Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: seasons on December 22, 2006, 11:35:35 AM
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Honestly asking for an opinion from an outside source. love seasons
I would go and watch the movies. You want your girls to see them, and that is a very good thing to do for them. There may well be a price to pay in terms of your sister's behaviour, but you can be aware now of what she might or might not be doing.
If that is all too difficult, maybe you could investigate ways of turning the movies into DVD format, and turn it into a present for your sister, because it will ensure that her valuable records are preserved forever. And you can quietly get a copy for yourself.
There is no harm in playing to the N needs of N people, if it gets you something that is both good and healthy for you, imho. Praise her for being open hearted and generous, and offer to bring the nibbles, if she wants. Give her all the attention she can possibly want, as long as she is giving you what you want. You are not trying to hurt anyone, or deprive anyone, or lie to anyone, so there is no harm in seeing these films.
I know this might sound as if you are using your sister, but in the normal world, with normal people, you would not need to play games. Family history belongs to everyone in the family, and so should these films. But Ns are all about power and control, and achieving emotional supply. So, decide to pay this time, as long as she pays her share as well.
I wish you well.
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Seasons - I'm with October and CouldBe123. Go and definitely enjoy. Imagine the difficult conversations that will come up before you go and practice kind replies. I started doing that and it has helped immensely. Keep in mind that her mean and nasty remarks are about her and not about you. When she stabs you with words feel pity rather than contempt - but practice this before you go.
The transfer offer is a very good one.
Also prepare for your other N sister's reaction but practice not owning responsibility for her problem. You are in the same boat as she is - you don't have the movies. She can vent to the sister who does. If she rages to you just agree with her that you wish you had them too.
I hope you see them and can get through it with a new process of relating to the N sisters. I have been able to relate differently to my brothers and it has made my life easier. I expect nothing and have learned so much about myself by doing it and for the first time in years am able to be with them and have a decent conversation. I know you can do it. - love Gaining Strength
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OOOO I'm terrible, but I would:
Go, watch the movies, then with a happy smile, physically TAKE the film and say,
I'm going to have DVDs made of these right away and when I bring them back to you, I'm going to bring you extra DVDs so you can share them with everyone!
While she splutters, I would nicely walk out with the film clutched in my hand.
I just don't see why you don't have the right to these family memories, and forgive me, but I am not trusting her to "use the gift certificate"--because refusing to follow through would be a power game.
I am sure I'm being too negative, but I think sometimes you have to take something you have a right to.
With a big smile and "supply" of lots of oh, you were so great to do this, etc....but while you clutch the film and skedaddle out the door!
(Ignore me if I'm way off, very possible!)
Hops
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Go for it and then run!!!
Love, Beth
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Oh, (((seasons))) I hope taping the films works for you. I bet you will be able to get at least some images that will be watchable. Good luck with that!
Pennyplant
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Seasons,
Just to add to your topic here... My mother also will not share anything with me. I have no pictures from our childhood and there are two children's books I have asked for repeatedly. She ignores the request. It is possible that she can't find them in the piles... But I tend to believe either 1) she feels she can "hold them over on me" 2) She would rather give them to my sister for HER children 3) If I want them, they must be worth something. I don't know, I think it is all that and more. Totally annoying.
Take care and ENJOY THE SHOW :)
Love, Beth