Next to that, the whole Christmas-tat thing--Rudolph and Frosty and those incredibly weird animated reindeer who bob for grass, eternally and in very slow motion--doesn't matter too much.
Take your joy where you can find it.
best,
daylily
-
For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6.
mud
-
I sang Messiah on Sunday but it was the last concert of my extremely busy winter season so I think I may have been singing Hallelujah for other reasons too....
Christmas is hard.
I got to my ex's to find four days running he'd bought a tree and then left it stood there undecorated....my son tried to decorate it a bit then gave up disheartened and wouldn't do it with me; I finished it and had a row with ex about why get one if it's just to be a symbol of acting out?
In fact we've had several arguments all week, and the mood is lifting a bit, thank G_d.
I don't see what Christmas has to do with Jesus, frankly; it's more an excuse for a spending frenzy or booze-up it seems. We do keep it simple and I do love the old music and the tasteful lights and the channukah symbols this time of year, but it does nothing for my religious beliefs to see the little white made-in-china plastic baby Jesus outside my church!
It brings back a lot of unhappy memories of tension and disappointment too.
those incredibly weird animated reindeer who bob for grass, eternally and in very slow motion--
Hi Daylilly, how are things with you?
I agree, what the heck are those decorations all about?!
Now the icicle shaped hanging down lights draped from every straight line of the house, and the holly wreaths and candles, they are pretty, but a spasmodic movement from a plastic reindeer....nope.
I was interested to see you use the phrase the "front room".
when I grew up in England the houses were mostly tiny, but even with lack of space there was often a 'front room' just for occasional use with the best furniture and ornaments and only used for entertaining. It was the room we kids were most uncomfortable in...
I like deciding what will be THE present this year...simplifies things!
great idea! We have received loads of parcels this year, but all from people who won't mind if we reciprocate immediately or not, and frankly sometimes I think a surprise in the middle of February is more fun than sitting by the tree opening presents tainted with the aura of stress!
My family are those who love me, not those who are genetically related to me.
G_d bless us, every one!
-
Write , daylilly and All
It's more than your honesty it is behind your honesty there is your illuminating light it is just so warm and wonderful :D
I love a sweet ending as well ......................Life is so precious and only we can make it good
even with all those weird decorations .............
so much love to you
m
I sang Messiah on Sunday but it was the last concert of my extremely busy winter season so I think I may have been singing Hallelujah for other reasons too....
Christmas is hard.
those incredibly weird animated reindeer who bob for grass, eternally and in very slow motion--
Hi Daylilly, how are things with you?
I agree, what the heck are those decorations all about?!
G_d bless us, every one!
-
My holiday assets:
I might make $10 or $20 next week doing a little freelance work for one client, and another (more tenuous) might pay me $25 at some unspecified future time.
My holiday debits:
I have $46.18 in my bank account till January 1, and $5.31 in my purse. I have no other financial assets of any kind. I have no job and no car. I owe $30 on this month's rent, my electric bill is over $200 (I pay for electric heat), my phone bill is $70. I'm seeing the dentist tomorrow, which will cost a lot. Going to the laundromat costs too much, my toothpaste is almost gone, and my shampoo is almost gone as well. Mainly I have to make sure I can eat. There is a friendly soup kitchen in town, but usually the food throws off my digestion, which is touchy at the best of times, so I don't go.
Since it's so hard for me just staying physically alive, if I acknowledge the holidays at all, it will have to be with a piece of my artwork sent through e-mail. This is very hard for me to accept, because I usually try to buy a present or two for my mom, even if small.
For me the holidays are a time when stress, fear, guilt, shame and depression increase greatly. I look forward to their passing as soon as possible.
-
Jade,
I am sorry that things are so difficult for you. I am not sure what else to say other than I wish you peace.
axa
-
Jade, I'm sorry too.
I hope the new year brings some life solutions for you so you can get off the thinnest ice.
Hops
-
Jade, truly this situation is temporary. How I wish it weren't happening at Christmas time because it hurts even more at this time of year. But it really is temporary. My wish for you is that very, very soon you can look back on this time and see that you have come so very far from it.
Pennyplant
-
Jade,
It is so very hard to read about your trouble this year at Christmas and be able to do nothing. I want to reach through cyberspace and pull you into a soft, cushy chair in front of the fire with a big, hot cup of cocoa.
All I can do is pray that you will have an unexpected blessing this Christmas. I cant conceive of what the best possible gift would be for you--it might be something intangible but very needed--but I will pray that when you receive it you will recognize it immediately. And on Christmas day, I will think of you and wish you all the best for the coming year.
I dont know what my Christmas will look like this year either. But I am believing that we both have a new beginning ahead of us.
CB
-
To axa, Hopalong, pennyplant, CouldBe123:
Thanks very much for your kind and encouraging words. Better things have happened already:
-- My mom is willing and able to pay the dentist bills -- best Christmas and birthday present I can think of!
-- My mom wanted to buy a "fun" gift for me for $20-$30. I was able, in a pleasant, calm way, to ask her to give me that money for the rent instead, and she said yes.
-- She and I may go to her church supper on Christmas Eve (a good meal, with lots of people we both know), then play Scrabble (we both had fun last time we played).
The best gift I could hope for is a reduction in my chronic anxiety. I think working on assertiveness is the best way to address this.
Thanks again for the support. I hated to be a "downer" at holiday time, but being honest is crucial. It helped me to tell the truth here.
-
This is great, just great! I'm happy for you, Jade. It sounds like a really nice Christmas too. The perfect gifts, good company, excellent meal. Merry Christmas, Jade!
Pennyplant
-
Wow, Jade! Was that a record, or what? Three wonderful gifts in only a few hours!
I am so happy for you. What do you think about keeping a little journal of this Christmas or maybe write down every unexpected gift and drop each one in an empty vase? Sometime when things look dark, you can pull out the little slips of paper and be reminded of an unexpectedly special Christmas.
CB
-
Thanks again for the support. I hated to be a "downer" at holiday time, but being honest is crucial. It helped me to tell the truth here.
I think your honesty was a gift to us, Jade. It pays us the compliment of your knowing that we can cope with your reality, and embrace both it and you, rather than rejecting you because you are not covered in fake tinsel. My own family cannot cope with reality, and because of this they have no idea who I am, or what I mean. In my less modest moments I realise what they are missing, and that they are losing far more than I am.
So, big hugs for you ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))), and I hope you find a gift for your mother that you would both enjoy. I was thinking yesterday of taking my d to gather greenery from a wood nearby to make decorations, but I don't know if you are in the middle of a city or not. But even a few windfall twigs in a vase can look very festive, with ivy wrapped around them. And crumbled up polystyrene makes great fake snow. Not sure if I am helping or making this worse ... :?
I am so pleased that you found a way to pay for the dentist, and for your rent. I wish I could do more than make wishes on your behalf. I don't have much, but I would gladly share anything with any of my friends here.
Wishing you peace and a very enjoyable Christmas dinner with your mom.