Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: isittoolate on January 01, 2007, 03:42:22 PM
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Hello, I am new here.
In hindsight I've had very little happiness in my life and I am now 67.
1.) father who beat his kids and animals: mother who never ran interference.
2.) common law marriage for 5½ years, a daughter, he began to drink too much and beat me. I left.
3.) When daughter was 5, I was in a car crash that disabled me for life.
4.) At 19 daughter meets a Narcissist and marries him against my wishes, --he already "owned her and spoke for her'., in 1984
5.) By 1991, he owed me $55,000.00 and then banished me from his kingdom, and 2 grandchildren. She stayed on his side.
6.) By 1996 she divorced him but --- we still cannot connect and there are 3 grandchidlren. I sued for the debt
7.) 1998 I meet the charming side of a psychopath and we move 2000 miles away to begin a business together. a long string of emtional abuse.
Presently I am now on my own, work at home, have no intimate friends, just get on very well with workmates who I seldom see, just phone and email.
I finally took a very hard look at my life and decided I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I then had a Psychiatrist verify that for me. Still no connection with daughter and grandchildren.
I could spend the rest of my life changing--for what?
Happy New Year to All :shock:
isittoolate
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It is absolutely never too late! Absolutely not!!!
I have believed this all my life and I am more certain of it today.
Fifteen years ago I began compiling a list of people who made major accomplishments late
in life after a very ho hum kind of existence. I believe that this is possible for anyone
who believes that it is. It is the believing that makes it so.
You clearly WANT to believe and that is the first step. You've come to a wonderful
place to find encouragement. Just settle in here and look for the support you need
to get on the road to healing those powerfully deep wounds.
Glad you have found this place. Hope to see you here alot. - Gaining Strength
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You could change for you!!!!! x
You are not alone. Keep talking and we will listen
Spyralle x
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Never too late for anyone to walk in light and truth
my dear mom told me "moon you can only make your life good"
I am now at that turning point in my life
and you can make that choice as well
living in truth
reach out to people that have compassion
at any age we can find we are so very strong stronger than we ever knew..........
moon
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Hello Isit and no, it isn't.
Never say never! :D What's the alternative to change - stagnation, the status quo....maybe?
Maybe you've changed by posting here? I hope so. Small steps can make a big difference. Was it difficult to post, or easy, i wonder...
Me, I want to keep changing so that I can look foward to dying with a smiile on my face. I'm living to prepare myself for accepting the inevitable; and enjoying the views along the way, a lot.
Maybe the question is - change, why not? What do you think....?
Looking forward to hearing you again. P
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I ya p
I am having a very headless way day
all love to you
I am hoping to find my center
again I just am shooing some ghosts out of my head......
love to you portia .......................................opps did not mean to hijack
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(((WELCOME)))
I read your post and wondered why are we so hard on ourselves as I wanted to scream, "NO it's never to late"
Tomorrow will come, as days turn into weeks, months and years. You don't need this one more day, you can change your destiny today.........one tiny step at a time. Congratulations for the huge giant step you took today, your on your way.
We are here to listen as you work on YOU and what YOU want for yourself.
Sent with healing thoughts.......seasons
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Dear Is It,
Sometimes, on my 96 y/o mother's face, I see the dawning of regret.
For questions not asked, for risks not taken, for assumptions not challenged.
If she had your bravery at 67, how different these 30 years might have been.
Life has all the meaning you invest it with.
Time is elastic.
Some of those years you spent in tortured relationships must each have felt like a decade.
Now, now that you're asking, facing things and challenging your hopelessness...
just wait and see the things time does.
When you're LEARNING. When you're REACHING (even toward your daughter, even if that's writing her every single week)...
Time will be different.
Be in the present as much as you can. Love yourself all you can.
And get all the help you can.
Your life is worth it. No reason you should be banished (no matter what your SIL did).
Welcome here, post a lot...it's a wonderful place to start.
Hopalong
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Hello everyone,
WOW on the positive responses.
I just lost my reply, as I wasn't logged in, so must start over....... and it took me forever to remember my password (which was not my normal one).
Later
isit...... :lol:
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It's a nice place isn't it Isittoolate?
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I’ve always been good at my work—very good—(read, in order to not be criticized and beaten)
You can take these very same thoughts and apply them to CBT and you will be good - very good at freeing yourself from not knowing who you are and what you want, from feeling separated from yourself and your daughter and her children and others. CBT can be mastered by reading and imaginiing and I can tell that you will be able to master it. It will be worth the try. You really have come to a good place. - GS
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Isit, I know someone who battles the traits of Avoidant Personality Disorder. I'd like to say that this person is doing a lot better because of taking antidepressants. This medicine tends to remove a lot of the inhibitions that keep avoidant people from stepping out and taking some risks in their lives. I am very proud of this person and I highly encourage anyone whose dr is suggesting antidepressants for this disorder, to give it a try...it's worth it.
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Hello, isit:
In hindsight I've had very little happiness in my life, you said. I can relate to this -- so much of what I thought was happiness seems to have been false, or fleeting. Especially personal relationships.
For several years now I have experienced piercing regret over the mistakes of my past. It seems I am living in an aftermath, not in a life. Sounds like you are too.
Like you, I live alone and somewhat isolated.
Good luck in your quest to make the most out of your life. I too am still giving it a shot.
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Hi IsIt,
Forgive me for taking so long to answer your post... and I should have at least sent a hug. I have to say, your question paralyzed me a bit. It is one of the things I have struggled with for my life. My parents ingrained in me the sense of "why bother... nothing really makes a difference." They stay in a "comfort zone" no matter how awful it is. I have had to push myself and squelch fear to get out of that zone so many times. And I have done it in many areas of my life. But I still have areas I need to fix...
Your post helped me so much, because I realize that YES YES we can ALWAYS change and be better. And the answer to "why bother" is "why wouldn't you?"
We will only be here once... and I am sure that no matter what age you are (and you've got a lotta years in you, babe), you feel like a girl inside... am I right?????
Lots of love and a huge welcome ((((((((((((((((IsIt)))))))))))))
How 'bout changing your name to ItIs?????
Love, Beth
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Maybe I can use Izzy?
Yes I have a lot of years and that’s why I asked the question. I feel as though I grew up without an ounce of instruction on life. I feel as though I had to make up my own ways to get by----and what if I chose the wrong ways, not the correct ones? I could never go to my parents for advice….they didn’t know how to live either.
We AvPDs think a bit differently from the” mainstream normal”. I have squelched my own fears to step into the work force, to step into the social world etc, and I did it with much trepidation, so that it has lasted many years. I have sabotaged many relationships because of minor disagreements-an AvPD trait. Now I think about many of those people! Mainly high school......
Yes I feel like a girl inside, because I never had a childhood or good teen years. I will have to deal with that as I sure wouldn’t want to go back, as all the people involved would have to, as well, then I’d really have an angry crowd!
(((((Beth))))) = hugs Thanks for yours :lol: :lol: :lol:
Izzy or IZshe?
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Izzy! I love it!
It reminds me of the gorgeous girl named Izzy on Grey's Anatomy (when I used to have a tv that worked! :()
She is young and passionate and idealistic and energetic--just like you are deep inside.
CB
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Izzy! I love it!
She is young and passionate and idealistic and energetic--just like you are deep inside.
CB
Well CB I had a good laugh with you! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Yep! Izzy it will be!....... if folks pick up on it! AND deep inside--Hmm!-- well I sure don't feel (or even look) 67. I have a theory that those who never had a childhood will be forever young!
Izzy
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Dear Isittoolate:
that is a very good question and one that nags at me every day since i was about 25. So whether or not it is too late I just soldier on. This has helped.
Your story is very sad. I am sorry so many aweful things happened to you. Good god. I don't think you have avoidant personality disorder... I think you have been severely mauled by life. I notice that you put things very well and can laugh about some of it and I laughed a little with you.
The fact that you are at this site is a really good thing. There are a lot of really friendly and dear people who have also been mauled but it hasnt made them bitter and vindictive.
I welcome you and hope you pour out your story. You deserve to be listened to.
Love,
Seastorm
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(What She(Sea) said...)
WELCOME, Izzy!
More ears here.
Hopalong
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Hi seastorm, Izzy here!
And you too Hopalong for agreeing with she/sea/herstorm
Yes! I agree I have been mauled by life, but when it comes to the maulers being people one thinks ought to have been far more kind and supportive—I guess that tends to make one ‘withdraw’ and question loyalties and the 'whys' of betrayals.
When I was in the car crash, the driver was found guilty in Criminal court and Civil court. My sister was divorcing her husband and came to me asking if I knew anyone who would lend her $40,000.00 …hint! hint!…..so she could buy out her ex re their house. I said “No, I didn’t”. I expect she thought I would offer, but she left in a huff and didn’t talk to me for a while. I had invested the settlement in different areas and didn’t have $40K just lolling in the kitchen drawer.
Next time we spoke she said the accident was my fault because I was there! Well I can see her point, but not the point of her saying it! She is the bane of my existence. Maybe that’s why, when I was about 3, I rammed a broomstick down her throat. (Now this is a time when my mother did step in.)
I sense that I am an AvPD but became worse with each psychological trauma that zeroed in on me. I wonder if I am just hiding from another?
So we just soldier on, eh seastorm?—and I never lost my sense of humour!
When I left rehab, in 1970, I was switching between crutches and a wheelchair. Crutches were handy for inaccessible places, but then the years passed and I became older, so I haven’t used them in 3 years. Someone asked me why and I said because I was older now and might fall and break a hip and spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair!
Cheers for now
Izzy
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Hi Izzy,
So sorry about the crash...
are you able to exercise by swimming??
Hops
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Izzy...... I am really bugged by this Avoidant Personality Disorder. It sounds like a lable that might be limiting you.
If you have been hurt by people and injured physically and put through multiple traumas all in a bunch then you are a healthy person who has been very hurt.
EGAD! Coming to your hospital bed to get money! Does the woman have no shame????? Just when you were vulnerable and needed support.
When i say soldier on I don't mean just have a cup of tea and forget the whole mess. I mean believe in that part of you that absolutely nothing can destroy. The part that is like the shy heart of a violet. It may be flickering and nearly out but it is there. I can hear it in you.
Follow your intuition and go where the good people who really care and listen are. It might be AA or a group for battered women. I don't know your story and I hope to hear it.
You have reached out here and that is a big step. Really miraculous too. There are good people who can care about you.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Lots of love and blessings to you.
Seastorm